#my fandom schizophrenia

[freneticfloetry]

fic stats meme

rules: give us the links to your fic with the most hits, second most kudos, third most comments, fourth most bookmarks, fifth most words, and fic with the least words.

Three missing scenes stories, one post-canon, one episode tag, and one AU. Iiinteresting. Thanks to @reyesstrand, @alrightbuckaroo, @welcometololaland, @sanjuwrites, and @lemonlyman-dotcom for the tags!

most hits: Ashes and Flame (Every You and Every Me) (Hunger Games Trilogy)

I want it to be as it was. A purging of everything that haunts me, down to the smallest detail. But when I'm done, there's only space and shadow in living color, more abstract than anything that came before it. A fiery sunset over the Meadow grass, the shape of mockingjay wings. And two silhouettes on the horizon, together but separate, forever moving forward, and backward, and nowhere at all.

second most kudos: Lost In Translation (The Losers)

"That's why we have a Cougar, right? To handle the Spanish! Cougar is Mister Spanish. Cougar is the most Spanish thing that Spanish has ever seen." Across the room, Cougar seems to be watching him from under his hat. Not that Jensen can be sure, fuzzy as everything is right now, but he's definitely getting that 'lone gazelle on the Serengeti' feeling. "If I learn Spanish, that negates his very existence. Is that what you want, Clay? For Cougar to lose his place on the team? In the service? In the very world in which we live? Except for, you know, the part where he's also a scary, scary sniper. That I can't do."

third most comments: to build a home (911: Lone Star)

Carlos leans over the table and blows out the candles he'd lit barely ten minutes ago. The fact that the thought that immediately follows is one of fire safety — of his synthetic blend shirt that's now down half its buttons, and the stainless steel snuffer in the utility drawer that he owns for exactly this purpose — only annoys him further.

It's one thing to fuck a firefighter, it's another to let one fuck with his head.

fourth most bookmarks: scenes from an unfinished story (told by the lost and found) (The Magicians)

Eliot goes up on one elbow to watch the approach, a stumbling blur of brown hair and bad tweed tangled in the strap of a messenger bag. "Sorry, shit, I'm sorry," the blur is saying, trying to navigate the maze of equipment. It comes to a stop a few feet from the faux wall, and Eliot sits up, swings his legs over the edge, and stares from the resume in his hand to the slightly breathless boy at his feet — frazzled and frowning, with a heavy brow and a gently curved jaw and a wide mouth that curls up at the corners.

A headshot would never do him justice; this is a face that craves a state of perpetual motion.

fifth most words: What Baking Can Do (The Magicians)

He stumbles down the stairs, bleary-eyed and barely dressed, his stomach suddenly a grumbling knot of neediness. Turning down the hall toward the kitchen only makes the smell stronger, bolstered by bread and burnt sugar and rich, browning butter, and when he pushes through the swinging door and into the room, he's enveloped in a cloud of sweetness and spice… and the sight of Eliot pulling a pan of something from the oven.

least words: No Man Is An Island (Lost)

She must think I'm stupid.

Tagging in @mixtapestar, @carlos-in-glasses, @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut, @liminalmemories21, @rmd-writes, @catanisspicy, and @eidetictelekinetic.

[ghostlyschizophrenic]

me: i’ve been in recovery for a while, my delusions don’t control me anymore!

also me: *has to hide under blankets if i want to look at fandom content for certain fandoms because i think i’m being watched by the characters*

me: yes i’m definitely 100% better

[dazedsies]

Basil and Magical Thinking

//Omori spoilers//

I wanted to share a headcanon I've had for a while in regards to Basil. Feel free to agree or disagree. I am not a mental health professional. I just have a lot of personal experience with OCD and this particular symptom of it.

So I think Basil either has OCD or, at the very least, some kind of mental disorder that causes magical thinking.

Magical thinking is a disorder associated with OCD and schizophrenia. People who suffer from it are very superstitious. They put a lot of power into the supernatural over reality and are more likely to explain something away as being done by some sort of force than just accept a normal excuse for it. To me, Basil's behavior is in line with this.

It can get worse without treatment or in moments of distress. And Basil spends most of the game in distress.

One of the things that can also happen is thinking that personal thoughts can influence the external world without acting on them. That makes me think of how he always expected sunny to just come back to him despite them both not actually communicating with eachother for nearly 4 years. Because he believed in it so hard, he thought that was enought to make it true. And it would also explain why he reacted so strongly to finding out that Sunny was moving and it led to that breakdown in the bathroom (among other things).

And also there's the little things like leaving those egret orchids for Mari and his grandma. That symbolism was powerful and like magic to him. And it makes me think of some of the rituals involved with OCD.

I also think it plays into why he was so adamant something else must have killed Mari. Basil full on believed there was a super natural force behind it. And I think he had such deep abandonment issues and attachment to Sunny, it was less damaging to his reality to accept the existence of something supernatural than that Sunny could be responsible for something so awful.

I really dislike the framing Mari's death as a suicide and im not a fan of how it was presented to us. But. If Basil suffers from magical thinking, fully believing there's a supernatural cause behind Mari's death, it makes a lot more sense to me that he would take such extreme measures. Magical thinking can make people think in these paranoid extremes.

I don't particularly think that the writers had an exact diagnosis in mind for Basil. (Or maybe they did. Who knows.) This is just something I feel fits.

[uncannycorpse]

He will forever hurt me and everything I have looked forward to, he will always be here and there is no getting rid of him. I do not know how to fix him, or even myself honestly. He will forever be a miserable, miserable man…And as long as he is miserable he will take me down with him until he is finally satisfied, he will be once satisfied when I am finally dead and have submitted fully to his torture. He has tried relentlessly to hurt me and cause me pain. All he wishes for is my death and he will finally stop hurting me when he gets what he wants, but as I said you don’t always get what you hope for and want. Things are getting harder as the day goes on but that very little slim dim light at the end of the dark hallway will always be there, the fear I have of death. That is what keeps me alive and going. I really wish I wasn’t so afraid of it because I do wish to make him happy, I want him to stop hurting and finally be satisfied with what he’s done, with what he has made me become. Nothing but a lifeless corpse on the ground as the gun lays next to my head, covered in what seems to be my own blood. My arms slit and mangled all over, he will be satisfied.

[cindersnows]

[repost for a couple of edits]

this is my design for the bathroom sign guy ^^ he's so silly to me

[freaky-chips]

I needed to ruminate on whether or not I was going to post this because it may not make sense to a lot of people.

The long and short of it is that I was in psychosis for several years as a teenager due to my living situation and used Undertale as a form of escapism. In adulthood, this has caused me a lot of grief as I now have schizophrenia and hallucinations of Sans still plague me when I have a severe mental breakdown :<

I recently rediscovered The Skeleton Song by Kate Nash, and it really spoke to me about my unhealthy history with escapism.

The lesson here is definitely don't rely on escapism too heavily to run away from your troubles, whatever they may be.

[chloepleasestopdying]

I will not start a fight over some tags I will not start a fight over some tags

[musical-chick-13]

I miss channel 4's Pure, I miss Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, I miss Doom Patrol, I miss season one of Control Z, I miss Lizzie Saltzman, I miss Id: Invaded, I miss Kimi, I miss (what I had seen so far of) Ad Vitam, can you guess what the common thread among all these is.

[spiderblanket]

Anyway

I will always be amused by this representational shit. Like. Maybe...you would like to show the society some other minorities? You know, less "pleasant". Oh, but then the story about love will not work :( So, go fuck yourself you little psycho lol 💙

As someone on the schizophrenic spectrum, I'd like to see us accepted. Because, for example the trans community has never been associated with monsters. But what is the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear the word "schizophrenia"? The man who killed 16 children because of the voices in his head? Great. Try to make a cartoon/movie about accepting such things lmao.

oh yes, I'm in the closet, but I'm still non-binary. So it's not transphobia, relax. I just understand that people will never accept me in society, not because of my gender or orientation.

[honeybeebaaz]

Not to be discriminating, but if you have mental issues or unsolved trauma, don't have kids! Don't sign them up for your therapist role! You're supposed to be there for them when they're distressed, not the other way around! Do you know how bizzare it is to be on su*c*de watch for your parents?! How lonely it is that you can't talk about your own problems with them, not only that but you have to be mindful of every word out of your mouth not to trigger them! Walking on egg shells around the house!

Do you know how draining it is to work with mentally unstable people? How tough it is to handle paranoia and compulsive behavior? Now imagine that's your parents and you had to learn from childhood how to manage that.

You love them because they're good when they're ok. But it gets scary when they're not. And you can't leave them because they're old now and they have no one else but you. And they're old school so they don't even pretend they're trying with therapy. And you have younger siblings to protect. So you just suffer.

[that-1-url]

so something I've noticed within a lot of fandoms is that people will post their "neurodivergent" headcanons. which is fine ofc, however when they say "neurodivergent" they are typically only referring to autism or ADHD. maaaayybbee ptsd if the character(s) are "traumatized enough" (by that I mean, there's typically one who everyone uwuifies and infantilizes because their trauma is most prominently on display within the media). a common headcanon that often fails to address the trauma of other characters, or that trauma doesn't always manifest itself as PTSD/C-PTSD.

point being, while there's nothing wrong with headcanoning characters with these (autism, adhd, ptsd), maybe...do research? branch out more? imagine how nice it would be if suddenly large amounts of people were not only educated about other lesser-known forms of neurodivergence (ocd, did, npd, bpd, aspd, schizotypal disorders, etc.) but destigmatized them by giving these headcanons to well-loved, popular characters (rather than the villains or antagonists, or even just less popular or even hated characters). (and hey, if you didn't know, schizophrenia and autism can present similarly)

(that being said please do research before you head canon something stigmatizing or ableist.)

it could pave the way for real, genuine, non-stigmatizing or demonizing representation.

and this could probably be a separate post but I wanted to include it here as well:

POC CHARACTERS CAN BE NEURODIVERGENT. POC CHARACTERS ARE ALSO AUTISTIC, ALSO HAVE ADHD, OCD, AND MORE!! STOP LEAVING THEM OUT, STOP ONLY HEADCANONING THE WHITE PROTAGONISTS AS AUTISTIC.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk, please feel free to add on

[bonefall]

bones. bones they made moonpaw a schizophrenia and plurality stereotype. bones. bones help us

OH NO IS THAT WHY THERE'S 16 MESSAGES

I TURNED MY BACK FOR 5 MINUTES GREAT GOOGLY FUCKELING MOOGELY

I still have to finish reading Star (you have to forgive me for being a capital G Gamer who's been uber distracted) to gather together my final fair assessment, so I can start putting down the fragments for BB!ASC. But I WILL tell you this;

The whole Moonpaw Discourse from a couple of months ago really opened my eyes to just how pervasive intersexism and plurality stereotyping is, even in this space.

Not all of it is malice-- like many other cultural biases, people often just pick up negative stereotypes passively and don't realize they reflect poorly on real people. "Scary evil head voice" is one of them. Yes, intrusive thoughts exist (they are something I deal with), but it's about the snap, subconscious association between "voice in head" and "mental torment."

As the case and point; Look at how FAST the fandom conversation changed when the team first teased it. What was a fantastical, equal parts sincere love and horror exploration of shipping a cat with a magic pool morphed. Overnight, The Voice was an abusive thing, an expression of a dead baby who wanted to live, or a reincarnated monster, or another evil Ashfur-esque posession spirit.

Something bad, malicious, unwanted. By contrast, the voice of the moonpool was mostly portrayed as a supernatural yet good thing. Genuinely asking her for help.

(Part of me also ponders the religious angle of it. "Voices in my head" that come from God are generally much more socially acceptable than "Voices in my head" that come from the self. Regardless,)

So, as always, I Don't Rewrite Arcs Until They Are Done (I DRAU TAD, if you will), BUT... I know for certain that I will want to subvert this.

If Canon!Moonpaw must be a system, and we're all ready to buckle up and bunker down through how the Erins handle this one, then for BB!Moonpaw I'll try to do the same. But for my portrayal, I want to write her relationship with her headmate to be generally positive. Or at least more complicated and multifaceted.

One idea in particular I like is the thought that she absorbed a twin... but writing it as a chance the twin GETS to live, NOT a life denied. Death would have claimed them if they didn't become part of her. So, they love her-- of course they do. They're two souls with one heart.

The specifics will have to come with time. I need to see how her plurality impacts the plot, the overall story being told, plus wait to assess the criticisms that real systems and fusion chimeras in our fandom will have. But I can say with certainty that I would like to attempt my redux with the sad truth in mind that headmates in media are almost never approached as non-malicious. I'd like to do what I can to make a difference.

[drowninginredink]

Hey remember when that "list 5 things you could talk about for an hour" thing was going around? Yeah let's start that back up again.

Schizophrenia

Queer shit

Writing (craft, publishing, etc)

Musicals

Fandom culture and fanfic culture

@castledmequeen tagged me in this ages ago on my other account where I don't do these things, but I'll gladly do it here! I'm sure you can figure out from my profile who I am if you don't already know.

Anyway if any of you want to do it, I'll tag @70snasagay @randosfandos @thewormarchives @thehistoryone @ven10 @cygninae @thetreetzar @roach-in-the-kitchen @dicedragon03

[reiderwriter]

reiderwriter 5k writing challenge

hello, my lovelies, and thank you so much for 5k followers~♡ it's been just under a year since I started writing on here, and it's been so fun interacting with everyone and writing for Spencer and the other members of the BAU team! I was a bit unprepared for some of my other milestones and threw some stuff together last minute for them, but I've been thinking about a writing challenge for a while and I finally decided to do it!

Please note: This is a writing challenge! All the prompts below are meant to inspire you to write your own fics and not as prompt requests for me. I hope you can use them as a starting point to write~♡

The theme for the challenge is:

daydreams and shooting stars`☆

There are two sets of prompts to choose from! The daydreams' prompts are based on classic fanfiction tropes that we know and live, and the shooting stars prompts are based on the zodiac signs. There are 12 prompts in each list, and you're welcome to mix and match prompts as you like! Maybe you'd like to combine your star sign with your favourite trope, or two particularly match well, or if you like a single prompt, you can just write for that. I don't mind if the fic is only very loosely based on the prompt, too, do whatever you'd like!

The writing challenge will run up until my 1 year writing anniversary, July 27th, so you have plenty of time to get your fics in! I'll be reblogging all the entries, and at the end, I'll add them to a recommendation list! Be sure to tag @reiderwriter in your fic, or use the hashtag #reidersdaydreams or #reidersshootingstars in your tags! I'll be tracking both~♡ You can submit as many entries as you like!

Rules for submissions will be at the end. Please read them before submitting~♡

without further ado, here are the prompt lists~☆

DAYDREAMS

ONLY ONE BED - a true classic in the sense that I will be reading only one bed fics down to the second I take my last breath. Feel free to invert this to "too many beds," or even "no beds at all, but somehow we're still cuddling," either way, I will read it and likely enjoy it greatly.

GRUMPY X SUNSHINE - which character is grumpy, which character is sunshine? my favourite grumpy x sunshine dynamics are the gloomy character trying their best to become more sunny after a tough life 🫡

FAKE DATING - we, in the criminal minds fandom, have written possibly every undercover mission possible to make our characters make out, but I'm coming in as a simple woman to ask - please do it again 🫶

OH. OH. - the plot revelations! Give me them! The sudden moments of clarity! I'm a fan, goddammit.

IDIOTS IN LOVE - there is nothing better than two huge dumbasses falling head over heels in love with each other in an "aw shucks" kind of way. Also, I'm an idiot, representation matters.

ALTERNATE UNIVERSE - coffee shop AU? Soulmate AU? HANAHAKI AU? If someone could please un- or re- traumatise my favourite characters I will be eternally grateful

SECRET IDENTITY - give the character their Emily Prentiss Lauren Reynolds moment, or just make them dress like a clown for like 30 minutes. Both count.

MUTUAL PINING - This harkens back to idiots in love, but it's about the LONGING, it's about the PITIFUL STARES, it's about the BURNING PASSION.

SECRET RELATIONSHIP - my love of gossip makes me a sucker for secret relationship stories because I truly want to be in everyone's business. Character A and B are dating? Brilliant. It's a secret? BRILLIANT.

SICK FIC - your poor little meow meow has a cold. Or your poor little meow meow has been poisoned with anthrax. Or your poor little meow meow is dealing with possible symptoms of schizophrenia. Or your poor little meow meow has been shot-

PSYCHO X PSYCHO - reidams fans, this one's for you 🥰

ENEMIES TO LOVERS - half of my requests are enemies to lovers requests! Feel free to include rivals to lovers, lovers to enemies, friends to enemies to lovers, enemies to friends to lovers, or any such dynamic that your heart desires.

SHOOTING STARS:

Aries - "I burn for you. I can't sleep at night for wanting you. It's the most maddening, beguiling, damnable thing, but there it is."

Taurus - "There is a stubbornness about me that never can bear to be frightened at the will of others. My courage always rises at every attempt to intimidate me."

Gemini - "There's such a lot of different Annes in me. I sometimes think that is why I'm such a troublesome person. If I was just the one Anne, it would be ever so much more comfortable, but then it wouldn't be half so interesting."

Cancer - "I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil."

Leo - "There is no exquisite beauty… without some strangeness in the proportion."

Virgo - "They slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered."

Libra - "Somehow, we'll find it. The balance between whom we wish to be and whom we need to be. But for now, we simply have to be satisfied with who we are."

Scorpio - "She didn't understand why, but faced with those decaying buildings and straggling grasses, she was nothing but a child who had never lived."

Sagittarius - "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything."

Capricorn - "There's a low-level, specific pain and having to accept that putting up with you requires a certain generosity of spirit in your loved ones."

Aquarius - "An education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs, and then you had the urge to pass it on."

Pisces - "I think it's perfectly acceptable and rather admirable to be moderately delusional."

Rules:

I'm accepting reader insert, an Original Character, a character/character ship, a platonic ship, or a Gen fics for this challenge. It can feature any Criminal Minds character or any character from any fandom you write for. I assume a lot of people will stick with CM, but feel free to write for whoever you choose!

Please tag me in your entries or send the link to me in a DM. It can be already written, or you can write it for the challenge. Again, the tags I'm tracking are #reidersdaydreams and #reidersshootingstars ♡

The fic can be any genre, but ONLY send me smut if your bio states you are 18+. I will not endorse, nor do I want to read smut written by minors. I will check the ages of accounts posting smut.

For smut or angst fics that could include triggers, please include a content warning above the fic so we can be aware before reading!!

Enjoy!!

[lunatic-pudge]

FUCKING PREACH IT, HOMIE!!!!!!

But seriously, this fandom has a serious infantalization problems with characters such as Scout and Pyro.

Like, they see Scout, they see how he's this hyperactive, childish merc who's "God's gift to women" and immediately immediately boil him down to him being a grown man-child. He's literally 27, can drive, kills people for a living, and has been shown to pull women.

Yeah, he's immature and childish, but you gotta remember he's almost in his 30's, is the youngest of seven older brothers, and works to help support his mom (who he had to watch struggle to raise him and his older brothers on her own)

And then you get Pyro, who gets the worst of it. Pyro's case gets me especially heated cause they're infantilized due to them being mentally unwell. These are probably the same people that wouldn't even sit near Pyro IRL cause they think "Schizophrenia=evil monster"

Yes, Pyro also kills for a living, but that's cause it's their JOB. Schizophrenia is such a complicated condition, and it gets such a bad rep. I don't have Schizophrenia, so obviously, I can't speak for those who do have it. But I know for a damn fact that those who have it don't appreciate how people treat it.

Now we know Pyro is an adult, what age are they we don't know. My guess is that they're close to Sniper and Scout in age. We also know that Pyro handmade their weapons and was CE-FUCKING-O OF AN ENGINEERING COMPANY. I can not stress enough that there's so much more to Pyro's character, but everyone and their Mother's wanna look at them and go, "Aww, look at the precious baby. They don't realize that they're hurting people"

I think another thing that plays into it is that they appear to like things that can be considered "childish" (Balloonicorn, bubbles, rainbows, ect.) But you can be a fully grown and functioning adult and like those things. I'm 22, and I have a huge ass stuffed animal collection. I have friends who are in similar boats as me. It's normal.

Okay, I'll shut up for now. I just hate how people treat some of these mercs.

[lajaramillo25]

In the midst of my schizophrenia, it occurred to me to open an Instagram account dedicated to Armie Hammer and Timothée Chalamet BUT also to those behind the Charmie Fandom, the Chalamet Fandom and the Hammer Fandom because we know that not all of us are Charmie and that's okay . The idea is to create a kind of newsletter or magazine dedicated to the two actors and those who follow them and dedicate part of their lives to promoting them through their blogs. Among the sessions I will have, it occurred to me to do a short "biography" of those who manage the accounts; who is the person behind the account, something simple and respectful. Likewise, I would contact the person for whom I am going to do the weekly profile. I will have a session to recommend a FanFic every week, I will make a featured post of the day of the accounts dedicated to them giving credit to whoever made the post and obviously collect some news from the projects in which they are involved. The idea is being polished and I hope to start publishing next week. I tell you this to support each other and to know if you would agree with the "Who is behind..." session, which for me is the most important because it gives humanity to those who create content through their blogs.