#my emotional empathetic ass is unfortunately feeling it xd

[raksh-writes]

I need to get this off my chest, but it might be upsetting, so I'm gonna put it under the cut. Absolutely feel free to skip this entire post, I just need a place to throw this out of me.

tw: death

.

In the last two weeks we had two deaths in the family. Not super close to me, but still people I knew and definitely closer to my mom, cause it's her side of the fam.

Two weeks ago my mom's uncle died. He was sick for a while and it happened in the hospital when everyone sort of seen it coming even if they obv hoped for the best. His twin brother is alive, as his wife, and his three sons, who are my mom's cousines, so I felt for them mostly, but it didn't quite hit, at least not me. It was still a cold shower tho, y'know, and cause it was covid related too.

But today, damn. And like just few minutes after I made that last post about writing today and what-not. I come downstairs to find something to eat and my mom gets a call that her cousin's husband just died. Like, it just happened. At home. His wife did cpr on him, but he still died. We don't know much more at this point.

But, like, damn...

I remember their wedding some 8 years ago, it was pretty much the last one it the fam - and weddings were kinda the whole fam social gatherings back then, for my moms side of the family at least. They all are pretty close too.

What's probably the worst is that they had twins a few years ago, y'know. I can't image how she's feeling right now...

And, again, it's not like I, personally, was close to them. But it's still family. I remember their wedding very well. And I'm also very empathetic by nature, just thinking about it... Well, it's not something you can truly imagine, but I'm still somehow pretty shaken rn. Seeing my mom break down prob made it so too.

I just...

I kinda just wanted to get this off my chest. Get these thoughts out. It'll prob won't help much, but maybe at least clear my head a bit. Acknowledging ones feelings is the healthy way, so...

I guess I wont be able to do much today. Not super productively anyway. But I did a lot this week, so I'll just... exist today or something.

My heart goes out to them and I can only hope they'll have good support from the rest of the fam. Not only now, but in the future too...

God damn, Im not gonna break down here xd

Anyway, if any of you read through this, I hope y'all are well and alright out there ❤ Stay safe and take care, much love ❤

[tipsydipsydo]

Der Geliebte

Pairing: Jungkook x artist! Reader

Gender of the Reader: female

Word Count: 6.4k 

Rating: 16+

AU: non idol! Jungkook x artist! Reader AU!

Genre: strangers to lovers AU; friends to lovers AU! (idiots to lovers AU!); love at the first sight! AU; soulmate to lovers! AU (kinda?); unbelievable amount of fluff; a little angst (fluffy angst!!,); tiny amount of smut (one paragraph xD)

Warnings: tiny bit of smut/some sexual tension between both of them; Jungkook is a poor shy thing and is fucking nervous around the reader all the time; teeth rotting fluff; both are so in love with each other that they’re getting stupid to not realize it; both are insecure that they’re not meant for another... just fluff, fluff, fluff and painfully obvious pining over each other! 

A/N: Hallelujah, I finally did it! After I made Sibi @borathae​ wait over three months for her Christmas + Birthday Fanfic I finished it two weeks to late for my sweetest Darlings Birthday! I am so incredibly sorry that I made you wait for such a long time and really, Sweetie, you have all the rights to be still mad at my stupid ass! Nevertheless... I love you so goddamn much and I hope the fic made at least a little bit up for it... Love you!!!! 💕 💕 

Summary: You and Jungkook met right at the first day you opened your own atelier in Seoul after you had to leave your old home behind you. You love paint canvas with landscape motives, other people just roll with their eyes when they hear that you choose such usual, almost boring things to paint. Not so Jungkook, he seems to be different than most of visitors. It’s almost like he can read your feelings through your paintings...

Status: Edited (I am sorry for any still existing errors in here!) 

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「© tipsydipsydo」

This following story is my intellectual property and belongs only to my blog tipsydipsydo.tumblr.com!

I’ll not accept any kind of reposting, stealing or using/editing my work!

That includes reposting my content on other social media platforms too, even when you link me as the original author.

Thank you.

* Jungkook’s POV * 

"In what are you getting yourself into, Jungkook?"

 I quietly ask myself as I get rid of my clothes behind the paravent and throw the dressing gown over his body which you laid out for me. My hands are sweaty, they tremble slightly and my heart beats wildly, as if it wants to jump right out of my chest. Excitement spreads throughout my body, leaving a faint feeling in my stomach and a certain blush rises in my cheeks. I still can't believe what I've gotten myself into . But... you looked at me so pleadingly with your dear and downright innocent eyes that I would have done anything for you with that look of yours. I want to make you happy, see that happy and contented smile on your lips, which always makes a whole horde of wild butterflies break out in my belly. 'Normally I was the shyness and silence in person and with you... with her, I feel for the first timesomething like peace and security. Especially when I consider how shy I usually am around women.', I ask myself and I don't really know the answer to that. But what can I do against my feelings? I don't really know, on the one hand they scare me, on the other hand they feel so exciting and new that I don't want to eliminate them at all.

I don't even know exactly when the whole thing started. In which moment my feelings for you grew, when I felt more than just fascination and admiration for you and your artwork. Six months ago, a small studio had opened in my district, your own studio. On the day of the opening I simply went to it of pure curiosity, I had always had such a weakness for art and photography.

I can still remember exactly how I stood in front of one of your works and was literally speechless and overwhelmed by this picture and all his small details. This painting represents a classic image of the countryside, which was often to be found everywhere. But this work was different. So full of small details and ornaments. It was so much more... As a viewer you can see a beautiful clearing, which is surrounded by trees and protected from too many curious eyes. The ground of this clearing is overgrown with dense and lush green grass, which from the incoming sunlight almost invites you to let yourself fall into the grass. It reminds me instantly of my carefree childhood, when I rolled in it without overthinking my actions too much and those times when I playfully wrestled with my best friends around until our clothes had grass stains all everywhere. I could almost smell the scent of wild, untamed nature. The longer I look at the picture, the greater the longing became. Maybe I could visit this beautiful place one day, together with my partner, my significant other. Playing around with each other, chasing your beloved one until you fall into the grass breathless laughing and cuddling. Maybe we could have a picnic there and feed each other with homemade sweets? 

I didn’t know that such a "simple" landscape painting could touch and awaken so much more in me, in my soul. Suddenly, such a wanderlust came over me that I gasped for air and a heavy lump formed in my throat. My whole body was tingling and my heart was literally screaming to get away from this dreadfully grey and monotonous daily routine of my boring single life, for at least some weeks. I want to go to this place, where I could draw the warm and fresh, natural air could deep into my lungs and pamper myself with homemade delicacies. Just to let the soul dangle and don’t stuck with my closely clocked work life. Maybe sleep until 10 o'clock in the morning and then maybe have a nice nap later. Enjoy the warm nights and hear the crickets chirping. This longing was... irrepressible. This particular wanderlust for nature, just to be out of the city, this longing for exactly this abandoned and untouched forest clearing literally overwhelmed me. What was it for an artist who could trigger such feelings and emotions in me?

I had been so absorbed in the artwork that I had not even noticed that a person step next to me. "Do you like the work?", asked a soft melodic voice, which spoke perfect Korean, but was pervaded by a light accent, which I could not quite assign. I flinched a little, but this bright, happy laugh gave me a tingling goosebumps all over my body. What a beautiful laugh... I turned to the person who was the owner of this beautiful voice. I was startled when I realized that the artist and owner of this studio was standing in front of me personally. I recognized her again, as I had seen a small photo of her in the newspaper article that drew my attention to this beautiful studio in the first place. Already in this picture she had radiated something so strong, colorful, cheerful and lively, which caused an excited flutter in my stomach. 

I admit, I already laid an eye on her just by her appearance. Unfortunately I always had a hard time getting to know people ever since, let alone to talk to women. And now having you, Y/N, personally standing right in front of me, made me feel fluffy and excited in my stomach. Nothing is left of this otherwise so sassy and self-confident  man that I used to be. Only a nervous and stodgy twenty-three-year-old idiot, who did not know what to say or wanted to say, now stands in front of this stunningly pretty and intelligent woman.

Her eyes sparkles like jewels, full of joy, struck me with interest and a playful smile lays on her lips. "Did you not understand my question?", she asked kindly, but nobly reserved. Immediately a rosy puff settled on my cheeks and I stuttered nervously: "Y-Yes, excuse me! I... I was just somewhere else with my thoughts and was completely surprised that they were addressing me personally.... Your works are truly unique! They still show such ‘usual’ motifs and yet they are so special because of these finely elaborated details and this passion with which this work of art was painted. They really are... Unique artworks that you do not forget so quickly. Even for untrained eyes as my owns, I can see that a talented artist has worked on it. I am very impressed by your work, especially this work here!" You could hear the honest admiration from my voice and my heart leapt as she reacted bashful to all of my compliments.

"Thank you, really, thank you so much! I really appreciate to hear such nice words like yours, even if it is rare. I am often criticized for my ‘lack of creativity’, caused by my chosen motives. I just love the rough, almost untouched landscapes of my hometown, I try to depict the ‘normal’ as something beautiful, unique. I would like to ‘really see’ what we already take for granted again. As a wonderful creation, a work of art. Nature is a wonderful example of this, or the architecture of buildings as well. Architects are also artists, although unfortunately they are not seen as such. I just want to offer the obvious things a more meaningful space again.... People like you have become rare. I have observed how you have recognized the true meaning, this beauty and aesthetics in such a ‘usual-looking’ motif. And this pleases me so much that you can read 'between the brushstrokes'. Oh... Excuse me, I always talk way too much when someone shows an interest in art or music, my personal passions. Besides that, I have not introduced myself to you yet, I am Y/N! I was obviously so pleased to see your understanding, empathetic look at this work, if you understand what I mean... Anyway... I can guess that you knew my name already, don't you? What about you? May I know your name?", asked you, beautiful artist, with her really stunning smile.

I swallowed nervously, never before had a young lady mixed my emotions so much in me. Even the picture of her in the newspaper article, which I had read out of boredom in one of my lectures, got me so emotionallyconfused. I didn't want to say it in front of my teasing friends, but I had been really excited when I set off this Friday night. And now the creator of these works of art stood before me and seemed to want to have a longer conversation with me. My heart beats to my throat and I got sweaty hands from this nervousness in my poor body. Honestly, as soon as I wasn't surrounded by my clique of friends, I automatically turned into a nervous, slightly abashed blushing and stuttering guy who behave like an inexperienced teenager. 

In private life, without my best mates by the side, I am not so confident and daredevil. After all, I always had someone who could cover my back when things get tough, while I am on my own without anyone I know. You could usually only believe and trust, not control. That's probably why I struggled with interpersonal relationships. I always overthink too much and have some struggles with my self-confidence.

And now this attractive young woman looked at me with such interest and joy, just me. I was actually the reason for her interest. A joyful and blissful tingling seized every pore, every fiber of my body. Yes, in fact it was just me! Not my best buddy Seokjin, whom I have known since childhood and always sought the attention of everyone. It was no exaggeration to say that he was perhaps a little narcissistic, but only to cover up his own insecurities. Never would I have thought that someone would manage to get this personification of self-love under control. I admired his wife for standing up to Seokjin and keeping him and his dad Jokes at bay. Believe it or not, she of all people had the pants on in the house and knew how to deal with my best friend.

My gaze glided over the figure of the person in front of me and once again I took a sharp breath. I was so nervous to face her personally, a person I already deeply admired and had quite a respect for. I simply did not want to do anything wrong, even if this charm of hers was almost tangible and paralyzed my entire brain with its function. I can already picture how my mind waved wildly goodbye to myself and went to the summer holiday in the Caribbean.

This carefree smile and these beautiful eyes harmonized wonderfully with your complexion. Your features were awake and alive, seemingly always a slight smile surrounded the corners of your mouth, which provoked almost paradoxical reactions in my body. Your smile awake countless butterflies to flutter around in my stomach, which made me quite nervous and at the same time you radiated such a sense of security and calm, as if there was no reason not to get a word out of shyness. My gaze, which I hope examined you unobtrusively enough, wandered to your hands. You had long fingers, I could really imagine how they elegantly held the handle of the paint brushes and worked on these small details extensively in such a calm behavior. Which satisfied and concentrated calmness you possibly radiated while doing that...

A small, noble clearing of your throat again tore me out of my fantasies and speculations. God, what was I today but inattentive! How rude I must have seemed to you...

"Oh, sorry... I... I have not been able to keep my thoughts together all day..." I lied to seem at least a little more credible. Nervously, I pulled on the knot of my tie to loosen it up a little before I have a circulatory collapse. Before I went here, I thought for a long time about what I should wear for this occasion. Jeans and T-shirt were out of the question, too casual and almost an insult for your atelier. A complete suit, however, seemed too overdressed to me and so I decided for a black dress pants and a dark blue dress shirt.Understanding, Y/N nodded and gave me a cheering smile, which made my body tingle again. This woman drove me half crazy alone with his friendly gestures. How could it be that this polite lady got me confused right away?!

And somehow, it gave me a frenzy to leave my secure, anonymous side as a visitor to her exhibition and irrevocably reveal my true identity to you.

"My name is Jeon Jungkook."I answered in a slightly trembling voice, hardly daring to look into her eyes and rubbing my neck unobtrusively.

* Jungkook’s POV *

If only I had guessed what would change in me, how you changed me. That so much more would develop from a pure interest and a simple formal business contact... that you want to make me one of your artworks.

I take another deep breath before I dare to step out from behind the dark red paravent. It is pleasantly warm in this room, I should not freeze, if I am already so freely clothed. My gaze wanders through the small room with the huge, floor-to-ceiling window, which floods the entire room with light. The walls of the room have been painted in a dark orange and red colors and dark wooden planks lay out on the floor. It looks so comfortable due to the warm, dark tones. The orange-yellow evening sun dipped everything into something so cozy... sensual. Somehow into even a little erotic?

Y/N wants to work a lot with the light of the evening sun in this painting, which could be a little complicated if it is not suitable or if it is cloud-covered. But if you have put something into your head, especially in relation to your art, then you do everything you can do to go through it! Also the changing forces of nature cannot stop you from trying to realize your idea. Sometimes, you’re  someone who is quickly frustrated and dissatisfied with yourself as well, especially when something doesn't work as  you wants it to. Nevertheless when it comes to your passion, drawing and painting, you don’t let your idea go away, if you want something, you’ll find a way to make it happen. These are qualities that I know all too well of myself and thus my fascination about you only grows even more. The more time we spent together and I get to know more and more sides of you, the more attracted I became to you.

Your art means a lot to you and you’re quite tough in this respect, can not be overcome by the reproaches and the crushing criticism. That’s exactly what I admire so much about you, having the courage to stand up for personal passion. When I get criticized, all too often I think about really giving up on it, so that I don't have to endure all this criticism anymore. And then I look at you. How focused you are in this moment and carefully prepare for your next project. How you adjusts you easel to the right height, let your self-stretched canvas snap into place, spreads brushes of all sizes and shapes on the small side table next to you and prepares youracrylic colours. I swallow again, as I watched this happen. I am about to become one of your next artworks.

A little uncertainly I walk towards Y/N, the thin dressing gown tightly drawn around my body... never before have I felt so naked and vulnerable. This here is something else. I feel something about it... I feel something for you. For this pretty lady, who sprays her cheerfulness around her and could conjure a smile on the lips of even the most grumpy person. This joy almost kills you, completely engrossed this person and gives you the feeling of floating. You will get the feeling of being welcome at Y/N. To be accepted, with all the flaws and weaknesses that one has. She just smiles at you so gently and lovingly and just says, it's okay. It's okay to be the way you are. Imperfect.

"It is precisely this imperfect, this contradictory and also unpredictable thing that makes us human. That makes us an individual and also interesting. If we were really all as we are expected to be, it would be boring and monotonous. The surprise is only a real gift. Each of us is a very individual gift to a very specific addressee, who is the only one who can truly appreciate this gift. Only then did the recipient find the right person as his gift... Well, if the recipient knows about his gift...", Y/N once said with such a certain look at me, when we went out to dinner together in a restaurant in the evening to clarify some details. I wanted to help her find good contacts in Seoul and help her sell her works.

I can still remember it exactly... it was a quite... extraordinary evening. I was of course once again incredibly nervous and excited. At that time, I did not want to fully realize how much I already like you. Secretly, I had observed my opposite. Your positive and friendly disposition had turned my head all around... and in addition, this beautiful body and her elegant fingers, which already haunt me in the most erotic way unintentionally in my dreams. 

I could not prevent my dream pictures from shooting through my head, which is why my cheeks turned dark red in embarrassment. These fucking fantasies in my head! My eyes stare at the cutlery as if it were incredibly interesting because I didn't dare look up. There were scenes in my mind that made my ears turn red and I would’ve loved to hide behind the menu card. Your body, which made her look like a Greek goddess.

Naked, body covered in sweat, your body shook in lust, you sit up with a wonderful moan... You are on top of me, I could admire your beautiful, almost divine body as you sat on top of me... and rode me. This breathtakingly beautiful distorted face of yours, as if all this pleasure you feel is carved in marble... lids closed, your lips, swollen from all the kissing, are slightly opened which let    your lustful whimpering escape. This grace and elegance, as you rose from me and  then lowered yourself again... as your hands glide erratically over my stomach, searching for support... you suddenly threw your head back and clenched even more tightly around my length. The addicting sounds you’ve made... it’s like the most beautiful melody in my ears... squelching noises and even more of yourjuices gushing out of your sweet, so sweet pussy when you came...

An all-too-familiar laugh tore me out of my extremely indecent thoughts, which quite relieved me at first. Until I raised my head and not too far away I recognized no one but my best friend Kim Seokjin, who made very questionable hand signals in my direction. Oh my God, no! I knew that he had recently changed his job and got accepted for a position as a chef in a new restaurant... but not in this Restaurant! He will never let me life after he found out I was on a “Date” with a woman...

Even though Seokjin was on the other side of the restaurant, I could almost feel his smirk on my own skin. Fuck it, just pretend as if you do not know each other and hit him really hard tomorrow morning in the gym where we meet up for our work out. I quickly turned all my attention back to the person sitting opposite me and tried to ignore Seokjin as best I could.

It was only at the end of the evening, when I had said goodbye to Y/N, that I realized that this meeting had much more of a date than a "business dinner". How familiar we had talked with each other... how much I had thought about licking Y/N the drop from the chocolate sauce of her lava cake from her lips... how it would be... to kiss and touch you...

A noticeable blush has settled on my cheeks as I attended our first meeting together... or even Date in this Restaurant thought back. Four months had passed since then and I suffered from longing for you. You would never see me like I saw you. The reason you wanted to draw me was simply that she needed someone as a model. In addition to landscapes and cities, you want to devote herself gradually to more other motifs. And since I have been the first inquired. Your pleading eyes made me say yes. But I know that for me you have  no more than the feelings for a casual friendship. It hurts to see how you flirt  around so casually with all those other people. I would never be the gift for you as you are for me. If only the recipient would notice that there is a given heart laying in your hands...

"Ah, Jungkook! I’m glad that you're ready!", your cheerful and melodic voice cuts through the silence of the room and you’re walking towards me with excited shining eyes. "Come~," you say and lead me to the chaiselongue, which is placed in front of the large window. The soft, orange light of the evening sun falls on the wine-red fabric of the restored chaiselounge in baroque style. The upholstery has frames covered in gold and also the lion feet on which this historic furniture stands are gilded. Everything was decorated with so many Details, it looks so incredibly elegant and luxurious. On the left side there are some cushions in the same color and an elegant design is carved on the backrest, literally inviting to get used.

"Surely you know the movie 'Titanic', right? Do you remember the scene where Jack used charcoal pencils to draw an nude coal picture of Rose as she laid on the sofa? I would like to draw you in a similar position. I hope it's okay for you if I look at you more closely without a dressing gown... i want to get an overview of your body proportions.", you say, looking me straight in the eye. I notice that you’re very concerned about my privacy and does not want to overstep any of my personal boundaries without my consent. I nod slightly at first until I get a clear yes over my lips. She looks at me silently for a few seconds before reassuring me once again that we can always stop at any time if I feel uncomfortable. Especially your patience and mindfulness of my boundaries shows me how important it is for you as well and how I actually relax noticeably. Y/N smiles cheerfully at me and I slowly loosen the belt of the dressing gown and let the last garment slide to the ground. I feel her in-depth look at me... he is not uncomfortable... only... exciting... in a few different ways.

I swallow again and lie down on the chaiselongue as instructed. You correct my arm and leg position, also rearrange all of the cushions correctly. To my own relief, you put a red cloth over my crotch area. Not that I am ashamed of anything, I am more than comfortable with you already... I just have some worries that I will get a visible problem if I constantly feel your look on my bare skin.

 "It should be able to guess something, but not be allowed to see everything right away...", she whispered with a smile, before her fingertips unintentionally glide tenderly through my happy trail. One of your last smiles are... not really to interpret. Then you return to your easel.

* The Reader’s POV *

Carefully you sit down on your old painting stool, already quite worn out on the edges and stained with the most different types and tones of colors. It had originally been dark brown. You smile dreamily when you think back that you’re used to dangle your legs around when you were a little kid because it was way too big for you back then. For eighteen years now you have exactly this stool and this easel. They had been a gift from your grandfather for your fifth birthday. He had awakened the passion of painting and drawing in you and passed his talent on to you. A certain melancholy seized you when I thought back to how you used to paint your first real picture on canvas with your new easel in the old music room in your grandfather's country house. 

It had been the old, dusty grand piano, which must have been more than a hundred years old at that time. How the country house survived all these wars unscathed, you ask yourself to this day. Perhaps there had already been something magical about it at that time, which should remain untouched. Perhaps the small estate should remain an inconspicuous symbol of hope, the hope that at some point the sun and peace will return when the unbearable suffering and sorrow of this cruel time is over. When the wars were over and all those seeking protection who had fled to this country house were able to return to their own homes again. This house, this estate you can explain your childhood with a single word. Home.

You lift your thought-lost look from your empty, folded hands and look to Jungkook. He takes your breath away every time you see him. He is so special, such a wonderful and yet you firmly believe that he has not been chosen for you, such an ordinary woman as you are. He would belong to someone else with whom he would be happy, although he is the only one who was able to understand and read your works, the language in them. It... it had been such a beautiful moment when, six months ago, he stood in your newly opened studio, so absorbed by the painting of the forest of your childhood. All the other visitors had only looked at it briefly and smiled wearily at the fact that it was again only a landscape painting, but did not grasp what the story behind this work was. Why the artist chosed this very motif, to see, to feel what the creator wanted to communicate through the work. 

But Jungkook had been different. He had given the work, your personal heart, a chance to unravel the true meaning behind it. He did it slowly, bit by bit with his eyes... grasped with his whole mind and heart and finally let himself be influenced as a whole. You could tell from his body reactions that he felt exactly what you had felt when you painted it last summer. Longing. Infinite Longing. Mixed together with melancholy, a little homesickness and sorrow to a unique emotional color. The day you painted it was the last time you saw the house in your official possession. Your grandfather had left it to you. But unfortunately you lacked money, you had to pay some debts and with the best will you could not earn the money in other ways. So you had to sell it with a heavy heart. Your beloved birth and childhood home and the associated lands, you had to sell your true home away. The picture is the only thing left of it. And Jungkook was the only person who understood what you wanted to express with the painting. Longing. My Homesickness.

When all these sensations came upon him, he involuntarily clenched his hands tightly, his chest lifted and lowered quickly, his Adam's apple hopped repeatedly. His eyes were glassy. He experienced your longing as directly as you did. He... is so special. So infinitely amiable. He... he is the only person who’s able to read your true feelings in your works. He is able to read between your brush strokes.

So today you will try him... to paint a confession of love with this act. Maybe he could read... what you feel for him. Even if you know that you will probably never see him again. Because you would not be the recipient of his love and affection. He's just too... too... gifted for a simple artist like you. He would never be your gifted person.

Your gaze glides tenderly and caressingly over his body. Trying to absorb every little detail of his body, his charisma and his character into you and let it flow into the painting. Every birthmark you want to put on the canvas and hold on. You want to show Jungkook how beautiful he is. How godlike he lies before you on this majestic chaiselongue, how masculine and muscular he is, as if he wanted to embody an Adonis. You want to paint every muscle, even the smallest visible muscle, on the canvas in a realistic manner, you want to capture the strength and security that he conveys to you over and over again and make it visible to him. And yet... his gaze often corresponds to that of an intimidated, insecure fawn, which does not dare to want to get up on his legs on his own. The fear of falling again is too big. Through this painting you want to show Jungkook what he really is, what he represents for you and what you feel for him. He is... so contradictory. He is strong, godlike, powerful... and at the same time, so infinitely uncertain, vulnerable... almost pure.

Silence enters your little studio, only the regular breathing of the other and the muffled noise of the busy world outside the door could be heard. Here... here, it feels like time is standing still for a moment for the two of you. Your shared eternity had begun.

To your happiness that it is summer right now and it stays bright for a long time. Today you take more time than usual to mix colors. You want to mix a shade that perfectly matches his skin tone. You want to get the exact color of his black hair down onto the canvas, and the perfect brown for his beautiful eyes. The evening sun and the leaves of the huge treetops in front of the large window conjure up the most beautiful patterns on his immaculate body. A game of light and shadow. It seems to you that Jungkook's body, every single pore of his body has a tiny diamond, so that he begins to sparkle in the sunlight like an infinitely precious jewel. The evening sun warms him, lays a thin layer of sweat over his body. Every detail you try to bring to the canvas, every feeling, every movement of my heart, everything you feel for him, you want to bring to this canvas. You want to make him a masterpiece. Because for you, he is the most beautiful specimen, the only true crown of the human creation.

Some black strands have come loose from his manbun and have fallen on his forehead. It looks stunning, to see him like that. I had never seen him with a messy or even completely open hair... but even now these strands loosened from the braid make his facial features look so much softer and more relaxed. In it, the adult and strong man united with a young, vulnerable, shy boy. The result is... infinitely beautiful. He possesses both sides, so he makes the seemingly inexhaustible divine human being.

His eyes, drawing his eyes with that expression in them, cost you a lot of nerves. Too often you misunderstood this infinite longing that you find in his dark, brown eyes. Again and again you have to restrain yourself, not just to get up, to go over to him... and to kiss him.

This longing look you misinterpret is as longing as you own... according to your closeness, your touch, your affection... according to your love. Because you love him. You love everything about him, his sheepish laugh, the way of rubbing his neck shyly, the way he speaks and explains his point of views about things, how he smells... just everything... every blemish he blames on himself, you think it’s like an artwork on him. He is so perfectly imperfect that you just fell in love with him.

The sun has already set and only the last pink and purple streaks could be seen in the sky, with which the past day says goodbye to the world. One last time you can hear the velvety stroke of the brush over the canvas before you finally put the brush aside. It is finished. You have given everything that is in your power, used all of your artistic abilities and knowledge to the utmost and you have incorporated everything that you feel and think about into this artwork. And what you see put a smile on your lips, but also makes your pulse rise. What will Jungkook say when he looks at it? He will see it... can he read what you feel for him in it?

With a trembling voice, you call Jungkook and look at him one last time. The last time the sight of this male beauty was granted to you. One last time.

After Jungkook has wrapped himself in the dressing gown again, he slowly comes towards you and your easel. Your heart is throbbing as if it really wants to fearfully flight and jump out of your chest. Your body gets hot and cold at the same time and suddenly your hands get sweaty, the dried color on your skin mixes with the sweat to a uncomfortable mess in your palms, which somehow makes you even more nervous. Then he stands next to you. Looking at the canvas for the first time himself. The last brushstroke is still drying.

Once again there is silence, which makes you incredibly nervous and with every second that passes, you want to follow your instinct to escape. Jungkook's pupils are dilated and blown out, whether with bewilderment or horror, you can not recognize. One of his hands shoots up his mouth, he trembles all over his body. Suddenly you hear a suppressed, throaty sobbing. Surprised and a little appalled, you look at Jungkook, who has shut his eyes tightly and presses the palm of his hand even harder on his mouth, as if he wants to muffle every sound. Tears escape the corners of his eyes. This is a reaction... which you would not have expected...

Gently, mindful of any kind of resistance, you wrap your arms around his neck and hold him. He doesn't say anything, he doesn't sob, he doesn't whimper. He just cries. Tenderly, consolingly you hold him, without wanting to distress him. He literally presses his face into the crook of your neck. Salty tears drench your blouse, but it doesn't bother you. The reason why he had such an emotional outburst, you just don't understand. But still... it's okay. It is valid.

As he slowly calms down and his breathes becomes regularly again, he carefully lifts his head out of the crook of your neck and wipes the last tears out of his eyes dry in slight embarrassment. He slowly releases himself from your embrace until you finally stand silently in front of each other.

"What title you’ll give this artwork?", he asks softly, in a rough, throaty voice. You swallow . "It shall be called 'Der Geliebte'. ...it is german and translated it means... ‘The beloved’ ", you say barely audibly and lower your head. After this confession, you can no longer look him in the eyes.

Jungkook takes a sharp breath in and you're actually just waiting for a devastating response from him that would be like a death threat. But nothing of this happened. Instead, your chin is suddenly raised by his fingertips and you look into Jungkook's beautiful eyes. He bites his lower lip a little uncertainly,his own gaze falls on your pretty shaped lips. 

"Do you... do you allow me to kiss you?", he asks quietly... barely audible for you even though you’re standing so close to each other. He doesn't dare to look you into the eyes after such a question, he is too afraid that you deny his request. But you can hardly believe your luck, a high pitched ‘yes!’ flew over your lips and before you can control yourself, you press your own lips right onto his. They are incredibly soft and kiss you back in such a delightfully and endearing insecure and shy manner as no other could ever have done it.

Your heart beats full of joy and bliss and in your belly, the butterflies fly somersaults of all different kinds that your whole body began to tingle. Your mind cannot get a grasp of all this yet, but this... you don't need any more of it at this moment anyway.

The kiss is tender, shy and somewhat uncertain from both sides. Jungkook is very insecure and shy, but before he can escape like a frightened deer again, you put your arms around his neck and let your hands rest in the nape of his scalp. Again and again you detach yourselves from each other only for the fraction of a second to get a breath of air into your lungs in order to find each other lips again... until you stopped for a few seconds.

"I like you... I like you really, really much, Jungkook... I even dare to say that I fell on love with you.", you mutter softly against his lips. His shy, happy smile was too much for you, so you immediately kiss him again. Perhaps because of the sheer joy and maybe of the certainty that he feels the same for you, the next kiss turns into something more passionate than before...

[cas-kingdom]

Would you be up to answering 10, 15, 29, and 31 for any of the OCs from the DWCs that you're feeling a bit stuck on? Or any OCs you're feeling, really. I'm not picky. Hope this helps with mission: write or that you at the very least have some fun with it. :)

To be honest, this would totally help. I’ll have a go (thank you, saviour).

You all know I write my OCs as readers considering the reader inserts are wildly sought after on this site lol. BUT I adore writing about my OCs & have tons of stories with them that I keep to myself and read when I’m down, so here we go!

The 4 I’ve yet to write include Tallulah Cullen (Twilight), Matilda Northman (True Blood), Akela (The Witcher) & Clark Kent’s sister, who I’m yet to create an OC for (atm my only JL OC is Arthur Curry’s sister, Ani) so I won’t write these questions for her considering I don’t really know her.

WARNING: this is going to get long. I apologise & a big pat on the back to whoever actually reads it.

10) How open is your oc to trying new things? Are they the adventurous sort, or would they rather stay in their comfort zone? Why?

Tallulah: I think, honestly, Tallulah’s been a vampire so long she’s not sure she has anything new left to try lol. She’s older than her siblings by a lot and is often lost with these kinds of things. Though if there is ever anything new, I’d say she’d be absolutely open to trying them out! During the events of the books/movies, I’m sure there were many of these opportunities, what with Bella and the excitement and adventure she brought along with her. So, yes. No comfort zone for T, though perhaps there was one once.

Matilda: Tilly’s pretty restricted with what she can and can’t do (having Eric as your guardian will do that to you lol) but again, like Tallulah, with the events of the books/series, a lot happens that she’d be involved with, and it’s all a bit adventurous and out of her comfort zone. She’s used to the so-called quiet life, considering Eric keeps her out of his business so she remains safe, so after meeting Sookie and all the disruption she brings to her life, I’ve always thought it to be quite a big thing for her. As she grows older however, she certainly grows used to it, and perhaps rebels a bit against her guardian to join in on the excitement he’d rather she stay away from.

Akela: Akela’s whole life is trying new things. She never knows if her day will be quiet or not so much. If she’ll be sleeping under the stars or in an inn. If she’ll have a great, peaceful ride or someone will run up to them, thrusting money at Geralt and asking him to kill a monster. (Seems like a nicely spontaneous life, minus the monsters). Tbh I think she likes it. She’d like her life to be completely safe with no interruptions, but in all honestly she’d get bored after a while, and really, if her life was all sweet and honey, then Geralt wouldn’t be the same, and that’s the last thing she’d want. I think her comfort zone is very small, and not demanding at all. She’s ready to try whatever, as long as it guarantees her and her Witcher’s safety!

15) What is your oc’s favourite time of day? Why is this? Do they have a daily practice during this time?

Tallulah: I’ll be a bit stereotypical here and say her favourite time of day is night. She doesn’t sparkle, she can blend in with the humans completely... and I guess she just likes it in general because of the dark, and the peace that often offers. She sometimes goes hunting with her family in the dark, and she has many memories of those times that she holds onto.

Matilda: Yet another vampiric-stereotypical answer, but Tilly’s favourite time of day is definitely the exact moment the sun is out of sight. Because then Eric’s instantly safe, and she can spend as much time with him as his ‘duties’ and his job allows. Another human’s favourite time might be day, because that’s when the most happens, and Tilly’s is night for the exact same reason. To her it’s simply normal - she’s always slept during the day to adhere to her vampire guardians’ routine - and she knows no difference.

Akela: Night. (Apparently all my OCs are night owls, guys). She likes her evenings and her nights, right before she sleeps, because most of her memories from those times are of her lying next to Geralt on blankets, under a starlit sky. It’s totally quiet, save for the nightlife, and the two of them can just lie there and let the trials of the day wash away as they stare at the stars. A simple delight.

29) How empathetic is your oc? Or are they closer to being a sociopath? Any reason why?

Tallulah: Hundreds of years as a vampire has definitely made Tallulah more in touch with people’s emotions. She 100% takes after her father in the compassion side of things. He’s taught her to hang onto most of her humanity, and she’s never fed from a human in her life. I can’t see her hurting a fly. Sociopath? Never.

Matilda: Tilly... is perhaps more sociopath than empath, but that’s something that changes over the years. She’s young at the beginning of the show, and she worships Eric and (discreetly) wants to follow him wherever he goes. That doesn’t change so much, but she finds herself over time, and learns to give in to her human instincts. I definitely think Eric’s growing appreciation for humans after meeting Sookie makes her more aware of her true self, and she makes friends she wouldn’t have ever thought about making, and generally just becomes less afraid to be herself. She learns to understand people’s feelings - and her own - which is something she probably found difficult to do when solely around vampires. (Though in saying that, she probably begins to learn a lot more about how Eric’s feeling. That’s shown in the DWC I’ve yet to write lol).

Akela: For as much as Akela loves Geralt, and for as much as she grew up under his guiding hand, she certainly didn’t adopt his so-called ‘emotionless’ Witcher persona. Really, that’s a victory on Geralt’s side. She’s 100%, totally human, and that’s something he wouldn’t take away from her (tbh he does his best to keep her away from anything Witcher-y that could change her from who she perfectly is). But, in all honesty, I do think Akela gets her selfless and empathetic nature from Geralt. Discreetly, of course. That guy is a different person when he’s with her, though it might be difficult to see, and he’s honestly just a Good Dad, however much he’d strive to disprove it.

31) What is your oc’s sense of humour like? What do they find funny? Do they try to be funny? Are they actually?

Tallulah: Tallulah has big brothers. I think that speaks for itself. XD Though perhaps not all of them... mainly Emmett and Jasper. And Alice. They like to make her laugh. Probably Emmett’s main goal in life. BUT, similar to the first question, Tallulah is an old vampire, and she’s probably heard most jokes and developed a sense of humour that’s different to the others’, if that makes sense. Though I’ve always had her as the vampire who was turned at 16 and, in all honesty, is still 16, deep deep down. Her maturity isn’t crazily more than any other 16 yo’s.

Matilda: God. I don’t think she’d have much of a sense of humour. Tilly’s life is vampires, blood, ‘stay away from humans despite being human’... when she meets Sookie and the others, and her humanity starts shining, her sense of humour becomes more human. She can joke around without worrying that Eric will take it too seriously or Pam will insult her (Pam insults everyone but she still loves Tilly, don’t worry). So, yeah. Matilda’s life doesn’t leave much room for humour, but it sneaks in somehow as the years go on - not to mention Eric’s not an ass to her and does treasure her smile and her laugh above all else in his long life.

Akela: Oh, Akela lives on humour. She loves to insult Geralt, and he loves to insult her right back. That’s just them. And it’s pretty damn perfect. Not to mention when Jaskier joins their dysfunctional family, you’d be pretty robotic to not laugh or smile even once when in his presence. As for if Akela’s actually funny... I’d say definitely. She counts it a victory if she says something and Geralt’s lips turn upwards the tiniest bit. Making a Witcher smile is something to celebrate.

Whoo. I loved that. Now to go write.

(That last bit was a joke. Unfortunately).

[doctorgerth]

Im so excited about this match ups! I would love to get romantic one! (I actually set alarm clock to dont miss it xD) My name is Veronica. Im 20yo straight girl. I have brown messy hair and green eyes i also have a lot of tattoos and im a bit chubby^^ Im also Artist. :) Im ENTP in MBTI personality test. about my personality: Im kind of sarcastic but i have good sense of humor. Im very loyal to my dearest and im very protecting to the people i love!

Omg, the fact that ppl go that far just to get a request from me is truly baffling! 🥺🥺 Well, I’m glad you were able to get a request in, love! Thank you and I truly hope you enjoy your matches 🥰

Your match is...

Sanji (ENFJ)

Sanji was obviously wooed by you when you two first met despite not knowing anything about you. He shamefully couldn’t prevent the nosebleeds from your beautiful green eyes and curvaceous body. He also never thought about tattoos much before until he met you, but god is he a sucker for them on you! They make you look so bad ass and sexy, he can;t help but to stare at them or to trace them when he’s holding you close. It honestly was nearly impossible for him to even have a conversation with you at first just because he was too awestruck by your beauty. Thankfully, he’s been able to get over himself (at least a little), because getting to know you and falling love with you has been one of the greatest blessings in his life! Unfortunately for him, your sweet personality and loving heart makes you all the more beautiful to him, so the nosebleeds still happen every now and then lol 

You two share a lot of similarities but also bring plenty of differences to the table in order to make the relationship exciting! For starters, you two are both extroverted and enjoy the company of others. This proves beneficial as he comes from a crew (family) that loves to spend lots of time together and have lots of parties! So that gives you the ability to thrive and form relationships with the people who mean the most to him. You two are also extremely creative, you with your art and Sanji with his cooking. He embraces self-expression as he is the biggest fan of all your work! He keeps every piece you make him and hangs them up in his room and kitchen, little reminders of you throughout the day! 

Sanji had to take some time to get accustomed to your sarcasm (even tho he’s pretty sarcastic himself) but he’s just constantly worried about making you happy and doing the right things, so when you’re a little teasing and sarcastic, he has a brief moment of panic that he did something to upset you. But once he finally understands your mannerisms, he’s able to partake in some quips with you. Sanji can get pretty sassy! Being so in love with you, Sanji will convince anyone that you’re the funniest person ever! He is always there to laugh at your jokes and his laugh is always so sweet and genuine, making you get butterflies from making your favorite person laugh so much.

Being worried about loyalty from Sanji is understandable in the first phase of the relationship when you’re just starting to get established. Because we know Sanji loves all the ladies. But, the moment he commits himself to you, he’s so invested in loving you, there’s no time for him to really ogle over anyone else! He still respects the ladies of course and he cares deeply for Nami and Robin, but Veronica is his true love!! And nothing or no one can take him away from you, so there’s no room for questioning his love for you! Sanji is extremely protective of you and he definitely can be a bit smothering at times, but it’s all in good nature. He just doesn’t want anyone or anything to harm the person he loves most. He’s always willing to lay his life down for you, despite your protests. He gets a little pouty if you protect him because he’s just that type to think it’s his job to protect you. But he’s of course thankful every time you do so!

Sanji is a sensitive soul, whether he likes to admit it or not. So there are times when he’s a bit over-emotional and unfortunately, emotionally-driven conversations are not your forte. So it takes some time for you to become more empathetic towards Sanji’s feelings since you’re a bit more logical than he is. Sanji also wants to avoid confrontation with you at all costs. He doesn’t like to think there’s something wrong in the relationship or face the fact that he’s upset with you/vice versa. So sometimes he becomes a little passive and won’t tell you if something’s wrong even though you know something is bothering him. This is usually the only things you’ll argue about, so you gotta make Sanji comfortable with communicating through an argument. Just reaffirm that you’re not going to leave him over a small argument and he’ll become more open!

You two have such big hearts for your loved ones and especially each other, so there’s really no room for doubts throughout your relationship. You two can be the cheesiest and “grossest” couple sometimes, but everyone is just truly jealous of how much love is shared between you two. Sanji makes it very obvious that you’re the one for him, even on your bad days, Sanji chooses to love you and only you, every single day. Having you reciprocate is just a dream come true to him!

Other potential suitors:

Kaku (ENTP) - You make him laugh, and honestly, that’s all it took to make him fall helplessly in love with you. In his work life, genuine joy and humor is hard to come by. But you’re able to break that shell of his and remind him of his better days, the kind of life he wishes he could have with you all the time. You’re the type of girl that really makes him want to settle down, which is something he hasn’t thought much about before! Kaku is also extremely loyal to you and knowing he has someone as equally loyal waiting at home for him just really eases his mind. He trusts you with his life!

Sabo (ENTP) - He adores how easy-going and outgoing you are. Being around you is just so comfortable and enjoyable, even in the most social settings. The loyalty and love you have for your loved ones reminds him so much of his self and he just really appreciates it. Sabo is very intrigued by your sarcasm and honestly he probably beats you in being the more sarcastic person in the relationship. He just appreciates that you two can tease each other and have fun with it. Your relationship with Sabo is very relaxed and amusing!

Coby (ISFJ) - Your caring and protective nature over your loved ones really caught his eye in the beginning. He shares the same kinds of passions and values as you, so it was inevitable for him to fall in love with you. Life is pretty stressful for this Marine, so your easy-going nature always helps him to relax. He doesn’t have to try to be anything he’s not around you, you love and protect him with your life and he’s ever thankful and definitely reciprocates!

[bloodylullaby]

85 Questons

I was tagged to do this by a very lovely person. I would tag them, but it’s too late to bother them right now x3

Rules: answer these 85 questions and tag 20 people

— What was your last…

1. Drink: Water. 2. Phone call: My friend Graham, I believe. 3. Text message: Group chat with my insane friends. 4. Song you listened to: If I’m James Dean, Then You’re Audrey Hepburn 5. Time you cried: A day or two ago, I’m running low on tears currently.

— Have you ever…

6. Dated someone twice: Kinda, I was giving them a second chance and we were taking things slow before he decided to leave again. 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Yes. 8. Been cheated on: Twice. 9. Lost someone special: Pets that have passed and a person who i don’t share the same relationship as before. 10. Been depressed: I’m diagnosed with depression. Runs in the family mixed with a lot of shit I have been through. 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Hell yeah, I’m a mess xD

— Fave colors

12. Black 13. Blue 14. Blood red

— In the last year have you…

15. Made new friends: Yes. 16. Fallen out of love: No, if only. 17. Laughed until you cried: Of course, that’s my middle name. 18. Found out someone was talking about you: Yes, and I can’t wait for karma to bite them in the ass. 19. Met someone who changed you: Kinda. 20. Found out who your friends are: Eh. 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook friends list: Yes.

— General

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: Almost all of them.

23. Do you have any pets: Two dogs and a cat.

24. Do you want to change your name: Kinda, but not really. I just really love the name Lucinda.

25. What did you do for your last birthday: Uh, I’m pretty sure I cried a bit because none of my friends wanted to see me and I share my birthday with the love of my life who is an ex.

26. What time did you wake up today: 9 in the morning. I had trouble sleeping all night.

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Playing Skyrim and having an anxiety attack.

28. What is something you can’t wait for: To be able to drive my car.

30. What are you listening to right now: My playlist that I made about someone.

31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: I had a cat name Thomas, does that count?

32. Something that’s getting on your nerves: The person who I call the love of my life has picked an emotional, physical and mental abuser over me. He is avoiding to give me my things back until he can see me in person, but I wish he would still text me. Also I really hate spiders and how people keep showing me pictures of said spiders.

33. Most visited website: Tumblr, Instagram, Netflix, Youtube, Facebook.

34. Hair color: Right now it is dark blue and a light bluish green. My Next plain is to get it dyed Green and purple. You know, Joker colors.

35. Long or short hair: I have long hair. I also LOVE WHEN GUYS HAVE LONG OR SHAGGY HAIR.

36. Do you have a crush on someone: Yeah, it’s fucking me up pretty badly and he knows it is.

37. What do you like about yourself: I’m funny sometimes, I’m empathetic, sympathetic and overly caring of those I love.

38. Want any piercings: Not anymore. I refuse to get a needle going through my body.

39. Blood type: I don’t know.

40. Nicknames: Doom and Gloom, Twilight Zone, and Baby Bat.

41. Relationship status: Single, but my heart and soul is taken.

42. Sign: Virgo.

43. Pronouns: She.

44. Favorite TV show: Bob’s Burgers, A Series Of Unfortunate Events, The Office, Parks and Rec’s, It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, and a few more.

45. Tattoos: None yet, but I am wanting to get one some day.

46. Right or left handed: Right handed. 47: Ever had surgery: Nope 48. Piercings: My ears. 49. Sport: I use to play volleyball and I was in the flag corpse when I was in high school.

50. Vacation: Never been on one.

51. Trainers: Combat boots or heels.

— More general

52. Eating: My favorites are sushi, Chinese and Cheetos.

53. Drinking: Water. Half lemonade half tea, coffee, Monster, soda, or juice.

54. I’m about to watch: Probably about to finish season two of A Series Of Unfortunate Events after this.

55. Waiting for: Him to realize that I’m actually good for him and that he is afraid of actual love.

56. Want: Him.

57. Get married: Hopefully one day.

58. Career: Aiming to be an actor, but currently working at a restaurant that takes advantage of me.

— Which is better

59. Hugs or kisses: Depends on the person.

60. Lips or eyes: Eyes.

61. Shorter or taller: Taller. I am 5′7.5″ to 5′8″, so I like tall people that make me feel small.

62. Older or younger: Older, always has been always will be.

63. Nice arms or stomach: I don’t really care.

64. Hookup or relationships: Relationships, hookups lead to being taken advantage of or hurt feelings.

65. Troublemaker or hesitant: Depends, but I am usually hesitant if people are involved.

— Have you ever

66. Kissed a stranger: Yeah. 67. Drank hard liquor: Yes. 68. Turned someone down: Yes.

69. Sex on first date: Not my style.

70: Broken someone’s heart: I don’t believe so.

71. Had your heart broken: Sadly.

72. Been arrested: No.

73. Cried when someone died: Yes.

74. Fallen for a friend: Nope.

— Do you believe in

75. Yourself: Nope.

76. Miracles: Yes.

77. Love at first sight: Unsure.

78. Santa Claus: He creeps me out.

79. Angels: Yes.

— Misc

80. Eye color: Dark doe brown. 81. Best friend’s name: Andrea, Andrea, Dee, Graham, Sarah, Lizzy, Julia, Parker, and Ivree.

82. Favorite movie: Anastasia, Bartok: The Magnificent, The Crow, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Titanic, and Requiem For A Dream to name a few.

83. Favorite actor: Bill Skarsgaurd and my friend Graham.

84. Favorite cartoon: Bob’s Burgers and BoJack Horseman.

85. Favorite teacher’s name: Dr. Fayhey.

***I don’t really have anyone to tag, so I apologize. I’m also sorry for the sad replies to most of them. I haven’t gone to bed and it is 3:50 in the morning here, plus I’m going through a tough time right now.***