#my baby Barto is for sure the second one

[charkyzombicorn]

bartolomeo in any of your aus

(I want to see him simp for the straw hats)

Bartolomeo in All my aus - and quickly before I regret it

Edit: More

Edit: Even More

Son of the Fog AU - everything's the same except Barto heard rumors abt a haunted skeleton pirate and tried to find him to join his crew. He didn't, but he starts frothing at the mouth when he finds out that Premium Luffy Lore and Brook is his second favorite strawhat

Teach him a Lesson AU - In Loguetown Barto still gets his reverence for Luffy because Luffy acted the same when put in the same situation, but he also noticed how amused Luffy's captain looked, and so becomes a Luffy And No One Else stan

Yoinked AU - Barto never really meets Luffy, since Luffy doesn't have the freedom to be a pirate

Marine Dads AU (just dog dad tho) - Barto hears abt Luffy a lot later, post-marineford, but is very inspired by his story and once he finally meets him he starts crying and Luffy has no idea what to do because Barto hasn't even introduced himself yet

One Piece/Soul Eater crossover - Barto is one of Franky's peers and was a super tough bad boi but then Luffy and Usopp (accidentally) saved him from a witch that had magnetism powers that Barto was weak against in pitchfork-form and human-full-of-piercings form. Barto founded the Luffy cult and co-founded the Usopp cult, and joined in marineford-adjacent because he would follow Luffy and Usopp to the ends of the earth

Selkie Usopp AU - Bartolomeo is very passionate abt selkie and fishman rights, and somehow knows more abt selkies than Usopp and Buggy put together (he needed to know abt Luffy-senpai's beloved's culture lest he offend one of The Strawhats)

Myths & Gods AU - Barto was rejecting gods for his whole life when he got stabbed, his arms broken, kidnapped and thrown into a field to die after a gang fight. He couldn't exactly figure out where the hell he was, only that the place was full of flowers (that were god flowers but he didn't know that). He ended up chewing on a sunflower because the seeds are edible maybe and Luffy appeared like 'Hah! First time In a while I've seen someone do that' and then brought everyone over to see the hobo sleeping in their flowers, and tell Sanji to feed him. Barto will now tell everyone that asks that the gods are awesome and they saved him and he's still a pirate but hes borderline door-to-door Mormon because he just won't stop talking abt how the gods helped him in his lowest hour

One Piece/Fruit's Basket Crossover Au - Barto was a delinquent kid (and still kinda is) that, in middle school, ended up in a gang fight with high schoolers. He and his little gang was losing miserably but then they saw a crying "girl"(Barto wasn't sure at the time) with a broken nose that pointed at the towering highschoolers and Luffy, Zoro and Sanji all came out, Zoro with a baby strapped to his back, and they all proceeded to beat the shit out of those highschoolers. That cemented them as the coolest people Barto knows, but then Luffy went up to him and said he had really cool hair and he looked like Brook. Barto had no idea what that meant but it started his massive fanboy crush as well as his entire gang's matching massive fanboy crushes

Wing AU - pretty much same as canon except Barto's got some wings with a lot of dye in them, so much it's hard to tell what kind of wings they are. He can't control his wings flapping when he's excited and he's always tripping around Luffy because he keeps accidentally flying a centimeter and then falling

Roger's Ghost AU - Bartolomeo occasionally thinks abt killing himself so he can be part of Luffy's ghost posse but he never does, he also does a lot more research into the origins of the strawhat because he doesn't want Luffy to be cursed (he knows about the curse even if none of the crew does, it was by accident)

Sun's Personality AU - Bartolomeo is in denial that Luffy isn't entirely Him, tries his best not to wonder if it was Luffy that inspired him or Nika. He had a bit of a strained relationship with his devilfruit at first but learning that Strawhats liked cohabitation with their devilfruit meant Barto put some effort into actually knowing his devil, and they ended up having more in common even if his devil is very straight-laced and traditional while Barto is Barto

Halloween au - Bartolomeo is a cockatrice that is absolutely obsessed with Luffy and draws fanart that borders on furry art of him All The Time and if anyone says anything derogatory about any of the crew he turns them into stone. He has dog ears that he wears in private

[onepiece-imagines-bartoloclub]

(This has been a long time coming, uh, so I chose to write it in this format cause I've only been able to write headcannons like this. I am really sorry for how long this took and I hope you enjoy anon, sorry again.❤💖❤💖❤💖❤💖)

~ Barto finding out his girlfriend/wife is pregnant ~

•While Bartolomeo can stay calm in any situation even if the odds are against him, it's quite telling that when something is out of his control, he secretely becomes a nervous wreck hidden under a confident facade.

•This is apparent when his girlfriend suddenly got sick. It was concerning cause she started getting cravings around the same week her illness began, but what really scared him was that she couldn't keep her food down for too long.

•Sea sickness was pretty commin in his crew, given their lack of a navigator and a decent helmsman, but this was different. It seemed to him that the longer the days went on, the sicker she got.

•"Look Gambia, I have no goddamn clue what to do! She's getting worse and we don't know how long it'll take to get to Dressrosa! I'm a disgrace to Luffy-senpai!"

"Hey, come on cap, is that the kind of attitude the Strawhats would have if they're in trouble?"

"No! Of course not!"

"Is that the kind of person you want them to see you as when you give Luffy-senpai the Devil Fruit?"

"..... Does it matter? We're worthless compared to him."

"I know, but how do you think he would feel if he finds out the captain of the Barto Club gives up so easily?"

"I WOULD DIE! Y-You're right! I can't end it here, I've already disgraced Luffy-senpai enough, it's time to show great of a captain I am, FOR LUFFY SENPAI!"

"And, 'Y/N'."

"AND, 'Y/N'!!!!"

•As they draw nearer to their next destination, Bartolomeo spent the days making sure she was comfortable, catered to and took the responsibility to take her wherever she needs to go because "That's what Luffy-senpai would do!"

•Once the ship drew near at Arcacia's docks, he was at her beck and call as he helped her get ready in order to leave the ship as soon as they arrive. Once Gambia drops the steps in front of the docks, Barto dashes with his girlfriend in his arms while pushing random pedestrians and toys as he finds any hospital nearby.

•When he finds one, he enters the lobby and immediately shouts for any doctor to take her, not caring if there's already people waiting for one themselves. It was both Barto's infamy and non empty threats that allowed him to instantly get his girlfriend a doctor.

•"So uh, Mr. Bartolomeo, it seems that there's nothing really wrong with her--"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOTHING WRONG WITH HER?! SHE'S BEEN SICK FOR MLRE THAN A WEEK!!"

"W-What I meant to say is that she doesn't have any illnesses, the signs she described means that she was in her third week of pregnancy."

"...."

"Barty! Can you believe it? We're gonna have a kid!"

"...."

"Barty?"

"OH. MY. LUFFY!! I'M GONNA BE A DAD?!"

"W--"

"This can't be happening! I'm not ready! I don't have enough Strawhat memorabilia to educate my future child about my senpais' greatness with! I need more time to get their autographs; and what are we gonna name our child..... Oh! I know--"

"DON'T YOU DARE THINK ABOUT NAMING THEM AFTER THE STRAWHATS!"

"Aww! But why not?"

•It was unexpected, but it wasn't an unwelcomed surprised to say the least. Bartolomeo might be rude, crass and generally uncaring about how others see him, he does genuinely care about his girlfriend and his closest friends.

•It's her, their baby and making sure they're safe alongside helping out Luffy that made Barto's unshakeable will even stronger when fighting against Doflamingo's crewmate.

•It was when he got on his ship with the strawhats and the many pirates who helped them defeat Doflamingo that made him realize that not only did he get to meet and is currently near his idols but that he's going to be a father, that his emotions got the better of him and he landed on his knees, crying in joy about how he doesn't deserve this while thanking Luffy and his crew.

•"H-Hey um, Luffy-senpai? I'm sorry to even waste a second of your time and to even ask for anything else with how much you've done just by being here, but could I ask you something?"

"Hm? Oh sure, what is it?"

•And so, a few feet away from the framed autographs from the strawhats, Bartolomeo hangs up an image of a strangely drawn chicken/fish creature with "for Barto's kid" written in the corner of the paper.

He smiles brightly at the framed drawing.

"They're gonna love it when they find out that Luffy-senpai made this."

"I hope they figure what it's supposed to be before they know who made it."

"ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF LUFFY'S PERFECT DRAWING SKILLS?!"

[asexualzoro]

list of reasons I find zoro ridiculous

after my similarly titled mihawk post took off I decided to make a zoro post, since he’s my second favorite character and also arguably the most ridiculous character in all of One Piece. here we go

- I know what you’re all thinking. i’m gonna open this list with how he wields three swords, right? no. no, Zoro has done so much ridiculous bullshit, this doesn’t even seem weird anymore. i don’t even bat my eye at this. this is nothing. now that i’ve got that out of the way, let’s begin

- this dude has like, an obsession with cutting off his own limbs? and MAYBE i can understand trying to cut his feet off when they were stuck in wax—you’re trying to save your friends, i get it—but what about when he was sword shopping in loguetown? who’s first response when buying a cursed sword and testing if it’s really cursed is “i’ll toss it in the air n see if I get amputated lol.” plus there’s that old filler where luffy gets his finger stuck in a bottle and, when he asks zoro for help getting it out, zoro tries to CUT IT OFF. im convinced he lost that left eye of his bc he got dust or something in it and then tried to stab it out

- there’s like, several occasions where Zoro has been directed to head up a staircase and gone some other direction. it happened in enies lobby and in dressrosa? like, what’s the dude got against stai—... oh, wait

- his reintroduction post timeskip. get on the wrong boat? just cut it in half! who even cares! how’d you even end up on the wrong boat? you had to walk towards that boat, which means looking at the boat. that boat looked nothing like the sunny, wouldn’t zoro have noticed that? he also has to make an effort to climb on, which means, you guessed it, looking at the boat! he probably sees the crew members, maybe even gets helped up by one or a few. how did he not at any point in time notice that wasn’t his boat?

- also when they landed on sabaody the first time and zoro was like “i’m gonna go take a walk!” and both Sanji and Usopp tried to stop him, talking to him like concerned parents of a troublemaking toddler, like “Zoro you can’t go out there you’ll get lost!” to which Zoro replies “yeah but the grottos are numbered, I can find my way back if I just remember the number!” and Sanji and Usopp are like “okay, solid logic, even YOURE not dumb enough to mess that up” and what does Zoro do? what does he fucking do?

- I want to emphasize he messes it up because a bubble covers the 4 in “Grotto 41” so he thinks it’s grotto 1. BUBBLES. ARE. TRANSPARENT

- “sorry, I don’t pray to god” fuckin edgelord

- Zoro’s epithet is “Pirate Hunter” and it’s super lame. he could’ve been “Demon of the East Blue” but they went with pirate hunter, even though he became a pirate. even Chopper’s is better than his lbr

- THERES A SCENE WHERE SANJI THREATENS TO PUT RAZOR BLADES IN ZOROS FOOD N ZOROS LIKE “do it u won’t” SO SANJI DOES AND ZORO JUST EATS THEM? ODA EVEN GOT ASKED ABOUT IT IN AN SBS AND CONFIRMED YES, ZORO DID IN FACT EAT RAZOR BLADES. THIS 2EDGY4U BITCH JUST. STRAIGHT UP. ATE RAZOR BLADES

- in film gold he wears that black jacket under the white one. mind you he had no way of knowing he would be trapped in gold by tesoro or that they’d all have a dramatic coordinated outfit change once he was free so what the fuck was he doing? why did he wear that? who wears two jackets for no reason?

- “if i’m gonna be a statue I want it to be in this pose” “i’m glad I struck a pose”

- remember when zoro fought mr. 1 in alabasta and mr. 1 dropped a stone building on him and he was just like “this is a rocky day” or smth equally awful? i hate him

- the tarzan yell in skypiea

- actually, the goggles too.

- didn’t he try to convince someone he was fighting they were sunglasses bc they had some blinding light-based attack? I feel like he did but I don’t remember skypiea well enough to be sure

- Zoro vs the bird in skypiea. spent a fair amount of the damn arc running around skypiea getting messed w by a bird (which, according to Luffy, was more evolved than Zoro bc it had developed a sense of direction. burned by ur own captain)

- when asked why Zoro was able to speak with a sword in his mouth, oda said “IT’S HIS HEART SPEAKING”

- that colorspread Zoro where he reads a book about weightlifting while balancing a weight on top

- when Zoro fights that masochist guy in film gold (I think his name was dice?) and said some cocky ass one liner after the guy fell unconscious that went something like “What's wrong? Didn't it feel good? Aren't you gonna scream in pleasure?" awful

- Zoro almost gets murdered by Mihawk and then, later that day, tries to take on fishmen underwater. others r like “you cannot handle this, you will literally die” and Zoro doesn’t even care bc Luffy is in trouble

- he was sailing bc he left home to find mihawk and then couldn’t figure out how to get back

- remember that filler where Zoro taught Luffy how to skate but then forgot to teach him how to turn. I love both that this happened and the implication that Zoro is a person who knows how to roller skate and therefore has spent time roller skating. Zoro roller skating backstory when?

- when Zoro was fighting oz, a 500 year old corpse, he licked his sword. now, on top of licking his sword being ridiculous as hell because, listen, there’s NOTHING cool about licking your sword. you just look like a loser. but a sword that just came out of a 500 year old corpse? really? i know it was preserved by the cold and all but there’s no way it didn’t rot at all. that’s a rotted, frozen corpse. Zoro what in the HELL were you thinking. I hope you get sick

- i’m sure it probably wasn’t even the first time he licked his sword in a fight but I will say with absolute confidence he looked like a loser every single time

- I feel like he licked his sword while facing mr 1 but I can’t remember. if he did, that’s honestly iconic. stare down a dude that’s made of swords while licking yours? power move. only decent time to kick your sword

- Zoro, joining Luffy: “if you stand in the way of my dream i’ll kill you!” Zoro, a day later: “of course i’ll carry my captain in this heavy cage on my back to safety. oh this gaping wound in my side? nothing. who cares about bleeding to death, my captain needs me!”

- all those big weights he’s got. all of them.

- especially that time he was lifting weights post thriller bark after barely surviving kuma, still heavily injuries, complaining about how weak he is. buddy...

- that time in drum island where he decided to train by going swimming in the freezing ice-country water, then when he got out he got lost in the snowy mountains until he wandered into a random battle and took out some guy just to steal his coat

- this isn’t the only time he steals some random dude’s coat

- the chimney.

- that filler in smiles lobby where he gets, like, abducted by a bunch of children for a day and integrated into their family?

- Roronoa Zoro went fursuiting in dressrosa and that’s a canon fact you all must acknowledge

- speaking of being a furry anyone remember mugiwara theater?

- THE FUCKING MUGIWARA THEATER NAMES. mugiwara theater is a gift, alright? here’s some: nakamura hanzorou. zobear. ZOROMILK

- I FORGOT TO MENTION. THAT TIME ZORO N USOPP WERE HANDCUFFED TOGETHER AND ZORO TRIED TO CONVINCE USOPP TO PLAY ROCK PAPER SCISSORS WITH HIM TO SEE WHICH ONE OF THEM WOULD HAVE TO CUT THEIR HAND OFF

- also the fact that his logic was “it’ll be fine cuz chopper can just sew it back on”

- can we also talk abt how later that fight he uses Usopp as a sword because holy shit Zoro

- this isn’t technically zoro’s fault but the guy who sold him his sword to him in loguetown has a giant version of bounty image up above his bath, which........

- barto asked for zoro’s autograph and Zoro just wrote “sword”

- the grave of the rumbar pirates was finished right around when Zoro woke up from his coma post thriller bark and Zoro decided to walk over while Brook is sitting there mourning almost everyone he ever loved and just. plops his sword—an inanimate object—in the dirt by the grave of BROOKS ENTIRE CREW like “hey i’m gonna bury this here u don’t mind tho right? cool”

- he’s lucky Brook is such a cool dude cuz if I was mourning the death of MY crew and some fuck decided to plant a rusty sword there i’d just fuckin kill em

- in Zou they were talking abt whatever and Luffy mentioned how Sanji was as strong as one thousand men and Zoro, clearly jealous that Sanji got praised by Luffy, butt in with a stuttery objection on how HE was stronger than Sanji and worth TWO THOUSAND men, which luffy ignored, and Nami had to reassure him that yes, Zoro, we know you’re strong. toddler

- this is also not technically zoro’s fault but one time someone asked oda in an sbs which strawhats would eat ice in their drink and oda answered who would n wouldn’t (Luffy, Chopper, Brook, Usopp, and Robin would, if ur wondering). Zoro was on the wouldn’t list, and some fan sent oda a letter informing him of a panel where Zoro was shown eating ice to disprove this. someone pulled zoro ice eating receipts on oda and that’s a fact we all have to live with

- the first time Zoro meets mihawk—the strongest man in the world, the man he wants to defeat someday, and incredibly powerful and impressive dude—he cries like a baby

- zoro’s been crucified like 4 times now. once in his introduction than in three movies (6, gold, nebulandia). idk why this keeps happening but honestly? keep it up

- when Brook joined the crew, Zoro said he was sorry for Brooks bad luck as if one of the first things Brook ever saw Zoro do wasn’t to try and die for the crew via Giant Paw Ball of Pain

- speaking of, i’m pretty sure half the reason zoro DIDNT die in thriller bark is because if he died via smth as silly as a giant paw ball his injured pride would kill him again

- I was going to make fun of Zoro for wearing only a suit and a fake mustache in dressrosa as a disguise but then I realized, like, given how absolutely shredded Zoro was in Punk Hazard and how that suit somehow managed to squish it all down without zoro ripping the sleeves off? solid disguise

- when merry was burning and everyone’s bawling and remembering great memories on the ship and Zoro was standing there, 100% stoic, remembering a nap

- Zoro saw marines (Garp) coming to Water 7 while Luffy was still unconscious and ran off to warn the others but couldn’t find his way back to the hotel

- that G8 filler where he falls off a cliff in pursuit of his swords

- speaking of fillers, remember that amnesia one? (ha). highlights include Zoro trying to physically fight a small sea horse (plus Usopp doing a bad lip-syncing) and Zoro swimming through the Grand Line with his swords tied to his head by his bandana

- meets a dragon, eats the dragon

- it got mentioned once that Sanji and Nami canonly help Zoro and the other guys get dressed. so every time Zoro wears something absolutely ridiculous (which is often), it’s probably Sanjis doing

- “I can’t believe I cut a freaking booger!!”

- speaking of, remember that time Luffy flicked a booger into Zoro’s drink at the Baratie and Zoro tried to force him to drink it?? remember that?? I hate them both

- that time Zoro was trying to find the Right Eye in Skypiea, said that (though the path to get there was STRAIGHT AHEAD) all he had to do to find the right eye was just keep going right (even though that would just lead him in circles!). and then after that do you know what direction he went?? do you know?? he fucking went left

- the time Zoro got lost walking on a straight path in a filler.

- Zoro lost to a guy in a fight and just fucking let the dude cut him in half. like, yes, the baratie scene was all cool as all hell and I love it but Zoro did in fact basically invite a dude to cut him in half

- when they were hit by negative hollows and everyone else said stuff that was kinda funny but Zoro went straight up “I don’t deserve to exist” please honey talk to someone

- he was fighting Kaku and kept engaging in Kaku’s devil fruit bs and then berating himself for being uncool as if he wasn’t already fighting a giant giraffe

- to end this list, I want to get to Zoro’s absolute worst offense. remember when Zoro fought Kaku and he did that asura form thing? where he straight up grew four extra arms and two extra heads, all wielding swords? what the FUCK was that? and don’t tell me “fighting spirit” alright. that’s bull. people don’t just GROW EXTRA SWORD-WIELDING BODY PARTS because they’re just REALLY INTO a FIGHT. like I know this is One Piece and shit’s ridiculous all this time but this? this is too much. even for One Piece this is too much. this is so ridiculous. there has to be a line, even in One Piece, with what these guys are allowed to get away with. I can accept haki so good you can see the future. I can accept spinning so fast you set your leg on fire. I can accept being made of springs. I can accept booger bombs. I can accept all that and more, but this? this is where i take my stand. Roronoa Zoro cannot keep getting away with this! fighting spirit is just not an explanation. and the worst part? the absolute worst part?

- Zoro makes four extra limbs and two extra heads, all armed with swords, MATERIALIZE out of THIN AIR with absolutely NO REAL EXPLANATION and then pretty much NEVER DOES IT AGAIN! he did it once in sabaody (and once in strong world) and then hasn’t done it since! everyone else uses the power ups they got in enies lobby all the time but Zoro, somewhere out there, knows how fuckin sick this attack is (bc yeah it’s ridiculous as hell but like I still enjoy it) and he just won’t do it again. not once post timeskip has he used it at all. Roronoa Zoro knows what he’s doing and he is out there, right now, laughing

- roronoa zoro is one of my top three favorite one piece characters and I make this list entirely out of love. (feel free to add on more moments I may have missed and i’ll add them)

[whattimeisitintokyo]

Somos Familia Ch 28

Chapter 28: Too Soon

               Leti huffed and puffed, running as fast as she could with Dante hot on her heals. This is ridiculous, how can a skeleton be so out of shape? She thought. No more candied pumpkins for me! Rounding a corner she gasped with relief as she saw her family hadn’t gotten that much farther from the house. ��Let’s bring ‘em back, Dante!”

               Dante let out a bark and charged for Matty first. He took a mouthful of Matty’s charro pants and yanked back hard, nearly tripping his young master. “Woah! What the-… Dante?!” Matty tried to shake the dog off his pants. “Dante, basta! You’re going to tear my suit!”

               “Either that or pants you!” Barto laughed.

               “Dante, let go of him.” Héctor said as he took hold of the growling dog and pulled him off. “If you can’t be a good dog then go back home. Vete!”

               Dante whined and looked at Leti for help as the family continued down towards the plaza. Leti was on the verge of a mental collapse, desperately clutching at her hair until a flash of golden light shined in her eyes. Blinking it away she looked at what caught her attention: Matty’s trumpet. A grin split her face and she gestured wildly at the dog. “Dante, the trumpet. Let’s play keep away, boy! Keep away!”

               Determination set in Dante’s eyes and Leti was sure she saw him give her an affirmative nod. Then he charged again, took a flying leap, and snatched the trumpet out of Matty’s hand.

               “Hey!” Matty yelled in shock and stared at Dante in surprise and anger as the dog darted a few yards away from the group, wagging his tail and drooling all over the trumpet in his mouth.  “Give that back, Dante! Bad dog!”

               “Don’t listen to him boy! Good dog! Vámanos!” Leti took off with Dante following close by, the shouts of her angry family coming in not too far behind. “Don’t look back Dante! Keep on going back to the house!”

               “Mateo?! What’s going on?!”

               Leti looked up and gasped when she saw Señor Valdez, the butcher, standing between them and the house. Matty yelled out, “Señor Valdez, stop that dog!”

               “Leticia?! What’s going on?!” To the right of Señor Valdez was another glowing skeleton standing close by.

               “Señor Valdez padre! Stop your son from stopping that dog!”

               The elderly skeleton stood in front of his son, offered a quick apology towards him, and crouched down with his hands held out. Dante jumped out onto the ghost’s hands and was then sprung up and over the shocked butcher before landing on the other side to continue his mad sprint.

               “Muchas gracias, Señor Valdez!” Leti chirped as she slapped the confused spirit a high five when she passed him.

               “Good luck niña with… whatever that was.”

               They ran as fast as they could, edging closer and closer to the house. And just when they were about to reach the green double doors Héctor came from out of nowhere and tackled Dante to the ground. The poor dog whined and struggled to break free but Héctor was too strong and managed to pry the trumpet from his mouth. “What in the world has gotten into you?!” Héctor growled. “I ought to sell you to a street vendor for what you just did! Bad dog! Bad-”

               “HÉCTOR!”

               Héctor’s head whipped up when he heard his name called out in such agony that he had never heard before. Another piercing scream had him stumbling back up and bolting towards the bedroom. “Imelda?!” When he reached it he gasped in utter terror when he saw his wife collapsed on the floor next to their bed, a patch of blood trailing from the mattress to the front of her gown. For a second he found himself back all those years ago when he saw his little girl in a similar state. One that had ultimately lead to her death. Imelda cried out again and reached out for him, snapping him out of his daze. “Imelda!”

               “Héctor…” Imelda moaned out and grasped his hand when he knelt down beside her. “Gracias a Dios…”

               “Papá?” Matty called out as he came into the room. “Papá, what’s going- Ay, Dios mio! Mamá!” Matty came to a halt and was nearly overcome with terror at the sight of all the blood.

               “Matty, go back and get Julio!” Héctor said as he wrapped Imelda’s arm around his shoulder. “Tell him to get the car and park it as close to the entrance as he can! We need to go to the hospital-”

               “No, Héctor!” Imelda pulled away from Héctor and collapsed back onto the floor. “The baby…”

               “Sí, I know Imelda. Dr. Alviso will help you and the baby when we get-”

               “The baby is coming now!”

               “What?! N-no, it’s far too soon!” Héctor pulled Imelda’s skirt up and out of the way, and sure enough a tiny head was forcing its way out of her. It and Imelda’s entire pelvic region were covered in fresh blood. “Dios… Dios mio…” Hearing a moan behind him he turned to see that Matty was still there, covering his mouth and looking paler by the second. “Matty! Go get clean towels and a large bowl of water! Hurry!” The boy gratefully sprinted away from the gory scene and Héctor was alone to comfort his wife. “It’s okay Imelda. You’re going to be alright. Both of you will.”

               “Héctor… It hurts… Something’s wrong. Aah!”

               To his horror Héctor saw the baby slide out even further. There was no other option left: He would have to deliver his own child. “Okay Imelda, let’s push you back against the wall to brace yourself.” He pulled some pillows off of the bed and placed them behind Imelda. “I know it hurts but you need to give it all you got.”

               “Mamá!” Héctor looked up to see Coco making her way towards Imelda and trying to lower herself to the ground. “Julio is getting the car now. It’s okay Mamita!”

               Barto was next to come in. “I’ve got the towels Matty said you asked for, what’s going- Ay, Santa Mariaaa…” He fell backwards with a loud thud and a cloud of dust, overwhelmed at the grisly site before him.

Héctor managed to snag a clean towel from the boy’s inert form and held it underneath the protruding baby. “It’s almost here Imelda. Keep going! Almost!”

The baby came out fast with only a few pained pushes, covered in blood and skinnier than any of their other children had been when they were born. And it was still. He was still.

“It’s a boy!” Coco said with awe while Imelda collapsed in her arms with exhaustion. Matty came in that moment with a bowl of water and placed it on the floor in front of Héctor. When the baby was placed into the water it made a jerking motion to the relief of everyone else, but it was still quiet.

“C’mon mi hijo…” Héctor whispered as he stuck a long finger into the baby’s mouth to clear any fluid. “C’mon, c’mon!” After wiping the baby as quickly as he could he then wrapped him in a towel and started briskly rubbing against his back. “Give me a cry, niño. One good cry! Let me hear you sing!” As if on command the baby let out a thin, creaky whine and jerked around some more. Héctor smiled as he finally saw some life come into his child. “That a boy! Yes!”

“Héctor…” Imelda mumbled out, her head rocking slowly back and forth and her face growing paler by the second. “The baby… My baby.” Héctor leant over towards Imelda and cupped her face with his hand. Her skin was cool and clammy, and her eyes were not focusing on anything. The blood continued to flow heavily between her legs. “My baby…”

“Joder… Coco, take your brother now and carry him to the car!” Héctor said urgently as he handed over the baby. “Matty, help me carry your Mamá! We have to go to the hospital now!”

Héctor and Matty lifted up Imelda with ease and hurried as fast as they could go to the running BMW with Julio at the wheel.  Coco managed to open the car door for them as they crammed into the back seat while she held the baby close to her and took the front seat. As soon as the door slammed close Julio stomped the gas pedal to the floor and careened down the street towards the hospital as fast as he could.

With a groan Barto heaved himself off the ground and dizzily swayed against the doorway. He didn’t know what had happened since he had passed out, just that he was alone now and there was still a whole lot of blood on the floor and sheets. The least he could do was to clean it up for the family when they got back. Hearing a panting noise he turned to see Dante sitting in the middle of the courtyard, a wide smile on his face and his eyes closed in contentment. ‘What was he so happy about?’ Barto wondered before going off to do his self-appointed chore.

“Good boy Dante!” Leti exclaimed as she rubbed the dog’s jowls together and peppered kisses all over his face. “You did it! You’re the most amazing, most wonderful dog in the whole world and I love you so much!”

“Gracias Dante!” Mirasol wept as she too gave him a hug. “None of this would have happened if it wasn’t for you! You saved my little girl! Gracias!”

“Not just Dante. It’s also because of you, Leticia.” Gaspar said. “You are the one who inspired us all to try and help. Even after it seemed hopeless, you didn’t give up!”

Leti smiled brightly. “A Rivera never gives up on anything! This means Mamá and my little brother are going to be okay now, right?”

Gaspar and Mirasol looked at each other with worry. This was no time to sugar coat it. “I don’t know mija. The family came back and helped them, but… We won’t know for sure until later.”

Leti’s grin slowly faded as fear set in. “Later?... You mean… Mamá and my little brother might still come to the Land of the Dead?!”

They all shuddered at the thought. Imelda dying and reuniting with them would be heartbreaking, but at the same time wonderful and a dream come true. But a dead newborn? That was nothing short of tragic and horrifying. They did not envy any family who had a baby with them in the Land of the Dead.

“Let’s not think of that just yet Leticia.” Mirasol said, sweeping Leti’s bangs off her forehead in a comforting motion. “All we can do now is hope. Your Mamá is strong. We must have faith.”

--------------------------

The streets of Santa Cecilia were still short and narrow, despite years of progress and prosperity, but Julio still managed to swerve through them with expertise as he raced towards the hospital. It was quite ironic that the most timid and panicky member of the whole family was the most calm at the moment, his steely attention on the road and firm hands on the wheel. Still he diverted his eyes to the rear view mirror to check on his mother in-law and to his right to see Coco rubbing her baby brother vigorously to try and produce a sound. “We’re almost there, Mamá Imelda! Don’t worry!”

Imelda moaned out loud with her head leaning back over the seat. “Hurts…”

“I know it hurts, Imelda.” Héctor said, his hand clutching hers tightly with Matty holding the other one. “But it’ll be alright!”

“Baby… My baby…”

Just then a sharp wail came from the front seat, shocking them all before relief set in. Finally the baby had produced a full-bodied cry and continued to do so again and again. “You hear that Imelda?!” Héctor smiled tenderly. “That’s our baby. That’s our son! He’s okay!”

Despite her cold white face pouring sweat and smeared with blood, Imelda smiled so beautifully that it set Héctor’s heart a flutter. “My baby…” Suddenly her eyes rolled over white and her head tiled violently onto Héctor’s shoulder.

“Imelda? Imelda?!” Héctor shook her shoulder violently, desperately, but to no avail. “IMELDA, NO!”

The car screeched to a halt in front of the hospital, and the men wasted no time in hauling Imelda’s unconscious form from the back seat, blood saturating the once pristine leather cushions. The staff was scared out of their wits when Héctor Rivera came barreling through the doors with his bloodied wife in his arms. “TOMAS! Someone, get Tomas Alviso! Ayudeme!”

A stretcher was wheeled in front of Héctor and he had barely managed to lay Imelda down before she was rushed away from him, leaving his arms reaching out for her as she disappeared behind the doors. From the corner of his eye he saw another nurse take away his baby from Coco and he too was abruptly gone from his view. They stood there for who knew how long, before Héctor looked down at his arms and clothes.

All covered with blood.

Imelda’s blood.

With his wife and son’s life hanging by a thread, Héctor curled in on himself and cried. It was only his family’s support that kept him from collapsing in a heap on the floor.

  HEY HEY Party people. Sorry for the long wait, but I have brought you a happy little chapter, just like you wished for! Right?... Right!

[suckmycoxon]

Hi :) could you give me a little background on omd? I don't know anything of the band except for a few songs, so maybe you could say your knowledge of the band and the members?

OH MY GOD YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW THRILLED I AM TO DO THIS

Let’s get to the band members first!

Andy McCluskey

Here’s the bossy one. As he puts it, he’s the butcherwho cuts off the raw materials of the song; the director who basically tellsPaul what to do, the one who sees the big picture, while Paul is the surgeonwho splices the details. He sings, plays bass, and writes the lyrics for mostof their songs. And he always dances madly, even in the recent years! For a58-year old guy with bad knees, he’s VERY energetic. So as you can see, he’sthe dominant one. Powerful, loud, cheerful, salty as fuck, thoroughly hatesrock ‘n’ roll, claims he hates cliché love songs but writes them anyway. I lovehim nonetheless

Paul Humphreys

THIS IS MY FAVORITE GUY OFF OMD. MY LOVE. MY HANDSOMEHAMSTER. HE’S CUTE ISN’T HE? Alright, so… he’s the keyboardist, the creativeand technical one. He’s the one who usually comes up with a melody and thenAndy directs how the song should turn out. He’s the one who does most of thesynth sounds! In the old days, he used to build his own “noise machine” bymessing with the circuits and such of old, broken radios. Don’t tell me that’snot badass. He also sings in a couple of OMD’s songs, most notably in“Electricity”, “Souvenir”, “(Forever) Live and Die”, and “Secret”.Personality-wise, he’s the complete opposite of Andy. He’s more quiet, shy,soft, and just lovely overall 

Other members are MalcolmHolmes (the long-haired one in the picture above) who was the drummer from the beginning of the band until 2013. Inthat year, he had a cardiac arrest and temporarily died so he had to retire.From 2013 onwards, Stuart Kershaw tookthe drummer position. Another member is MartinCooper (the one with the blue shirt), the saxophonist/keyboardist/occasional bassist. He’s still with theband until now! Except when OMD broke up because he and Mal went along withPaul instead of Andy, but I’ll get to that later…

They embrace the “punk” attitude in terms of music. Youknow, making music as simple as possible. They always say this joke of “We’rethe punks of electronic. Punk plays with one chord, we play with one finger!”

Now, it’s history time. Let’s go back to the 70s

Andy and Paul had always been the hipsters of that era. Theylistened to electronic bands like Kraftwerk, Neu, La Dusseldorf (Kraftwerk,mostly) while their peers listened to prog rock. Andy was in a band and Paulwas the roadie. Despite always being in the same school, that was when theynoticed how they shared the similar interest towards Kraftwerk, so Andy quitthe band and formed his own with Paul that we now know as the pretentiouslynamed Orchestral Manoeuves in the Dark

They started off as a supporting band fo Joy Division inEric’s Club in Liverpool. They didn’t expect to have a longlasting career… theyreally thought it would be their first and last gig. They just wanted to provethemselves and their mates that they dared to go on stage doing somethingdifferent; doing weird electronic music, hence the odd band name. With such apretentious name, they wanted to show the audience how they were doingsomething different

And then they were offered a second gig in Manchester.That’s where they met Tony Wilson, and he signed them up to Factory Records.Then “Electricity” was recorded, and Tony sent it to various major labels, oneof which was Virgin Records, so they moved to Virgin. It was in 1979/1980 Ithink? And with their 1980 album, Organisation (their second one. Their firstone, the self-titled one, was released in the same year) – which they claim asbeing influenced by Joy Division, so this album is basically the child of JoyDivision and Kraftwerk – which included “Enola Gay”, they became well known.They got even bigger with the Architecture and Morality album, which has“Souvenir”, “Joan of Arc”, “Maid of Orleans”…

They commercially dropped dead with Dazzle Ships (1983). Itwas an experimental album, which I personally think sounds great, but probablynot acceptable enough at that time. Despite having quite successful hits like“Telegraph” and “Genetic Engineering”, that album almost single-handedly killedtheir career. So they took a safer path in their next album, Junk Culture(1984), embracing a more pop-ish sound. It can be heard on their catchy hitsfrom Junk Culture, like “Locomotion” and “Talking Loud and Clear”

Their 1985 album, Crush, was produced by Stephen Hague, whowas also the producer for New Order and Pet Shop Boys. They finally got intoUS’ charts with that album, I guess?? Regarding that album and that year, theyoften say something like “We were trying to break America, but America broke usinstead”, so I can’t be quite sure of what happened… commercially, it waspretty successful, I think… with singles like “Secret” and “La Femme Accident”

It was also in circa 1985 where their most notable song, “IfYou Leave”, was also made. Fun fact: they only wrote it in a day, because JohnHughes changed the ending suddenly and called them and said, “Hey, the song youwrote won’t fit to the new ending, could you write a new one?” right beforethey went on tour. The track that was initially going to be used in Pretty inPink, “Goddess of Love”, was later put on The Pacific Age (1986). Speaking ofwhich, that album has “(Forever) Live and Die”, which is a BANGER and is sungby my handsome hamster, Paul

Then they broke up sometime in late 80s. 1989, I think. Theyowed the company a lot of money, so they made a Best Of album. But even thatwasn’t enough. Their choice was either to make another new album (which canmake money, quite possibly, but due to their past experiences, they barely gotany money left because the touring expenses, royalties to their manager, etcwere so expensive) or to stop and just wait for the money to come from theirprevious albums’ royalties (I’m not really sure about this one, they’ve toldthe story a couple of times during interviews but I could never 100% understandthe story). This is where Andy and Paul went their separate ways. Andy chose tocarry on while Paul chose to stop. So Andy carried the name OMD alone (underhis stubbornness). A couple of years later, Paul, Martin, and Malcolm formedThe Listening Pool. Both were obscured by the new trend in 90s that was Britpopand such (Andy often implies that he blames Britpop for the obscurity ofelectronic bands and I loathe him for that smh I’m a Britpop hoe, fuck youAndy). Andy (as OMD) released 3 albums on that decade, tho. Later on, he formedAtomic Kitten

And then they were reunited in 2006/2007, because they wereasked to perform in a German TV. Then they thought, “Oh, people still like us.Maybe we could make music again.” And so they did… they released History ofModern in 2010, English Electric in 2013, and their latest record, ThePunishment of Luxury, was released a month ago! Unlike the 80s, they are nolonger pressured by their record company, so they’re really doing this purelyfor fun. By the way, their latest single off their latest record, “What Have WeDone”, is sung by Paul and it’s fucking glorious. You should listen to it ifyou haven’t

On a more personal note, I find it weird how they’re bothvery influential and infamous. I mean… they don’t only influence other synthpopbands, but also an alternative like Radiohead. I heard that “Fitter Happier” byRadiohead was influenced by “Genetic Engineering”, and now that I think aboutit, “Fitter Happier” does sound like something out of Dazzle Ships. I’ve been aRadiohead fan since 2011/2012 and yet I literally never heard of OMD until thisyear; not until I got to New Order and was getting more cultured regarding 80ssynthpop acts

Lastly, here are some trivia you might not want to know butsounds like fun to share:

Before realizing that they could be actual musicians, Andy wanted to be an archaeologist, while Paul wanted to be an electric engineer

Atomic Kitten was basically Karl Bartos’ (Kraftwerk) idea. Andy wanted to keep writing songs, but he wasn’t confident enough to perform the songs as OMD, so he thought of just handing them to someone else. Then Karl suggested that he should create a pop group where they would sing his songs. Andy thought, “What’s the most popular group nowadays? Oh, I know, 3-piece girls!”

In the recent years, OMD often have underwears thrown at them lmao. Especially during “(Forever) Live and Die”. Poor Paul having to deal with nasty fans (but honestly… I’d do the same). But sometimes they have hazardous shits thrown at them too. One time, Paul had his head hit by a glass bottle (I’LL FUCKING MURDER ANYONE WHO DID THAT. HOW DARE THEY HURT MY BABY). And Andy almost got decapitated when someone threw a metal tray aimed to his neck. Terrifying

Somehow, when they were touring, the bus they rode on resemble a group of terrorists’ bus, so they were surrounded by guns… and luckily, “Enola Gay” was already a big hit, so Andy just waved a magazine with their faces on it and said “’Enola Gay’! Pop stars! Not terrorists!” jesus Christ

There’s actually a version of “Souvenir” where it was sung by Andy. In 2015, Paul was hospitalized in New York, but he insisted that they should do this gig in Perth, so they did, only 3 of them… “Souvenir” was on the set, and Andy sang it. It was… okay, I guess. I’m so used to Paul’s soft voice singing that, so it’s kinda weird to hear Andy’s powerful voice singing it

 …I’m sorry if you expected a shortsummary and get this re-writing of OMD’s Wikipedia page instead. I never realizedhow deep I am in their ass until I answered this message with a 1600-word essayabout OMD that was based on my memory alone. Good god

I’m awfully thrilled every time someonementions OMD-related to me, so don’t hesitate if you want to talk about them tome!!