#moon 2 is leaving today. if you even care.

[weirdo-from-bonesborough]

she danced around me, a perfect circle i could quite never catch

and when she finally stayed, i cheered and screamed

but after so many days, i forgot to celebrate

and in my silence she slunk away

just like a second moon

[rosyblooom]

I just finished watching Daisy Jones and the Six and I wanted to ask if you could write a Charles SMAU where his wife passes away from illness and leaves a video behind for him to find happiness. They can have a little child together please. Thank you😊❤️

when i die, i want you to live | cl16 smau

PAIRING: charles leclerc x wife!reader SUMMARY: after battling illness, y/n unexpectedly succumbs to it much sooner than expected, leaving behind her husband and their daughter. 8 months later, charles is not coping very well, so your best friend hands him an envelope addressed to him from you. WARNING(S): mentions of death, sad A/N: ooh i love that show!! anyway, this is my first ever request (!!), so hope it's as u imagined 🫶

creds to @classiclitfreak for proofreading!! <3

yourusername posted to her story!

[ caption 1: I sure hope so!😌 ] [ caption 2: my heart is so full🥹💕 ]

charles_leclerc

liked by yourusername, arthur_leclerc, scuderiaferrari and 735,290 others

charles_leclerc Today, 27 years ago, is the very special day that brought me my beautiful wife and best friend. Forever grateful for that. Happiest of birthdays to you, Mon cœur ❤️

view all 3,958 comments

username HAPPY BIRTHDAY Y/N WE LOVE YOU😍

username all time favourite wag ! 🥰

yourusername ❤️❤️

(liked by author)

username ly girl🫶

username oh she won😩

username **they. they're both literally perfect omg username nah u right my bad🫡

scuderiaferrari happy birthday y/n 🥳🥳

username if my man ain't like charles i don't want him

username real

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, carlossainz55, yourbestfriend and 263,719 others

yourusername had the loveliest birthday with my dearest people!💕thank you for all the birthday wishes, they've been such a joy! 🥹 here's to another beautiful year, here's to 27🥂

view all 2,483 comments

yourbestfriend ily to the moon and back ❤️❤️

yourusername love u so much🥹

username queen🫶

username 27 and still looks young af iktr! see what happens when u're unproblematic😌

username that's bc 27 IS young lol

charles_leclerc belle👸

yourusername 😘 username you guys are so cute omg username *cries in 29 and single*🤧

username girl drop the link to the dress RIGHT NOW @/yourusername

yourusername it's from my spring collection love! xx username you ate that y/n😌

iamrebeccad you look so pretty 💗

yourusername my girl 🤍

Three weeks later...

tmz_tv

liked by username, username, username and 1,005,862 others

tmz_tv Tragic news emerged in the early hours of this morning as Y/N L/N-Leclerc, a renowned fashion designer and philanthropist, passed away unexpectedly, just three weeks past her twenty-seventh birthday. Her untimely passing has left her family and friends in shock and disbelief.

In a statement released by her family, it was revealed that Y/N had been battling illness for an undisclosed duration. However, medical professionals had initially estimated a longer prognosis, making her sudden passing even more devastating.

During this profoundly sorrowful time, we extend our heartfelt condolences to Y/N's family.

views all 18,045 comments

username wow and to think she was always so smiley even with all this going on behind the scenes

username a literal ray of sunshine🥹

username I can't imagine how charles feels right now omg, please take care charlie🫶

username this doesn't feel real...

username y/n was always working with charities all across the globe, she was an absolute angel. her impact will live on 💛

username is it just me who's thinking about their little girl in all this?? she must be so heartbroken :(

username I think bc she's so young she probably doesn't even understand what's going on😭💔

username y/n, you were a great addition to the paddock, always smiling and just all around lovely to fans. we won't ever forget you!💕

username sending prayers to the family 🙏

scuderiaferrari

liked by username, username, username and 594,752 others

scuderiaferrari Due to personal matters, Charles Leclerc will not be continuing racing for the remainder of the season. Ollie Bearman, our reserve driver, will take his place instead.

This was not an easy decision, and therefore we ask that you handle this news with respect and sensitivity.

Our thoughts and support are with Charles Leclerc and his family during this challenging time. 🙏❤️

comments have been disabled

8 months later...

Charles enters the living room, ensuring the door closes softly behind him to avoid disturbing his little girl. Running his fingers over his beard, he examines the envelope in his hand and sighs. Y/N’s best friend pressed it into his hand at a dinner party the previous evening, insisting he watch it as soon as he finds the time. And here he is now, holding the thin envelope.

If someone had told him when he was younger that he’d get emotional over something as simple as seeing his wife’s handwriting on paper, he would have scoffed in disbelief. Not him, that would have seemed absurd. Yet here he is, feeling a lump form in his throat over mere black ink on paper.

As peculiar as it seems, he brings the envelope to his nose, and memories of Y/N flood his mind. He can almost feel her soothing touch as she works the knots out of his back after a gruelling day of racing. Inhaling, he feels Y/N’s sweet scent—it is as comforting as her smile.

A smile tugs at Charles' lips as he pictures that infectious grin that lit up his wife’s face at the most unexpected moments. It was one of the things he loved most about her—she had a way of bringing brightness to even the darkest of days.

Shaking his head, he snaps out of the trance, shifting deeper into the living room until he sinks into the welcoming embrace of the couch. There, he retrieves the laptop resting on the coffee table, feeling the weight of the moment as he opens the envelope and extracts a flash drive from within. Rolling it between his fingers, he inserts it into the side of his laptop with a determined motion.

Once all is in place, he watches a file labelled “To my dearest Lover, brightest Heart, and deepest Soul” materialise in his list of files. The sight catches him off guard—his throat constricts, making each breath a struggle, and his eyes well up, though he fights against the tears. Not now. He can't afford it. Allowing himself to be consumed by grief would mean losing precious time, time he needs for his daughter waiting in her playroom down the hallway.

He takes a moment to regain composure, squeezing his eyes shut, focusing on the rhythm of his breath until the tension in his chest begins to ease. With a sharp intake of air, he opens his eyes wide and taps the file, revealing a video. Running his teeth over his lower lip, he hovers the pointer over the play button, then taps the mousepad with a steady hand.

The video opens with Y/N seated on the very same pale couch he’s currently occupying. He places both hands onto the soft sofa, yearning for a connection, a way to feel her, even though he knows he can’t—touching the past is impossible.

Y/N walks toward the camera, readjusting it before taking three steps backward and retaking her seat. Inhaling deeply, she hesitates, her mouth opening, then closing again, like a fish out of water.

“Mon cœur,” Charles whispers, moving the laptop onto the coffee table.

“Hmm,” Y/N drops her hands into her lap and smooths down her flowery dress. She stares directly at the camera, tilting her head sideways with a crooked smile. “I don’t know where to start.”

Her eyes widen. “After all this planning, I still don’t know where to begin.” She lets out a few chuckles and then purses her lips. “Well, I suppose greetings are in order?”

Her expression softens as her brows furrow. “Hello, my darling, my world, my everything.”

“Hey,” Charles whispers, his throat tight with emotion, barely allowing sound to escape.

“Although I'm very happy to see you, if you’re watching this, it means you're not living as I want you to,” Y/N's voice trembles, causing her to pause and swallow. “I know it’s hard, baby. I don’t expect this to be easy on you, but I don’t want you to spend the rest of your life looking back at us in sadness, you know?”

Charles leans forward, elbows on his lap, eyes fixed on the screen, his face tinged with a faint shade of red.

“Remember our first date, when we had to cancel our reservations at that restaurant because you felt sick on the way there?” Y/N bursts into laughter but quickly stifles it, her hand covering her mouth.

“No, no,” Charles pleads softly, shaking his head, “please don’t hide your beautiful smile, my love.”

“It’s not like there was anything you could do about being sick, but I remember feeling miffed because I already had a stressful day, so for you to cancel just like that, it irritated me,” she reminisces with a nod. “But you were quite pale, so I wanted to make sure you got home alright. And we walked, barely talked,” she giggles, the joy reaching her eyes, “but then this little kid appeared, his name was…”

“Benny,” they both say simultaneously, a faint smile tugging at one corner of Charles' lips.

"Boy, was he excited to meet you, his idol. It was like seeing a completely different person. You became someone entirely new for this little boy whom you didn’t even know. Nobody forced you to take time out of your day when he came running, his arms wide open," Y/N says, extending her arms along with the words. "You could’ve just walked away. I mean, you had a reason to: you were sick."

Pausing for a moment, Y/N sits up straighter, leaning forward and shaking her head. "But you didn’t. You put on a brave face, and you turned into Benny’s hero and so much more. I think we stood there with his parents for about half an hour, and you didn’t complain once. And that’s when I knew."

Y/N nods, crossing her legs and slinging one hand behind the sofa. "That’s when I knew you could be the man I was going to marry. And turns out you were," she says, smiling sheepishly. "The love you have for people, for our daughter, it’s… it’s so profound, it’s boundless. So don’t limit it. Don’t you dare limit yourself just because I’m not around anymore."

Her expression turns serious as she exhales. “You’re such a bright light. You bring happiness and purity into people’s lives—into my life,” Y/N presses her hand against her chest. “I don’t want you to dim it. I want you to shine for as long as that candle burns. Don’t let it die prematurely because of bad happenings. There’s so much more to love, to live, to enjoy. And while you may not see me at your side anymore, holding onto D/N, I’m right here.”

Charles sniffles, folding his hands over his mouth as he swallows his sobs, while Y/N points to her heart.

“I’m with you forever and always. I’m protecting you and D/N, and I’m watching over you, making sure everything’s alright.” Y/N releases a sigh before chewing at her bottom lip with a wistful smile. “And part of that means making space for more love, for you. You have a big heart, you know? There’s enough room for you to find happiness with someone new. There’s no shame in it, and there’s no guilt in it. It’s what makes being alive such a beautiful thing: your love is yours, and it’s not confined to just one or two people. You can spread it, and still, our love will remain unchanged.”

Tears stream down the sides of Charles' cheeks as he struggles to maintain his composure, his eyes fixated on the screen as if afraid that if he peels his gaze away for one second, his wife will disappear.

Y/N briefly looks off to the side, her attention seemingly caught by something in the room, before snapping her head back to the camera with a bright smile.

“It seems I have to go,” her shoulders sink.

Charles leans forward, the screen mere inches away from his face, as he strokes the outline of Y/N’s face on the screen, whispering desperately, “Please don’t, mon cœur…”

“I love you so, so much. You and D/N are the most precious gifts, the greatest joys I have had the privilege to experience, so please, please,” she claps her hands together, moving them back and forth, “please…when I die, I want you to live.”

Y/N rises from the couch and walks towards the screen, her eyes unwavering for even a moment. “Give my little girl all my love, and kiss and hug her extra tight for as long as you can, for me.”

Offering one final smile, she blows a kiss at the screen. “I love you. Please don’t stop. Don't stop loving and don't stop living.”

The video freezes with Y/N frozen in place, a beautiful smile etched onto her lips, filled with the purest form of love.

Feeling suddenly overwhelmed, Charles collapses, the weight of the world pressing down on him. He drops his face into his hands and releases all of it: sob after sob after sob. There’s something liberating about finally letting go; the burden pours out of him, leaving behind a fragile yet tranquil Charles as he gazes at the still shot of his beloved wife, whom he adores so deeply.

A soft click draws his attention to the door just in time for it to creak open slowly, revealing his little girl standing there, her favourite yellow teddy bear clutched tightly in her arms.

“Papa,” her voice floats like a gentle breeze.

Charles smiles, opening his arms wide as she runs towards him. He's momentarily winded as she reaches him, but he quickly regains his composure and lifts her onto his lap.

“Hello, my love,” he whispers, touching his forehead to hers.

Her tiny hand pats his cheek, her expression filled with concern. “You’re crying?”

Charles shakes his head, trying to reassure her. “Happy tears,” he explains, “look.” He points at the screen, where Y/N's serene face is frozen in time.

“Maman!” D/N exclaims, slipping from his lap and heading towards the screen. Her small hands tap the screen eagerly as she calls out, “Maman! Maman! Maman!”

“Yes,” Charles swallows, ignoring the pang in his chest as he shifts his focus to his little girl. “You want to see Maman, huh?”

He rises from the sofa and lifts D/N into the air, settling her on his hip. “How about we go take a look at the photo albums, okay? There are lots of beautiful pictures of Maman in there, alright?”

“Maman! Maman! Maman!” D/N continues to exclaim, squirming excitedly in his arms as they walk through the door and down the hallway into the living room.

f1gossipofficial

liked by username, username, username and 14,296 others

f1gossipofficial Nine months after the tragic passing of his wife, Y/N, Charles Leclerc has been spotted for the first time on a beach in Spain with their shared daughter.

Witnesses who captured the photographs above mentioned that he appeared to be coping well, and fans respectfully gave them space while appreciating the sight from afar.

We're glad to see Charles out and about again, and we extend our best wishes to him and his family as they continue to navigate these changes.

view all 2,068 comments

username im so glad the fans kept to themselves

username right?? so respectful🫶

username charlie🥹❤️ it's been so long but we'll always be here whenever he's ready

username tbh I was very worried during the radio silence but I think him being out there is a step in the right direction🥲

username still can't believe y/n is no longer here... i miss her sm😭

username omg there's a vid on twitter of them playing ball and u can hear their daughter giggling 💕

username I can't find it could you pls send the link?🙏 username dmed u! username me too pls

username it must be so hard to grief y/n while also trying to be strong for their daughter :( sending him all the strength!!

username 😭😭😭

4:44 ────────────ㅇ 4:44

[ellecdc]

Baaaaabe 😫

Ive been sick for the last couple days, and as always, that first day was horrible. Ive had my brain legit decide it wants to inflate bigger than my skull capacity (long story short, pregnancy 🫡) and i got to re-experience that feeling for the first 12 hours 💀

BUT i came back and i was sooo excited for your updates!! They were soo good (please tell me theres a part 2 to that angst....pls 🥺) And i love our discussions in the comments 🫶

I do have another request though if you have the time love. Another possessive!wolfstar buuuttt..... make reader Jamie's sister (twins?)!! Its troublesome enough for James to keep Sirius' hands to himself, but full moon Rem?? He's a brick wall. Like somethings happening between the 2 and Jamie is chasing reader, then she spots Rem and hides behind him. James tries to reach for her and Rem is just kinda like "???? Excuse me, thats mine. Dont touch. James Fleamont Potter. DONT. TOUCH." without even knowing whats going on. James is incredulous (because thats HIS sister) and Siri is chuckling but it looks like Rem might actually bite Jamie's hand off so he moves between them to seperate them but Rem is also like "ExCuSe YOU??? Also mine. *to siri* dont touch him. *to James* dont touch them or you might not have all your fingers when you wake up!!"

And just the repercussions of this where James isnt allowed alone with either until a couple days passed the 🌕

Hope youre looking after yourself darling 🩵

I love James' sister trope - something about it screams fluff and perhaps a little angst but just in all the best ways. I would imagine his sister to be so much like him: mischievous, funny, and full of love. Thanks for requesting!!!

poly!wolfstar x potter sister!reader

There were quite a few perks that came along with being James Potter's twin sister. One said perk was having a built-in best friend from the moment you came into the world. Another was that whilst you were attending school, you had the benefit of no one being willing to mess with you on account of the company you kept - namely, your brother and his infamous friends who called themselves The Marauders.

What being James Potter's twin sister couldn't protect you from? James Potter.

What could protect you from being James Potter's twin sister? Being the girlfriend of Sirius Black and Remus Lupin.

You and James were leaving Care of Magical Creatures together, heading to meet up with Remus and Sirius near the Greenhouses when one Lily Evans walked by - graciously bestowing James the time of day for quite possibly the first time ever - when you decided that this was the perfect pranking opportunity.

You really couldn't be blamed for what happened next: it truly was a gift bestowed upon you by the great pranking gods, and who were you to deny it?

"Hello, Potter." Lily said, causing James to gasp dramatically.

"Hello, Lily! Beautiful day out today, innit?"

Lily couldn't help but snicker at the sickeningly wide grin that took over James' face.

"Oi, Jamie. I forgot to tell you: mum sent that rash cream you were asking for. She said to remind you it's only safe to put around your anus, not in it." You proclaimed loudly, pretending to read from a 'letter' your mother had sent.

The courtyard became incredibly quiet before what you recognized to be Barty Crouch Junior's laugh echoed the space, triggering the snickering of all those present.

"You are so dead!" James sneered and you didn't hesitate to take off in a sprint - knowing your brother was a mere few paces behind you.

"You slithering little snake! She finally starts coming around - are you kidding me!?" He shouted as you swerved between bodies standing in your way whilst he just barrelled right through them.

Suddenly, you saw salvation in the form of one Remus John Lupin.

Now, granted, Remus didn't always protect you from your squabbles with James. Part of the reason for that was because half of the time you sort of deserved it (much like today), and the other part was that he claimed he didn't know what proper protocol was in sibling relationships on account of him being an only child. Sirius, a brother himself, had no such qualms and always took your side.

However, you knew that the full moon was in a mere two more sleeps, meaning Remus was at his most protective (read: possessive) which did not distinguish James Potter as friend, sibling, nor pack.

Right now: James Potter was only a threat.

And, let's be honest, being James Potter's twin sister, and a girlfriend to Remus Lupin and Sirius black also meant you were mischievous as hell. So you had no trouble using this to your utmost advantage.

You squeaked in terror as you slid behind Remus' lanky frame a moment before James - the bastard - slammed into his form and all but bounced off of Remus. James was admittedly more muscular than Remus, but Remus' height and werewolf strength left him towering above James as the dumb sod picked himself up off the ground.

"What in the buggering hell is going on?" He spat at James as one of his arms wrapped behind him, shielding you from your fuming brother.

"That sneaky little witch just embarrassed me in front of Lily!" James barked, looking like he was still trying to figure out how to get around Remus in order to strangle you.

"Please," Sirius drawled as he walked over casually, "like you need any help in that department Prongs."

You tried to hide your snicker, but from Remus' glance at you through the corner of his eye, you knew he caught it.

"She told the entire courtyard I needed cream for a rash on my anus!"

Sirius doubled over in laughter and you preened when you noticed Remus let out a soft chuckle himself.

"It's not sodding funny you wanker! Lily spoke to me first today! I'm going to kill you!" James snarled, moving his attention from Sirius to you.

As James stepped forward menacingly, Remus grabbed the collar of his shirt. "Prongs, enough." He barked.

Sirius was still laughing when he moved to stand between Remus and James, releasing James' shirt from Remus' fist.

"Okay, down boy." Sirius snarked, patting James' shoulder consolingly.

"Oh, sod off." James muttered, elbowing Sirius as he moved to step away.

You let out a breath you didn't realize you were holding and tried to even out your breathing; lungs still burning from your run.

"You okay, dove?" Remus asked you so gently as he bent down to make eye contact with you. His face screamed love, attentiveness, and care, making you feel slightly guilty for having shoved him in the middle of your tomfoolery.

"I'm fine, Moons. Sorry for causing trouble." You answered solemnly.

His face picked up slightly at your words as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. "You wouldn't be you if you weren't causing trouble, love."

Your tender moment was interrupted by a yelp, causing the two of you to turn only to notice James and Sirius wrestling. James seemed to have gotten Sirius into a headlock, and the sod wasn't willing to tap out - still kicking and clawing at James in anyway he could.

"Oi!" Remus shouted as he plucked Sirius out of James' grasp and shoved him in the direction of the castle. James used his momentary distraction as an opportunity to set his sights back on you as he lunged, tackling you to the ground.

"Fuckin' hell Jamie! You weight a tonne!" You shouted, kneeing him in the gut. James doubled over and rolled onto his side in the fetal position.

You didn't even get a chance to right yourself before you were thrown over Remus' shoulder who was still shouting at Sirius to "get back to the dorm. The both of you are staying within my sights for the next foreseeable future" as you all left James with the wind knocked out of him, keeled over on the castle grounds.

[myownwholewildworld]

WHEN THE MOON HOWLS ― a javier peña's autumnal oneshot

main masterlist | read on ao3 | part 2 pairing: javier peña x f!reader. summary: you meet javier in a café during your sabbatical. you see the man that no one does ― the one who is broken, defeated, crushed by his time as a DEA agent. so you make it your purpose to shine some light on his life, one pumpkin spice latte at a time. -or- the story of how you two fall head over heels for each other c: a/n: hiya! been wanting to write for javi p for a while, but was afraid to take the plunge because it's been a hot minute since i last watched narcos. anyways, this fic is for @goodwithcheese and @jolapeno's jolabrew + withcheese fall challenge which i found really inspiring, thank you for hosting this sweet challenge! first time taking part in a challenge too, whoop whoop! as always, all interactions welcome, would love to hear your thoughts. take care! <3 x warnings/tags: 18+, mdni (no smut here, but still). post season 3 of narcos, possibly slightly off-canon? idk. fluff, loads of it! angst, comfort. mentions of ptsd, panic attacks and therapy. halloween/autumnal vibes. trip to the pumpkin patch to cheer our sweet javi up. reader's pov only (v unlike me). no use of y/n. no description of reader (moodboard is only for aesthetic purposes). unbeta'd, soz. w/c: 6.8k (this was gonna be a short drabble... smh) divider by @saradika-graphics

Friday, 18th September 1998

“What can I get for you today, gorgeous?” was your go-to sentence with every client.

Even when your own personal demons stalked you at night, you made your best effort to get out of bed every day and come to work. Working in a café was not in your plans for this year, but a heart-shattering breakup had rocked your world so bad, you needed out.

So, you took a sabbatical from your job in finance, hugged your parents and waved goodbye to your friends. It would only be for one year ― hopefully enough to get your life together and reorganise your priorities.

That was why you moved to Laredo two months ago, to have a fresh start with a blank slate ― where no one knew you and you knew no one. A month into your new life, you realised you needed to do something or otherwise you would go crazy. So you took a waiting job at one of the local cafés. You were just paid the minimum wage, but you had enough savings to live comfortably for a year without any issues.

It was only mid-September ― technically still summer. However, the unusually cold weather made it look otherwise. Fall had appeared sooner this year, and you couldn’t be happier about it. You loved autumn ― its duller hues, the crispy air, the browning leaves, the cozy sweaters, burying yourself under blankets on the couch while channel surfing. It was, by far, your favourite season.

“A pumpkin spice latte, please.” The masculine voice that spoke back to you was plain, deflated ― it lacked… something, but you were not able to pinpoint what exactly.

Your eyes moved from your notebook to the man in front of you, sat at the one of the most isolated tables. A few strands of wavy, brown hair fell across his forehead, the ends caressing the metal frame of the yellow-tinted, aviator sunglasses that shielded his eyes. ‘Brown too,’ you thought. ‘Sad and brown.’

Even if he was not looking at you, you could simply tell. His demeanour, his posture, the way he averted his eyes ― the man spoke of sadness and hurt, of something dark and gut-wrenching you could not even fathom.

And he was alone ― it was obvious he was not waiting on anyone.

“Anything else?” You asked, your throat suddenly dry.

He shook his head no without a word. His hands were placed on top of the table, his fingers intertwined while his thumbs circled each other. It was a restrained yet impatient gesture, as if he could not wait to be left alone.

“Could I interest you in a slice of pumpkin cake? It’s got cream cheese frosting. Shouldn’t say it myself because I baked it, but it’s delicious, I promise.” You tried to tempt him; a soft smile directed at him. “If you don’t like it, it’s on the house.”

The curvature of your lips wavered when his eyes slowly drifted up towards you and locked on yours. They definitely had a sorrowful tint to them ― as if he had seen too much, been witness to too many unspeakable things. His eyes were a window to a crushed soul, that much you could perceive.

His lips formed a flat line as he looked away and through the window to his right.

“Why not then…” His reply was not rude but charged with something unsettling. Something that made you swallow hard.

But you were still smiling back at him. Maybe the guy was having a rough day, a rough week or a rough month. A rough lifetime? Showing him kindness was not going to change his view on the world around him, but if it helped, even a tiny bit, you would smile until the corners of your mouth hurt.

“Alrighty, shouldn’t be long!” You scribbled the command on your notebook, the tip of your tongue unconsciously sticking out between your teeth as you did.

You walked back to behind the counter and when you turned around, you saw the man watching your every move. But as soon as he felt caught, he bowed his head down and looked for something in one of his shirt’s pockets. Soon after that, he lighted a cigarette.

Slightly confused, you faced the coffee maker and looked at the recipe card for the pumpkin spice latte. As you started preparing it, one of your colleagues walked past you.

“Pssst, Alejandra!” You called her in a whisper.

The girl looked around her, unsure if someone had said her name or if it was her imagination playing games.

“Over here”, you waved at her and Alejandra happily trotted towards you.

“Yeah? What’s up? Do you need a hand with that?” She offered her help, as she always did. You were grateful to have such good coworkers in your shift. It was a contrasting experience in comparison to your finance job.

“No, I think I’m okay. Got a question of different nature though,” you ventured pressing your lips together. “The guy over there, sat in the corner…” Alejandra turned her head around to look and stuck her head out, going on her tiptoes and everything. “Hey! Be a bit less obvious, dammit!” You panicked, shaking her forearm as she giggled.

“What about him?” She asked with a cocked brow.

“Who is he? Not seen him before ‘round here.” You tried to sound as casual as possible, but Alejandra’s raised eyebrow told you she was seeing through your bullshit.

“Chucho’s son. Javier.”

“Chucho who?” It seemed like everyone knew everyone in this town, except for you.

“Chucho Peña, he owns a farm on the outskirts of town. That’s his son Javier. He worked for the DEA and has moved back in with his old man a couple of weeks ago. Rumour has it he was fired. Apparently, he was caught doing drugs on the job, can you believe it?” Alejandra didn’t hold back on the gossip. “The same drugs he was confiscating from the narcos, taking them all for himself. Some say he was even selling them back to them and making good profit.”

You knew to take rumours with a very big pinch of salt. Sure, there was corruption in the DEA as in any other governmental organisation, but he did not seem to be that kind of guy. Not that you knew him, anyway.

“Not even his childhood friends are speaking to him now, so if I were you, I’d keep my distance.” She warned you in a hush. “He’s trouble, that dude.”

That broke your heart a little. Javier looked lonely enough ― learning that he was truly on his own resonated loud with you. Being branded a misfit by his own community had to be a hard pill to swallow.

“Mhmm. Sure thing”, was your only reply. Alejandra tilted her head to one side, studying your blank expression. “I was just curious, that’s it.”

“If you say so. But don’t say I didn’t warn you!” Her veiled counsel hung above your head as you resumed the task of preparing his coffee.

Five minutes later you were done and walking back to where Javier was patiently waiting. As you approached his table, a guy pushed back his chair to stand up and hit you hard. You lost your balance, almost tripping with the legs of the chair. Your right hip slammed against the edge of an empty chair and prevented you from falling ― you managed to save the coffee, but the plate with the cake slice slid off your fingers and shattered against the floor.

“Hey! Watch it!”

For a second you thought it was the gentleman reprimanding you, but you quickly recognised the voice ― Javier had stood up, fast as thunder, and his index finger was accusatorily pointing to the man who had mindlessly pushed his chair back.

Before the situation escalated, you straightened out your back and planted a hand on Javier’s forearm to stop him from tackling the guy.

“It’s okay, it’s nothing. I wasn’t looking, it’s my bad.” You quickly tried to diffuse the situation, tension building up between the two men.

“No, it’s not.” Javier replied between gritted teeth. “This asshole should have seen you walking by.”

Your eyes widened as they flew from one man’s face to the other’s. Javier’s outburst was not welcomed by the other guy, who was clenching his fists at his sides. You put the surviving coffee down on a table nearby and placed yourself in the middle of both men, arms extended.

“No need to take this so seriously, it was just a bit of cake, and I’m not hurt.” You said looking at Javier with imploring eyes. You did not need this kind of trouble.

‘He’s trouble’, Alejandra had said. Should you listen?

“Please, accept my apologies.”

“I ain’t paying you shit now, treating one of your regular clients like this.” The man barked back, fuming.

Javier took a step forward and his chest pressed against the palm of your hand. You did not expect to feel his warm skin under yours ― a few unbuttoned buttons on his shirt gave you a peek of his hairy chest.

He clenched his jaw so hard you could see his muscles straining.

“Of course, of course. I’ll pay for it, it’s not a problem.”

Huffing and puffing, the man signalled to his companion and they both walked out the door, mumbling something you couldn’t hear but could imagine.

Slowly you turned to face Javier, whose eyes burnt like gasoline. You didn’t know if he was trouble, but he was definitely danger.

“It’s alright, relax. I’m sorry about the cake, I’ll get you another one. It’s on me, I kinda forced you to buy it.” You offered, thinking he was still mad, while you knelt down to clean the mess with some tissues you had grabbed from the table besides you.

“I’ll pay for it. For both slices.” He replied succinctly, squatting down by your side to help you out.

“You don’t need to”, you quickly said, watching him on the corner of your eye.

His expression softened a bit, and his lips turned into a grimace.

“I do. I think I made things worse for you.” You thought the same but didn’t dare to voice your opinion.

You were customer-facing and could hear your manager in your mind saying ‘The customer is always right. Treat ‘em like royalty’. Bullshit that, really, but was part of the job.

Once the mess was cleared, you gave Javier his coffee and ran back to the counter to cut another slice for him. This time, as you sauntered towards him, you were aware of your surroundings. Luckily, there were no more inconveniences, and the cake slice made it safe and sound to Javier’s table.

“Thanks. And sorry again.” He apologised, his tone throaty with truth. He really meant it.

“Don’t worry about it, honestly.” You grinned at him as you gently squeezed his shoulder without thinking. Javier’s eyes quickly darted down at the touch ― you could swear he flinched. “Oh― S-sorry”, you stammered, pulling your hand back to break contact.

Javier just hmphed and turned his attention to his drink and food.

With your brows knitting together, you made your way back to the counter. From time to time, you would check on him from a distance while serving other patrons. ‘Just making sure he likes it’, you told yourself every time.

After half an hour, Javier got up and walked towards the register.

“How was it?” You asked with a gleaming smile.

“It was good.” Surprisingly, you were slightly disappointed at his lack of enthusiasm. “Really good”, he added a second later, as if he had picked up on your disillusionment.

The smile came back to your mouth.

“Well, I’m glad.” You said while you typed in his order to produce the bill. “It’s $9.42.”

“How much was the… gentleman’s” he spat out the word, “bill? I want to cover it too.”

That offer took you completely off guard, and you started shaking your hands and head at the same time.

“No, no, no. It’s okay, I’ll pay for it. It’s not the end of the world.”

“I insist. Please.” He punctuated every word. “How much was it?”

“Uh, mhmm…” You didn’t want him to take the blow. Maybe he had made the situation worse, but at the end of the day, it was the other guy’s fault, not his. “Are you sure?”

He simply nodded.

“It was $25.37. So the total would be… $34.79.” You composed a pitiful face ― it was a lot of money for a coffee and a cake slice.

Javier handed you a $50 note and then said, “Keep the change.”

With your mouth agape with surprise and not really understanding his generosity, you looked down and extended your hand almost unwillingly.

“But this is a lot…” You started to complain. However, when you looked up at him, you only saw his back.

Javier was already walking out of the café before you could say anything else.

Friday, 25th September 1998

Exactly a week later at ten past five in the afternoon, Javier Peña entered the café you worked at. Your brows furrowed, trying to recall last Friday. Had he gotten there at the same time too? He sat at the same table, same chair as well. The man was a creature of habit, a wild one at that.

Sooner rather than later, you were in front of him, notebook and pencil on hand, with a cheery smile.

“What can I get for you today, gorgeous?” You asked, hoping he would catch the joke ― you also followed a routine.

The joke went over his head. He looked less taciturn than a week before, albeit he still had this aura around him screaming to be left alone. Javier leaned back on his chair and this time, he did make eye contact, unlike last.

A slight yet noticeable change.

“A pumpkin spice latte, please.” This time round, his voice was a bit livelier although still crude.

“Anything else?” Your smile turned crooked as your eyes locked on his.

You saw a sparkle in them, a brightness that flickered under the fluorescent lights of the café. A hint of mischief, you thought too. He definitely had seen the joke now.

“Do you still have pumpkin cake? The one with cream cheese frosting?” He went off script, which made your grin grow bigger.

A creature of habit, but adaptable.

You nodded, writing the order down ― your tongue peeking through your teeth in full concentration.

“Freshly baked, I did it this morning.”

“If it’s half as good as last week’s, I might have to start coming over every Friday then.” A lopsided grin fought its way to his lips, although it didn’t stay there for long.

That brief gesture had transformed his expression, softening the hard edges of his jaw and smoothing out the wrinkles around his covered eyes. You noticed he still had his aviator glasses on, even though it was cloudy outside.

You were not prepared for his compliment, so you just tittered.

“If that’s the case, I’ll make sure to bake one every Friday as to not disappoint you”, you replied jokingly, albeit you truly considered it.

The shadow of a grimace danced on Javier’s mouth. The beginning of another smile, perhaps. Could you be so lucky that he would gift you with two grins in a row? That would be unheard of.

It wasn’t like you were watching him, but you were. Just a few glances here and there though, nothing too obvious. You did not believe in such things, but it seemed like his demons were following him wherever he went. Whatever darkness accompanied him, had a tight grip on him. You wondered what had happened to Javier to give off such an uneasy feeling.

The man was the epitome of wariness ― always looking above his shoulders, his hand tightly latching on to the buckle of his belt. Javier Peña looked like a man who always had a foot in the door, ready to run at the slightest inconvenience. And just because of that, you should be chary, keeping your distance. But it was exactly that, his raw loneliness, what pulled you into his orbit.

You were a fixer, and Javier was broken.

You were a puzzler, and Javier was a puzzle someone had tossed aside ― all the little pieces spread in disarray, unclassified, waiting to be put back together.

Question was, could he be fixed or was he shattered beyond repair?

Friday, 2nd October 1998

“Let me guess. One pumpkin spice latte and a slice of pumpkin cake?”

Javier’s sunglasses reflected the light off the ceiling, his eyes catching a sliver of it. His fingers drummed against the table, his pearly white teeth peeking through the brief smile his lips composed just for you.

“It’s almost like you already know me”, he jested, flattening the palm of his hand against the table and sliding it off until his fingers wrapped around the edge.

That simple motion had you in a trance for a second, your mind blank.

“I do know a few things about you.” It slipped off your tongue before you could refrain yourself.

Once you realised what you had just said, your eyes slightly widened, and you unconsciously chewed your bottom lip.

“Do you?” Javier tilted his head to one side, his kempt moustache wrinkling with curiosity.

You nodded slowly and he cocked a brow, enticing you to continue.

“I’ve noticed you like a routine, always showing up at the same time, ordering the same thing, sitting on the same table, the same chair. And I know you love fall, because why would you be ordering a pumpkin spice latte every Friday since mid-September? With two sugar cubes. And when you attack the cake, you first eat the frosting, then the rest. That’s weird.”

You could have left it there so you wouldn’t sound like a stalker, but once you started talking, you could not stop.

“I know you feel like something, or someone, is following you. I know you always keep an eye on the door, making sure the exit is clear. I know you never turn your back to it either ― and that’s probably why you are, many a times, reaching for a gun in your belt that is no longer there. I know that you are lonely, but that loneliness is self-imposed. I know you don’t like being touched.”

You had definitely paid Javier Peña too much attention. Your last words did not really sink in until Javier’s amused expression transformed into knitting brows and a fine line for lips.

Had you gone too far in your analysis? Why would you say all those things to a complete stranger? When your slip of tongue dawned on you, you covered your mouth, embarrassed of yourself.

“Sorry, I-I didn’t mean to… I just― I shouldn’t have said anything. I don’t know why―” Your words came out in a slurred rush, incoherent and unfinished sentences got stuck to the back of your throat through all that stammering.

He leaned back, his arm loosely draped around the empty chair to his right, near the window. Javier then clicked his tongue.

“Well, I had it coming. I did ask, didn’t I?” His reaction surprised you ― you really thought he was going to up and leave because of your insolence.

You let go a sigh of relief, followed by a nervous chuckle as you hugged the notebook close to your chest.

“Was I… too far off?” You ventured, biting down your bottom lip again. Maybe you shouldn’t push your luck.

Javier took a long minute to respond, his eyes scanning every square inch on your face, as if he was trying to assess whether he could confide in you or not. You found yourself hoping he did.

“No, not really.” He conceded, “I do love fall.”

That hint of mischief you saw a week ago twinkled in his eyes again. Under that sombre and stay-away-from-me bearing, there was another Javier. One who could be mischievous and fun. One that you had been itching to know since he first set foot on the café.

This time was your turn to slant your head to one side, crinkling your lips as you attempted to discern if you were wrong about the rest. Was he playing with you?

“And the rest?” You pushed out of curiosity, knowing full well you shouldn’t take such liberty.

Javier shrugged, his shoulders almost touching his ears. Was he trying to hide a smile?

“I do have one more thing to add to my order.” The change of subject told you he did not trust you that much.

A pinch of disappointment settled in your chest. But you knew you shouldn’t feel this way, you didn’t really know him. For all you knew, he could be a serial killer on the lookout for his next victim and being a DEA agent was just a cover.

“Oh, yes, sorry. What else would you like?” You concocted a smile, but this time it felt forced ― too tense on the corners of your mouth.

Your sight was fixed on your notepad, not daring to glance down at him again. If you had, you would have seen his look of confusion. But you didn’t.

“Another pumpkin spice latte.”

You could not hide your surprise, so inevitably you asked, “Are you waiting for someone today?”

As soon as that question abandoned your mouth, you wished it back, mortified at your audacity. It was none of your business. And you didn’t care. Of course you didn’t.

“Yeah, you. You finish your shift in” he looked at his wristwatch, “fifteen minutes, right?”

You were left gobsmacked. Of all the things you had imagined he would say, that would not be an option at all.

“Uh― Ah, y-yeah?”

“See, you’re not the only one who is observant ‘round here. I do know pumpkin spice latte is your favourite drink too.” Javier explained so matter-of-factly, it would have been impossible to correct him. And he was right, anyway. “So, what do you say?”

You had not really given him an answer and he was obviously waiting.

“Yeah. Yes, of course.” You repeated yourself, a wide smile smoothing out your lips, your cheeks slightly blushed. “I’d like that.”

Friday, 30th October 1998

Every Friday for the last four weeks had been exactly the same, and you couldn’t be happier about it.

Come ten past five, Javier would walk in through the door and sit down on the same table after his therapy session just a few blocks away. You would happily trot towards him, notebook on hand ― just a pleasantry, considering you knew his order by heart: two pumpkin spice lattes, one slice of pumpkin cake, two spoons. In fact, you had it written down before you reached him.

And then, every Friday, he would wait for the clock to mark half past five, coffee almost untouched and the cake slice still pristine on the plate. You would tell your teammates that you would be closing down and that they were free to go. You would rush through your tasks to get everything done before the clock read forty past five. A minute later the “Closed” sign would be hanging on the front door.

And then you would sit down with Javier, both lazily sipping away at your coffees and nibbling at the cake, while you shared your hopes, your fears, your ambitions, your struggles, your likes and dislikes, your pasts. His heavily charged with trauma and anguish, yours full of heartbreak and regrets.

You had learnt all about his time in Colombia ― the rise of the Medellin cartel, the fall of Pablo Escobar, the peak of the Cali cartel and the corruption deeply embedded in the Colombian government. And how it all shaped who he was now, how it all shattered him and his view of the world. All the things he had seen that still haunted him to this day, and how badly he wanted it all to go away. How gruesomely tortured he was by it all.

He had split himself open in front of you over the course of the last month, pouring his soul out while trying to detangle the mess his mind was in. And you could not help but feel for him, cry for and with him. His words had reached further down inside you than you were really aware of.

And while he was getting professional help for his PTSD, you liked to think that your long, deep conversations helped him interiorise part of the trauma, come to terms with it as much as he could. He had not said it out loud, not really thanked you either, but he didn’t need to ― you just knew.

You could not have refrained yourself from loving him even if you had tried. Over the course of the last few weeks, you had fallen for him with every detail you discovered about him. But your friendship had developed so quickly and so profoundly, you were afraid of ruining it. Ruining the only real connection you had felt in a long time.

It felt like the moment for love confessions was long gone ― it had slipped through your fingers without you even realising. And now it was too late to change it. Perhaps it was better this way ― you treasured Javier’s friendship more than anything else. You would not bargain with it, not if it meant there was a teeny tiny chance of losing him. You were not a gambler, not with the people you loved.

“I think you should pick up a camera again, see how it feels. Ignore what your parents have always told you for a moment. You don’t have to make a decision now, or ever, really.” Javier encouraged you, his palm flat against the surface, extended towards you, resting halfway through the table.

How badly you wanted to reach for him, to caress the back of his hand with your fingertips. But you didn’t.

“You’re right. It’s all I always wanted to do for a living. My job in finance, it was just their idea, really. They kept telling me that I’d die penniless on the side of a road if I chose photography as my career path.” You sighed, the spice of your coffee filling your sense of smell as you tipped the cup to your lips. “Do you have any plans for tomorrow?” You asked, an idea forming in your mind.

“No, I was just gonna help my dad on the farm.” Javier replied, a certain interest tinging his voice as he tilted his head ― his chocolate eyes holding your gaze as if it was a staring contest.

You had never met him outside the café, but you were friends. Surely there was nothing weird about meeting up with him tomorrow.

“Well, I was just thinkin’. Brought my camera and equipment when I moved. Tomorrow’s Halloween, could go to the pumpkin patch outside of town to take some pictures. I love taking pictures on fall, the colours are just beautiful. Would you want to join me?” A shy smile hovered over your lips, your heart slightly racing.

Javier’s eyes lingered on your face for an eternal second before he sipped at his coffee. Maybe you shouldn’t have asked ― you knew he didn’t feel comfortable with open spaces, not yet. He had told you about his panic attacks when he returned home and found himself in the open, exposed.

Suddenly, you felt so damn insensitive.

“Sorry, I know y―”

“I’d like that”, he cut you off before you could take the offer back.

Inevitably, your heart swelled, warmth pouring all over your body with his acceptance.

Saturday, 31st October 1998

The car’s door slammed behind you after you rummaged through the backseat to get your backpack. It was full to the brim, as you had taken a few of your lenses, a tripod, a flash you were positive you wouldn’t need, and a few other bits and bobs.

“Sorry!” You apologised as your head buried between your shoulders.

God forbid you made a dent on Javier’s sparkling new Toyota Camry. Well, you didn’t know if it was new, but the car was impeccable inside and out. You were relieved he had offered to pick you up, otherwise he would definitely have judged you for the state your car was in.

“‘S alright.” He muttered, but on the corner of your eye you saw him smoothing out his hand around the edge of the door, ensuring you had not damaged it. “What are you carrying there anyway? Looks like you’re goin’ campin’, pequeña (little one).”

You snickered, Javier by your side in the blink of an eye. So close you could almost feel the warmth he irradiated, even in the crispy, spooky air.

“Oh, ‘s nothing, just a few things here and there that I hope to use later. Might need your help though.” You looked at him askance, measuring his reaction to your petition.

“My help? Mhmm.” He mumbled, almost laconic.

“It’s not too bad. And your aviator sunglasses will come in handy.” You laughed at the confused expression in front of you. “I’m not spoiling it.”

Javier’s lopsided smile made a brief appearance, but it suddenly vanished.

A backfiring noise from an exhaust pipe a few yards away made him flinch, his whole body visibly tautened ― his posture went rigid, his eyes frantically searching his surroundings while his right hand flew to his belt in a vain attempt to grip a gun that wasn’t there.

And then you saw the panic building up in his shielded irises. Even through the yellow tint you watched them darken, so opaque his pupils were indistinguishable from the brown. You could swear he had stopped breathing too, because his chest had not budged one inch.

Quickly you realised what was happening ― the sound from the car nearby had triggered Javier, bringing him back to one of his nightmares. His fight-or-flight response was taking over him, his mind suddenly replaying his time back in Colombia.

When you wrapped your firm hand around his wrist, you could feel his wild pulse under your fingertips ― his heart was beating so hard, it seemed like it was looking for the way out of his torso.

“Javier,” you called his name, giving him a gentle squeeze. He did not respond. “Javi”, you raised your voice over the cacophony on the background, your fingers tighter around his wrist, jerking him close to you.

Slowly he turned to look at you, long eyelashes fluttering, and it took him a moment to gradually come out of his daze.

With your free hand you rubbed his left shoulder, the first time you had been this nigh.

“Hey, Javi, are you okay?” You whispered, his eyes slowly drifting down to your mouth, as he was trying to read your lips rather than listening to your words. “It’s okay, you’re back home. You’re safe. You’re here with me, in a pumpkin patch just outside of Laredo. You’re safe, Javi.” You reassured him in a low voice, the abbreviated version of his name falling from your lips like honey.

You hadn’t realised how scared you were for him until he finally breathed. So did you. Your heart was pounding. Then he nodded, and you thought you saw a sliver of embarrassment in his eyes.

You wanted to comfort him so bad, tell him it was fine to be vulnerable ― but words escaped you, your chest heavy with affliction. The only thing you could do was wrapping your arms around his neck and bring him in for a hug. It only took him a second to swathe your waist, his face partially buried in the crook of your neck.

A shivering sensation down your spine gave you goosebumps. It felt so good having him this close.

“I’m fine.” He hummed eventually, as you both took an unwilling step back.

“I’m sorry. Truly. If you think this is a bad idea, we can just go back.”

He shook his head no.

“No, it’s alright. Gotta push through it at some point. Rather do it with you than alone.” Your heart melted at his words, almost swooning for him.

A soft smile spread across your lips, palming his forearm again. You could not have enough of his touch, of how his skin felt under yours.

“But if at any point it gets to be too much, you’ll let me know. Promise?”

You stuck your pinky out in front of him, asking him to pinky promise he would.

He returned your smile with a devastating one of his own.

“Promise”, was his reply as his pinky wrapped around yours.

Then you both erupted in laughter.

For the next two hours you walked the whole patch together, taking as many pictures as your camera rolls would allow you. Luckily you brought more than one ― knowing yourself too well, you had brought three rolls.

“Hey, Javi! The golden hour is approachin’!”, you shouted at him, amplifying the volume of your voice by placing one hand on the side of your mouth.

Javier’s head poked out in between a humongous pile of an assortment of pumpkins. He went around it to be by your side in a couple of long strides.

“Is this where my aviator glasses come in handy?” He asked with a smidgen of inquisitiveness.

“Spot on. Come, follow me.” You curled your fingers to emphasize your words and you started walking towards a field further ahead.

It was isolated, the yellow grass up to knee height. There were some dead trees around, black branches peppered around the floor. Reaching towards your back, you untied the tripod from the side and set it up, taking your time, while Javi was right behind you.

“So you’re taking pictures of an empty field?” He asked, befuddled.

You just giggled as you knelt and settled your backpack down on the floor. Unzipped it and jumbled stuff around until you found what you were looking for. Snapping your tongue with delight, you pulled out two white bedsheets and a sunglasses case.

“Ha! Here they are!” You enthusiastically presented the objects to a confused Javi, his hands scrunching one of the bedsheets as you handed it to him.

“I don’t get it. You want me to make a bed out in the wilderness or somethin’?”

Shaking your head no, you laughed at his perplexity.

“No, you silly. We’re going to put them over our heads so we look like ghosts, like so.” And then you proceeded to demonstrate, covering yourself with the bedsheet.

Almost blindly, you took your sunglasses out of their case and placed them on the bridge of your nose and over the bedsheet.

“Voilà!” You extended your arms, showcasing your masterpiece to Javier.

You could barely see him through the linen, but his laughter reached your ears. You couldn’t help but smile wide as you grabbed one of the sides and pulled it up to uncover your face.

“I want you to do the same. I’ll set a timer on the camera, and we run over there.” You pointed to a space between some fallen trunks. “And then we just do some silly poses.”

“…Okay?” The hesitation in his voice was faked, because you could see a grin pinching the corners of his mouth.

“Trust me, it’ll look great. I’m a visionnaire!” You said with confidence as you turned around and set the timer. “Go, come on, run!”

You both sprinted to the specific spot you had directed your camera at, and quickly covered yourselves with the bedsheets. Laughing out loud, you both put the sunglasses over your faces and started posing while the camera clicked away at timed intervals.

Back to back with arms folded; one sitting down on the trunk while the other stood up behind; both hiding behind some dead trees with your heads sticking out; just staying still and very straight looking at the lens.

Even Javi got into it by the end, suggesting a few poses of his own occurrence.

You both were having so much fun, cackling so loud, you had tears pouring over your waterlines. You even bent at your waist, hands against your knees, while you tried to catch a breath. Javi was by your side chortling like a kid without a worry in the world.

You pulled the sheet off you and Javi followed suit. You could tell he also had teared up and that tugged at your heart.

“I wish we could see them now, but we’ll have to wait until I develop them.”

You stepped forward to get to the camera, but you tripped with the bedsheet. Clumsy as always, you waved your arms in a vain attempt to regain balance, and failed ― the grass on the ground hurrying towards your face, or, well― quite the opposite.

When you thought you were going to hit the floor, Javi’s broad hand clasped around your elbow and pushed you up, until your chest flushed with his. His mouth was so close to yours, his lips agape and so inviting, you licked your bottom one as you gauged the situation.

“You okay, pequeña?” His voice was just a hush in the confines of your mind.

Unable to speak due to his proximity, you just nodded as your eyes locked on his. This time there were no sunglasses covering his beautiful orbs ― giving you the opportunity to look into the abyss. His abyss. One you had been wanting to jump into for as long as you had known him.

His free hand rested on the small of your back, pressing you into him while his lips were dangerously close to yours. You could smell the hints of tobacco, the old spice, the sandalwood, all of it hijacking your senses.

Something passed between you two. Something that had been there for a while now; something you had not allowed yourself to see.

Too scared to ruin the friendship you so much cherished. Too frightened to have your heart broken again. Too afraid to make a move and be rejected.

But you didn’t need to.

Javier did.

In slow motion, he bowed his head down until his soft, warm lips ghosted yours. A light caress that made your heart jump a beat. And then he pressed them sweetly against your parted mouth, his tongue testing the waters between your teeth as you let him in.

Draping your arms around his neck, you kissed him fondly, tenderly, with all the love you had been stockpiling for a while. With his hands now on your hips, his thumbs gently rubbed the skin under your tee shirt, while your fingers raked through his hair.

And then, in the background, a clicking sound, then a flash. The kiss came to an end, not without Javi leaving a few chaste pecks on your lips before your mouths untangled.

You pressed your right cheek on his chest, eyeing the camera, and chuckled.

“It’s been taking pictures the whole time.” You told him, looking up at him with your chin against his sternum.

“Good. I’d like to have a memento of this moment, pequeña”, Javi cooed as he leaned back down to press another kiss.

“That makes two of us.” You purred, smiling into his mouth before his tongue sought yours again.

The distant howl of a wolf breached the haziness of the kiss and interrupted you. Only then, you realised that the sun had set down a while ago, and a red moon dominated the sky. The atmosphere was rather eerie, almost spooky.

“There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.” You quoted a sentence you had read once. “So maybe the moon has howled, and not a wolf?” That was your attempt at staying here, in your perfect, tiny bubble, a little bit longer.

Javi smiled, brushing his lips against yours.

“I rather not find out. Let’s head back, pequeña.”

He grabbed your hand, your fingers laced together, and pulled you towards the camera, him walking one step ahead of you.

One last click captured the final moment as you both sauntered towards it, hands intertwined, and Javi looking over his shoulder right at you.

[403tarot]

. . . THINGS YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE WILL NOTICE THE MOST (AND LOVE) ABOUT YOU + LITTLE ANALYSIS OF THE RELATIONSHIP

hello! today's subject is future spouses, to the ones that seek a true love. take what resonates to you and leave the rest away. close your eyes, take a deep breath and choose the pic that calls you the most. feedbacks are always highly appreciated <3

PICK A PILE !

* i recommend you to listen to the song and read the lyrics after reading your pile for a more immersive experience in the vibe of your relationship with your future spouse !

IF YOU CHOSE PILE 1 ...

wow, your meeting with your future spouse will be a soul connection. destiny will lead you to them so that finally, your lives regain balance.

this person will appreciate the fact that you're always willing to roll up your sleeves and solve your problems. your attitude and talent for dealing with difficult situations come from a long path of responsibilities and maturity. many times, you had to take the lead and handle situations for which you weren't prepared, with no assistance – just you and your survival instinct. however, this hasn't made you lose the part of you that wants to experience pure and true love, someone who loves you for who you are and takes care of you.

i see that this relationship will be very peaceful and kind, a new stage in both of your lives. you might feel like you've known each other for a long time, even from past lives. this sensation might scare you a bit at first because you might not be used to having someone who understands and responds to you and your ways as well as your future spouse, as your connection might be the strongest you'll ever experience with someone in your lifetime.

this person will be the one who admires the little things about you, from your most impressive talents to the sound of your laughter. expect many candlelit dinners, conversations under the moonlight, and someone who covers you with a warm blanket if you fall asleep first. they will watch you as you sleep and count each of your eyelashes, resisting the urge to trace your lips with the tips of their fingers just to touch you and make sure you're real. you will be a gift in each other's lives for sure.

cards pulled: 8 of pents, page of cups, strength, justice | the lovers, the moon | ace of wands, 2 of pents, knight of wands | ace of pents, the world | blood bond (connections)

IF YOU CHOSE PILE 2 ...

your relationship with your future spouse will be the model of the relationship you've always dreamed of. when you saw a couple with such a beautiful connection that happiness seemed to radiate from the people involved, and you wondered if you would ever have something like that, know that your relationship will be your ultimate standard.

one of the things your future spouse will admire most about you is your persistence and commitment to everything you set out to do, including your relationship. i see you as the one who takes care of things, who ensures that the relationship stays on track with your ability to always keep everything in its proper place. this person will find you very intelligent and coherent not only about life matters but also emotionally. you are someone in constant evolution who always seeks to be a new and improved version of yourself without losing your authenticity.

this relationship will make you feel capable of achieving anything when you're by this person's side. they will always encourage you to pursue your aspirations and cheer for you wholeheartedly. beyond that, they will be there with you in your victories, defeats, sorrows, and joys. you'll be able to lean on this person and open up your feelings to them because you know they'll understand you like no one else ever could.

your future spouse will love loving you and will also enjoy showing their feelings! it's as if this person wants to shout to the whole world how happy they are to have the opportunity to create a beautiful love story with you. expect them to take many photos of you to post on their feed, for you to be a frequent star in their stories, and also a significant commitment ring on your finger. after talking so much about how incredible you are to everyone, they have to make sure that everyone knows your heart already belongs to someone.

cards pulled: 4 of wands, queen of pents, page of wands, king of swords & king of wands | the sun & 6 of wands | the magician & 2 of pents | witches boots (stability)

IF YOU CHOSE PILE 3 ...

the relationship with your future spouse will sweep you off your feet. if you're the type of person who's afraid to show emotions due to past relationships and struggles with reciprocation, know that the universe plans to push you against the wall on this. your future spouse will gradually enter your heart and awaken a sentimental side within you that you never even imagined could (still) exist. they will revolutionize the way you express affection in all types of relationships you have in your life.

i see that this person will really appreciate your worldview and your stances. they'll want to know your opinion and value what you have to say; your ideas will matter to them. your future spouse will be someone who truly listens to you and cares about understanding how you see things. they'll admire how you engage with the world and how you showcase your personality through your clothes, the way you style your hair, your accessories and will notice every little aspect of your being and how it reflects in you, even things you thought no one else but you would notice.

your future spouse will want to heal your heart, and together you'll heal each other's souls. i see this person viewing you as a precious treasure and wanting to lay the world at your feet, protect you, and be a solid pillar for you to lean on during tough times. you'll both feel incredibly fortunate to have each other in your lives, and from this union, i see you both taking lessons that will help you evolve as individuals.

your future spouse will be someone who wants to take you on adventures and explore the world. visiting historical places like museums or art galleries will become a frequent routine in your lives. they're the type who'll want to take you to lunch at a quaint and charming bistro as you watch people pass by the window, trying to guess what they do in life, their purposes, and dreams. they'll love your sense of humor and how you present your ideas. expect them to gift you an album of photos containing all the memorable moments you've shared — it will be a quite thick album.

cards pulled: page of wands, 2 of wands, 9 of pents, the empress, ace of cups | queen of cups, 6 of cups & the tower | the lovers, king of cups, the emperor | queen of swords, ace of wands, 7 of cups | black kitten (inner child)

you can book a reading with me! a full analysis of your relationship with your FS + NSFW for just $30. an analysis of how would be a romantic relationship with your favorite idol is $25 and the NSFW comes with it as a bonus! check my pinned to know more!

[icyg4l]

PAC: What Do You Need to Let Go Of?

Hello beautiful people! Today is Saturday aka Saturn Day. In honor of Saturn Day, the day associated with banishment, protection and responsibility. Today is the day we let go of what no longer serves us; the day where we can no longer ignore what sits heavy on our spirits. So without further ado, please choose your Saturn.

**If you really loved this topic then you should book a reading with me, please read my guidelines and then message me privately! Also, if you had received a reading from me, don’t be afraid to leave a little feedback! Please and thank you in advance. 🫶🫶🫶

Top Left-to-Bottom Right: (1-6)

PILE ONE: “No More Mr. Nice Guy” is what I heard. I feel like you tend to have a lot of love & compassion for people. This doesn’t necessarily translate over to the other person/people though. You need to stop being so nice, Pile One. I think you have a lot of growing up to do. There is good and bad in everyone but what really matters is how this person makes you feel. Stop caring about the feelings of other people if you aren’t going to take yourself into consideration. This is why you always get taken advantage of. It’s okay to be a moody bitch sometimes. Having a sunny disposition 24/7 just isn’t realistic. Don’t act naive when you know the truth about certain situations. Move intentionally and with wisdom. If you don’t think they won’t do that, think again.

Cards Used: The Star, King of Cups, 7 of Cups, The Fool, The Moon, The Tower, Judgment.

PILE TWO: The movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind may resonate with you. I feel like you need to let go of your ex, seriously. You don’t have to forget about them but you do need to move past this person. They have caused much turmoil in your life, especially when it comes to your mental health. They could have indirectly negatively affected your finances as well. But there is someone else who is on the horizon. They want you to see the bigger picture. They want to show you better. If you have been writing notes about what you would like to see in your future partner, expect for these qualities to show up in someone that will soon approach you. They have a beautiful, colorful aura and they will let you shine. Your ex fucked you up bad but you can recover from this. Don’t be afraid to see what love has in store for you, my love.

Cards Used: King of Cups, The Magician, 2 of Cups (RX), The Star, The High Priestess, 5 of Wands, Judgment, Strength, The Fool.

PILE THREE: You’re a Virgo/Sagittarius, aren’t you? You don’t have to know and control everything, honey. Let go of the need to be involved in everything. You have been neglecting your soul’s needs. You have a lot of potential to grow but you don’t know how to accept help nor do you allow yourself to just be. You’re so uptight and burnt out right now. It would benefit you to just walk away from stress-inducing situations. If you know you can’t take that extra shift at work, why even bother? Who are you trying to please? You are making it hard for yourself to maneuver through this world peacefully because you do not know how to enjoy what’s in front of you. If only you could see the beauty of your labor. Slow down. Why are you going so hard for? You’re so used to making things happen that you get frustrated when things don’t work out your way. A word of advice: Please just allow time to do its thing. Don’t work against it.

Cards Used: The Sun (RX), Ace of Cups, Strength, 2 of Discs (RX), King of Wands, 7 of Wands (RX), 3 of Discs, 10 of Swords, The Magician, The Hierophant.

PILE FOUR: Christmastime must be your favorite time of the year, huh? I feel like you could also have a strong connection to Mariah Carey as well. Her book is on my mind heavy as I’m reading for you. I feel like you are so used to dysfunctional relationships. You have the tendency to move fast with people. I’m going to hold your hand when I say this, they ain’t going nowhere! Let go of your lovebombing tendencies and show up as your real self. I don’t think you see this as that but it is. You don’t seem to be big on communication. I don’t think you had the best role models for any kind of relationship so you just do what you know. But this does not translate well with other people, which results in chaos. Unpack why you interact with others the way that you do. You too, have a lot of growing up to do, my friend.

Cards Used: Knight of Wands, King of Swords, Queen of Cups (RX), Four of Wands (RX), Ace of Wands (RX), The High Priestess, 8 of Wands, 3 of Cups.

PILE FIVE: “Shut up and dance.” No seriously, shut up and dance. I feel like you are someone that refuses to be seen dancing in public or just in general. There is no need to feel like that. Let go of your shyness, babe. I feel like you actually have good dance moves, you just don’t want to be seen for some reason. Dancing will help you get more comfortable in the spotlight. You have gotten too comfortable in your little bubble. The next time someone asks you to dance, accept the offer (especially if it’s zydeco, salsa or kompa 🙈). You’re never too cute to dance, pookie.

Cards Used: The Hermit, Knight of Discs, The Chariot, 6 of Wands, The Empress, King of Discs (RX).

PILE SIX: Why are you wasting your time arguing with everyone? You need to master the art of preserving your energy. Let go of the need to prove yourself/defend yourself to other people. You exist just like everyone else on this planet but somehow you always end up in a verbal altercation. Is it worth it? I’m sure there’s plenty of alternative options you could choose. Just walking away could do you some good. You are the type of person to catch someone in a lie. Instead of cursing them out, you could just laugh in their face or block them. You could channel this energy into something else. It is normal to experience anger. But just know that you could always get in trouble if you never control it properly. Get a handle on your emotions. Be more logical & cutthroat. I think you definitely could benefit from taking the high road. Your soul is tired. Give it up, babe.

Cards Used: Knight of Swords, Queen of Swords, The Lovers, 8 of Cups, Ace of Swords, The Hermit, Justice, The Moon, The Star.

[thesensteawitch]

Message From Your Previous Lifetime!!!!!!!!🥀🌿🪵🥀🌿🪵🥀🌿

Pick A Pile Reading

🥀🌿🪵🥀🌿🪵🥀🌿🪵

(Left to Right- Pile 1, Pile 2, Pile 3)

Hello, Senstea Souls!🌾

Here is another pick a pile reading! This is a collective reading so take what resonates and leave what doesn't. 🌟

IN CASE YOU WISH TO BOOK A READING WITH ME THEN FEEL FREE TO DM ME ON TUMBLR OR REACH OUT TO ME ON THE BELOW GIVEN EMAIL ADDRESS:

(thesensteawitch@gmail.com)

BOOKING FORM • RATE CARD • TIP MY BLOG

(PAID READINGS ARE OPEN!🤍💫)

🪵🌾🪵🌾🪵🌾🪵🌾🪵🌾🪵🌾🪵🌾🪵🌾🪵🌾

Pile 1 🥀

Hello, my beautiful pile 1. While I was shuffling the first deck to get a card for you, I saw a ship, and the cards that you got are the moon and the sun (at the bottom). Maybe you've sailed across the oceans in your previous lifetime and spent your days and nights traveling with the ebbs and flows of the water. Next we have the snake and the swan. Maybe the letter S means something for you. God, the amount of self-reflection I see in your pile is insane. You seem to be an old soul. The wisdom you carry in this lifetime is the work you've done in your previous lifetimes! Yes, LIFETIMES. In this lifetime, you're in the process of recalling your gifts. It's so beautiful. Your energy is magnetizing. You've got a deep understanding of light and the dark, the polarities. In this lifetime, you're called to find your balance. In your previous lifetime, you were a nurturer. Someone who played an important role for society but the role was such that people didn't pay much heed to or just couldn't recognize. But what you were doing was helping others immensely. It helped them in their survival. You could have been a trader. You came into people's lives and helped them, and they didn't even recognize you.

You appeared to be a normal person, but only a few were aware of what you do! It feels like you were on some secret mission, and that's why no one had any idea who you were or how you were playing an important role in the collective's life. It also seems to me that you played multiple roles in your previous lifetime. You couldn't be put into a box. Strong Aquarius and Sagittarius energy I am picking up. And a bit of Pisces too. Even your tarot cards are so on point! You have the fool, six of wands, seven of pentacles, the moon (again!), ace of pentacles, and ten of cups. You've lived for others! And you held so much compassion for others that you went to huge lengths to make sure others were living their best lives. In this lifetime, it seems you find it difficult to express how much you love and care about others. I feel you are restricted from giving too much to others. Maybe this time you're supposed to learn to balance and make sure you live a complete life too. You need to remember that you're not God, and healthy boundaries are necessary to live a joyful life. When we focus too much on one aspect of life in one lifetime, then in another we may feel restricted toward that area because we lost our balance by putting excess energy in one area. And nature always finds its balance. At times you may feel conflicted regarding whether you should be selfless or selfish and may feel more comfortable just thinking about yourself. But if you overdo this, then again you'll create imbalance. Learn to fill your cup first so that you can fill others' cup as well. Maybe you're an overthinker as well. And due to this overthinking, you often feel drained or have headaches. Also, you need to heal your throat chakra so that you can freely and fluently express the love you hold for others. You can be the hero, but not the martyr.

Pile 2 🥀

Hello, my beautiful pile 2. Your card took some time to come out. And you've got the tower as your main card. While shuffling, I heard the word 'shame’ in my mind. There's something that your energy doesn't want to disclose about your last lifetime. Maybe what happened was quite tragic. The strength your soul has today is because of the ugly experiences that happened in the previous lifetime. Your soul feels a bit reluctant to go into the details of what happened. It would rather want you to just remember your strength. God! Are you stubborn, pile 2? Well, you are! Clearly. Your past energies are distracting me by sliding so many cards out of the deck. Your soul wants to look forward to the future, and it's kind of glad that it reincarnated in this era. I heard, “Where people are not actively attacking someone's home.” I mean, wars happen in this lifetime too, but your soul feels a bit relieved in this one because it's here it's different. You went through a huge loss in the previous lifetime to have strong willpower. I hear, “I am afraid of all I am. My mind feels like a foreign land. Silence ringing inside my head. Please carry me, carry me home.... I got addicted to a losing game.” I feel that sometimes you surprise yourself with your own strength. You wonder from where all of this power comes from. It's all because your soul remembers, no matter how hard it wants to hide what happened. It cannot reverse the effect of it.

I really don't know if you're optimistic or pessimistic, but your soul is saying that it cannot fight its fate. The way you show up in the world, no one can judge that you've got a world of barren land and broken homes within you. It's tragic. If sometimes you feel gloomy, know that it's the hollowness coming from the past. Oh God, maybe some of you are crying over someone or a lost connection. This is very specific. I hear, “Secrets I have held in my heart are harder to have than I thought.” You feel more than you ever show! Don't do that. Please. You do have a playful side to you, which can truly pull you out of this intense energy that's flowing in circles within you and cannot find a way to be released. There's something that you're waiting for from your previous lifetime. Oh No! Some of you're waiting for your past life lover. I just heard ‘Romeo and Juliet' (it's a reference). Perhaps you were forced to separate from your lover in the past lifetime. The songs are going crazy! 😭 I hear, “But it's all good I haven't known anybody like you. I have heard of a love that comes once in a lifetime, and I'm pretty sure you're that love of mine.” Now I'm sure this is about love. Some of you may have had a tower moment in a connection you wanted to live for lifetimes. You and this person are in hermit mode. And it seems to me that the ball is in your court? This connection is your dream come true. Don't worry, I can see that divine timing is at play in this connection. The one who left the connection is supposed to make the move. You're meant to be with the LOVE OF YOUR LIFE in this lifetime. I mean the cards say it all. You have the king of cups, ten of pentacles, eight of cups, the hermit, the star and the knight of pentacles. The oracle card says, “Wait for important information.” So I feel one of you will be intuitively guided to this connection or you already are. I did not expect the message to take such a strong turn. You've got so much to confess to this person. In fact, you both do! Justice will happen here. It's your unrequited love from the last lifetime.🥹

Pile 3 🥀

Hello, my beautiful pile 3. It seems that the purpose you were following in your last lifetime didn't reach its full potential. Divine intervention happened, and you had to stop doing what you were doing. But that helped you reflect and gain even more wisdom. You've been slow in your work, but you're doing it well. In this lifetime, you're supposed to fulfill your purpose and enjoy the fruits of your hard work. You may be someone who is detail-oriented and likes to have their life organized. You do better when you are not rushed. You clearly don't do well under pressure. You've got speed too, but you cannot always be racing. The spirit animals that came out for you are- spider, cheetah, and deer. As your purpose remains unfulfilled in the previous lifetime, in this lifetime you feel that you're not good enough. Sometimes the attitude of being a perfectionist leads you to serious burnouts and even confusion. You are never satisfied with life. You're always looking for the next best thing. Because you had no control over fulfilling your purpose in previous lifetime, you may struggle with the need to control everything around you. But the universe wants you to surrender and trust the unknown. Just fall in love with what you do and let go of the results. If you remain too much in your masculine energy (which is to keep doing and doing!) then you may end up distorting your feminine side that allows you to receive your blessings in abundance! Also, as much as it's important to be consistent, let yourself be flexible and don't try to live by the schedule. Do what your intuition calls you to do. If you are willing to listen, you can hear your intuition guiding you in every step of the way. I hear the word ‘wounded warrior’ for you. The challenges that you face in your everyday life, especially while creating something, come your way because YOU ARE CAPABLE of rising above them. In this lifetime, you're being hit left, right, and corner by the synchronisties because the universe wants you to sit down and decode the message and remember why you reincarnated. What was the true reason? Also, another message that is coming for you is that you've free will to redefine your purpose as you move forward because you're learning, recalling, and consistently expanding your vision.

Life can be overwhelming for you, but know it's only overwhelming when you find yourself stuck in a loop. You think your main job is to free yourself from cycles after cycles. You break free from one big circle and then from another even bigger circle, and this keeps going on. And it gets exhausting, I know! But I do see that the universe is about to hand you the key to break free from this never-ending trap and be the one looking at the source of these loops. You're supposed to stay connected to the divine, and that's all. You're out of your misery! Maintain faith at every second of your life. Visualize God walking with you every step of the way! And you will be free. Then whatever you do, no matter how small, will give you immense success! I know you do see people around you and you wonder that they aren't doing as much as you are and they are still ahead of you. Why? Well, I don't know about them. But for you to win and be able to make your talents reach every corner of the world, it's necessary for you to walk with God. Human capacity is limited, but when our energies get intertwined with that of the source, that is when we become eternal and what we do can live forever. It all happens with the grace of God. In the last time you had your faith broken because you were doing everything right and yet you couldn't fulfill your purpose. In this lifetime, you're not born to just fulfill your purpose but to regain your faith in the creator so that whatever you create lives for lifetimes.

[lovebvni]

intuitive messages pac !!

THIS IS FROM 2023!! BE FOREWARNED

┈

│ᵒᵖᵉⁿⁱⁿᵍ ᵐᵉˢˢᵃᵍᵉ...

╰─────────────────

[ 🖊 ] created ⋮ 7.31.23

[  ] published ⋮  7.31.23

˚₊·͟͟͟͟͟͟͞͞͞͞͞͞➳❥ ꒰ ⌨ ✰ Arsyn   ⋆  ⁱˢ ᵗʸᵖⁱⁿᵍ··· ꒱ | ೃ࿔₊•

┊       ⋆     welcome to my blog !

┊     °

hello earthlings, its been a while since i've done a pac, mainly because of MANY personal issues - but thats not important. i thought for a while and went back to my old pac's and i found an older one i made and i remembered, my intuition is just as powerful as ever - so why do i need tarot cards now?

today i'm just going to have 10 messages/sentences the universe wants you to hear. they can be specific or general.  remember, take everything can be taken with a grain of salt, and your future can be changed. you are in control.

now please, find your inner peace, connect to your soul.

understand these messages were meant to find you, and see what is left for you.

inhale, exhale, and pick a pile

Pile 1 - Watching

confirmation :

procrastinating, pushing things off, turning the other cheek, tumblr, the colour purple (show or the actual colour), spacing out, spirits, double meaning, two faced, gemini, hidden meanings/words, red eyes (tired, puffy), burnt out, music, 'good night, sleep tight, don't let the demons fight.', the letter s, sharks, 'the grass is greener'.

side note : the month of august (summer in general) be significant for your shifting/spiritual journey.

Your messages

1. Why would you wait when you could just grab at it? It's right there. Don't let it rot.

2. "Hello? Are you there, listening? Listen to me. I'm here to help. I promise." (this could be an inner voice or a spirit guide)

3. Be your own boss. Keep going.

4. Pass on to the next step (Death to life)

5. You know what's there, talk to it. "I wont hurt you."

6. Listen, don't speak.

7. Let it go. Be like Elsa, don't let it bother you anymore.

8. Mind, Body and Soul. You're in harmony. Use it to your advantage.

9. Advise and criticize. And use the same techniques on yourself.

10. Peace and love. You deserve it. You know you do. And you will find it, soon.

Pile 2 - Renew

conformation :

saiki k, giving up, letting go, leaving things behind, mental overload, 'Jesus fucking Christ', jealous, letting go of that person, shadow work, yellow, outlook, aries, the moon, big lips, 333, the number 3.

Your messages

1. Bite down. Let it flow into your veins, your soul, your spirit. Its part of you now.

2. Is it a real worry, or just something from your past you don't want to let go of?

3. Jail. Time to rest. Now.

4. Eat and care for your physical body. You can't idolize shifting. You're not getting anywhere doing that.

5. Look in the mirror - no. Not at the past. At who you are now. Who you've become.

6. You have the balls. Go fucking do it.

7. Don't accept the truth from other people, find and make your own. That's what they see, not what you know.

8. Her claws. Her teeth. She's manipulating you. Let her go. Rip away from her. She's wasting your time, energy and draining your soul.

9. "I  DO love you. That doesn't mean I'll let you hurt yourself."

10. I am watching. Always. In your good times and bad. I'm here for you. Just ask for help.

Pile 3 - Love

confirmation :

wrist and elbow, jumpscares/ being scared, saturn, planets, fnaf, cycles, broken cycles, love watch, soulmate reuniting, mha (lmao bro idek at this point), drawing, heartache, feeling lonely, barbie, hip dips, trios.

1. Wake up from that dream and make it a reality, you know what you have to do, so go do it.

2. "Beg for my mercy." - This had a VERY sexual undertone... Obviously from a dominant partner or something

3. 'Hello again, my friend! What do you have to tell me now?"

4. You know that thing you asked for? Yeah. It's coming. Keep your eyes pealed (for some I heard it's even coming tomorrow!)

5. Sit in silence, you know what it is. You hear the voices.

6. Pack your bags and go.

7. Grab on, I'll lead you to where you need to be.

8. Don't chase what you're attracting, that will only lead to disaster. (A manifestation you wanted is coming, this is basically saying don't overwork and beat yourself up over it. It's coming and nothing will stop it.)

9. Nature is your friend. Go out and ground yourself. Lay in the grass, smell the rain.

10. If you want to learn, you need the knowledge. Search for what you want to find. You can see it. Ask around. You'll find it. Look, look, look, search, look look, search, find.

I hope this pac resonated for everyone! remember, this will find you when you need it, take what relates, leave what doesnt. remember you are in charge of your future.

i love you. new things are coming.

dont give up.

1111

[sutashii]

Hoshina Soshiro x Doctor!Reader AU, pt. 4

setting: you as a doctor have too much work to do so you don’t have time to eat properly. Soshiro doesn’t leave it unnoticed.

pairing: Hoshina Soshiro x Doctor!Reader (established relationship)

warnings: not applicable

notes: another part of this au lolol (again, can be read as a separate story). i don’t know if Defence Forces’ Base has cafeteria BUT IT SHOULD IMO. don’t let officers starve

tag section: @moon-cakiie Huge thank you for your support!!!

another parts of this AU: part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 (current one) part 5 part 6

Meal schedule

Cafeteria at Defence Force’s base is not the best, but is not the worst either.

This day-and-night cafeteria provided tolerable nutritious dishes and allowed officers to adjust their meal schedule to their shifts effortlessly. And some divisions even had a special routine of gathering together and starting new day with a collective breakfast. So did Third Division, except Captain Ashiro who rarely joined them (but when she did, everyone was very happy).

Soshiro was sitting comfortably at the table, watching his rookies out of the corner of his eye. Even at breakfast they demanded close attention, but it wasn't like Soshiro was controlling them much: he was here rather to maintain a slightly more strict and collected atmosphere. Although, let's face it, he was the main initiator of jokes and teasing. Now Soshiro was focused on another volume of poetry by Akiko Yosano, snatching at least a minute of time between meals and further training just to pay attention to his hobbies.

Out of the corner of his eye, Soshiro noticed your figure rushing into the cafeteria. You walked past the tables with a serious expression, straight to the cashier, grabbed some takeaways, and quickly darted towards the exit. Soshiro hummed thoughtfully, trying not to give in to anxiety. He was well aware that the number of patients in the ranks of the Defense Force had been steadily increasing lately due to the appearance of larger and larger kaijus. However, Soshiro was still alarmed by the fact that you hadn’t even had time to eat in peace. He frowned and thoughtfully continued reading.

Lunch was also a bit of a slog. This time, he was the only one from his division who came to the cafeteria so late. The cafeteria staff had pushed the remains of the lunch dishes to the edge and were slowly starting to prepare the serving area for dinner, so Soshiro wasn’t surprised that there was almost no one in the cafeteria. He himself was late because of another showdown with the high-ranking officials that he and Captain Ashiro had to listen to. Soshiro sighed heavily and began to chew slowly, when he suddenly met your gaze again. This time, you were also in a hurry, but your gaze betrayed fatigue and detachment. You nodded to Soshiro in greeting and left again, holding takeaways in your hands.

And then Soshiro realized that he couldn’t just leave it like that.

At the end of the day, you were finishing going around the medical wards, making sure that every patient was there and that everything was under control. When you returned to your medical office, Soshiro was already waiting for you, displeasingly looking at your desk covered in papers and today’s takeaway empty boxes.

"Sorry, I didn't have time to clean up," you said sheepishly, being visibly embarrassed that you’ve made such a mess. It was not like you at all. As a doctor, you were used to keeping everything clean and tidy, and seeing the junk on your desk made you feel a little sick.

"It's not that," Soshiro shook his head and sighed. "You don't care about yourself at all. You can ruin your stomach like that, you know?"

"I know," you smiled softly and, making sure no one was watching, walked closer to Soshiro. You left a light kiss on his lips and ran your fingers down his cheek. Soshiro's gaze immediately became softer, but still remained stern and demanding of attention. "Today was a hard day. There was no time to waste on a proper lunch."

"You're a wonderful doctor," Soshiro said sincerely, pressing you closer and leaving a kiss on the corner of your lips. "But if you continue like this, you won't be able to help people any more."

You nodded understandingly. Soshiro was right, and you couldn't find a single argument to counter him with.

"In that case, I'll take care of dinner tonight," Soshiro suddenly said, with a more cheerful sparkle in his eyes. The atmosphere around him seemed to come alive and shine, and you couldn't help but smile. "Choose any place you want. And don't even think about being shy."

Your smile grew even wider, and you pulled Soshiro closer, breathing in the familiar scent of his skin.

“Thank you, Soshiro.”

Soshiro smiled, his whole being was full of pure desire to care about you. Undoubtedly, your well-being was his first priority, and he promised himself to do everything to make you happy.

[majeoeje]

Manor of Serenity

Capitano x reader

My heart calls your name, yet you shall never know mine

Stephanie, this is for you😏😜 (she payed me with 5 rb rupiah and an ice cream)

The careful clank of your cutlery rang through the dining hall, the quiet dead of the night could only serves as an amplifier of every sound you make. At the other side of the unnecesarrily large table with countless of chairs that you know would never be filled, lies yet another meal that had ran cold.

You never minded the peace and quiet. But today is no ordinary day. It was yours and your husband's anniversarry. For once you could only wish to relish in his attention, yet he still wasn't here

Nevertheless you chose to just leave it, wanting to cheer yourself at the comfort of your garden.

Daisies could be seen all through your garden. The beautiful scenery was illuminated by the moon, paired by the sound of the soft trickling hum of water from your fish pond, while the fish and the croaking frogs nearby serving as a part in the symphony.

A perfect evening to spend time with the one you love, you thought.

As your mind starts to wander somewhere else, a cold wisp of wind brushed against your skin, you could only rub it with your palm, hoping for an ounce of warmth. But before you knew it, you could feel hands draping a rather thick cloak over your shoulders.

"My love, you'll catch a cold. We should head inside" said your husband. Capitano, one of the harbinger of the Tsaritsa.

His voice was honey to your ears, far more sweeter than you could ever accomplish.

"Oh you worry too much." You dismissed him, which only left a small frown on his lips.

You had always been sick. That was a known fact from the very moment you two met. But you never asked to be spoiled this much by him from the time he swept you on your feet and married you. Well you didn't mind, it's more the fact that he spoils you rotten than berrate you.

"Even through that helmet i know how you're looking at me" you say, catching his face in your hands, sliding off the slightly heavy helmet to reveal his beautiful complexion.

"Why should you hide this beauty under that helmet?" You say, tracing the skin on his cheek. You knew he lives for your touch.

"Oh please, stop teasing me." he sighed, despite his declines he kept your hands there, you could practically hear him humming in delight.

"You deserve the extra teasing today" you pinched his cheek. His deep melodic laugh filled your ears. It was heavenly.

Truly, you could spend centuries admiring him. From the way his dark locks falls majestically to his shoulder, the strokes of contour of his face and despite all the scars he got from battle, the chiseled way his body were structured were so delicate. It was as if he was a work of art. He was breathtaking.

"You're quite bold with your staring now aren't you?" He says, drawing circles on the small of your back, slyly inching you closer, taking advantage of the situation. It was baffling how his simple touches could send shivers down your spine, setting your heart ablaze.

"Well truthfully i had missed you." You confessed, unashamefully.

"And i you, Darling" he responded, sweetly. You could get lost in those eyes as it shone down yours in 2 bright obsidion hues.

It drowns you in an undespicable madness. It makes you go beyond than you should.

"You know.. we've been married for a year.. and i was thinking that..." the way you were asking stiffens him, he already knew what you were going to say. "Maybe you were ready to tell me your name?" You said, as hope filled your eyes

Though the way he faltered and let go of your embrace answered your question in itself.

"You already know i can't do that." He says as he looks away. His demeanor doing a 180⁰. "That is a line that i'm not willing to step"

To bring danger upon you is a line he would never be willing to step.

You already knew that. You knew if you got to know him then it would put you to a great risk. People would start hunting the wife of the harbinger Capitano and that would be the end of you. That is why he kept you hidden from everyone, and drawing the line from actual knowledge of him and his true identity.

But despite the cemented hard wall that he continuesly build in between you and him, you couldn't help but try to chip it day by day. Until you find yourself despretely digging to this never ending wall.

It was something appaling. To fall for someone despite not knowing who they truly are. You knew his sleeping habits, his favourite cloak, the scent that lingers on his skin, the rhythm of his steps. Every mark, every bruise, every scar on every inch of his skin, yet not his name.

You longed for him more than he knows, you yearn to call his name over and over again until your voice gave out. You want to chant it, whisper it, yell it. Yet you don't even get that luxury despite being his wife.

"I understand" you said. You always had to. Of course you have no other choice than to understand.

"I'm sorry.." he was about to say, but then he gulped down his words seeing you walk away.

Little did he knew, one day those words would just be resurfacing into a sobs as he saw your limp body laying helplessly on your shared bed.

"I'm sorry.. Please- wake up..." He cried as he held you tight. His sobs echoing through the room. It wasn't like he did anything to cause this yet he couldn't help but feel like he was guilty.

Just how could this be? This can't be happening!.. it was the most mundane morning. It was just like any other day..

"My head hurts a little bit dear, i think i'm going to sleep in a little" you had said previously, before he came back bringing your breakfast to you, whose heart was already stopped beating.

It was just a headache?... You just had a headache-!....

He hated himself.

He wished he had at least said something to you. He could at least told you to rest well. Or that he loves you?... Or he could at least stayed in bed with you.. but instead he left you alone. Like he had always did.

The breakfast that he cooked for you was on the floor, plates shattering everywhere. It was reminicent of his state right now. A mess.

Seeing the way your arm was outstretch to the door broke him. How could he be so stupid and not heard you call out to him? Maybe by then he could help you or at the very least share your last moment together and listen to your last words.

Every passing day after your first anniversarry has been difficult for him. Because he had seriously considered sharing what he truly was to you. The good, the bad, the shameful parts of himself... every part of him even. He was willing to give it to you. And it could only be you.

It was what you always wanted... yet he could never fullfill that simple request to the end of your time. And now he shall bear that consequences till he meets you again.

This was heavily inspired by bridgerton lmao, you see what i did there?😛☝️☝️

[castingspellsanddaisies]

The Trent Alexander-Arnold Tarot Reading

DISCLAIMER: These readings are done for entertainment purpose, so take everything in here with a grain of salt and have fun!

BABIES, THIS WILL 🔥🔥🔥

What's his general personality?

He's quite a stubborn man and he has quite a temper too. And he likes to be ''the man of the party'' or something like this. He likes to stand out when he enters a room. Trent like the idea of having people dependant on him, who sees him ''solid as a rock''. He can be very dependable and he likes to act like it. I also see Trent prefers to be around younger and more naive people, because, again, he feels empowered by feeling like he knows better. He likes young women (PS: snake + child + woman can be a dangerous combination, it could mean a crime - but I'm not going there tonight!). He may be not so kind to some women in his life.

He likes to act like a child sometimes. He's quite traumatized.

Trent's very nurturing with people he cares about and he always acts on the best of his interests when he's dealing with people and he values things from the past, from his home country.

And he's frustrated about expectations he had that were not met. He's always expecting some recognition that is not coming, but he hides that pain from other. He doesn't want to look weak.

What's his type in women? (for a serious relationships, not hook-ups)

heart + clover + books + mountain + tree + house | back of the deck: man

8 of wands reversed + 4 of cups reversed + 10 of wands + the wheel of fortune + 5 of swords + 5 of cups reversed | back of the deck: the lovers reversed

Folks, something curious just happened. For some reason Trent doesn't want me to see this today. I only feel his energy in the present.

He's in a relationship right now, right? But I don't see that lasting for long. He wants, yes, to meet someone to build a family with, but he sees that happening in the future, not now or next year... He's still looking for ''the one''. Currently, this relationship/connecting of his is not really a connection, they don't click together. I see Trent's getting tired of it, they're not evolving in their relationship. It seems he's waiting on the right moment to break things up, because he ''doesn't want to hurt her feelings that much''.

Is he truly friends with Jude? (meaning: does he truly like Jude?)

tree + letter + lily | back of the deck: moon

5 of wands reversed + 7 of pentacles + queen of pentacles reversed | back of the deck: 2 of wands reversed

Yes, Trent appreciates the friendship both of them had build throughout the years. I see them talking honestly with each other - anda lot! lol Trents likes how Jude's way of thinking. But sometimes Trent likes to pretend like he doesn't care that much about his friendship with Jude? Like hot and cold unpurposed?

He likes the ''status'' he gains when he's with Jude. He also likes what Jude can do for him, how he can ease his life sometimes. But sometimes he questions where their friendship will go.

Why usually Trent goes with women who were first running after Jude? 👀

king of cups + 3 of wands reversed + 4 of wands reversed

Alright, so he doesn't go after women who had or were about to have something with Jude. Trent's very conscious about not doing anything that could destabilize his friendship with Jude.

BUT...

9 of cups reversed + the tower + 6 of swords + judgement reversed + page of wands + 8 of cups reversed:

It could have happened with someone who was interested in Jude but Jude was not interested in her. Then Trent stepped in.

But why would he do that?

5 of swords + 2 of swords reversed + 2 of cups reversed + the devil reversed

Oh my god... Trent doesn't even know why. He doesn't want to think about it. He knows what he's doing is pathetic but he doesn't want to ackowledge that is pathetic, you know? He just wants to leave hahaha - He just ends ''relationships'' five in five months, do they still count as relationships? Oh well...

That's it folks. I hope you enjoyed the reading and take care!

[let-spretend]

hey guys !! this is the start to a platonic batfamily & reader fanfic series !! for some background, this is a crossover with re7/8 and batman. i tweaked a lot of how the mold works and the whole timeline with re7/8. if you have any questions, send through the ask ! i'll be happy to answer.

2/18/2024 - edited !!!

cw body dysmorphia/dysphoria, self-harm (self-destructive behavior), vomiting, over-thinking

mold for thought pt. 1

hit me on the head !

Alfred’s carbonara had crispy bacon bits mixed in, with a fresh egg cracked on top. Damian sat ways away from you, across, five chairs down. It’s not like that was where he had to sit. He always just chose to. His pasta was different, a Lemon Basil vegan pasta.

Coming down to eat, it was always just the two of you. Damian ate with class, properly spinning the fork in the pasta. Honestly, you hated watching him eat. Something about it always screamed like he was trying to seem better than you. He was always judging your way of eating, or anything for that matter. Digging your fork into the egg yolk, you watch it spill over the pasta. Your mouth felt dry. Food has made you antsy because of what happened three years ago. Your fingers touch your mouth. You’re fine.

Copying Damian’s movements, you flick the fork and swirl it to collect the pasta. Nothing was wrong with it at all. If anything, it looked perfect. The sauce, creamy. Pepper decorating the pasta and the yolk running down it. You remember the rotting food and foul smell of the Baker’s dinner table. Fighting to not let them shove the rotten food down. Ethan screaming in pain from the prying Jack did to him.

Damian was staring at you intently, waiting for you to eat. You push past the memories and chow down on the pasta. It was good. Really good. “Glad to see you’re enjoying the carbonara, Mastress Y/N.” Alfred hands you a white handkerchief. The white was now stained with a yellowish sauce. 

“Thanks, Alfred.” You say, slightly embarrassed. He collects your plate and you struggle to hold in your food. It was tasty, but it felt like it was fighting its way up. You hastily get up, running to the nearest bathroom. Damian was staring at your sudden outburst, but who cares. With no time to lift the seat up, you just splurged into the toilet. The burning sensation in your stomach disappears, instantly. The barf didn’t even have food in it. It was all black, mixed with some blood. The mold. Oddly, there’s always no smell or difference in color. You sigh in relief and waste no time flushing it all down. 

When you were first getting used to the Wayne manor, you used to cut to see if your blood was also mold. You convinced yourself it was just to check. Partially, it was true. With Superman’s help, you’ve slowly just accepted that you have mold. It’s always tempting to go back, but you know it only spirals for the worst. Throwing up was also self-destructive and you knew. You don’t know why you keep doing it. You touch what scars you could see, some self inflicted, from that place in Dulvey, others from crime-fighting. It never gets easier.

You needed to go out today. The mold was practically screaming at you to release some of it out of your body. Washing your hands and scooping some of the water into your mouth, you feel somewhat refreshed. Going back to the dining area, Damian was nowhere to be found, except his dishes were left on the table. You collect them and help Alfred with the dishes. “I gotta go out tonight. I’ll shovel the snow before I sleep, deal?” He chuckles and places the two clean dishes on a drying rack.

“Be careful, Mastress Y/N.” Alfred lightly smiles. You smile back and wave before leaving. Gotham in December was beautiful. You could almost forget the horrors of the city when it was silent and the moon was out. The lights hit the snow and everything seemed brighter. 

Your backpack was hidden within some trees, containing your costume and weapons. It wasn’t anything special. Just baggy clothes, some gloves and a mask that covered your entire head. All black but has white where your eyes would be on the mask. Changing into your costume, you feel safer somehow. Your identity being unknown, just felt, nice. Your abilities come from the mold. Besides the mold, it gave you superhuman strength, the ability to reattach limbs, and heightened senses. The mold comes in handy to grapple around the city. You don’t use it to apprehend people or touch anything living. It’s not that you’ve actually seen people get infected with your mold, but you’ve seen non-sentient living items crumble from it. You aren’t going to risk anything. You’re reluctant to let anyone touch you if not necessary.

Fighting petty crime was your thing. Not fighting global threats, not busting huge gang activity, but small robberies, stopping physical or sexual assaults and more. It made you sad that these crimes were considered petty and too small for major heroes to handle. The people named you, the Peril. Which was funny since, what exact peril were you bringing to Gotham? It didn’t really bother you since the name was cool, but you don’t go around calling yourself the Peril.

Being a vigilante, there were its perks and disadvantages. For you, a disadvantage is the Bats. You would encounter them every other time you would leave to be fighting for civilians. 

While swinging around, you find a man being mugged. You swoop down and kick the robber’s face in. She falls to the floor and drops the man’s wallet. You grab her by the shirt and threaten her with anything you can think of. The robber looks you in the eye and scurries off, holding her cheek. You try not to engage in combat. It’s not like you were bad at it, but you were a dirty fighter. Unlike the Bats, you don’t know any martial arts. Just street fighting and your ability to use guns. You don’t want to kill anybody. So no guns. Plus, being in Batman’s “turf”, you had to respect his no gun policy. But you were working on making guns with safe bullets. 

You could feel a presence watching over your encounter. Maybe Batman? Silently, you give the man his wallet. He thanks you profusely and runs off. You tend to not talk when it's not necessary.

You turned around and cock your head, gesturing he talk. Batman seemed surprised that you knew he was there. Robin stands next to him, disinterested in you. His arms crossed and his head looked the other way. You pay no attention. 

“The Peril.” Batman says. You let out a stifled laugh, you always do. He never gave you the time of day out of costume. Without him even asking, you knew he was trying to recruit you. 

“No.” You answer, curtly. Grappling away, you leave Batman and Robin in the alley alone. He asks you at least once a week. Which you feel is both a perk and downside. You wish for his approval and want to be of use to Batman. At the same time, you want to lash out toward the man, for being so ignorant.

You feel your phone buzz, deep in a pant pocket. Superman. You like his company. Compassionate and a symbol to the people, yet, an outsider. Being infected with the mold, you feel out of place and in the wrong body. Superman is an alien, trying to find his place within Earth. He’s taught you to be okay with the fact that you are different now. But you feel like he’s hiding something from you. He was sitting on a rooftop of an abandoned building. “Superman.” Your feet land on the ledge he was sitting on. 

“P.” You both meet up when you can. He has been the one guiding you through the vigilante scene. Other than him, you have only worked with the Red Hood. He was a mystery to you. From what you’ve seen, he’s somehow related to the Bats. You don’t really care for his identity. He can be nice to you, but he often does his work in ways you disagree with. He’s erratic and does what he wants. One thing you both have in common, is your distaste for Batman.

You knew Clark’s name because he told you. You never really knew why. He doesn’t know your name. Or at least, he hasn’t called you by it. He could easily look through your mask and see your true identity. You’re grateful he’s respecting your privacy. You decide not to call him by his name when on duty.

Superman takes off at a slower speed than normal and you swing after him. “Batman tried to team up with me again.” You say, defeated. Laughing a bit and sighing at the same time after you confess. It feels so stupid to be sad about it every time. You stop on top of a building. “I declined. Again.” He also stops. Superman lightly lands and leans close. He decides not to say anything. 

Clark gives you a piggyback gesture and you get on. He heads for Metropolis, fast enough to be there in mere minutes but slow enough to keep your skin on. At least once a week, you and Superman band together and work on whatever it was at that moment. Today it was Lex Luthor shenanigans. Although smaller threats were your preferred thing, fighting big threats wasn’t bad. 

After the fight, you go out and eat ice cream; Being with Superman helps you forget things. He puts a hand on your shoulder. “Are you sure you don’t want me to explain things, kiddo?”

“Definitely not. I’m honored that he’s interested in my skills. But, he doesn’t know it’s me. I know when he finds out he’ll lose interest and stop me from doing this. Or, maybe he won’t. I don’t know. I’m not going to risk it.” You latch onto Clark’s back again and he starts flying toward Gotham. You peer down to the bottom and admire the small people and buildings. You slightly tug at Superman’s shoulder to get his attention. “I’m going to be gone for a week. I don’t know when, but I’ll text you then.”

He keeps facing forward but acknowledges your message with a slight nod. “I’ll miss you a lot. I like our talks.” He breathes deeply out of the nose. “I’ll try to do what I can with Bruce. Without being obvious.” You’re very grateful he’s doing all this for you. He lands at the same spot you met up at.

“Thank you. Oh, and here. For Jon.” You hand Superman a cat keychain from your backpack. “He told me about his cat. My stitching isn’t very good but maybe it’ll cheer him up a bit.” Superman pocketed it safely, god knows where. You check the time and sigh. “I gotta go. Told Alfred I’ll shovel up the snow at the manor.” You swing away while waving goodbye. Still, that looming feeling hasn’t left you and it’s definitely not Batman this time.

-

Stashing your backpack in the same place as before, you tread quietly into Wayne's property. It was two in the morning. Rubbing your eyes, you take the shovel. You sigh at the amount of land Bruce owned. Deciding to just shovel the snow on the pavement, you treat it as training. Scooping as much snow as possible and carrying it around, tossing it or regular shoveling. You wish you could train where and how your siblings did. 

Staring at the gigantic pile of snow, you put your hands on your hips and lean backwards. Back problems at 17? You laugh at the thought. Entering through the front door, Alfred greeted you with some hot chocolate. His infamous hot cocoa, filled with mini marshmallows. “I could never pass up your hot chocolate.” Alfred makes eating much more enjoyable and feel safer. The hot chocolate was right in the middle of a tray. The liquid burns your tongue but it warms up your insides. 

“How was patrol, Mastress Y/N?” Alfred asks.

“Oh, nothing special.” You quickly turn it down. You don’t really let Alfred entertain any thought about your work. He knows of your secret “vigilante-ing” and decides to keep your promise of keeping it a secret from Bruce. You don’t really understand why, but you guess Alfred understands your situation and tries to get Bruce to be a parent to you. He tries to remind Bruce every now and then. Wants Bruce to notice himself, but his work consumes him. Bruce also thinks you’re okay because you can't physically and mentally be hurt anymore like his other children, who fight crime. While that could be true if you didn’t, that doesn’t mean you should be put aside. 

“Thanks for waiting for me, Alfred.” You add. He nods.

 “You must go to sleep. It is a school night after all.” You set the mug back onto the tray and apologize for the extra dishes to wash. Quietly slipping into your shared room with Damian, you celebrate when he’s not in the room. He was a light sleeper and he always questions why you’re out so late. You made him believe you’re some party animal. Which, you admit, would be cooler than being a vigilante.

You’ve always wondered why you and Damian shared a room. The manor was spacious and had ample room for both of you to have your own. You sometimes think they somehow knew you were being self-destructive and made him monitor you. Or, maybe to punish him by being with you. You try not to question everything Bruce decides, but it’s hard not to.

You sink into the silky bed sheets and just stay that way. Not bothering to get into them. Your room was a place of comfort, but being in the manor always tired you. It reminded you of the absence of Bruce and your siblings. Being away from Ethan, you feel you miss out on so much. Bruce and your siblings have a bond over being Bats, Ethan has Rose now, and Alfred doesn’t just take care of you. You’re happy that he gives you any attention.

Alfred the Cat climbs up onto your bed and snuggles into you. One reason you’re happy you’re rooming with Damian and not somebody else. You’re reluctant to pet him because of the mold. But you convince yourself you can do it. You pet him softly and sigh. He meows quietly from the petting and begins to purr.

-

A quiet click comes from behind you, quiet footsteps ensue after an hour of your sulking. “Are you still up?” Despite knowing he knows you’re awake, you decide to fake it. Your hand is still on top of Alfred the cat’s head. “I know that you are awake.” You sigh and decide to face upwards. 

You couldn’t make out exactly where he was standing but look in the general direction of where his voice was. “Okay, maybe I am. Why?” He also sits on his bed, slightly creaking.

“Was just wondering why you were throwing up your brains out after Alfred’s dinner. Rude, much?” Shit. He heard that? That’s why he was gone when you were back. You think back to when he was Robin a couple hours ago, giving attitude. Rude, much?

“Just nervous ‘bout the trip.” Which was true. “I’m going to visit Mr. Winters for a week, to see the baby. I want her to like me.” He lets out a sound that seems like he half believes you, but he doesn’t care enough to pry. “Anyways, I’m going to pick you up sometime next week. For publicity, as Mr. Wayne says.”

He sighs. “I know.” You wait for more, but all he does is settle in bed. What a cute little brother. No thanks or comment. Guess that’s just how they all act. 

Also trying to settle in bed, you feel bad again. Not trying to alarm Damian, all you do is put a hand on your closed eyes and try to soothe yourself. Ethan will understand this feeling, right? Your body doesn’t feel like your own anymore and you hate that you can’t even control your mold well. You still have to listen to it, have to release it. What if you suddenly couldn’t control it and it infects Damian right now? Turn out like the Bakers? Shutting your eyes tight, you flop your body so that you are lying on your stomach. Breathing deeply into your pillows, it slows. You turn your head sideways for fresh air. The cat was sleeping peacefully next to you.

Right. Tomorrow’s school. You had to be okay. You flip onto your back and close your eyes, letting your brain take over. Mold, mold and more mold. Accepting that your dream was going to be about mold, you sigh, letting sleep take over you. Damian watches, recognizing that you had some sort of stress-induced breakdown before bed. He jots something down and puts it away in this nightstand.

-

You wake due to a feeling of being watched, your eyes open to Damian looming over you. “What’s wrong, Damian? Are you okay, need something?” More worried than anything, you quickly get up. He never was this attentive towards you. Though, Damian was the one you talked to the most. 

“Nothing. Just confirming things, L/N” You were too tired to comprehend what he was trying to say. Rubbing your face, you force yourself to the bathroom, which was also shared with Damian. He follows you in, watching you brush your teeth. You roll your eyes.

“I’m doing my regular morning routine like always, Damian. You’ve got to get ready too.” Pointing to his body with your toothbrush, which was still in pajamas. He clicks his tongue in annoyance but follows your orders. 

-

Stepping out of the car, you thank Alfred for the daily rides to school. Tim was off before you could catch up or talk. You sigh.

Gotham City High school. Something happens here at least once a week. You don’t really talk to anyone like Tim does. Your mind was busy a lot and people couldn’t understand or want to wait. When you first were settling into the Wayne household, you remember Damian being upset with you because you were zoning out. It's happened more than you can count with regular people. It also seemed like people knew something was different about you.

During math, your body starts to feel weak. You could sense Tim staring like how Damian was yesterday, like he was assessing you. You stare down at the worksheet, trying to focus. Touching your face, you try to calm down. That burning feeling creeps up in your stomach again. Having no choice, you decide to go to the bathroom. One rule you had was to never throw up the mold at school. Anyone could come in at any moment and hear you. You slip toward the back doors of the school and open them slightly, just enough to see the grassy plains of the field. From your hands, you release your mold onto the grass. It turns black and crumbles into the air. It horrifies you everytime. If you could've, you would have preferred throwing it up for this reason. 

You were running back to class, realizing you were taking longer than what a normal bathroom break would be. “L/N.” Before you could open your mouth, you were redirected by the teacher. You slide the bathroom pass back with irritation and grab your things. It was not the first time you had to attend detention for your tardiness. Sometimes you were glad Bruce didn’t notice your slip-ups, he would be up your ass. 

You took as long as you could to the classroom. Touching the cold lockers as you went by, looking at posters and ignoring people passing.

“Again, L/N?” The supervisor hands you a reflection form for you to fill out. You were running out of excuses to write on them. Sighing, you decide to just sleep and not fill it out.

“L/N?” You raise your head up slowly, waiting for you to be scolded. “L/N!” You whip your head toward the voice of the supervisor. She looked frightened. What had her yelling? Feeling a hand grab your neck, you immediately push the person off of you with your elbows. They fall to the floor with a grunt.

“Fuck!” You yell out. The Scarecrow. He looked worse in person. “Sorry.” You stop in your tracks. Why were you apologizing to this man? He grabs your leg and brings you down with him. The supervisor runs out while the Scarecrow is distracted with you. Screaming from the halls leaks into the room. “What did you do?” He laughs and ties your arms behind your back.

He leads you to a getaway car which has one student already inside. Students and teachers were all yelling and screaming at the air. Scarecrow must’ve released fear toxin into the school. Did Tim also inhale the fumes? Was he okay? Did Scarecrow know you were of relation to Bruce Wayne? He shoves you aggressively in and gets in himself. The girl next to you was crying her eyes out, snot drooping down into her mouth. “Do I frighten you?” He asks. He laughs quietly from your silence and the girl’s loud sobbing. “I’m conducting an experiment, if you will. You two are my constants.” You eyebrow furrow. Constants? Is he going to create a new strain of the fear toxin? You decide to stay quiet but try to comfort the blonde girl next to you as much as you could. 

[darling--angst]

One Last Drink

TW! Underaged drinking, mentions of death, cheating, suicide, bombing, Dazai, Pure angst :')

Type: Oneshot

Genre: Angst

Pairing: Dazai Osamu x Mafia! Reader

Synopsis: When Osamu Dazai decided to leave the Port Mafia to be on the side of good per his friend's wishes his lover was left behind. He decided to drink with her, little did he know it will be their last.

A/n: I apparently like to make Dazai suffer on his birth month especially :)

Not proofread

Dazai comes to another bar as he dragged you along with him. There were some times he would go to bars and drink because of stress, today was like those days. You sat on the bar stool as you ordered yourself some wine. You decided to drink and your could only clench your fist as you watched him flirt with another woman. You were in a romantic relationship with him, yet it never seemed that way; you were more like his subordinate than his lover. He's already eighteen, it's been 2 years since you two fell in love.. Maybe two years was the expiration date of your relationship. You tightened your grip on the glass as you tried to control the tears from flowing. He was already drunk yet sweet seductive words keep slipping from his mouth as he flirted with another customer. As a small tear escaped your eyes, you looked down and ordered for another shot.

"You okay miss.?" The bartender asked giving you your glass.

"I don't know.." You lips quivered. The bartender glanced at Dazai then back at you.

"Is that your boyfriend?" He mumbled

"mhm" you said with a small nod. The conversation ended that way, you paid for your drink and walked out on Dazai. You hoped that he noticed it and would come to you. As you went down the stairs, your tears kept flowing out. You started the car and your hopes were crushed as you waited for minutes and he didn't come. There were two possibilities on why: he didn't notice you because he was too busy or he didn't care. It was probably both.

You started the car and left. Stopping at the beach side, you leaned back to the car seat. Biting your lip, you cried; ignoring all the phone calls. The moon lit up the dark road and it your tears became dry and salty. Your eyes became red from all those crying. Your vision began to blur as you cried yourself to sleep.

When you finally calmed down, the sun was already setting and looking at your phone; you had 6 missed calls and 9 texts from your boss, 18 missed calls and 41 texts from Chuuya. Thinking it was an emergency, you quickly started the car and drove to the Port Mafia. Upon arriving, you rushed to the boss's office not caring about the murmuring of people. You didn't care to knock, you barged in the door and was met with an angry Chuuya and beside was your boss, Mori Ogai.

"I didn't expect that a traitor such as you would have the guts to show up here!" Chuuya hissed. You were puzzled, looking at Koyou in the back she only had a disappointed expression.

"After all, you do know what happens to traitor don't you Y/n.?" His expression darkened and he started to glow.

"Stop Chuuya-kun." Mori ordered and Chuuya halted

"But why boss? She's a traitor along with that fucking suicidal maniac!" Chuuya insisted but was cut off by Mori.

"it seems she doesn't have anything to do with it, let alone know about it" he said as Chuuya's eyes widened. While Koyou's expression changed from disappointment to pity.

"W-wait.! What the fuck are you all talking about?!" You stuttered, panicking at the situation.

"Dazai-kun left the Mafia..." Mori sighed, as your eyes widened. Even though you always took control of your emotions, now you couldn't. A tear escaped your already reddish eyes.

"hah! Is this a joke?" Your voice was low yet loud enough for them to hear.

"no.. Y/n.. he really- that bastard fucking left" Chuuya walked towards you, his attitude softened and his gaze fell on your pitiful state. You bit your lower lip to suppress your feelings. Honestly, you didn't know what to feel; part of you felt like you needed him and that you want to cry, another part was mad at him for leaving, and most of you felt like you're going to break. Your eyes became lifeless and bland much to Chuuya's surprise, he frowned in response.

"I see..." You breathed.

"Chuuya-kun please take her back to her apartment" Mori ordered.

"Yes boss" Chuuya muttered.

Nothing much happened. Now you were on the backseat of his motorcycle, while he whispered 'sorry' to you. He comforted you during the ride, while you cried on his back. He sighed, normally he'll get mad because his expensive coat is now stained with tears; but now he couldn't, after all you were left by Dazai too. You both drove past the beautiful lights of Yokohama, as he offered you to drink with him in which you agreed to. When you both got off the motorcycle, and you said your goodnights. Suddenly, a loud click went off one that made you two halt, making eye contact. Explosions went off and your mind was blurry afterwards.

4 years later

Footsteps are heard on the dungeons of the Port Mafia, the one held captive was quite special. It was Dazai Osamu in the flesh, the one who left the PM alive, an executive, the 'Demon Prodigy', who everyone had feared. He planned to be held captive after all, he calculated every moves and appearances that would be made. Starting from taunting and provoking Akutagawa. His eyes widened and he clicked his tongue in annoyance as he realized who'd be there next. The footsteps got closer and the outline of a short man is seen.

"Oh? Well isn't it you on the flesh?" Chuuya taunted getting closer to Dazai as he pulls his hair.

"Out of all people why does it have to be you?" Dazai muttered annoying him. Chuuya walked away after kicking and punching him as the other chuckled and now Dazai snapped his fingers, his chains breaking and his hands are free.

"So. How's Y/n?" Dazai remarked making Chuuya halt.

"Hhm? What's wrong?" Dazai asked but Chuuya was quiet and clenched his fist tighter. Chuuya whispered something but he couldn't hear making him ask again.

"She's... Dead, Dazai" Chuuya responded, as Dazai's eyes widened in shock.

"The night you disappeared from the organization, she cried; so we planned to open up a bottle of Petrus 1889 at my apartment but.... Some asshole put a bomb on my motorcycle and it.. it exploded on both of us; she took most of the damage" Chuuya explained biting his lips roughly. Dazai was speechless.

He kept quiet, then he remembered. He was the one to put a bomb on his motorcycle. The day that Oda died, he left the Port Mafia per his wishes; but he decided to have a drink with you. For some reason you left and he was there speechless, he was about to say his plan and a promise to come back but you left. The night he left was the day that you died.

Now he won't be able to see the smile that he loves the most. He didn't let himself get captured by the Port Mafia. He planned to be there to get information about Atsushi and the black market but... Part of him wanted to be captured so he would see your radiant and e/c eyes, so he could see your glistening skin and silky hair once again; but that plan was gone. He could no longer call himself human anymore, he was the one that caused your death. He sometimes wondered if the world hates him since the day he was born for sorrows to chase him every single day.

He loved you too much and the same goes for you. You were the only one who decided to value his birthday. The day of June 19 is the day he never liked because it was the day that mischief had started. Yet you didn't, you valued the day he was born because it was the day that a man you loved was born. The book that he always carried and read was from you. He loved suicide so you bought him a book for his special day, yet you made him promise that the day he finally succeeds in taking his life you would be left at least a note. He promised you that and you promised him that you won't die on him like everyone he loved did. Everytime he tried to commit suicide he made a note and it was addressed to you.

Time skip~~

He felt empty without you. As he put a photo in his pocket, his steps became smaller and smaller. Then he fell down. Never could he be more at peace with you on his mind. The death of his lover four years ago was something he could've never predicted. After all it was his fault you were in a coffin and could now only seen in pictures. The picture flew out as he fell, it was your anniversary picture, a memory he never wants to forget. There you both were smiling happily, including him. A gentle smile he had when he was with you is something he could never replace like the facade of masks he has, and a smile he could never put on without you.

[rippleclan]

RippleClan: Moon 77

While Mosspounce’s bruises heal, the broken bone takes one of Downstar’s lives.

[Image ID: Mosspounce and Downstar are healed. Under Mosspounce, it says - CONDITION: BRUISES. Under Downstar, it says - CONDITION: BROKEN BONE, LIVES LEFT: 2.]

(Mosspounce: 38, male, caretaker, adventurous, talented fire-starter)

(Downstar: 136, female, leader, wise, trusted advisor, very clever)

A rogue asks the Clan to care for their son, Shrew, now that he is weaned.

[Image ID: Oilstripe, Carnationspeckle, and Waspdawn find a red kit. Under the three of them, it says - CONDITION: GRIEVING. Under the kit, it says NEW PLAYER: SHREWKIT, 1, MALE, BOSSY, NEVER SITS STILL.]

---

There were no safe patrols anymore. In Oilstripe’s mind, she could see what Anchovypaw reported every time he returned from patrol; black ichor smearing the grass and trees, the spiritual residue of monsters that lurked in the corner of your eye. Everyone knew that was why Silverpaw never returned to camp. Perhaps it was also why Oilstripe never saw the young molly’s spirit. Troutpool’s dreams simply told her Silverpaw had made it to the stars… eventually. That was why no apprentice could leave camp alone. That was why even the senior warriors asked for a few extra eyes to accompany them, even when not on patrol.

Today, Oilstripe had Carnationspeckle and Waspdawn to watch her back as they marked their borders. Haunted or not, RippleClan couldn’t give Gentlestar or Eelstar any ideas about expanding their territory in RippleClan’s time of crisis. They patrolled along AshClan's border first, spreading their scent wherever it smelled weak.

"Do you think anyone over there mourned for Weedfoot?" Carnationspeckle asked as Waspdawn finished marking a tree that sat right on the border.

"I'm sure of it," Oilstripe huffed.

"She saved their flanks," Waspdawn muttered, rejoining the couple. "They should be honored my mother deigned to help them." Deep within AshClan territory, the spirit of one of their warriors strolled through the trees. Even though they ignored Oilstripe, she felt the need to dip her head to the StarClan warrior. They could have killed one of the Ashes in the Water, for all she knew, but it felt right. It felt like the sort of diplomacy a deputy should show the former members of a different Clan.

"Who's that?" Carnationspeckle asked, her gaze following Oilstripe's. The ginger molly startled. Did her mate see the spirit too? But then Waspdawn's focus settled on something within the trees. Oilstripe's shock faded when a tortoiseshell, a living tortoiseshell, walked through the StarClan ghost. She carried a bright red kit in her jaws. The kit had a sharp blaze of white on his forehead that reminded Oilstripe of a star, or a half-moon set against a sunset. Oilstripe didn't recognize the tortoiseshell, but she knew her escorts. Barkfur walked beside the tortoiseshell, with Heronflank and newly graduated warrior Fernwhisper behind them.

"Ah, Deputy Oilstripe," Barkfur sighed as he approached the border. "Good, good. It's better we don't wait around."

"Who's this little tom?" Carnationspeckle purred, sniffing the red kitten.

"I'm Shrew," the kitten declared, wiggling as much as he could with his scruff in his mother's mouth. "Mom, let me go!" Shrew's mother obliged, placing her son at her paws. Shrew immediately tried to race off, but his mother hooked a paw around him.

"You're not an AshClan cat," Waspdawn noted.

"I hail from the northwest," the queen explained. "I… I've heard stories that the Clans take in kits whose mothers can't care for them."

"We…" Carnationspeckle said, blinking rapidly as she processed what the queen wanted. "We do. My daughter was one of those kits."

"We found her wandering our territory," Barkfur said. "We explained to her that AshClan isn't taking in cats from outside the Clan, but that RippleClan may be more open to assisting her."

"And we will, if that's what you want," Waspdawn said, dipping his head to the queen. "But.. why can't you care for Shrew?"

"He's the last of his litter," the queen sighed as Shrew, oblivious to the adults around him, nipped at his mother's grasp. "They all fell ill, I'm worried it's in their blood. I thought Clan medicine could help my son."

"He seems healthy to me," Carnationspeckle hummed. Shrew finally broke away from his mother and tumbled across the border. He chomped onto Oilstripe's leg with sharp kitten teeth. Oilstripe yelped and batted the excitable kit off.

"Very healthy," Waspdawn chuckled.

"So did his siblings," the queen gulped.

"You don't have to give him away," Oilstripe explained as Shrew gawked at Waspdawn's half-tail. "You can join RippleClan as well. We've accepted a few mothers in your position."

"I can't," the queen whined, flinching. "I'm sorry, I can't. I'm destined for the Other Side. I don't belong here. I waited until he, he, he was weaned, but… this is better. He deserves better than me." The queen looked to Barkfur and sighed, "I'm ready to go now."

"RippleClan will treat your son well," Barkfur promised. "We'll escort you to the river." He nodded to Heronflank and Fernwhisper, ready to depart.

"That's it?" Oilstripe huffed as Shrew finally paid attention to his mother. "No, you… you should tell your son something."

"Tell me what?" Shrew cocked his head. The queen stared back, her posture stiff. She swallowed hard. She kept opening her mouth, ready to explain, but she lost her courage each time.

"I'll see you in a while, Shrew," she finally croaked. She spun around before she could falter. Heronflank and Fernwhisper led Barkfur and the queen through the thick blankets of golden needles, under the gray-speckled leaves that clung to the trees, refusing to acknowledge the coming winter.

"You didn't give us your name!" Carnationspeckle suddenly yowled. Yet the queen didn't turn back. Her escort led her farther and farther from her only remaining kit.

"I know her name," Shrew huffed. "It's Mom."

A short while later, Shrew sat in the nursery while Troutpool put her nose in his ear, checking for fever. Oilstripe, Carnationspeckle, and Downstar sat around her, waiting for a diagnosis. Shrew laughed when Troutpool pulled her nose out. He itched his ear and ogled the Clan's vast medicine stores.

"He needs a better diet," Troutpool sighed, "but he's a healthy young tom. I don't see any signs of disease."

"Could his mother have lied about his littermates?" Downstar asked Oilstripe. "Perhaps she just wanted an excuse to give her child away."

"Why don't you ask her?" Shrew shot back, a tiny paw reaching for a pot. "She said she's coming back." Troutpool gently shoved his paw away.

"He doesn't understand," Carnationspeckle whispered. "I think he's too young."

"We could have Paleseed explain things to him," Downstar suggested.

"Maybe we let him believe that until he's settled into RippleClan," Carnationspeckle said.

"Mom?" Rattlepelt and Wildclaw trotted to the medicine den, peering around the older mollies. Leaves clung to Rattlepelt's fox pelt, mixing with the carefully woven lavender. Wildclaw crouched and scanned under Downstar's legs.

"Hi, Rattlepelt," Carnationspeckle purred, absent-mindedly touching her daughter's nose before turning back to Shrew. "We're a little busy right now. Can we talk later?"

"Halibut told us about the kit," Wildclaw huffed. "Rattlepelt insisted we meet him."

"That's a bit of a bold word," Rattlepelt chuckled. "I just suggested we stop by the medicine den."

"What are you?" Shrew gaped at Rattlepelt with giant blue eyes. There was no fear in his stare, like when a new apprentice met Rattlepelt at a Gathering and Oilstripe had to hide their shock from her adopted daughter. His gaze was more like emerging from the darkest level of the ocean into the sun.

"I'm a cat," Rattlepelt laughed. She squeezed around Carnationspeckle and sat next to Shrew. "My name is Rattlepelt, and this is my mate, Wildclaw." Shrew put his paws on Rattlepelt's fox pelt and his eyes grew bigger. He shoved his face into the red fur, purring.

"You're so soft!" Shrew gasped.

"Why don't you play with it?" Rattlepelt suggested. "Just be very careful." Rattlepelt slipped off her fox pelt and laid it in front of Shrew.

"You can take your fur off?" Shrew squealed. While that idea would have disturbed Oilstripe at Shrew's age, the little kit simply dove into the leather pelt, rolling in the well-groomed fur. Wildclaw laughed, and even Downstar managed to chuckle.

"I heard your mother asked us to take care of you," Rattlepelt said, laying beside Shrew. "My mother did the same thing when I was a kit. It was a little scary, but I'm glad she gave me up. I got Carnationspeckle and Oilstripe as my new mothers, and I'm very happy in RippleClan."

"You can have more than one mom?" Shrew sat up, the fox's tail covering his face.

"You can," Rattlepelt purred. She gazed tenderly at Shrew as he sniffed the fox pelt's lavender accents. She turned to Wildclaw, beckoning her inside. Wildclaw sat by her mate, similarly entranced by the little red kitten.

"You know, Shrew," Wildclaw purred, "now that you're staying with us, you'll get to sleep in the nursery. We don't want you to be lonely in there. If you want, Rattlepelt and I can move in with you. You can share a nest with us."

"Can I sleep with this?" Shrew asked, his teeth digging into the fox pelt.

"You can," Rattlepelt laughed, voice catching. She turned to Wildclaw, whispering, "Are you sure you want this? I don't want to hurt him."

"When it's just you in there," Wildclaw chuckled, gently batting Rattlepelt's head, "you'd die before you hurt a kit. You'll be great." Wildclaw and Rattlepelt snuggled against each other.

"Congratulations," Troutpool chirped, bunting her older sister. "Oh, I get to be an aunt! I'll make sure there's a nest ready for you." She squirmed around the other mollies and hurried to the nursery, squealing like a kit.

"Welcome to grandmotherhood, you two," Downstar chuckled, playfully nudging Oilstripe and Carnationspeckle.

"My heart was not ready for this," Oilstripe laughed awkwardly, trying to breathe.

"Shrew, from now on, you can call me Grandma," Carnationspeckle declared, diving to Shrew's level.

"I will!" Shrew chirped, utterly unaware of the implications. Carnationspeckle squealed and pressed against Rattlepelt with a deep purr. Oilstripe joined the family gathering, her heart expanding to make way for her bright, enthusiastic grandson.

(Oilstripe: 81, female, deputy, charismatic, ghost speaker)

(Carnationspeckle: 79, female, caretaker, compassionate, fish-like swimmer)

(Waspdawn: 43, male, codekeeper, strict, learner of lore, clue finder)

(Shrewkit: 1, male, kit, bossy, never sits still)

(Troutpool: 38, female, cleric, insecure, ghost sense)

(Downstar: 136, female, leader, wise, trusted advisor, very clever)

(Rattlepelt: 60, female, artisan, thoughtful, leather artist)

(Wildclaw: 69, female, caretaker, fierce, trusted advisor, good fighter)

Moontide, Vervaincough, Anchovystrike, and Billowhaze graduate from their apprenticeships together.

[Image ID: Moontide, Vervaincough, Anchovystrike, and Billowhaze are all grown up! Under Moontide, it says LEVEL UP! MOONPAW → MOONTIDE, QUICK TO HELP → EXCELLENT TEACHER. Under Vervaincough, it says LEVEL UP! VERVAINPAW → VERVAINCOUGH, BLOODTHIRSTY → INSECURE, LOVES NATURE → UNDERSTANDS NATURE, QUICK TO MAKE PEACE → GOOD MEDIATOR. Under Anchovystrike, it says LEVEL UP! ANCHOVYPAW → ANCHOVYSTRIKE, CURIOUS ABOUT STARCLAN → DEEP STARCLAN BOND. Under Billowhaze, it says LEVEL UP! BILLOWPAW → BILLOWHAZE, THOUGHTFUL → LOYAL, ACTIVE IMAGINATION → GOOD KITSITTER.]

(Moontide: 12, female, warrior, playful, excellent teacher)

(Vervaincough: 12, female, codekeeper, insecure, understands nature, good mediator)

(Anchovystrike: 12, male, warrior, playful, deep StarClan bond)

(Billowhaze: 12, male, historian, loyal, good kitsitter)

During their assessments, Currentpaw and Yarrowpaw find a former kittypet/Witch Hunter interested in joining the Clan. He takes on the name Venturedapple and becomes a codekeeper.

[Image ID: Currentpaw and Yarrowpaw stare at a long-furred brown and white tom. Under the tom, it says NEW PLAYER: VENTUREDAPPLE, 65, MALE, COLD, ELOQUENT SPEAKER.]

(Currentpaw: 12, male, caretaker, loving, constantly climbing, has lots of ideas)

(Yarrowpaw: 12, female, warrior apprentice, thoughtful, stares at fire)

(Venturedapple: 65, male, codekeeper, cold, eloquent speaker)

[traffic-light-eyes]

Lloyd is a chronic insomniac. He doesn't know when it started, but he has never been able to sleep. If he thinks he's enough, it started around when he got shipped off to Darkley's. Something about pranks in his sleep and being too scared to leave his body vulnerable to attack.

It doesn't matter how it started, though, because now he can't sleep. It's a curse, really, to be left alone in his own mind - trapped with no reprieve from the crushing weight of his mountain-heavy mistakes.

He stays up all night laying in his bed just thinking. Thinking about his dad - no, that's not his dad - Garmadon, thinking about Zane's death, thinking about Cole's death, thinking about Nya's death, thinking about everything that he has ever done that brought him to this very breaking point. He thinks.

It'd gotten to a place where he doesn’t even care about sleeping anymore; he just wants to rest his brain. He just wants to turn it off for a little while. Just for a second. He'd settle for half.

Some nights, he doesn't bother pretending to try and sleep. He gets out of his bed under the pretense of a glass of water or the bathroom, then spends the rest of the night training or watching his favorite shows. But that can only happen so often before someone notices his absence, which is exactly what happened today.

He couldn't sleep like any other day, which is normal. As he lay there in the darkness, Lloyd's mind raced with thoughts that felt like a whirlwind of regrets and missed opportunities. It wasn't just the physical exhaustion that plagued him; it was the relentless barrage of memories and what-ifs that kept him prisoner in his own mind. He tossed and turned, trying to find a comfortable position, but no matter how he shifted, sleep eluded him like a distant dream.

His eyes flickered to the digital clock on his bedside table, its numbers mocking him as they steadily ticked away the minutes of another sleepless night. 2:37 AM. It was a familiar sight by now, the harsh glow of the numbers serving as a constant reminder of his insomnia.

With a sigh, Lloyd pushed himself up into a sitting position, his gaze wandering to the window where the moon cast its silver light into his room. He longed for the peace that sleep promised, the temporary escape from the relentless burden of his thoughts. But it seemed that peace was as elusive as sleep itself.

Turning away from the window, Lloyd swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up, the cool floor sending a shiver up his spine. He knew he should try to sleep, should at least make the effort to rest his weary mind. But the thought of lying there in the darkness, alone with his thoughts, was too much to bear.

Instead, he padded silently across the room, careful not to wake his sleeping teammates. He had become adept at moving silently in the night, a skill born out of necessity rather than choice. As he reached the door, he paused, his hand hovering over the handle.

Should he go back to bed and try to sleep, or should he give in to the urge to escape his own mind? It was a question he grappled with every night, a battle between exhaustion and restlessness.

In the end, the pull of the training room was too strong to resist. With a determined nod, Lloyd pushed open the door and slipped out into the hallway, the darkness swallowing him whole as he made his way towards the familiar glow of the training lights. Perhaps tonight, he thought, he would find some solace in the rhythmic movements of his training routine, a temporary distraction from the turmoil within.

After Lloyd had trained for a while, lost in the rhythm of his movements, he heard the soft creak of the training room door opening behind him. Turning, he saw his teammates entering, their expressions soft with concern.

"Lloyd, we noticed you were gone again," Nya said gently, stepping forward to stand beside him.

Lloyd's heart skipped a beat, a mix of surprise and apprehension swirling within him. He hadn't expected them to follow him, to witness his midnight training sessions.

"Yeah, we were worried about you," Jay added, his usual cheerful demeanor replaced with a more serious tone.

Lloyd shifted uncomfortably, feeling exposed under their watchful gazes. He had always been so careful to keep his struggles hidden, to bear the weight of his insomnia alone. But now, faced with the concern of his teammates, he found himself at a loss for words.

"I..." Lloyd began, his voice faltering as he searched for the right words. "I didn't mean to worry you."

Kai stepped forward, his expression softened with understanding. "We know, Lloyd. But we're a team, remember? We look out for each other."

Lloyd felt a lump form in his throat at Kai's words, a surge of emotion welling up within him. For so long, he had felt isolated by his struggles, alone in the darkness of his own mind. But here, surrounded by his teammates who had become more like family, he realized that he didn't have to face his demons alone.

As they gathered around him, offering words of encouragement and support, Lloyd felt a sense of warmth and gratitude wash over him. He may never be free from his insomnia, may never fully escape the nightmares that haunted his sleepless nights. But with his teammates by his side, he knew that he would never have to face them alone.

And as they stood together in the quiet of the training room, Lloyd couldn't help but feel a flicker of hope ignite within him, a beacon of light in the darkness of his endless night.

---

This one was rushed !! Sorry <3

[403tarot]

⫬ ⫬ ⊹ . . . SPECIAL MESSAGE FROM YOUR SPIRIT GUIDE — WHAT DO YOU NEED NOW?

hello! today i offer a post about a very important subject: spirituality. take what resonates with you and leave the rest. close your eyes and take a deep breath to choose the pic that calls you the most. feedbacks make duckie really happy <3

PICK A POCHACCO!

IF YOU CHOSE POCHACCO 1 ...

Your personality today is the result of a mix of unique experiences. Life hasn't always been kind to you, and that has directly influenced how you perceive the world and interact with people around you, which may have caused some important aspects of your character to retreat. Nevertheless, lately, you've been actively seeking to rediscover yourself and recover from the damages of your past.

Ah, the past. When you were going through such a delicate moment and felt your heart burdened with sadness, perhaps no one extended a hand to help you stand up. Although it was painful, you can't let those wounds keep bleeding and staining your path going forward. It's time to put a stop to that.

Your subconscious is actively working to help you find emotional balance in your life again. Problems, fears, and anxieties can't prevent the blessings destined for you from coming your way. You have a strong spiritual protection that never leaves you alone, and it calls for your success and peace.

Prioritizing yourself is essential in this new stage of your life. Know that not everyone will understand your actions — they might call you selfish, distance themselves from you, or say that you've changed. But you must stay strong; taking care of yourself is not a selfish act, but an altruistic one: by tending to your needs and reaching your goals, you become a better person and an inspiration for others to pursue their own happiness.

DIRECT MESSAGE FROM YOUR SPIRIT GUIDE:

ROSEMARY — PURITY, HEAL, REMEMBER

When rosemary comes into your reading, it's time to cleanse and purify. Don't hold onto things or people that aren't beneficial to you or your path. Let go and rid yourself of unnecessary energies. Be wise and take note of what you are purifying and why. This insight can help you continue to grow. Repeat to yourself:

" I remember, I cleanse and I heal"

cards pulled: the high priestess & the empress | ace of cups & 5 of pents | 6 of pents & knight of swords | 5 of wands, the moon & queen of swords | rosemary

IF YOU CHOSE POCHACCO 2 ...

What is draining your energy and willingness to move forward? The burden on your shoulders has always been heavy, but still, you persisted and remained strong. The stones on your path, no matter how heavy they may seem, cannot gain enough strength to prevent you from reaching what you desire. It's time to look back, see the entire journey you've already traveled, and allow yourself to be proud of things you achieved til now.

Your peace has been disturbed. It seems you can never stay stable for long, and just when you think things will improve, something appears to trap you in anxieties again. You wonder, "If there really is something or someone divine regulating all things, why does the scale of justice never seem to tip in my favor?"

I know you've been trying hard and would like an immediate return, but unfortunately, that's not how things work. Your heart needs to calm down and accept that not everything will always be rosy because life is built on ups and downs. It's necessary to see things from another angle and distance yourself from negative energies as soon as possible, as they will only drag you down further.

Everything you want and desire will be within your reach because nothing beneath the sky is impossible. You have everything to achieve happiness, even though you often forget that. Confront your negative emotions and free yourself from what troubles you. Scream into your pillow, cry, release it all. You are always so kind and understanding with other people's problems... why aren't you the same with your own problems too?

DIRECT MESSAGE FROM YOUR SPIRIT GUIDE:

SPILLED SALT — RELEASE, CONFRONT

If spilled salt shows up in your reading, it's telling you to be aware of the evils that maybe trying to creep in your life. Take time to confront this issue or person. Don't allow yourself to be held down to people or things that are not beneficial to you. Take control, confront and release these energies from your life. Make a wise wish and repeat to yourself:

"Blessed be"

cards pulled: strength, 10 of swords & knight of wands | 2 of wands, 4 of wands & justice | the hanged man, 10 of cups & 6 of wands | the devil, the magician & queen of cups | spilled salt

IF YOU CHOSE POCHACCO 3 ...

You are insatiable with your goals. Your desire to grow, evolve, and achieve shows that you have been striving to present a better version of yourself. However, excessive self-demand and perfectionism may be disturbing your mind too much and, worse, hindering your climb to the top.

You often lament, "I could have done things differently," "I didn't do enough," "I wish I could go back in time to start over and try harder," ignoring the fact that everything you've achieved today is the result of your own merit. You did exactly what you should have done and undoubtedly gave your best within what was possible at that moment. Keep moving forward. Strive to make the future better. Don't wait until next Monday... start taking action now.

Accept and understand that you are the one responsible for the good things in your life. Treat yourself and what you have with more kindness! Instead of always thinking about what you can achieve in the future, look at what you have now. Don't become obsessed with what the next days, months, or years hold for you. Live in the present. What is meant for you will never escape you and will come at the right time.

You have been dedicated to being on the right path, and that way, you have a bright future. Nevertheless, it's necessary for you to still celebrate the little things happening in your life today. They might not be as grand as what you aspire for your future, but they are still important and part of who you are. When was the last time you took some time for yourself? When was the last time you wore your favorite pajamas, ate popcorn, and watched your favorite series without worrying about the anxiety that thinking about the future brings? Reconnect with your inner child who was delighted with a simple bag of candies (even if they were mostly bad). Sometimes, all we need is a bit of simplicity.

DIRECT MESSAGE FROM YOUR SPIRIT GUIDE

EARTH ELEMENT — GROUNDING, SURVIVAL

The element of earth invites you to slow down. With earth comes bring stability and growth. Earth can also bring light to your current work and money energy. When this card shows up in a reading, ground yourself, connect with Mother Nature and take into consideration the material aspects of your life. Connect with her nurturing energy. Earth is here to support you in all that you do. It's time to grow. Repeat to yourself:

"I grow with the earth"

cards pulled: 8 of wands, 9 of cups & knight of swords | 10 of pents, 3 of swords & temperance | 4 of cups, knight of cups & the devil | king of wands, 3 of wands & page of cups | earth element

deck used: rider waite-smith & inner witch oracle

you can book a reading with me!

• twin flame / soulmate - $18 • future spouse (+18) - $25

• spiritual advice - $15 • one question - $3.50

dm me if you're interested or want to know more of my methods <3

check my pinned to find out more of my free PAC readings!