#mmmmmmm i've forgotten what my fic tag is. oh well.

[rowingviolahere]

pls tell me about the hockey au

the hockey au is an EXTREMELY self-indulgent mundane au that i started writing earlier this year when it became clear that spn was here to stay in my brain. i originally called it "the destiel ice hockey au" but it turns out that it's dean/benny if anything it's basically just. extremely stupid. my official summary if i were to post it anywhere is:

Castiel is understandably under the impression that Sam Winchester made a homophobic comment about ice dancing because he is homophobic. Sam doesn’t understand what their new goalie’s problem is. Dean would just like everyone to get it together long enough to play a fucking hockey game. i've cherrypicked a bit for summary purposes under that but the larger doc is definitely cw for homophobic language (men's hockey unfortunately is Like That). details under the cut

setup: john was one of those sports parents that tries to like, mold their kid into The Next Great One, dean got injured at just the wrong time and sam quit to go to stanford and do ice dancing (he's too tall to be really competitive but he CAN lift his partners SO HIGH). dean is now in a mixed beer league team and manages to recruit sam back to the team bc jess has like, done her back in and so their pairs skates would be kind of put on hold anyway. sam HAS missed being on a line w dean. roll camera.

the vampires, angels, demons, etc are the various teams in the beer league dean has joined. we are "team human". i haven't worked out the lines completely but sam and dean are lineys for the power play but generally get split up during regular play because when they're on the ice together they just wreck shop and it's... it's a little unfair on the other team.

i had.... maybe too much fun with the dialogue

“Nice fishbowl.” “Does it come in men’s?” One’s of the chirpers is a D, the other a wing who’ll have to haul ass to where Ellen’s parked on the blue as soon as the puck drops. The response is quick enough to be rehearsed. “Think he comes in men enough, don’t you?” “Smooth,” Sam chirps back, eyes on Dean, waiting for the puck to drop, “you source all your chirps from fuckin’ Letterkenny? Get some original flavour, I can see the fake cheese on your fingers.”

(the adam plotline plays out exactly the same, except adam was allowed to play SOCCER)

there's a whole thing where sam's taking jess to stick-and-puck sessions to like, teach her how to skate w hockey skates and how to shoot/stickhandle/etc and dean gets Not Jealous Why Would You Say That. I'm Just Going To Go Over Here And Do Onetimers With This Cool Guy. Benny, You Said Your Name Was? (and they do go out on like two dates but it turns out benny is a blues fan so morally dean like, can't continue with that relationship). (meanwhile Sam is watching dean feed benny onetimers and is Not Seething With Jealousy Definitely Not. they work it out eventually)

a majority of the Comedy(tm) comes from sam making a joking remark about "figure fairies" (a term unfortunately i have come across in the wild) referring to himself. cas, their new goalie, overhears it without context and goes Ah I See. Sam Sucks, Actually. nothing that follows helps. yanno, dean calling his sibling "samantha" occasionally can defo read as Not Great if you don't have context for it. there are SO MANY scenarios in which sam and dean are talking shit and cas is just mentally adding to sam's burn book page.

sam: and also, not to like, rely on stereotypes as an excuse for legitimate concerns or whatever-- cas: what sam: but you know i was, and remain, an ice dancer, right? cas: ... what sam: how did you not know this cas: straight male figure skaters do exist sam: but-- ok, put a pin in this, because much later i am sure we will reflect on this and laugh, but remind me to-- dean, butting in: do not let sam give you the"technically i'm heterosexual" argument it will only make you mad

sam "not a boy, not a girl" winchester: well, arguably, since i'm a different gender to my partner no matter what their gender, any relationship i'm in is heterosexual, hetero meaning "different"--

please just know there are going to be SO many bad hockey sex jokes. "yeah he's really good at stickhandling" "oh i bet he can handle your stick" "shut up he's got this like, weird grip on it?" "mmhmm?" "it's made of rubber i think" "do you hear yourself?"