#mickey FITS being a crow

[horseshoegirl]

Dragon Age: AntivanCrow!MickeyGarcia

When I tell you I have a soft spot for the Crows .... 👀 Mickey just fits into their world... 🖤

The rooftop smelled of wet stone and stale chimney smoke, a stench Mikhael, or Mickey as his cousin liked to tease him with, had long since stopped noticing. The city of Kirkwall sprawled below him in jagged shadows, the faint hum of voices and clatter of wagons never truly ceasing. He crouched low, his silhouette blending with the crumbling stone parapet, his eyes fixed on his mark.

You. A forgotten Trevelyan. And a mage, no less.

You were nothing like he’d imagined when he’d taken the contract. The dossier had painted you as dangerous, a rogue apostate with ties to blood magic, someone who could snap their fingers and turn him into ash. Instead, you stood in a patch of weak moonlight outside your tiny cottage, a shawl draped over your shoulders, humming softly as you fed scraps to a mangy dog.

Not exactly the harbinger of chaos he’d been promised.

Mikhael adjusted his position, feeling the familiar weight of his twin daggers at his hips. Weeks of observation had told him one thing: you were no threat. No shady deals in dark alleys, no suspicious visitors slipping in and out of your home. Just endless days of mending clothes, tending to sick children, and healing wounds with gentle spells and elfroot that barely flickered with power.

It didn’t make sense.

The Crows didn’t take just any job. Whoever had paid the exorbitant sum for this contract clearly wanted you gone for reasons beyond what they’d told him. And yet… it wasn’t his job to ask questions. It was his job to kill.

So why had he spent three weeks not doing that?

“Don’t get soft,” he muttered under his breath.

The dog barked once, startling him out of his thoughts. You turned your head slightly, scanning the shadows. Mikhael stilled, every muscle going taut as you stared in his direction.

“I know you’re there,” you called out, voice steady but laced with uncertainty. The dog let out another growl, baring its teeth.

Mikhael debated melting into the shadows and slipping away for a split second, as he’d done so many times before. But something about how you stood there, with your chin held high despite the fear in your eyes, made him hesitate.

“Are you going to come out, or should I just start throwing fireballs?” you added, a teasing lilt to your words.

Mikhael smirked despite himself. Bold. He liked that.

Slowly, he stood, stepping into the pale moonlight. The dog growled louder but didn’t move, clearly more bark than bite. Your eyes widened, and he saw fear flicker for a moment. Then you straightened, your expression hardening.

“Well?” you demanded. “Who are you, and what do you want?”

He could have killed you then. Should have. A quick throw of his dagger would end it all, and the Crows would never know how long he’d hesitated. But instead, he found himself saying, “Just passing through.”

Your brow arched. “On my roof?”

Mikhael shrugged, his smirk deepening. “Best view in the city.”

Something told him that, for better or worse, this job was about to get a hell of a lot more complicated.

[sco07ut]

ok one person asked about the reasonings behind my furry au so here’s (almost) every character in the show (sorry)

tubbs + edward: weird inbred pug adjacent dogs, i don’t even need to explain this one but the noses, the breed’s reputation for interbreeding, the viciousness untrained dogs can exhibit

val: deer, aside from the obvious visual link (mark gatiss’s lankiness and grace when playing val has undeniable deer-like qualities) deer are also surprisingly brutal at times despite being herbivores. they’ve been known to eat small birds to supplement nutrients & i feel like this ties into her matching harvey’s freak even though he usually seems to be weirder than her at first glance

harvey: toad, for obvious reasons

benjamin: frog, because despite being in the same (animal) family, he’s too different + wrong to ever be accepted by harvey. there’s this fundament divide between them that’ll never come together. (val being a deer could also be seen as her being more accepting of benjamin since she also isn’t a toad and doesn’t have those standards)

chloe + radclyffe: frog tadpoles (in that life stage where they still have a tail but have grown all four legs), doing an excellent job at pretending to be toads

geoff: pig, pig mask from apocalypse + him being the ‘fat one’. there are probably better choices but honestly idk i’m just feeling pig vibes for geoff. perchance for violence when you least expect it but also strangely endearing

mike: boar, the slightly better version of the pig, bigger and tusk-ier. also with a violent streak (asking geoff to kill his wife in the anniversary specials). they’ve got a sort of sturdy feel about them which for some reason i relate to mike

brian: mouse, pathetic and cowardly, he never stands up for himself against geoff + just endures what’s going on, though perhaps with a bit of snark (adjacent to a mouse biting you with their tiny little mouths)

pauline: fox, animal associated with a tricky & cunning nature and in fables is almost always the crow’s opposition. fated to be enemies etc. foxes in folklore are known to use deception for their own gain or to get where they need to be (the burger thing, going behind mickey’s back as part of the deal to be released from prison, pulling off the entire dementia life insurance scam)

ross: crow, animal associated with a tricky & cunning nature and in fables is almost always the crow’s opposition. basically same as pauline, they’re both tricky and manipulate the other into doing what they need to do. also, when it comes down to physical prowess, the fox is always going to win

mickey: capuchin monkey, s3e1. on a more serious note, monkeys are associated with being creative + cheeky which i feel just work with mickey’s personality. the capuchin part comes from the fact that they have adorable sweet faces and aren’t anywhere near as terrifying as your more well known species (chimpanzees, orangutans, gorillas, whatevs)

cathy: weasel, also often considered a tricky, cunning character in fables + in my mind a weasel would be like the fox’s enemy. idk if that’s a thing in real life

hilary: cow, his dvd extras bio having his fav animal be moo cow + the cow mask in apocalypse + his wife being a literal cow

maurice + his wife: llama and goat respectively. maurice being a llama is mostly just to contrast against his wife since they’re more reluctant to just eat what they’re given, compared to goats who’ll devour whatever they can get their trotters on (linking to cutting the special stuff into her own meat, making something subpar but still edible)

sam: politicians are often associated with snakes & snakes also have a reputation for eating whatever they can fit their mouths around (sam still eating the special stuff despite acknowledging that it ‘isnt right’ or whatever he said)

farmer jed tinsel: collie, hard working farm dogs but liable to going absolutely insane if left to their own devices (see, andrew)

chinnery: giraffe, linked to the giraffe from apocalypse + just as a personal aside, melman from madagascar 2 (who becomes a shoddy doctor). also visual similarities, being tall and blonde. this one is more of a stretch but you could argue that the way giraffes give birth (standing up to allow their newborn baby to fall six feet upon entering this world) could be analogous to chinnery’s veterinary practices - swift and brutal

charlie + stella: swans, someone accurately pointed out the whole ‘mated for life’ thing, which (if we ignore the specials) is what charlie n stella are pulling off. swans are also vicious little cunts which links to their personalities quite nicely. & another stretch but swans can be fiercely protective of their offspring, which in a way could parallel the way stella copes with julie’s death, she’s fiercely protective of her memories of julie

les: songbird, but like specifically one in captivity alone, doomed to sing forever but never find their calling (sorry)

babs: peacock, much to her displeasure, visibly amab but still undeniably beautiful + eye catching

iris: rabbit, we have all heard the phrase breeding like rabbits. also, does can start procreating at 4 months old which parallels iris having judee at 14 (sorry if this is how you found out about that). i think there’s also something to say regarding iris’ like neverending supply of energy to work as many jobs as she does + also (sort of) look after 11? kids vs rabbits/hares in folklore being swift + energetic

judee: pedigree cat, the very image of wealth and luxury, her entire existence came at a high cost. these cats are also very high maintenance, between properly looking after their fur + dealing with the medical issues that can stem from dodgy breeding. stereotypically quite bitchy animals too

bernice: sheepdog, i did have a brief debate with the gf over what sort of animal would best represent a religious leader. particularly in christianity, parishioners are referred to by their pastor as a flock (& it also ties into the biblical stories of shepherds travelling to see angels or the birth of jesus or whatever), so it would stand that their leader would thematically mirror an animal that could lead a flock. i did consider a ram (especially because the horns would be a fun nod to bernice’s utter demonic personality) but ultimately i settled on an english sheepdog since they also have a bit of a rough side + have cute little fringes like bernice

pop, richie + al: wolves, distinct hierarchy in their family, reflected by how wolves will generally always submit to pack members with more authority than them

ollie: chihuahua, ne’er before have i seen an individual so clearly afflicted with little man syndrome. yappy + annoying + prone to picking fights with everyone sorry i mean the wrong people

phil: cheetah, for cheating his way to the top by sleeping with that one guy. only half joking. also partially appearance based

dave: capybara, very tolerant, reflects him putting up with ollie for so long. genuinely struggled with this so that’s the only explanation i have aside from they both also have brown fair

tish: koala, also purely vibe based. she seems like she would have stds SORRY

lance: bearded dragon, a lizard species that can regrow their limbs (lol)

ernest (ableist guy): labrador, generally well-meaning but far more likely to mess something up than actually be of benefit to anyone

mick (cave guy): mole, underground vibes

sorry can you tell i don’t have many thoughts about some of the bg characters

ally + henry: hyenas, known to be violent animals + the obvious ‘laughing’ parallels to them being cunts in the cinema and also their appreciation for killingths

vinnie + reenie: two old hens, always clucking and tutting about something. slightly scratchy personalities vs chickens being known for scratching up the ground (it’s a stretch i knoww i’m running out of ideas)

pam, pamela, whatever: elk, the bugle. that or those baby seals you see on tiktok making stupid, weirdly human noises

herr lipp: donkey, ass jokes

frau lipp: bat, vampire jokes

i wish there was more to these but it’s literally what it boils down to

papa lazarou: some sort of freakish chimera, primarily a lion (ringleader of the circus and plays into the idea of there being one lion in the pride + a bunch of lionesses, him and his wives) but with other bits and bobs of other animals like a chimpanzee (evil) and a crocodile + elephant (representing the animals he stuffed wives into). my girlfriend was also like ‘what if his extra parts were bits he took from his wives’ which i thought was hilarious and am stealing

alvin: sheep(?), thematically used to represent people who follow the crowd + are quite mainstream, in this case this refers to his sexual practices. also considered to need someone else to be the decision maker, this could apply to both sunny and judith

sunny: dolphin(?), known to seek pleasure + highs by snorting sponges or whatever. sexual freaks

judith: praying mantis. pure vibes

@dangerliesbeforeyou @sleepysuburb (hope you guys don’t mind the tag, just saw u were interested in seeing more the tags :])

[crow-grimwood]

quick update!

hello my peeps! I'm currently making a WH! Au, and I need your help for a vote!

also, when I make photos of these AUs (depending which is voted on) I will be making a separate section, One with my character Crow (who will fit for Y/N) and one for Y/N! So you can use these aus for fanart, fanfics and more! Once the voting has ended, I will make a ruleset- so here are short plots for each

Small Description:

Roomates au: The WH cast have somehow lost their way from Home, now in the world of humans they wander fearfully....days turn into weeks, food running low and Wally growing sick from all the rainy weather, poppy practically tearing her feathers out...they soon meet you- At first everyone huddles close, protecting the sick puppet. But instead of being afraid, you help them- but that was about a year ago! Now you all are roommates, living together- Granted some shenanigans happen, but...thats all apart of being friends right?

Toon town:

You're an employee at disney, a close friend with the sentient mascots in the park. You and Mickey travel daily, as he enjoys the fresh air every morning. But while you two travel...Mickey sees something ahead of you two...lying on the ground, all battered up- a 3ft puppet...You run up to them, thinking they were an injured child, but upon lifting them up- you froze....he looked familiar- Mickey immediately running to your side and aiding help he lifts up the puppet- but the mouse froze as he heard....a heartbeat- He didn't drop them, instead he ran home with you on his tail-

Alright my peeps! Go ahead and make a vote! And I'll finish the story of the one with the highest vote!

[k0k0-library]

Something about the spirit animals ain't sitting right with me

Ok, so. Something's been awfully wrong about the brother's spirit animals and I can't seem to be able to put it into words actually. Sorry if it doesn't make sense and it's rude. I am literally writing this deciding if should sleep or think about retribution....

Lucifer's peacock gives me the ich. I mean, ok, sure, fine. He's the avatar of pride and stuff... but a peacock? Should I remind you that if you pluck this lil fuckers tail it dies? (I didn't actually know that when small but oh well. poor little birds). And plus, it's not even the symbol of any solemn type of bullshit. No, it's the type of pride you take on when you try to impress "ya grill".

Mammon and crows... maybe I can accept it since his personality revolves around loyalty but also stealing shiny stuff... but idk. It feels really weird that he gets to be compared with a crow. Yes, he can be surprisingly smart, as shown in his Devilgram cards. But maybe a cat could fit better. The elements of pure chaos and mischief are missing from the crow.

Leviathans... a snake. Ok, letting aside that actually in the bibble the snake is not portraited by envy, but by misleading intents and better truth; a snake....? you mean his first pet? It's like Mickey the Mouse having Ploto the dog as a pet... while he has a dog as his best friend too. Or maybe I'm just reading too much into things, maybe.

Satan's unicorn. that's it; that's all.

Asmodeus... scorpions... no. Fun fact, some species of scorpions can be pregnant from 12 months up to 20 something- anyway. What's so bombastic about scorpions? Their venom. And I get the slight intel about Asmo's love spells being like poison sometimes, but maybe an animal more related to his personality... or maybe his birthday (literally the same date as Anne Boleyn's death penalty). How about a Fleischmann's Glass Frog. Yes, a frog. But HAvE yOU seEn THosE lil' PeePErs?!!! Plus, he always said he wants to find cuteness in anything. so frog.

Beelzebub and flies.... ok, his demonic representation is literally the king fly, but we ain't seeing Riden Shogun as one, do we now?! (I bet they'll be besties. Always protecting their twin, desert~, and oh course, mourning the death of their sibling...). But maybe Fly is a bit too impersonal for Beel and his activeness... his personality. golden retriever golden retriever golden retriever.

Belphegor and cow. Cows aren't lazy. Cows also have best friends. And cows don't kill people with trap hugs! Let's give this guy the snake instead of Levi. Like, a constrictor snake. Sqeezin' the life outta you.

[alanshee-keeper-of-realms]

Disney's are Family Too(Sneak Peak Their Golden Years Chpter 1980)

A/N: Dorothy was actually watched by Mickey and Minnie whenever the other Looney Tunes couldn't. Bugs and Mickey are like pseudo brothers bonding over carrying the loads they do being the Lead stars of 2 of the Largest Company's in the Industry.

............

"Daffy she dropped her pacy in the car-" Dolly whined in her father's arms as he walked up the porch as she started to cry,"Hey its okay little kit, Papa Dafs got your pacifier"

The duck ran up behind holding the item up,

"Right here duckling," He offered it to their daughter just as the door opened, Mickey smiling fondly,

"Heard someone's being fussy," he playfully teased as the little girl grabbed the item offered to her and settled sucking on it,

"Dolly dropped her favorite dummy in the car, so-"

"Little miss was throwing a fit" he opened his arms as Bugs nodded smiling as he passed the child to him along with slinging her Diaper bag around his shoulder, "Hi Dolly, how's my niece doing,"

She just blinked at him, before smiling, patting his cheek,

"Hi Unca Mike!" He laughed, as Bugs and Daffy shook their heads,

"She is the only one who gets away with that he playfully threatened as Dolly looked over his shoulder crowing

"Ant Mimi!" And Mickey turned so Minnie could scoop her up,

"Hello little rabbit! Oh Aunties so excited to see you," She hugged the little girl as she laughed, before side hugging Bugs so she didn't squish the kit,"We got her promise,"

"Oh I know, just a whole month. It's gonna be long" Bugs sighed, Daffy nodded in agreement as he set down the suitcase full of her clothing

"We will take so many photos for you two, and we have a special trip planned." Mickey grinned before playing peek a boo with Dolly, who squealed a big smile on the kits face,

The Duck and Rabbit smiled watching the interaction,

"Oh we know she'll have fun. I just wish it wasn't so long," The pair of mice gave him a knowing expression as the clock chimed

"Oh bugger we need to be going to the airport, " The rabbit leaned down and placed a kiss to his child's forhead Daffy doing the same, cupping his ducklings face as she leaned into the touch he said

"You be good for them, okay?" Their kit bobbed her head

"Kay Papa!" Another kiss was placed before they walked out ,

"Thank you again you guys"

"Of course" Mickey replied as Bugs slipped out and the door shut "Now who wants ice cream before supper,"

"Michael Mouse!" Came Minnies scolding yet amused voice, the 2 year old grinning as her uncle scooped her up and made a beeline for the kitchen,

"Oh we won't spoil our Supper, just have a little bit." She shook her head as he placed the child in the booster seat,

As Minnie moved around the kitchen to begin making supper as Mickey pulled out the ice cream, and a singular bowl they could share, he didn't mind, as he scooped out a tiny bit of the treat handing the spoon to the kit who smiled

"Unca Mike, tank you!" He grabbed a napkin and tied a bib around her neck, before he sat down as he helped her take a scoop from the bowl, watching Dolly try to lick it like an ice cream cone, making a mess of her face

Pulling a disposable camera out as she was focused on the special treat he got a picture, before he helped the child wipe her muzzle she grunted trying to pull away to his amusement before delving back into it, he snuck a spoonful not noticing Minnie with her more professional camera got a photo of the pair's exchange,

She was grateful for Bugs and Daffy, for Dolly. A hand subconsciously finding itself on her abdomen, before turning to the sink, they had been trying over the last nearly decade since they'd married in 73 however with 1981 around the corner they found themselves unable, Dolly and Max helped ease the pain of the reality they faced, a future without children the one thing they wished for seemingly wouldn't happen.

Maybe they could look into adoption perhaps? It might sound selfish however she really wished for a child of their own, she was jolted out of her thoughts by Mickeys hand gently resting on her arm as he leaned over to place the dish now empty in the sink,

"Hey you alright?" He asked with tenderness and a knowing expression,

"Yeah, just thinking," She answered, as the mouse leaned over and placed a kiss to her forehead,

"It's alright," he whispered, before wrapping his arms around her hugging her from behind, before they heard the chair scoot out and Mickey turned quickly to help the child down,

She washed the bowl but smiled over her shoulder as she could see her wonderful husband wiping off the child's muzzle, hearing him ask

"Seriously kiddo, how in the world do you get ice cream on the top of your head?" As Dolly giggled and in her small voice answered

"Don know...magic?" Making her Uncle laugh again as he took a rag and wiped it off, before tossing it into the laundry and scooping her up,

"Sounds about right kid, magics playful like that," he smiled as he let some flow and she gasped, as it flitted around her and made all sorts of shapes of animals, before fading, the kit looking a little bit sad,"How about we go play with Pluto while Aunt Minnie cooks?"

Instantly, she perked up, clapping her hands,

"Pluto pluto!" Making him smile as he walked out,

[lovee-infected]

twisted wonderland theories part 3 : Opening explanation and parallels

Well well , hope you guys enjoyed reading the previous two parts of twst theories so far

Anyways , this is the third part . I decided to go through the opening and original disney animations and also black Butler anime references one more time so this is the combination of all I've found this time , together with some stuff you might've missed

Twst's official opening was pretty mysterious and is most likely giving us hints of the upcoming adventures during the storyline . Well here's the link to opening with eng sub and also the summary of the main character references that were given to us:

1) Ace and Deuce's rivalship : We talked about this one a lot back in (part 2) so let's skip this one

2) Leona's sadness and pain : Leona's tearn falling to the ground and the Ruggie and Jack coming for him ; that's just how he always is : mentally sad and broken with a horribly frustrating past , but will avoid expressing himself and letting anyone see his pain anyway . Not really weird that these two are always around him , Leona does really need to be looked after ...

3) Azul's seek of power : He just looked...mad in this scene . Ursula's shadow on his fave and that creepy smile totally freaks anyone out. It really explains how great his desire of power is . His neglected self in the childhood and pretty poor talent got him to this point...

4) Jamil's cold and kinda confused self : Well this one isn't really clear yet since ch 4 isn't out . But perhaps depression has this guy... spending his whole life serving the the nasty Kalim he might've grown the same characteristics as Jafar , who was so long sick of being the second one in everything . But still his ideal of life is much different from Jafar's . We saw him hypnotizing Kalim in order to make him force students to do better at school . He's trying his best to leave up to his promises as the vice dorm leader but still , having the nasty Kalim as the dorm itself is making it a lot harder for him so he's got no choice but to hypnotize him...

5) Idia's severe anxiety and his protectiveness toward Ortho : This one was mentioned in s rather old re blog but here e go again : Well with how the rumors of the "cursed Shroud family" , Idia's anti-society self might be a bit explained . This guy's overblot is surely going to be EPIC ... we just know very few about him and yet that's more than enough for him to overblot at once . Also the mention of the process of bringing Ortho back to life was a bad hit...His family curse might've been the reason of whatever thst has happened to Ortho

6) Vil's anger of not being the fairest and breaking the mirror: This one's been pointed out a lot . His anger being the same as evil queen's and also the fear of him actually poisoning someone to become the fairest one more time....**

7) Malleus' isolated self and his hidden evil aura : This one's being shown too obviously . The lonely dark prince exposing his evil side under the full moonlight . All alone , beyond the forest of thorns (Lol how ironic) while the others are running to save him before it gets too late...***

(note : **,***: Vil and Malleus' description will be continued undercut)

Very well these were the general hints found on the opening , but don't miss the final seconds which included the biggest hidden facts you could've missed

Firstly , the splitted ink (This one was previously discussed on part 1 but still...) : We talked about how in the "Epic Mickey", Mickey accidentally splits the magic ink over the kingdom and which led to the creation of "shadow blot". This sight seems to be much similar to what we had here in the epic mickey

Well this parallel might be more than just an accidental one and finally and it might actually be that overblot is kinda Crowley's fault , too

Crowley crosses the mirror , turns into an actual crow and flies away...(DaMn YoU bIrDiE wHERe ArE yOu gOinG I'M noT doNe YeT-)

Well the reason he suddenly runs away isn't clear yet but being a fan of black butler for years , I was suddenly reminded of how Undertaker disappeared all of a sudden at this scene from the movie :" Book of Atlantic "

pretty similar , aren't they..?

In Book of Atlantic , Undertaker revealed his original identity as a reaper and the mastermind behind the "Bizzare dolls' " project after pretending to be a just a crazy cookie lover for so long . And at once , he comes up with his stunning sudden self-reveal , leaving everyone in the room speechless

Now now , what do we have with Crowley?

A principal who keeps hiding his face (remember that Undertaker hid his eyes , too?) , telling everyone "how kind he is" many times ... also:

1) In the opening , he was standing smiling in the mirror hall while the seven dorms were burning through seven mirrors

2) He didn't ever try to stop anyone from overbloting ; even Riddle whose overblot occurred right in front of him

3) In the beggining of the game, he asked the mirror to choose the right one and then! and MC was chosen ! MC took the hand of the one appearing through the mirror (seemingly Dire Crowley) and came here. With all said , so why did the mirror reject MC afterwards?

Also , how couldn't he help MC return to Their own world and didn't know about it if he himself brought MC here..?(Could it be that...MC doesn't remember how she/he was brought here?)

4) If he literally is THIS useless and can't ever stop or help anything, then why would he be the principal.....?

Sooooo enough with Crowley ; but what's with these two....?

The spindle wheel & the poison apple ; Sleeping beauty and Snow white

Well it seems that Diasomnia and Pomefiore are going to play a greatly important role in the storyline . We were kinda sure of Diasomnia's but Pomefiore's...? What's so special with it?

(A few hours earlier)

(Me : Hmmm ... the black mirror...where have I seen this before..? *googling - searching Snow White- going to the magic mirror scene* Me : Uh...)

Well... here it is : The Crowley's beloved flower of evil , back at his days with evil queen

feeling old yet ...?

Btw , just how important is being "the fairest one of all "to him ? How 'far' would he go to be the fairest...? With the bitten apple in the last few seconds of opening , it most likely seems that he IS gonna 'kill' to be the fairest again ...Who would he kill ? We don't know . But how about our pretty small guy Epel? Could it be him ? The stubborn freshman who refuses following Vil around and is usually mistaken with a girl......?

Also , why would the original mirror be so important to Crowley? If Vil's supposed to represent evil queen , why isn't 'he' the one owing the mirror...?

And now , the spindle wheel .Great maleficent's legacy , in the hands of Crowley...Well well this is 'too' much . Malleus' family treasure being kept hidden in NRC... pathetic

Also , the mirror which Vil broke in the opening . Well well seems like he isn't having the original magic mirror , afterall....

But wait , if there's the spindle wheel , who's gonna be the evil witch to pull the sweet princess to eternal sleep..? Right , there's only one who might be...

Well we talked about all we'd got so far , but what about Grim ? Isn't anyone going to mention his importance or why he was also mentioned in this chaotic final seconds of opening ???

So... this is what we had in the final seconds :

1)The apple

2) Crowley

3)The black ink

4)Grim

5)The spindle wheel

We talked about all of them except nu 4 . But before that , I've got the same question as before : Why is it "Sleeping beauty" & "Snow white"..?

We discussed the "overblot Grim " hints in (part 2), but here's another thing :

Very well , ever heard of "Grimm brothers"...?

In the case that you don't know who they are , here' the point : They are the authors of 'original' versions of sleeping beauty & snow white; two of the darkest , deepest and possibly creepiest stories of their own throughout the history

I believe that most of you are familiar with the original versions , but you may like to take a look at these two if you haven't yet heard of them check the two of these stories out : (note: I'm aware that there are darker , deeper versions of these too but I'm not gonna mention any of them because : 1)They aren't written by Grimm brothers & 2) They include overly sensual and inappropriate content which has no place in my posts . If you care to know about them , check them at your own risk)

Alright , if you ever wondered who was Grim named after , I guess we've got it now . Mentioning Grim , Snow white and Sleeping beauty together at once is too direct to be a coincidence ...but it's also terrifying ...

Thinking that Disney is actually referring to the original books written by Grimm brothers is a bit too dark... Original stories are really horrible and a great way to ruin one's childhood , but all these hints fit each other way too great and now , they may no longer be just a coincidence...

[aion-rsa]

30 Rock’s Best Running Jokes

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

When 30 Rock drew its final breath in 2013, yards of column inches were devoted – deservedly so – to praising the work of creator Tina Fey. Article upon article applauded the characters, cast, performances and seven seasons of energetic, inventive, satirical comedy.

More than anything else though, 30 Rock was always about the gags. It was fruitcake-dense with jokes, regularly fitting in more quotable laughs before its opening credits than many shows manage in a full half-hour. As it returns for a one-off reunion special, join us in celebrating the many, many running gags of its seven-season history, from the fake movies, to the terrible yet incredibly catchy songs, Frank’s hats, and those godawful TGS sketches…

The fake movies 

The presence of Tracy Jordan (a bonafide Martin Lawrence meets the Wayans Brothers-style movie star) in the TGS cast opened up the world of film parody to 30 Rock.

Admittedly Jenna Maloney also enjoyed a movie career of sorts, but while she was being offered the part of “any blonde actress” in torture porn flicks by the producers who watched and rented Saw, Tracy was turning down the lead in Garfield 3: Feline Groovy to pursue his serious acting career. The latter climaxed with the release of spot-on Precious parody Hard To Watch (Based on the novel Stone Cold Bummer by Manipulate), for which Tracy received the O in his EGOT plan. Sheer class.

Over the years though, who couldn’t not smile at Tracy’s blaxpoitation-filled back catalogue, from the timeless romance of A Blaffair to Rememblack, to Sherlock Homie, Who Dat Ninja?, The Chunks 2: A Very Chunky Christmas, and last but by no means least, Honky Grandma Be Trippin’. The man is a chameleon (in that he’s always a lizard).

Two of Jenna’s TGS projects however, bring back the fondest memories of 30 Rock’s stinging movie satire: small-town legal drama The Rural Juror (based on a Kevin Grisham novel), and her GE-produced life rights-avoiding Janis Joplin biopic, Sing Them Blues White Girl: The Jackie Jormp Jomp Story.

The TGS sketches 

The quality of TGS’ output was never under question in 30 Rock; the sketch show was unremittingly bad (when the absence of their star meant a ‘Best of TGS’ series had to be run in lieu of live shows, Legal objected to their use of the word ‘Best’, and when a review dubbed it the worst comedy ever made, Liz was thrilled they’d defined it as a comedy). Liz Lemon’s opus was a fluorescent collection of fart gags, dodgy caricatures, Jenna’s songs, and misjudged celebrity impressions.

Beginning life as, in Kenneth’s words, “a real fun ladies comedy show for ladies”, TGS was Saturday Night Live’s idiot brother, the unsophisticated thorn in NBC’s side, under constant threat of controversy and cancellation. Forced to synergise backward overflow, advertise parent company products and promote GE interests, 30 Rock’s show-within-a-show satirised both the TV industry and tired trends in comedy (the always hilarious combination of a fat woman who’s sexually confident! Old ladies are crazy! Farts!).

Lemon may have seduced pilot Carol (Matt Damon) with her Fart Doctor skits, but TGS failed to win many hearts. With sketches like Pam the Overly Confident Morbidly Obese Woman, Ching-Chong Man Who Loves to Play Ping-Pong, Fat Hillary Clinton, Bear vs. Killer Robots, Me Want Food, and Gaybraham Lincoln, why it wasn’t more successful is a mystery.

Astronaut Mike Dexter 

Lemon may have ended up with James Marsden’s Criss Chros, but fictional boyfriend Astronaut Mike Dexter will always hold a special place in her heart. Handsomer than Dr Drew, less British than Wesley Snipes, less living-in-Cleveland than Floyd, and a million times better than Dennis Duffy, Astronaut Mike Dexter had it all… except of course, a corporeal self. 

The fake songs 

Over the years, Jenna Maroney’s singing career has vomited up some truly dreadful creations, and topping the list has to be Muffin Top (a big hit in the king-making music markets of Israel and Belgium). Seguing from its pop insanity chorus “My muffin top is all that, wholegrain, low-fat” into a Madonna-style spoken-word rap “I’m an independent lady, so please don’t try to play me. I run a tidy bakery. The boys all want my cake for free”, the song is a battery assault on the senses.

But is it worse than Jenna’s summer dance jam, Balls, which earned her the princely sum of $50 in royalties? Or her computer generated, generic benefit song in aid of an unspecific natural disaster, which urged viewers to donate to “help the people the thing that happened, happened to”? How about the Jackie Jormp Jomp performance she gave of Chunk Of My Lung, written by Jack five minutes before the show, containing the classic line “You know you’ve bought it if life makes you sweet food”? Or Fart So Loud, the un-Weird Al-able song she and Tracy wrote after he parodied the theme to Avery Jessup TV movie Kidnapped? Such riches…

It’s not only Jenna who’s provided 30 Rock’s musical intervals of course. Season three finale Kidney Now! welcomed an eclectic collection of stars including Sheryl Crow, Mary J Blige, Elvis Costello, Moby, two of the Beastie Boys, Wyclef Jean, and Cyndi Lauper to perform a We Are The World-style anthem at the Milton Green benefit gig. Angie Jordan famously released a fifteen-second single My Single Is Dropping, to ride on the wave of her reality-show fame, Frank and Pete’s Sound Mound came up with unforgettable rock anthem Weekend Woman, and in the very same episode, even Tina Fey got in on the action by providing excellent Joni Mitchell parody, Paints and Brushes.

The legacy award though, as in the 30 Rock fake song that will continue to bring joy to the hearts of fans decades from now, has to go to one song, and one song only: Tracy Jordan’s Werewolf Bar Mitzvah.

Frank’s hat slogans 

Off-set, stand-up Judah Friedlander favours his ‘World Champion’ trucker hat, the one he claims to have been awarded as the winner of the World Championships of pretty much all sports, martial arts, and that time he karate kicked Chuck Norris’ beard off his face and forced him to legally change his name to Charles.

On-set as Frank Rossitano though, Friedlander wears a series of self-designed trucker hats, each bearing a different gnomic slogan. Often incongruous, sometimes suggestive, and always odd, Frank’s hat slogans are part of the bricks and mortar of 30 Rock. In terms of favourites, we’re quite fond of ‘Alabama Legsweep’, or the laconic enigma of ‘And’, though ‘Shark Cop’, ‘Half Centaur’ and ‘Space Gravy’ also caught our eye over the seasons.

Jenna’s Mickey Rourke sex stories 

Like Dot Com’s intellectualism, this running gag may have been introduced late into proceedings, but Jenna’s torrid sexual history with putty-faced beefcake Mickey Rourke gave J-Mo some of her best lines. Jenna’s allusions to Rourke’s sexually deviant and murderous attempts on her life paint a fascinating picture for 30 Rock fans. Here are some of the finest:

“Your new vibe is a double-edged sword, much like the kind Mickey Rourke tried to kill me with”, “Nice try Hazel, but you made the same mistake Mickey Rourke made on that catamaran. You didn’t kill me when you had the chance.”, “I’m going to have to reinvent you. Break you down completely and build you up from scratch. Just like Mickey Rourke did to me sexually.” “Next time you’ll tell me Mickey Rourke catapulted you into the Hollywood sign.” “You know what they say, if you can’t stand the heat, get off Mickey Rourke’s sex grill.” Wise words.

Kenneth the immortal page 

To this day Kenneth Ellen Parcell remains something of an enigma to 30 Rock viewers. In later seasons, Jack McBrayer’s character went from being a simple country rube from Stone Mountain, Georgia to  the flesh vessel for a mysterious immortal with no reflection, no age, and links to a world beyond our own.

Plenty of reference has been made to Kenneth’s ageless and supernatural state over the years, including the suggestion that not only is he unable to die, but he’s also an angel, sent to oversee the transition of souls from one world to the next.

The fake TV shows 

It’s either a credit to the 30 Rock team or a condemnation of our times that Jack Donaghy’s hit reality viewer vote show, MILF Island, no longer feels like a parody. In generations to come, time will no doubt erode the boundaries between fact and fiction, and we 30 Rock fans will be telling our kids about the time we watched Deborah beat her competitors and claim MILF victory in the same breath as educating them about those people who ate kangaroo anuses for public approval.

MILF Island stands head and shoulders above the rest of 30 Rock’s fake TV shows (including TGS itself, lest we not forget), but that doesn’t mean that Gold Case, Los Amantes Clandestinos, Black Frasier, Homonym, or the inimitable Bitch Hunter deserve any less respect. Our fallen brothers, we salute you.

We could go on indefinitely listing the recurring jokes that made 30 Rock great, from Liz’s sandwich lust and desire to go to there, to Jack’s gloriously thatched head of hair and Republican conspiracies. As the show prepares to return, which of the above will live again?

30 Rock: A One-Time Special lands on NBC on Thursday July 16th at 8pm in the US.

The post 30 Rock’s Best Running Jokes appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[kenzieam]

Druid - Chapter Two

Rating: M (smut, language, violence, mature themes, potential major character death)

Genre: Drama/Angst

@captstefanbrandt @iammarylastar @kiiiimberlyriiiicker1995 @notimetoblog @captain-ariel-barnes @jaamesbbarnes @lancefvcker @bitsandbobsandstuff @softlybarnes @lovelybbarnes @buckitybarnes @bucky-plums-barnes  @moonbeambucky @badassbaker @citylights221 @empress-of-boujee  @shynara51 @diinofayce @casestudy-mw  @jewels2876 @damnaged-princess @everythingisoverrated @allmyfanficfaves @melgoodwin @clarabella960 @curvybihufflepuff  @angryschnauzer @wowspideyholland @sergeantwhitewolf @smilexcaptainx @plaidcat4815 @shirukitsune @chook007

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Alright…. here’s another Bucky AU with my OFC, Levi.

Bucky is the President of the Druids MC and Levi is back in town to take care of her dying father. They meet through mutual friends and Bucky is immediately (still) taken with the girl he secretly fantasized about in high school, but he’s an outlaw biker and she has a life halfway across the country, will Bucky have a chance to make her his???

*******************************************************************************************

I try to be sociable to everyone, but Hammer, or Thor, is relentless. He’s also ultra-charming and after a few minutes of trying to stay out of the way, Steve just shakes his head and stands, pulling me out of the booth and pushing me gently towards the towering blond. I hesitate, because surely we don’t know each other well enough for me to-

“C’mon over, darlin’.” Thor drawls, pulling me gently into his lap.

Jeez, I think the last time I sat in someone’s lap I was still leaving my discarded teeth under my pillow for a certain money-leaving fairy but Thor slips a massive arm around me and grins, obviously delighted and it's hard not to share his enthusiasm. 

On top of being a hottie, Thor also manages to be a great conversationalist, and before I even realize it, a few hours have passed and Nat and Steve are standing and saying their goodbyes. I feel bad for all but ignoring everyone at the table and stand, pulling her into a hug.

“Thank you for inviting me.”  

“You’re welcome Lev, you’re fitting right in. Hammer’s absolutely smitten!” Fortunately, she crows this only in my ear and no one else hears, or sees me go beet-red. I pull away and start stammering. Nat only laughs. “Relax! He’s a sweetie and great in bed, so I’ve heard.”

“Jesus, Nat!”

Steve pulls her away, flashing me a rueful grin. “Sorry Lev, she can’t handle her rum. We gotta get home and relieve the babysitter, you okay to get home?”

“I don’t know... am I?”

Steve’s smile turns serious. “You’re safe. Even if Cannon didn’t insist on the brother’s being respectful to women, Hammer’s got his eye on you and the others will respect that.”

Huh.

“Okay.” I’ve had just enough to drink for this to make sense and pull Nat into one last hug, while she hiccups against my shoulder. I watch them leave and then feel a calloused but gentle hand tug me back down onto a lap I’ve become familiar with. Despite all his attentions tonight, I’m still a little surprised to feel him nuzzle his massive head into my throat. He hums and inhales deeply, his breath tickling my skin.

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmurs. His husky voice makes me shiver but a crash startles me out of my daze. I glance over to see Bucky glaring balefully at me... not wait, at Thor; and I’m surprised the blond doesn’t react to the daggers being thrown at him. His glower is just enough to halt my impending warm arousal though and I swallow hard.  

He’s right, this is too soon. I don’t even know Thor yet. Bucky must see this all the time, girls not attached to the club wanting to take a walk on the wild side; he’s just protecting his brother. I clear my throat and try to squirm out of his lap but Thor mistakes my movement for playful and tightens his arms, growling low in his chest.  

A growl across the table answers him and I’m definitely uncomfortable now. Jeez, Bucky’s a buzzkill.  

“Thor, I have to go.” I squirm harder and accidentally on purpose jab my elbow into his chin. It’s like hitting marble but the message seems to be received.  

“So soon, darlin’?”

“Yeah, I’m getting tired.” Of your president sending us the stink-eye, what the hell is his problem?

“Let me take you home.” The blond god is relentless, completely oblivious to his brother’s scowl.

“No, that’s alright,” I try to exit gracefully, but stumble on Thor’s size fourteen steel-toed boots.  

“Hammer. Leave her be.” Bucky finally speaks and Thor seems to finally register his anger.  

“Prez, she-”

“I’ve got a prospect coming, he’ll take her home in her car and walk back here.”

Okay then.  

Thor seems to be debating whether or not to argue and I turn, press my hand to his chest. I don’t want to be the cause of a fight.  

“It’s alright, Thor. Stay here. I’ll call you tomorrow?”

His smile is wide and genuine and I feel a little flutter in my belly. He pulls my phone from my hand and adds his number, maintaining flirty eye contact the whole time before handing it back to me.

“Thank you, I-” Don’t get to finish, because Thor cups the back of my head and pulls me close; his lips capturing mine in a sweet kiss. His lips are soft and warm and before I know it, he’s slicking his tongue along my bottom lip and pressing inside my mouth, swallowing my moan and answering with a primal groan. My head starts to swim and I curl my fingers in his shirt, lean into his rock-hard chest. An almost violent throat-clearing startles me into pulling away.  

“Your ride’s here.” Bucky’s voice is flat. A baby-faced young man stands nearby, his vest plain beyond the Prospect patch on his chest. My cheeks redden as it dawns on me how all-over Thor I was just now; sure, he kissed me first but I grabbed the figurative ball and ran with it.  

“Goodbye, Thor.” I murmur, smiling bashfully up at him even as my face burns. He seems unaffected again by his president’s rancor and smiles down at me.  

“Until tomorrow, my lady.” Christ, that voice. I throw a tentative wave to the rest of the table and turn to the prospect. He takes my proffered keys and I follow him out of the bar.          

BUCKY

Fucking hell.  

Fucking Thor.

Fuck.

The evening was going alright, everyone was having a good time, that dizzy broad behind the bar was managing to keep the tab straight, then BAM.  

Who walks in but Levka goddamn Riel, the girl I’ve been crushing on since goddamn middle school. It’s embarrassing how many times I dreamed of her as a teenager, only to wake up with cum-soaked sheets, how much I still dream of her, how many times I’ve fantasized about her while I jacked off in the shower.  

Christ.  

I’m just making inroads with her, finally getting her to talk to me, something I never had the balls to do in school and who the fuck shows up but my uber-charming brother, my Sergeant-at-Arms, Thor the fucking Hammer. And he immediately zeroes in on my girl and starts laying on the fucking charm, and she laps it right up like a kitten with a bowl of cream. I... get distracted for a minute thinking about her licking something else, then shake my head.

Stupid, stupid bastard. What chance do I have when the golden god is here, golden fucking charm dripping out of every fucking pore?

It hurts, seeing her again, watching her slip out of my fingers again. But at the same time, I’m pissed at myself. This is my brother, the man I trust with my life, who trusts his life to me. We are a club, a family and that means way more than any high-school crush, no matter how strong it is, how deep it’s claws in me.  

Let it go.  

But I can’t, and while I’m not proud of cockblocking Thor last night by calling in Bane the prospect to take her home, I’d probably do it again. The sight of Levi melting against Thor made me crazy, it’s me she should be kissing, I should be the one tasting those lips.  

Great, now I sound like some obsessed nut.  

Fucking hell.

Fucking Thor.

Fuck.

LEV

Last night was... interesting. Thor’s already sent me a good morning text that brought a smile to my face, but at the same time, Bucky’s scowls darken my mood. What the hell is his problem? Shouldn’t he be happy that his brother is attracted to someone? Am I that repulsive? I must be, I’d sometimes catch him staring at me during high school, across the cafeteria, or the art class we shared, but he never smiled, only looked away quickly if I caught him.

Whatever.  

I’m not here for myself, I’m here for my Dad, and right now I need to make breakfast. Dad finishes about half of what I put in front of him, which is more than I suspect he usually eats in a day, before announcing he’s full and thanking me.  

“Saw your note, you met up with some old friends?” He asks, sipping his orange juice.

“Yeah, Nat. She’s married to Steve Rogers now; did you know that?”

Dad gives me a brief look, this is a small town, his eyes say, everyone knows everything. “Down at Panhead’s?” There’s no judgement in his voice, but I flush anyway.

“Uh... yeah.”

Dad nods, clearing his throat. “Gotta say, I never figured the Rogers boy to be biker material, but that Barnes kid pulled him in, his stepdad was involved with the club.”

“Oh?” I’m way more interested than my tone suggests; Dad’s a cagey one, if I show too much interest, he might clam up.

“Yeah, Marie Barnes married Tom Denzel a few years after her husband died in that bad wreck out on route 16, you remember it?”

Vaguely. I was eight. I nod to get him to continue.

“Denzel was big into the Druids, don’t think he ever brought Marie too much into it, but he started bringing her boy James around the club when he hit twelve or thirteen, had him work on bikes or something, run errands, basically keep him outta trouble, I think. That James and the Rogers boy were tight, so it only follows he started up in the club later on too. Heard from Mickey Smalls down at the café they got in together not long after high school. There was a bunch of old members, Denzel included, that retired a couple years ago and those two ended up basically running the MC after.”

Huh, interesting. “There was a big blond guy-”

“Ayuh, Thor...  or uh “Hammer’ I guess. He’s the Enforcer, the club disciplinarian. No one messes with that giant, he looks like a Viking god or something. Big bastard. Not that Barnes or Rogers or any of those guys are pushovers by any stretch.”

I remember the bulging muscles of everyone there, especially Bucky’s. He was like a... a puppy in high school, skinny and awkward and now... damn, he’s thick.  

Dad’s watching me carefully now and I struggle to maintain my neutral expression. He shuffles his utensils and clears his throat again. “I trust you won’t become too involved with any of them, don’t forget they are a gang and you are better than that. Your mother and I raised you to be more.”

Oh...  

“Amelia Romanoff was absolutely scandalized when her girl married the Rogers boy, she knew they were close, but expected her daughter to come to her senses after he joined up.”

Really? Steve is the biggest sweetheart... Dad continues, undaunted.

“You have a life and career in Houston. I’d rather you use the degree you moved there to achieve, and prefer you not stay here after I am gone. There is so much more available to you in a city like Houston than small-town here."

“Dad, I-”

Dad meets my eyes and I recognize his ‘I have spoken’ gaze. He doesn’t feel the need to use it very often, but when he does, he expects to be obeyed. In truth, I haven’t thought much beyond the next few weeks and really, there’s nothing there to worry about yet but his reaction stymies me nonetheless. At the risk of sounding callous, Dad’s not going to be around later to dictate my life and, with the exception of right now, he’s been pretty chill about my life choices, so I know he’s harboring some serious reservations about the Druids but it’s my choice.

Regardless, this is pointless, it’s tilting at windmills, there is nothing between me and Thor, or me and Bucky or anyone yet that would endanger my plans to return to my previous life.  

I nod, neither verbally agreeing nor disagreeing and hope Dad will drop it. To my relief, he does.  

He changes the subject, almost as if the last five minutes never happened. “What are you doing today? I noticed you making a grocery list.”

“Yeah, you’ve got jack in the pantry, Dad. I was planning on going through it and tossing anything growing mold and buying fresh staples.”

“Don’t buy too much.” He replies. I’m not going to be around to eat it is unspoken, but implied. Sometimes his practicality and matter-of-factness borders on cruel. I nod because I’m not sure I can speak. I feel his hand cover mine, fight a wince at the meager flesh covering his bones. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to sound cold, but I am dying Levka, and that fact needs to be accepted.”

I nod again.

******************************************************************************************

The next week is quiet. Dad putters around, aimless. He tires easily and sleeps a lot. If he’s in pain he doesn’t tell me and spends his more energetic spurts sorting through his effects. I help on occasion, but he chases me away, caught in nostalgic reflection. Evenings seem to be our time; supper, which he usually picks at, and a movie or TV show in the living room. Then he’ll go to bed and I have a few hours to myself before turning in too.  

Dad’s words echo in my head and I haven’t been back to Panhead’s since that first night, but Thor and I have stayed in contact. We’ve gone out a few times and his interest in me is becoming clear. Despite not going back to Panhead’s, I did allow Thor to bring me up the Druid’s clubhouse twice, that’s where the club is most often anyway.  

There’s a bar and large gathering room, and the whole place is like a giant compound. Most of the guys live there and it’s set up for practically everything.  

I’ve gotten used to sitting in Thor’s lap now, he practically insists on it and it makes it easier to ignore Bucky’s glowering. Between him and my Dad I’m got a major case of indecision going on. I’m conflicted, part of this feels so right, but part of it feels so wrong.

“What you thinking about, darlin’?” Thor drawls, lips trailing down my neck and making me shiver; I close my eyes so Bucky’s glare doesn’t affect me. He's sitting across from us on a set of couches in a corner of the main room. A TV blasts somewhere and someone is fiddling with the nearby stereo, but tonight’s what I am beginning to recognize as a pretty basic, fairly chill evening for these guys. Thor’s been all over me ever since he pulled me into his lap earlier, and an insistent prodding against my ass is making his intentions well known; while I am in no way adverse to taking him up on this, I’d rather do it without his president giving me the stink-eye. There’s a club girl in his lap too, but he’s all but ignoring her, barely paying attention when she starts nibbling with his ear, mumbling god-knows-what to him.  

I’m done with this. Bucky can sit down here and pout, whatever issue he has with me, he obviously isn’t willing to shed light on it. Thor’s scent and warmth have been revving me up practically since we first met, and I need a release.  

“Take me upstairs.” I murmur back, relishing Thor’s answering growl, his hand tightening on my waist.  

I don’t look back, but Bucky’s glare burns at my back as Thor leads me to his room.  

He barely waits until the door is shut before pressing me to the wall, capturing my mouth in a searing kiss.  

“Fuck, darlin’,” Thor groans, hands raking up underneath my shirt. “I’ve wanted you from the first time I saw you.”

I shudder in his arms, goosebumps breaking out across my skin. Thor’s words, the heat behind them are heady, intoxicating, and while my body’s responding readily, there’s a small part of my mind not yet on board.  

Whatever, I snarl at it. You’re just Dad’s disapproval, and Bucky’s sulky attitude. I want this.  

Our clothes come off quickly, thrown and scattered to who-knows-where and my skin sizzles under Thor’s increasingly insistent caresses. He pulls me to the bed, barely giving me time to settle and find my bearings before he’s between my thighs, pushing them apart and burying his face. I don’t quite muffle my cries as my body reacts shamelessly to Thor’s ministrations, his laving tongue and sucking kisses.  

He seems as turned on as I am, groaning against me, hips rocking into the bed. “Give it to me, come on my face, darlin’.” He commands and white-hot ecstasy rockets through me, arching my back. Thor guides me through my climax, growling in satisfaction before crawling up my body. His mouth is still wet with my juices when he captures mine again. He pulls away only far enough to groan. “Fuck, that was hot-” before I push him to roll onto his back. I sense he lets me, and settles back on the bed watching me hungrily, his cock straining and leaking pre-cum.  

I straddle him, still quivering and he grins widely; reaching up to grab my hips and guide me.

“Wait, condom?” I almost forgot in the heat of the moment and, by the flush of realization on Thor’s face, he did too.

“Top drawer.”  

I find one and sit back, Thor’s hands still gripping me. He groans as I roll the condom down his length.  

“Fuck, I can’t wait any longer, darlin’.”

Me neither. Our eyes lock as Thor guides me, as I slowly sink down onto him. He’s big, his girth almost painful and I raise myself up for a second, then lower back down, relaxing as I go and take his full length. I drop my head back with a moan as I bottom out and Thor gives a strangled, guttural growl, hips flexing, obviously fighting with himself to not move, and give me a moment.  

“Jesus Christ, give me a minute-” he groans. “You’re so goddamn tight.”

He's fighting not to come, and a small part of my inner woman preens at the thought. I’ve never affected a man this strongly before but the idea is quickly chased away when Thor flexes, pumping his hips upward into me and now it’s me fighting not to explode.

I roll my hips and Thor’s grin widens further as he continues to grip my hips, helping my movements. “That’s it, ride me, darlin’.” He voice is liquid sex; a deep rough rasp and I give in completely. I roll and rock my hips with everything I have, and Thor takes it all, throwing it right back at me. I’ve never been consumed like this before and my second orgasm crashes over me like a tidal wave.  

“Fuck, take it, come all over that cock!” Thor roars and my pleasure bursts forth. I’d be embarrassed by how loud I’m screaming if my brain was currently functioning, but it’s not, and I can only ride the waves of bliss.  

I’m still trembling, still quaking when Thor rolls us and slams back into me, chasing his own release. He throws one of my legs over his shoulder and I hook the other around his hips, letting him pound into me unbelievably deep. This is far and away the best sex I’ve ever had and I feel an astonishing third orgasm claim me, my cries joined by Thor’s guttural roar as he follows, slamming into me once more before groaning, hips flexing as he spills and throbs into the condom, shuddering with the power of his release.

For long moments, neither of us can move, and we lay collapsed and panting, skin sweat-slicked and glowing. Finally, Thor lifts his head from the hollow of my throat and presses his lips to mine.

“Holy fuck, darlin‘.” He rasps.  

Holy fuck indeed.

BUCKY

Jesus fucking Christ.  

I’m pretty sure Lev’s old man disapproves of the club, I’ve heard as much from town scuttlebutt, yet she’s still here; still lounging around in Thor’s lap, and he’s eating it the fuck up. All week he’s been a chirping goddamn fairy flitting around, all he needs is a tutu and little wand. He’s smitten, and I hate it. I also hate myself for hating it. I should be happy for my brother. I had my chance goddammit, I can’t say anything now. I had years to make a move on Levi and, as Steve never fails to point out (and he’s the only fuckin’ person who knows any-fuckin’-thing about this) I never did anything about it.  

Tonight, they’re testing the last of my damn patience. Not even Abra (so named because some of the shit she does is magic) can hold my attention. All I see is the girl who should be mine sitting in a lap that’s not mine, feeling lips that aren’t mine caress her silky skin.  

I manage to catch Thor’s little purr and clench my fists unseen by my side. Levi catches my eye, and I marvel again at her reaction. She seems genuinely mystified, even angry at my behavior and I wish for about the millionth time I’d had the balls to say something to her earlier. Can't she see the longing in my eyes? The pain?

“Take me upstairs.” I hear her whisper and my heart does a funny little shudder in my chest. I can only watch helplessly as my brother takes my woman up to his room. I try to turn my attentions to Abra, to the music, to anything but what I know for certain is going on up there. But then I hear them and pain like I’ve never felt before shoots through me.

No one else notices, or cares because really, this is an MC clubhouse and we’re all sluts and there are no secrets, but I notice, and I care. I should be the one making Levi cry out like that, I should be one she’s coming so sweetly for.  

“Fuck, take it, come all over that cock!” I hear Thor roar and I can’t take it any longer. I push Abra less than gently off my lap and leap to my feet.

“I’m going for a ride.” I snarl over my shoulder as I stalk outside.

[chiseler]

Pluto in the Underworld

The really weird Disney shorts are from the early thirties, when Mickey's adventures sometimes attain the demented heights associated more with Out of the Inkwell, Betty Boop, etc. But the peculiarity didn't stop altogether when Disney struck a deal with Technicolor...

Pluto's Judgement Day stars the titular dog, the one Disney character not fully anthropomorhized: the pleasure of his antics rests in the animators' amusingly accurate rendition of convincing canine mannerisms, though this can sometimes make the slapstick seem distressingly close to animal cruelty.

Scolded by Mickey for chasing a cute kitten, Pluto has a nightmare in which he pursues a provocative alleycat into a subterranean realm (entered through a vast stone cat's head) and subjected to a kangaroo court in which his murderous activities against kitten-kind are thrown in his face.

The truly strange bit is the minstrel show in which a dead cat called Uncle Tom is resurrected as nine identical angels, accusing Pluto of drowning him in the river. The crows in Dumbo are only the most familiar  example of Disney's underlying racism, though the wolf in The Three Little Pigs also disguises himself as a wandering East European Jew in an eye-popping sequence somehow ignored by history.

The fact that some of the cats seem to be black, regardless of the colour of their fur, fits with their general portrayal throughout the toon as rather proletarian: even the judge and prosecutor speak with the rasping Bronx accents more commonly associated with Warners cartoons.

This all gets deeply uncomfortable when the cats form a mob (something cats are constitutionally incapable of doing in reality) and prepare to lynch Pluto. This is accompanied by the classic Disney motif of injury to the buttocks, as the poor yellow pooch is stabbed in the rear with multiple pitchforks, and then dangled over a bonfire in a chair from which the seat has been removed, so his junk dangles through just like James Bond's in Casino Royale.

The freaky idea of black cats lynching a white dog reminds me of Griffith, whose Birth of a Nation not only celebrates the Ku Klux Klan as heroes, but demonizes black southerners by ascribing to them exactly the actions perpetrated against them in reality: we see blacks preventing whites from voting, blacks trying to rape white women, blacks hanging whites from trees.

It's probably a universal feature of human infamy - accuse your enemies of your own worst traits and behavior. Transferred to cartoon animals, it's more disguised but still a bit worrying. While children today might be more perplexed by a cartoon which shows a beloved doggie being tortured in hell, the political undertones make of the film a toxic draught from another era, like a miniature bottle of vitriol.

by David Cairns

[asterinjapan]

It’s a small world after all...

Good morning!

As predicted, I didn’t get to update my blog yesterday anymore, because  it did indeed get a little late, haha. Thankfully it was for good reason: yesterday was Disney day!

I just finished trying to stuff all my souvenirs into my bags to see if it all fits, so I’ll give you yesterday’s report without further ado. Today’s report will follow later, as will yesterday’s photos. There’s a lot to sort through ;)

We got up early to get the 8:30 AM train to Tokyo station, from where we took the Keiyo or Musashino line down for Maihama, the closest station to the Disney Resort. However, the Keiyo had a delay of about half an hour (!), so when we got there, the train that was supposed to leave 25 minutes ago just entered the station. Lucky for us, and not entirely unsurprisingly, it was a rather full train, haha.

Fifteen minutes later we hit Maihama station, and off we went for Disneyland!

My friend really likes roller coasters, so we first went to Splash Mountain to get her a Fast Pass. The park had barely been open for an hour and a half, and the fastpasses were already at the return time of 5 PM, whoa. We secured her one and then moved over to It’s a Small World, which had a queue of 45 minutes. That sounds rather ridiculous for It’s a Small World, but it’s been closed for over 8 months for rigorous restorations and for some very important additions. You see, this year marks Tokyo Disneyland’s 35th anniversary. For the occasion, they’d renewed It’s a Small World and inserted new dolls, all of Disney characters placed in their home countries. They went up as recent as Moana, and it was a lot of fun spotting all the characters. The ride looks mint new now too – I couldn’t go last year, but from what I remember from 2016 and earlier, it did look rather old compared to other attractions. Can’t say so anymore now!

That was super fun, so with that earworm stuck in our heads for the rest of the day, we decided to take a rest with an ice cream and figure out our plan for the rest of the morning. We were approached by a cast member, who told us about this being the anniversary year and then decided to reward us with special medals for the anniversary year. To top it off, she also gave us a fast pass for whichever roller coaster ride of choice, no time slot or waiting time required!

So that was really super neat, and as it turned out later, we really were lucky, since we spotted maaaaybe 2 other people in the entire park with the same award. We kept being congratulated by other cast members too, so we felt very special all day, haha.

My friend had become interested in the Star Tours attraction – we could use the fastpass for it, but it was only a 30 minute wait, so we took the bystander entrance and walked on. I have to confess I eventually noped out, since only the very final warning before boarding warned for sudden drops, and I really don’t do well with those. The attraction was apparently very nice, though if you’re, like us, not a Star Wars fan, it’s probably not going to be your favourite.

I was very happy when my friend mentioned she wanted to try the Philharmagic attraction next, because that one is one of my favourites, haha. It’s a 4D attraction of what was supposed to be a concert conducted by Mickey Mouse, except Donald Duck takes over and messes up, taking you on a wild journey through various Disney songs. It’s really tons of fun, and luckily my friend really enjoyed herself too.

We had lunch then and my friend went into Space Mountain, for which she thankfully also managed a fastpass, because I noped out there as well, haha. I strolled around to do some shopping and we met half an hour later, which was well-timed for the both of us, so that was good!

We were in time to catch the full daytime parade Sansui, which eh, has a lot of water. It was fun, but I wanted to take photos, and I really had to take refuge under the trees. The wind was picking up and Donald Duck had sprayed me with his water hose before,  but I could avoid it this time and managed to take some pictures while my friend just enjoyed getting splashed with this weather, haha. (It was sadly 33 C again and sunny. Sunny’s nice! The temperature less so.)

Next up was Pirates of the Caribbean, which I’m sure was underwhelming for my friend after those wilder rides, haha, but it’s still fun. When we got out, she went on to use the free fast pass for the Big Thunder Mountain while I went to find a place for the next big event: the Dreaming Up! Parade, which is new and should be very spectacular.

My friend made it back in time and we settled in. I eventually got up for better pictures, which was a shame, because I got sandwiched between someone who made pictures with her iPad still in one of those book-like covers, and someone else who felt compelled to wave at every single person passing, which is nice, but less so when you keep getting that hand in your frame.

Either way, the parade definitely lived up to the hype. There was even a float for Big Hero 6, which is a rarity and maybe a first for Disney parks, as far as I know. I think I managed to take a couple of decent pictures despite my place and the setting sun, so you’ll get to see those later.

While my friend made it to Splash Mountain, I did some more shopping and made it back so early I was fairly sure I could still catch her. I thus went up to the ride, switched to my big lens and managed to indeed take a picture while she plunged into the watery depths of the ride, haha.

So we both had lots of fun! We walked over to the castle to take some much needed pictures with it as a background before the sun completely set (I’d scored mouse ears by this point, so clearly I needed to pose with those), and then we went out for dinner. We learnt a wise lesson there about leaving food out in Disneyland, because out of nowhere, a huge crow swooped down onto the trays with trash and scooped up a piece of bread, whoa. I’m almost tempted to think it was a raven, it was that big.

So uh, don’t leave your food out unguarded in Disneyland, kids!

My friend was happy she’d done all her roller coaster rides, and I was happy with the attractions I’d been on and the shopping I’d gotten done. We went on a repeat next: Philharmagic. Luckily it wasn’t as busy as the first time around (it really was a busy day considering it was Wednesday), and once we got out, it was almost time for the nighttime parade, so we caught that one because we could, haha. They updated it last year and it’s really gotten lovely. (But I’m biased, I really love the Rapunzel float.)

Another repeat as we rushed to It’s a Small World – the queue was at 20 minutes now, but a lot of other people had the same idea, hohum. Luckily it did still turn out to be 20 minutes, more than enough to get the song stuck in our heads again, haha.

We still had some time left, so we went over to Monsters, Inc. Ride & Go Seek, which I’ve never been to because it’s one of the most popular attractions, but the waiting time was down to 50 minutes now and we were planning on being swept out of the park by closing time anyway, so what the heck, haha. I haven’t actually watched Monsters Inc., but the ride is very fun. You get thrown into a car with 2 or 3 people and you get flashlights. The ride itself is pretty fast and drives you through all kinds of scenarios featuring blue helmets with eyes on them. You have to hit the eyes with your flashlight to reveal monsters, or in some cases, the little girl Boo.

So that was super fun! We still had about half an hour left, so I dragged my friend into Pooh’s Hunny Hunt, which is unique for Disneyparks and also one of the more popular ones here. The wait was still about half an hour, but that’s much better than the average of 90 minutes during daytime. Pooh’s Hunny Hunt doesn’t have a set track, so every time you ride it, your trip is different. Mine was a lot different from the previous couple of times too, so we had a lot of fun and it really was a nice way to end the day.

Even if we did get chased out by the announcements kindly but sternly reminding us that the park was closing, oops.

The train back to Tokyo was busy as expected, but we could sit on the Yamanote line to Ikebukuro (still busy though, despite it being 11 PM at this point), and we made it to our hotel rooms at 11:30 PM.

So yeah, that’s why I didn’t update my blog yesterday, haha.

The pictures will take some time to sort through, so I’ll get those to you tonight. For now, I’m logging off to go into Ikebukuro one last time. We’re already checked in for our return flight tomorrow, but I really don’t want to think about that…

See you later tonight again!

[rubykgrant]

(I listed these on another post, but I’ll them here too~)

Some songs that give me good RVB ideas in my brain when I listen to them-

“War” by Edwin Starr… for ironic reasons. The best reasons

“Towards the Sun” by Rhianna gives me Red Team vibes (for whatever reason, I just dig it for them)

“Mr Blue Sky” by Electric Light Orchestra and “I’m Blue” by Eiffel 65 are just obligatory because BLUE (but I’m Blue specifically feels like a song Tucker and Church would karaoke together

“Escape” (AKA the Pina Colada Song) by Rupert Holmes is a very fun and ironic RVB song (listen to it all the way through if you don’t know why~)

“Lean on Me” by Bill Withers is one of my favorite songs in general, but also- if you wanna have The Feelings, imagine this song playing during an emotional moment where Sarge realizes he cares about everybody (yes, even the dang blues). “Fortunate Son” by Creedence Clearwater Revival is also just a yee-haw Sarge song

“Feel the Light” by Jennifer Lopez is a very specific song that I associate with Church and Tex, their whole bitter-sweet relationship

“You’ll be in My Heart” cover by Teddy Geiger is a very Tucker and Junior song to me

“I’ll Stand By You” by the Pretenders is a song I feel fits Carolina and Wash (the fact that they both have a soft side, but have gone through periods when they’ve been too harsh, and now they’re trying to heal from it and be kinder to other people)

“Vacation” by Vitamin C is totally the “Donut Takes a Break” song, and “Hey Mickey” by Toni Basil is absolutely just a song he jams out to constantly

“Barbie Girl” by Aqua is a also fun for Donut, but this is 100% a song Kai has been blasting since she was a little girl to annoy the heck out of her bro. I also feel like “This Side of Paradise” by Bree Sharp is fun and happy party-song for Kai 

“Waiting in the Wings” sung by Eden Espinosa (from Tangled the Series) is like, fit for multiple characters and scenarios, it works for a lot of people for a lot of reasons

“I Love You Too Much/ Te Amo Y Más” by Diego Luna is such a pretty song, and I love the idea of Lopez singing it for Sheila

“Accidentally in Love” by Counting Crows is so funny to me as a Grimmons song (these two dorks just don’t want to admit they have crushes on each other, so we all had suffer through this mutual-pining for YEARS). The other song for them I like is “If I had a Million Dollars” by the Bare Naked Ladies, because this is like… when they finally just start dating, and are still so stupid for each other (also, haha- Bare Naked Ladies will always be a good song choice for RVB)

“Stay Home” by sELF is a song I just associate with Grif (for lazy reasons)

“In the Garage” is a song I just associate with Simmons (for nerdy reasons)

“When Can I See You Again” by Owl City just hits me hard, thinking about it terms of how everybody started off not really liking each other, then they were stuck together for so long, but occasionally they lose each other for a while… so this is specifically a song for Caboose, and how he’s always happy to see Church, and will keep waiting to see him again

“Here Comes a Thought” performed by Estelle and AJ Michalka is very much a Doc and O’Malley song to me (imagine O’Malley being protective of Doc, but ALSO Doc can help O’Malley calm down)

Delta; tries to play lots of audio documentaries/books on tape (some of them are pretty good, but most of the time the others complain), when he does play music it is a lot 80s-boppy stuff (Take On Me, What’s Love Got To Do With It, We Got the Beat, Africa, ect)

Theta; Weird Al songs, Alvin and the Chipmunks covers, soundtracks to his favorite movies and video game music, he’s also a big fan of Gorillaz (favorite song is 19/2000)

Gamma; stuff that is a weird combo of indie-rock/psychedelic music (Majestic by Wax Fang for example), and various techno/electronica (like One More Time)

Eta; yes, lots of sad songs (Say Something, All By Myself, ect), but also moves into more up-lifting ones (like No Matter Where You Are by Us the Duo), so the others know to just let the sad songs play out, the mood will eventually pass

Iota; mushy-gushy love songs because they’re so sweet (like My Heart Will Go On, which annoys everybody else), but also chill music like the Beach Boys and Bob Marley (plus lots of R&B)

Omega; it will either be very loud grunge/heavy metal, or emotional power-ballads (Here I Go Again, Can’t Fight This Feeling, I’m Gonna Fly, ect)

Sigma; claims he only likes classical music and orchestra pieces, but eventually he slips up and everybody finds out he’s into country (Ghost Riders in the Sky, Devil Went Down to Georgia, Goodbye Earl, Country Roads, The Gambler)

Hey so I've fallen back into my rvb hyperfixation from years ago and don't have anyone to talk about it with and you're one of the few rvb blogs still active in this year of 2022 so you're getting a list of songs I've assigned to characters based on lyrics, vibes, or just cause I was thinking about them while listening to said song

Carolina- first class by rainbow kitten surprise

York- just another girl by the killers

Wash- destroyed by hippie power by car seat headrest

Church/epsilon- hello wormwood by the oh hellos (this is based on one part I heard on tiktok)

Tucker- the other side of paradise or heat waves by glass animals

South- backstabber by ke$ha

I don't expect you to give me a thorough review of my choices or share your own opinion in response, I just needed to get this out of my head cause I've been thinking about this silly little show way too much lately. Have a good day :)

Hey there! Aha I feel you buddy, our numbers are dwindling. Ok, I love making character playlists, and all the songs you've chosen work so well like wow o.o these will definitely be going on my playlists. I'm gonna add a couple I like as well if that's ok, cause these funky little dudes have also been buzzing around my head.

Carolina - Silk, Alice Wolf

York - Those Nights, Bastille

Wash - Deep Water, American Authors

Church/Epsilon - Mad World, Imagine Dragons cover

Tucker - Replay, Iyaz

South - Natural, Imagine Dragons (although I really can't beat backstabber for her xD)

And I'm gonna add a couple bonus ones, because *yeah*

Tucker & Church - The Kids Aren't Alright, Fall Out Boy

York + Carolina - Single, The Neighborhood

North & South - Twin Skeletons, Fall Out Boy

Maine - Bloodshot, Sam Tinnesz

Ok, that'll do xD I hadn't heard any of the songs you said before, so thanks for introducing them to me! And thanks so much for the ask, I didn't know anyone even took any notice of my little blog, so thanks for making me smile. Have a great day buddy :)

[nitratestock]

One by one, like a painful slow drip from a finite source, we lose people to time, people who contributed positively to the world in ways political, artistic, scientific. One by one. Considering the sum total is simply too great, we need stagger. For those who share my year of birth by a margin of three years give or take on either side, we’ve been lucky. Lucky in the sense that the stagger has been long and wide. Over the last decade we’ve lost some important people, particularly important to our early life, the exit of our single digits and the early part of our teens. Early on I was crushed by the death of Sidney Lumet, in 2011, a giant of the film community. I wrote about his passing back then, at the point of worst emotional pain, as bad as one can feel without being a family member or close friend. Since then we’ve lost Cimino. We’ve lost Nichols. We’ve lost Varda. We’ve lost Akerman. We’ve lost Hooper and Romero. As we brine in our Gen X jar, we unfortunately transition from sniper fire to machine gun spray. Legato becomes staccato. People of my age group watch in horror as heroes depart. It’s no different of any other age group, perhaps only more enhanced by the increased prevalence of mass media over the course of the last century and into ours. Distance and folklore becomes nearness and screens. In either case we involve ourselves in the lives of others, in ways good and bad. At worst we connect through this urge to pillory those who are guilty of our very same sins. At best, we mourn the passing of a public figure we’ve come to acknowledge, without their knowledge, as a friend. Hopefully out of benevolent interest, that last part.

So I say with the melancholy of a film fanatic that came of age in the 80’s and the heft of a life, if averages count, mostly lived at this point, that the recent passing of one Alan Parker left me despondent. Perhaps not for the fate of the world, but definitely for the fate of film as a malleable form that might struggle with the twin purposes of art and commerce and succeed somehow. Film fanatics, or as I prefer to refer to myself and others, Cinegeeks, often find themselves drawn to figures within the film world considered 2nd or 3rd tier interviews, whose body of work might contain two or three masterpieces amongst a body of mediocrity, or who might have a mostly or even highly successful box office record but never get critical acclaim. Fanatics like to champion the underdog. It’s our nature. To a degree Alan Parker found himself in this category. Partially because his CV didn’t fit neatly into the Auteur Theory folder. Partially because he didn’t play the normal Hollywood game. It’s sometimes overlooked that the boldest outsiders during that New Hollywood era knew how to play the studio/PR angle and did so like sawing a harp from hell. I’m looking at YOU, Coppola and Scorsese.

Parker had artistic ambitions, some would even say pretentious ambitions, and yet I defy anyone to observe his body of work and not see a blue-collar hardscrabble mentality etching away at the base of all his films. He failed sometimes, but in all endeavors he struggled not just to ensure proper light diffusion, but to connect the audience to the scene that was unfolding and the characters within all of that art direction and brilliant cinematography. In his debut feature, the cult classic BUGSY MALONE, he invited audiences to indulge in the lark of basically watching an updated Little Rascals film as whipped-cream St. Valentine’s massacre. With an infectious soundtrack by Paul Williams. And it worked and still works. In MIDNIGHT EXPRESS, he sought nothing less than to put you through the Turkish prison system at its most barbaric. And damn, did he succeed. In FAME, he sought to enroll you in La Guardia High, the School for the Performing Arts, partially ushered in by one Mr. Lumet, and he brought you into the NYC streets to join the dance. In SHOOT THE MOON, he dragged you through the broken glass and nails that is a brutal divorce. Most critics still feel it’s the film that’ll never be topped on that topic. And yeah. It’s punishing to this day.

That’s just his first four films. He followed MOON in the same year with his cinematic distillation of PINK FLOYD’S THE WALL, as ambitious, reckless, insane, obtuse and inspiring as any art film dared to be. He waged one of the bravest, constant battles between the band, their label, his studio and the inevitable lash or backlash from the critics and the crowds as any director dared in that decade, which had now, even by 1992, belonged to Reagan and Thatcher’s crowd. It worked, it was a success on its own terms. It stood with QUADROPHENIA as one of the few successful adaps of a “RockOpera” to screen. And it would serve as an insanely influential piece of cinema/album mashup. I can’t think of another film that’s even attempted to match it to this day.

Parker’s true gift was that of exploration, and this was evinced by his sojourn from cinematic genre to cinematic genre. Like great directors before him, he felt the need to examine and exult in them all. He turned after 1982’s twin trials to what many referred to as William Wharton’s “un-filmable” novel. Parker found a way to film it, and in the process crafted a minor masterpiece, and the first film in his American Gothic trilogy. BIRDY is about so many things; the horror of war, the futility of grand romantic dreams, the last days of glorious, unweighted childhood. It succeeds in all those ambitions, but what it is squarely about is the healing power of friendship, of that bond between brothers that even the trauma of battle cannot best. He accomplished this in two different time periods and two different venues; the 60’s early and late, as disparate as a decade could get from itself; then the wide, economically depressed funland expanse of post-WW2 Brooklyn, against the claustrophobic, chiaroscuro lit cell of the VA, where the only shadow to hide within lies beneath the mottled cot. All of Parker’s CV can be described as character studies of one form or another. Here he began a three film sojourn into America’s pockets, its secret soul and even its original sins. He’d leave the punishing abandonment of what once was the City of Brooklyn as it stood circa 1962, for a far more insidious and painful abandonment, one of a whole swath of the country and of its stolen populace.

ANGEL HEART was ostensibly a mashup of horror and noir, a neat trick that any successful director would’ve been drawn to, especially in the MTV 80’s, a music video era (greatly inspired by directors like Parker, I might add) that found itself drawing on the tropes of past cinema genres in a highly stylized way. The synopsis implies a simple morality tale, a private eye hired by a seemingly nefarious talent agent to track down the client who’s eluded him. Perhaps by supernatural means. Parker expanded on the location by quickly resetting the action from Brooklyn to New Orleans, after a quick trip through Harlem. White culture has to answer to and for black culture in America, and Parker employed this almost caricature smoke-and-topcoat shamus to do this investigation. There is great butchery in ANGEL HEART, which I’ve always believed reps the butchery of slavery and the Jim Crow era. There are bold implications and terrible consequences for what we now term “cultural appropriation”, from Johnny Favorite’s Depression-era crooner stealing from black artists to the Krusemark’s adoption of the patchwork voodoo religion. Above all, there is guilt. There is a clear through line, as clear as Capt. Willard’s river to Kurtz, toward White America’s brutality, ongoing. Harry is our surrogate, should we choose. He goes on his own journey of discovery that becomes, unwittingly and surely unwillingly, one of SELF-discovery. His final manic, desperate denial is the same as any who enjoy white privilege to this day while at the same time being wholly unaware of it: I know who I am. If ANGEL HEART is the one he’s going to be remembered for, I believe it’s this subtext, unplanned or otherwise, that will allow it the test of time well over the brilliant cinematography and perhaps Mickey Rourke’s finest performance. Parker would next attempt to expand on this subtext and present it as text, with very, VERY mixed reactions.

MISSISSIPPI BURNING was a project begun with noble intent, I believe. In an era where white men still got to tell the black narrative in America. While I forgive a lot of the film’s dramatic license, I fully agree with its detractors as well. 1988 was a tipping point for tone-deafness in the film industry. Had Parker made BURNING a decade or so prior, it might enjoy a better rep in the context of its time. The end of the 80’s demanded better. I’m a fan of this film, as a film, not as a history. In the same way I’m a fan of well-crafted cinematic narratives that have dated very poorly. The tragedy of MISSISSIPPI BURNING is not just that he made so well-crafted a film at a point in the timeline when something more inclusive, honest, and better representative of history was possible, it’s that he chose fiction for fiction’s sake. Nevertheless, it was the second and final Oscar nomination for direction he’d receive.

Parker remained in this wheelhouse of American guilt for 20th century wrong-doing. COME SEE THE PARADISE was an earnest attempt to depict, to REMIND America really, of the awful Japanese internment camps of the WW2 years, the venerable FDR’s greatest sin. At the height of his filmmaking powers he was unerring in his balance between stylistic pursuit and substance. Alas, with this effort and his previous, glow softened suffer, and the heart of the tale proved elusive as a result.

Maybe he had a moment of clarity then, after these ambitious but perhaps stultifying efforts, and decided to return to a genre that had stood him in good stead. Parker turned to the homespun Celtic kick of Roddy Doyle and decided to create a real-life soul/funk/r&b band from scratch for THE COMMITMENTS, which most will agree is his last great film, though his later fare has its champions, and fair play to them. For a director so well known for his meticulous prep and focus he fared incredibly well in filming wild abandon. Maybe it was a mode he needed to consciously shift into gear for, but once there he cooked quite a stew. The film delighted both critics and audiences, and also helped re-start a soul music resurgence, helped in no little way by the film’s pre-fab ensemble, who’d take to the road for a series of live shows with various members of the celluloid iteration in tow. Some might argue that he retreated to a stance that shied from his previous inquiries regarding the separation of cultures white and other, and the theft perpetrated by one on the other, and in doing crafted so populist an entertainment as to render the argument moot. That’s a fair assessment. Some others might argue that a truthful, passionate depiction of people inspired by others different from their living experience, plaintively plying their art, is honest work as well, no matter their skin color. The debate won’t go away. And it shouldn’t. In terms of moviemaking, though, Parker had fired on all cylinders. Perhaps for the last time.

The remaining decade-plus of his work was, in most estimations, workmanlike, with the odd Parker flourish here and there recognizable to his fans. THE ROAD TO WELLVILLE was an eccentric choice as follow-up, and also as navigation through the early days of a new and unsure decade (He’d already travelled the biz director-driven, to producer-driven, and was now in the who-the-hell’s-driving 90’s). It features several fine performances, from recent and deserved Oscar winner Anthony Hopkins to the still-finding-their-way Matthew Broderick and John Cusack, and its huckster-health theme does still resonate, or at least it SHOULD, as well today as then as late 19th century. If it ultimately found no target to spear, it remains a well crafted and intentioned work. EVITA was no sleepwalk-to the-Oscar gig, even though the resulting film is at best assessed as a dreamily-hued mess. Parker took on the challenge of a legendary broadway smash, one that Hollywood had been desperate to film for well over a decade. A lesser director would’ve turned the camera on and yelled “Sing!”. But Parker was one of the few who’d found success in the post-studio era with one of its warhorse genres, the musical, which had diminished, and decidedly felled such giants as Coppola and Bogdanovich at their peak or near-peak. It’s a noble effort, if it comes up short. It’s not quite empty Oscar-bait, but it’s well shy of a film with a purpose. He either directed or was gifted a great Antonio Banderas perf, and he did his damnedest with Madonna, which is sorta the theme of her career don’t send hate mail. He got a hard-won, decent turn out of her, perhaps not the magnetic dying star that the role demanded, but an actor giving her all. That’s still worth something, even if they’re miscast. For further evidence I direct you toward Matt Damon in THE TALENTED MR. RIPLEY.

And here’s the part that I always hate to talk about. Parker was a director who, in my estimation, never sought validation, but always inspiration. It’s the source of his greatest works, and they remain some of the greatest of the post-studio years. He took his best swipe at an unlikely best-seller, Frank McCourt’s wildly successful but impossibly depressing ANGELA’S ASHES. Like EVITA, it had “prestige” built into it. Like EVITA, it was a package deal. Like EVITA, the studio expected some love from the Academy at the end of the day. I feel like Parker was thwarted from the start, tasked with this take of utter poverty and despondency while asked to chase the gold. Had the book come out sometime early in his career, had he discovered it and championed it, and then saw it through production and release, we may have been gifted something along the lines of a Ken Loach or even Buñuel at his most honest. The gilt and geld of the Hollywood studios, especially at that time competing with the newly-found prestige of the indies, precluded any chance at that, despite next-level perfs from Stephen Rea and Emily Watson. It’s a not-unworthy effort to seek out, especially if you're a Parker fan, but in some ways it may have signaled his ultimate abandonment of this art form. Maybe he felt he’d said enough. Maybe he felt he wouldn’t be allowed to say his piece on his terms anymore. Maybe he looked ahead at filmmaking in the new millennium and decided he’d not update his passport to this new continent. For reasons we never fully received, Parker was leaving.

His last film would be THE LIFE OF DAVID GALE, an anti-capital punishment screed that felt out of joint, and not due to the lack of effort from its stars, Kate Winslet and Christopher Plummer. But it’s an aimless effort, deprived of any real bite on a subject molten to a wide swath of the citizenry. It was met with mixed box office and mixed reviews. It left with nary a trace. And then, whether we realized it or not, so did Alan Parker.

It seemed to be a welcome retirement. At least in my following of my filmmaker heroes. I don’t believe I saw one item, one gossip piece, about a new Alan Parker project, about a studio extending him an offer on a prestige or even indie film. He popped up as interview subject and fairly frequently, and seemed to enjoy his status as thus. He’d crafted a remarkable body of work, and by all witness enjoyed remarking on it. He occasionally served as mentor, as when Christopher Nolan reached out to him. He’d definitely serve as defense attorney, especially when the subject of Mickey Rourke came up. He absolutely and most magnificently served as beacon to a whole generation of film lovers and future filmmakers, kids who were desperate in the corporate/production team/CAA 80’s to cling to films of their generation they could call their own. At a time when art and the so-called “auteur” was a dirty word in Hollywood he was able to put the work he’d crafted into your head and into your heart. I’m not sure if we’re gonna see another Alan Parker, and he’d be most upset by that notion, but if you’re reading this, and you find this possibility unacceptable, go grab a camera and be another Alan Parker. We’re waiting.

[cherazor]

Twelve out of Ten (1/1)

About a year ago, @caedmonfaith​ began writing a fic based on a prompts I gave her. This is my incredibly silly way of saying thank-you.

It also works for @timepetalsprompts lgbtqia celebration as it contains shades of Demi!Doctor.

Special thanks to @moirana for the quick beta work!

Twelve out of Ten

Summary: Quiz-night is important. Especially when it contains important questions - like how well you know your partner. (Contains hints of Demi!Doctor)

Rating: Teen

”Okay,” Rose giggled, taking a quick swig from her glass. “Next question!”

The Doctor pouted. “What? Noooo…” he groaned, voice pitching up into a near wail. “That’s enough. This game should end. I think it can end.” He leveled her a look of great dignity and importance as he reached up to adjust the red paper cup he’d been balancing on his head for hours (“Look, Rose! It’s a fez!” “Of course it is, Doctor. ‘S very nice.”) only to misjudge the length of his arm, knocking the cup clean off his head and into the bowl of punch instead.

Rose exploded into another round of uncontrolled laughter.

The Doctor didn’t know who deserved the most of his wounded pride – Rose or the cup.

Jack pulled a new card from the small pile in front of him. “Right! Right! Shhhhh,” he managed in between his own laugh. “No giggling. This is a serious quiz!”

“Yes, important!” Rose nodded, filling up her glass with a slightly unsteady hand. “Very important.”

“You’re only saying that because Jack keeps giving you the points!”

“That’s ‘cause I keep being right!”

Jack tutted. “C’mon, kids! No fighting.” He paused. “Not unless it involves naked wrestling.”

“Harkness!” the Doctor groaned.

“Oh, sorry,” he replied, not sounding at all sorry. “Did I say that one out loud?”

Rose waved her hand, and the Doctor had to duck in order not to have his eye poked out by her pencil. “Just give us the question.”

Jack nodded, clearing his throat. “‘Name one person—”

“Ha! That I can do!” the Doctor crowed.

“Ahem. ‘Name one person your significant other has found attractive during your time together and the reason why they found them so’.”

The Doctor flushed. “That’s not fair! I want a different set of questions – these are obviously rigged.”

“Got it!” Rose exclaimed, tongue sneaking out between her teeth as she grinned.

“Not fair!” the Doctor moaned again.

Jack gripped the small slip of paper she’d thrust into his face. “‘Reinette Poisson’? Really Doctor? The mistress of Louis XV?”

Rose nodded. “She was blonde.” She leaned forward with the gravitas of a spy attempting to deliver a secret message. A very drunken spy, but a spy all the same. “He has a type – always had a thing for blondes.”

“I do not!”

“Reinette, Lynda-with-a-y, Astrid, an’ don’t think I didn’t notice that thick-Lucy was blonde too.”

Jack blinked. “‘Thick-Lucy’?”

The Doctor shrugged. “I have no idea.”

“Oh!” Another thought seemed to struck her, and Rose beamed. “And me! I’m blonde!”

The Doctor nodded. “You do. But you’re the only ‘type’ I have, Rose Tyler.”

Her hand reached up to stroke his bowtie in a slow caress. “Really?”

“In all my years travelling through time and space, I never met anyone else who could compare.”

“Oh! This is better than my soaps.”

“Harkness!”

“Sorry.” Jack cleared his throat. “Well, I guess that’s zero points for Rose this round. What’s your answer then, Doctor?”

He frowned, glancing down at the woman resting her head on his shoulder. “Adam? I’m pretty certain you had a crush on him.”

“You weren’t together then, Doctor.”

He shrugged. “I was pretty much Rose’s since she took my hand and told me we would fight together against the Gelth. We might not have been together officially, but I was hers.”

“Oh!” Rose whimpered, eyes soft.

“Fine. You might get a point for that one,” Jack said, “if you can tell me why she found him attractive.”

The Doctor hummed. “He was…a bit pretty, I guess. And he had those sideburns. She always had a thing for sideburns.”

“What?” Rose squeaked. “I liked him because he reminded me of you – all clever and tryin’ to be impressive. ‘Sideburns’? Really, Doctor? Where’d you get that stupid idea from?”

“Mickey had them too!”

“Pretty with sideburns!” Jack howled, his laughter coming out in such violet bursts he could barely breathe. “You! Pretty! With sideburns!”

The Doctor scowled as his hair fell into his eyes, giving him the intimidating air of a pouty five-year-old. “What’s so funny with that?”

Jack managed several deep breaths, calming himself enough to be able to splutter out a full sentence. “‘Pretty with sideburns’? Your last regeneration fit that description to a ‘t’. You can’t tell me that was a coincidence now.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” That was his story and he was sticking to it, and if his cheeks were close to spontaneously combust, then that was his business.

Rose gaped up at him and he couldn’t help but notice how incredibly wide her eyes were. “Did you really…?”

“What?”

She paused, glancing at the point sheet where Jack had been moving to add another point to his tally. “Noooooo. No points for him! He got it wrong!”

“Well, he sort of had a point with Adam, didn’t he?”

“Not really. I never really found him attractive. Not like---” She flushed, biting her lip.

Jack lit up. “Oh, no, no, no. You’ve got to tell me now! There was someone, wasn’t there?”

The Doctor, with all the subtleness of a drunken giraffe, leaned forward.

“We were in Pompeii, yeah? An we met this man during the adventure. It was nothing improper, or anythin’ – he had a wife and kids and everythin’. But I couldn’t help but notice that he was fit, all right? Like, properly fit. A silver fox.”

The Doctor gaped. “You had a crush on Caecilius?!”

Rose rolled her eyes. “’Course not, you silly man.” She grinned. “But he was a bit easy on the eyes.”

Centuries and a regeneration later, Rose was trailing her finger over her husband’s new face.

It was a face she could not help but find remarkably attractive, beautifully lined and with thick silver locks to frame it.

It was also oddly familiar.

She couldn’t help but feel as though she’d seen that face before.

“Do you like it?”

“Of course I do. It’s you.”

The Doctor grinned, and Rose could feel her stomach flip at the mere sight of it. Oh, this face was going to be a killer for her resolve. “Yes, but do you like it?”

“Yeah,” she whispered, her tongue thick in her mouth. “Yeah.”

His grin widened, eyes crinkling and oh she was lost. “Good,” he replied. “I chose it just for you.”

[chocolatequeennk]

Reconciling GITF with the Ten/Rose arc

Or, “Why the Doctor was definitely a jerk, but not as much of one as we think.”

I’ve had this post rattling around in my brain for months, and @chiaroscuroverse‘s great meta in her author profile and subsequent replies, plus thinking about it for my own author profile, inspired me to finally get it written down. Like her, I don’t like the way GITF has skewed the fandom perception of Ten’s character. In an effort to reconcile his very out of character behaviour, a whole fanon has arisen that makes him out to be commitment-phobic and cavalier with Rose’s safety in a way that does not hold water if we remove GITF from the equation. 

But--much as I wish we could--we can’t just pretend the episode doesn’t exist. In light of that, how can we analyse GITF and come out at the end with a version of Ten that still fits in with how he acts in other episodes?

The first thing you need to know as I write this post is that I will not be looking at other episodes through the lens of what happens in GITF. I go the other way around. When you’re analysing texts, you should always depend on the stronger text to inform the weaker text. I assume that everyone who is still reading this post by this point agrees that GITF is a very bad representation of Ten’s character--so why do we use it as the basis of our meta, rather than finding ways to fit it into the character we see in other episodes?

This is a long post, so I’m going under a cut in a minute. But first, here are the bullet points I’ll be addressing:

Things we know as the audience that Rose does not know

Reinette going into his head is assault, not a sign of intimacy

Mickey’s presence on the TARDIS was not an attempt at space

Mickey is not a reliable witness of the Doctor’s behaviour

The Doctor's drunk act when he arrives is just an act

The Tenth Doctor was no less protective of Rose than Nine

It was wrong of the Doctor to leave Rose and Mickey on the spaceship without any indication that had an idea of how to get back, especially after telling her he’d never leave her behind

My ultimate conclusion after considering all those points

1. Things we know as the audience that Rose does not know 

It was on the seventh or eighth time watching GITF to prep for TMMOT that I had a rather jaw-dropping realisation. Rose did not see the kiss. Rose was not near enough to the fireplace to hear him crow about the kiss. Rose does not know about the kiss unless he tells her.

That... doesn’t make the kiss itself or his crowing about it any less disturbing, and I do hope he told her about it at some point. But it does require a major shift in how we think about Rose’s reaction to the overall story. 

Also, Rose wasn’t there when the Doctor used telepathy on Reinette, so she doesn’t know that Reinette was able to get into his head. She might feel less-than Reinette for other reasons, but not this one. 

2. Reinette going into his head is assault, not a sign of intimacy

Even if Rose knew about it, the Doctor is not at all to blame for this and I really get upset when he apologises for it. What Reinette did was assault. She didn’t know that, maybe, but in every universe I’ve read where there’s telepathy, going into someone else’s mind without permission is viewed as a violation. Why do we get upset with the Doctor for being violated? It’s victim-blaming, and... Ick.

3. Mickey’s presence on the TARDIS was not an attempt at space

I have a whole post just about this point. This is one of the biggest examples of the way we’ve analysed other episodes in light of GITF, shifting how we see things so GITF makes more sense. 

The simple fact is that the way Mickey asked left the Doctor (and Rose) with no polite way to say no. They’d just invited Sarah Jane along, in front of him. Telling him no would make it obvious that it was him, specifically, they didn’t want to travel with. I don’t blame Rose for feeling that way, because Mickey did everything he could up until their foray into Pete’s World to convince Rose to leave the Doctor and come back to him. But even she knew, as much as she didn’t like it, that telling Mickey no would permanently damage their friendship. 

4. Mickey is not a reliable witness of the Doctor’s behaviour

So. One thing that is often brought up is Mickey’s line that it’s been hours and where is Rose’s precious Doctor? This is seen as proof that the Doctor is being very cavalier with Rose’s safety, and on first glance, it is. 

But consider the source. First of all, how does Mickey even know that? They were both knocked out by the tranq darts, and even if we allow for Mickey’s greater body mass to let him wake up a little before Rose, “hours” earlier strains credulity. I could buy that he was awake for 20 minutes before Rose woke up, but no longer. 

Which means he is doing exactly what Mickey has done in every episode previous to this--he is hyperbolising to make Rose realise how dangerous things are with the Doctor/how the Doctor will never love her/how the Doctor doesn’t treat her as well as Mickey does. This is a pattern with Mickey Smith, pre-Cybermen. 

He clings to her legs and calls the Doctor a thing in “Rose”

He tells Rose the Doctor left her in “Aliens of London”

In “Boom Town,” he straight up tells Rose that he resents the Doctor because Rose always chooses him over Mickey

In “Parting of the Ways” he tries to convince Rose to stay behind with him and forget whatever she’s thinking about to get back to the Doctor

In “The Christmas Invasion,” he tells Rose that she can depend on him--Mickey--because he doesn’t go around changing his face

In Feast of the Drowned, he gets angry with the Doctor after they both see Rose waiting for them underwater. I can’t remember the quote, but the implication was that because the Doctor was able to control his reaction to the pull, that he didn’t care as much about Rose as Mickey did. The Doctor counters that fiercely.

In The Stone Rose, he blames the Doctor for Rose getting turned into a statue

In “School Reunion” he purposely pokes at Rose’s doubts after meeting Sarah Jane, telling her this proves the Doctor is just like other blokes (implying the Doctor wouldn’t be faithful, etc.)

And earlier in GITF, he teased Rose again about all the other girls the Doctor has been with. 

With this pattern of behaviour, you can see why I take what Mickey says about the Doctor’s behaviour with a large tablespoon of salt. He has never been fair about the Doctor’s actions or motivations, and he is always ready to jump on any perceived failing on the Doctor’s part to convince Rose that he, Mickey, is the better man. 

In light of that, has it really been hours since Mickey and Rose were taken? Did the Doctor really party it up with the French while Rose was on the verge of being sliced up? I go with no.

5. The Doctor's drunk act when he arrives is just an act

I don’t think many people think he was actually drunk, because we all know that canonically, it’s hard to get a Time Lord drunk. But his demeanour in this scene, coupled with Mickey’s accusation, is often seen together as a sign that he just... didn’t care about Rose. 

But, if we allow for the possibility that it hadn’t actually been hours, and if we consider that 1) he had to go back to the TARDIS and get the anti-oil (possibly even make it) and that 2) he needed some sort of cover that would convince the droids to let him get close enough to use the anti-oil, his behaviour is much more calculated. 

Now. I do think this might have appeared uncaring to Rose, and I have a scene in the fic I’m working on where she rails at him for it and he realises what it looked like. But appearances are not necessarily fact. 

6. The Tenth Doctor was no less protective of Rose than Nine

This is the point at which I really diverge with a lot of Doctor/Rose meta. One thing that’s sprung up as we’ve tried to make sense of GITF is the idea that this is one more instance in a long line of times where Ten allowed Rose to be in dangerous situations that Nine would have stopped. 

But. For a moment, consider a series 2 with no GITF. 

Would you still think that Cassandra manipulating the lift so Rose is trapped with her instead of safe with the Doctor is any more the Doctor’s fault than when Cassandra trapped Rose in a room where she would be incinerated by the sun? I know part of the argument here is that Ten didn’t consider Rose could be put in danger when they were separated, but Nine didn’t know Rose was in danger until he heard her voice on the other side of the door. They were both unaware that she had gotten into danger.

Would you still think Rose noticing that a servant girl was upset in “Tooth and Claw” and getting hit over the head as they talked was the Doctor’s fault, any more than Rose trying to track down the ghost and getting abducted by Mr. Sneed was the Doctor’s fault? I know part of the argument is that Nine chased after Rose immediately, but 1) he saw her be abducted, whereas for all Ten knew, she was getting dressed, and 2) as soon as Ten realised there was danger afoot, his very first thought was, “Where is Rose?”

This life is dangerous, but one of the things I love the most about Rose Tyler is her insistence on being a full partner in it. She hates it when he tries to keep her from dangerous things. She wanders into them herself, and she would honestly be offended by the idea that he’s responsible for her actions. 

7. It was wrong of the Doctor to leave Rose and Mickey on the spaceship without any indication that had an idea of how to get back, especially after telling her he’d never leave her behind.

Okay. I’m not going to argue this point at all. This is the key to my complaint with the episode, outside of the kiss which... ick. I personally believe he had a plan to get back, because I cannot believe he would leave the TARDIS even if he would ever really abandon his companions. I think that whatever the plan was, it was one that would take a long time, which is why he was resigned to the slow path, until Reinette showed him the fireplace. 

But even if he had a plan, the expression on Rose’s face after he went through the mirror makes it clear that he didn’t tell her what it was, and that’s wrong.

8. So, ultimately, what’s my headcanon regarding this episode? Why did the Doctor get so caught up in things that he ignored Rose like that at the end?

First, I think there were a lot of timelines falling apart and he panicked. He needed to make sure Reinette didn’t die, and he got tunnel vision, thinking about that and nothing else. 

Second, I think Reinette was his celebrity crush, and he was flattered by her obvious interest in him. I mean. If you met your celebrity crush, and they treated you like the most fascinating person on the planet, wouldn’t that feel pretty good?

Third, I don’t think his grief over her death was any more profound than his grief when anyone he’s fond of dies. He grieved for Astrid... and cutting this short, there’s a whole montage in Journey’s End when Davros is mocking him that shows he always takes these deaths very personally. Him being upset that she died does not mean he loved her. It means he has a heart... er, two hearts.

Fourth, I think the laughter and teasing between the Doctor and Rose at the beginning of the next episode means they talked this out and came to an understanding--one which Pete’s World very nearly unravelled, but that was solidified in the conversation RTD says definitely took place between that adventure and Idiot’s Lantern.

And that conversation is the fanfic I’m working on for this week. 

[the-dark-pages-blog]

Film Review: The Nice Guys

‘Literally the two worst people that we could think of... one breaks arms for a living and the other cons old ladies out of money.’  

That’s how The Nice Guys writer Anthony Bagarozzi describes the main characters of the film he co-wrote with Shane Black, and he’s not wrong: Russell Crowe’s Jackson Healey is a heavy who does whatever he needs to do for dough, and Ryan Gosling’s Holland March isn’t much better, despite having a sob-story background and a 13-year-old daughter to look after (who mostly looks after him). And yet The Nice Guys, Shane Black’s 2016 neo-noir, is an utter delight - and extremely funny.

Shane Black rose to prominence in the 1980s as a Hollywood Wunderkind, selling his script for Lethal Weapon at age 24 and then moving on to write several other big budget 80s and early 90s films, including Monster Squad and (of course) Lethal Weapon 2, and starring as motormouth nerd Hawkins in Predator. Black grew up reading hard-boiled crime novels by authors including Mickey Spillane and Don Hamilton, influences reflected in every film he’s written or directed, including Iron Man 3. Although not his most famous film, his first directorial effort, 2005′s superb Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, may be the most perfect reflection of his style of writing and his puckish sense of dark humour - as well as being a superb showcase for Robert Downey Jr right before his Iron Man resurgence, and one of Val Kilmer’s greatest roles.

The Nice Guys fits right in alongside Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, being a neo-noir set in Los Angeles around Christmas. Fun Shane Black fact - all his films contain a Christmas element, including Iron Man 3. The plot is appropriately convoluted and violent, opening with a porn star getting into a terrible car accident (in the nude) and ending with a spectacular action sequence set at a car show. But good action sequences are a dime a dozen in films; what sets The Nice Guys apart is the one-two punch of superb actor chemistry and understated humour. 

Gosling and Crowe, who reportedly became interested in the film because it’d give them the chance to work together, are both excellent; Crowe’s character is a down-on-his-luck version of his breakout role in LA Confidential, a man with heavy fists and without much of a moral compass, who is accidentally drawn into something much larger than he could have expected when he takes money from a young woman who sends him off to break the arm of the man who’s been following her.

That man, of course, is Gosling’s March, a PI with no sense of smell, who’s following the girl as part of a half-hearted effort to follow up on the case of  the dead porn star. Healey breaks March’s arm and before long the two have teamed up, following an increasing number of baffling clues towards a a mare’s nest of a crime involving a federal cover-up, the Detroit auto industry, and pornography. Gosling and Crowe have the easy chemistry of old friends, and find the mystery they’re unraveling as baffling and totally bizarre as the audience does. 

The bodies pile up and the plot gets weird (and then weirder, and then weirder again), and Gosling and Crowe keep the audience invested in the film with their banter and sheer force of charismatic will. Like Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, like Lethal Weapon and even like Iron Man 3, The Nice Guys lives and dies on the casting - and live it does. 

Verdict: The Nice Guys is a superb neo-noir (set in 1978) with picture-perfect period atmosphere, dark humour and perfect casting.

For fans of: LA noir from the heavyweight classics like The Big Sleep, LA Confidential and Devil in a Blue Dress to Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and The Big Lebowski. 

What to watch next: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, if you haven’t seen it already.

[aleatoryalarmalligator]

life story part something.

Before I continue, I just wanted to give a quick apology for making an error in my previous life-story post. It was brought to my attention that it was not Britney who brought hip huggers to the scene of the late 90's, but Aaliyah RIP. Also though nobody actually sent me a message regarding this exactly, it may seem like I am picking on Britney Spears, but I really am not. She's fine. Aaliyah pants are fine. I am not an avid modern pop fan so there are a lot of things I really just do not know. I would be far more likely to know about some obscure detail about some early obscure 80's twee group than I would sometimes the most notable musicians of today.

And now. To explain my first trip to Florida.

I had never boarded a plane before. I think flying might be one of my favorite things in the world. I honestly can think of nothing better than being in the clouds looking down on everything. I don't think there has ever been a situation where I got on a plane and didn't come off that plane a better more complete human being. And to this day, if the pay was better, I was a little less of a daydreamer and more of a direct kind of person who liked facts, buttons and numbers more, and my eyesight was anything close to decent I think I would have gone to flight school, I love flying so much. We stopped at the Denver Airport, which was the biggest place I had ever been. When we got to Tampa, we had to board another plane and while that was happening, I looked out at the ocean – which I had never seen before either, and there was a cyclone out there. It was pretty wild, at least for me. I am sure local Floridians look out at the ocean casually on a daily basis and see these kinds of things. It's like when people vacation to Idaho, they often get excited about jagged rocks on the sides of canyons, and to me they are pointing out the most obvious mundane thing in the whole world.

It was also really different for me because there is a lot of culture and different skin tones that you honestly just don't see in rural Idaho. Everyone here is white, with the exception of Native Americans on occasion. There was not only people of every ethnicity, color and nationality, but the default music that played in stores was often times reggae, whereas here it's always country or Nickelback, and maybe just maybe some bad butt rock from the 80's where I come from. It was kind of eye opening for me to realize that not everywhere was Idaho.

My uncle Bob lived down in Florida. He was very rich. His job was to be one of those super attendants to super attendants for a school district in Fort Lauderdale. He had a swimming pool and a fancy motorcycle and a bunch of cars. I made the mistake of swimming one night, and he turned on the light in the pool. Suddenly, cockroaches began jumping into the swimming pool from every direction. The lizards were pretty cool however.

The air made me sick though. It was thick and murky. Idaho has very dry air that I am used to. Florida's air is like warm sticky water all around you that you can't get out of. And I am allergic to mold spores, so that was a problem. My throat swelled up and my eyes watered the whole time. Also, it was here that I learned that I have some serious issues with the ocean. I cannot be in the presence of the ocean, however fascinated I am by it, or I start to feel like I have the stomach flu, and I start to feel like I am going crazy. My father and I visited the beach. It was strange to me, but ocean beaches that are open to the public are covered with people. Idaho beaches are very easy to be alone and secluded on.

I really was enjoying myself, but then I started feeling this crazed feeling. First it felt like I was moving, and then it felt like the ground beneath me was dropping. I started crying for absolutely no reason. My father tried to ask me what was wrong and I snapped at him aggressively in a way I would never ordinarily do. This wasn't one of my typical sensitive fits I get when someone has hurt my feelings either. I really just lost my mind and had no idea what I was doing. He actually had to physically haul me off the beach as I kicked and cried. The ocean makes me crazy. I don't know why. As we drove off, I suddenly realized what had happened and I apologized. It's not that much different now that I am an adult. I was visiting the Pacific last year, and though I was able to control myself, I started getting shaky and nauseated and feeling like there was no reason to be alive, and this wasn't coming from my typical morose self. There has to be some kind of scientific backing for why this happens. I suppose I could just be that much of a landlover that even looking at the ocean makes me ill.

We went to Disney World. It was a great place if you have a million dollars to spend and are somewhat patient, but you don't want to eat there because everything is a trillion dollars and tastes like it is made out of whatever Mickey Mouse's gloves are made out of. Sadly, this is the only place I have ever heard people in real life with English accents – except maybe when I saw Richard Thompson and I am not sure, but when I saw the Arctic Monkeys, I think Alex Turner said something short once during the set.

This was also a strange visit because I hung out with my aunt Marty. I didn't really understand it back then, but she is a total racist. There are several different forms of racism naturally, and I couldn't for sure say that one was better than the last, but if I were to peg her form of racism, I would just flat out say that she was a hardcore Jim Crow racist. She was actually is just this openly vile little woman who constantly spews hatred in every which direction, but for some reason that I can only conclude leads to his own racist instincts, my uncle Bob thought it was cute for some reason for her to go on this way, and my dad would just laugh and laugh as she would go on and on with her extremely atrocious little rants. It kind of gave me a precursor to understanding the 'appeal' of Donald Trump for a lot of people. He was unabashedly hateful and racist, and people liked it because they felt like he was giving them permission to say this crap. She really seemed to randomly like me, so it confused me then, but I honestly don't think me or my siblings would have agreed to stay in a place with her. I could not sit in a room with her. She's really just that bad.

On our way to Miami we got into a car accident and we never made it there. We were in the middle of this six car pile up. I remember two girls with matching tube tops were running around upset speaking in Spanish desperately in confusion. There was this old lady that had to be taken to the hospital. My father turned his head instinctively in fear I suppose that I was not wearing my seat belt – which fortunately I was, and I have never forgotten it since because if I hadn't I would have gone flying. When he turned like this though, he permanently fucked up his neck. The super fancy old vehicle was totaled.

On our way back home a few days later, there was also some very extreme turbulence that scared me to death. We were flying over the Midwest, and the plane became very jerky. I was alerted that this was perfectly normal, and I continued to drink my ginger ale and look out the window. But it started to get more extreme. Pretty soon the entire plane was shaking and free falling. My plate of food flew off the table and women and children were crying upset. I was crying. Somehow, everything was alright, though that much turbulence was not considered to be very common. We flew out of the storm, which I heard was spread out from Indiana to North Dakota.

After Florida, life just kind of went the way it always had. Vacations don't generally fix all that much, from my experience, though I am still very glad I got to leave. I think it's very important to always have a trip planned out in the next six months. It keeps you ever hopeful for the future, and it gives you these little breaks in the monotony of what you know.

One day, I decided to play sick and skip school, presumably to get some hours in on the gameboy, get a few hours extra of sleep, eat some candy, read some chapter book about knights, princesses and dragons all that good stuff. I told my father I felt achy and nauseated. I can't say I feel too badly, but my father has always had a lot of faith that I am always telling the truth. And often times, he has good reason to believe I am, I usually am honest to a fault, am prone to oversharing and I don't just lie every time I am in a bind. I will often times rather just turn myself in. I don't believe people should lie whenever it is convenient. But this isn't to say that I don't lie. Sometimes I lie for sport. Mostly I just like to see what I can get away with. I hand select when I am dishonest, and it has to meet various requirements and the lie itself has to be somewhat satisfying. I don't think it's satisfying to lie often to make people think you are cool or to always get your way, but I have always liked to play hooky. I lied A LOT about being sick growing up, and even though most of the time it was bullshit and everyone knew that, my good old dad always believed in me. I also was always buying snacks at the local grocery store on the charge account and he never looked at the purchases that were made. He always just dutifully paid off the account every so often. To be fair here, he didn't leave any food in the house, and what would you expect a hungry preteen to do if they had a charge account at their disposal?

I was sitting in the corner on this such day, and suddenly my whole body was in the most excruciating pain I have ever felt in my entire life. My lungs stopped functioning. I felt like I was breathing rocks. My head was on fire, my jaws wouldn't move. Pain was shooting down to my toes. My muscles stopped working. I tried to tell my dad what was wrong, but no words would come out. I began convulsing. I could not even scream. I was on the floor in agony. I couldn't even move my arms voluntarily. The joints had tensed up so much. I made some kind of guttural noise of some kind and had tears running down my face, and my father was trying very hard to get me to tell him what was wrong. The pain was absolutely unimaginable, and I have to this day nothing that compares to it. He picked me up off the floor, and hauled me up the stairs. I passed out from the pain, and he put me in my bed. When I woke up two hours later, I was perfectly fine somehow. My muscles worked. I could talk. I have no idea what happened. And I never found out.

My mother moved into a new home. I think she got the lump some of the divorce money at this point, and her and Germaine were starting to have disagreements. So she began renting this brand new little white house a few blocks from where Germaine lived. I had to get rid of Crom – we gave him to James's rich family. This brand new house quickly became totally disgusting and trashed. But it was here where I first got to really enjoy cable television. My dad didn't think that tv was good for kids – he's probably got a point there. It was otherwise a completely disgusting mess though, and I often had to fight and manipulate for the best places to sleep and my rights to the controller. I think after a few years of dealing with adult's bullshit, I was starting to finally figure out how to plan ahead to put myself out of harm's way and to best benefit from my situation, if even in small little ways.

My dad would always take me to my mom's very early in the morning. He had to be at work at five am, and so we had to be on the road by 4 am. He would drop me off, and the first thing I would do when I opened the door was assess just how wasted everyone had gotten while I was at my dad's. You could tell by how the place smelled, what kind of trash was in the garbage, how long the dishes had been out, along with more obvious details like what and who was sprawled over the floor. I would make a headcount of people sprawled out on the floor, and try to establish the most pleasant place for me to rest. I would find the controller. Then I would go through my mother's bedroom while she was drunk and passed out with James in the bed, and go through her pants and coats for loose change. Often times, it would be dumped all over the floor carelessly. I would also go into the bathrooms and do the same thing. If there was anyone else there I would go through their things as well, usually finding their little baggies of drugs and pipes to get to the money. I never would take anything more than a dollar bill, but the money quickly began stacking up.

I eventually had 60 dollars, and to put that into adult perspective, that's like a 1000 dollars in Renee money today. At the end of the year, I went to an arcade and I went to the circus, and completely wasted all of it – but I didn't regret it one bit. The entire experience was perfectly delightful. I took great pleasure in being able to spend carelessly. My father kept such a tight hold of his money – I one time asked him for 25 cents and he told me the family simply couldn't afford it. This coming from someone who made over 40,000 dollars a year. I wore handmedowns, and ate left overs from the worst fast food in town. I was always on the receiving end of duties and responsibilities for my younger siblings, I had no power over my life at all. The money felt even better since I had stolen it the way I had.

Everyone around me was quite unpleasant for that entire time I stayed there. It was just a gross mess, before we finally moved again. Other than watching enormous amounts of television, I remember I would spend all day waiting for the sounds of the ice cream man to come down the road. It was the point of my existence at one point in my life to lazily lay about and anticipate the sound of ice cream man music to go down my street so I could run out there and buy a plastic tasting fudgsicle.        

to be continued.

If per chance you want to know more about this project of mine, i am writing my life story down - i have never actually done this. Here are the previous parts i have written so far.

PART 7 - http://tinyurl.com/ybvo283g

PART 6 - http://tinyurl.com/kbc9dwu

PART 5 - http://tinyurl.com/msnz4am

PART 4 - http://tinyurl.com/k9x8esg

PART 3 - http://tinyurl.com/mwp9atx

PART 2 - http://tinyurl.com/lbt6xq2

PART 1 - http://tinyurl.com/l8xbvg8