#more than anything i hâte the fact that i cannot say anything candidly so we can face an issue in a logical rational way
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#i am getting a car by the end of the summer. i just have to#i sure wouldn’t feel bad if my dad bought me one because he’s the one who has never allowed me to work or leave the house for most things#and the one who delayed me getting my license in HS by yelling at me so much that i got stress nosebleeds whenever i spoke to him lol#but i really never thought he was going to. a new phone yes because then he can track me and read my text messages#but a car would imply going places and not being at home all the time so i don’t see why he would do that#but he also isn’t going to let me buy one myself. i know he’s not lol#i really don’t know what I’m supposed to do. i can just stay at home here sure but when im at school#and next year my roommate will be gone#im going to need a car. never mind taking the bus to whatever internship i get he really can’t be serious#it’s going to be such a disaster and i cannot rely on a multi-hour bus ride in and out of my work every day#idk there’s just something ironic about how the man who wouldn’t speak to me for two weeks when i was in HS because he thought i wasn’t cho#choosing a career fast enough and therefore would be a burden on him forever is now balking at the idea that yes im going to be spending my#summer going to a job and there isn’t any way around it. i don’t know what to tell you#of course this is the summer we have to go on a Big Trip too. a trip that will be probably mostly miserable because spending time with him#in an out-of-the-house location never does anything but fill me with dread#and a big trip which we have had like ten years to go on#yes yes pandemic i know but even before that#but of course it’s this fucking year when i need to get a job and cannot say hey i need two weeks off for some fuckoff stupid trip#but i don’t have a job yet so I can’t tell him to cancel the big trip for the possibility of a job#more than anything i hâte the fact that i cannot say anything candidly so we can face an issue in a logical rational way#because he throws a temper tantrum every single time#i get so confused when im here around him i can’t even think straight i can only worry about making him mad#and my sister isn’t even here (im on spring break) because she’s abroad
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