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drabbles-mc · 4 years ago

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Fifty Bucks

Bishop Losa x Reader

Request from the babe @masterlistforimagines: Reader and Angel made a bet that she couldn’t last without having sex with Bishop for a week so she keeps “running” away every time her and Bishop get close to having sex. In the end, she lasts a week, collects her money from Angel and Bishop then finds out and takes her to Templo and has sex with her then. Oooh but I want Bishop to literally pick the reader up and bring her into templo and also the crew to hear them going at it

Warnings: language, (unprotected) sex, dominant Bishop giving all of us life

Word Count: 3.7k

A/N: Sometimes you have to write Bishop smut at midnight on a Sunday and that’s totally valid. This was incredibly fun to write so I hope y’all enjoy it!

Bish Tag: @sincerelyasomebody @sadeyesgf @thesandbeneathmytoes @tomhardydallasstarsgirl @multiyfandomgirl40 @sillygoose6969 @queenbeered @louisianalady

“No way you could do it,” Angel laughed as he leaned back in his chair.

You scoffed, shaking your head, “I could totally do it. One week? Easy.”

He took a sip of his beer but you could still see the smirk on his face, “Alright then. What’s the bet? Twenty bucks?”

You rolled your eyes, “If I’m gonna go a whole week without having sex with my boyfriend you gotta at least make it worth my while. A hundred.”

He immediately shook his head, “No fuckin’ way.”

“If you’re so sure you’re going to win it shouldn’t matter, right?”

“Fifty,” he paused, “And no getting yourself off either.”

“Ugh. You’re the worst. But you’re about to make me fifty dollars richer so fine,” you held your hand out to shake on it.

He grasped your hand tight in his, “Oh, and you can’t tell Bish. Don’t want him taking it easy on you to help you win a bet.”

It wasn’t going to be a fun week for you, but you figured it was going to be a manageable one. You and Bishop had a healthy sex life, and you immediately started brainstorming ways to get out of sexual situations with him, which was something that you never thought that you would have to be doing. For most of the time that you’d known him, you were trying to figure out how to get in to sexual situations with him. This all felt foreign and also wrong.

Monday evening rolled around and you were in the kitchen making dinner for the two of you. You felt his chest press up against your back as he wrapped his arms around your waist, pressing his lips against your neck. Your legs went a little weak as you gave in slightly to his touch.

“How long ‘til it’s all ready?” he mumbled, his scruff tickling the sensitive skin of your neck.

You smiled, shaking your head, “Not too long.”

“Long enough?” his hands slid down into your shorts, his fingers pulling your panties off to the side.

Ordinarily you would have said, “Fuck it, let dinner burn and we can order in when we’re done,” but you had fifty bucks on the line. And also your pride. You spun around so that you were facing him and you repositioned his hands so they were no longer on the inside of your shorts, “Not this time. Can you grab some plates and cups from the cabinet, please?” you smiled at him.

Confusion crossed over his face for a moment but he did as you asked. You let out a quiet sigh of relief at one avoided situation. You knew how persistent he could be, though, and you had the feeling that you were in for a very long week.

You figured that Bishop assumed that you weren’t in the mood, because for the rest of the night he didn’t push it. The two of you were cuddled up on the couch after dinner and for the first time in a long time he didn’t try to get handsy with you. Part of you hoped that he would keep this up for most of the week so you wouldn’t have to try and dodge him.

Too bad you hardly ever get what you hope for. The next morning you woke up to Bishop’s fingers lightly trailing along your sides and thighs, his lips pressing against your neck. You giggled, still feeling heavy with sleep. He pulled you back against him and pressed a firm kiss onto your jaw.

“Good morning, sweetheart.”

You turned so that you were facing him, forcing your eyes open all the way, “Good morning.”

He leaned in and pressed his lips to yours, one hand snaking up behind your neck to keep you pressed against him. You moaned lightly into your kiss as your hands came to rest against his chest. He attempted to pull you on top so that you were straddling him and you caught yourself right before you let him. You peeled yourself away from him, hating everything about the stupid bet that you had made with Angel.

“I gotta get ready, I have an early meeting today,” you kissed him on the lips and cupped his face for a moment, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he placed his hand over yours. You could see it in his eyes that he wanted to say something but he stopped himself.

After work, you ran home to throw on a more comfortable set of clothes and then head over to the clubhouse. You knew that the guys would all be there, and you figured that if you were out of the house, the less likely it would be that you would end up in a sexual situation with your boyfriend. It wasn’t completely out of the question, but it definitely put the odds in your favor a little bit more.

You were sitting at the bar, scrolling absently through your phone when you felt a pair of hands press down hard on your shoulders. Angel’s laugh filled your ears, “You owe me fifty bucks yet?”

You huffed, rolling your eyes, “Not yet. Only two days in and I feel like it’s been two weeks,” you glared at him as he sat down on the stool next to you, “You’re the fucking worst by the way.”

He laughed as he took a beer off the surface of the bar, “You could just pay up now and be done with it. Go home with Bish and get your back blown out. Fine by me.”

You laughed and gave him a firm but playful shove, “No fucking way. I’m not gonna let you win this.”

“You two all good over here?” Bishop appeared, gently resting his hands on your hips.

You looked up at him with a smile, “We’re fine.”

He leaned down and gave you a quick peck on the lips, “No beating up my new secretario. I need him…for now.”

“Damn, Pres, that’s cold,” Angel chuckled. He waited for Bishop to walk away and pick up a conversation with someone else before he turned back to you, a smug grin on his face, “Not as cold as you’re gonna have to be for the next five days, though.”

“Again, I say, you’re the worst.”

Wednesday night you were in the shower, lip-syncing to your playlist and rinsing off what had been an incredibly long day. You heard the door creak as it was slowly pushed open. You smiled to yourself and stuck your head outside the curtain. Bishop was standing there, a grin plastered on his face as he watched water drip down the sides of your face. He walked over and pressed a kiss to your dripping forehead.

“Got room in there for one more?”

Your entire face got hot. You desperately wanted to say yes, but you knew that it would, most likely, lead to the two of you having sex. But you also knew that saying no was going to set off some type of alarm bell in Bishop’s head.

“I was actually just about to hop out. Water’s starting to get cold,” you hated lying but it was the only way you could think to say no without having to actually say no. If he was annoyed, he was very good at hiding it. He placed one extra kiss on the tip of your nose before leaving you to get out and dry off. You let out a sigh of relief when he shut the door behind him.

Thursday was your only day of rest because you and Bishop hardly saw each other at all. You had to leave early for work, and by the time he got home from dealing with the club, you were passed out and he was too exhausted to try and wake you. You stirred slightly when he got into bed but didn’t stay awake for long after you felt his arms wrap around your waist. Within seconds he was snoring and you happily drifted back to sleep.

Bishop walked into the bedroom on Friday night and whistled when he saw you standing in front of the mirror, checking your hair and makeup. “Where are you going,” he walked up and snaked his arms around your waist, “dressed like this?” he kissed your shoulder, “And can I go with you?”

You laughed, shaking your head, “Girl’s night, remember?” you rested your hands on top of his, “I told you about it last week. Some of my college girlfriends are in town so we’re all going out tonight,” you gave him a look through the reflection of the mirror, “No boys allowed.”

He smiled, squeezing you lightly, “What about men?”

You chuckled, “Still a no from me, Obispo. Sorry.”

“Fine. I’ll be here waiting when you get home, though,” he kissed your neck.

The contact made your whole body ache, absolutely hating that you haven’t been touched by your boyfriend in five days. “I’ll text you and keep you updated, okay?”

He nodded, “Have fun.”

It was around 2AM when you called Bishop from your friend’s hotel room, telling him that you were staying the night with them and that you would be home in the morning. He offered to come and pick you up, he offered to get you an Uber, but you told him that it’d just be easier to crash with the girls and come home in the morning. He didn’t like it but it accepted it, asking you to please text him first thing in the morning so he knew that you were alright.

You stumbled through the door early Saturday afternoon. Your hair was a mess and your head was pounding. Bishop was nowhere to be found, and his bike hadn’t been in the driveway either. You grabbed some comfy clothes to change into and made your way to the bathroom to shower. There was a note on the counter next to a bottle of aspirin and you smiled as you read it.

“Sorry I can’t be there when you get back. I’ll be home tonight. Hopefully your hangover will be done by then. I love you.”

You were sprawled out on the bed on your stomach, half asleep with the television on in the background when you heard the sound of Bishop’s boots in the hallway. You turned so that you were facing the doorway and he smiled at the sight of you. He stripped down to his boxers and crawled onto the bed. He positioned himself so that he was straddling you, situated right above your hips. He pushed up the fabric of your shirt (his shirt) and started to rub gentle circles into your back. You smiled, humming in approval as you all but melted into the mattress at his touch.

“I’m assuming from the volume of the television that your head still isn’t feeling great?” he chuckled as his hands worked their way up to your shoulders.

You smiled, “I’m alright. I’m not that old yet.”

Somewhere along the way the massage became a lot more than just a massage. For a moment you were wondering if just oral would break the bet with Angel. But you had less than twenty-four hours and you were so close to winning. You were a terrible liar so if you caved you wouldn’t be able to hide it from Angel.

Bishop had your panties pushed halfway down your legs when you pulled your lips off of his, placing a hand on his chest. His hands stilled as he looked down at you, concern all over his face when he saw your expression, “Everything okay, sweetheart?”

You nodded, “Yea. I just, you know,” you paused, trying to string together the right words to safely derail this situation, “you think you could just hold me for a little bit?”

He repositioned himself so that he was lying on his side facing you, “Of course,” he pulled you up against him, “You feeling okay? You’ve felt far away lately.”

You smiled up at him, nodding, “Yea, I’m okay. Just in a cuddly mood…is that okay?”

He laughed, nodding, “Of course. Can I still kiss you?”

You chuckled, “Of course.”

Sunday night rolled around and you all but kicked the doors in to the clubhouse. The MC was already there—Bishop had left the house a few hours earlier for Templo. The meeting had since adjourned because all of the guys were milling about the expanse of the clubhouse with the usual hang-arounds.

You went up to Angel, who was sitting with his brother at the bar. You held out your hand, “Pay up, Reyes.”

EZ looked back and forth between the two of you with confusion all over his face. Angel chuckled, “Damn, you really did it, didn’t you? No wonder Bish was so uptight in Templo tonight,” he laughed as he dug his wallet out and slapped the money into your hand.

Before you could come up with a smart remark, Bishop materialized next to you, wondering why you hadn’t come over to say hello but instead came over to Angel. Bishop was always your first stop when you arrived at the clubhouse.

“What’s going on over here?” he asked with a curious smile.

You wrapped your arm around Bishop’s waist, “Your secretario just made me fifty bucks richer. That’s what’s going on.”

“Oh? How’d that happen?”

You looked at Angel, “Go on. Tell him. I’m getting a fucking drink,” you laughed as you walked over to the bartender.

“So?” Bishop looked at Angel.

It was written all over his face that he didn’t want to tell the MC president that he had made a bet about the man’s sex life. But you hadn’t left him with much of a choice. Angel chuckled nervously and shrugged his shoulders, “I made a bet with Y/N that she couldn’t, y’know, that she couldn’t go a week without—”

“A week without fucking you,” you interrupted your way back into the conversation when you saw that the discomfort was about to kill Angel on the spot. The look on his face was almost worth more than the fifty dollars.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Bishop was looking at Angel when he asked. When he saw that Angel wasn’t going to be able to come up with an answer, he turned to you, “Why did you agree?”

You held up the fifty-dollar bill that was in your hand, “Fifty bucks is fifty bucks, baby.”

He shook his head and without another word he crouched down, wrapped his arms around your thighs, and threw you over his shoulder. You let you a scream that turned into a laugh as he carried you across the expanse of the clubhouse. You awkwardly tried to tuck the money back into your back pocket as he carried you. The most impressive part of the whole thing was that he hefted you off the ground like he had done it a million times before, and you were content to just let him.

He walked into Templo and slid the door shut hard behind him. You giggled to yourself as he set you on the end of the table. He spread your legs and stood between them, looking down into your eyes.

“You think this is funny?” his tone was serious.

“A little,” you couldn’t stop yourself from giggling at the absurdity of the entire situation. How you had successfully dodged every sexual situation with him that week was beyond you.

He gripped your hips, “It’s been a long fuckin’ week, sweetheart.”

The playful smile disappeared from your face as a shiver went through your whole body. He grabbed the bottom hem of your shirt and pulled it off over your head, tossing it to the side. You pulled him in close to you and kissed him hard on the lips, melting into him as his hands roamed all over your body. He bit down on your bottom lip and you moaned, pressing your fingertips harder into his shoulder blades.

His hands wandered down to the button on your jeans and you smiled into your kiss as he deftly undid both the button and the zipper without missing a beat. You braced yourself against him and lifted your hips up slightly, allowing him to pull down your jeans and underwear in one smooth motion. You gasped as you sat back down on the table, the cold sensation against your freshly-exposed skin shocking you for a moment.

Bishop attached his lips to your neck and you moaned as you blindly reached for his belt. You tried to stay focused enough to undo it, which was proving difficult as you felt him sucking a dark mark into the side of your neck. A wave of heat washed over your entire body, reveling in the fact that he was touching you and you didn’t have to come up with a reason to make him stop. You finally yanked down on his jeans and you felt him chuckle against your neck.

He pulled you closer to the edge of the table and you instinctively wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling him as close to you as you could. Seven days felt like an eternity, and as you felt him pressing against your entrance, you wondered how the hell you managed it.

“You been this wet waiting for me all week, querida?” his nipped at your bottom lip.

You nodded, letting out an unsteady breath, “Yes.”

There was a smug grin on his face as he slowly pushed into you. He let out a low groan as he did and you dropped your head back, a loud moan escaping you before you could try to censor yourself.

“Fuck, Obispo,” you dug your nails into his shoulders as you pressed yourself tight to him, “You feel so good.”

He pressed kisses all over your neck and jawline as he started to slowly thrust into you, “You miss this?”

You nodded, hardly able to form a coherent thought, “Fuck, yes.”

He quickly pulled out of you, peeling your body off of his. You whimpered at the loss of contact. Before you could say anything, he pulled you completely off the table and bent you over it, causing you to gasp. He spread your legs and slid back inside you. You gripped the edges of the table to try and steady yourself.

He wrapped one hand around your throat and gripped slightly, pulling you upwards just a bit as he thrust into you. “Was it worth it?” he grunted, “Going all week without this, without me?” his applied more pressure to your throat, letting you know that it was not a question he wanted you to actually respond to.

He let go of you and you sucked in a breath, bracing yourself against the tabletop. His hands dropped down to your hips and pulled you back hard against him. You moaned as his hand came down hard against your ass. You bit down on your lip to try and quiet yourself but Bishop wasn’t having it.

“Moan louder for me, sweetheart,” one hand slid up your back and gripped the back of your neck.

“Obispo,” you panted, “they’ll hear—”

“You made it their fuckin’ business already, Y/N, don’t get shy now.”

The statement made your whole face get hot, but you didn’t have much time to think about being embarrassed. His fingertips dug back in to your hips as he slammed into you, making you let out a yelp. He reached one hand around and started rubbing circles onto your clit and you couldn’t fight back the moans that escaped you. Your entire body started to shake and you knew that you weren’t going to be able to hold out any longer, not after a week of no real contact with him.

“Fuck, baby, I’m gonna cum,” you gripped the table.

He pushed farther into you, “Cum for me.”

That was all you needed to hear. You were completely depending on him and the table to keep you somewhat upright as your orgasm rolled through you. You felt his pace speed up as he started to get close as well. He gripped one of your shoulders hard as he came inside you, moaning as he pressed his face into your back. You let out a shaky breath, soaking up the feeling of him leaning into you, keeping you held tight to him.

Once he caught his breath, he slowly pulled out of you. He gently lifted you and set you back on the table, knowing it was going to be difficult for you to stand. There was a small smile on his face as he pulled up his jeans and redid his belt. He stepped in close to you again, leaving a trail of soft kisses from your chest up your neck and to your lips. You laughed lightly, your hands reaching out to gently cup his face.

You rested your forehead against his, “I wanna go home, Obispo.”

He chuckled, “There gonna be enough hot water for both of us to shower this time?”

You laughed, your face getting hot, “Yea, I think so.”

You got dressed, instantly ready to get your clothes off and get clean the second you got home. You wished that you didn’t need to drive back. You tried to fix and adjust your clothing, not that it would really matter—the guys knew what the two of you had been doing.

Bishop slid the door open and let you walk out first. Everyone was making an effort to look anywhere but at the two of you. You placed a light kiss on Bishop’s lips and headed right out to your car, not bothering to say goodbye to anyone. They were all expected Bishop to follow right after you but instead he walked up to Angel, who was staring very intently at his beer bottle.

“Get all that sorted out, Pres?” Angel chuckled, trying to pretend that there wasn’t fear shooting up and down his spine.

“I find out you’re making any other stupid fucking bets like that again I’ll take your flash,” his face was serious for a moment before he allowed himself to smile. He clapped Angel on the back and walked away, leaving the man sitting there wondering just how serious that threat was.

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shewritestheblues · 4 years ago

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The Elevator Bae x Chapter 3

Chapter THREE

Erik x Black OC (Phoenix)

----------------

A small, tired voice wakes Erik from his sleep. His eyes shoot open and he finds Sydney balled up under his arm as their both sit on her couch.

“Your alarm is going off. Get it!” She says with her eyes closed.

He reaches for his phone sitting on her coffee table. 4:32AM flashes on his screen. He wipes his hands over his face before standing and walking to the door.

“Where are you going?”

Erik turns to Sydney now sitting up with a confused face.

“I gotta go.”

“So you’re just gonna leave? ”

“You were a good time, Syd. I’ll catch up with you later.”

She rolls her eyes, watching him leave out the door. He gets on the empty elevator to go up into his penthouse. He does his usual morning routine— teeth, face, shower and puts on a fresh pair of clothes. Black cargo pants, a dark grey thermal shirt and black boots. He grabs a pre packed duffle bag from his front closet and leaves out. When he gets down into the parking garage, the first thing he notices is Phoenix’s car parked right in front of the elevator doors. He stands there remember how pissed she looked the day before as he drove up to speak to her. Was she having a bad day? Did she see him with Sydney? Erik would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t think he had a thing for her. Sure, she wasn’t the extra type that he’d usually go for, but it was something about her. He shook the thoughts from his head and walked to the back of the parking garage to a blacked out Chevy Tahoe and leaving.

-----

Phoenix staycation was calm and relaxing just as she planned it to be. She was recharged and ready for the busy schedule for the next couple of weeks. She was in her meeting with her manager, Alyssa when Ava texted her.

Ava: Hey, let me know when your meetings done. Let’s get food.

Phoenix texted back a quick ‘Okay’ as she continued to listen to the executive from Atlantic records. The woman went on and on about the deal they were offering her but ultimately, Phoenix decided against it. She was worth more than what they were offering her. She made a promise to herself that she’d never let anyone walk over her in this business. It was rare that a female DJ/Producer was making these kind of waves in the industry. Her work was slowly, but surely becoming the talk amongst big names. She knew that women were always given the short end of the stick but she wouldn’t fall for any of the bullshit. She made it this far on her own and she was sure she could keep up the good work until someone offered her a deal she couldn’t refuse.

“Proud of you. Most people I’ve worked with would’ve taken it just to say they were signed to Atlantic.” Alyssa says.

“I mean… that wasn’t easy.”

“And it won’t get easy. Now is when shit gets real and the work gets a little harder. But the thing about you, you’re tough,”

Phoenix smiles at that. Her mom tells her that all of the time. “Which is why you’re my favorite. You’re not afraid to work hard.”

“I’m glad someone notices.” Phoenix leans over the large table.

“I’m not the only one that notices. Clearly people are watching. I mean… since you’re booked and busy these days.” Alyssa pulls her iPad from her bag, unlocking it like she’s in a rush to find something. “Speaking of busy, the opening of X got moved up to Sunday.”

Phoenix sits up in her chair, looking concerned. “That’s in two days. I don’t have my set playlist done yet.”

“Didn’t I just tell you shit won’t get easier?”

Phoenix rolls her eyes. “I’ll work on it tonight.”

Alyssa stands, “Good! Well, I have a date with my man.”

Phoenix follows her out. They hug and say their good-byes and Phoenix text Ava.

Phoenix: Hey Av, I’m done. Meet me at my place. I’ll order us something.

Ava: K.

Getting in her car, Phoenix puts her music on shuffle. Rihanna x Kanye West - FourFive Seconds comes on and she turns the volume all the way up. Driving into the street, she sings along.

I think I've had enough // I might get a little drunk

I say what's on my mind // I might do a little time

'Cause all of my kindness // Is taken for weakness

Her phone goes off with a message. Alyssa sends her the official flyer of the club opening with her picture on it to post on her IG later. Some excitement fills Phoenix’s chest and she sings louder.

Now I'm FourFiveSeconds from wildin' // And we got three more days 'til Friday

I'm just tryna make it back home by Monday mornin' // I swear I wish somebody would tell me

------

Phoenix is 2 minutes away from her apartment waiting at a red light when her phone goes off with a text.

Ava: I’m here. Your spot is open next to me.

Phoenix: Almost there.

She turns her volume down as Khalid - Talk now plays. She finally makes it to her parking garage, parking next to Ava’s car. She’s still inside waiting for Phoenix. They both get out and Phoenix rushes to hug her friend. It’s been weeks since she’d last seen her.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too. I thought I was gonna have to book your ass to hang out with you.”

Phoenix waves her hand, dismissing Ava’s joke. “Girl, bye.”

As they wait for the elevator, they discuss what food they want to order. Settling on some Chipotle, Phoenix goes to the DoorDash app to begin their orders.

DING.

When the elevator doors open, they are met with Sydney and one of her friends.

“Hey.” She says waving to Phoenix and Ava.

Hey, girl.” Ava says. Phoenix just waves and smiles.

They step out of the way for Sydney and her friend to walk out and they proceed to walk in. Phoenix hits the button for floor 7. A hand stops the doors and Sydney stands between them.

“Hey, Phoenix. This is random I know but umm,” she scrunches her face in thought, “have you seen Erik around?”

Phoenix is taken back by the random question. “I...haven’t. No.”

Sydney looks as if she wants to say something else.

“Is something wrong?” Phoenix had to ask.

“Well, we hung out a few days ago. He just kinda left and I haven’t heard from him or seen him.”

Thinking back to how she didn’t see him on her elevator rides for awhile after their late night encounter, “I’m sure he’ll pop up.”

“Yeah… thanks.” Sydney walks away, letting the doors close. The moment the doors close and the cabin begins going up, Ava finally breaks her smile.

“So… is Erik is the lucky elevator bae?”

Phoenix was confused. How did she know about this? She only told Coby and Sza. Ava and Coby only met once and they weren’t friends and she know damn well Ava and Sza aren’t kekeing over tea and Oreos.

“What are you talking about?”

“You know what I’m talking about. Your little crush that you’re writing songs with Sza about?”

“What the fuck? How do you even know that?”

The elevators doors start to open. As they step out onto Phoenix’s floor, she stops in the hallway. She needs to know right now how Ava knows this.

“A little birdie told me,” Ava walks around Phoenix, going to her apartment door. “C’mon. Open this damn door.”

“NO! Not until you tell me who told you that.” Phoenix folds her arms and shifts her weight onto her hip. Ava knows that Phoenix really won’t open the door unless she offers up some information.

She releases are long sigh. “Coby.”

“COBY! Why are you talking to Coby?”

Ava throws her head back, trying to hide her smile. “Well,” she starts before looking at Phoenix, “We’ve been hanging out.” She makes quotes with her fingers.

Phoenix’s mouth drops in complete shock.

“He didn’t tell you?”

“Hell no. He didn’t tell me shit!”

“I guess we have a lot to catch up on.”

Phoenix unlocks the door, “We absolutely do.”

When they get inside, they sit on the couch. Phoenix finishes their food order. It’s a 30minute wait. Perfect time to ‘catch up’ and figure out just how much more Ava has been keeping from her.

“30 minutes for the food.”

“Okay. So, tell me about this Erik character.”

“Are you and Coby fucking?”

Ava looks at Phoenix with the straightest face.

“Can we focus on the original conversation first?”

“Are you and Coby fucking?”

“Oh my God. No girl. Not yet, at least. I would like to because that man is fine.”

Phoenix scrunches her up in disgust. Ava sucks her teeth. “Girl, I get you see that nigga as a brother but can’t deny that he’s fine as hell.”

Shrugging her shoulders, “He’s decent.”

“Anyways… tell me about Erik.”

“There’s nothing to tell.”

Ava takes note of the changes in Phoenix’s tone. How she was just excited to hear about her love life to now being so flat and dry.

“There’s a nigga that you clearly like and making songs about but he’s fucking big booty Sydney. There’s definitely something to talk about.”

“Well that’s all there is to it then.”

Ava didn’t want Phoenix to go into shut down mode. She didn’t push her. She decided to let the conversation of Erik go… for now. To get her best friend back into high spirits, she knew talking about music would help.

“Okay, well, are you ready for the opening?”

“Not at all. Alyssa just told me today that it’s now on Sunday instead of next week.”

“You got this. Let me see your playlist.”

Phoenix goes to get her laptop from her room. They discuss what she has planned for the club. Their food comes and Ava joins Phoenix on the floor as they eat and she helps her finish her playlist. As the hours go by, they dance to the songs and catch up on all of the things that’s happened over the last few they haven’t hung out.

“Oh shit! I forgot to post the flyer.” Phoenix jumps up for her phone. She posts the pic Alyssa sent to her earlier.

Ava repost it instantly. “Damn girl, you look good as fuck on this flyer.”

“Thanks boo. I need to take some new pictures. My Instagram lame as fuck right now.”

“Let’s take some right now.”

“Girl, it’s like 9 o’clock--” Before Phoenix could finish her sentence, Ava was already walking away to her room. She follows her into her closet. Ava goes through her clothes, pulling out some outfits. She knows Phoenix and her style so pairs some jeans with a Vintage style Aaliyah Tee with clear, strappy heels and an oversized t-shirt for a dress with her Black Doc Martin boots.

“Get dressed and fluff your curls. We got the hallway, your balcony-- Oh, you know what, let’s do leggings instead of jeans so we can see your butt.”

“Ava, no.”

“C’mon girl, stop playing with me. Put this on and sit your thick ass on that kitchen counter. I got you.”

Phoenix laughs but does what her friend says. Ava does a whole photo shoot for Phoenix in her kitchen. They even took some on the balcony, catching some city lights in the background. Phoenix picks a few of her favorites as she goes through them. There were A LOT of to choose from.

“Don’t post any tonight. Wait until tomorrow afternoon.”

Phoenix just gives Ava a look. “Don’t look at me like that. I know Instagram. You’re gonna need as many people seeing it to push your face as the DJ opening up Club X, believe me.”

Phoenix just nods and tells her friend thank you. She didn’t understand the thing with Instagram. Managing her social media wasn’t important to her. She preferred to post her music and go. But she also knew that Ava knew what she’s talking about so she trusted her friends words. They said their goodnights and Ava was off on her way home.

“Text me when you get in.”

-------

Sunday arrives. Phoenix was ready. Her set was amazing, full of all of the Summer’s hits, mixed with some throwbacks. She knew just what a crowd wanted to hear. She spent the early part of the day going through sound checks with the hosts, signing contracts and networking with some of the promoters. The vibe was just her type.

As night fell over the city, she began her preset. Just a mini playlist she created to play as she gets ready herself. This was a big event and Phoenix never disappointed. She had a soft makeup look with wing eyeliner (her go to look), her curls sat in a messy, top knot bun and her nails were painted a glow in the dark neon blue. She wore black, combat pants with a silver sparkle tube top and some black Prada combat heels. She finished her look with silver accessories--rings, layered necklaces and crystal hoop earrings and of course her signature blue Beats headphones.

She steps outside with some of the promoters to take pics. The club is getting packed by the minute with artists, athletes, etc. She makes her way back inside to begin her set. Instantly, when she spins her first song, the crowd screams the lyrics and begins dancing. This night was one to remember. People were loving her. The host brought a few people up to the DJ Booth because they wanted to meet her. It got to the point where the host just shouted her out on the mic so everyone would hear.

“Yo, let’s make some noise for our lit ass DJ, DJ Phoenix Blue.”

The love made Phoenix full of joy. She was so in the zone, she didn’t even notice Ava come in with their other friends, Camren and Mica. They never missed a show or appearance. They turned up with Phoenix until the party was over.

-----

It was almost 4am when Phoenix was finally on her way home. The high of the night still moving through her body. She turns into the parking garage, noticing a black truck turn in behind her. As she parked, she looked out to watch the truck. The driver parked all the way in the back so she could only see a small bit of the headlights. Not sure what was going on, she waited for awhile before getting out. She looked around to see if she could see anyone walking through the cars. She heard a door slam… and then another one. Soon after a figure walks around the cars, going to the elevators. It was Erik. He was carrying a large duffle bag. She thought about just sitting in the car until he got on the elevator until he looked back right at her car. He stood there like he was waiting for her. She realized, he never actually pressed the call button for the elevator. He continued to stand there. She might as well get out. She grabbed her bag with her laptop and got out. Her feet were hurting. With him waiting, she felt a sense of safety so she took this opportunity to get a pair of sandals from her trunk. Erik seemed to be patient as he waited. She finally made her way toward him. He gave a weak smile and she gave one in return. He hits the call button.

He looks her up and down. She pretends not to notice.

“You look sparkly tonight.” he says.

“And you look,” she looks over him, “...tired.”

“Shit, I am.” he drags his hand over his face.

“Sydney was looking for you a few days ago,” He rolls his eyes, uninterested. “She asked if I had seen you because she just her place and disappeared.”

He didn’t offer a response. “Are you two--”

“Nah.” his words coming out louder than he intended. Phoenix didn’t mean to piss him off. The elevator doors opened and she stepped inside, he followed. She stood in the back corner. He scanned his keycard and hit the button to her floor for her. She looked down, playing with her keys. Did he scare her?

“Hey,” she looked up at him. “I ain’t mean to come off like that.”

“You’re good.” she says, looking back down. He watches her.

“Sydney cool, but I’m not feeling her like that.”

“Why?”

“I have my eye on someone else.”

Someone else? Who? What the fuck? Her thoughts went from 0-100. Sydney’s not who he wants so could he be talking about her? She wanted so bad to ask him who but didn’t want to be in this man’s business. “Well I think she likes you, so you should tell her that. Communication is key.”

“Yeah, I will.”

The cabin comes to a stop at Phoenix’s floor. The doors open and she walks out. She looks back at him, “Goodnight, Erik. Get some rest.”

“You too, baby girl. Goodnight.”

Her eyes got big at the pet name. He noticed her reaction and winked at her as the doors were closing between them. She rushed into her apartment, dropping her bag and shoes into the floor. She takes out her phone to text Ava.

Phoenix: BITCH! Come over tomorrow. I need advice. It’s about Erik.

Ava: Oh now your dusty ass wants to tell me about Erik at 5 o’clock in the morning. I’ll be there. Make me some pancakes.

#erik x phoenix #the elevator bae #shewritestheblues

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dreamgirl4certain · 5 years ago

Text

The Elevator Bae

Chapter THREE

ONE TWO

Erik x Black OC (Phoenix)

Word Count: 2k || Song Suggestions: Rihanna + Kanye West x FourFiveSeconds, Khalid x Talk

A/N: Sorry, I did not proofread this yet. I will go through it later. Again, thanks so much for those who read this. Y'all make me such a happy lil nigga. I love you lots.

A small, tired voice wakes Erik from his sleep. His eyes shoot open and he finds Sydney balled up under his arm as their both sit on her couch.

“Your alarm is going off. Get it!” She says with her eyes closed.

He reaches for his phone sitting on her coffee table. 4:32AM flashes on his screen. He wipes his hands over his face before standing and walking to the door.

“Where are you going?” Erik turns to Sydney now sitting up with a confused face.

“I gotta go.”

“So you’re just gonna leave? ”

“You were a good time, Syd. I’ll catch up with you later.”

-----

Ava: Hey, let me know when your meetings done. Let’s get food.

“Proud of you. Most people I’ve worked with would’ve taken it just to say they were signed to Atlantic.” Alyssa says.

“I mean… that wasn’t easy.”

“And it won’t get easy. Now is when shit gets real and the work gets a little harder. But the thing about you, you’re tough,”

Phoenix smiles at that. Her mom tells her that all of the time. “Which is why you’re my favorite. You’re not afraid to work hard.”

“I’m glad someone notices.” Phoenix leans over the large table.

Phoenix sits up in her chair, looking concerned. “That’s in two days. I don’t have my set playlist done yet.”

“Didn’t I just tell you shit won’t get easier?”

Phoenix rolls her eyes. “I’ll work on it tonight.”

Alyssa stands, “Good! Well, I have a date with my man.”

Phoenix follows her out. They hug and say their good-byes and Phoenix text Ava.

Phoenix: Hey Av, I’m done. Meet me at my place. I’ll order us something.

Ava: K.

Getting in her car, Phoenix puts her music on shuffle. Rihanna x Kanye West - FourFive Seconds comes on and she turns the volume all the way up. Driving into the street, she sings along.

I think I've had enough // I might get a little drunk

I say what's on my mind // I might do a little time

'Cause all of my kindness // Is taken for weakness

Now I'm FourFiveSeconds from wildin' // And we got three more days 'til Friday

I'm just tryna make it back home by Monday mornin' // I swear I wish somebody would tell me

------

Phoenix is 2 minutes away from her apartment waiting at a red light when her phone goes off with a text.

Ava: I’m here. Your spot is open next to me.

Phoenix: Almost there.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too. I thought I was gonna have to book your ass to hang out with you.”

Phoenix waves her hand, dismissing Ava’s joke. “Girl, bye.”

As they wait for the elevator, they discuss what food they want to order. Settling on some Chipotle, Phoenix goes to the DoorDash app to begin their orders.

DING.

When the elevator doors open, they are met with Sydney and one of her friends.

“Hey.” She says waving to Phoenix and Ava.

Hey, girl.” Ava says. Phoenix just waves and smiles.

They step out of the way for Sydney and her friend to walk out and they proceed to walk in. Phoenix hits the button for floor 7. A hand stops the doors and Sydney stands between them.

“Hey, Phoenix. This is random I know but umm,” she scrunches her face in thought, “have you seen Erik around?”

Phoenix is taken back by the random question. “I...haven’t. No.”

Sydney looks as if she wants to say something else.

“Is something wrong?” Phoenix had to ask.

“Well, we hung out a few days ago. He just kinda left and I haven’t heard from him or seen him.”

Thinking back to how she didn’t see him on her elevator rides for awhile after their late night encounter, “I’m sure he’ll pop up.”

“Yeah… thanks.” Sydney walks away, letting the doors close. The moment the doors close and the cabin begins going up, Ava finally breaks her smile.

“So… is Erik is the lucky elevator boo?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You know what I’m talking about. Your little crush that you’re writing songs with Sza about?”

“What the fuck? How do you even know that?”

The elevators doors start to open. As they step out onto Phoenix’s floor, she stops in the hallway. She needs to know right now how Ava knows this.

“A little birdie told me,” Ava walks around Phoenix, going to her apartment door. “C’mon. Open this damn door.”

She releases are long sigh. “Coby.”

“COBY! Why are you talking to Coby?”

Ava throws her head back, trying to hide her smile. “Well,” she starts before looking at Phoenix, “We’ve been hanging out.” She makes quotes with her fingers.

Phoenix’s mouth drops in complete shock.

“He didn’t tell you?”

“Hell no. He didn’t tell me shit!”

“I guess we have a lot to catch up on.”

Phoenix unlocks the door, “We absolutely do.”

When they get inside, they sit on the couch. Phoenix finishes their food order. It’s a 30minute wait. Perfect time to ‘catch up’ and figure out just how much more Ava has been keeping from her.

“30 minutes for the food.”

“Okay. So, tell me about this Erik character.”

“Are you and Coby fucking?”

Ava looks at Phoenix with the straightest face.

“Can we focus on the original conversation first?”

“Are you and Coby fucking?”

“Oh my God. No girl. Not yet, at least. I would like to because that man is fine.”

Phoenix scrunches her up in disgust. Ava sucks her teeth. “Girl, I get you see that nigga as a brother but can’t deny that he’s fine as hell.”

Shrugging her shoulders, “He’s decent.”

“Anyways… tell me about Erik.”

“There’s nothing to tell.”

Ava takes note of the changes in Phoenix’s tone. How she was just excited to hear about her love life to now being so flat and dry.

“There’s a nigga that you clearly like and making songs about but he’s fucking big booty Sydney. There’s definitely something to talk about.”

“Well that’s all there is to it then.”

“Okay, well, are you ready for the opening?”

“Not at all. Alyssa just told me today that it’s now on Sunday instead of next week.”

“You got this. Let me see your playlist.”

“Oh shit! I forgot to post the flyer.” Phoenix jumps up for her phone. She posts the pic Alyssa sent to her earlier.

Ava repost it instantly. “Damn girl, you look good as fuck on this flyer.”

“Thanks boo. I need to take some new pictures. My Instagram lame as fuck right now.”

“Let’s take some right now.”

“Get dressed and fluff your curls. We got the hallway, your balcony-- Oh, you know what, let’s do leggings instead of jeans so we can see your butt.”

“Ava, no.”

“C’mon girl, stop playing with me. Put this on and sit your thick ass on that kitchen counter. I got you.”

“Don’t post any tonight. Wait until tomorrow afternoon.”

Phoenix just gives Ava a look. “Don’t look at me like that. I know Instagram. You’re gonna need as many people seeing it to push your face as the DJ opening up Club X, believe me.”

“Text me when you get in.”

-------

Sunday had finally arrived. Phoenix was ready. Her set was amazing, full of all of the Summer’s hits, mixed with some throwbacks. She knew just what a crowd wanted to hear. She spent the early part of the day going through sound checks with the hosts, signing contracts and networking with some of the promoters. The vibe was just her type.

“Yo, let’s make some noise for our lit ass DJ, DJ Phoenix Blue.”

-----

He looks her up and down. She pretends not to notice.

“You look sparkly tonight.” he says.

“And you look,” she looks over him, “...tired.”

“Shit, I am.” he drags his hand over his face.

“Sydney was looking for you a few days ago,” He rolls his eyes, uninterested. “She asked if I had seen you because she just her place and disappeared.”

He didn’t offer a response. “Are you two--”

“Hey,” she looked up at him. “I ain’t mean to come off like that.”

“You’re good.” she says, looking back down. He watches her.

“Sydney cool, but I’m not feeling her like that.”

“Why?”

“I have my eye on someone else.”

“Yeah, I will.”

The cabin comes to a stop at Phoenix’s floor. The doors open and she walks out. She looks back at him, “Goodnight, Erik. Get some rest.”

“You too, baby girl. Goodnight.”

Phoenix: BITCH! Come over tomorrow. I need advice. It’s about Erik.

Ava: Oh now your dusty ass wants to tell me about Erik at 5 o’clock in the morning. I’ll be there. Make me some pancakes.

Tags: @purple-apricots @abeautifulmindexposed @lostennyc @missshae @tip222u @janelledarling @lushloaded @chaneajoyyy **If anyone would like to be tagged in the next one, let me know.

#erik stevens #erik killmonger #erik killmonger x OC #erik x phoenix #the elevator bae #shaebewriting #black oc

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lockdownuk · 4 years ago

Text

Lockdown Diary Part 7

A personal account during the lockdown in the UK due to the Covid-19 outbreak.

23/03/2020 8:30pm Boris Johnson, UK Prime Minister, gives a live address to the nation to, effectively, put the country on lockdown to stem the spread of the deadly coronavirus strain, Covid-19.

Many of us have been self-isolating for days but this latest development within the UK in reaction to the pandemic feels very serious and very scary. I decided to keep a simple diary and where better but online.

Day 181: Typing on day 182. I received an email from someone at DSM who had got my CV from Helen Proctor (she was the manager that interviewed me along with the founder) and wants me to interview for a IT business consultant role for a shoe firm (Loakes) in Kettering. I called the chap and had a quick chat and arranged it for Wednesday.

A few beers, as it’s Friday, and caught up via video chat with Foggy and Irish Mike (Foggy’s on quarantine having holidayed in the south of France). It was a late one and they were both pissed, but nice to chat. Andy and Ham were meant to join but were no shows - Ham had his sister’s funeral this week - might explain it.

Day 182: I messaged Ham - he went round his folk’s house after work last night as his two sisters were there. I have to admit, I am ignorant of all of Ham’s brothers and Sisters so he may well have meant one was Preaya in an urn.

Someone on the Oundle Chatter FB group asked about Google Hangouts (on behalf of her son who is attending college and they have online classes using it. I am now about to look into it for her. Why did I get involved. It’s 8pm on a Saturday, ffs!

Update, I researched it and messaged her - seems I hit a nail on the head and she seemed suitably grateful. Booze and pizza coming right up (at 9:15pm)

Day 183: Up at just before 2pm - I drank shed loads last night and went to bed after 4am. Faffed about but did manage my stair climb, a 10km walk and I am now making a roast dinner-ish tea (chicken breast stuffed with red leicester and wrapped in bacon) with all the veg and yorkies (I am trying to empty the freezer as it needs defrosting).

Day 184: I posted on FB that today was half a leap year of lockdown (that’s wrong, should have been yesterday). Rachel replied that it isn’t lockdown anymore. I replied that it is for me but that got me thinking - are we officially in lockdown still? Checked, and we are. Posted that on the same thread and Badger replied that the current level of lockdown has been uprated to level 4, whatever that actually means. Rachel’s post worries me - 1. ‘cos it’s indictative of the far-too-relaxed attitude and, 2. I wasn’t even sure even though I’m still observing the same lockdown behaviour that I was before Boris made his announce on March 23rd. Scary how facts bleed into fiction.

Jim contacted me today, asked me to call. I did so, he says I’ll be asked to return to work (from home) on the 5th October (two weeks). Shirley from HR will be in contact. I’ll believe when I see the email from her!

Day 185: Boris announced a tightening of the relaxed lockdown including pubs shutting at 10pm. None of it really affects me since I’m still in as full a lockdown as when it started.

Received an email from John Morton at DSM for an interview at Loakes tomorrow (Wed) at 09:30am.

Received a Facebook message from the editor at Oundle Chronicle - he wants to do a short article about the photos I take and post on the Oundle Chatter fb group.

Day 186: Interview went ok.

Called Dad and Rita to let them know that I received an email from RCI confirming that I will be back at work on the 5th of October.

In the evening, Facebook had posts concerning somebody walking round Creed Road with a knife in his hand, and the police getting involved!

Day 187: Spend spend spend. Paid my speeding fine today £357, my water bill £147, bought two new duvet cover sets and two new sheets £58, a new pair of walking boots (my relatively new Hi-Tec are leaking and falling apart) £75. Oh, and the car insurance renews day after tomorrow, £230. Thank fucking fuck I’m being taken off furlough!

Day 188: Friday and I’m going to have a few beers and watch a couple of films. I’ve been trawling through Seinfeld and am most the way through S3, and it’s brilliant. The Kramer character is mentally good. One episode had the actress who played Janice in Friends - that episode is a classic - which also included an scene whereby the cast are all exclaiming ‘Saturday night’ similar to the Friends TikTok trend. Got a call this morning about a service delivery lead role for EPM, a education service provider, based in Huntingdon. It’s a good role, very involved, reporting directly to the head of IT. But it’s only £32k pa. I replied to the email the recruiter subsequently sent to say I am interested but that salary is less than £5k pa than I am on now as a 2nd line support techie! Lastly, I am well on my way to doing 500,000 steps in September!

Day 189: I was woken by the doorbell - a delivery of one of the duvet cover sets. On the door mat was a missed parcel delivery note from Ryal Mail (I have to get whatever it is from Warmington PO) and a note from next door (No. 34) asking for me to turn my music down at 10.30pm. That’s fair enough but....10.30pm! What are they, 80 years old? I have felt low today. There is no rhyme nor reason as to my moods suffice to say I am not of the happiest dispostion on a permanent basis, resigned to being alone. In fact, I have come to terms with the fact I’ll die alone but, it seems, some days I cope with it a lot worse than others. On that cheery note, it’s 8.45 pm on a Saturday night so, I am about to launch into some beers, weed and pizza. I think tonight I’ll seek out the second John Wick film - watch the first last night - so fucking good. You gotta love Keanu!

Day 190: Hopefully the last Sunday of having an enforced no-work-on-Monday so I’m going to have a beer or two (it’s now 8:20pm - just cracked open a Bud), watch American Sniper and eat Chilli and naan bread and onion rings. I did a 12 km walk today - I recall a time when 40-45 minuts walking was enough. Today’s walk was 2 hours! I know it’s only walking but I feel fitter than I have for years; still unfit, but fitter. Day 191: Well, I enjoyed the decadence of boozing last night but it meant getting up at after midday! Still managed two walks, trip to Tesco’s in Hampton after picking up the mystery parcel from Warmington PO. It was two unknown bottles of beer for a marketing campaign I entered a few days ago! I have to not open the beers until I receive instruction whereby I’ll be joining in with other drinkers in video chat! Day 192: Smahed 500k steps for September with one day to go! Cleaned the kitchen - I’m going to do the whole house over the next few days while I have the free time since I’m back to work on Monday. The lad from next door called round this eveing to ask if I got the note. When I said yes, he told me they (he and his partner) can still hear music. FFS! I asked where their bedroom was, it’s along side mine, so I guess it’s the TV sound that is travelling up and disturbing them. Great, fuck knows what I should do if I want to watch anything after 10:30pm. I suppose going back to work is good timing..I shall be going to bed around that time myself, especially if I want to get up early to get a walk in before starting at 09.00 am.

Day 193: Typing on day 194. Only managed one walk today, before 9.00am. It made a great change walking that early. I then set about doing housework (which I started yesterday) - I want to clean the house from top to bottom before going back to work. i.e. while I have time during the working week. I did the Kitchen yesterday and the whole lounge today. It’s fucking knackering. I managed 519k steps in September, works out at 9.6 miles per day, which is good and, also, annoying. I have taken delivery and laundered all my new bedding. It’s brushed cotton lushness, can’t wait to try it. Last ‘happy hour’ of (this current) furlough, so I had beers (and a fucking spicey sausage casserole)...hence penning this a day late.

Day 194: I didn’t get out of bed until nearly 2pm, FFS. Spome with Ricky Roberts about kayaking, it sound sliek something I could take up but, I would need to join the boat club to have somewhere to get in and out!

Day 195: Sueanne from work called to let me know she’s taking over from Jim ‘til new yer and that the team are looking forward to my return - lovely. Dad called, he and Rita are fine as usual - lovely.

Day 196: Got up fater 2pm. I was seriously fucking wasted last night. Had a video chat with Fog - just checked, it ended at 02.04am and I did a lot more drinking and smoking after that. I still managed a 9.7km walk and am now going to settle down to a few (just a few!) beers, shepherds pie and watch Casino. Day 197: Quiet Sunday with some bizarre results in Super Sunday in the prem. Man U lost at home to Spurs 1-6 and Liverpool were thrashed at Villa Park, 7-2. Work tomorrow, feeling a little apprehensive, not sure why. Got to go to the office (to reset password) at 09.00am

Day 198: Back to work. It went OK. I had to go to the office so that my a/c could be enabled and password reset and t get VPN working. There were a few problems but I was back home and logged in OK in the afternoon. Saw Mark in the office - he’s lost weight and was telling me about a cycling accident - I knew about it, but I didn’t realise he had been in hospital and had a plate put in his shoulder. He also has the exact same issue with codeine as me! I am pleased to be back at work but it’s different - no Jim and Sueanne in charge is the main thing. I’m just going to keep my head down; it’ll be for the best.

Day 199: Second day back at work and I’m (trying to) crack on with it. It’s all coming back... New walking boots arrived today (I have them on as I type); I reckon I’ll be OK to walk in them with no breaking in. That’s just as well as my evening walk took me by the marina and the path between the lock, the small bridge and, especially, the larger bridge into the field at the bottom of Basset Ford Road was flooded, no way my boots will be dry for tomorrow. I did my stair climb before work, 3.5 km walk at lunchtime and then a long, second one, as mentioned, later. I want to try and do a short walk before work in future, hopefully. On the way back from the lunchtime walk, I saw the lad from next door who thanked for me keeping the music down as per the note he left, so, that’s all good.

Day 200: I’ve started a work diary, à la ENDC....nowhere as urgently required but I just think it’s a good idea.

I wore my new boots for the lunchtime walk (3.6km) and they’re fine. However, I didn’t use them in the evening, they niggled the left foot a bit, so some breaking in is required. My usual ones were just about dry enough having been sat on the radiator! Day 201: Popped into the office today to pick up my full headset dongle, did a quick shop at Asda. So, only one walk today. I have not yet managed to get a walk in before work, just the stair climb, so missed out on a lunchtime walk today since I was shopping. Did 8.5km in the evening. Bought a card online for K’s birthday. Not sure why, we seem not to be communicating - I haven’t heard from her for over a month now which, as mentioned before, I shouldn’t find as hard as I do. The card’s pretty cool though, a quip about just getting a card as a present would involve non-essential travel. Now I am back at work, I want a to do loist app. I recall a smart one that was a linear/curved affair that I saw on Producthunt but, fuck me, I couldn’t find it after over an hour looking. Then I checked Google apps and there it was (Lightpad.ai) - I was chuffed and relieved. The lad from oundle School has been trying to get hold of me via Messenger (he tells me by email) so he can interview for the article in the Chronicle. He has pencilled in Saturday at 6pm.Fuck knows if it will go ahead, the whole thing is sketchy. Day 202: First week back at work over and done. I ordered some stuff from Amazon (slippers and socks) and they offered a free trial of Prime, which is the norm, but, seeing as I have had a free trial under that a/c, I assumed it would error, as I have seen before. This time it didn’t! So, tonight, I just about to have some beers, eat pizza and watch The Gentlemen,. It was suggested by Miles on FB when I asked for recommendations. It’s been on my to-watch list since its release. I need some cheering up, I’m having a low ebb today.Day 203: Typing on day 204. The Gentlemen was pretty good. I had lots of beers and smoke and went to bed fucking late, gone 4am. Up at lunchtime. I was meant to be going up Foggy’s for a few beers and to listen to Cobblers vs Posh but I sacked that off. I went for a walk at tea time when it got dark fucking quick and pissed down. I didn’t mind ‘cos Posh won 0-2. I watched two films in the evening: Master and Commander: Far Side of the World and Official Secrets. Both excellent. Day 204: Another late night, so up at just before 2pm. 12.64 km walk! I’m going to make stirfry and watch Knives Out...taking advantage of Amazon Prime.Day 205: I didn’t watch Knives Out last night, Amazon Prime was playing up. Tonight, however, after uninstalling and reinstalling the LG app, it’s working again. But, rather than a film, I have started watching The Boys series. 3/4 through the first episode and I’m kinda hooked. Another long walk tonight (I didn’t go out before work or at lunchtime), over 5 miles. My new boots are a marvel...they’re still new - I can tell I’ve got a little bit of wearing in still to do, but, pretty much from the off, I can walk long distances in them. I’m impressed. I think, because they are so light, they may be susceptible to the cold, especially now I can walk for longer periods without hypo-ing. The snow and frost will be the test.Day 206: Bit of a frustrating day at work. I am pleased I have a diary of events to update, that’s all I will say on this potentially public diary. Had a chat with Mark about certain aspects of the day, it was a good chat whereby he agreed with some of my gripes. In the evening I took part in a Ipsos marketing test of two beers with a whole bunch of people online. Ultimately, you have to choose one of two beers you prefer and answer questions why. It’s then revelaed which beer you chose. The beer I iked best was Stella but 4.6%, I think that’s the next product iine for them. You don’t get to find out the other beer. I shoudl recieve a £15 amazon voucher for partaking. If that actually happens, I’m going to buy a pair of gaiters. My new boots are fab (although I did turn my ankle last night) but their insides don’t half attract gravel and debris.Day 207: A productive day incorporating ToDoist with work and GCal, I have sacked off Lightpad.ai (it was too cumbersome moving tasks between dates) - so I managed to tick a few things off the task list as a result (responding to Jo Broom’s voicemail, chasing an eye appointmen, for example). Tim came round and did the garden, nice chinwag. I saw little Derek the other day, as well, he’s not coping great with the whole pandemic atm, certainly now lockdown has relaxed, he’s not as social as before. Day 208: Had a chat with Sueanne today, which is not unusal, and I was asking about creating KBs...she remarked how well, and quickly, I getting up to speed. It pleased me. I am having battered fishcakes, potato wedges and peas for tea. I am looking forward to it the most ridiculous amount (it’s cooking as I type). I shall eat as I watch more of the rather excellent The Boys. Seinfeld is on the back burner atm. Day 209: Emily Folgate’s room mate at uni has tested positive for Covid19! Marc’s avoiding the pub and I am glad I didn’t pop up there last Saturday! Bumped into Ash and Dee when i walked past the vets, chatted for 5 mins, it was really nice to see them. The lady next door (38) stopped me outside to say she recently realised that it was me who posts photos to FB, and said they’re ‘amazing’! End of week 2 back at work. As I type, I’m on my first beer, about to have many more and a smoke, half way through The Trial of the Chicago 7 on Netflix. Living the dream! Day 210: Things got messy last night. Sugar levels were a mess. I couldn’t even make it upstairs at one point, laid down on the long rug nursing a big bottle of coke. Got up at around 1pm and did usual shit, now having a beer, spicy sausage casserole in the oven (and it is fucking spicy) and I’ll pick a film to watch in a bit. Posh won, 2-0 at home to Oxford, up to 4th, one point behind Lincoln.

#diary #Tumblr diary #lockdown #covid19 #lockdownuk

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xb3avisx · 4 years ago

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10/12/2020 MY GRAMS, IN A NUTSHELL

My thyroid condition may be treated but it does not retract the exhaustion I feel daily. I just choose not to use it as a crutch to neglect my responsibilities. Cause I imagine if I were to use things that I can’t control as an excuse to neglect the things I can. I would hate myself more than I already do 🤔and well, I just can’t have that.

Grams made sure i understood the importance of working hard for nice things. I wasn’t allowed pets, cause this one time I had a bunny rabbit and my grams she let it out and chased it away. I was told my whole life that I couldn’t even take care of that rabbit and that was the just cause I couldn’t have a pet cat or dog or any furry creature.

Instead I worked from age four, first there was the bakery. Kaneohe bakery, boss man thought I was the most adorable little girl. He’d put $20 in an envelope every so often to make me feel like my hard work was worth something. I used to love dipping the donuts... not gonna lie I slept on a pile of flour bags In the back and boy does my back hates me today.

I wasn’t allowed at kfc, but that didn’t last long anyway. She was making a drink and a big chunk of ice fell and cut her hand open and that was the end of her kfc career. The compensation was less than a hundred bucks for her work wound. She was not happy.

There was, the gas station up at the corner of windward city. Which is no longer there because it was sold out and turned into a car dealership. Or at least an extension to one that was already there. I remember I was stocking the cooler for her one night and she robbed while I was in there. She told me when they were gone that she was thinking a adamantly to herself for me to stay in there cause I was safe in their. Still here grams 💪🏻😕

There was the island movers job , which isn’t as it sounds entirely. She drove a route from one side of the island to the other stopping at her assigned banks along the way to collect all there daily deposits and paperwork. She’s than take and deliever them to the airport where they’d be mailed off to the corporate offices for processing. That was fun.

The multiple security jobs were always fun, I wasn’t allowed to really go along but I was told to come visit and bring her food most days. Especially when she worked at that car dealership up the street. Well lit, many cameras. Good times.

There was the newspaper business which was our biggest affiliation and longest one really. We delivered it, door to door. We sold it on the side of the highway, we even sold it door to door. The door to door sales was the shortest stint of our newspaper affiliations but it was the most fun. Waking up at 2 am daily, Monday through Friday, Saturday and Sunday.... give me a stack of 400 newspapers and one-two hours... I’ll have them folded and bagged in no time.

I remember when we dropped of George at 5 in the morning , mid route delivery , and it was my turn to hop up front and help deliver... I used to run like the wind was chasing me because there was this little boy that went missing back when I was little and being a Pisces and a natural day dreamer. Making up stories in my head was and really is still so easy today. I got it in my head that his spirit was gonna chase me or the people that had taken him lived in one of these houses I went to daily and I’d be next.

Grams worked as a regional managaer for e.k. Fernandez when she first adopted me and for years she kept reminding me that I was the reason she quit, it was my fault she stopped working her dream job so that she could be home with me. In between working three jobs , she was home alright... sleeping in her room while I made her breakfast before she had to get up for her primary job of course.

My grams, she did teach me that it’s totally acceptable to beat your kids til they are dripping with blood. Because her mother did it to her so it’s only fair she carried on the tradition. She’s taught me that in her eyes, being a lesbian is a sin and that I should die for it. She’s put me in a position to lie and cover for her many of times. Cause let’s face it, if I could live with myself for throwing her under the bus for some things. She might be facing some lawsuits and possibly fines or jail time. Cause what happens when you marry a disabled man with the intent to manipulate him for your financial gain ? Is there some kind of law against it ? I wonder 🤔 she told me my mother threw me in a dumpster cause she didn’t want me, because she wanted me to hate my mother as much if not more than she did. She called child protective services on her with intent to get her other kids taken from her and for years I never knew she did, mother always said she did. I never believed her before. I do now. When my tutu passed away, I wasn’t supposed to put flowers because grams hates her in life and felt it a waste of money in her death. But being the competitive, I’ve gotta be better than, the rest of our family mentality she had. She put flowers trying to outdo them.

Most importantly, she would make up math problems and I’d have to write sentences daily. I wasn’t allowed to leave the house until I finished this work books she made up herself. So today I’ve got pretty decent handwriting and while I’m no genius... I do ya e some basic and maybe mediocre math skills.

Yesterday I learned that the man she married all those years ago is now free of her grip and living I. San Diego with his sister and I swear I couldn’t be happier for him.

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defunctblogtobedeleted · 5 years ago

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10/31/19 3:14pm - Lotssaaaa Fet Stuff

I realize now that I wrote concerts, in anticipation of getting to this weekend in the last post, and I only wrote about one concert. Dumb.

I went to my first BDSM play party on the first sat of the month. It was wild. I went in a suped up kitty outfit but found that I didn’t really enjoy my new plug as much as I’d hoped. Everyone loved it though, I met a bunch of people and got to try my first scene! My buddy gerald and Lyn topped me for some elector play and I spent a half hour getting shocked with various metal thingies. Man, it felt like thousands of scratchy tickles. I was laughing my ass off the entire time. It was amazing. It felt like a lot. But it felt exhilarating too. And I watched some intense flogging and some medical scening like needles going through tits and medical staples and electrically conductive wire being run through all of it and then electrified. It was mind blowing. I’m definitely about the scene now. It’s like enchanting to see how everyone reacts to everything in different ways. The screaming, the moaning, the shivering, the stomping. I really like to watch rope play as well, I’m meaning to start learning it myself again. Lyn said she’d practice with me, and another girl Elyse did too but we’ll get to her later. I’ve just gotta make sure I can DO it. Don’t wanna like embarrass myself lol. Though I think they’d both be pretty understanding. But still, that might be one of my next creative projects. So I guess I’ve gotten away from it but the party at the hangar was fun as fuck. Lyn came over afterward, we finally had sex and she’s the first person to successfully convince me to wear a condom since my vasectomy 😂 Sex was sex/10, nothing super special, but delightfully satisfying. Lyn’s on the heavier end of my acceptable BMI range for partners, but she’s not super heavyset or anything. Since then we haven’t been able to hang out, she had to do some surgery and has been stuck at home. But she got some electro play stuff so as soon as she’s feeling better we’re definitely gonna fool around with that :3 So high hopes that she’ll be harem member #2. fingers crossed 😘

Lyn stats - Str - 10, Dex - 6 (currently lol), Con - 13, Int - 13, Wis - 13, Cha - 12 Hob - 16, Spo - 14, Mhp - 14, Sex - 19, Beu - 13, Sta - 10

To be clear maybe this sex stat is a little inflated, but gotta give credit where credit is due. Pretty legendary just watching her love sucking my cock for a half hour.

We were up until like 4 in the morning watching somethingorother. I downloaded the marvel movies I hadn’t seen but it wasn’t the right time to watch them. We watched some anime and cuddled up and passed out. I don’t know when she left but I’m pretty sure I slept in til like 3 or 4 I think lol.

The next day I went to durham early to see KKB play again! Hung out with Kailey and Cane and Pacos beforehand and drank a bit of champagne to pregame the concert. Honestly I was pretty fucking beat by the time the concert happened though. Like was falling asleep standing up during the show. Plus we were way in the back, the venue was way more crowded than when we saw KKB at the coffeehouse. Felt a little less romantic. But I did bump into my buddies john and travis there, that was weird. and my other friends ended up messaging me saying they were there too but didn’t bump into them. I was still happy I saw the show though, and it’s always great chilling with manu and christina and maya and pacos and oliver and rianne. I was actually supposed to switch shifts that day so I could go to another fet event on wednesday, but bailed so I could hang out with them. Despite being tired as balls I’d say it was worth.

OH MY GOD then I’m not sure if it was this monday or the previous one. But I met this thick Chris Pratt looking welsh guy at the local Fet mixer (slosh night). He kept complimenting me and said if I wanted to fool around I should let him know. Well the night rolled around and my friend had tried to introduce me to this girl who wanted to do pet play but I really didn’t hit things off with her, and was talking to this chris pratt guy about his life traveling the world and also anime. So I took him home to his hotel room, and we tried to arrange for a girl to come play with us too. Unfortunately she flaked so we sat there drinking some rum together and reminiscing on our lives and sharing stories. We decided to get some food and then start fooling around, but right then he got a call that his brother died and he’d have to change his travel plans for the week to make it to the funeral. Pretty tragic. We kissed goodbye and that was that. Guy made bannnkkkk though, I probably would’ve been a boy toy for that kinda cash lmfaoooo. It wasn’t like that. But it could have been. Who fucking knows, man.

That week my fet friend Ann came out to do karaoke with me, too. We don’t have a thing, yet. But we talk once in a while. I haven’t seen her in a minute but she’s into nerdy shit. Turns out there’s a Lot of overlap with nerdy and fet. Which is amazing for me. But Ann joined me and Terri and our friend Matt and Skyler and Jacob and Caitlin are usually there and a lot of times our buddy Jonas from emo karaoke comes too so I’ve got a great fucking posse starting to build up. Karaoke is sick. It’s like my home.

But the next weekend was a fetish fashion show, and my second play party.

For the fashion show Lyn and I had been talking about dressing up to compete, but she ended up having her surgery and couldn’t go. I still was ready to go with my kitty outfit that I had given a test run at the hangar a week before, so I was ready to rock it. Tbh I was kinda nervous. It would have helped if I found out I was the only one competing in my category, but I just wanted to make sure I looked beautiful and shit. Did the best job I’ve ever done putting on eyeliner, I’m getting a lot better lol. Actually got some compliments from the host on it. And a whole bunch of my first fet friends were there to see me!

Sidebar - I came out of the closet as bi on national coming out day on oct 11. Figured it wouldn’t matter too much, but I really wanted to. I’ve identified as bi for a long time, and I’ve been telling people in person for years, but idk I just really wanted to be public about it.

It hasn’t been a relief per se, but it definitely has made me the subtlest bit more comfortable with picturing myself in gay situations. Like there was this cute guy at the fashion show who got tied up in rope and the way the rope tied around his cock made it look huge and he was this cute blonde and I kinda imagined making out with him for a while. lolol. I think honestly it was because of my situation the week or two before with welsh chris pratt, like I just wanted to be able to DO these things without people questioning like “is this who you are?” well yes, yes it is and has been for a bit so hrmph. Of course nobody was ever questioning if it was who I am because I always introduce myself as bi, but the imaginary people living in my head definitely question.

The play party that night was divine though. It was newbie oriented, so you could only do things with people if you had someone experienced involved to help show you how to do things right. I bottomed an impact scene for the first time to see how it felt, my friend summer, one of the people I carpooled over with, slapped me around with a bunch of toys. I watched a lot of scenes, my buddy Gerald gave a tutorial on all the different impact toys and how to use them and what you should be looking into when you buy them. I did some wax play with summer and painted on one of the most gorgeous girls I’d ever seen with latex paint with her boyfriend and one of the hosts of the party. Gave her some cute leopard spots and she loved them :3 Me and my friends that I carpooled with skinny dipped in the “hot” tub. Ann later told me that she’s dubbed it the Tepid Tub. It’s not great. LOL but I was stubborn and sat out there for a while with everyone. Still always love to be naked in water, though I would’ve liked it more if it were a better temperature. And I met a bunch more people as always! I started talking to this girl Mariah there. She invited me to cuddle on her lap after my impact scene and I instantly jumped at the opportunity and ended up getting her number and we might hang out sometime. (LOL I’m not fucking kidding I’m really trying to get a polycule going, this is gonna be the hypest thing ever if I actually get rolling.) I had a blast at that party though, and I’m really pumped to go back this weekend. Should be a hell of a good time.

Sunday I went out and did a How To Kink Good roundtable discussion, primarily focusing on consent and some issues surrounding it.

I. LOVE. how much of the BDSM community revolves around consent. Everything you do has to be talked out before and after. What you want to have happen during the scene and after the scene. What kind of things you want to happen and what should not happen. It’s more than just safewords, you basically know Everything you’re going to do before you go in. Really cool stuff.

I think beforehand I played a magic tournament, and so then I think after the fet talk I had nothing to do and hung out with Jill or something as normal.

Also somewhere around here I’ve started playing some basketball. I’m actually finally working on not shooting like a moron. Won some games of 2v2 and horse with the gang when they’re trying to play. I’m actually being a little sporty on top of all this weirdness and I’m still trying to run at least twice a week. Sometimes 3. Though this week I was def lazy and only did 1. Ah well I’ll get back into the groove and shave off the last 15 pounds I want off eventually.

For now everyone is calling me beautiful and I feel beautiful and fun and I’m meeting people and it’s all so great. Everything is wonderful. I love everything I’m doing and it’s all so fascinating and weird and feels unique as fuck lol. Just when I thought I couldn’t get any weirder I definitely took another great big leap 😂

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letsprayitwritesitself · 7 years ago

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groundhog dave part 6 afternoon four

9th January.

He couldn’t keep his eyes open. Like gravity was acting on them, forcing his eyelids down, yet when he indulged in a long blink, they burned. He made himself focus, squinting into his laptop screen and trying to figure out if the mysterious characters that he himself had written the night before were actually words.

Oh yeah I’ll wake up early and finish it in the morning, Jesus, when the fuck has that ever worked for anyone, God Davey.

He really wanted a cigarette. It was Friday morning, and he’d overslept. Kind of. If you could call making it to work at 7:15 oversleeping.

It was a budget proposal for a new feature he’d managed to dream up midway through a weekend. A dry, boring piece of documentation he had to present to his superiors before being able to paint the air with his gorgeous ideas and assurances of how the feature would better the show (make them more money.) But his boss, who he’d emailed with the idea that Sunday morning, had given him a deadline of first thing Monday, giving him less than a day to get it together.

Why couldn’t they just trust him and give him a blank cheque?

Like an idiot he had let himself sleep, as soon as the words on the page started to become meaningless literally as he wrote them, and woke in a panic after five hours, pulled his clothes on and ran to the station, where he slammed his laptop down on his desk and hurriedly tried to finish the damn thing.

So maybe when Sheila from casting had brought the new weatherman over, he hadn’t exactly... noticed. Not straight away, anyway. He was busy.

‘And Jack, this is David, he’s one of our roving producers! You’ll be with him on the Groundhog... David?’

‘Huh?’ He looked up and blinked.

‘This is Jack, the new weatherman. First day!’

He tried to think. Man standing in front of him. Sheila from casting. Report. Deadline. Fuck. Fucking work.

‘What?’

‘I’m Jack.’ Jack held out his hand. Davey glanced at it. He reached out and shook it, as he did so letting his eyes drift back to his laptop screen. Was that number right? That date?

‘Hey...’ He didn’t mean to be rude. But how could he meet someone new when he was clearly tied up in this? He had already forgotten this guy’s name. ‘It’s nice to...’ That figure was definitely wrong. Shit. ‘Sorry. This is.’ He meant to say a whole sentence but the rest fell away as he tried to locate his other spreadsheet, that little attention he’d spared utterly swept away. He didn’t see Jack bite his lip, raise his eyebrows and nod, and he didn’t see Sheila purse her lips and turn back to Jack.

‘Let’s get you introduced to make-up.’

Some time later, when the report was fired off, and he had the brain capacity to think about anything else, this encounter would dawn on him as a slightly embarrassing asshole move, but not one that he really had the time or inclination to fix. He couldn’t be too unhappy if he wasn’t best friends with everyone at the station, right? That wasn’t why he was there.

February 2nd. Time four. Continued.

On his way into the square he saw Spot and a brief flame of self-consciousness flared up. Spot had no idea that they had - because they technically hadn’t... But then Davey had definitely - Christ. It felt icky. Like he had no right to know what Spot looked like in the throes of passion, and yet, as he stared at him, that was all he could think of (obviously, and it got more difficult to push away the more he tried.) Spot glanced at him as he attempted to force his mind away, and they locked eyes. He was wearing his signature glare, so Davey looked away immediately. But then. He knew, or could infer, from the other night that Spot... liked him. In some conceivable way. So he looked back up. And it felt dumb, but he let a lazy smile cross his face, and nodded his head just barely. Spot’s glare softened. Flirting - check. Ish.

He crossed to the far corner of the square, and to Jack and Crutchie.

He felt like he could recite the ceremony word for word by now and resisted the urge to prove it, watching with a distant enthusiasm that was alien but not unwelcome. Right on cue after the broadcast snow started to fall.

‘It’s snowing!’ And he let himself be taken in just a little by Jack’s dazzling, childlike grin.

‘We weren’t expecting any snow, huh?’

‘Not ‘til tonight. Thought we’d be back before it started!’

‘You think we should get a move on, Dave?’ Crutchie eyed Davey as he crammed his camera back in its case.

‘I feel like by the time we get to the highway we’ll be stuck here, this snow feels serious. You know how long it’s meant to last, Jack?’

‘It’s hard to say. Could be a couple hours. Could be days.’

Helpful, was what Davey would have replied any other day. ‘I think we should wait it out. I don’t trust myself driving us three and this equipment in heavy snow, anyway. I’ve got the station’s credit card. Let’s get brunch.’

Diner. Fogged up windows. Steaming mugs of coffee. And a giant stack of pancakes with extra bacon, syrup, and several scoops of ice cream for Davey. Jack watched him tuck in, eyes wide.

‘Never woulda had you down as the type, Davey. You struck me as a black coffee, brown toast kinda producer.’

‘Treat yo self, right?’ Davey took a gulp of his third cup of coffee (this behaviour was not Groundhog Day induced, this part was just Davey.) ‘Like, sucks that we’re stranded here, but bright side: amazing pancakes.’ Jack stared, expression a mixture of nervous appraisal and admiration.

It struck Davey then that despite his feeling somewhat... closer didn’t feel like exactly the right word, but... closer to Jack after their two nights in the bar, to Jack he was still the same kind of asshole that had been in such a terrible mood the night they had arrived, as far as Jack was concerned, twelve hours previous. He had softened this a little, by admitting his assholeness and apologising, but there was only so much damage control that could be done in a morning. Plus whatever he did would be swept away by this weird fucking phenomenon. It felt nice to try, though. And if he thought about it long enough and wanted to feel a little humble, he might just say that Punx was the best place to recharge his batteries, get away from some of the pressures of Philly, and as such prove both to himself and others that he wasn’t actually a jerk.

But he wasn’t quite there yet.

‘You’re right.’ Jack sat back in his seat, leaning one arm across the back of the booth and wrapping his other hand round his coffee mug. ‘I’m glad you’re starting to warm to Punx. I gotta say I was a little antsy. The way you’ve been talking about this trip I expected this place to be, like, a big field with no hot water and a population of twelve.’

‘You mean you weren’t looking forward to it? Jack Kelly, eternal optimist?’ The sugar in his breakfast was starting to make him jittery, and that awareness that the day was bound to be erased gave him a little confidence in steering the conversation somewhere new.

‘It’s not that I wasn’t looking forward to it! Well. Okay. I wasn’t... But I’m the face on the screen, right? Had to pretend I was.’

‘So it’s an act?’ Wow, Davey. How to talk to your coworkers 101: resist psychoanalysis. But, he tried to remind himself, this conversation would be erased. It would disappear. Probably.

‘What’s an act?’

‘The whole... Chipper, happy weatherman thing?’

‘I mean - I really am a weatherman. That part’s not an act.’

‘Right.’

‘But - I don’t know! Like, if I’m not looking forward to something, does that give me the right to just walk around with a long face all the time?’

‘Is that what I do, then?’

‘No! Come on.’

Davey sat back in his chair. This was starting to feel like a segue into a conversation he had always wanted to have with someone, but had never been able to. A perfectly sensible question, one that everyone wondered but just seemed a little much to ask. He bit his lip. Go hard or go home. ‘What do you... think of me?’

Jack raised his eyebrows at the question and a jolt of anxiety burned in Davey’s stomach. This is going to get erased. And if not... you can always move.

‘What do I think of you?’

‘First impression. Most recent impression. Whatever. Be brutally honest.’

‘Brutally? Davey, I don’t know you. Not really.’

‘You must have some... thoughts.’ This was terrifying. Eschewing social norms was exhilarating in a way but mostly just fucking terrifying.

‘Can I ask why?’

‘No. Maybe later.’

‘Alright. Can I have amnesty for this? You won’t get offended?’

‘If I do, I’ll pretend I’m not.’

‘Right. So - alright.’ Jack leaned forward on the table and studied Davey. ‘You are very good at your job. I can tell. And I’ve seen pictures of you at the Christmas party, so I know that the person who it sometimes seems like you are isn’t necessarily... Okay. I get the... impression... that you think you’re too good for the role that you’re in.’ Davey started to regret asking but couldn’t push away his desperation for the answer. Jack continued. ‘And maybe you are too good! You probably are - but what have you done to show people that you can be a kick ass producer, other than complaining about it and expecting people to agree with you?’ He paused and sat back, picking at the label on his water bottle. ‘Not that that’s - this is only stuff I’ve thought about the past day or so. Like I say. I don’t really know you.’

The whole thing felt like a sucker punch - one he knew in the back of his mind he would be happy to have heard, but - god.

‘Oh boy.’

‘I’m sorry, Davey. You did ask...’

‘I know. Haha.’ He let out a long, shaky breath. ‘So how do-’ This would disappear. He could get away with baring his soul to Jack a little, putting his pride aside. ‘How do you do it? What makes Jack Kelly... Jack Kelly?’

‘Never really thought about it.’

‘I just - like. I get anxious.’ He sighed. ‘I’m anxious now. There’s a little stopper in my head keeping me from saying everything I want because I’m that nervous about the outcome.’

‘Then don’t be!’

‘Ah, right. Problem solved.’

‘Okay, that was dumb. But what are you actually afraid of?’

‘I guess... Getting laughed at. Or fired. Or just going off the other way, like, what if I let myself relax and do something really dumb and don’t realise, and everyone is laughing at me and I’m just that dense that I think everything’s fine?’

‘You have to not care what everyone thinks! You have to, like, reconfigure your head so you can devalue other peoples’ opinions - not to nothing, obviously, but to less. Right? Like, I’m on TV. I’m not famous but I’m there, any every morning after my forecast I get a dozen tweets from - yeah, ok, some old ladies who like seeing me, but there’s always a few people trying to be assholes.’

‘But those people don’t have power over your career. Why shouldn’t I care what the people at the network think when they’re the ones who could make or break me?’

‘You should care what they think, granted, but don’t be scared of them. And listen - those people do have power over my career. No one’s trying to put a weatherman the people don’t respond to on TV. So that means that everything I do is kind of a means to try and get people to like me. That’s... how I’ve formed my personality. I mean, I’ve never really looked at it that way, but I guess it’s true.’

There was a long moment of silence as they both processed what had been said. As awkward and convoluted this conversation had felt for Davey, it kind of felt like invaluable knowledge. He was glad to have it.

‘So, fair’s fair.’

‘Huh?’ He blinked and stared at Jack.

‘My turn. What do you think of me? Since we’re playing this game.’

‘Oh.’ Another struggle against his internal resistance to being anything but placid. He could see why Jack didn’t like answering the question. It was hard. But Davey had appreciated the honesty, so maybe... ‘It took me a while to warm to you.’

‘How come?’

‘I started to think that maybe we weren’t compatible, like, in a professional sense.’

‘No?’

‘Because you’re so good at people, and I’m not.’

‘You’re fine at people.’

‘I know I’m being weird right now and I’m nervous that you’re judging me, but at the same time...’

‘Doesn’t mean we aren’t professionally compatible thought, right? The media needs introverts and extroverts - introverts to think and extroverts to talk.;

‘You’re right. You are right.’

‘Back to me. Didn’t like me at first?’

‘I thought you were cocky and - fake sounds harsh, but... Affected, maybe. A performance. The smiles, the happiness.’

‘To be fair, Davey, you only really see me on the news.’

‘Yes! So then Punx, which I was dreading, but you - I think I’ve started to realise that it is your personality. It’s not fake. It’s nice to, you know, bring the sunshine, as it were.’

‘Someone has to.’ Jack glanced down at the table then back up at Davey. ‘Can I ask you something?’

‘Sure.’

‘Do you think everyone at the station thinks I’m fake?’

‘What?’

‘If you thought that...’

‘No! Jack, I’m sorry - I didn’t mean... I don’t know why I said it.’

‘Cuz I asked.’

Davey’s stomach twisted and he felt like a dick for instigating this. It had been interesting to know what Jack thought but did that mean he had to air his own prejudices about the poor guy? He almost looked a little cut up.

‘Jack - everyone at the station genuinely adores you. You have to know that.’

‘Yeah, but if I’m fake, maybe everyone else is fake, right?’ He stood up, pushing his plate away. ‘Excuse me, Davey. I need to go take a walk.’

Ah.

He watched Jack leave, a contemplative look of disappointment on his face Davey had never seen before. What the hell had driven him to that kind of unwelcome honesty? He’d never expected Jack to actually take it to heart.

It was fine. It was okay. The day was going to repeat. It had to. He could try again.

He left too, heading back to the hotel despite it being barely eleven. If he could just sleep, work, watch Netflix, anything until the next day, it would be fine. He didn’t want to risk fucking anything else up.

The walk back was only a couple of minutes, but a little eventful by Punx standards. As he stepped out the diner a tiny dachshund sprinted comically down the street, and a little ways away about a minute later a delivery man stumbled down the steps of his truck, spilling the stack of boxes he was holding and sending the contents, dozens of cupcakes, flying down the road. Davey felt the tiniest jolt of guilt as he walked past but figured the damage had been done, and the bakery employees the cakes were destined for could probably help.

And of course, if he helped, it would probably only happen again tomorrow.

Just outside the hotel he had to duck round a woman standing at the gate talking to Mrs. Bloom - or weeping, it turned out, clutching an A4 printout that declared “MISSING PUPPY.” He recognised it as the pup that had just flown past him and forced himself to stop and mention this to the woman.

A ladder leaned precariously against the hotel, where a cleaner finished up one of the first floor windows, stretching out to get the last corner. Just as Davey got inside the door, the ladder slipped into the soft soil under the man’s weight and toppled, sending him flying hard onto the lawn. Mrs. Bloom rushed over to attend, and Davey, at seeing the man sit up and proclaim ‘I’m okay, I’m okay!’ decided it was fine to not intervene.

This stuff had probably happened the previous versions of this day and would only happen again tomorrow’s version of the day - and Davey had his own shit to figure out.

#newsies #newsies fic #davey jacobs #jack kelly #javid #ello friends its me again managed an update in less than a month this time #this chapter gave me so much gyp and honestly credits to the groundhog day writers i hella underestimated how much forethought u need #but thank u all for your patience i am still enamoured with this story even if i'm updating at the rate of a snail #OOPS GOT THE CHAPTER NAME WRONG FIRST ITS AFTERNOON FOUR HAVE EDITED LADS

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aflirtingaccident · 8 years ago

Text

Stressed Out

(Taking place in @skiretehfox‘s Twenty One Pirates LIS AU. If you want to see more of my work, check it out at @philwritesstuff)

Bzzzzzz!

Max barely felt the vibration of her phone in her shaking hands, and it took a few seconds for her to register that it had buzzed at all. The dressing room was empty save her and Chloe, and she wondered through an anxiety-clouded mind if she should bother checking it or just leave it for after the show. What if it was an emergency? What if they had to cancel the show? What would Lost Hope think of losing their headliners on the last night?

It buzzed again. Throwing caution to the wind, Max unlocked it, bringing up her texts. Two new ones. The first was from her mom. Good luck tonight, sweetie! We love you and we’re very proud of you and Chloe. We’ll see you next weekend! The text brought a trace of a smile to Max’s lips, and her fingers didn’t shake as much as they were. Mom and dad had always been supportive, but these little messages helped. She backed out, then checked the second one, from her photo partner Victoria:

Still avoiding homework?

Her smile grew wider, and this time, her knees stopped bouncing. Victoria’s SMS-delivered accusation was true, but likely not in the way Victoria knew. Max typed out a reply, making a few shaking-finger-induced mistakes that she fixed before sending the message off:

Hard to do it when I’m away from my photo partner. Sorry about having to leave for the weekend. I’ll be back Sunday night.

When the message was away, she turned her phone off and set it down on the table next to her seated position on the couch. She glanced up at Chloe, who was twirling a drumstick between blue-nailed fingers, leaning against the wall. She, unlike Max, couldn’t sit down before shows - her pacing in their dressing room was common sight no matter where they went.

Her phone buzzed again, indicating Victoria’s reply, and it drew Max’s attention from her best friend and back to her phone:

Better be. I’ve got some great ideas for the shoot. Lunch on Monday before class to talk them over?

She looked back up to Chloe before replying, considering something. “Chloe, do you think Victoria knows about us?”

Chloe looked up, brought from her mindless stick twirling by Max’s question. Immediately, she scoffed, arching an eyebrow and wearing an amused grin. “Icky Vicky? Please, she wouldn’t put it together with IKEA-level instructions.”

That got a frown from Max. “Don’t be so mean to her. She’s got a good eye, she’s perceptive, and she’s smart enough to figure it out.”

“I know, I know, sorry,” she apologized. She pushed herself off the wall, still playing with the stick, and walked over to the couch, plopping down next her bandmate. “Couldn’t pass it up, Max, you set me up for it. Why do you ask?”

Max held up her phone, showing Chloe the conversation. Chloe looked it over, then shook her head. “No, I think we’re clear. If anything, I’d bet she’s worried you’re just falling behind. We’ve been gone almost the entire past month, after all, that’d wreak hell on anyone else’s studies.”

She’s worried about me. The thought gave Max’s heart a flutter. But why wouldn’t she be? We’re partners. Her grade depends on my performance. I can’t let her down.

“Maybe she should find a different photo partner,” Max says as she sets her phone down next to her, crestfallen. “I keep letting her down, I’m never around...she deserves a better partner.” And a better friend.

“Don’t beat yourself up over this. You’ll get back and get it done. You two combined could do a shoot for Vogue with twenty minutes and shitty instant cameras.”

“Not for...Vogue. A local paper, maybe,” Max counters with a quiet smile.

Chloe just sighs, shaking her head. “You, Max Caulfield, are a national goddamn treasure, and I will see your work on the cover of Time one day. Then I’ll buy a giant poster of it, roll it up, and send it to you with a note attached that says, in giant letters, ‘I fucking told you so.’”

A very Chloe thing to do. “I’d frame it,” Max said in reply as she went back to her phone, typing out a reply:

Sounds great Victoria! I’ll see you then. Thanks for working with me, I’m sorry I was away so much.

The reply came almost instantly: It’s okay, Max, don’t worry about it. (^o^) Drive safe on the way back. TTYL!

Max didn’t even know she was blushing until she saw the smug look on Chloe’s face. “Don’t say it,” Max warned as she set her phone down, deliberately looking away from Chloe.

“Say what?”

“Anything. Or do I need to bring up coupons?”

Chloe’s cheeks tinge red, but she stands her ground. “I won’t. This time. But you should, you know, before some other cute singer chick snatches her up for life. She’s been single for months, Max, you gotta make a move or someone else will.”

“Chloe, we’ve been over this,” Max said with a frustrated sigh. “I can’t...ruin our partnership. I could never face her if she said no. She wouldn’t even want to work with me again.”

“You can write three number one hit singles, but telling a girl you like her is somehow an impossible task? I’m telling you, Max, go for it, no way she’d say no to you. Be all romantic. Go to dinner. Drink wine. Tell her her ass is looking mighty fine.” She tapped Max’s shoulder lightly with the drumstick a few times, grinning at her own words. “Oh, that rhymed! Write that down, we can put it in the next album somewhere.”

Max shook her head, looking up at her friend with a sad sort of smile. “That’s what Captain would do, Chloe. When we go home tomorrow, I won’t be Captain. I’ll just be Max. And after this, I won’t be Captain for a while.”

A stagehand knocked on the door. “You’re on in two!”

“Thank you two!” they both called to the door.

The conversation lulled, brought to a stop by the stagehand’s interruption. Max hauled herself up to her feet, brushing dust off of her pants, and she took in a breath, slowly letting it out. She then leaned over and onto Chloe, who giggled and wrapped her arms around her best friend, squeezing tight.

“Captain’s a part of you, Max. She’s up in your head, waiting to be let out to write songs or play piano or tell cute girls you like them,” Chloe mumbled, head resting atop Max’s as the shorter girl savored the embrace. “You can’t get rid of her, and you shouldn’t. She’s you. And you gotta listen to you sometimes, okay? If that, uh, makes sense.”

Max giggled, squeezing Chloe tight. “It does. Thanks, Chloe. What good is Captain without her Davy Jones?”

“She isn’t,” Chloe said matter-of-factly. “And what good is Davy without helping her Captain find her first mate?”

Max was too busy thinking about Victoria to notice the pun. Still, she appreciated the thought - Chloe was right. She wasn’t alone. “We should go. We have a show to do.”

Chloe,nodded. “True. But I’m not letting you off the hook this time. We need to talk about this, because I’m tired of seeing you blush every time you talk about her. Show first, talk later?”

“Show first, talk later.” Max took in a deep breath , slowly letting it out as she separated from Chloe, nervously running her fingers through her hair. “I guess I’m ready. Let’s mask up.”

Chloe took a step over to the dressing room counter by the mirror, grabbing Max’s ski mask and her own skull bandana. She handed the mask to Max, who took it respectfully. She’d made the first version of this mask two years ago, when they did their first show back in Arcadia Bay. It was barely stitched together - Max had taught herself to sew just to make it. It was terrible, it barely fit right, and it showed that it was an amateur effort...but it was hers, all the same. It was exciting, putting it on for the first time, letting some other part of herself out for the stage, for a performance. Captain loved crowds. Captain could flirt. Captain could write, sing, play. Captain was unstoppable, she was everything that Max always wanted to be. With the mask on, Max was unafraid, energetic, engaged with the crowds. This version of the mask was more professional, printed and made by a company that was now printing and making more of them for the fans. This, though, was the first, the original of that whole line. It held all the power, and it was uniquely hers.

She smiled slightly, a crooked one that only Chloe ever saw, and she looked up into her friend’s eyes. It was time. “Partners in crime?” she prompted, sticking out a hand.

“‘Til the end of time,” Chloe replied with a crooked grin, and their hands met, turned into fists, and bumped. “Let’s go, Cap. One last hurrah.” She tied on her bandana, checking it in the mirror before giving Max a thumbs up and heading to and out the door. Her sticks were in her hand, and Max could her her tapping them all down the hall.

Max, now alone, looked back down at her mask. It felt familiar to her, every stitch and loop known and beloved. Its touch electrified her, a hidden power woven directly into the fabric that was her own magic feather for courage. Her own words echoed in her head:

I won’t be Captain. I’ll just be Max.

...but not right now.

With a wide grin, she pulled the mask on over her head.

A minute later, she was sitting in her place at the piano on the rising platform beneath the stage, a dull roar filling the air as the stadium’s crowd waited for the show to begin. Her hands were still. Her feet, on the pedals, steady and solid. She took in a few deep breaths, then tapped her earpiece to check it. The stagehand who gave it to her was waiting for the all clear.

“Ready, Davy?” Max asked into her throat mic, nerves as charged as the stadium’s power.

“Let’s set fuckin’ sail, Captain!” came Chloe’s eager reply through the piece.

With a smile, Max gave a thumbs up to the stagehand, who whispered some words on his radio and ducked around the doorway, out of sight from Max’s position. What happened next, Max couldn’t see, but she was sure they had changed the lighting on the stage - the crowd’s dull roar shot up to a loud, excited rumble, one that shook every one of Max’s bones. She loved this moment, the stillness before it all began mixed with the obvious excitement from the crowd above her.

This is where I belong.

Her heart was pounding as the platform began its ascent, and the floor above her opened up to let her through. The noise, no longer muted by the thick stage, smashed into her, carrying her along in a tidal wave of anticipation. Her spirit, already charged by the mask, was desperate to get started. Max got into position - hands in her lap, staring down at the keys, looking impassive.

This is who I am.

The piano broke the plane of the floor, and the cheers inexplicably grew even louder, almost drowning out her own thoughts. Max was visible a few seconds later, posing complete, her true excitement hidden from the massive crowd to her left. How massive, she wasn’t sure - looking out over the crowd would be useless with all the bright lights pointed at her right now, but based on the noise and energy, it was the biggest crowd they’d had all tour. Made sense for the last stop, and they’d only get louder when Lost Hope came on after her and Chloe’s opening set.

She subtly glanced to her right, and there was Chloe, all set up behind her drum kit, looking back at Max. Chloe’s sticks were in her lap with her hands, and she too was as seemingly impassive as Max was. Max knew better - Chloe was smiling crazy wide underneath that skull bandana.

They shared a moment, a look full of trust, of friendship, of many years spent writing songs and practicing chords and figuring out just what the hell they wanted to sound like. A look that carried so much with it, and which kept Max afloat when nothing else did. Chloe was her best friend. No one else came close. No one except a certain blonde haired photography partner, that was.

Max nodded, shoving Victoria to the back of her mind. Time to begin.

Chloe nodded back, raised her sticks, and clacked them together four times as she shouted out the opening.

“Hana! Duhl! Set! Net!”

Max’s fingers hit the keys, and the crowd’s noise faded away, making way for the booming chords and pounding drum beats coming through the massive speakers. What was left of Maxine Caulfield was long gone, exiled after the end of the set.

Captain was here, and she would not be ignored.

#life is strange #max caulfield #chloe price #victoria chase #chasefield #eventually #i'm not subtle #this was fun to write!#luv the art #luv the music

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ghostofasecretary · 8 years ago

Text

hooo boy, this week. it would be good to record things that happened this week, because Feelings are happening about said things

Sunday:

attempted to plan things with the Rat Bastard. that failed

applied to Wellesley

really, really, really did not do my ADLs

watched ASoUE

decided that, instead of homework, i should…hang up pictures? spent four hours hanging up pictures with help of parental unit

and then i had a bunch of new stuff on my wall

Monday:

no school! everybody panic! breaks are terrible and no one should have one!

finished ASoUE

plans with people. talking to people. people are good

GOT OBSESSIVELY LOCKED INTO CLEANING

like. usually i am able to focus on stuff for a while and then stop, but here? no. i moved everything in my room. i went through a substantial amount of papers of me, being a dork from 7th grade til last year, and felt extremely awful about all of them

i hate throwing stuff out! it is very good to do so, but also, ugh

moved and collapsed a bunch of stuff

got freaked out by how empty and new my room is

hung up new art

got extremely pissed at the movie “V for Vendetta,” because THAT IS NOT OKAY TO DO TO PEOPLE, HOW THE FUCK, WHAT KIND OF ABUSIVE SHIT SHOW, i don’t really have flashbacks but if i did, uh. yeah.

made some rice

had a panic attack in the shower, as one does

just felt really really terrible for mostly indiscernible reasons, which probably round to “breaks: they aren’t good”

felt okay by the time i went to bed, though

Tuesday:

fuck tuesday

did my homework in the morning because brains, what are brains

hey the principal needs to talk to you and your mom! for reasons! apparently!

HEY GUYS MANDATORY SURPRISED UNSCHEDULED SENIOR MEETING RIGHT WHEN YOU ARE SCHEDULED TO LEAVE WITH YOUR FRIEND

OOPS NOPE NOW THAT IS CANCELLED

then i got to see Joe, which was lovely

we went to the best coffee shop and hung out, and bullied each other into making lists, and we talked about our vastly different suicidal feelings and how i just sort of - process my suicidal intent as background noise, not really anything, like pain, like habit - don’t feel suicidal in the same way i don’t feel like a redhead, and i showed him all of rusalkii’s “the paint pettiness” tag because it is fantastic, and so that was delightful

then we went to an art studio so he could work on photos

i derped around and read poetry and walked out on the freaking awesome porch and admired pretty spiderwebs and sunlight

and then settled in to read for anatomy

and then Joe came in and did stuff in the computer lab, which was nice

AND THEN

hahahahahahhahhahah

a girl! blue eyes, blond hair, tan skin! name of “Maddy!” came in! to sit next to me!

like, i have a couple of things that basically always trigger me and they are all pretty unfortunate. like, being complimented by authority figures, especially in private, makes me want to die. certain bible verses. people making animal noises. churches, as a general rule. but the number one thing which upsets me is people who remind me of Maddy

like, fictional characters named some variation of “Madison”? yeah. can’t read Worm because there’s a short blond blue eyed bully with that name

people with a certain facial structure, even, if i’m having a Bad Time

which! guess what! the past couple of months! i have been having a Bad Time! for a while i could not go to coffee shops without screaming because tall black haired people had snub noses, okay, it has not been a fun season for the Traumz

and, to top it all off, i don’t actually remember her face or how she spells her name! i don’t! i just remember how her full name sounded/really accurate animal sounds/wanted to be a surgeon/blue eyes/snub nose/ambivalent coloring/blond bob, stacked, she didn’t use conditioner and then she did???/had duck pajamas at one point/SUPER AWFUL THINGS SHE DID AND SAID TO ME AND THEN THE THINGS I DID AND SAID FOR HER, hahahhhahaaahah!

so. had a really long and quiet panic attack

frantically texted Joe to ask if he knew her last name, which he did not

it was so horribly triggering, mother of g-d

then she left

and i cuddled Joe a bit, and he was v calming and good, and we talked about random shit and his photos and The Future, and i read him the english major articles and stuff, and overall it was quite distracting

and she came back, and then we left, and we had a brief interaction but it was...fine

and we went down in the elevator

her sign in didn’t include a last name

we walked to the car, and drove further in, and walked til we got to the gelato place in the deco building

the ice cream barista was v v v cute and relatively interesting and recommended pen&ink for tattoos

i really enjoy Joe, he is a good bean and a good friend and Quality

we walked back

i shouted “you go, running man” at a dude who was running very quickly, which was an Incredibly Impulsive decision and then something i felt shitty about, but it was also kinda funny

and people kinda were screaming as we neared the car, so that was weird

i wouldn’t have gone out unless i were with Joe

but it was nice

and i kinda. felt shitty and lived with it, and didn’t think about stuff, and we talked about How To Comfort Ghost When They Are Dead - Joe has improved a lot and it’s nice to have these discussions - and i helped plan for Joe, and he tried to reciprocate, because trying to help other people is really hard to do well, and i really really love my friends and i love Joe and i love feeling comfortable and safe and alive around people. it was good

and i was home by 8

and my sister had moved to my bathroom? which doesn’t sound like a big deal, but also. ugh. i moved downstairs, despite it requiring a lot of leg movement for me, because she is so exhaustingly untidy. i had to force her to clean up, which was unpleasant

and i think this is when i learned about the subject of the mystery meeting? mr. Post decided i could not fully join the alum association because i am not a christian, even though he had earlier said i could! and i was never less than honest about who and what i am! and so either i could do something half baked or i could do nothing. so. wasn’t that a lovely surprise to top off my day :/

and then i went upstairs and my room was empty and i was empty

got to sleep by 9:30, which was at least one good thing

Wednesday:

i was so tired and everything was 10x harder

by lists, this was the busiest day of the week. gotta love that.

got to school at 7:15, due to my mother’s job

did classes

ugh

N, another good bean, immediately got why i was so stressed and was super sympathetic and also asked if it was the Maddy, and i hadn’t thought of that, and i don’t know, i don’t know, i hate my brain doing this to me

we had a super passive aggressive and rather inefficient senior meeting led by the principal, which exposed School Drama

and a disturbing view of how classes work, but that is another topic

i asked good questions and it was incredibly obvious that certain people were at fault and other people were acting decently and still others had no idea that this was happening and did not enjoy the guilt trip and scrupulosity triggers and, in fact, the knowledge of other people’s stupid high school bullshit

who doesn’t get their drama done in 5th grade and get super traumatized and decide to never do that again? honestly

AND THEN

(warnings for a lack of clarity in the next section, because rage)

ms. Cathey yelled at us for being “selfish”

and said we were “spoiling your reputation”

and more importantly, “spoiling my reputation. this reflects badly on me and my job.“

FUCK YOU

THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TREAT KIDS

THAT IS NOT HOW YOU LEAD PEOPLE

the only reason classes have a reputation is because you tell other classes about them

ALSO: PLEASE DO NOT INSINUATE THAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE BEHAVING SELFISHLY WHEN, IN FACT, THEY ARE ACTING LIKE PEOPLE AND YOU SEE YOURSELF AS A DIVINELY APPOINTED MEDDLER AND THUS THEIR PROBLEMS ARE A SELF CENTERED ATTACK ON YOU, AS A PERSON

you know the only person who was really, lastingly hurt by this? her aide, who spends 8 hours in her office and has her ear as no one else does and has noticeably become more like ms. Cathey in the last year

this is a fucking adult. a 30 year old woman. yelling at high school seniors about how they are selfish for attempting to solve their own, mostly self generated problems, without talking enough to the person you hear most from, who is probably being influenced by your own propensity for inefficient, ineffective, and frankly inaccurate communication

YOU ARE BAD AT YOUR JOB AND BAD TO PEOPLE AROUND YOU AND I WANT YOU TO BE FIRED, PLEASE STOP BEING AROUND PEOPLE WHO ARE EASILY HURT, PLEASE STOP BEING SO DUMB, JUST. Fucking stop.

(that’s not very kind, but at this point i am incredibly angry with her and my anger is justified, and so i will have to construct a positive case in defense of her, that’s good practice. once i graduate, though, i am asking for her to be fired)

no one came out of that meeting with anything resembling sanity

and then my meeting with the principal got cancelled

and i went to a coffee shop and hung out with The Coolest Dietz, which was pretty great

except i was, as noted, dead and full of rage and anxiety

but mostly it was awesome

and then i had philology club

and then i took a friend home

and then i took a bath

and then i figured out how to dress for prom

and then i had that kind of dissociation that’s so stark and unsubtle it can’t be anything but dissociation, where your hands aren’t your hands and your body isn’t your body and you aren’t alive, at all, really, you’re a floating falling non being in static space

and then i read someone’s trauma blog a bit

and then i talked to a person

and then i failed to do things, because exhaustion

and then i went to sleep really early

Thursday:

did not have homework done, which was unfortunate but could be fixed. also did not have headache medications.

why?

because who has the energy to remind people multiple times of your pressing need for medication

it was an understandable mistake, but also. ugh.

PAIN HAPPENED

skyped my principal while i had a migraine. that was…fun.

i don’t feel like detailing it but it went well, i guess, and we decided a thing, mostly

apparently i am “groundbreaking” or w/e

remember how compliments from authority figures in private make me want to die? yeaahh

laid in the dark while in pain for a while

got meds at 12

read about s t o y a, because why not

got increasingly horribly anxious about my freaking homework for Friday

talked to a person; said person attempted to help and had me do some ADLs, which was good

got an SD card, which was a surprise but a good one

still did not even begin to do things. SO. TIRED.

stayed up til 11, decided this was unproductive because i could not move

went to bed

Friday:

decided to go to school even though i had done nothing and was dead, because i have a fun Dr. V class on Fridays

read the German in a rush before school

went to class

went to break. oh! turns out! we’re streaming the whole inauguration! and today has no schedule! and Mr. Post’s secretary isn’t here, so we can’t ask her why!

i hate surprises

one of my two classmates is incredibly, incredibly pro-Trump

it’s so exhausting.

the other was absent

we read some stuff, it was good, the fact that i didn’t have my homework mattered less than expected

Dr. V did not actually call me and The Coolest Dietz, who decided to hang out in our classroom, quote man-hating dykes unquote, but holy shit, that was hilarious

and very inaccurate, in Dietz’s case. after he left Dr. V began talking about how he could “clean up nice” and “all the boys at our school must be blind,” which was even more hilarious

(also this saga was a bit awful, but there are things that you forgive in order to live in the world, so)

S U R P R I S E

YOU HAVE TO GIVE A SPEECH!

SORRY THAT I, THE GREAT MS. CATHEY, DIDN’T TELL YOU THIS

ALSO I GAVE YOU BLATANT MISINFORMATION ABOUT THE BANNER, SORRY

WHO DOESN’T LOVE FUN SURPRISES

ALSO I WAS GONE ALL DAY BECAUSE I WAS GETTING MY HAIR DONE, LOL

called a college b/c application bullshit

prepared for Teh Prom

was at Teh Prom

it was exhausting and i was temporarily blinded due to masks

Surprise! the person who made last year’s third quarter miserable with her wedding showed up and hugged you from behind! gotta love it!

she wasn’t at my table, thank fucking god

sat next to M and K, and M wanted to talk about 3D printing and K wanted to write notes, and it was altogether pretty satisfactory

the food wasn’t great, but it existed, so that was good.

i waltzed with Joe’s little sister, the same K, which was pretty fun

wrote a lot of notes, always a delightful Teh Prom activity

i wrote a speech in the car on the way there

THAT WAS SO ANXIETY INDUCING

it was a Work for me and my co-banner-bullshit-committee-member to divide the speech into a nice, thematically appropriate thing, BUT WE DID IT

THANK GOD

and my jokes carried! and we played off of each other! i fucking love public speaking

and the NOA thing happened

it was surprisingly not awkward, if anxiety-inducing

and then it was over

and i went home

and i was home

and i slept

Saturday:

slept for 12 hours and woke up at 11

good talks in the morning

mostly was a person

felt bad

did laundry

took a bath

cleaned my room some more

went to a tea shop, which was nice

cleaned some stuff

read about how to resist Trump

goofed around on tumblr

drank a delicious oatmeal type mocha and had an extremely filling triple layer chocolate mousse

went home

ate a lot of food

kinda crashed

talked to people

realized HEY, i feel like an automaton or a cyborg and usually that means i am festering

wrote this thing! thanks again, rusalkii, you are a delight and an extremely helpful human

now: put up laundry

slep

i don’t know how i feel, still, but i now understand the magnitude of shitty stuff which has happened. the thing on Tuesday has made everything 10x harder, even though i was able to ground and be comforted and think the past was post, it still sucked a lot. and there were other triggering things this week! there was a frankly ridiculous amount of pain and also walking!

surprises kill me so much and so thoroughly and i never remember this.

next week will probably be hard. i might not feel it. i first thought i wouldn’t react for a while, but i seem to be reacting a bit. maybe something will pop up later and maybe it won’t, who knows. it’s okay that things suck.

a few quotes: not the spring dawn: i strained, i suffered, i was delivered. this isn’t the present. nature isn’t like us, doesn’t have a warehouse of memory.

lucky nature.

(not everything has to bloom. that’s how gardens work: you plant seeds, you wait. something imperfect grows, still, maybe.)

#emotional sorting #senior year here i come #this got out of hand #the week: a recap #trigger warnings probably i guess idk

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spnoneshotsandstories · 8 years ago

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♥ Blue Jeans ♥- Sam Winchester Imagines

* the only thing I own is the outfit viewed and this story all videos and or pictures are not mine! TY*

Undercover….Oh how you hated it, but it was a must if you were going to get the jump on the vampires terrorizing Lafayette, Louisiana. The boys were in there casuals but you had to be dolled up because you were “vamp bait”, it was Friday, you were going down to the bar nearest your motel 6 to see if you could score a lead on these lamprey, overbite bastards. Y/N sighed “is this all a beauty school drop out is good for, vamp bait”? Well you weren’t a drop out per say long story short you had a bad feeling, stayed home sick a few days before winter break and went to school the next day to a mass murder, turns out it was a group of really pissed up spirits that some bimbo decided to resurrect after reciting some half-assed hocus pocus that actually worked. And that’s when you met them…..Sam and Dean Winchester.

You stepped out of the shower, your HL, purple (or what ever your fav. abnormal hair dye is(purple, pink, bright red, green blue etc.) hair dripped down your hourglass figure, tickling your skin. You got half way done when three pounds were placed on the door. “Y/N HURRY UP, WE GOTTA GET A LEAD ON THESE BASTARDS” Dean said shouting as if you were deaf. You rolled your beautiful E/C eyes“ Well Dean, when you make a girl “vamp bait” she kinda can’t just show up in sweats and a tank top, ya know? Gotta “act the part” so to speak right, and what kinda girls to vamp boys like, 5 dollar whores, sooo shut the hell up and let me work!” I said cheerfully hearing Sam laugh his ass off in the background. You smiled ahhh, Sam, your loving moose in denim armor, he hated the idea of you being bait, but it was the only way to draw the vampires out. Slipping into your outfit as quick as you could you rolled your eyes again as Dean started whining again. “Y/N, JUST HURRY UP, I WANT TO GO TO THE BAR SOMETIME THIS YEAR!”

“Yeah, yeah, I know your dying to get some blood in your alcohol system, hustle some poor unfortunates souls and end the night by getting the clap, same ol’ Dean routine” you said smirking as you exited the bathroom after fixing your hair. Sam having just recovered from your previous comment was sent back down to the floor in another fit of giggles, wiping tears from his eyes, he finally opened them and was stuck like a deer in headlights...just like Dean was. You could tell Dean was trying to keep his comments to himself because after all you were Sam’s girlfriend, cocking your hip to the side, you smirked “see something you like gentlemen”? A dose of their own medicine, if that was ever one, these boys run around practically naked in the motel and give you eye fulls like someone wouldn’t believe...not that you were complaining but its good for the tables to turn.

“I don’t just like it, I love it” Sam said growling in your ear like some animal and he was as he wrapped his arms around your waist….Don’t let his vegetarian, jolly green giant act fool you, Sam was a devil in the sack, in more ways then one. You quickly turn around and give him a quick peck before retreating for baby at full speed, Sam right on your tail, probably trying to get another or as he would call it a “proper” kiss. You hop in the backseat of baby, panting lightly with a smile on your face and locked both doors in time to look up at Sam and stick your tongue out.

You ended up at Dix Daiquiris and stayed there for two hours and still nothing, of course you couldn’t sit with the boys because then the vamp’s wouldn’t try to get you, but you were within sight of both of them if some guy got freaky. Watching drunk people failing horribly at karaoke was fun but only for so long, they were after all 100% tone deaf, not that you could talk, you never let anyone hear your voice, you sung well enough but if was a secret you would have hoped to take to your grave but you had to draw these bad boys out, so what better way then to have the spotlight on you for 4 minutes, getting an eyeful of your anti-possession tattoo on your collarbone?

When the karaoke host called for the next singer you stood up and walked on stage. “All right, guys and gals it looks like we have a volunteer, what’s your name honey?” You smiled “Hi, my names Stacy” you said with a smile and wink. “Well hello Stacy and what will you be singing tonight?” You looked and Sam for a second and took in his appearance before fake pondered for a moment then smiled “I think I’ll have a go at Blue Jeans by Lana Del Rey * Not me or my video, all right belong to Alice Kristiansen* , but do you have a guitar I can borrow, I don’t need the lyrics or background music”. I was handed a guitar and was giving a stool to sit on. Guitar in position I started singing and playing:

(Lyrics written as Alice Kristiansen wrote it)

Your E/C orbs landed on Sam and stayed as you started

“Blue jeans, white shirt”, the look on his face was like he’d been splashed in the face with cold water, and he was completely transfixed on you, just like everyone else. “Walked into the room you know you made my eyes burn” you saw his cheeks redden slightly making you smile in the song as you continued. “It was like James Dean, for sure You so fresh to death and sick as cancer” you sent him a wink, cause the redness to spread, oh how you loved your moose, he could rock your world all night long in the sheets, but you wink and the man and he’s like a blushing bride. “You were sorta punk rock, I grew up on hip hop But you fit me better than my favorite sweater, and I know” He smiled at that, he loved to cuddle, he was the cuddle monster and more importantly, he was YOUR cuddle monster. “That love is mean, and love hurts” Thinking back to all the past ex’s he told you about, but the one that hit him the most was Jessica, he still beats him self up over that and it’s been years. “But I still remember that day we met in December, oh baby” December 13, 2007 – you were both 24, after being witness to what killed your whole school you raised hell on the brothers until they took you with them, you’ve been like Bonnie and Clyde’s ever since, but you didn’t start dating Sam until after Jessica died because Sam and Jess were still together at the time and you felt bad.

“I will love you 'til the end of time I would wait a million years” Sam looked at you and smiled through glossed eyes, he was getting emotional, very typical of your favorite moose. “Promise you'll remember that you're mine Baby can you see through the tears? Love you more Than those bitches before” As you sung this, you know you both thought of Ruby, you had so much fun sticking that bitch it wasn’t even funny, not only that but it wasn’t a quick kill either, you personally tortured her for three days for playing Sam like a well tuned fiddle before stabbing her right in the heart with her own dagger...oh the irony. “Say you'll remember, swear you’ll remember I will love you 'til the end of time” Sam tried to smile as water dripped from his eyes.

“Big dreams, gangster Said you had to leave to start your life over I was like, no please, stay here We don't need no money we can make it all work But he headed out on Sunday, said he'd come on Monday I stayed up waitin', anticipatin' and pacin' but he was Chasing paper Caught up in the game, that was the last I heard” Okay so not the truth but close enough to his situation...when Sam was on his demon blood spree he left your sight every which way he could, you knew if wasn’t his fault and that Ruby had poisoned him, but it hurt to know what he had done, but you forgave him because at this point, you knew you couldn’t live without him. Looking at Sam, he looked away with a guilty look, now he was a sad Sam moose/dog hybrid...and it was killing you to look at him.

“I will love you 'til the end of time I would wait a million years Promise you'll remember that you're mine Baby can you see through the tears? Love you more Than those bitches before Say you'll remember, swear you'll remember I will love you 'til the end of time” More tears cascaded down his face in a tornado of emotions between guilty, sad and happy, he looked up and didn’t take his eyes off me again.

“He went out every night And baby that's alright I told you that no matter what you did I'd stay by your side Cause Ima ride or die Whether you fail or fly Well shit, at least you tried But when you walked out that door, a piece of me died I told you I wanted more- not what I had in mind Just want it like before We were dancin' all night Then they took you away- took you out of my life You just need to remember” Again referring to his time with Ruby, yes, yes he used to leave the house everyday to either train or drink Ruby’s blood and who knows what else and you didn’t ask, because you would rather forgive and forget then forget to forgive. Moose/dog resurfaced himself on Sam’s face and it hurt to see him like that...it really did.

“I Will love you till the end of time I would wait a million years Promise you'll remember that your mine Baby can you see through the tears? Love you more Than those bitches before Say you'll remember, swear you’ll remember I will love you till the end of time”

Pure silence through out the run down bar and then the roof about got blown off by the amount of applause, whistling, howls and any other noise these drunken idiots could think of. I wanted so much to see and hug Sam but I couldn’t not now, since I’m supposed to play bait. It seems I was rewarded when a guy came up to me smiling and ordered me a drink. I thanked him for it before excusing myself to the bathroom on purpose, I “did my business” and went back to my seat and took a drink, what ever he put in here had already dissolved, now it was just a waiting game, my time was ticking before I ended up doing something.

“Hey , why don’t we ditch this place and head down to this old warehouse about 5 miles from here” the vampire said to me smiling. Playing the “dumb blonde” act, I smiled and wrapped my arms around his offered one, trying not to throw up or kill him now with the machete I had strapped to my back, which was concealed by my jacket. I walked with my fanged host towards the exit and “tripped” over Dean’s foot. “ Oh, my gosh, I’m so sorry, me and my friend were just leaving”. Dean smiled, playing along, Sam couldn’t even look at me right now, his head was in a book. “ Don’t sweat it..uhhh, Y/N right, helluva voice you got there doll, have fun now” he said with a wink and we went on our way...after I was situated in his car, I saw Sam and Dean quickly sneak to baby and start to follow us.

The idiot really had no idea we were hunters, he must have been newly turned, cause there isn’t a ghost, ghoul, demon, or angel out there that doesn’t know what a star inside a circle indicates. Took me completely back to the nest, at least 15 more were here...not to bad. Anyways before we got to the door, I decapitated him before he could get inside and alert the others of my presence and drug his body behind a bush before running full speed down the dirt road, where Sam and Dean were waiting for me outside the car. I ran into Sam’s arms and kissed him.

He let out a sound between and growl, moan and purr before hoisting me up around his waist and holding me there. Once we parted we both gasped for breath “sorry love, been waiting a long time for that” he smiled shyly “hey, I’m not complaining”. Anyways lets roll before they find, you know, motioning with my finger as I slid it across my throat with my tongue sticking out in a “dead man’s” face. The next morning we got rid of the whole nest and just in case, burnt the house to the ground, then called the fire department anonymously to take care of the fire, vamps dead, tracks undetected, case closed. The boys and I went to a different bar and celebrated our success before heading back.

I was about to enter the room before I had an idea….a horribly terrible terrific idea. Cheshire cat grin on my face I booked it to the front desk and order a room and for kicks, I asked for the room next to what will now be just Deans room. Ran back, knocked on Dean’s door, Sam answered with his stuff in hand, getting ready to just hit the road tomorrow, I grinned at him ear to ear and pulled him to the next room and unlocked the door. Seeing where this was going, Sam grinned and tackled me to the bed. Caution thrown to the wind and soon so were the clothes, turning the tables, you sat unabashed completely naked like a new born babe, just above his groin and massaged his torso, Sam made sounds of enjoyment, not so quietly triggering Dean’s rant next door. “ GOD DAMMIT, SAM, Y/N, A MAN’S GOTTA SLEEP, ESPECIALLY WHEN WE START TOMORROW EARLY AND I’M THE ONE DRIVING” he roared as he pounded on the wall.

Just to piss him off you gave a fake moan, pretending to not hear him. Sam was snickering “your evil” he lipped to you clearly enjoying the situation. You smiled and winked at him before bending down and kissing him lightly, before traveling to his ear:

You sung gently in his ear as you continued to worship his body with all your tender kisses and touches until you drove him crazy. He flipped you over in second flat after your tender kisses started heading a little too far down..south. He growled and flipped over on top…let the games begin.

#sam winchester #spn #spn one shot #sam imagine

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womenofcolor15 · 5 years ago

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EXCLUSIVE SNEAK PEEK: ‘Marriage Boot Camp’ Star Chozus Is Concerned 'LAHH' Star Girlfriend Bianca Was Pregnant By Another Man Last Year…Was She?!

Mama’s baby…daddy’s maybe? “Marriage Boot Camp: Hip Hop Edition” star Chozus wants to know if his pregnant girlfriend Bianca was pregnant by ANOTHER man last year. Was she? Peep out exclusive clip inside….

Bianca Bonnie and her boyfriend Chozus are gearing up to welcome their bundle of joy into the world. But before their baby boy arrives, they have some things to work out with the help of WE tv’s “Marriage Boot Camp: Hip Hop Edition.”

The couple has been on and off for about 4 years, so there are some gray areas they need to make black and white. To clear the air, Bianca (who also starred on “Love & Hip Hop”) wants to know if her man/son's father Chozus is in another relationship with someone else. On the flip side, Chozus wants to know the truth about Bianca’s past pregnancy. Was she pregnant by another man?

Peep the clip below:

youtube

Watch it all play out on tonight's episode of "Marriage Boot Camp: Hip Hop Edition" at 9pm EST on WE tv.

That's not the only issue the couple is facing...

View this post on Instagram

Wassup y'all so this pic is from me last Monday when I went in for physical therapy on my knee. I wore a mask the entire time. This was the first time I left the house for a week and the only time. Later this day I developed flu like symptoms and got almost 104 degree fever. It was impossible to sleep for longer than 3 mins and I felt body aches like never before. After two days of feeling like this I went to a drive-thru testing sight for COVID-19. A day after getting tested I felt almost back at 100% with just minor headaches. I got my results back today and they were positive for COVID-19. I'm already feeling much better so I wanted to reach whoever I can and tell y'all yes this is a real virus spreading and it can take one time to leave your home and you can impact the rest of your family. Luckily I'm young and healthy so I was able to bounce back somewhat fast. This virus is really attacking our elders with weaker immune systems. If anyone is feelings symptoms like I've listed what worked best for me is steamed showers for 15 mins, drinking about 2-3 gallons of water a day, a lot of orange juice, and vitamin-c pills. Stay Safe. God Bless

A post shared by Chozus 2RARE (@chozus) on Mar 29, 2020 at 8:57am PDT

Sadly, Bianca - who is seven months pregnant - had to self-quarantine solo in Miami as she gears up to welcome her first child during the Coronavirus crisis. Her child's father, Chozus, recently tested positive for COVID-19 in NYC following ACL surgery. Yikes.

"He's having a bad spring. He had ACL surgery on his leg again. Then he got tested positive for corona in New York," Bianca told TooFab. "This week he got it back. He had a fever of 104 for like a couple of days ago."

On Sunday (March 29th), Chozus hopped on social media to confirm he testes positive for the virus. He also shared his experience and warned people who aren't taking the pandemic seriously that it's REAL.

"I developed flu like symptoms and got almost 104 degree fever. After two days of feeling like this I went to a drive-thru testing sight for COVID-19. A day after getting tested I felt almost back at 100% with just minor headaches. I got my results back today and they were positive for COVID-19."

He continued, "Yes this is a real virus spreading and it can take one time to leave your home and you can impact the rest of your family."

Baby & Me 3rd @tiktok_us #canttouchthis #Quarantine #COVIDー19 #Pregnant #Belly #Dance #Fun pic.twitter.com/L17xGaFjNi

— Bianca Bonnie (@BIANCAisKING) April 1, 2020

The "Chicken Noodle Soup" rapper said she's taking precautions to keep her baby and herself safe.

"I don't trust it. We don't have a cure, right? We don't have a vaccine for it," Bianca began, adding how Chozus tried to alleviate the situation by telling her he won't be able to get the disease again. "But I'm like... that doesn't mean I can't get it or the baby can't get it. I don't know. I don't know the details. Obviously, if we knew everything, we wouldn't be trapped in the house still."

"People are dying left and right and I just think that June is very close," Bianca continued. "It's 2 months and I don't think the baby is going to be able to handle anything. I just don't know. I can't call it, so I want to play it safe."

On top of stress from COVID-19, the couple is unsure about their relationship status going forward.

"Me and his relationship is complicated," explained Bianca. "We are just still trying to get it together. It's a lot. We are taking it one day at a time, basically. We try to get on the same page, but it's just a lot of work we gotta do still."

Baby & Me 2nd @tiktok_us #BoredintheHouse #Quarantine #COVIDー19 #Pregnant #Belly #Dance #Fun pic.twitter.com/QKjfAYkv2X

— Bianca Bonnie (@BIANCAisKING) April 1, 2020

Right now, she's trying to keep a positive attitude. She's working on new music that she plans to drop later this year.

"I have to be optimistic in these times," she admitted. "I'm gonna drop a song on Mother's Day, like a single on iTunes. But I probably won't put my other project out 'til July now."

Next week, Bianca will host a virtual baby shower to celebrate her baby boy's arrival:

pic.twitter.com/uFeAhN4X7a

— Bianca Bonnie (@BIANCAisKING) April 2, 2020

Congrats to the couple!

Photos: WE tv screenshot

[Read More ...] source http://theybf.com/2020/04/02/exclusive-sneak-peek-%E2%80%98marriage-boot-camp%E2%80%99-star-chozus-is-concerned-girlfriend-bianca-was-

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marketinggangster · 8 years ago

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How I Lost 41 Pounds - My Weight loss Journey

New Post has been published on http://thomaswooldridge.com/lost-41-pounds-weight-loss-journey/

How I Lost 41 Pounds - My Weight loss Journey

I have been overweight for many years now. According to some medical experts I have become Obese.

The biggest weight I ever had was about 246 pounds and at 5’9″ was not a good fit for me.

My health was going down and I had to make a change or I will be held hostage in my own body.

What I am going to explain to you is how I got started and finally how I ended up using the Keto diet.

Like I said earlier I balloned to nearly 250 pounds and knew I had to fix it. I really hated to see myself in photos. Don’t let me be in the middle or front and I look like a giant compared to others. My face and head looked like it can take over the whole entire photo!

The strange thing is that you become comfortable with who you are and then you start to neglect whats important in life. I’ve become complacent with who I was.

Last December 2016 I was signing up for life insurance. One of the requirements was too off course get a blood test and speak a with a traveling nurse. I had to get the life insurance updated and getting this medical test was inevitable.

I told my insurance person to try to delay it out so I can drastically improve my health. He gave me two weeks.

Not sure what I can do in two weeks but I was able to loose about 20 pounds since the beginning of the year. During the month of December I was about 235 pounds. Exactly one year before that I got sick and caught walking pneumonia. I was in bed sick for nearly 1 week. During that time I was able to drop my weight to 221! But slowly I was able regain the weight back up.

What I did to bring my weight back down to 235 was simply Calorie in and Calorie Out. CICO

Basically I would eat around 2,000 calories for the work week Monday to Friday and then Cheat meals over the weekend. Eat anything I wanted!

The way I controlled my calories is by doing Sunday Meal Prep. Basically I purchased all my food bulk and make everything on Sunday. I would be cooking Beef Pot Roast in the slow cooker and at the same time baking chicken in the oven. On top of that I would have all four pots cooking on the stove of various vegetables stewing.

The strange thing is that you become comfortable with who you are and then you start to neglect whats… Click To Tweet

In the sink would be full of vegetables like Kale, Spinach, Celery, and carrots all being in the process of chopping up.

Sunday Meal Prep. Photo From Strictly Fitness Meal Preps

Start putting things in little sandwich baggies and Tupperware. Some was packed into the freezer for ready made dinner meals. I even got really good at making Mason Jar Salads.

Here were a few problems that I was having for this setup. Yes I did loose the weight but this Sunday Meal Prep was taking too much time (8 hours at times) and I was eating way too much on my cheat days.

But now back to 2 weeks before I get my medical exam for insurance.

Started thinking about what I can do to loose the weight and get back healthy again.

I started thinking back to what I did while I was sick. Didn’t have an appetite and thought about basically fasting my weight. Had no clue to what my weight should be to get the prefered weight but just went at.

It was difficult and failed miserably but I will say I did loose 4 pounds,, haha

Needless to say 5’9″ at 231 pounds still was considered obese. There was some good results. Most of my blood tests were in the normal range just my weight was too high.

Now fast forward to Christmas 2016 and I was taking a long drive to my in laws (About 3 hours) after I got out of the car my ankles were swollen to the point that I couldn’t bend them anymore!

I was concerned,, was this a diebties? Was this an illness?

Did some research and found out that this was pretty normal for people sitting for a long period of time. But normal for unhealthy obese individuals

TIME FOR A CHANGE

I did what people normally do in the month of January when it comes to my weight loss. Join a Gym.

I ended up picking a gym that I was on my way to work. That was Planet Fitness. It was only $10 a month well more like $15 a month if you add that annual fee they charge.

The first few weeks I was focused at going to the gym every day. It was great but the problem was it didn’t last. Waking up an hour early to head to the gym was not all to fun for me. I rather go to work early then waking up earlier than I normally should do.

Something had to change

FOCUS on DIET

I was listening to a Tim Ferris Podcast about the legendary music producer Rick Rubin. He talked about the amount of weight he loss (Over 200 pounds) just by focusing on diet first. Basically he and Tim mentioned that before you start exercising you need to figure out your diet.

The first process you need to correct is choosing the right kind of diet. Once you become discplined then adding exercises will be much easier. Too many people fail because they try to do both. Technically you don’t need to exercise to loose weight. You could lose weight by sitting in the bed all day. Hence that time few years ago when I got pneumonia.

So I started cutting my calories in half and reduced the cheat days from all weekend to just one day. Increased my vegetable greens and reduced my sugar/carb intake.

Focus on your Diet before you start exercising to lose weight #diet Click To Tweet

Mindset training

Fast forward to February 2017, My weight loss is slowly getting traction but still not like what I wanted. Still was hovering around 230 pounds. I stumbled across a Youtube video about a guy named Wim Hof. This guy has broken bunch of Guinness Book of records

Wim Hoff did things like swim under artic ice cold water, hike up Mount Everset with his shirt off, marathon run across the Sahara desert without drinking any water.

The man is a super human but he explained what he did ANYONE can do. Simply just by doing his breathing method and Ice cold shower exercises.

I did it and I was hooked the very first time. Cold showers was tough but took some time to get use to. The biggest benefit of Cold Shower is that it burns FAT!

After breathing I would meditate for another 5 minutes and sometimes would fall asleep and wake up totally refreshed. I typically do these sessions right before or after noon.

Cold Showers burn FAT #wimhof Click To Tweet

You Gotta establish goals

I started to realize that I need to create goals and speak about them daily in order for me to get on the correct traction. This is what I learned while listening to Earl Nightingales the “Strangest Secret”.

What I did is put my target weight loss every Friday. What I did was put my target weight for the summer. On June I wanted to be under 200 pounds. I counted the number of weeks and subtracted the amount of weight I had to loose.

The number I came up with was to loose 2 pounds a week. My goal was so much clearer now. I just need to loose 2 pounds a week! How simple was that. I couldn’t believe that just simply putting my goal on paper made it so much easy.

My Daily Routine.

Every Morning I would print my daily schedule and write all my tasks of the day. I used this method while listing to a podcast about Deep Work. What I did added what tasks I was going to do at what hour of my time.

At same time I would journal about my weight. Every morning I would weigh myself and journal about it on my daily schedule. Typically it was something like. This morning I weight X and getting close to my target weight loss of X. I will walk an extra mile during my lunch break to burn some extra calories. Etc etc etc.

This helped me become highly productive and more focus.

Another Hit on my health

I had some serious issues with my teeth. I absolutely hated going to the dentist. Also it didn’t help that I didn’t have any dental insurance. My fillings in my back molars had fell out last summer of 2016. I can bare the pain and my gums got little tougher. Only issues was that it was constantly irritating that food would get caught and I would constantly pick and my teeth to remove it.

One day during lunch I felt like again food was caught between my teeth. Not having any toothpicks I broke of a tip of a plastic fork. Used it to Jam it between my tooth and then blood started gushing out my mouth.

I cracked my tooth right off!. I immediately went to the dentist.

The dentist was like “hey we haven’t seen you in 4 years! How is it going” Yea they was funny, but they said my records showed that I had high blood pressure and before they worked on me they had to check it.

The hygenist took my blood pressure and it was like 175/130! I explained to them that I was just shocked of the broken tooth but they refused to work on me without a note from my doctor that it would be ok.

The doctor still looked my teeth and said it does need to pulled because of the decay but can wait til I get my blood pressure back down.

Drastic Change was needed

http://gty.im/590010056

I stumbled across a diet I never heard off and it was called the Keto Diet. Basically you have to eat FAT. It was very similar to Atkins diet which I heard of but it was all about the protein. Keto was all about FAT and low Carbs and sugar.

This is what I gotta try out.

Good news is that the first week on the diet was like WHOOOSH. Lost a lot weight but it was going up an down. The keto diet in the beginning is basically losing lots of water weight.

I am not going to lie that the first three weeks was very tough. Eliminating carbs and sugar was very hard to transition. I was like a crack head trying to go cold turkey. I felt like Pookie in the movie New Jack City

What I had to do is replenish my body with the right electrolytes. Even made my own recipe of Lite Salt, Magnesium, Himalayan pink salt, and lemon juice.

I kept pushing and now finally became Fat adapted. Basically I had reduced the use of insulin in my body and use my stored FAT as energy rather than carbs and sugar.

It’s not the end but still the beginning

I am still learning new methods to tweek my daily ritual. Started adding Bullet Journal and Intermittent fasting to my regime. Who knows what else I will be adding but that is my journey.

So far as May 7th, 2017 I can say that My mind is so much clearer and my body is burning fat everyday. This morning I weighed myself and got 205 pounds. That is almost 41 pounds in over 1 year.

Lets Review my Method AKA TWOOL9 STACKING Method

Focus on Diet first (Not heavy exercise)

Mindset Training (Wim Hof method and Meditation)

Establish Goals and Keep track by using Bullet Journaling

Daily Cold Showers

Add Exercises.

Here is my Open Source Weight Tracker for Public Viewing https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1_XkvFXVAazjF4n2xPr4RdJ20sEf-6fKi3Z85a1wzV3U/edit?usp=sharing

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1HpV6E4bnFghRp3zFUpDu2IbDV12aJcb2Cp009BtJXHo/edit?usp=sharing

Make sure you subscribe to email and keep in touch with my journey.

Here is a video of how i got started.

youtube

#diet #keto #keto diet #mindset #weight loss #wim hoff

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madisonemeryofficial · 8 years ago

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Friday, April 7, 2017

My Dearest Madison,

Happy Friday!! It was a good last day of training.

I went home for a little bit after work and Daddy was home. He took today off and is going to a concert tonight. He was painting the fence since it was the wrong color according to the association where we live. We went for a little walk outside and you went up this huge hill and I almost fell trying to go up after you so I had to call Daddy to come get you. lol

I finally got my schedule and I’m working Sunday so I won’t be able to take Daddy to the airport. Grams is gonna watch you until I get off. I’ll be off Monday though and Miss Taylor is flying in. I have to get help from various people this week since Daddy will be in Florida for his GM conference this week.

I am very proud of you because you stayed dry all night!! You used the potty 4 times!!! What a big girl!! I got your pictures from school, so now I gotta order them! They came out soooo cute!!! You are even smiling and posing!! WHAT is their secret? Daddy said you were probably trying to show off for your friends, but I mean if you did that at auditions you would get every one of them!! I can’t wait to order them! :)

I was super tired today since I only had 4 hours of sleep, but I still stayed up til midnight because I wanted to watch my movie after you went to bed. Hopefully you sleep in a little. :) I love you pumpkin!

Mommy

#madison emery #my dearest madison #dearest madison #letters to my daughter #2 years 125 days

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defunctblogtobedeleted · 7 years ago

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6/11/17, 1:41am - post vacation

It’s been two weeks since I last wrote. Goddamn it feels like months.

The day after saturday.... So Sunday my family shows up at my place, mom immediately starts going through my shit until I start yelling and smacking her on the back of the head. Definitely not a good note to start off on.

The trip was pretty fucking great. Idk if they’re highlights but I just wanna ramble off a bunch of memories. Ate at Cracker Barrel on the way down because Trusten always felt left out when me and Tessa would go eat there with my dad. Little did he know that was my least favorite place he would take us, but it was a nice dinner nonetheless lmao. The subject of my vasectomy became a huge topic all trip, partially because I had to bring up trying to keep my shit from getting infected whenever we would go swimming. Immediately jumped into the beach though it was fantastic. The water was beautifully clear and so warm, like taking a bath. Got to know my cousins a lot better. Christina is great, but also made me happy I’m not about to have a kid at my age. Got to see my aunts and stuff too, I can’t rag on her too hard because one has cancer, but they were talking about some pseudo-spiritualism-science for a long time and I just had to smile and keep my mouth shut for a while. “I’ve read it takes 48 days for the spirit of the deceased to reach the heavens. And it takes 48 days for a developing baby to be imbued with the spirit. Coincidence??” yeah idk lmfao. Great dance party with the fam though lol. Tessa’s looking unhealthily skinny but tremendously happy. I’m glad she’s back and done with her crazy dieting. Puts me to shame, tbh. Kinda makes me want to go a little harder and finish trimming off my fat but I’ve got more healthy plans I’m gonna start working on I think. Saw danni and her new gf, she cut my hair and gave me a new dye job. Was frustrated that I had to have so much cut off because I wanted to keep growing it out, but it Does look pretty fucking great and I have faith in her regardless lol. Smoked with her and grandpa and mom and talked about a whole bunch of shit. Tried to explain about how I treasure my personal time way more than investing my time into growing my wealth, had to try and do it without giving him shit for spending all his time trying to make money and not having any of it left to himself after the divorce. Also asked if he was gay and he said nah so that puts that to bed lmaooo. we went out to the Keys and that was kind of a disaster. I always kinda romanticized the thought of them when I was a kid, remembering like bright white sandy beaches and beautiful water, but there’s actually not much of that at all down there. The beach we went to smelt like rot. It was beautiful but covered in seagrass and very shallow, me and tessa and tav and trusten had a nice time of swimming against the current together joking about shit. Made a nice dinner of fried salmon and asparagus for my little brothers. Felt nice to cook again, should probably do more of that. Things boiled over with my mom when she kept fucking with the other food I picked out for us. Wasted a whole pack of bacon out of spite and so I flipped shit and decided I was done with them. Spent a day playing video games and tanning and laying around, was probably best to heal up my nuts anyway lol. We left the keys a day early because of it, but not before we got to watch this tenacious D video that they had. No wifi lol. Lessee. Came back up, saw gabbi and I think I like her new bf. They seem pretty good together, but I tried to warn them to not nitipick each other to death now that they’re moving in together. Good luck lmfao. Drank 9 beers and a cider with my uncle DJ and cousin Dom and his girlfriend was cute too, I shared wayyy too much about my life, told half my family about how I had my friends photograph me fucking at the old well, but ate some delicious fucking italian cooking and had a wonderful night. Smoked with DJ and mom and listened to their old stories of growing up as kids and getting into trouble for smoking and stuff. Oh and right before the keys I started binge watching Doctor Who. Since Katy went and watched every single episode of rick and morty in one night I asked her what her favorite show was that I could do. Doctor Who is a Little more involved, but I’ve gotta say it’s fucking incredible. Fell in love with it within minutes, had me giggling like an idiot all week. I’d stay up til like 7am watching episodes, get a few hours of sleep and then try to do whatever everyone else was though by the end of the trip it wasn’t much. The drive home wasn’t very eventful, me and mom split it, and it ended at a nice pit stop at dar and pa’s for some pancakes and a nap before I had to head home. Was trying to do a melee tournament and see katy and found out I needed to get my tire fixed, but then costco was going to take too long and so would melee so I just got back to greensboro and had a nice night of watching adventure time and a little sex and cuddles. Pretty fucking solid vacation despite the fighting with the fam, not gonna lie. Plus this is like the first time I look really not-fat in beach pictures, it’s kinda incredible.

So Katy... I spent a lot of time talking to Katy. We’ve at least snapchatted every day for the past month now, but haven’t had another drunk convo like when I was at the lake. After seeing her when I got back on monday I also spent the night with her again weds, and we’ve been bingewatching Adventure Time from the beginning and I took her out to eat at Smith Street Diner, it’s all been fantastic. But she couldn’t see me tuesday because she had another guy friend over (and another on thursday, but I was at work anyway lol). So I get kinda jealous that she has this beautiful ass kid and all these other guys wanting to fuck her, mostly because I don’t have other people or a very decent schedule to hook up right now, orr even get to go out drinking with her. Feelsbadman. It also feels like it’d be too much work/money to try to get a side chick anyway, and plus, melee is my real side hoe let’s not kid ourselves.. [speaking of which, the day I couldn’t see her I kicked ass at melee and won a little money, so that was pretty fucking great.] She’s amazing to spend time with and she gave me a toothbrush to keep in her bathroom and I love cuddling up with her beautiful body, but tbh she’s pretty standoffish whenever I try to get too intimate in person (mostly trying to kiss her too much), and when she refuses to send me a message back because she’s with somebody else I can’t help but shake this feeling like I’m not good enough for her... Feelings are stupid. I worry about going too hard too fast with her, but every time I’ve gone too far off the deep end she’s been able to laugh it off, which I think is incredible. Definitely should have scared her off with the shit I was saying about trying to make her fall in love with me (and not vice versa, for the record, because I still don’t have any feelings <:^D ) when I was 10 drinks deep, but somehow she even laughed that off. Plus she’s fantastically nerdy and exposed me to doctor who and this show is like my favorite shit right now lmao. I’ve just wrapped up the fourth season, which is about 37 hours of watching within the past two weeks.. It’s so fucking goooood, man. She told me all I had to do was catch up to her at the 12th doctor but I wanna go back and watch all the old stuff after that, too. so like 56/835 episodes done so far so good lmaoo. Anyway. Idk I just hope I get to spend a lot more time with her doing cool shit. I don’t know what I am to her, so I have no idea if this is gonna go anywhere, but it really doesn’t matter all that much to me anyway. I just enjoy hanging out with her, and she got me to quit smoking cigarettes completely, and now I’m watching this wonderful show instead of wasting my fucking life bored on twitch streams, and I’m even actually starting to get motivated to start exercising again. And the sex is greattttt lmaooo. So I want to spend as much time with her as possible. It’s pretty gay, not gonna lie, but that’s where I’m at right now. Idk why I’ve always needed some cute girlie to help motivate me to get my shit done, though. Personal flaws...

OH HOLY FUCK so this week was the most productive week ever though, because not only did I manage to get laid and place 3rd in melee this week, I also FINALLY got to take the exam for my RPSGT!! The day I was originally scheduled for was a shit show, I drove 2 hours out to fayetteville and found out they had fucked up my registration and I didn’t get to take it that day after waiting for hours to see if they could fix it, but luckily I was able to get rescheduled for the day after, so I left Katy’s place to go to Durham and took it at 8am thursday. I was fucking sweating a little, not gonna lie. They were asking me all sorts of questions about pediatric sleep medicine that I wasn’t quite prepared for, and some of the scoring questions were confusing to me, but I managed to pass! So now I finalllllllllly have made it to become a real sleep tech. Gonna get that fat raise and finally get to a point where I can stop worrying about money, it’s fucking phenomenal.

So I’m so fucking ready to get off work... Gonna go back to raleigh today and see fonzi and frankie and maybe johnny so that’s gonna be sick. There’s this new melee mod that came out so I’m thinking about getting a soldering iron and fucking with my controller, maybe I’ll actually be good at this game lol. Dunno when I’m hanging with katy next hopefully every day lmfaooo. I guess I’ll update when I update.

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