#milf. gilf? dilf. shes all of it

[devilishdelights]

ITS thirteens bday i frogt....so of course i need to write for her

[lale-txt]

♡ 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐛𝐮𝐛𝐛𝐥𝐲, 𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬/𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐡𝐲 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐲

@starblazer124 asked: Hi Lale! Hope you're having an awesome day! I was wondering if you'd be interested in doing a few headcanons for Rayleigh, Gaban, Shakky, and Denjiro where they have a bubbly, outgoing s/o that still gets flustered and shy easily. I just love the "socially adept person turns into a mushy puddle of goo for their lover" trope! Could be sweet, spicy, whatever you're in the mood for. My only favor would be to ask for a gender neutral reader so everyone can enjoy the gilf/dilf/milf of their dreams~

↳ 𝐰/ 𝐑𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐞𝐢��𝐡, 𝐆𝐚𝐛𝐚𝐧, 𝐒𝐡𝐚𝐤𝐤𝐲 & 𝐃𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐢𝐫𝐨

a/n: Blaze, your choice of characters is just -chef's kiss- i love little headcanons like these, so i was happy to write this request for you (after all i can never resist the gilfs/dilfs/milfs of my dreams) - hope it's to your liking! thank you so much for the idea.

❦ 𝐑𝐀𝐘𝐋𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇

even after all these years it still never failed to amuse Rayleigh how your personality switches whenever he was around

he just had this effect on you that made your brain short-circuit in the best way possible

you could be happily chatting with the crew, entertaining everyone with a story about how Roger sleepwalked once and ended up dangling upside down from the crow’s nest, swaying softly and unbothered in the wind; only for you to stutter and blush once Rayleigh’s gaze meets your from the other side of the ship 

after all, Rayleigh thought it was kinda cute and he’d tease you often when you were alone, asking you if he made you nervous while he trailed kisses down your spine to which you could only groan and bury your flushing face in the pillow

not your fault that he was just so charming and had completely captured you in his presence; the presence of a king and a lover to which you could only bow and bathe in his energy

and no matter how flustered you are, Rayleigh would always make sure to let you know that you had the same effect on him – he was just a little better at hiding it

❦ 𝐆𝐀𝐁𝐀𝐍

all it needed was a subtle touch, whether it was a hand resting on the small of your back or your pinkies linking, and your heart felt like it was about to jump out of your chest and your trail of thoughts went down the gutter

Gaban’s sunglasses would hide the mischievous twinkle in his eyes, but just knowing it was there was already enough for you to get a little flustered

at first it irritated him – how you suddenly went quiet and avoided eye contact whenever he was around, when minutes prior you’ve been your usual bubbly, outgoing self around your crewmates

that was until you stuttered out a heartfelt confession late at night, catching him off guard completely and having him turning into a puddle of goo in return

ever since the two of you have been inseparable, making each other feel like you’ve never crushed on anyone ever before

and while it sometimes was nerve wracking to react this strongly, you wouldn’t want to trade those weak knees and fluttering hearts for anything in return because it made those sweet kisses from Gaban even more exciting

❦ 𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐊𝐊𝐘

slumped over the counter, your face buried in your hands, you could still hear her soft chuckle as she patted your head affectionately

Shakky really didn’t mind that you were so easy to fluster, no, quite the opposite

sometimes you wondered if she even tried to do so on purpose: when you were in some deep conversation with other bar visitors and she’d lean in close to you, whispering something in your ear, her breath hot and heavy on your skin, her fingertips at your nape

you melted every. single. time. 

it’s something that surprised you because usually you had a loose mouth and never had any troubles with starting a conversation or entertaining a group of strangers in a smoky bar 

but with Shakky… it’s like she put a spell on you that made little hearts swirl around your head whenever she was around 

and the way she pronounced your name felt like being dipped into syrup, like a sweet prayer that made you fall down on your knees - but you wouldn’t want it any other way

❦ 𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐉𝐈𝐑𝐎 

this man loves to fluster you to a point where your heart feels like it’s about to burst

he just thinks it’s cute how someone who is so bubbly and and outgoing all the time has a complete personality switch once you are alone

he’d pull you in his lap, his chin resting on top of your head, his fingers entangled with yours as he holds you close and feels your heart race in your chest

and there’s no way you can resist him, it’s like your legs turn into pudding whenever he’s near… and it’s not like you want to escape his embrace

your poor heart calms down eventually… until he starts whispering silly little things into your ear and it spikes again, making him chuckle

you can get back to him though by running your fingers through his long, blue hair and telling him how pretty he is, turning the tables and watching him blush now

after all, what’s love without a little teasing and banter until you shut each other up with dozens of kisses?

[harveybwabbit92]

Z: Is the plural of milf and dilf, milfs and dilfs? or is it milves and dilives?

Zero: Milfs?

R/n: Milf and Dilf are an acronyms, you can't change the spelling to anything.

Z: Wait, they're acronyms? What do they stand for???

R/n: It means-

Mebius, cutting in: Mom or Dad in late forties.

[Everyone stares at him.]

Mebius: I learned that from the movie called M.I.L.F that I saw the trailer of in theaters back on earth years back.

R/n: Actually it's Mom or dad I'd Love to Fuck.

Zero: WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK—

Z: I NEVER REALIZED IT WAS ACTUALLY HORNY!

Mebius: Oh, is it not mom or dad in late forties?

R/n: What? No! It isn't!

Mebius: THE MOVIE TRAILER LIED TO ME!

R/n, she winces: guys...

Zero: THAT'S WHAT MIRROR KNIGHT AND GLENFIRE HAVE BEEN CALLING MY AUNT MARIE???? I'M GONNA KILL THOSE BASTARDS!

R/n: I'm not entirely surprised that they've been saying that. Also, she and Father are actually considered 'Gilfs'.

Zero, grimaces: URG!

Mebius: R/n, DOES IT MAKE SENSE WHY I CALLED THE DIARY OF A WIMPY KID MOM A MILF NOW BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS LITERALLY JUST A DESCRIPTION WITH FUNNY CONNOTATION!

Z: The word milf has been ruined for me.

R/n: THAT'S ITS DEFINITION, IT CAN'T BE RUINED THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS! YOU'RE ALL DUMBASSES!

[sorcerous-caress]

Shadowheart with an elf reader whos prolly gonna outlive her (Well unless she gets a milf/dilf/gilf) :( Atleast we'll be able to see her in her milf years - Shadowheart anon

This can go two ways depending on elf!reader views on being an elf.

Corellon is the elf god, right? He really spoils his kids with all the fey gifts and even made the cycle of rebirth for them. Each and every single full elf is guaranteed to get reborn.

Drows don't count bc they belong to Lolth, aka his ex-wife. She hated him so much actually that he is the reason males are akin to slaves in drow culture.

So most elves end up really arrogant because they believe being elf is superior. They are eternal in some way. And they are raised on those beliefs.

If elf!reader also agrees, then they might try to get Shadowheart to become a full elf.

If you suck up to Corellon enough and become a follower of his church, he will get you reborn as an elf in your next lifetime and eternally join the cycle of rebirth.

After the whole shar fiasco, Shadowheart is a cleric without a god. So there's no better chance than now to introduce her to this banging brand new religion.

Also, this is the reason why elves are shamed by their elf peers when they marry or give kids to non elves. They were supposed to help complete the cycle of rebirth and not go and breed with the lesser races.

They're kicked out of the elf sanctuaries where they raise their children and told to go join the outside world society instead.

Bg3 surprisingly doesn't bring any of that up at all. Bg2 and bg1 did have race limitations in romance. For example, Viconia, a drow, would romance most races except full elves. I'm glad they got rid of the limitations, honestly, but at the same time, they completely ignored all the consequences that should've come so eh you win some and lose some.

Seeing Shadowheart die earlier would be the least of elf!reader concerns. They will essentially lose their entire being, family, friends and even their god's favour for Shadowheart.

[sonicasura]

Aaaand now I've learn a new word as well. I already knew of MILF and DILF, now I find out about GILF as well. Is there one for the grandpa, aunt and uncle too?

Yeah thats something that can happen alright with the luck Kafka has. And well, I won't be surprised by it either. Kafka and Mama Hibino share many similare features. Aside form a few things he got from his dad.

Infact, I'm wondering if I should make one of Kafka's parents a foreigner. Kafka has a rather special look even as a human, enough so I think there might be some foreigner blood running in his veins from a grandpartent or something. Right now I'm thinking his mom is the foreigner but I think his dad would work far better.

It really is quite the accidental help that Kafka taste testing kaijus helps so much. And frankly speaking, Kafka will help out a lot more as well in many other aspects as well. Especially when it comes to behaviors and instincts of a kaiju. Kafka always has quite the trip when his kaiju instincts takes over.

Not even Tiny can help it when that part takes over.

To be even more frank, the Science Department and several others inclucing Izumo Tech, are having a field trip with what they learn from not only Kafka but also all that stolen data they have from the Mirage Company. Of course, Kafka's friends are doing their best to avoid anyone going mad scientist on Kafka, thats something none wants right now.

And as the last bit of I have to share, training Kafka is quite the intersting challenge. There aren't a lot of places where Kafka can train without getting spotted by the media. Even with the traning room Kafka uses in canon to gain better control of his kaiju form. More often then not, Kafka has to use the Exame sites as his training ground. As such, especially in the early years, everyone made sure that none of any form of media was allowed near the site Kafka was using when he was training and building up his skills as a fighter.

Including making sure there where officers spread around to keep a look out for trouble. Okonogi quickly became a arc-nemesis to a lot of the media people as she would make sure any sort of flying drone or something electronic with a working camera did not work anymore.

Now you know how I reacted when someone introduced me to the word gravid revolving around a KN8 ask, lol.

It's best for everyone to do damage control before any mad scientists come out of the woodwork. Kafka's stomach and dignity are at stake. Okonogi would be responsible for sabotaging or destroying foreign drones.

She has those eagle eyes for the more important details.

[bsdwhore]

Request: Hey i love your hcs sm they're so great could i have one for chuuya with a bi s/o who flirts with kouyou all the time? I thought it would be funny

Chuuya With A Bi S/O Who Flirts With Kouyou

A/N: AHH TYYY THIS WAS SO FUN TO WRITE

Warning: literally makes no sense tbh

okay so first off he doesn't care you’re bi (as he should and everyone else in this world too 🤨👆) bc he’s lowkey confused on his sexuality too damn that bandaged freak dazai

it also makes him so happy that out of all the hot people in the world you chose him 

you both appreciate men and women and just people together 😌

you’ll be like “OMG LOOK AT THAT PERSON THEY’RE SO PRETTY AND HOT AND HANDSOME AND BEAUTIFUL😮!!” and he’ll be like “YES OMG🤭”

anyway when you first started flirting with kouyou he was just shocked

like this is what happened:

You *coming back from an exhausting mission*

Kouyou: would you like some tea?

You: Yes please

Kouyou: okay what’s your favourite tea?

You: You shawtea 😏😏🥴

Kouyou: oh really? 😏

Chuuya *standing in the door frame*: …🧍‍♂️why am i laughing so hard making this stop nimi what the fuck its not even funny

Whenever you flirt with kouyou she lowkey flirts back. Sometimes you get embarrassed even though you were the one who started it so you have to run away  🏃‍♀️😳

You’ll be like “OMG KOUYOU IS SUCH A MILF LIKE STEP ON ME😩” and chuuya is just there like “Im right here 😐 your boyfriend”

Anyway one day he’s just had enough

“PLEASE STOP FUCKING STOP. ANYONE BUT KOUYOU PLEASE”

so you resort to flirting with gin and higuchi and tachihara and hirotsu and akutagawa instead

when you flirted with gin she didn’t respond at all she was just like 😶 but SWEAR you saw a bit of blush from under her mask

when you flirted with higuchi she just ran away, stuttering she only has eyes for akutagawa and akutagawa only

when you flirted with tachihara he also ran away, stuttering he only has eyes for the akutagawas and the akutagawas only

when you flirted with hirotsu, he was disgusted and carried on smoking🚬🧐

when you flirted with akutagawa he coughed on you and pulled rashoumon out.

Anyway then you ran to chuuya and cried because you nearly died from akutagawa

When you come back home though please reassure chuuya you aren't gonna leave him and give him lots of cuddles and kisses

“I promise I’d never leave you for a dilf, gilf, milf, pilf, ever bc i have my chilf🥰”

“A chilf?”

“Yeah a chuuya i’d like to fuck”

*sighs* “okay ig 🙄💗”

okay bye👋

[saltedsolenoid]

rouge witch's heart is a milf. a dilf, according to some people. she's literally stacy's mom. she's the wine aunt who killed her husband. her husband is immortal and also a woman. she's too busy for romance. she invented romance. she's thousands of years old. she's a milf at the age of 35. she transcends gender. she transcends sex. she transcends romance. she is all of the above. she's nothing. she's only half involved. she's kinda a gilf. she's a queen. she's literally so pathetic. she's a girlboss. a boss. lady rouge, so respected, so feared.

milf.

[separatist-apologist]

Next gen fics have it all. Drama? Everyone being a dilf/milf/gilf? The most unhinged family dinners Prythian has ever seen? Please write it 🙏

I'm circling back to my next-gen anons with a little soren/mei content for this upcoming fic

-

“It’s just new,” Ivy was saying by way of explanation. “He’s not himself, I’m so sorry.”

“Cousin,” Nyx’s voice breathed as Soren struggled. “Take a breath. You’re scaring her.”

He whipped his head towards her again, inhaling sharply. Fear permeated the space and yet Soren couldn’t stop himself. Nyx and Ivy had to physically carry him away, all but locking him in their fathers study.

“Don’t let him out,” Ivy instructed Nyx. “I’m getting dad.”

Soren lunged after his sister, who had the audacity to spell and ward the doorway before slamming it shut. Soren shattered it with a near violent snarl, taking down all of them with him.“You’re not the only Spell-Cleaver, Ivy!” he roared, kept in the room by Nyx and his wall of shadows. “Let me out!”

“Be reasonable,” Nyx warned, those blue eyes flashing dangerously. “You don’t know her and she’s already afraid of you.” “I need to talk to her.”

[ryozoro]

Hades Playlist - ii.

NOW PLAYING: Vampire [Dominic Fike]

cw; nothing really, very small mentions of manipulation and murder

an: SORRY FOR THE LATE UPLOAD , THINGS GOT BEHIND SCHEDULE :(

“The curious are always in some danger. If you are curious, you might never come home.” – Jennette Winterson

She couldn’t get him off her mind; ever since she met him, all her thoughts have led back to the droopy eyes and the slick back hair that seemed a lot softer than what the gel presented it as. The whole idea of her thoughts tracing back to the eldest of the Haitani’s and her heart beats mimicking each time the octave of his voice dropped with every word he spoke to her, made yn almost forget all the rules her big brother placed when it comes to men.

Why does she yearn to be in the presence of someone who would not hesitate to take her life for a laugh amongst his gang? Why does she want to run into the back allies of each street in hopes of accidentally bumping into him? Why isn’t she able to use common sense and erase the memory of him out of her head? Why does she feel like fate has strung their paths together on purpose? Why – you know what? Maybe she latched onto Ran so fast in hopes of forgetting someone else that continued to plague her mind daily. Maybe she is becoming obsessed with idea of someone not seeing her as a kid. That has to be it, right? Ran, ‘Tani-Senpai,’ shares the same interest and even wants to talk to her later as if they have been old friends. That has to be it —

“Yn!” her brother’s voice snapped her out of her thoughts. “Are you okay, ya idiot?” She took note that everyone at the table was staring at her, waiting for her to answer Draken’s question. “You’ve been spacing out since we got here,” Draken frowned as he plucked a piece of food from her plate, “are you sure that nothing happened on your bike ride to the shop?”

“If you were riding to the shop, I would have gladly picked you up,” Inupi chimed in with a soft smile. “I told you to treat me like I’m another older brother.”

“Hm,” yn hummed while avoiding eye contact with the blonde man, “wanted to surprise my troll of a brother and I figured you were off because its Tuesday.”

“Ah,” Inupi gently laughed as he watched her play with her food, “you remembered my schedule?”

Of course, she remembered his schedule. Yn knew almost everything about him; from the origins of his beautiful burn mark to his favorite snack in the vending machine back at the shop, yn knew and fell in love with it all. Draken always teased her about being in love with Mikey or Hakkai since she always seemed relaxed around them, but little did he know that his little sister was in love with his best friend and business partner.

“I’m honestly shocked that you kept it the way you did,” yn side-eyed him as she raised the other hand to pick at the bandages that wrapped along the underside of her jaw, “but at the same time, I’m not that shocked considering old people love to stick to their schedules. Wouldn’t want you straining your back, Oji-chan.”

Inupi laughed – God, she loved that laugh - whole heartedly to the point he began choking on his food. Of course, sitting with their friends and family, Inupi’s contagious laugh spread amongst the others and the people around them either ignored it very well or gave them silent glares in hopes they would stop; surprise, they did not. Hell, if anything, it got worse – so much worse – to the point that Mikey, Takemichi, and Chifuyu all fell out of their chairs.

“I – what did I say that was so funny?” yn pouted as she fished her phone out of her pocket, “I just called him the old man he was.”

“That’s why, brat,” draken flicked her forehead and chuckled, “we had made a few bets on what you would say when Inupi had talked to you. Surprisingly, Mitsuya guessed you would have called him a grandpa.” Draken and the others proceeded to give Mana’s big brother 200 yen as they got up off the floor and calmed down.

“So, Yn,” Takemichi looked her in the eyes with a dopey flushed face.

“Watch it ‘ Mitchy,” Kazutora playfully warned, “don’t wanna embarrass the poor girl since she just got back.”

“What is it, crybaby,” she asked hesitantly as she scanned over his face, noting signs of mischief lurking in the corners of his smile. “It better not be something stupid, or else I’m telling Hina-san about what you did last time you came over to the shop.”

“Oi, you’re so mean – just like your brother,” Takemichi pouts and fans his hands towards you, “but it’s just a simple question, neh.”

Yn enjoyed Takemichi’s presence more than someone from an outside point of view would have thought. He always served as a hero in her eyes as he saved Mikey from the dark path he began to walk and how he constantly reminded her brother on how much his deceased lover, Sano Emma, watches over him and guides him to all the good things that happens in his life. He was an amazing guy and one that she wished had set her expectations for her taste in men, but her heart yearns for those who are completely out of her grasp.

“Just ask or else I’m calling Hina-san,” yn smirked as she brought her phone screen into view for Takemichi to see that “Hina-san <3” contact was pulled up and only one press away from being dialed.

“Oh, you bully!” Takemichi sighed dramatically, “I was just going to ask how long you have been into gilfs?” Draken choked on his drink and Pah-chin was patting his back in hopes of easing the rough coughs. Everyone at the table began to cause even more ruckus with tears of laughter as yn sat there dumbfounded.

“w-what,” she scratched her head and looked around the table in hopes of someone taking note of her clear ignorance at the word that Takemichi had claimed her to be attracted to. Since no one answered, she decided to speak on her own, “what the hell is a gilf?” Much to yn’s dismay, the table went silent for a brief second before bursting out into an even louder fit of laughter. “Well?! What the hell is it?”

“Yn, love,” Smiley spoke between hiccups and giggles, “it’s the same thing as a Dilf or Milf, but for old people.” After he finally finished his sentence, he leaned against his twin and laughed even harder.

“I-,” yn stood up and threw her dirtied napkin and spoon at the man who made the joke, “I’m not attracted to gilfs you fuckin idiot.” Yn moved behind Takemichi and put him in a headlock, “what made you even think to say that ya CD sellin’ pervert.”

“Oi,” Draken said from above her, “let ‘Mitchy go or else I’m taking you back all the way to Fukurodani and asking them to volunteer you for the summer school tutoring.” Yn dropped her arms in defeat and made her way back to her seat. “And you,” Takemichi looked up at her brother with a teary-eyed smile, “go clean your hair up before your wedding. It’s in three days and anyone can tell you pick at your split ends during your down time at work.” Draken laughed as Takemichi’s expression turned into a pout and he began punching Draken’s solid abdomen.

“Oh,” Angry stood up abruptly, “yn, could I see ya outside really quick?” Despite his rough tone, everyone knew he was asking in the kindest way possible.

“Yeah, sure,” yn got up with a pout and made her way to the exit with Angry trailing her with a hand on her mid-back. She was confused as to why they went outside at such a fast pace, but she just assumed that Angry wanted peace and quiet away from the others. “So,” yn smiled at the younger twin, “what did you – why is your face angrier than usual?” She titled her head at the man but he was quick to grab her hand and guide her towards his bike.

“Hop on,” he straddled the seat and waited for her to do the same, “don’t worry, Draken texted me to take you back to me and Nahoya-nii’s shop. So… hurry up, please.” Souta stopped her right before she got on and placed a helmet on her head, “safety first because I’ll hurt you if you get hurt,” he said as he proceeded to adjust the straps enough to keep her safe and comfortable. “Get on, Princess,” he kicked up the kick stand and took off fast out the parking spot.

“So – uh,” yn spoke aloud as they arrived at a stop light, “why did nii-chan tell ya to take me to the shop… I wasn’t done eating.” She felt her stomach rumble and she pressed her cheek to Angry’s leather cladded shoulder blade and readjusted her grip on his waist as they began moving towards the backroads to get to the Kawata’s Ramen shop.

“I’ll make you a bowl when we get there,” he relaxed his upper body so yn wasn’t laying against hard muscles, “and we left because everyone kept staring at you.”

“Psh,” yn rolled her eyes, “they were staring because I am a strong, independent woman who managed to put a MAN in a headlock like a bad bi-.”

“Enough of your ‘bad bitch’ talk, I believe you, but I promise you that was not the reason.” Angry spoke through a breathy laugh, “the cook and the table in the corner was kept looking over you. Don’t you think it was weird how when they brought our orders out and Draken said your rice was missing an egg and the cook came out and apologized himself?”

Yn pondered on the question for a bit but then shook her head gently and nuzzled inbetween the center of Angrys’s back, “no, to be honest, I thought that the cook just hates when he messes up. It can’t be that deep, yanno? Oh! Maybe they mistook me as an idol?” She felts Angry’s laugh bubble from his chest to his shoulder blades; Souta’s laugh honestly made her feel like her jokes were genuinely funny to listen to.

“Hate to break it to you,” Angry brought the bike to a gentle stop as the arrived towards the ramen shop, “but you don’t present yourself as the ideal image of the idol you probably think you are.” Yn joined Souta in the small fits of laughter as she gently punched him in his side.

“Oh, shut up,” she let out a soft breath as she hopped off and carried the helmet with her as she made her way to the employee back door. “Open up, yeah? ‘M reeeeeally hungry.”

“Already ahead of you, ya dumb brat,” Angry bumped his hip gently against yn’s and unlocked the door and pushed her inside. They placed their helmets and jackets off in the staff room and made their way towards the kitchen where she sat at bar stools and Angry started up the stove to boil a few eggs and moved to chop up some green onions. “You want beef or chicken, idiot?”

“Sheesh, souta-kun, if ya wanted to marry me – just say that,” Yn teased as she propped her head onto her two hands, “your terms of endearment have been getting sweeter and sweeter by the minute~ but! I do want chicken please, been not feelin like eating cow and pigs lately.”

“Yer annoying,” angry threw a small, chopped onion at her, “in your dreams I’d marry you. Plus, I KNOW I’m not your type. You go for mechanics with burn marked boys that work with your brother -,”

“OKAY, NOT NEEDED,” Yn pressed her face to the counter, “asshole… He’s my type, but I’m not his. He’s like, Makima and I’m Denji… please tell me you understand that because it’s the best I got.”

“I understand it, and I just want to say that that is the most tragic thing I have heard from you in a while – oh, but back to the restaurant,” Angry said as he slid a small chocolate mochi from out the freezer and towards yn on a cute, small plate, “there was a customer who went into the back the second he heard that your order was wrong. I thought it was weird because what cook comes out that frightened when they get someone’s order wrong, but then your brother texted me saying that every man there had their eyes on you as if they were in charge of watching your every move. At first, Hakkai noticed some of the men sporting a ‘Bonten’ tattoo on their wrist, so we thought maybe they were after Mikey, but then Mitsuya texted us when he went to the bathroom that he heard some of the guys saying your name. Once that was said, Draken immediately told me to take you away from there… I do have a question for you though.” Angry began whipping up the ramen in the most tasteful way and side-eyeing the young ryuguji, “did you by chance get into it with a few Bonten member’s when you first got here? Is that why you’re all bandaged up?”

“Souta,” yn felt her heartbeat pick up but remained composed, “nothing happened with what ever ‘Bonten’ members… you know how weird some gangs are…”

“I trust you, brat,” Angry’s frown deepened once he noticed that the eggs were ready to be cut and the chicken was ready to be fried, “I just don’t want to lose another family member, okay? We babies have to stick together.” With that, he paid no mind to the situation, making a small mental note to tell Draken that one of the members there probably just thought yn was pretty. “Oh,” Souta looked back at yn, “one more thing.”

“Y-yeah, of course,” yn snapped her eyes to meet his gaze, nervous that he might have picked up on the fact that she lied about not coming into contact with any members when she first arrived, “what’s up stinky?”

“Just be careful,” Angry passed her a water bottle, “don’t trust anyone who isn’t in our toman family; especially not a Bonten member. He’ll take you in, manipulate you into believing you can’t live without him, and sell you off with no cares in the world. That is, if you’re lucky enough not to be killed in the middle of the street for entertainment.” Souta turned back around to finish up the ramen.

“Yeah,” yn felt a chill go down her back, “I’ll be careful… I promise.” She honestly didn’t know how to feel, after all, she just met with the man who presented her with an unrequited love, another man who made her heart yearn to lurk into the depths of the shadows, and someone whom she considered family just told her that one of those men would lead her onto a road of misfortune. Lost in her thoughts, she felt her phone vibrate in her back pocket. She pulled on it and felt her stomach drop as she was greeted with two notifications.

Draken bacon >:D : You okay kid? We’re heading to the restaurant right now, ‘m sure nothing was wrong – just wanted ya to be safe. me and inupi there in a bit, the other boys are getting stuff together for our dinner tonight. don’t annoy angry too much <3

Tani-senpai <3: why did you leave so soon pretty girl? Didn’t mean to alarm you, but I sent your picture to quite a few of my juniors and underlings, delinquents if you will – just wanted them to know not to touch what isn’t theirs. N e Wayz, I have time now, do you want to call now?

Were the gods telling her to remember her caring brother’s rules on men or to listen to faint voice of curiosity that lingered in her young and ignorant mind?

Previous Song | Playlist | Next Song

Taglist: @richiyo @haitanigigi @chifuyusprincess

ryozoro©

[batarangsoundsdumb]

hae interrogationes multae respondeant quia demens .

if you read this entire ask post you deserve a gold star and financial recompensation

Um, Obviously because when you’re adopted by a white guy you automatically become white duhhh

this is about this post lmao and yeah youre absolutely right, you have to hand your poc card in when you get adopted by a white guy.

Do you think Cass would listen to Yanni, the YouTube channel epic symphonic rock, or some other stuff? There's some cool mashups but idk if that's up your alley, I kinda feel like I'm pushing it with my weird taste of music by recommending an orchestra cover of metal, but i just love that sort of thing and mashups :P @harvestyourcherries 

i haven’t heard of that? but in my personal (correct) opinion steph listens to classical music, and then both modern and older, and then also stuff like black sabbath, iron maiden, but also hardrock and hardcore. i like the idea of cass just liking the most extreme screaming songs full of noise and then also listen to pachelbel’s 370th sonata yanno? THANK YOU for the rec tho

speaking of ur cass playlist hc...reminds of the time (yesterday) i found 2 playlists randomly on spotify from the same user. one was abt 3 hours of instrumental/classical "dark" & "nostalgic" music. the other almost 11 hours of nothing but hardcore bass/synth/electronic music. just an incredible tightrope act to put on in public. the synth one was also called like "psalms for synth sluts" which is Also incredible

tbh i LOVE synth SO MUCH like for no reason at all but then also cannot handle a poppy electronic beat lmao. but this seems like the kinda thing i’d do but just in one (1) playlist bc i just sort songs by vibe instead of genre? that’s how i end up with britney spears and billy ray cyrus in the same playlist. 

Oh, I want Kate Kane playlist next! It would be amazing if you could do one when you have time and will 🙏

how rude would it be of me to just say no? like sorry kate but idk you and also you seem way too keen on the us military for an institution that homophobically targeted you? (and also commits war crimes) but let’s unpack the fact that the institution that caused the death of your mom and sister and also got you blacklisted for being gay is still one you align with???

'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' --- when i tell you i fucking screamed LOL!!!!!!! i can imagine the cameraman not knowing if he should cut to commercial or keep it on these two weirdos fighting on stage (bruce definitely ruffled dick's hair/noogied him right?? 

about this post but yeah lmao. this cameraman just turns to like the audience to get a reaction and it’s just multiple moments of CLEAR shock.

you are the only funny person on this hellsite

how egotistical is it for me to say that i get this ask multiple times a month? bc it literally happens so often it’s hilarious to me.

Wish there was more john/Bruce content 😔😔😔 was so hungry I actually looked at canon media 😔😔😔 (Justice League Dark babeeeyyyyyy)

check out batman: damned for some mediocre content but at least it’s john/bruce (also very interesting story and stuff, just got very >:( over this weird part where harley quinn tried to r*pe bruce or something? it’s not for everyone)

dick grayson but he's nicki minaj

his anaconda don’t want none,,, unless...... 

Dick Grayson was never a cop, he played Marshall on Paw Patrol

you are SO right. also paw patrol is a fucking good show idc. that shit could’ve been the new steven universe on this hellsite.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CS1lI0bLI7-/?utm_medium=copy_link

...

why do people keep reposting my CONTENT. if you are not funny yourself don’t just grab shit off of tumblr and post it on insta,,, get a life. sidenote: should i start an insta and get all these ppl to take my content down that would be funny as hell.

Might I suggest for a Gotham City Meme: something about the true crime fandom thirsting for the rogues gallery

ok can i just say something slightly controversial?? no? i don’t find true crime ppl who are into criminals funny, that shits disturbing irl im not gonna bring that into my very chill universe.

i may have never seen a 'jason cleaning guns in sink' fic but i do know he WOULD

THANK YOU

bestie im sorry to say this to you but while you can, and people do wash their guns in the sink, that is a lot of lead in a very vital part of the kitchen.

people tend to do it in the bathtub.

WHY???? like damn why do you even have guns

i dont think i read many gun sink fics exactly but i have read lots of fics where jason cleanes his guns in the living room. usualy dissembles them and cleans them with a rag i think

lmao fair enough, like i think that’s a large part of what i remember as well.

if you say you've seen/read gun sink fics I believe you. I think those of us who didn't see them are lucky or maybe didn't search for fics by tags or something idk

i mean ive never sought them out but i HAVE seen them,, like definitely i know almost for certain.

saw your tags and I'm interested in Steph/Kara now. They would be the most chaotic couple <3

literally thoooo, i have a wip where they get together in a zombie apocalypse and like UGGGHhhh i am so in love with them.

I am the Breece anon. Thanks for the recommendation; am reading now. I’ve always been a hardcore Superman fan because I love my pure himbo farm boy. My logic is, if one Bruce is a Broose, then multiple Broose are a herd of Breece. And this is a hill upon which I will perish.

fair enough,,,, like moose, meese, goose, geese, bruce, breece. i get your logic and i stand by it as well. (glad you enjoyed the comic recs!!!!)

It's a beautiful day in Gotham, and you are a group of horrible Breece

OH my god dude lmao

there only being 42 fics on ao3 for tim and bernard is honestly so sad i need more

it’s like twice that now!!! we did it lads. (tho very sad that my fic isnt number one but like number 4 :((((  )

i'm too late you already did the poll lol but may i suggest bethy (bernard + timothy)

shit dude that wouldve been so fucking funnyyyyy. think ppl have just stuck to timber tho, tim/bernard kinda died down recently and i think it’s too bad, they’re a great couple and i love them.

Wait, hear me out

Bernothy @redlightofdawn

great recommendation (lmao this ask is from like a month ago) but very sorry to announce that NARDTH is the superior shipname

Wait, we know that bernard likes milfs (Tim's step-mom) but what about dilfs? gilfs?

Wait no, I regret sending that ask

these were two seperate asks and they’re HILARIOUS. in my personal opinion tho,,, milfs, gilfs, dilfs are just about vibes and bernard is just attracted to sexy ppl who may sometimes be milfs, dilfs, or EVEN gilfs.

crime in bludhaven would drop to half if nightwing had a boob window. in this essay i will-

WHERE’S THE ESSAY ANON, WHERE’S THE FUCKING ESSAY

Wait if Barbra and Tim r at opposite ends at all times what happened to Barbra once everyone’s Tim’s ever love before started dying lol

she won a lottery ticket and spent 2 weeks on a resort in the bahamas before returning home and finding out that the joker was arrested for tax evasion and then spent a month staying at her big tiddie goth girlfriend’s house before conner came back to life and she broke her pinkie playing table hockey.

Why is the opposite end thing so funny and compelling to me. Tim comes back from his depression quest for Bruce and Babs is now a literal god

lmao when tim loses his spleen barbara reaches nirvana.

Are you still taking music recs because I have three songs that remind me of Jason that I think you'd like

send to me or lose a toe

🌸 ⭐ put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. it’s time to spread positivity! ⭐🌸😋

thanks, i wont tho on account of i wont.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMduBy3Sr/

⬆️

This is the whole of Blüdhaven and everyone anywhere.

Nightwings ass alone saves more people in a calendar year and does more for so society than most heroes do their whole career.Also u are one of the funniest tumblr pages out there. The vibes are unmatched and the memes and tags ✨send me✨.Thank u and goodnight @julia-flow 

fanksss also lmao.

That's going to be a little bit difficult to explain, but

There's some music that you listen to and you think, "oh my gosh, I can perfectly imagine Dick Grayson singing this song, with the same voice as the singer because that voice matches with Dick Grayson"?

oh yeah totally lmao. i have a lot of songs that i think are just entirely dick grayson yanno? kind of all of my playlists have that vibe, but i really find bleachers to fit with dick? idk.

"Lois lane/Superman" fics this, "Lois lane/Clark Kent" fics that, (/lh) let's get into the real good stuff. Some people ship Lois, Clark, and Superman as a throuple. Most popular fic tag for sure

yes totally, i think they’d be absolutely killer on ao3 and clark gets so fucking embarassed about it.

I miss your post, hope you’re doing okay!!

haha this was like 2 months ago, but i was doing fine then too! just didn’t have a lot of inspiration in terms of content.

Doot doot!

noot noot

I’m confused. What did DC do now? Like with nightwing? And another sibling? Please spoil everything for me

lmao they gave him a secret sister plotline where they had his dad cheat on his mom with tony zucco’s wife, bc dick’s life wasn’t traumatic enough yet.

sorry but it's so funny that batman is called "the dark knight" when the gotham city baseball team is called the gotham knights. it'd be like if a vigilante was running around new york called like "the scary yankee"

lmaooo no. but like yankee comes from dutch names or something so wouldnt it be HILARIOUS if gotham knights came from like german names and bruce would be running around called the dark KLAUS UND NIEK @graysonnightwing 

(not a batcest shipper) it’s so funny to me that the responses are “i’m a batcest shipper because i can differentiate fiction from reality and and it doesn’t bother me personally, but i understand why you oils think it’s weird” to “i wish all batcest shippers a very fucking die”

yeah lmaoo. i personally basically flipped my entire stance around to ‘i dont care please leave me and everybody else alone’ bc i think there’s really no point in starting a moral dillema over some fucking fandom bullshit. Please just,,, go home,,, log off, find a nice forest to have a little walk in and remember that somewhere in history, somebody probably died in the place you’re standing. and you will also die someday, and somebody will have to look at your internet usage and see you fighting multiple people anonymously while being named ‘nightwingsbuttchin200186′ like... calm down, we’re all gonna die this is not the thing to worry about.

so since like "wards" don't really exist in modern society almost all the batkids are foster kids, right? i used to work in the system and imagine: monthly visits from social workers and guardian ad litems, bruce having to get permission to take the boys anywhere out of state, calling their social worker at like 8 a.m. like "yeah dick broke his arm again... a gymnastics accident this time...." their poor social worker. bruce send her a huge bouquet and box of chocolates every month to stay on her good side

i imagine the social worker just getting into the case like ‘yeah let’s get this kid a good guardian’ and then ending up having to work with 22 y/o bruce wayne and his 50 y/o dad. and so this social worker is like ‘okay we can work with this, this is the best home i can find’ and then like it ends up landing on its feet and then the kid gets adopted and then they get a call a year later like ‘uhm so hi, this kid tried to steal my tyres can i adopt him?’ and like 3 years later. ‘okay so basically, my neighbours’ kid imprinted on me and now they’re dead, can i keep him?’ two years later it’s like ‘okay so this assassin child-’

ever since I saw that one post of yours, the meme that's something like "I know that abba's backup dancer got me" with a picture of discowing, I've been haunted. Every once in a while I'll be minding my own business then the image of abba's backup dancer dick grayson aka nightwing aka discowing will flash in my mind and I'll be frozen in place. Today at work I was in the middle of folding clothes and suddenly once again discowing entered my mind and I suddenly lost the ability to see anything except He. Thank you.

wow. the IMPACT.

Braver than any US marine man props to you🤝

this shit is about the time i wrote an article on batcest, like man,,, the fact that i didn’t get cancelled is MIRACULOUS. also like,,, uh if anybody on here did gossip on me,, send screenshots i’d love to see it.

Hello, just wanted to say your article was great. Thank you for taking the time to provide an unbaised answer. It should provide people with nuances they couldn't possibly conjure on their own.

May I ask where your username originates from?

yes you may (also thanks!!!) i thought it up when i was trying to find an original username bc i didnt want to be called like ‘timdrakes something something’ or ‘jason todd something smoething’ or ‘dick grayson something something’ yanno? so i thought batarangs, they sound so dumb and that’s my username story... now it’s my whole entire brand lmao.

yno that bit in kick ass where red mist asks kick ass if he wants a hit of his blunt, was that the inspo for stoner tim

no? it’s bc i think stoners are hilarious and drugs are great. (dont do drugs tho) 

How would u feel if someone actually wore one of those bruce or ollie pride shirts u edited

fenomenal next question.

Dick as lil huddy and Jason as James gave me radiation poisoning and now I’m screaming crying throwing up so thx for that

(Rico suave as Tim is perfect tho literally no changes needed)

i was so funny for that shit wasn’t i??? lmao i loved those weird ass fancasts

You're doing the Lord's work by providing us with all these Gotham/Metropolis citizens memes, thank you for being so relentlessly funny @nellethiel-aranel

you’re welcome!! i really enjoy making memes, but getting validation for my content and my memes is REALLY nice.

Bruce is such a slut in your memes and honestly i love that for him @rhodey-rhudert-rhodes-main 

he’s that much of a slut irl too dw.

Bruce and Alfred have an emergency pride flag for the batkids. Oliver Queen printed an emergency "I love my gay son" t-shirt and as soon as Roy told him he was dating Jason, Oliver started wearing that shirt everyday and Roy always cringes when he sees it. Oliver also has an emergency "I love my lesbian daughter" shirt just in case for Cissie.

lmao YES i had a post like this bc like all of their kids/family members are so gayy

stop bringing back batfam fancasts it is not real it is not real it is not- 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

oh yes it is my darling.

did discowing burn down the notredam because he hates the bees? @allulily

no he did it bc fuck the french.

im gonna beg for 1 thing and 1 thing only. please please please put physical by olivia newton john on dick's playlist

okay then beg. bc i wont. physical reminds me too much of glee and that hurts me mentally.

your playlist is sorely missing some Madonna. Specifically Into the Groove, Like a Prayer, and Vogue

i’m scared of madonna that’s why she’s not on there. she haunts me in my dreams.

suggestion: son of batman by aaron dews for dick’s playlist🤩

sorry, i listened to it and the vibe didn’t agree with me.

Hear me out, metropolis citizens sending rare pair fics of Clark Kent x Superman fics to Lois to edit

yes, absolutely hilarious. even more funny if they send like physical copies, no address attached and lois sends it back marked with red ink, SOMEHOW

Imagine all the smut Clark must of read editing the fics

clark reads smut confirmeeed

NOT LOIS READING SUPERBAT PORN AND EDITING IT A 2AM 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

hc that alfred is a meta that boosts healing factor of the people around him. if the bats are injured as much as they seem to be they would be doing bat stuff MAYBE half the year. no one including alfred knows about this. whenever the kids move out they inexplicably dont recover from injuries as fast and feel better whenever they visit the manor they just chalk it up to homesickness. bruce just thinks he heals really fast. alfred thinks everyone doesnt take care of themselves properly @finchcollector

that’s actually such a great idea, but i think that alfred would find out and learn how to concentrate it better so he can help more people, bc he’s great and i love him.

One of your dickfast posts reminded me of that tweet that goes: 'so you've had sex how many times? Yeah technically that's not a bromance' lol that's dickwally or dickroy

literally tho. like that’s all of dick’s friendships. once it gets past a certain time dick is like ‘wow i wonder what it would be like to make out with wally, wally come make out with me’ and wally’s like ‘we’ve done this like 40 times, dick, you know what it’s like’ and dick is like ‘sorry are you complaining?’ and they just make out.

superfam and batfam associations??

-batman and superman

-dick/barabara and supergirl?

-conner and tim

-jon and damian

pls enlighten me I am confused

nope,,, uhm batman and superman, but dick and superman as well, and then conner and tim, jon and damian and steph + babs with supergirl

I came across a fic in which Wonder Woman calls Batman "Stella" (like Stellaluna, the children's book) and I can imagine the batkids hop on the trend and maybe copies of the book appear at random places (aka, everywhere Bruce frequents)

sorry can’t reciprocate that was the name of my high school chemistry teacher and it gives me nightmares to think about.

good human what are your pronouns?

wouldn’t you like to know?

I need me some gothamites preferring harley over joker memes

everyone prefers harley over joker youre just very fucked up if you dont

don't understand why people try to add like veteran policy to the batfamily

dick pulling out his veteran batfam member card so he can eat first: step aside, peasants

Do you know the song Simmer by Haley Williams? It (the first verse anyways) reminds me of Jason? It's about rage.

damn yeah i LOVE HAYLEY!!!! youre right thoo

Okay so I like listen to your stoner Tim Drake playlist 24/7 but would he listen to skegss? Also I keep adding songs mentally it’s killing me 😩✋🏼 Anyways,, I literally love and worship your playlist 😃🤞🏼 And uh yeah have a good day ✨

stoner tim drake playlist is lyfeeee. also dont know who skeggs is? i’m stupid? have a good day!!

All the Robins (and Batgirl) decide to trade costumes for one night just to fuck with Batman and all the villains in Gotham. @subspacecadet 

batman knows it’s them youknow but like,,, what does he call them? he’s like ‘red hood?’ and 3 people answer and he’s not about to compromise some identities so he’s just Pissed.

I aspire to treat cops the way my dad treats them. This man is a 45 year old Asian immigrant to the US and the treats them like his pets. He talks about them like unruly children. Sometimes he pays off local cops to shut up and stop acting racist. And usually it works. I don’t know why but I can see Oliver Queen doing this

vibes... and also yes? oliver queen handing a local cop a donut to shut the fuck up lmao. but yanno i commit enough crimes to not really want to ever see a cop ever, so they kinda scare the everloving fuck out of me.

seeing as tim hasn't aged in years, that means he was 17 at peak emo tumblr era. im back on my emo tim bullshit and im not letting it go

emo tim had a wattpad account send tweet

People seem to think that batman is so dark and serious when the rainbow batsuit is right there. He wore it with no shame.

dude the 60s were a DIFFERENT TIME

dick grew up in a circus, jason grew up on the streets, and tim was probably raised by the internet

all of them cuss every other word and you cannot tell me otherwise

bitch i KNOW but dc has to change to an 18+ rating if they want to sell comix with swear words in them so we gotta deal with imagining the swear words in ourselves

thoughts on teen titans and young justice

haven’t seen teen titans on account of havent seen it and young justice was LITERALLY my favourite thing ever, tho i do gotta admit it’s not at all similar to the young justice comics unfortunately. i really wouldve liked to see timmy bart kon cassie and cissie animated on tv!!

ew ew ew how to delete batcest shippers I genuinely digust them

log off tumblr?

Okay as poc who was called racist for calling an Italian pastabrain: in the batfam are Italians bit Damian just yells various insults about the others being Italian. Just him yelling “What are you doing you moronic spaghettihead!” At steph etc

huh? i meant real italians. homeboy is telling steph he hopes she chokes on her fucking garlic.

I think it's dumb as hell to pull the batman is the best fighter in the batfam argument because like it's just irresponsible of Bruce to let his kids fight when they couldn't possibly be on his league or something

fair enough, but also like who cares they could all kill you just sit down and take a beating.

lady shiva, thalia al ghul and Selina Kyle are all milfs @notanothertimburtonenthusiastugh 

unfortunately, i have to admit,,, you’re right

why tf didn't someone give joker a death sentence already? like he's a mass murderer...give him the electric chair treatment wtf

idk i think plenty of people would have tried to murder him already (boring answer is: he is a popular character so they can’t kill him off bc he brings in lots of money)

There’s no such thing as “ copaganda”.

all american media is propaganda. happy to clear this up for you

is it bad that I find lady shiva owa owa

no. find her as owa owa as you want.

aight I'm guessing the order of your favs in batfam:

1. tim

2. Steph

3. dick

4. Duke

5. the rest

you’re wrong but it’s cute that you tried, i generally don’t have favourites, but i have a special place in my heart for steph, tim, dick and cass. bc they were like my introduction to batfam. but damian, jason, duke, bruce, babs and alfred are NOT FORGOTTEN OR UNLOVED

oh my god i was literally just readily willing to believe that italians werent white ty for clarifying it was a joke im so dumb sdkvjskdfs

i mean some italians aren’t white? italian is a nationality as well as an ethnicity, so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

since I saw so many people doing headcanons about the nationalities of batboys, I see Dick as an Italian.

dont know if youre serious or not, but sure.

super random but

jason 🤝 damian

old english

lmao fair enough.

tim absolutely has 1 gay uncle and his parents shit talk said uncle all the time so after bruce adopts him he specifically reaches out to this uncle to be like "heyyyy just so you know you majorly influenced my life yes i know i havent seen you since i was 5 and at the family reunion yes i know you dont remember my name idc thank you im gay too" and then they never talk again.

yuppp lmao that’s definitely something that could happen. i can also consider tim having no family members, like none. until he does like a dna test and he realises he has like an aunt living barely 2 miles away from him who’s like some illegitimate child of his grandpa.

I dare you one of them sends clark superman/clark fic and clark corrects the shit out of it and then goes like ps his dick is not that big, just telling as someone who has seen it. internet either explodes or goes who tf did he not fuck at this point.

i think everybody would call clark a buzzkill and try to cancel him over that.

so you're telling me Tim Drake wouldn't buy Starbucks?

no. dunkin donuts all the way

One of my favorite things is imagining people finding out jason came back from the dead and being like "oh no does he have magic powers now?!?!?" and he just pulls out a gun and tries to shoot joker

now he doesn’t even have the gun :) lmao

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

bruce gets codename ‘ugh’ everytime. he hates it.

crazy that tim being a 17 y/o ceo and a stoner who does brand deals are all actual canon things written in detective comics comics and not made up for shits and giggles by you, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb @rowdeyclown

SO CRAZY HUH?

batman au where everything is the same but his utility belt is bright pink

absolutely, but i raise you, his boots light up like sketchers when he kicks people.

unbeknownst to the superhero fandom writers in the dcuniverse, clark and BRUCE are one of the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag on ao3. clark writes the best lois x superman angst, full of unhappy endings and scenes that are a so detailed you'd think you were in the middle of a superhero beatdown. bruce made an ao3 account to fuel "the do the butts match" thing, and makes batman/bruce fics from time to time. he wrote a superbat fic as a joke but ended up making it REAL porny. @concrastinator

dude they’re WAY too busy for that. Oliver Queen and Hal Jordan on the other hand are the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag writing what is Mostly porn.

When the dining table topic gets to politics, Steph says "eat the rich" as the solution

bruce just silently takes away her fork and knife while she’s talking.

[dykesymmetry]

ok here’s the thing, why have dilf phil, when we have a perfectly good dilf puffy?

puffy is a father of three (i think?), a fucking pirate, an ex knight, and at least tolerates kids

on top of all that she’s got rainbow hair, which is just pure badassery

EXACTLY this is what ive been sayin. puffy is a dilf, milf, and gilf, she's got a pirate outfit (sexy) instead of an anime cosplay (not sexy), she'd have sex w you and then look after your kids and THAT is the dilf energy ive been talkin about

[chocoenvy]

oh god now that i see the pryo and hydro archons i feel like i'm gonna need to get a zhongli shield but for my wallet

IKR THEY'RE SO AAAAASSAHGASHGHSAGHSDG

reasons why archons are the best from number one self proclaimed archon simp (note that after the three released archons, the rest is headcanon and speculation):

Anemo - twink, plays lyre, singing voice is top tier, adorable gremlin that is platonically married to at least three people, genuinely cares about his people and the ideals he and the city of Mond upholds as the archon and city of freedom, twink

Geo - dilf, borderline gilf, he kicks his spear, had a long and embarrassing rebellious phase, the most adorable dad energy (the way he spoke to Hu Tao during lantern rite i just <3), his voice <3, his laugh <3, he and venti probably take trips to the other archons to make them feel better<3333

Electro - milf, Ei is adorable, I want Raiden to inlaid me upon her statue, gay as shit, hER SMILE IS THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD, HER LINE WHEN THUNDER STRIKES GENUINELY MAKES ME CRY I JUST <33333 HER <333 IS SO HOT <3333, the way she says desserts, HER VOICE IS PERFECT <3, she's purple, literally abandoned her child now that's the kind of emotional instability i need in my life /j

hydro - milf, very powerful, probably has control over Fontane, ruler of a country = hot. Example: Ningguang, Ei, Jean <333, probably has an electro gf and we love those

Dendro - literal baby, those lil dendro slimes? yeah they carry them around all the time as comfort bc i said. Dendro visions are rare bc they're just shy and <3333333 adorable absolute baby they and venti are probably besties and if they're not then they want to get to know each other but don't want to make the other uncomfortable

Pyro - literally hot, dilf or milf, gives me xinyan vibes but uh better, goes absolutely insane when they hyperfixate on smth, can use all weapons bc fuck you, muscly, rock hard stomach +arms, thighs? thighs.

Cryo - do i need to say anything? Do i really have to? hot tall milf with 12 unruly children, idc what you say i like to thing she mourned la signora bc she genuinely cares no matter how much she tries not to, soft so fucking soft, the cuddle ability is 10000000/10, she has a million soft coats imagine snuggling your face into that skjsdlskdfjasdf, cupping her face <333 she'd melt <333 her face going red would be such a lovely sight. No bc i want to be aether, captured by the fatui, held at the mercy of the tsaritsa and harbingers, ballroom dancing with childe and the tsaritsa as your life is in her hands and she toys with it <3333

[creamyroll]

✿♡He must think.. that I’m dumb and innocent. But I’ve shown who I really am♡✿

💕 Kimmi 💕

They/Them 🌸 She/Her 🌸 He/Him

18

✿Please Read✿

This is MOSTLY a sfw blog, but I do have a n-sfw tag under - friends I am troubled;) -

I do request you block this tag if uncomfortable with n-sfw content:)

♡Other Tags & Meanings♡

You have blood on your face my friend:(- Gore

My friends are traumatic:(- For more sensitive post, trauma core, vents ect.

We steal from our friends:) - Post I take from other blogs

We thank our friends:) - Post that are sent to me/Post I'm tagged in

little guys:) - Usually art and cute figures!!

My friends have good eyes - for more " aesthetic " looking things:)

My friends are pretty cute:) - For reallyreally cute stuff

Friend time:) - Asks

:) - And this is just post from me

(All tags in red will be the first few tags below! Please block them, or any of the tags above:) Your comfort and safety is the first priority)

✿Likes✿

Pink, Women, Himbos, We BearBears, Dumb Stinky Animals, Religion Slander- In General and Kink Wise, Gilfs, PopColor, Big Dumb Slutty Men in Muzzles, Milfs, Vintage Toys & Trinkets, KidCore(Primary, Neon, or Pastel), BabyCore, Sanrio(Favs being- Little Twin Stars, My Piano, Pochacco, & Pompompurin- Gloomy?), CareBears, Strawberry Shortcake, Yami Kawaii, Gore- Body Horror, andandnandand- Dilfs:)

♡Final Words♡

Please feel free to take a look around before you decide to follow/sending an ask or a message:)

Speaking of sending ask and messages, feel free to send one or a few! I love talking with people:)

Welcome to masslike/sending me many things, while I do have notifications on, my phone is on silent 99℅ of the time, so I don't mind:)

✿♡What people consider precious is different for everybody♡✿

[jesterjamz]

I am checking Spencer for sexyman traits

I will list them here

Male aligned (potentially, he is genderfluid)

Light skinned (we have seen this in her video with blood on their hands) Possibly inhuman (do you believe a human would come up with what he has done?)

Chaotic morality (seen throughout the trolling/arg)

Villain

We don't know what she dresses like

We do not know if Spencer is lanky/thin however from their arms they appear so

Usually an asshole (I mean.......)

Sad backstory (more so sad lore)

Snarky demeanor behind a more intense side (trolling but then committing murder)

We do not know Spencer's appearance

Disheveled (probably)

4th wall breaking (they've broken it once)

Hopefully not a capitalist

NOT A DILF/GILF (however has stated she wants to be a milf and dilf)

Quotable catchphrase (I'm shit them)

We are unaware of Spencer's full power

Eye imagery (In one story on Wattpad, they have a picture of an eye as the cover)

Oncelerization (probably and hopefully not. some evidence of alternate universes can be found throughout his story though)

Definitely not a father figure

Gay/Gay coded (We do not know Spencer's sexuality other than she never really liked men until the male appeared.)

We do not know if Spencer is glowing neon, however their theme is black and bright red

Intelligent (They seem to be more intelligent then they let on)

Purple is not a significant part of Spencer

Theme song (Spencer has a few songs such as The Distortionist associated with them)

We do not know if she is an urban legend

i mean that all checks out but spencer is also a real person & therefore can’t be a sexyman

[stitch1830]

Hiya. How do you think would the gaang (Sokka Katara Toph and Zuko) react to someone calling their parents dilfs/milfs?? Extra points if someone calls Gyatso a gilf and Aang hears it.

Hi Anon, thank you for the ask! Another one that had me laugh out loud when I saw this, and can't say I've given this much thought. But let's give it a go!

I think the general rule when a person hears that their parent is a milf/dilf/(or gilf in Aang's case) is to be mortified. That's their parent! They don't want to hear that. Ever. lol.

Sokka and Katara would eventually get used to it though... Because so many people come up to them and say that to them, and flipping out and waving their arms at the person isn't deterring their opinions. So, my guess is that after the thousandth person comes up to them and says "Wow, your dad is a DILF," they're just like "We get it, can you please stop telling us???"

For Toph? My guess is that she can tell if a person thinks her parents are attractive by the way they react to their presence or something. So before the person can even confess that her parents are hot, she'd probably mess with them. She'd think they're absolutely crazy for thinking sinful thoughts about her parents, but she'd give them shit for it, so it evens out. And Toph would be merciless... Dropping hints, innuendos, just calling them flat out, the works. And even though her parents are annoying, if anyone went up to them and made moves on her parents... She'd pummel them into the ground lol.

Zuko might throw in a line like "How can you say that???" but really, I just feel like he would have no idea how to react. Like, his father is his least favorite person in the world, and his mother was presumed dead or just... gone for years. And even if Ursa came back into the picture, I'm not sure he'd be able to provide a coherent response to the MILF/DILF confessor.

Aang, depending on how old he was when someone told him this, would probably not think much of it at first. Like, if he's a kid, I can see him going up to Gyatso and saying, "Gyatso! My friend says you're a GILF! How cool!" Cue 0_o look from Gyatso (if the man knows what it means lmao). If Aang is older and knows what it means, I think he might chuckle hesitantly and babble on about how Air Nomad culture is very fluid and so are relationships, but I think he would balk at the idea of his guardian being considered hot and all.

And... those are my initial thoughts! lol. Thank you again for the question, Anon. Feel free to send more, and I hope you have a great day!

[fauzhee10069]

The Oldest and Youngest Parent in JJBA

Ever wonder which character became the oldest & youngest parent in JJBA? Let me do a favor for you.

Most of the data is taken from the jojowiki’s character pages, where you can look at the original source as a citation (something like [...], a number) to confirm its validity.

For some (or rather, most) of the characters, only their birth year is known. If so, I'd automatically assume January 1st as the default calculation, hence the [±] symbol besides their DOB… and yes, I left out the parents whose DOB is totally unknown at all.

This post is not meant to look for 'accuracy', but only for 'estimation' and silly fun fact. Let’s begin:

Jonathan Joestar: (±20)

Erina Pendleton-Joestar: (±20)

George II Joestar: (±31)

Lisa Lisa: (±32)

Kars: (±90,000) (adoption)

Joseph Joestar: (±21)

Kujo Holy: (±28)

DIO: (±118)

Higashikata Ryohei: (±18)

Higashikata Tomoko: (±21)

Diavolo/Vinegar Doppio (yeah, they’re the same person): (±18)

In the anime, Diavolo’s birth year was written as 1965, but it is hardly considered canon compared to his manga information (1967) that have been around for more than 20 years.

Kujo Jotaro: (±22)

Higashikata Norisuke I (SBR’s DOB): (±50)

Higashikata Norisuke I (JJL’s DOB): (±26)

How can he had two versions of birthday? Find out more here.

Mrs. Brando/Diego’s mom: (±17)

The DOB of Diego Brando’s mother was never mentioned, but you can do simple calculation based on Diego’s childhood flashback in chapter 30 (which 23 – 6 = 17):

Hirose Suzuyo: (±25)

Joseph Joestar (JJL): (±35)

Kira Holy-Joestar: (±23)

Kira Yoshiteru: (±37)

Higashikata Norisuke IV: (±27)

(Higashikata) Caato: (±20)

Her birth year in her wiki page is written as 1960, but she can’t be 52 years old in 2011 if she was born in that year.

Higashikata Jobin: (±23)

Higashikata Mitsuba: (±22)

The Breakdown

The oldest parent in JJBA is obviously Kars (±90,000), but if you just want to consider it biologically, it is DIO (±118). As for just the human (non-supernatural beings), the oldest parent would be Norisuke I (±50).

Unfortunately, there are two versions in Norisuke I’s DOB. So, if you only want to consider the one with unambiguous data, it will be Kira Yoshiteru (±37).

Unfortunately (again), Yoshiteru is very much unknown other than being Holy’s then husband (deceased) with zero background and appearance. So, if you want to limit it to a well-known character, it will be Lisa Lisa (±32).

There are also Kira Yoshikage’s parents in part 4, but unfortunately, their age and DOB were never mentioned:

The youngest parent in JJBA is Diego Brando’s mother (±17). Unfortunately, she was not a named character (despite her being an MVP in the flashback). So, if you want to limit it to well-known character, they would be Higashikata Ryohei and Diavolo (±18), only the month of their birth will determine who is the younger one (which is sadly unknown).

The parents whose their first-born’s DOB is unknown:

Johnny Joestar: (-26)

Higashikata-Rina Joestar: (-24)

Higashikata Norisuke II: (-36)

Higashikata Norisuke III: (-44)

Summary

The characters who became parent in their teens: Diego Brando’s mother, Higashikata Ryohei and Diavolo.

The characters who became parent in their 20s (from early to late): Jonathan Joestar, Erina Pendleton-Joestar, (Higashikata) Caato, Joseph Joestar (part 2), Higashikata Tomoko, Higashikata Mitsuba, Kujo Jotaro, Kira Holy-Joestar, Higashikata Jobin, Higashikata-Rina Joestar, Hirose Suzuyo, Johnny Joestar, Higashikata Norisuke I (JJL’s DOB), Higashikata Norisuke IV, Kujo Holy.

The characters who became parent in their 30s: George II Joestar, Lisa Lisa, Joseph Joestar (part 8), Kira Yoshiteru.

The immortal parents: Kars and DIO

Bonus: How old when they became grandparents?

Unfortunately, the posthumous grandparent (aka. those who are already deceased before their first grandchild were born) will be excluded.

Erina Pendleton-Joestar: (±51)

Lisa Lisa: (±54)

The Great-gradma Erina: (±73)

Joseph Joestar (part 2): (±49)

The Great-gradma Lisa Lisa: (±82)

Higashikata Ryohei: (±39)

Long-lived grandma Lisa Lisa & her second grandchild: (±95)

Kujo Holy: (±50)

Higashikata Norisuke IV: (±50)

(Higashikata) Caato: (±43)

Joseph Joestar (part 8): (±58) (status unknown)

The youngest grandparent in JJBA is Higashikata Ryohei (±39), he hadn't even reached the age of 40 yet.

The oldest grandparent in JJBA is Joseph Joestar (part 8) (±58), but just like Yoshiteru’s case, Joseph is very much unknown other than being Kira Holy’s father with zero background and appearance (we don't even know if he's still alive or dead).

Therefore, if you want to limit it to a well-known character, it will be Lisa Lisa (±54) once again.

Summary

The character who became grandparent in his (late) 30s: Higashikata Ryohei

The character who became grandparent in their 40s (from early to late): (Higashikata) Caato (no wonder she still looks hot af) & Joseph Joestar (part 3).

The characters who became grandparents in their 50s (from early to late): Kujo Holy, Higashikata Norisuke IV, Erina Pendleton-Joestar, Lisa Lisa, Joseph Joestar (part 8).

My personal confession:

Currently, I’m a 27 years old single with no child (will be 28 in the end of this year) and both my parents in their 55 are still grandchildless. I wonder when will I finally get married and have my own kids. Which category do I fall into with JoJo milf, dilf and gilf?

But then again, see the various age ranges in which JoJo characters become parents and and grandparents makes me optimistic.

I mean, there are young parent and grandparent who unfortunately don't live long (Jonathan, Diego’s mom, Johnny, Jobin, etc) where some of them did not have time to see their descendants born.

And then there is Lisa Lisa, a character who falls into the category of parent in her 30s, and yet she lived a long life and was still around when her family keep growing up, even she is still relatively healthy at the age of 99.

I maybe can’t be considered a young parent or grandma in the future, but I hope I live a long and healthy life like Lisa Lisa, be productive and still around for my ‘future’ family. I’m no longer bea parent in my early 20s, but I can try to maintain my youthful look like Lisa Lisa.

I’m aware that majority of JoJo characters died from danger & fate, not due to the bad lifestyle. However, in order to live a long life, we as humans can only strive to live a healthy lifestyle, maintain happiness and health, be it physically and mentally. The rest is up to the God and His fate.