#my skin is clear my crops are thriving and i bring thee an update

[reaping-cain]

Single Fereldan Man Seeks Female Companion: Chapter 7

Pardon me while I return from the ashes/writer’s block I’ve had for the last little while. I apologize in advance for how dialogue heavy this chapter is, this is what I get for having most of Cullen’s family drop by unexpectedly. As per usual, Cullen suffers through it. 

Chapter 7 is also on ao3 and the story so far can be found here.

Cullen just wants to die.

Or perhaps this was all a terrible dream: the perfect apartment didn’t exist, Kaeran was someone he imagined and he still lived in his horrible apartment that was falling apart.

Cullen mentally shakes his head; there’s no way that his mind could conjure someone like Kaeran. She seems too good to play the part of his girlfriend. He’d be lucky to find someone like her to spend the rest of his life with.

He wonders if he would be able to throw his family out after barely five minutes of excruciating questions about kisses and babies. He’s loath to make his niece and nephews cry, especially the younger one but the questioning had gone longer than he expected.

Maker, Mia barely had to say anything, content instead to let her children play twenty questions and make his heart race with panic.

He resigns to the fact that he loves his family too much to do such a thing. Plus his niece and nephews were experts with the wounded puppy eyes. He narrows his eyes at them. They were too bloody clever for such a young age. If they kept this up who knows how they would be once older.

Cullen smirks at the thought of his poor sister bemoaning of premature grey hairs. 

Let it happen, he thinks darkly.

“Hey Cullen, might want to ease up on the sinister smirk? You’re terrifying the little ones,” Kaeran joked.

He sighs, now firmly back to the present. Hopefully Kaeran wasn’t too scarred by the direction the conversation went.

His sisters insisted that they wouldn’t stay long yet somehow Kaeran convinced them to stick around for tea. Judging by the surprised exchange between his sisters, they didn’t expect the extended hospitality, not so soon after barging in the way they did. Or perhaps it was the offer of tea that threw them off; Cullen never had tea at his old apartment. Mia teased him for always having the tin of hot cocoa fully stocked.  

Kaeran had no idea that she earned high praises from his sisters for that simple gesture.

“We really don’t want to be a bother,” Mia insisted. She glanced at Cullen, suddenly worried that the surprise visit was ill advised and that perhaps they were overstepping.

“Nonsense, Cullen always talks about you all so much. It’s the perfect time too, just before we’re elbows deep in boxes,” Kaeran replied while searching around the kitchen, wincing at how bare it looked. “Too bad your brother Branson couldn’t make it.”

She made a cursory attempt in familiarizing herself with how Cullen set his kitchenware, whatever there was of it; it wasn’t bad but some adjustments could be made in efficiently organizing some of the more finicky household items.

“Honestly, it’s probably a good thing Bran couldn’t be here, there’s no more room to sit,” said Rosalie.

“I do have fold-out chairs, you know,” Cullen replied defensively.

“I’m honestly surprised that most of the furniture survived your last two addresses,” Mia said while running her fingers over the table they sat around. She kept staring at the surface; her eyes nostalgic, her thoughts miles and miles away, thinking fondly of the past and the good memories nestled there in the grain of the wood.

The table was a decent size and custom-made, possibly by someone who knew the Rutherfords well enough that the extra space was needed to seat a large family; though not ancient, the white oak table was old enough that it proudly displayed all the nicks and imperfections that came with raising four children. Kaeran even spotted a few crayon marks that were carefully preserved with a coat of varnish. She also noticed one of the legs was refitted with half of it made from another block of wood and stained to closely match the rest. The rustic furniture felt sacred somehow and not wanting to accidentally do something heathenish, Kaeran pulled out coasters for the scalding mugs. She even dug out the box of cardamom buns from the fridge as a tempting snack.

Moira gleefully grabbed one before conceding to sharing half with her brother. Mia declined and Rosalie hesitated. “Want to go halfsies?” Kaeran asked.

“No, really, it’s alright,” Rosalie protested gently while making a poor effort in looking away.

“Alright,” Kaeran said, grabbing an entire bun and cutting it in half before sliding the piece over with a napkin.

Cullen noticed Rosalie’s smirk before accepting the spiced pastry.

Oh no, he thought.

He could see the two of them becoming fast friends and quite possibly accomplices in teasing him endlessly. He resigned himself to that fate; after all, there are worse fates and Cullen thought that the worst of all would be a life unlived and lonely. Despite the lack of a love life, he had family, friends, his health and a job—not one he imagined, but it sufficed him for now—so all things considered, at this precise moment he found himself content.

The kitchen was quiet as everyone indulged in the tea and snack; it felt like a victory and that nothing could go wrong. It was at this point that Mia took the opportunity to ask the sensible yet terrifying question, “So how did you two meet?”

-//-

Slowly and with great restraint, Kaeran and Cullen looked at each other, both unsure how to describe their first encounter other than we just met a few weeks ago and thought it would be a lark to pose as a couple to get this apartment.

“We met some time ago, at Dorian and Bull’s engagement party.”

Thank the gods that Cullen came up with that answer because she certainly wasn’t going to come up with something as plausible as that. It was brilliant actually, considering that Dorian was a common friend.

Yet there was something else that troubled her about this new bit of information. If he was present at the engagement party then they must’ve…

Kaeran nearly choked on her bite of the pastry as it dawned on her.

Mythal no, he couldn’t have…

Have they met before?

-//-

Cullen carefully stirs the spoon, swirling the contents in his mug. It’s a distraction from his older sister’s exacting gaze while he thinks what to say next. He decides to go with the believable and finds inspiration from a more recent memory and hopes Kaeran will forgive him. He doesn’t notice how awfully still she is and equally wrapped in her own thoughts; he’s far too preoccupied with the looks his sisters exchange to even think that something was amiss.  

“I was only going to stay for a couple of hours, enough to satisfy Dorian before things got out of hand.”

“You mean before the ladies catch a whiff that you’re single,” Rosalie teases.

He snorts into his mug, taking his time while sipping the scalding drink.

“Yes, yes, before it comes to that. Anyway, I’m about to leave when I see her,” he turns to look at her, reaching for her hand and squeezing it. She responds with a small smile, hoping that it doesn’t come out forced.

“Details, Cullen, we need details!”

“Did you two dance? How did you introduce yourself?”

“What were you wearing?” Rosalie asks Kaeran.

She blinks dumbly. What was she wearing at the engagement party? Her mind goes to the first dress she remembers that sits crumpled in her duffle bag.

“Black cocktail dress, lace sleeves with a pretty black bow on the front.”

“Oh, that sounds lovely!”

“Go on, Cullen, how did you exactly meet?” Mia prods, excited for the details but not wanting to rush. It had been ages (far too many) since she pestered her brother about his love life.  

“Well,” he has a few seconds to think of the circumstance of their supposed first encounter when Kaeran swipes her thumb against his hand, giving him the boost of confidence he needed.

“She was sitting on the edge of the fountain outside the hall. At first, I thought she was drunk because she was barefoot but as I got closer--”

“Cullen approaching drunk girls, ha!” Rosalie exclaims, interrupting him.

“I wasn’t—” Kaeran starts only to stop. She can’t correct him nor can she rewrite the events of that night. There are two versions, the real and heart wrenching night she had and the fantasy that Cullen was weaving together. Even if she wanted to, she couldn’t pick up the story and divert it elsewhere without raising suspicions; she had to trust him and if she was being honest with herself, she was curious to see where Cullen would take the story.  

“Do you want to hear the story or not?” He frowns and the way his face scrunches has Kaeran imagining him much younger and pouting at his sisters’ teasing. She restrains herself from actually cooing at him…in front of him and his sisters.

Rosalie snaps her jaw shut and with index and thumb, mimes sealing her lips shut. Mia only nods, encouraging her brother to continue.

“I thought she was drunk because she was barefoot but when I got closer, I saw her shoes were tossed aside and one of them had the heel snapped off. Nothing could’ve been done to fix them on the spot. I asked her if there was anything I could do, if she came with someone and needed their help. I secretly hoped that she wasn’t attached to someone and would accept my assistance.”

He looks at her and finds her blushing. The unexpected reaction makes him burn, not with shame but something else entirely, a nearly forgotten feeling. He hopes his hands don’t start to sweat, especially the one that still holds hers. Ever faithful in her part, Kaeran gives his hand a small squeeze, rallying him to keep going.

The corners of his mouth tick upwards before he resumes.

-//-

Finally, after a couple of refills of tea and the demise of the pastry buns, Mia, Rosalie and the children get ready to leave. While Kaeran cooed over Cullen’s youngest nephew who slept the entire stay while strapped to his mother, Mia pulled Cullen aside to have a moment alone.

“Can we talk?”

The question makes Cullen go rigid. He’s afraid to glance at Kaeran. Did she hear Mia? Part of him dreaded that his sister saw through his machinations. Mia was ever observant and very little slipped past her without her knowledge. She always knew how to read him but also when to give him space and when he needed to talk—even when he felt too vulnerable, too close to the breaking point, the eldest Rutherford always knew.

He leads her out of the main living room and down the hallway. As they walked, he tried not to feel so small. He was a grown man and couldn’t always rely on his sister to know what was best for him. She had children of her own for Maker’s sake.

“What is it?” he goes for nonchalant. Tries to, anyway.

They’re standing in front of Cullen’s bedroom and he silently curses at the fact that the room looks more like it has one occupant rather than a couple. He hopes that Mia doesn’t notice how pitifully barren the bedroom looks with just the large bed in the center, the dresser pushed to one wall and the desk against the other.

Mia’s eyebrows quirk at the sight of boxes piled haphazardly.  

“No comment,” she mumbles, fidgeting with the handles of her tote bag. Cullen can’t help but detect her motherly tone.

She purses her lips and studies his face silently. Despite the years of experience, Mia is careful with her words. He wonders for the umpteenth time what she would’ve been like had their parents been around longer, would she choose differently or would she be just as concerned?

“Are you happy?”

He blinks. “Happy?”

“Well, you two haven’t been dating that long and decide to move in together. Don’t get me wrong, your girlfriend is rather lovely. Rosalie is smitten with her already.”

Cullen snorts at that.

“Well, she can’t have her.”

The faux indignation bleeds into a tinge of possessiveness and he has to remind himself to reel it back, that Kaeran isn’t really his at all. They’re more than acquaintances, closer to partners in this scheme. He realizes that they barely discussed the terms of their pretend relationship and things nearly went sideways when his sisters surprised them with the unplanned visit. He makes a mental note to discuss boundaries with Kaeran later on before anyone else decides to make a surprise visit.

He realizes that he still hasn’t answered Mia’s question. He’s torn between lying and coming clean about the whole thing but then he remembers how content he felt back when they were in the kitchen gathered around the table. Even though Kaeran wasn’t his girlfriend, he still felt lighter than he could remember. This place, having someone like her as a roommate, it made sense to him somehow; like a step in the right direction with no hurry to find the next one and trusting that he’ll get to where he was meant to be.

He clears his throat.

“I am happy. She makes me happy, Mia. You needn’t worry.”

“Beatrice also made you happy. For a while, anyway. Sorry, I shouldn’t have brought her up.” Mia rarely flushed and Cullen felt guilty. He gently pulled her into a hug.

“I’m not mad, Mia. She was right and I don’t fault her at all. I learned a lot since then and it’s brought me here.”

Mia pulled away, nodding.

“Well, as long as you’re happy, we’re happy for you.”

“Thank you, Mia.”

“Though, warn her about Bran. He might have the same idea as us and drop by unexpectedly.”

He chuckles, eyes narrowing. “I’d like to see him try and sweep Kaeran off her feet.”

“Oh, you’re that confident? She better be faithful, otherwise I will have some stern words with her.”

“You’ll put the fear of the Maker in her?”

She grinned at him widely. “I doubt that it’ll come to that, Cullen.”

He glanced at the tote bag she carried.

“Was this private meeting meant to assuage your concerns, or is there something else?”

“Oh, right!” she opened the bag, pulling out a wooden box and offering it to him.

It occurred to Cullen that until that moment he had completely forgotten about the wooden relic and with some hesitation he took it from her, cradling it in his hands as though it was a sacred token. No, it absolutely is sacred. He felt a lump in his throat and the corners of his eyes began to sting. The world around them seemed to hush and he was very much aware of his heart beating rather loudly.

He was still staring at the wooden box when a gentle hand pressed against one of his.

“Where—how? I thought it was lost in—”

“I thought so too but Bran found it in one of their boxes.”

He looked at her and saw how her eyes misted over. He shook his head and offered her the box.

“I can’t have this. Out of all the things we have left—” of them he wanted to say.

She calmly pushed it back towards him, her voice firm and with the authority of being the eldest sibling, “We have other things just as precious. It’s time that you have a piece of your own.”

He blinked the tears away and cleared his throat. “Right, um, thank you.”

She placed a hand on his arm, patting lightly.

“Anyway, this gives me an excuse to come over more often.”

He jerked his head at that, indignant.

“Mia…”

“Don’t you ‘Mia’ me, Cullen Stanton Rutherford! You owe me that rematch!”

-//-

Watching Cullen with his siblings was interesting; they laughed, joked, argued and flustered. Seeing these kinds of interactions always had Kaeran wondering what her life would have been like with siblings. Would she be a different person? Would some of the decisions she made change if she had someone else to look out for?

Looking at the Rutherford sisters, she can see how they each stood out in their own way but together they were a complementary force.

Between Cullen and his sisters, she saw the family resemblance and marveled at how their mannerisms and facial expressions matched. Mia and Cullen were like twins, especially when frowning or teasing one another while Rosalie mirrored her brother’s pensive look but added an eye roll when annoyed. Kaeran also noticed that Rosalie favoured small smiles like Cullen but hers were still wider than his. She tried not to overthink what that could mean.

Instead, she tried to imagine what the mysterious Branson Rutherford looked like. Was he the spitting image of Cullen but younger and more carefree? It was impossible to imagine a twin version of Cullen without that scar. As she chewed on her bottom lip, the fingers of her left hand went to her face, idling touching her marks. She was awfully thankful that no one mentioned or stared at her burn marks.

Since she visited her parents, she hadn’t put any of that dreadful cream on. It still sat in her duffle bag unbothered as she unpacked some of her belongings. When Cullen showed up at the apartment—their apartment—she worried that perhaps she should have covered up her marks, at least make them less noticeable and make her more presentable.

And then, Cullen’s sisters and niece and nephews arrived unexpectedly and she wanted nothing more than to hide, fearing their judgment and mentally kicking herself for not thinking about what his family would think about dating someone like her. What did they think of her? Had Cullen mentioned anything to them?

She braced herself for the children to say something about her face and yet there were no comments or questions about it. They just wanted to know if she was their aunt now and if there would be babies. Tears welled in her eyes and it was such a strange mixture of feelings that she couldn’t pinpoint exactly what she felt.

“So, when’s the housewarming party?”

Kaeran didn’t realize that she was left alone with Rosalie and the children. She hadn’t even considered throwing a party, perhaps foolish even considering that her and Cullen weren’t romantically involved. Still, it would be a nice excuse to have friends over. Whatever friends were left, she thought bitterly.

“Housewarming?” she started.

“Party?” Moira chimed in. It was adorable to watch her eyes grow wide with excitement.  

“Can I come?” the girl entreated with her aunt and looked back at Kaeran for support.

Great. No pressure whatsoever. She fidgeted, running her hand nervously through her hair and gathering it to the side.

“Well, I don’t know…”

“Pleeeaase!” Moira turned to her aunt, puppy eyes in full effect. Kaeran let out a small sigh of relief that Cullen’s niece didn’t shoot that look her way.

“Housewarmings are more for adults, Moira.”

“I don’t want to set Moira’s hopes up, but maybe if you guys come over earlier in the afternoon? If it doesn’t put a wrench in your schedule, I mean, I don’t know your plans but it would be nice.”

Kaeran hopes that the offer doesn’t come back to haunt her; she spares a thought for Cullen, unsure of what he would think. Did he dislike parties? Was this one huge misstep?

Rosalie considers for a moment, ignoring her petulant niece.

“I don’t see a problem but…” she trails, grinning wickedly at Moira, “there are two conditions: first, your mommy has to say yes to you going and you have to help out with decorating since Kaeran can’t do it all by herself.”

Kaeran laughs off the demand, “I’m sure Cullen wouldn’t mind helping, there’s no need to put the kids to work.”

“Please, my brother is absolutely useless in all things fun, it’s not part of his vocabulary and if he recognized it, he’d cease to function.”

“I heard that,” Cullen calls from the hallway. Mia reappears before her brother with a barely contained smile. Kaeran tries not to laugh at his annoyed expression.

“What are you two conspiring?” Mia asks.

“Oh, just planning a housewarming party.” Rosalie replies too casually.

“Whose housewarming?”

“Yours and Kaeran’s, you dolt.” Rosalie challenges him, “there’s no way getting around it this time.”

Cullen rolls his eyes while Kaeran briefly glances his way. There was another time?

“Mommy,” Moira calls oh so innocently. “Can I go to Uncle Cullen and Aunt Kaeran’s housewarming party?”

“Oh, I’m not sure, sweetheart, usually that’s for grown ups.”

“But, Aunt Rosie said that I can help with decorations.”

“It’s a nice thought but it takes a lot of work and those kinds of parties start way past your bedtime.”

Not wanting to see Moira’s hopes getting crushed, Kaeran adds, “Actually, I mentioned to Rosalie that it wouldn’t be a problem and we can have you all over earlier if that works.”

Mia purses her lips, thinking. Moira stares up at her silently, hoping with all her might.

“Cullen?”

“Mia,” he replies, his voice unreadable.

“Would it be alright by you if we stopped by earlier, before the party?”

He sighs. “I suppose there’s no way around this.”

“Nope.” Rosalie’s grin is wide and possibly nefarious. Kaeran believes she’s her kindred sister.  

“Alright, fine,” he deflates, “We’ll get back to you with a date, and you better be free that day because I won’t change it.”

“Fine,” both sisters reply coolly. Moira jumps up and down while whispering ‘yes’ under her breath.

Barring Cullen, it felt like a victory.

When Mia, Rosalie and the children left, Kaeran found herself on the precipice of the unknown. She had met most of his family, what was the next step?

Once his family was out of view, Cullen leaned against the front door before turning around. With eyes closed he pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to dispel the uneasy feeling creeping in his gut. He decided that rather than reflect further on the jumbled feelings that he needed a distraction.

“Kaeran?”

“Hmm?” she danced into his view. Maker, she must be made of magic since all uncomfortable thoughts and sensations vanished when he opened his eyes.

The back of his neck felt warm and his fingers itched to rub that spot. He cleared his throat instead.

“I know that the housewarming party idea was hatched by my sister, she can’t resist planning events even if she’s on mat leave. But since you struck a deal with her, here’s my deal to you: you and me finally get to have that lunch and I’ll help you set up your bedframe. Deal?”

She looks down, hiding her flushed face as best she can with her curtain of hair. She just knows that her exposed pointed pink ear gives her away. Still, she addresses the floor while toeing a nearby whorl.

“Not sure that’s a fair deal for you.”

“Regardless, that’s my offer.”

She looks up and finds that he’s closer than she anticipated. Apparently this human is capable of sneaking up on her and she’s suddenly very hungry but not for the sushi in the fridge.

“Alright,” Kaeran smiles, her eyes devouring him whole. “I accept your offer.”

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