#my brain went nope
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(I’m going to write) Immediately open a new and different tab that’s not for writing.
#i get distracted so easily#i just wanted to write#my brain went nope#and instead i watched youtube#so yay#i did that#and that’s why nothing gets down around here (this blog)
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8, 27, 28, 46 for the song ask❤️
Thank youuuuuuuuu 😊
8. A song you loved when you were a little kid
Oh wow. I'm going to throw it way back and say pretty much anything from Bardot, but I think 'Poison' was probably my favourite song once upon a time. Still such a banger, but given I was listening to this at age 7, like, maybe a bit much 😅
27. A song that best describes your personality
'Heaven' by Fitz and the Tantrums because I've very much a 'go hard or go home' kind of person (which I would not advise because this way pain and suffering lies but I am what I am...)
28. A song that represents “your aesthetic”
Oh yikes. I mean, like me as a human aesthetic? Or my home aesthetic? I think I'm going to go with 'Let the Rain' by Sara Bareilles (though I could go with pretty much any of her songs, to be honest - LOVE her music even if I did total my car to one of her songs that one time). There's something about it that makes my heart feel full whenever I listen to it.
46. A song that you wish more people knew about?
OK, now this one is hard... My music preferences are so Top 40s that I feel like nothing I listen to is particularly unknown in that sense. But 'EP: 4 Important' by Ian McConnell is one of those songs I think everyone should listen to. Whenever I'm getting overwhelmed by life, it reminds me to calm the hell down because I am literally so unimportant and I find that really comforting 😅
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thinking about Eddie & hyacinths again
#as you can surmise im Perfectly Normal about it#this man doesnt make me insane at all. nope.#trying out some new coloring and texture and background things...#on a side note. and i say this so lovingly bc theyre my favorite flowers#FUCK DRAWING HYACINTHS ALL MY HOMIES HATE DRAWING HYACINTHS#that was hell on earth.#ANYWAY THIS DUDE IS NEAT I HOPE HE DIES#nah im jesting im Jesting. am i tho#dead or alive i want him to experience unimaginable horrors and then die ten times and come back Normal#bc eddie strikes me as a 'dying would fix them' character#whether its a real death or a perceived death or Youve Been Dead The Whole Time death dont care dont care#i need him dead on the ground for at leeeaaaast five minutes#id be frothing at the fucking mouth. ragh#scribble garnish#welcome home#welcome home puppet show#eddie dear#originally this was gonna be a Very bloody little piece#but then my brain went 'hey. symbolism. what if the blood was flower petals. from hyacinths'#and ohhhh i couldnt pass that up#i wish i did! i would have had a lot more fun drawing a gruesome injury rather than Those Damn Flowers!#i dont know why ive latched onto the hyacinths outside the post office but my brain wont let go#ITS JUST SO SPECIFIC. why why whyyyyyy put that specific flower by this specific guy#especially flowers with Those Meanings and That Myth#*violently shaking the site* WHAT DO YOU MEANNNNNN#ok im getting myself too worked up i need to touch grass or poke the fire
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pat the familiar looking raccoon ? ▸ yes ▸ no ▸ pick it up ▸ would it bite ?
#.open#.crack#.[ eden | trailblazer ]#[ my brain went NOPE when i tried to write HJKHLKHLK#SO HAVE THIS INSTEAD ]
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Looking cute af in my psychiatrist's office today 💅
#thefatfemme#Didn't intend to be in Maya Kern everything but they're just all my favorites 😂#fatshion#Plus size fashion#Fat fashion#OOTD#Outfit of the day#What's fun is when I went in to do the usual 'the meds still working? ' 'yup still working' 'ok see you in six months' thing#My psych asked if I'd been feeling heightened anxiety or depression#And I went 'yeah but mostly about the US election and Palestine and the general state of things and I don't think that's my brain's fault'#And she goes 'nope that's understandable I'm there too do you need any med adjustments or help processing or are you ok' she's so good
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i still see no proof
anyhow you are going to bed now
Funny thing, I think I fell asleep pretty much at the same time you sent this ask
#you should go to sleep to after you have helped ace#asks#twas annoying‚ bevause i was in the middle of a few conversations#and my brain just went nope
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someone with daddy issues & never stood up to their bully is beginning to ship their comfort character with a bully, i cannot interfere it is a canon event
#good LORD i thought i was immune but i wasn't god why did you do this to me#euphoria#outer banks#lexi x nate#kiara x rafe#gravity falls#mabel x pacifica#mabel x robbie#but like mobbie and mabecifica was a MILD case for me okay for so long they were my token comfort character x bully ships then now BOOM#dramione im immune but for some reason my brain went what about ginny x draco? and im like yeah that makes sense even if i never the books#DON'T GET ME WRONG THO#i am in LOVE with lexi x fez and kiera x jj i am#but my mind went: oop remember you're a multi-shipper babygirl 👀👀👀#i'm at s2 of euphoria and mid s1 of outer banks rn#hoooooo this is gon be a ride#this is technically like...... 4 comfort character x bully ships i probs had enough in my shipping roster this won't happen again#summer.txt#actually wait i THINK it started with jules and eric from star crossed like they were a major case then mabel and ginny were mild cases#then it's OVER with them but nope
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thought i’d play dai a little before going to bed, played for like 5 mins, got to exalted plains’ the dead hand puzzle and decided i’m too sleep deprived for that shit rn and closed the game 🤡
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I need to draw my DRDT Pokémon AU but I have no motivation- again- sighs
#drdt#danganronpa despair time#mage talks#i need to get motivation#does anyone know if amazon sells it#or like- ebay#idk i don���t mind paying someone for some motivation#please help me i want to draw these guys so badly#but my brain went nope#abciaoicosiv whyyy#featuring my shitty MonoTV drawing i made :>
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I would like to share with you a story from my time at Yonsei University in South Korea:
The Americans arrived about 4-5 days early, giving everyone a few schedule-free days to deal with jetlag and get acclimated before our Korean roommates arrived.
First semester, I had issues with my roommates keeping the room insanely hot (like, they kept the room so hot that laptops would overheat), mainly via the floor heater. My roommates had more flaws than good points and were actually banned from the program for academic reasons.
All I was told about second semester was that they actually put special focus on who my roommates would be, as a sort of apology for how bad mine were.
So, second semester, my first roommate arrives, a small and adorably doll-like girl whose English name was Sophia. Sweet, cute, almost cartoonishly high-pitched voice. She comes in and in the most angelic tone goes "Do you like it hot or cold?" I answered cold, and she grinned and said "Me too!" and walked over to the coil where the floor heater connected to power, slammed her designer stiletto heel into it so hard the whole thing dented at a right angle, and destroyed that thing, never to work again.
Then very sweetly and just as cheerfully said "Oops! It was like that when we both arrived :)"
And like, yeah, sure, whatever you say, psychopath who is now sleeping 3 feet from my skull.
Sophia had arrived early, the other 2 roommates were coming the next morning, and so we go to bed about an hour after meeting.
At 2 in the morning, I wake up to feel someone touching me. Sophia was pulling my blankets up to my chin (they'd apparently fallen when I rolled over). In a white nightgown with long black hair obscuring her face, illuminated only by a sliver of light through the curtains like a demon from a horror movie.
And in her sweet, high-pitched Poppy Playtime kind of doll-like voice she sing-songs "Sssh~ Go to sleep~~~"
I have never gone
from 97% asleep
to so very wide awake
so quickly
in my entire life.
#sophia you raging psychopath how i loved you and every single screw loose in your brain#she was an annabelle doll in human form but not trying to murder me so we were besties#she'd sit at her desk beside mine and gently stroke my hair while she studied because she thought white people hair felt nice#i wasn't about to tell her she couldn't my policy with her was 'whatever the psychopath wants the psychopath gets'#truth#i don't even know what to tag this with this has nothing to do with lita beyond that's basically how sophia was hovering over me#once sophia went to the library and brought back 'The Roommate' and was so happy that she found a movie 'about american college life'#and she and haryeong our other roommate watched it on her laptop#i wouldn't; i knew it was a thriller and saw the bit in the trailer where the girl rips out the other one's earring and that's a bit nope#also i had american college comedy movies with me; they never asked#so they watch the whole movie clutching each other for dear life#it ends#and sophia comes to sit on the bed beside me and just holds me and whispers 'thank you for not being crazy'#and i very gently said 'you took all the crazy; there was none left for me'#and she just softly said 'that's right' and kissed my cheek then went back to put the movie away
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if nobody’s got me i know a large vanilla latte got me can i get an amen
#i work a split shift today :)#so like. 11 - close#amazing!#but so i wanted to get a good sleep so i went to sleep at 1#anticipating a good 8-9 hour sleep#especially since it’s saturday like my roommate doesn’t work she sleeps in!#nope! she was up at 5 am :) crashing around :)#and she went out and then came back with a friend??? and i could hear them talking and shit??#by the time they left i knew i couldn’t fall back asleep#and ofc my brain is not kind to me today#loneliness really fucking sucks guys like i don’t recommend it#losing 3 friends in the span of two weeks is a talent#but i only have myself to blame!#i am literally the epitome of pushing through day by day#lindsay.text
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😶
#random personal stuff#my friend stopped by the library and asked if I wanted to go with her to a reception they were having upstairs#and I said yes#but the second I got up there I saw the room full of strange important people and of course I wasn't really invited#and my whole brain went NOPE and I just sort of hid in the stacks outside the door until my friend came back#I haven't had a social anxiety reaction that bad in a while and I'm not sure exactly why it hit that hard this time#every time I think I'm getting better I regress#not competing with my brother anymore! nope the rivalry is retriggered#knowledgeable enough to spot manipulation! nope I get briefly fooled by someone who is reminiscent of That Man#confident enough to socialize with new people! haha that's what you think#and I bail on my friend and make her think I don't want to be around her#it's fine I will be fine but this is ridiculous
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'But I'll keep saying I'm sorry. I'll store every apology until I can give them to you. Every single one. We'll make a trade. I give you every "I'm sorry" and you give that piece of me back. Make me whole again.'
What's this? A secret thing? That wrote in my phone notes about 30 seconds ago? 👀 It's been at least 2 minutes since I posted some angst and that's way too long so I'll leave this here until I actually do something with the rest of it (like check it tomorrow to make sure my sleep deprived brain dump makes any coherent sense)
Have fun! (Tagging @saturn-sends-hugs and @the-bi-space-ace in case y'all wanna see this)
#sleep?#who needs sleep?#me#but my brain just went 'nope angst time!'#so now this is a thing#and i'm going to leave it here#and try and actually go to sleep#because i have to do uni work stuff tomorrow#and having at least half a functioning braincell would help#steph rambles#star wars#the bad batch
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nausicaä neck tattoo letsa gooooooo
#gonna get it coloured in 3 weeks weeee#dis meh#personal#I FUCKING LOVE THIS TATTOO SO MUCH HOLY FUCK AHHHH#cute nb tattoo artist with adhd ahhhh was tismin' out so hard with them#they also offered to do my next tattoo too weee!! im getting a good grade in getting tattoos#but fr fr i love this tattoo so much its so fucking pretty and they did it so well#they also fucking choked me when they went to do my neck haha#them: this might be a little intense okay? it can be alot#me: okay ^-^#them: -puts there whole fucking bodyweight onto the side of my head and my neck-#like okay! thought you meant pain wise but nope!! its cause im gonna die!!#fr fr i was like 'oh shit im feeling light headed maybe this neck tattoo is gonna be too much for me owo'#and then i realised there was no blood reaching my brain haha
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istg fnaf music either makes me super happy or extremely sad
there is 0 in between wtf
#most sister location music makes heart happi but heaven forbid i listen to break the cycle or don't forget (both tryhardninja)without crying#there's a lot more that just brings out a *bad* reaction from me but still wtf I wanna listen to music#even worse when I just hit shuffle on my big ass fnaf music playlist when my irl friend is here (who doesn't know I'm fictionkin)-#like nope can't cry rn even if this is making me remember all the things that went wrong and how I died and all the fucked up things I went#through- nope can't cry just focus on playing mario#like wtf let me listen to music brain :<#heaven doesn't want me and hell fears me
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the good thing about spring break is yay no classes. The bad thing about spring break is that I still have stuff to get done but my motivation to do it has dropped to like 10%.
#personal#grad school#I was Not Productive on Friday or Saturday or Sunday#managed to get some stuff done today but then got home and my brain went 'nope I'm out'#legit have ONE MORE THING on my to-do list for the evening and I've been putting of doing it for an hour#have instead made several dozen paper cherry blossoms#that is absolutely not something that I need to be doing
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