#my answers be like: how can i make this about tk?

[hotfuss]

Dany!!❤️ 1, 16, 25, 37, 47, 48

hi fiii!

1 - Are you an albums person or a singles person?

definitively more of a singles person. before tk came i never felt the urge to check someone's entire discography. at best i would get to know an album or two. artists would get their own personal folder on my pc if i liked at least 3 songs of theirs bc that was a lot for me 😂 i'd say i got better with time

16 - A song or album from the 70s:

light my fire by the doors

25 - Is there a song you used to like but can’t listen to anymore because you associate it with someone you don’t like?

mmm the closer i can get is not being able to listen to the way it was anymore (and eventually the whole album for a full year) after my ex broke with me bc some lyrics hit a bit too close and made the song too painful. but i can listen to it fine now!

37 - If you could travel in time and go to a concert of an artist who’s no longer alive or a band that’s no longer together, who would you choose?

i'm completely blanking out on this lol. but i truly regret not going to see brandon for his only italian date for the desired effect tour, god knows he could have cured me from the deep depression i had that year lol but i was too chicken to go to milan alone back then. also depeche mode playing in my city but i was studying for my graduation exams so i decided it was better if i didn't go (in the end i did fuck all till the last minute, twice, both for the written and oral ones and my friend went without telling me, i'm still so incredibly bitter about that)

47 - Is there an artist you used to dislike but learned to like because of a friend’s influence?

i don't think so, but i caught the mcr worms bc of two mutuals posting about the current tour, does that count?

48 - Who’s an artist you think it’s criminally underrated and deserves more recognition?

lame answer but tk... as popular as they are i don't understand how they aren't so popular they fill stadiums on the regular and have their tickets go sold out in less than 2 hours... like better for us for sure but why aren't them the most popular rock band out there? but this is probably just me being up their ass since 2008 lol. also alan wilder's solo project recoil. weird music but it's so good

the ultimate music asks

[azullumi]

“something about you” ; genshin men

summary — it hasn’t been that long since the two of you became a couple, first time in simple things occurs and how does he react? ; you call him ‘love’, accidentally or intentionally, for the first time, and he’s absolutely whipped for you.

includes — various genshin men (w/ gender-neutral reader)

tags — fluff, established relationship, they’re very very inlove with their s/o, also might be ooc bcs in not sure if the others fit in one of the scenario ; scenarios/multiple in one

note — finally i got to write something 1! also another one coming later i just need tk sleep

“love, can you give me that?

“sure.” he’ll answer without a moment’s hesitation, handing you what you need and it is only then that he’ll process what you have said before he could even focus back on what he was doing earlier.

“wait.” he pauses, turning to you with a confused look on his face. he isn’t entirely sure if what he heard was correct or just his mind playing tricks on him but he hopes that he wasn’t dreaming. you hum, eyebrows raised at him and he opened his mouth, “can you say that again?”

“say what again?”

“like what you said.”

you furrow your eyebrows, baffed, “...can you give me that?” there was a slight intonation in your voice indicating your confusion in this matter. while he was out here in front of you with a mind completely jumbled and thoughts roaring in the lack of certainty, you were there standing in front of him with a perplexed expression on your features as you couldn’t understand him.

“no, i mean– before that.”

“before what? you’re confusing me.”

“you know what i’m talking about.”

“no, i don’t!” you immediately object. you don’t know what in the world is he trying to say. you’re just trying to finish some of your tasks and he’s trying to make you repeat what you said which you already did. “i genuinely don’t know what else do you want me to say. it’s not like i said something that–” your words from earlier played quickly inside your head, the first one, to be exact.

“oh.” you falter, “oh.”

he notices the realization trickling through your tone and expression, “yeah… so do you know now?”

“i just did that, didn’t i?” he nodded and you sighed. “and what’s the big deal?”

“it’s a big deal! that was the first time.”

“seriously, love?”

“you did it again!” his eyes sparkled, ears perked up as a smile beaming with joy was plastered on his face. excitement was evident on each and every corner of his being.

“oh, dear…”

“was that meant to be me or…” and you only made a small gesture at him for him to shut his mouth in which he did. although, you couldn’t contain the small curve that tugs on your lips.

“but will you call me that again?”

“no,” and he groans despite recognizing the deceitful timbre in your words.

childe, itto, kaveh, heizhou, kaeya

“okay.” 

it was just a single word, a four-letter one but you couldn’t ignore how his tone sounded rather… cheery and though in normal occasions, you wouldn’t mind nor even notice but right now, there was some hint of an unfamiliar feeling on it. it’s like he’s plotting something. then he spoke up once again as he brings you what you were asking for, “here it is, love,” adding an emphasis to the endearment that he just called you.

“thank you?” you failed to hide the bewilderment in your expression as well as your voice but he only smiled at you and replied with the same tone as the look on his face, “you’re welcome, love.” 

a brief silence ensued between you two as you nailed your gaze at him, trying to decipher his guise and take a loot at the inside of his mind and he seems to find amusement in your attempt; he doesn’t break his demeanor which infuriates you more.

you grumble and he chuckled, “what’s wrong, my love?”

“you.”

he raises an eyebrow, tilting his head for a bit. “why? what did i do wrong, my dear?”

but realization creeps up to you, albeit in a slow manner as if you were still taking it in and accepting it; it was similar to a snail climbing up your leg, uncomfortable and hateful. “did i just call you…” and he nods with the same smile that he has since earlier, an affirmation to your suspicion.

“i really did?”

“yes, you did, love.” and though it’s just one word, a single-syllable one word, with the way he uses it, it feels like a frying pan being repeatedly hit on your head. oh, so that’s why you were feeling off about his air earlier.

“why? is there a problem, love?”

“stop that.” you already feel embarrassed enough and yet he’s here prodding into it and making it worse by teasing you. he laughs, short and soft, then replies sweetly, “there’s no need to be shy now, is there?” he approaches you, hands swiftly wrapping around your waist and pulling you closer to him, closing in the distance between you two. you couldn’t speak, not like he was giving you a chance to do so.

“it sounds so pretty coming from your mouth.” so you should call him like that more often.

childe, ayato, kaeya, pantalone, wanderer

he stiffened up, processing what you said and you didn’t fail to notice it especially when you had your hand out and empty for almost half a minute–there was no sign of movement from him either–, expecting for him to place the thing that you’ve been asking for on top of your palm. you turned your head towards him, calling out to his name and snapping him out of it. 

“the book, please?”

“oh, right.” he laughs rather awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck before proceeding on doing what you had asked him. finally, he places the book in your hand but he still seems to be in a trance, eyes distracted, and you couldn’t help but to worry.

“are you alright?” concern drips from your voice and he hummed, eyebrows raised as he feigned a look on his face that says he’s fine. “oh, yeah. i am, i totally am. i’m just a little bit distracted.”

but you know him all too well that he wasn’t telling you the truth. you didn’t respond, gaze trained at his face in silence, seeking for a falter in his fake expression and he breaks; he doesn’t like how well you can read him as if he’s an open book–not like he hates it, however. sighing, he spoke up once again, “you just called me ‘love’ for the first time,” and it’s probably an accident, those words died out on his throat.

“i did, yeah but it wasn’t an accident.”

astonishment fills his face, “oh?”

you hum, nodding your head before you speak in a soft voice. “does it…” your voice trails out and you fidget with your fingers, “...bother you?”

“no, no, it doesn’t.” he’s quick to protest, shaking his head in a panic as if he’s afraid that he might have accidentally hurt your feelings. “it doesn’t bother me, it will not. i actually love it.”

“really?”

“really.” he spoke firmly but gently and he placed his hand on top of yours, fingers snaking through yours and perfectly fitting with your own as if it were two puzzle pieces. he whispers, “my beloved.”

honestly, you could call him with a sweet endearment or a horrible one and he’ll still get the butterflies.

thoma, kazuha, diluc, baizhu, kaveh

he hums, quick to finish the request you have asked him and giving you what you needed before returning to what he was doing prior. it makes you wonder if he really heard what you said, choosing to ignore some, or a single word or maybe he did hear it and he just doesn’t care. you tried to give it a try, calling him not by his name but by an endearment, a sweet yet simple one but there was no reaction from him. 

unbeknownst to you, however, everything was a complete opposite to your thoughts.

he’s thinking, like not just some thinking but deep thinking, deep, deep thinking as if he’s contemplating a decision that could cause the end of the world if he doesn’t think of it properly when it’s literally just a word, 4 letters and 1 syllable. god, you have him on such a tight hold that you have him losing his rationality over a 2 consonant, 2 vowel term.

“you okay?” he was pulled out of the train of his thoughts and he hums, nodding. “i’m fine. i’m just thinking of something.” of what you said. he distracts himself with something else, continuing the task that he left off earlier and trying to finish it–gods above, he just wants to hear you say it again.

“just call me if you need anything.” you say and he only inclined his head as a response. it was quiet once again, a little bit tense but you could manage, in some sense, it was also comforting and peaceful (honestly, you were doing everything you can to not think of what he’s thinking because he’s been oddly silent and you just couldn't understand him).

however, he’s thinking, still. i mean, aside from confessions and simple ‘i love you’s, it’s the first time he had heard you call him in an endearment and that one at that in a rather casual setting: you have asked him for something, that was it. the way you said it sounded so natural, so smooth, as if you have practiced saying it multiple times–in which, you probably did but he doesn’t know of. he just can't wrap his head around it and he fears that his thoughts are going to come out of his mind at this point, it was loud and muddling the insides of his head.

love.

he repeats it inside his head.

you’re going to be the death of him, at this point.

alhaitham, xiao, zhongli, albedo, cyno, tighnari

© azullumi — do not plagiarize, copy, repost, nor translate any of my works.

[love-bitesx]

HII!!! how are you?? i love your writing so much‼️‼️ i have an actual question and then a request for fic or yk what i mean?

the question is do you take anons? like emoji anons so like you know whos who while stillmbeing able tl be anonymous? if you do could i be one? and if i can be an emoji anon could i be 🪐? (im just writing all this on one ask so it wont be a hassle yk?)

and as for the request i was wondering if you could write hobie with a fem reader (can be gender neutral idc) who love’s physical touch but has sensory issues/overloads where sometimes even when like just holding hands they random tuck their hand away and get annoyed or irritated from all kinds of physical touch but still love it? idk how to explain it all that well😓😓 like the reader’s love language is physical touch but they dont ask for it and mostly think they dont deserve it due to being touch starved and now that hobie came along they love the touch but the sensory issues/overloads make it harder??

im so sorry if this is confusing🙏🏼🙏🏼 also you dint have tk write this if you dont want to its completely understandable!! love your work sm‼️

take care🫶🏼

HIII IM SORRY THIS GOT LOST COMPLETELY, HI 🪐 ANON ILY !! i absolutely will take emoji anons i love all my little anon/requesters ur all angels

sensory issues r icky!!! i struggle with them massively, especially in relationships – i get it!! this is a safe space for anything like that, and any neurodivergent readers/requesters!! i love u all

hobie x reader w sensory issues!!

- initially, he’d be defensive about it

- as in the very first time you denied his touch, purely because he’d be convinced you’re mad at him.

wringing your wrists, you breathed a shaky sigh of relief as peace restored itself in your head, sitting yourself down on your sofa, letting yourself relax. it’d been a tough day, with even tougher emotions, and your chest burnt with tension, skin crawling at the feeling of your jumper against it. movement sounded somewhere in the apartment, but you ignored it, just allowing yourself a moment of peace.

until, you felt a hand slide itself into yours, the sofa dipping in weight as hobie threw himself next to you. a conflicted wave of emotions hit you, immediate comfort filling your chest at the feeling of your dear boyfriends touch after a long day – but your skin surged with irritation, brain overwhelming itself with noise, causing you to rip your hand away.

“darlin’?” hobie’s voice was small, concern lacing it’s words.

“i-i just need to be alone, hobie,” you avoided his gaze, pushing yourself up off the sofa and heading to your room. he followed, not unlike a lost puppy, wracking his brain to see if maybe he’d upset you.

“did i do somethin’, y/n?” his tone was sterner, almost defensive.

“no, no, i just–” you sighed, hands shaking slightly as you attempted to surprise the growing annoyance in your chest, “i just need a little space, i need to be on my own right now.”

- he would take your words completely differently, thinking you meant space from him

- but once you explained that it wasn’t him specifically, purely just your brain deciding that hey! now everything suddenly feels disgusting and fills you with ungodly rage, he was a lot more considerate & understanding.

- took him a little while, purely because he was obsessed with your touch, literally drunk off it most days.

- his natural stance was with you, leant against you or arm suspended over your shoulders, so it took him some time to get used to that not happening occasionally.

- he’d learn little ways to ask you if it’s okay

- mostly, he would just outright ask “a’right if i touch you, pretty?” and wait for your answer patiently

- but if you’re out and about, or maybe with others, and he can see that you’re overwhelmed and possibly even verbally shutdown, he had a little routine:

- he’d be subtle with it, tapping his own knee or a subtle wave to catch your eyeline, and once you were watching, he’d interlock his own hands, a questioning look in his eye.

- if you nodded, he’d be all over you, content with the feeling of you

- if you shook your head, or averted his gaze, he’d simply smile, and wait patiently for you to come to him

- more than anything, he just wants to learn from you – learn what you like, what you don’t like, how he can help when you’re overwhelmed, if he even can, etc.

- he’d be sooooo patient my god

- he’d literally wait for hours, even longer if it meant you would be comfortable and happy

he’s just happy to have u by his side and call you his!! he doesn’t mind if he can’t touch you all the time, and he never takes any outbursts or bad moods to heart, he understands it’s hard for you

if other people weren’t as understanding, though — maybe friends draping themselves over you, hugging you, nudging you, etc. when your sensory issues were more prevalent, he’d be the first one to your defense

bonus:

if you had verbal shutdown, he’d carry around a little notepad in his pockets at all times, even when you’re not around (he just got used to carrying it). he likes seeing the little drawings and doodles you do, little kisses you put on the page for him when you can’t express it yourself physically, or verbally.

he just loves u a lot.

[vvenus-child]

❀ an: hi! this is my first fic published on tumblr! fluffly all the way. My AO3 where you can leave kudos. I write from multi fandoms such as ACOTAR, Dramione and Original works ❀ Tags: Carmen Berzatto; Carmen Berzatto x Female Reader

She had ladybugs earrings. It wasn't the first thing Carmen noticed about her, no. But it was something he came to associate with her.

At a random Thursday, Sugar and Syd had ripped him a new one about not updating the restaurant's Instagram from all things. So when he had a moment of quiet where he couldn't sleep because his head was so full, he thought it would be a nice idea to use social media for work. He opened the app, unfamiliar with all the options and the immense number of notifications. The latest one was a tagged picture from a dish they had served for some customer. She had tagged the account with a simple caption "best meal I had in this city. My compliments to the chef - however they are!" with a string of emojis he sure did not even fathom to understand.

So Carmen did what he thought was the greatest management of social media ever: he commented "tks :)" under it.

A few hours later a still insomniac Carmen heard a ping from his cellphone. A direct message from Instagram made him frown and scowl a bit. It said "hi!!!! I love your place! do you guys work with delivery or take out?". Minutes passed and he did not answer. He was tired and confused to why someone would be asking this at 03am via a social media profile.

Another ping rang.

"Sorry, it's just I work late nights and your place is my fav in the city. I'm new here, don't know many places yet. Thank you xx"

He fumbled a bit in his bed before answering. A touch of nostalgia for Mike's old way of dealing with The Beef tried to take a hold of his heart. He made sure to snuff it out before typing it quickly.

"No we don't work like that anymore"

And he swore in a low voice.

"Look for Richie tmw say Carmen told u so"

The next day Carmen wanted nothing more than to hide in the fridge and die freezing. The night was so exhausting, someone had burned their food, plates were dropped, Syd had a bad case of allergies, Tina was in a fucking bad mood. The texts were the last thing on his mind when Richie came screaming from the front.

"Yo, cous, some chick looking for you. Said you were the social media manager. Didn't know we were using instagram to hook up now", he laughed and slapped Carm in the back.

"Fuck off, Richie"

Carm walked to see a round face looking back at him. She had dark, long curls around her face. Although her skin was darker than his, he still could manage to see the dark circles under her eyes. She had an apologetic smile and a few Tupperware containers that were not that hidden on her tote bag.

"Sorry! Hey! We spoke on Instagram last night? You said I could look for you? Sorry I'm late, had to extend my shift a bit and some more" she babbled for a few seconds, hands flying off while she talked. He could see the dark pink stain on her cheeks. "It's okay if you guys are closed! I didn't even look at the time when I got out of home,I’m so sorry."

Carm wanted to laugh at how much this girl apologized - he didn't of course, because then he would be the one blushing. She managed to look even more embarrassed than he was in social situations. He decided to take her out of her misery and told her that it was okay. He was the chef and no, it was okay, truly. It was not a problem to help her with a take out. Yes, he understood late nights very well.

Carmen didn't actually know what made him make this one exception to this customer. They still didn't do take outs, but something like kinship rouse in him when she said that it was her favorite place and she worked crazy hours. Maybe he felt he could build a place with as much heart and tradition as Mike, on his own way. So everyday she would come by, sometimes a bit after they had closed, sometimes on the rush hours - then she would wait on one of the tables or eat there. Richie started to yell at the back "Cous, your girl is here" one day, much to Carm dismay.

"She is not my girl, fucker"

"Then why does she ask for you everyday, huh?" he would say with his comically raised eyebrows, "can I ask for her number then?"

For some reason Carmen wanted to punch him in the throat. It did need a lot of reason most days.

"No, you can't. She is a customer and you don't ask customers for their numbers".

Richie left him with a knowing smile.

They never chatted much about deep subjects, if it was a slow day here, if she was dying of a heartburn because of work related stress there. She was also not an adventurous eater. The same order most days. Carm noticed that day she would wear the same ladybug earrings everyday too. They also shared cigarettes breaks on the regular. I'm a reluctant chainsmoker since 16, she told him once with a shy smile. Only watermelon one's thought, Marlboro's light too.

He had laughed at her for that. Flavored shit, really? What's next? Smoking the stupid pens?

Then they bonded over their disgust over electronic cigarettes that day.

Once he caught her helping out customers choose their meal when the staff was too busy with a problem. One day when she bought a group of friends someone had to call Carm from the kitchen. He was smelling of grease, hair dirty and his apron had stains of food in it. He didn't know it was her, it was lunchtime and one of the cooks had not shown up. His cheeks grew hot when he saw her, lips red and eyes lined with dark colors, a brown coat over the chair. She didn't have her earrings this time. A golden chain with a cross dangled from her neck to her cleavage. He was caught staring by one of her friends, who asked "so you are the chef friend?". Her make up did little to hide her blushing.

The time she did not pick up her dinner, Carm got anxious. He asked Richie for her number, because of course he had it. He debated if he should text.

"u ok?", he did. 

When he didn't receive an answer, he showed up at her door with dinner in his hands. It was only a few blocks away, right? He got her address from the receipt, it wasn't creepy, right?

"You didn't show up, I brought you dinner", he said breathlessly.

It was definitely creepy, Richie laughed when he told him.

After that he would sometimes bring her dinner. She would bake him something, make him taste it - and everyone else too, no, he truly wasn't special, Carm tried to tell himself.

One day she asked him if he wanted to come in. He didn't, at least not a first. No, he had to get back to the restaurant, really. No, it wasn't because of her. Sorry, no- yeah- I- Uh, I-I got to go.

They would text each other. He was terrible at it, as always, but he initiated after feeling bad for not tasting the cake she had made him.

The first time Carm kissed her it had been over a year from the instagram message. They were in the kitchen, scrubbing the floor and she was cleaning some dishes. He had said something under his breath that made her laugh so loud the sound had echoed the whole room. He felt his heart squeeze inside his chest like a vise. Mike's words played over and over in his head "let it rip".

Carmen had not planned to kiss her that night. When she asked him to help close, so Tina could leave early, he accepted. Having her around wasn't a bother. When cleaning a particularly sharp knife she had cut her finger. His first instinct was to help and not curse her for the carelessness. Still, he didn't kiss her at that moment.

When they had finished, almost out the door, he pulled her by the neck pushing her back against the counter.

Her mouth felt like water after a long trip to the desert.

She was using her ladybug earrings. 

She tasted like vanilla and chocolate. 

[kinardsevan]

I figured it out. Why hearing that Tommy is a plot device/temporary is so infuriating. It’s the equivalent of being told “it’s just a phase”. As in, Buck just needs a phase to “figure out” being bisexual so then he can guide Eddie through it??? That logic is fucked on so many levels.

Evan Buckley is a grown ass man. He may be figuring out what he likes coming from another man vs a female in a committed relationship, but it’s not like he’s NEVER kissed or had sex with someone before.

Also, I’ve put off saying this, but I think (one of) the things that bothers me most about the possibility of Buddie on any level is that you have to trust in the whole “I fall for my best friend and they fall back at the same time” trope. That shit is not only rare, it’s painful. And given that 911 tends to go for realism (on some level) versus the fantasy when it comes to building relationships, you can’t tell me that Buddie would get it easy. But there’s an entire class of people who think this is the hard part, and one day Eddie is just gonna wake up and realize now that Buck is canonically bisexual. But like… that’s not very realistic? Also, the point Ryan keeps making about Eddie being heterosexual. And also, I genuinely believe that given the original plans for Tommy’s arc, that when Ryan said no, that was their chance.

Hear me out:

Buck would’ve been far easier to flip on a whim of “I’m into my best friend” after Eddie having a moment with Tommy. The ground work is already there, with previous situations (TK, etc). Eddie on the other hand, has so many other issues to contend with (Shannon, Christopher, his faith) that without someone basically shoving him in that direction, it really doesn’t fit.

To which brings my point: I feel like there was probably a conversation (at the very least, if not more than one) had at some point before the season started, and knowing the ideas Tim had on the table, there was an engagement of “this is the direction we want to move in, how do you feel about it?” Because truth be told, you can’t force someone six years into their contract to suddenly make changes they’re not cool with. and again, I feel like when that possibility was broached, and Ryan said no but Oliver said yes, this was the result.

Ryan does not want to play a queer character. Oliver doesn’t have a problem with doing so, nor does Lou. (And all of that is OKAY). But to that end, Ryan literally cannot be forced to do so if he does not want to. (I imagine there are probably bylaws via SAG/AFTRA that ensure this under some level of sexual harrassment, etc). And again, it’s one thing for an actor to read fanfiction about their character, even send it to their scene partner and be like “hey look at this”. But that doesn’t equate to them being like “okay yeah, the fans want it so we should do it”. Case in point? Go look at the entire Marvey fandom in Suits. I personally have a retweeted twt from Aaron Korsh like 6/7/8 years ago which I commented on the two of them kissing. Guess what? It never happened. And AK and Co were well aware of the side of the fandom that wanted those two together.

I don’t know what happens with Lou and Tommy from here on out obvs. They’re certainly teeing up some options, though we don’t have any clear answers due to just entering hiatus last week. But even if he’s gone in s8, that will never ensure that Buddie happens, and I’m not even trying to be mean about that. It’s just fact.

[paperstorm]

Thanks for the tags @honeybee-taskforce and @whatsintheboxmh!

I have too many wips right now I keep bouncing back and forth and not giving any of them the actual focus they deserve but here's some sexual dysfunction from the 3x11 missing moment.

-

Carlos blinks up at the ceiling. His eyes sting.

“Babe?” TK asks, voice suddenly tentative as he picks up on the shift in energy that hangs in the room like a storm cloud over them.

“Gotta pee,” Carlos says, pushing the damp sheet away and getting up. He feels somehow more naked than usual as he walks around the edge of the bed and feels TK’s eyes on him, shutting himself in the bathroom and avoiding his own reflection in the mirror.

It wasn’t a lie, he’s surprised he lasted this long already, and he keeps his eyes closed and tries to breathe as he solves that problem. He rinses his hands with a near-painful churning in his gut, and wonders how long he can hide in the bathroom until TK figures out he’s doing more than using the toilet. Carlos splashes water onto his face and rubs wet hands over his hair, trying in vain to tame some of the wilder curls that sprung out at odd angles while he slept.

When he’s procrastinated as much as he can, he slides the door slowly open, and shouldn’t be as surprised as he is to see TK waiting patiently just on the other side of it. He’s halfway dressed – in boxers and a t-shirt – and Carlos tries not to let his anxious imagination derive more meaning from TK covering himself than TK intended. He tries, but it doesn’t work.

“Hey,” TK says softly, with a small, empathetic smile, like he already knows. He knows Carlos’s disgrace, can scan him like an X-ray machine.

“I’m sorry,” Carlos mumbles, unable to look TK in the eye as he burns in shame. “Are you okay?”

“What?” TK asks, head tilting in confusion that takes Carlos by surprise. He’d assumed he was made of cellophane and that TK could see right through him. “What are you sorry for?”

Carlos just shakes his head. TK steps in closer to him, backing him up against the sink. He grips TK’s hips in his hands but feels like even that comfort, he shouldn’t be allowed. He hasn’t earned it, and he’s stolen enough from TK already this morning. He’s supposed to protect this man, love him and take care of him, and instead …

“Carlos,” TK insists.

Sniffing and wishing he could draw his limbs into a hard outer shell like a turtle so he could hide from the world, Carlos admits, “I feel like … I used you.”

TK doesn’t respond for a moment. Carlos keeps his eyes laser focused on a spot on TK’s sternum where his delicate smattering of chest hair is soft and wispy. Eventually, TK asks, “Used what? What are you talking about?”

Carlos closes his eyes.

“Hey.”

“You’re gonna be sore later, and it’s my fault.” And it didn’t help, either. That part, Carlos is too ashamed of to even say aloud. He tore into TK hoping somewhere in the back of his mind that it might release some of the lingering tension and anger and heartache that’s swirling inside of him, but it’s all still there. In the end it was nothing but selfishness, and it didn’t make him feel any better.

“No,” TK says, his tone suddenly sharp. “No, you’re not allowed to think that. Take it back.”

“TK.”

“I mean it!” he snaps, jostling Carlos with his grip on Carlos’s cheeks. “I know you’re upset, I’m so sorry you’re upset, but I won’t let you do that. You didn’t hurt me, you didn’t do anything I didn’t want, you wouldn’t do anything I didn’t want. We both know that. I trust you, you’re not allowed to decide that I shouldn’t. I won’t let you do that to us.”

Carlos just mumbles his name again, wanting so badly to believe him but not sure he deserves this absolution.

“Take it back,” TK demands again, fierce and adamant. “I’m fine. More than fine, I feel great. We both like it rough sometimes, I know you know that.”

“It’s not the same,” Carlos mutters.

“The same as what?” TK questions, and when Carlos doesn’t answer, he says, “The only thing that’s wrong with me right now is that the man I love is hurting.”

His forehead bumps into Carlos’s when Carlos can’t bring himself to look at him. His thumbs stroke slowly along Carlos’s cheeks, and Carlos wants to melt into his soothing embrace exactly as much as he wants to push TK away from him and reject the comfort and forgiveness he’s so graciously offering.

Tagging @theghostofashton @birdclowns @reyesstrand @strandnreyes @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut

@carlos-in-glasses @actual-sleeping-beauty @thisbuildinghasfeelings @herefortarlos @heartstringduet

@tailoredshirt @goodways @alrightbuckaroo @lightningboltreader @freneticfloetry

@im-overstimulated-and-im-sad @liminalmemories21 @nancys-braids @chaotictarlos @lemonlyman-dotcom

@inkweedandlizards @bonheur-cafe @reasonandfaithinharmony @thebumblecee @never-blooms

@sanjuwrites @orchidscript @jesuisici33 @kiwichaeng @fallout-mars

@fifthrideroftheapocalypse @fitzherbertssmolder @safeashousespdf @just-inside-her @firstprince-history-huh

@captain-gillian @tellmegoodbye @anactualcaseofthetruth @ironheartwriter

Want to be added or removed from the list? Lmk

[canonicallyobserving911]

Buck & Eddie: Season 7 Ravi's back for a reason

The video includes some of the important things Ravi said and some of his interactions with Buck and Eddie from seasons 5 and 6. Please note: the sound has been removed from the last few seconds of the video because it includes music and if I would have left it in, Tumblr would have given me issues with adding it to the tags. I left it in so everyone could see Buck lay his head on Eddie's shoulder after he picked Ravi up 🙃🤪😉😜.

Last season I believed Ravi returned at a specific time for a specific reason and when he did, I completed a post about how Buck's NO LONGER the KID of the 118 because Ravi is the kid now (linked here). Reminder, Bobby hasn't called Buck kid since Buck's coma dream.

Yesterday, a BTS from Season 7 was posted that includes Eddie, Ravi and Buck and it was intriguing. The look on Ravi's face makes it seem like it's his first time seeing something and Buck looks like "F" not again" and Eddie looks like "Ok... that's interesting but we can handle it" but neither Buck nor Eddie look shocked at all. There's not enough included in the picture to go on but their facial expressions say a lot.

Today, another BTS was released that included the same three 118 members, Eddie, Buck and Ravi. Please look at the GIF below and notice the doors they exited from. Eddie got out of the captain's seat but please remember in 6x1, he said he appreciated it if Bobby didn't ask him to be interim captain. Has Eddie ever sat there? IIRC he hasn't, unless I missed it.

After I saw the video, I had several questions.

First, why wasn't Buck sitting in the captain's seat? He always sits there whenever he has the chance. But for some reason, this time he won't be.

Also, where is Hen and Chimney? It's possible they could be in the ambulance (if medical is needed) but if Bobby hasn't returned to work then that really doesn't explain why Hen's not sitting there instead of Eddie.

Where is the rest of the 118?

Are they the only three who will be needed for the call?

Ravi and Buck got out of the back but since Buck got out first, it's possible they were sitting where they sat in 5x18 and 6x16.

In 5x18, Ravi made the infamous "Isn't that what we all want in a partner..." declaration when Buck was still with TK but he knew (the audience knew too) that she wasn't who Ravi was referring to with regards to Buck. (Pssst... he was talking about EDDIE! 🤪😜🥰)

Later in the same episode, Buck defined what love means to him while him and Maddie were sitting on his balcony (related post linked here). Reminder, he said it AFTER Ravi asked the team, what they all wanted in a partner.

Enter season 6 and Ravi was absent and couldn't be found with a pair of binoculars because KR (the former showrunner???👀 hopefully she's no longer co-showrunner since TM the OG is back) wouldn't tell the audience where he was but she sure had time to film a FaceTime or whatever the "F" LD ended up talking to Bobby on in 6x1 regarding why she couldn't be interim captain.

I said this in a post earlier this week (linked here) that KR was telling half-truths and these BTS pics of Buck, Eddie and Ravi are kind of proving my point. In season 6 she didn't let Ravi come back until 6B because she was doing something with the characters. I answered an ask from my friend @mattsire a few weeks ago after one of the promos was released (linked here) and I said now that Buck and Eddie will be partners again, I wasn't sure what was going to happen in Season 7 (I'm still not sure and that's why I'm not speculating because I don't want to get blindsided again like I was with 6x18) but seeing Ravi again reminded me of my original theory. He's back for REASONS that have to do with Buck and Eddie.

Reminder, for the majority of Season 6, Eddie and Buck weren't working as partners. Buck mainly responded to calls with the team and Eddie spent most of his time being a medic. They were only partnered together for one call in 6x7 and it was the last Felisa emergency where she got buried in her car. Even though they were partners again in 6x13 for every call, it was strange since KR said they were trying new pairings for the season (I debunked her BS statement in a post I did earlier this week [linked here]. I believe the show was trying to see if the audience would notice and be vocal about Buck and Eddie not working or hanging out together and we were.) But reminder, they weren't working together while Ravi wasn't there. Even after he returned in 6x14, Ravi went into the dumpster fire with Eddie in 6x16 and Buck was kind of still working on his own.

In the latest TCA interview, TM said Ravi will return in Season 7 and since he's the OG showrunner and Buddie's his idea, I believe he has a reason for bringing Ravi back unlike KR who did it to appease the negative feedback she got for splitting Buck and Eddie up in the first place. Then she only included him in the finale so he could hand Buck some tools🙄.

In 6x14, Eddie hugged Ravi first but Buck literally hugged him and picked him up.

Also, later in the same scene, Buck laid his head on Eddie's shoulder.

The point of this post is to illustrate how Ravi returning could mean the original plan for season 6 is back in play. Therefore if the narrative that was set forth continues and it remains unchanged, everything that happened in 6x13 between Buck and Eddie and the Buckley-Diaz Family along with Eddie leaning more towards the medic or paramedic side of things and Buck remaining a firefighter then it's possible Ravi's back at the 118 so he can work with Buck. If so then maybe he's there so Buck and Eddie can continue working at the same firehouse after they become a CANON couple.

Please note, I believe Buck and Eddie were supposed to go CANON in season 5 but it got delayed and with everything that happened in season 6, it seemed like they were going to be in a relationship by the end of 6x18 but it got delayed once again. Will it be delayed in season 7 too? I don't know but I'm working on two posts about some things that were said during the TCA interview and I'm debating if I'll post them because I said I wasn't going to speculate but I'll make my decision after I finish the posts and decide then if I'll post them.

[strandnreyes]

thank you @tellmegoodbye :)

“I think we can skip the pleasantries considering you’ll practically be glued to my hip, following me to the library and the dining room and probably the toilet, judging by how dramatic my dad is being about this whole thing.”

“I think you can manage the toilet on your own,” Carlos deadpans. Tyler’s pencil stops scratching along his page, like he wasn’t expecting that, and Carlos continues on before he has another comment to make. “Your father is being cautious. I won’t sugarcoat it; he thinks your life is in danger. If anyone would know, it’d be him.”

“Great, another suck up to the king,” Tyler mutters. He snaps his sketchbook shut and swings his leg to the floor. When he stands, Carlos feels the need to take a step back so they’re not nose to nose. Tyler is taller than he remembers, challenging Carlos’ height. “And what do you know about saving my life from danger?” he assesses, eyeing Carlos.

He’s momentarily distracted from answering the question. Carlos has never seen Tyler this up close before. His eyes are impossibly green, fanned by dark, luscious lashes. He remembers why he had a massive crush on the prince growing up. It’s impossible to forget when he’s staring at Tyler’s puffy lips and prominent cheekbones. He’s like something plucked from a fairytale.

He takes Carlos’ breath away before he recalls who this is and what their relationship entails. Every bit of their interaction today has shown Carlos exactly why that crush died.

tagging @alrightbuckaroo @whatsintheboxmh @welcometololaland @thisbuildinghasfeelings

@theghostofashton @three-drink-amy @reyesstrand @rmd-writes

@sznofthesticks @safeaswrites @freneticfloetry @doublel27

@heartstringsduet @lightningboltreader @liminalmemories21 @chicgeekgirl89

@carlos-in-glasses @carlos-tk @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @basilsunrise

@bonheur-cafe @eclectic-sassycoweyes @paperstorm @orchidscript @fitzherbertssmolder + open tag!!

[otomehonyaku]

Diabolik Lovers Lost Eden Stellaworth Tokuten Short Stories スペシャル特典小冊子 ☽ Azusa ver.

This short story booklet was part of the Stellaworth set for Lost Eden! Keep reading below the cut for Azusa's version. And with that, the translations of all of the Sakamaki and Mukami stories are now finished! Stay tuned for the Carla, Shin & Kino ones ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡

S ☽ [Ayato’s version by @kyouxa] [Laito’s version by @kyouxa] [Shuu’s version] [Reiji’s version] [Kanato’s version] [Subaru’s version]

M ☽ [Ruki’s version] [Yuma's version] [Kou’s version] [Azusa’s version]

TK ☽ [Carla’s version] [Shin’s version] [Kino’s version]

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

As always, special thanks to @karleksmumskladdkaka for providing the scans ♡⸜(˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝ Please do not reuse or post my translations elsewhere or translate my work into other languages without my permission.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

I stretched out my left arm toward the box of pictures, which I was going to put in an album. As I did, I lost my perception of depth and the picture I thought I had picked up floated to the floor as though carried away by the wind. 

This time, I picked up the picture with my right hand and stuck it in the album. With that, the album was finished. I let out a small sigh.

It hadn’t been that long since I started going through life with a mechanical arm. It took some getting used to. Even now, it restricted my freedom. 

Still, I never regretted the decision to amputate my left arm. 

That day, she and my brothers had given me this mechanical arm as a present, and it had become indispensable to me–a treasure, really. Even if the four of them were far away, I still felt them with me through this arm. It taught me that I was never alone in this life.

“It’s okay. I know what it means to protect…”

That’s why I won’t make the same mistake again. I knew I would never be forgiven for the sin I committed once before, no matter how much time passed. No matter if everyone… if she forgave me. I deserved to atone.

I knew that atonement wasn’t just about wallowing in all of my past regrets. I needed to move forward. I needed to do whatever I could. That was all I could do to face my fears and repent in this world.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

A continued knocking sound reverberated through the room. I felt her presence on the other side of the door, and my face broke into a smile.

“Azusa, can I come in?”

“Yeah, of course…”

Had she just come out of the shower? She poked her head into the room, having changed into her roomwear. I hadn’t said anything, but she sat down beside me.

“Hey, is it okay if I… comb your hair?” I asked tentatively.

She smiled gratefully in return. 

Using the mechanical arm, I slowly and awkwardly opened the duffel bag we had brought from the human world, though my arm was not yet accustomed to these kinds of movements. The bag held many things that were precious to me. 

I motioned for her to sit with her back to me, and her soft hair gave off the fruity scent of her shampoo. Her scent. I wished I could smell it all the time. As carefully as I would handle something fragile, I gently ran the brush through her hair.

“...Eve. I like you…”

When I finished brushing her hair and promptly whispered my confession into her ear, her cheeks reddened. As though her eyes would answer for her, she sought me out, and said, ever so softly, that she felt the same. 

“You know, Azusa… I’m really happy.”

“...Yeah. Me too. I’m happier than I’ve ever been before. I love you, Eve…”

“I love you too, Azusa…”

As if to confirm each other’s feelings, we whispered those words to each other over and over. My heart was overflowing with love. 

I could not dress her in pretty clothes. I could not make delicious dishes for her to eat. No matter how much I thought about it, I felt incredibly lacking compared to my brothers.

But still, the fact that she loved me… was all that mattered. 

If all she desired was for me to whisper my words of love to her, I would do it until she was satisfied. If she was lonely, anxious, and… afraid to be alone, I would stay by her side. I would hug and kiss her… Hehe, although that was just what I wanted to do of my own volition. In any case, I had no intention of letting her go for the rest of my life.

As I embraced her from behind, I trapped her in my arms. I felt her warmth, her quickening heartbeat. It made my heart flutter. It was such a thrilling feeling.

“Promise me… we’ll stay together forever.” 

“Hehe, I’ll pinky-promise.” 

We sat there, smiling sheepishly at each other, and she curled her pinky finger around mine.

“Pinky… promise.”

I could not bear to let go of her when our fingers connected like that. I gently pushed her down onto the sofa… and kissed her.

The gentle light of the moon, which was high up in the night sky of Eden, peeked into the room through the window. It seemed as though even the twinkling stars were wishing for our happiness.

[alrightbuckaroo]

what is a promise if not your hand in mine?

When TK can’t suppress his nerves, he has a very easy tell. He holds his hands to his mouth; as if he’s stopping all the words he actually wants to say.

When TK wants to comfort Carlos, he expresses it in the softness of his touch. He’ll place a gentle hand on Carlos’ face, reminding him that he’s here.That he’s still right here.

TK might not wake up, and Carlos can’t even hold his hand. TK might not wake up, and all Carlos wants to do is hold his hand.

—

Carlos doesn’t know where he went wrong; where they went wrong. What he does know, is that he’ll do anything he can to fix it.

He chooses not leave the hospital until TK wakes up. At some point, he doesn’t think he can leave. All the weight of “what happened” has weighed him down.

At some point, he thinks, maybe it’s best if he leaves. Carlos tells Nancy that he’s holding a vigil for a man who doesn’t he want him in his life.

Nancy doesn’t buy it; she tells Carlos that TK loves him.

Carlos doesn’t buy it; he asks Nancy why she would say that.

Nancy looks at Carlos, confused, and answers, “Because it’s true,”

Nancy tells Carlos that she can’t even say his name around TK because it’s too painful for him to hear. “It’s obvious,” Nancy says, as if it’s obvious. “He loves you.”

With watery eyes, he looks at Nancy and asks, “If he loves me so much,” His voice is tight, an edge to it. “Why did he break my heart?”

—

Carlos allows himself to be upset, and he tells TK how he really feels. He knows TK can’t hear him, but he thinks it might make him feel better.

It doesn’t, not really.

—

TK wakes up.

He wakes up and the first thing he does is call Carlos, “Baby.” He reaches out and grabs Carlos’ hand. To remind him, he’s here. He’s still right here.

It’s in that moment, Carlos can feel his broken heart slowly start to mend itself together again.

—

A week later, Carlos asks TK what he’d like for dinner. TK says red snapper will always sound good.

On the drive to the grocery store, TK asks Carlos what he’d like for dessert. Carlos says cookies will always sound good. TK suggests they make the cookies he always made with his mom growing up.

Carlos is touched; he asks TK, “Are you sure?”

TK shrugs, “You’re sharing your home with me; the least I could do is share a piece of mine with you.”

—

They grab all the necessary ingredients. Pretzels, chocolate chips, shredded coconut, and candied pecans. They’re standing in the baking aisle when TK asks Carlos if he remembers what the secret ingredient is.

“Toffee?” Carlos asks as TK reaches for a bag of brown sugar.

TK smiles at him, and Carlos loves everything about it. “Love.”

—

They thank the cashier and head back to their apartment.

Walking through the parking lot, all Carlos can think about is TK’s hand in his. He asks the question he already knows the answer to. He says it out loud; to make it real, to make them real.

“Can I hold your hand?”

“Of course,” TK reaches his hand out, grabbing onto Carlos’ hand without a second thought. “That’s what it’s there for.”

Cross posted this from ao3 as it's not only topical but one of my personal favorites. Hope you enjoyed <3

[tellmegoodbye]

A not-so-brief analysis of Carlos and Gabriel's relationship and Carlos' decision to join the Texas Rangers.

We know Carlos is going to join the Rangers, and we also know that season 5 is going to dive into the emotional significance of this choice. This article touches on that, but I wanted to do a bit more of an in-depth analysis of this choice for Carlos and how it relates to his relationship with Gabriel.

Thank you @herefortarlos for reading this over for me and making sure my rambling was at least somewhat coherent!

First, let's take a look at how Carlos feels about other roles, and whether or not they would be something that he would want.

When Carlos was first offered the opportunity to take the detective's exam, he didn't immediately say no. In fact, his face lit up at the idea. It's something that caters to a specific ability that he has, and it's clearly something he considers before eventually deciding against it. Is it an easy decision? No. That much is obvious in the way he tells Grace that he's not a detective in 3x11.

Clearly, he wants to be the person who solves the cases. He wants to have more of an impact than simply just being there for someone's worst moments. He wants to do more to make these moments easier. He wants to find answers and provide closure, and doing so gives him the kind of purpose that he's been looking for. We can see that when he's praised by Detective Washington and Athena. We see that when he brings Katie back to her parents and when he helps Grace seek justice for Lexi.

Still, he turns down the idea of becoming a detective. He's nonchalant in his explanation to Detective Washington. He tells her it's because he wants to be in the moment, stopping problems before they start. And this is true! Carlos is someone who craves control. He would rather be the person who stops the abusive partner from hurting his girlfriend in 2x05, who saves the girl trapped in her food truck in 2x02, instead of the person who has to go inform the families of their deaths. He can't be a comforting presence in those scenarios.

Slowly, I think Carlos begins to see that he can make an impact in many different ways. That there's still value in picking up the pieces after damage has been done, because the lives of everyone involved do not stop after a trauma. Now, Carlos not only sees the value in this, but he also learns that he is someone who has a talent and a drive for it. He has a desire to make things right in any way that he can. However, as much as he clearly loves the idea of allowing himself to thrive in his career, to be the person who solves the case and brings peace and closure to people, he still can't get past the powerlessness he'll feel when he comes across a case that he can't solve, or a problem that he can't fix in time.

A lot of these reservations could definitely translate to the Rangers, but there's something deeper there than what he was able to express at the time. Something that made him have a very immediate, negative reaction, as opposed to remaining a patrol officer or becoming a detective.

Part of it is exactly what he expressed, but history is not the only factor at play here. It's not what sets this role apart from the others. Part of it is his freedom within his role, the ability to be proactive, instead of reactive, but another major factor that he's probably somewhat aware of, but just couldn't express in front of Gabriel, is that the main difference when it comes to the Rangers is that he would be working with his dad. I'm not positive of how the hierarchy works but even if he wasn't officially working under Gabriel, he would still be a hovering presence. Having Gabriel within his vicinity feels like a loss of freedom for Carlos in its own way.

It's not just about working with Gabriel either. It's about what Gabriel represents to Carlos. He trusts his judgement, this is evident in the way Carlos tries to calm TK down in 2x12. He knows Gabriel will do his due diligence and that he won't settle for the easy answers, which lied with Owen as a suspect at the time. Carlos knows his dad does his job well, but he doesn't see him as someone who actively strives towards something better. He saw mostly indifference throughout his childhood, and this significantly impacted his perception of Gabriel.

gif by me

We know a slightly different view of Gabriel from Andrea. She saw all of the parts of him that he tried to hide from the rest of the world. She's the one he shared his innermost feelings with. Andrea knows, and tells us, that Gabriel cared a lot about leaving things better off than they were when he got there. But that picture causes dissonance for Carlos when for most of his life, he knew the version of Gabriel who struggled with his coming out. Who wasn't able to take the steps to reassure him. Who never learned to have conversations about his feelings instead of shutting them down. In his job, Gabriel wanted to change the cycle, but at home, he couldn't. The cycle of repressed feelings continued through Carlos, and it left him with a lot of trauma.

Carlos has gotten to a point where he has confidence in himself. He feels comfortable standing on his own two feet and making tough decisions on the job, but when Gabriel is around, it's a different story. I doubt he would have been able to make the decisions he did in Bad Call if Gabriel had been there from the start. He knew he could trust his instincts, but when Gabriel came in to question him, Carlos began to question himself. All of that self-doubt that came with years of wanting to be good enough for his father came bubbling up to the surface.

Looking back on how much tension came from working with Gabriel then, Carlos doesn't want to go back there. He doesn't want to feel like that again when he and Gabriel have spent all this time mending their relationship. He doesn't want to comprise everything that he wants to be in favor of working under Gabriel's expectations.

Now, let's take a look at the complexities of Carlos and Gabriel's relationship. We know his role with the Rangers contributed significantly to how Carlos viewed the job as a whole, but this story isn't just about a job. Their careers are only a vehicle for them to better understand themselves and their relationship.

We know they started the reconciliation process after this episode, but it seems they only started to scratch the surface of all of the conversations that needed to be had between them. In 4x12 Carlos says he only just started a relationship with him, and has a clear desire to build on that. However, when we get to 4x17 the pain in his eyes reflects something that he hasn't yet received closure for.

This scene does so much more than introduce the idea of Carlos joining the Rangers. For the first time, we're not just seeing Gabriel through Carlos' eyes. We're not just seeing Carlos struggling with feeling inadequate in his father's eyes. We see two individuals who love each other, but who both harbor a lot of shame towards themselves. We see two people who are afraid they aren't good enough in each other's eyes. We can hear Gabriel's pain just as much as we hear Carlos' when he asks him how long he's been ashamed of him.

The shame Gabriel feels in himself isn't a product of his career, but of the mistakes he made as a father and the fear he still struggles to express. He can see how all of this has affected Carlos. We've seen, and will continue to see Carlos' journey with learning who Gabriel was as a person, outside of his role as his father. And in turn, Carlos will hopefully come to learn more about all of the feelings Gabriel had that he failed to express to him. Starting with his feelings towards Carlos' ability to do his job.

Clearly, Gabriel knows Carlos is competent. He's practically glowing when he offers Carlos the position with the Rangers, but has he always felt this way? Well, it's complicated.

Carlos says that he thinks Gabriel saw him as being too soft. There very well could be some truth here. As much as Gabriel and Andrea love their son, his coming out would not have completely changed their thinking overnight. It took time for them to rewire their brains, for Gabriel in particular to erase previously held ideas of masculinity and understand Carlos as a person. Having said that, this is again only one factor.

Gabriel looks at Carlos not with judgement, but with reflection. He sees much more of himself in Carlos than he would care to admit, and that's why the main thing he would have felt upon learning of his career choice would be fear. He's scared, and that's not an emotion he's comfortable outwardly expressing, so Carlos only sees the way he tries to rationalize his fear. He doesn't see what Gabriel sees when he looks at him, which is someone who is driven, passionate, and someone who will sacrifice himself for others. The last thing Gabriel wants is to watch Carlos repeat the mistakes he made and put himself at risk by being stubborn like him. To close himself off emotionally just like he did.

We see all of this come to a head in 4x04 when Gabriel is weirdly calm. He falls back on habits that are necessary for his survival, and for Carlos'. And we can see that he's obviously been mentally preparing himself for this moment ever since the day Carlos told him he was going to become a police officer.

Learning this about Gabriel will offer a lot of closure for Carlos, because when I see the frustration and anger on his face in 4x17, I see more than surface level reservations about this specific role. I see the kid who desperately wants to ask his father "Why now? Why are you proud of me now? Why did I have to wait so many years for you to have confidence and pride in me? Why are you asking me to come work with you when you didn't even believe I could do my job two years ago, when you didn't support me or defend me, when you never trusted that I had the ability to make the right decisions in the field? How do you expect me to work in an environment where my instincts and opinions aren't respected?"

And I wish Gabriel could have gotten the chance to answer these questions. To show him that his idea of what it means to do good is more in tune with Carlos' than he ever knew. To have a conversation about his own shortcomings and mistakes that he made as a father, to apologize for all of those years of walls he built between them, for the time it took for him to become more comfortable in his own emotions.

Gabriel was slowly learning to be more open and honest, to allow himself to feel emotions like fear, like sadness, and anything else he's spent nearly his entire life bottling up. If there was one conversation he absolutely needed to have with Carlos, it's this. The most important lesson he had to learn, which was that emotional maturity and masculinity go hand in hand. Having emotions doesn’t make you incompetent, and it's what you do with those emotions that make you a more functional person.

Or, in Owen's words, "There should be a heart behind that shield."

This is a lesson Carlos is still learning too. Even without his dad, he's going to have to learn to be comfortable in the absence of control. He's going to have to learn how to let go, to grieve even if he doesn't have answers or justice. He will grow as a person, and he will find solace in that feeling of the unknown that he's been fighting against for so long. It's with this obsession, this determination that he will come to realize he does not have to be the end all be all for every problem. That he is allowed to be imperfect and make mistakes, that he can be human and still do amazing things in any role he chooses.

We lost Gabriel far too soon after he made this discovery for himself. That's part of the tragedy. But Carlos is still here, and he will grow in ways his father never got the chance to. That is one of the many ways that he'll honor his memory.

He's going to learn a lot about himself in season 5, and along the way he will also learn a lot about his father. In the end I think he's going to find his own version of closure when it comes to their relationship. He'll find the answers he's looking for in terms of Gabriel's murder, and in terms of what Gabriel saw when he looked at him. Which is, and always was, pride. Even if he struggled to show it for so long.

I don't know what exactly his journey is going to look like, but one thing I do know is that Carlos is going to grow and become more comfortable in his own skin than he ever has been before. And that's the most important thing at the end of the day.

[liminalmemories21]

There’s a way that panic can make you feel nauseous, and he has to swallow hard before he can get the words out.  “Tell me what you need me to do.”

Trudie gives him an approving smile, like a teacher with a student who’s given the right answer.  “You’re going to help me steal a statue.”

The Knave of Clubs . . . swears he'll take her part

liner notes below the cut

First things first.  Yes, Iris is in this alot.  No, there is no secret marriage. This is not a spoiler, this was referenced in the previous story in this series. The Carlos in this universe is a step to the left of the Carlos in canon, and he has different experiences.  Also, this is my unhinged AU, which means I get to pick and choose which bits of canon I work with.   I did not vibe with that one.

Second things second.  This was going to be a caper, y'all.  It was going to be a short caper.  Carlos and TK were going to go to NOLA and help the Leverage crew take care of some business , and, I don't know, eat beignets and popsicles.  Why popsicles and not po'boys?  Because the last time I was in NOLA I had the best popsicles of my life - they sadly no longer exist, but I can resurrect them for fic.  I also had excellent po'boys, but the popsicles were better.

[eyes fic] I don't know what happened?  Okay, I do know.  One of the weird upsides to writing a series is that you get to deal in consequences and messy afters, and the way that making a decision isn't the end to that decision, and what you did last time around keeps echoing in what you do this time.  Nothing exists in isolation.  And, I love love a story about what happens after - after the war, after the quest, after the reveal.  How do you rebuild, what happens next.  That is my die-hard kink.  Also, there was S4 of Lonestar and I had . . . thoughts, questions, concerns, reactions.  I worked them out in fic.

Third things third.  My characterization of Trudie in this fic owes a debt to Mags Bennett in S2 of Justified.  She was terrifying, and ruthless, and totally in control, and one of the most interesting characters - she's why that season was so good.  Also, go watch Justified, it's fantastic.

Fourth things last.  As ever, don't try this at home y'all, this is not how any of this works.

Reference links in final chapter, because see previous notes about being too much of a geek not to footnote.

And finally, the chapters aren't for @rmd-writes, but they're not not for her either (sorry @freneticfloetry- but this time, the structure did actually lend itself to chapters).

[wyvchard]

Birds of a Feather...

Agent Phoenix found themself displaced in time after waking up to Reginald's younger self. Chaos ensues.

Content Warnings: Canon Typical Violence, guns, restraints, Reggie's field days, Phoenix chaos

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"Are you doing alright?" Agent Phoenix groaned as they woke up in a rough bed feeling far worse than the time they stayed up until daylight. They took a deep breath to calm down in order to observe their surroundings. It wasn't as clinical as a typical Zoraxis base, a relief to them.

"Nothing too unfamiliar. Where am I?" They glanced at the source of the voice, suddenly pausing when they finally registered a familiar looking face peering at them with worry.

"Is there something on my face?" He raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms to show his disapproval. "If you think these bandages look horrible, you should take a good look at yourself."

"You look like someone I know... just... younger. It's not what you think. I know I look horrible but believe me, I can manage." They looked away, taking a deep breath to focus on something other than their heavy limbs. "I've been through worse."

"You were found unconscious in the middle of nowhere. What could be worse than that? Actually, I take that back."

Phoenix gave him a sympathetic smile before getting up, much to his panic. They chuckled at his fussing. "You remind me too much of my dad. I'm sorry for laughing. He frets a lot."

"Who wouldn't? I know I can be stubborn as a mule but you seem to be on another level."

"Well, I'd say I like to take things on another level." They smirked, amusement spilling all over them, only for them to frown when they felt their ear emptier than usual.

"We confiscated your earpiece. For some reason, it caught the attention of one of our technicians we're taking a poke at it a little bit."

"I'm getting it back, right?"

"If you can get R&D to return it, that is. Speaking of, I have to go. Please stay here? I'm sure some of doctors have plenty to be curious about. Would it be alright if you satisfy their curiosity a bit?"

"I don't have much of a choice, do I? All I can do is sit up at the moment." They mumbled, shooing him off. A part of him remains unconvinced but he has somewhere to be: Roxana is waiting for him.

Phoenix absolutely hated the probing that came moments later. They miss the fact they didn't have to answer questions that weren't "where does it hurt? Have you injested anything you shouldn't? How are you even alive?" or any of the sort.

They so badly wanted to grab the clipboard from the doctor with their TK but that was classified information that mustn't come out, so they put on a smile and answered as best they could without releasing anything classified.

They really wish to know who that young man was, seeing as though he looked a lot like the older photos of their beloved handler.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Reginald..." Roxana stared at her friend who approached her with a silly grin. "You know you really shouldn't have taken their earpiece. Who knows what it is made of."

"You are curious about it as well. Don't give me that look." He stifled a huff, watching as she hands him some schematics. "Roxana, you know I don't understand any of this."

She sighed, pointing at a stool nearby a table with an open sewing kit. "The earpiece is definitely more compact than anything the agency is capable of producing at the moment." Her eyes darted to him working on one of the tears she accidentally created when it was snagged by a tool. She really needs to make a case to allow a bit of leeway in the dress code.

"That's not what I'm interested about. Why is their earpiece so tied to my own? I know I don't pay attention to the other agents as much as I should but I'm sure I can recognize someone like them."

"What makes you say that?"

"Well-" His words were cut off by a transmission. "I have to go. My handler is telling to check out the source of a distress call in the building."

He gently put away the repaired garment and rushed outside, leaving her alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Agent Phoenix is currently curled up in a corner, one spare radio borrowed from the "supply closet" (empty and unused office) they barricaded themself in.

They need to get evac there. Immediately. Everything felt so familiar yet so wrong. There were some places where they can delude themselves they were back in their office, bullet holes and all. Yet it was too new to them, as if someone patched up the structural failings on the surface.

They held their breath, really hoping that the mail slot there wasn't going to have a-

"Woah! Gun safety rules aside, it's me. Come on. Please get outta there." He sounded surprised at the fact his gun was practically ripped from his grasp in the mail slot although here was a hint of reprimand.

"Leave me alone! I wanna go back. I miss him so much." They covered their ears, still shivering from how similar the young man's voice was to his.

"There isn't really much to miss there. A lot of things you can shoot at point blank range. And I don't think he's around."

They counted the seconds, internally cursing at the fact they need to use their TK to open the door in order to escape.

Despite their preparation, they managed to falter, earning him a chance to tie their limbs with a rope.

"Let me go! I swear I only want to go home." Indignation laced their voice as their struggled. "Please. I'm sure they're worried."

"I only came with a gun because you were reported to have a knife on you. How did you even manage to sneak it past us?"

"Well, why was your first thought to push a gun through a mail slot to calm me down?"

Their unfriendly glare made him wear a wry smile as he mumbled an apology. "Well, why wouldn't I be guarded? You were sending a distress call to the agency, not to mention your earpiece always connects to mine."

Eyes widening at the realization, they looked resigned a few seconds later. "... I won't participate in any questions until you do this one thing for me, Mr. Reginald Crane."

A shiver ran up his spine as they gave him a devious grin.

"Please ask Dr. Roxana Prism if she's willing to make a tine machine with me."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have NO idea where I'm going with this so this is a one shot for now.

Tag List:

@phoenix-and-found-family, @the-one-and-only-043, @ghostlystarwanderer, @jellyfishgummy

[dearweirdme]

https://www.tumblr.com/dearweirdme/755230566619758592/thanks-for-answering-my-ask-i-was-this-one

• JK being obsessed with JM is an assumption made by jkkrs — the same assumption is used by all other ships JK is involved in

• Jikook did not drink together before Hobi’s enlistment ceremony — that was a manipulated translation by a jkkr who used “language barriers” as an excuse for non-Koreans not understanding what they were talking about, meanwhile other native Korean speakers corrected them multiple times

• JK apparently wasn’t even playing “Letter” on the guitar, as it has now been pointed out by other anons lol

• JK being excited and “giddy” about a project that he is a part of?? No way. He must in be love 🤪

• The uncanniness of JK going live when JM leaves the country is a shipper mindset, because as a tkkr, I can tell you that there’s also a pattern for JK’s lives whenever Tae had a schedule/was busy — I’m sure other shippers have similar theories as well lmao and that’s just confirmation bias

• I think I have an idea of why JK didn’t go to JM’s shows and it’s most likely because he wasn’t even fully aware of JM’s schedule — idk I’m making an educated guess based on JK not even knowing when JM was out of the country or not knowing that his promotions were over (JK said this himself, mind you)

• “Maybe he’s too distracting for Jimin” BFFR ANON they’re in the same band 😭

• JK did not actually know all the words to JM’s songs and what jkkrs like to claim is JK being “mesmerized by JM” while watching his MVs, is JK reading the lyrics (iirc, he literally mentions that he wants to look up the lyrics for that part or something like that)

• JK also consumed every single thing the other members put out too (pls he’s so aware of when they release things) — but fun note (because I’m a tkkr) JK watched Vibe with Tae and was ✨giddy✨ over remembering how Tae misheard the lyrics — also despite not doing a live to show that he was watching Tae’s content, JK was really up to date with any and all things Tae-related (this is corroborated by the multiple times he mentioned having seen the content, or by references he made that came specifically from something that Tae was a part of)

• “It was way more than any other member of BTS” and you’re talking about the interactions they had during a WV live 😭

• Do jkkrs actually listen to anything that jikook say? Because even during Face promotions and when he was busy preparing the album, JM mentioned that he’d been seeing Sope the most often — Hobi and Yoongi also made comments about how often they’d see Jimin, so whyyyyy weren’t jikook seeing each other? Let me guess, they’re too distracting to each other? 😂

• “Pretty involved application process” and it’s just filling out paperwork to choose the buddy program as an enlistment option — it’s wild how jkkrs are suddenly experts on how the SK military works

• Jikook do have a history of working together, so that’s definitely a possibility, but as other people have since pointed out, Yoongi also picked up boxing, and he actually showed up with bruised and swollen knuckles around the same time as Jimin — omg yoonminkook boxing buddies lessgoooo

• Neither of them tell us when they are hanging out, but you know what they do tell us? That they haven’t seen each other in a while, that they don’t know what the other is up to, that they don’t know where the other is. So where do we go from here 🙃 also, the same logic can be applied to literally any other ship, including TK 😭 (we KNOW they’ve hung out more than they’ve mentioned)

• I’m curious what jkkrs think about JK being a cook in the military tbh, because as it’s been reported (by multiple sources, not just bitter JJKs as jkkrs like to claim) JK doesn’t actually sleep in the same area as the rest of the soldiers, but is with a smaller group of cooks since they have differing schedules from the other soldiers — yes, they are still in the same unit

• The irony of saying that Kayla’s blog is cherry picked and that you watch original content and “know the context” whilst typing out this monstrosity of an ask is wild

• If you believe all of that about jikook, what about all of the similar but arguably more compelling things about taekook? I’m almost certain that I can take any “jikook moment” and find a comparable moment between TK or any other ship for that matter because nothing jikook do is exclusive to them

Apologies, I’m sure this is choppy because I was trying to address as much as possible but yikes 😭

Hi @thv-jk97 !

An excellent picking apart of an insane take!

[cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut]

Thanks to @welcometololaland, @three-drink-amy, @strandnreyes, @thisbuildinghasfeelings, @rmd-writes, @alrightbuckaroo and @birdclowns for the tags! As always, boxing fic owns my entire heart forever. The boys got a little carried away here. They're just really into each other, okay? 🥊 (warning for light D/s vibes)

TK pulls back with Carlos’s fist still tight in his hair. Less than a minute of kissing and TK looks utterly debauched. His pupils are blown, his lips pink, mouth wet. Utterly debauched, and Carlos is hard and throbbing for him, can feel the fabric of his sweatpants sliding over the head of his c*ck with every heady pulse. 

“Jesus, TK,” he breathes. “How do you do that? What was it for?”

“Which question shall I answer first?” TK asks, with a smirk that prompts Carlos to make a mental note about discussing how he feels about being punished in the bedroom later. He’d never start a scenario on assumption alone, but he has the distinct feeling TK would be into it. 

“The second one,” he says, catching his breath. He feels like they’ve been running. He tries to see straight, to pull away from his thoughts of bringing his hand down hard onto TK’s ass – over and over until pale skin turns cherry red and TK’s c*ck oozes precome as he begs Carlos just to fuck him already, oh God. Carlos tries to focus, but the glint in TK’s eyes tell him he’s at least somewhat transparent.

“To shut you up,” TK says. He brushes his knuckles past Carlos’s groin, the back of his hand coming into contact with Carlos’s aching c*ck. TK’s smirk only deepens, and Carlos’s heart pounds with the thought of shutting TK up in turn. “And to stop all that pesky overthinking. Seems like it worked.”

“You’re such a little brat,” Carlos tells him. He keeps his voice low, tugs TK’s hair so it jerks his head backwards with a delicate cry, exposes the column of his throat. Carlos goes to it, lips against TK’s neck, sliding his tongue against pale skin, making sure to let TK feel his teeth. He presses his free hand to TK’s shorts, finds him hard beneath the fabric of them. “Maybe I should put that mouth to better use, huh? Push you down onto your knees and make you fucking choke on me.”

“Baby,” TK whispers, and Carlos nips at his earlobe now, whispering low; warm breath right at TK’s ear.

“You’re so good at it,” he says. The sound that spills from TK’s mouth is delectable – a sweet and moreish cocktail, a quiet whine that trembles with the force of his want. “Do you want it, sweetheart? My c*ck in your mouth right here?”

No pressure tags under the cut.

@carlos-in-glasses @rosedavid @louis-ii-reyes-strand @largepeachicedtea @sanjuwrites @chaotictarlos @rsc-98 @taralaurel @orchidscript @reasonandfaithinharmony @paperstorm @freneticfloetry @goodways @lightningboltreader @meditating-honey-badger @never-blooms @noxsoulmate @velvet-ink @inkweedandlizards @lemonlyman-dotcom @theghostofashton @chicgeekgirl89 @catanisspicy @bonheur-cafe @ladytessa74 @liminalmemories21 @sugdenlovesdingle @basilsunrise @heartstringsduet @wtfuckevenknows @fitzherbertssmolder @mikibwrites @thebumblecee @irispurpurea @hoko-onchi-writes @mooshkat and YOU if you're not tagged here and wanna share something. Please feel free to tag me back, I'd love to see it!

[sanjuwrites]

wip wednesday!

thanks to @honeybee-taskforce, @paperstorm, @carlos-in-glasses @bonheur-cafe, @decafdino, @reyesstrand, and @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut for the tag!

“TK still refuses to see or talk to Carlos?”

“Yeah, and I’m at a loss. Ana keeps texting me asking if she can talk to TK because he’s screening her calls and texts, and I don’t know how to tell her that the stubborn bastard won’t talk to me either. We just got home and he locked himself in his fucking room. He’s mad at me for telling him to talk to Carlos. I swear it’s like I’m living with a toddler.”

Marjan is silent on the other end of the phone for a long minute; and Aishu pulls the phone away to see if she’s still connected, “Marjan?”

“Yeah, sorry, I’m here. I just switched you over to speaker, Paul wanted to say something.”

“You’re going to hate what I’m about to say, just so you know.”

Aish slams her head against the door, “I know exactly what you’re going to say, and the answer’s no.”

“Darling, they’re going to have to figure it out themselves eventually, don’t you think? You can’t moderate the conversations between them forever. Say you do finally convince them to get their shit together, are you going to mediate every argument they have for the rest of y’all’s lives? I hate to burst your bubble, but they’re going to have to figure it out eventually.” 

Aish sighs, “I don’t know what you want me to say, Paul. I really don’t.”

“You have enough on your plate with Captain Blake and Iris – all I want you to say is that you’ll let go of the reins a little bit. This isn’t your battle to fight.”

“Mish wants to have a funeral,” she whispers, dropping her voice to make sure that TK can’t hear her. “Mish wants to have a funeral, and she wants my help planning it. She’s been texting me asking if I can send her a good picture of Iris to put next to the fucking empty casket. And I keep dodging her damn texts.”

Marjan’s voice filters back in, “Aishu, you know you can say no. You don’t have to do this.”

“Don’t I? She was my girlfriend, it’s not like I can just not show up. I blew up my life as I knew it to chase after her, and I just, what? Don’t go to her funeral?”

i got around to this late (my mom had surgery this morning), so im gonna leave an open tag!