#my brain is too poisoned the chorus of that song reminds me too much of VORE and I get uncomfortable | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tiredassmage · 2 years

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I must know about Tyr’s playlist and what kind of songs are on there 👀

Hehehehehe, to uh what should probably be no one's surprise, unless you're newer around here (then you might not have seen how much this man owns my life), Tyr's is the longest I have of the moment - long enough that I've considered reorganizing it and breaking it down chapter by chapter of the agent story into like 3 or so different playlists. It currently clocks about 44 songs, just shy of 3 hours of nothin' but feels for my bestest boy, lol.

(Okay, I say that, but then I checked and uhhh... For comparison science, Len's is 30 songs, Savosta's is 20, and I've got about 20 on the Tyr x Shara playlist and around 10 on Oli x Cee's sO.)

I say that partially because it had a very good flow that scratched my brain real good in the beginning that sort of mapped the vibes from prologue to chapter 3 really well, but it got a little more chaotic when I allowed Spotify to just throw recommendations at me. I've definitely gotten some good ones out of it, but the flow's a lil messy now.

Organizing requires effort though, so it's ah. still jumbled, lol.

Woe! Agent playlist be upon ye! This is. definitely a Lot though, so I'll pop some of my personal favorite highlights + why they're on here under a cut. If I had to generalize a theme, naturally, it's a lot about Tyr struggling to find his place - who is he in Intelligence? Who is he beyond or beneath Cipher Nine? There's times where he embraces how much he's given over his life to Intelligence and there's times where he's weary of being trapped in the cycle of Sith politics.

The Unforgiven - Metallica

Metallica is in my life through my parents, lol. And this. Just. Says it All. The chorus is great. I'd take a highlighter to almost every part of this song trying to tell you how much it relates to Tyr, so if I have to only pick one verse, hrhhghghg, let's go

They dedicate their lives To running all of his. He tries to please them all This bitter man he is.

Throughout his life the same He's battled constantly. This fight he cannot win A tired man they see no longer cares.

Friends With the Enemy - Poor Man's Poison

Poor Man's Poison, my beloved latest obsession. Double agent my beloved. Pinning this one for how everything ultimately goes down - that adrift feeling in the interlude after chapter 3. More than anywhere else, Tyr struggles to define himself and his loyalties with a foot on both side of the lines.

(Poor Man's Poison is just. Exquisite, actually. This is also, fun bonus fact, probably the kind of music Tyr would listen to. A lot of their music would really speak to him.)

And them hard times keep comin' at the worst times And it's hard enough just to keep my head afloat And I pray to God that I make it through December I'll be on my way now walking this stretch alone Said I'll be on my way, I'm walking this stretch alone

The Kill - 30 Seconds to Mars

If I say chapter 2... I went out of order again, didn't I? Anyway. Chapter 2. I was reminded sharply of Keeper's check in on status while you're still in the thick of the SIS investigation - and, of course... there's no real time for that conversation. So, this one's tinged with Tyr x Shara feelings for that reason, and I think it speaks to how Tyr spends... far too much time talking circles around his issues and sidestepping how he'll run himself ragged for the job. Even if no one explicitly asks - because it's what he's gotten used to given the nature of... the shit he generally finds himself in the middle of. The Eagle's Network building up to Jadus, trying to work with Ardun against the tug of war between Intelligence and the SIS, and eventually the Star Cabal all have just high stakes that quitting isn't an option and it's so much of Tyr's Intelligence career that I think it definitely contributes to how much he refuses to cut himself some room to take a step back, to stand down.

What if I wanted to fight, Beg for the rest of my life, What would you do? You say you wanted more. What are you waiting for?

There's... there's a lot on this playlist that I love - of course, lol. I could go off probably about most of them, but I'd keep us here for a while, so I'll rein myself in here, for now, though of course, I can always elaborate on specific ones if there's curiosity. xD

#ch: tyr #playlist asks #swtor ocs

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ranboo5 · 3 years

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Dropping the Ranboo mixtape

Anyway at time of starting to write this post I had two likes and two affirmative replies, which is Good Enough For Me, so here I am :D I was gonna link the YT but on second thought my YT channel is a mess so this is gonna be one of the annoying ones that doesn’t link to one you can actually listen to but

This is also a running list and currently organized roughly by increasingly hotter takes and it’s under a cut bc it’s 13 songs and I justified all of them

Everybody Likes You (Lemon Demon) - LISTEN THE ANIMATION MEMES WEREN’T LYING THAT EVERYBODY LIKES YOU CAN RANBOOCORE. The increasingly distorted, incredibly bright repetition of EVERYBODY LIKES YOU EVERYBODY LIKES YOU EVERYBODY LIKES YOU until you can hear it morphing in and out of EVERYBODY LIED TO YOU? Tell Me That’s Not Him In The Spiral Depths

Tall (Naps the Block on YT) - This is a) literally a theme for the End, b) sounds stumbling and anxious/high-strung, and c) echoes the Pigstep melody in the middle while still very much doing its own thing this is self explanatory

Dance of Thorns/Old Secret mashup (Tensei and James Roach respectively, feat. woodfur00 on YT) (yes this is Homestuck music) - It’s just the vibes. The energy. The way the elegance of the violin lines of Dance of Thorns sounds almost nervous especially against the almost noir mystery vibes of Old Secret, and the guitar lines of Dance of Thorns add like. Initiative/urgency especially when they underlay the other music it’s so good I don’t think either song alone is Ranboo vibes but this remix definitely is. Just the mix of perseverance and desperation and melancholy and mystery and Class

Touch-Tone Telephone (Lemon Demon) - This one is old news but tbh it just works. Man decides he’s the correct one in this situation and he’s losing his entire mind that no one is listening to him because he just is not

2012 (Will Wood) - This one isn’t really clever it’s just about memory loss, derealization, identity, and often self-hatred (“A miserable fuck, but a loud Tao mystical” is a lot). “Did you lose yourself?/It’s always in the last place that you check” sounds so mocking in ways internal monologues like Droice have been and “I might find myself/By retracing my steps” is literally just Ranboo dealing with the Enderwalk; “And not until lobotomy abolished my monotony/Did I applaud autonomy, and modify a lot of me!” works so much for him Dealing With Himself generally, and also “I heard the world would turn to hell/Compared to that, I’m doing well!” is a Him sentiment

Hand Me My Shovel, I’m Going In! (Will Wood) - Jokes about the three hour mining/grinding streams aside. Not only is the chorus so heavily a spiral/self-evaluation mood, but literally consider his thought processes abt the things he’s done/allegedly done and then consider “My dreams were shattered like a stained-glass window/Jesus in pieces! I believe I through a brick right through Him/But my memory could not be saved!/It just seems unlikely that it’s me who was to blame/So I bookmark my DSM, ‘cause I need to remember my place.” And now with the advent of the “experiments” the second verse’s “Take the road on higher ground, and tell me ‘don’t look down! You’ll fall and break your back’/But that just reminds me how there’s more to be found beneath the black!” is more relevant than ever

Friends With You (The Scary Jokes) - Oh my god. Oh my fucking god man. This could be on here for “I put myself to bed just halfway through the party/I love all my friends, but I hate when their eyes are on me” alone but the general almost empty saccharine vibe of the song is immensely his vibe; the humorlessly-smiling vocal fry on “don’t know” in “Why do you pretend/You don’t know who’s to blame?” is probably responsible for 80% of this read. Not to mention the first lyrics are literally “How long do I have to wait/’Til my lonely days are over?” which is really the. The waiting it out man the So When Do I Get To Be Okay of it all. Shoutouts also to “And the crumbling infrastructure no one else can see,” the self hatred of “I miss being friends with you/But what can I do/What can I do/But leave you alone?” and to “And I can tell you really love me/Can you tell I’m really sorry?” Just. The mix of hope+affection and dejected cynicism and self-hatred in the lyrics

Saline Solution (none other than Mr Wilbur Soot) - Remember what I said about waiting it out until you get to be okay? Anyway that’s crystallized in “If I could just break one more night/Maybe I could wake up and feel alright” and also this is literally a song about catastrophizing and self-evaluation just,, in general and I will not be highlighting all the lyrics about this but I will highlight the fact that he literally calls himself pragmatic and also the lyric “blurring the facts and the fiction.” Also, the sheer desperate anger-concealing-breakdown vibes of “I think I’ve made my choice” to “I think I’ve found my voice” deserves a mention, as does the culminating end of “saline solution to all your problems” with the tears+now splash water motifs of it all with Ranboo I am going to die

Funny (The Scary Jokes) - This is actually a softer take but not only does it literally start with the singer pleading with the addressee to look away, it continues with “I went up in the middle of the night and I climbed right onto the stage/And I raged/And I cried/Oh, what a funny joke am I” disregarding everything as performance, reemphasizes the opening demand with the qualifier “it’s not that I hate you, it’s just that I’m funny these days,” and then kills you with the last couple lines which. Yeah he does care and it does,,, just,,,,, a

Chemical Overreaction (Will Wood) - This is where the mood VIOLENTLY whiplashes because this is where we get unhinged. Anyway “I won’t stop to drop to draw a line in the sand/’Cause I’ll be picked apart to pieces by coyotes!” is LITERALLY the whole “I don’t do well with ‘peer pressure’” thing. “Where the sentimental value of the city around ya/Is deleted obsolete, but still completely will stun ya” is the single most L’Manberg lyric I’ve ever heard, especially from the perspective of a character whom I will repeatedly insist is narratively in the role of someone who’s shown up and seen the status quo as an outsider after it’s been established (hence the eternal New Kid vibes). Chorus very much has vibes of Ranboo Is Seized By The Urge To Do Something, and like. The entire dramatic end part. The last two lines especially (be very careful if you look up the vieo for this by the way it is NOT pretty; cws in the video for flashing, blood, suicide imagery)

A Mannequin Adrift (The Scary Jokes) - The Bitterness. This song is just fully The Bitterness at the environment he’s stuck in; the saccharine comes back as does the “peer pressure” thematic and just the Having An Awful Time; the sarcastic saccharine comes back too, which is always good I love passive aggression. Honestly the first verse is just everything like just listen to it it immediately makes sense

Poison Ivy Grows (The Scary Jokes) - This is overall a song about having bad brain and not knowing what the hell to do about it; it’s so faintly bitter and distant and melancholy and also so zoned out. Also, it’s not the only lyric that matters here but it is enough to be a full argument on its own: “I used to spend so much time/Wandering around outside/Now I’ve got too much on my mind/Now I’ve got too much on my mind”

Spring Haze (Tori Amos) - Listen. Do I know what Spring Haze is about? No. Is that gonna stop me from saying it’s about Ranboo? Also no. I just think “You say we’ll never make it there/So all we do is circle it” is so much, the fact that the bridge at the end is just “Why does it always end up like this?” repeated, and that it just feels so much like overall the song feels like a desperate attempt to figure Something out, and the chorus is just inexplicably him? It might be partially influenced by the fact that “Uh-oh, let go, off on my way” and, to a lesser extent, “Uh-oh, way to go” is not only in accordance with character vibes but also vaguely evocative of Ranboo’s speech pattern

#this also has a couple songs pending addition #this post is just That Enderman Is Deeply Troubled. Listen To Scary Jokes

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sunshinereversed · 4 years

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𝙙𝙮𝙡𝙖𝙣’𝙨 “𝙛𝙡𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙨 𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙖𝙡𝙡”: 𝙖𝙣 𝙖𝙣𝙖𝙡𝙮𝙨𝙞𝙨

I think it’s eerily prophetic how the song “Flowers on the Wall” (performed by the Statler Brothers) radiates so strongly with Dylan Klebold. The country tune has already been associated with Dylan because it appears in the background of the video where he and Nate are driving to school. But if you really listen to the lyrics and reflect on Dylan’s inner struggles, they coincide strangely well.

Let’s take the very first line of the song.

I keep hearin' you're concerned about my happiness.

The constant ‘Are you okay? Are you sure you’re okay? You seem so down lately’ from his parents, especially Sue, is reflected here. His mother sees that Dylan is ‘moody and irritable,’ often withdrawn, spending time hauled up in his room. She notices the tightness of his voice, which is unlike him, and she offers to make him French toast or an omelet. This must be about something small, she thinks. Yet his sullen demeanor stays as days turn to weeks, and she must ask again in vain, ‘Are you okay?’

But all that thought you're givin' me is conscience, I guess.

It doesn’t even cross Sue’s mind that her son may be unwell. She is simply asking out of concern for him looking unhappy, believing whatever it is will solve itself out. His mother wears her heart on her sleeve, and it pains her to see him so sad. But what can she do if he refuses to talk about it? All she can do is ask and wait for it to pass. He’s a good kid, after all. He’ll do the right thing because she’s worked hard to instill her morals into what he does.

If I were walkin' in your shoes, I wouldn't worry none.

Dylan reassures her repeatedly. ‘I’m only tired. I have a lot of homework. Nothing’s wrong. No one gives me a tough time, I’m 6’4”.’ He wishes she would leave him alone. He thinks she wouldn’t understand; she wouldn’t listen. He tells his parents not to worry. ‘You can trust me,’ he tells his mother one evening after the prom. Dylan goes out of his way to prove that he is the golden child. It works, and they worry none.

While you 'n' your friends are worried about me I'm havin' lots of fun.

Dylan’s social life serves as a mask for what is going on in his mind. He goes over to his friends’ houses, bowls on Friday nights, makes videos after school, plays catch with his dad, and even watches old movies with his mother. He has pictures of good times with friends. Outwardly, he is smiling; life is a dream. This makes his parents rethink their concerns. He’s a happy kid who does normal teenage things. What is there to worry about? He’s assuring those around him that he’s fine.

Now here comes the chorus, which is a bit tricky but makes sense when you consider these things:

Countin' flowers on the wall.

If anyone is familiar with the book The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman, this might be a clue. Like the protagonist in the book, Dylan is trapped in his four-walled cell (his bedroom) which is where he does most of his thinking and spiraling downwards. This is where he writes in his journal and vents his frustrations. It’s a toxic environment for his brain. His room is where he cries himself to sleep; hugs his pillow in loneliness; gets drunk by himself. Most importantly, it’s where he blurs fantasy and reality. While not as plainly mad as the poor woman from Gilman’s novel, Dylan is mentally tortured by what he perceives to be ‘an unfair/miserable existence’ and being ‘stuck in humanity.’ He rejects both, and often retreats into his fantasy where he is with his love and away from the world. The ‘flowers on the wall’ symbolizes his own deception of life when he is alone, and might not only symbolize his bedroom, but also his brain.

That don't bother me at all.

Unlike the real world, Dylan very much prefers to live in the fictional one he’s conjured within his mind. It’s his safe place. Paradoxically, his mind is also where he tears himself down and others around him. It’s a poisonous escape. Yet he is already so far gone in that escape, he can’t see the damage he is doing to himself. And he continues to do so, unbothered, and unaware.

Playin' solitaire till dawn with a deck of fifty-one.

‘Playing solitaire’ could be a metaphor symbolizing his isolation and loneliness, his solitude. Solitaire is a single-player game, and Dylan feels alienated most of the time, especially when he is sulking in his room. Thinking, always thinking. Sometimes, as the line implies, until dawn. He is a night owl who cannot sleep because his mind is constantly awake. Playing music, conversing in chats on the computer, formulating poems in his notebooks, doodling, or just thinking (negatively). He oversleeps often because he is up late doing these things. He is alone, in the middle of the night, consumed by his own sadness. Something is missing inside him, and that is why he plays with ‘a deck of fifty-one.’ He thinks a significant other is the thing that is missing, and if he finds her, he will finally be playing with fifty-two cards, figuratively.

Smokin' cigarettes and watchin' Captain Kangaroo.

For Dylan, this is a dichotomy. An everlasting contrast. The balance between two things, lightness, and darkness, good and evil, etc. He’s doing grown-up things like holding a job, applying to colleges, driving a car, and as the lyrics say, smoking cigarettes. Marlboro, preferably. At the same time, Dylan is caught between acting his age and longing for simpler days. This is where ‘watching Captain Kangaroo’ comes in. It’s a kid’s show and is intended for such an audience. Dylan thinks back with nostalgia for his childhood, when life wasn’t full of disappointments, stress, high school bullies, responsibility. He hangs onto items that remind him of his youth: his stuffed koala, origami, classic movies, his trademark baseball cap, his love for fixing old cars with his dad. Dylan is stuck somewhere in the middle of the two, never truly satisfied with one over the other.

Now don't tell me I've nothin' to do.

Again, Dylan tells those around him that he is perfectly fine by engaging in normal teenage things. He hides how depressed he feels. Dylan becomes increasingly irritated the more people ask if he’s okay. The repetition of this line throughout the song is more like a cry for help than a reassurance.

Last night I dressed in tails, pretended I was on the town.

This could symbolize several things, but what comes to my mind is Dylan’s prom night. The fact that he even goes to prom is a pleasant surprise to his parents, confirming that there’s nothing abnormal lurking on the horizon. His father helps him get dressed in his tuxedo, struggles to figure out how the bow tie works, and he pulls his newly washed hair back into a neat ponytail. His mother thinks he looks quite handsome, comparing him to a character in a movie they are both fond of. For a moment, he is just a normal high school kid going to a dance. Nothing out of the boring ordinary.

As long as I can dream it's hard to slow this swinger down.

For one night, at the prom, Dylan pretends this is his life. He is good at blocking out what he considers evil, and Dylan allows himself to enjoy the moment. He’s had a lot of practice at ignoring his pain. If he can retreat into the fantasy he’s created in his mind, he is capable of anything, good or bad. It’s like an out-of-body experience. He’s not there when he’s there. Nothing can stop him. He has two settings at this point, 0 and 100. An unhealthy dreamer can be deadly not only to others, but to the dreamer himself.

So please don't give a thought to me, I'm really doin' fine.

As mentioned previously, Dylan flies under the radar to not be asked about his well-being. He holds out his arms to point to all these social activities he’s engaging in with his friends as if to say ‘Look what I’m doing. I’m fine. Do not worry.’ It’s a cruel deception, and he doesn’t even realize he is being deceived as much as those around him are. Dylan starts to believe what he’s telling others. He doesn’t think he is worth the worry.

You can always find me here; I'm havin' quite a time.

‘Here’ can mean one of several places: his bedroom, his mind, or perhaps his existence. Either way, ‘I’m having quite a time’ is a sarcastic remark. He’s drowning in his harmful thoughts, yet that’s where he feels the safest. It’s his protective shell that he puts up against the world. Dylan entertains the idea over and over in his mind that his love is waiting for him in another existence. No matter where he physically is, he’s ‘always there’, lost in his thoughts.

The chorus repeats. Dylan outwardly seems okay. Left to his own devices, he is not.

It's good to see you, I must go, I know I look a fright.

This is a goodbye. Even though it is a casual farewell, it has deeply painful undertones. He says he didn’t like life too much but hopes he will find peace in the next one. He offers a final goodbye to those he loved, family and friends. ‘It’s good to see you’ displays how detached he feels toward the end. These are no longer people he knows fondly; it was simply good to see them. The thoughts must end, and he must leave before they worsen. Like the lyrics suggest, he doesn’t want to stick around and knows he must go. A big part of his self-esteem had to do with his self-image. The line ‘I know I look a fright’ symbolizes how negatively he thought of his own appearance. Dylan couldn’t see his own attractiveness. He felt awkward due to his height, long facial features, shaggy hair, and the way he dressed.

Anyway, my eyes are not accustomed to this light.

This is the trademark dark sunglasses that Dylan wears almost everywhere. He hides behind them, shielding his tears from the world. The light comes from the sun, and he cannot withstand the same light that others can, a nod to him feeling isolated from humanity. Though he is called the ‘sunshine boy,’ his eyes are not meant for its light. So, he dawns the shades to (metaphorically) keep it out.

And my shoes are not accustomed to this hard concrete.

Unlike the sneakers worn by the jocks at his high school, Dylan sports black combat boots. They are unusual among the other students, but Dylan feels comfortable in them. Again, he separates himself from the rest of humanity. He is not meant for it. He knows he must go somewhere he feels free.

So I must go back to my room and make my day complete.

By the end of the song, it becomes clear that Dylan now lives inside the world he’s created in his mind. It almost becomes odd for him not to retreat there at least once a day if not all the time. But like the final lyrics, he goes to stay there forever and never to return.

The final repetition of the chorus only emphasizes the truth. He was not ‘doing fine’, despite all the work of convincing others the opposite.

The last line loops again before the song ends. The upbeat and happy tune only makes the message more haunting.

Don't tell me I've nothin' to do.

And no one did.

#analysis #flowers on the wall #dylan klebold #american tragedy

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abcdosaka · 3 years

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listened to adiaml. i honestly think this is one of her best albums. didn’t really listen to l+f so i won’t talk about it, but its definitely better than electra heart, maybe same level as froot tbh. tfj is #1 for me i think (idk i go between tfj and froot as my top fav).

for me personally her greatest songs are her ballads/dreamy sounding/piano based songs (and i’m really not a ballad person) so highly emotional people, flowers and goodbye are really standing out to me. i think flowers samples happy which is honestly one of the best songs on froot. goodbye honestly sounds like a song off tfj but like, with a way more mature pov so at the same time it wouldn’t fit on that album at all.

but venus fly trap and purge the poison are also bangers, like damn she’s actually amazing at writing catchy hooks. the vft music video is one of her best mvs too, and the bass guitar on the track is SOOO GOOD it reminds me of froot. man’s world took a little while to grow on me but since it came out in like november i actually ended up liking it a lot, but now i’ve listened to it so much i’m not as into it anymore lol. new america i could take or leave. adiaml (the song) is honestly really good but i don’t think its a song i could listen to on repeat bc the production is too 80s for me, but i LOVEE the prechorus and chorus -- the part where she goes ha! is sooo catchy i love it. i love you but i love me more is a bop too. my absolutely fav is probably pandora’s box though, like the chorus gives me chillsss (flowers is a close second i think).

my current rank (but idk positions 4, 5 and 6 are all kinda equal to me):

pandora’s box

flowers

venus fly trap

purge the poison

goodbye

highly emotional people

man’s world

i love you but i love me more

ancient dreams in a modern land

new america (the only skip and tbh its not unlistenable)

tbh the 1 criticism i have: too short!!! i listened to this way too fast. i do like the themes of this album as well. i do see ppl saying its too on the nose but i really think they’re being overly critical bc like, they’re acting like the lyrics of ptp and man’s world are the worst thing to happen to feminism and its like.....hey.

my thoughts on some lyrics: adiaml lyrics are literal poetry, i love it, the metaphors, phrasing, rhyming etc all sound so good. the first verse of man’s world is soooo good. like i can’t believe people hear this and think it’s not the most big brain shit they’ve ever heard:

i honestly don��t think man’s world lyrics are cringe at all at any point, like she’s being straightforward and there’s nothing wrong with that. maybe the part where its like “if you have a mother, daughter or a friend” bc i can see how some ppl could have an issue but its not that bad to me.

i can see how ptp lyrics are a bit too girlboss but if you actually think about it, venus fly trap is the girlboss anthem, ptp is more like girl power sisterhood stuff. i like vft lyrics better bc honestly who doesn’t love a flex/self confidence anthem like that?? ptp lyrics are delivered soooo excellently tho, singing staccato is one thing marina knows how to do well. i like the lyric about britney though, she was really timely dropping that song when she did.

also this part hits. like damn how does she come up with this shit??????????????? its amazing. i wanna be this poetic.

pandora’s box chorus is my fav tho. like i said it 49203 times but she is a genius. i just like when artists reference greek myths tbh. the humming is really reminding of another song of hers but i can’t remember which one is it rn. maybe hermit the frog? but not really? anyway its just so good.

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diamondcamefromhell · 5 years

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Timeless love

Jaskier x Reader part 5

[PART 1] [PART 2] [PART 3] [PART 4]

Summary: This is an AU, where Y/N is a young woman, trying to make ends meet with her freelancing writing job. She lives in her small Nottingham studio apartment along with her cat Apollo. Things change when one evening as she is waiting for her taxi, she meets what she thinks is Joey Batey, but the man in front of her is convinced he’s Jaskier, a character from her current favorite show. Y/N now has to figure out what to do.

Warnings: drinking and just some cheesy cheese

Word count: 2,637

A/N: Ahhh you guys, thank you for liking this story and encouraging me to write it, i sooo expected this to be a flop, and i really appreciate the [so far] positive feedback ahhh! we writers do fuel on comments sometimes, lol, so whenever you lot say you like it i go so soft and THANK YOU hope you like this part <333

Jaskier doesn’t look at me, keeping his gaze at his arms. I see him try to blink the tears away, but he fails, as some escape, washing down his face. I reach out, putting my hand on his.

“I’m sorry.” I whisper, not wanting to disturb him. He wipes his face with his free hand, looking at me.

“It’s accurate.” His voice sounds rough and deep. I squeeze his hand. “Like, really accurate.”

“It must be scary.” He hangs his head low.

“It is, Y/N. But at the same time…” Jaskier now leans back on the coach, closing his eyes. His lashes now cast shadows down his face, making him appear so much older. “I am glad that it is, at the very least, correct. Not some fake story, just using our names and faces. It’s real.”

“I cant even imagine what you’re feeling. What must be going through your head.” I whisper as he opens his eyes, gazing at me. “But I want you to know I am here to help you, in any way I possibly can.”

“I have no doubts about that.” He reassures me, brushing hair out of his face, taking a deep breath in. “It’s scary, but it made me upset because… I miss it. I miss Geralt and Roach and I miss Velen and Novigrad.”

“You’re homesick.” He nods. “I promise we will get you home, we will figure it out. Something, somehow.”

“Thank you.” He offers me a smile, and I stare into his eyes, wondering just how much they have seen. How much of a different world, so far away? I wish I could experience that. With him. But then I also know, I belong here and he truly belongs there.

“Until then, Jaskier, maybe I should allow you to experience more of my world.” I say, taking laptop on my knees, exiting Netflix.

“I would be recognized as the guy who plays me, unless I can experience it from your home.” I shake my head.

“I should have thought of it sooner, if I am honest.” I sigh, turning laptop to him. “We have wigs. And some people wear cute little masks as fashion. We could pretend you are one of them, get a wig, and boom. You’re a different person, free to roam the world. We could go to eat out or an amusement park or clubbing or…-“

“Is it a date?” He cuts me off, immediately sending a blush to my face.

“Sure.” I stutter as he giggles, and my heart eases up a little.

So I order a wig. A blond one, spend good pounds on it. And a mask. And just more outfits. They should arrive here by tomorrow. I leave the shop, not wanting to know what my bank balance is looking like.

Then I open some more tabs. I begin grilling Jaskier, trying to distract him. I ask where he would want to go eat, if he even wants to go ride some rollercoasters. He agrees to it all, as his eyes lighten up and his shoulders relax. My hear beats faster.

The next day when items arrive, he tries them on, and while the wig is not the best, you cant really recognize him. So that same evening, I decide it’s time we go to a pub, something he is almost familiar with. We’re walking from the taxi, towards the pub just out of town, as I begin explaining it to him.

“It is similar to a tavern, in my opinion at least.” I say, as he nods. “You can go there, order some food, drinks, whatever really, just a place to hang out.”

“Sounds cool.” He says, not sounding impressed and I grin at him.

We make it inside, as the warmth surrounds us. I hear some pop music play, wondering what Jask will think about that. I guide us to a further corner, a table behind a pillar. I know some waitresses call it a “lovers nest” and that sheer name makes my heart skip a beat. Sadly, we are using it for coverage mostly.

We sit down, Jaskier’s back facing the pub, as a waitress gives us our menus, giving a weird glance to the bard, but not commenting on his outfit.

I forced him to wear a simple white shirt with a oversized colourful jacket. It had patterns of marvel superheroes, which I thought was cool, but he said wearing “green goblin” on his ass wasn’t his cup of tea.

“You can take your mask off.” I encourage Jaskier now, as he practically rips it off. Underneath, I see a smile.

“This is nice.” I hm in agreement, looking at the menu.

“We can start with drinks.” I say, turning it around to the drinks side. “Unless you’re hungry.”

“No, I’m okay on food.” I smirk, twisting his menu too.

“Then let’s drink.” He seems to like that.

We order some cocktails, although Jaskier insisted of good old ale. And some shots of different spirits. The waitress brings it, wishing us a good night, and I know she probably wont bother us much. Unwritten rule for lovers nest.

So we drink up, talking about everything and nothing. I tell him about how I find Apollo on the streets, poor boy was bones and skin, full of lice and worms in his belly. Costed me a lot, but I was determined to take care of him. He tells me about the time before he met Geralt, how he learnt to play the lute by himself.

“I would wonder the fields, singing my heart out. I wasn’t very good then.” He laughs, looking into the distance with a nostalgic look growing on his face.

“How come?” I ask, sipping my Mojito, which Jaskier didn’t like.

“The wolves would run away, whenever they would hear me.” I chuckle, and his gaze comes back, landing on me, as his lips curl into a smile. “But I learnt.”

“I know.” I say, as he grows silent. He hasn’t sung since we met. “You should, however, prove it some time.”

“Hm.” He smirks.

I almost don’t hear it, in a faintest voice, Jaskier begins to sing. In a language I don’t understand. I don’t know if he spoke one of the elder languages, if it was elven or something, but it sounded beautiful. So sad, however.

My gaze seemed to encourage him, as his voice grew ever so braver. He didn’t take his eyes off me, as if to make sure I was listening. I wouldn’t dare to do anything else. Then, as sudden as it began, it stopped.

“That was beautiful.” I say as the light above our table flickers. “Even if I understood nothing.”

“Not mine song. One of the elves I’ve met on a road taught me.” My curiosity grows as I lean in.

“What is it about?” That makes Jaskier blush, as he winks at me.

“I’ll tell you another time.” I lean back now, crossing my arms.

“Not fair.” I argue, but he doesn’t budge.

“I promise, you will learn someday. Just, not today.” I roll my eyes, easing up however, as I reach back for my mojito.

“Oh! I love this song!” I say as a slightly louder one comes on. It’s Ed Sheeran’s ‘Thinking Out Loud’

I spring to my feet, drink still at hand, as I dance to the rhythm, twirling and twisting around, not caring if I look graceful or anything. I was feeling the moment. I sing along to it, not being anxious if I sound bad. The wonders of alcohol.

I finally make eye contact with Jaskier, who seems to be mesmerized. I reach out to him, pulling him up just as the lyrics hit ‘Maybe just a touch of a hand’. I keep singing, making him dance with me. He kind of doesn’t move, his lips slightly apart, eyes wide open.

I take step back, to sing the chorus and I twirl around him, smiling. I keep singing, now mostly just waving my body side to side, looking at the bard in front of me. The whole pub seems to disappear, nothing else matters. Just me and him, in his stupid wig.

Just us, in this world. Scared and confused. Lost. Not sure of what tomorrow may bring. But for now, we were in this together, and in this very moment, I counted all of my blessings. The biggest one stood before my very own eyes. His lips still parted, his gaze still on me.

My chest tightened as the song was nearing the end and I walked towards him. Just to make sure he is real, truly here. And he was, as his hands land on my waist and he finally swings with me, as I silence my signing to a mere whisper, placing my forehead on his shoulder. Breathing him in, storing the scent in my brain. I memorize the way his hands lay, engraving it in my body, so I could remember it when he is not there to remind me.

I touched him. I smelled him. And now.

I pull away, and before I can change my mind, before worry and anxiety come over me, I place my lips on his. My eyes are shut, as I am scared to open them, even when we pull apart.

Now I tasted him too. The pina colada he just drank was still on his lips. Coconut and a mix of alcohol. But there was something else, something I couldn’t point out. I guess it was just the way his kiss tastes.

“You can open your eyes.” I hear hip whisper, as the song ends. I jump a little, opening my eyes. He gazes into me.

“Sorry.” I stutter, stepping back, as his grip loosens and I slide out of his arms.

“For what?” He furrows his brows, and I feel heat rush to my face.

“I crossed the line?” I say, and it sounds more like a question than a statement.

“Oh, Y/N.” He lets out a laugh, as it eases me up immediately. “You really didn’t. I like you.”

I stare at him, as he says it so casually. It slid off his tongue, like poison, going right in my bloodstream, straight to my heart. I go back to my seat, downing the rest of mojito. Jaskier follows suit, sitting in front of me, grinning.

“Stop being so afraid.” He grabs my hand, which I didn’t even notice was shaking.

“I like you.” I admit, not looking at him, as I blush even more. “And it’s scary to like someone, Jaskier.”

“It’s not like you like a monster.” He teases as I fix my gaze on his empty glass.

“No, of course not, but…” I stop there. No need to remind him we are from different worlds. Right now we were both here. Together. Nothing was stopping us from falling. “I don’t know.”

“There are a lot of things people may never know.” I look at him now, as he gives me a soft, encouraging smile. “Love might just manage to be one of them.”

“It really is.” I agree, leaning back. I feel my heart calm down a little.

“By the way, you sound incredible.” I open my mouth in shock as Jaskier doesn’t seem to be able to hold in a laugh, as it rings the entire pub. “You look so much more surprised by that, than me liking you.”

“Because you just said I sound incredible!” I pull my hand from his grip, brushing my hair out of my face, squinting at him. “Do you like the sound of dying cats too?”

“If they sounded like you, I might kill cats for fun.” I flush red.

“Stop.” I stutter as he giggles, clearly entertained. “I need to use the restroom.”

I spring to my feet, fanning my face as I rush past him. I find the bathroom in a basement. I go, splash some water on my face. It doesn’t really help, but it gives me a moment to calm down. I take deep breaths, bravely walking out.

I bump into someone.

“Sorry.” I say, lifting my head. My heart sinks.

“It’s okay.” Our eyes meet, as the man face grows full of concern. “Are you okay?”

“I think I might be sick.” I scramble the words, turning on my feet rushing back in the bathroom. I let out the alcohol into the toilet, flushing it, as my head aches. This can’t be happening.

“Hey, are you okay?” The familiar voice creeps in as I grunt. I know he cant hear me. I quickly wash my mouth with some water, coming out again.

“Yeah, sorry.” I cant stop my voice from shaking, as he crosses his arms, his blue eyes piercing at me.

“You looked like you saw a ghost or something.” He giggles and I manage to give a weak smile in response.

“I recognized you, is all.” I decide to say the truth, or at least some of it. “Didn’t expect to see someone like you in this pub.”

“One of my friends is from around here, we’re catching up.” I stare at him, not believing my luck. One of his, one of Joey Bateys friends lives nearby. Are you kidding me.

“Then I wont hold you back any longer.” I say, moving out of the way so he could go to the stairs, but he doesn’t move.

“You’re not holding anyone back, I am glad to meet a fan.” I grin, turning around and initiating us walking out of this basement.

“Maybe not by the bathrooms.” I point out as he snickers and now not seeing him I can pretend it’s Jask.

“Can I buy you a drink?” I shake my head.

“I’m on a date.” I say, gritting my teeth. “Thank you, though.”

“Yes, of course.” I stop in the pub now, as I see that nobody is batting an eye. Nobody else seemed to recognize the actor.

“Well, I better not keep my man waiting.” I look at Joey one more time, praying to god I don’t vomit on him now.

“Enjoy your date.” Joey says as I nod as a thanks. “Maybe I’ll see you around?”

“I truly hope so.” I say in a friendly voice, as he waves at me, going to a different end of a pub.

I rush to our table, practically attacking Jaskier. I grip his shoulder tightly.

“We need to go.” I hiss startling him. “Now.”

“What happened?” I don’t feel like I have time to talk, as I take my purse, pulling out the card.

“Mask on. Head down.” I order, as I speed walk to the bar, paying for the drinks.

I hear Jask behind me, so I rush to the door, glad Joey seems to be seated in the other corner, where he can’t see us flee. Once outside, I keep power walking, until out of breath Jaskier catches on and grabs my hand.

“What happened?” I look at him.

“I met Joey Batey. Inside.” I grunt, as I shake. Jaskier pulls me into a hug, patting my back.

“Hey, he’s just a guy, nothing to be scared off.” I know he’s right. I know it, but yet…

“I am not scared off him, just. If people were to see you two, next to each other…” I jumble the words, not sure if he can understand what I’m trying to say.

“So you were worried for me.” I hear a smile in his voice, so I gently punch his hand, as I pull away. “That’s why I like you.”

“Because you need someone who will look after you like you’re a baby?” I tease as he laughs.

But my beating heart doesn’t slow, so I quickly get us a taxi home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TAG LIST [if you wish to be added or removed from this, let me know <3 ]

@ultracolorfulnerdcollection ; @viyamystic ; @sleepyblossom ; @killjoy-acid-crash ; @halszka-potter ; @apersondealwitlt <3

#tags pls #jaskier x reader #jaskier au #witcher au #joey batey #timeless love #fluff #angst #idk this part is all over #hope yall like it #xoxo #gossip diamond

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sinsiriuslyemo · 4 years

Text

Dearest Readers,

I know I’ve been absent during this quarantine and for that I’m sorry. It’s been pretty crazy to have to do distance learning with my six-year-old, but we’re getting by. I’ll be honest, I almost messaged the amazing @thefanficfaerie to tell her that I wouldn’t be able to do this, but the more I realized that I hadn’t created in what seemed like forever and thought about how much I missed interacting with you guys on here, the more I wanted to complete this challenge.

So I did what I always do, I sat down with three loose-leaf sheets and played “Penny and Me” by Hanson on a loop until this came out. I didn’t intend to be so on the nose with this one nor did I intend to use our current situation with covid19 in the fic, but here we are. Thank you so so much to @thefanficfaerie for creating this challenge! Also, thank you so much to @italiandoll1129 for betaing this little diddy. I hope you guys enjoy this little imagine and I hope you’re all doing well and staying safe <3

Sinceriously,

Amanda

Your life up to the point when the world stopped had largely been made up of acoustics and half note runs. Countless moments captured in a simple bar, a single verse, a reprised chorus. Music was your lifeblood, the ticking of the muscle that resided deep in your chest and then--just a few short weeks ago--silence. The world stopped turning, life as you knew it upended, and the music in your soul faded without refrain. It seemed survival had been triggered when the governor implemented a stay-at-home order and music became little more than a distant memory of better days.

Rafael had been more than annoyed at the disruption of his carefully crafted schedule, but had it not been for his steadfast reasoning and patience you surely would have sunk deep into the dark, bottomless pit of despair and hopelessness. Your loving, quick-witted ADA was the brain that steadied the storm in your heart. Had it not been for him you surely would have crumbled into a useless mess by day two of quarantine. Not that you weren’t on the edge every second of the day, but at least you were sure that if you did fall apart, Rafael would be there to put you back together again.

You sat on the bumped out window seat in the corner of the living room, pillow in your lap, sipping your mug of home-brewed coffee, staring at the lifeless street below. New York City had never been so quiet, but now all of its residents waited with bated breath for the virus that had halted all to pass. Even the criminal world seemed to be practicing social distancing, though an uptick in domestic violence was certainly keeping Rafael busy. For the creatives of the world, however, the coronavirus seemed to slowly poison the well of inspiration, leaving little else aside from disconnection and isolation despite the countless public figures proclaiming “alone, together.” Or whatever they were saying.

“Mi amor?” You heard Rafael’s voice from down the hall and let your forehead gently touch the cold, glass surface of the window as your eyes closed. “Y/N, we should go to the store today and pick up a few things, what do you think?”

You inhaled through your nose and turned your head to look back at him, offering a weak smile. “Yeah, maybe they’ll have toilet paper this time.” How had toilet paper become more valuable than the dollar bill seemingly overnight?

Closing the distance between the two of you, your boyfriend brought the back of his fingers to your cheek, corner of his lips quirking upward. His touch had always been enough to calm the emotional tornado that stress brewed inside you. Especially lately, you had become acutely aware of his ability to make you believe that everything would be alright.

“This is all temporary,” he would say. It never took very much convincing on his part as long as his skin was making contact with yours.

“We still have plenty for at least a week or two,” he said as he moved to sit on the other side of the window seat, facing you.

Pursing your lips, you nodded. “Still, it wouldn’t hurt to have some extra on hand, just in case.” You tried to leave it at that instead of allowing a worst-case-scenario to form in your mind. The governor’s instructions had been clear: stay home, wash your hands, social distance until the curve flattened, remain calm. Despite your own paranoia, the world was not actually on fire...or if it was at least it wouldn’t be forever, and in truth as long as you had Rafael by your side, all would be well. Though it was times like this that made you wish you believed in God. There were moments when you envied Rafael in that sense; most of all now, when a magical sky-daddy would be a welcomed reprieve from the ever-rising death toll and unemployment rates.

“Honey, we have to stay calm and not panic-buy, okay?” Rafael said, reaching for your hand. “You should try to keep yourself busy. You know how your anxiety gets when you sit still for too long without something to focus on.”

“I know, I just…” You ran a hand through your hair and grimaced when you realized you hadn’t showered the day before. “I can’t slow my brain enough to create anything coherent.”

“So create something incoherent,” he suggested with a bob of his shoulders. “Or, instead of writing music, why don’t you just play some songs you enjoy or learn to play one?” You could sense your lips trying to form a smile as your thumb stroked over the skin between his knuckles. “I just know how important music is in your life. It always makes you feel better.”

“That’s not a bad idea, actually,” you said in a whisper as your eyes fell to your joined hands. “Maybe I could go live on Instagram,” you added carefully. “I’ve seen a lot of people talking about how scared they are, too.”

He narrowed his eyes. “I thought we agreed you should stay off social media for now.”

In the beginning of your self-isolation, you spent nearly every waking minute refreshing your Twitter and Instagram feeds, which in turn, had served only to fuel your anxiety and almost caused a panic attack. The logical thing was to avoid social media; the daily press conferences and videos from Philip DeFranco were more than enough to keep you updated on the situation without causing you to cry yourself to sleep because Dr-Random-Twitter-Handle had posted about his hospital’s desperate need for PPE, and how a portion of his staff had become sick, which would convince you that this was in fact the end of the world and there was literally nothing that could be done to stop it.

So yeah, no social media had been the plan.

However, your desire to share music had been a part of you since you could remember, and especially at a time like this, music could be the very thing to soothe people’s fears, even if only a little bit.

“I know but I can’t help but wonder whether playing where other people can hear would help in some small way,” you said.

Rafael lowered his eyes as if in thought, nodding once. “What if you opened the window so the neighbors could hear?” His gaze came back to meet yours. “It’s been pretty quiet the last few weeks.”

It had been quiet in the neighborhood since all the bars and clubs shut down, including Penny and Me’s, the bar just downstairs that normally featured live music, which would fill the entire neighborhood and carry over to the next block. You smiled at your boyfriend.

“You don’t think people might get annoyed?”

“No,” he answered. “I think people are reaching for as many positive things as they can get. And some music, especially when the neighborhood has been so eerily quiet, might be just the thing that makes them feel normal again. Even if it’s only for a moment.”

You eyed your guitar in the far corner of the living room, leaning against the bookcase that held countless escapes into other worlds. Normally when reality came to be too much, a mix of other worlds and strums on your guitar would be enough to keep you from losing it completely. But right then, when the world as you knew it was forever changed, you couldn’t justify leaving it, even to save your sanity.

“And,” Rafael added. “If anyone complains, they’ll have me to deal with.”

You snorted, standing and opening the window before you went to pick up your guitar. Sitting back on the window seat, you took your time tuning it while your eyes periodically wandered, looking for an idea of what song to play. From the corner of your eye, you saw Rafael take out his phone, tap his screen a few times before he held it up. You knitted your brows at him; wasn’t he just trying to talk you out of going live?

“I just realized your family might want to hear you play,” he said as though he’d been inside your head. “What are you gonna play, corazon?”

“I don’t know.” Your gaze fell on the unlit, cursive lettering on the building across the street and the familiar chalkboard by the door that now read, “Stay home. Stay safe.”

With a gentle smile, you began to strum an intro of chords, the beginning of a song that was written strictly as a love letter to music, highlighting the importance of a song in our hearts and how a simple, familiar melody could remind us of our favorite moments in our lives. Music, without which the world would be a much darker place, the one thing that in an instant could heal a hole in your heart, the thing that often formed fond memories of nights up late by the fireplace. Music that could speak for you with such clarity if you had trouble forming words.

“That’s not obvious at all,” Rafael mumbled after hearing you sing the first chorus.

“Hush, you,” you replied quickly, not missing a single strum. “Cause Penny and Me like to roll the windows down…”

As you sang through the full chorus, a second voice joined in from below. Rafael carefully stepped closer to the window, mindful to keep his phone pointed in your direction as he leaned to stick his head out the open square.

“Lawrence?” you heard him call out between lyrics.

“Hey Rafael!” the voice replied. “And Penny and Me like to gaze at starry skies…”

Your ADA chuckled under his breath when a third voice sounded from further down the building, and a fourth from above. By the time you reached the bridge, it was as though half the block joined in. Your focus was on keeping time with your strums against the strings, but your skin had prickled into goosebumps at the sound of your neighbors singing along with you.

For the first time since you’d been stuck inside, it actually felt like despite the fact that you were all self-isolating, none of you were alone. In that moment, the entire block of 82nd street was one, singing through their pain and loneliness, belting their affections for each other simply by joining you in a cover of an early 2000s tune by one of the original popstars of the 90s. Through the final chorus you could hear the longing, the desire to be together truly once again, going to Penny and Me’s for a drink after a long week and weaving in and out of clusters of people on the sidewalk to get home after it got late. It reminded you that New Yorkers were fighters, that you had all seen worse than this pandemic and that one day soon you would be reminiscing about where you were during the 2020 pandemic that had paused the world and forced people to appreciate each other just a little bit more. The time when music, as always, kept you connected while you distanced.

“Do you think this is going to go viral?” Rafael asked no one in particular after you’d played the final chord of the song.

“I don’t think so, it’s a fairly obscure song,” you answered with a grin as you leaned back against the window sill, allowing the breeze to blow strands of hair against your face.

“Still,” Rafael mumbled as he tagged your parents in the post and, at your request, tagged the song and the virus for easy reference if you needed a pick-me-up later in the night. “Okay, I’m gonna head out to the store. Did you wanna come?”

“I think I’m gonna stay here,” you answered, rolling your head to one side until your eyes met his. “I should clean the bathroom...and myself. Then afterward, I might try to work on some more music.”

The smirk you knew all too well flashed in your direction as he closed the space between you to kiss your forehead. “Maybe without the window being open. The neighbors didn’t mind a song they knew, but the last thing we’d want is to disrupt their marathon of Tiger King.”

“Speaking of which, they added an episode,” you said.

“They did?”

“Yep, Carol Baskins isn’t in it though, from what I’ve heard,” you said.

“Fucking Carol Baskins. Okay, I’ll be back in an hour, tops,” he said, going to the door and putting on his coat. “When I get back, I think we should make dinner and watch that episode.”

“And after that?”

He bobbed his shoulders. “You’ve been trying to get me to watch Lost for years. Maybe now is when you do.”

“I don’t know if I wanna watch a show about a plane that disappears to an island no one knows about. We’ll see what my paranoia level is by the time we finish the last Tiger King episode.”

“Well, you know I’ve been dying for you to watch Catch-22,” he replied with a smirk.

You paused a moment, grimacing at the thought of the show adaptation of a Joseph Heller novel that you hadn’t very much enjoyed in the first place. “Lost it is.”

#rafael barba #rafael x reader #aprilchallenge

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sandalaris · 4 years

Note

Any song associations for Scott Fuller?

I read this ask as I went to bed yesterday and my brain went “ooo, meta on Scott?” Took a long ass time to convince myself that no, this is not asking for a detailed analysis of Scott throughout the seasons, but I only managed to wrangle this into more of a half-meta half-song association.

There is no one song that can encompass Scott Fuller over the entire series, because he arguably goes through the biggest character development on the show. And I don’t know if it makes the writers geniuses or lazy, because nearly all of his development happens off screen. Most of Scott’s focus on screen is about who he is to other characters, primarily Kate, and not who he is as his own person. If the whole of From Dusk till Dawn was told again only with Scott as the main focus, we’d get a whole new show, with just a few scenes that would be repeats of what has already been shown. The same cannot be said about any of the other main six (Freddie you almost could, but enough of his story overlaps with the main story being told that there’d be parts where people would go “we’ve heard this all already.”) And since Scott goes through such massive changes through out the show, I associate different songs to him at different times.

At the beginning of season one Scott: I’m Just a Kid by Simple Plan.

They’re such a quintessential 90′s band that there’s no way I actually feel he’d listen to them (wrong time period), and that’s assuming the Fullers even listen to secular music which I doubt given the bits of evidence on their music tastes we get. I don’t think Simple Plan necessarily encompass who Scott is at the time, but they are a band I feel like he would think represent him and that particular song reminds me strongly of him throughout most of season one... or rather it reminds me of how I think he views himself, which is not necessarily how I view him.

By the end of season one: Same band, because it’s such an “I’m an angsty teenager, no one understands me” band and Scott is very much an “I’m an angsty teen, no one understands me” kind of teen in the first season, but more the song Perfect.

I think Scott would feel it represents him at the end of season one, when he’s been rejected by his sister and his dad tried to mercy kill him. Scott’s all emotions and impulses by that point, in no small part because he’s a fifteen year old kid who’s going through a massive life changing trauma on top of the culebra transformation, which has been shown to cause some mood swings/poor decision making, and there’s no small amount of hurt and resentment bubbling up inside him that I think he’d relate to the lyrics about a son calling out his father for rejecting him in a way he didn’t before. Scott desperately loves his dad, so much so that he tried to turn him against his will so that he wouldn’t lose him. And Jacob, for all his good intentions, saw Scott’s culebra-ness as “something evil and vicious” that needed to be eliminated. He may have changed his mind, but by then Scott had stormed off believing that his dad (and sister) saw him as a monster they wanted nothing to do with.

At the beginning of season two (because the Scott from the beginning of season two is very different from the Scott by the end of season one): Middle Finger by Bohnes.

I swear season two could be considered the Season of Anger Issues, and not just for Scott. There’s been a lot of anger built up during those three months between seasons, most of it justified and/or stemming from hurt and none of it even beginning to be worked through. Not only is Scott a literal slave to the people everyone else managed to escape from at the end of season one, but due to the rejection he felt from his family and being turned into a culebra, Malvado’s people are the only ones he feels will accept him. He feels he belongs with them, and that he has to prove himself worthy of not being mistreated by them. After three months of being chained like a dog at the feet of Narciso, he finally gets a little bit of not-as-bad treatment and some freedom from Carlos. He’s hurt and angry and doesn’t know where to direct the bulk of his rage and ends up turning towards revenge, and the song just fits his mind set so well. There’s a whole big ol’ mess of stuff to dive into about him and Kate, in no small part because Kate handled her reunion with Scott all wrong and Scott himself was in such a stubborn child-like mindset of wanting to reject the person who rejected him so they could feel the pain he was feeling... and this ask is about songs, so I’m going to leave that for a different time.

But all the Kate&Scott stuff leads to the end of season two: O Valencia! by The Decemberists

Not the entire song, since it’s more about Romeo and Juliet-esque forbidden lovers than siblings, but the overall feel of it. Especially the chorus and the last half of the last verse and that change in the line to “you’re blood gettin’ cold on the ground” just feels to me like Scott in those last few episodes of season two. He comes to so much clarity after Kate dies, is forced to face just how much he was ignoring up to that point. He was trying for so long to punish her for rejecting him and to convince her to leave him (and no one can convince me that part of him trying to get to leave was because as mad at her as he was, he didn’t want her actually harmed) and then... just like that she’s gone, and all the possibilities were taken from him and suddenly his anger goes cold. It stops being this hot, burning thing in his chest that consumed everything, and becomes something sharp and hard and completely focused. Which is probably plays a part as to why this particular revenge song reminds me the most of Scott at the end of season two, because it’s not this screaming rage of a song, but rather its more akin to a love song. The promise of revenge not rooted in anger, even if there is anger there, but in the love and commitment to a person taken too soon. Scott’s not setting out to kill Carlos because he’s so angry he can’t see beyond it, but because he loved his sister and now this is what he has to do.

Season three Scott: Mostly I associate him at this point with Fanglorious. There’s not actually a song that reminds me purely of season three Scott, but for the purpose of this I’m going to say it’s a tie between Reckless Youth by Pillar and 100 Years by Five for Fighting.

Reckless Youth is more a song that reminds me of Scott making the conscious decision not to slip back into old habits/resentments. He’s not drowning in his pain anymore, not being poisoned by his anger, not even wallowing in his guilt over Kate (and the others that died because of him) which is still very much there but it isn’t controlling him. And he could so easily do just that, he’s lost everyone at this point, has so many reasons to let everything overwhelm him and yet... he doesn’t. He’s made something of his life, found his path and followed his passion and carved out a little place for him in the world. And Pillar is a Christian rock band, which is a bonus tie to Scott for me.

100 Years is kind of an ironic song to remind me of Scott. It’s literally about how fleeting life is and how little time we have on this earth, (with the actual repeated line of “I’m fifteen for a moment”) and Scott’s an immortal (who is stuck forever at fifteen.) But it’s also about how precious those moments are, about acknowledging regrets but not letting them define you, and its about looking back on your past and accepting what’s happened while still turning towards the future, and all of that reminds me of where Scott is in season three. The entire feel of the song is very S3!Scott.

Scott grew up so much by the time we see him again in season three. Which I have mixed feelings about. On the one hand, I love the adult he’s becoming, and I’m so happy he found a way to not let his issues control him. But on the other hand.. he’s fifteen! He should be allowed to make stupid decisions and let his emotions get the best of him and get angry and throw tantrums and just be an angsty teenager... but then on a third hand, he’s living in a world where doing that will literally get people killed. It already has, and I’m not just talking about Kate. He doesn’t get to be a kid and a culebra. He doesn’t get to be a typical teen when the events of his life has buried him neck deep in blood and death and throwing a fit will result in a higher body count. And it sucks and it’s not fair, but life threw Scott the short end of the stick and he managed to make the best of a truly shitty situation... once he got his head out of his ass that is.

Special shout out to Teenagers by My Chemical Romance, because I saw it in a crack video and now I can’t hear the song without thinking of Scott. The chorus also fit Scott circa season two while the verses remind me a bit of him in season one, but was put to clips of Scott killing baddies in the prison while Richie looks on in surprise. It’s probably the only song that I can associate to all three seasons of Scott, if for three different reasons.

#scott fuller #fdtd #asked and answered #meta #despite my best efforts #from dusk til dawn: the series #From Dusk Till Dawn #scott deserves more love

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em-be-lievable · 6 years

Text

Split-Brained

A/N: Aight, I know this isn’t what y’all wanted but in light of recent events I’ve found myself getting triggered and wanting to vent with Patton to cope. Thank @virge-of-a-breakdown for inspiring me to purge my feelings in fic form (also if you haven’t read their fic ‘The Invisible Language’ you really should because it’s great 10/10 would recommend not reading this self-indulgent garbage and reading that instead kkkkkkkk) No explanations, we project our problems on our favorite characters like men.

(Song pairings for this fic are: Girl Anachronism by the Dresden Dolls, Flagpole Sitta by Harvey Danger, and We Know Where You Sleep by the Paper Chase)

Words: 3255

Warnings: mentions of psychosis, disorganized speech, memory loss, visionary/auditory hallucinations, paranoia, mentions of hospitalization, mentions of medication, mentions of gaslighting and abuse, kinda sympathetic deceit (If you count making him a dog being sympathetic- Deceit has become my own personal meme guys, I’m sorry.)

Ships: LAMP/CALM (Because you should know by now if I can shoehorn in a healthy, supportive, polyamorous relationship I 100% will)

Summary: Patton was ‘Split-brained.’ If people were computers, then he would be a pc still running with windows 98, dial-up internet. It wasn’t bad, but it was something he had to live with every moment of every day.

Recovery was a game of chance. He could go into a psychosis tomorrow, and never get out of it, or he could wake up a week from now and never have another symptom again. Medication kept him functioning, and therapy helped him deal with the worst of it. But both could only do so much with the chemical war in his brain. That was just the volatile way life was for him, and he had long since learned what to avoid and how to make the best of living day-to-day

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Waking up in the morning always had to be the hardest part of the day for Patton. Getting to sleep was tricky in its own right, but it didn’t compare to the struggles that were coming back into consciousness. Morning was when his mind was the loudest.

Remy was actually the one to wake him up. The black and tan german shepherd barking, and nosing him until he came to. He couldn’t even be mad at the dog- after all this was a service Remy had been task trained to do. It wasn’t the puppo’s fault that auditory hallucinations of his phone alarm kept waking him up until 4am (eventually rendering him immune to the very real sound of his actual phone alarm now in the daylight hours. He’d have to change it again.)

“Danger. Don’t leave. Not safe. Stay. We’re not alone. We’re in danger. Don’t leave. Don’t move-”

Prying himself from the warm cocoon of soft blankets, Patton pet and praised the dog for performing his task, before getting up and sleepily stumbling to the bathroom. Once he was in there his eyes darted to the vibrant pill case one of his boyfriends, Roman, lovingly decorated for him. It was Logan’s suggestion, having the case be brightly colored, and in plain sight on the counter would make it easier for Patton to remember to take his medication- and Ro was all too eager to support his partner however he could.

Pat was grateful for his three, wonderful partners- but he couldn’t shake the intrusive thought of him being a burden on them. They did so much to help him out- Logan leaving him little reminder notes, and checklists all over their shared apartment, Virgil constantly responding to frantic phone calls and texts to give reality checks, and Roman always taking breaks from work to take Patton to therapy, and appointments with his psychiatrist (going alone gave him a lot of anxiety.) And despite their constant reassurance that they wanted to be there for him, he couldn’t help but let the negative thoughts creep up into the back of his mind.

He looked down at the multicolored tablets in his hand. “Poison. Don’t take it. It’s poison. They’re trying to change you. These are going to kill you. They’ll just turn you into a zombie. Don’t trust it. Poison-”

Sipping on a glass of water, he popped the pills in his mouth and swallowed before they could reach his tongue. The whispers were on a tirade again, but it had been a long time since he stopped really listening to their opinions on medication. He couldn’t always tune out, or ignore what they were saying; but he was getting better at managing his responses to it.

The voices weren’t always scary, sometimes they were just odd. Most of the time they just echoed thoughts he had. As Pat stepped in the shower there was an chorus of “Water. Warm. Shower. Water. Hot water. Soap. Shower. Warm-” that eventually cascaded into white noise. Before he started taking his antipsychotic medication they would talk to him, or amongst themselves and it would get so loud he couldn’t hear his boyfriends shouting directly into his ear. There also used to be more ‘types’ of voices too. Some he’d hear like people were speaking next to him, others were more like thoughts that didn’t have his voice or would have really weird accents. Then there were the really bizarre ones that felt like a tingling in the back of his head. He couldn’t ever make out what they were saying but he could always tell if they were mean or angry.

But, if he was being honest, auditory hallucinations were the least troublesome part of his mental illness. When he was first getting diagnosed they were terrifying- but now they were just annoying. Just a low thrum softly filling his head as he got out of the shower, got dressed, and began the trek downstairs to the kitchen.

If he had to pick the most troublesome part of his disorder, it’d be the stuff that you never saw portrayed in media. Hallucinations were just the tip of the iceberg- and out of every movie about a person like him he never saw the part where they addressed the other stuff. Things like memory loss, fractured thinking, compulsive behavior, or disorganized speech patterns.

“Coffee. Stirring. Cup. Warm. Hot. Coffee. Mug. Warm. Cup-” It was honestly irritating. Then again the only time he saw people like him in media was in horror films. But even then they had perfectly coherent Hannibal Lecter type people who just occasionally see stuff. The reality was much less pretty- if it wasn’t for Logan’s lists everywhere, and Remy, he wouldn’t remember to brush his teeth, or eat. On a good day he only had a minor stutter, and on bad ones he couldn’t talk at all.

He remembered he tried to explain it to Virgil once. He and his emo boyfriend couldn’t sleep and were chatting on the couch when Virge asked him what it was like. Patton, not being the best at explaining things, had decided to show him. So he found a few of Logan’s unused note cards, and asked Virgil to write out a thought with each word of it being on a different note card.

“Okay n-n-now lay it out in o-order.” Patton instructed, earning a raised eyebrow from the emo as he quickly laid out the sentence in order on the coffee table. Once he was done, Patton took the note cards and scrambled them- shuffling them up so they were completely out of order.

“N-now lay-lay it out ag-agai-again.” He said, handing back the cards and watching as Virgil sifted through the cards to find the first word, then the second, and so on until the whole sentence was on the coffee table in front of them.

Patton explained that while neurotypical people had their thoughts in order, like the first deck of note cards, his were constantly scrambled. So he has to put everything back in order before he does anything. That the metaphor applies to everything- talking, actions, thoughts. It was why he physically froze when he couldn’t remember what he was doing, or why sometimes he’d stare at his boyfriends looking for an answer for a question he forgot to ask. If people were computers, then he’d be a pc still running with windows 98, dial-up internet.

“But what about the…” Virgil paused, taking a moment to find the right way to phrase his question, “...other...stuff?”

Patton thought that was a bit more tricky to explain. He could spend the rest of his life talking out the small nuances of the ‘other stuff’ and only scratch the surface of what it entailed.

It was the way him, his thoughts, and his feelings felt like separate entities and not one solid person. It was going for a walk at 1pm and coming back at 9:30 with no recollection of where he went, or what he did. It was his mind latching onto a statement like ‘does Ohio even really exist’ and ruminating on it so much that he became convinced nothing was real anymore. It was loving people, but simultaneously not being able to trust them and avoiding them. It was flipping the light switch on and off because there was a dark figure in the corner when the lights were off but if he flipped the switch EXACTLY 26 times then it wouldn’t come after him, or his family. It was taking pictures of things with his phone to send to Virgil so he could ask if Virgil saw what he was seeing. It was existing in two separate realities at the same time and constantly having to figure out which one was the real reality and which one was just his illness.

It was staring off into his coffee cup for a half an hour while his service dog barked to snap him back into the moment- like now.

Patton shook his head, trying to refocus. His chronic ‘spacing out’ (to put it lightly) was why Logan no longer let him use the stove. Speaking of Logan- Patton padded his way to the refrigerator where his wonderfully intelligent boyfriend had made a whiteboard checklist for him. In Logan’s neat, almost font-like handwriting there were various tasks written in sharpie with little boxes next to them for Patton to check off every day. When the others returned from their jobs they’d double check it, and remind him of what he didn’t do yet.

“Marker. Blue. Smooth. Marker. Drawing. Write. Blue. Draw. Marker-”

Picking up the magnetized expo marker Pat went down the list. Medication? Check! Brushing teeth? He’ll do that after he drinks his coffee, and eats breakfast. Shower? Did he take a shower today? Patton reached his hand to feel his hair- it was still damp, so he must have. Check! Breakfast? He should do that. He wasn’t allowed to use the stove without the others in, but it was unlikely he would do any serious damage with a toaster, right? Right. Plopping a piece of bread in the machine, he got out some crofters, and butter before going back to the list while he waited. Put out food and water for the pets? Aw, shoot. That’s probably why Remy was barking.

Recapping the marker, Patton moved to fill the dog’s food and water dishes. Telling Remy to shake before he set down his food dish.

“Dog. Noise. Crunch. Food. Dog. Soft. Warm. Hairy. Dog. Woof. Noise. Dog-”

The service dog had actually been Virgil’s idea, and one that Patton was wholly opposed to at the start. It wasn’t like he didn’t want a dog- he did! He loved dogs! But a service dog was a whole other animal (pun intended.) Getting a service dog meant he actually had to admit he had a disability, and Patton didn’t really feel like he was disabled. Sure, certain things were harder to do, yeah. And he had to navigate around obstacles his mental illness provides- but disabled seemed like a stretch. If he’s being honest it still seems like a stretch; but after an hour of Logan listing him all the ways the service dog could help, and how common service dogs had become in the mentally ill community, Patton finally agreed.

There was another reason though, with the dog came the addition of having to explain what his disability was. And Patton...didn’t like having to tell people. He barely liked even associating himself with the word. He was…..split-brained. He had the big S. But the stigma that surrounded it didn’t apply to him. Every time he opened up to a close friend they always expressed how they couldn’t believe it given how ‘normal’ Patton seemed- definitely not what came to mind when someone thought ‘schizo.’ What if people didn’t believe him? Confrontation was never really his thing.

It was actually Roman who supplied a solution. If Patton was getting a dog, then Virgil would too. That way when they went out together it wouldn’t be as weird. That’s how the small yellow Tibetan Spaniel, Dee came to be Virgil’s emotional support animal. Unlike Remy, Dee wasn’t trained to task, he was just there to comfort Virgil when his three boyfriends couldn’t. And all the love and pampering made Dee into something of a complete mischievous diva. The little fluffy dog had a habit of appearing out of nowhere and yapping very loudly right behind Patton. Especially when it came to the horrendous offense that was feeding Remy first. But Virgil had taken the little puffball to work with him today so Patton was safe from any yappy startling.

Patton chipperly checked off the task from the list with the expo marker, recapping it and moving to the living room where his laptop sat. Holding down on-site jobs was, frankly, unrealistic for him. But he managed to still stay on his own two feet by freelancing. It wasn’t easy (and required so many reminder notes) but with Logan’s organizational help he was able to work in his own way, and remain (relatively) independent. Which was a godsend compared to spending the rest of his life living with his parents.

Don’t get him wrong, Patton loved his parents, and they did so much for him. Life couldn’t have been easy with a split-brained kid, and they had been pretty patient with him early on with his first few psychoses. But (why was there always a ‘but’) they still had ticks, and expectations he couldn’t meet. He’d recognized too little too late that they were gaslighting him to make their lives easier. Every now and again, when they’d say something that’d upset him, he’d try talking about it only to be met with ‘I never said that’ or, ‘are you sure that’s how it really happened?’ And Patton believed them because he couldn’t really trust his own perception that much. Their distaste were in the way they presented himself to other people too. “You probably shouldn’t tell them about your….disorder.” They’d lecture in car-rides going to social gatherings that Patton loathed. “It isn’t that we’re not proud of you! Other’s just might not be so understanding-” Their words always echoed in his skull, quickly becoming fodder for his mind to latch onto and use against him. He couldn’t stand the way they grimaced whenever he was brought up in conversation. All the times his mom uttered the hushed words of “Patton’s…...different-” made him want to scream out.

‘Just say it. Say what you’re thinking. Crazy. You think I’m crazy.’

He knew he scared them. Living with them always guaranteed the looming threat of hospitalization if he displayed symptoms they weren’t comfortable with. They always felt the need to walk on eggshells so as not to disturb him more than he already was. His illness became a weapon against him more often than not- a way to discredit him and excuse their own actions. Even with all the tips and tricks he learned to covertly hide; pretending to be talking on the phone when he was arguing with the voices, or practicing proper empathetic faces in the mirror to use when talking to people. Locking himself up in his room whenever he was having a psychotic breakdown, or visual hallucinations, and doing everything in his power to not react to the loud auditory ones. It never seemed to be enough though, and he was always met with glazed over eyes, and disapproving frown of his mother whenever he forgot something and did it several times over, or had too much disorganized thought to speak properly. They just wanted him to be normal, to get better. But unlike other mental illnesses, recovery was a game of chance. He could go into a psychosis tomorrow and never get out of it, or he could wake up a week from now and never have another symptom again. Medication kept him functioning, and therapy helped him deal with the worst of it. But both could only do so much with the chemical war in his brain. That was just the volatile way life was for him, and he had long since learned what to avoid and how to make the best of living day-to-day. But his parents never seemed as satisfied with that as he was. And more often than not it had a negative impact on his mental health, and he found himself getting worse while staying under their roof.

It was Roman who noticed the effect his parents had on Patton, and convinced him to leave. At first Pat dug his heels in. He really didn’t believe Roman knew what he was signing up for. Yeah, they had all been dating since sophomore year of high school- but Patton had done everything in his power to keep the worst of it from his boyfriends. He could take a lot, but he couldn’t take them being scared of him too. It took months of convincing, the final straw coming with Patton’s most recent hospitalization.

He had developed some kind of allergic reaction to a medication he was on, but in order to find out which one he had to be slowly weaned off all of them. They checked him into the hospital, stuck an IV into him, and closely monitored him as he slipped in and out of psychosis, and got wrapped up in some bizarre delusions. But despite his incoherence and strange behavior his boyfriends didn’t leave his side. They took shifts, ensuring that Patton was always with someone he knew. Logan constantly pelted the doctors with questions on the doctor’s care choices. Virgil brought all of Patton’s favorite stuffed animals and blankets for familiarity. And Roman played all of Patton’s favorite disney movies whenever the room was silent. They learned as much as they could about Patton’s situation. How to handle his delusions and what to do when he had episodes of low empathy, or isolation. It was a breath of fresh air for Pat to have his illness embraced, and not met with the usual disdain he got from his parents. He could have almost cried when Logan didn’t get mad when Patton explained that he didn’t want to eat dinner with them because he was convinced it was poisoned, or when Virgil didn’t find it upsetting when Pat had set up a little ‘nest’ of towels, pillows, and blankets in the bathtub because it felt like the only place They™ couldn’t get him. There was even an instance where Pat thought that Roman had been replaced with someone who looked identical to roman, but wasn’t Roman. The actor didn’t tell him it wasn’t true, or refuted Patton’s pleads for the ‘imposter’ to return his boyfriend. He simply went along with it- telling Patton he was going to return Roman before making a show of leaving the bedroom and re-entering thanking Patton for having the clone return him. (He also explained what he did to Patton later when the split-brain was in a better state.)

It was so nice to not be treated like the burden he thought he was. Their love showed in every one of the caring acts they did for him, trying to make his hectic life a little more manageable in any way they could.

“Patton?” A rough voice broke through his thoughts, making him turn towards the door. It was Virgil, a fussy Dee wriggling in his arms.

“Virgil. Calm. Boyfriend. Love. Virgil. Trusted. Boyfriend. Roommate. Dog. Dee. Virgil-”

“Hi honey, you’re home early!” Patton chirped, a well practiced smile gracing his lips. Virgil raised an eyebrow at him, setting Dee on the floor with little ‘clip clip’s’ from the toy dog’s claws.

“Pat, it’s 4:30, I always come home around this time.” Patton’s face dropped, as he turned back to the laptop he’d been staring at. When had it gotten so late?

“Uh, Virge- could you read this for me and make sure it makes sense?” Patton hummed, trying to reread over the email he was going to send but not quite processing the words. Virgil stalked over, glancing at the screen and humming.

“Sorry Pat, it’s complete jibberish.” He purred, rubbing his boyfriend’s shoulders. “Wanna help me with dinner and we’ll take a crack at writing it after?” “Sure.” Pat said with a sigh, as he closed the laptop and stood up to join his boyfriend. Living as a split-brain was difficult, but living with three amazing partners made it manageable.

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Endnote: This was way longer than I intended it to be. Sorry, I had a lot to say.

#em writes #vent fic #patton sanders #ts sanders sides #lamp/calm #virgil sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #Please for the love of all that is good read the warnings

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thesinglesjukebox · 5 years

Video

youtube

THE VERONICAS - THINK OF ME

[5.62]

And I'm here to remind you to think of me, think of me fondly when you say goodbye...

Katherine St Asaph: If you're like me, you will be interested to know that yes, you indeed can sing the Phantom song over the instrumental. Also, if you're like me, you kept getting distracted working that out by the line trying to be Alanis's "You Oughta Know," the line trying to be Usher's "Burn" and/or Helga in Hey Arnold and/or Sarah Cracknell's "4 Months, 2 Weeks," all of which are better to listen to. [2]

Alfred Soto: He might like her better if they kept sleeping together, yet because he won't give Lisa and Jessica Origliasso another chance they hide, like so many forebears, behind electrobeats, which don't thump or grind with the threat of a challenge. [6]

Alex Clifton: Once of the worst parts of a breakup is where you end up stuck on the other person. You've left, but they still consume all your thoughts. You're trying to get all that space back from them to move on with your life, but of course it's never that easy. I had a breakup where I got stuck on someone for a year and a half; it took so much mental energy to kick him out of my brain, again and again, until one day he just left. But there's a fizziness to "Think of Me" that I don't normally associate with breakup songs, in part because the Veronicas know this ex is Bad News. To be hung up on someone while having the intellectual knowledge that they're no good for you (or anyone, really) is such a strange feeling, but the Veronicas turn it into something empowering. "I don't miss fighting your war" is a great line; it still hurts, you still feel less than whole, but it's a reminder that you're better off alone instead. Sometimes you just need that reminder. [7]

Will Adams: The Veronicas tended to be on the punchier, more gritty side of the mid '00s pop-rock wave, and even sustained that spirit on their last album. Which is why it's especially disheartening to see they (see also: Aly & AJ) have fallen prey to the late '10s trappings of bland, foggy synthpop. [3]

Edward Okulicz: I wasn't sure that anyone could take this lite-EDM batch of wisps and pulses and make it so intimate and so sympathetic, but The Veronicas were always the smartest of their class. Mixing up a sing-song melody with a fairly confronting-for-context sexual reference is a great bit of well-poisoning, or a great bit of pill-sweetening, or maybe it's both. [8]

Iris Xie: Plenty of break-up songs dive headfirst into rage or intense sadness, sometimes resulting in me experiencing more secondhand embarrassment than empathy or catharsis, but "Think of Me" captures the space between a bitter curiosity and a sad reminiscence for fucked up intimacies. When the cadence of counting time passed since seperation, combined with the water droplet sample and the shimmering gossamer synth, moves into the startingly direct pre-chorus of "Do you miss me in your sheets?/ Do you miss me in your bed?/ The way we talk all night/ The way I give you head," it recreates the feelings of a bouncy melancholy, where one trembles underneath the strain of trying to not care, but still wondering about who has taken the protagonist's place. The chorus cleverly mixes the louder drums with the "instead-'stead-'stead" hook, giving off a sensation of a contemplative echo, before exploding into a defiant bridge with "I underestimated how complicated you are /I don't miss being hated, I don't miss fighting your war." These lyrics don't feel extremely specific to The Veronicas, but they're imagistic and directed enough that you know what they're talking about. Pulling back into the chorus and the outro, the overall admiration I have for this track is in how it never overstays its welcome at any section and doesn't allow itself to spill over into excess. This restraint results in The Veronicas utilizing the energy of the post-breakup malaise, that never-ending well of inspiration, and introduces a light, brittle poignancy that helps these common sentiments breathe, rather than be crowded out by a more bloated production. [6]

Scott Mildenhall: The Origliassos' dead-eyed delivery underlines the understated viciousness of the lyrics, but also undersells the song's strength. With that said, a more vigorous vocal only arrives for its most hackneyed moment of battlefields and complication. It all works, but there could be a happier medium between that energy and the blasé rebuke to toxicity. [7]

Andy Hutchins: Either Carly Rae's older sisters or Robyn's cool younger sisters, the Origliassos made their name on "cool" pop that had classical rock elements. "Untouched" had those celestial violins, yeah, but it's also undergirded by a buzzing bass; "4ever" and "Everything I'm Not" lead with their riffs. Those things elevated smarter-than-the-average songwriting — but that songwriting was arguably never the star like it is on second-act hit "You Ruin Me," a standard ballad, nor on "Think of Me," with lines filed to their sharpest and used to piercing effect ("Your gold initials / Around my neck / One of a kind / Does she have one yet?") So it's a bummer that the baby's-first-electro-stomper production renders "Think of Me" more synthy trifle than third-act kiss-off stunner: The Veronicas' career to date makes clear that there could have been more musical edge here, while any number of synth-pop hits that go harder than this suggest that there were fertile veins to mine beyond nostalgia, too. [6]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

#The Veronicas #pop #music #music review #writing

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songwritingswift · 6 years

Text

If I’m being completely honest, I was really sceptical about reputation when it first came out. It just wasn’t what I was expecting and it always takes me a really long time to get used to things, get used to things that were a surprise. But after listening to it and listening to it, I suddenly found myself in love with it. I have a much more complicated relationship with it than I do her other albums and I don’t relate to it as much as I have earlier albums but then I tend to relate to them more strongly when I reach Taylor was when she wrote them so there’s still time. But regardless of all of that, I love it and I’ve learned a lot from it as a songwriter.

… Ready For It? – Such a powerful opener to the album. It sets the scene so richly, especially lyrically. We’re plunged into this brand new world without time to think about anything else.

Favourite lyric: Every love I've known in comparison is a failure

End Game – Probably my least favourite but only because I’m not a Future or Ed Sheeran fan. I love Taylor’s section and I think it has some of the strongest lyrics of the album in it.

Favourite lyric: And I bury hatchets, but I keep maps of where I put 'em

I Did Something Bad – I will never forget hearing Taylor say ‘shit’ for the first time... I love how empowering this song is. If I need to hype myself for something, this is one of my go to songs. I would love for Taylor to expand on the burning of the witches at some point.

Favourite lyric: If a man talks shit, then I owe him nothing // They're burning all the witches, even if you aren't one

Don’t Blame Me – I love the darkness in this track. I think, at some point in the secret sessions, Taylor said that this one was based around the idea that the three things that can really change a person are love, drugs, and religion and so she tried to incorporate that into the song. I can definitely feel that. I love the gospel like quality to the last choruses.

Favourite lyric: I once was poison ivy, but now I'm your daisy

Delicate – Ugh, the production in this one is so clever and I love a good anti-chorus. The use of the vocoder throughout the album is a really cool way of creating a cohesiveness to it but I also like the way it’s used less and less as the album goes on. I also love how, in the bridge, she sings on all the off beats, creating a really different feel to the rest of the song.

Favourite lyric: Handsome, you're a mansion with a view

Look What You Made Me Do – My brain always assumes I don’t like this song but it’s just the chorus that I don’t really like - I don’t like the spoken-ness to it. But I think it’s SO clever and I love the lyrics in the rest of the song.

Favourite lyric: But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time

So It Goes… – I feel like this song is not appreciated enough. The symmetry in the lyrics, the imagery, the production... It’s its own world inside a song.

Favourite lyric: But, honestly, baby, who's counting? Who's counting? 1, 2, 3...

Gorgeous – I didn’t really fall in love with this song until I heard it live. Hearing an entire stadium singing it together and it just clicked: I loved it. My one issue with it is that the line ‘unless you wanna come along’ sounds so out of tune to me. Does anyone else hear that?

Favourite lyric: You should think about the consequence of your magnetic field being a little too strong

Getaway Car – I love everything about this song. Everything. It’s a feature film in four minutes. The storytelling is incredible and the imagery is stunning.

Favourite lyric: THE WHOLE SONG // Should've known I'd be the first to leave, think about the place where you first met me

King Of My Heart – I love the rhythm of the pre chorus and the tension that is then released in the chorus. It’s so clever and creates that feeling of relief that’s mirrored in the lyrics. And I love how the choruses just get bigger and bigger throughout the song.

Favourite lyric: And all at once, you are the one I have been waiting for

Dancing With Our Hands Tied – It took a while but now I absolutely love this one. And the songwriting behind it is so fascinating. I love the repetition of ‘I had a bad feeling’ throughout, like that was a constant anxiety. It kind of reminds me of ‘Out of the Woods.’

Favourite lyric: I knew there was no one in the world who could take it, I had a bad feeling // I loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us

Dress – I’ll admit I was shocked by such a bold statement but now I appreciate what went into it and what it means to make that statement. It’s somewhat fitting that this is one of the most honest and vulnerable songs on the album.

Favourite lyric: Flashback to my mistakes, my rebounds, my earthquakes, even in my worst lies, you saw the truth in me

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things – I love how sassy this one is. I live for unapologetic Taylor. Again, I think this one is so clever (I mean, who else has used the phrase ‘therein lies the issue’ in a song?!) and I love the last chorus and outro. It was perfect for the tour closer.

Favourite lyric: And there are no rules when you show up here, bass beat rattling the chandelier

Call It What You Want – THE LYRICS in this one! They’re just amazing. It gives us such an insight into her relationship and that’s really special.

Favourite lyric: My castle crumbled overnight, I brought a knife to a gunfight, they took the crown but it's alright

New Year’s Day – I love this as an album closer. After all the glitter and the fanfare, we’re left with the heart of Taylor’s music and that is her songwriting. It’s gentle and sincere and pulls you into it’s own little world, one more time before the album finishes. And I love that it’s so simple, production wise; a more complicated arrangement would almost detract from it.

Favourite lyric: Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you, and I will hold on to you

There’s so much more I could write but that’s all I can do for now. Ever since the album came out, I’ve wanted to write a huge, in depth thing about everything in it but I just haven’t been able to. I’ve been so unwell this year and had so many bad experiences with medications that just getting through is all I can manage. I’m grateful to have had reputation through it, even if I can’t say it as eloquently as I would like to. Thank you @taylorswift.

#taylor swift #taylorswift #reputation #happy birthday reputation #one year of reputation #ramblings #songwriting analysis #songwriting

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bethoumyvision123 · 3 years

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Album Review of Erica Case’s record Top bitch

I am reviewing this album because I am a huge fan of any kind of local music that isn’t predictable. This album is bringing the weird California freak scene vibes that the Nashville underground has been leaning towards for awhile. This phenomenon was started by the forsaken Freakin’ Weekend festivals, which was a garage-rock/punk/and some electronica festival that was making Nashville a by bringing down artists such as Jack Name and Ty Segall. Certain Nashville artists still play with these acts, like Dylan Watson playing for Jack Name. This scene grew strongly, but unfortunately dissipated after almost a decade in like 2017 when one of the male higher ups turned out to have sexually assaulted someone. It’s all there on Nashvillesdead.com if that is still a website. It made me really gag and shameful to have watched these acts. However, I was very glad when I learned that instead of this scene having any lasting local acts, many female electronica and electronica influenced rock music artists have risen to take over the East Nashville Underground since then. I am of course talking about Eve Maret. As far as I have learned, she is really the only one doing anything as interesting and diverse as great local musicians like Daniel Pujol did (please make a comeback if you’re reading this pujol)! That is, until now! Erica Case has released a new album called Top bitch and it is better than any of this crap I have listened to in Nashville for as long as I can remember. Of course I haven’t yet mentioned her rootsy country influence, which I will.

Of course some of my favorite locals that are now famous highly remind me of this album. Taylor Swift newest albums have a similar indie flair, and there is an undeniable Halyey Williams (and that is a lazy comparison) vibe whether conscious or not. I have grown un with my sisters an I very interested in this kind of music, and so Erica Case was right up my alley. Here is a track by track review.

Top bitch: This is the sole bluesy track on the album I would say. It comes off very tongue and cheek, which conjures that LA freak scene like Geneva Jacuzzi and Charles (yes these are Ariel Pink’s ex girlfriends, but I don’t want to mention that asshole genius). This is why I wasn’t surprised when I saw Weirdo Music Forever, an LA freak scene Instagram, like Erica’s IG video of a a live electric version of her later song, For A While. Favorite lyric from the title track I am reading is “I hope you’re ready to pick your teeth up off the ground.”

When I Call: This song you can really hear that Joey Ramone influence she talks about by her numerous covers on Soundcloud, with the emphasis on melody. Which brings me to another California freak band, The Cramps. She has covered them on SC, but I wouldn’t really associate them as much as joey Ramone. As in, I am not hearing any Psycho billy, although some tracks on this record have that punk rockabilly thing going. This track really sets the tone for the moody lyrics of this record, “So don't tell me you love me, If you're only gonna go away.”

Waste of Time: This is a power pop song. Reminds me of my old favorite local band Pujol in the nostalgic vibe. 60s sunshine pop, but an undeniably current sad girl. This is when you get the idea that this artist is very eclectic in her command of genres. You have no idea what genre will come next. Will it be blues, pop-punk, or power-pop? Fav lyric is “poisoning my brain.”

And the winner is power pop! A good stride to stick on. The chord changes in this, my favorite being the chord change into the chorus, are very 80s new wave in the melody in my opinion. The highly sustained lead guitar riff throughout is no exception. I need to listen to the Cure more..

And here is when the always much anticipated track 5 happens, and on this record this means when it completely switches to a singular genre for the rest of the 5 tracks on the album. I remember the last five songs better than any others. That is for course a country type, definitely resembling the likes of Margo Price. Although Erica’s lyrics are much more playful, and child-like. This positivity os shown by it’s dominant chords and counter-acted by sad and depressing flashing images like, “lie to me, say it’s alright.”

This track is when you begin to realize that Erica really likes vocal harmonies, and rightfully so. It is fully old-school country, but you can still hear the melody flourishes that remind you of current sad girl music like Miley Cyrus working with the Flaming Lips, which is probably a weird comparison that belongs easier in theses track reviews, but nonetheless stands. Of course the slide guitar on all these country tracks is impeccable. I also heard on IG that the violin played in this song is by the great Gorgo bordello influenced local gypsy band Fable Cry. They have played a lot of shows with my sister’s circus. Amazing and technical band, and these performances are no exception to that. Very Appalachian too in the fiddle approach.

This song has an anthemic and traditional folk structure. Lovely lyrics of self-love and being able to fix a car which I am jealous of. This one has the Americana attitude to the max, and I am sure that local country legends would love this sass-country variant. Musically, this for me conjures country sass like Jeanie C Riley’s hit Harper Valley PTA which use to play like at the Viva Nashvegas Radio Show in Franklin.

For a While: What can I say about this one! Possibly my favorite on the record. Heart-wrenching melancholy with an explosive chorus. She really knows how to pack a lot of emotions in relatively simple lyrics.

I heard on IG that this is supposed to be a sister song with the previous one, in terms of who they are written about. The dominant jazz chords come to their max on this one, which adds to the eclectic vibe. The toy xylophone conjures early Velvet Underground. I am certainly glad that this relationship milked not one but two great songs! I haven’t been this sad for a girl since early Taylor Swift. Yes, track 8 and 9 are very fun ones to wail (she wants her fans to send a tik toc of people singing her songs, which I will have to do eventually).

Ah yes, the album closer. I actually first heard this song several years ago as a free CD sitting at Grimey’s. It was made with a handmade CD package with glue, and so there is a cool sentimental craft thing going on. I had forgotten about that till now. This song tells the story of who I think is her grandpa. It has many details and local references. I am sure the people I know that are associated with the Grand Ole Opry would love to hear stuff like this!

The narrative of this album involves a few tough relationships and a lot of southern pride, but the boundary-less kind. These different narratives daydream into one another on one of the most exciting and high-definition (quality wise) albums from the Nashville area that I have heard in a while. Great job, Erica!

10/10!

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grimelords · 7 years

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My October playlist is finished, please enjoy it. From 14 minute 70s acoustic guitar instrumentals, Armand Van Helden bangers and Christian music I’ve had a lot of feelings about this playlist has it all in four hours.

Love Love Love - The Mountain Goats: Posting on the web about Mountain Goats songs you've had a moment with is about as universal as it gets, so here's mine for this month. I woke up one morning with the line about Sonny Liston in my head one day after not listening to this song in years. John Darnielle is perhaps the only person on earth I'd trust to write a song about Kurt Cobain's suicide and he does a very simple and beautiful job of it here. Ben's My Friend - Sun Kil Moon: I discovered Sun Kil Moon way after I probably should have via that guy who was doing parody songs of him last year. This song is fantastic because it takes so long to make its point, and like so much good art is just some middle aged guy recounting his every thought and movement for four minutes. You Were Meant For Me - Jewel: I was trying to remember how Dreams by Fleetwood Mac went and all I could think of was this song, and settled on singing it to myself instead. Sober - Lorde: Sorry to be a normie but listening to Lorde break down this song on an episode of Song Exploder was incredibly good and it definitely made me appreciate the way the brass sounds a lot more. Melodrama really does get better and better as a cohesive whole the more I listen to it. Night Moves - Bob Seger: We as a society need to bring back Power Voice I think. I've been obsessed with this song for months now and as far as I can tell Bob Seger has precisely zero other good songs, which is unfortunate because this one is so good. This also is another song about getting the Lamenting Night Hornies because you heard a thunderstorm that reminded you of the times in your youth that you Fucked and it's, in my opinion, very beautiful. Cairo - San Fermin: This is on the list not only because it's a good song but also unfortunately because of Podasts. San Fermin guested on an episode of Improv4humans and got absolutely roasted about this song so I highly recommend the ep. UFO - Sneaky Sound System: It's unfortunate that Sneaky Sound System's highest played song according to Spotify is the Nicolas Jaar remix of Big (an all time top ten piece of music) because it's really overshadowed the rest of their incredibly good singles. Do you remember 2006? What a time to be alive. UFO (Van She Tech Remix) - Sneaky Sound System: This is my absolute pick of the month and I have been raving to everyone who'll listen but nobody cares, I cannot get enough of it. Do you remember when Justice came from France to bless us all with the secret of bass and we betrayed them by inventing Skrillex not three years later? Van She remember. Charlie Chazz & Rappin Ralph - Duck Sauce: I believe there is a real argument to be made that any song that doesn't refer to the listeners collectively as Party People is absolutely worthless. Duck Sauce's album is a completely underrated classic in my opinion, it's a go-to mood elevator from beginning to end and for some reason has a subplot thoughout about aliens transmitting coded messages to influence human evolution, which is a big thumbs up from me. I Took Your Picture - Cults: Guess what Cults are still really really good. I haven't given this album enough time yet but this bassline has invaded my dreams so that's a good sign. Pavement - City Calm Down: The way this layers and builds into and through the chorus is so satisfying. I love this sort of thick synth production and the contrast between the different registers of his voice is so satisfying as the chorus comes back again. Pogo - Digitalism: Australian electronic music had a real moment around 2007 between Digitalism, Van She, The Presets, Midnight Juggernauts, Cut Copy and all them and I'm realising retrospectively that it was very, very good. Semicircle Song - The Go! Team: The world's best band are back and their new album isn't out until fucking January! This song features big horns and a bridge that's just a montage of children telling you their star sign so that's how you know it's good. The Garden's All Nighters - The Number Twelve Looks Like You: It's a real shame that #12 broke up after this album because it feels like they were really on the edge of something. Over 4 albums they morphed from a straight ahead grind band into some sort of math-prog thing approaching it from a whole different direction to everyone else. I love the idea of writing such an expansive, complex song seemingly just about living in New Jersey. The way it transitions into the groovy latin part is so nice and the solo is just beautiful; and unlike other bands in the same sort of sector they never make a joke of genre switches either, they just keep moving forward with a smile. Paris/Orly - Deux: I forget how I first came across this album but it’s easily the wankiest thing I absolutely love. An 80s French synthpop duo that only ever released a cassette and some singles that got reissued by a label called Minimal Wave a few years ago. It is absolutely the best. New wave mixed with Kraftwerk and synthpop except incredibly french and cool as well. I constantly have their song Game And Performance in my head but this one was my obsession this month. Walking Into Sunshine (Larry Levan 12" Mix) - Central Line: There’s something very authentic about disco songs that are lyrically all about working all week all day every day, and desperately needing a break to perhaps, dance your worries away in a new york discotheque. Cradle In The Crater - The Number Twelve Looks Like You: This is maybe my favourite #12 song because it appears to be about some kind of super child who came from space and perhaps wrought havoc on the citizens of earth, but told in a very real and emotional way like it’s a story about someone they really knew. It reminds me of Mother 3 and the good times I had as a teen playing that game with my best friend, so that’s an added bonus. Under The Ice (Extended Version) - Topo & Roby: Italo disco forever. This song is a duet between a woman and a robot where they relay the story of him coming from a distant planet in a spaceship and crashing on the north pole then getting trapped under the titular ice where he waits to I think murder me. Now that I think of it it’s world similar to Cradle In The Crater. It sounds so good, far better than a novelty song like this has any right to. There’s also a video with someone’s 80s mum dancing with an incredibly shit robot on youtube if you’re interested. Outta The Woodwork - Kurt Vile and Courtney Barnett: I really love the covers they chose for this album because they both really make it their own. Outta The Woodwork really sounds like a Kurt song now and I love the strong piano giving the song the harder edge the lyrics deserve and Kurt just lazily soloing to hell any chance he gets Peepin' Tom - Kurt Vile and Courtney Barnett: I think I almost like this version more than the original, making it just an acoustic thing but still keeping all the dynamics of the original is so nice. I love specifically the deep bass voice of ‘peepin’ to the high ‘tom’. It satisfies something weird in my brain. Mercury (12" Version) - Bloc Party: I can’t believe i’ve lived this long without ever knowing that there was a 12” version of Mercury out there. The song I always felt was way too short to contain the amount of energy it has has a 7 minute version that well and truly lays it out into a slow intense burn instead. Electric Feel (Justice Remix) - MGMT: Just to get my 2007 opinions straight Electric Feel is not a good song. Kids is a good song but Electric Feel isn’t. That said: this remix comes damn close to making it good. Justice figured out the secret sound and we’re all the better for it. Comin' Apart - Gary Wright: There’s no greater joy than tracking down a sample and finding out that the original song is also a banger. This pairs extremely well with My My My as a sort of extended intro. My My My - Armand Van Helden: I posted that playlist a couple weeks ago of songs mid-2000s bangers with extremely horny videos and this is a highlight from that. I'm always amazed with how much mileage great producers can get out of a relatively straightforward sample because this hums along for almost 7 minutes and only gets better. Laser Life - The Blood Brothers: The Blood Brothers are one of the few bands that scratch the brain itch I have for totally bonkers Mars Volta markov chain lyrics phrases like 'Oh dream machine I'm a pound of flesh inside a drum machine dream'. They're also the only band I think that can get away with having this sort of cabaret swing feel in a song with a lot of screaming and not have it be absolutely unbearable. Camouflage, Camouflage - The Blood Brothers: Where a lot of The Blood Brothers early songs were just chaotic bursts, they have a few songs that spread out into a long multi movement ideas culminating in very good final lines like 'I couldn't see the love and affection it was camouflaged as a jungle of erections, and I couldn't see the skeletal lightning it was camouflaged as a young machete' 16 Tons - Tennessee Ernie Ford: The mistake people make in covering this song is trying to match the extremely grim lyrics to the music, but this version succeeds exactly because it's on some upbeat Frank Sinatra shit with the clarinet refrain sounding like a children's song while still being very much about dying face down in the dirt from arsenic poisoning. Take This Hammer - Leadbelly: On the other hand you have a song like Take This Hammer from a guy who really worked on a chain gang complete with involuntary WAH sounds to time your hammer strikes to, and it's still so much more upbeat and positive musically than it has any right to be looking at the lyrics. San Francisco - Foxygen: There's something about the chorus of this song, and they way the phrases of the two voices line up where if it gets stuck in your head it just goes around and around and around forever and it is absolutely maddening so I thought I'd share that with you all. El Manana (Metronomy Remix) - Gorillaz: This remix reminds me of Studio to a degree with the way it just moves forward with no regard for regular structure. It's gutsy to remix a song and somehow restructure it so the chorus doesn't even sound like it's the chorus anymore but just another small part in a slowly winding up machine. Monkey Gone To Heaven - The Pixies: The way he's screaming that GOD IS SEVEN in this song I feel like if Black Francis hadn't made it in music he'd be running a very successful incomprehensible conspiracy website. This is a song I can get very lyrically involved in when I'm in certain moods, nodding my head like the creature in the sky DID get sucked in a hole and now there's a hole in the sky, and we're all in trouble because of it. Cannonball - The Breeders: I like this song because it feels like everyone in the band is working on their own unique structure. The clean guitar especially just comes and goes at will through the whole song, the lyrics start whenever, the rhythm guitar just keeps strumming along. It all comes together for the chorus and then they just go their own separate ways until it's chorus time again. S.A.D. - Kirin J Callinan: The production on this song just amazes me, especially as it moves into the later choruses the sheer weight of the chords is just crazy. The barest suggestion of guitars chugging in the background but blending into the huge synths chords. Combined with the vocals it's the most threatening pop song I've ever heard. Wrapped up in plastic thrown down the stairs feeling fantastic. Water Coast Blues - Honeyboy Edwards: I feel like Honeyboy Edwards has gotten a raw deal from history. When he died most of his obitaries made a big point of how he was one of the last living people to know Robert Johnson personally. Which is an important detail but it overshadows Edwards contributions in his own right as a guitarist and songwriter who had a 70 year career. The album this recording's from is a really good compilation that gives an overview of his whole career, mixed with interviews with Edwards and Alan Lomax that are just amazing. Anyway just listen to the playing on this song because it is incredible. The bass figure he switches into when he says 'when I had money'? Phenomenal. Another Leather Lung - The Sound Of Animals Fighting: The Sound Of Animals Fighting was a supergroup of a bunch of guys from RX Bandits/Chiodos/Circa Survive and bands like that coming together in animal masks to make the most pretentious band possible at the time. There's a lyrics on one of their other songs where he sings 'the artist! the true manifestation of struggle!' which is quite good. But outside of that they did make some very good music and the second half of this song where it takesoff is really something. Bone Machine - The Pixies: It's amazing Black Francis hasn't been linked to a string of murders in the mid 80s honestly. This whole song feels like evidence. Also the way he says 'I was talking to peachy peach about kissy kiss.. [incredibly long, awkward silence] ... he bought me a soda. he bought me a soda and he tried to molest me in the parking lot hep hep hep hep' is perhaps the most amazing verse ever. Stomping Tonight On The Pennsylvania/Alabama Border - John Fahey: This is John Fahey's best song and I've listened to it probably 4 times a week for the last 4 years. It is quite honestly an eternal mood. Ares - Bloc Party: War! War! War! War! I love the guitar in this, because it's just textural noisemaking more than anything else and mixed with the vocal manipulations in the chorus it's just absolute chaos. It's such a shame that everyone in Bloc Party either left the band or had their brain removed after this album because between this, Mercury and Talons it was truly an incredible moment. Special Rider Blues - John Fahey: I can't believe I only found out this month about John Fahey covering Skip James, and even that it took me this long for me to listen to the full version of his America album. Mark 1:15 - John Fahey: I also learned that on account of cds only holding 80 minutes of music, this 14 minute reissue version of Mark 1:15 is 2 minutes shorter than the original vinyl version and I'm completely riled up about it and demanding a second, definitive reissue to restore them. Regardless, this song is an absolute masterpiece and when it switches into the portion of When The Springtime Comes again about three quarters of the way through it's just amazing. Swim - Nicolas Jaar: Here's another quite long and involved piece of music from the other side of the spectrum. It has a very similar feeling to Mark 1:15 really, so if you liked that persevere through this. It's taken me such a long time to get around to listening to Nymphs for some reason but I'm glad I finally gave it a shot because this song especially is a real masterwork. Crimes - The Blood Brothers: A third Blood Brothers song for you, If you didn't like the other two there's a chance you'll like this one because it's much more sedate. This song is also a good first Blood Brothers song because the way the second vocalist sounds when he finally turns up is really funny if you're not expecting it. This is another on the long list of songs I seem to just always have in my head and sing to myself when I'm walking around. NRG - Duck Sauce: Are you ready for the most powerful 12 minutes of your life? It's the entirety of the NRG single by Duck Sauce. I like to think of it as a purposeful multi-movement work rather than a song and two remixes because that's what it feels like. Starting out we have the original, incredible instant power of NRG. NRG (Skrillex, Kill The Noise, Milo & Otis Remix) - Duck Sauce: and next we have the absolute peak of the work, the fever pitch. See if you can guess which part Skrillex was responsible for. I love the addition of miscellaneous woos and yeahs among the already busy main riff, I absolutely love the bass which sounds like some kind of steel drum pulled down four octaves. I love the distortion on the vocals in the second half as it slowly gives you time to catch your breath. NRG (Hudson Mohawk Remix) - Duck Sauce: The we move into the comedown, the HudMo contribution where the drums somehow sound like they're coming from next door like the party has passed you by and moved on to enliven your neighbours. I love the snare building and then splitting into triplets like it's going to drop before the peace of the synth gives way to the rolling thunder drums hafway in. On The Other Hand Baby - Etta Baker: I don't know what to say about Etta Baker. She's incredible and it's an absolute shame that she didn't really get recorded until she was about 70. This album was recorded when she was about 92 and her playing is still amazing. Crucible - Sleigh Bells: You have to give Sleigh Bells credit for still going strong four albums in if nothing else. Somewhere along the line they adopted this sort of corny rock chick thing that wasn't really there in their first album and I think it works against them but I really can't get enough of the instrumental of this song. The distorted brass and string amongst everything else especially. I feel like there's a much better song buried in here somewhere but I'll take what I can get. Pirate Blues - As Cities Burn: As Cites Burn are another good example of a metalcore band absolutely mellowing out into a indie rock band over the course of three albums, and the result Hell Or High Water has turned out to be one if my favourites of all time. This song especially is an obsession, and I love a band having the sense to no longer make metalcore, but learning enough from it to take a song to a a huge crescendo when they need to like this one does. Timothy - As Cities Burn: Between As Cities Burn, mewithoutYou and a couple of other christian bands I was very nearly converted in highschool and it still informs a lot of my uh theistic thought in a strangely unembarrassing way. This song, from their second album where they were sort of caught between their metalcore origins and the full fleshed indie rock of Hell Or High Water is one of their best. Yelling at god about your dead friend is a massive thing to write a song about but it's done so well and it builds and builds before dissolving into a sparse, thoughtful solo for a good six minutes into a beautiful ending.

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