#more art soon i hope i am so exhausted but im ok!!! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

letfatewritethewords · 3 years ago

Text

I process things with art. I process with written words in the hopes that one day it can be spoken without my voice shaking. This week has been one for the books.. and I decided to share. This is long, but I want to remember what I’m learning.. how I’m processing.. if you decide to read, thank you. If not, this will still be here as a reminder of my progress every year.

I always tell people that there was no reason for my name, but it’s a lie. I’m named after Samantha on BeWitched. My grandfather loved that show and suggested it when my mother couldn’t decide. I was born in early September and that makes me a Virgo. Astrology is one of my favorite things. There’s something extraordinary about the idea that we’re connected to the universe by the positioning of the stars. Sometimes it’s so vague.. but other times, it’s right on the nose and my horoscopes will make me cry. Speaking of that, I’m an empath and a 2. When I’m unhealthy, I’m a 4 and If you know what any of that means, I’d love to talk to you more about it. Winter is my favorite season. Fall is a close second. I love the snow and how muted everything is. I like the quiet, the beauty. Sometimes, the light from the sun will shimmer off a fresh coat of snow on the ground. It is absolutely blinding, but I’d still stare, and when the snow fell at night, I’d watch it under the street light across from my house and it felt like time stood still. When I was little, I would lay in the yard full of snow, alone, in my puffy suite, until my fingers and toes would go numb from the cold, listening to the silence, but the best part of those days was going back into my grandparents house and warming up with hot coco made on the stove, wrapping myself in a soft blanket and watching old movies with my grandfather. To me, the Winter is magical. My love languages are Quality Time and Acts of Service. I’m an introvert but I love people. I like to observe, I like to really understand how the mind works and Im eager to help. I thrive in controlled chaos. I like puzzles, I love music, I like crafts, I like to fix things because grandpa always taught me that nothing is to broken to fix. Nothing. No one.

This is the light. This is the part of me that I give willingly to anyone I meet. I wear it on my sleeve. It’s only the light. Until the last 2 years.. this was all I could give of myself because I’ve always been scared of the dark.

The darkest part of me lasted 8 years, my rock bottom lasted 4.5, but as a whole it’s taken up almost 12 years of my life. Sometimes I worry that all I'm ever going to be is this thing that happened to me. That this will define me for the rest of my life and I need to remind myself that I’m a person that can live separate from an event.

I went to the police station this week, I filled out more forms. I’ve filled out so many forms over the last 2 years. For an emergency restraining order this time. For Florida this time. I knew it would eventually follow me here but typhus felt too soon. The clerk called me brave. I smile and thank them every time but I never know how to respond to that. She has no idea how weak it feels and I mean.. how could she. This is the right choice, the obvious choice, the smart choice. In a different situation, it’s one of the many steps I’d be urging someone else to take. In all the chaos, all the hurt, in all the anger and sadness.. it always circles back to “I loved him”. I did. I wanted to fix him. I wanted to see him grow and heal and if I loved him hard enough for the both of us, it would’ve evened out eventually… right?

I failed.

He was always who he was, but I was young and naive and ready to fix the whole world. When I was 18 and we were free, I would’ve told you he saved me. Now that I’m in my 30’s… and he’s in prison and I’m in limbo.. I don’t know what I’d tell you. He didn’t save me, but he didn’t destroy me either. I had every opportunity to tap out and give up.. but I grew into a person I might not have been if I never met him.

Am I angry? All of the time.

Am I scared? Yes.

I see things more clearly now though. People talk about how you never know someone’s story, and that’s because we are experts at playing pretend like we have it all figured out until we’re alone and have to face truest selves. The facade is the hardest thing to give up. Some people saw through mine and there are others, who have built their own, that never will. I share posts about what I’ve learned, how I see people, how I’ve try to treat people with grace and teach children with love and patience in hopes that a little of that sinks into whoever it reaches, but I very rarely show the journey. Partly because I know the details are gruesome and that’s not for everyone, but mostly because I’m scared.

How will you see me?

What will you think?

I’m learning that I’m not this big awful thing that happened to me. I was never anyone’s property and I’m not chained to it anymore. I was very much lied to and manipulated and hurt long enough that it flipped onto me and I carried it without missing a step. I wanted to love him so much that I would heal him. Instead, he “loved” me so much it almost killed me, and he did call it love. Enough times that he re-defined it and I didn’t use that word for a very long time in any meaningful situation. He, for better or for worse, drastically changed the trajectory of my life.

But it’s ok.

I’m wounded but I’m healing. I’m lonely, but I’m learning how to slowly welcome more people in and step out of my comfort zone. If I’m being honest, I’m relearning a lot of things, including how to exist in a world where I have room to make mistakes and fail. I can say or do the wrong thing and be gently corrected for it by my people and move on … sans violence. There are no words for amount of relief I feel because of that truth.

Is it over? No.

He was sentenced to 7 years last year and every year around mid July early August there is an opportunity to apply for an appeal based on his behavior, which will always be immaculate because he is not as tough as he thinks he is. This means that if he applies and it goes to trial, I’m also notified and have to reappear, show any new evidence, and reexplain why he needs to stay there for the safety of others and myself. Telling my story once a year on a whim to a room full of strangers, always men, so they can decide my fate, as well as the fate of this “upstanding young man with a good head on his shoulders” (actual words used during my initial rape/domestic abuse trial against him), was never what I imagined finally turning him in would look like. I really never thought that after everything, his sentence wouldn’t even be as long as our relationship. The original sentence was 5 years. After he got out on a Governor Cuomo Covid related prison loophole and broke his parole almost immediately, he was sentenced to another 2 on top of that. He has 6 left. We talk about how flawed our system is, but really seeing it is a different kind of punch. Women aren’t believed. There’s a reason so many of these crimes go unreported, and why so many women die at the hands of angry men. The hoops you have to jump through are miles high and on fire, and when you and the advocate show up armed only with your truth, your tears and a little evidence from one night at a bar when he got to drunk and forgot he was in public, it’s very easy for a judge to rule on the softer side. Because, as you all know, we’d never want to ruin a wealthy mans life unless there’s cold, hard, reason to.

Seeing his face when they read out his sentence, after years of terror, was satisfying to say the least and if I hadn’t been so numb to get through the hearing, I would’ve enjoyed it more. I will never forget going to a trusted friends house after that hearing and being completely overwhelmed with all of the emotions. Relief, guilt, sadness, anger, happiness, fear.. so many I couldn’t express.. all at once because the novocain wears off and numb isn’t forever and I fell asleep with their dog after a lot of crying. I’d be lying though if I said that 18 year old in me didn’t feel a loss. I grew up with incredible grandparents that did amazing things in teaching me how to love people and be a good human, but no one can protect us from everything. I also grew up with a mother who fights demons of her own and never had the capacity to love two kids. In a situation like that, someone becomes the punching bag. I became the punching bag and desperately looked for ways out, an opportunity to run.. and I ran right into him, who accepted me with open arms for the first time in my young, very inexperienced life.. and I followed him blindly and he was my whole world. Until I was 27, I didn’t have a guide. By the grace of God I landed into a community in Florida that slowly helped me realize my worth.

So.. what now.

How do we fix what our parents and past broke?

How do you reparent yourself?

The mental health journey is proving to be my biggest struggle yet. There’s no more outside factors, it’s just me and the lies that have fed me for years and altered how I think and feel and understand the world. I can feel myself frustrating people I’ve let close to me. I feel myself getting nervous and pushing people away. Sometimes I can catch it and regroup, other times that nasty little voice is too loud and I’m exhausted. My goodness though, how cool is it to learn so much about yourself? I know I have the capacity to love that broken part of me eventually, but it’s still hard to face. Getting to learn and understand the reason behind your actions is terrifyingly amazing. I am proud of this journey. Even when I don’t always come up on top. It’s hard to see the progress while you’re in it, but laying it all out like this.. I can safely say I’m never going to be that 18 year old girl ever again. Some days this journey looks different, some days the darkness wins, because healing isn’t linear. Sometimes it’s one step forward, 2 steps back… but nothing is too broken to fix.. and I will never call that darkness home again.

#lonliness #abuse survivor #survivor #domestic violent relationships #domestic violence #processing

5 notes · View notes

poetastic · 5 years ago

Text

With you we might summon the gods and the stars

Alright sweet dearvils~

I am sorry this took so long, but you know how things go. You ask yourself – should I close the vote and your mind immediately goes not yet, not yet.

You, dear hearts, voted and the jury has come to the following verdict:

We are going to write a magical woodland tale, as suggested by @lovelorn virtuoso

What mystical shenanigans are happening in the woods? Is that a dryad stalking along the treeline? A family of magical tigers? Or some robot vampires? I don’t know. Maybe, I should be asking you all, because it’s up to you now – (I hereby vow to stop forcing as many TAD reference-jokes in here as possible)

Toss a ?how the hell does this work? to your dear hearts:

A designated ‘keeper of the story’ will be appointed later in the chat. They will write the first entry of our collaborated story and keep what they wrote in a document. This document is going to become the treasure chest that keeps our little adventure.

Say their part of the story will be this:

In a hole in the ground there lived two dearvils, who were eating yogurt. They had simply been trying to watch the office, when-

This, of course, is not the whole story. It is just a thread of the beautiful quilt we are going to weave together.So, the Keeper is going to write the last sentence of what they wrote into the group chat:

They had simply been trying to watch the office, when-

Now it is someone else’s turn to pick up the quill. They will write their part and send it via message to the Keeper, so they can save it in our treasure chest. The last sentence, however, they will post into the chat.

The quill will be passed from hand to hand and in the end – either when each of us has contributed something, or when we come to the mutual decision to end the story, the Keeper will post our tale full of surprises.

To keep how things are going visible, I will create a google document all of us can access, in which all last sentences can be read again – I will post it, tagging you all, so you have it available at all times =)

Once you picked up the quill, there is no real time limit to till when you submit your part of the story. This is supposed to be a bit of release and respite from the storm raging outside. However, please consider whether you actually have time and energy to put in before picking it up, so things can stay a bit dynamic.

I am open to all suggestions you have to make this more of an enjoyable experience. I am just spit balling here =) Also: if you have questions, just message me, I will try to answer as soon and as resourceful as possible!

Hope this can bring everyone a bit of joy in these strange times

@not-even-god-can-judge-me-now, @simeramise, @lovelorn-virtuoso, @teddybards, @myidlehand, @scarlet-welly-boots, @max-cauliflower,@hemo-official, @bisexualspaghetti, @bi-marvel-bitch, @thrill-winchester, @colorsofcthulhu, @daileytribune, @erotisical, @wellheythereneighbor, @mistermooneyes, @peakygroupie, @weasels-and-ferrets, @masquergayed, @harleyes, @whzzrbrwn, @freedomspots, @tyrell-for-the-throne, @smallyellowbutterfly, @pagan-writter-all-da-way, @kayabiter, @number-four, @misscanadaheartbreakprince, @kingafromtwitter, @namesicna, @whoseboat, @jerk-of-rivia, @sonso, @haversshm, @cookies-and-gin, @thebandaidpolice, @hypereyesstuff, @shrodingerstiger, @myidlehand, @softkawaiikiller, @imsodonewiththissite, @erikalast, @iriaart04, @margo-b, @immortalhhl, @percilout, @nasakuznetsova, @the-story-is-this, @to-worlds-more-beautiful, @marvelous-space-nerd, @nogaythots, @snufkins-gay-crime, @maddie-weasley, @lilyevans1, @jeannes-world, @vamos-a-drogarnos, @damehawkeye, @sofancydancy, @fleabvg, @greyyy523, @klassikally, @ineffable-wonders, @mo-bhratha, @laurelconover, @winchesterdings, @groovychimera, @fandom-united-together, @banemmanan, @penqyslxyz, @joey-bae-tey, @lovingtacocookiekid, @that-dumbass-on-a-horse, @etia-lavellan, @i-wouldratherbeatree, @ashleylovesjoey, @bearregretsthis, @capricornyus, @jay-is-bi, @reinvent-and-believe, @vaeh1012, @nightofheart, @her-sweet-madness, @deepphilosophertimemachine, @of-entropy-and-synergy, @bob-am-i, @poetastic, @jojobeananna, @alrendriablaze, @ladyfinnagle, @daisyannewinchester, @terrified-mind, @renillaluc, @icantloseyou, @riz266, @gaymelie, @linguisticfishstick, @tvasgaroth, @wingless-thing, @ewanspotter, @teddylacroix, @aw–heck, @ohmygoshwhatascream, @yabirdakika,@ijustcantfigureout, @misha-bawlins, @jaigurudevaom, @weirdnessonmymind, @giantsquidastern, @helllucifer, @florathedutchess, @owlensposts, @rylinnivy, @supportingcats, @starjase, @asmolbirb, @lesbianjaskiers, @exhausted-snek, @thirillia, @bard-at-heart, @mxfistofele, @buttercup-the-bard, @knitsforbunny, @diizzypanda, @ihavewrittenyoudown, @marvelmisha, @always-imagine-a-dream, @thegreenjeanie, @enchanting-person-wizard, @charlies-dragon, @rosestormclare, @solcito93, @emrysczerny, @jackienova, @cinnamohm-roll , @dawitchershoe @destiel-221b-sabriel, @kneesocksforluke, @ubernoona, @dody7666, @archarchimime, @thsailingwallflower, @loudkittyreadingegg, @ultimatefighterr, @himboshi, @theviscountjaskier, @shaylogic, @queens-gardener, @s3dgy, @finagle-a-bagel, @thattoowasagift, @afewmarvelousthoughts, @foodisjoy, @dariaisdragonaged, @awenm, @danilu82, @cupofcrups, @robin-mood, @dalishwinchester, @im-a-vampire-now, @friendlyneighb0rh00dcosmicentity, @wrenbug, @books-are-pretty-punk-rock, @toriyardleyart, @garrotter-jury-and-judge, @gabbug, @de-vrie, @tee-aitch-official, @empressoftheworld, @yuki-shinohara-tan, @ari-arts, @brighteditorial, @shukruut , @the-devils-heir, @chaoticwolfbard, @anaisabard, @ec-sydney, @itsholmeslover, @ragequilt, @blackfangstar, @spikyglore, @goodheavensgwen, @disasterboysandtheirgruffloves, @clinekristen, @anchorsoutatsea, @dandelionelsuavecitosstuff, @impsane, @amazonianflight, @sanya-shaurma, @transmangeralt, @positivelybitter, @sherlocked-bitch, @iwritesinsnottragedies, @silverbld, @distant-mother, @blacknbluengray, @nunatosally, @maplehuneywrites, @brieflyuniquestudent, @n-u-c-l-e-a-r, @showerday, @ultimatefighterr, @himboshi,

Ok, I hope I have everyone - if I missed you, or mistiped you name, or you are in this list and actually no longer part of the chat and don’t want to get any more notifications about this - feel free to message me ^^

#TAD gc #TAD gc shenanigans #The Amazing Devil #folded-paper-story #With you we might summon the gods and the stars

22 notes · View notes

oh-theatre · 5 years ago

Text

Objection!: Chapter 13

Chapter title: A Spooky First

A/n: Oh look! I'm not dead! And thank god that uh I planned this to come out on Halloween! I've never been so happy! In other news, I LOVE PATTON SANDERS AND THERE IS NOTHING I WOULDNT DO FOR HIM. Also, Character asks are always open and for people asking yes you can do art for this (I've gotten some asks, and IM HONORED SO IF YOU WANT OH MY PLEASE DO) Don't forget to leave me some comments!! They make my day!! And Happy Halloween!!

First | Previous | Next

words: 4300

summary: After Romans unfortunate incident, the gang still has to prepare for Halloween

pairings: Eventual logicality, eventual prinxiety, platonic demus, romantic remile

warnings: swearing, blood, hospital, passing out/fainting, poison mention

Ao3 Link

“Excuse me, would you like some Xanax? Because you are freaking out and it is freaking me out and we are all freaking the fuck out” Virgil claps, Logan turns to him huffing annoyed.

“Language!” Patton exclaims softly, they face him now the same expression plastering their face.

“Patton!” They groan in unison, he shrinks away, his eyes darting towards Romans empty bed.

“Sorry” He mumbles. He makes his way carefully towards the bed, sitting on the remains. He can hear the pair arguing behind him.

“You're telling me? To not freak out? That's like your brand!” Logan retorts, Patton clutches the bed knowing that that will only spark more of a debate. One Patton would rather not be apart of. “I'm mister can't keep my pants on and freaks out over every little thing” Logan mocks, the lawyer had never seemed so childish

“My brand? Oh, I'm sorry that I'm not ‘mister cold and frozen twenty-four-seven!’” Virgil responds, Logan scoffs. Patton shuts his eyes, feeling like a child again, except he can't escape the arguing parents, he has to get them under control. “No wonder Patton doesn't like you!” Welp there it is, Patton stands now. Now Virgil knew that wasn't true, but it sure would hurt, and that was his only aim.

“Oh I'm sorry, ‘mister oblivious towards Romans feelings’” Logan rushes, praying Patton had not heard the last part. Luckily, Logan had the same agenda, they were upset. Although by the look on Virgil's face, it didn't matter, they had really dug deep.

“Enough! Both of you!” Patton intervenes, quite angrily forcing himself between the pair. He faces Virgil first “You, will apologize to Logan about those awful things. And you will calm down, we are all very worried ok? Roman is our friend and the last thing we need to do right now is argue, understood?” He wiggles his finger in Virgil's face, the frozen detective nods.

“Yes Patton” he whispers, a little too afraid to speak. Now it's Logan's turn, Patton spins on his heel, Logan prepares himself.

“And you will apologize to Virgil, you were just as mean! He is allowed to be worried! Our friend is lying in an operation room alone, and we have no idea what's going on!” Patton takes a deep breath, steadying himself “Got it?” He questions sternly, feeling trapped between his own kids. Except they were grown adults.

“Got it” Logan mumbles shamefully. He had to admit, Patton was very good at conflict resolving. And a little scary. They bow their heads, preferring not to meet the lawyer's eyes, waiting for something to shift.

“Good, I'm going to go and get some coffee, you two” he glares “Are going to fix this and be nice to one another, you're friends, don't forget that” He reminds, Logan and Virgil glance up, locking regretful eyes. “And Lo?” Logan snaps his head towards him “I like you very much” He confirms before promptly leaving the room. Virgil notices the blush immediately, he wonders if Patton knows how much that meant.

“I am...sorry Virgil” Logan begins, going first to rid himself of the jumbled ideas in his mind. “You have every right to be worried about Roman, I shouldn't have snapped” He admits, now feeling the effects of his previous words. “And I shouldn't have said...that about your..brand” He quotes, using his fingers to mimic an air quote. Virgil holds his breath, exhaling only when Logan's shoulders fall.

“Guess it's my turn” he jokes, chuckling dryly. Logan nods, avoiding anything. “I'm sorry dude, you're just worried and I think that just freaked me out a bit cause...you're never worried” Virgil rubs his arm, squeezing it to make sure he's actually there. “And it's fine, my anxiety is usually better than…” He shrugs knowingly, Logan purses his lips.

“You have been doing better lately” Logan notes, recalling the techniques Virgil had utilized.

“I have yeah thanks” He smiles, the pace picks up, there's just one thing neither want to address. A word spoken makes it real. “Ok I'm just going to say it, I'm so sorry about what I said...about you being...and Patton and…” he's rambling now, apologies are never easy. Logan winces, Patton's face standing in the doorway, promising, assuring that he likes Logan. As if the lawyer is so desperate for confirmation. “You're not-��

“Let's not do this, shall we?” Logan interjects. His face reserved once more, Virgil curses himself, so close. “I apologize, and you apologize and that is that” He finalizes, Virgil decides not to push, too exhausted for round two. Thankfully the door opens once more, introducing a new topic. Patton returns, smiling and bright as ever, instantly Logan softens, his face morphs ever so slightly. Virgil wishes he could put Patton's energy, his essence in a bottle or something and just bring it out whenever Logan was tense, annoyed or… just needed some light.

“All happy in here?” He asks cautiously, handing the pair coffee. They share one last look before agreeing to nod, saving themselves and the hopeful figure more distress. “Yay,” He celebrates weakly, the matter of Roman still fresh in the air. As if on cue, the door slides open once more, a familiar doctor enters. You can hear the trio seize their breath.

“Judge Reial did very well during surgery” He assures, the collective sigh of relief quite audible. “They are finishing him up before rolling him back here…” Patton smiles, the doctor coughs unsure “However, I would like to...discuss what we found...during his operation” He explains, Virgil's internal alert system goes off, his eyes shift.

“What? What did you find?” He requests, wanting the information more than anything.

“I cant...well...I have to wait for the police” Patton's heart drops, tightening his grip around the coffee cup. Virgil wastes no time pulling out his badge, shoving it in the fearful doctors' face.

“No waiting required, what did you find?” He tries again, the doctors swallows, leading Virgil out of earshot.

“We believe…” He glances back at the worried lawyers “That Judge Reial was...poisoned”

~~~

“Alright kiddos, let's just settle in” Emile advises, herding the trio into the cushioned seats of a nearby diner. Remus hopped in first bouncing until he found the perfect spot, Damian followed reluctantly taking a seat next to his new friend, Valerie sat politely at the end next to Emile.

“Mister pickle can I have some fries?” Remus wonders, showing the item on the menu to Emile, his small fingers tremble as he tries to sustain the giant menu.

“Of course, but you have to get something of sustenance as well” He informs, Remus cocks his head, his little brows raise in confusion. Emile smiles weary, not sure how to continue.

“Little kids Em, you gotta use your little kid speak” Remy teases as he joins the group, kissing Emile on the head before sitting opposite him, next to Damian. The little boy waves politely receiving a ruffle of the hair in return. “You gotta eat something else with your fries little man” Remus sighs, hearing this before, Emile averts his eyes.

“Can I have chicken nuggets and fries please?” He decides, growing impatient already. Remy considers it, stroking his chin.

“Only, if you get some carrots” He offers “Take it or leave, final offer” Remus folds his arms, pouting. “Deal or no deal mister Hart?” It almost felt odd addressing anyone other than Patton as that.

“Deal!” Remus exclaims, shaking Remy's hand quite ferociously. “What are you getting?” He turns, asking Damian who is still perusing the menu.

“Mmm I don't know, Papi usually helps me” He comments, Emile pulls out his phone in remembrance, shooting a quick text to Virgil. The kids continue their conversation, finishing their orders and moving onto their colors. Damian and Remus collaborate on a drawing, using purple, yellow, green and blue to create a wonderful world. Valerie sits pleasantly chatting away with Emile, talking about her day. Remy watches, the kids so...oblivious to everything. And Emile so...happy and relaxed. Remy had to wonder what was really going on in his partner's head, he hates to admit it but sometimes it was hard to read Emile.

“Rem? Everything alright?” Emile cautions from across the table, Valerie joins her brother in his activity adding spruce of red to the mix.

“Yeah...I just-”

“Hold on, sorry, I'm getting a text” Emile checks his phone, his eyes tracing the text, Remy watches the reflection in his glasses. “Oh!” He chimes, he looks to the kids who turn their focus towards the bright figure. The twins find it comforting how much he reminds them of their dad. “We gotta eat quick! Your dad is expecting you home soon!” He tells them, Damian pouts returning to his drawing.

What about my dad?

~~~

“I feel bad for leaving Roman” Patton laments, returning home Logan by his side. He helps his fellow lawyer hang up his coat, before inviting him towards the living room. “Would you like a cup of tea? Coffee?” Patton offers from the kitchen through the window that connects to the living room.

“Tea is adequate” He responds examining the newly hung decorations, little pumpkins strewn around each carved. It was quite easy to tell which ones Patton made and which ones the twins did. Logan finishes his observations, sitting at the kitchen counter watching Patton work.

“One cup of tea!” He exclaims, placing the beverage in front of Logan. The lawyer smiles at Patton, thanking him with a nod. “Do you think V is alright?” Patton fiddles with the sugar packets laying in front of him, trying hard not to reach for his phone. He hadn't wanted to leave Virgil and Roman but it was Halloween night. Logan watches carefully,

“I think…” He starts slowly, taking Patton's hand so he stops. “That Virgil will be ok and that you…” Patton looks up, meeting Logans' eyes, only now can they see just how tired they are. “Need to focus on tonight, its good for you, a distraction. Plus, Roman needs his rest and you and Virgil need a break” Logan explains, Patton nods thankfully. The door creaks open, two scurrying feet rush in followed by a disheveled Emile.

“Papa!” “Dada!” The twins shout in unison running directly into their father's arms. Patton was noticeably happier as they made contact. They instantly began rambling about their day as Patton leads them to their room to change, Emile takes a moment to breathe.

“Heya Logan!” He greets finally noticing the lawyer, Logan turns his focus from the spot where Patton had left towards Emile. “Whatcha doing here?” He asks serving himself some tea, Logan had to wonder how many times everyone had been to Patton's house to feel comfortable enough to do as they please.

“I was invited for Halloween” he responds, Emile's smile glistens. “Where is detective Nyx, might I ask?” he references the empty spot next to the doctor.

“He’s dropping off Damian at Virgil's house” Emile clarifies, Logan nods finishing his drink. He makes his way around counter washing his dish in the sink, Patton returns a moment later.

“Well, they are off getting ready! They are much too excited for this” Patton proclaims, Emile giggles delighted for the twins. “Thank you so much for dropping them off” Patton turns to Emile, the doctor waves it off grateful to spend time with the twins.

“It was nothing, you know how much I love them” Emile admits, Patton laughs softly giving his friend a farewell hug before watching him depart. The twins emerge after a moment, Valerie first spinning around as she shows off her outfit. Logan has to commend Patton, his handiwork on the clothes was astounding. She wore a poofy top with a red sash around her, slowly going out into a short skirt with leggings. She had a fake and very dull sword by her side, and a tiara lay perfectly on her head.

“Beware! It is I! Princess warrior Valerie!” She announces swinging her sword around. Patton claps, laughing delightfully. She jumps into his arms, hugging his neck. “Thank you, papa!” She says nuzzling herself comfortably into his arms.

“Of course angel face,” Patton says kissing her on the forehead before releasing her to play. She takes a swing at Logan, he tilts his head confused but understands after a while ‘falling’ off his chair. Valerie giggles, covering her mouth as she does so. Patton sighs content, shooting a grateful glance towards the lawyer, hoping the dim lights covered his blush. Luckily he wouldn't have to know seeing as Remus joins the group soon after.

“Behold!” He pauses turning to Logan “Is that the right word?” He wonders, Logan nods proudly that Remus even listened to the man's ramblings sometimes. He resumes his position showing off his own royal outfit. The green was prominent, meshing beautifully with the dark black. As opposed to Valerie's outfit, he was messier and fluffier. He waddled around the room, showing off his outfit. Quickly tackled by his sister as the pair engage in a mock fight, careful with one another.

“Kiddos!” Patton stops them checking the time. “Ready to go?” He asks, the twins share a glance before turning back to their father and nodding ecstatically. Patton chuckles turning to the table where he left a witch hut, putting it on carefully. Logan genuinely thought that Patton couldn't get any…

“Cuter! I'm cuter!” Remus claims, he pudges his face, pursing his lips “Look!” Patton sweeps the boy off his feet, placing him comfortably in his arms.

“You're both adorable” He reassures, Remus grins holding his trick-or-treating bag steadily. Logan takes this as his cue to collect Valerie, she wastes no time jumping into his arms, causing an ‘umph’ to escape him.

“I...concur” Logan adds as Valerie stares at him with nothing but joy. They were really cute, Logan wasn't one to deny that.

“Remember we’re going to go for a little bit and then meet up with Virgil and Damian, go with them for a little while and then come home and-” The twins are ready. Disappointment should not have been what Logan felt at the mention of meeting up with Virgil.

“Movies!” Remus exclaims, squirming in his dad's arms.

“Candy!” Valerie adds, Logan chuckles at their antics. Patton nods, he leaves a bowl of candy outside with a neatly handwritten sign with the message ‘Take two! From me to you!’, he leaves the string lights on and locks the door.

“Alright, here we go” He smiles, the bustling street full of kids chattering excitedly to collect candy. Logan has to wonder what is so enticing about walking around for hours, on foot, bothering the neighbors for an unhealthy amount of sugar.

“Down! Down!” The twins chant wanting to be one with the others, Patton sighs looking around before hesitantly setting Remus down keeping a delicate grasp on his small hand. Logan follows suit holding on to Valerie's hand for safety. The twins jump and bounce around as they walk, finally deciding on a house. Remus, with a lift from Patton, rings the doorbell. They wait practically vibrating as the owner comes to the door.

“Trick or treat!” They exclaim together, holding out their custom made bags, as the door swings open. Logan and Patton smile politely at the woman as she fills up the bag, complimenting their outfits and wishing them well on their journey. The rest of the night goes similarly, the twins go from house to house filling up on candy. Slowly the quartet falls into a routine, the kids are allowed to wander freely as long as they don't go too far and Logan gets a moment to breathe.

“Having fun?” Patton inquires, his eyes fixated on the skipping twins who sing a sweet tune ahead of them. Logan sighs, the night was cool but not too bad. Patton, with the addition of his witch hat, was wrapped up cozily in a grey coat. Logan wore a darker coat, longer as well.

“I am having an enjoyable time Patton” He assures, it's quite obvious to tell Pattons nervous. But logan wasn't lying, sure there were moments where he felt uneasy or out of his comfort zone but it was enjoyable. Not having to think about the case or murders. He wonders if Patton knows how amazing it is he gets to experience this, Logan himself never got to do Halloween but this was the twins first time. Something they would remember forever and Logan got to be apart of that.

“That's good, I'm glad you're here” He admits, Logan's face feels hot almost immediately. Patton releases a quick, shaky breath, rubbing his shoulders in a fast motion. “I hope they are bundled up enough, its really quite cold” He expresses, the twins seem fine. With the amount of clothes, Patton made sure they wore, and the amount of heat they circulate by running around proves that. He blows warm air into his hands, wishing he had brought gloves.

“Here,” Logan says taking Patton's arm and linking it with his. It could be debated whether it was for more...self-indulgent reasons but Logan's body heat (As proven by research, he swears) would transfer towards Patton. He expects some kind of retaliation or resistance but Patton adjusts comfortably. Neither could tell whether the redness present on their face was due to the weather....or… ”Better?” Logan asks distracting himself from his thoughts.

“Better” Patton clutches tighter, yawning as they continue.

~~~

“Dee? I'm home!” Virgil calls out setting his things down. A moment later two figures appear, Damian, all dressed up in his wizard cloak and hat, waving around a little wand. Remy appearing behind him. “Well look at you!” Virgil admires kneeling down as his son comes pummeling towards him, wrapping his arms around his dad's neck and hugging him.

“I'm ready! I'm ready!” He dances around, Remy chuckles watching him go.

“Alright alright, how was your day?” He asks taking a coat off the rack. Remy sits at the table, pulling out his phone, no doubt sending a text to Emile.

“I had so much fun! Papi, I made a friend! And then we went out to eat! And then we came here! And I played with goo!” Damian explains, Virgil has to wonder if he already has sugar in him, the boy was never this...hyper.

“You made a friend? That's so good, I'm very proud of you” He encourages grabbing Damian's treat bag, his squiggly name inscribed under the inside flap should it ever get lost. Damian nods, trying his best to drag Virgil to the door, revving to go. “Hold on” Virgil laughs, he walks over to Remy. “Thank you so much for dropping him off” He acknowledges, Remy shakes his head waving it off

“Dude anytime, as much as I would love to stick around I gotta go, Emile and I have plans” He smiles coyly, Virgil swats his arm frowning. “Not that you weirdo, I mean actual plans” He corrects, Virgil sighs. “See ya” He dismisses himself, hugging Damian goodbye as he goes.

“Okey! Time to go” Damian decides, Virgil shakes his head chuckling, no point in delaying. He shuts the house down, putting a bowl outside with candy before starting on the street, a very tugging Damian in his hand.

“Where to first?” He asks his son, Damian points forward with no specific target in mind. Virgil shrugs and follows his son to the first house. Damian had done this last year and considered himself an expert, bouncing from house to house, until finally, they were to meet up with the others.

“Papi...carry” Damian requests, his small hands grabbing towards his dad. Virgil smiles sweetly picking him up, they walk slowly back towards the meeting spot. Virgil would have been worried about missing them but the sounds of shrieking were a pretty good clue. Emerging from a darker street Virgil walks up to them.

“Hey” He greets, Patton swivels around taking Logan with him, as Patton unlinks himself to say hello to Damian, Virgil gives Logan some much-deserved shift eyes. Receiving a glare in return. “How's the night going?” He asks handing Damian to Patton, the little boy seemingly found some extra energy. The twins join the group hugging Virgil's legs as hello, he ruffles their hair, picking up Valerie who seems more adamant to say hello.

“Good! The neighborhood is really bustling tonight” Patton replies, allowing Damian to fiddle with his glasses. Remus pouts feeling a little too short, Patton nudges Logan hopeful. Logan nods offering his own arms to Remus whos mood improves as he takes his place in Logan's grasp. Following Damian's example, he removes Logan's glasses playing with them.

“Look! I look like uncle Patton!” Damian shows, the glasses practically falling off his face. Remus giggles placing Logan's own specs on his face, Logan isn't sure whether his heart can take anymore, or if he's upset.

“I look like LoLo!” Remus decides, it's safe to say, Virgil and Patton couldn't contain their laughter. More than embarrassed, Logan takes his glasses back, desiring to see once more. Damian, bless his little hands, tries his best to place pattons glasses back on the lawyer's face, succeeding only slightly. He fixes them, smiling tightly at the little boy.

“Alright, where to next?” Patton queries. Virgil turns his focus from playing with Valerie towards Patton.

“I don't know, why don't we ask LoLo?” Virgil teases, Logan groans knowing he won't be living that down.

“I'm going home if you continue with your mockery” Logan informs. Patton smiles sweetly watching the pair. Virgil and Logan continue their exchange walking ahead, Patton follows with a sleepy Damian in hand. He releases a breath, he had tried so hard but he missed Roman. He missed the way he entertained the kids, he missed his smile, his booming voice, he missed his friend. He catches up taking his place next to Logan, his energy dulls now, he's exhausted and it finally caught up to him.

“How about a few more houses? And then we settle in for the night?” Virgil proposes, Patton yawns nodding lazily. The kids, as much as they want to have the energy to continue, enjoy the prospect of cuddling on the couch. Virgil examines the trio before laughing his words “Or maybe we just head home” He decides. And so they did, returning to Patton's home after a while. Logan, Virgil, and Patton set the now napping kids on the couch, placing a blanket over them. Patton removes the now empty candy bowl, locking the house as he returns.

“Guess they tired themselves out” Patton comments, Virgil nods stroking Damian's head from behind the couch. Logan sits on the other side, he's not sure how it happened but Remus and Valerie had found their place huddled up with Logan and he was not going to move and risk them waking up. Patton finishes cleaning up, sorting the candies into respective jars labeled for each kid. Once finished, he joins the other two in the living room, stopping himself at the sight of Logan adjusting the blanket so it fits atop both twins. He goes over leaning slightly. “You don't have to do that” He whispers, Logan shakes his head softly.

“It's alright, wouldn't want to wake them up” He lies, honestly he is quite comfortable and the image laid out in front of him is not a sore sight. Patton fights the urge to squeal and hug Logan, instead he nods making his way towards Virgil.

“Hey” Virgil greets, his voice low as he watches Damian's little breaths, his chest puffing in and out as he sleeps.

“You wanna spend the night here? I wouldn't want you to have to drive home at this hour” Patton offers, Virgil ponders for a moment, his own anxieties of intruding overlooked by pure exhaustion.

“Yeah but only if you're totally ok with it” Virgil ensures, Patton nods immediately leaving to set up the guest bedroom. Virgil cradles Damian to go and help, closing the door quietly behind him. “So...Logan staying over?” Virgil raises his voice no, not too much as to not wake his son.

“Oh! Well I don’t want to bother him and honestly, the twins love him and I don't mind having him around so...I suppose” Patton babbles, carefully crafting the bed for the pair. Virgil groans softly, Patton cocks his head.

“Oh come on Pat, go for it!” He enunciates, Patton shakes his head, face riddled with confusion. “With Logan! It's been four years...and longer technically” Virgil glares, Patton stops his grip tightening on the bedsheets, he takes a breath shutting his eyes.

“I don't want to...go through it again” He pauses sitting down, Virgil softens taking a seat next to him. “I know it's silly but...what if Logan...is exactly like Liam?” His voice is so low now, his words seize into a fearful whisper. “I just can't do that again” He slumps his shoulders rubbing furiously at his eyes, his glasses lifting as he does so, clinging to the tiniest ear.

“Logan would...never do that” Virgil hopes, he wants to say something to Patton but how does he know? In all honesty, he doesn't want to see Patton go through that again. Virgil watched Patton suffer silently for years, he knows ...hopes that Logan would never do the same but even the idea…

“I know…” He starts, he shakes his head, a squirmed breath “I know, let's just forget about it” He says standing quickly.

“Patton”

“No it's fine” he refuses to meet Virgil's eyes “I'm fine”

71 notes · View notes

survivormontenegro · 6 years ago

Text

Episode 1: "I'll either flop hard or finally fucking win so let's see how this game plays." - Ian

season starts in t minus eleven minutes and I'm SO READY TO FLOP WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

give me an idol thanks

Hi!!! Im back on tumblr survivor omg I thought I would never return cuz I am so inactive on skype but here I am with the best hosts ever seamus and drew even tho seamus bullies me... This time now that I actually have some experience I hopefully wont be first boot and can play better rather than be a sheep LOL

So far I like my tribe, Ali and mitch are prob my favs so far both kings

The only people I have ever heard of before is willow one of my bffs from FB orgs and jones bc shes jones but both on the other tribe so hope I can meet them at swap or merge!

But apart from that no clue who these ppl are, kinda nice tho and refreshing since on fb its always the same people so this should be fun

Bro we got 2 sandwich artists. And a sandwich related challenge. If we don’t win I’ll be mad

Okay so right now I don’t know anyone or anything what the fuck. This is so different from zwooper everyone is here to play. Right now I’m getting good vibes from Caleb and I think I’m gonna make him my go to. I know Noah on the other tribe but I know he doesn’t like me and I really don’t like the way he plays games. I heard Jamarcus was in this game but I guess not :(. But yeah so this is gonna be one wild ride!

submitting this before i forget/decide not to do a video on it:

http://bit.ly/2ZoKSiK <- Jason’s First Impressions

Hie Montenegro,,, im here,,, and full of existential fear!! I wanted to do a full video cast assessment but my phone storage truly sucks on this night at 3:00 am and I have shit to do tomorrow so :) gotta write!! Myfeelings!!!! David - has said Hewwo when we were revealed and vanished. Hopefully he can deliver in a comp Bc rn he’s kinda irrelevant :( holding out hope tho Willow - queen of being busy,,, we talked in pms but for like a minute,, she knows some of my friends from an FB game I watched her play tho! So that’s SOMETHing, but not a lot. I’ve heard not the greatest things about her social game in the past tho, so I’m not shocked rn Evan - I think I’ve actuallh played w him before assuming this is the same Evan from erinsborough? Big shrug, he was inactive that game tho and would’ve striked out if we didn’t vote him,,, hopefully things are different tho? His picture is Gavin from DP and I appreciate it greatly,, Tom - I just got off of a 5 hour call w him and he seems really chill!? Haven’t talked in pms yet or anything so hopefully we can do that soon? But he seems like a great dude!! His dog is super fucking cute too. JJ - I think of my entire tribe, he’s the epitome of extra. He has 50 fucking sugar gliders like??????? Ma’am?????????? Also he’s from tengaged and MORE IMPORTANTLY he knows keaton apparently!! So,,, probably a crackhead knowing my luck w Keaton. He’s very outgoing and friendly tho and definitely seems like someone i COULD work with,,, but I wanna see how everything plays out, Caeleb - adopted him as my grandson. Bc he called me his grandma. He seems like a sweetie pie it’s his first org ever though so go him!! Hopefully grandma can take him under her wing hehe Mo - literally one of my first close friends in the community,, an angel whom owns my heart, I feel like he’d wanna work w me but I’d never know fully until we prove our loyalties yk? So I’m also holding out hope for him,,, king. Alex - I love him!!!? So much???? He said he stans me I love him sm Bc I remember stanning him when I first started playing Bc he’s all I’d heard about art in the community lolol but I’m v excited to actuallh play with him I fucking called him being here :) Jules - my love my light we just clicked real quick, she’s legitimately an angel whom I adore??? It’s her first survivor game I’m rooting for her. But ya I’m exhausted so that’s it for now UwU gn bois

okie I feel like I should do a cast assessment of my tribe, just as a starter. my opinions will like 1000% change so this is by no means final but woo I'll go with this!

In general... this cast is... pretty good? Like I was very very worried since I'm so annoying that everyone that hates me would reappear for this season, but I think(?) only like... one person in the cast would dislike me/gun for me for preseason stuff. Anywho:

Benj: Okay he seems super super nice! Like he seems really friendly, we have a lot in common already and I think since we are both in weird timezones we could work really well as allies! He seems super like chill and would work with just people he seems to get along with, so I feel like... that could be a real potential alliance in the future ahhh!

Ian: Ian I haven't spoken to all that much yet (he was towards the end of the cast reveal) but he seems really really chill! He has also come 2nd twice which is something I can relate to, so maybe we will be on a similar page as players?

Jared: Okay first fellow newbie. We haven't spoken much or had the chance to really like have a good conversation so far! I feel like since its 12-8 for newbies, maybe its a good idea for us to group up tho, idk if it can happen since at least for me, I haven't really connected to the newbies as much?

Jason: He is so so fun! Like I've really liked talking with him so far, he was on the CAH call yesterday and was getting along with Julia which is really good too, since I defo wanna work with them both!

Julia: A QUEEN. okay I was very worried seeing her on the cast reveal since both times I've played with her, I've voted her out very very early.... BUT, she seems interested in wanting to work with me and I'd love to because such a wild time, and I feel like... me and her strengths/weaknesses can kind of counterbalance in a way that'll work really well! She could always be playing me, but tbh... its what I deserve anyway, and I'd LOVE to see her do really well this season.

Madeline: I really like her! I've spoken to her probs the most of the newbies and she seems really nice and social which is super good! I feel like she'll fit in for a while and have quite smooth sailing

Michael: I'm sure he is great, but we haven't really.. been able to talk all that much? I feel like if I had to predict who would go if our tribe lost, I'd... probably say him?

Mitch: omg this cast is so big I'm not even through my tribe AHH. anyway mitch was on the first cast reveal like I was. I get ok vibes from him, he seems like... he is here to play the game hard which makes me nervy, but hopefully I can like fudge that to my advantage?

Noah: okay he is super fun, I feel like... our conversations have been very dry, but also that its 100% my fault. idk the ability to be interesting just kind of _dropped_ out of me but I'll try and redeem that today

okay the other tribe I'll just skim through and do the ones I know:

Alex C.: he seems like a king! I've been in VLs for seasons he has been in, I feel like he will not like me but I'd love to meet him!

David R.: okay he will 10000% not remember me, but he was in my first season ever! he was very inactive and his only like... confessional was about me being annoying KJSLDAD which is maybe a.. bad sign! lets see how it goes this time

Jones: She seems SO nice! I have been in VLs with her before, and she seems so so so nice! I'd love to play with her down the line, but I think she is also probs here to WIN which is scary.

Jules: A LEGEND! I love Jules, would love to work with them if possible! They're probably the person I am closest to pregame but can hopefully keep that hush hush...

Mo: a king! I hosted him for his first season, and he was SO much fun. I feel like he has gone off me, but I'm super excited to see how he does!

Tom: he is... probably the biggest problem for me in the cast? Like he was in the only season I won, and saw me play a snake game which I do not intend to play like this time? But I feel like if he still dislikes me (which he might), he could like... tell people how snakey I was! I would love to like work with him if he wants, but I feel like he wouldn't trust me at all KASDLF

Willow: A queen! I haven't spoken to her in ages but used to around her first season a lot! so so nice.

Yeah so overall thoughts on each tribe:

Durmitor: Almost everyone I knew preseason was on this tribe, which is probably to my advantage, that'll hopefully help out in like... a swap situation? Worried about Tom but am cautiously optimistic about Willow/Mo/Jules! I feel like this tribe is gonna do very very good on challlenges which... AHHHH i don't wanna go to tribal

Budva: Okay I really like my tribe! I get the best vibes from Benj, Julia & Jason who are all people I'd love to work with! I think(?) I could be okay for now, like I feel like I've already got some good ties, and that there are other people that would go... before me... maybe? Its probably only like 2 rounds on these tribes so I maybe don't even need to last that long aksfda

Ugh honestly why am I back and like... I DON’T ANYBODY HERE? Nicole G is my spirit animal.

Well except for Jason and Julia. I do know them as well as Alex and Rob. Basically I don’t know anyone post chamonix and I feel like a fish out of water. I’ll either flop hard or finally fucking win so let’s see how this game plays.

My tribe is idk, quiet? But like we called and played cards against humanity which was fun but like idk Anau and Monte Rosa were just more active and fun and all.

Julia - fellow oldie, I might work with her since she’s quite social and all. Witchcraft and all.

Jason - I wanna work with him because 1) oldie 2) fellow runner-up and 3) he knows josh. And if my TS career hasn’t proven me wrong, people who I play with who know josh are a huge BOON to my game so yeahhH

Benj - he seems nice. He lives New Zealand so we will probably be the only ones awake at our respective time zones so that can be grounds for something :D

Ali - seems nice as well. We talked about the weather and all so that was fun.

Mitch - we had a short convo so idk him very well to get a good read on him.

Jared - We only started talking now so we will see hmmm

Michael - I’m 50% sure he’s a robot. Just because he sends messages like a robot but I could be wrong. Idk it’s hard to get a read on him but we talked some and I hope he is good at challenges

Madeline - She told me she was a returnee but the wiki says she ain’t? What is the truth. Seems nice?? Idk

Noah - we haven’t talked

Tbh this is probably the most quiet starting tribe I’ve been on. Nicole G is my sprit animal btw

(hi plss add this to the first confessionals i sent) Asya - haven’t talked to her as well. But she did briefly joined the tribe call

Here's a Video Confessional that details what’s on my mind:

youtube

America I think I fucked myself over on this one. I told JJ and Tom last night that I got 155k in sandwich stacker the last time I played it and now I think they’re expecting me to recreate that score?? And like,,, do better?????? But it turns out I’m unexpectedly very busy today and I can’t even do it when I get home Bc I’m not gonna have a laptop to play it on,, so I fucked myself over on this one chief. Not only am I most likely not doing this challenge, but I set myself up to look like a challenge threat!! When I can’t even back it up???? Love that for me :)

okay so I've now had a chance to talk to pretty much my whole tribe more which is fun. I LOVE THEM ALL AND REFUSE TO EVER. GO. TO. TRIBAL.

So my favourites atm are defo Julia, she is SUCH a legend, and her hex powers will carry us to success. I'm also really liking Benj & Jason on a personal level, they are super fun, and like chill on a game level which I really like!

Of the rest, Jared approached me to work with me which AHH exciting! But it was kind of unprompted and outta nowhere, so I'm worried he could play a bit too hard too fast, so will try and keep an eye on him. Madeline is super fun, I'm really liking talking to her, and I'm more reassured about working with my fellow newbies now, since Jared/Madeline I'm really liking! Michael is super sweet, he sent me this long nice message about how to pronounce my name which was super sweet, I haven't spoken to him too much yet! Noah I've spoken to the least, he is my biggest ??? so far, which ahh but I'll figure that one out. Mitch is quite quiet but I really like him! Ian is a king!

AHH I LOVE EVERYONE THIS IS A PROBLEM. I always do this where I make friends with everyone and then have to betray someone every round. I'm determined to pace myself this time. Julia is my Number #1 rn, she approached me first and I think we are a great balancing pair. I also really like Benj/Jason, would love to maybe be in a bigger alliance with them? Jared I'm like... apprehensive that he is gonna play really hard, but also wanna work with him. Those are probably my top four rn? I'd then put Madeline/Ian on the next level, Mitch the level below and Noah/Michael on the bottom level as my biggest unknowns!

otherwise this challenge is so demonic, and one day I will get revenge on seamus for making us endure this. I think I'm doing pretty good, and like... can't face the bread anymore, so will probs stick with my score. I really don't wanna go to tribal so hope my tribe can pull this out wooo!

Hi it’s Mo, I’m the dumb bitch who thinks he needs a Gatorade after walking up a flight of stairs. At the moment I’m feeling very distressed because I sat outside for a good hour or so and some mosquitos decided to take it upon themselves to go to town on my legs. But game-wise I’m feeling very comfortable on my tribe. I think I made some good connections on the tribe call last night and I got to know everyone really well and literally I have no complaints about anyone at the moment. They’re all super chill. My biggest fear is letting them down so I’m doing my best to get a good score on sandwich stacker.

Wow It's great to be back and not know like a single soul! I will kms because of that! Also wow my boss sprung a double on me today so I didnt get to talk to anyone! In the first 24 hours! I love this for me! Im on call right now so hopefully I can do SOMETHING and get good with people!!

So I have yet to do a formal confessional but let me just tell you my tribe is so cracked and I love it. I'm gonna give y'all my thoughts on the players of my tribe because why not. Ok so first off we have Julia. Julia is so cracked but I LOVE HER. She is the good luck charm of the tribe because she is involved in witchcraft and honestly I find that hilarious. Then we got Ali. He seems super sweet but I have yet to get to know him well. I think he has been in the tumblr community for a while but I'm not sure because im not in that community (whoops). Jason and I have meshed pretty well together over the love for the cowboy emoji, Madeleine seems like an easy number for me, and same for Jared. I think if we ever go to tribal I might try to connect us three with Benji who I also think I can trust really well. Then we have Ian and Noah. Honestly my conversations with them have been pretty awkward??? Idk if that is just because they are busy but like I don't rly mesh well with either of them. Then there is Michael who literally talks like his username: A Big Blue Robot

someone literally said they were worried that me being so into astrology would influence how i viewed other people and i told them that it wouldn't but the tea is it will, try to stop me

Heya its me. Rookie here on survivor Montenegro. Never played before. Kinda nervous. I'm trying to keep it light and airy with my chats with all the tribe members, because I don't want them thinking I'm trying to create drama too early. They seeeeem to like me and I think I really like them too. Evan kinda has latched on to me, and I like having an easy go to for talking shoppe, but he's super paranoid and thinks he has no shot at this. Even said that everyone else is fully bonding without him. And thats fine of course, I can handle supporting him especially if it seems like a surprise friendship, but his scaredyness might be rubbing off because its making me a little afraid that people are talking shoppe much more than they're letting on with me. Alsooo, low key a tiny bit annoyed with how much we love to call. Like y'all are nice but it seems to be the same person (eyooop) every time and the same person talking in the tribe chat. hehe peace out

hi okie i would've filmed a video confessional, but i look DISGUSTING so you will have to settle with type type typing!

so lots is happening REAL fast and my head hurts so i need to talk it out. We won reward which WOO, and the reuben sandwich also gave me 3 free checks for bridge steps for the idol so GOOD NEWS. I also used it to build trust with Benj & Julia, and told Jared who kind of put me on the spot and asked me about it (more on Jared later).

So I now have my chart to map idol progress titled 'Bridge to Terebeth-idol' and I'm using all the info I get to slowly get an idea of idol progress, the idol is MINE and I'm determined to play it WRONG. otherwise, I'd love to see Benj or Julia get it, love 'em both.

Anywhomst back to Jared. he is VERY forward with game stuff and is like... going 0 to 100 waay too quick, and its making me and Benj nervous. We are both going to keep an eye, I could see Jared burning out quite quick akdlfas. For the rest of the tribe, I really really like Jason he is such a king, Madeline is super nice but I think quite quiet so could potentially go if we lose. Michael is great at challenges, but his social game is a bit ahh (he like.. told Julia she would be a target for making a mistake in the challenge akjsdfaslfladfjla). Noah I really like, but we are kinda out of sync with timezones which is no good. Mitch filled in for me in teh challenge so I owe him bigtime.

ANYWAYS. this is already waay too long, the summary is WOO JULIA AND BENJ, woo (at a slightly lower volume) for Jason and Jared. Love the hosts, loving this game so far, only thing I'm not loving is sandwiches (unless they are reuben sandwiches asjdklfa).

Okay so little recap of the first night on Montenegro Durmitor Beach.... I really felt worried! Like from the first impressions and the intro's I thought okay i have nothing in common with any of these people, this is going to be so hard to get in a safe spot and go far in this game!

After jumping on call with the likes of Jules, Jones, JJ and Mo I felt a little bit safe as they were laughing at some of my jokes and i felt like i could contribute to the conversation which is nice. I really tried my best in this sandwich stacker challenge to show the tribe that i can perform in flash games and help win immunities for future rounds so it gave them a reason to keep me and potentially the stronger players on the tribe would want to add me to an alliance...well i mean that didnt happen but hey who knows its only day 2

So i recognised that JJ was from Tengaged and i had played with him a little bit whilst on that site so i tried to connect with him and make conversation with him and that dramatic little boy decided to drop his vocabulary and use his silly little boy one word responses which wasnt very uhm reassuring. HOWEVER I feel like over the past 2 days JJ and I have formed some sort of bond and i believe its mutual that we want to work together and help each other out in this game. MY ONLY CONCERN about working with JJ is that I dont want to be seen as in a duo with him so him and me need to stop bullying each other on calls and staying on tribe calls when no one else is on them. He helped me out in the idol hunt as well so he is already giving me some information showing he is down to work with me

Okay so overall i feel like my tribe is full of very big personalities and thats concerning a fight will be had for majority i reckon.

Jules: She is so nice, and we connect pretty good, i know she is one bad ass game player though and definitely a threat down the line so keeping her on my side is beneficial for now and hopefully if she does become seen as a target i can use that to my advantage and she can be a meat shield.

Mo: Mo is cool and chill to talk to, we dont really speak that much on pms however i want that to change i get a very loyal vibe from him so yeah something i am willing to explore

Willow & Evan: They both have similar standings with me in this tribe, i feel like they both want to work with me, Evan has said he does and that he gets a good vibe and wants to work with me which is good and i feel like willow is also leaning towards that as well. The only issue with working with these two is they arent very big personalities so i will be targeted before them however i feel like they could be very loyal. Its going to be hard to integrate them into a large alliance unless one of them start because others will be closer to people that isnt them.

Alex: So Alex is a weird one for me, he seems super emotional and honestly someone i just cant really relate to or connect with. I may be wrong but thats my first impression of him, he seems to be all up in Jules/Jones grill which is something i will have to keep an eye out for.

Jones: Jones is a big big big big threat i think everyone on this tribe can already tell this woman will be hard to get out, socially she is impressive and she said she is pretty good at challenges as well so........i'm just going to try and act really dumb around her and make her believe that im willing to work with her till the end as a loyal sheep. However for now i would like to work with her (even though probably everyone does)

David: Well i mean he is like not active very much, he came on call and i have a fear of drag people and he is a drag people so i hope he doesnt rock up to tribal in drag because it is a serious phobia..... wouldnt mind if he went first just because we dont really talk!

JJ: already spoke about him

Caeleb: Everyone is very nice in this cast but i feel like caeleb is a little bit uhh reserved, i feel like hes a little shy at the moment but i think he can be a gem to work and play with. Idk what type of player any of these people are so just gotta test the waters.

All i know is that this tribe is ready to play....and play hard so survivors ready: game on bitches! #STAYLOWANDGOGOGO

youtube

Oh wow this twisty twist twist, hate it!! So anyway now that we have to go to tribal Idk who the heckie to choose to vote! The only people I feel like I have absolutely no connection with so far are Evan and Caeleb, everyone else ive at least talked to a bit?? Jules is cool (also havent talked to her that much) Mo and Jones are the people ive talked to the most so far and I really wanna work with them I think, we will see DREW YOU HAVE MESSED ME UP

youtube

This twist is very fiendish and I love and hate it!! More stress ensuing the more fun for drew hmmm

Anyway, right now I want Madeline gone. I feel she’s not putting her all into this game and in the challenges. Plus she told me she was a returnee but the wiki says otherwise grrrr

For now I think I’m gonna work with Julia and Jason. Might also wanna work with Benji and Ali. Ali is very intuitive because he noticed that it’s important to keep any voting plans under wraps because if word got out of the plan and we’re not actually going to trial, oh hell will be loose!!

So far Julia and Jared are eyeing Madeline as a target and I am here for it! She may have sealed her fate by like going to sleep at this hour but let’s see! She might be faking it lol

Okay fuck you guys for this twist my anxiety is running RAMPANT I know everyone is gonna wanna Vote me for being the youngest I hope you all die and literally choke on your own liver. Anyways my day has been GREAT, thanks for asking!! I feel confident with my comp performance, so hopefully they choose to keep me in?? If not it was nice knowing you guys except Johnny

Oh this- this is terrible. I did so bad on my sandwich tray thing even though at the time I was like IM FUCKIN SPEEDY GONZALEZ WERE GONNA WIN and I scored like 48 but then I find out that everyone else scored somewhere in the 90’s and now it’s just kinda... fuck.

youtube

Blind Tribals? What kind of tomfoolery is this. Im surprised my tribe came up with a consensus of voting off someone this early even though we still have a full 24 hours. I was fully prepared to take charge but I guess I don't have to anymore.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cax7k6-mA-A

^ Video confessional not letting me post tho

So everything has been like a legit clusterfuck and I see this tribes dynamic starting to play out. I think socially I have done my job and excelled. I would say I feel as if I have established a good personal relationship with most of my tribe members except two of them- Madeleine and Michael. Both of them talk very little and it's honestly very frustrating for myself. Not to mention Michael last night sketched me out very bad after we had finished playing the role call part of the immunity. So I had found an error that I had made, and it scared me and I thought I could talk to him about it. I was like, well I hope this doesn't put a target on my back. He responds with this: we can make sure you won't be. will just take some work. Hold the damn phone. It will take some work? Why would it take work period? It just freaked me out so I went to Jason and I told him about it. Jason made me feel more comfortable and I decided to tell him that I trusted him and I was on board with him. So after immunity is done, and the whole blind round twist is revealed I decided to go and talk to basically everyone on the tribe. But Jared stuck out the most to me. He is playing the most aggressive game at this point which I respect. Also, forgot to mention, I trust Ali the most. 100% Ali will be my ride or die person this game. So nothing will come in between the bond we share. Jared decided to throw out Madeleines name out. And I am totally okay with this. He also subtly hinted that Michael would be a good option. But lets be real, I am not a fool and I will not make a big move this first round. This is a tribe of 10 people, not 6 like I'm used too in my prior TS I have played. It is more difficult to rally all the numbers. So this would be the exact reasoning behind my social game I am playing at the moment. I have Jared than tell me he wants to work with Ali, Benj, Himself, and I. This, I can enjoy. I don't have to struggle to protect from this alliance I knew Jared was bound to create, and I didn't have to suggest to include Ali, possibly exposing my relationship with Ali to Jared. On the other hand, I have Ian and Jason who I feel like I can trust in this game. I proposed to Ian I would not vote him out this round, and he said he would do the same for me. I tell Ian that I trusted Jared and we could possibly work with him, and that Madeleines name is being thrown out as the vote. Ian was vague with answering me about working with Jared which sussed me out. But Ian later tells me he wants to work with Jason, Himself and I. So this puts me in TWO potential alliances already in this game. Literally fuck this twist. I am glad my social skills have finally paid off and I am seriously learning from prior mistakes I have made in my orgs from being too abrasive, being too loud, being rude. I had such little self awareness of the way I communicated with people. I would talk and be this extremely social girl but I always left a bitter taste in people's mouth because of how I said things and I had no clue. So I am playing this better game and it is totally opening up new opportunities and all these people I can work with but on the other hand, puts me at a serious disadvantage. If this tribe will be an ultimate flop tribe which I am seriously hoping is NOT the case, I am going to disappoint someone. And that is how you become a target and lose all the hard work you have built up. So even though socially I am totally preforming beautifully compared to my prior three tries at TS, and strategically I wouldn't say anything about that I mean.... it's the first few days of this game. I would say competition wise, or the more physical part of the game I need to get it together. I'm hoping I can motivate this tribe into playing extremely hard for the immunity wins because who freaking knows what could happen? In the best case scenario, I would love for immunity to be brought to my tribe. This would mean that for the next round the target would probably remain the same, and I don't have to get so worked up about who is the new target of the tribe.

https://youtu.be/qsjQtYfiCec <- Video Confessional; Not letting me post

Editors note - I think I’m 80% sure my name’s not going around Bc I think everyone’s under the impression I got us the win for the flag making? Big shrug

Damn this twist has really screwed things. At this point in the game I have some strong (I think) alliances. I'm worried that I have put a target on my back for playing too hard though, and it might be all for not if we find out we won immunity.

https://youtu.be/RR4BRMFKjDU <- Another video confessional that won’t embed lol

What the fuck is this twist like okay sure, tumblr survivor is generally fucking stressful like a pig getting choked im always trying to gasp for air.....this season i am the pig on the spit roast just deceased. I'm a nocturnal pig throughout this game i guess because tribal planning starts like 6 hours ish before tribal and the last 2 hours is the most important and that would be from 4-10am so no sleep for the weak i came to win

https://youtu.be/sarbjplslHk <- Another video confessional that won’t embed

SO I think at the moment my closest allies are Tom & JJ which is a relief because I was intimidated by the two of them at first. The plan for now is to vote for David due to him being the most antisocial out of the bunch. He’s talked to me quite a bit actually but apparently he hasn’t talked to some of the others that much.

The first few days of this game has been really fun. I'm enjoying to get to know everybody, and just dicking off on tribe calls all the time. So far I've really enjoyed looking at Tom & Alex, they're definitely the tribal eye candy.

It seems as though I've gotten myself into a really cute alliance consisting of Alex, Jones, and Jules. A group I've definitely enjoyed talking to the most. I think it'll really work in my favor.

Tom is really fun to talk to, he's giving me truthful information on what planks have been good and bad in the idol search. Which is nice, but it might be a cultural thing, but I can't tell if he likes me or not!?? There's too much sarcasm in his voice.

Mo & Caeleb are really nice, they've both talked to me on a pretty shallow level so far, but I'm enjoying them a lot.

Evan, David, and Willow have been fairly MIA. Evan is on a vacation, so I'm impressed by how much he truly has been able to contribute to the tribe.

As far as the vote goes, I'm debating between Willow, and David. Alex, who I'd really like to work with, really is pushing for David to go home, but David is better at comps, and a less dangerous social player, he hasn't talked to anyone. Whereas Willow is being a social butterfly in everyone's PMs. Seeing that she made runner up in one of her seasons is also a little bit scary.

This twist is scary, but considering my last ORG, its exciting. I felt like my downfall was not being able to forge game relationships with people because I was the last person to attend tribal. Winning every tribal immunity all the way up to the final 13 / 21. Once the merge hit, every time I tried to talk strategy, the person I was talking with would run, and tattle to the person I was trying to target instead of listening to what I was saying, because they had forged game relationships at prior tribal. Being forced to go to tribal regardless of the outcome of immunity should help me solidify game relationships much easier.

I have one question for the twist. WTF DREW???

Right as we found out that both tribes had to go to tribal, Evan was immediately concerned that his name was being thrown out. The boy needs to calm, but I think our connection is really strong and honestly he's fun to talk to. Today though, most people I have been talking to have said David which is perfectly fine, he barely had talked to me at all so I am happy to be a tribe player and vote him tonight if nothing changes. I think people are starting to make connections all around. I really like Willow and have like an on and off thing with Mo and Jules. Tom is the first person to let me in on the vote, and JJ said he'd work with me and not vote me tonight, BUT Tom and JJ and Jones are always in the calls and that's making me nervous they'll have a longterm close bond that could be disastrous if it turns into a Monica, Jervase, Tyson type thing. Also I don't fully trust JJ he's good at talking to everyone. I have my eyes and ears open and I'm just trying to get as much information as I can at this point in the game.

okay I have thoughts and they are 100% NEGATIVE.

so dua lipa cave can CHOKE, i hate this twist so muchhhhh, its gonna give me an aneurysm. I just feel bad, I don't like voting people out and this makes the process so weird and awkward.

Okay like tonight, Madeline is... seemingly going home? And I'm so so sad, she is super sweet, but I think everyone was reluctant to throw out names except Jared who was super, super gung ho about Madeline leaving? Jared is stressing me out akjsldfaf, he is so forward and aggressive as a player, and I can kind of see him burning out and dragging me down with him asdfklaf.

Otherwise, I'm really liking working with Julia, she is super fun and a really savvy player, I hope our alliance can do super good long term! Otherwise, Benj is SUCH A KING, he is so friendly and fun, and we are like really on the same page for game stuff? Those are the only two who its not negotiable, on my watch they are going NOWHERE.

for the rest? I really like Jason, he is just super mellow, like I think if I had to make a winner pick for the season, I'd probably say him? I vibe with him on a personal level woo, could be an ally down the line. Michael I tbh expected to maybe be first boot, but he seems to have unexpected connections! I really like him tho, he is super sweet, its no biggie that he is staying? Mitch/Ian kind of fall into the same category, I really like them but I've not spoken to them... all that much, but I really like them!! Noah I really haven't spoken to too much, and if we do go to tribal tonight, I'd probs want him to go next (Mitch also threw his name out for this round, so it seems I'm not alone on that?).

I feel REALLY REALLY bad about Madeline JKLSADFLSAJFA, like already our tribe is being meninist we do not stan, but also she is so nice. I feel bad and kind of blame Jared for her going grrrr.

Okay I'm gonna wrap this up, hope we don't go to tribal tonight, Madeline stays and we WIN till merge WOO WOO WOOOOOO!

omg also julia is already at #46 for the idol her MIND! i hope she gets it, that'd be iconic. I feel like she must be working with someone to get that far already, maybe Jason? like the host, i need to (nancy) drew and investigate

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRd_z6-ycno <- another non embeded video confessional uwu

Lol idk where this girl came from but Madeline’s a mess.

She vanished after the twist reveal because her “WiFi getting shit down” then suddenly she’s strong arming me to vote Mitch

Sweaty, compared to you I’ve actually interacted with Mitch over the course of this 4 days unlike you.

She claims she’s got Julia, Jason and Noah but I know where they’re really at. If we are going to tribal Madeline’s gone!!

okay tribal is (maybe?) in 6 minutes and I have THOUGHTS:

1. Madeline is make me so nervous, she like says things in the tribe chat and its like AHH idk how to respond, I'm being so obviously shady and its INCREDIBLY clear I voted for her, but idk what to do or say asdkjflsafafjdaf

2. Benj is a king, we are like... on the same page a lot, and someone I wanna go super far with!

3. Madeline gunning for Mitch is weird because... she is targetting him for past placements, when... Ian literally made FTC twice akjsdfslafsa like wut? Also I am screaming at her like saying Mitch isn't denying that she is going home in the tribechat, when she is voting him? I'MMMMMM

4. If I go home, it's been super super fun, and first boot is a cute placement! Benj & Jason have both been first boot before, and I love 'em both, so am joining a great club!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SgF_VAczF2g <- Another non embeded video confessional

1 note · View note

okaystraykids-blog · 6 years ago

Text

don’t go; it’s a mighty long fall

1 out of ??

Genre: fluff/angst/school ..

Seems like it’s going to turn out to be a hyunjin ff but we’ll see

WARNING: some mature themes

| the start of part one |

[Unknown Number]

야, 너 오는거야?

[Me]

uh... sorry?

[Unknown Number]

oh sorry! that was meant for a friend haha

[Me]

yeahh, i expected as much

[Unknown Number]

what's your name?

[Me]

a..

[Unknown Number]

ohh u dont wanna say... im changbin, are u from canada?

[Me]

uh yeah how'd u know?

SET "UNKNOWN NUMBER" AS CHANGBIN?

YES/NO

[Changbin]

kind of from the fact u apologized for me texting u

[Changbin]

i was born in korea but i'm actually living in a city called vancouver right now, im roommates with 8 other guys.

[Me]

uh, i actually live in vancouver too ... it would be funny if we went to the same school

[Changbin]

me and three of the guys are transferring to Thratmore for our senior year !

[Me]

ur fucking with me, right? that's where i go-

[Changbin]

well i'm looking forward to this, see u tomorrow

[Me]

perfect.

MESSAGE SEEN SUNDAY 11:00PM

God, I'm exhausted. I guess that's what I get for going to sleep at fricking 1:00 AM and waking up at 4:30. I didn't even want to wake up, I was dreading senior year. I hate school. I hate everything but hey, only 10 months left... I honestly don't want to put effort in, but I always felt the urge to look decent. Maybe I'll wake up and be a sexy beast one day and suddenly boys will be like hot damn, and i'll just get a boyfriend like poof.

Hah, sike. A bitch thought.

I went to my closet, and pulled out what I had planned for today, Blue mom jeans, a black cropped sweatshirt, and my combat boots. As I put on my clothes I remembered Changbin. At least he doesn't know what I look like...

My makeup was simple, my eyebrows, some mascara, a few dabs of deep pink lipstick, and highlighter. For breakfast I had my usual sunny side up egg on toast, and then I headed out. When I got to school it was already busy. Everyone was standing with their big groups of friends and I shook my head.

How are they so happy.

Yeah, maybe I was just being petty because I lowkey wished I had friends but I also just hate myself so...

The first half of the day dragged on.. It felt hours. When it was finally lunch I immediately went upstairs with my food and sat at my usual table in the cafeteria. The room started filling up and the table beside mine that usually stayed empty, stayed empty for the next few minutes. I sat there, reading my book and snacking on peppers. Suddenly the room went silent and a group of four guys walked in. I could tell everyone was eyeing their clothes, the Off-white, Vétement, Gucci, and they screamed rich.

Great, more spoiled kids in this school.

But then I realized, oh my god, one of them must be Changbin. Of course he's a spoiled asshole! I shook my head slightly, and the sounds of the cafeteria slowly picked up again. The boys continued walking though, and I tried to focus on my book. When I noticed they were heading to the empty table next to mine, I didn't even look up. I just prayed they weren't going to sit there.

All of a sudden a deep voice made me jump,

"Hi, sorry, didn't mean to scare you. I'm Changbin, that's Hyunjin, Jisung, and Chan."

My heart stopped, lord, these are beautiful people.

"Hi, nice to meet you." I said softly, and turned back to my book.

Sorry Changbin, I'm not looking for friends. I'm sure everybody in this school would love to be your pal. As I was turning, I caught the eye of one of the guys, he had beautiful lips, and he smiled softly.

Well shit.

Finally the day ended and I went home exhausted. Almost as soon as I flopped onto my bed for a nap, I got a message.

[Changbin]

i didn't see u today :(

[Me]

yeah oops!!

[Changbin]

do u wanna meet up tomorrow??

[Me]

uh probably not, imma be kinda busy i think.

Boy, just take a hint.

[Changbin]

awe ok... goodnight !!

The next day I had art first block and graphic arts second block, my two favorite classes! I walked into art. I didn't mind the people in art, mostly because everyone kind of just... minds their own business. I walked over to my corner I sat in last year and waited for people to show up. I waited and suddenly the boy who I thought had pretty lips walked in to the class. I expected him to go sit with the kids who have expensive clothes but to my surprise and maybe even dismay, he walked over and sat beside me.

"Hi, I'm Hyunjin!"

Why does my heart feel like this,

"I'm Alice..."

"How ar-"

The boy, Hyunjin, suddenly noticed I wasn't up to chatting and awkwardly grinned, silencing himself. The class went by surprisingly fast, usually the first few days are always boring.

When the bell rang I gathered my supplies and headed out the door... A hand on my shoulder caused me to flinch.

"S-sorry! I was just wondering what class you have now." Hyunjin yelped, letting go of me. I shook my head, ignoring him, and continued walking. I half expected him to stop following me but he ended up going with me all the way to graphic arts.

"Wow, what a coincidence." He chuckled, entering the class with me.

You have to be kidding me.

He didn't talk to me for the rest of class and I was low key thankful. Finally when it was lunch I escaped him and went up to my table, I was half hoping the four boys wouldn't come today. But as per usual, I was wrong and they entered. I looked up against my better judgement, and saw how good Changbin looked. I was captivated, though the sudden speaking of my name caused me to snap out of it. Hyunjin was at the table next to mine and he was sitting in the chair closest to mind, staring at me.

"Hey Alice, can we sit with you?"

| the end of part one |

TRANSLATIONS:

“야, 너 오는거야?”

MEANS

“Hey, are you coming?”

(Said informally to a younger person)

(A/N) uh hey as this story goes on it’ll evolve and we’ll see if its a hyunjin ff or changbin❤️ i made the boys all 18 for it to make sense that they’re all in school and grade 12.

6 notes · View notes

pidgezero-one · 7 years ago

Text

assorted thoughts about the state of my stream and discord server

haven't been doing the stream thing a whole lot lately, and that's mostly because of a couple of things

1) i've been very busy with commissions (see https://twitter.com/pidgezero_one/status/972189424955088897 for info) - this is good!

2) i've been kinda sick lately, symptoms of chronic fatigue syndrome. don't think this is what I actually have, but it was wild to be sleeping 10-11 hours a day after 10 hours of commuting+working. my job is not physically demanding or mentally draining, and i'm fairly certain that my exhaustion was partially caused by other ppl's personal drama surrounding me. this is bad

so anyway, i've completely emotionally checked out of the situations contributing to reason #2, and it's a bad feeling, but i definitely feel healthier and less tired. but this in part led to me kinda reconstructing my discord server to:

a) be less "intense" of a social environment - not only was the serious talk channel being used in ways that are not really appropriate for a public stream discord (which I think contributed to an atmosphere which would be alienating to many members), it was also feeling kinda cliquey at times and it felt strange to me that I couldnt even keep up with my own server most of the time. i wanted it to be somewhere chill where anyone who watches my stream can contribute without having to be part of an established friend group, but at the same time the LAST thing I want is to discourage people from forming close friendships with each other (seriously, if that can happen because of a community I created, that's a personal victory for me)! finding that balance is an ongoing learning process I guess. i think removing the channel in question was prob the best compromise here.

b) include more dedicated channels related to my stream content. i've spent the last few days brainstorming sub perks and such and am kinda working on that in the background. chances are everyone in my discord is there because they either like my stream or like being friends with me, so it probably ought to be easier to find stuff in there related to my stream

i kinda hope that ppl who have been active there before and have fallen off will start to come back, but also that ppl who are active there wont feel like im trying to make our home a sterile place. just trying to find that inclusive balance

as for frequency/content:

i've got a ton more art commissions to do, but tonight i'll be resuming doing art streams. i think i've been burning myself out pushing myself to get through my entire queue before I even think about streaming, when in reality balancing my time throughout the week will result in higher quality work.

i'm on a huge smrpg kick right now, and that means running whatever category I feel like. that means i'm returning to any% as soon as I finish rebuilding my strat chart. I pbed culex RTA yesterday, I routed and ran an all bosses category for fun, and MOTS is the most fun ive ever had with speedrunning, but I do wanna go back to the real category as well.

early morning streams have been good to wake me up, for the foreseeable future this will just be idiot pills 1-10 as it's all I have time for in the morning. so far i've short-streamed every weekday at 6 am for two weeks and plan on keeping the habit up.

on the side i'm resuming dkc2 and AC. casually I wanna play the nier games, alttp, super metroid, ff9 in the nier (heh) future

a tougher topic: i'm not really sure where to go with the presentation of my stream. i've always just done, said, and played whatever I felt like. for the most part I want to keep doing that, but there are some overhauls i'm considering, namely i've been thinking for a while about making my stream more pg. i'm approaching 30 and many of my friends have young kids at home and i don't want to be off limits to them because i'm swearing too much or being inappropriate or whatever. at the same time, the viewers who built the community I already have, have done so and participated under my long history of relative lack of rules to enforce, which has been clearly enjoyable for them considering the wonderful support i've gotten, and I absolutely don't want to alienate them either. this doesn't have an easy answer and is something i'll have to think about for a while.

another thing that's been nagging at me for a while: meme typecasting! I get blamed a lot for "encouraging it", but if you really pay attention... read my tweet history, discord messages, twitch chat messages, etc, see for yourself there really aren't that many memes there lol. you know what it's like when you make 1 joke around somebody and then references to that joke become the only things they *ever* say to you, and then you don't know how to say "ok, that's getting kinda stale" without sounding like a jerk? this is how I feel when like I try to say something serious and am just met with a wall of emote spam or my sentence rephrased with a random word replaced with "dicks" for example. idk what I even do that encourages it, is it just the fact that I don't say anything when it happens? I really don't like to be the fun police and don't like to be a jerk about harmless jokes and just wanna be grateful that people enjoy saying anything to me at all, but man, being pigeonholed as something i'm very clearly not gets kinda tiring :( there's not really a good way to have everyone in the world understand the concept of moderation, is there? either way i don't really like when it gets outta control in my chat/discord, but that doesn't mean I want ppl to stop making those jokes *entirely*, you know? because I do the whole nonsense spam in chats too, but I also make it a point to know when it's too much and also have it not be the *only* thing I do -- it's harmless at the end of the day and people are just having fun, but still feels kinda invalidating when it's all the time lol

stream monster-y stuff also annoys me more than it should. ive thought several times about censoring "rip" and emotes like "NotLikeThis" from my chat lol. also not a big fan of ppl who go overboard with joking insults, theres maybe only 2 or 3 ppl who can do this with me and have me actually find it funny, and I doubt any of them are reading this. i just make a point of not responding to it because there's nothing to gain from openly getting mad about it

I have no illusions about obtaining partnership. it would be nice to have, but it's not something i'm actively pursuing or really care about. any changes I make to my stream/community are being considered for what would make it more fun for me and more accessible for anyone who likes me or the things/games I stream, and that's what makes it toughest

just some thoughts for now, i'm just gonna keep doing what I feel like doing going forward.

2 notes · View notes

valkirsif · 5 years ago

Text

Unthinkable CH 37/???

Word 3700

Warning Smut

At 10 they all found themselves in the square of the island to take the ferry to Athens, Y/N had put on a large hat and a pair of glasses to try to go as unnoticed as possible, found a message from Alissa as soon as she turned on the phone

§Good morning Y/N as soon as you have a moment call me§

looked for the number and immediately called her press officer,

"Good morning Alissa I hope not to disturb you," said when the woman replied, "What can I help you with?"

"Hi Y/N, you have not disturbed me im at work for hours" laughed from the other end of the phone, "I wanted to know if you want to reply to the latest photos published yesterday on twitter " she replied seriously, "You didn't call me so I assume you haven't seen them "

"What the hell is that?" she already answered anxiously, "I was at a wedding in Skopelos .. " said, gesturing for Rice to check, two minutes later saw the photos of her on the yacht together with the others, hugging Rice or Phil, holding Gian while dancing, ".. I just saw them .. they are speechless "

"I imagined, some online magazines have reposted them by making the usual insinuations about your companions, do you want to reply?" asked professional Alissa ,

"I was thinking of making a post with the most beautiful photos of the wedding on my return," she said, "Maybe it's better to do it right away, if I send you the photos, can you think about it please?" churches

"Of course send me the photos and what you want me to write, I'm sorry but I fear that on these occasions it is better to make a post immediately before giving way to certain magazines to embroider on them" she laughed, Y/N thanked and hooked

"Guys I need the photos of yesterday and on the boat, like now" she said to the group explaining what was going on, everyone laughed

"Fortunately you have a press officer it would be a nightmare otherwise" said Gian sarcastically,

"I hadn't even thought about the possibility of being photographed, I apologize," said Y/N, saddened, she didn't want those few days to become a delusion,

"Quiet Poppy at worst you will find yourself engaged to one of us .. " Rice laughed squeezing her, "or worse married leaving Tom with a broken heart" said playfully, the woman laughed and turned the photos before getting on the ferry.

Her bodyguards waited for at the dock together with Rice's, the woman found it absurd to be followed by the two energumenes but tried to stay relaxed, they were there for her safety and to make sure that wasn't bothered, they got into the car and they headed towards the city center to start the tour of the monuments, they were all happy Y/N was the most agitated, she loved art and was having a lot of fun, she noticed a couple of people taking pictures but didn't give them weight didn't want to ruin the day for such a stupid thing, thought back to what Tom had said to her at the hotel and smiled, "Just ignore them" she said posing next to a statue of Aphrodite, was excited when they arrived at the Parthenon, admired him ecstatic enjoying its grandeur and beauty, she entered followed by the others in silence as if set foot in a cathedral,

"It's wonderful," whispered admiring the columns, "Imagine what it must have been in ancient times, the incense that burns the handmaids who pray .. "

"I never came, it's beautiful," said Roby taking pictures of the columns illuminated by the sun, they went around the structure enjoying the external ruins before returning to the city,

"Guys, what if we ate something?" Niko asked, heading towards a restaurant,

"Excellent idea I'm hungry," replied Y/N, the others nodded and entered the room, made them sit on the terrace overlooking the sea, the woman took out the phone and called her man,

"My Queen hello," he said, replying, "Are you already on your feet?"

"My King we have been standing and walking for a while , we have just made ourselves comfortable for lunch, the view is beautiful we should go back when you have a few days off, Athens is wonderful" said the woman laughing,

"We will definitely be back I love Greece" Tom replied, "I was going to call you .. " he said, "..I changed your flight tonight .."

"Why?" she asked anxiously,

"On Friday we have an event you need a suitable suit" Tom replied cheerfully, "We will go to the Met gala , the clothes you brought are too simple, something brighter is needed" he laughed, "I set you an appointment with Mak Tumang tomorrow morning in Barcelona and booked a room at the Four Season, Luke will send you all the information shortly "

"Ok but after shopping I have the flight to go back to you right?" she asked hopefully, couldn't wait to be back in their glass house, "You start to miss me so much my love" she sighed

"I miss you too Darling" replied the man, "And tomorrow night you will be at home, I thought I would have dinner outside if you like I have two days free"

"Really? How nice two days in bed then!!" she laughed mischievously, they said goodbye and the woman waited for the message with the new itinerary, "Uff Thomas has moved the return," she said while reading the menu

"So you stay another day with us?" Gian asked cheerfully

"No, instead of returning to LA tonight I am going to Barcelona to go shopping, apparently we will go to the Met Gala next Friday"

"What envy!!" Marco said, " It's a beautiful evening, absurd people, absurd clothes, I always watch it!"

"I also look at it, it will be very strange to be there " laughed Y/N, "It is the absurd clothes that worry me, I have no idea what I will find in the atelier tomorrow"

"Who will dress you?" Rice asked

"A certain Mak Tumang , never heard of" replied Y/N shaking her head, there were many things she didn't know

"I worked for his collection last year, create wonderful women's clothes, you will be splendid"

they ate happily talking and speculating about the Gala,

"I have the flight at 5 pm from Athens" said the woman reading the message,

"Then it is better to start it is almost 3p.m. there's a lot of traffic around” Phil asked for the bill and the group moved to the car,

"Where am I taking you Miss?" asked the driver,

" Thank you at the airport, " she replied, "Are you leaving tomorrow?" asked as he changed, it wasn't the first time he got dressed in the car and there was all the space she wanted in the limousine,

" Niko and I have the flight tonight" Marco replied,

"Roby, Phil and I stay two more days," said Gian,

"I also stay two more days, tomorrow morning I have the ferry to go back to work" Rice laughed, they looked at each other aware that they would not see each other again very soon, " Poppy we will see you next week if you are free, I am in LA for a parade you I will have a guest pass "

“Excellent idea, if you don't mind, would you let me have two? I would like to invite Elsa if it is not a problem" the woman enthusiastically answered embracing him,

"No problem"

in less than 1 hour they arrived at the airport and said goodbye, Y/N took the backpack and went to check in calmly and followed the other passengers as soon as they called his flight.

Left the airport and took a taxy

"Thanks to the Four Season," she said to the taxi driver once seated, Barcelona was full of life, she saw large groups of people moving happily through the streets looking for a place to have dinner or evening, it was just past 7 in the evening and woman began to feel hungry, entered the great all at the hotel and went to the reception,

"Good evening, Miss, can I help you?" asked the receptionist with a smile,

"Hi there should be a reservation on behalf of Hiddleston, " Y/N said smiling back as checked the message of the various reservations,

"Of course, I'll take her to the suite," he said calling the elevator boy,

"Thanks, could you book me a car for tomorrow morning and wake me up at 8?" churches

"Would you like breakfast in your room with an alarm clock?"

"Yes thank you, Italian coffee and pan cake" she smiled before following the young man who was waiting for her, they went up to the attic the woman threw her backpack on the bed and called Tom,

"My love, I just arrived at the hotel, it's beautiful but a normal room was enough, a suite didn't matter," she said

“You are probably right but I prefer to spoil you my Queen, how was the wedding? I saw the photos you were so beautiful! " answered the man

"I'm sorry that the photos went around the social networks before I posted an official post, I have to get used to these things again" she said seriously "The ceremony was wonderful, we sang and danced for the newlyweds and ate very well, Franc and Jack are left immediately after dinner for the honeymoon, you were a treasure with the boat "

"It's nothing Darling I'm glad they appreciated the gift" he laughed, "I can't wait for you to be here"

"I also can't wait to be home, now I think I will order dinner and collapse in bed, we haven't slept much these days and all these up and down the planes have exhausted me, see you tomorrow my King, I love you, "sighed the woman

"I love you tomorrow"

Y/N ordered a light fish tapas dinner, showered and fell asleep early.

At 8 o'clock heard a knock on the door, dragged herself to open and let the waiter in with breakfast,

"Good morning Miss Hiddleston is 8, the car will be here in 30 minutes" said the man before going out, Y/N had breakfast and prepared calmly, had slept well and was rested and ready for the day, got into the car and in less than 30 minutes she was at her destination in front of the atelier, a girl went to meet her

"Good morning, Miss Hiddleston, welcome, I'm Marcia, follow me," she said, making her way, as in London she had the atelier for her,

"Good morning" Y/N replied cheerfully following her, the interior was super modern, colored sofas were arranged in the various test rooms, the mirrors covered most of the walls and there were flowers in every corner, she liked it immensely, Marcia made her sit in a sitting room and brought her some coffee and pastries while waiting for the stylist to arrive, the wait was short after 5 minutes the man arrived followed by a group of girls,

"Miss Hiddleston is a real pleasure to be able to dress her for the Met, " he said, holding out his smiling hand,

"Mister Tumang the pleasure is mine, his clothes are incredible!" answered the woman, the stylists sat next to her,

"The theme of the Gala is the gardens, before I show you the models I have chosen for you, tell me what you like, it is important for me that my clients feel beautiful and comfortable in my clothes" he said, nodding to one of the girls come forward with pen and paper,

"Honestly, it's all new for me, the only elegant evening I attended was the unicef charity evening in Paris and in that case I didn't know what I would wear" she began fearfully, "I liked the dress I really liked, I love corsets and bodices in sculpture style, if I knew how to walk on heels in a more graceful way I would like a mermaid-style dress, but unfortunately I look like the classic t- rex" she laughed

"Was it the woman on Thomas's arm?" he asked, Y/N nodded , "I saw the photos and the dress gave them a lot"

"Thanks," replied the woman, smiling embarrassed,

“What color pat do you prefer? Seeing the hair I would say the tones from blue to purple" he laughed

"In affections, in particular the shades from fuchsia to purple" she replied less fearfully, the man passed a tablet marking some clothes,

"If you don't mind, you should get undressed so I'll take the measurements and start trying on some clothes," he said, offering her a silk dressing gown and having accompanied by an assistant in a dressing room, the woman changed and retraced her steps, Mak took a meter by tailor and began to take all necessary measures,

" Topaz starts to wear the clothes I have marked please," he said to one of the girls, "Sabine the shoes, heel 8 politely" the girls disappeared, "A lower heel should make her feel more comfortable," he said to Y/N who replied with a grateful smile, the girls returned with two dress hangers full of wide and colorful clothes combined with the shoes, the woman was in ecstasy they were one more beautiful than the other but she was immediately struck by a sculpted organza dress covered in silver delicate pink flowers,

"Could I try that first?" she asked indicating the dress, the man smiled at her and helped to wear it, the bodice in transparent fabric was topped with small light pink flowers closed on the back by a series of chains that looked like an ivy branch, she felt it very well on her, the skirt was wide and semi-rigid with pink flowers and silver leaves on the edge, she put on her shoes and looked at herself in the mirror, she liked how was, she felt beautiful without exaggerating, Mak went around marking dress to tighten it in some places and enlarge it in others,

"Are you thinking of putting a corset underneath?" he asked before marking the bodice,

"I would say yes , in a similar dress it takes in my opinion, what do you think?" she answered,

"Topaz the corset of the dress please," he said, undoing the dress and helping undress to get her to wear a corset that seemed invisible before putting her back on the dress that now fell perfectly on her body, "Now it's perfect," he said, turning them around by passing the pins and arranging the dress, "Shall we move on to the next one?"

"Honestly this is my favorite, they are all beautiful but this struck me immediately, if it is not a problem for you I would like to wear it at the Gala .. or do you think it is not suitable for me?" she asked hoping he didn't have to choose another, the man smiled at her

"I will be honest, it is a pleasure to work with someone with such clear ideas, the dress is fine I will make the changes and bring it to LA on Friday for the finishing touches" he replied, taking it off gently, the woman was happy and smiling,

"Thank you so much for Mister Tumang's availability, " she said, it seemed so strange to have someone wearing her,

"I prefer to be there for the dressing, in case you need a last minute change, I want my customers to feel pampered"

the woman thanked and went out to go back to the hotel and get ready to go to the airport , she had plenty of time and decided to go for a walk in the rambla before leaving, she entered a costume shop determined to find a student uniform to make a surprise spicy to Tom,

"Hello, can I help you?" asked the girl behind the counter with a big smile,

"Hi, yes I was looking for a student uniform, like the Japanese ones, pleated skirt, blouse, tie and socks, if she also had shoes on" answered smiling Y/N, the girl disappeared in the warehouse and returned with various models,

"Here is what I have, the prettiest in my opinion is this" said showing her a cream and blue uniform with the matching blouse, a bow tie with socks, knee socks and blue shoes with a bow similar to the tie, Y/N was enthusiastic

“It's perfect!! I'll take this" she said, handing her his credit card, took his purchases and reached the car heading for LA, arrived punctually at the airport and made herself comfortable, she would have slept during the flight.

10 hours after the warm air of LA welcomed her, she went to the exit where found the car waiting,

"Welcome back Miss," said Martin opening the door, "Will I take you home or on set?"

"At home, thanks, I don't want to disturb Thomas at work" she replied making herself comfortable, she would have relaxed and prepared for the return of her man in all calm, smiled foretelling Tom's face seeing her with the new suit, sent a message to the group and threw in the pool to wake up properly, the water was freezing and he took the jetlag off in an instant, went up to the room and took a shower before getting dressed, looked at herself in the mirror she would have liked to braid herself but hair was too much short opted for pigtails, stopped the fringe with clothes pegs in line with the uniform and went down to the kitchen to choose the wine, put a bottle in the cooler in the bucket and brought it to the room with two glasses, sat on the bed and waited, Tom had sent her a message shortly before to warn of the return, she dozed off opened her eyes hearing noises in the room,

"Well well what do we have here?" she smiled hearing Tom's voice, "Are you sleeping in class now?"

"Sorry, Professor Hiddleston I didn't want to," she replied embarrassed, sat on the edge of the bed staring at the floor, the man came over and put a finger under chin lifting her face,

"Miss Y/N what should I do with you?" he whispered in her ear, "You pour me a drink while I think of a suitable punishment"

"Now Professor" Y/N got up and walked slowly to the table, opened the bottle filling Tom's glass and brought it to him, "I hope it's to your taste" she said in a low voice remaining standing in front of him putting hands behind her back, the man stared at her with a smile, finished the glass and got up to look at her better, he went around caressing her back with a satisfied air, stopped in front of her and placed his tie,

"She's in a messy uniform," he said, putting his hand down on the blouse and smoothing out the folds, "I was patient with her hoping that would learn.." he moved to the armchair and sat staring at her, ".. I see myself forced to teach her the old-fashioned education.." motioned to join him, Y/N was excited by that game,".. lift your skirt and lie down on my knees", the woman smiled and obeyed, slowly raised her skirt to the belt revealing the white lace panties she wore,

"These will not serve you," Tom said slowly pulling out underwear and stroking her ass, "So it's better, get in position", Y/N moved towards him resting her hands on the floor, "Open your mouth" he ordered balling up her panties and stuffing them in her mouth, "We don't want neighbors to think badly?" laughed exchanging a fiery look with her who nodded smiling, lifted her chin to keep looking at him and started to spank her, Y/N felt the excitement rise as her ass turned red, groaned without restraint for that treatment, felt the Tom's hard cock on her side,

"So that's enough," panted the man making her go down, "Get on your knees and look at me Y/N" he said, undoing his pants and letting them drop to knees, reached out and took her by the pigtails, approaching her and took panties out of her mouth , "Let me see what you learned Miss" Y/N smiled before imprisoning his cock between lips slowly, the man held her by the pigtails dictating the movements of her head, the woman licked and sucked greedily as she stared at the 'expression of pleasure of the man, he used it as a toy for a couple of minutes stopping panting before coming,

".. very good Miss .. I see that she has followed the lessons .." moaned stroking her face, "..You get up .." he finished undressing, took her hand taking to the bed, smiled at her before kissing, Y/N hugged him sinking fingers in his hair,

"Let's put this uniform in order" he whispered, taking off her tie and undoing blouse leaving her in a bra, also in white lace, turned it over and finished undressing her leaving only socks before pushing her on the bed,

"Professor Hiddleston please teach me everything" she moaned excitedly attracting him to herself, the man slipped over her kissing every inch of her skin, stood up carrying her legs on his shoulders smiled at her accomplice and penetrated, he moved slowly enjoying the her pussy that held him, kissing her ankles and scratching thighs making her moan, "Professor please stronger .. " she panted pleading,

"Do you want to learn everything together?" he snarled stopping, coming out of her and turning, took her by the hips and penetrated forcefully biting her neck before attracting to moving quickly squeezed her breast puffing, Y/N screamed his name shaken by orgasm, Tom let her go and planted nails on her hips increasing the blows and came collapsing over her panting, the woman turned around leaning on his chest taking breath,

"I'm speechless Darling.." Tom said laughing, "..well back home"

"I deduce that you liked the gift Thomas" she replied kissing him holding on to him happy,

"You had a wonderful idea, gives you the uniform" he whispered stroking her back, "I think we lost the reservation.." they looked at each other bursting out laughing, "..what do you say we do a sandwich?", They got up and got out in the kitchen to eat something.

0 notes

bjornartesttest · 8 years ago

Text

May 2017

So its now been around two months since last post. There has been some changes, but no major changes I would say. Lets see

Work:

I helped Agatha with her school project, a relatively quick project that went pretty smooth. I cant say I had too much of a say in it though, as she had a very clear idea about how she wanted to go through with it. We had a launch at the top of The Thief with loads of readings and performances. Fun, but also a bit exhausting. I did it for free, on a very short notice as a friend. Ive been doing that quite a lot for her. Its still mainly fun, but I am also a bit unsure about her processes sometimes.

I also made a catalogue for Vårutstillingen that went pretty well recently, so they already hired me to do a project for them in August. Other then that I helped Trollkrem with a little floor text for their exhibition at HaIK, and I am still working with Tableau on their website. She keeps on changing stuff witch is kind of frustrating (Tove), but Im just going with the flow and helping her when she needs me. Easier that way, + we need to keep a good tone. Hopefully we are soon done!

Me and Morri are also working together on a project atm for Stavanger Kunstsenter, together with Geir Haraldseth. Its been quite nice I must say - we have a quite nice tone and inspire each other I think. We have been thinking about doing more work together in the future and I have been thinking a lot about this lately. I am thinking about doing a career change next winter, and I think if I have people like him to work with that would make a change like that quite fruitful. I am also potentially working with this other guy, Alex on a small project but we keep on extending the deadline and now he is considering moving to England, so lets see..

Basically what I need to do it to sit down properly and think though things. Step by step, and gradually make the rigght moves. It would be great to go into the summer having thought properly about this so I can spend some time to digest and take it in. I need to head full on this fall if I am going to make it work, and I need to make a proper busines plan and some savings. Ideally I need to save up money to cover my basics for about 6 months. Thats about 70.000 NOK. Can I save up 70.000 next fall?? Next week me, Harald and Saga will have a study group about a book Harald recomended. I will buy the book today.

At Bleed Ive been working a lot with Visit Norway and a project for them regarding safety in nature. Ive been given a lot of responisibility, and its been quite fun. I went to Preiestolen for a week f.ex to Art Direct 5 movies. Now Im finalizing the project and am hoping that it will end up smooth.

Im also the leader of Grafill Grafisk design, and would really like to make a bit more out if it. I dont think I am goving it the attention it needs atm, so I will talk more with Sara about this today. How can we make the most out of this??

Relations:

Me and Ingemar still hang out a lot as friends and that’s working out relatively fine. Hes still a bit much to handle sometimes though. Last week he started dating someone new. A 22 year old, super sweet and stunning guy from Rogaland. At first I was weirdened out by it and not quite sure how I felt. Was I jealous? Did I feel old? What was I supposed to feel? Everyone also got quite drunk and they started kissing very openly in the middle of the room, in fornt of everyone. I think my reaction was that I just got a bit numb and not sure how to focus my thoughts. I ended up sitting down with them and talking with the new guy and I really liked his personality. I think he is good for Ingemar, and I think I can get used to seeing more of him, and also letting my friendship with ingemar more normalized. It feels kind of like he is a younger brother, or something a long those lines.

After the last time I wrote, I asked Germain what he wanted, and he was honest and straight forward about him not being in the right space to move forward with me. He got in touch agin a few weeks ago and we met. We tried to have sex, and the chemistry was gone. I think I got a bit overwhelmed by it all. It has felt like so many failures and rejections in the love-sector lately and I think it definitely put me a bit down mentally. I had a long break from both seeing and meeting up for hookups with boys, with was really good for me. A slow build up that made things more calm and made me stronger and more focused mentally. Having that said I recently had a setback. After easter holiday I sort of went all overboard and digged bit too deep into things - meaning sex. It was soooo nice to have sex, feel passion, skin and lust again after such a long break that I sort of just lost myself a bit into it again. During the past of 4 weeks Ive probably had 15 sex partners, at the most seeing 3 boys in one day. Why? And should I feel bad a bout it? A lot of it is really hot, but I often end up feeling broken in the aftermath. Like I give a little bit of myself each time, and then I loose grip on myself a bit and get this feeling of not begin in control anymore. Its like just urging for more more more more and then then more you get you get this bad tasting sauce. For instance, I met up with a two different guys the to days prior to my lat meeting with Germain. How could I possibly find more room for him from a passionate point of view after that? I could hardly even get it up.. Also, because Im on PreP Ive had more unprotected sex. This again has lead to me now having a STD (not sure which one yet), with is also extremely downgrading, as its only about a month since I tested myself the last time. I am working as a voluntair - testing people for STDs for goods sake. I should be able to have a more grounded relation to sex myself too then no? I think maybe the goal here needs to be that I can see guys for sex, but that I need to cut down on my availability again, as it gets a bit too much into my head. Once every now and then is OK, but not more then once per week. You can do that. Other boys.. Ive met a few great guys here and there, but I am not in a place where I am ready to chase any one right now. Why can’t someone chase me for a change? Lets see what time brings. Vegard and Sigbjørn has a very cute friend called Ole. He added me on both instagram and Facebook so maybe thats good for something. Max is also in town now for a few weeks. Maybe Ill send him a text and checks out if he wants to meet up for a bottle of wine some day next week. Caution though: Max really got to my feelings the last time. Better safe then sorry?

Roger texted me yesterday, like he usually does every 3 - 4 months. Sweet messages. Hes thinking about looking for a new job. Exciting and scary for him I guess. Im missing his lust for me a bit still.

Friends

I have been hanging out a lot with some new friends of mine quite a lot lately - Vegard and Sigbjørn (a couple). We have met almost every week, and have been on holiday trips together as well as going out quite a lot - also togehter rwith Ingemar actually. Sort of a new unit. Its been really nice to bring in some new perspectives and positive people in my life. I feel I can be 100% myself, and talk about the good and the bad, and they generally make me feel very secure and rooted. We are also heading to Tel Aviv this summer - looking forward.

Life

Someone read my tarrot card last week. It said I had 3 previous love interests that all were differetn and very important for my past developemnt. Duh: Roger, Antti and Tim. It also said that I was in a good place professionally, that I was a good leader, a high performer and ambitioius. For the future it said I would go though a huge change thatwould be really challenging and make me see life in a different way. I could expereince health issues, so I should look after myself. Im thinking this change might be 2018. Lets make the change as proactive and challenging in the rigth ways so I can land safely on the other side...

Other:

Im going for a weeding to Deepti my first girlfriend this week in Kristinasand. Indina/Norwegain wedding with loads of lovely old friends. I actulaly think it will be really nice

The week after Im heading to Lisboa for a weeked to viit a guy I met in Kirgizistan last summer. He is tiny, has a big dick, and a scooter. lol.. I think it will be a fun weekend.

Im going to Tel Aviv this summer with Benni, Vik, Kris, Vegard and Sigbjørn. Were watching Britney.. hehe. wil be fun. 10 days in a huge appartment. After that Im heading to Kenya to hang with Carmen. Were doing safari, beach and some mountain hiking. Ending it all off in Berlin. Probably broke as hell...

Ok thats it for today!

To do:

- Make 6 month plans

- Talk further with Morri

- Plan Grafill more in depth

- One boy a week

- Book last plane trip in Kenya

- Make a updated better list.....

0 notes