#my school dad was clearly upset with ben (my other advisor) and he asked ben to stay after in the zoom meeting after i left so i think he | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fieldsofbone · 1 year ago

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one of my advisors emotionally eviscerated me in my dissertation meeting this morning and made me cry in front of him and my school dad (my other advisor). i know that some people have the “you doubted me and i’m going to prove you wrong so you can eat your words” instinct when they receive criticism but instead i was cursed with the the “internalize it until i feel worthless and the last five years of my life in which i’ve been studying toward this goal i deserve but have had many undeserved obstacles to feel pointless” reflex

#my school dad was clearly upset with ben (my other advisor) and he asked ben to stay after in the zoom meeting after i left so i think he #told him he was being a dick so thank god i have one advisor who actually has feelings and is sensitive to me and gives a shit #but like i was literally asked today if i even want to continue in grad school because ben doesn’t think that i’m making progress fast #enough and he said it seems like i’m not really advancing and maybe i should just quit :)#even though he knows how hard i’ve worked for this and he recognizes how smart i am and he’s regularly told me i’m one of his best students #and he knows that i had a debilitating trauma happen to me after i was assaulted by a colleague 👍#i asked him to join the meeting so that he could catch up on my project because he’s so hands off that he doesn’t KNOW WHAT I’M DOING!!!!#EVEN THOUGH IT’S HIS JOB!!!!#and i figured he’d make me feel a little demoralized cos he does that cos he can’t read social cues but he ambushed me

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