#my autistic word dumping ass and hoping something makes sense

[crystal-clear-crystalline]

G3's handling of the original "embrace your freaky flaws" is really weird and contradictory, especially in it's world building so far. Despite that, it could've went in an interesting direction with the theme. The best parallel I can easily describe it is how marginalized groups also have the issue of discriminating other marginalized groups. For example, I'm southeast Asian and there is an issue of racism, homophobia and ableism I see with my family and friends. Unfortunately for me I am at least one of those, maybe two.

This can explain all of the monsters panicking and going on the defense when Clawdeen initially finds out about Monster High. She's a human, a human probably connected to them going into hiding. It's only when they found out she's part monster when they welcome her into the school. They also wrote in interesting details like how gorgons weren't allowed on the casketball team until Medusa came along. This could lead to her and the ghouls to think more thoroughly about what it really means to "embrace your freaky flaws" along with some more material specifically for Clawdeen as her being half (and the fact that that's emphasized to hell and back).

It's probably not gonna go like this because a lot of this is pulling from my understanding of the first Monster High movie (and also I'm not 100% remembering the g3 episodes) and the weird detail in Abbey's episode. I thought it was super weird for Clawdeen to not question everyone going "oooooo yetis are scary 😱". That interaction reminded me of human characters (who assumably knew her) bullying her and thus leading her to basically have no friends aside from her dad and Crescent. She doesn't really have that context everyone else does so I was honestly surprised she didn't go "What do you mean? Aren't all monsters scary?" in the episode.

[dialga-jobean]

Giorno and stimming! <3

I just wanted to make a post about the different stims Giorno has and how the gang might feel about it ^^ these are just headcanons so please don't be mad or anything <3

Also btw I've mentioned this before I think but after Giorno gets more comfortable in the gang he feels more comfortable showing his more visibly autistic traits such as his stims ^^ anyways, enjoy!

Stims

When Giorno gets really happy he tends to flap his hands alot. Sometimes if it's something really exciting he'll clap his hands or even start hopping up and down.

He also tends to chew alot if he's happy, like straws or pencils but he does have a few chew stim toys he likes to use. He doesn't chew in front of the others because normally chewing is seen as a bad thing but he does tend to chew his straws when he's eating out some place.

He doesn't normally like to repeat words, as a child whenever he'd repeat things he was called annoying. Sometimes he does find himself repeating things but he tends to stop himself out of instinct.

He stims alot when someone allows him to info dump.

He has alot of froggy stim toys he uses!

When Giorno's really mad he starts to pace around his room and he might punch something with gold experience. He tries to combat this with just using a stress ball though as he doesn't want to accidentally hurt someone

Giorno also starts to mutter "muda" alot when he's mad. Like under his breath beucase he really wants to just punch something but repeating "muda" helps him calm down a bit.

When confused Giorno does that thing Dio does where he rotates his pointer finger on the side of his head, it doesn't hurt of course cuz he's just doing it out of confusing, also of course he doesn't bleed like dio.

When Giorno is sad or uncomfortable he tends to mess with his hands and also mess with his braid alot, like just trying to comfort himself somehow.

"Muda" is his stim word

When Giorno is just watching tv or listening to something he tends to just rock back in forth.

Sometimes hearing a song from his childhood or song in Japanese makes Giorno flap his hands alot.

He can't deal with alot of yelling, it messes with his senses and drives him crazy so he stims alot when he's feeling he's about to have a meltdown.

When he does have a meltdown his body just crumbles and he sits on the floor rocking and forth moving his hands about, Giorno does have really violent meltdowns sometimes but Bruno always comforts him afterwards.

How the gang reacts to it

Bruno

Bruno finds Giorno's stims to be endearing and helps him understand how Giorno might be feeling since Giorno doesn't tell people how he feels much.

Bruno one of the only ones who takes Giorno's little hints when he's talking about it (cuz he hints towards his autism he doesn't say it put right) so Bruno does some research and he tends to notice when Giorno stims more.

He's really kind about it too, he never shames Giorno for it or points it out since he knows for Giorno it's completely natural so he's super kind about it.

He stops Abbacchio when he's being rude to Gio about it.

When ever Giorno has a meltdown he just tries his best to make him feel comfortable afterwards since he tries to just give him his space when he's having it. He makes him chocolate pudding and they watch movies together!

Abbacchio

Abbacchio is an ass about it though, he notices it rather quickly. He doesn't comment on Giorno's stims often it's more like he'll just call Giorno "weird"

When he does comment on his stimming it's mostly in a rude way like, if Giorno starts hopping he'll say something like "geez you move more than Narancia, ugh."

Sometimes he just straight up makes Giorno stop, like if he's rocking back and forth he'll tell him to just stop just cuz he finds Gio annoying

One day Abbacchio is being particularly rude that day and he makes a really fucking rude comment on it that just makes Giorno feel awful, he doesn't show it but everyone can tell it bothered him. Bruno probably has a long talk with Abbacchio after that and explains why Giorno does certain things and Abbacchio feels so bad for it.

He makes it up to him by taking him to go see the frogs and letting Giorno tell him everything about them. They also get some food:)

Mista

Mista's chill.

He actually doesn't notice at first but when he does he brings it up but not in a rude way.

He'll be like "oi Gio have you ever noticed you clap your hands when your happy? I like that about you" and then he just gives the biggest smile ever.

Or when Giorno's feeling uncomfy or upset about something he'll say "You're messing with your hands again, what's wrong dude?"

Mista probably buys Giorno stim toys along with Trish and Narancia!

He's probably the one to give Giorno certain comfort items and loves giving Giorno comfort hugs and long talks.

Narancia

THE BIGGEST SWEETHEART!!

He's just,,,so kind,,,,

Sometimes he mimics Gios stims as a sorta bonding thing? Like if Giorno starts flapping his hands so will Narancia.

He loves seeing Giorno be happy stim! It just makes him feel at home.

At first Giorno thinks the mimicking is being done to make fun of him but quickly he realizes that it's just a friendly thing and Narancia just wants to bond with Giorno in anyway.

Loves to buy Giorno stim toys and stuffed animals! He always tries to get the frog ones for Giorno!

Narancia does point out his stims sometimes but like Mista it's not in a rude way he'll just say something like "Giorno's happy!" :D

Narancia actually finds Giorno's stims to be fun :)

Fugo

Him and Bruno are the only one who get Giorno's hints although Fugo knew something was different about Giorno right away but he doesn't want to make any assumptions. When Giorno gave the hints though he knew immediately.

So since Fugo knows why Giorno stims he doesn't comment on them like at all.

He sees it as a completely normal thing (cuz it is) so he gives no reaction to it

He does like seeing Giorno be happy though since it's a rare sight.

Trish

She's not rude about it at first just, semi not too good with it

It's just in public she'll tell Giorno not to stim, not out of rudeness but just because she knows people will judge him.

After awhile she does stop saying that and basically goes "fuck what people think, do what makes you happy now!"

Loves shopping for stim toys with Mista and Narancia since it's a nice experience and they love making Giorno feel comfortable.

Anyways those were just my headcanons! I hope you enjoyed! <333

[lifeisbooksandcats]

Since posting on tumblr feels like just screaming into the void; where maybe someone might throw a glance your way to see if maybe you’re both screaming about the same thing, but at the end of the day, no one is really paying attention to you..and I feel like that’s what makes me feel like I can post this. Because it’s not something I can say out loud, not really, not yet. Except to my fiancée because it’s something we’ve talking about for a while. This is going to be long, I’m certain of it, and it’s going to be rambley because I’ve been trying to put my thoughts into words and those words into coherent...anythings...and it just isn’t going to be in any sort of order. I’m not expecting anyone to read it and I’m hoping the read more button actually works on mobile. If not, then I’m sorry, you’ll be scrolling for a while.

I don’t know how valid people feel self-diagnosis is, but I honestly feel like I fall somewhere on the autism spectrum. And that’s something I’ve thought about myself since my first year of college. Someone in a communications class I was taking did a presentation on autism, and throughout the entire thing all I could think was how much everything resonated with me. So that’s, since the fall semester of 2009, this has been something I’ve quietly thought about myself and wondered and honestly just been pretty sure of. That’s 12 years this fall, and I still can’t bring myself to say it?? And I think it’s a good bit because I’ve been asked so many times throughout my life if I’m autistic - by family members, by friends, by a college roommate, by people living on the same floor as me at college - and it’s ALWAYS been (or at least felt like to me) in some sort of negative way. And I don’t want to apologize for being myself, but fuck it’s just hard sometimes???

When I walk into a room, especially one I’m not familiar with, my first instinct is to look for the exits and figure out how I can get out of there if it gets too loud/too hectic/too EVERYTHING and I start to panic. And if I’m in a situation where I can’t leave, I have this little clear stone that I play with in my hand, just something to focus on to help keep me just a little bit calmer. When that doesn’t work, it’s like my mind just...goes. I don’t know how to explain it; physically I’m still there, but mentally...even if I wanted to pay attention to something, I literally could not. It happens the most when there’s too many sounds/voices/conversations happening at once, they all blend together, I can’t understand anything and after a second it feel like it’s all just muffled and I’m not there anymore, I feel so disconnected from my body, like there’s someone else controlling my brain and I’m just there watching. It happened at the zoo just recently, when we went into one of the restaurants for lunch. I was already panicked because of the number of people inside without masks on. From the second we walked in, everything from the number of people inside, to the volume, to the lights being too bright (but looking back, I feel like they were probably an appropriate brightness? It just felt too bright with everything else going on), to the lack of masks, everything was too much. My fiancée and I stood in line with one of our friends, waiting to order our food, and I stood there rocking slightly on my ankles and fidgeting with that little stone, just trying so desperately to calm my internal panic and to not “check out” mentally and to just appear “normal”. I stood there waiting for our food, rocking on my ankles, running my thumb along my fingertips, listening to the conversations all around me merging into one unintelligible mess and on the inside, full on panicking while hoping that from the outside, no one could tell. I got our food, set it on the table, and stepped into the bathroom to wash my hands, the quiet welcoming me like nothing else. I closed my eyes and just stood there, breathing, letting the warm water run over my hands like some kind of magic balm bringing me back down. I opened my eyes again, a woman with a toddler smiled at me like she knew - which made me worry again because it’s not something I want people to know because I don’t want to be different, I don’t want anyone to look at me differently. But at the same time, I do. I want to be able to stand up for myself and say “I literally physically cannot go into this loud, crowded restaurant because I’m autistic and it is so auditorily overwhelming in there.” And maybe that wasn’t even what her smile meant. Because I literally never know how people are feeling and I try to figure it out but honestly 90% of the time it’s just guesswork.

But it’s not just that. It’s not just the panic that sets in when it’s too crowded and the sounds are too much. It’s the fact that as a kid, I was never “just” a fan of something I liked. I either didn’t care, or it was an all-consuming obsession that basically became a personality trait. I was a fan of Aaron Carter, but god forbid anyone ask me a question about his music or anything — because whether or not you were interested (and unless you flat out told me you were uninterested, I literally could not tell), I was going to info-dump everything onto you. I could tell you what time he was born, how many minutes were between him and his twin sister, which concerts his sister Leslie sang at (because she also had a small music career), at what point in his career he actually started singing live instead of lip syncing most of the time...

And speaking of info-dumping. If I couldn’t info dump to someone, I would write it. As a child - second, third, fourth grade...- I wrote essays upon essays on things I was interested in just because I could. Just everything I knew on the topic, thrown out into words either handwritten as a younger kid or typed as I got older. When I was in about fifth or sixth grade, when Harry Potter was HUGE and all my friends were also into Harry Potter, I couldn’t tell everything I knew to my friends because they already knew a lot of it...and so as a kid, maybe a fifth grader, I wrote a six (maybe seven?) page essay - single spaced - with everything I knew about the series/the author/everything. Before the last book came out, I filled an entire spiral bound notebook with my theories for how the series would end and WHY I thought what I thought.

My first NOW That’s What I Call Music CD was Now 14. I was in 7th grade and I could tell you exactly what order the songs were in. That was something I did to calm myself down back then; listing the songs on that album over and over and over again, always in the right order.

From about 7th grade until high school graduation, I brought and ate the exact same thing for lunch every single day. I said it was because I liked it, but I really didn’t. I didn’t like the Oscar Mayer precooked bacon that I would put on my BLT. I didn’t like the texture, half the time I couldn’t bring myself to eat it and picked it off my sandwich. But the thought of changing it??? That wasn’t even something I would have considered because somehow in my mind, changing it was worse than eating it. Make that one make sense.

I love routines and schedules and things staying the same, and get annoyingly stressed out when things/my schedule changes. One little change or one little thing out of the ordinary and it’s like I forget how to function for the day. Everything seems off. And I hate it. Because I KNOW that it shouldn’t matter, but it does. Half days and two hour delays at school growing up?? Those stressed the FUCK out of me because the order of the day would be different. I loved school and loved learning, but those days I felt physically ill over the thought of going to school. Field trip days were okay though because I knew they were coming and I had plenty of time to mentally prepare myself. I remember as a child asking my teachers (on multiple occasions) for the itinerary for a field trip so I could memorize it and know exactly what to expect and when for the day.

There are times that my fiancée will turn on the tv for “background noise” while she watches videos on her phone, and I wish I could describe what I mean when I tell her that there’s “too many sounds”. Because between the tv, her phone, the hum of the refrigerator in the other room, the neighbors, cars driving by, the cats playing, the ceiling fan...I don’t know how else to describe it other than exactly that — too many sounds. And it gets to be too much. So I have to put headphones in and listen to music to drown it all out and refocus.

I’ve only just recently been able to put a word to what I now know is poor executive function. As much as I loved school, I could NOT do assignments until the day they were due. I could start on something days before it was due, but I couldn’t work on it. I couldn’t focus on it. I couldn’t get myself to work on it. But the morning it was due??? I could whip up a paper that I knew would earn an A just hours before needing to turn it in. I prided myself on that ability, but looking back it was most definitely poor executive function. If I couldn’t finish something that morning, which was a rare occurrence, I would lie - I’d look “everywhere” for my assignment and “panic” because I “couldn’t find it” and because I was a good student, I got away with it. Every. Single. Time. Even with the hard-ass teachers who no one could get away with things on. And magically by the end of the day, I would swing back by that teacher’s classroom to give them my assignment that I had finally “found”.

I remember sitting on the kitchen floor of our apartment as a kid and tracing my fingers along the lines on the floor where the tiles met. I remember the pattern was brown/white/brown/white, but there was one spot on the floor that made me so irrationally frustrated because two tiles were swapped; instead of the same pattern as the rest of the floor, this one spot was brown/white/white/brown/brown/white. I remember pointing it out and my mom asking me why I had even paid any attention to that. I didn’t know why, I just did. I remember her telling me that it was stupid to let it bother me and to just let it go, but I couldn’t. I stopped mentioning it, but right up until we moved out of that apartment, I couldn’t even look at that spot on the floor without getting frustrated by it. There’s more than that. But that was one of the first things I thought of.

I’ve been watching a lot of Yo Samdy Sam’s videos on YouTube, and especially her videos “Autism symptoms in GIRLS” and “Could YOU be autistic? (and not know)” and I just... I feel that. Everything she says, I feel that. I watch them just thinking “that’s me. That’s me.” the entire time. She mentions sucking on her hair as a kid, and I did that CONSTANTLY. My hair was forever in my mouth. And now that I’m an adult, I don’t suck on my hair, but my sweatshirt strings are always in my mouth. Obviously there’s more than that, but that was one that hit me hard because I didn’t realize that wasn’t just something everyone did as a kid. I didn’t realize not everyone couldn’t stand still and always had to be fidgeting or moving slightly, whether it was rocking on my ankles, running my thumb over my other fingers, crossing and uncrossing my toes inside my shoes. I didn’t realize not everyone had the same shitty executive functioning skills as me.

And it’s like... I’m so sure that’s me. I’m so sure that I am autistic. I know it. But it’s like...is getting a diagnosis at this point in my life going to change anything? I mean no, probably not, other than giving me that validation that I crave. I would feel valid when the world is too much/too big/too loud. I would have a reason for feeling the way I do and doing the things I do. So much of my life would make sense. But. I don’t know. I’m afraid I’ll try to get a diagnosis and have someone, some doctor or therapist or psychologist or someone tell me that I’m not. And then what? Then what is everything I’ve felt throughout my life? That’s what I’m afraid of, really. Because if I’m so sure of this and then some professional says “no that’s not it”, then what?