#my father came into the living room when There was like 30 min until the end of the film | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jeonsjiddies · 4 years ago

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Lying That You Love Me | myg (m)

Summary - Upon first glance, no one would assume Min Yoongi would be the type to put someone back together. If his icy cold stare and stoic expressions weren’t enough to spook most people away, then the body covered in piercings and tattoos usually sent them running. You never could have imagined Min Yoongi would be the one to put your pieces back together, but there is always more than meets the eye.

Word Count - 10.5k

Pairing - Yoongi x reader

Genre - smut, minor angst

Warnings - mentions of broken family, family issues, mentions of homelessness, softdom!yoongi, dirty talk, cream pie, unprotected sex, oral (female)

a/n - Part of the Tatted Bangtan Series! 💕 Sorry it’s soooo late, I sprained my wrist lol. Hope you enjoy now that it’s finally here! Huge thanks to @nervouskiwi , @sunshinekims , and @excusemin for beta reading. 💕

You know those people you just instantly connect with? You hear their laugh one time and suddenly you feel more connected to a stranger than a friend you've known your whole life? Something in their smile that resonates deep within your soul, that somehow, on some level (whether it be friends or lovers or a kind stranger who changed your life in passing only to never meet again) you are just... meant to find each other.

Those people who feel like sunshine on your cloudy days? The ones who wrap you in warmth and make your heart say "Ah, yes, so this is what home is supposed to feel like. This is what it means to belong. This is what it means to be myself, unafraid."

Somehow, amidst all the chaos and the heartbreak and the hurt, you find yourself cocooned in safety, building your own version of home with these strangers who feel like family; and it's good. And sometimes your heart beats so fast and your chest feels so tight and you feel like you just can't breathe, so you reach out a hand into the dark unknown and you're met with arms wrapping around you and holding you together. Holding you until all your broken pieces can be glued back together, one by one.

Min Yoongi was one of those people.

Now, upon first glance, no one would assume Min Yoongi would be the type to put someone back together. He looked more like someone who was one wrong look away from tearing you to shreds. If his icy cold stare and stoic expressions weren’t enough to spook most people away, then the body covered in piercings and tattoos usually sent them running.

But you… you were a little different. You’d taken one look at the man covered in intricate inky designs and your face had lit up with glee. A few hours prior to meeting Yoongi, you’d been sitting in your car, reclined back with your phone, leeching off of McDonald’s free wifi for the 11th night in a row. Your back ached, your stomach growled, and your foot was one more cramp away from being the end of you. The tiny cabin of your car was no place for you to live.

You scrolled through rental listings, looking for the cheapest option that didn’t look like it popped straight out of a horror movie. Your budget was low, being recently thrown out by your father after a fight about you dropping out of college. Your father was convinced you couldn’t survive on your own and you wanted to prove him wrong.

Finally stumbling upon a small 2 bedroom apartment on the west side of town leasing out the second bedroom, you clicked on the listing. There was no way you’d be able to afford your own apartment in a safe area, so you’d ended up expanding your search to find someone looking for a roommate. You zoomed in on the pictures provided, though there were few, it looked pretty nice. You scrolled down and read the description.

Single male, 27, searching for a roommate. You pay half the rent and utilities. Rent is $950 and utilities usually range about $300 a month, give or take. Pets welcome, but there is a deposit with the apartment complex and a monthly fee. My friend (and ex roommate) recently moved in with his long-time girlfriend and I need someone to help with expenses. Serious inquiries only. Contact for more info. 555-555-1382.

You quickly typed the number into your phone and texted the man to set up a time to view the apartment, but if you were being honest with yourself, you were already sold. This was the cleanest looking unit you’d seen, on a safe side of town, and it was more affordable than anything else you were going to get that was half as nice.

The man was quick with responses and very polite, and the two of you agreed to meet that evening at 4pm. You were absolutely giddy, a petty smirk on your face as you imagined telling your father that you indeed weren’t coming home, tail between your legs. You would not allow him to dictate your life anymore.

3:30 rolled around and you made your way over to the area the apartment was listed in, not wanting to be late. The apartment was part of a large building that was clearly a few years old but still in good shape. You looked around, noting that the nearby houses were well-worn but not worn down. It looked like a good area, and based on your Trulia searches, the crime was low here.

You smiled from your parking space and waited until 3:55 to walk up to the buzzer, hitting the button for apartment 5D which had Min Yoongi listed as a resident. Yoongi. You liked that name. You grinned when a deep voice came over the speaker, asking who was there.

“It’s Y/N, we have a 4pm appointment for me to see the apartment?” you answered back cheerily.

“Oh, yes, come on up.” before he was even done speaking, you heard the door click as he unlocked it.

You pulled open the heavy door and began making your way up the staircase, glancing around for the correct apartment. Near the end of the hallway, you finally spotted your destination, nestled in the corner by a large window that looked out to the rest of the apartment complex. There was a playground and a tennis court, without a net, but you didn’t really care.

You gently knocked against the wooden door, the only one without some form of decoration on the outside and waited for the man to appear and let you inside. You weren’t sure what kind of person you expected to see on the other side of the wooden door; you really hadn’t given it much thought. You were entirely unprepared however, to see the sexiest man you’d ever laid eyes on swinging the door open and dusting his hands on his worn jeans before flicking his onyx gaze up to meet yours, pinning you to your spot.

You snapped out of your haze and allowed your eyes to roam over his features, from his button nose to his full lips, to his toned arms, covered with decorative tattoos, beautiful inky designs trailing from his knuckles all the way up his veiny forearms, past his biceps, and disappearing into the sleeve of his t shirt. You sucked in a breath, noticing the eyebrow ring and multiple ear piercings.

“Y/N, nice to meet you. I’m Yoongi.” he smiled, revealing his pearly white teeth, something shiny catching the light when his tongue darted out to wet his lips. A tongue ring.

A shiver ran through your body but you reached out your hand to shake his extended one. His large hand seemed to engulf yours, the veins prominent and a little distracting. Your face lit up in a grin, knowing that if your dad took one look at this man, he’d surely lose his mind.

“It’s nice to meet you as well, Yoongi, thank you for meeting me on such short notice!” you smiled, allowing your hand to slip from his grasp and biting back the whine at the loss of contact.

“Come on in, have a look around. Like I said in the ad, my friend moved in with his girlfriend and left me to fend for myself. He did have the smaller bedroom but if that’s an issue, we can switch, if you’re interested that is.” he chuckled nervously, reaching his arm up to scratch the back of his neck.

“Oh, I am interested.” you giggled, looking around the spacey living room, which had an open concept that led into a small kitchen, but it looked like it had decent counter space.

“Oh! This is the kitchen…” Yoongi began, leading you over to get a better look after seeing where your eyes were wandering.

“It’s very roomy.” you noted with a smile.

“Jin did most of the cooking, but I helped out sometimes and we both fit in here pretty easily without getting in each other’s way.” he explained.

“Ooh, you cook?” you turned your gaze to him and watched as the tips of his ears turned pink.

“A little.” he admitted.

“Nice. Me too.” you grinned.

“Cool.” he grinned, his smile was the cutest thing you’d ever seen, the best way you could describe it was… gummy. Sweet. Warm.

Yoongi led you on a tour of the rest of the house, showing you your future bedroom, which was furnished since his previous roommate hadn’t needed to take his bed with him, his bedroom, the bathroom you’d share, and the small laundry unit in the hallway, hidden behind a closet-like door. Nice. In-unit laundry was a definite plus.

The apartment wasn’t super spacious, the bedrooms were on the smaller side, but the living room and kitchen were nice sizes, and there was in-unit laundry, and Yoongi seemed like a very clean, respectful individual. You were sold before you’d walked in, but now you were over the moon about the small patch of paradise you’d stumbled upon.

“Is there a deposit required? Or just first and last month's rent?” you asked Yoongi, who’d taken a seat across from you at the table.

“Oh, just the first month’s rent is fine. I’m not like a landlord or anything.” he said, shooting you a playful smile.

“Okay. Do you want a check or…?” you questioned. “I mean, if you’re willing to let me lease with you.”

“Of course! Check, cash, money order. I really don’t have a preference. If you want a paper trail with the office, we can do a check or money order.” he smiled.

You grinned back at the sheepish man across from you, his eyes shining with excitement. You were absolutely psyched to sleep in a real bed again, so tired of the worn leather seats in your car. Thank goodness it wasn’t summer so your skin wasn’t sticking to the material, but still. It wasn’t exactly a preferred sleeping space.

You ended up going to the ATM and giving Yoongi cash for the first month after adding your name to the lease just before the rental office closed. You both pitched in on a celebratory pizza and ate in the living room. You were surprised the rental office didn’t have to run a background check or something, you honestly didn’t think you’d be able to sleep in the apartment the same day you’d first laid eyes on it, but you weren’t complaining.

You stayed up with Yoongi until nearly 2am talking, drinking, laughing, and getting to know each other. He loved watching WWE, you loved watching K-dramas, he liked pineapple on his pizza and you thought that was basically blasphemy. Yoongi had braces growing up, had an older brother, preferred staying indoors to going out, and had a nasty habit he couldn’t seem to shake of biting his nails.

Yoongi was funny and warm and inviting. Though he seemed cold on the outside, he was actually very attentive and caring, always offering to refill your drink when he stood up, offering you a spare blanket if you looked cold, and making sure you felt comfortable as possible in your new home. You blamed it on the alcohol, but ended up getting way too personal too fast, telling Yoongi about why you’d moved in to begin with.

“... and he’s so condescending and judgemental, like he would hate your tattoos and immediately label you a delinquent just based on that alone.” you took a breath after rambling on for a few minutes, letting out your frustration for your situation.

“Wow, that’s… a lot,” Yoongi shook his head sympathetically, “it’s your life, you should do what makes you happy. It’s not his place to control everything you do.”

“He always has to be right, it’s exhausting.” you sighed.

“Well hey, bright side, you’re here now, and you’re free to be who you want and do whatever your heart desires. I fully support you.” Yoongi smiled at you and your heart seemed to grow three sizes.

“Thank you, Yoongi. You have no idea how much that means to me.”

“Do you have anything you need washed?” you asked Yoongi, gesturing to the washing machine that wasn’t even half full.

“Don’t you have any more clothes than that?” Yoongi asked.

For weeks, you’d been cycling the same three outfits you’d been able to bring with you in a small backpack when you’d left home.You’d thought about going back home to get the rest of your things, but you really didn’t want to face your father. You weren’t scared of him, not at all. In fact, you’d love to rub it in his face that you hadn’t failed as he’d expected you to do. You just didn’t want to deal with him yet.

Being around Yoongi, having the freedom to be yourself and being so wholly accepted for exactly who you were was intoxicating, and you weren’t ready to go back into that suffocating environment full of judgement and expectations, even for a short time. You were strong and resilient, but you also knew that your family issues were a sore spot for you.

“I do at my parents house. I just haven’t had a chance to go get my stuff.” you shrugged, starting the washer.

“You haven’t had a chance? Between lounging around watching Netflix and binge eating takeout?” Yoongi chuckled, leaning up against the wall and regarding you with a curious look.

“I’ve had time,” you emphasize with a sigh, “I just… I’m not ready to go there alone.”

“What if you weren’t alone?”

You looked up to meet Yoongi’s gaze in surprise, a supportive smile playing on his soft lips.

“What do you mean?” you asked, your chest filling with hope.

“If you want, I can go with you?” he offered.

“Really? You’d do that?” you tried to keep the astonishment out of your voice in an attempt to not look as pathetic and weak as you felt.

“Yeah, we can take my car, it’s bigger than yours anyway.” he shrugged, pushing himself off the wall and walking closer to you.

“Have I told you lately that you’re amazing?” you grinned, reaching up to hug him.

Yoongi was used to your affectionate nature, but sometimes it still caught him off guard, as he wasn’t an affectionate person. He wanted to be, he just wasn’t always comfortable using physical affection. He froze for a moment, but quickly regained his composure and wrapped his arms around your torso to return your hug.

“Yes, but feel free to remind me anytime. My fragile ego needs it.” he joked, poking your side playfully.

You released him from your hold with a light chuckle, stepping back and grinning up at him. He coughed and looked down to hide his shy smile from your view.

“Let’s go.”

“Wait, right now?” you gasped, eyes wide.

“Do you have other plans?” he questioned with a raised brow.

“Well, no… but I-” you began but Yoongi sent you a look that had you slipping on your shoes and following him out the door.

Yoongi smirked to himself at how easily you caved into him with just a stern look, unlocking the car and ushering you in before settling in the driver's seat and starting the engine. You couldn’t stop bouncing your leg from nerves, and Yoongi glanced your way every so often before gently placing his large hand on your knee for comfort. Except it did little to comfort you, having his veiny hands on your body only sent your heart into overdrive and caused your breathing to become that much shallower. You gave him an A for effort though.

“It’s going to be okay, I’m right here,” he soothed, “I’ve got your back.”

“Thank you, Yoongi.” you smiled appreciatively, placing your hand on top of his for a moment before looking out the window, watching the trees fly by as you got closer to your parents house.

You hadn’t alerted your parents that you’d be coming, part of you hoping they wouldn’t be home and you could use the spare key to get your things and get out without having to interact with your father.

When the GPS announced you were one turn away, your hopes were crushed into a fine powder as you finally looked up and shrank back into your seat when you saw both of your parents’ vehicles occupying the driveway. Yoongi pulled in behind your mom’s car and cut the engine, turning to look at you. You met his gaze with your panicked one and he motioned for you to breathe with him, taking a few deep breaths and guiding you to calm yourself.

“You got this. You ready?” he asked.

“As I’ll ever be.” you sighed, stepping out of his car and meeting him before walking to the front door.

You gripped his hand tightly, and Yoongi looked down at your conjoined hands in surprise but didn’t say anything, realizing that you needed the support.He squeezed your hand gently before rapping softly on the door. Your whole body tensed when you heard the lock click and Yoongi gave your hand another encouraging squeeze. The door swung open and your mother’s face was revealed, causing the hole in your chest to clench.

“Y/N!” she gasped, her eyes trailing along your form, down to your hands, then up Yoongi’s arms to his face, her expression one of astonishment.

“Hi, mom.” you coughed awkwardly.

“Y/N’s here?” you heard from behind her, the smug voice of your father grating against your ears. “Our little baby came home to admit we were right?”

His grinning face came into your view, standing just behind your mother, his smirk immediately falling once he laid eyes on Yoongi.

“Who’s this?” he asked.

“This is Yoongi, he’s my-” you began.

“Are you dating this man?” your father interrupted, sounding panicked.

Your eyes flitted from your mom’s face to your dad’s, turning red with frustration. He had always hated people with tattoos, and you’d warned Yoongi about this. You didn’t think he’d get this worked up about it, and suddenly an idea popped in your head, and just as Yoongi was about to argue that you weren’t dating amidst your silence, you spoke up.

“Yes. He’s my boyfriend.” you said quickly, squeezing Yoongi’s hand in an attempt to beg him to go along with it.

Yoongi’s breath caught and he coughed into his elbow uncomfortably, but gave a sheepish grin when he recovered, letting go of your hand and extending his out to your parents.

“It’s nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Y/L/N. I’m Min Yoongi.”

Your mother stared at his hand hanging in the air like it was a foreign object before she collected herself, gingerly taking his hand in hers. Your father followed suit, his expression hard.

“It’s nice to meet you, Yoongi.” your mom smiled, warming up to Yoongi’s polite aura.

“I’m very honored to finally meet you. I see where Y/N gets her pretty eyes from.” Yoongi smiled, causing your mom to turn bashful and swat at him playfully.

Your dad hadn’t budged an inch, his hard gaze focused on the man at your side, scrutinizing and unwelcoming. His eyes wandered over Yoongi’s plethora of tattoos, many piercings, and ripped jeans. He made a face of distaste before turning his gaze to you.

“What are you doing here?” he wondered.

“We’re getting some of my stuff to take back home.” you explained.

“Home? You live with this man?!” you dad guffawed.

“Yes, we live together.” Yoongi supplied for you, stepping closer to you and wrapping an arm around you, kissing the top of your head affectionately.

He mostly wanted to be a shield for you against your father, as he could tell you were starting to shrink in on yourself, and he wanted to offer you a little more strength. You smiled up at him, hoping your eyes showed your thankfulness.

“Absolutely not, young lady. I won’t permit it.” your father hissed.

“With all due respect, you don’t tell me what I can and can’t do. I’m an adult, and you kicked me out.” you shrugged, using your best acting skills to appear nonchalant.Yoongi felt your body shivering slightly against his.

“I- You-” your dad fumed.

“Why don’t we grab your clothes and come back for the rest when everyone has calmed down a little?” Yoongi offered quietly in your ear.

You nodded, pulling him along with you to your old bedroom. You felt your dad’s piercing gaze follow you down the hallway, but you ignored it. You grabbed some clothes and a few other things, throwing them in a decorative tote you’d once used to house scrapbooking supplies. Yoongi took the tote from you and led the way back out of the house, your hand clutching the back of his shirt like a safety blanket, the other arm filled with more clothes.

Your mom watched you quietly, with a sullen expression, seeming to try and express her apologies through her eyes while your dad seethed from his recliner, refusing to look at you. You sighed, taking a look around the house you used to call home before announcing your departure and waving goodbye, following Yoongi out the front door.

Once you’d placed the things in the back of the car and sat in the passenger seat, your body deflated. Yoongi began driving, to get you out of the line of sight of your parents in case you broke down, so they wouldn’t see.

“Yoongi, I’m so sorry I dragged you into that. I don’t know what I was thinking, I just- I saw his face and I wanted to-” you sighed, struggling to explain the reason behind your split second decision to lie about the nature of your relationship.

“I understand.”

“You’re not mad?” you looked over at him in surprise.

“No. I can see the power dynamic in that house. Your family clearly has some issues they need to work out. I’m not mad.” he explained.

“I don’t deserve you,” you sighed, leaning your head on his shoulder, “you’re the greatest friend I’ve ever had.”

“Dang, that bar is set pretty low, Y/N.” he joked.

You slapped his arm playfully with a grin lighting up your face, suddenly feeling much lighter than you had moments ago.

“How about I pay for pizza tonight as a thank you?” you offered, gazing up at him.

“As long as there’s pineapple on it.” he smirked.

“Half and half.”

Seasons changed, the air turned colder, the leaves on the trees transitioning from vibrant green to deep golden yellows and reds before fading away altogether as the harsh winter breeze bagan to set in. Each new day, you learned more about Yoongi, and the two of you grew closer. Yoongi was respectful of your space and time. He would notice when you were having a bad day and do little things you almost didn’t notice to help you out and reduce your stress. He’d pick up your favorite tea on his way home from work or invite you to watch a movie you knew he wouldn’t have watched on his own.

You tried to show him the same level of respect, like making sure there was fresh coffee for him in the morning, or packing his lunch when he was running late. The more time you spent with Yoongi, the more you adored him. Possibly a little too much… You’d known from the moment you laid eyes on him that he was gorgeous, but you didn’t think it would be so distracting.

Oftentimes, you’d find yourself staring at the way Yoongi’s lips moved while he talked, or watching the way his muscles flexed while he wrote. Your breath would hitch when your bodies brushed against each other in the hallway or maneuvering around the kitchen together. You’d try to slip past him and his hands would reflexively find your hips to steady you and guide you past him. Sparks would shoot through your veins any time his skin touched yours, a warm tingle left wherever his touch had been.

Your eyes would linger a second too long when he’d come out of the bathroom in a towel, or when he’d stretch during your frequent binge watching sessions, the hem of his shirt lifting to reveal a sliver of gorgeous ivory skin. Your mouth would water on the occasions when his hip tattoo would be revealed if his sweats hung a little too low. Sometimes you swore he was doing it on purpose, when you’d look up to find him watching you with an amused expression and you’d tear your eyes away as your cheeks filled with heat.

Yoongi never called you out for gawking at him, he’d simply raise an eyebrow and his delicious lips would turn up in an amused smirk. You weren’t the only one who got caught staring though. You noticed his eyes on you when you would bend over to grab a water from the fridge, or his gaze trailing down your neck towards your breasts when you’d come home sweaty from a run. You pretended not to notice, but you saw the way his eyes would linger.

You danced around each other like that, somehow simultaneously completely at ease and growing closer with each passing day but incredibly bothered with tension and desire. Or perhaps it was all in your head, wishful thinking on your part. You couldn’t count on all your fingers and toes the amount of times Yoongi’s name would fall from your lips in pathetic whimpers while you attempted to keep quiet whilst touching yourself under the covers in your room.

You tried to act like nothing had changed, which is why when Yoongi invited you to watch a movie with him, you’d snuggled up to him on the couch, just like always, a thick blanket wrapping the two of you in warmth. Your head rested on his shoulder and his hand on your knee, the heat from his skin on yours causing other areas of your anatomy to warm up as well. It was hard paying attention to the screen when you could feel the warmth of his skin seeping through your jeans where his hand met your knee but you did your best.

You watched as the main characters began taking their clothes off and tensed up awkwardly, looking up at Yoongi to ask if he wanted anything to drink… at the same time he’d glanced down to ask if you wanted more popcorn. Your faces were mere centimeters away, you could feel his hot breath ghosting against your lips, your gazes locked. Your heart skipped a beat and time seemed to slow, and you could have sworn he’d begun leaning in, but a loud crash in the movie startled you both out of your moment, and you’d pulled away with an awkward cough.

Yoongi scratched the back of his neck and avoided eye contact, and you’d stood up, using his leg as leverage, but your hand slipped and glided up his thigh, almost making contact with his crotch. You wretched your hand away like you’d been burned and mumbled something about a refill before making a beeline for the kitchen. Hand over your heart, free hand resting on the counter to hold yourself up while you struggled to regulate your heartbeat, you closed your eyes and took deep breaths.

Was Yoongi about to kiss you? Surely not, but the way your eyes had connected, the sparks his intense gaze had sent down your spine… you shivered. You refilled your water and grabbed a new drink for Yoongi before making your way back to the living room, sitting a few inches from him and extending out your offering to him, which he took with a quiet “thanks.”

The air was thick and uncomfortable, the lingering tension from the almost-kiss nearly suffocating the both of you. You nearly jumped out of your skin when your phone started ringing, a FaceTime call from your mom. You sat up and sent a panicked look towards Yoongi, who glanced at the screen before scooting closer to you, and pressing the answer button.

“Hi mom!”

“Hello, love. Oh. I see Yoongi is with you. Hello, Yoongi.” she smiled politely.

“Hello, ma’am.”

“Y/N, I packed up some more of your stuff, I felt awful for how the other day went and I wanted to apologize. I talked to your father as well, and… you know how he is. I want to support you and if Yoongi makes you happy, I want to get to know him. I miss you.” she rambled, clearly nervous.

“Oh mom… thank you. I really appreciate that.”

“I do have to admit though, I was very surprised that you two were together, it just seemed so… unexpected. You usually go for a more clean cut kind of guy…”

“Well, you know what they say, opposites attract.” Yoongi supplied with a charming smile after sensing your body stiffen.

“That they do!” your mom agreed with a giggle, “it just didn’t seem real at first, I suppose.”

You shot Yoongi a panicked glance out of the frame of the camera, silently begging him to turn up the PDA. His lip was tucked between his teeth in nervousness, but he let it slide free and steeled himself before leaning in and brushing a gentle kiss to your cheek. Which would’ve been a great plan, had that not been the exact moment you’d decided to turn your head to look at him.

His lips met yours for the briefest moment, the most tender ghost of a touch, but it lit your insides aflame. Your heart pounded erratically, your chest tightening, and the air seeming to have been stolen from your lungs. Your arm holding your phone grew slack, and you dropped it onto the couch cushion, your hand instinctively placing itself upon Yoongi’s firm chest. The kiss lasted mere seconds, but with the way time stilled around you, it might as well have been hours. His soft lips pressed so delicately to yours suspended gravity itself, and you were floating on cloud nine.

“Y/N? Hello?”

The two of you broke apart in shock, springing away from each other like magnets with the same charge, eyes wide and breathing heavy as you stared at one another. Moments passed with your heartbeat pounding in your ear like a drum before you came to your senses and picked your phone up.

“Sorry mom. Can I call you back?”

“Oh sure, love you.”

“Love you too, mom.”

Yoongi had taken your momentary distraction as an excuse to escape to his bedroom, leaving you alone in the living room with wide eyes and fingertips pressed to your lips in shock. Your lips had barely touched and it felt like your worlds had collided, two missing pieces finally coming together. And it was terrifying, so you decided not to dwell on it, you’d deal with it when the time came.

That didn’t stop you from replaying the moment in your head for the rest of the night, however. Laying in your bed with Yoongi just one wall away, you wondered if he was thinking about the kiss, if he was thinking about you too. Shoving the hopeful thoughts from your mind, you let yourself drift to sleep.

You weren’t sure why you’d agreed to spend the holiday with your family, but your mother’s persistent guilt trip over the past few weeks had worn your resistance thin. Yoongi’s family was back in Korea so he didn’t have any other plans, usually opting to spend Christmas alone with a bottle of bourbon and leftover takeout. He’d agreed to be your buffer between yourself and your father and accompany you to the hellscape that was your old home.

Snow had already begun to softly drift from the skies, so Yoongi had reminded you about ten times to dress warm so you didn’t catch a cold. Upon the 8th reminder, you’d snarkily shot back “yes daddy.” and rolled your eyes, stomping off to pull on your gloves. Yoongi had frozen in place, jaw slack as his eyes bored into the back of your head. You paid him no mind, wrapping a scarf around your neck and tucking it into your coat before pulling on your hat.

“Are you coming?” you asked, your eyes warily running along Yoongi’s rigid body as he stood there with his eyes closed taking deep breaths.

“Yeah. I’ll meet you down there.” he tossed you the keys so you could unlock the car he’d started a few minutes beforehand, making sure it was warmed up.

You trudged down to the car, dragging your purse and the pie you were meant to bring to the occasion, sliding into Yoongi’s passenger seat and placing your hands against the vents for the warm air. A few minutes later, Yoongi joined you, much more relaxed than before. You sent him a hopeful smile and rested your hand on his knee.

“Thanks for coming with me.”

“Of course. I’ve got your back.” he shrugged, backing out of the space carefully.

You watched the scenery as Yoongi drove, noting how the snow had dusted the trees with a beautiful blanket, making everything brighter, almost as if it sparkled. You loved the snow as a kid and you loved it still, a fond nostalgia settling in your chest until you noticed you were getting closer to your parents house. Your grip returned on Yoongi’s knee and he tensed a bit before placing his free hand on top of yours.

“It’s going to be okay. I’m right here,” he soothed, then wiggled his eyebrows playfully “plus your mom approves of your boyfriend now.”

“She loves you more than me now.” you pouted.

“Well, I am pretty irresistible.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.” you threw back.

“Don’t think I don’t notice you checking me out, babe.” he smirked, emphasizing the last word as you both walked up to the front door, Yoongi’s hand reaching out to knock gently.

“Shut up.” you crossed your arms defiantly.

Yoongi poked at your side, almost making you drop your pie, but he saved it at the last minute by reaching out and grabbing it from you. This caused his face to be just inches from yours and your eyes locked for a moment and you swear time stopped. Your heart was pounding in your chest as his gaze flickered from your eyes to your lips momentarily, and you sucked in a breath in anticipation. It might have been your imagination, but Yoongi seemed to get a little closer to your parted, waiting lips before your mom opened the door. The two of you sprung apart like you’d been caught at a crime scene.

“Well don’t stop on my account.” your mom giggled, sending you a playful wink before beckoning you inside.

You avoided eye contact with Yoongi and tried to take steady breaths to calm your racing heart, your mind going a mile a minute. Was he about to kiss you? Surely not. You were play dating, and no one was watching. Did he want to kiss you? Your cheeks were on fire and you were honestly a little riled up, pressing your thighs together discreetly. You handed your mom the pie, which she sliced and set on the table.

“Merry Christmas, mom. Where’s dad?”

“Oh he’s taking a nap. Yoongi, come over here! I want to get a picture of you two together!” your mom grinned.

“What are you, best friends now? You guys video chat at least once a week.” you whined.

Your mom waved you off and held her camera up while Yoongi stood beside you, giving you plenty of room.

“Scoot closer. You’re boyfriend and girlfriend, not awkward preteens.” your mom huffed.

Yoongi stepped closer and put an arm around your shoulder, leaning in and smiling for the camera. You heard the shutter go off a few times, attempting to pull away.

“Wait. Let’s get one of you kissing his cheek, Y/N!” your mom gushed.

“Moooooom.”

“Do it.” she chided.

You sighed and glanced up at Yoongi in silent apology, but he only lent over and offered you his cheek. You gently pressed your lips to it, feeling the skin tingle where it met his. The tips of Yoongi’s ears were suspiciously pink, but you paid it no mind. He was probably uncomfortable. Your mom snapped a few pictures and smiled to herself.

“You two act like you’ve never touched each other.” she commented offhandedly while turning around to place her phone on the charger.

“Yoongi’s not a fan of PDA.” you covered smoothly.

“When I was your age my man couldn’t keep his hands off of me.” she shrugged.

“MOM!”

“What? It’s true. Young men always have a one track mind.”

You covered your face with your hands, and your mom laughed. Yoongi wrapped his arms around you from behind, shielding you with his body.

“Don’t be shy babe. I just wanted to be respectful around your mom but she doesn’t seem to care.” he spoke, allowing his lips to graze along the shell of your ear, causing a shiver to run through your body.

Yoongi smirked and kissed your cheek before letting you go, standing up straighter. You glanced where he was staring and your dad was making his way down the hall to join everyone.

“Merry Christmas, dad.” you said politely.

“Merry Christmas.” he responded, his tone a little stiff and uncomfortable.

He wasn’t showing clear distaste for you or Yoongi, so you took it as a win. Your mom must have had a talk with him. You silently thanked her and took your seat beside Yoongi at the table. Dinner was pretty uneventful, light small talk that your father barely participated in and Yoongi relentlessly complimenting your mom on her cooking skills, telling her how delicious the food was and how he needed the recipes.

After dinner, you all sat around the tree and opened gifts, your father having gifted your mother a lovely pearl necklace, your mother giving your father a new watch. You’d gifted your mom a foot massager that looked like slippers you’d seen at the mall, and your father a new set of tools, knowing his were beginning to wear. You’d gifted Yoongi a gift card to his favorite store at the mall, and he’d given you a beautiful bracelet he saw you eyeing a few weeks back.

The last gift to be opened had been a pair of matching couple’s pajamas for you and Yoongi, a red and white plaid design that was actually kind of cute. Your mom made you hold them up and take a picture together, ignoring your protests that she had taken plenty of pictures beforehand. Packing everything up and getting ready to go, you looked up between your parents and sighed contentedly.

“This was nice, getting along,” you smiled at your mom, standing up and dusting off your skirt, “we’ll be sure to visit soon.”

Your mom leaned in for a hug from both of you while your dad stood silently off to the side, hands at his sides, fingers twitching slightly like he was unsure if he should lean in as well or not. Swallowing your pride because it was Christmas, you walked over to him and wrapped your arms around him. He gently patted your back a few times before stepping back.

“See you around, dad. Merry Christmas.” you spoke softly.

“Merry Christmas.” he repeated, looking away uncomfortably.

You sighed and took Yoongi’s hand in your own, gazing up at him in a silent question. He smiled and pulled you towards the door. The second he opened the entrance, snow blew into the living room from the force of the wind, and Yoongi quickly shut the door, having to put in more strength than usual with how hard the wind was blowing.

“Wow, it’s really coming down hard out there.” your mom commented, eyebrows raising in surprise.

“Does your vehicle have four wheel drive?” your dad asked.

“Um… no.” Yoongi scratched the back of his neck uncomfortably.

“Oh there is no way I’m letting you drive in this!” your mother gasped.

“Mom, we have to go home. I’m sure we can drive slow.” you reasoned, though your nerves about the weather were grating at you.

“Absolutely not. You’ll stay here.” she commanded.

“YN… your mom is probably right. It looks pretty bad out there. I don’t think it would be safe…” Yoongi said quietly.

You sighed, resigning to your fate and nodded, setting your purse back on the coat rack and removing your jacket. Yoongi followed suit, shedding his coat and hanging it up, smiling apologetically in your direction. Your father had already retreated back to his bedroom to clean up for the night.

“Are the spare blankets still in the hall closet?” you asked your mom.

“Yes, why?” she wondered.

“I was going to grab one, Yoongi or I will probably be sleeping on the couch.”

“That couch is not comfortable enough to sleep on. It’s not like I don’t know you sleep together at home.” she scoffed.

Your cheeks lit up brighter than the Christmas tree in the corner of the living room and you didn’t dare look at Yoongi. Your mom laughed at your reaction, rolling her eyes and walking down the hall.

“Goodnight, see you in the morning.” she called over her shoulder.

The two of you stood there silently for a moment before you coughed and gestured for him to follow you to your old bedroom. Most of your stuff had been taken to your apartment by that point, so it was mostly just your old bed and an empty dresser with a lamp on it. You glanced down at the full sized bed, which had enough room for the two of you, but barely enough to ensure that you wouldn’t end up touching.

“Do you care which side?” you wondered, finally looking up to meet Yoongi’s gaze.

“No, it doesn’t matter to me.” he shrugged.

“Okay. You can go change first.” you offered.

Yoongi nodded and disappeared down the hallway to change into the pajamas your mother had gifted the both of you previously in the night. You decided to go ahead and rush through changing while Yoongi was gone, slipping on the matching pair and crawling into bed. The two of you laid straight on your backs, staring at the ceiling for a while.

“I’m sorry about this.” you mumbled quietly.

“It’s okay, really.”

You didn’t remember falling asleep so soon, but you woke up to a pitch black room with something warm and firm pressed up against your back. You snuggled closer to the warmth in the freezing room and were met with a low groan and something a solid pressing against your backside.

“Nnnngh.” Yoongi whined, half-asleep, wrapping his arm around you and pulling you flush against him.

You froze, trying not to rub against Yoongi’s erection that was pressing into your ass, but that didn’t stop the shiver from traveling through your body. With great effort, you managed to turn yourself around in Yoongi’s arms so you were facing him, watching his serene facial expressions in his slumber.

Yoongi really was a beautiful man. You watched him take slow, steady breaths, his face illuminated by the moonlight trickling in between the blinds. You wanted to reach out and touch him, feel his smooth skin beneath your fingertips, but you didn’t dare in case you woke him.

His body shuffled closer to yours once more, his arms tightening around you until your noses were nearly touching and you had to hold in a gasp. There was no way this would be happening if Yoongi had been conscious, and you weren’t sure if you should let him sleep or alert him to what he was doing. You couldn’t help being slightly elated at the situation though, being this close to Yoongi and being able to study his features without fear of looking weird, and the way his groin felt pressed against your lower stomach wasn’t something you’d complain about either.

You decided you should probably stop taking advantage of his unconscious state and attempted to climb over him to get out of bed without disturbing him. Just as you’d swung your leg over his body, he turned in his sleep, flipping onto his back, effectively knocking you off balance until you landed atop his chest, your legs straddling his hips.

You glanced up at his face and your eyes met, faces mirroring expressions of shock. You were both frozen in place for a moment, staring into each other’s eyes. You snapped out of it and tried to climb off of Yoongi’s hips, just as Yoongi tried to sit up, so all the two of you accomplished was grinding your core against Yoongi’s erection. Yoongi let out a strangled moan, reaching out to grab your hips to hold you still.

His fingers gripped the skin of your hips where your shirt had ridden up, and his touch burned in the best way. You fought back a whimper at the delicious feeling, your hips stilling in his iron grasp. The air in the room changed, getting thicker. You swore you could cut the sexual tension with a knife. Your racing heart skipped a beat as Yoongi’s eyes traveled down your body until they rested where your core met his length. He shivered. You gulped. Once again, you attempted to flee your current position.

“Please- don’t move,” Yoongi whined, almost desperately, “you’re making it worse.”

“I know I’m irresistible.” you chuckled awkwardly, trying to lighten the mood.

“You really are.”

Your brows rose in surprise at the earnest tone he spoke in, his voice bordering desperate. Your mouth slightly agape, you searched his eyes for confirmation he wasn’t joking. He smirked and sat up, holding you against him as his lips ghosted along your neck, barely brushing against your skin. His hot breath fanning against your skin sent a shiver down your spine. His fingers dug into your sides almost demandingly, and he let out a low, animalistic growl.

“You don’t even realize what you do to me… how much you tempt me. I see the way you look at me, the way your eyes linger. You’re anything but subtle. I’ve tried so hard to hold back… If we weren’t at your parents house, I’d fuck you so hard you’d forget your name…” Yoongi’s voice was low and quiet, and you let out an involuntary whimper at his words, causing his eyes to darken and a smirk to play on his pretty lips, “but maybe you’d like that, maybe you want them to hear, you want them to know what a dirty slut you can be, wanna show them who you belong to. You’d like that, wouldn’t you, baby girl?” he purred, rocking his hips up into yours, letting his rock-hard member drag deliciously against your covered folds.

“Oh fuck… yes.” you whimpered, all sense of dignity flying out the window at his dirty words.

“Fuck, I’ve dreamed about this for so long.” he groaned, using his hands to guide your hips along his length.

“Me too.” you whimpered, falling forward and placing your hands on the defined planes of his chest, feeling it rise and fall as quickly as yours.

You allowed your hands to wander underneath his sleep shirt, feeling his warm skin against your own, slowly dragging your digits along his torso and teasingly letting your nails scrape gently against his nipples. Yoongi watched with rapt attention as you explored his body, relishing in the way you attempted to memorize every inch your eyes could devour.

His fingers dug into your hips when you flicked your thumb over his nipple, and you smiled innocently before dragging your hands down to the waistband of his pajama pants, gently lifting the elastic and letting it snap back against his skin, causing him to buck his hips up into yours. His hands traveled up your hips to grip the hem of your shirt, pausing and meeting your gaze to make sure you were alright, and you nodded, placing your hands on his and guiding them to remove the fabric, revealing your bare breasts underneath. Yoongi sucked in a breath, a low whine escaping as he released it.

His hands immediately found purchase on your breasts, his thumb and index finger rolling your hardened nipple. You let your head fall back as electricity shot straight to your core at his actions. You felt him move below you, sitting up in order to take one of your pert nipples into his waiting mouth. His warm tongue worked against the sensitive bud, alternating between licking and sucking while he worked the neglected nipple between his fingers. Your breathing grew shallower, your whines needier, and you felt Yoongi smirking against your skin, releasing your abused flesh with an audible pop.

“You fall apart so easily for me… who could’ve guessed you’d be such a responsive, cock hungry little thing.” he mused while allowing his hands to travel down your stomach, so close to where you needed stimulation.

“Yoongi please…”

“Fuck, say it again. My name sounds so much better coming from your pretty lips.”

“Yoongi.” you moaned, nearly breathless. “Please.”

In an instant, Yoongi had you flipped over, resting on your back as he hovered over you, his hungry gaze trailing over your chest and traveling down. He tugged on the waistband of your pajamas, pulling them down past the swell of your ass, then helping you kick them off and aside, leaving you in nothing but your panties.

“Wanna see you, Yoongi.” you pleaded, tugging on the hem of his shirt.

He quickly obliged, whipping it off and tossing it aside, revealing his expanse of glorious ivory skin to you. Your gaze traveled down the expanse of his torso, tracing over the intricate designs that decorated his skin in awe. You’d seen glimpses, when he’d been in just a towel, or stripping off his shirt at the washing machine, but you’d never gotten a good look up close.

You tentatively lifted your fingers, your index gently tracing the inky black lines as tenderly as you could, barely a ghost of a touch as you admired the beautiful artwork that so perfectly suited such a beautiful man. Yoongi shivered at your touch, watching you study his ink with such wonder in your eyes pulled at his heart strings, reminding him exactly why he’d fallen for you in the first place.

“When we have more time, I want to hear all about these,” you mused quietly, “what they mean, when you got them, I want to know everything.”

“I’ll tell you anything you want to know baby,” he pressed a gentle kiss to your lips, “but for now…” he trailed off, slowly moving his body down, kissing a path from your lips down your front until he reached the elastic band of your panties.

He teasingly ran his finger under the elastic, grinning up at your from his spot between your thighs before pulling the garment from your body and tossing it aside, revealing your soaking pussy to him. You tried to close your legs from embarrassment, but Yoongi gently slid his hands up your thighs, gently kneading the flesh there.

“So beautiful, please don’t hide from me.” he cooed, kissing a line from your thigh to your folds, causing you to let out a pleased sigh and spread your legs further for him, “mmm… good girl.”

He rewarded you by licking a long stripe up your slit, gathering your slick on his tongue and making a pleased noise in the back of his throat before diving in, working his warm muscle against your clit in different motions, alternating between sucking it between plump lips, licking broad stripes against it, and drawing figures with the tip of his tongue.

Using your pleasure as a distraction, he slowly eased a finger inside of your entrance, your slick aiding him with the welcome intrusion. He curled his finger and made come hither motions, repeatedly rubbing the pad of his finger against your weakest spot, and it took everything inside of you not to cry out at the intense fire burning in your core as he worked you closer to your first release. He slowly added a second finger, then a third, scissoring you open and prepping you for his cock.

Just the thought of the thick member you’d felt pressing against your lower back earlier nestled deep inside you had you drooling, and Yoongi’s skills with his mouth and fingers were certainly not hurting. Quiet whimpers escaped your lips as you fought the urge to buck your hips up into his mouth as your climax came closer and closer. Yoongi noticed your needy behavior and sped up his actions, working you towards your release.

You bit down on your fingers to stifle the loud moans that threatened to spill from your lips, even in your lust clouded mind, the last thing you needed was to be interrupted before you could get Yoongi inside of you. As your orgasm crashed over you from Yoongi’s ministrations, your back arched off the bed and you nearly drew blood from how hard you had to bite down to keep quiet, your body shaking as you came down from euphoria.

Yoongi kissed his way back up your body, finally becoming eye-level with you, smirking at your fucked out state and heavy breathing. You laughed and hid your face in the crook of his neck, drawing his body closer to yours in an attempt to hide. Yoongi’s low chuckles reverberated, shaking the bed slightly. Your hands traveled from being wrapped around his neck, slowly trailing down his back and pulling on the elastic of his pajama bottoms, desperate to lay eyes on his thick cock, which was pressed into your hip.

“Yoongi… need you. Need you so bad.” you begged.

Yoongi’s cock twitched in his pj’s, and he assisted you with ridding him of them and his boxers in one go, allowing his cock to spring free and slap against his stomach in all its glory. You were absolutely salivating as you looked at the reddened tip, leaking precum, the long shaft, and you couldn’t wait to feel him filling you up.

“Ready, princess?” he wondered, lining his member up with your entrance after gathering your slick to coat the head.

“So ready. Please fuck me, Yoongi.”

Yoongi slowly pushed himself inside your entrance, stretching your walls in the most delicious way. He took his time, periodically checking your expression for discomfort as he impaled you with his length. Your breathing was erratic, you were clutching onto his back for dear life as he split you open, eventually bottoming out. Yoongi stretched you out in all the best ways, filling you up better than any man had ever dreamed of before, and you were living for it.

You rocked your hips up into his, begging him to move, and Yoongi slowly pulled out until just the tip was sheathed inside your warmth before pushing back in, gaining more speed as he went. You couldn’t help the pathetic whines and moans that fell from your lips as Yoongi worked his hips, thrusting into you at a punishing pace. Every rock of his hips had the tip of his cock meeting your cervix, the powerful thrusts sending you closer and closer to oblivion.

“Fuck, babygirl, you look so sexy like this, taking my cock so well… like you were made for me. So fucking perfect.” Yoongi whispered hotly in your ear, licking a bold stripe along the shell, sending shivers coursing through your body.

“Yoongi, fuck.”

“That’s it baby, who’s making you feel this good?” he accentuated the last word with a harder thrust that sent your body a little farther up the bed.

“You, Yoongi! Oh oh o-oh..” your whines grow louder and Yoongi quickly covered your mouth with his own in an attempt to drown out the noise, lest your parents really do hear him defiling their daughter in her childhood bedroom.

You clawed desperately at his back, trying to warn him of your impending orgasm, and Yoongi deepened the kiss in understanding, pistoning his hips with as much strength as he could muster and reaching down to roll your clit between his fingers, sending you sailing off the edge, Yoongi’s kiss stifled your scream before he soon followed you off the edge, painting your walls white with his hot release.

Yoongi pecked your lips tenderly before rolling off of you and landing on his back beside you, both of you panting and grinning like idiots. Yoongi’s cum seeped out of your battered hole, and he licked his lips at the sight, causing you to cover your face and giggle. He stood, walking into the bathroom and dampening a washcloth to clean you up as gently as he could before tossing it into the hamper and resuming his position on his side of the bed.

The sun was just beginning to rise and shine through the blinds as you lay beside Yoongi, still catching your breath. You glanced over at Yoongi to find he was already looking at you. He gave you a shy, tentative smile.

“So…” he trailed off.

“So…?”

Yoongi sighed and sat up, urging you to follow suit so you could both talk. You followed his instructions, wincing slightly. He gently reached out and took both of your hands in his larger ones, looking up to meet your gaze before he spoke quietly.

“Listen… I know this started off as a lie to piss your dad off, but… I would be lying now if i said it was still fake for me. I really like you, Y/N.. I have for a while. I don’t know when it happened but somewhere along the way, I just- I don’t know. But if you’re willing to give me a chance, a real chance, I think I could make you happy.” he spoke quietly, his eyes filled with light and hope.

“Oh Yoongi…” you sighed, cupping his cheek with your hand tenderly and smiling as he leaned subconsciously into your touch, “you already do. None of this is fake for me either, not anymore. I really, really like you.”

A soft knock on your door tore you two from your moment, your heads snapping towards the door as you pulled the blanket up to cover your breasts.

“Morning, guys, breakfast will be ready in ten.” your mom called through the wood.

“I don’t know if I’m going to be able to look your mom in the eye now.” Yoongi chuckled.

“She already thought we were fucking before this.” you reasoned with a smirk.

Yoongi groaned and hid his face in the crook of your neck and you laughed, carding your fingers through his messy post-sex hair lovingly.

“I can’t believe you’re really mine, for real this time.” he whispered into the safety of your neck.

“And I can’t believe you’re mine… for real this time,” you grin, carding your fingers through his hair comfortingly, “let’s eat so we can go home.”

The two of you got dressed and headed out for breakfast, engaging in small talk with your mom and semi-comfortable silence with your dad. You still had a ways to go to fix that relationship, but you were pleased with the progress. You didn’t think you’d ever have a perfect relationship with your father, but you didn’t have to. You didn’t have to fix everything, or be who he wanted in order to receive love, you were slowly learning.

The roads had been salted and deemed safe to drive on, so you and Yoongi bid your parents a farewell, thanking them for letting you stay and for the gifts. Your mom pulled you into a hug, then Yoongi into one as well.

“I just love how happy you are around him, Y/N. It’s like you’re glowing. You two come visit soon, okay? I miss seeing you.” your mom spoke, holding your hand in hers.

“We will. I love you, mom.”

Yoongi reached out and you placed your hand in his, letting him lead you home.

Months later, on another lazy Sunday afternoon, you were cuddled up with your boyfriend on the couch of your shared apartment, snuggling into his chest while the two of you half paid attention to another movie on Netflix. Wrapped up in blankets and Yoongi’s arms, you’d never felt safer, more content, or so unbelievably happy.

Yoongi had your hand wrapped in his, lazily placing kisses along your wrist, palm, the tips of your fingers, anywhere his lips would reach. He wanted to shower you in kisses. You watched him with curious eyes, noting the way his own were shining as he met your gaze.

“What?” you wondered, chucking quietly.

“Say it again.”

“Yoongi,” you whined, looking up at him with a smile nonetheless, “I’ve said it like fifty times today.”

“Just one more time.”

You rolled your eyes before quietly letting the words roll off your lips like dripping honey as you pressed a kiss to his skin. “I love you, Min Yoongi.”

Yoongi hummed happily, almost like a purring cat, “Mmm.. I love you too.”

You snuggled into his embrace before he spoke up once more.

“Okay, just one more time.”

You laughed and rolled over so you were straddling him, reaching down and squishing his cheeks together before pressing your lips to his.

“I love you.” you giggled, pecking his lips once more, then repeating the words and actions over and over and over again.

“I love you I love you I love you I love you.” you peppered kisses all over his face, any part of it you could reach until your boyfriend was a mess beneath you, laughing and blushing with the biggest gummy smile on his face.

Every once in a while, you meet someone you instantly connect with. Every so often you cross paths with someone you’re just meant to meet. But, once in a lifetime, you meet someone who makes your soul feel whole again. You see a face in the crowd and instantly feel at home. You hear their laugh one time and suddenly the world has color again. Once in a lifetime, you meet someone who doesn’t save you, but holds you steady while you gather the strength you need to save yourself.

Min Yoongi is that person for you.

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twilight-love-nochu · 4 years ago

Text

BTS Reaction To neglecting their family while away (Hyung Line)

JIN (Kim Seokjin)

When you started to date Jin you knew what you got yourself into. Jin is a busy man always preparing for the next comeback or going on tour. He was living his dream and you knew how much it meant to him so you didn’t complain. You felt quite proud of him actually since even with his busy schedule he usually never forgets to take care of his family and spends as much time with your three year old and you as possible.

Though on his current tour it was quite different. For a long time he didn’t call you two and barely ever answered your calls and you were getting quite tired of it. Yes, he was busy but you were just asking for 5 minutes, enough time to check on each other and for him to talk to his son.

It had already been 4 months since he left and your son was missing him terribly. He was starting to be uncontrollable, always throwing tantrums and never wanting to go to sleep demanding for his father to sing him to sleep.

Today was one of those nights again. Your usually smiley son was currently crying at the top of his lungs and kicking when you tried to come near him. At this point you were fed up with it and didn’t have any energy to deal with it anymore.

You left your son’s room and went to the living room were you left your phone. You snatched it from the table it was laying on and FaceTimed your husband over and over again determined to have him answer the phone, which he did after the fifth call.

“What is it?! You can’t just blow up my phone like this I’m about to go to the rehearsals and I’m already late, Y/N.” You could tell that he was pissed by the way he growled at you. But at this point you were probably more irritated than him so it didn’t faze you.

“I wouldn’t have to if you actually answered when I called… or maybe even called yourself.” You retorted with a fake smile.

“You know I’m busy, I don’t always have time. Like right now actually.”

“Seems like lately even when you do have time you prefer spending it with anything or anyone other than your family.” You didn’t even know were that came from and the words surprised even you but you weren’t going to show him how startled you were. “Whatever I just called because your son misses you very much and is making life very hard for me right now so talk to him.” You said while going back into your son’s room and handing the phone to your son who was still crying, though much calmer now.

As soon as he say his father on the screen you could see his eyes light up.

“Hi buddy!” you heard Jin say as you took the opportunity to go to the kitchen and heat up your food as you didn’t have any time to eat before since you were too busy taking care of the troublesome son. You also took the time to calm down from the fight with your husband.

After a few minutes you went back into your son’s room to check on him only to find him fast asleep with your phone on his lap. You smiled at how cute he looked before walking over to him. You payed him down in his bed, tucked him in and pressed a kiss to his temple before taking the phone and walking out of the room making sure to close the door carefully behind you.

“Y/N?” The voice coming from your phone startled you a bit, you didn’t realize that he was still on the call. When you pointed the camera at your face Jin started talking again: “He grew a lot since the last time I saw him. I didn’t realize how long it has been.” He said with a sad smile on his face problably trying to start small talk with you.

You chuckled bitterly at his words “Yeah, talk to you whenever.” You rolled your eyes.

“Wai-“ you didn’t let him finish before ending the call. You really didn’t feel like talking to him after your fight.

SUGA (Min Yoongi)

Yoongi has always been a distant person. He often missed calls or forgot to text back, or even canceled some dates. In the beginning of your relationship it made you doubt his feelings for you quite often but you soon came to realize that he wasn’t being distant on purpose. He is just naturally introverted and very serious and concentrated when it comes to his work.

What helped you realize that we’re many actions of his, like when he came to you when he needed inspiration, or when he sometimes came over to your apartment that was further away from his studio than the dorms fully knowing that you would be asleep when he came and that he had to leave even before you woke up and when you realized that and asked him about it he simply replied that he only felt completely relaxed when he was with you, or simply that he trusted you with his beloved dog Hollie when he was on tour.

Tour was the only time where you two were completely apart from each other and the only way for you to communicate was through the phone. This made tours the hardest times in your relationship, as your communication would be at its minimum. Of course you missed your boyfriend very much when he was away but you trusted Yoongi and knew that if he didn’t call he was just immersed in his work and stressed, you didn’t want to be a distraction from his work since you know how important it was to him.

Anyway you soon got used to his lifestyle and you two started to make changes in both of your lives so that you were both happy. You started hanging out at his studio more often - obviously not distracting him but doing your own thing -, soon you two even moved in together and later on he married you.

Now here you are 5 years later and not much has changed. Yoongi is still as focused on his career and you don‘t mind much, you miss him, but you were used to it by now… but your daughter was not.

Your daughter was only 4 years old so she didn’t understand why her daddy had to be away from her for so long. She is the biggest Daddy‘s Girl out there so she also didn’t like the idea of him going around the world to make other girls happy very much.

The 4-year-old has been feeling a little bit under the weather for a couple of days now and it broke your heart to see your usual bundle of happiness in that state. You thought long about how to make her feel better and came to the conclusion that talking to her beloved dad was the only medicine that would help.

You pondered for a very long time wether you should call him or not since you knew how grumpy he could get when he got interrupted while working but when your daughter even refused to eat you knew you had to.

You went into your room to start the call because you didn’t know how Yoongi would react after picking up the phone and you didn’t want him to snap at you in front of your 4-year-old.

Sure enough Yoongi seemed pissed after answering your second call. “Babe, I’m working, you know I don’t like getting interrupted.” Yes he was scolding you but you couldn’t help the butterflies that erupted in your belly upon hearing his voice after so long.

“Oh come on, you’re always working Yoongi and we haven’t talked in so long.” You pouted a little.

“I’m busy Y/N, I’m working on a new song right now and I really don’t want to forget what I had in mind.” He doesn’t budge, making you sigh.

“Yoongi, we talked about this. When you’re working you tend to get too immersed in it and you forget to call. The last time we talked was more than a month ago and the only reason I even know you’re alive and well is because I talk to your members. I just want one call once in a while even if it’s for a few minutes. Y/D/N misses you a lot… and I do too.” You add shyly.

That’s when you see a soft smile for on your Husband’s lips. “ You’re Right Y/N. I’m sorry. I guess I do get too immersed in my work. I didn’t even realize how I miss you two too.”

“You really need to take a break once in a while babe.” You tell him.

”I know. I will. How’s Y/D/N?” You can see his eyes light up just at the thought of her, making you chuckle.

“Not so good, she hasn’t been nearly as cheerful as she usually is. And I just tried to feed her but she keeps rejecting any kind of food. I think she just misses you a lot. You know I’m used to not talking to you that much but she isn’t.” You tell him honestly and his face falls remarkably.

“You should be used to me neglecting you either, Y/N.” He says sadness laced in his voice. “I’ll make it up to you I promise. For now let me talk to my Princess.”

You walk into the living room with your phone in your hand to find said princess lying on the sofa while watching her favorite show on the TV.

“Baby, Look who’s on the phone!” You say with a cheerful tone.

As sulky as she was before she still looked over to you and as soon as she saw her father on the phone the Y/D/N that you knew and loved cake back.

“Appa!!!”

You stayed on the phone for almost 2 hours during which your daughter happily told him about everything he had missed since his last phone call and he even got her to eat before she passed out on your lap. You were relieved that she was back to her old bubbly self.

Surprisingly, the call didn’t end after you put Y/D/N to bed like you would have thought. Instead Yoongi even insisted on staying on the phone to talk to you until you fell asleep too.

J-Hope (Jung Hoseok)

Your husband Hoseok was a superstar and his popularity was growing day by day. His fan base exceeded national boundaries so naturally he was gone a lot. Be it for a world tour, schedules in other countries or a collaboration with a western artist.

This time he had a 3 months tour all over America and had to stay there a little longer for the promotion of his new song with the newest big female artist in the USA right now.

Though you knew that you had to share your s/o with more than 30 Mio people, you didn’t mind because you knew that in the end you were the one he was married to and had two children with. Plus, you were an army too, so how could you be jealous knowing how important he was to them and vise versa.

Getting jealous because of his popularity would be stupid anyways because Hoseok was one of the most social and charismatic people you ever got to know, so you were sure that even if he wasn’t famous he’d still be gaining the attention of many people. But that wasn’t a bad thing, after all if he wasn’t that outgoing you doubt that you would have gotten to know each other.

So yeah, you were pretty proud of your husband for being so successful in the thing he loved to do. And when he was away you showed your support by watching every show and interview he did. It even became a family tradition for you and your son and daughter to gather in front of the TV every time you knew he was going to be on.

All three of you loved to see him goofing around on screen since lately that was the only way you got to see him.

His new collab song came out a week ago so he was in the middle of promotion and since the song was at the top of the charts a lot of shows demanded his appearance. So every day he was juggling between schedules, went back to the hotel very late and was too exhausted to call. During the preparation of the sind he also was drowning in work. J-Hope was a perfectionist so he stayed at the studio day and night in company of the singer he was making the song with, so every time you called he would tell you that he was busy working with her.

Now, as said before, you weren’t the jealous time at all but seeing how much time he spent with her and how much you were neglected in the process really didn’t sit right with you. And the fact that you saw how well (maybe even too well) they got along with each other on shows didn’t help. You knew fully well that Hoseok wouldn’t cheat on you and you couldn’t help the jealousy that was growing inside of you. You thought to yourself that you only felt that way because you hadn’t seen nor talked to him in so long.

Even so, you didn’t want to let it show in front of your kids since you didn’t want them to think that there was anything wrong with their parents, so you continued to watch the shows and interviews with them every day suppressing the feeling and casting a fake smile on your face.

You thought you were doing a great job at faking it but your son was old enough to notice that there was something wrong with you and he was clever enough to figure out the reason after seeing your smile fall a little every time you saw Hobi laugh with his new friend. He also noticed your general mood deteriorate more and more every time his father didn’t answer your calls.

As he watched you one day try to call your husband once more and sigh when he didn’t pick up your son had enough. He picked up his own phone and opted for messaging you seeing as he knew his father wasn’t going to answer anyways.

You’re an asshole. Hope you know that.

Even though he felt bad for cursing out his father his anger was bigger.

As expected, his father didn’t didn’t respond right away, in fact he didn’t see the message until 3 hours later but as soon as he saw it his heart sank and he immediately called his son racking his brain about what he could have done for his son to suddenly have such a bad image of him.

The 13 year old answered the phone with an eye roll. “Oh so your phone does work. Good to know.”

“Buddy? You alright?” Was all Hoseok said, making the young boy roll his eyes yet again.

“You would know if you called more often… or as all.” Hobi was sure he heard a hint of sadness hiding behind all the sass he definitely inherited from you.

“I’m sorry, bud. I just have so much to do that I barely ever have any time on my own and when I do it’s already the middle of the night over there.” Excuses, excuses is what your son thought.

“Yeah because you’re always with that other woman.” Your son replied now letting his guards down and letting his sadness show. On the other end of the line Hoseok was shocked by his son’s words. His son didn’t think he was cheating on you, did he?

“W-What do you mean?” Hobi asked carefully.

“Every time mom calls you you say that you’re busy with her. You’re making mom sad And I don’t like seeing her like that.”

Hobi sighed, “ Listen to me, okay? I love your mother very very much and I would never even think of doing something that would make me lose her and you and your sister in the process. I didn’t realize I made it seem as if I was hurting your mother on purpose. I wasn’t.”

“Tell that to her then. She acts like there’s nothing wrong but I can see that she’s just faking.” Although still worried for his mom he was actually very glad to hear his father say that.

He was just like you and preferred to hide his feelings so he would never let it show but he was actually very scared that his parents would split up.

“I will, kid. Thanks for making me aware of it.” He was very proud and happy to know that his son was turning into a real man protecting his mother.

“I’ll call her now. I’ll talk to you and your sister later, okay? Love and miss you lots.” He added

“I love you too, dad. Come home soon. Oh and dad?”

“Hm?”

“I’m sorry I called you an asshole.” Your son said bashfully, making his father laugh.

“It’s okay, but this better be the last time you talk to me like that.” Hobi answered semi-seriously.

“Yes, sir.” On that note they ended the call and Hobi didn’t miss a moment to call you.

RM (Kim Namjoon)

We all know that Namjoon is a very serious man when it comes to his work. I mean, he has to be, he is the leader of one of the most successful groups right now.

Off stage, Namjoon is also the best husband and father to your daughter. Always there for you two when you need it and when you don’t, the best support that you could ask for.

But with being the leader of BTS and of your family comes great responsibility, and as a result great stress. Between having to overview every schedule they have (and they have a lot), making sure everyone is Problem free and healthy both physically and mentally, making their songs, making sure everyone learns the songs and choreography and that the performances are perfect, playing the translator when they are overseas and having to take care or you and your 6 year old daughter there was not much time to work on his sanity. Don’t get me wrong, he loved doing all that, it was just… a bit much at times. Like now.

They had been on tour for 5 months now and they’re last break was too long ago to remember, meaning that Namjoon had been working non-stop for far too long. And he was already working on their next album that was supposed to come out soon after the tour, giving him extra work. He had no time to go visit the cities, no time to just hang out with the members and definitely no time to call you, and even though he was trying to not let it all get to him, it definitely was. And the fact that he had trouble with the song he was currently writing was not helping him very much.

In Korea, you were helping your daughter finalize the present she was making for her father for Father’s Day today.

She might be just 6 but she definitely had inherited Joon's incredible intelligence and creativity. That is why her present couldn’t be just a drawing of you three standing next to a house with a sun in the corner of the drawing.

She insisted on making an album full of pictures of her and her daddy with small notes and descriptions telling him why she loves him and her favorite memories of him.

She just started school so she couldn’t write very well but she still wanted to do it herself so right now you were just dictating her the words for the last note.

“All done mommy!” She exclaimed with a big toothless grin.

“Yay well done girlie! Shall we call daddy now and show him?”

Hearing your words, you saw her eyes light up. She didn’t waste a second before dashing to get your phone and coming back to where she left the album, making you giggle at her excitement.

You started the FaceTime call but went to stand outside of the frame right after. As mature as she wanted to act, your daughter was only 6 so you knew that Namjoon not making it to the ‘Bring you father to school day’ that her school was organizing for Father’s Day

As soon as she saw her father’s face she started beaming.

“Hi daddy!! Look what I ma-“ but her excitement was cut short by an annoyed voice.

“Y/D/N didn’t I tell you to stop taking people’s phones?” You were shocked by your husband's words and even more by his tone. Never has he ever spoken to her like that.

“But I-“ your daughter tried to explain herself but was cut off by her father once again.

“No buts young lady. You’re daddy’s busy, I can’t always talk when you want to. That’s why you should always wait for me to call or for your mother to call me. Now put the phone back where you found it.” And he ended the call.

You could see the tears forming in your daughter’s eyes as she kept on staring at the screen her usually loving father was just seconds ago.

Without a word you went over to where she was sitting and took her in your arms where she started sobbing.

You really didn’t know what was up with Namjoon. Usually even when he was majorly stressed he never talked like that. He was the most pacifist person you had ever seen and hated arguments. And seeing his little mini-me usually helped him destress.

It took you an hour to calm your daughter down and she finally fell asleep in your arms. You carried her into her room and put her in bed, careful not to wake her up.

With a heavy sigh you went back into the living room and retrieved your phone from the table. You took a picture of the album, sent it to your husband and wrote: Y/D/N made this for you. It’s a photo album with all the best memories she was with you. She was already upset enough that you can’t make it to “Bring Your Father To School Day” but you had to be pissy to her when she just wanted to show you her present? I know you probably are very stressed out because of everything and I understand it and I respect it. That’s why I refrain on calling you too often, but the one time I do, for Y/D/N sake btw, you react like that. That‘s really not cool, Namjoon.

Namjoon read the message you left him, and only then did it down on him how awful he was to your daughter and guilt started building in side of him at a rapid speed.

“Fuck.“

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wefoundloveunderthelight · 3 years ago

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Void of Extinction by GleefullyCaptainSwan Chapter 1/9

Read on AO3: | Chapter 1

Or on FF

Stacy's Tortured Crew: @teamhook @kmomof4 @stahlop @lfh1226-linda @ilovemesomekillianjones @itsfabianadocarmo @mariakov81 @qualitycoffeethings @zaharadessert @jrob64 @jonesfandomfanatic @natascha-ronin @tiganasummertree @xarandomdreamx @therooksshiningknight @batana54 @superchocovian @onceratheart18 @ultraluckycatnd @snowbellewells @karlyfr13s @the-darkdragonfly @xsajx @deckerstarblanche

Chapter 1: There is Nothing to Fear

Storybrooke Maine, 2052. The world is slowly dying from a plague, only known as J2, that is spreading across the realms, a disease that has no cure. A faction known as “The Rebellion” have moved underground to search for a cure while avoiding detection from “The Hive”, a dangerous group run by an unidentified man of darkness searching for power. The only thing standing in the way of either group taking power is Mayor Regina Mills, who spends her time protecting the residents of Storybrooke from criminals who might bring the plague to her small town. The most dangerous occupants, those deemed most likely to bring the plague to town, are given a new opportunity, a chance for a new life, without being a danger to society, courtesy of the Gold Collective.

The pain was tortuously blinding as he tried to open his eyes. It was a feeling of waking from an all-night bender he couldn’t even remember attending. Peering through slits, his room came into view, blue neon lit behind the monitor on his wall. “Status Report.” He spoke, a gritty tone leaving his throat.

“Good morning James, it’s 7:53 am, pollution level 63%, you have no appointments today.” The pleasant robotic voice carried throughout the room. Something felt wrong, like a small itch at the back of his brain, a light tick that was calling out to him, telling him to pay attention.

He stood from his bed, the silk sheets falling to the ground behind him as he wandered through the apartment. “Open blinds.” He spoke and the metal slats hummed as they opened fully, revealing the land in front of him, dark smoke clouds on the horizon behind the mountains. Storybrooke, the only home he had ever known. He sighed; he was going to be late. He was halfway to the bathroom before he stopped in his tracks.

What the bloody hell was he about to be late for?

“What time do I have to be at work?” he said loudly.

“You are expected at 8:30am. Shall I prepare transport?”

He groaned, “Sure, but where is my destination?”

“Granny’s Diner, Main Street, Storybrooke.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose, a headache taking form at the back of his neck. “Granny’s.” He mumbled. Short memories, like a picture show, formed in his head, an older woman barking orders at him as he cooked burgers in the back of the small diner. He was a cook. He wasn’t sure why that felt odd to him, like something was out of place. He didn’t have time to contemplate the decisions he made in his life. He was going to be late for work.

The quick shower didn’t erase the feelings, images he didn’t recognize were imprinted in his subconscious every time he closed his eyes. A woman with hair, a light pale yellow, eyes green as grass staring at him. He couldn’t place the image, some celebrity perhaps he had seen in a movie. He shut off the water, running the towel through his hair as he tried to rub the sleep from his brain.

He dressed and left his apartment, sliding the locks shut with a slam, cranking the large metal door handle to the right to ensure it was locked. He glanced down the darkened hallway at the few people meandering about, the lot of which always appeared to be lurking, watching for unsuspecting individuals who left their belongings unprotected.

“You’re late.” The woman growled as soon as he entered the back of the diner.

“I’m sorry, Granny. In my defense, I forgot I had…” He thought about his sentence. What did he forget exactly? That he had a job, that he was a cook, why he had even woken up at the time he did, dreaming about a woman he had never met, “to work this early.” He finished.

“I’ve had to tell you the same thing since you started working here, it would do you some good to have your AIM set a damn alarm before you go to bed.”

Killian had alerted his AIM or Artificial Intelligence Monitorto set a 7am alarm, yet it failed to alert him to his shift for the last few weeks. He would need to have it repaired if this continued.

“Yes Ma’am, apologizes.��

“Just get to work, we got people waiting.”

James pushed through his shift, flipping burgers, cracking eggs, and sending out plates of food he had no memory of knowing how to cook. He wondered to himself how he ended up with this life, when had he decided that this was the best job he could find? Each time he tried to imagine another career, something that he might actually enjoy doing, the migraine would hit him out of nowhere, crippling him until the inhibitor was injected into his arm and his breathing returned to normal.

Whatever plagued him, this medical condition that brought him to his knees had always been with him from what he could remember. He assumed that it had begun when he was a child, it was second nature for him to know to inject himself once the pain hit. Yet he couldn’t remember when it began.

He climbed the stairs to his apartment at the end of the day, entering his room and locking it down behind him. “Set alarm for 7am.” He said once he sat his keys on the counter.

“Alarm set. 7am.”

He went about the mundane task of preparing his dinner, watching the Holo TV, news that the plague had spread to the outer banks was on every station. Mayor Mills calmed the crowd during her press conference and on each holo announcement that played every 15 mins.

“People of Storybrooke, I give you my assurance that the plague will not breach our walls. We have taken every measure possible to protect our citizens. We continue to fight back the resistance uprising, and our law enforcement continues to arrest any faction that supports it. There is nothing to fear.”

Mayor Regina Mills stood in the center of the screen, flanked by her officers on either side. She was fierce, strong, and protected the town of Storybrooke with honor.

“Turn off Holo TV.” He announced, setting his dishes in the machine for cleaning.

He crawled into bed, pulling the covers over his hips. “What time is the alarm set for?” He asked, ensuring that everything was still working.

“Alarm is set for 7am, James. Sleep well.”

~*~

Emma woke to the sound of crying. She jumped up from her spot and reached for her son, pulling him against her chest. “Hush now Henry, mommy’s got you.” Pressing her child to her breast she felt the tug against her nipple as her son quieted. She smiled down at the infant in her arms, her heart aching as she watched him so still against her, as if nothing in the world mattered but his own nourishment.

Emma wished her view of the world were as innocent. But she knew better.

She looked around the dark shack she had been hiding in for the last few weeks. She could hear the water on the other end of the door, just on the outskirts of the town line. It would be dangerous if anyone were to find her. She had given up everything to get away from Neal Cassidy. Her safety, comfort, even her future was all gone the instant she escaped the tower that had been her home for the last five years.

Emma knew it was dangerous being outside the protective walls of Storybrooke, those who had been exiled lived on the outskirts, many would not escape the plague once they lost the protections provided behind the walls. Emma knew it all too well, five years ago when the plague first appeared, she had taken ill, she was expected to die quickly, painfully. But after a month, the symptoms subsided, and Emma survived.

Doctors could not explain why she survived, only that she had been very lucky.

And then she met Neal. She thought she had finally found someone to share her life with. She was taken in by his father, Gold, a man obsessed with finding the cure to the plague.

His company, The Gold Collective had invested in experimenting on anyone who had come down with the plague, valiantly searching for a cure, the perfect gene sample that would save humanity, but his efforts had been fruitless as most of his subjects died before he had completed his experiments.

Emma found him to be odd, even a bit intimidating at times. His obsession with the plague caused her to keep her own situation quiet. She had a feeling if he had known that she had somehow lived through the plague that his interest in her might become more than just the father of the man she lived with.

Gold took care of her, as Neal’s girlfriend, he ensured that she had everything she could ever want. And Neal provided her money, food, and a roof over her head. Something she didn’t have before she had met him, back when she was homeless, trying to find her place in Storybrooke. Neal took her in and loved her.

But all of that changed a little over a year ago. Emma wasn’t snooping, she hadn’t meant to be in the office after hours, but Neal had not returned home that evening, and Emma had been worried. So, she left the penthouse suite of Gold Laboratories and headed to Neal’s office. Before she even reached his wing, she heard arguing.

The conversation between Gold and his son was chilling. She knew she needed help. She didn’t want to cause alarm or alert either of the men to the knowledge she had overheard them, had realized who the Gold Collective really was, so instead she waited out her time. A week passed before she found her mark, a police detective whom she had followed for days. He lived a quiet life, devoted to his job, going between his apartment downtown and his job at the station, never deviating from his day. He always arrived at work at 10:02am for a 10:30 shift. He had lunch with his partner at 12:45, he picked up Chinese food at 9:00pm before returning to his apartment. She had watched him assisting his elderly neighbor up the stairs and she knew this was the man she needed to trust.

Officer Killian Jones didn’t know what to make of her when she showed up at his door at midnight one night. Begging to talk to him, asking for discretion as she tried to determine if he trusted her. When he learned of the knowledge she had, he panicked. He sent her home that evening, telling her to wait a week before she reached out to him again.

It took a month, Emma would arrive at his apartment, they would talk about their plans, share intel on what they had each learned, and suddenly, knowing he was the one person she could trust, feeling like for the first time in her life, someone understood and truly cared about her, she fell for the man.

He tried to deny her, not wanting to take advantage of her trust. But they were in love. There was no denying it. The affair was something that neither one of them had the power to stop. Emma would spend her evenings with Killian, staring at the stars talking about what the future held for them once they were able to figure out a way to stop everything that was happening around them.

But she always returned to Neal, she had no choice but to keep up the ruse in order to protect the secret she had. Too many powerful people were involved for her to alert anyone else. Killian didn’t even trust his partner David enough to share the information.

Suddenly Neal became protective of her, asking her where she was going anytime she left the apartment, so Emma had to distance herself from Killian. It had been a month since they had been in contact when Emma received devastating news. She and Neal were having a baby. It broke her heart. When she finally told Killian, he urged her to escape before the child was born. Once Neal had a child, he would never let her leave.

Emma knew he was right, unfortunately by the time she planned her escape, the child was born a prematurely. She was trapped. Killian became concerned for her safety now that a child was involved, and Emma was forced to share her secret with her childhood friend, Will Scarlett. He sprang into action, becoming the go between for Emma and Killian to set their plan in motion for Emma and Henry to escape.

That night, she met Will on the roof, and they made their daring escape, 65 flights of stairs down the back of the building. They waited for hours at the drop off point, but Killian never showed. Emma was devastated, she felt trapped. Will went in search of him, he wasn’t at his apartment, the station, or any of his usual locations. Killian was gone without a trace.

She knew that something bad had happened to him. He would never abandon her. She trusted him. The only solution she could come up with was that Gold or Neal had found out about their plan.

Killian was in danger, unless something bad had already happened to him. She was desperate to find him. Without Killian Jones, the entire town was in danger.

“Are you decent?” Will’s voice rang out from the other side of the door. She pulled her shirt over her breast, setting her sleeping son beside her.

She stood up and looked through the crack in the door. Will was standing nervously on the edge of the water. She clicked the locks, lifting the wooden latch until the door slid open. Will stepped quickly into the shack.

“You ok?”

“Did you find anything?” She asked anxiously.

“Maybe.”

Emma stared at him with pleading eyes. “What do you mean maybe?”

“Look, don’t freak out, ok?”

“You’re scaring me.” She responded nervously.

“I drove by the station again, nothing. David is there but Killian wasn’t around. I didn’t want to go in, because I figure they might start asking questions, but there was this girl sitting outside and I asked who I could talk to about a case of Killian’s, and I used me ole charm and she told me that he never came back to work a few days ago, and that they opened a missing persons case on him.”

“Oh God, Will.”

“I said don’t freak out.”

“This is terrible. They killed him, didn’t they?”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, I haven’t told you everything yet.” He pleaded as she paced the room. “Anyway, I went by his apartment, and it was empty. The neighbor says they haven’t seen him for days.” She started to speak, and he pressed his hand to her mouth. “Emmie, I need you to be quiet, I know that’s hard for you.”

She groaned against his finger and mumbled. “Fine.”

“I got hungry as I usually do about this time and got a craving for a big greasy burger.”

“Seriously, you wanted me to be quiet so you could talk about food? I’m losing my patience, Scarlet.”

“The burger was excellent by the way, but that’s not the point.” He paused. “I went back to my car, and there was a man out back tossing out some trash.”

“Would you get to the damn point!” She yelled.

“It was Killian.”

“What?”

“The guy out back. Spitting image of him.”

“Did you talk to him, ask him what the hell is going on?”

“I talked to him, but he acted like he’d never seen me in his life. Swears his name is James Rogers. Emmie, it was the damnedest thing I’ve ever seen. But I tried, I even called him Killian Jones and he stared straight through me…” He dropped his head. “And then he thought about it, I could see the wheels turning in his head, and then he started wincing, and that’s when I saw it.”

“Saw what?” Emma asked impatiently, dreading the fact that she could already feel it in her gut, she knew what he was going to tell her, every sensor in her brain was going off that she already knew the truth.

“An inhibitor. The man injected himself with one of Gold’s inhibitors.”

Emma felt the tears forming, she knew it was the truth. It made sense, he would never have abandoned her or Henry. The only explanation was that Gold or Neal had found out what she was planning to do and got to Killian first. “They erased him.” She said sadly, feeling every last bit of hope she had draining from her being.

“Emmie, he’s one of the void. There’s no way back from that.”

“Don’t say that, we don’t know that. It’s all experimental, it’s not even legal. Gold’s been doing it for years on test subjects. Killian can fight it; I know he can. He’s too strong.”

“Emmie, he had no idea, absolutely no idea of who I was.”

“It doesn’t matter, Will. We must keep trying. Maybe the inhibitor just suppresses his memories. We have to get him not to use it.”

“For all we know, not using it could cause his brain to explode. It’s dangerous.”

“I won’t give up on him Will. I can’t lose him.”

He pulled her into his arms, rubbing her back in slow circles as she cried. “It’s gonna be ok, we’ll figure it out.”

“What are we going to do, Will? Without Killian, I’ll never get into the station to upload the information.”

“We’ll find a way. That’s what we do right?”

She smiled weakly. She wouldn’t give up on him, he risked so much to try and protect her and another man’s child. He had given her hope when she had none. She would never stop trying to get him back. Even if it killed her, she would save Killian Jones and take down the Gold empire.

#void of extinction #stacy's fics #killian jones #emma swan #captain swan #captain swan au #captain swan fics #captain swan modern au

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darktammy · 4 years ago

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The right kind of love (ch7)

@bss-babygirl @beenlovingromansincedayoneish @living-the-life-1996 @moxleybabe @moxslildevil2021 @fabulousrockstar @sausagefest1996 @angiem91 @bluepunkrock @sassymox

AEW was live and all you did was watch from the crowd. You was wearing Cassidy’s jean jacket because, when he saw you walk in to the building with a white low v cut tank top and some tight jeans that hug your curves, he saw not ready for that look. He made you smile to know that he love it. She thought he must have love the look a bit too much because she remember what he told her. “Hey hey Y/n take me jacket please.” Cassidy walk up behind her and right there she felt his cock getting hard. “Is that pipe in your pants Cassidy or are you just happy to see me.?” She ask him with a smile. Cassidy gave her a death stair while she laugh. “Alright big boy, I’ll be out there tonight with the crowed. See you soon.” Y/n gave him a kiss on his cheek as she walk away.

Now you watch as Cassidy match came on. You smiled as you watch him and Miro fight. You shook your head due to the fact that him and his wife luna are not together. Made you wish WWE can finally let her go so she can be with him. She knew how much they miss each other. After the match saw over you walk to the back to catch up with the guys. “Hey Miro great job out there.” She said with a smile. “Yeah thanks a lot, I just wish my wife was here.” He told her. “Yeah me too.” She said.

Cassidy walk up from behind Y/n hugging her. “So how did I do tonight?” He ask. She look back at him. “Well you did great 10 out of 10 for me.’ She said laughing. “Oh be careful there Y/n, remember your brother is around.” Miro told them. They both nodded as everyone walk away.

Later on Eddie was walking down the hallway with Jon talking about their match until the good brothers stop and laugh at them. “Hey man look who’s here the drunken buddies.” They said “Oh yeah it’s the loser who don’t know when to quit.” Eddie said “Hey the both of you stop it.” Tony said walking in. “The both of leave I need to talk to my guys alone.” The good brothers left as Tony look at Jon. “Hey man your sister’s stories are great before she leave for her break can you tell her to give guys two weeks of writing?” Tony ask. “Yeah sure I mean you could have ask her yourself, I mean she is here.” Jon said. Tony laugh as he pat Jon on his back. “Nah man she left with Cassidy like about 30 mins ago.” Tony said making Jon’s eyes widen. Eddie was just as surprise as Jon.

Cassidy walk out with two drinks in his hand. Y/n took the beer out of his hand. “Thank you love.” She said with a smile on her face. Cassidy smile back as he turn up the music. “Slow dance I like it.” She told him. “Well I mean I’m just guess here. So yeah can’t wait until where all lone. Just us both. I mean I’m just going to tell you right now. It’s going to be a farm house where we're going.” Cassidy told her. Y/n was confuse. “A farm house?” She said. “Yeah my grandparent gave it to me so yeah that’s were we’re heading to.” He told her drinking his beer. She smile as she look down. “You know I think I’m going to have fun, I can’t wait and no Jon have no clue. Renee yes and before you say anything yes I can trusted her. She won’t tell him.” She told him.

After a few beers that Y/n drank down she was already light headed. She laugh while they watch a movie together. Then she look at Cassidy with a smile. “Oh big boy I think I have an itch that need to be scratch.” She said as she crawl on top of him. “Hey are you sure that’s a good idea?” Cassidy ask her. “She smile as she nodded her head. “Nah your drunk and I’m sorry but, I’m not going to do that…” Y/n kisses Cassidy right on the lips as she took his hand and move it up to her hips. Cassidy pulled Y/n off just to turn her around. “Hey your little drink I think you need to sleep it off.” Cassidy look down at her. She sigh as she look up at him. “Alright fine then you win baby boy.” She laugh. Cassidy lay next to her as he held her close to him.

They where both watching tv until there was aloud knock at his door. “What the hell?” Cassidy said getting up. Y/n sat up just to see who it was. Cassidy open the door to see Eddie and Jon. “Where the hell is my sister at!?” Jon said walking in. “Hey get out!” Cassidy said. Eddie walk right passed Cassidy as well. Y/n got up and walk up to Jon. “Hey Jon stop yelling I’m fine.” She told him. Jon look at her and nodded. “Yeah your drunk let’s go.” Jon say grabbing her bag then her arm. “Jon let me go will ya.” She said as they both started to walk out. “Jon she’s old enough to do what ever she wants.” Cassidy told Jon.

Eddie stop Cassidy with a smile. “Hey man Jon just told ya fuck off.” Eddie said pushing Cassidy. Then Cassidy push Eddie back making Y/n look back to see Eddie punching Cassidy hard in his face. “Cassidy!” She said trying to break free from Jon. “Come on let’s go home.” Jon said picking her over his shoulder. Y/n try to fight Jon off while he walk back to his car. Kenny open his door to see Eddie walk out of Cassidy place. “What the hell did you do?” Eddie laugh as he walk away making Kenny run inside to see Cassidy lay on the ground. “Damn it.” Kenny pulled out his phone to make some calls. Then Kenny see Jon putting Y/n in the back of the car. Then Jon get’s in the driver sits and drove off. “Now I see why she left that house.” Kenny said as he walk back inside.

After Jon park his car Y/n got out from the back in tears. “Hey get back here Y/n.” Jon said as he to get out. “Y/n are you alright?” Renee ask. “No ok your husband came and just took me away from Cassidy.” Jon look at Renee as he explained. “Yeah because you was drunk at his place and we know you very well when you get drunk.” Jon said as he pulled her into the house. Renee followed right behind. “Jon my sister is old enough to know what she’s doing let her go.” She told him. “Y/n pulled her arm free as she look at him. “I don’t know why but, it’s my life Jon you're not my father ok?” Jon look at Y/n, “Yeah she old enough yeah you're old enough to do what ever you want right? You couldn’t even get out of that problem with Roman you need help with your uncle for that one right?” Jon said making Y/n cry a little. “I don’t know why Jon but you need to stop acting like a big brother, because last time check you couldn’t even save your damn sister from being a crake head!” Jon slaps Y/n hard across her face making Renee mad to the point when she slaps Jon across the face. Y/n touch her lips see blood on her on her. “Yeah this is the exact reason why I didn’t want to come back.” Y/n said as she run upstairs to her room slamming the door.

The next morning Y/n was packing her cloths early so that way when Sunday morning comes she’ll leave. A knock was heard, “Come in.” She told them. Renee open the door and walk right in. “Hey how you feeling?” She ask. She nodded her head as she finish packing. “I just can’t wait to get away from Jon. That’s all he does now is act like he cares. I mean don’t get me wrong I know he does but come on.” She told Renee. She put her arm around Y/n as she look down. “Well remember what happen with our mothers?” Renee ask.

She nodded. “Yeah remember how they found out about each other and what our father did. I mean my mother was mad she went crazy when she found out about you.” Renee said. “Yeah I remember when dad told her about my mother. It’s sad because my mother was street walker.” Y/n said. Renee rolled her eyes. “Your not like your mother that for sure. Like I said even tho what our dad did didn’t change too much, I mean yeah she made him sleep on the couch. He had to eat in another room pretty much she was mad at him. After some time she slowly got over what happen and she learn to love you.” Renee told her.

Y/n look over at Renee, “What are you getting at Renee?” She smiled at her. My mother for gave dad. Even tho he did cheated on her but, she for gave him. Now it’s time for you and Jon to do the same.” She smiled at her. Y/n nodded as she got up. “Right I’ll get ready and meet you down stairs sis.” Renee smiled as she walk out of her room closing the door. “You see champ that’s all she needs.” Jon shrug as he kiss Renee. “You always fix everything.” Jon smiled at her.

#aew fanfiction #orange cassidy #jon moxely #renee young #tony khan #kenny omega #Eddie kingstion

13 notes · View notes

teeztheflag · 5 years ago

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W h o c a t c h e s t h e a l p h a ?

⋆ pairing : alpha!hong joong x werewolf!reader

⋆ genre: werewolf, angst, fluff, suggestive

⋆ warnings: alcohol, cussing words

⋆ words: 5,500

⋆ „You don’t want to break the rules, am I right?“

─────────────────────

Right now exactly one day until your birthday. That’s 24 hours, 1440 minutes and 86400 seconds. Then you would be able to meet your mate. Your soulmate. Your destined other half. The love of your life.

You were currently stuck in the nearby town with your two friends to find a cute outfit for the festival tomorrow. It has been pretty hot the last days and you were relived to be in the shopping center that had an air conditioning system.

„When was the exact time you were born?“

„3.06 pm and 54 seconds.“

„Oh okay then let’s go the festival by 4 pm?“

„Yes, I think that’s good.“

You went into many boutiques searching through one clothes rack after another.

„Y/N! Look at this one!“ Jisoo showed you a pretty two-piece set.

„Mh, that should work!“ You smirked at her and took the fabric making your way to the changing room. After stepping out both girls gasped at your sight.

„Hong Joong will love this!“ Your smile faltered and you ushered to her clasping a hand onto her mouth.

„Are you crazy?!“ You gave her a judging look and let go to examine yourself in the mirror.

„It was just a joke, ok?“

„She’s right, Lisa. He‘s our alpha. If the pack clan finds out about your loose tongue...“

„What? Those cocky bastards? If you ask me they are still kids! I am not lying! Last week I saw Jong Ho and Min Gi betting on how many apples he could break in under 30 seconds.“

Well, Jong Ho was pretty strong even without his wolf form. Of course Hong Joong inherited the alpha genes from his father taking him to another level.

Thinking about the black colored wolf. He acted like biggest dick you knew at the moment. Being all cocky and arrogant after becoming the new alpha. You knew him since elementary school. Made sense because of your pack living in a separated town just for werewolves so technically everyone knew everyone.

Since your childhood you and Hong Joong were inseparable. You remember the time both of playing in your wolf forms he led you to a secret part of the forest with a little bay. There he snuggled into your side with his wet nose and promised you that he wanted you to become his mate, his luna. He wanted to convince you that he had a feeling it would happen. You laughed at him and tackled him down not wanting him to realize that his statement made your heart flutter.

„Well, we have to wait until my 20th birthday, right?“

Your dad has been a member of the old pack clan and still was good friends with Hong Joong‘s father. You remember two years ago when Hong Joong suddenly went up to you saying he wouldn’t have much time for you from now on. He and the other boys trained and learned all the affairs for working together as the new pack clan. And you understood. Really. But all the times he declined to just meet for a few minutes made you sad.

One day you couldn’t believe your eyes while being out with your girls in a club when Hong Joong and a girl from your pack named Yeri entered it hand in hand. You quickly learned they were dating and the new popular couple in the pack.

That evening your were devastated.

Having built up a deep crush on Hong Joong over all those years made your heart break at the sight. You didn’t understand why he was doing this. But at this time you knew to never believe in his promises again. So you started to ignore the boy. Wherever you saw him you turned another way or occupied yourself with others. If he entered the pack house you would be on your way to the exit. If your family visited his one you made up other plans. Alone the sight of him made you suffer. So you didn’t look at him and slowly his face vanished out of your mind to be remembered.

Unfortunately one day he had to become the alpha. And you couldn’t ignore him anymore. Listening to him at pack meetings or bow to him everytime he passed your way. On his side still the beautiful Yeri. Her white fur caused the male wolves to fall on their knees. One point for her.

But she wasn’t a good fighter. One point for you. Because after Hong Joong didn’t talk to you anymore you spent a huge amount of your time on the training battlefield for distraction. And that’s where you grew close with Jeong Yun Ho. A big fluffy ball of happiness.

Hong Joong found out about the two of you when Yun Ho came back one day with all your scent over him. As soon as the boy entered their pack clan house Hong Joong thought you just entered his place and got so excited he emerged down the stairs but instead of being met with your person Yun Ho grinned at him. The boy carefully sneaked back into his own room leaving Hong Joong in front of the entry.

Did you sleep with Yun Ho? Were you giving away your precious virginity before finding your mate?! He felt himself heating up at the thought of you mating with someone else than him and ran outside to change into his wolf form and running a long time until his anger vanished.

Hong Joong was a really proud boy. And not to talk about his wolf. Ever since he knew he was to become the new alpha a strong pressure weighed down on his shoulders. Always wanting to be good enough for his pack and strong and admirable.

When you were back in school Hong Joong already knew he totally fell in love with you over the years. Everyone knew you couldn’t choose your mate but there was this strong feeling whenever you were around him.

One time made his love for you waver so much it changed something in him. He overheard you talking to a friend that was nagging you about him. How you were totally into the little alpha and when you would tell him. That’s when you snapped and declined your love for him. You said you could never be into him and didn’t wanted to be burdened with all the tasks a luna had to carry. Hong Joong didn’t know your real thoughts about being scared of not suiting him. There were indeed prettier, stronger and more intelligent girls in your pack. You understood your love for him was a dream and it would be quite embarrassing too if someone found out about your feelings.

If the two of you had just had talked with eachother about your feelings.

„Anyways, leave the comments you snake. I hope Yun Ho likes my outfit!“

You giggled a last time at your sight and got back into the changing room. Lisa and Jisoo watched you being excited for your boyfriend seeing you in your cute outfit.

When you were back in the pack town you got a message from Yun Ho asking if you wanted to join them for a barbecue evening.

Being in a relationship with the brown haired beauty brought along the unpleasant case of seeing Hong Joong from time to time. Yun Ho and the others didn’t know about your feelings for each other back then. Woo Young was the only one that caught a moment between you and Hong Jong back when you were young where it was obvious the alpha was into you. Nevertheless Hong Joong pleaded with him to not tell anyone. Nowadays being the alpha he just could use his predominance to shut up anybody even if it was a good friend. So Woo Young stayed silent and watched Hong Joong forced a smile on his face whenever Yeri plastered him with kisses.

You quickly texted him a ‚yes‘ and waited for the evening when he picked you up. It was a little bit chillier outside this night and when you entered their big clan house you were already met with the now well known testosterone. Alpha, beta and pack clan scents lingered in every corner. You pushed yourself into Yun Ho‘s side sniffing in only his alluring boyfriend scent to blank out the dominating alpha odor.

„Oh, cool you are here, Y/N!“ San embraced you in a big hug and you laughed at Jong Ho pouting behind him for not letting you go. Soon the boy made space and gave Jong Ho and the others a chance to greet you, too.

Last one having Min Gi to hug you from behind and shake you from side to side.

„Y/Nah, let’s take a run after we’ve eaten! I bet my wolf is quicker than you now! I trained a lot with Woo Young!“

„Maybe, if you let me go I will think about it!“ You laughed at him when Yun Ho pulled the equally tall boy back by his ear.

„Everybody wanna‘ steel my girl! Come on baby.“ You smirked at him and gave him a quick peck when he pouted at you.

Yun Ho mad himself comfortable on the outdoor couches and you snuggled into his lap. Soon you were into a big discussion about the worst movies ever with the other boys when the alpha and his girlfriend finally arrived in the garden.

You stood up and bowed halfheartedly to quickly sit back into Yun Ho‘s lap and continue to enjoy the atmosphere. Hong Joong took a peek at your form being cuddled by Yun Ho and ignored the urge to roll with his eyes.

Disgusting.

He took Yeri‘s hand into his and lead her to the table and sat down.

You greeted Yeri with a small smile to which she sent you one in return. You were not close with her despite being the only girls in this circle. Yeri had a bunch of popular girls around her and back in school she wasn’t the nicest, too.

But now you could see she was definitely in love with the alpha and they looked really good together. You repeated that quote everytime you came into temptation to take a look at Hong Joong.

It was obvious to everyone who was the more likable couple at the table. It just happened to be that you and Yun Ho were a funny constellation. Hong Joong always seemed tense when you were around joining conversations not as often then. No one really recognized accept of Woo Young and yourself and to Hong Joong‘s dismay Yun Ho, too.

But he kept his mouth shut. He knew you were good friends back in school and once heard you had a big fight after that. Although Hong Joong was his alpha he had to accept that you were his girlfriend. So he didn’t gave the topic more attention than needed.

After the barbecue you went for some cocktails and beer to enjoy the rest of the evening. You didn’t forget Min Gi‘s request and remembered him before the two of you became too intoxicated.

After an hour chasing eachother through the woods you changed back and joined the others again a few of them quite drunk by now.

„Baby! Who won?“

„I don’t know if I should feel insulted by this question.“

„Everyone knows Y/N is the quickest out of the girls!“ San wiggled with his eyebrows while being occupied by finishing a bag of chips.

„I hope so. I’ve not trained her for nothing.“ Yeo Sang smirked at you and stealed the chips out of San‘s grip earning a glare from the boy.

„Is that so?“

Hong Joong shot you an interested look and you decided you would stand the challenge.

„Sangie‘s just exaggerating. But thanks to him, I could improve my skills.“

You weren’t looking away. Why was he suddenly talking to you? He technically didn’t for years. He found it funny you didn’t budge down from his gaze. So he used some of his alpha power to show you who’s in charge.

You saw his eyes turning darker and knew he wanted you to submit back. When his power finally reached a point to feel your wolf nudge you to show respect you sat back down next to Yun Ho and looked away. Hong Joong being satisfied with his work took a sip from his beer and smirked to himself. So he was still having an effect on you.

„Y/N, tomorrow is a big day for you, right?“

„Oh, Jong Ho please stop...“

„Wait, what is tomorrow?“

„Mingi, first the festival is tomorrow. And second, Y/N is going to turn 20...“

San clapped into his hands. All of them being still unmated making you a potential partner. Because only girls held the ability to inflame the mate bond.

„Yah, you thirsty boys better stay away from my girl! If she ends up with someone of you I will literally throw up!“ Yun Ho laughed out loud at this and the others joined him except of Hong Joong and Woo Young.

Yun Ho knew there wasn’t a high chance of you two being mates but there was hope. And if it turned out you were to be with one of his pack clan members so be it.

As soon as someone finds their mate all their romantic feelings for another being vanish. It was just how nature wanted it. So he had to be patient and wait for the outcome of tomorrow.

You took Yun Ho‘s hand feeling his discomfort because of the statement and kissed it bringing him out of his thoughts. He smiled at you and pecked your cheek.

But even you had your doubts Yun Ho would be the one and you couldn’t put your hand on what let you feel this way.

The final day came soner as you wished and Jennie, Rosé, Lisa, Jisoo and you prepared for the festival. After everyone finished the last details you went down to the kitchen being greeted by your family. You mum baked a cake for you with a big ‚20‘ on the top and your dad and brother watched a soccer game in the TV. The only one freaking out were the girls but you knew your dad was nervous as fuck, too. Your brother being grumpy all day because he didn’t want you to love someone more than your big brother.

„So, honey. When do you plan on meeting Yun Ho today?“

„Mh, we want to meet at the festival.“

„At the festival? But isn’t this a little... you know... unromantic?“

You cringed at her words. Of course it wasn’t as romantic as other potential mates did it. But if it turned out he wasn’t the one than you both could spend some time for yourself with your friends.

„Don’t worry Mrs. Y/L/N! We will take care of her even if she doesn’t find her mate today!“

„And if he finds her first?“

You looked at Jennie with widened eyes because her comment made you blush. Of course, she already found her mate just like Jisoo and Rosé.

Your thoughts were a mess searching for all the unmated boys of your pack in your head. Shit, it literally could be anyone. Jisoo seemed to noric your panick mode and ushered to your side.

„Everything will be alright! The moon goddess always chooses wisely.“

Ah, yes. The ball of stone knows what it does.

„5 minutes left!“ Lisa shouted to your dad and brother and they turned down the TV to join you in the kitchen.

After a moment they counted down the time and you officially became a 20 year old girl. You blew out the candles and wished for Yun Ho to be your mate. One after another gave you their birthday wishes and hugged you.

„Ah, finally a woman my little baby!“ You mother had tears in her eyes and took of a photo of every moment.

„So, do you feel different?“

„I remember to have a displeasing feeling in my stomach. But it was just the pasta we ate the day before haha!“ You glared at Jennie at your side.

„I-I feel nothing. I mean no change...“

It was quiet in the kitchen. The atmosphere a little bit awkward but Rosé took you arm and suggested to make a toast. While the others prepared the champagne you looked at your phone to finde a message from Yun Ho saying ‚Happy birthday princess <3 can’t wait to see ya‘.

You smiled at his text and butterflies emerged in your tummy. Maybe this was a good sign?

After some time finishing five bottles of champagne you made your way to the festival.

This was a mistake.

All of you turned into a giggling mess while stomping over to the middle of the town. Everything was decorated in a pretty way. Laterns and fairy lights hanging from the houses and turning the town into a cozy place. Children played an giggled everywhere and the elder sitting by benches and talking. Boys and girls going on their first date and groups of young people trying to test their limits and enjoying the free atmosphere.

And five girls being drunk on their way to the opening ment.

„There are so many boys here. How am I supposed to find the one I am searching for?“

Jisoo turns to you while walking down a street and bops your nose grinning from ear to ear.

„Waeee, oh. I understand.“

You smell him. To be exact, you are able to smell your mate‘s scent. People say your mate smells like your favorite perfume and their odor pulls you in like a magical weave.

So you poked out your nose starting to sniff the air.

Nothing.

The fresh air did good things to you drunk girls and when you neared the big town court you first grabbed something to eat. After looking around and greeting some people you managed to make out quite a number of male wolves that were checking you out looking if your scent gave something off. But everytime you waited for something to happen it didn’t.

No goosebumps or alluring scent. It was quite disappointing but made you happy nevertheless. Your chances of having Yun Ho as your mate grew with each unmated boy you passed.

A bell rang and you and the others went further to the stage where soon the pack clan would hold their opening ment. Your hand suddenly became very sweaty and you waited for Yun Ho ho to appear on the stage. People started to clap when someone pulled at your skirt.

„Wh-Eun Hee? What are you doing here?“ A little girl you babysitted from time to time looked up at you from her little form.

„Noona, I cannot find my mama!“ She had tears in her eyes. You weren’t realizing the pack clan already emerged onto the stage and Yun Ho‘s eyes started to search for yours.

„Oh, don’t be afraid little one! I will find your mum!“

She couldn’t get too far by the way. While scanning the crowd a light scent of richness took in your nostrils. You were trying to concentrate on the people when you luckily saw Eun Hee‘s mother only a few meters away from you.

„Mrs. Kim! Here!“ You waved at her holding Eun Hee‘s small hand in yours and giving her an encouraging smile when her mother discovered you and made her way through the crowd.

Suddenly your ears were infiltrated with a melodic sound of the most beautiful voice you’ve ever heard in your life. You followed it‘s source onto the stage when your breath got stuck in you lungs.

Your gaze landed on Yun Ho. But he wasn’t the one talking. You saw him finding your form and your eyes that were filling with tears. Yun Ho‘s brows furrowed but he understood it sooner as you would’ve thought.

He wasn’t your mate.

By the time Mrs. Kim picked up her daughter your gaze stopped at your real mate. Your soulmate. Chosen by the moon goddess.

It felt like seeing the most beautiful man on earth for the first time. You were happy. Your wolf howled at you and filled your head with thoughts about going to him and marking my as yours.

But your smile faltered when he took a hand in his that wasn’t yours. Jealousy immediately engulfed you and your eyes went dark at the sight.

„Y/N?! Is it Yun Ho or not?“

All the girls were looking at you now waiting for an answer. But you only felt your wolf becoming angrier by each second your mate was with another girl on the stage for everyone to see.

„Don’t touch me. I have to go.“ You gritted out with clenched teeth and a shaking form. The girls new you were just about to change in front of the whole town and let you fight your way through the crowd.

Hong Joong smelled it, too. He was confused why the odor was the best he every was met with. It was intoxicating.

Mate...

His wolf pushed him to the find the source of the scent.

He frantically searched the crowd for the girl the scent belonged to. His wolf growing impatient by each second passing that he couldn’t make out where you were.

He totally forgot about the girl on his side by now when he finally found you rushing out of the place into the direction of the woods.

Don’t let her go!

He left the audience in shock when he jumped down the stage and followed you leaving his pack dumbstruck by his actions.

„Ehm, our alpha will be back in a few seconds.“

Yun Ho watched Hong Joong following your form with teary eyes and as soon as he turned around a corner he stomped from the stage into another direction. Out of all people why was it him to be your mate.

As soon as you entered the forest you got out of your clothes and changed into your wolf running away like an army was chasing you.

Whimpers and cries left you from time to time and your wolf asked again and again why you were not defending your mate and claiming him for yourself.

You went to the secret bay Hong Joong showed you back then knowing no one would find you here. You stopped in front of the water taking in your black reflection. Your wolf managed to get a quite loud howl out of you to which you panicked someone could have heard. And to your personal dismay a large equally black wolf emerged from behind a tree.

You immediately knew it was Hong Joong because of the new undeniable attraction you felt for his figure. You shook away the thought and got into a fighting position showing your fangs and snarling at him.

He stopped in his tracks being confused by your hostility. He rounded you changing the angle of his head from time to time. He took in your form and licked his snout at your scent.

One moment of you being distracted was enough for him to near your butt and smell your scent where it was the strongest next to your neck and it caused him to heckle at the alluring potion.

You flinched away from him and snapped at him earning a warning growl from the much bigger wolf.

You took the chance an started to run away from him.

Oh, she wants to play! Let us catch her Joong!

He never felt this excited before to run after your beautiful wolf. But as it was a play for him and you were dead serious on the other side. This asshole wasn’t going to get you, mark you and all the other stuff he was wishing for.

You were running as fast as you could him being dead on your track the whole time.

She’s really pretty fast! Enough playing, let’s get her now.

You jumped over fallen trees, stones and little water banks when you thought not hearing his paws hitting the ground behind you anymore. When you were sure he stopped chasing after you you slowed down your running until you came to a halt in front of a wide meadow. Time has passed and the sun started to set into a beautiful purple and pink colored sky. You sneaked over the meadow to reach the other side where your territory was slowly ending. It was prohibited to go further in your wolf form but fuck the rules at this moment.

Y/N, I want to be with our mate!

Ah, stupid bond.

After a few minutes you found yourself in front of the end of the meadow going further with careful steps. As soon as you set feet onto the foreign land someone crushed out of a bush into your side pinning you down under him.

As you came back to your senses you made out the black wolf on top of you even seeing his smirk in this form.

„You don’t want to break the rules, am I right?“

„Let me go!“

„I am not. You are my mate!“

You squirmed under him only causing to arouse his inner wolf. He leaned into you fury neck and sniffled you scent and rubbed himself on the point.

„Mate..“

He purred into your form making your wolf nearly fall into unconsciousness at the overwhelming pleasure his movements were causing you.

„N-no... Please... Let go!“

You had no choice against his much larger form on you and were surprised when he changed back into his naked form sweat on his forehead and still holding you in place like you were a puppet.

„Change.“

What?! Was he dumb or something?!

„I said change!“

He used his alpha aura to intimidate you into submission and you felt your wolf quiver at his dominance in a welcoming way.

You changed back and were now lying naked under a also naked Hong Joong somewhere on a meadow. That indeed felt strange.

Hong Joong smirked at your obedience and his wolf was proud you obeyed him.

„Look at me.“

You followed his order and took in his face the first time since years. You wouldn’t thought he could become more beautiful than in the past but how wrong you have been. His features were soft, lips opened a little bit and his hair messed up because of the running.

You didn’t know how long you layed there him straddling you holding your arms in place next to your head and taking in your features like it was the first time.

„My luna.“

As soon as the words left his mouth your brows furrowed. You remembered all that has happened the last years and thought back to Yun Ho.

„No.“

Hong Joong was irritated by the simple word. He grinned at you.

„No? What are you saying there my love. Do you want to make me suffer?“

„S-stop talking to me like this! I am not your mate and I won’t be your luna! This isn’t right! The moon goddess made a mistake!“

Hong Joong backed away from you a little bit because of the outburst.

What does she mean? Doesn’t she want to be our mate? But we love her! We did since we knew her!

„You-you are not meaning this, right?“

„I do!“

Y/N no! Look at him! He’s starting to cry because of what you are saying! Don’t lie to him!

He let go of you fully and sat beside you looking into the distance. Instantly guilt feelings rushed though your system seeing your mate sad because of you.

„Look, I didn’t mean it...“

„I-I am just saying this has to be a mistake! I mean you’re in a relationship with Yeri and I am not suited for you and becoming the luna!“

„What the fuck are you saying?! Why shouldn’t you be suited for me? Heck, I’ve always wanted you to be it! I told you! You were always perfect for me and the position...“

What? He thought you were perfect for him? You wolf teared up at his confession and you blushed hard at his statement.

„Buf Yeri, she’s prettier than me and very intelligent... She would be a better luna!“

He turned towards you tears streaming down his cheeks.

„You are and always were the prettiest, funniest most intelligent girl for me! You are the one that I wanted since high school! Why don’t you understand that!“

You were afraid your heart would burst out of your chest at that moment. You never knew he thought about that way.

„But...you were the one that wanted nothing to do with me anymore!“

„Because I heard you talking about never going to love me and only seeing me as a friend!“

Oh shut up... He heard that crap back in school!

„I-that was a lie...“

You looked down to the ground too ashamed that you weren’t the only one causing the misunderstandings.

„A lie?“

„Yes, because I was so insecure of my love for you. I was afraid the others would laugh at me and especially you...“

After that a long pause came. Neither of you saying something and you still blocking your breast with your arms from his sight.

Suddenly Hong Joong started laughing next to you causing you to join him because the situation was just strange.

Hong Joong carefully took your hand and watched your reaction to be sure you wouldn’t shy away from him.

„Y/N, I am sorry for how everything went the past years. I know I can not make it up to you in one day but I will give everything to convince you that you are perfect for me. I want you to believe in yourself. You are such a pure soul I know you will be the greatest luna ever. I promise you I will stand by your side the whole time and love you unconditionally. That is... if you give me the chance and want to accept me as your mate.“

You saw his eyes literally sparkle while saying these wonderful things to you. You thought back to Yun Ho for a moment being sorry for everything. But you knew that one day he would meet his mate, too. And then he would forget about his romantic feelings for you like you did the moment your eyes landed on your new found mate. And the things you felt for him were real.

So you decided to be brave.

„After all the problems we had gone through... I think I wouldn’t want to be separated from you any other minute!“

Hong Jong‘s eyes lit up and he engulfed you into a big embrace breathing in your scent of your neck again and peppering kisses all the way upwards until it landed on the side of your moth leaving you a giggling mess.

His eyes turned black again and you seductively bit your lip at the excitement you were feeling. He slowly made his way to your lips and kissed you in a slow and passionate style. You moaned into the kiss feeling your two souls emerging into one at the contact. Your whole body felt like spacing out into another dimension at the feeling of your mate’s heat.

After some time relaxing into eachother you both became aware of still being naked somewhere in the nature. You changed into your wolf forms to make your way back home.

„By the way... I know it will be a little bit awkward with Yun Ho... But I cannot wait to wash off his scent from you. Like I can literally not wait to leave my mark onto your form.“

You tensed at his declaration. What did he me with wash off his scent from you?

„Ehm, okay. I hope we can take things slow... It will be my first time, you know?“

Hong Joong stopped in his tracks. He eyed you a with swift shake of his head. Suddenly his tail began to wiggle.

„Y-you mean your are still a virgin?“

„Yes, I wanted to wait for my mate...“

You shyly looked to the ground and not understood why he was so excited about the fact.

„Did you sleep with Yeri?“

„Nope. Same reason like you.“

Your wolf approved of this new information and you liked the thought, too.

You both continued your way back to the town sometimes playing with eachother like chasing the tails or nudging the significant other.

Just as you reached the beginning of the town you stopped in your tracks. A new life would being for you today. And you couldn’t hide the fact that you were indeed a little bit scared. But as you watched Hong Joong from behind you were happy. Happy to have found your mate. Your soulmate. Your destined other half. The love of your life.

„What’s wrong my love?“

He gave you a reassuring smile. Coming back to you and licking your ears and cheeks. You purred at the new feeling of contact and cuddled into his side to smell his wonderful scent.

„Nothing. Now everything’s finally perfect.“

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↺ back to navi

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#ateez werewolf #ateez fic #hongjoong fic #ateez alpha #ateez mate #ateez fluff #ateez angst #ateez fanfic #ateez oneshot #ateez au #ateez werewolf au #ateez fanfiction #hongjoong x reader #teeztheflag #wer schnappt sich den alpha #who catches the alpha #ateez wolf au #ateez wolf

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creek-cryptid-deluxe · 4 years ago

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It’s been awhile since I truly ranted about my clueless boomer father. it’s absolutely not because he’s been less awful. in fact he’s been so overly awful that I’ve not had the energy to really type out an entire vent post.

Let’s rectify that! (Disclaimer: this shit is LONG)

So those of you who aren’t new round these parts are well versed in how clueless and selfish my “I’m not like other boomers” (def is) father. You might also know how introverted I am.

Now that word gets tossed around a lot by people who just enjoy their own company or enjoy socializing but need time to recharge, and that’s all well and good. But my personal introversion is much more... serious. Like, I can socialize but it’s draining pretty quickly, save a few people who don’t suck the life out of me because they arent work to hang out with and dont require me to entertain them. I need more recharge time than socializing time by a significant margin. Last summer my father went on vacation for a week (Bailey stayed with grandma) and during that week I didn’t verbally speak to a single fucking soul except when The Spawn (who didn’t live here at the time) came by for something. Best week of my fucking life.

The less I’m able to recharge, the more unpleasant I become. This is important.

So we all know that my father likes to claim a lot of things are that clearly bullshit. Among those things is the claim that he doesn’t need friends or socialization because he’s “like me” and the claim that he respects my space and need for down time. these things aren’t true. at all. Let’s look at why I saw that...

This man insists on telling me every small annoyance that happens through his day. Every single fucking day I have to hear (and read texts) repeatedly about how ignorant his coworkers are, the amount of unmasked people at stores/gas stations, & just generally self absorbed people he encounters. EVERY DAY. He clearly needs someone to socialize with.

He will also just walk into my living room and plop down. Then he starts fucking talking or bitching at the dogs for jumping around on him. If I am watching something, he starts asking questions/commenting on whatever I’m watching. If I’m wearing headphones (which are massive and cover my ENTIRE EAR very obviously) he will stare at me and start talking until I pull my headphones off and say “What?! What is so fucking urgent?!”

I’ve been getting progressively more short with him. I don’t answer texts that aren’t actually about something. When he interrupts me for something I KNOW will be frivolous bullshit, I exaggeratedly huff, then either rip off my headphones or pointedly pause what I’m watching and say “WHAT?! What do you need?!” If he’s bitching about the dogs playing on the couch while he tries to sit on it (which they do to me CONSTANTLY btw and I just make it work) I snap at him to just move to the fucking chair or shut up. If he goes to bitch about a coworker or people he encounters while out, I just say, “You already told me about this.” in and incredibly short tone, to which he responds “Well I wanted to make sure.” in a huffy tone.

His most recent two days have really taken the fucking cake.

So The Spawn frequently goes up to see her godfather, D, in Colorado over school breaks. He usually puts her on a plane or comes to get her, but with her having a car, she’s decided to take a friend with her and have her first Big Girl road Trip. She will be gone a little overr a week and she, the friend, D, and I all meticulously planned it out. My father comes in day before yesterday and says, “Hey do you want me to take vacation time while The Spawn is gone so I can be here?” I look deeply confused, “Why the fuck would you do that?” his response: “Well, I didn’t know if you’d need someone here to help with the dogs during the day while she’s gone.”

Y’all I nearly died laughing. “Her not being here changes literally NOTHING about how the dogs are handled during the day. When she is here, she is in her room. It’s really funny that you think I have help during the day considering how often I’ve bitched about the fact that I take care of the dogs that aren’t mine far too much.”

Then yesterday, I had spent the day employing my general tactics to discourage him from harassing me with useless bullshit. At some point, I cut him off from talking AGAIN about “ignorant, maskless, redneck gatherings at the gas station” by saying, “YES YOU TOLD ME AT LEAST 3 FUCKING TIMES. I GET IT. PEOPLE DON’T WEAR MASKS AND IT PISSES YOU OFF. IT’S BEEN A FUCKING YEAR. DEAL WITH IT. Why in the fuck do you insist on telling me this crap?” This fucking idiot laughed and said “I need to vent to someone.” I then told him to get a fucking friend or get a fucking therapist but I am not here for him to fucking vent to.

At the end of last night I finally lost it. I blew up on him about how I have zero privacy, nobody fucking respects my space or my need to recharge my social batteries, so I’m just constantly running on empty which means I’m getting progressively more unpleasant and frankly downright mean. Near the end I said “I’m sorry but...” and intended to tell him EXACTLY what he is doing that is causing this shit but true to fucking form, this motherfucker INTERRUPTS ME and says “Oh I never take any of this personally. no apology needed. goodnight.” and goes up to bed.

YOU SHOULD TAKE IT PERSONALLY YOU STUPID PIECE OF SELF ABSORBED SHIT!!!! YOU ARE THE FUCKING PROBLEM!!! MY NEARLY 17 YEAR OLD CHILD HAS MORE AWARENESS OF MY NEED TO RECHARGE AND NOT BE AROUND PEOPLE CONSTANTLY THAN YOU DO DESPITE ME TELLING YOU ABOUT MY NEEDS IN VERY PLAIN LANGUAGE THAT A FUCKING 5 YEAR OLD COULD UNDERSTAND!!!

LEAVE. ME. THE. FUCK. ALONE. unless the subject of what you want to talk about impacts me directly in some way or i INVITE YOU into a conversation. I don’t vent to him unless it impacts him or the household... so why the fuck can’t he show the same courtesy? Also that whole “respect your space and not invade it” thing... on the rare occasion that he doesn’t just invite himself in and plop down in my space expecting my fucking attention, he will HOVER in the ‘doorway’ to my rooms until I acknowledge his presence, at which point he takes as an invitation. I’ve done an experiment. If I ignore the hovering, he will stand there up to 30 mins, at which point he will ask me a question and when I answer he takes it as an invitation. Like, I know my living room and BEDROOM don’t have doors but that doesn’t mean you have an open invite to just come into them whenever. You want to pet your dog but she’s on my bed? Call her. She’ll come over to you. Want to watch something with me? ASK and then, if I say yes, don’t fucking talk to me. I agreed to watch something, not have a fucking conversation.

oh but directly telling him any of this doesn’t work because he “doesn’t take any of this personally.” Ok, it’s one thing to not take it personally when I snap at you because I’m in an astronomical amount of pain that day and accidentally snapped. When that happens, I apologize and explain. but if I don’t mention my pain, apologize, or explain then YOU ARE THE REASON IM SNAPPING YOU STUPID FUCK.

end rant. if you read this whole thing, my condolences on the wasted time. I don’t want/need advice. I’m handling the situation the best I can in my current position. Part of that handling is that while The Spawn is gone, I’m going to do a few days where I’m here for the dogs, then when dad gets off work, J scoops me for the night, then drops me back off in the morning on his way in. He is one of those lovely people that isn’t a drain and if we are sitting in the same room, considers it spending time together. Most times, I lay on his furniture at an awkward looking but comfy angle reading a book while he games. We chat a bit during breaks or when I see him ready to throw the controller at the TV (looking at you Witcher 3...) so that will be lovely.

as always, don’t steal my shit for your blog, article, youtube, just because you’re boring and fucking lazy. Shoo! Scat!

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collectsfallenstars · 5 years ago

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WARNING: Absolutely long post

IN DEFENSE OF KIM EUN SOOK'S "THE KING: ETERNAL MONARCH"

The King: Eternal Monarch has been getting mixed reviews 10 episodes into the season and it has boggled my mind as to why this has been happening. It’s a grand project, has a robust storyline, beautiful cinematography the likes of which is done for full-length films, and has a love story between two adults who behave like adults and not in perpetual high school. It is very different from most Korean dramas I have come across, and that alone is reason enough to watch it.

Granted, I have not watched many of them so maybe I don’t really know what I’m talking about. But what I am sure of is that I get tired of things very easily when they’ve become predictable.

See, before watching The King: Eternal Monarch, the last Korean drama I watched was Something Happened in Bali back in 2004. Then coronavirus happened, billions of pesos were to the government but no mass-testing happened, ABS-CBN shut down, people speaking against the government were being put in jail, and I thought, hmm let’s go to Netflix to escape. K-dramas with beautiful autumn colors should do the trick.

I watched maybe one or two series in full but soon found myself giving up on the ones that came next. Watching them one after another made it clear that they were built like romance novels – no matter how different each premise was for a series, they always followed a pattern. And patterns, while they may be dependable, can sometimes be boring.

And then I decided to give The King: Eternal Monarch a try even though the binge-watching monster inside me disagreed with it. So there I was last week, Netflix open and a lunch of Sinigang na Baboy with rice laid out in front of me.

The series opened with a serene view of a bamboo forest, wind blowing gently through it, and the voice of a man talking about the legend of a bamboo flute back when monarchs ruled Korea. Oh, a historical series.

1 minute and 40 seconds later, it cuts to a man covered in blood, in a police interrogation room in modern day Korea. Oh, it’s also detective fiction. Gotta watch out for red herrings then. Oh but wait, the man covered in blood, Lee Lim, is supposed to be 70 years old but he doesn’t look a day over 30. I mean, yes Korean genes and skin care are magical but not to this extent. The idea of immortality is introduced which suggests that the series has supernatural elements too. This means world building for these magical elements and forming rules that govern them. (I mean, Bram Stoker and Anne Rice made their vampires perish under the sun and Stephanie Meyer chose to make them…sparkle.)

And then 4 minutes in, we get a flashback to winter of 1994 in the Kingdom of Corea. Uhm. Typo? No? Lee Lim, the bastard son of the former king, murders his half brother, the current king, in order to steal the bamboo flute that grants the owner much power. The king’s young son, 7 year old Lee Gon, witnesses his father’s murder, struggles with Lee Lim, splits the power laden bamboo flute in half, and nearly dies if it weren’t for a mysterious figure coming in to save him. The mysterious figure drops an ID card with the name and picture of Lt. Jung Tae Eul on it and Lee Gon clutches it along with half of the bamboo flute. Lee Lim escapes to the forest with only a broken half of the bamboo flute. He comes upon a pair of obelisks, passes through it and lands in Korea with a K. Lee Lim comes face to face with the face of the person he had just murdered, except he isn’t a king anymore. He’s just an unkempt unemployed man. We now have the introduction of parallel worlds and doppelgangers. It had only been 18 minutes into the first episode.

I put it on pause, finished my lunch quickly, cleared the table, and settled down on the couch to watch. I did all that before resuming to watch it because it clearly wasn’t the kind of K-drama you could easily watch while eating, glancing up and down between the screen and your food, missing bits of the subtitle here and there and not paying any mind. Because of its structure, the kind of story it wants to tell and the breadth of its narrative, it demands your full attention.

I get why people find it difficult. I found it difficult. But it was infinitely exciting. It’s as if someone laid out a puzzle with a thousand pieces, a maze, Connect the Dots, Spot the Difference in front of me and told me to play with them all at the same time.

What kind of story did the writer, Kim Eun Sook, want to tell? She began with the murder of the parents of Lee Gon by his bastard uncle, Lee Lim, who feels he has been deprived of power for too long and intends to take it all for himself. It becomes a story of both sides seeking justice for their own separate tragedies. To flesh out this story, she has to give Lee Lim a plan for world domination and give Lee Gon a defense strategy in place, as well as an active pursuit to entrap his uncle. She has to give them motivations, conflicts, moments of doubt and triumph. If this were the only story she wanted to tell, a linear storyline with flashbacks and flash-forwards should be enough. Throw in a romance, love triangle, one final obstacle, 2 chaste kisses, 1 passionate kiss, 1 tearful kiss, 1 reunion kiss and you will arrive at your happy ending.

But Kim Eun Sook wanted to do more. She expanded Lee Lim’s plan for world domination into two parallel worlds. Adding science fiction to the mix complicates matters because you will have to build another world that is visibly different from the other even if they are parallel to each other. Audiences should be able to tell one apart from the other quickly in order to keep up with the story. The difficulty that The King: Eternal Monarch faces is that the Kingdom of Corea and the Republic of Korea look almost exactly alike. It takes almost a few seconds to recognize the Royal Seal, or the European inspired trams running in the background to ascertain that the scene is in the Kingdom of Corea. But once the characters appear, it becomes easier to tell which world we’re dealing with. Jung Tae Eul and the police force belong to Korea. The Royal Staff and family, Prime Minister Koo and cabinet members belong to Corea. The only ones to traverse between both worlds are Lee Gon and his uncle.

Therein lies one of the criticisms for Kim Eun Sook’s work – the pace is too slow. I would argue though that the pace is just right when you’re creating two worlds, with very different characters in each, whose stories run parallel to and interweave with each other. It is very easy to place all evil characters in World A and all good characters in World B. But that’s lazy writing, and also ugly.

Kim Eun Sook humanizes and fleshes out a significant amount of the supporting cast with such care, developing them alongside the major characters. Usually in dramas, the side characters will get hints of a back story in an episode or two, and then have just one episode dedicated to them. Kim Eun Sook did so much more and in effect, her two parallel worlds became so concrete, with real, moving characters contributing their bit into the two separate forces of Lee Gon and Lee Lim that are about to clash. It creates anticipation, excitement, and spreads your heart out amongst many characters instead of investing your emotions into just the main leads.

But aside from the science fiction element, Kim Eun Sook also takes on the task of writing detective fiction into her already robust narrative. Lee Lim is essentially building an army of doppelgangers from the Republic of Korea and planting them in key positions in the Kingdom of Corea. He then takes the dead bodies of these Corean citizens and dumps them in the Republic of Korea, leaving Lt. Jung Tae Eul and her squad in the police force with a trail of unsolved cases. Detective stories are by themselves difficult enough. You begin with a dead body, a search for clues, weeding out which clues are significant, chasing a lead, failing, planting and then ignoring red herrings, closing in on a suspect, interrogation, a surprise turn of events, and so on until the murder is solved.

But Lee Lim didn’t leave just one dead body in Korea. There’s an entire army of them and Jung Tae Eul has to be on the trail for some of them in order for her to work with Lee Gon in order to solve them and in turn, help him uncover his uncle’s evil plans.

This brings us to one of the major criticisms of this drama – the romance between Lt. Jung Tae Eul and King Lee Gon. Apparently, there’s not much of it as it has taken a backseat to the struggle for power in Corea by the Prime Minister, Lee Lim’s murderous spree and body switching between the two worlds in a bid for a two-world domination, and murder investigations that Jung Tae Eul and her squad must carry out in Korea.

Would I like to see more of the actors Lee Min Ho and Kim Go Eun on screen? Why, yes of course! But as early as the 1st episode, it was already apparent that this was not going to be the usual K-drama. They weren’t going to meet cute, fall in love, fight their feelings, work on a murder mystery on the side, finally confess, become a couple, fight the final boss side by side, and then live happily ever after. Fantasy, science fiction, and detective fiction all seem bear equal weight with romance. It was different, and I found that absolutely interesting. And just because romance doesn’t dominate 80% of the story does not mean that the romance is lacking.

The first episode tricks you into thinking that there is very little romance in this drama. The lead characters of Lt. Jung Tae Eul and King Lee Gon meeting each other for the first time in the last 6 minutes of an episode that was 1 hour, 12 minutes, and 15 seconds long. What can possibly develop and deepen in 6 minutes? Not much, right?

But what happened in the last 6 minutes? Lee Gon rides into Gwanghwamun Square on his white horse after having crossed over from Corea and into the parallel world of Korea. He creates a slight commotion what with his royal handsomeness and almost ethereal white horse. Lt. Jung Tae Eul reprimands him. Lee Gon recognizes her as the woman on the ID card his savior had left behind 25 years ago. And in dramatic fashion, he alights from his horse, walks towards her, stops, and then engulfs her in a tight hug. He tells her, “I’ve finally met you” and the episode ends with a shocked Jung Tae Eul in the arms of an almost reverent Lee Gon.

In Kim Eun Sook’s other, wildly popular work, Goblin: The Lonely and Great God the first meeting between Kim Shin and Eun Tak also had that moment of finally finding the one they’ve been searching for. But for the Goblin, his bride’s existence was merely functional, as he needed her so he can finally die in peace. So their first meeting was your typical first meeting in K-dramas. There were no feelings yet, but they develop from there. So the whole drama then became a stage to establish the growth of their relationship that would give him the will to live instead of dreaming of death all the time.

But now, in The King: Eternal Monarch, the first meeting isn’t an easy blank canvas.

Lee Gon bursts into the first episode, already halfway in love with Jung Tae Eul long before he’s even met her. As a child, Lee Gon had held on to Jung Tae Eul’s image as his a savior. There is deep gratitude. As a young orphaned monarch, he held on to the idea of her to ease his loneliness. His first duty as a king was to bury his father and learned to cry only in the privacy of his own room when he was 7 years old. But somewhere out there, there was someone who had cared for enough for him to have saved him. This thought sustained him as he grew up.

And at this point in the first episode, we’re working with the idea that time travel hasn’t been introduced yet. Which means we’re treating time as a straight line, allowing Lee Gon and Jong Tae Eul to age at the same time. So if Jong Tae Eul had been 25 years old when Lee Gon was 7 in 1994, then she would be 50 years old and he would be 32 in the present year, 2019.

Then, as a man in his 30’s, he still keeps on searching for her. But in his head she is frozen in time as the 29 year old woman in her ID picture, and at this point he might possibly be half in love with her already. And when he finally meets her in the flesh, he had spent nearly all his life loving her in different iterations. Finding out that she hadn’t aged as he thought she would have gives him another possibility of loving her as a man would a woman.

Now the audience has to grapple with this idea, that he had loved her for 25 years already, prior to seeing her in the flesh. But then if you add the idea of time travel as hinted at by the 10th episode, then this first meeting becomes heavier. Not only would he have loved her for 25 years, but he also would have loved her for 25 years multiplied by the number of timelines he had crossed as a time traveller.

That’s why their first meeting had to happen in the last 6 minutes of the first episode. Everything that happened in that first hour and 6 minutes, all the murders, plotting, collision of worlds, and clash of doppelgangers in the past 25 years had to happen in order to bring Lee Gon and Jung Tae Eul to that fated meeting at Gwanghwamun Square. Kim Eun Sook had played with the idea of destiny with Goblin: The Lonely and Great God’s Kim Shin and Eun Tak. Now she takes the same idea of a fated meeting between two souls, Lee Gon and Jung Tae Eul, and proceeds to tear them apart with time loops, parallel worlds, and a frozen dimension to test how their love can endure all of that.

There can be no slow burn; there is no chase that starts with attraction, denial, bickering, jealousy, no you-make-me-worry-so-much love confession that is so often found in K-dramas. The lovers don’t even have that poor girl-rich boy/immortal-mortal or whatever uneven power dynamic that’s so popular in dramas. I guess that's what most people inevitably look for because these things were built to be formulaic.

But now you have a writer who is trying to build a bigger, more ambitious story, who is willing to take some risks with that formula in order to tell a love story that can transcend time and universes. The stakes had to be raised higher, the backdrop made grander, in order to hold a love story as epic as this. How can this not be romantic enough?

There are six more episodes left in this series. Quarantine has been extended. Give this series a chance.

#the king eternal monarch #kim eun sook #kim go eun #lee min ho

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genius11rare · 4 years ago

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AH ChitChat Notes 3 22 21

Chitchat 32221 with Jeremy , michael and matt ft disembodied voices of lindsay and maybe kaden , gus in chat and joins

Jeremy: Kaden spoke up because of donuts earlier… Michael: Jacks time is over now… but he will be on stream later. Jeremy: oh yeah schedule. Slight last minute changes doing Fall Guys first cuz S4 came out… me michael lindsay and matt did a letsplay in it earlier today … gus will be doing fall guys this stream (eyyy)... oh yeah and i wanna impersonate what jack does. Matt: do it. Jeremy: and if you're watching on the site we can see your chat like FatHippoHippo wrote BET in all capitals … yeah i just wanted to get into the spirit and be like “what would jack do, what would he think is funny” and that was it. Lindsay: alsoone of those WWJD bracelets from the 90s What Would Jack Do… (matt: ive repurposed them) Jeremy: so how are you doing? Lindsay: good weekend i guess , just telling Matt we watched Big Hero 6 yesterday (Jeremy: aw hell yell) still an awesome movie , kids loved it. Jeremy: where they scared of - idk if he has a name the kabuki villain… *looking it up* apparently its Yokai… guess they never really say it cuz that's generic. Lindsay: that's VERY generic. Michael: IVE GOT TO TAKE THIS CALL *facecam becomes void* Jeremy: ok spoiler alert for Big Hero 6 but just looking at the wiki… it makes an audacious claim. It says “professor robert calahan OR ALSO BETTER KNOW as his villain name Yokai”... is it? Lindsay: well its based on a comic right so i guess canonically he has a name…. But to answer your question No they werent scared … anyway something we noticed upon rewatching is that 2 characters before a MAJOR event happens to the fistbump… but DON'T do the explosion… like oooohhh foreshadowing. Michael: not really foreshadowing if they keep doing it throughout the movie , if anything its foreshadowing that like… hell… whats the robots name - baymax learning it… not really foreshadowing the building explodes (gen notes MAJOR EVENT) … what blew my mind was that movie has a post credits scene. Jeremy: oh yeah was it like with the dudes father. Michael: Fred yeah! Remember remarking upon them entering the house theres a portrait of the dad and i just went “his dads just Stan Lee… just a portrait of him” Post credits scene and guys talking to painting and - wasn't paying attention but he like hits his head on it and the wall opens up to show a superhero room with paraphernalia everywhere and Stan Lee walks in like “son we got a lot to talk about” Jeremy: Chat asking about if i watched the wrestling PayPerView… remember how i updated you last that the guy died in the ring after being set on fire (Michael: lemme guess hes a zombie now) - yep exactly last night a hand reached up and grabbed someones leg , he came out of the smoke with a melted messed up mask so yeah…. Hes a furry (i think?) zombie clown Michael: hey wait a minute let me read the chat , someone named Gus said “whoa no idea there was a post credit scene” “what is a fastfood restaurant combo wish would open” Lindsay: Miss my KenTaco Hutt… Michael: idk im usually just in the mood for SOMETHING , not looking to combine , only time is when i want a certain food and they don't have the same sides i want other places have . like Sonic is amazing for sides , apps and drinks… don't care for entrees , but if i could get Sonic sides at McDonalds or Taco bell or something.. Jeremy: guess in the same vein id combine Dairy Queen with a lot of places (Matt: i was about to say) to get a BLIZZARD with whatever. Matt: that's how it usually goes anyway , you get the food , you drive by the Dairy Queen and get a desert - you don't get the food at Dairy Queen cuz why - just why Lindsay: i mean theres icecream but there isnt really fastfood places for other deserts… like theres not really a Cake or Cupcake place (Matt: not yet *tilts head at camera like “you know what i want”* ) there IS the cupcake ATM Matt: alright checking the google… Michael: Matts checking the driving distance. Jeremy: another questions whil matts looking up cakes (Matt: oh i already have it) nevermind then. Conware asks “what is your fave controller for console and whats fave controller you own” Jeremy: Idk really… i know for a while everyones was the Elite 2 Michael: yeah just most comfortable. Matt: well that's like a specialty type… if its a stock one then the switch pro controller is pretty good. Michael: i mean i also have this 8Bit do SNES bluetooth controller thing , love it Lindsay: i love the nintendo switch controller grip… makes it feel like it curves comfy around your palms Jeremy: the XBOX sea of thieves one is great (Matt: i was about to say…) got a glow in the dark skull in the middle , RT is like a gold tooth , is partly see through Matt: and it comes with some exclusive stuff for Sea of Thieves Lindsay: yeah like Motion Sickness. Matt: i got one that's just a donut. Lindsay: gave me an idea… you know how theres Pez Dispensers (matt: heard of them) yeah and how you don't really even use them right you just eat the candy and play with the thing ( *matt nods approvingly* yeah about right) what if we invent a controller where every once in a while it opens up to give a snack. (Matt: yeah like everytime you get an achievement, Jeremy: yeah i did good! Just go up to the controller and eat it) “You Are Good Boy” Matt: be funnier if it just throws at you “everyone have a fave seasons and followup do you like seasons where you grew up or where you are now?” Jeremy: i mean springs probably my fave its easy to be outside , not boiling hot nor snow everywhere… great time to camp and fish , falls cool with changing colors… texas is like “do you want REALLY hot or hot?” Michael: i do really like Fall on the East Coast but its like - yeah i miss it and its nice to be there when it happens where its light jacket weather. I used to wear sweatshirts all the time - i don't bother with long sleeves in texas cuz i know im taking it off within 30 min… never knew about the Water Cup thing until i lived in texas where restaurants just HAVE water cups… blew my mind its free - because people will drop dead . noticed they just have this seperate stack of clear cups which is i guess like “i BETTER not see any soda in that cup THAT'S A WATER CUP!”. I don't like it when its 105 degrees but i do like being able to just wear Tshirts most of the year and not dealing with snow Lindsay: i like Fall the most cuz like its blend of i guess i embrace the basic bitch stereo types of fall , want my pumpkin spice latee but ALSO i know halloween is coming and ive said before how THAT'S like my religious holiday so like… i come alive. Matt: probably fall , maybe winter. I don't go out much but fall is like the right amount of cool but not TOO cool. Jeremy: over the weekend me and kat went to a town called rockfort (i think?) which is like right on the ocean , the weather was a little cold for it , like 50 maybe and the sea breeze made it chillier… im not really a beach person just more water. You say beach and you think like Boogie Boarding Bros (Michael: whoooaah boogie. Lindsay: beach volleyball) yeah .. id reather be on a rocky shore than a sandy beach. Michael: youd rather be like a mermaid sitting on the rocks *jeremy laughs loud* is that what you're saying Jeremy: yeah Matt: attracting sailors to their DOOM Lindsay: i gotta send you a link but theres this one TikTokker i guess that i watch that talks about that an eastern european beach she went to and was like “i cant wait to go on my beach outting yeah!” and she gets there its rocky , really windy , noones there and goes “ooh its really cold” Matt: depends the kind of beach to me… for me East Coast beaches SUCK *jeremy nods yep* its water you cant see anything in its terrible Lindsay: that's also texas beaches , all brown. Matt: its just one of those things where you get in the water and your like “ok… at anymoment i could be attacked by everything around me” Michael: well that can happen on land too matt (Gen Notes WELCOHME TA JOISEY!!!) (paraphrasing jeremy here) Jeremy: theres this guy who flys a drone out over beaches into the ocean , and he released the footage… apparently due to there being a lot less people now theres just Great White Sharks that go relatively close to beaches now… there are times where hes filming people playing and like 10 ft away is a fucking shark ya know just swimming. And cuz they're really far away hed be like “id see it , film it , then go to a lifeguard and show it like “oh btw…” “ Michael: so you know 2 hours ago someone may have been eaten. MattL he should put a speaker on the drone to like announce the sharks like HEY! DEATH OUT THERE!. Lindsay: “whats that Dronie? Theres a shark in the water?!?” Jeremy: and it was funny seeing that behavior where everyonce and a while a shark would be swimming then someone would do something near it not seeing the shark and the shark just goes “fuck dat” and swims away MattL god dude…. So close to death *gus joins* Lindsay: oh you're the guy who was like Texas beaches have Tar Gus: oh yeah i grew up in texas and i thought all beaches were like that just “oh you don't sit on the tar”

#text #gen notes #ah #achievement hunter #chit chat #chitchat #march 2021 #michael jones #jeremy dooley #stream #live stream #notes #idk what else to tag #qna #for later

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prettyinlimegreenboots · 4 years ago

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aaand another - “If you don’t open up that door on the count of three, I will start huffing and puffing!”

Kat was talking with Albert and Race when the front door had opened, promptly closed, and another door slammed. Looking at the clock, it was 5:30, the normal time Jack would be arriving home.

Looking at the two, she shrugged her shoulder, excusing herself before walking over to the closed bedroom door. Placing her hand on the knob, she tried turning it only to find it locked.

“Jack, you okay?”

“Leave me alone!” His voice was muffled, and it sounded as if he was underwater and tired.

Putting a hand on the door, she sighed. “Do you need anything?”

“No. Just want to be alone.”

Kat flinched at the tiredness of his voice and nodded. “Ok. Race and Albert are here if you want to talk with them.”

“I’ll be out in a bit. Just need some time to wrap my head around something.” He paused for a moment before adding, “I love you.”

She smiled, sadly. “I love you too.”

Returning to the living room, she gave the two a tight smile. “Jack okay?”

“He said he’s wrapping his head around something.” Kat mumbled, looking at Race. “If he’s not out in an hour, you can go talk to him.”

Race nodded, as Albert switched the conversation to something mindless. But Race and Kat were both concerned with the man locked in the room.

An hour later, after Albert said his goodbyes and there were promises to keep him updated on Jack, Race and Kat stood in front of the door.

“Jack?” Kat softly knocked on the door, waiting to hear a response.

The seconds that followed were painfully quiet. “Yea, Kat?”

“You doing any better?”

There were another couple of seconds of silence. “A little but not ready to come out yet.”

Kat looked at Race, tears clouding her eyes. He smiled at her before his lips stretched into a grin. “If you don’t open up that door on the count of three, I will start huffing and puffing!”

A strangled giggle escaped Kat’s mouth as she gasped at her brother-in-law. “One …..”

Silence.

“Two ….”

Silence.

“Th—-”

The door flew open, as the two of them jumped back in surprise. “You are worst than a god damn border collie.”

Both of them took a moment to look Jack over. His eyes were red from crying, his face looked as if he had aged 10 years in 8 hours, and he was overall tired.

He shuffled back to the bed before crawling into it, burying himself in the blankets and pillows. The two exchanged looks before walking into the room. Kat immediately climbed into the bed, rubbing her hand through Jack’s hair while Race stood there awkwardly, hands in his pocket, visibly upset at whatever had upset his brother.

“It was a horrible day at work.” Jack started. “It didn’t start off that way though.”

He opened his eyes, looking at Kat before patting the other side of the bed for Race. Toeing off his shoes, Race joined them on the bed as Jack reached for his hand. “Did you hear about that apartment fire in Midtown?”

Kat and Race both shook their heads. “It started about 11am. I was already in Midtown, taking photos of an exhibit that’s going to open. So I was one of the first photographers on scene and it was just bad.”

He took several deep breaths, squeezing Race’s hand and leaning into Kat’s comfort. “People were stumbling from the burning building, covered in ash and soot. People were on the fire escape but couldn’t get down until the fire department got there.”

“Was everyone okay?” Kat whispered, squeezing Jack’s other hand and leaving a kiss on his forehead.

“As far as I know, yeah.” He nodded. “But some of the photos I took are haunted. Just raw and the details are kinda burnt into my brain.”

Running a hand through his brother’s hair, Race smiled. “That’s what you’re so damn good at your job, Jack. You show the rawness of the human race and all with a camera. You don’t shy away from fear or sadness or happiness in your photos.”

Squeezing his hand, Jack gave him a half smile. “So why is this hurting you so much more than any of the other building fires you’ve covered? You’ve covered so much more tragedies than this. Why is this one staying with you?”

“There was a little girl. She couldn’t have been more than 5. She was pushed out onto the stoop of the apartment building and was too stunned to do anything - almost like she was frozen and couldn’t move. People pushed by her trying to escape but she just stood there.” He paused, trying to catch his breath. “No one stopped to help her. I was close enough so I picked her up and brought her towards the street so we were close enough for someone to find her but out of danger.”

Tears clouded his eyes, silence in the room, giving him time to work through whatever he needed to. “She has the biggest brown eyes I’ve ever seen on a little girl. She clung to me as if she knew something had happened to her family. We stood there and watched people spill out of the building, not saying anything. I didn’t even get her name.” He sighed. “Finally after like 30 minutes, her aunt came out and she gasped and yelled her name. They were reunited - tears, hugs, and rushed thank yous to me before they left. I can’t imagine what was going through her mind in those 30 mins, not knowing if her family was safe or not.”

“Oh Jack. I’m so sorry.” Kat whispered, kissing his forehead. “That’s tough, and thankfully she had you looking out for her.”

Race smiled. “It should be no surprise you did that.”

“In what way?” Jack asked, looking at his younger brother.

Chuckling, Race shook his head. “You always look for the needy, the ones that need help. You were always the first person we would go to at Medda’s - you were a best friend, brother, father-figure to everyone at that house. You were always looking out for us and protecting us, even when we were grown. It’s no wonder that little girl clung to you while she waited - she knew you were safe for whatever reason.”

“Thanks, Race.”

Squeezing his brother’s hand, Race just grinned. “Just doing my brotherly duty. Need to make sure your brain doesn’t get too big.”

“And the special brotherly moment we were just having is over.” Jack shook his head.

Race chuckled. “This version of Jack, the mopey and sad one just isn’t you and while it’s rare for it to happen, we’re always here for you. No matter what.”

Jack smiled. “Thanks for the whole huffing and puffing bit.”

“It always worked at Medda’s - figures it might work here as well.” Race shrugged with a grin.

Kat looked between the two. “What was going to happen if he got to three?”

“The door would’ve come off one way or another.” Jack chuckled. “Smalls was notorious for locking herself in a bathroom or a room so Race came up with that saying, letting whoever know that if the door wasn’t opened by 3, the door was coming down one way or another.”

Kat laughed. “Did you ever take the door down?”

“Uhhh….” Race threw his head back and laughed loudly. “Jack you wanna tell the story?”

Jack chuckled. “Smalls was being a pain in the ass and going through the typical teenager drama. She was the only girl in the house outside of Medda and Chance hadn’t arrived yet. She was in a pissy mood from the time I picked her up from school and none of my usual tricks were working to get her to chat. I must’ve pissed her off because as soon as we got home, she booked it to her bedroom and refused to come out.”

“By this time, we had perfected the phrase but Race was the only one that could pull it off perfectly. So when he gets home, he walks up to the door and does it. It’s absolute silence and no movement at all.”

Race is laughing so hard that tears are streaming down his face.

Taking a deep breath, he calms himself enough to finish the story. “So I walk downstairs and tell Jack that we need to take the door off. Jack runs downstairs and gets some tools; meanwhile, Medda is just walking through the door and sees us all standing around. I clue her in just as Jack walks up the stairs and she tells us not to take the door off but just the doorknob. Well we do that and push open the door only to find Smalls passed out on the bed sound asleep.”

At that point, Jack and Race both lose it and just start laughing which then pulls Kat into laughing until they all have tears streaming down their faces.

“Oh my gosh I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time.” Jack slapped Race on the back. “Thanks Race.”

Kat wiped her eyes from the unshed tears. “Do you feel better?”

“I do and it’s all thanks to you both.” Smiling at them, Jack shook his head. “I love you both.”

Race stood, out his shoes back on before heading for the door. “Love you too Jackie.”

“Where are you going?” Jack asked, giving a classic older brother eyebrow raise, questioning look.

Sticking his hands in his pocket, Race grinned. “Spot’s been blowing up my phone wondering where I was so I gotta go make it up to him.”

“Ugh never mind me asking.” Jack pulled a face while Race blew him a kiss.

“Love you too Jackie and Plums.” He paused grinning. “If you don’t hear from me by the morning, check all the morgues and parks for a dead body.”

Kat chuckled, shaking her head at the boy’s dramatics. “He won’t kill you, Racetrack.”

“You never know what he’ll do in a fit of passionate rage.” Race cackled hearing Jack’s obvious disgust. “Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about, Jackie!”

Pointing to the door, Jack gave Race a look. “Love you, thank you for this afternoon but get outta here! And leave your comments about your sex life to yourself! There are things that myself and Kat don’t need to know about you and Spot!”

“Why do we keep him around?” Jack looked at Kat, grinning at the scoff that came from Race’s direction.

“Our lives would be so much duller without Race and Spot in them.” Kat patted her husband’s arm. “Besides you did say Race is your favorite brother.”

Popping his head back in the room, Race grinned brightly. “See you love me and I’m your favorite.”

“I already told you I love you. Now get outta here before Spot really kills you and asks me to hide the body.” Jack shook his head at his brother’s antics. “Text me when you get home.”

“Uh huh.” Was Race’s reply before they heard the door shut a few moments later.

Cuddling into Kat’s embrace, he sighed in contentment. “Thank you for this afternoon. You knew when to give me space and when to engage Race.”

“Anytime, Jack. I’m always going to be here for you.” Kissing his forehead, she sighed. “Love you.”

“Love you too.”

So this is 1905 words got a little out of control! :-) Enjoy!!

#Newsies #Newsies Fan Fiction #wide-eyed- - wonderer #asks #prompts #Racetrack Higgins #Jack Kelly #katherine pulitzer

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cinemavariety · 4 years ago

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The Director’s Series: Paul Thomas Anderson

The director series will consist of me concentrating on the filmography of all my favorite directors. I will rank each of their films according to my personal taste. I hope this project will provide everyone with quality recommendations and insight into films that they might not have known about. Today’s director in spotlight is Paul Thomas Anderson

#8 - Hard Eight (1998) Runtime: 1 hr 42 min Aspect Ratio: 2.39 : 1 Film Format: 35mm

John has lost all his money. He sits outside a diner in the desert when Sydney happens along, buys him coffee, then takes him to Reno and shows him how to get a free room without losing much money. Under Sydney's fatherly tutelage, John becomes a successful small-time professional gambler, and all is well, until he falls for Clementine, a cocktail waitress and sometimes hooker.

Verdict: One of the most impressive feature film debuts ever blessed to American cinema. Paul Thomas Anderson was only 25 years old when he broke into the scene and directed this (almost three years younger than me now, how depressing). While it is consistently thrilling and entertaining, Hard Eight oftentimes wears its influences on its sleeve too much. You can see how much inspiration Paul got from Tarantino with this film and it’s one of the 90s best independent movies. The star studded cast doesn’t hurt either.

#7 - Phantom Thread (2017) Runtime: 2 hr 10 min Aspect Ratio: 1.85 : 1 Film Format: 35mm

Renowned British dressmaker Reynolds Woodcock comes across Alma, a young, strong-willed woman, who soon becomes a fixture in his life as his muse and lover. Verdict: It’s safe to say that Phantom Thread is PTA’s most lavish and decadent film. It feels like a piece of ancient Hollywood golden-era cinema brought back to life. Johnny Greenwood’s orchestral score is the best sound work he’s ever done, it sweeps you off your feet when it goes along with Anderson’s signature arresting imagery. I’m in the minority who places this near the bottom of Anderson’s filmography, simply because Daniel Day Lewis’s character is so insufferable that it was hard for me to empathize in many ways. It still manages to be one of the most beautiful pieces of modern cinema.

#6 - Inherent Vice (2014) Runtime: 2 hr 28 min Aspect Ratio: 1.85 : 1 Film Format: 35mm

In Los Angeles at the turn of the 1970s, drug-fueled detective Larry “Doc” Sportello investigates the disappearance of an ex-girlfriend.

Verdict: Inherent Vice is Paul Thomas Anderson’s most underrated gem. I’ll admit, when I first saw this film, I didn’t really dig it that much and immediately cast it aside as his weakest effort. However, after some maturity, a few more viewings, and also not 100% adoring Phantom Thread, I have developed an immense appreciation for this nonsensical Thomas Pynchon adaptation. Pynchon as a writer is known as being basically unadaptable, but PTA revels in the absurdity of the film’s labyrinth of a plot. It also brings PTA back to his former glory days of ensemble casts and stoner drug fueled mayhem.

#5 - Punch-Drunk Love (2002) Runtime: 1 hr 35 min Aspect Ratio: 2.39 : 1 Film Format: 35mm

A psychologically troubled novelty supplier is nudged towards a romance with an English woman, all the while being extorted by a phone-sex line run by a crooked mattress salesman, and purchasing stunning amounts of pudding.

Verdict: Punch-Drunk Love plays out like a symphony of color, texture, and absolutely off-putting social interactions. I understand that Adam Sandler had his comeback last year with Uncut Gems, but this film is actually without a doubt the best performance he’s ever pulled off. And I credit that largely in part to the brilliance of Paul who was working behind him. It’s what I would say one of the most unconventional romantic comedies of all time. It’s nerve wracking, a little sad, super awkward - but also somehow manages to be endearing as well. The percussion heavy score brings manic energy to the whole film. Punch-Drunk Love is also a powerful statement on loneliness, unchecked mental illness, and the power of human connection.

#4 - Boogie Nights (1997) Runtime: 2 hr 35 min Aspect Ratio: 2.39 : 1 & 1.66 : 1 Film Format: 35mm

Adult film director Jack Horner is always on the lookout for new talent and it's only by chance that he meets Eddie Adams who is working as a busboy in a restaurant. Eddie is young, good looking and plenty of libido to spare. Using the screen name Dirk Diggler, he quickly rises to the top of his industry winning awards year after year. Drugs and ego however come between Dirk and those around him and he soon finds that fame is fleeting.

Verdict: How this film possibly came from a director who is my age now is almost hard to believe. Boogie Nights is one of the quintessential 90s films. It has one of PTA’s best ensemble casts. Anderson’s sophomore effort was a result of the auteur finding his footing and his directorial voice that went on to enthrall audiences over several decades. PTA’s early visual motifs were lengthy and expertly choreographed tracking shots. Please refer to the scenes in the disco as well as the pool party scene pictured above for some of the best camera operation every committed to celluloid. Boogie Nights could possibly be hailed as PTA’s most consistently entertaining and audience friendly works. It’s a great story of the rise and fall of stardom.

#3 - There Will Be Blood (2007) Runtime: 2 hr 38 min Aspect Ratio: 2.39 : 1 Film Format: 35mm

A story of family, religion, hatred, oil and madness, focusing on a turn-of-the-century prospector in the early days of the business.

Verdict: Most critics and audiences would agree that There Will Be Blood is the director’s most impressive masterpiece (but who’s counting?). On a storytelling and technical level, I do have to agree that this is probably Paul Thomas Anderson’s best achievement, even if it isn’t exactly my personal favorite. This is the film where PTA really matured with his directorial vision. He abandoned a lot of his earlier flashy work with large casts and a constantly moving camera for something more grounded and more of a character study. There Will be Blood is the story of America in many ways. It’s the story of Capitalism. And how this system leads to so much bloodshed, greed, and hatred as man and man compete to have the most and be the best. This movie will surely stand the test of time and is a shining example of how groundbreaking modern American cinema can be.

#2 - Magnolia (1999) Runtime: 3 hr 8 min Aspect Ratio: 2.39 : 1 Film Format: 35mm

An epic mosaic of interrelated characters in search of love, forgiveness, and meaning in the San Fernando Valley.

Verdict: Paul Thomas Anderson’s third film found the director taking everything he had learned on his previous two, and expanding on that knowledge and developing more layers to his characters who have never felt so fully realized. Magnolia is the director’s magnum opus. It is epic in its length - clocking in at a little over three hours, making it his longest film by far. It is ambitious in its storytelling approach. Many films utilize the style of a variety of seemingly unrelated characters who connect to each other, oftentimes in a synchronistic fashion as they go about the trials and tribulations of their lives. However Magnolia is one of the few that did it first, did it the best, and set the bar for all of the subpar imitations that would soon follow. It’s also profoundly beautiful in the statements that PTA was trying to make. Paul, just barely 30 years old at the time when this was released, most definitely had an emotional and intellectual maturity that is rarely seen within a director of that age range. Magnolia is about redemption, loss, forgiveness, love, and trying to keep your head above water as frogs rain down on your head.

#1 - The Master (2012) Runtime: 2 hr 18 min Aspect Ratio: 1.85 : 1 Film Format: 35mm & 70mm

Freddie, a volatile, heavy-drinking veteran who suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder, finds some semblance of a family when he stumbles onto the ship of Lancaster Dodd, the charismatic leader of a new “religion” he forms after World War II.

Verdict: I’ve always been drawn to films about cults. Something about social behavior and social roles within a cult organization is a really interesting study on a sociological, psychological and anthropological level. The Master takes the cult formula and turns it on its head in many ways, never once foraying into the territory of exploitation or tropes. It instead takes a wholly original approach to the story. I mean, it is Paul Thomas Anderson that we’re talking about here. Joaquin Phoenix delivers his most unhinged, and certainly his most impressive, performance of his career as a mentally damaged alcoholic war veteran with pretty severe PTSD. The Master is also in many ways the story of the founding father of Scientology - L. Ron Hubbard. However, let’s just say it is a Scientology movie “in disguise” as no real historical names are ever spoke, the word “Scientology” is never uttered once, and even the director himself refuses to admit that’s what it is about (I mean who can blame him? He once had to work with Tom Cruise). It is one of the most fascinating character studies I’ve ever seen. Not to mention, it is PTA’s most beautifully shot film in my opinion and Johnny Greenwood’s musical contributions to the score elevate this film to ultimate masterpiece status. By the end, I felt like I had just undergone a transcendent experience of sorts. I hope one day PTA can make a film that “wows” me ever more than this one does.

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scarluxia · 4 years ago

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Let's talk about some Adventures I had in Phoenix, AZ in 2015. It came up in my FB Memories and even though I determined to let everything from last decade go, this one still rankles. I got "in trouble" with these people for being open about my experiences on my Facebook because, even though I hadn't mentioned names, they didn't like me "putting their business out there".

CW for ableism, depression, rejection sensitive dysphoria, and I'll try to put all that in the tags.

My partner, Loki (yes real name), and I had been urban camping in Portland, OR for about a month. It had gotten cold and rainy to the point where we couldn't safely stay living outdoors, and Loki's father (who didn't approve of me) had demanded he come back to California and live with Loki's uncle. He made it quite clear I was not welcome, so I ended up going to Arizona because I had a friend who was willing to put me up. She and I had known each other since 2008 and I figured I would be safe with her. At the time, Loki was much more easily influenced by what his family wanted, and we ended up having kind of a nasty set of conversations over whether he was abandoning me.

While in Portland, my wallet had been stolen so I had no ID or SS card. I had reported it stolen of course, but had received no response until I was leaving Arizona.

My friend in Arizona had two young sons, a husband, and a boyfriend. Now, I have some sensory issues that make it so I have a hard time being around children. High pitched noises hurt me to my bones, like, even now I have to leave the room if my son gets overly excited and starts shrieking.

I was sleeping on the couch in the living room, which was where the kids would go when they woke up and where the TVs and entertainment consoles were.

Anyway, they wanted me to contribute to the household and whatnot but I was severely depressed and I think I've provided all the context I can remember? If the rest of this doesn't make sense, please know that there was a part 1 but it came up in my Memories on a different day and i didn't think I would be rehashing it.

So I couldn't do work, couldn't do anything anyone had asked me to do to satisfaction because various things that did not, in fact, depend on me. Maybe I wasn't being enough of a ~team player~, I don't know. But anyway, I did my best with what I had. Sometimes, because of THE EXTREME FUCKING SENSORY ISSUES THAT COME WITH AUTISM, I would get overwhelmed by the kids screaming. Two little boys, barely school age, and their parents sat them in front of a TV and gave them controllers. That's it. They had toys in their room, sure, but they weren't getting outside. I suggested taking them out a couple times, but firstly, I didn't know the area and wasn't about to go out alone, and secondly, I can't split in half and I'm not in good shape, so even if I had known the area, I wouldn't have taken TWO small children outside to run around where they could run out of the designated area. I'm kind of anal that way, I guess. But Woman A (mum) and Man B ("uncle") never got off their arses to help me take them outside, and Man A was at work.

Oh, yes, parental interaction with the kids. Woman A loved her sons very much. But at their age (3 and 5), they both should have been toilet trained. They should have gotten at least two hours outside every day. They threw fits when they weren't allowed to play video games because, instead of games being a special treat that was earned with good behavior, they were toys carelessly tossed at the kids to keep them out of everyone's hair. Conversely, and bizarrely, reading to them WAS a special treat. The father woke up, played games, basically brushed off his kids, and went to work. Same when he got home for lunch, and he *ordered* us to have them in bed by the time he got home for good. The mum did somewhat interact with them, but mostly just wanted them out of her hair. I wasn't so nice because I'm not good with kids in general and also loud screeching HURTS, IT HURTS IT HURTS MAKE IT STOP. (Same with snoring, or any noise made when I want to sleep.) This isn't me being a ~diva~, it is an actual manifestation of a mental disability.

Woman A was of the opinion that "everyone who lives in a house with kids automatically becomes a coparent", maybe because she wasn't willing to actually parent her kids herself.

Note from the future: I still disagree with the idea that "anyone who lives in a house with kids is automatically a co-parent". Parent your own kids. I don't expect my dad to parent my son when we go visit him and he made it quite clear when I was pregnant that he would not take on a co-parenting role (because his wives 30-50 years ago had handled the babies and he doesn't really know how to calm them down beyond entertaining them)

She got a really bitchy look on her face whenever I (who have been around children, especially TROUBLED children, all my life) made any sort of suggestion. Well sorry, lady, but it's not like you're doing such a great job with them. Y'all act like you barely want anything to do with them. Like they're cute and little and fun to snuggle, but actually teaching them anything? Forget about it, just toss em a controller and hope they don't kill each other in the game or real life. Meanwhile, they have no outlet for their natural physical energy, no real outlet for their curiosity. They're going to grow up stupid and sedentary, with "no one paid attention to me during childhood except when it was convenient for THEM" to deal with. The older kid recently got on meds for a condition that, from what I observed, was likely much more nurture than nature. And what everyone ate, my God, those kids were the only non-overweight people in the house, and it's little wonder! I bought ACTUAL NUTRITIONAL food for everyone, and the adults look at me like I'm from some demon dimension. I made a light comment about how I'd never eaten anything like what they had growing up. You know, boxed potatoes, veggies out of a can, white bread, sugary peanut butter. And Woman A was like, "well YOU don't have kids."

Um, no, but my father did.

I have a kid now, am working part time at min. wage because my boss sees my performance as so-so (plus she's been forced to give me a raise every time the County of Where I Live raises the minimum), in a single-income household, on as much Family With Kids welfare as My County will allow, and I still wouldn't feed my kid that crap LOL

Spoiler alert: they made me use all my food stamps on their household and then kicked me out later that month so... When I bought food I bought HEALTHY food, like, I've been on food stamps my entire life... Also, WIC specifically pays for WHEAT bread, fruits & veggies, and they do let you get peanut butter without sugar so idk what was going on there with them.

My father was a SINGLE PARENT raising a daughter in America after 20 years of living in Europe and raising kids with his previous wives. Well, up until the divorces, anyway. I was the only kid he ever got to keep. He told me things about how the others had been raised compared to how I was raised, and I saw the outcomes of different parenting styles in my peers as well. My father was a very poor man whose trade had been outsourced and who struggled to support us for years. And yet, we never went hungry, and he never fed me boxed potatoes. Never fed me sugary peanut butter, white bread, or veggies out of a can.

Ok I understand canned veggies are better than no veggies, and not everyone can get fresh, but you CAN get frozen in AZ. I always had fresh or frozen growing up.

It wasn't because we were living in the lap of luxury. It's because...

HE FUCKING VALUED OUR HEALTH OVER CONVENIENT, CRAPPY, NUTRIENT-FREE FOOD!!!! This is not a difficult concept. He ALSO read to me every night, despite having what I now realise was a very grueling day at work just to put said healthy food on the table. I didn't get to watch TV or play computer games (edu-tainment, the only kind I was allowed) until after all my homework was done. I can't remember if I was a particularly active child, but I'm sure I had the OPTION!!!! TO GO OUT.

Meanwhile, when I was at various stages of my life, I met kids whose parents shunted them from guardian to guardian because they didn't want to deal with them, kids whose parents were kind and supportive but rubbish at enforcing discipline, kids whose parents were abusive in every kind of way, and kids whose parents did their best.

You know, I wasn't raised perfectly. My upbringing lacked social grace and included some toxic ideas about womanhood that I've only been learning to overcome recently in my adulthood. But DON'T FUCKING ACT LIKE I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT RAISING KIDS JUST BECAUSE I DON'T CURRENTLY HAVE ANY. I have my own life, the lives of my peers, and a wonderful online community of new parents raising children in kind and socially aware ways, to draw inspiration from. I can go to any one of them, and to my own parents, and ask "hey does X seem weird to you?" And they'll give me their honest opinion, which *is valuable*. I have even mapped out a general idea of how to get through some parts of my children's lives, and I'm not even planning to have kids for at least another few years. I mean, honestly, it used to be "I don't want kids ever", but dear gosh, if I can have any part of raising someone in a manner that defies procrastination culture, entitlement culture, and everything wrong with the way my husband and I were raised, maybe it wouldn't be a complete horror. If I can ensure that not all hope for the next generation is lost, hey.

Anyway, I've gone off topic...

I also had some issues with the men. Man B just didn't seem to like anything ever. I had no idea what Woman A saw in him. I remember one time he tried to tell me, a Christian, that I can't tell people what a "real Christian" is because it ~invalidates their identity~. Excuse me, no. It doesn't work that way. There are things that Christ taught, and anyone who blatantly goes against them IN THE NAME OF CHRISTIANITY, IS NOT A REAL CHRISTIAN. And yes, I realise this entire rant has been very judgey and technically I'm not supposed to do that either, but it's not like I'm saying they're going to Hell. Just that their kids are going to be sluggish and stupid, and I can't understand how these people have the gumption to try to lecture anyone else about life when they're not even TRYING to get their own lives together.

Yeah so they tried to lecture me about how I was "letting" Loki mistreat me and how I cared more about "socializing" with my estranged husband (I have separation anxiety) than helping around the house e_e They also implied I used depression as an excuse to be lazy.

Man B was supposedly "super employable." Well, okay, even though his "job hunt" seemed to consist more of sitting around playing video games, he was larger than my father (who is 6 ft tall with a protruding gut and weighs 240 lbs at last count) (My father and I are both 60 lbs above our ideal weights. But we're working on it!), and never seemed to get past the phone-screening process.

Now, Woman A told me that Man B was looking for work and that her family and some friends looked down on him for being a freeloader. Probably because she was anxious about me thinking the same. But here's the thing: I wouldn't have cared. Honestly. If you want to sit around playing games all day in your married girlfriend's apartment with her and her husband playing video games all day, go right ahead. If you want to bake three potatoes at a time and take them back to your room for a snack, hey, more power to you. But don't piss out the window and call it rain.

I don't care how employable you are, where you live, who you're living with, or what your lifestyle is like. It doesn't affect me in any way. But don't act like you're doing something you're not just to appease someone's judgmental family. That doesn't ever end well.

Now, see, I clearly have a problem with people who do that. I don't hide many aspects of myself, though I will refuse to answer a question if I feel it's none of someone's business or if they're just asking it to be a judgmental asshole. I refuse to compromise myself or my safe space to accommodate someone who can't make peace with who they are. Hell, you know me! You know my show!

Wait, this is Tumblr, so you might not know my show. It's a YouTube storyboard dedicated to processing and mocking some spiritual and psychological abuse I've undergone in my life. On Facebook, it was one of the things I was known for at the time because I was constantly posting clips and art, and trying to recruit voice actors.

I sell anyone out who I catch lying to me about anything! That's nothing new! And these people knew that about me. For SEVEN. FUCKING. YEARS.

So anyway. Woman A has a lot of great short term goals but no actual follow through because "I'm just not in the mood right now." No judgment there. I've totally been there. The only problem is when it gets ME in trouble.

"Let's walk the dog." "I'm not in the mood." Okay, then the dog doesn't get walked because I can't figure out my way around the place alone.

"Let's do the dishes." Woman A doesn't let me know when the washer stopped. Okay. Then the rest of the dishes don't get washed.

"Let's take the kids outside." "No I'm too tired." Okay, then they're going to be RUNNING AROUND THE APARTMENT SCREAMING WHICH MY EARS CANNOT FUCKING HANDLE so bye I'm just gonna borrow your room and isolate myself for a bit.

"Let's go to the gym!" "Maybe later." But later never comes.

Do you see where I'm going here? As for the men, they BOTH complain that they're "doing too much" around the house. Okay, probably fair for Man A, who works full time and deserves to come home to a clean house. But Man B. Wtf. You literally do nothing, except when you do, and when you do, we're meant to throw you a parade? That's not how adulthood works, or so I've heard.

Note: All three of these people are older than me. I was 24? at the time, fresh out of trade school, on my own for the first time in my life. (Maybe 2nd? I ran away when I was 17 but ended up with my grandparents so idk if that counts.) Woman A was 26 at the time and had been married since 2008, had experience with office work and parenthood, etc. Both men were older than her. I was a chronological adult with the life experience of a teenager, so I felt comfortable saying that.

So did I mention that I'm sleeping in the living room during this stay? And the adults don't go to bed until like 2 AM, which means, because of my disability, wherein I cannot sleep if there's any sort of non-ambient noise, *I* don't get to sleep until AFTER 2 AM. And the kids? They come in the living room screaming at 6 AM. Yep. Okay. Living on 4 hours of sleep, for the mathematically challenged. That and dealing with the emotional turmoil of being separated from my husband when I've got high separation anxiety in the first place. All my pain, everything, it's up to 11. and I'm supposed to contribute but there's not really anything that allows me to contribute.

So what do they do? They ambush me. Call a "family meeting" to tell me absolutely everything that's wrong with me, after WEEKS of telling me what a big help I am and how grateful they are to have me around. Tell me I'm letting my "social life" get in the way of me helping around the house. Hmm. Social life. You mean, VENTING IN MY SAFE SPACE (Facebook, no names named) AND TRYING TO MEND THINGS WITH MY HUSBAND??????????????? Okay. Well since you guys treat your woman like shit, you clearly don't understand or appreciate devotion to one's spouse. Seriously. Woman A told me she used to have extreme separation anxiety with Man A, and that he would brush off her emotions as irrelevant. Her solution was to make it a poly relationship and take a lover WHO TREATS HER THE EXACT SAME WAY. I'm serious. She got no emotional support from either of them. They basically just threw pills at her and trained her to lie down until her feelings went away.

And she had the gall to lecture me (24 at the time) about how Loki (19 at the time & from a pretty horrific family) treated me. LOL ok. Log. Splinter.

As she knew, I'm monogamous. I do have some opinions on polyamoury based on individuals I've gotten to know who are in those types of relationships, but those opinions are irrelevant to this series of rants. Except one, which is pertinent: if you're going to take another lover, they should provide something that your existing lover(s) don't. If you're suffering from low emotional support and you just find someone else who doesn't emotionally support you and who treats you like a child who can't be trusted??? What are you even DOING? Like, she told me NEITHER of her men trust her judgment. What the fuck is a relationship without trust? And don't even try "dick too bomb" as an excuse when you tell me you haven't gotten laid in months and your husband is using your condoms on Woman B.

They don't support you. They don't trust you. And yet YOU'RE telling ME that things with my husband won't get better unless I follow your lead and take another lover? HELL TO THE NO. My husband has his faults, but if I tell him Person X can be trusted, he believes me.

Except for his ex-girlfriend whom he tried to add to our relationship when he tried to be poly, months later. That went Badly.

Or maybe he just knows I'll deal with them myself, with my hot, hot temper, if they turn out not to be trustworthy. He also doesn't treat me LIKE A CHILD. And while I sometimes point at things and make small motions when I can't physically talk, or sometimes even use baby talk when I'm feeling cutesy, I DON'T POINT AT A PIECE OF PAPER AND GO "THE CARRRRRR!!!!" IN AN INCREASINGLY HIGHER PITCH BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY, "Honey, I think we missed the car payment this month. Can you double check while the agent has you on hold, please?"

Okay, being a dick about losing words due to stress was not my finest moment, but at the time, I was just so appalled by how they treated her and how she allowed them to treat me.

So basically these adults who are nowhere near having their lives together, and aren't even really trying, put me on blast for not having everything running perfectly when THEY expected it to.

Let's reiterate. I couldn't get a job because I had no ID or social security card. I was waiting for them to be returned to me. I couldn't walk the kids or the dog, go to the gym, or complete all the household chores because no one would guide me. I need that guidance because of various components of my disability, which I really hate admitting to because I'm super fucking prideful, but I figured hey, she's not neurotypical either. These people will understand.

Their response when I brought this up? "You're an adult. You should know better." Sure, okay. But you should know that a child ought to be potty trained before he turns 5, or even 3; that kids need to run around, are entitled to their parents' attention and consistent discipline, and need!!! healthy!!!! food!!!!

Oh, discipline! So, she would send Older Boy to his room over misbehaving. But rather than enforce time-out, she'd go, "oh, I think I'm being too haaaard on him," and just... Relinquish. He's not about to learn anything that way, ma'am.

They called me trying to reconnect with the person I love more than almost anyone on this earth "obsessing over your social life". Well again, you treat your woman like shit, so MAYBE my undying devotion to the person I love goes a LITTLE bit over your head.

They told me that the household should be my first priority. Except no, because I am an autonomous person and my FIRST PRIORITY is, was, and ever has been the love of my life, whomever that may be at the time. That is 70% of my personality. I'm pretty sure anyone who had ever met me can vouch for my extreme devotion, and this woman had known me for SEVEN. YEARS. I'm not going to throw away 70% of myself to do an impossible task that no one will help me with.

They told me a lot of things I wasn't doing right, and for those of you who also struggle with anxiety and depression, you know that being told for weeks that everything is okay and you're so great and so helpful, and then being told that you're rubbish at everything... You know that that is hurtful. Devastating, even. I wanted to kill myself. I said that. I said that and expressed my feelings about some other things, in my safe space, without naming any names.

And even though I was posting in my safe space, I was polite about it. I was as gentle and rational as possible. I wasn't calling anyone out. Not like I am now. I wasn't trying to lead a witch hunt. I was just overwhelmed and trying to express my feelings. Trying to get myself not to kill myself. I had to tell myself over and over again that it's not what Loki would want for me.

In the morning, they woke me up and kicked me out. Said it was rude for me to say I don't care about their household. I never, NEVER said that. I said "Loki is my first priority." Something along the lines of "that's just how I am and I shouldn't be vilified for it." That doesn't mean I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE. IT JUST MEANS THAT MY PRIORITIES WILL *NEVER* BE WHAT SOMEONE ELSE WANTS THEM TO BE. I AM A PERSON. I HAVE THE RIGHT TO DECIDE WHAT TO PRIORITISE, AND I HAVE THE RIGHT TO LOVE MY HUSBAND!!!

I MEAN, FOR FUCK'S SAKE. MY NAME IS *SIGYN*. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU IGNORANT ASSHOLES EXPECT?! WHY THE HELL SHOULD YOU HAVE FELT THREATENED BY ME SAYING ANYTHING IF I DIDN'T NAME NAMES AND WAS ACTUALLY RATIONAL? IF YOU SAW THIS, *MAYBE* YOU WOULD HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE PISSY, BUT NOT THEN!

They kicked me out after having asked me to buy them all food. I had used up all my food stamps. Because I hadn't anticipated this at all. I hadn't known they would take such offence to my existence, to my ways. To the fact that I value the man I married more than I value... Whatever they wanted me to value, I guess.

Fun fact: I ended up in a women's shelter after this, and one woman told me to actually kill myself because she was tired of hearing me cry at night.

They said I hadn't made any effort to get my life on track. Because I can just snap my fingers and make my ID appear. Because I can just manifest the money for a replacement. They said all these things that left me almost unable to breathe, in retaliation for me posting that I was suicidal.

Later, Woman A told me that this had been a long time coming and that they were trying to make room for Woman B and Woman C, both of whom were willing to have sex with the men, which is something that I would not. I feel the first woman I met at the shelter was accurate when she said they basically kicked me out because I wouldn't sleep with them.

I also later found out that my ID and SS card had been returned to sender. The Portland PD called me and told me. So my father came to the conclusion that the people I had been staying with sabotaged me from the start. For a while, I didn't feel it, but last night I dreamed about it, and the dream made me angry. I didn't deserve to be treated that way. And I really had to get all this off my chest, so for those of you who didn't immediately whip out your tiny violins, thank you.

#ableism #depression #rejection sensitive dysphoria #sensory sensitivity #child neglect #child abuse #resource insecurity?#i forgot about the part where someone tried to mansplain Christian gatekeeping to me #emotional abuse #polyamory but make it toxic #suicidal ideation

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leviackermanscleaningbuddy · 5 years ago

Text

BTS DRABBLE

eAnon Request: A day of everyday family life with BTS, their kids, and you.

Tags: BTS, BTS Drabble, Bangtan Boys, Husband Au, Father Au, Kim Seokjin x you, Min Yoongi x you, Jung Hoseok x you, Kim Namjoon x you, Park Jimin x you, Kim Taehyung x you, Jeon Jungkook x you

Genre: Fluff

Title: A Day in the Life

KIM SEOKJIN

7:30 AM

“Okay, girls, please.” You said, exasperation lacing your tone, as you held out your daughter’s bags to them, where they were giggling and messing around with each other beside the door. “Backpacks on.”

Your older daughter, Hyo, sighed heavily, dragging her younger sister with her to put on the bags held in your outstretched hands.

“Jagi. I can’t find the keys to the studio....” Jin walked into the room, adjusting his jacket as he looked around the room for the missing keys.

“They’re right here.” You held out the keys to him, as you adjusted the ponytail on top of Mishil’s head with your other hand.

“Ah. What would I do without you?” Jin grinned, snatching the key ring from your hand and pressing a kiss to your upturned cheek, before he turned to the two girls, standing and ready beside the front door. “Ready, princesses?”

“Ready daddy!” Mishil, the younger, chirped out, holding out her hand for her father to take as they prepared to exit the apartment.

“Jin, please make sure Hyo remembers their lunch money! And girls, I’ll be there to pick you up after school, so wait out front, okay?” You called out after the trio, as Jin waved a hand in acknowledgment, disappearing down the steps and out of sight, his daughters clinging to each of his hands.

Sighing, you slung your bag over your shoulder and after one last check of the apartment, locked the door behind you before heading to work.

1:00 PM

Sitting down at a table outside under the shade, you pulled the sandwich you had bought from the cafeteria out and began to unwrap it, as your phone began to ring.

Pulling it out of your scrubs pocket, you slid the notification bar and Jin’s face appeared on the screen, a large grin on his plush lips as you came into view. “Hey, jagi! Late lunch break today?”

You sighed wearily, taking a bite of your sandwich, watching as Jin set the phone down beside him on the practice room floor and started to stretch in preparation for dance practice. “Yeah, difficult patients.” You took another bite, and then asked around the food, “Were the girls okay at drop off this morning?”

“Yeah, they were good.” JIn replied, swatting at JK, who had suddenly appeared to fill up the window of the phone screen as he waved at you.

“Hi, Kook.” You laughed, waving back at him, as your husband managed to shove him out of the way with a harried sigh.

“Anyway.” He pushed dark bangs off of his forehead. ‘Mishil’s teacher said to remind you about parent conferences next week.”

You opened your mouth to respond, glad she had reminded Jin, because you would’ve forgotten otherwise, when one of the other nurses, the only close friend you had at the hospital, plopped down across from you at the table, not looking up from her sandwich as she asked in amusement, “Is that Jin?”

You nodded and she called out from across the table, ‘Hey, handsome.”

“Hi, Jillian.” Jin responded, loud enough for her to hear, shooting you a grin.

“Will you be home for dinner?” You asked, resuming the munching of your sandwich.

“Should be. It’s a light day today.” Jin said, interrupted in his thought by someone calling his name. “Hey, I have to go. We’re getting started.” He winked at you. “See you tonight, yeah? Love you!”

7:00 PM

“Hyo! Please, stop bothering your younger sister and come set the table.” You called out, finishing the pot of Kimchi stew that was heating on the stove.

Your older daughter appeared, grumbling slightly under her breath, but with a sharp stare from you, she set the table with little to no comment.

“Mommy, when will daddy be back?” Mishil entered the kitchen, favorite doll clutched in her arms.

As if her question had signaled him, Jin walked through the door in that moment, causing screeches from his daughters as they ran to throw themselves in his arms. He laughed, swinging them around. “My girls! How was school?”

You glanced up from your stirring to say sternly, “You can ask about their day when they’ve washed up. Get going you two.”

The girls released their father reluctantly and left the room to wash. Jin crossed the kitchen to you, his arms going around your waist, pressing a kiss to the crook of your neck as he said softly, a smile on his lips, “Hey, beautiful.”

“Hello, handsome.” You turned in his arms to press a quick kiss to his lips, but sighed when you heard something shatter and the girls start to fight in the bathroom. “Is it bedtime yet?” You groaned, rubbing your temples.

Jin laughed and after another quick kiss said, “I’ll go check on them.” He turned to disappear down the hall, but not before pointing at you teasingly and saying playfully, “We’ll continue this conversation later.”

“I’m sure we will.” You smirked, turning back to finish dinner.

MIN YOONGI

6:00 AM

“Holly, slow down!” You called to the small miniature poodle, dragging at the end of his leash, probably having caught sight of the cat that lived across the street again.

Glancing down at your chest, you pulled back the corner of the blanket, making sure the baby bundled inside of the carrier was still asleep, hoping you hadn’t woken her up with your yell at the dog. Luckily, she was still out, eyes scrunched closed, dark hair fluffy against her forehead, tiny finger in her mouth, lips making sucking motions.

Letting out a sigh, you breathed in the cool morning air and continued your brisk morning walk, Holly now trailing happily in front of you on the leash, no longer dragging you along.

Yoongi was always up and gone around 5 AM every morning, in a hurry to get to the studio for the day to work on his own things before the others came in and needed his attention. Jag-Eun was much like her father, in that she woke up faithfully, every day, soon after he left, to eat and then was much too wide awake to even think about going back to sleep.

So this had become your routine. Yoongi would kiss you goodbye, you would lay in bed until you heard your daughter stir, and then you would get up, feed her, get you both ready, and take Holly out for a long walk. You liked the crisp, quiet feel of the morning air, the fact that Seoul was always bustling, but at this time in the morning, it grew silent and almost deserted.

The baby stirred slightly against your chest, and then quieted once again, and one of your hands came up to rub gently across her head of dark, thick hair, a trait she had definitely inherited from her father.

Holly pulled you down another path, leading to the park,and you happily obliged, enjoying the quiet morning, alone, in the chilly Seoul air.

11:00 AM

Walking into BigHIt you were greeted by several receptionists and staff, some of them stopping to coo over Jag-Eun, bright eyed and awake, looking at the world through wide eyes from where she laid in her stroller.

“Hey, Hobi!” You waved to the other rapper, who sat in his studio, door open, as you passed on the way to Yoongi’s Genius Lab.

He offered you a bright smile and an enthusiastic wave as you passed, calling out, “Hey, when dad is done with that munchkin, I want to see her!”

Punching in the keycode on the door of the studio, you pushed through into the dimly lit room beyond, maneuvering the stroller through the narrow door as you called out, “Hey, Yoongs. Sorry we’re late.”

“I was worried about you.” Yoongi stood up from his computer when you entered, dropping the headphones off his ears as he crossed the room and put an arm around your waist, pressing his lips against your cheek in a kiss as he asked, “Everything okay?”

“Yeah!” You exclaimed, sorry you had made him worried. You leaned down to unbuckle the baby from her seat, handing her to her father as you began to pull the lunch boxes you had packed out from underneath the stroller. “Your daughter just decided to ruin her outfit with a well timed puke right before we left the apartment.”

“That’s my girl.” Yoongi said teasingly, as you shot him a playful glare, cooing at the baby in his arms. He rubbed a finger under her chin, and she gave him a gummy smile, babbling back at him as she watched him with large, dark eyes.

Setting out the lunches on the table beside the futon, Yoongi sat beside you, your daughter in his arms, as you began to dish up the food. You glanced over at him from the corner of your eye, watching as he pulled faces at the baby and rubbed his palm across her small head, feeling her soft baby hair beneath his fingers. Smiling, you turned back to the food and asked, “Have you gotten a lot done?”

Yoongi sighed, taking the offered plate of food from you, lying Jag-Eun down on his lap, stretched out across his thighs, the finger of his free hand still clenched tightly in her chubby fist. “Not as much as I would like. The new choreo has kept us pretty busy.” He glanced at you regretfully. “I’ll probably be home late.”

“It’s all right.” You leaned over, giving the baby one of your fingers, as you kissed the side of his mouth softly, offering him an understanding smile. “We’ll be just fine until you get back.”

10:30 PM

The door opened, and Yoongi walked into the apartment, black backpack slung over one shoulder, beanie pulled low on his forehead, tiredness evident in the lines around his eyes and mouth.

“Hi.” You said softly, looking up from feeding the baby, who had just begun to fall asleep against your chest, tiny mouth still moving, but less productive than before.

“Hey.” Yoongi slung his backpack onto the floor and came to sit beside you on the couch, throwing his arm along the back as he leaned forward, moving the blanket slightly aside to see his daughter’s face. “She needed a late night snack, eh?”

“Can you blame her? I’d kill for some ice cream right now.” You laughed softly, reaching up with your free hand to brush some stray dark bangs back from his forehead, his skin still chill from the outside.

“I’d kill for some scotch right now.” Yoongi replied back dryly, leaning his head back against the couch, closing his eyes.

“Well.” You unlatched the baby from your breast, wrapping her more securely in her blanket, before handing her to Yoongi, fast asleep. You winked at him. “If you put her to bed, I’ll run to the corner store and get both those things.”

“Shit, I love you.” Yoongi said, as you laughed, before he pressed a lingering kiss to your lips.

JUNG HOSEOK

7:00 AM

“Hobi, can you find Korain’s stuffy for show and tell please?” You called out loudly down the hallway, struggling with Kyong, as he tried to slip from your hands before you had finished slicking down his hair.

“Which one?” You heard your husband call back from the boys’ room. He appeared in the doorway, holding out two stuffed animals for you to see. “The lizard or the bear?”

“Neither, it’s the....” You paused in talking to him, to say in exasperation to your son, still fighting your efforts to make him look presentable, “Kyong. Seriously. Hold still! Do you want to make it look like mommy doesn’t care?” Sighing, you glanced back to Hobi, still standing in the doorway, waiting for your instruction. “He wants to take the alligator.”

Hobi ducked out of sight, and Korain ran in from the kitchen, just as you finished his brother’s hair, yelling loudly, “I finished my cereal!”

“Good.” You grabbed him, sliding his arms into his jacket, as you motioned to the other twin’s shoes, lying beside the door. “Kyong, put on your shoes. Korain.” You finished putting his jacket on, patting his bum in the direction of the door. “Put on your shoes too, please. I don’t want to be late.”

“Okay, one alligator.” Hobi reappeared, handing the stuffed animal to his son as he ran a hand through his thick hair, looking at you as he asked, “We ready then?”

“I think so.” You grabbed the keys and your briefcase, turning to the twins, who stood beside the door, mostly looking presentable. And then you noticed their socks, peeking out from beneath tied sneakers. “Hobi. Did you let them wear mismatched socks?” You asked, shooting him a slight glare as he pulled open the door.

“Yeah, it’s more fun.” Your husband shrugged, before following his sons out the door.

Rolling your eyes, you shut the door and followed them out.

2:00 PM

Finished with another client, you shut the door to your private office and pulled your lunch from the fridge, sitting down behind your desk with a tired sight.

You broke out the leftovers, shoveling them into your mouth with chopsticks, and your eyes fell on the pictures that covered the surface of your desk-pictures of the boys and Hobi and you all together.

Some days, those pictures were the only thing that kept you from running out of here screaming.

You heard your phone chime and you pulled it out from your drawer, where it had been charging. Smile lighting up your face at the name on the notification, you swiped it open and quickly read over the text from your husband.

Hobi: Hey gorgeous. Hope work is going well. I’ll pick the boys up from daycare today. I’ll be home early. We’ll see you there. I love you. <3

Still smiling, you slid your phone back into the drawer, put your food away, and prepared for your next client.

8:00 PM

“Hey guys.” You called out, walking through the door into the apartment, the smell of food hitting your nose instantly and making your stomach grumble loudly.

“Mommy! Mama!” The twins barelled out of the their room and down the hallway, wrapping arms around your legs and almost making you trip as you laughed and caught yourself against the edge of the counter.

“Hi, babies. How was school?” You crouched down, kissing each of their heads, as they chattered over one another to tell you about their day.

“I painted a picture of us!” Kyong said proudly, pointing to the picture, now hanging on the fridge.

“Wow.” You glanced over at the picture, as Hobi entered the room, carrying a dish of something to the table.

He offered you a wink, but didn’t interrupt the boys as Korain said, “I showed my alligator. But some people thought it was a crocodile. How dumb can you get?”

“Oh.” You held back a laugh, and Hobi shot you an amused glance as you said, “That’s not very nice to say, son, but, you know, you could take this opportunity to teach the people that don’t know about alligators. Wouldn’t that be cool?”

The boy thought for a moment and then nodded, as Hobi said loudly, “Okay, you two. Come sit down. Time to eat.”

With whoops and hollers, the twins moved to the table, and you stood, as Hobi came over to you, arms going around your waist, lips placing a kiss on the top of your head, as he whispered, “But I mean. Really. How dumb can you get?”

You laughed, hiding your mouth behind your hand, as you glanced up at him, kissing him quickly, as you muttered back, “Did you teach him that?”

“I swear, I did not.” Your husband held up his hands, palm out, in an innocent gesture, a slight smile pulling at his lips. “However, who doesn’t know the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?”

You laughed again, slapping his chest playfully, and then headed to the table to eat.

KIM NAMJOON

8:00 AM

“And jagi, you promise you’ll text me after the doctor’s appointment?” Your husband asked once again, for the third time that morning, slinging his bag over his shoulder as he regarded you with worry.

“Joon.” You laughed, slightly exasperated, but not able to be mad at him. Crossing the room, you wrapped your arms around his waist, looking up at him in amusement as you said, “I promise I will call you when we’re done. Okay?”

“Okay.” He sighed, leaning down to kiss your forehead, before he pulled on his baseball cap, reaching for the doorknob behind him.

“Daddy go to work?” Moon-soo appeared, blocks held in both chubby fists, still dressed in his favorite train covered pajamas.

“Yeah, son, daddy has to go to work.” Joon crouched down, beckoning for the little boy to come to him, and when he obliged, he wrapped him in his arms, burying his nose in his son’s dark hair for a moment before he said, “You take good care of mommy and baby sissy while I’m gone, okay? And then I’ll be back to play with you tonight before bed.”

Moon-soo nodded, and when released, ran back to the other room, resuming the train track he had been bulding with blocks across the room.

“Okay.” Joon said again, straightening up. “I have to go.”

“I’ll call you.” You said, leaning up to kiss him quickly.

“I know.” He said, before bending down, putting his lips against your swollen belly, leaving a kiss there as he said quietly, “Be good today, baby girl.”

12:30 PM

“All right, are we ready to see this baby, Mr. Moon-soo?” Your doctor asked, smiling at the toddler, who was perched in one of the chairs beside the exam table, favorite toys spread out around him.

“Yes!” He yelled, clapping his hands excitedly.

“Okay. Look right here then.” The doctor put the wand on your bare belly and moved it around briefly, before a clear picture of your baby girl appeared on the screen, and a loud, steady heartbeat filled the room. “Ah. There she is. See? There’s her nose, and her mouth...”

Moon-Soo approached the table and looked at what the doctor was showing him, his eyes wide with wonder as he looked at his baby sister on the screen.

“See, Moon? She looks like you and daddy already.” You said, a smile on your face, as the baby kicked in your stomach reflexively against the press of the ultrasound wand.

“All looks perfect.” The doctor told you, printing off the ultrasound images and handing them to your eager son. “Now, lets find young Mr. Moon-soo a sucker.”

Phone to your ear, you buckled Moon-Soo, happily sucking on his candy, into his carseat, as Joon’s voice sounded after a few rings on the other end of the phone.

“Jagi. You’re done?”

“Yeah.” You snapped the last buckle into place and shut the door, sliding into the driver’s side as you started the car. “The doctor said everything looks perfect. Baby girl is right on track. And we got some cool pictures to show you, didn’t we Moon?”

You asked over your shoulder, and the little boy nodded, taking the sucker out of his mouth as he yelled out for his father to hear through the phone, “Daddy! Mommy says the baby looks like me and you!”

Laughing, you pulled out of the parking lot, putting the phone back to your ear. “Everything was good, Joon.”

“Good.” He sighed on the other end of the phone. “I’m glad to hear it. I’ll see you guys tonight. I can’t wait to see the pictures.”

7:30 PM

“Moon, please eat your noodles and don’t play with them.” You said sternly, pointing to the boy held captive in his high chair, smashing his noodles onto the tray happily.

Glancing over your shoulder as the door opened, You smiled at Joon, who dropped his bag on the floor and crossed the room to kiss his son on the head. “Welcome home.”

“Thanks, jagi.” Joon snuck his hands around your waist, palms resting on the hill of your stomach, the baby kicking heavily in response to his touch on your skin.

“She’s happy you’re home too.” You looked at him over your shoulder, shooting him a grin, and he kissed the crook of your neck, his hands still on your stomach, feeling the baby kick against his palms.

“Me too,” He sighed, and then offered you tired smile, Turning to Moon-Soo, he said, “Now. Let’s see the pictures of baby sister, yeah?”

PARK JIMIN

6:30 AM

The day started out like every other day since you had found out you were pregnant five months ago.

Bent over the toilet, first thing in the morning, puking your guts out.

“Hey baby, you okay?” You heard Jimin’s soft voice above the sound of your own sickness, and then felt his hand on the small of your back, rubbing soothingly.

Straightening up, feeling like you were done, you flushed the toilet and wiped your mouth, pushing sweaty hair out of your eyes as you met his concerned gaze. “It’s the same thing, every morning. You think I’d be used to it by now.” You complained, pushing yourself up from the floor and moving to the sink to wash your hands.

“Yeah, well, this baby’s giving us a run for our money already.” Jimin remarked, amusement in his tone, as he rubbed a hand across your back, pressing a kiss to your cheek as he passed you.

“I was never this sick with Yun Hee.” You said, pulling on your robe over your pajamas and following Jimin out of the bathroom.

“I know. Sorry, baby.” He said, remorsefully, as you both entered the kitchen, to see your almost two year old daughter already in her high chair, happily eating a bowl of yogurt.

“You fed Yun Hee? Thanks, Chim.” You said, sitting down beside the baby at the table, reaching out to wipe a clump of yogurt from the corner of her mouth as she grinned toothily at you.

“I’m just sorry I can’t do more.” Jimin said, putting his dishes in the sink, as he reached for his bag, already having put on his sneakers and coat. “And I’m sorry I have to be at work so much when you don’t feel well.”

You waved a hand at him and offered him a smile. “Please. I knew what this was when I signed up. We’ll be fine.” You motioned to Yun Hee and then to yourself and then to your growing belly. “Us Park girls are tough.”

“I know.” He smiled, full lips soft, and then with one more kiss, he was gone.

2:00 PM

“Yun Hee, you can’t play with that.” You scolded, taking the bottle of cleaner that your daughter had picked up from the cart away. “Here, have this.” You handed her a sucker you had found in your purse.

Pushing the cart down the grocery store aisles, you gathered up the rest of what you needed and headed to the checkout line, thankful that the sucker seemed to be keeping your rambunctious toddler busy for the moment.

“Hello.” The cashier said, offering you a smile, as she began to ring up your purchases.

“Hi.” You replied back politely, tired after wrestling with Yun Hee all shopping trip, and damn, your back was killing you.

“How old?” The older woman asked, motioning to your daughter witha smile.

“Oh.” You paused in setting up the groceries, not really wanting to make small talk, but not wanting to be rude. “She’s eighteen months.” You ran a hand over your daughter’s unruly pigtails, trying to smooth her bangs back from her face.

“And another on the way? My, you’ll be busy.” The woman commented, motioning to the slight swell of your belly that could be seen beneath your buttoned coat.

“Yeah, another girl.” You laughed slightly, ready to be back home. Yun Hee’s sucker was almost gone and you didn’t want her to have a tantrum in the store.

“How does your husband feel about that?” The woman asked, clearly not trying to be malicious, making conversation, as she ran your card.

“He’s thrilled. His girls are his world.” You said, taking the offered receipt, and bidding her goodbye before she could ask anything else.

You loaded the groceries and managed to get Yun Hee into the car before she finished her sucker.

7:00 PM

“And then, the little cow went home to his mommy.” You said, turning the final page in the book, Yun Hee contently sucking on her fingers from her seat in your lap.

“Hey, baby, hey princess.” You heard the door open and Jimin’s voice filled the room.

“Dada!” Yun Hee vaulted up from her spot on the floor and toddled quickly to her father, who picked her up and spun her around, making her giggle wildly from her spot in his arms.

“My little lotus blossom!” Jimin exclaimed, making you smile, as he nuzzled his nose into the side of her neck. “How are you? I missed you!”

Pushing yourself up from the floor, you began to set the table for dinner, as Jimin released the squirming Yun Hee from his grasp. Crossing the room, he rested his chin on your shoulder and put his arms around your waist. “Mmm. It’s good to be home.”

“Chim, you smell.” You complained through laughter, trying to wriggle away from him, his clothes damp against your back, making you wrinkle your nose.

“Yeah, I need a shower.” He said, grip tightening on you, lips going to your ear. “Wanna join me after Yun Hee’s in bed?”

You laughed again, swatting him away from your so you could finish setting the table. “All right. But no funny business.” You warned him, pointing a finger at him.

He held up his hands in innocence and offered you a smirk. “I would never.”

KIM TAEHYUNG

7:45 AM

Your daughter slid open the back door of the car, grabbing her backpack from the seat beside her, as she called out over her shoulder, already halfway out, “Thanks, mom! See you tonight!”

Rolling down your window you called out after her retreating form, “Ara! Remember that your dad is coming for parent career day, okay?”

Waving to let you know she had heard you, she disappeared into the elementary school.

Sighing, you pulled out of the drop off line and headed toward the freeway, hoping that you wouldn’t be late to work because of the unpredictable traffic that usually prevailed in Seoul.

Dialing your husband’s number, you waited, the rings loud over the speaker of the car, until you heard his voice on the other end. “Jagi. What’s up?”

“Kim Taehyung.” You said, without explanation, craning your head to see if you could merge.

“Kim (F/N).” Tae said back, slight amusement in his tone, voice low against the sounds of the bustling studio behind him.

“You remember what today is right?” You asked, finally getting onto the street you wanted.

“Of course I remember what today is.” Tae scoffed on the other end of the phone, before saying jokingly, “It’s your turn to bathe Yeontan, right?”

“Shut up.” You wished you could see him, so you could stick your tongue out at him. “Now tell me you really know what today is.”

“Yes, jagi, I know what today is.” He laughed. “I’ll be at Ara’s school at 11 AM sharp. And I won’t embarrass her. Or you.”

“Good.” You laughed too, and then bid him farewell as you pulled into your office.

1:00 PM

Your phone buzzed against the surface of your desk, and you set down the bowl of soup you had been blowing on, reaching for the cellphone, and picking up, putting it to your ear as you asked, smile on your lips, “Hey, babe. So how’d it go?”

“I was a hit, obviously.” You could hear the car start in the background behind Tae’s voice. “I mean, I blew all those other parents out of the water.”

“I have no doubt.” You grinned to yourself, shuffling through some paperwork.

“I mean, international superstar? And your dad’s a janitor? I mean, nothing wrong with that, of course, but I was the coolest.” Your husband’s voice was full of pride, as you laughed at his response. “Anyway. How’s the office?”

“Oh, you know. Angry people who think I should take their cases for free, trying to prove murders, the usual.” You said, only halfway joking. “I mean, I can’t believe Ara wanted you, a rockstar, to talk to her class over me, her mom, a famous criminal lawyer.”

“Keep at it, jagi. You’ll get to my level someday.”

8:30 PM

“And then, dad showed us some of the fancy footwork they do on stage and Maryanne and Ki thought it was AWESOME.” Your daughter gushed, as she sat at the table doing her homework.

‘Well, your dad is pretty cool.” You offered, pulling your apron over your head so that you wouldn’t dirty your clothes while cooking.

“The coolest.” Your daughter sighed, turning back to her workbook.

“Hey all.” Tae walked through the door of the apartment, crossing to place a kiss on top of your daughter’s head before he ruffled her hair and asked, “How was the rest of school, squirt?”

“No one could stop talking about you and how cool you were, dad!” Your daughter said excitedly, once again distracted from her homework.

Tae chuckled, coming into the kitchen to give you a kiss in greeting before he leaned on the counter beside you, one brow raised, as he said smugly, “See? Told you I was cool.”

“That’s a matter of perspective.” You said, swatting him with your spatula, as you moved past him to grab a bowl from the cupboard.

He grabbed you on your way back to the stove, arms snaking around your waist and pulling you against him, as he asked softly in your ear, playfully, “Are you jealous, Mrs. Kim?”

“Please.” You scoffed, trying to wiggle from his hold. “Do you know how many criminals I put away just today?”

“Oh, it’s so hot when you talk like that.” He groaned, halfway teasing, finally releasing you as you hit him with the spatula again.

“I’m serious.” You said, pointing at him sternly with the kitchen gadget before you resumed stirring.

“So am I.” He murmured into your ear on passing, his hand trailing across your waist as he left. “I’ll show you just how serious later tonight.”

JEON JUNGKOOK

5:30 AM

“Okay, jagi.” Your husband’s voice was low in the darkness of the bedroom, and you sat up at his words, holding out your arms expectantly. “He’s been changed and he’s ready to eat.”

“Thanks, Kook.” You yawned, the small bundle of your young son held against your chest. “You headed out now?”

“Yeah.” He sat down on the edge of the bed, the matress dipping beneath his weight, as he slipped on his sneakers. “I’m gonna hit the gym before I Head to the studio.”

“Okay, be safe.” You said, slightly distracted, as you tried to get your son to latch and eat at your breast in the dim morning light barely starting to peek through the curtains.

“Always am.” Your husband slipped on his jacket and then leaned over the bed, pressing a kiss against your temple, before he reached out a hand and smoothed down the now contentedly eating baby’s hair. “I love you guys.”

“We love you too.” You smiled at him sleepily, Daeseok sucking loudly now, and with one last goodbye kiss to your lips, Jungkook left the bedroom.

11:30 AM

“(F/N) Hey!” You glanced up from adjusting Daeseok in his stroller, to see some of the boys coming toward you down the hallway, Namjoon having called out to you.

“Hi, boys.” You said, returning their smiles, as you straightened and greeted them with hugs.

“What’re you guys doing here?” Joon asked, as Hobi and Jimin leaned over the stroller, smiling and talking and offering their fingers to the wide eyed baby inside, dark hair and dark eyes so much like his father’s.

“Kook forgot his lunch, so we’re just dropping him off something to eat.” You said, grinning at the two boys still fascinated with their younger brother’s baby. “Where is he anyway?”

“He’s in the practice room still.” Hobi straightened, motioning over his shoulder.

“Thanks.” You said your goodbyes and headed to the practice room. Upon entering, you saw your husband sitting in the corner, pulling on his sneakers, forehead glistening with sweat.

“Hey you.” You said, offering him a grin, as he jumped up to meet you.

“Jagi. Thanks so much.” He said, slightly out of breath still, as he took the offered lunch from you. “How’s the boy?” He set the bag down and looked into the stroller, widening his eyes and mouth and making a comical face at his son as he waited for your answer.

“He had to get a shot at the doctor. And he was not happy.” You said, wincing as you remembered the young baby’s sad cries.

“He seems fine now.” Jungkook said, finger held tightly in his son’s small fist.

“Yeah, well, you’re lucky you weren’t there. You would have cried too.” You teased, winking at him as he stuck his tongue out at you and sat down to eat his lunch.

6:45 PM

“That’s such a good boy.” You cooed out, smiling down at the baby in the bath, surrounded by barely an inch of warm water, as you scooped another palmful of the warm liquid onto his bare skin. “Daeseok is such a brave boy.”

“Jagi?” You heard the door open in the front room and Jungkook’s voice call out down the hall.

“In the bathroom!” You called out as loud as you dared, not wanting to startle the baby held carefully in your hands.

You poured another warm palmful of water over your son, hearing footsteps sound behind you, and then Kook’s large hands were on your shoulders, his chin resting on top of your head, as he said, looking down at your son, “He’s getting better with his baths, huh?”

“Yeah, he doesn’t cry nearly as much.” You said, eyes still on the baby, as you gently massaged some shampoo into the mess of dark hair on the top of his head.

You felt him shift slightly behind you, and then point to the bandaid that was stuck firmly to his son’s upper thigh as he asked, “That where he had his shot?”

“Mmm hmm.” You nodded, just barely, reaching to drain the water from the tub. “Can you get him a towel?”

“Yeah.” He released your shoulders, and went to dig through the hall closet, calling out to you as he did so, “Also, I got him a present. For being so brave.”

“I knew you were worried, even if you didn’t show it.” You said, laughter in your voice, as he reemerged with a towel and you wrapped the damp baby snugly inside. “You’re a complete softie, Jeon Jungkook.”

You straightened, laughing as he scoffed and looked offended, and took his son from your arms.

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momofaddict · 5 years ago

Text

The Story of the End

November 26, 2019, Melody and I has planned a girl's day out. I sent the baby to the sitter, I had the day off from work, we ran a few errands, then enjoyed a nice lunch downtown. I had $150 cash in my purse from selling the laptop that she kept hawking for drug money, so my last errand was to deposit that cash and get it the hell out of my purse.

When we got home around 2pm, she said she was going to meet one of her best friends at the condo, who was already there waiting. She's a pot head and occasional Xanax user, but not an addict. I told her I loved her and she left about 2:30p. The condo is 10 min from my house.

She was supposed to pick up the baby at 5p. My son's ex who I'm still close with had been group texting Mel and me around 4:30. I'd been responding, but Mel hadn't. Not terribly unusual, but I got that oh so familiar sinking feeling, heart palpitations of worry started.

Just after 5p I text Melody and asked if she'd picked up the baby yet. No answer. I called a couple of times, no answer. She always got mad at me when I worried & blew up her phone, so I was trying to not do that. I texted again around 5:30 asking if she wanted me to pick up the baby. At this point I knew she'd used. No answer. I called a couple more times, straight to VM. I called the sitter at 5:45p. Nope, Mel hadn't picked up the baby. I'm on my way...

It was rush hour so I skipped the highway and took back roads. Mistake! Every light took forever, every driver was going half the speed limit. This only exacerbated my anxiety, which was starting to skyrocket. I prayed, "Please don't let this be it. Please let her be asleep and pissed at me for overreacting. Please don't let her OD and die!"

I got to the condo, & saw her car (was hoping I wouldn't, which would mean she's out and about). I parked in the fire lane, ran up to her condo and entered with my key. The place was tidy and quiet. I thought maybe she'd left with her friend that she was meeting there. I looked all over the house, seemingly no one was there. I walked to the back of the condo where there first a vanity area, then past that, a door to the tiny room with a toilet and shower. Then it hit me... I think the TV is missing. I ran out to the living room and confirmed it was gone. Initially I was pissed.

I'd left my phone in the vanity area and went to retrieve it... And suddenly realized the toilet room door was closed. I went to open it - locked. Insert major sickly adrenaline rush of complete terror. She'd never OD'd before so I was fucking scared.

I started beating on the door and screaming at her. Nothing. I looked under the door as best I could, I saw shadows. Was it her? Was it just dirty clothes on the floor? Why was the door locked if she wasn't there? So many thoughts and questions running through my head. I got a hanger to try to break into the door and called 911. I continued to try to break into the door with no luck whatsoever. Kicking, banging, screaming. It looked like one of those easy doors that all of us at one point in our lives have broken into, a knob with just a hole in it that you can stick a metal hanger in there and easily unlock. It wasn't coming open. Divine intervention, I've now concluded.

What seemed like forever, but was probably about five minutes later, a cop showed up. He too could not get the door open. A couple minutes later EMTs show up and I am escorted into the living room, but I didn't want to be by the bathroom anyway because I was so afraid of seeing something I could never unsee again.

They got the lock open, but something was against the door. it was like they were trying to be careful pushing open the door and we're taking forever doing it. I wanted to scream at them to break her bones if needed, I don't care just get that fucking door open!

At this point the babysitter who lives in the same complex rushed over when she saw the ambulance out front. I was a goddamn mess, screaming and crying harder than I ever had before. I told her to go look. She said Melody's head was in the toilet and she's blue. They pulled her out and I kept yelling at them I HAVE NARCAN RIGHT THERE BY THE BATHROOM!

Ms W, the sitter took me outside for air & one guy came out saying she's breathing. That was it for me, she's breathing and there's Narcan, she'll make it.

I went back in and the cops just kept asking me questions and asking me questions and I was in no mood for any of that bullshit. They had Melody laid on the bedroom floor. I couldn't see her, but the door was cracked and I could see them working on her. I swear to God it took them 15 minutes to finally administer narcan. Surely that was their second try?? But then I saw the thing that I did not want to see, CPR. I fucking flipped my lid!

They moved me to a spot where I couldn't see inside the bedroom anymore & about 10 minutes later they said they were going to transport her to the hospital. I asked if she breathing several times. All they would say is that they're working on her. They told me to wait outside while they transport her to the ambulance. I had my back turned in my ears plugged with my fingers because I didn't want to hear or see anything that would make me lose hope. I wanted to know that there was some hope that my baby was going to live. While I was waiting for them to get her in the ambulance, I called my son and told him to meet me at the hospital, that Melody had overdosed. He was on his way. I did breakneck speed to get to the hospital that was approximately 10 minutes away.

When I got to the hospital I waited for about 5 minutes until someone came and got me. They escorted me, not to my daughter's bedside, but to the "family room", a small, private room with couches and tissues. I stood in the doorway shaking my head, telling them no, I don't want to go in there, but eventually relented.

The first person that talked to me said they're still working on her, which of course gave me a small glimmer of hope, but why in the fuck was I in that little room?

Within about 5 minutes the EMTs, cops, and medical staff that have been working on her all flooded into that room. This was it, I knew it. They explained how hard they tried. I stopped them and said no I don't want to hear it, it's not true! I was bawling needless to say, head in hands. Finally I looked up and just said is she...? He just said I'm sorry. I lost it. Ms W (babysitter) came in about that time and I held on to that woman as tightly as I've ever held anybody in my life. I told her she's gone she's gone she's gone, my baby is gone! Everyone left the room that wasn't family except Ms W and a "counselor", who, long story short, it wasn't helpful even a little.

The counselor left the room at one point for about 5 minutes and my son walked in. I was trying to read his face to see if anyone had told him anything. He hadn't even had a chance to sit down and the counselor basically followed him in the room. I hadn't had a chance to say anything to him yet, when she extended out her arm for a handshake, introduced herself and said, "I'm so sorry for your loss." OMFG! My son looking at utterly and totally confused said, "Wait, what?" immediately started bawling. I asked everyone to leave the room and he and I just held each other and cried as hard as we've ever cried in our lives.

I went outside shortly after for some air. By the time I got back in, Melody's dad was there, my ex. We cried and held each other. It was by far the worst day of my life. At one point they asked if I wanted to see Melody. I decided I did not. My son and my ex saw her.

I had arrived at Melody's condo at 6 p.m. . By 8:45 p.m. I was leaving the hospital no longer a mother of a daughter. Goddamn heroin took her away from me.

Ms W kept the baby and we all went our separate ways. I thought I would want to be alone, but pretty much as soon as I walked into my empty house and Melody's cat walked up to me, I knew I didn't need to be alone. I called my best friend and neighbor and she came over immediately. She stayed for about an hour, I was exhausted, and thought I was ready to be alone. Nope! Being alone with my brain at that time just wasn't a good place to be. So I called my sister who lives fairly nearby. We'd been out of sorts lately because she had a mental breakdown a few months before, basically because my druggie daughter had a baby and she can't have children. She had literally told me that as long as Melody is in my house, she won't be there. But she and her husband rushed right over. We talked until I couldn't stay awake anymore.

Then came all of the busy work of trying to figure out arrangements for my daughter. How was I going to pay for a funeral when I just shelled out the last of my available credit card money to her grandmother's funeral one month before? That's a whole other story I'll save for another day.

The story doesn't end there though.

Two days later, Thanksgiving Day, D (the baby's father) came up on a train. As you know D has never been anybody's favorite person in this family. But he was so emotionally distraught, we tried to embrace him and help him as much as we could. Even my son who pretty much loathes the man hugged him and told him if there's anything he needed... The only people there were my son, my ex, the baby, D and me. We did our best to have a small Thanksgiving dinner together, because we didn't want to ruin things for the baby and we knew Melody would want us to continue with Thanksgiving.

The next day, D and I were the only ones at my house other than the baby. I tried to give him as much time as possible with the baby. We all also had to go to the funeral home that day and start trying to make arrangements. I wanted those closest to her to have an opinion on the arrangements. that was a total cluster fuck because after spending four miserable hours up there picking this and picking that for the arrangements, just for the funeral alone they wanted $16,000. That does not include burial, headstone, in a myriad of other things. Fuck that. But we picked a burial plot, because no matter the price, I needed her grave to be at that location, which is very close to my house. My sister helped me pay for that, $5800 (without the headstone), so at least that much was done. The $3000 headstone was purchased later. My God, these people really take advantage of people in mourning.

The next day was Saturday, two days after Thanksgiving. D had obviously been day drinking and was just going off at the mouth about how he's going to be okay, he's going to move back up to my city, get a job, get his life together, so he can take care of his baby. The thought of that sent shock waves down my body because I knew he would never be in a position to really take care of the baby. But I also knew he was talking out of his ass because he's getting drunk. he just kept talking and talking and saying the same things over and over. I think he was trying to convince himself.

Then randomly out of the blue, I'm standing in the kitchen washing a baby bottle and he opens my freezer and takes a giant gulp of vodka that I had in there. He turns to me and says, "Take care of my boy." It took me a full two or three seconds to realize what he just said and I said "what did you just say to me?" Take care of my boy. I immediately burst into tears grabbed hold of his jacket and I said what the fuck don't talk like that! He said there's nothing that I could do to stop him. I told him he's a fucking liar for all the stuff that he had said earlier that day about taking care of his own son. He goes yeah that's right I'm a fucking liar, just take care of my boy and he yanked away and went for the front door. I just said D don't do anything stupid, please, at least for your son. He started crying and saying how he's going to get the motherfuckers that killed his girl, & walked out the front door.

I'm not going to lie, at this point I thought it was a bunch of addict, drunk bullshit. Yeah right, he's going to set off on foot to go do something to these dealers? I gathered his things from my house, put them in a bag, set it on the front porch and locked the door. My daughter just died and he wants to pull this bullshit on me? I don't think so.

I had plans to run to Target and then go to my son's for dinner, so I continue with my plans with the baby in tow. Target is pretty much around the corner, and since it was Black Friday weekend, there was a cop car sitting in front of Target. I went up to the cop car and told the cop inside what just transpired, and told him I felt he was a danger to himself and potentially others. I told him he was on foot so he couldn't be far. He entered some stuff in his little cop car computer and said that they'd keep an eye out for him. I said I didn't care if it was jail or someplace else, he just needs to be taken off the street and put it somewhere safe.

As the baby and I were then on our way to my son's house, my phone starts blowing up with people saying that D is posting some pretty sick shit on Facebook. He had cut up his arms really badly & was showing them off on various pictures. Then he apparently got a hold of a roadkilled possum and wrapped it around his neck and posted one video naming his dealers by name and saying they're going to pay. Then he posted another video where he was literally eating or tearing apart this dead possum with his teeth. He had officially lost his mind. His last video talked about me and my ex and my son, thanking us for all we had done for him, but that it just wasn't enough, among other things. So while all this was going on, I decided to call 911 and let them know what's going on.

A couple of investigators called me while I was at my son's within 30 minutes of me calling 911. They just wanted more information about him. I found out later that they were trying to identify his body.

I got home from my son's house about 2 hours later and a cop was waiting in front of my house. He came inside and proceeded to tell me that a man fitting D's description was hit by a car while appearing to cross the interstate. They performed surgery on him but he did not survive. We later found out that he was on a bridge leading from one highway to another that was actually on the way to the dealer's house. The unfortunate person who hit him with their car said that he appeared to jump in front of her car. In that moment in time when the cop was telling me all of this, I was pissed. The baby was right there in his little jumper while I'm getting this terrible news, plus I just couldn't get my mind off the poor people that hit him with their car.

D's last FB post said, "Stop crying, it's a wrap, imma ghost." No question, he killed himself.

But there was that voice that said, that's it, no more addicts in my life. I never really considered that D would be a big part of the baby's life anyway. But now he's going to have no part and someday I have to tell this child what happened to his parents. And that's what I cried for.

As I've mentioned before D's family are pretty much pieces of shit. there was no way that I had the mental capacity to try to set up arrangements for his memorial too, nor did I have the money. I was still trying to raise money for Mel's funeral! So his ex from 11 years ago, the mother of his other son, bless her heart, took the lead on trying to make arrangements. His family did nothing to help. She set up a GoFundMe for $6,000 and only raised $2000. D had burned a lot of bridges and his short life. But she found a funeral home that would do the service, the embalming so he could have an open casket service before being cremated, the cremation itself, all for $3,000. I pitched in the other $1,000 out of my GoFundMe for Mel and a small service was held for him. The only family that came from Ohio and Georgia for his service was his sister. Oh but his mom left lots of sad face emoticons on Facebook, so she's clearly grieving horribly. Ugh. Wretched family! I felt so bad for his sister though. And even the mother of his other son. They were both tore up at the memorial. My guess is about 20 people showed up. D's other son, JC, was as sad as a little 11 year-old boy could be. That shit hurt my soul and I vowed to make sure that he and Melody's baby will be in each other's lives moving forward.

While making these arrangements, JC's mother and I also ordered matching necklaces for D's sons to wear that would have D's ashes in them. And just last week we spread some of his ashes on Melody's grave so JC, who really loved Melody, and Mel's baby (P) could have a single place to visit Mel and D.

This is what opiate addiction has done to my family and many, many families across the country. I am forever changed by this and I don't know what normal is supposed to be anymore. I said it before and I'll say it again, thank God for this baby. While I'll be 70 years old when he turns 18, he will have a stable home with lots of love, and I have that little piece of Melody with me forevermore.

#death by overdose #overdose #narcotics addiction #drug addict #heroin addiction #addict #addiction #na #narcotics anonymous #opiates #opiaddict #heroin

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baenxietydad · 4 years ago

Text

father neptune || the baes

tl;dr: Nemo calls his father for the second timesince their separation began

Date: July 23rd, 2020

@justkeepdancing-nemo

NEMO: Nemo had scraped together barely enough money to pay for one dance class in August. One dance class only-- and it would have to be ballet.

He wanted to cry.

He’d ducked his head as he sat on the mattress in front of his not-good-enough stack of cash, sucked in a breath, and barely stopped the tears. He’d worked five days a week for two weeks and it wasn’t even close to what he needed. It was like running out of pixie dust mid-air. He was falling, the ground rushing toward him, and he couldn’t grab hold of anything. The branches he hit on the way only scraped and bruised. Of course, that wasn’t true-- Nemo knew he had options--

Like, he could reach out to Robbie. Robbie would give him the money.

But no way in hell would he do something like that. He’d not be a charity case and he’d not rely on Robbie for something like that. If he was going to dance, he’d have to find the way himself.

And so Nemo took his money and after his class on Thursday, went to the office to pay.

“Oh?” the administrator blinked at the stack of money Nemo thrust forward. “What’s this? We’ve not put out the orders for the recital costumes yet.”

“N-no, I--it’s. For August,” said Nemo. He swallowed, fingers clenching even tighter on the money, but he refused to look down. “I know it’s not enough but I’m just going to continue with Papov’s class, if that’s--if that’s okay. It should be enough--”

“Oh, you’re talking about August fees?” The woman looked even more confused. “Did your father not talk to you? He came in the other day and paid.”

Nemo stared. “What?”

“Yes, you’re--you’re good for August.” A smile. “Though if you’d like to put that on retainer, I can arrange for that.”

Nemo had no idea what retainer even was. He quickly drew his arm back, stuffing the wad into his bag. “Um! N-no, that’s--it’s okay, I’ll--thanks!” He twisted on his heel and slipped out the door as quickly as he could, feet pounding as he headed down the steps and out onto the Swynlake streets. But it was the woman’s words that echoed in his brain--

He came in the other day and paid.

Appa had paid.

His steps began to slow until he stood still on the sidewalk. It was dark out; he shouldn’t linger. He looked ahead of him and saw in his mind’s eye the path to Pixie’s and he imagined Appa there now, maybe just showing up for one of the so-called early-late shifts. Nemo hadn’t known Appa’s schedule for weeks now. Maybe he was back in the clinic or maybe he was at home. He could picture Appa perfectly in all those places, like he was the moon rising in the sky.

Nemo reached for his phone.

He’d dialed Appa’s number without knowing exactly what he was feeling or why he was still just standing here under the lamplight of Swynlake or what he really wanted to say. The phone pressed against his ear, and he listened as it rang, and rang, and rang.

MARLIN:

Mu-yeol had just finished talking to Tod, actually. He’d congratulated him on his Korean pronunciation and suggested he start watching dramas on Netflix if he was serious about wanting to learn, and then Tod went out back to take a ten before opening and it was game on. He’d considered stepping out himself but better triple check the bar’s set up than give himself time to think about his son, ha! Ha ha!

His son had other plans because now he was...he was calling? Did he need more from home? Er, former-home, he supposed. His house and only his house. He wondered how long it would be before Queen Clarion asked him to just move in with other single fairies to conserve space. No need for his own home without Nam-min living there of course.

(He still cleaned his son’s room. Dusted all surfaces, opened the window to air it out, as if he would be coming home from a sleepover any minute now, when he knew perfectly well he wasn’t coming home.)

“What is it?” He asked when he answered Nemo’s call. “I can bring it tomorrow. I’ll drop it off, whatever, um, whatever it is.”

NEMO:

What was worse? The guilt that lumped in his throat or the missing that stung fresh tears in his eyes?

Nemo felt both, hearing Appa’s voice. He drew in a tiny breath, head ducked, his other hand shoved into the pocket of Robbie’s hoodie (the one he’d kept and hidden from Appa, but now he could wear whenever he wanted). His emotions squirmed and tangled inside him. The last time he’d talked to Appa had been the clinic a couple of days ago, and that had been like pouring gasoline on the fire, making all his anger and hurt hot and fresh at the time. He’d gone back to scout practice and tried to take it out on the float with the hammer. Didn’t work much. He ended up in the studio alone, trying to choreo something and running into mental wall after mental wall. Appa’s fault, he’d thought furiously as he threw his shoes at the wall.

He still held that frustration among the guilt and the missing. All of it at once. Appa’s words from the clinic came back to him. You can miss someone and not want them around.

But that wasn’t what-- why did he even call? He should hang up.

Appa said his name again, probably thinking Nemo made another mistake. (Maybe this was a mistake).

“You paid for my dance classes,” he blurted before Appa could hang up on him.

MARLIN:

He bit back a groan.

See, he was sure Nemo was about to ream him for doing so. Stay out of my life, you’re not my Appa anymore, I don’t need you or your money. You never had enough money for everything I needed anyway. I’ll figure it out without you.

“You’re my son.” He said quietly, digging his nails into the heel of his hand. “Of course I did.”

NEMO:

Nemo hadn’t realized how stressed out he’d been until right this moment. But Appa called him son and the first of the tears slid down his cheek. He was weak-kneed and exhausted, one gust away from getting blown over onto the concrete and begging Appa to come pick him up and take him home.

He couldn’t do that--

It was just. It was so hard. For two weeks, he worked almost 30 hours, went to dance class, went to the Hollow, struggled to sleep. He didn’t know how hard it was gonna be. Now he understood why Appa dragged his feet at the end of a shift, his wings drooping, too tired to fly no matter how much pixie dust he grabbed. His classes on Tuesday had been embarrassingly bad. He’d gotten yelled at twice, Papov telling him to focus, what was wrong with him, why was he always a count behind? Had he gone stupid? Couldn’t he fucking count?

And at the end of all that, Nemo still hadn’t had enough money.

He sniffled on the sidewalk, then bit his tongue hard, until the pain smarted enough to snap him out of it. The guilt had already mutated into shame though. He was so embarrassed. Could Appa tell?

“Th-thank you,” Nemo uttered. He sucked in another breath, closing his eyes. “I--I should have enough in September though. ‘M just starting to work and everything, so I just-- need a little more time to save stuff.”

MARLIN:

“What? Nonsense, Nam-minnie. You’re my baby, I’m going to take care of you. Paying for dance is nothing, it’s easy I don’t really have to work that much.” A blatant lie and Nemo knew it.

A beat. Two. Four.

“Rent is more important.

I raised you better than to not give the boys rent money if you’re working.” Oh, it broke his heart that his son was working. More time around clumsies, oh, how terrible! “And school! You can’t afford rent, dance, and groceries working around school hours! There aren’t enough hours in the year. Appa will handle dance, don’t worry.”

NEMO:

Don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry.

Nemo thought this with most of his brain, making it difficult to grasp Appa’s words. He got enough of the gist and was nodding along anyway. Of course he couldn’t let Sindri keep paying for him the way he was. That had been part of all this awful, crushing stress. He’d felt so guilty, even though Sindri refused to take Nemo’s first pay cut and told him to use it for his dance class. Going back to Sindri with the money would feel like failing his first real test of adult life. But he was failing all over the place, wasn’t he? He was one big failure.

And the biggest example was this conversation, Nemo too much of a coward, too spoiled and too greedy, to turn Appa’s offer down and do what was right.

“I should quit,” the words fell outta his mouth. Nemo squeezed his eyes shut so he wouldn’t cry. “I--I shoulda quit a lot of them before, I-I know, so if I just do ballet--that’ll help.”

MARLIN:

“I won’t let you.” Mu-yeol said.

Granted, it wasn’t as if he was properly Nemo’s Appa anymore anyway, but he still relied on his money for dance. If he wanted to pay for all of the classes then he’d do that. He would have made Nemo quit a long time ago if he really didn’t want to pay for dance. But he didn’t! Because his son loved dance more than anything and he’d never take that away from him.

Dance was his safe haven. Why kind of father would he be if he took that away just because he hated having to earn money for it?

“You’re happiest when you’re dancing. I’m not making you give any of that up. I’d pay for another class if you wanted to add one on, too. Gladly.”

NEMO:

There were a thousand reasons why what Appa said didn’t matter. He wasn’t a kid anymore. It didn’t matter if he was happy; he needed to be grown-up. In Nemo’s brain those two concepts were opposites. After all, he knew that a time would come where he would spend almost all his time in the Hollow, fulfilling his duties, whatever they were-- maybe scouting, maybe performance, maybe carrying messages throughout the Hollow. He didn’t have another choice. He didn’t want another choice (right…?)

Clinging to dance was so childish. He couldn’t be useful to the Hollow dancing human dances in human spaces.

In two years, he’d outgrow Swynlake’s programme and that would for sure be the end. Cutting back now might make it easier.

But Nemo still wanted to be selfish and childish and cling to dance, to Appa’s words, to Appa…

“I don’t, that’s--I didn’t call cuz of that, I just-- I dunno.” His words got all jumbled, just like his feelings. He should hang up before he said something stupid, like I miss you. “I--I’m just working now. So I should take care of myself-- too.”

I miss you. This is so hard. I didn’t know it was gonna be so hard. These things bubbled up, Nemo barely holding them back.

MARLIN;

His stubborn, stubborn son. Ya, how was he going to afford rent and dance while going to school? He’d have to drop out. And if he dropped out he’d develop a cocaine habit because nobody else is free to hangout when he is except teenagers who do cocaine and it will be all his fault that his son does cocaine!

All his fault!

“Pay rent to Sindri and contribute to grocery costs. I’ll handle dance. You’re my son whether you hate me or not, eo? So let me do...the one thing I’ve always been mostly good at doing for you.” He swallowed, his eyes pricking with tears. “I’m sorry I couldn’t always afford new dance shoes. I should have worked harder and gotten a second human job.”

“Besides, school will start back eventually. And you can’t work as much once you have school. I’ve got dance.”

NEMO:

“Appa--”

I don’t hate you.

Nemo held the words on his tongue.

It’s not about the shoes, why are you even talking about those shoes?

No, not that either.

I don’t even want you to get a second job, what are you…

What was the end of that sentence? Nemo swallowed and rubbed at one of his eyes, before finally doing something he realized he should have been doing from the start: walking. He forced his feet into movement. Immediately, the forward motion helped clear out some of his frustration and the urge to snap or start crying (equally possible) got smaller. He stuck his other hand in his pocket.

“Fine. I mean--thank you,” Nemo said. “I um. I should go.”

MARLIN:

“Nemo, wait— I. I love you. I love you. And you’re right to feel however you feel. But please know I love you, okay?” Mu-yeol said, wiping at his eyes. Aiya, how embarrassing! At work!

His sweet boy deserved the world and his shameful Appa couldn’t even give him a handful of soil.

“No need to thank me, but….thank you. It’s just what good Appas do. Or wannabe good Appas.” Because Nemo himself told him he’d been a terrible Appa, so he wasn’t about to call himself a good one. “Don’t worry about dance one bit. It’s business as usual. I love you, you know that, right?

NEMO:

Nemo kept walking. Even as the sidewalk blurred and he couldn’t see in front of him, he kept walking, because if he didn’t, he’d have to kneel right here on the sidewalk, the weight of his sadness too too much. He’d weep and he’d call for his Appa. And Appa would come without hesitation.

But Nemo couldn’t go home--yet.

The word snuck into his brain and wedged itself there, a possibility that wasn’t there before. He should pluck it out, he shouldn’t hope. But he let it plant itself. And the word echoed again: yet.

First, he needed to work through Eomma’s journals. Then, maybe. Maybe he and Appa could...talk. Maybe.

“I know,” he said in his wobbly voice, Appa probably definitely hearing it now-- here, Nemo’s weakness. It clawed up his throat and he panicked. “Gottagobye.”

With a click, he hung up frantically, shoving his phone in his pocket and breaking into a half-jog, like he could run away from himself, too.

#the baes go through some shit #nemo

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