#my gods just assume .............the worst.........

[jellyskink]

The Tooth And The Following Headache. (A cringey crackship)

"Alright Pines, you're good to go now. You remember where the exit is yeah?"

(Geez, the more I see this guy the MORE I find myself needin' to buy another pack of cold ones for the week.)

The day was about as fun as you'd expect it to be with "him" around. I was just about to have a good day too, of course things would go wrong as soon as I was about to relax and finish up work.

Ford Pines had his monthly appointment with me today, an appointment that I was booked with because of Oleander's meddling probably.

"Yes Dr.Ibis, I remember. H-How is everything looking if I may ask?"

(Horrible, if I was presented this during dental school I'd probably have thought it was the BEFORE photo, not AFTER.)

"Eh, I've seen worse. But you're doin' better than last time."

(That was a lie and a truth both in the correct order. Geez what HAS this freak been doing? The first time I saw him I was surprised he hadn't kicked the bucket or passed out at the very least from what problems he was dealing with. It was almost like I was checking off everything in the book on what was wrong with this guy. I mean, damn if I didn't know better I'd assume this guy was eating glass for fun or something.)

"R-really? Oh my Muse will be so pleased! The care you and Dr. Oleander have been providing me has been astronomically wonderful! My muse certainly knows how to find the best people to introduce me to!"

(Ugh, here we go again. "My muse" this, "my muse" that. I wish he'd can it about that damn triangle, the problems that kindergartner art project looking thing have been causing have been one of my biggest headache bringers to date.)

"Yep, he sure does. Now can we get along to the part where we just schedule your next appointment? I'm a very busy man you know, patients to see and all that."

"Of course! I'll need to run it by my Muse before it's finalized, but I can certainly get the word to him!"

"Sure thing bud."

(Thank god, this is going quicker than I thought. I really hate having this guy ruin the mood in my office with his... everything. What did Irene even see in this guy? This wacko clearly didn't have a personality besides being a sad clingy puppy dog whose entire being was dedicated to his "Muse".)

(Irene was pretty secretive about certain things regarding that guy whenever we ended up talking over the phone or the occasional coffee. Which for a normal doctor that'd be expected, patient confidentiality and all that. But Irene crossed that line long ago as soon as she took him on as one of her patients.)

(The guy wasn't extremely interesting to my knowledge outside of his extra fingers. If anything he was boring or weird, sometimes both at the same time. The guy wasn't particularly charming, he did LOOK handsome, and OCCASIONALLY wasn't the worst to be around, but geez I hated everything else about the guy.)

"Ah Dr.Ibis before I forget, I have something for you."

(OH GOD NOT THIS AGAIN.)

Before I even had a chance to react any further, Mr.Triangle lover quickly reached into his bag and pulled out something small with reddish-brown fur and held it out to me.

(What even is that? Is that a hamster? No, it was a vole. He brought me a freaking vole. It wasn't even alive. And he was holding it out to me with that stupid smile of his.)

I don't know what came over me, but the next thing I knew I slapped the dead rodent out of his six fingered hand. As it smacked the ground, I saw my patient flinch and begin to step back from me.

"GET YOUR DAMN ROADKILL AWAY FROM ME!"

"I-I'm sorry for upsetting you Dr.Ibis, I only wanted to-"

"What? I don't want to hear about how your "Muse" gave you dead rats as gifts again! It's disgusting! I can't stand dead animals! I don't want you to act like your dramn crazy mu-"

I wasn't even able to finish the sentence before I felt myself getting pushed against the wall with enough force to knock the wind out of me. I winced from the surprise as I began to process what happened.

It was that... that... Six fingered psycho!

(What the hell!? What is he doing??)

I was always kinda worried about this guy being the reason why someone ended up hurt, I never expected him to be the literal reason for it!

"DR. IBIS."

An unexpected tone shift from what I was used to from the guy, his voice was now booming and gruff.

(OKAY I'M REALLLY NOT USED TO HIM BEING SO LOUD OR AGGRESSIVE.)

"PLEASE... WATCH WHAT YOU SAY... ABOUT MY MUSE..." His tone lowered into a raspy hiss as the words fell from his mouth.

I really wanted to respond to him, to fight back, SOMETHING. And yet I found myself frozen with fear.

The next thing I know, I felt a rough, trembling hand tilt my head up. My field of vision focusing on the unhinged man in front of me.

"BAD THINGS... HAPPEN TO THOSE W-WHO UPSET HIM..."

(I-is he? Crying? What the hell?? Why is HE the one that's upset here? He was the one who flipped out on me!)

I didn't have much time to process everything as he moved away from me. I heard a loud crunch from the side of me as he did.

(THE HELL?? Did he break something??)

I glanced to the side of me instinctively, there was a hole in the hall next to me.

(Okkkaaay. Well it definitely wasn't the first time the office drywall got punched or broken. Whether that was ever by me at times was something that was a secret I wasn't going to tell any higher ups anytime soon.)

"Hey... Mr.Pines?"

"..."

The guy slowly walked over to the wall at the opposite side of the room, a blank stare on his face, a crimson fluid leaking from one hand onto the floor as he held it to his side, while his other hand clutched his creepy locket to his heart.

Before I could continue speaking, he began whisper to himself while facing the wall.

"i'msorryi'msorryi'msorryi'msorryi'msorryi'msorryi'msorryi'msorryi'msorryi'msorryi'msorryi'msorryi'msorryi'msorryi'msorryi'msorryi'msorryi'msorryi'msorryi'msorry."

His head banging against the wall with eerie tempo as he spoke in a whispered voice, his tone now monotone.

"Mr.Pines??"

(What the hell? I knew this guy was probably insane but this was taking it a whole new level!)

"I'MSORRYI'MSORRYI'MSORRYI'MSORRYI'MSORRYI'MSORRYI'MSORRYI'MSORRYI'MSORRYI'MSORRYI'MSORRYI'MSORRYI'MSORRYI'MSORRYI'MSORRYI'MSORRY."

The horrid tempo was now picking up speed.

"STANDFORD STOP IT!"

"..."

(He finally responded?)

The room was eerily silent as I tried to process what had even happened. After what felt like an eternity of sitting in awkward silence, the unhinged man I was watching turned around to face me again.

"U-um Dr.Ibis? Forgive me, I spaced out while we were about to finish our conversation earlier. W-what were we speaking about?"

A pretty nasty bruise was now starting to form on his forehead.

(THE HELL DO YOU MEAN WHAT WERE WE TALKING ABOUT??? WTF WAS THAT???)

I did my best to collect myself. I vaguely some of the info Oleander shared with me about her patient. I think she mentioned how he had certain traumatic triggers or something?? Damnit now I wish I had paid better attention to her phone call that day as she yammered on.

"It... wasn't important. Just...if you're going to leave me dead animals, do ya mind if perhaps you wrap them up before handing me them or something?"

"I-it isn't traditional I suppose, b-but I'll check in with my muse if I could be given grace to do that sort of thing. Forgive me, I don't mean to screw up showing my thanks to you..."

(Geez and now we're back to another episode of watching the saddest man ever. Ick, Oleander I swear you owe me big time for all these bones I'm throwing your patient.)

"Listen I appreciate it, in a way... I just prefer.... live animals? And I don't like rodents very much."

"I-I see... well I can't promise my muse will be happy with any changes, but I'll keep note of that."

"Listen Stan-"

"StanFORD."

"Stanford. Why don't we just pretend today didn't happen? I'm pretty tired today, and it looks like you could use some rest too."

"I... suppose my muse might not mind that. I don't think I can rest, but I know what you mean."

"Thank you Stanford. Now... why don't I drive you over to Oleander's office for a sec? I think she needed to see you for a second."

(Pleasedon'tputupafightohgodIdon'twantyoudyinginmyofficeIdon'twanttodealwiththepaperworkoranyotheraxhahstingproblemsthat'dcomefromthathappening!!)

"I-I suppose it wouldn't be too much trouble as long as we don't take TOO long. My muse seems to trust some of her judgement a lot..."

"Yeahh... well I'm just going to close up shop now.

"Of course Dr.Ibis."

(Irene I swear to god you owe me big time on top of a LONG conversation about what's the plan for your patient in the long term. If I'm going to be dragged along with you on your quest to be the queen of bleeding hearts I don't want to end up sinking with you.

Geez I need a drink after this, guess I'll be needing to buy TWO packs of cold ones from the store after this "fun" work day.)

Unfortunately for future me, one of the new "gifts" I'd start to get from Standford FREAKING Pines were eyebats. Live ones. And they were just as annoying as him. Easier to get rid of though...

(AHH I HAD SO MUCH FUN WRITING THIS. I thought I'd gve it a go with writing in a more first person style when it came to a Dr.Ibis focused fic.

Yes I was possessed by a 14 year old girl harnessessing wattpad, ao3, and tiktok as I wrote this, but the idea of these two having a genuine friendship/relationship sounds hilarious to me.

I hope you liked my attempts at channeling Yusuf energy! Unfortunately he does have the tsundere curse a bit because this is a enemies to lovers kind of fic lmaoo. Hopefully the Ford energy wasn't the worst either??

I totally loved your fic other anon fanfic writer! With Jellyskink's permission we should definitely team up and write many cringey and wonderful fanfictions for this au!

Speaking of which, I'm glad once again people liked my silly little Oleander and Calamari fic! The little trickster kitty is now one of my favorite things about the au!

I love that Calamari was in the cat show Ford lost in! I'm guessing she might've won?

Either way, totally looking forward to the rivalry between Ford and Calamari lmaooo!!)

OKAY I LOVE THIS

Ibis is like "why are the hot ones always crazy"

Thank you for writing for my sad dumpling again!!! 💖💖

[mosswiind]

veilguard spoilers

I also support Lucanis! He's also justifiably upset! He just doesn't have two thirds of the fandom calling him a little bitch for being justifiably upset about Not Getting the Required Resources.

It grinds my gears so much when people are like "oh my god shut the fuck up" when a character so much as makes an offhand reference to an extremely traumatic experience they had Very Recently lol

like...imagine the worst thing that ever happened to you. the worst thing you've ever seen. now imagine there's also a fucking IRL dragon.

i would assume it's the only thing you could be reasonably expected to think about.

now imagine your boss who you thought was your friend is just like "oh my gOD shut UP SHUT UP SHUT UP" for making the occasional snide remark when presented with a trigger

like please i am begging you develop one (1) empathy

[socksandbuttons]

i didnt get sun tearing into moon but thats fine I GUESS

Old Moons CONCERN for the events that happened- real. HIS CONCERN ABOUT LUNAR AND PEOPLE JOKING ABOUT HIS DEATH... i feel ya bud.

Also so fun- Sun and Lunar convinced that Moon met Earth- BUT THAT WAS KILLCODE. KILLCODE POSING AS MOON. Moons insistence he never met her, real. I love that consistency. I wonder if earth will bring that up cause even she said she never MET him.

[3-aem]

stop telling me facts about gojo—i dont want them Anymore

[xxplastic-cubexx]

Why is Erik taking a shower and is fully prepared to fight naked in that panel 😭

my man turning into a baby is a typical tuesday activity but the second he wanna little naked shower fight NOW its suspicious 🤨

[byjovewhataspend]

Todoroki thinks he and Izuku have been dating since the sports festival. He knows that they are not very demonstrative and there were no specific big declarations of love or official 'asking eachother out', but they didn't need that. It was obvious. There is no reason to question it and so he doesn't. He's very happy and secure in this relationship and feels very fulfilled

During 2nd year someone is talking in front of him about 'We all know Deku is in love with Bakugou. Its so obvious.'

Todoroki thinks about this for a little bit before announcing to Izuku (very casually, while they are doing homework) That its okay with him if Izuku wants to date Bakugou

Izuku: (is very moved by his best friends support and uses his encouragement to finally confess his feelings to Bakugou)

Todoroki: (now thinks he is in a poly thrupple with Izuku and Bakugou)

"but wouldnt he be able to tell once they leave school?"

NO because they are all roommates

"But wouldnt he notice Izuku doesnt kiss or have sex with todoroki but he does it with bakugou?"

NO because todoroki believes that the relationship is asexual on their side (but highly romantic and passionate) and hes cool with that.

"Wouldnt izuku notice?"

izuku has never known how normal people interact a single day in his life

"wouldnt bakugou get jealous?"

Bakugou ALSO thinks they are all poly

"why would he think that???"

because he ALSO thought todoroki and deku started dating during the sports festival

"oh so todoroki and bakugou have talked about it, thats why they are both so convinced!"

no. never. not once

"But wouldnt he notice that he sleeps alone?"

NO because todoroki is the perfect sleeping partner and he sleeps in the middle

"does Izuku ever find out?"

Yes, when hes like 25. A stranger mentions that hes well known for being in a poly thrupple and Izuku thinks they are insane. He goes home and realizes that apparently HE is the insane one and vows to never let on that he didn't know. 10 years after he started dating todoroki they finally have their first kiss. Todoroki is completely chill about it.

[isa-ah]

met a really cool queer stranger today that i thought was just so fucking neat i wanted to talk but if we were playing tennis they were, with the most gentle and earnest voice ive ever heard, shoving the tennis racket down my throat. every compliment or joke i made was turned away but in the sweetest way possible that made me sound like an absolute asshole lunatic. it was so scary.

[whydotheycallmechimney]

I swear it’s like you guys only see henren and madney as the comic relief/feel-good couples on the show. this is a drama, so why are we complaining about there being drama?

and if s7 was a s2 callback, and s8 is a s3 callback, isn’t this storyline about giving henren the happy ending they were previously denied?

[spaciebabie]

does any other demiromantic (or arosepc doesnt rlly matter) feel like. extremely awful when they experience romantic attraction or is that just me.

[jorrated]

i cant believe my semester starts tomorrow and ill need to go back to pretend to being neurotypical.

[ghost-proofbaby]

OH god, sooo many kellin fics. Most were on wattpad honestly.

A lot of them all blur together (also a few kellic fics yikes), but I specifically remember one with an OC? Like kellin cheated on his wife with her and she nearly died or something? Classic wattpad and shitty summary but IT WAS SO GOOD. I think the girl's name was Brooke or Brooklyn. (also keep in mind this was 2012? 2013? wattpad. so... maybe not good by our current day standards but back then it was AMAZING). I can't remember the name but if you want it I would be willing to go on the deep dive for you 👀

SAY FUCKING SIKE RIGHT NOW.

you don't need to deep dive for the fic. her name was brooklyn mackenzie or some stupid shit, the fic's name is 'The Secret Affair', and it's going to haunt me until the day i die because i wrote it at 13 years old.

congratulations, nonnie. you can officially say you are one of the og readers of my fics. i certainly hope my writing has improved this last decade.

(unless there was another popular kellin fic with the exact same plot as mine. in that case, this is embarrassing).

[kiwikiwiandkiwi]

.

[here-there-were-dragons]

i have to wonder what super hardcore militant vegans think should be done about obligate carnivore animals, because in all my painfully-rapidly-approaching-30-years i've literally never actually seen anyone give a clear consistent much less halfway feasible answer on that

[unproduciblesmackdown]

omgg lol [guy who won't stop going "more like scapeGOATED" voice] now hold! on!! lmao [same guy just saw encanto voice] Hold on!!!

[rotisseries]

alright im giving in im finally asking. what in the everloving fuck is narines

HIIIII HELENA honestly I'm so glad you asked I think you'd love them but BASICALLYYYYY one of my mutuals, hella, @tbos-main, has this really cool original fantasy wip, the blood of serpents, which I am OBSESSED with so I do fandom post about it like any other media, and two of the characters are nate and rin. well. naithairan and herines technically but I'm on nickname basis with them. and I can explain tbos in more detail but since you asked about narines specifically, they are two characters who are very much on opposing sides of the central conflict and in a way that IS irreconcilable like. it has to be genuine all consuming hate it's bad. but they're also narrative foils and parallels and whatnot and outside of the main ideological difference in regards to the central conflict, they are very similar people in a very fucked up way, they're both martyr figures with a lot of religious themes, they both have had to learn the language of violence well, they both are willing to go to unfathomably low depths of morality and monstrousness in the pursuit of protecting the people they love, they're both incredibly calculating and callous, and so they have this INSANEEE dynamic that is very much "I see me in you I see everything I hate about myself in you I need to kill you because I need to be killed but yet I cannot kill you because that would be like taking a knife to myself and we recognize each other deeply and intimately in a very specific way no one else can and I HATEE you for it" and so like. they should fuck about that. obviously.

[mariniacipher]

the way you're watching a video of two women talking about interior design, and the way they judge some spaces seems kind of judgemental to you, but it's all in good fun, right?

Only for them to show a picture of the home of one of the women- and she cannot even hang up her pictures on the wall and made midcentury look like High End IKEA via the vice of minimalism and cowardice in regard to colour and décor- which would explain why she couldn't hang up her picture, if she's so afraid to make a fucking statement.