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chickensarentcheap · 4 years ago

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Best Part of Me -Chapter 39

Warning: some smut

Tagging: @innerpaperexpertcloud, @c-a-v-a-l-r-y, @alievans007, @ocfairygodmother

“Learning anything new and exciting?”

He glances up from the file folder spread open in front of him, giving her a smile and a wink as she steps out onto the patio that sits off the master bedroom. Hair still damp from a shower and clad in one of his t-shirts. Even after six and a half years of living under the roof and despite her multitude of clothes that take up nearly all the dressers and three quarters of the closet, she still insists on wearing his things. Claiming they’re more comfortable and ‘roomy’; that being able to smell him...have him THAT close...helps her sleep better. Especially when he’s away on a job.

“Nothing says excitement like reliving the day you nearly died.”

It has been easier than he thought it would be. The report Nik had typed out is clear and concise; simple and straight to the point. Bullet form. A minute by minute account of everything that went down on the Sultana Kamal Bridge; from the moment she and her team had arrived, until they’d successfully extracted Ovi. Nothing after that; no mention of her decision to leave them both on the bridge and that she’d had to be heavily persuaded to go back for them.

It’s disheartening; her refusal to to admit to her shitty decisions and her willingness to sacrifice two of her people. She’s shown no signs of true remorse for that day; knowing what would have happened if Asif’s people found them alive on that bridge. All the sick and twisted shit that he would have done to Esme over the course of a day. Or week. Maybe even months. Yet she simply didn’t care.

“Key word being ‘nearly’,�� she says, as she stands behind his chair, chin resting on his shoulder and her hands on his chest; palms slowly running down to his abs before sliding back up again. And she circles his neck with both arms and presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Nearly died,” she stresses. “You didn’t. You made it out of there and that’s all that matters.”

Smiling, he turns his face into hers and kisses her softly. “Kids asleep?”

“The whole litter of them. Oldest to youngest. And why are you reading that anyway? Of all the files she gave you, it had to be the Dhaka one?”

“There’s still some things that are fuzzy for me. Things I still don’t remember after that little bastard shot me. There’s bits and pieces but none of them fit together. Some of them, I’m not even sure if they’re real or not or if they’re just what my brain has made up."

“Everything you need to know, I’ve already told you a thousand times. There’s nothing else, I swear. I wouldn’t keep anything back from you.” She reaches for the folder and pulls it closer; a frown creeping across her face as she studies the words. “Why is there such a huge chunk of things missing at the end? That…” she taps her fingernail against the paper. “...is NOT how things happened. Who wrote this?”

“Nik.”

“Oh color me surprised. I notice she left out the part when she tried to prevent anyone from helping you. Or how she lowered her gun and had she NOT and been covering you like she was SUPPOSED to, she probably would have seen Farhad and been able to take him out before he took you out.”

"You think that’s bad, go to page one and see what she said about us.”

“About us?”

“Dhaka us. The five days. Read it.”

“How bad is it?”

“Just check it out. It’s not as bad as it is amusing. Trust me. It even made ME laugh.”

“Don’t make me hate you for this.” she grumbles, and then picks up the report and retreats to the other side of the table; slipping into the chair across from him. Knee bent and foot on the seat, papers resting against her thigh, eyes widening and a smirk tugging at her lips as she reads the words in front of her. “We ‘engaged in ‘unprofessional and wholly inappropriate behaviour over the course of five days. Putting the mission in potential jeopardy. Both will be reprimanded’. Are you kidding me right now? We put the mission in jeopardy? How? We did everything we were sent there to do. Granted, we weren’t sent there to do each other, but…”

“I have to agree with the inappropriate part. There were a lot of inappropriate things a good girl like you let me do.”

“You’re going to complain about it seven years later?”

“I am not complaining. Far from it. When I have to resort to doing things on my own, it’s those five days I immediately think about. Especially when you begged me to fuck you up the a…”

“We don’t need to talk about it!” she interjects. “What is the one rule?”

“Throw dirty laundry in the hamper and don’t leave the toilet seat up.”

“Okay, that’s two and three. Number one is we don’t talk about THAT. If we do it, we don’t have to talk about it.”

He grins. “I don’t know how you can do it but be too embarrassed to talk about it.”

“It doesn’t have to make sense. Just follow the rule. That’s all I ask. And reprimand? Is she for real? What was she going to do about it? Fuck all. She was just bitter that she wasn’t getting dicked down for five days straight. And worried you weren’t going to call her up anymore for booty calls.”

“I would have called you up for booty calls instead.”

“What were you going to do? Fly all the way to Colorado to get laid?”

“If I had to. Or you could have come out here. I wouldn’t have argued.”

“Maybe I would have showed up and liked it...and you...so much that I decided to never leave. What then?”

“I would have let you stay.”

“Really…” she combs her fingers through her damp hair and then secures it in a ponytail with an elastic she sports on her wrist. “...you would have been fine with me just showing up on your doorstep?”

“As long as you gave me head when you got there. I wouldn’t have cared if you just decided to move in."

“I was not going to share the bathroom with a chicken."

“I would have put up walls and a door to keep her out. Just for you.”

Esme grins. “Now THAT’S love.”

“Or you just give head that good.”

“Well you haven’t had in issue with my technique in seven years so….” she places her other foot on the chair now, then tugs the bottom of the shirt over both knees. “...I think it’s safe to say you enjoy it.”

“You think? I think it’s pretty obvious I do. I’m still here, aren’t I?”

“So THAT’S why you stick around. It has everything to do with how happy I make your dick and nothing to do with the fact you’re wildly and crazily in love with me.”

“My dick is happy,” he confirms. “Very happy. But sticking around has everything to do with me being wildly and crazily in love with you.”

“I knew it,” she grins. “I’m your favourite.”

“Yup,” he agrees with a slow nod. “You certainly are.”

****

A comfortable, companionable silence falls between them, and he turns his attention to the other folders in front of him. The information that has been dug up on them spans a little more than two decades; back to when he was graduating high school and she was just starting it. Everything and anything; what their grades were like, what kind of impression they made on teachers and fellow students, the extra curricular activities they were involved in. Starting when they were teenagers and stretching all the way until his departure from New Zealand. Nothing after that. Just a brief mention that they were both ‘retired’ and raising a family in Australia. Thankfully no mentions of the kids’ names or where they attend school. Had he seen THAT, there would have been hell to pay.

“So are we going to talk about it?” Esme inquires. “The elephant in the room?”

“Which one?”

“The whole goddamn herd, I guess. Did you talk to Ovi?”

“I went over there when we got back and he was trashed. I guess he’s taking the breakup with Chloe a lot harder than he’s been letting on. And I’m not good with that sort of thing so I just said I was sorry and got the fuck out of there. He wasn’t in any shape to talk about his old man.”

“As sad as I am for him, I’m glad she’s gone. As soon as she started pressuring him about the job and engagement rings and planning a wedding, I knew he needed to get rid of her. He’s way too young to worry about all that crap.”

“Why worry about engagement rings and weddings when you get think about taking over your father’s drug empire.”

“He is way too smart for that. He saw the way his father ruined peoples’ lives; everything that happened in Dhaka happened because of him. If he hadn't been such a scumbag, none of that would have ever gone down. Asif never would have grabbed his kid and you never would have had to get involved and you never would have nearly died. Or had to go through months of hell afterwards and have the issues you do now.”

“You’ve forgotten one big thing. If there’d been no Dhaka, there'd be no us. We never would have met. None of our kids would be here. And despite what happened on that bridge, I’m actually glad Dhaka happen because I’m pretty fucking happy with the life I have now. I’d do it all again...including getting shot in the throat...if it meant I’d have you and my kids.”

“Baby…” she smiles. “...you have these moments where you are the cutest fucking thing on earth. And it’s nice to think about it that way, I guess. Normally I’m looking at all the shitty things Dhaka brought about. It’s kind of hard not to sometimes. It’s caused a lot of damage. To both of us.”

Tyler nods in agreement.

“But…” she stretches out one of her legs and places her foot in his lap. “...I am glad that we met. Even if it was in a messed up way. Even if we did engage in…” she picks up the report once more and reads from it. “...’unprofessional and inappropriate behaviour’. What a bitch.” She drops the paper on the table and slides it towards him. “So what is this business? That Salena...ALLISON...is part of?”

“SA-RAV Enterprises. Everything reads exactly the way she described it. They’re a private security company specializing in neutralizing threats. And they don’t come cheap. Whoever they’re used to dealing with, they’ve got big money. A week’s worth of their help costs more than any payout I’d ever seen working for Nik.”

“Where would Neysa get that kind of money?”

“They’re probably doing her job for free. It’s owned and operated by her brother in law. No way she’d be able to afford what they charge. I don’t think they were that well off, were they? Saju was ex special forces, yeah? Probably was getting some kind of benefits plus whatever Mahajan was paying him. Which couldn’t have been much considering he had his assets frozen.”

“And speaking of Mahajan,” she fidgets with loose threads on the hem of the t-shirt. “What are we going to do about him?”

“WE, aren’t going to do anything.”

“Okay, let me rephrase that. What are you YOU going to do about him?”

“You realize killing him won’t actually solve anything, right? That it will only make things worse? If I kill him, that will only piss his people off even more and it’ll make whatever they have planned a hundred times worse. Killing him does nothing.”

“He deserves to die.”

“I agree. But there’s other ways to go about getting rid of him that don't involve me being the one that does it. I do it and word gets out that it was me? Things will just escalate. And they’ll do even worse shit to you and the kids and that’s not a chance I’m willing to take.”

“So what are you going to do? Do we just sit back and wait for them to come to us?”

“Hell no.”

“You still want to find out their names, don’t you. You still think that it would be better to go get to them first.”

Tyler nods.

“You’re going to just go and track them down and then what?”

“Kill them. Whichever way I have to.”

She gives a small sigh.

“What? You don’t think it’s a good idea?”

“I think it’s risky. I think it’s something you wouldn’t be able to pull off on your own. There could be three people, there could be thirteen, there could be thirty. At least tell me you’ve considered that. That you’re not going to do this alone.”

“I don’t know if it’s something I’m going to do at all. I need to think about it. I need to talk to Saju’s brother; see if he can find out exactly who these people are. And if he’ll even give me their names. He might just tell me to fuck off and to stay out of his shit.”

“But if he can get their names and you do decide to go ahead with it, at least tell me you won’t do it alone.”

“You don’t think I can handle it?”

“That’s not it. At all. I KNOW you can handle it. But I’d also feel a hundred times better if you weren’t by yourself. Because you know as well as I do how quickly things can go to shit and I’d rather someone there...having your back...if that happened. This doesn’t have to be a suicide mission, Tyler.”

“I know,” he squeezes her foot, then lays a hand on either side of it, rubbing his palms up and down. “And if it would make you feel better…”

“It would. It wouldn’t make me feel a lot better.”

“...then I’ll take someone with me. I’m going to need Ovi anyway. As a translator.”

“Whoa...whoa...whoa! When I said take someone with you, I meant someone with experience. Someone who’s been in the job before or at least in the military. He’s a kid.”

“He’s twenty.”

“He’s a kid,” she stresses. “And okay, fine, you need a translator. But you also need someone to have your back. Not someone who is going to piss his pants out of fear. There is no way he is capable of handling something like that. There’s not even enough time to properly train him now.”

“I have three weeks. At least. As long shit doesn’t hit the fan until then…”

“That is not enough time for Ovi and you know it. There has to be someone else. Someone that has actual experience. What about Koen? Or Rata? They were both SASR with you so you know what kind of soldiers they were. It would make more sense to talk to one of them with you.””

“They’ve been out of the military for a while,” Tyler reminds her. "They’d be kind of rusty.”

“At least they’d know what they’re doing. What about that Marine from Ireland? The one Mark brought along. Who got the kids out in the end.”

“Nathan.”

“What about him? He’s young, dependable, in good shape.”

Tyler grins. “You were checking out his ‘shape’?”

“Baby, I get to share a bed with you every night. I get to see you naked all the time. There’s no guy on earth that can compete with you. Have you seen your body lately?”

“I look at it from time to time.”

“Your one arm is bigger than both his thighs put together practically. I mean he’s in good physical condition and can handle the job. He doesn’t need any training. He’s ready and willing to just pack up and go whenever you call him. He already told you that. That’s who you should take with you.”

“We don’t even know if I’m going anywhere yet.”

“I can tell when your mind's made up about something, Tyler. I know you’ve pretty much made your decision and that this is what you’re going to do. And I also know it doesn’t matter what I say at this point. I won’t be able to change things.”

Sighing heavily, he leans back in his chair and rakes his hands through his hair, then runs his palms over his face. “I don’t want you hating me over this.”

“Why would I hate you? I could never hate you. If you feel this is what you have to do….”

“I don’t know what else to do,” he admits. “I can’t just sit back and wait for them to show up here. And killing Mahajan will do nothing but make things worse. If I can get to them before they get to us…”

“And if you can’t? If you’re over there and we’re here and they do get to us, what then? Then we’re here alone and you're thousands of miles away.”

“There’ll be people here. With you and the kids. I’m not going to leave you here alone. And you heard Salena or Allison or whatever the fuck her name is. Her people are keeping an eye on things. If they know there’s a threat coming, they’ll get you out of here. If they can put Neysa in a safe house, they can do it with you and the kids.”

“This is crazy. You know that, right? That this whole thing is insane? You’re going into Mumbai with a bounty on your head. Is that what you want? Every gun there will be pointed at you. How are you going to avoid that?”

“What do you want me to do?” he asks, irritability creeping into his voice. “Do you want me to stay here and let them come to us? Or do you want me to go and take care of things before they get the chance to come here? What do you want from me? Tell me. Tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it.”

“I don’t know,” she tearfully admits. “I don’t know what I want you to do. I just know that I want you to still be alive at the end of all this.”

“You have to trust me.”

“I do trust you. This isn’t about trust, Tyler. This is about not wanting to lose you. And don’t start with the whole ‘you’re strong, you’ll be fine without me’ crap. Just don’t. That’s not what I need to hear. Can I do it on my own? Of course I can. But I don’t want to. I don’t want a life that doesn’t include you. I don’t want to raise these kids by myself. I want to do it with you. Like we planned. And I want us to grow old and gray and miserable together and enjoy grandchildren and great grandchildren.”

“Great grandchildren? I’m not going to live to be a hundred and twenty.”

“I don’t want to do this alone. I need you. And our kids need you.”

“Which is why you need to trust me. You need to trust that I will do anything to come home. There’s nothing...no one...that can stop me from getting back to you and the kids. I am asking you to trust me.”

“I do. You know I do. You’re the only person I DO trust.”

“Waiting for things to go to shit is the wrong way to handle this. So unless you have a better idea…”

“I don’t. I honestly don’t. But can you at least wait two weeks? That’s all I’m asking of you. That you wait until after Millie’s birthday.”

“I already said I would. I wouldn’t do that to her.”

“And at least wait until you talk to Saju’s brother before you make your final decision? Because he must already have a plan to deal with these people that won’t involve you going to Mumbai. Can you do that for me? Just hold off on making a decision until then?”

“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. You know that.”

“I do,” she admits “And I love you so much for it. For so many things. And I’ll support you; no matter what. But I need you to come home. No matter what you have to do to get here.”

***

He takes his time worshipping her.

Soft, moist kisses that begin at the top of her feet and moving slowly up her legs; fingertips and calloused palms skimming along the backs of her calves and thighs. Each feathery press of his lips...each gentle nibble of teek and light suckle...igniting every nerve ending. Every inch of her body drawn tight; sweat beading on her goose bumped prickled sin, heart racing and her breathing ragged. One hand tightly gripping the edge of the pillow her head rests upon, the others clutching the sheets below.

It’s rare for the pace to be this languid. Their style has always been been rough and almost furious; her enjoying his aggression and his no holds barred approach to fucking. Once he is into that ‘zone’...losing himself in the act and the way he is allowed to ‘manhandle’ her and speak to her...he is very much the Tyler he is while on the job. Edges raw and ragged, voice low and demanding, his tough tough and almost merciless. But these moments, when it is all about her pleasure and teasing her and edging her to the point she feels as if she can’t take anymore, are phenomenal. He’s always been a selfless and considerate lover; concerned more about her pleasure than his own. When she allows him to be this way..to take his time...the results are mind blowing; orgasms more intense and powerful and lasting longer. The kind that leave you completely and utterly spent afterwards; entire body trembling and tears streaming down her face.

She cries out when he finally puts his mouth on her. Two of his fingers spreading those full, moist folds and his lips latching onto her clit; soft suckling and gentle grazing of teeth before his tongue take over. Long, slow licks alternating with more aggressive and hungry laps. One of her hands settles on the back of his head and the other reaches for his own, bringing it up to her breast. Rough palms and nimble fingers proceeding to caress and cup, pinch and twist. A powerful combination when paired. with that attentive tongue and two fingers that repeatedly thrust inside of her; stilling and easily finding that secret spot she’d always thought was a myth until -years ago- he’d proven otherwise. Bringing her to the very edge of completion before stopping entirely; listening to her mewls of disappointment as he uses the tip of his tongue to lick a long, lazy path from her clit to the to her lips. Pausing briefly to delve into her navel, then pulling back to blow a steady stream of hair onto the moistened spot before continuing his ascent to her mouth. Allowing her to taste herself on his lips and tongue, muffling her cry of pleasure when he pushes into her with one smooth, solid thrust; that initial moment of penetration almost enough to make her come. And he angles his hips just right; each forward movement causing friction against her clit.

Her hands explore the bulging, tense muscles of his shoulders and biceps as he bears his weight on outstretched arms; fingernails digging -almost painfully- into his forearms. A mixture of kisses are exchanged; soft pecks with short breaks in between, closed mouth open closed mouth, tongues frantic and needy. And her teeth capture his bottom lip when he pulls away; hard enough to break the skin and draw blood. His tongue sweeps away the crimson drops and he smirks, pulling out completely before driving back into her; a thrust so powerful that pushes her up the bed.

“More…” she pants. “...I need more.”

He understands; not needing further encouragement or instruction. An arm curling around her waist as he pulls out once more, effortlessly flipping her onto her stomach; one hand on either side of her head and her legs barely parted as he pushes back into her. Sucking and licking at her shoulders and the nape of her neck, marking the soft, pale flesh as his thrusts become stronger. Sweat drips from his forehead and the end of his nose; the drops splashing onto her skin and glistening in the moonlight that streams through the windows. Listening to her cries and moans and sighs of pleasure, slightly muffled by her pillow; seeing the way her fingers claw and dig at the sheets. And when her noises become louder and more insistent, he slides a hand between her and the mattress and rubs at her clit.

When she comes she buries her face in the pillow. His name exploding from her mouth; chanting it over and over again like a well rehearsed prayer. Decreasing volume and urgency until it becomes nothing than a whisper. And with two thrusts he’s coming as well, dropping his forehead onto her shoulder and sucking at the tender, smooth skin; chest heaving, arms trembling, perspiration dripping as he empties himself inside of her. Murmuring into her hair that he loves her. That he’ll always love her. Only her. And that he’ll find a way back to her no matter what.

Afterwards they lie together; content and spent. Him on his back and her on her side; tucked securely into him, both of his arms around her slender body, as tight as she can possibly stand. He’s grown to love these moments after; the feel of her against him, the smell of her hair, her warm breath against his skin. He’d never taken the time before; no other woman in his life had warranted that level of attention and affection. Yet it’s always felt so normally with her. So natural. So comfortable. And his eyes are closed as her hand lazily slides up and down his side; from underneath his arm to his hip. A soft, soothing feeling that lasts several minutes before he feels her fingertips gliding over each rib and tracing his tattoo. The one he’d gotten in memory of his son many years before.

“It always feels so good,” she says, her voice sleepy, breath tickling his chest. “Being with you. Not just sex. Or love making. Or whatever you want to call it. But this. Afterwards.”

It’s always been one of his favourite moments, too. Holding her as they engage in quiet conversation; those whispered confessions and groggy laughs and good natured teasing. And he’d never thought he’d be that type; to indulge in the softer, more intimate moments after sex.

“I love the way they feel,” she continues. “Your arms. How they’re so big and so strong yet they’re so comfortable and warm all at the same time. It’s like they know when I’m in them. They know to be more soft and sweet.”

Tyler smiles at that, then drops a kiss on the top of her head. He supposes in a way that she’s right; that his body has become so accustomed to hers that he doesn’t even have to concentrate on being more gentle. It just happens.

“I remember that second night in Dhaka...after the first time we...you know…”

He grins. “Fucked?”

“If you feel the need to THAT crude about it.”

“There’s no other way of describing what happened. That’s exactly what we did. Four times.”

“Yeah…” she giggles. “I guess that is the most accurate description. But I remember waking up in the middle of the night and you were fast asleep and you had both arms around me and it felt so...I don’t know...perfect. I felt secure. Protected. Like you’d do anything to keep me safe.”

“I would have. Even then. Just like I would now.”

“I remember being worried you’d wake up and be embarrassed. That you were holding me like that.”

“Why would I have been embarrassed?”

“I don’t know. I thought you’d done it in your sleep. Instinctively. That you didn’t actually MEAN to do it. So if you woke up, you’d be mortified that you got that close to me.”

“We were already naked in bed together. That’s pretty damn close.”

“I don’t mean in that way. I mean emotionally. There’s something emotional about it. Personal, even. THAT kind of intimacy. Anyone can fuck and just roll over and fall asleep afterwards. And I thought you’d wake up and and be like ‘what the fuck?’ and be grossed out by the idea of having ‘feels’ or developing ‘feels’ for someone you just met.”

“Has anyone ever told you that you overthink things?”

“My husband. At least twice a week, every week, for the last six and a half years.”

“He’s a smart man.”

“He is. A lot smarter than anyone gives him credit for. Definitely not just a pretty face.”

Grinning, he combs her fingers through her hair and presses his lips to her forehead. “I have a confession to make.”

“Oh no,” Esme groans.

“It’s not bad. It’s about that night.”

“Okay…” her fingers move up to the tattoo on his collarbone, near his right shoulder.

“I didn’t do it in my sleep. Holding you like that. I woke up and you were out like a light and your head was on my arm; it had fallen asleep and I couldn’t even feel it anymore. I didn’t have the heart to wake you up. And honestly? I didn’t want to. So I just rolled over and put my other arm around you and went back to sleep. So it was intentional. I totally meant to do it.”

“Tyler Rake,” she grins up at him. “You big softy.”

“It felt..I dunno...good. It felt right. I liked having you there with me. In my bed. And not just sexually. But everything afterwards. Things I never stuck around long enough to experience with anyone else. I never wanted that. Until you came along.”

“And you say you’re not cute. You’re so cute it hurts.”

“You know I hate being called that right? With a passion. But I’ll let you have it this time.”

“Like you have a choice,” she teases, and presses a kiss to his lips. “And I’ve always loved your arms. Then, now, everything in between. They’ve changed and always felt different but same all at once. It’s the same with your body. It’s different now than it was then, but you still feel the same. You’re still you. Does that make sense?”

Tyler nods. “Same way your body’s changed yet it feels the same to me. It’s familiar. In a good way. A very good way.”

“Yeah,” she smiles, then kisses his cheek and nuzzles the side of his neck with the tip of her nose. Against the tattoo that resides there and the scar left behind from Dhaka. “I’m scared,” she admits.

“Of what?”

“That something will happen to you. That you won’t come back. At least not alive. And then I won’t get to feel this again; your arms around me.”

“Baby..” he pushes his hand through her hair, pecks the bridge of her nose. “...it’s okay.”

“And I’m sorry. For all the times I’ve not fully appreciated it; having your arms around me. Because I’ve just assumed they’d be there. That YOU’D be here. And I never meant to take them for granted. YOU for granted.”

“I have never...ever...felt like you did. Not once. In the seven years we’ve known each other.”

“But I’ve felt that way,” she tearfully confesses. “I’ve felt that I’ve taken you for granted. Just assuming you’d always be around. That I’d wake up in the mornings and you’d just be here.”

“And I will be here. I promise. I’m coming back. Nothing can stop me from coming home to you. Nothing.”

“I’d miss you. So much. Everything about you. The way you smile at me when you first wake in the morning; when your hair is messy and you’re still sleepy and kind of disoriented. And the way you laugh and the way your voice sounds. The way you smell and how sometimes you take my face in your hands when you kiss me. And how you let me stand on top of your feet so I can hug you back properly. All those little things that make you, you. I’d miss it all and I hate that there’s times I haven’t appreciated them. And I’m sorry. If I ever made you feel that. Like I didn’t appreciate you being in my life.”

“I have never...ever...felt like that,” Tyler assures her. “Not once in seven years.”

“And I’m sorry for those six months. I never should have let it drag on like that. But I was so hurt and so scared and I didn’t know what to do to help you and I couldn’t have that around the kids. Drinking THAT much and taking the Oxy and…”

“Esme...stop…” he gently places his hand on her throat; chin resting in the space between his thumb and forefinger, turning her face up towards him. “ I deserved that six months. I was a fucking mess, and you and the kids did NOT deserve to see that. You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one that’s sorry. That I wasn’t strong enough to stop that shit.That I wasn’t able to be the man you wanted me to be. That you NEEDED me to be.”

“You’ve always been that man, Tyler. Always.

“It’s going to be okay.. No matter what choice I make, no matter what happens, everything is going to be fine. WE’RE going to be fine.

She sniffles. “You promise?”

“Want me to do a pinky promise like I do with Millie?”

She grins. “Just promise me and then kiss me. That’ll do .”

“I promise you,” he says, and then kisses her. Long and soft and sweet; her face gently cradled in the palms of his hands.

#tyler rake #tyler rake fan fiction #Tyler rake fan fic #extraction #best part of me #Chris hemsworth character

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alistircrat · 4 years ago

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Hetalila Fanfiction Recs

Here’s a list of some of my favorite Hetalia fanfictions. Most have pairings, which I’ll specify. I put this up because I know I’m always on the lookout for good fanfiction and I wanted to help out anyone else who’s in the same boat :D Feel free to add onto this or rec me some too ;) Also a good master list of the ones I like LMAO. I’ve noticed I either like tragic, angsty fanfiction or really fluffy ones. A lot are rated M. And a LOT of USUK and Spamano #srynotsry Disclaimer: I did not write any of these; they all belong to their respective authors.

Update: Ive had this sitting in my drafts for like over 4 years and i began it when i was super into hetalia n fanfiction LMAO, what better time to post this when i should be studying lmao its nearly 4 am halp

UsUK

The Secret : Rated T, 32k words, 5 chapters, Drama/Romance, Complete Arthur's sister, engaged to prince Alfred, is killed before she even meets him. Arthur's parents do not want to shame themselves by ending the engagement and force Arthur to dress like his sister and marry Alfred instead. But can this secret be kept? (note: very interesting!! I loved every second of it)

The Courting of Alfred Jones : Rated M, 26k words, 13 chapters, Romance/Hurt/Comfort, Incomplete Alfred Jones is the most popular guy in school and also extremely homophobic. This is why Arthur is his new favourite 'victim', but Arthur has no intentions of grovelling in the dust for him. Punk!ArthurxJock!Alfred (note: Rated M, so there IS some explicit material and I advise viewer discretion. Another highschool AU. Sad that it’s probably not going to finish but it’s worth the read)

When I Only Wanted to Save the World : Rated M, 29k words, 11 chapter, Romance, Complete Alfred is a firefighter in New York City. When he gets badly injured, he takes a trip to London to recover. There he meets a man named Arthur, who ends up helping him recover from wounds he didn't even know he had. (note: warmed my weeb heart)

United Again : Rated T, 31k words, 7 chapters, Humor/Romance, Complete Arthur gets a letter in the mail informing him of his school's ten year reunion.

Unexpected : Rated T, 5.7k words, One-shot, Humor/Drama, Complete World Academy. When Arthur was asked to tutor the star of the American Football team, he expected several things. Sitting in an apartment full of Asian children was not one of them. (cute!)

The Invitational Year : Rated M, 208k words, 41 chapters, Romance/Drama, Complete Alfred is an awkward dork, despite the fact his dad is President. Arthur is a member of British royalty, and he's a perfectionist loner. Both boys are given an invitation to attend the prestigious World Academy and, naturally, they're roomies. (note: A favorite of mine! Quite long but very much worth it. Highschool AU. Can be silly yet dramatic. Anyways, you should read it! Viewer discretion due to sexual themes)

The Sophomore Year : Rated M, 173k words, 34 chapter, Romance/Drama, Complete After meeting at boarding school, Alfred and Arthur became unlikely friends and then lovers. Now, they'll face their sophomore year in America and all the challenges that come with being young, famous, and madly in love. (note: sequal to The Invitational Year)

And All That Jazz : Rated M, 98k words, 22 chapters, Romance, Complete Alfred is approached by the Student Body President, Arthur, for help on his math exam. They hate each other, but maybe opposites can attract with the help of something unexpected. (note: I love this fic. Highschool AU. Also involves music...cuz liek yknow the title)

1912 : Rated T, 52k words, 9 chapters, Romance/Drama, Complete Cynical, overweight and bored in the dull twilight of his empire, Arthur finds distraction in the form of rekindling his relationship with Alfred on board the RMS Titanic during her doomed maiden voyage.

The Arrow was Shot : Rated K+, 5.8k words, One-shot, Romance, Complete In order to win his family's respect, Arthur enters a tournament to win the Princess of America's hand in marriage. At the tournament, he befriends the mysterious Alfred- a fellow competitor who is equally determined to win. As he and Alfred grow closer, he begins to question what is more important to him: his family's respect... or Alfred.

Flirting with Failure : Rated T, 2k words, One-shot, Romance/Humor, Complete Alfred just wanted to get one date with Arthur Kirkland before the semester ended. To do that he had to speak with him. Thus, he was set up for failure.

Hero Frequency : Rated T, 12k words, 3 chapters, Romance/Humor, Incomplete America's got the coolest and most awesome band in school, and he's totally going to win the Battle of the Bands contest. Or at least he might, if he can get England to put aside their past issues long enough to play guitar...

The Gentleman and the Hero : Rated T, 57k words, 21 chapters, Romance, Complete World Academy students have been paired up for an anonymous email exchange program, so they can talk to someone about school and personal problems in private. These are the emails of two students nicknamed 'The Gentleman' and 'The Hero'. (note: I also love this. I find it very cute and also very in character. I want an email buddy lol. Highschool AU)

Breathless : Rated T, 35k words, 4 chapters, Angst/Hurt/Comfort, Complete Arthur Kirkland never thought that golden boy Alfred Jones would ever have a reason to attempt suicide. Then again, how much did he really know about the oh so popular blonde? The rumor mill would surely chew him up and spit him out. (note: p sure this is another favorite of mine. Though angsty, I really enjoyed the development between the two. Highschool AU. Really great read!!)

Static : Rated T, 45k words, 9 chapters, Drama/Romance, Incomplete Sequel to Breathless. Arthur always thought that the incident with Alfred's arms would forever be the biggest hurdle their friendship would face. But as the looks change and the touches linger, it becomes frightfully clear that he was dead wrong about that. (note: continues after Breathless, but not finished ): worth the read anyway)

Ask Me Anything : Rated T, 7k words, One-shot, Romance/Humor, Complete Alfred starts to follow Arthur on tumblr. It's not long until they become friends... and possibly more.

The Cost of Affection : Rated M, 61k words, 32 chapters, Angst/Romance, Incomplete Being a whore is easy: all Arthur has to do is spread his legs and take the money. He doesn't have to face his past; nor does he have to deal with love. And for good reason - because when he does fall head-over-heels for someone, he's forced to realize that his sins go beyond prostitution, and that even as he rediscovers himself, his past is coming back to haunt him after all.

You Can’t Take the Sky Away From Me : Rated T, 113k words, 32 chapters, Adventure/Romance, Incomplete Ace pilot America is on a mission for the World Military when a chance encounter with a group of sky-pirates leads him to team up with their captain, England, against a malevolent group that wants to fill the sky with zeppelins. (note: Steampunk AU. This is a really cool fic!)

We’ll Meet Again : Rated M, 43k words, 13 chapters, Romance/Angst, Complete WW2 AU. London pub owner Arthur Kirkland is driven to distraction by loud, brash American fighter pilot Alfred Jones. Unable to stop it, Arthur finds himself falling for Alfred's charms... just as the pilot is preparing to leave for war. (note: a hetalia fandom clASSIC. MUST READ. unfortunately the OG fics were deleted so someone reposted it, giving credit to the OG author George deValier. this will rip ur heart out n tape it poorly back together)

Franada

La Patisserie de La Rose : Rated M, 35k words, 6 chapters, Romance, Complete Accountant Matthew Williams is used to being unnoticed, ignored, and forgotten. That is until pastry chef Francis Bonnefoy appears like a burst of colour in his dull, grey life.

AmeViet (yes, Vietnam!)

Hard to Get : Rated T, 57k words, 20 chapters, Adventure/Romance, Complete During World War Two, serious, limited Vietnam meets the boisterous America. Amid fighting, friendship, and stress, America tries to get Vietnam to like him, but she won't let that happen. Or will she? (note: One of my all-time favorites, unforgettable. I can never find fics of this pairing, it’s so hard! But this is a really great fic, highly recommend. also after learning more about Vietnam history, i might give this yet ANOTHER re-read with my new perspectives)

Of Broken Promises and the Taste of Freedom : Rated T, 1.4k words, One-shot, Hurt/Comfort/Romance, Complete Vaguely, Vietnam wondered if this was what freedom tasted like. If perhaps, the hot waves that crashed through her body and set her skin on fire was what it was like to know that you are truly free.

GerIta (apologies, I don’t read too much GerIta LOL)

Auf Wiedersehen, Sweetheart : Rated M, 104k words, 18 chapters, Romance/Angst, Complete WW2 AU. Feliciano Vargas is a passionate, if slightly scared, Italian resistance member. Falling in love with a German fighter pilot was the last thing he expected... and it will test his national loyalty, and his heart, to their limits. (note: another VeraVerse, so well written! you will not ragret. also a repost since Og was deleted, all credit to George deValier)

RusAme

Dear Diary : Rated T, 55k words, 17 chapters, Humor/Romance, Complete Alfred F. Jones isn't gay. Just read his diary; you'll see. (note: I absolutely love high school or college AUs, omg. Also this is hilarious. I can really relate to how Alfred's rambling)

PruHun

The Most Awesome Date Plan Ever : Rated T, 7.5k words, 6 chapters, Romance/Humor, Complete It was foolproof. He had worked out every plan, every detail and each possible outcome almost guaranteed him Elizaveta's love. Until it was ruined by Gilbert's two cockblocking best friends. (note: funny and cute)

Táncol? : Rated K+, 24k words, 6 chapters, Humor/Romance, Complete Elizaveta is determined to find out who Gilbert wants to ask out for the school dance. If that means bullying his friends, being hired by Gilbert to slave over a cake, and invading his diaries, so be it. (note: Another favorite! Very cute)

Hello Hurricane : Rated T, 61k words, 18 chapters, Hurt/Comfort/Tragedy, Complete Sequel to "Táncol?" Elizaveta, Ludwig, Francis, and Antonio are forced to watch Gilbert slowly fade away every day. (note: It might seem like I have lots of favorites, cuz I do and this is one of them. Warning, I cried a lot towards the end. Highly recommend)

PruCan

That Song Called Love : Rated T, 62k words, 25 chapters, Romance/Drama, Complete Matthew had always resigned himself to a fate of musical obscurity on a supporting instrument, but after meeting an ex-delinquent named Gilbert, he just might learn to take the lead. (note: contains other minor pairings. Although she doesn’t play a huge role I’m so happy Vietnam is in it Dx)

Operation Not to Hot : Rated T, 10k words, 2 chapters, Romance/Humor, Complete Gilbert Beilschmidt is dorky, nerdy, and has serious confidence issues. He doesn't really care about himself until he sees Matthew Williams, AKA super-hot-hockey-jock. With Matthew's heart in mind, Gilbert undergoes a complete transformation. (note: funny story. Prussia being Prussia)

Overdue : Rated T, 12k words, 8 chapters, Romance/Supernatural, Complete "Well, Gott, Mattie, at least look someone in the eye when you tell them you're a ghost. Make a good impression!" (note: cute lil one-shot series)

I Have all Summer to Fall For You : Rated T, 162k words, 38 chapters, Incomplete At school, Gilbert makes fun of Matthew, and Matthew just wants to be left alone. But then when the hot days of summer roll around, and they have nothing but free time, things happen that NO ONE could have planned for! (note: MY ALL-TIME FAV PRUCAN FiC Ever. Probably will never finish but the length and quality make up for it)

PruAus

Please Don’t Read the Verdict : Rated M, 57k words, 11 chapters, Romance/Crime, Incomplete District Attorney Roderich Edelstein is faced with a gruesome, controversial murder. He has three months to build a case against the accused, but more than his will to prosecute may be destroyed in the process. (note: sadly not done, but highly interesting!)

Lily of the Lamplight : Rated M, 27k words, 4 chapters, Romance/Angst, Incomplete WW2 AU. Austrian musician Roderich and German soldier Gilbert are forced into an army prison unit and a fight for survival on the Russian Front. But in the midst of blood and death and hell on earth, how long can they fight their desire for each other? (note: MY 👏 FAV 👏 VERAVERSE 👏 I loveeee this fic, I’m so SAD it’s nEvEr going to be completed. Savor those 4 chapters. Luckily theyre long *cries* Also love the set of main characters, including Prussia, Austria, Berwald, and Poland. Also listen to the song the title is based off of, i luv it too)

SuFin

Cheers to a New Life : Rated M, 94k words, 47 chapters, Romance/Family, Complete Sweden could only find a job as a Kindergarten teacher and the famous Kirkland's little Peter happens to be enrolled into his class. But it is not Mr. Arthur Kirkland who is picking Peter up, it's this angel with the greatest ass Berwald's ever seen. (note: viewer discretion, mostly on later chapters. also has cute lil Peter/Sealand)

My Heart, In Segments : Rated T, 14k words, 10 chapters, Family/Hurt/Comfort, Complete Berwald is a man left alone, and Peter was a kid left behind. Berwald's not really the perfect dad, Peter's not really innocent anymore, and Tino's not really sure he's ready for something so real. But, maybe... Maybe it's time.

In Want of a Wife : Rated T, 41k words, 18 chapters, Romance/Humor, Incomplete Berwald's life is turned upside down when he is accepted into Hetalia International University, and everything changes for the better when he catches a glimpse of his future wife who lives down the hall. Who cares if Tino doesn't accept it yet? (note: Human AU; Lietpol is a bonus in all this hehe)

Treatment : Rated T, 55k words, 12 chapters, Romance/Humor, Incomplete Tino is a young psychology major, well known for being kind and eager to help others with their issues, but less so for his habit of profiling "patients" on campus. His therapist's eye has fixed on Berwald, but will he be the one who ends up on the couch? (note: Though not fully done, it’s one of my favorite sufin fics. Also hilarious bahah)

Catch Perfect : Rated T, 35k words, 8 chapters, Romance/Friendship, Incomplete When Berwald loses everything he is forced to move into a share house with an insane Dane, a sociopathic Norwegian, an unfathomable Icelander and a perfect Finn who makes it all worth putting up with. (note: can be crazy and random, which is probs why I liked it so much. also by George deValier I believe, reposted onto wattpad after it got deleted)

DenNor

Hummingbird : Rated T, 61k words, 12 chapters, Tragedy/Hurt/Comfort, Complete Lukas' only goal in life was to take care of his younger brother, until he was diagnosed with an irregular heart rhythm. His originally peaceful stay in hospital was interrupted when the loud, cheerful Mathias was moved into the bed beside him and refused to leave him alone; yet as his health began to deteriorate, the Dane decided to fall in love with him. (note: I love this fic so much, it’s also another favorite of mine. Very cute but with lots of angst, ahhh just what I ordered)

Secret Crowds : Rated M, 3.4k words, One-shot, Hurt/Comfort/Romance, Complete An explosion leaves Denmark with a permanent brain injury and Norway struggles to find his role in their relationship as the line between lover and caregiver begins to blur. (sad and touching)

I also read a lot of DenNor so im like ?? where the fics at LOL. but i think i read more DenNor doujinshis, so that’s def something yall should look into

Spamano

A Beautiful Story : Rated T, 16k words, 10 chapters, Tragedy/Romance, Complete Lovino Romano Vargas is a suicidal designer who is unhappy with his fate. One day, he chances to meet Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, who turns his life upside down.

Flashlight : Rated T, 38k words, 11 chapters, Parody/Romance, Complete "If I throw a tomato at you, vampire bastard, will you still sparkle under the sauce?" (note: OKAY SO This is actually a Twilight parody w Romano as Bella and Spain as Edward. I don’t really like Twilight but I really like this version of it lmao. Funny and a good read. Mostly Romano’s POV, cRACK )

New Batteries : Rated T, 41k words, 10 chapters, Humor/Romance, Complete Sequel to Flashlight. "WELL, I NEVER LIKED YOU, EITHER. WHAT NOW, YOU STUPID SPARKLY EXCUSE OF A VAMPIRE?" (note: also a parody, just the sequel to the previous one listed. I understand the Twilight plot through these better than the original)

Kismet : Rated M, 174k words, 52 chapters, Romance/Fantasy, Complete Lovino learns the hard way that things change and that they can change quickly. The necklace fell and now he's in a strange land far from home. Will he ever see his brother again? Will he find his way home? Or will he discover home is where the heart is? Fate is a strange woman and can work in mysterious ways. (note: RATED M, viewer discretion. the author has a list of warnings on the first chapter you can look at so you know what you’re reading. Fantasy AU)

Catch You, Catch Me : Rated M, (basically)37k words, 7 chapters, Drama/Romance, Complete Clumsy, clueless detective Romano is on the trail of the infamous handsome and charming thief El Apasionado Caballero. But there's more to this, what seems like a simple game of cat and mouse, than meets the eye.

The Bet : Rated T, 20k words, 9 chapters, Romance/Humor, Complete When someone kisses you, and then moves away you'd think that would be it. But when Antonio comes back from Spain he wants Lovino to be his again. Except Lovino now hates Antonio...which sucks for Lovino because Antonio isn't going to let go that easily.

Zero Tolerance : Rated M, 55k words, 24 chapters, Romance/Drama, Complete Lovino lives a perfect life. Or atleast thats how he is suppose to appear. Antonio lives a life as a dangerous gangbanger. North Side meets South Side as these two are partnered in their Chemistry class. But there is one chemical reaction these 2 arent prepared for- Love. (highschool AU)

Breathless in the Atmosphere : Rated T, 31k words, 3 chapters, Hurt/Comfort/Romance, Complete Antonio only needed money for marble. He needed to make his art. And a chance encounter on the subway offers him a job as a male escort. It was just for the money. He could stop anytime he wanted to. Really. (note: viewer discretion advised. contains prostitution and suicidal ideation)

Before the Snow Falls : Rated T, 19k words, 2 chapters, Romance/Drama, Complete Lovino, jersey number nine, right winger. He was ready to pass the ball, ready to set up the win, but Antonio, opposite team, center fielder, was ready too. Someone thought, and someone didn't, and they crashed. Hard. A few months later, Lovino's on crutches, Antonio has scholarships, and they have to deal with the aftermath of what happened.

Door to Door : Rated T, 3.5k words, One-shot, Humor/Romance, Complete Do not open the door. It could be a zombie, an unwanted boyfriend of your brother's, or a persistant salesman by the name Antonio Carriedo.

Numbered Lithograph : Rated M, 133k words, 29 chapters, Drama/Romance, Complete When Lovino starts attending art school with his brother he finds his most important lesson doesn't come from his professors, but from a culinary student at a sister school: sometimes the flaws hold the beauty. (note: Probably my favorite spamano fic. Very touching. Has fluff and angst)

Bésame Mucho : Rated M, 48k words, 6 chapter, Angst/Romance, Incomplete WW2 AU. Lovino Vargas only ever wanted something exciting to happen in his boring, everyday Italian village existence. He never expected war, Resistance, love, passion, treason, or a cheerful, confusing, irritatingly attractive Spanish freedom fighter. (note: ANOTHER 👏 ONE 👏OF👏MY👏FAVS👏 BUT SAD BC ITLL NEVER FINISH HDUEOFREGH. Also by George DeValier and reuploaded onto wattpad (originally on ff.net)! I’m in love with the writing. Incomplete but sooo worth the read.)

Bad Touch Trio (may or may not contain pairings/slight pairings)

Oh No, We’re Hot : Rated T, 1.4k words, One-shot, Friendship/Humor, Complete In which, after a summer apart, the Bad Touch Trio realizes that they have become really attractive. Really slight hinted Spamano. (note: I absolutely love the BTT, this is a cute short fic about them)

The Trap : Rated T, 4.7k words, One-shot, Friendship/Humor, Complete The prompt was Prussia and Spain meeting France for the first time, thinking he's a girl, kiddy-courting him, then finding out he's a boy, but still kiddy-courting him. Exactly as wacky as it sounds. (note: another cute story about the BTT and their rad friendship! I need this in my life)

Multiple Pairings

Playing Cupid : Rated T, 24k words, 15 chapters, Romance/Humor, Complete In Everett High School there is a secret club called the yaoi club. It is their job, during Sadies, to set up couples. This year Elizabeta has an ambitious plan. She is going to find a date for the infamous Lovino Vargas. Her choice is Antonio, unfortunately half the girls want to ask him too. Will she and her friends succeed? Spamano, UsUk, Prucan, GerIta, others (note: very cute highschool AU! highly recommend! also contains many of the hetalia girls, which is amazing~)

No Pairings

Bad Pasta : Rated T, 13k words, 6 chapter, Mystery/Tragedy, Complete Kiku and Arthur trade rooms. (note: Author also made a game based on this posted on deviantart: Bad Pasta game. I really liked it, especially since I’m into hetalia fangames and whatnot. warning, contains death of characters)

Fun with Former Vikings : Rated K+, 63k words, 17 chapters, Friendship/Family, Complete Brothers that are too awkward to even stand next to each other, husband and 'wife,' and that one guy that drinks a lot. The Nordics couldn't be any more different. And neither could the situations they get themselves into. (note: I love love love the Nordics. This is also probably one of my all-time favs. I love them as bros Dx)

God Only Threw the Humans out of Paradise : Rated K+, 4.5k words, One-shot, Friendship, Complete 12 years is nothing in the life of a Nation. But to a puppy, it's a lifetime. This is a look at 12 years of England's life through the eyes of man's best friend.

Gutters : Rated M, 98k words, 20 chapters, Adventure/Drama, Complete 'The Calamity' has left the world stripped and dying. Alone in a civilian bunker in Munich, Sealand will be reunited with the last known living member of his surrogate family and together, they will set out across Europe to find those they have lost. (note: It’s an adventure story starring Sealand and Denmark. Can be really intense and eMOTIONAL i cried like a bitch, highly recommend. Probably one of my 👏 favorite👏 fics of all time)

Ditches : Rated M, 2.4k words, 2 chapters, Drama/Family, Incomplete Prequel to Gutters. In the days leading up to The Calamity, the world braces and families struggle not to be torn apart.

Breathe Me : Rated T, 66k words, 21 chapters, Angst/Hurt/Comfort, Complete "God I'm so fat." "No, Alfred. You're not. You're –" "Stop it! I am and you know it! The whole world knows! Just stop okay?" Trigger Warning, Human AU, and F.A.C.E. Family. (note: very important TRIGGER WARNING due to mention of eating disorders, verbal abuse, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts.)

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lesbitchka · 6 years ago

Note

I sure hope anon specifies ages because Haha I once knew a 25 year old covering for dating a 16 year old by using "college aged and not college aged" to avoid using actual numbers!!! Maybe I'm overthinking it but any time you avoid saying a number is skeevy as fuck im9

once you’ve entered a university environment, you won’t get all that far by sticking to years rather than ages

say that both people went to college right after high school, so (in america) one enters the first year of college at 18. i wouldn’t be in favour of an 18yo dating someone just finishing their first degree, so a 20-21-22?yo. and at my approaching 22 and finishing my bachelor’s this semester, i wouldnt date a 19yo (which is the uni starter age here) freshman either. or a 19yo in their second year, because they’re still a 19yo

except this is uni, so there are freshmen aged practically anything up from the just-finished-high-school age. half my classmates are 2-5 years older than me, there was a woman 8 years older than me the year above, and a ~12 years older woman the year below

and that’s just the beginning, because then you still have to account for the length of individual study programs/majors. im finishing my degree at 22 after 3 years of studies, whereas my roomie in law school will be finishing hers at 24, and my roomie in med school at 25. and that’s assuming that all of us finish on time and don’t get an extension (which half of my classmates are getting)

AND i would assume “last year of uni” to mean the last year at university altogether. so while this is the last year of my degree, it‘s not the last year of uni for me, since i intend to continue my studies and get a masters (meaning i would be finishing at the same age as the law student - unless i continue to a doctorate, at which point “the last year of uni” would be like 29yo)

#Anonymous #ask

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weneverlearn · 7 years ago

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Dead Boys 1977

Interview with Clevelander Dave Treat about his new photo book that peaks into some daze in the pre-legendary life of the Cleveland punk rock masters.

It’s easy to forget that, by their initial demise circa 1980, the Dead Boys were considered a kind of dark summation of the original American punk rock explosion. A blistering live act no doubt, they were “the Stooges played fast;” glam rock sans glitter; even proto-power pop given the best hooks of the second album. One of the ultimate flameouts in rock’n’roll history, their punk status was cemented just under the ubiquitous Lower East Side canon. And heaven forbid, they were from Cleveland.

But as the years roll on, the layers of their status have shifted and deepened. Being from Cleveland – actually forming out of bands who pre-dated the CBGB scene (Rocket from the Tombs, Frankenstein) – makes them punk originators, not just the out-of-towners they were sometimes painted as when they moved to the Big Apple in 1977. Their debut album, Young Loud and Snotty, remains perhaps the most consistently invigorating American punk album of that era. Singer Stiv Bators’ too-soon death, guitarist Cheetah Chrome’s long journey to find himself, it all inadvertently lent gravity to the band’s more immediate and welcome sense of humor that put them in stark contrast to the sometimes pretentious CBGB scene.

And in the last few years, Chrome has been busy as hell, making new records, playing Dead Boys songs again with various friends, and doing occasional solo acoustic sets that can be genuinely tear-quelling in their intimacy and memory-dredging.

If you haven’t checked out Chrome’s 2009 biography, A Dead Boys Tale: From the Front Lines of Punk Rock, you should! It not only gives a flailing firsthand account from one of punk’s template tossers, it articulates to outsiders that Cleveland was the equal to NYC as THE post-industrial blank canvas for young, drunk, and broke punks to come up with their own thing. Further, you will find no trust fund kids in his story, no relocated Connecticutians sliding into ripped jeans and hoping nobody finds out their dad is a Wall Street lawyer. As “punk” has incrementally defined its soul as a working-class genre, the Dead Boys story becomes more and more foundationally iconic.

And now this beautifully bleak collection of photos and quick quotes, Dead Boys 1977: The Lost Photographs of Dave Treat. It’s a perfect companion to the first few chapters of Cheetah’s bio. Half are gloriously raw shots of the band awkwardly striking poses around the desolate streets of downtown Cleveland as a newly minted, four-piece Dead Boys. The second half is color photos from two 1977 Cleveland shows. Then the book closes with achingly alone solo shots of Stiv, also shot during one afternoon (Treat lived in the same building where Stiv and Chrome roomied.) Stiv had an uncanny visage that could be simultaneously madcap and melancholy. For a guy who would whip it out anywhere on command and who spent the majority of his adult work life yelling loudly on stage, he remains a mystery man in many ways. And you see that mystery in his eyes and bent body through these pix.

As you arrive at the end of this book, you feel as if you just spent a day and night with the Dead Boys. Your inclination on closing it is to swig back the last backwash, throw the bottle down, and say “See ya later” to the guys, walk out onto Detroit Ave., and never look back, just like they did.

The photos herein were meant as a no budget attempt at “promotional rock photos,” but the band soon added a fifth member and moved to NYC, so these photos have been sitting in a box since then. Save for one small gallery show where a few of them were displayed, this is the first time they appear.

I asked Treat about the book and more.

The Dead Boys pose for Dave Treat on Huron Avenue in Cleveland, 1977, a time when the central city was so desolate you could do this in the middle of the day and hardly see another soul. L-R Johnny Blitz, Cheetah Chrome, Stiv Bators, Jimmy Zero. Photo credit: Dave Treat

Did you grow up in the Cleveland area?

Yes, on West 41 St., off of Clark Avenue.

So when and what were the initial inspiration to drag these pix out and do something with them?

Actually, I didn’t know I still had them. I was cleaning out some boxes and there they were. That was three years ago. I went to Blue Arrow Records and started talking to Pete the owner, and he liked the pics. He had Brittany Hudak look at them and she wanted to do a gallery show at Gallery 61-- owned by Byron Miller, who also printed them for me -- with a 25th Anniversary Show honoring the loss of Stiv Bators. That is how it all started. Clem Burke of Blondie came to the Cleveland Stiv show on Waterloo and gave us a number and recommendation to Lethal Amounts in LA. The gallery show was first, with Cheetah playing to a sold-out crowd after at the Monty Bar.

How did you first meet up with Cheetah and Stiv?

I moved to an apartment on Giel Avenue in Lakewood. About three months later, Stiv moved into the building. We met and became friends. Cheetah was always there. One note: Stiv and Cheetah wrote some of the songs for Young Loud and Snotty in their bathroom. Cheetah on the toilet and Stiv in the tub.

The pic with the band next to the dumpster – what was the impetus behind purposely shooting in garbage? Were any of the members like, “Can we take nice shots somewhere, like maybe at Swingos?” I know Cheetah mentions the first Ramones album cover as inspiration.

No nice pics, it was decided to go downtown and find the place we shot the photos. Cheetah liked the Ramones album cover. Collectively, we wanted the urban decay, the garbage and the dilapidated buildings. We didn’t want them lined up against a wall, but something unique to them.

So how present were the Ramones and the notion of this new "punk" music in your life personally?

For me, the intro into punk was through the Dead Boys. Meeting and seeing their passion for this new sound was amazing. It pulled you in. Finally, something new in Cleveland.

What were the live music clubs you'd go to, and were there local bands you could stand? I know Cheetah's told me how it was mostly lame blues or ‘60s cover bands, if any live music at all...

Pirate’s Cove, Agora, Jicky’s After Dark, Piccadilly��s.

Pere Ubu, The Pagans, Styrenes.

(A history-smushing aside: The Pirate’s Cove turned into Peabody’s, which I frequented in my youth (Replacements, Pixies, Godfathers, Death of Samantha, Rocket from the Crypt, among many), and only died a few years ago; and the Agora is still there, operating on/off.)

Can you just give me a random crazy Stiv story, and maybe one that is not expected from the "wild man" he's known as?

Came home from classes, started knocking on the door, looked in the hall and Stiv was having sex with someone. He looked up, waved, smiled and put up his index finger to say just a minute. I laughed and went upstairs.

Dropped at the door of Drome Records, 1977.

Was Stiv a late night, drunkly opening up with his feelings kinda guy?

No, not at all. He was always upbeat. He liked having a good time, pulling a good prank…never melancholy.

Dead Boys singer Stiv Bators poses for Dave Treat at the Cleveland Agora with their friend and neighbor “Barb the Fat Bitch” (a joking nickname for someone who, according to Cheetah Chrome, was in fact neither fat nor a bitch). Photo credit: Dave Treat

I grew up in Cleveland - Parma Hts., to be exact -- and the whole Catholic thing about Cleveland is one of the simmering things inside the Dead Boys that I always loved, and makes them so "Cleveland," no matter their fame gained in the Big Apple. But did religion actually come up much? Or any stories of desecrating churches or anything?

Religion never came up. Nothing too outrageous. Stiv putting his finger on his throat and barfing on a Denny’s window while people were eating. Cheetah pissing out the window or back porch. Cheetah mooning two ladies walking on Giel Avenue. Not too crazy yet.

I think, while the NYC scene was peppered with slumming rich kids, reading Cheetah's book and looking through your's, you definitely get the sense there was none of that in Cleveland, that the Dead Boys and the few people in the actual "scene" were not exactly getting their rent paid for.

No rich kids here. Went to classes in the a.m. and worked in the evenings. Paid for everything myself.

That "ruin porn" early-70s punk era is always mythologized, but as Cheetah has pointed out, it wasn't some huge scene. At underground or new rock kind of shows, there might be 15 people in the crowd. Do you agree, and any stories of hanging out at shows with Cheetah and Stiv, with 10 other people or what have you?

Cleveland at that point was in a free fall. Our mayor had the city’s garbage men deliver a porn poll. We were called the Mistake on the Lake. The city would go into default. There were no jobs. My roommate, after I moved, and another student at Cooper actually organized the First Annual Cleveland Smoke-In. Attached is a copy of the flyer. In short, good or bad, you got by.

In the book, the mentions of how dead it was downtown, Cheetah saying you could just stop in the middle of Euclid Ave. and take pictures -- do you have memories of just exploring downtown Cleveland then? And did you have a feeling that this really was the end of a city, an end of an era, or did you think Cleveland could "come back?" Would you want it to "come back?"

As far as downtown, it was dead. The malls opened in the ‘burbs and people didn’t need to go downtown. I shot the guys in the middle of Huron. We were there 10-15 minutes. No cars or people. Can’t do that now.

What did you think when the band decided to move to NYC?

They had to, there wasn’t a market in Cleveland. When they first went to CBGB’s, there was no turning back. They found where they needed to be, and I am glad they did.

How did you hear about Stiv dying, and when was the last time you'd heard from him?

I heard there was a benefit for Stiv and Babylon-A-Go-Go, 6/29/90. I went there and saw people I knew. They told me what happened. *

Where do you live today; what are you doing for a living; and what do you think of the more bustling downtown Cleveland of today?

I currently live in Solon, Ohio. I am a currently consulting in residential construction. It’s about damn time. Actually the renaissance of downtown and the Flats has been doing incredibly well. I’m proud to say I’m a Clevelander.

* -- I too was at that memorial:

http://weneverlearn.tumblr.com/post/520928279/this-is-the-funeral-card-from-stiv-bators

These are the amazing VHS tributes that were shown at Stiv’s memorial:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FreVBEt_8BQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfIZwblztxQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOUIZIQghFY

Dead Boys guitarist Cheetah Chrome moons Dave Treat’s camera in one of downtown Cleveland’s MANY empty buildings in 1977. L-R: Stiv Bators, Cheetah Chrome, Jimmy Zero, Johnny Blitz. Photo credit: Dave Treat

Photographer Dave Treat, photo credit: Bryon Miller

#dead boys #dave treat #cheetah chrome #pere ubu #Pagans #blue arrow records #eric davidson #cleveland punk #cleveland 1970s

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beingsecure · 7 years ago

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Enriched & Enlightened #PSOSMatIIITH

Being Master’s student in the field of information security at IGDTUW, My main focus of interest is “Right of BEing SECure”. To work in the same direction of an applied domain of security and privacy, the first name comes to one’s mind is Social media. It's natural as you can see your friends, family members, and relatives etc. face many security and privacy issue on such social networking platforms. Being Information security student, it’s my moral duty to learn and use skills to build up such system which can give an essence of being secure.

For the same cause, I was fortunate to join summer school on Privacy and Security in Online Social Media at IIITH organized by Precog research under the supervision of PK sir.

#PSOSMatIIITH was not only hash tag on social media, it was like a shower of knowledge in every desirable dimension in the field on online social networks(OSN), which results in a rainbow of different aspects of security, privacy, and sociology in the context of OSNs.

The journey began in the way that my Guide Prof. Rishabh Kaushal told us about this summer school on PSOSM and boost up students to join it to explore eternity of different issue of OSNs. As I was already familiar with PK sir’s work as being his NPTEL student for #PSOSM course, so I decided to join #PSOSMatIIITH. Along with me, there were 14 more students from my college IGDTUW, who joined this summer school with same enthusiasm from 3rd JULY 2017 to 7th July 2017.

This summer school made happen so many things to me first time like my first flight and first ever time being in Hyderabad that too in IIIT.

#DAY0- After letting feet in IIITH on 2nd JULY 2017- there is ‘technical issue solving session’ by PreCog’s http://precog.iiitd.edu.in/ mentors team which had reached one day before us to help us at max. Almost all queries were solved by mentors and everything was setup for the beginning of summer school.

#DAY1-

Breakfast at IIITH mess was yummy, and I was totally in flavor of #PSOSMatIIITH after getting #PSOSMatIIITH kit ;)

The introduction of summer school: PK sir explained us – WHY we are here, what should be our aim and how should we gain max out of this summer school.

Dr. Vasudev Verma sparked the wisdom to do great in summer school by calling us “SOCIAL MEDIA Soldier”, whose fight is against unwanted elements over different OSNs.

Mr. ROB Sherman (DP officer at FACEBOOK), gave his talk about dedicated efforts of Facebook in direction of “making privacy personal”. QA session was mind blowing as new ideas were there on the desk. After his talk, there was a short break, which was intended to have interaction with speakers. PK Sir’s was the main emphasis was on everyone should get interact with as many intellectuals as possible. Interaction with Mr. ROB was awesome.

After then, Dr. Krishna Gummadi’s talk was on “Targeted advertising on social Media: Transparency, control, fairness, and privacy.

Now it was the time of getting our hands dirty in lab session under potential mentor Divyansh (Research Associate at IIITD).We have dedicated mentors also for the full day. Every mentor including Anupma, Srishti, Neetu, and Kushagra was so helping that it seriously made life easy at #PSOSMatIIITH.

Next lab session was with Kushagra (Research Associate at IIITD).Mentors were helping everyone for small to big issue. We were gaining hacks from their experience of years, which they gained by hard work in OSNs.

3rd talk on the same day was by Dr. Manish Gupta on “Social Network Analysis”.

In this way, the Full day was caricatured by #PSOSM team as most worthy day.

Another Best thing about summer school was the perfect management of food with exact timings by the administration, special Thanks to Pooja ma’am and prof. Suryakanth v. Gangashetty.

I explained DAY1 in this much detail because I can’t cut it short.

#DAY2: Next day I was full of Zeal and joy to learn more. The day started with Kushagra’ Discussion on various Twitter and Facebook API endpoints, Rate limits & Data Collection from Twitter and Graph API as lab session.

Dr.Vasudev was once again on the floor. We were honored to get light on “Social networks- Noise and signals”.

I was amazed to see what real people were doing in the real world, how they think, how they select problem, how they contribute to making a better online society, how they present their work so elegantly so beautifully. They love to take our question. They just love to satisfy our query. People were getting light on their ideas, getting correct direction and it was feeling to be at the right place with right brains at right time.

After prof. Anupma Joshi's Talk on “Security, privacy, and social Media”, we moved to lab session by Divyansh.

Now PK sir was there to boost up us by collecting manual word cloud of the day, 75+ participants with different grasping of same content were speaking up their point of view on the same platform.

Finally, one more Perfect day added in Hyderabad Diary @PSOSMatIIITH.

#Day3: Day of Ideation -

The third day embedded with Lecture by Dr. Niloy Ganguly on “Computational journalism” and Lab session by Anupma (Ph.D. student at IIITD).

Now it was Ideation session was lunch, yesterday PK sir asked us to prepare our idea to present on the single slide over projector as team/individual project related to online social networks. More than 20 teams presented their ideas in front of all of us. Everyone got direction from PK on their project for this betterment. Our team including four members Astha, Chhavi, Himani and me. We presented our idea on “Scoring false/spam accounts over social media platforms”.

Here I would like to mention one more thing which touched our heart that was supporting staff at IIITH was awesome. They are quite helpful 24*7. They were abided to help us as much as they can in every possible manner. I really want to put my vote of thanks to organizing summer school at IIITH. Seems like Research is in its air.

In nutshell, Ideation session was awesome full of enjoyment with ultimate discussion between presenters and audience, plus added humor by PK sir: D

Finally, one more remarkable day added in Hyderabad Diary @PSOSMatIIITH.

#Day4:

Day started by Dr. Saiket Guha from Microsoft, “An OUT OF THE BOX talk”, most needed one as beginner researcher.

After then, lab session by Srishti (Ph.D. student at IIITD) on Adjusting Visualization Parameters and Basics of Social Network Analysis. Which was like a cherry on the cake of #PSOSMatIIITH learning for the beautiful representation of data.

There was one more talk by Dr.Amitava das, which was exclusively on the relationship of sociology & psychology and online social media. This led towards open challenges and way to think beyond fixed route.

After class, it was the time when left brain met with the right brain. it was time to get colored in color of Hyderabad. There was a cultural fest organized by famous state artists. They sang beautiful Tamil and Telugu songs plus English ones too.

Finally, one more significant day added in Hyderabad Diary @PSOSMatIIITH.

#DAY5:

D-Day came-

People say time flies, but I must say time spent at #PSOSMatIIITH will remain in the core of the heart and root of the mind.

Now it was time for most awaited talk i.e.; PK sir’s talk. He told about his super exciting projects, works, and publication. He reflected hard work done in collaboration with his student army. His impression is like Research is to see what everybody else has seen, and think what nobody has thought.

Now it was Groufie/selfie time, yes … you got it right “Certification time”. Everyone was getting the certificate of participation in #PSOSMatIIITH from PK sir.

There are few clicks from snapshot of time-

Looking at the photograph urges me to enter in that moment anyhow and re-live those 5 days at PSOSM summer school at IIITH. I tried to put my experience in words which were never ever sufficient to defined place and role of this summer school in my life. It gave me a chance to meet with wonderful persons like Deeksha(My roomie for 5 days in Parul Nivas, IIITH), Sanchit, Alok, Arvind, Ph.D. scholar Lalit and much more. At last, I greatly appreciate IIITD, IIITH, Precog members & our mentors. I am very thankful towards Rishabh sir for guiding us to join PSOSMatIIITH. I am also grateful towards my family and my friends sp. Chhavi and Himani to support me for being in such worthy summer school #PSOSMatIIITH.

At last but not least

PK Sir,

Any Infinite loop of “Thank you” will not be sufficient to convey my humble gratitude towards you. I am blessed to noticed by you, to heard by you and to be guided by you. Thank you so much for organizing such great Life changing #PSOSM at IIITH.

Keep Inspiring, Keep Guiding!

Congratulations to you and your team!

-With sincere gratitude ~ Vasundhara Ghose

#PSOSMatIIITH #social media #security #pk #precog #IIITD #iiith #privacy #igdtuw

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whittlebaggett8 · 5 years ago

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Beijing After Tiananmen: Part 1

The massacre of unarmed civilians that transpired in the early early morning hours of June 4, 1989 in Beijing did not conclude the tale of struggling, sorrow, and trauma for the city’s inhabitants that 12 months. In fact, the murders in Beijing – some trustworthy resources say of up to 10,000 people today, as quoted by the British ambassador to China at that time, Sir Alan Donald – have been the extraordinary catalyst for a lengthy period of tranquil but really productive terror under martial legislation that lasted for the rest of the year.

The story of those people 6 months is largely untold, for 3 explanations. Very first, there ended up very couple foreigners in Beijing adhering to the massacre. At most embassies, and among the still small enterprise neighborhood, all but vital employees were being evacuated from the metropolis. Lots of did not return for months or even months thereafter. 2nd, there were several Chinese who would have dared to speak with a foreigner at all, a lot less with a foreign information outlet. The implications would have been arrest, detention, and maybe worse.

The 3rd explanation also relates to the Chinese population, who created up, it will have to be remembered, much much more than 99.97 percent of the inhabitants of the city at that time. Beijing, and the rest of China, was however healing from the ravages of the Cultural Revolution, which had only finished 13 a long time prior, in 1976. The 10-yr interval of that upheaval, which noticed households across China torn aside by inside betrayals, modern society upended by zealous revolutionaries, and traditional markers of Chinese culture almost erased from both equally actual physical and psychological domains, experienced also claimed a even now unfamiliar selection of lives, absolutely in the hundreds of thousands. Beijing inhabitants ended up not fully inured to the massacre of 1989, but they experienced witnessed madness and murder right before.

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I had lived in Beijing considering the fact that August 1987, first as a college student at the Foreign Affairs University. The next calendar year, at the conclude of my system, I felt compelled to remain extended, emotion that I had only scratched the surface of this interesting, maddening, country. I observed work with a multinational business, and then with the Australian Embassy.

Someplace there are shots of me standing on the Monument to the People’s Heroes in Tiananmen Square all through the early demonstrations in April 1989. When the first demonstrators came out to honor Hu Yaobang, the Chinese leader who had sympathized with and supported previously pupil protests in the 1980s, I was right in the center of them from the first week on.

I was in the United Kingdom on June 4, having traveled across Asia and Europe on the Trans-Siberian railway three weeks earlier, in early May well. I woke up that early morning, as did the relaxation of the entire world, to the horrific information that People’s Liberation Military tanks and troopers had killed 1000’s in and all around the sq.. I may perhaps not have absolutely stopped crying for the upcoming five days.

I flew to Hong Kong within times, where by I managed to get as a result of by telephone to South American and Spanish buddies who had not been evacuated. They implored me to provide overseas information accounts of the massacre. Even senior diplomats experienced been not able to access any intercontinental media for entire accounts of the horror that experienced happened.

I went all over to newsstands in the course of Central and Tsim Sha Tsui, purchasing up, and typically remaining offered donations of, as several worldwide magazines and newspapers as I could have. I then went to Dragon Air to buy a ticket into Beijing. Dragon Air reported that they had practically nothing but evacuation flights likely into the Chinese funds, but that if I really needed to prospect it, they would give me a trip in for cost-free.

The airplane into Beijing was pretty much empty not far more than 5 passengers sat in the significant, roomy cabin. Signals at the examine-in desk at Kai Tek Airport in Kowloon experienced been clear: newspapers and journals were wholly forbidden to be taken into China.

My hand-carry duffel bag was whole of the newspapers and publications I experienced collected. It also contained two deals of female sanitary napkins, just one unopened and 1 open up, with two pads lacking. I experienced intentionally purchased them in Hong Kong so that the contents of the packaging would be prepared in Chinese, as perfectly as in English.

As I sat by the window in the rear of the plane, I tore out write-up soon after posting of information and pictures of the massacre, folding them into little packages no additional than 3 inches square.

With each article, I took out a person sanitary pad, and opened up a pocket together the lengthy facet of the napkin between its layers of cotton. Each and every folded post slid neatly into the pocket and became virtually unnoticeable, invisible to any but a devoted searcher.

I then returned each individual pad to the heart of the opened bundle, so that the best and base layers have been both of those unadulterated. In purchase to absolutely examine the contents, thus, a Customs officer would have to not only appear in through the open up major, but would also have to handle and remove the pads, as perfectly.

An hour out of Beijing, as I arrived shut to finishing my activity, a flight attendant arrived toward my seat. Just one of the unfolded articles or blog posts was lying on the seat up coming to me. She grabbed it, saw many others peeking out of my duffel, and opened up the door of the restroom across the aisle from me. She fell to her knees and commenced ripping the papers into tiny items, pushing the shards into the toilet.

More fearful than indignant, she advised me in a panicked voice that every single time they flew into Beijing, the airplane was meticulously searched by Chinese security providers. “Even the bathroom container,” she reported, as she attempted to make the papers unrecognizable. “If they uncover anything,” she mentioned, “they will not permit us back into China.” A further flight attendant, and then I, joined her on our knees in the rest room, shredding my papers to bits.

The flight crew didn’t know about my concealed cache, nevertheless. The assortment had grown to around 15 graphic article content secreted in their cozy pockets. And I did not inform them.

China was nevertheless a country in which no one particular talked about sexual intercourse or any subject close to it. 1 of my if not effectively-educated teachers had asked me the 12 months just before why she was not receiving pregnant, in spite of sleeping in the exact same bed as her husband on his rare visits house from his career in one more province. The solution turned out to be that the approach leading to being pregnant was mysterious to them both equally.

I was betting that the Customs officials in Beijing Airport would be all male, and therefore very easily mortified by anything so carefully linked with the taboos of the woman physique. As the Customs official opened my duffel, I was about to locate out.

He threw all the things else from my bag on to the desk amongst us. He opened my digital camera, and observed there was no movie. 1 by one particular, he looked closely at my pretty standard possessions. Hairbrush, makeup, a Chinese-English dictionary, a few clothing. Then he attained back again into the duffel to pull out the first of my two significant packages.

Midway out of the duffel, he observed the Chinese characters blazoned across the plastic outer wrapping of the offer. His encounter went crimson to the roots of his hair. He dropped the offer again into my duffel as if his arms were being burned.

Hardly capable to search at me, he pointed to the other, unopened offer. “Yiyang,” I mentioned, “the very same.” He pushed the duffel back again to me, and motioned for me to repack my issues. I walked out of the airport and took a taxi to my waiting good friends, who experienced congregated jointly into an apartment at just one of the diplomatic compounds that are unfold all around central Beijing. As we drove into the metropolis alongside what is now the aged airport road, nicknamed “The Nixon Highway,” as it was designed for his visit in 1972, we passed burnt-out buses, and tanks at just about every main intersection. Martial legislation was in comprehensive swing. The taxi driver informed me to be mindful.

I was heartened to master later that yr that my contraband media and copies of it had produced the rounds of several embassies and their political staffs. 1 ambassador thanked me for possessing taken the prospect. I informed him really sincerely that I experienced been happy to do it, and that it experienced been a calculated threat. But I didn’t tell him why.

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#1989 Incident #China Power #martial law in Beijing #Tiananmen Incident 30th anniversary #Tiananmen M

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