#mercy dont u start i swear to god

[gamerwoo]

© preciousthe8

[soulwillower]

laser tag • bill denbrough

(bill denbrough x reader)

requested: IMAGINE LASER TAG WITH BILL AND HE’D PUSH YOU INTO A CORNER AND KISS YOU AND THEN HE’D SHOOT AND WALK AWAY

warnings: swearing, i think thats it, unedited as usual lol

sorry to make u wait!! i hope u enjoy! i loved this idea tbh

[losers + reader are 16+ in this]

1.7k words

♡

"i can't believe you coerced us into doing this." ben mumbles, trying to detangle himself from the cord connecting his vest to his laser gun. you snort, shaking your head as you pull a vest with a blue light towards your body, examining it.

"it's my birthday, haystack. plus, you've never seen bill play this game. he's insane. i swear, it’ll be worth it." richie says, pulling ben's head through the cord and sorting him right. 

you chuckle, "it's not even close to your birthday, richie. and i don't know.... bill doesn't seem like he's that good." you say, lifting a brow at the boy in question.

bill raises his eyebrows at you, placing his laser gun on his shoulder as he grins. "y-you think i'm bad at this, y/l/n?" his teeth glow purplish and bright in the blacklight of the laser tag prep room and you shrug. "d-do you know h-how many hours i spent here with g-g-georgie when we were k-kids?"

you shrug again. "you'd just get distracted so easily." you say challengingly, grinning at him. bill always brought out your competitive side.

"god, i’m too sober for this." stan mutters as he pulls on his own blue vest, grinning mischievously. you roll your eyes at your friend and shove his shoulder. "shut up, stan. don't act like you're not the most excited." richie says, pulling on a vest with red lights. bill grins at you, face being lit up by his own red-lit vest and you can't help but swallow dryly as you notice how perfect he looks. 

god, you have it bad. 

"hm, y-you don't think i can b-beat you?" bill asks. you shake your head, giving him a wide, fake grin. "god, you're so smart, denbrough. how'd you ever guess that?" you ask, clipping your blue-lit vest.

 he just chuckles at you and your stomach fills with warm feelings at your dumb banter. boy, you're off your game tonight. you grin, never one to back up from some competition with the denbrough boy. something about him makes you want to win all the time.

"i don't know, y/n/n. i heard bill plays dirty." bev pipes up, grinning at you, her face red from her own led lights. you laugh lightly as richie pipes up, "nah, i'm sure y/n would love that." he quips as richie, bill, bev, and ben walk over to the room half-separated by a wall. you roll your eyes, even though they can't see you from behind the wall. your face is heated from his teasing.

"i don't know why they have so much confidence." mike says, giving you a clap on the back. you laugh with him as you speak up, "it's because bill's too hot-headed and richie is an idiot."

"i h-h-heard that!" bill calls, he and richie's heads popping to look at you from the other room. "you were supposed to!" you call back, giggling as eddie adjusts the straps of the vest on your chest.

"you w-want to make this enemy, y/l/n? you g-got a target on your back!" bill calls, making you giggle into your hand. all three boys on your team shoot you a knowing look, to which you glare in response. "fuck off." you mutter to them.

"give me your worst, denbrough!" you call in to the dark arena as the doors open and you, eddie, stan and mike are released to your side of the laser tag arena. you find your flag and start to get together, making a plan of attack.

towards the end of the game, you'd taken to hiding in a corner because richie was just stupidly smart enough to continuously try the same route up towards your flag and he couldn't figure out where he was being sniped from. 

it was hilarious - but more importantly, you only had one life left until you were out of the game and you had to protect yourself. 

but suddenly, a familiar tall figure turns the corner, his back away from you. you take this as your opportunity, shooting bill in the back and smirking as a bright light flashes and his vest beeps off. he groans, looking around the space in front of him as you walk up behind him.

"so easily distracted." you whisper right behind him, making him turn to you and narrow his eyes. "f-fuck you, y/n." he mutters. grinning, you return to the shadows. he doesn't follow you.

you dont see anybody for a few minutes so you start to wander around aimlessly, your gun still aimed forward just in case someone pops out.

"y/n." you hear and you jump, looking around in the darkness for the voice you could pick out of a million. 

then he appears, gun positioned at your chest. "don't shoot." you beg bill quickly, just desperate to survive and stay in the game. 

maybe he'd have a shred of mercy. bill chuckles, "wh-why's that, y/n? almost out of lives?" he says teasingly. you roll your eyes.

"if i didn't know any better..." he mutters, walking up to you. you slowly watch him as he enters your personal space, shocked by his proximity. you can practically feel his body on yours and you feel yourself vibrating with anticipation. "i-i'd say that y-you think you're b-better than me."

you look at him in the dim light, the sounds of your friends screaming and laughing fading away as the smell of bill's light cologne fills your senses. he looks like the devil as he smirks down at you, gun in hand. yours is still in your hand too, and you briefly wonder if he can hear your heartbeat.

"a-and yet somehow, i always end up with th-the upper hand." bill says. maybe it's because it's dark, but you swear you see his eyes glancing down to your lips and back up. you swallow, your mouth dry. is he about to...

and then bill’s hand is pushing you against the wall, leaning forward, pinning you and pressing his lips against yours. you inhale sharply through your nose in surprise as his lips move hotly against yours, his hand falling from the wall to your hip, running up your side. 

your stomach erupts with butterflies, your knees feel week and your mind is reeling. 

your hands drop your gun and it bounces on the end of its cord as you kiss back in surprise, your hands going to his neck and chest.

his tongue traces your lip and you open your mouth, stomach flipping. 

you’re wrapped up in bill - his smell, his taste, and how his body feels against you. you think your legs might give out because of how he’s kissing you, like a storm in the middle of the ocean. you’re breathless.

 only a few moments pass before you feel a pressure that isn’t bill pressing against your chest. 

you don’t have time to react as you hear the familiar, close sound of the laser gun and then that damn loud beeping noise of your vest and your eyes fly open. you pull back from bill to see your vest lighting up then turning completely off. shakily, you lift your gun to bill’s chest and pull the trigger but nothing happens. 

bill killed you. you were out.

"so e-easily distracted." he echoes your previous words, this time dripping from his own lips like honey. he's smirking at you as he immediately retreats backwards, winking as he disappears behind a wall. that cocky asshole. 

you run your hands through your hair, your heart thumping in your chest. what the fuck?

[shytiff]

Jan 2021 Wins

ive “journaled” for 6 months now. it started as small ___ wins because when you feel rly empty, even doing the bare minimum feels like a win. written down some of the wins. i think until now i’d like to keep the “win” part. a win against my shadow sometimes. a win in life. some things to be grateful for. a win for remembering it later in the future. i know some days im just basically doing nothing.  there are a lot of wars not won by me. but im still tryna ✨manifest✨

1 - woke up. watched bts’ 2021 seasons greetings. read trap city. afternoon nap. pupuy’s mbah passed away. i got DOMS in my body even though i did the barest of exercise yesterday (frail, i know). shower, matcha latte.

2 - the x banner atikah and i sent for racil post thesis defense has arrived lmaoo. mom made delicious (and sweet) fried banana. did some studying (more than usual, bcs the bar is on the floor)

3 - ate muesli, 3 risols. Kopsus coklat at flavola. Stayed there from 12-ish to 17:30 lmaooo. weekly bahas soal w/ fi. Rapat nemo

4 - first day of collab module. Barely cicil ukmppd. My mood is normal-ish but i hardly have the will to study. Dinner is fried fish with mentai sauce, potato wedges, and saladdd by mom

5 - collab module, qa presentation for rsui reps. finished reviewing tryout 2 solid. did padi pretest (got 66,5). ate chicken porridge, a bit of muesli and vsoy, tan ek tjoan bread, matcha latte, fish and chicken and potato wedges and salad, fried banana. i ate well today lol.

6 - slept during collab webinar, went to clara’s place to study osce and attended padi together. i ate well at clara’s placeee lol. ate nastar, kusuka, white kwetiaw with soup (?), and lele goreng. went back home @ 9 pm. i feel refreshed. even though we’ve half studied half mukbang all day. human interaction rly does heal me. i need human interaction more than i think. at night i dreamed about going to bali, to waterparks, seeing sea creatures, watching a movie displayed on a concert-like stage and screen at the front row. 

7 - woke up at 07:55, finished my part for collab group work. felt a bit tired today. the rest of fam went to DM, and when they were on the way back i HURRIED my way out, not even taking a shower lmaoo. got pistachio matcha latte at starbucks dm. now im more skilled in searching the best spot in a cafe to distance myself from people lmao. the matcha latte is served with some sort of pistachio cream and sprinkled with nuts on top. its like when sbux had taro matcha latte and it had purple cream on top. the pistachio taste is quite strong. reviewed TO 1 padi, sent proposals for nemo sponsorship.

8 - did syndrome try out and padi 2 web try out. studied for osce and padi @ clara’s place. wanted to order pizza since clara bought me food before, but she insisted in ordering lmaoo. so dinner is pizza hut

9 - woke up at 11.00 lmao. havent had breakfast. lunch is muesli with the brand new delishhh chocolate granola and cimory banana milk. did one shot try out, got 71. had a google meet with Prof Agus (that ethics book ghostwriting job from a year ago is not finished until now huaaa) that went from 20.00ish and finished at 22.30,,,,, reviewed syndrome try out along the way. havent made my collab self reflection hhhh. i also need to study for osce. also havent edited article for bukang solid. and there goes my saturday nooo

10 - i swear i keep waking up late lmao. Flavola w atikah, racheel later came with wawa. Kopsus coklat and ukmppd class w dr yudo. After class i just talked at flavola (and ended not studying osce at all for sunday). Went to racheel's to pray and talk some more. Hurriedly went back for booty call with fi, watched konser dies natalis first. Tryout and sum study with fi and clar that went from 20:30 to 00:10. Powered by left over kopsus and 2 snackit pia. Rip my sleeping schedule

11 - woke up at 10:30 ish, the lack of meal and horrible sleep pattern (for my standard) produced stuffy nose during the day and a bit of headache that went away for a bit after i ate. Late bfast is muesli, drank protein, ate tan ek tjoan, plus 2 brownies in the evening. Tht coaching w dr niken. Did self reflection for collab. Had dinner without rice, as usual. Ukmppd class w dr ayu. Finished reflection at 21:30 lmao (deadline is 23:55). Tryna sleep and my nose is still itchy and i sneeze a more often. i hope it goes away 2mrw

12 - DV coaching, scele tryout, took a nap before padi cause my head kind of hurts. Les padi while drinking matcha with vsoy less sugar and no added sugar. I can withstand the horrible sugarless cy matcha taste bcs theres a taste of soy. Didnt do anything else. Havent studied osce on my own until now. Astagfirullah

13 - my head still kind of aches. Its goes away when im eating. im eating so well during the weekdays that i gained 2kgs lmao. lazed around the first half of the day. padi. finally tried saint matcha and damnn its an amazing upgrade from Cy matcha. the green color is super different yall. Cy’s green looks sick and tired compared to saint matcha. the taste? immaculate (although coco deli is more fragrant). caffeine? hits. awake and feel normal? yes. messaged an ao3 author and got replied and turns out she’s making a sequel for my fav fic of hers. yay

14 - osce practice w ara ren ness. bedah and anak osce coaching. had 3 of mom’s cinnamon rolls and matcha latte for the afternoon. cicil osce DV. edited some pld articles. did nothing else basically

15 - wasted my day, didnt have the courage to study osce (i feel like i procrastinate on it bcs it feels overwhelming to me), TO FKUI 2, hurriedly reviewed to 1 before, les padi. i feel like this is the least focused im being in a les. maybe its the too few matcha powder.

16 - woke up at 9 am. breakfast is muesli. reviewed to 2 fkui w apa salahku (finished at 12 pm, there goes half of my saturday). tried fried chicken master. its good and tender but i still prefer moon chicken. 

17 - breakfast is muesli, banana and 2 martabak tahu. snack is keripik pisang aduuu wenak (and picking bits of meat cooked by mom). went to devi’s place w/ racheel silvi. brought RJ to be wrapped. we watched okay madam and its super fun, hilarious and full of twists anddd a bit of cutesy romance. just the right balance to enjoy and let the stress out. late lunch is moon chicken yay!! went home after maghrib, did to padi 6 w/ fi and matcha latte. talked about a senior’s wedding and eating healthier til 22:30

18 - To fkui 3, wasted my afternoon playing my phone, finally mustered some will to study after ashar. My progress is rly slow today. Watched hilarious jessi interview with eric, heechul. Im telling u, i thought tiktok is the funniest internet content but i was wronggg. Seeing heechul flustered is hilarious. Tried to study again at night but only learned 1 disease hiks

19 - had no idea what i did before dzuhur lmao. went to racheel’s to surprise atikah. actually napped at her place lmaoo why do i feel so sleepy. gifted rj to atikah. we ate fried chicken master and pempek on a small green table and talked. its like korean movie lmao. we talked while im simultaneously listening to padi lol.

20 - woke up at 8, chicken porridge + muesli and low sugar vsoy for breakfast. arrived at clara’s @10am. to fkui 4. reviewed it. reviewed general physical exam. finished up to padi 7. tried bombo donut. studied osce. i felt sooo dumb in osce (and clara is already super smart). superrr motivated to learn after going back home (arrived at 7) but i ended up opening youtube and drinking protein lmaooo and its suddenly 9 pm

21 - matcha latte at starbucks dm. Studied osce. Obgyn coaching w the super kind dr ilham. Les padi. Read angel buddy and played with my phone til 12 pm

22 - to fkui. padi as usual. had low motivation, so i did the tryout that day close to the actual course.

23 - left home at 06:30 to study together in capitol. had breakfast in mcd first. thank god i ate rice + chicken and breakfast wrap cuzzzz. studied osce together w ara, ical, kelvyn, dio and kak ilonka til about 2 pm. WALKED to bk bcs my parents are there. apparently simply driving to capitol is too much for them. immediately ate muesli at 4 pm cause i didnt eat anything in capitol. did nothing else after that. did not pray maghrib together lmao somehow mom had mercy on me and let me sleep som more. mom bought sate padang but i didnt eat it. i cried in bed because as yoongi said, “this is the real you and this is the real me”. did not shower/wash my face at night bcs i felt like shit lmao rip my face (its a week before bukang photoshoot)

24 - i feel tired, lazy, and just wanted some sleep. like all that’s in me is drained. ate muesli with strawberry milk. tried fitmee beef. its better than i thought. because the noodle is chewy you spend more time to chew. also ate fried chicken and daun singkong. usually i cant wait to go to flavola but even at 12 pm i just feel like laying down. finally mustered the will to shower and go out. its raining a bit on the way. colddd. 

25 - to fkui 6, osce briefing, covid lecture (that was actually for ppds), padi

26 - spaghetti for brekkie, coaching neuro and ophthalmology, cicil osce

27 - cicil osce, the second to the last padi omg. the fastest padi ever

28 - obgyn osce practice at kak ilonka’s place (that nice kosan at forkabi) with ara, ren ness, kelvyn, dio with mannequins from og dept, tried meokja salemba that serves bulgogi rice. quite good. after arriving at home, studied neuro together with menno til about 20:45 an and i just dont have the energy lmaooo so i gave up and slept

29 - today is bukang photoshoot at bintaro. put base make up on the way. even put glue on my eyebrow. got eyebrow, eyeshadow and blush done by renata. took lots of photos. nebeng om coro afterwards to bxc to meet mom. we ate at genki sushi (renata ara kris mendel oca regan geordie eka). i missss road trips hua. did tryout fkui on the way back home. after shower and prayer proceeded to review TO with apa salahku. Last padi (havent done the questions beforehand so i sprinted it out while on the actual course). Muhasabah osce with kak widia afterwards lmao. Studied osce with clara

30 - studied osce with ara ren ness @ merra. I ate eatlah, moms muffin, kemplang, tango. I ate so welll. Its a productive sesh, neuro and infectious disease. At home i studied osce w clara til abt 22:15 ish. I feel like i miss my me time lmao its been 3 days. I can still go on w clara but i dont wanna get myself sick

31 - simul osce in the morning. Osce study with clara almira. Cicil osce alone. Played my phone at 10 pm even though i still have mental clarity post matcha latte -___-

[01010010-posts]

okay BUT consider this: the human boys don’t really celebrate their birthday, so their s/o plans on changing that this year! They’ve got this big elaborate party 1 month in advanced, keeping it entirely from them, as a secret. HOWEVER, b/c of this, they start acting weird, leave at weird times during the day, answer/don’t answer certain calls/texts around them (all relating to the plans). Eventually they get suspicious and sad and plan to confront them, only to be surprised with a party! 🎉

ahahahah kin with human boys. im sorry for the extra late reply. also im writing this as a stream of consciousness thing because im going to bed in 0.005 seconds & i feel like im being chased hope it’s still ok!!! love u cuties/o might not even be someone who likes parties but they set on a personal mission of them having AT LEAST ONE (1) BIRTHDAY PARTY DONE RIGHT AND YOU CAN BET THEY WILL!!!! they get to know the secret info (the date. also, y’all can pry it from my dead blue cold hands but connor is a pisces, RK900 is a scorpio, 60 im still unsure but since in this AU they’re twins well he’s a fish too guess) casually, like, it might be connor scoffing something as ‘i swear to god ads of birthday supplies got too clever my birthday is the next month’ or 60 being all hyper because no, he doesn’t celebrate it but donuts shops SURE DO or RK900 getting kinda fidgety because uhh anxiety and also no no reason in particular i swear baby im ok [sweating lies]. it doesn’t really matters. what REALLY MATTERS is that these little shits don’t know what’s going to HIT them. literally. ofc s/o is so focused on the party they don’t even think about being hella suspicious and i mean, acting weird with these boys? it’s like sending a big red signal of ‘im tired of u wanna break up’ WHICH IS NOT NICE I MEAN FUCK??? they’re touchstarved on main please that would crush their tiny little hearts how could you you monster :’(((im such a sucker for the trope ‘we could literally talk about this and not pine & cry but that would mean being functioning adults and guess what we’re not.’.connor is half distraugh half ready to break everything so when he’s going to confront you he’s this close to crying and,,,, whaT THE FUCK I SAID I DIDNT WANT SURPRISES I SWEAR but he can’t help but be hella relieved and he’s just,,,, there hiding his face in the crook of your neck hugging you so hard you fear he’s going to pulverize your bones60 is sooo baby he’s such a nervous mess he picked on his fingers and now his hands are a mess he has tons of tiny bleedings oh god what the fuck he needs bandaids oh no no no can’t have my cutie see me like this what im talking about THEY WANT TO LEAVE ME AHHH but turns out he just worried TOO MUCH and oh this is nice. he’s having fun. he loves parties. not his birthday but if he ignores that part it’s good. actually the part about getting gifts is good too. and esp the part of you still loving him oh gosh he’ll ask you to cuddle him until you fall asleep the same night.why do you want my baby RK900 to suffer like this? he doesn’t deserve it. he’s super ready he knows you want to leave him like woah no surprises. actually yeah it’s a surprise bc for one time only in his life he thought everything was going fine ahahahaha??? he’s literally on the verge of having a nervous breakdown what the actual fuck. he convinces himself he can bear being without you but he’s oh so wrong. (if you have found someone else he’s going to fall so low i dont even want to write about it sob). he thanks whatever things exist up there when he finds out it’s just his birthday party. I MEAN it’s a social even so UGH but at least he still has your heart please don’t ever scare him LIKE THAT AGAIN he’s going to have a long chat with you therapeutic even no for real no more secrets no more surprises yep i know you meant well but he’s been trembling for the whole night have mercy on this poor man don’t laugh

[mini-pretzel]

omg could you analyze bts’ necks? i’m a sucker for a good neck🥺

MORGAAAAAAAAAAAN

HELLO

ofc i can bby. i love getting us all fucked up.

let’s get this shit started, no?

//intro song plays

WELCOME TO

👏👏🎉🎉DASHA REVIEWS BTS 🎉🎉👏👏

PLEASE HAVE A SEAT

GRAB A SNACK TO EAT

A BUTT TO SQUEEZE

y’know

the good stuff 😏😏

here we gooo wheeeeee

kim oh well just fuck me up right away why dont u namjoon

look at this bby

so cute right?

bam!

wait im not done

ooof

lord

have mercy on me

pls

ahhhh

fuck

ok

ok wait

namjoon

pls

fuckkkkk im dead

ok, thicc, nice veins, sweaty af, adam’s apple king. it’s all there ladies n gents.

let’s move on

min r u cute or r u deadly yoongi

look at dis biotch

oof

that’s just the start. get ready y’all

mmm yes

hello there

hahhahh im not ok

this is already fucking me up

yep

all of this

yepppp

thicc af boiiii

ooof

ok i better stop also this tall to ride yoongi anyone?

veinss

more veins

veins pt. 3

ok im done

im wrecked

jung his neck hurts me so hoseok

hello mr sun

why oh why

do you gotta be so cute

but also so freakin

sexy too

goddamn

well

im gone

so gone

very gone those veins too, fuck

alrighty

hahhaa

ha

hah

killing me softly over here

last vein one

moving on haha

//cries

kim HE’S SUCH A SLUT FOR NECK PICS OK seokjin

ok i had to dig through my own personal stash of this mofo

cause u know i had to save them

for u know

science reasons

yeah

science, yeah

chemistry..

n equations…

n u know.. numbers…

photosynthesis..

shit like that

fuck

ok he’s such a slut

i swear to god he knows what he’s doing to us

chaotic god everyone

thicc

boi u better stop

or better yet, i should stop

and with that, let’s move on

park R U MOCHI OR R U SEXI jimin

//deep breath

i can do this

oh

oh no

no

no i can’t

nopety nope, i was a fool

i cannot do this

not at all

so nice to look at..

wtf jimin

what do u keep in there

it’s all muscle n thic and-

fuck

no wait

im not done yet

ok

jfc just a bit more

we can get through this lol no we can’t

fuck

pure perfection.

now im done fucking bYe

kim THICCNESS LEVEL OVER 9000 taehyung

starting off strong with this one, i see how it is

we’re going right to the meat, ladies and gents lol

mmmm

well

do i even need to say anything?

ooh i love this one

lets zoom in

yaaaas

oh hi

damn do u want me to die??

hello tae

that lil tummy peak too omg

ok now, vein compilation. here u go:

hi

hello

damn

ok

boi

no vein, but still relevant. he’s not even tryingggg

how does he do it??

i can’t i’m done (the glasses end me evry tim)

jeon AT THIS POINT ANYTHING GOES jeongguk

im going to die in this one

that is certain

alright //cracks knuckles

let’s just do this bitch

awww so cute

good shape, nice n thicc. cute mole

nice nice

im waiting for the other shoe to drop lol

im starting to feel it

right

there it is

ah-

my heart

alright cause im a masochistic bitch

here’s a lil comp of him taking a sippy sip rip us

fucked

me

up

jfc

jk ur something else

now veins wheee

nice nice

im totally not dead rn hahaha

fuck-

:)

ok that’s it everybody

party’s over

thank u for coming //ba da ptssss

see u next week lol

DASHA OUTTTT 🎉🎉🎉

[lacedsposts-blog]

Everyone Deserves To Be Happy.

How to be thankful for your journey.

I am a standing , living testimony that you can go through tragedy, loss of a child or parent, physical abuse, and so much more sorrow that life has to hold. But i also want to tell others, who may be suffering now..that it can get better. There is hope and a light at the end of your dark tunnel..and that there is purpose God wants you to find in your pain.

I'm not sharing my story because I want pity or attention. I've never wanted to make anyone feel bad for my first 30 yrs of life. It took me that long to figure out how to explain it to my damn self..but I am a walking talking truth.

My story is almost unbelievable and I am not asking you to try to do the same things I have. But i swear these stories are honest to Gods mercy and love the best i can explain.

I have always battled drugs. As a kid, i always felt lost.. Like i didnt really belong anywhere. I found friends with drugs..or at least i felt like i belonged.

I met the father of my daughter early in my senior year. A month later, i was pregnant. Boom!! Life changed. By prom time i was married, had no clue what i was doing, and had zero idea what or how to take care of a baby inside my belly. I was so ugly. I thought that my Hailey was the end of my fun life. I resented giving up all i thought i had because i had been so careless with my future.

Things got worse, my new husband was just a couple years older than I and he had no clue about life either. But as i began to grow my bump, feel the baby move..you know, really start to understand what a gift God had given me. When i accepted and began to love that little person inside me...well it was stripped from me.

On July 20, 2002. I gave birth to my sweet angel..Hailey Danielle. She was only a little over 1 pound. I could feel her move until I pushed her out. She died minutes later..

There is no greater feeling of despair. Of guilt and self blame. I have an incompetent cervix..the Dr's voices were blocked out by total gut wrenching blame and failure. I have never been so hopelessly lost. No matter what anyone said..i was her protector and i was guilty of not wanting her. I was being taught this lessson, i thought. I was inconsolable.

I look at pictures of myself after Haileys death..it is a photo of a struggling soul. I almost completely had a breakdown. I locked myself in a room and refused anyone and everyone who tried to offer words..love or support. I didn't even sleep for 3 days..until we finally laid her to rest.

Now im not sure about other mother's but i was a wreak..at the private service i layied on the ground next to her little white coffin..the pastor could not raise his voice over the wailing. Ive only heard that sound twice since that day. I was completely distrout.

That was the moment my grandfather knelt down beside me. He gave me the best advice anyone has ever given me on being adult and mother. He said," The day that God takes us home is the best day of your life. You will never know the worry for her soul..because she is in heaven. We should thank God for his mercy always." He looked at me and squeezed me tight.."now..sis you get up in this chair and stop behaving like you dont know you will see her again. Sit and behave like the mother God wants you to be." He is the only peron who i allowed to touch me. But I did as he said.

I never like to call people after a loss. I know that saying I'm sorry is not practical or kind. Nor do i tell others that it will get better..because i dont want to lie to them. I can only assure them what my Pop told me. We will only be apart for a time.

I wish i could tell you that i got better. But that would too..be a lie. The next few years i didnt try to feel anything. I punished myself. I just wanted to get it over with. I had the reoccurring dreams of giving birth and watching her die over and over.

I didn't understand how God could give me something to rip it back and leave me nothing but all that guilt and regret. I was for sure i was being punished for my bad thoughts of Hailey. For not wanting her. That's still a big pill to swollow.

I just want to stop my story here because i want you all to know that guilt and regret will kill u from the inside out.

Hailey would have been 16 yrs old this last July. To everyone else it was so long ago and all that stuff. Not to me. It was the day i would have taken her to get her driver's license. It would have been an important day for her.

I know know after all these years that Haileys trip back home was between God and Hailey. Im not saying i dont have guilt still deep inside..its a big hole. Its always there..you just have to learn to live around it. To trust that God knows best. It was not easy. But i love her everyday. I look forward to meeting her in heaven one day.

It took me a long time..i dealt with the trama in every wrong way. I had even had my son. Even after finally succeeded in caring a heathy baby..i had a hard time accepting the truth. I ended up in rehab..thank God!

I wrote Hailey and told her goodbye and any thing i wanted her to know. I had to stop carrying around her when God had seen fit to make me a mother again. I had to realize that God loved me and Hailey. Her purpose in this life was over.

I still talk to her. My brain wanders sometimes..what would she look like..who would she be?? But i have to be Noahs mom now...forgiveness is one of GOD'S mercies. I had to forgive myself. And give that time in my early life a bit of grace.

I tell this story because its mine to bear. After all this time i want to maybe just help or be there for others who were just like me. Because instead living life unable to feel grace and understanding that we are a special group of strong people. I dont ever want anyone to feel as alone and lost as i have found myself. I know its hard..but god does not make mistakes..he has still got plans for you. Be someones light in the darkness!!

I honor Hailey instead of grieve for my angel. I honor her at St. Judes Hospital. I make as much money as i can for the March of Dimes Premature Babies..

I honor the little life that changed mine. I am thankful for her part in my journey. I hope u can see it in your hearts to do the same!!

Please if u have an angel baby in heaven comment their name..lets give our loss purpose and hope!!

Stay tuned...because theres alot more to my story i hope to share!!!

Love y'all...blesss you!

[kookings]

MY TUEMBLE ALWAYS FUCKING GLITCHES WHEN I GET TO THE END OF A LONG FIC IVE BEEN TRYIFNT TO COMMENT ON THIS SHIT FOR MINUTES NOW AND ITS JUST STARING AT ME AND NOT LETTING ME APPREICATE U😡😡😡

oh right sorry lol huuuuuge tw: me actually admiring aloce^^

lord have MERCY for the shit i’m about to drag you through for that fucking emotional rollercoaster u strapped me on that was SO not cool. i swear to god i went through the five stages of grief reading this shit because i thought?? it was gonna be a classing e2l trope?? with like childish banter and sharing the one bed at a hotel?? but then u whipped a fast one on us and shoved angst and unrequited love and beautiful character arcs and mf yuta nakamoto down our throats (hahah literally for the last one) and i am BEYOND livid.

that mf first kiss scene BROKE me like u could GENUINELY TELL how much yuta liked y/n and then y/n just &!?!;!!): and after that i was GONE because then comes lucas and y/n’s feelings and lucas kissing y/n and y/n kissing lucas back even tho she knows she can’t like him and thE WAY U DESCRIBED THEIR KISS?? LIKE AYO THAT SHIT FUCKING HURTED DOG esPECIALLY bcs we knew by then that she liked yuta and i just soB so much AGSNT ))/):))::::

AND THEN?? THE BEDROOM SCENE?? WITH YN CRYING AND YUTA BEING SO CONCERNED AND WORRIED EVEN AFTER THE FUCKING BASKETBALL COURT THROW DOWN JUST TAKE MY HEART RIGHT NOW AND STOMP ON THAT WEAK BITCH IT DIDNT DESERVE TO BEAT ANYWAYS 😡😡💔💔💧💧👄👄🤚💧💧💧😭😭😭

OKOKOK BUT MY F A V O U R IT E PART OF THE ENTIRE THING WAS UR WRITING WHICH LITERALLY MAKES NO SENSE BUT I WILL SAY IT ANYWAYS BCS YES THE PLOT WAS GOLD AND YES THE CHARACTERS ALL HAD THEIR OWN FLAWS AND QUIRKS AND YES YN WAS A MF BITCH BUT IT WAS THE WAY U W R OT E IT THAT BURRIED ME 6 FEET UNDER 💧💧😭💧 ALICE I SWEAR SOME OF THE SHIT U WRITE IS NOT SVEN REAL TAKE THIS MF FOR EXAMPLE

I HATW U I HATE U I HATE YOU AND I HATE THE TALENT U HAVE U DESERVE NO RIGHTS FOR WRITING THIS SHIT

and dont even get me STARTED on their BANTER!!!!!!! LIKE IN SOME OF THE SHIT IVE READ THE BANTER IS SO FOUL AND CRINGEY BUT YUTA AND YNS BANTER >>>>>>>> TOP MF TIER DELICIOUS DELECTABLE THIS WAS MY FAVOURITE LINE THO

AND A L S O THE?? SPICEY WAM BAM THANK U MAAM SCENES?? 💔💧👄💧💔 YUTA IS SO HOT AND EVEN WHEN IT WASNT TIME TO GET DOWN AND DIRTY HE WAS STILL A WHOLE MF BUFFET OF SEX

LIKE I KNOOOOW THE FOCUS OF THIS WASNT ON HOW ABSOLUTELY JAW BREAKINGLY HORNY HE MAKES ME BUT STIL!! A MAN WHO DRIVES SHIFT!! AND ALWAYS PUTS HIS HAND BACK ON THE GIRLS THIGH!!!!!!! I AM A GONER

AND F I N A LL Y THE LOCKET SCENE😭😭 WHERE SHE ENDED UP ONLY PUTTING HIS NOSE IN THE LOCKET CUS THE REST KF HIM COULDNT FIT THAT SHIT WAS SO CUTE AND SO FUNNY AT THE SAME TIME I CRYYYYY😭😭💧😡💔😭😭💔

this was SO well written SO gorgeous i literally cant find any other words to express how much i absolutely fell in love with everything about this fic i still hate u but mayhaps i hate u a little less after reading this phenomenonal (? fenomanal???) masterpiece

that’s rich!

❝ word has it that yuta nakamoto is the new black. personally, i think whoever came up with that is deeply disturbed. ❞

PAIRING ▸ yuta nakamoto x fem!reader (ft. wong yukhei)

GENRES ▸ slow burn, smut, crack, fluff, angst, college au, enemies to lovers, summer romance au, mutual pining 

WARNINGS ▸ reader is super shallow at first but !! character development, mentions of family issues, sexual tension, love triangle, yuta and reader bickering all the time, teasing, sneaking around, corruption kink, yuta calls you princess and kitten, fingering, overstimulation, exhibitionism, oral (fem. receiving), i promise it’s fluffy after the angst

SUMMARY ▸ despite having everything in the palm of your hand, you soon realized that not everything could be won over by money and your jaw-dropping looks. unfortunately, you had to come to that conclusion when your birthday present was the bane of your existence, yuta nakamoto.

PLAYLIST ▸ here!

WORD COUNT ▸ 27739 words

AUTHOR’S NOTE ▸ i’m so sorry for the wait but it’s here !! thank you so much for your support on this series, it always makes my heart swell to see the love it gets! part of the slam dunk! series but it can be read separately ♡

DIAMONDS WERE A GIRL’S BEST FRIEND, BUT LEE TAEYONG WAS YOURS.

Sometimes, you wished your father sent you off to an elite private university, but you supposed a public university wasn’t too bad when you found the right crowd. The issue for you was that you simply couldn’t relate to the people around you. There was no right crowd when you were a pearl among stones. It wasn’t like you were classist or anything, but public school students just didn’t suit your taste.

Although, Taeyong was an exception to that. You weren’t just settling for him as your best friend because he was all you had, but maybe somewhere deep down in your tiny, diamond-encrusted heart was a space for Lee Taeyong. He had been your rock since high school, after all.

Keep reading

[dreamerology]

HI I LOVE YOU AND WE LOve MINHYUK IN THIS HOUSEHOLD PLEASE WRITE AN EXTENSIVE LIST ABT. WHY YOU LOVE HIM BLEASE IM S O CURIOUS ????????? also pictures and examples would b nice i love lists hehe bY NO MEANs do yoU have to do this i just,,,,, love minhyuk and i love people who love minhyuk thank u for tuning in to my ted talk

I LOVE U THIS TURNED OUT SO LONG IM SORRY…….minhyuk love hours Commence

is it wrong to say i already have a list of like 70 reasons why i love him (Listen. i have a mission….) and is it cheating to use it? who knows but im gonna add evidence to some of them 

his smile!!!!!!!!! im so in l*ve (i know thats vague but i swear every time he smiles everything gets a big brighter and hes got so many different smiles i love them all)

his Big Laugh

when he sings along to a song in a vlive nd his voice sounds rly soft (this was specifically abt this live but ive noticed he just does it a lot in general)

his uneven blink enough said.

how his fingers go sorta crooked when he makes a peace sign

when his pinky finger goes up when he makes a peace sign (thanks amy for bringing it to my attention)

his eyes….theyre so warm…..feel safe

his taste in music (im p sure someone has made a playlist from all the songs hes rec’d??)

when he wears yellow (His Colour sorry i dont make the rules in this house)

his habit of licking his lip………can he Stop (or like. when he sticks his tongue out of the corner of his mouth)

on the same page, his habit of picking/touching his lip….its Distracting

his little square ears

how good he is w kids need i say more

how hes a pillar of support for the other members (cue wonho’s video message to him, also my tears,)

his Voice……its soft im so weak

how loud he can be (like its rly endearing? how goofy he is)

how his black hair from fighter was his fave, we love an intellectual

also his white hair, an iconic look thank u miss all in

this fancam he looked like an actual puppy

HIS HAIR AT THE END OF SHINE FOREVER ERA WHEN IT WAS BLONDE W ROOTS AND RLY LONG. INHALE.

that thing he does where he brushes his hair out of his eyes…..cute

how talented of an artist he is the Fuck! im gonna frame them all on my wall (specifically this video makes me EMo)

the video of him waking up jooheon, u know the one (aka the reason i started stanning mx in the first place)

how alive he looks on stage! HES MADE FOR THIS! (i think ive talked abt this before? but like how vibrant and glowing and Alive he looks when hes performing. like hes rly out there thriving!)

this is a good example of ^^ but also it gets its own point bc if i dont watch this once a day i die

his part in gravity (monsta x’s Best Song)

his full teeth smile (the one where he goes 😬)

how clingly he is w the other members, i love one (1) koala 

how he tries to make the best of any situation (see: him being sent back to the hotel in right now)

whenever he wears hats 

how happy he looked when he left to the jungle (u never asked but my love for him really reached a whole new level that night)

whenever he just. Collapses from laughing (see: the whisper challenge)

how thoughtful he is

his serious side (see: his liev with kihyun)

whenever he showers jooheon in love (what a mood :/)

his personality. he’s the Actual Sun

i sorta mentioned it earlier but like….how he makes himself approachable for the other members so they feel like they have someone to talk to and lean on

his stage with seokwan in no mercy

his part in x

when hes got sweater paws (i’m too lazy to go find and add the picture but. yeah cute)

his single dimple

THE DOLPHIN NOISE HE MAKES WHENEVER HE GETS REALLY EXCITED ABT SOMETHING

i know i already said his voice but seriously hes improved sooooo much from no mercy im so proud

the beauty mark on his finger 

how cute he is w dambi……they truly love each other so much my Heart

how fucking funny he is

not to like….be edgy or anything but how good he looks without makeup

his little drawing on fansign notes

HIS DATE VLIVES BITCH

his red hair….shes gone but not forgotten

mon happy radio!!!!!!!!!

O WORD HIS DARK BLUE HAIR TOO (aka my fave colour h). we ate so good that day

the scar by his right eye

how much he loves his family

how he said making others happy gives him the most happiness. A

how fuck good he looks in chokers…..hes too powerful

his friendship w kihyun

when he….tried surfing and looked uhhhhh rly good

HOW GENUINE AND SINCERE HIS ADVICE IS 

how he doesnt rly care what people think abt him hes just out there living his life how he wants (god i wish that were me)

when he got 3 bullseyes at the isac’s last year we love u archery king

when he smiles rly big and gets all those winkles near his eyes…baby 

how he made the acoustic version of beautiful mv for mbbs and even made his director series out of it…..cute :((

when he stretches rly big and just. looks like a starfishsdfkjsdhf

when hes got a single dangly earring….helo

his hands. Thats all thanks for coming 2 my ted talk

when he wears all black….goth kink activated

his eye smile

how much he loves sea creatures idk its so cute 2 me…..

how he sometimes sticks his tongue between his teeth when he smiles

HIS SLEEPY VOICE specifically during ep 2 of lotj

[chaekkung]

o wormie? u? in a lot of love? perfect i don't think i've asked u yet but (if ur free) could u talk about why/how you started loving changkyun/hyungwon (or both :-D) ?? pls ramble as much as u like!! read more exists 4 a reason and . i love reading ppl b soft and in love it's cute!!!!! i love u have a good night/day ! 💛💛

o holy shit thats a lot ok im gonna write about changkyun since i Havent... :( and ill copy pasta one of my hyungwon essays for u to read!!!! the changkyun will be under it :^) this is gonna be Super Long im sorrie in advance LMAO BUT HAVE A GREAT DAY/NIGHT TOO!!!! :D (also theres prob gonna be a lot of typos bc im Dumb but.. bear w/ me)

mister chae:

honestly i don’t even know where to start?? uhh i guess with his looks first since,, this is describing or smthing,, anyways yeah hyungwon is just… fucking beautiful. he has the most handsome and visually attractive face ive ever seen in my whole life??? and i’ve stanned a lot of groups in my past before but hyungwon is honestly one of the best looking man i know :( im not even being biased,,, anyways yeah there’s that. and he’s like naturally a model, i mean he can legit wear anything and do anything and he’ll look like he’s posing for a high end magazine, not surprised if he’s been modeling since he was like, born. also he has the most beautiful and endearing smile and laugh…. when he smiles he really goes from :o -> :D like!! please!! you are too fucking cute,,, :((( he really lights up the entire room solely w his smile im jusT?? wow?? like when his smile lines by the sides of his nose down to the corner of his mouth come out i just,,,, really… need 2 calm my heart. he has like the closed mouth wide smile, and the straight up whole face smile!! and i.. love both.. so much,,, and yeah anyways his lips are like the first thing people notice about him and big mood?? they’re so plump and … kissable.. and soft.. but my favorite feature on him are his eyes tbh…. idk he has really beautiful eyes? idk how to describe it but like, they’re so…. kind? and bright.. it’s just i want to look into them all day long and im just… so in love with his eyes. like,, they really hold all the stars in my universe wtf!!!  :( OH AND I DONT TALK ABOUT THIS ENOUGH BUT…. HIS EARS ARE SO FUCKING ADORABLE WTF I WANT A MOLD OF HIS EARS ON MY DESK,,, idk about others but i personally find his right ear cute as fuck?? like the extra folds in his ears.. i would d*e for them………. godksj why is everything about him so cute i just?? want to kno …

ok now im going to talk about him!!! so his personality, is what i really fell in love with,, (god this all sounds so.. cliche. but it’s.. true, also unrelated but every time someone talked about,, love cliches and shit i was always like ‘sounds fake’ but???? after hyungwon i really?? believe in all of that..) if i had to use one word to describe him it would just be ‘kind’… like he!!! is!!! the king of being considerate and compassionate and wonderful and he’s just a really good person.. :( he’s the one you can always count on and lean on. he’d always be on your side and makes you feel safe and comforted,, like he’s really full of love??? even the members said he’s a really good listener and they chose as him as someone they go to when they’re feeling down because he makes them feel better about the situation (god, i wish they were me,,) and he has the most beautiful heart… like, he’s been wearing the Sewol bracelet since as long as we’ve known and he has never missed a day. you can always see it during fansigns, vlives, whenever he’s out, and he even wore it when he was modeling under his clothes… :(( he went from the charm, to the rope bracelet thing, to the clip on and now he’s wearing the wristband!! :(((((( he says he will always wear it to remember the incident, and he has been for over two years… he’s doing it out of the kindness of his heart and not to show anyone… he said he felt so helpless during the time, and watching every thing unfold before him, and has worn the yellow bracelet which symbolizes ‘hope’ :((((((((( god,, real emo hours,,, i love my angel so much wtf !!! ok next,, (sjdhaj at this point im going to write a whole novel wtf but im gonna,, stop soon i swear .) hyungwon is really fucking hardworking and ?? he’s so dedicated to his career and making sure that we, his fans, are always satisfied and proud to stan him.. like he’s constantly saying he will work hard to show us something better next time, that he’s not going to stop trying to improve himself. every single stage he puts his all into it, but he pushes himself even more to show us a even better one. he’s always worried and thinking about his career as an actor and a singer. he wants to promote the group in any way that he can, whether it’s through modeling or acting :(( what a King… he’s… really always striving to do the Best and he won’t ever settle or be content with it because he’s just naturally an ambitious and super hard working person… like. he’s so dedicated to what he does, no matter what it is. uhh one more thing he’s actually a really sentimental guy!! not like in a bad way, but in the best possible way. he’s really sweet, and gentle.. (he would be the Best Boyfriend,,, im just saying..) he’s the type to give handwritten letters… and surprise gifts.. (he said so!!) he said he cant cook but he want to cook for his gf he will try his best and it will be full of love… god.. i wish that were me. he’s the type to keep quiet… but take silently notes on what someone likes/dislikes, and will reveal it unexpectedly with a gift or when he says something and it will! make the other person! so happy! :((( he doesn’t put his emotions Out There, he’s not rlly good at it,, but he honestly has so much love in him,,, he tries his best to show it ok!! it’s,, good effort it’s so cute when he does… ah.. pls.,,, he’s always like ah, i don’t know if i can properly show my appreciation and sincerity for you guys, but i hope you guys know how thankful i am for you. LASDHFJAK GOFD,S,,,, IM FUCKIGN EMO THINKGIN ABOTU IT AGAIN… HE HAS A HEART OF GOLD AND HE’S SUCH A SWEETHEART I JUST WISH MORE PEOPLE WOULD SEE IT.. :(( HE DESERVES ALL THE LOVE IN THIS ENTIRE UNIVERSE AND I REALLY HOPE ALL MY LOVE FOR HIM CAN COUNT AS SOMETHING FOR IT ALL.. UGHFJASHJSAALSJF yeah ok let me,,, stop… sorry to everyone who has to scroll past this LMAo,, :(

ok i was gonna stop but i forgot to mention how he’s so fucking talented!! i mean this boy does it ALL. the whole package or w/e. god,, i love my whole ass talented man wtf! he sings, dances, choreographs, models, acts, DJs, is multilingual, and a world class poet,, cmon. ANYWAYS he excels in all those areas nd,, no argument there.. his voice is angelic as fuck ,, just like his personality.. and his dancing.. god,,, like . his dancing his so on point, his every move,, and it’s so.. fluid.. and natural. and it’s harder for tall people to dance esp ones w like long ass limbs (hyungwon.,,) but he still looks fucking amazing and pulls everything off so perfectly????? gofdj,,, can he like . Stop being so…. perfect.. and lovable… :((( he just puts so much passion into everything he does!!! and his heart is pure Gold ,, i just.. love him,,,,,,, everything about him …. ok lmao let me stop !!! if u actually read all this wtf,, im sorry nd i’d die for u

mister changkyun:

okay wtf icb i havent talked about changkyun that much on my blog.... anyways this is gonna be a mess and unorganized bc im Dumb but here goes,,, ok we can start from the beginning kinda,, so originally wonho was my #2 bias and then mh i think like i love changkyun but i wasnt like IN LOVE you kno?? honestly i started to notice him more firstable bc he and hyungwon are so frigging cute together?? i just couldnt ignore it and next thing u know im IN Love w my lil koala :(((( hes sO CUTE ..... LIKE.. IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT I REALLY JUST WANNA BE AROUND HIM ALL THE TIME!! his sense of humor and his personality in general is so?? positive?? and fun??!!! like i would spend every second of the rest of my life w him... and he’s so cheesy as we all know ,, and i find it so cute but also he makes me so stressed bc he’s so mushy aijsdgfhdjs but he rlly Love us wtf.. and hes so funnie... he makes me smile and laugh all the time :( and he genuinely Loves every single one of his fans so much... he’s so sweet with them and he makes them feel so loved and special, and like they’re the only person in the world at that moment :(((( this boy gives so much love and i only want to give him a million times more back... 

HIS LAUGH.. OK.. HIS LAUGH!!!!!! MAKES MY HEART MELT LIKE LAVA WTF SJDFUDJS HES SOSOSOSOOS CUTE WHEN HE LUAHGS HE LIKE.. PUTS HIS ALL INTO IT.. IT SLIKE HAHAHAHA FR... PLS,,, ESP WHEN HE GOES CRAZY AND ALSO STARTS CLAPPING,... LMAO MOOD.. HE SOS CUTIEJUJIiajsdfudj and WHEN HE SMILES THE CLOSED-MOUTH-WIDE-SMILE AND HIS CUTE ASS DIMPLES COME OUT.... HOTLT FUCKIDUFD THERE GOES MY SOUL AND GALLONS OF HEART NUT... ITS THE CUTEST SIGHT IN THE WORLD AHHH HIS DIMPLE ARE ADORABLE AND HIS CHEEKS!! I WANT TO SQUISH!!! i wanna . reside in his dimples. build a home there and alll....... omg.. :’(( every time he takes a selfie or smthing i rlly Lose it. every single selfie is his Best selfie. wtf.... king of angles fr... AND KING OF FOOT SELFIES TOOOSJFDK LLISTEN AGAIN HES SOSOOSOSO HANDSOME AND GOOD LOOKING OKAY!!! HES REALLY A VISUAL?? IDK HOW PEOPLE CANT SEE IT BUT LIEK THIS BOY IS F  I  N E ..... HIS FACE IS SO BEAUTIFUL AHHHhhhHHHHH  AND HE NEVER HAD A BAD ERA.. HE WAS HOT SINCE NO MERCY WTF !!!!! UGJFSUJDJS I HOPE HE KNOWS HES FUCKING BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!! :( ANF HIS BEAUTIFUL NOSE,, AND HIS EYES!!!! OGM!!,,, GOD AND HIS PERFECTLY SHAPED LIPS.... HSI JAWLINE,,, BITUCSHJ,,,

OK HES SO LOVABLE IN EVERY DAMN WAY LIKE,, he’s Weird but its a cute Weird he’s so special omg there’s really no one else like him :(((( like...... he’s a treasure fr... he’s So Many things and once its hard to pinpoint his personality but like ??? i love it so much?? he’s a mystery and i dont know what he’s thinking like most of the time but.. i rlly love him omgdsj he’s so special :’( like fr !!! everyone LOVES him!! :(( most people wouldnt see him as the maknae if they dont Know,, but like he really is... and he’s really mx’s babie :-( they spoil him so much and love the heck out of him,,, he’s really the most loved maknae out there wtf... honestly... i love family... they really Adore him so much ugh what a big ass fking MOOD! :((

AND HIS VOICE!!!!! THE VOICE OF THE HEAVENS AND ANGELS AND HAPPINESS AND ALSO NUT!!!! WTF!! HIS VOICE IS SO SEXY AJSDFGDUJIS LIKE... PLEASE... NARRATE THE BIBLE TO ME HOLY FUCKSIFDU, YOU KNOW HIS VOICE ONLY V LIVE... HOLY SHIT MY EARS NUTTED SO HARD omg.... i just wanna listen to his voice All Day.... and dont even get mee started on his rapping .... he starts his bar and sets me on fucking fire w half a syllable . and did i mentioned he fucking amazing at rapping yeah . he Does That. and hes so charismatic, especially on stage... :((( ugh omgfisjd i wanan d*e when hes being so h*t on screen fucksdf,,, and like . his mixtapes he’s working on... king... pleas.e.... End me. just end me with ur talented ass wtf... 

SIJDFJD I NEED TO SHUT UP BUT LISTEN IM SO PROUD OF HOW MUCH HE’S GROWN IN THE PAST 2+ YEARS... LIKE HE’S COME SO FUCKING FAR!!!!! IN SO MANY WAYS!!!!!!!! GOD,,,,, I LOVE HIM SOSOSOSOSO DAMN MUCHSJIDFUDS HE MAKES MY HEART CONTINUE BEATING... THATS REALLY MY BABIE !! MY FUCKING CINNAMON APPLE!!! :(((((((((((

ok let me stop thank u,,, also... if anyone actually made it here hi wow uh ur great ily wtf :--(

[mercyprotectionsquad]

So, I'm a Mercy main, because why else would I be on this blog being salty? But this story actually starts with me not playing mercy. It starts in arcade mode. Why?

1. I have over 70 hours on mercy

2. I have lost all faith in humanity.

3. I'm tired of babysitting.

I wanted some clusterfuck runs, some chillin with the enemy team runs, the type of general fuckery that used to happen in quickplay before Blizzard took hero stacking away from us. (yes, i really do miss having three hanzos on a team.) i wanted some nice, casual, fun.

instead i got this asshat.

This Asshat, as he will now be referred to, thought we were in comp or something. He kept bitching over voice chat about how we weren't playing as a team, and we were going to lose, and he was the best player here and kept taking out the torb turrets.

1. no shit, asshat, we have two widowmakers and symmetra keeps portaling herself off cliffs. thats what were here for.

2. I honest to god do not care about losing. im having fun, dammit. :(

3. the enemy team has two or three torbs. as dva, ive taken out about 5 turrets by now. No, you are not, in fact, the mvp for killing one.

This Asshat's main complaint, naturally, is our lack of a healer. specifically, our lack of a healer whos pocketing him. Yes, he actually said that. I fired back something about how I am here for one reason and one reason only, which happens to be, yknow, not playing Mercy. 

Asshat starts raging. 

Now Ive gone from being a "useless" teammate to the literal bane of his existence. It's people like me that manage to singlehandedly throw every lost match in the history of the game and also I'm the leading cause of cancer in the US. There was a lot more swearing and slurs, but you get the idea.

Here's the kicker.

"ur probably a shit mercy anyway u [r-slur] bitch. u just dont want to heal me bc u know im better than ull ever be [f-slur]"

I fire back some it-seemed-witty-at-the-time comment and end the game with a solid 0-2 loss and a decent card. Ingame, I seem calm, cool, and collected. But I know. I know, and I'm just hoping he doesnt. He won. I'm mad.

The thing about me is that I am unfortunately a very calm person. I say unfortunately, becuase spite works miracles. 

I bascially ragequit, if its considered ragequitting after the game is over and hes already out of my life hopefully forever. No more Ms. Nice Mercy. Ive gotta prove myself now.

Load up quickplay. Pick Mercy before anyone else can even look at the options. Absolutely demand tanks until we have three. Run out to defend the hollywood jackass's limo with a fire in my heart, a team already scared into submission, and anger tears in my eyes.

This is gonna be great.

1. The other team has a Mercy, too. Not for long. She's watching out for our tanks, not me and my peashooter.

2. Our Rein is doing a great job of shielding everyone. Put it down, bub, y'all're gonna get shot and I'm gonna fix it. 

3. The enemy Widow lands a bodyshot. I make reaper flank her so I can fly up there and peashoot/slap her to death.

It goes on like this.

I'm bossy, demanding, and very, very good at it. Someone on the other team gets POTG for a pretty nice ult, we all compliment each other, I thank my team profusely for going along with my useless revenge plot, life goes on.

And that's the story of the first time I broke 20k healing :)

[ashesh-thakur]

A Game of check and mate

All the places,Characters,Agency's names used in this article are real and I have tried my best to keep the timeline intact. Hello again, today I'm up again with my new article.This article is based on the real life events took place a few years ago.Some people may find this article boring but if u like spy genre u may like it.It is my first attempt in writing something about real life events so please feel free to make any suggestion. ANd sorry in advance for the mistakes.

Thanks in advance.HOpe u People like it. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- December 2011 Somewhere in Kashmir

It was an army base in Kashmir near Indo pak border. It was heavily guarded as it needs to be ,obviously it was an army base and that too in Kashmir.Two men with muscular built with some papers and files in their hands were walking down the corridor which was lit only by a low watt bulb.They opened the gate of the room which was at the end of the corridor,the last room.Upon entering the room they lit the bulb which was hanging just above a man who was cuffed and was tied well enough so that he couldn't even breathe properly.The man looked pathetic, it seemed like he was half dead, blood was coming out from his nose,his nails were scratched off and were bleeding also 2 out of 10 fingers were missing from his hands. His face has turned pale because of excessive waterboarding. Yes, It was a terrorist interrogation cell in liaison with the R&AW(Research and analysis wing) and the man sitting on chair with now his new deformed structure of body was a terrorist.

"why don't you people kill me already?" said the terrorist with immense pain caused due the torture.

Officer 1 :- "we will...don't you worry about that but first we get what we want."

Officer 2:- "Ok...so lets do it again....where is the big man ? where is Hamza?"

Terrorist:- "I told you already ,I am just an errand boy and dont know what goes at the top"

Officer:-2 "Ok ...so I hope you wouldn't mind if I cut this big thumb of ur right feet ."

the terrorist screamed and said "NOOOOO.....OK I WILL TELL YOU" Officer:-1 "good boy...sabaash"

Terrorist:- "He is going to be in saudi in next few months and i swear to allah I don’t know anything much more than this. Dont know where ,Dont know why..Just please have some mercy"

“He(Hamza) will make his scheduled contact with his associates in Maharasthra.It is a routine process to look out and watch over the movements of his organization( Indian Mujahiddin). I Swear to god I know this much only.” Said the shattered terrorist.

Everyone has a breaking point ,he has reached his.With this crucial information coming out from an IM(Indian Mujahideen) operative there was no time to waste and no one did. The same day a number of secured phones lines started ringing at both the top most Intelligence houses of Indian security, the R&AW headquartered at Lodhi road ,New Delhi and the IB headquartered at 35 Sardar patel marg ,New Delhi. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Same day 35 Sardar patel marg IB headquarters ,New Delhi

A well dressed man was walking very fast in the lobby of IB’s Headquarter, he was in hurry to inform his “boss” the director of IB MR. Nehchal sandhu about these developments.He stormed into the cabin without knocking.

“I am sorry sir,But he opened up. “ said the secretary .

“Hamza is going to be in Saudi in next few months,he will make contact somewhere in Maharashtra in coming year.” The secretary completed.

“Excellent….has the R&AW chief been informed?” the director enquired.

Secretary :-“yes,sir”

Sandhu:-“and the MHA and PMO?”

Secretary:-“I was waiting for your response on this ,sir.”

Sandhu:-“ notify the MHA and the PMO but make sure it remains concealed ,you know what I mean.”

Secretary:- “Sure sir”

This was a major development after the 26/11 and this information can not be leaked or can not be shared with anybody. Only the concerned authorities were needed to know.

Sandhu:- “ setup a meeting with RAW officials and gather our best man. Send an alert to the Radio Research centre(RRC) and national technical research organization(NTRO) to level up the signal Surveillance of Maharashtra and the adjoining states but our priority is Maharashtra provide them the latest echelon packets.Trace every suspicious call local ISD STD any Satellite phone activity. Keep the Maharashtra ATS(Anti terrorist squad)in the loop.we can not afford to loose him now.”

The secretary rushed out from the cabin even with more speed by which he came inside.He knew what he had to do now. Several meetings were carried out .The RRC and NTRO officials left no effort in tracing this just “ONE” suspicious call activity and everybody was waiting. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A late night in May 2012 Thane, Maharashtra

A phone was ringing at very late in night.A man picked it up.

“Assalam waleikumm ,rehman” a man with firm voice greeted from the other side.No doubt is was Hamza.

“kasie hain bhaijaan aap. Sab khairiyat?” rehman said.

Hamza:- “sab khairiyat ,mujhe naye bande chahiyye jald se jald. Is bar Mumbai mission se bhi or kuch bada karna hai.”

Rehman:-“ jo jayega janab. Par Mumbai hamle ke baad sab kuch bada tight ho gaya hai fund ki bhi problem hai.”

Hamza:-“paise ki fikar na karo..main kuch din main Saudi jaa raha hu wahan se fund ka problem solve ho jayega. Tum bas jald se jald apna kaam shuru karo.chalo ab rakhta hu.”

Rehman:-“ji janaab ….bahut accha. Salaam.” The line was disconnected.

And this single call created a huge excitement in night in New Delhi.The IB chief was on his way to the headquarter.He wanted to be thoroughly briefed. Everybody was so energetic about this.Inside the briefing room. Director asked an officer to brief him and the staff.

“Sayed Zabiuddin Ansari aka Abu Hamza aka Abu Jundal ,he hails from beed, Maharashtra .After systematic brainwashing he went to pak in mid 2000’s.He is one of the most wanted terrorist by India.He is one of the chief recruiter and strategist for LeT(Lashkar e taiyyba).He was involved in kalupur station blast , aurangabaad arms haul and german bakery blasts.But he is mainly wanted for the mumbai attacks as he was one of the handler from karachi, Pakistan as we all know that he was one of the six who master minded these attacks with the help of pak army and the ISI and he is most wanted since then.” …the officer paused.

“He operates a website which he created to recruit muslim youths for the cause of jihad. The U.S. security agency NSA has noticed a huge traffic between his site and the other Jihadi sites which confirmed that Hamza is operational and is tend to do something big.”

“Few hours ago the RRC had intercepted a phone call from Karachi Pakistan made to Rehman Wasim Malik in thane. Rehman is minor operative of IM and was arrested few months ago under the charges of conspiracy but got bail as the evidences were insufficient .In this 4 min conversation Hamza directed rehman to find new recruits for a mission which he claimed is going to be more big and destructive than 26/11.He said that he will leave for Saudi Arabia in next few days for funds and other support.Thats it.”…The officer stopped finally.

“This is our moment people . We act now or never.” said the director.

IB Director:-“Our only chance is to get him in Saudi as soon as he lands there .”

“We can setup a covert extraction plan to extract him from saudi but if any step goes wrong by 0.01% we ll lose our lead also we hav good diplomatic relations with saudi i suggest we go through the diplomatic channels we can not afford to heat up our relations with the kingdom of Saudi Arabia.” ..a high ranking officer from RAW quoted.

“you are right, in this we have to involve the MEA(Ministry of External affairs) and seek permission I ll meet the home minister and the foreign minister myself tomorrow morning.” Sandhu said.

The meeting was over for the night.As Mr. sandhu said, he met both the ministers and the conclusion came out was that the Saudi security forces will be notified about the Hamza’s arrival.A full diplomatic channel will be followed. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 5 june 2012 King Khalid International airport Riyadh, Saudi Arabia.

A man who just got off from a flight which took off from Islamabad and landed in Riyadh.The man was medium built with average height and long beard like those of mullas.This man was standing in a queue for immigration check. when his number came the operator said after seeing his passport“welcome to Riyadh Mr. Riyasat ali”.

Off course another alias and fake passport provided by Pakistan to Hamza. As the operator checked the photograph on his computer he paused for a moment and took a look again at Hamza and with a great caution he pressed the secret security button under his table.Two security personnel came near Hamza and said “ We need you to come with us,sir.”

In no time Hamza realized that now he is going to be in a very big trouble and its over for him now.The security forces took him to the detention facility and notified the Indian authorities. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Same day Somewhere in Karachi ,Pakistan

“jannab…hamza pakda gaya.” A high ranking ISI officer said to his chief.

“Mujhe maloom hai .IB or RAW….yeh kaafir maante hi nahi. Ek diplomatic delegation taiyyar karo hume Riyadh Indian delegation se pehle pahuchna hai.” The chief said. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- As soon as the word reached new delhi that Hamza has been taken into custody the Indian delegation swung into action and they reached Riyadh as soon as they could.The head of the delegation was Mr sandhu.He knew that India can not operate and handle this issue without the help of the host country.Clearly it was important to get their help.The Saudi counterparts assured india that if they provide enough proof about Hamza they will hand over him to the Indian authorities. Indian authorities knew that to get ABU HAMZA they had to persuade prince Muqrin bin Abdulaziz, the Director general of Saudi intelligence agency and this task was left upon Mr. sandhu.Mr. sandhu worked closely with the prince to gain his agency’s support. India provided ample evidences to the Saudi intelligence agency and at a point it convinced them that Hamza is wanted in India.But as the negotiations were ongoing the Pakistani delegation arrived and demanded Hamza to be handed over to them.Pakistan cited that Hamza is a Pakistani national and is wanted in Pakistan for various acts of terror.Pakistan also provided the fake life history of Hamza and said that Hamza is not an Indian but is a Pakistani. Creating a huge roadblock in Indian process. Indian authorities knew that its again a deceitful move made by pak to cover ISI’s role in 26/11 if Hamza is handed over to India then he will confess after sometime that 26/11 was done on the instruction of ISI and pak army. Many diplomatic negotiations were carried out and it made the process very slow.Indian authorities lobbied the Saudi authorities and made them believe that Hamza is more important to India than Pakistan.Pakistani government also put pressure on Saudi government not to hand over hamza to India. As both pak and india claimed that Hamza is their citizen the Saudi authorities asked for the DNA samples of his parents from both the countries. Pakistan could not provide that and India along with the DNA sample provided a big load of evidences.They produced investigation details, DNA samples, dossiers, voice samples and intercepts. Which made India’s stand firm. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A night of May, 2013 Private residence of Prince Muqrin bin Abdulaziz Riyadh, Saudi arabia

Prince’s personal cell was ringing continuously .He picked it up.

“Asslaam waleikum your highness…Its Zaheer “

The prince knew that it must be something very important that the ISI’s chief Zaheer ul islam is calling him this late in night.

“waleikumm salaam…zaheer, whats so important for this late in night?” the prince asked.

Zaheer:-“I have heard that the kingdom of Saudi Arabia has finalized the extradition of ABU HAMZA to India.”

Prince:-“may be you have heard right.”

Zaheer:-“I thought we were on the same side and a team. We are doing this all for Islam and our muslim brothers.”

Prince:-“We are on the same side and India is also an ally of kingdom we have our business reservations with it. Also the US is involved now and you already know nobody messes with America.India’s stand is firm the whole world knows and watching us, I have to protect the dignity and reputation of my kingdom.we can not tarnish our image in international community by harboring a terrorist. India has proved that Hamza is theirs but you couldn’t . so I am sorry ,my friend.” And the line was disconnected. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 27 may 2013 Indira Gandhi international airport New delhi

The Saudi authorities deported Hamza to India.On his arrival he was formally and officially arrested by Delhi police special cell.The news channels were just showing hamza being taken into custody and praising the effort of the Indian intelligence agencies. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- As the hamza was arrested it was a big blow to the ISI ,IM and LeT because hamza was their top strategist and recruiter.He knew many secrets of all these organizations.He was the master mind of Mumbai 26/11 attacks and was one of the handler who was present in the control room in karachi and giving instructions to the terrorists in Mumbai during attacks. Mr. sandhu retired from the post of Director of Intelligence bureau in 2012 and his works were further carried out efficiently by then new director Syed Asif Ibrahim. As about Hamza it is said that he has been imprisoned at yervada central jail ,pune Maharashtra but who knows may be it’s a cover and he is in Pondicherry or Andaman or in Kashmir where it all started like the start of this story and being interrogated by the army.

This is how our army and our intelligence agencies work so hard day and night to protect our homeland with minimum resources but we never come to know about their work and sacrifice.They are putting a lot of effort to keep us safe .A lot of agencies are working simultaneously ,the bad ones are plotting against our nation and the good ones are working to neutralize their efforts. RAW and IB are fully autonomous bodies and they are only responsible to PMO and HMO(home ministry) respectively that is they are not under the purview of parliament.there can be no debate on their functioning in parliament . they are also immune to Right to information act ie no information can be sought from secret agencies.This is the reason their missions are highly classified and never leave the four walls of their buildings.

- Ashesh Singh

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sources referred:- Wikipedia, The hindu archives, The Times of India archives, BBC India archives e.t.c.

[galimatios]

t/a rambles 2

back on my bullshit part 2

lysander - Yesterday at 10:36 PM LSHDKA DSCREAMS AT U god where to i start ok well. basically its supposed to be like this coming of age new adult type thing extremely loosely based on the story of siddartha gautama which i didnt even like do on purpose i just realizes it was similar

but alex in this au goes by kreutzer (its his alias in lots of aus also his middle name) and he is the prince of a country called koel which basically occupies modern day mongolia and korea

the premise is that his mother the queen was assassinated and he is next in line for the throne but another assassination attempt is made on him during the ceremony and his personal servant rescues him in the nick of time

turns out the entire court was conspiring to overthrow the monarchy

so kreutzer is forced to abscond with his servant or the rebels will find and kill him the servant takes him to a traveling circus he has connections to, so he csn b safe and literally everyone in the circus is some kind of fugitive or criminal! which is fun bc at this point early on in the story kreutzer is extremely... black n white thinking.. judgmental... like javert from les mis bc when he was living at the palace he was extremely sheltered and overprotected by the queen who he loved dearly but the queen was also a tyrant he never had any knowledge of this bc his mother taught him that might makes right and that criminals are criminals and should be shown no mercy lest theyll bend every rule until it breaks so now hes living w a bunch of criminals and hes forced to come to terms not only w his inflexible world view but like... the fact that these people are people and not just dirty criminals

that life threw shit at them and they turned to crime to survive or otherwise wwre fucked over by circumstances and slowly he becomes like more aware of his own privilege and more understanding and also. he becomes aware of his mothers tyranny too that ones a tough pill to swallow for him bc likw i have it set in the book to where he turns himself in to save one of the circus performers he comes to think of as a little brother (this is a long and involved thing i can explain also) and the coup leaders torture him and present him in essentially kangaroo court and hold hearings against his mother where victims of the queens tyranny tell them what happened to them bc of her and force him to listen (: theres an underlying theme of what should one do when faced w oppression whether its being oppressed or being the oppressor i unintentionally made it super political which i swear wasnt my intention i just plugged my ocs in and oh lain is a shitty queen

shes not actually shitty but she was a tyrant and also fucking paranoid probably bc she lost a previous child to ... another... assassination attempt.. tbh thats also prob when the king died but she hated him so w/e theres two characters i accidentally made into like martin luther king vs malcom x skhfjshds i love them both sm god lydia is the matriarch of the circus troup and herself a performer- a water mage who dances

her sister is lilya who is a fire mage along with  alex's servant (alan/calisto) who is... hell bent  on revenge bc mages and magic users were basically persecuted to shit n back lydia is very pacifistic but maybe TOO passive while lilya is... shes action but she can be blinded by her own anger anyway fun side fact but alan was supposed to assassinate alex/kreu but the idiot falls in love w him as in all aus and fucking betrays everyone on his side for alexs sake bc loving alex is like the first thing hes ever felt strongly abt he just kinda went along w the training and the coup leaders plans to infiltrate the royal court he didnt really.. feel strongly abt it despite everything but he found a purpose and hes ... doing some shitty shit to ppl who trusted him LOL helping the prince escape instead of killing him like he was supposed to anyway alan dies bc obviously his side is fucking pissed at him and not well either the hearings and torture totally break alex but lilya who's overseeing the mock trial is like something... isnt right she thought she was waiting for the day shed be able to witness the royal bloodline dying forever but after reconvening w her sister and talking about how alex had been staying with her all this time (there is a huge argument) lilya thinks this guy is innocent. he cant be blamed for the wrongs of his mother and decides to rescue him its loaded bc i think lilya was actually responsible for lains death so heres your mothers killer rescuing you but also your mother killed her family indirectly and u cant do anything abt it alex! lysander - Yesterday at 11:00 PM at this point they go back to the circus and hide out of the country for a while until the rebellions govt starrs taking a turn for the worse it reminds me of like how communist revolutions were started bc the proletariat had legitimate issues with the upper class but then like they go to the extreme(edited) and start literally culling innocent middle class people thats basically what happens and that's... also not right! so alex gathers up his own force feels like its his responsibility to right the wrongs of his mother and he takes back the country w his own force but instead of reinstating the monarchy he puts the sisters in charge in a newly instated democracy or something basically moral of the story is that people arent perfect but everyone has a reason for doing what they do and i want to address that like that democracy will not be perfect either bc blah blah quote some old white guy "if all men were angels we wouldnt need govt" or something but its a step in the right direction rather honestly it was mostly supposed to be oc angst fest but it turned into political commentary over the yrs BUT i didnt touch on a few good side stories that happen before the novel god how does Alex even react to lilya fufk thats so fucking loaded shes your moms killer your mom was also a killer shes also lydias only family and youve grown close to lydia over the time youve spent at the circus she also rescued you but she still killed your mother who you still love so much how does he even. reconcile those feelings esp the part where his beloved mother was hated and also hurt so many people its so hard to accept that both those things arent mutuallt exclusive ofc its so easy to decide you hate someone and denounce them but i dont want to write abt that thats not interesting esp since my issue w everything these days is that people cant seem to reconcile ppls good and bad parts like theyre all only one or the other when the reality everyone is varying amounts of both holds my head lain isnt a good person but her reasons for being terrible... ultimately were borne from something VERY real and VERY understandable anyway this is: morally ambiguous ocs the novel

[insidemyinvisibilitycloak-blog]

SHAWN MENDES WORLD TOUR MANILA | MARCH 18, 2017

(PS: I wrote this the night when i got home after Shawn’s concert. English kasi tnype ko sa notes ng iphone ng nanay ko predict ng predict kairita kaya inenglish ko na hahaha pero inedit ko pa bago ko ipost sa ayun haha)

We arrived at the venue around 2:00pm thanks to pat and his Kuya hehe anyway we changed out clothes inside moa and then we totes forgot to withdraw. My sister was so agitated about it bc they were slowly letting us in

When we got inside we waited for about 1-1/2 hrs I guess and there's this man that shawns representative was talking to and was asking if there are any gifts for Shawn. I figured I wouldn't have the chance to do so I gave mine (Gryffindor notebook/journal and I wrote something on it!! TOO BAD I DIDNT TAKE A PICTURE) but then I forgot that there's a sign there that I wrote so I ran to the security and got the sign (thank God bc that sign is so important in the next scenes lol) anyway

So we lined up in a hallway and there's a sign with meet and greet in the nearest door. I was so excited but it didn't really sink in until we were so close and then we realize that everything went by so fast... then my turn came and I couldn't feel anything (manhid as in!!) even my stomach fingers lips idk tas ayun.. anyway the security was friendly and asked me if I was ready I said yeah and he said r u nervous and that's when I felt the numbing feeling then he let me in and said 'say hi to Shawn' Shawn said hi then I said 'omygosh hi Shawn' then I gave him a hug I swear omygosh I love it I hugged him tight, I can still remember that part well. I wrapped him in a hug!!! I can still remember the first time I saw his face, he was looking right at me too T.T then we proceeded to a normal pic (he put his arms on my shoulder i cant remember well but i just smiled and i think my hand was in his stomach but i cant remember feeling his abs lol) and then they motioned me to the exit. Well I manage to turn around and say “hope you'll enjoy the show later” and I can't really remmber if he replied or anything and I'm not sure but I think I was holding his hand that time then I turned to go. I was in shock and still a little numb when I went out and I was so disappointed at first bc I was expecting to have a conversation with him which didn't happen. My sis and I went on to get our signed posters and lanyard. Then we went out of where the m&g happened and I could hear convos where they said it was too fast for them too. My sister went to the ATM machine upstairs cause she was still fussing about merch then she went on to and buy them and I waited for her. Soon enough sound check started.

He first sang the weight which was one of my fave songs. There was someone who shouted 'pukingina mo' we all laughed and Shawn laughed too bc he didn't know what that meant hahaha. He kindaaa looked at me that time and I remembered the sign I wrote, which says 'can I have a guitar pick' idk which song he first noticed it but I'm not sure he'll give it to me and then there's this one Indian girl who's pushing and trying to come in between me and my sis so I fought back (pushed her with my arms) and she was the one who got mad. The indian girl kept on ranting “wtf r u doing?” I said “IM WITH MY SISTER” She said, “Then go with your fucking sister” then i can still hear her “I hate ppl who push blabla” anyway my sister said we should switch places bc she was nearer so Shawn would see my sign and then during stitches he looked straight at me and at the sign then I even gave him a flying kiss while singing along with stitches and I'm so happy coz he was smiling, while singing and while looking at me. When he finished sound check he went down and gave his pick to someone(Idk who that was). Then he took the other pick he used that was on the floor already (I think thats the first pick he used coz it was at the floor of the stage and he puts his picks on his lap if he’s no using it) and motioned to give it to our part so I extended my hand. There were people trying to get it but he made sure I'll get it so basically I touched his hand again and he LITERALLY GAVE ME his pick. (PS: DONT U EVER FORGET WHAT THAT LOOKED LIKE ANA, DONT U PLEASE) Idk what I said after that if I said thank u or I love you idk. Anw so my sis and I hugged and jumped up and down and I was so happy. By the way I shouted a lot of 'I love you Shawn' whenever the room was quiet. Pretty sure he heard it.

The show came and it was surreal and it was a sweet and a gentle show. I hope he enjoyed the crowd like how I enjoyed seeing and hearing him play. It was really fast and I didn't know it was about to finish already too lol hahaha then I can see his smile and everything and I knew he was at least happy. The first part with something big and the weight he was looking at our part too well I don't want to assume but he was looking at me hahaha. Anyway I sang a lot but I could've sang more I guess hahaha (cause my faves are from handrwritten) just a bit sad that he sang more illuminate than handwritten but I'm still so thankful!! Shawn is one of the best! OMG OMG his face lights up when he sings and I hope he enjoyed the crowd cause we were all singing!! And Im pretty sure he was happy bc of it too haha then there was one time after a song, not sure if it was Mercy.. He looked at someone from the band and he put his tongue out saying like “I messed up” cause his voice cracked on one of the higher notes but i dont care he’s adorbs and great!! Hope he'll tweet smething bout Manila. I'm still hoping he'll get my gift but anyway stitches and never be alone are my new anthem (not really new but theyre my totes pcd anthem) damn anyway I thought I heard him say mahal ko kayo but not sure then he headed straight to his hotel immediately.

BTW WE’RE STILL WAITING FOR THEM TO POST OUR PICS OMYGOSH

I cant believe i actually met him and had a moment with just the two of us, i got to hug him... then he really gave me his pick. TO ME!!! TO ME OMG THEN HE SANG STITCHES TO ME DAMN SHAWN U MY MAN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH COME BACK REAL SOON MISS NA KITA AGAD GEGU TAPOS ANG TAGAL NUN TALAGA AS IN MAGKATITIGAN KAMI HABANG NAKANGITI SYA POGI NYA BES

PPS: Greedy ako sa pics kaya konti lang ippost ko kasi baka may kumuha lol bye

MOA ARENA CONCERT GROUNDS - MARCH 18, 2017