#me looping this song on and off for a week straight and crying: THE TRUTH IS I'D LOVE IT SO IF YOU'D HOLD ME TIL I'M COLD AND BLUE - | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jstlikemagic · 4 years

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It’s An Everything Thing. - Jeff Wittek Smut

Title: It’s An Everything Thing.

Pairing: Jeff Wittek/Reader

Rating: R (NSFW/Swearing) | Doggystyle, missionary, oral sex, protected sex.

TW: Hints at a small sexual assault situation but doesn’t surround the plot if that makes sense.

Summary: Y/N and Jeff don’t like each other... oh wait.

A/N: So, this contains smut and angst which is exciting! Please reblog and/or like if you enjoyed this!

Looking around the party, you lost sight of your friend David. He invited you out to his party at his house. Which meant Jeff was going to be there. You and Jeff hadn’t talked since the fight you two had a few months ago that ended up in you two blocking each other on all social media and avoiding each other at all costs. Knowing he was going to be there made you so anxious but also ready to get fucked up.

Walking around, you started to look for the open bar. Your eyes lit up like a Christmas tree when you spotted it with it’s beautiful Grey Goose bottles and a 750 of Fireball sitting on the bar cart. Stumbling upon the bar cart, you made yourself a mixed drink and walked away to find some place to chill and sit for a while. As soon as you turned into the living room, there was just crowded space and nowhere to breathe. As you tried to navigate your way through the living room someone had accidentally tripped you while they were dancing. All of the sudden, your drink spilled on you as you fell on top of a stranger on the couch.

“You fainted straight into my arms. You know, if you wanted my attention you didn’t have to go to such extremes,” Jeff scoffed. Looking up at him and realizing who it was, you quickly stood up.

“Piss off,” you spatted back. You walked away in a hurry to the bathroom, hoping no one would notice that you spilled your drink and it was completely soaking your clothes. Making it to the bathroom, you placed both hands on the side of the sink, looked in the mirror, and sighed deeply. You weren’t sure if you were mad at the person who tripped you, the fact that the drink you had was all over you, or the person you fell on was Jeff.

“Ya know, I can get you a tide stick or something or I can give you a change of clothes or I can let you go home naked,” Jeff offered while peeking into the bathroom while winking at you.

“Nope, I’m fine. Goodbye,” you tried to shut the door but he stuck his body through the opening, enabling him to slide through.

“Are you really fine though? It looks like ya pissed your dress!” he laughed. You sat down on the toilet lid and put your head in your hands. You started to cry due to the anxiety and frustration of his presence. “Oh no, Y/N. I didn’t mean to make you-”

“Jeff, go fuck yourself. You’re a fucking dick and I’m not sure why. Even in my times of need, you still manage to make me miserable. Now, can you please leave me the fuck alone,” you screamed at him through tears. This was it. This was the breaking point. You were done with his egotistical, obnoxious, and annoying personality. He was just too much, especially right now.

“I like to joke around with you. I know you don’t think it’s funny but I always used humor and shit to hide that I was into you. At least twice a week, I watched guys hit on you, my friends ogled over you. I just need you. I know you’ve heard me say it before but I mean it,” he confessed. You just stood there in shock.

“Funny way of showing you’re into someone, huh?,” you pushed past him and walked out the bathroom while wiping your tears. And there was your answer.

[A week later…]

Scotty was performing at the House of Blues and he invited you to come as a guest and celebrate with the Vlog Squad. Your mindset coming to the concert was that you were just gonna ignore Jeff so it seems like nothing's changed. The other guys had no idea what went down at the party because you told them you had to leave for “girl stuff.” That was enough for them to not question anything. Still, it was irritating to even think about spending at least four hours in a dressing room with a man who had the nerve to make fun of you and then cover it up with some bullshit.

“Y/N, can you hand me another water please,” Scott asked sweetly. Responding with just a smile, you walked to the mini fridge and gave him his water. What you didn’t see though because your back was turned, was that Scott eyed you the whole time. From the point of you swaying your hips as you walked over to the fridge and all the way to you bending down to grab the water. He licked his lips at the sight of you but specifically your ass. Sitting on the other side of the room was Jeff who eyed Scott. There was rage building up in Jeff. Even though you weren’t his anything, he still had this duty in the back of his head to be yours. “Thank you, babe,” Scott said as you handed him his water.

“No problem, Scott. Anything for you,” you dautingly said while shooting a glare towards Jeff’s direction. “Actually, I have a request. Can I have aux, guys? I have a song I really wanna dance to!”

“Sure, take it over!” Todd yelled from the bathroom. Why he was still controlling the music while taking a shit was beyond you but it was whatever. Connecting to the bluetooth of the speaker, you furiously scrolled through your playlists. You came across the “i like to drink and turn up” playlist and found the perfect song to fuck with Jeff. If he actually meant what he said to you a week ago, this might be the perfect revenge. You weren’t normally about the whole revenge thing but Jeff basically made you feel awful about yourself so why the fuck not.

Pressing play, everyone recognized the first few seconds of the song. It was “Or Nah” by Ty Dolla $ign, a very sensual and raunchy song but still loved very much by all of those in the room. With your red solo cup in your hand, you stepped up on the coffee table set up in the middle of the dressing room with your back facing Jeff. Making sure to flaunt your back side, you hiked up your shorts just a little bit so your ass was hanging out just a tad bit but enough to make Jeff go wild. Swaying your hips and dropping low every few seconds, it looked like you were dancing to “Come Get Her” by Rae Sremmurd instead. You knew you got the reaction from Jeff because he just looked up at you in awe, he looked like he wanted to jump your bones.

“Jeff, are you okay?” you heard David scream over the music. You turned around to see Jeff’s knuckles completely white from gripping his cup so hard. He had a straight edge face which brought out his perfectly sculpted jawline. Pausing the music, you just stared at him and he stared at you back.

“No, I’m not fucking okay. Y/N is a fucking bitch and I can’t stand her right now. God damn it,” he raised his voice. In one swift moment, he got up and walked out the door with it slamming right behind him.

As he walked out the door, all you saw was Todd walk out of the bathroom while saying “Is there something I missed? Why do we look genuinely confused and spaceshot?” Nodding your head, you got up and decided to look for Jeff. Where would Jeff be? Where would Jeff be?

Turning the corner, you saw a little bit more of a private patio with plants peeking out in the back. You saw the back of his head but he was slumped over with his head burrowed in between his forearms. Debating if you should say anything, you kept your distance and mustered up the courage to say “Hey, um- I’m sorry. I don’t know why you’re upset but-”

“You don’t know why I’m upset?” he interrupted. “Y/N, I fucking told you how I felt about you, it was like you were gloating it in my face that I could see you, I just couldn’t touch you or have you. It’s not even a sexual thing. It’s an everything thing.” You could see how frustrated he was. His eyes were bloodshot and his face was so red. In the back of your head, you hoped he hadn’t been crying. You know that you meant to be malicious and wanted a response but you thought that it would’ve been more of a banter rather than the situation now at hand.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I don’t feel the same way. I’m sorry that I made you upset. But to make things clear, I’m not yours and probably will never be. With that being said, get that through your head. You can fuck any girl you want within reason so it’s best of you to stick with that route,” you pleaded. You never actually thought of what it would be like to be with him whether it be platonic or sexual. You for sure didn’t want your mind to go there. Stubbornly, you didn’t want anything to do with him. He treated you wrong all these years and you weren’t sure of where your future even stood with him now after the dancing escapade.

The truth was that you were scared. Scared of liking, or loving for that matter, anyone because of the trust issues you developed. Many people in your life had fucked you over and Jeff was already on that list. That is why your walls were up completely when it came to him. Maybe I should give him another chance? No, no. I can’t do that. He’s an asshole, Y/N. He’ll always be one.

“Y/N, I guess it’s whatever right? I’ll just try to move on. Won’t think about you, won’t speak about you. Y/N, who? I just want to let you know that I may never be able to move on but I still hope maybe one day, you turn around, and at least wanna try being friends,” he spoke with sadness dripping from his voice with every word.

[A year later...]

Sitting in a lawn chair by a firepit, you were just scrolling on your phone. You were at David’s house party and just felt lost. Feeling out a place and out of loop because you hadn’t seen the Vlog Squad in a year and didn't bother to. After the whole Jeff incident at the House of Blues, you thought it was best to give the guy some space.

“Y/N! Is that you?” you heard David scream from across the backyard. Watching him run over, you laughed at him almost tripping over a rock. He was alway so fucking clumsy when he was drunk. Iyt only took one drink but boy was he hammered As he made his way over to where you were sitting, he pulled up a chair right next to you. “How have you been?” he asked.

Biting your lip, you just looked at him and shrugged. You weren’t fine. Not at all. Ever since the Jeff incident, everything played in your head. Every possibility did. Would you two have been dating by now? Would you two have been civil and friends? You wouldn’t know. You obviously couldn’t tell David any of that either. Hearing someone scream his name from inside the house, he quickly got up, said goodbye, and escaped the awkward moment you two were having.

Realizing you were alone again, you decided to get up and actually assert yourself. As you walked through crowds of people you spotted your best friend, the bar. Getting yourself a beer, you settled on one of the breakfast bar stools that sat right in front of the kitchen island. The kitchen was basically empty since the actual party was outside and in the living room. Taking a swig of the beer, you felt a pair of hands on your shoulders. “Hey sweetheart. Any reason you’re alone tonight?” the stranger asked while rubbing your shoulders.

Taking another swig, you turned around. You didn’t recognize the guy at all and he wasn’t the least bit attractive. “Yeah, I’m waiting for someone. Thanks though,” you said nervously.

“Well, why don’t I make friends with you while you wait,” he said while placing his hands on the top of your thighs. Not knowing what to say, your mouth was left agape. You hoped that in this moment someone would fucking save you from this creep. Placing your hands on top of his, you tried to remove his hands off of you. But they were glued onto you and he squeezed your thighs. “Baby, I just want to have some fun. Is that too much to ask?” he whispered in your ear.

Clearly uncomfortable, you just let him start caressing your thighs. As he started kissing your neck, you felt yourself get nervous and wanted to scream. Not wanting to cause a scene, you just remained silent and froze up. As you looked out into the living room to see if anyone would notice, you spotted him. He was wearing a black Carhartt shirt and khakis. He looked like an angel in the crowd of people. Hoping he would catch your attention, you just stared at him with this sad look on your face.

When he finally caught your gaze, it felt like when you see someone after a breakup. Shocking but also familiar. He furrowed his eyebrows and right after that you mouthed “help me.” Getting up from his spot, he walked over to where you were sitting. “Hey, man. Get the fuck outta here alright. I’m her boyfriend so I’m the only one who should be touching her like that,” he threatened. Throwing his hands up, the guy slowly backed out of the room.

Both of you had no idea what to even say to each other. Do you say “thank you” or “hi” or should you just walk away and pretend that this never happened. Contemplating in your head, you just got out a “Thank you. Like a lot. I appreciate it.”

With his eyes darting over the place, he contemplated what to say. “Y/N, can we please go somewhere private?” he asked while fiddling his long fingers. Nodding to him, he grabbed your hand and led you to the guest bedroom. Sitting on the bed, Jeff pulled up a chair to sit right in front of you, giving that space that the both of you needed. “Now, I’m not gonna sit here and tell you what I’ve told you before. But I wanna ask if you’re willing to even try being frie-”

“I don’t wanna be your fucking friend,” you spatted out. Suddenly, his face dropped to the ground and you could see the sadness forming. “Jeff, I wanna fucking be with you. I wanna be the only girl you have in the world. I wanna be the one who you wake up to, fuck with, sleep with. Everything.” Realizing that the liquid courage overshot this one, you just stared down at the ground and waited for him to say something.

“Alright, so where has this come from? Last year, I’m pretty sure you wanted to kill me. This year it’s ‘Oh Jeff! I wanna be with you.’ Y/N, did you think I was gonna wait forever for you?” he threw back at you. He had a point. You waited a year to figure out maybe there was something there. I mean tonight he struck something within you because of how he was the only one in the crowd of people that actually helped you in that uncomfortable encounter. He seemed to be the only that cared for you at this point.

Looking up at him with tears in your eyes, you just shrugged. “I don’t know what to tell you then. Maybe I actually realized that we could be great together? Maybe love wouldn’t be scary if it was with you? I don’t know,” you muttered. Folding your arms, you fell back on the bed. Grabbing a pillow, you used it to cover your face because you could just feel the sobbing about to start. Feeling his eyes burning through you, you just sighed.

“Well, I know I could cover one of those tasks you want with me,” he said with a smirk on his face. Crawling up to your body, he just smiled at you. Caressing his hair, you pulled his neck closer so your lips met. As corny as this sounds, the kiss was more passionate than you could ever imagine. Wrapping your legs around his waist, his hips lightly ground into yours which made you moan uncontrollably. “You’re gonna let me make you mine tonight?” he asked while you caught your breath.

“Make me yours, baby,” you provoked. With that, he pulled himself off of you, and attempted to pull off your skinny jeans. Seeing that he was struggling to get them off, you laughed. Hearing him mutter something under his breath, he finally got them off your ankles and onto the floor. Looking at your underwear, he could see a wet spot.

“Wow, already wet for me? Just like at the party last year?” he joked. You rolled your eyes.

“Will you just shut the fuck up and fuck me? God, stop being annoying,” you whined as you threw your head back. Slowly peeling off your underwear, he took in the view. This is what he had been waiting for. All those years, he had been waiting for a moment to get you alone and see this side of you. Not the naked side, he enjoyed that, but an intimate side that the two of you could share.

Moving his face up to your pussy, he just breathed and it sent shivers down your spine. You might've been waiting for this moment all year but you had waited what felt like a longtime for someone like Jeff in your life. Someone you knew that would protect you and treat you like the goddess you are.

Sticking his tongue, you gripped the sheets in tight handfuls. Moaning through your gritted teeth, you felt his tongue doing circles around your g-spot. Wanting him to delve more into your pussy, you grabbed his hair and brought him closer. Soon enough, he was hitting the right spot and you couldn’t keep back your shrieked breaths and moans. Darting his tongue back and forth, you could feel a knot in your stomach forming.

It wasn’t a familiar feeling because you had never been satisfied like this before. No guy had ever actually wanted to eat you out unless you asked for it. His first move was to eat your sweet pussy because he wanted to show you that this was all about you and your comfortability.

Feeling the knot in your stomach tighten, you gripped his hair and tugged it hard. Feeling yourself tighten around his tongue, you let out on him. Licking up your cum, he took a step back to admire what was in front of him. An attractive, vulnerable, and sweet, Y/N. Throwing yourself up from the bed, you whipped off your shirt and unclasped your bra. Reaching for his shirt you tossed it over his head and to the corner of his room. Unbuckling his jeans, he stopped you. “Y/N, I wanna show you what you’ve missed out all this year. No need to pleasure me. Looking at you unfold for me is enough,” he smirked.

“Okay, then how do you want me?” you asked sweetly. Hearing that was enough for Jeff to cum right on the spot. He didn’t know why but the innocence in your voice flipped a switch in him. It made him feel bad about how he was gonna wreck your pussy for the next ten minutes.

“I want you on all fours. Right now,” he demanded. Taking his belt off, then his pants, and boxers, you groaned at the sight of his cock. It was already dripping precum. Grabbing a condom from his dresser drawer, he opened the package and slid the condom on his hard cock. With your ass in the air, he lined his cock up to your wet pussy. Placing a hand on your back, he slowly pushed in. Hissing at the sensation, he pulled back and said “Y/N, are you okay? I’m not hurting you am I?”

“Nope, I’m fine. Just need to get used to it,” you replied. Trying again, he slowly entered you while making sure to not put all of himself in just yet. After inching in every time, he put himself inside of you. He found his rhythm and was fitting himself completely in your tight pussy. Gripping on your hips, every once in a while he’d smack your ass.

Grabbing your ass and smacking it, he said “Oh, you like it when I fuck you like that? You like it when I smack your ass, baby?” Nodding your head, you managed to pant out a ‘yes.’ Suddenly, he removed himself from you. Feeling empty, you whined at the awful sensation. He took you by your hips and turned you on your back.

“Sorry, baby. I want to take you this way. I want to look at you while I cum,” he breathed. Instinctively wrapping your legs around his hips, he inserted himself again. Only this time, he placed his lips on yours which earned him a moan from you. His face then found himself in the crook of your neck and his lips on your neck. Holding on to the back of his neck, you needed the support from him completely fucking you into tomorrow. Every thrust was hard and fast and it was perfect.

Even though it didn’t seem like the typical intimate and romantic moment, it was. There was a certain closeness you two felt with each other during this moment. He was giving himself to you and you were giving yourself to him and it was perfect.

Feeling him slow down, you took that moment to catch your breath a little bit and refocus on what was happening. Jeff lifted himself up and supported himself with his elbows. Looking up at him, you could tell he was very close. His face was scrunched up and his mouth was agape. “I’m gonna cum. Fuck,” he muttered. As he looked down at you, you could see the lust and passion in his eyes. As he intently was locking eyes with you, he let out a low moan and came into the condom.

Rolling off of the bed, he took the condom off and threw it in the trash. Laying next to you in bed, you were just heavily breathing while looking up at the ceiling. “Did you cum by any chance,” he asked.

“No but I don’t think that really matters right now,” you responded. Turning towards him, you moved yourself closer to him. “What matters is, what do we do now? I mean we fucked and I told you how I felt so,” you pondered.

Pulling you into his chest, he sighed. “Well, we have one of two options. Option one is that we never speak of tonight and we pretend we still hate each other. Or we could do the better option, which is to maybe see where things go between us?” he noted. Looking at him and his arms that were wrapped around you, you smiled.

“Ya know, I’m really liking option number two but can we add an option three to this?” you questioned.

“Which option would that be?” he asked.

Growing a huge smirk on your face, you pulled yourself on top of him and placed your hands on his chest. “I was thinking we see where things go but we also have round two.”

#jeff wittek smut #jeff wittek imagine #jeff wittek imgaines #vlog squad smut #vlog squad imagine #vlog squad imagines

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kaitycole · 4 years

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Lie to Me

Summary: Terushima didn’t have a reason not to trust you, until you gave him one.

Pairing: Terushima x gn!Reader

Word Count: 1966

Warnings: Angst. Mentions of cheating.

A/N: This is part of the @babythotshq Angstvember collab! Hope you enjoy!

Song: Lie to Me by Tate McRae ft. Ali Gatie

You don't understand/ I'm not ever like this I can hold my breath/ Say I'll be alright But kinda hard to think/ When I can't feel a thing

Terushima didn’t have a reason to not trust you, until you gave him one. Until he went to your favorite café in hopes to surprise you while you studied for an upcoming exam, only to find you on what looked more like a date than a study session. Textbooks and notebooks closed, no pens or highlighters on the table; instead he just saw some other guy had brushed a piece of hair from your face before you tried to hide your face in the coffee mug you brought up to your lips.

Tell me to my face/ Already heard it last week Driving me insane/ It's hitting real badly Tell me what's her name, yeah

He didn’t know how to bring it up, how to casually ask why his partner had been on a date with someone else? Did he just say it, between sips of drink at dinner: “My day was great, saw you on a date a few days ago what’s that about, how were classes?” It wasn’t like he didn’t already know who it was, his face was burnt into Teru’s memory and after scrolling through your social media he found him. He was just some guy in one of your classes, he thought maybe you had mentioned him before, but he couldn’t recall. He tried to convince himself that you had told him this guy would be there with you, he didn’t want to think the love of his life could do this to him, but he knew he wasn’t fooling himself.

Said you'd never, why'd you ever Lie to me baby, lie, lie to me Lie to me baby, lie, lie to me

When he finally did bring it up, you didn’t take the accusation well at all and he couldn’t help but think that you were trying a little too hard to convince him you hadn’t, that maybe you were just trying to convince yourself. The two of you spent days arguing, arguments just bleeding into the next day, like a chess game that had been adjourned. He hated it, the feeling of everything shattering, just waiting for the other shoe to drop at any moment, he didn’t want to fight, he just wanted to know how to fix it.

After everything we've been through you come crying to me/ You said you'd never lie, so why you lying to me? I gave you my trust my heart and everything inside of me/ Tell me how'd you pay me back? You made a fool out of me

Your arguments had started out telling him that you had been alone, that he simply must have been looking at the wrong table; that you’d have texted him if the plans changed. Half way through the argument you changed your tune, saying that he was a friend that joined you to study, that you were struggling with the subject and simply accepted his offer to help when he just happened to show up at the café. Teru just stood there wondering when exactly you thought he became stupid, that he couldn’t see the holes you left in each variation of the story you tried to feed to him. It seemed the longer you both fought, the more your story changed, the more aggressive you got and you began making low blows. You began to attack his appearance, claiming dating a ‘fuckboy’ was a lot for you to try to handle and claiming you’d dealt with hearing tons of rumors that he was off flirting with someone else.

He felt hurt that you’d even bring that up, you’d known each other since you were children, grew up together, had been dating for three years now since you started dating your third year of high school. The way he looked was never an issue before, you said you liked it. As for the rumors, he couldn’t help what people made up and you knew as well as he did they were baseless. He would never do anything to jeopardize your relationship and for the last three years he believed that you knew that.

Can't you see what you're doing? Left me, broken in pieces Got me feeling so stupid, guess I needed a reason To let go/ I don't wanna hear lies anymore

“You’re just gonna leave then?” You crossed your arms, irritation written on your face as Teru grabbed the bag by his feet.

It had been a week of one continuous argument, of talking in circles, of getting no where, no closer to a solution than they were when he first brought it up. He told you that if his looks were really such a hassle, if dating him was so awful then maybe you should just break up, hoping you’d say he was being dramatic. You didn’t, you simply said ‘maybe we should.’ That was last night and this morning he made a few calls, packed his bags and was getting ready to leave.

“If dating me is so stressful that you need to go on dates with other guys, there’s nothing left for us here.”

“I told you it wasn’t a date, Yuuji!” You repeated for the millionth time that week, even though the more you said it, the less you were convinced you had been telling the truth. You knew you weren’t telling the truth, but you weren’t sure how things would work out with the other guy and didn’t wanna risk things with Terushima ending for nothing. What good that did.

“Y/N, please, aren’t you tired of lying?” He didn’t wait for you to answer, for you to once again tell him something he clearly knew was false, he slung the backpack on his shoulder and turned to walk out the door.

You tried to come up with a rebuttal, a string of broken words leaving you as you fumbled over what to say before he stopped, halfway out the door and turned to you. When his eyes met yours, you knew the broken façade you had been trying to keep up had finally given in and shattered and you knew that he knew. He gave you a straight lipped smile along with a short nod before he left, shutting the door on you and your relationship.

6 months later

I've been tryna collect all my thoughts It's all said and done Just don't feel the same

You were sitting in the new coffee shop that had opened on campus, textbook opened but your thoughts were everywhere but on your assignment. It was a bit louder than your favorite café in town, but you knew Terushima was avoiding that one and changes were he’d eventually come in to this one. Three months into your new relationship, the flames fizzled out, realizing that there wasn’t really anything deeper than a physical connection with him.

You had used the last three months to really think things out, finally seeing that Terushima was the best thing to ever enter your life since you were eight. When you went home for a weekend visit, you managed to find your childhood photo album, it was mostly filled with pictures of you and Teru, the last picture being of high school graduation. Seeing all those memories made you realize that you wanted him back, needed him back, that your life wasn’t as bright with the blonde-haired boy in your life.

You felt luck was on your side when the sight of spiky blonde hair captured your attention and your head jerked around just in time to see Terushima himself walk into the café. You looked up at the ceiling, mouthing a ‘thank you’ to fate itself before standing up, quickly packing your backpack just before he walked out the door.

Don't try to tell me that I was wrong You was the one lying all along I think you just want somebody else to take the blame

Terushima wasn’t a huge coffee person, but the late-night cram session the night before left him more tired than usual. He rocked on the ball of his feet, trying to stay awake as he stood in line, hoping this coffee would do the trick and wake him up.

He was already a few steps down the sidewalk when he heard his name, but not just his name, his given name and there was only one person on campus that called him that. Teru knew when he turned around that it would be you, he was just really hoping one of sisters was in for a surprise visit. He bit the inside of his cheek when he saw you standing there, looking a little lost.

“Y/N.”

“How have you been?”

He cleared his throat, he didn’t want to do this, while you might’ve moved on he was still hurting. “Fine, just been really busy. Speaking of, I really should go.”

You reached out, grabbing his arm when he started to walk off. “Wait, Yuuji. Can we--?”

You’re interrupted when some girl runs up and threw her arms around him, smiling at him with the same doe-eyed look you looked at him with.

Terushima draped his arm over the girl’s shoulder, it was Takara the volleyball manager and someone who Terushima was close to in a very platonic way. But judging by the look on your face, he didn’t think you saw it that way. A knot developed in his stomach, almost the same way it did when he saw you with that other guy, but this was different. You two weren’t dating, he wasn’t cheating, he wasn’t hiding it, but it still felt wrong because the look on your face was breaking his heart.

He wanted to tell you that it wasn’t what you thought, that she was just a friend, that she had a girlfriend on the girls’ volleyball team which was what got her into being the boys’ team manager, but he couldn’t. Takara spoke up before he could.

“We really need to get going, Teru!”

He nodded, looking back to you, asking you what you were going to say but you just shook your head, waving him off, telling him it was nothing important. He watched you as you quickly turned around, tripping over the sidewalk as you rushed away from him and Takara. He let out a deep sigh, shaking his own head as he started walking towards the gym.

“You know, she probably thinks we’re dating.” Takara said, looping her arm with his.

When the two of you had broken up, Takara was the one who let him crash with her while he worked out housing, she’d make an extra bento for him even when he moved out, but most importantly she had been a shoulder to cry on when he couldn’t sleep. Takara had often joked that he was the brother she never had which he quickly told her two sisters were enough for him.

He shrugged, telling her that yeah you probably did which she simply asked if that was something he was okay with since he didn’t try to say anything to contradict it. He wasn’t completely sure how he felt about it, he was the one who walked out that night, and that pain was still fresh for him, he didn’t have replacement lined up like you did.

“I thought you were the team manager, not the team psychologist.” He joked, the both of them walking into the gym for practice.

She rolled her eyes, “But honestly, are you okay with that?”

“What’s one more lie?”

Lie to me baby, lie, lie to me, yeah Why you gotta lie to me

Tag List: @momoinot @ariasnight @celamoon @vicassa @ashhhh26 @luckypartyranchmug @koushisun @chaelysian @ynjimenez @2o-done @hohochaan @thatnikkixx @solarskiesdream @mattsuns-prettybaby @moonlightaangel @madusas-girlfriend @d-angerboys @lulu-102 @anejuuuuoy @tsume @killmeplz-uwu @serihandfn @atsumubabe @chibioomi @onlyshinji @rowley-with-ackerman @seijohigh

#terushima x reader #terushima yuuji #bbhq #bbthots #bb:brokehearts club playlist

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cucumbers-and-olives · 3 years

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Unrequited Love: Part 2, Heartbreak Girl

<<<part one

Summary: At a band performance, you see Carrie in the crowd.

Category: Angst, songfic

Fandom: JATP

Paring: Carrie x fem!reader

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings/Includes: idiot characters who can't tell that the other is in love with them, spelling errors, weird time skips

A/N: alright, this has taken so long but its finally here! hope you guys like it!

Mandatory Thanking of the Betas: @wrhen @funsizearsonist , you guys have been so patient as this has sat in my drafts for sooooooo long, so thank you guys for your help/kindness!

Please don’t repost my work without my permission, in part or whole. My work can also be found on AO3 under the same username. Thank you!

You looked around the venue, the bright lights glaring you in the eye. The crowd shouted as you spoke, “This song goes out to someone important to me. To my Care-bear. She’s not here tonight, but if she was, this is what I would tell her.”

“One, two, three, four!” Your band's drummer, Kye, counted off.

Carrie walked in as the opening notes played from your guitar. In the noisy and busy venue, it was easy for her to blend in with the crowd where you couldn’t see her. Not that she was trying to avoid you, but after the other day… well she didn't know what would happen when the two of you got a chance to talk to each other.

As you played, your eyes drifted around the venue, looking for her, skimming past others who looked nothing like her, and ones who did. She said she would be here. She promised a week ago, no matter what. Maybe she’s in an area I can’t see? No, she said she’d be in the front.

“You call me up

It's like a broken record

Saying that your heart hurts

That you'll never get over him getting over you

And you end up crying

And I end up lying

'Cause I'm just a sucker for anything that you do,”

“He broke up with me.” She collapsed on your bed, pulling a tub of ice cream out of her backpack. “And I have to walk around that school with a smile on my face and pretend I’m okay.” She looked over to you, sitting at your desk. You were fiddling with a pencil mindlessly.

“At least you can be honest with me.” You meant what you said, and you didn’t at the same time.

~ “God he's an asshole. I ended it.” It was first period, and you knew it would be a long day when she said that. But, it wasn’t gonna be a day at school.

“We’re over, for real this time.” The text came in at 12 pm, waking you up. The streets were dark as you drove to the grocery store (to get ice cream), and then to her house. You wondered how much sleep you were gonna get tonight, and clearly, not a lot.

“I can’t believe he ended it. I thought we were good for once.” She came in through the window this time. A tub of strawberry ice cream as always, it was Carrie’s favorite after all. “You know, he’s been staring at that Molina girl all week…”

All the calls and texts, it all became too much for you. Carrie and Nick were on and off like a light switch, and she couldn't even see the girl right in front of her. The girl that would do anything for her. Starting with being there. Always.

“And when then phone call finally ends

You say "Thanks for being a friend"

And I'm going in circles again and again,”

“Thank you.” She said, as your car stopped outside of her house. You nodded. You didn’t need to say anything.

“Thanks.” Carrie said, and you heard a beep from your phone as she ended the call.

“Anything for you. Always.” You whisper into the quiet nothingness.

“You’re awesome!” She hollered over her shoulder, running to class.

Carrie was honest each time she said that, as you helped her through heartbreak over and over. But now, she realized that it was way too much for you. She could see the pain in your eyes as you sang, still looking around for her, she presumed.

“I dedicate this song to you

The one who never sees the truth

That I can take away you hurt

Heartbreak girl,”

And then you saw her. She was slowly moving through the crowd and she stopped in the middle subconsciously, as she turned to look to you. She didn’t move, she just froze and you did too. There was an awkward gap in the chorus until one of your band mates took over for you.

You still played your guitar, but your mouth didn’t move. You just watched her, and she watched you. Just staring at each other, her soft brown eyes looking back at you.

“Hold you tight straight through the daylight

I'm right here, when you gonna realize

That I'm your cure?

Heartbreak girl,”

“Hey,” Your band mate, Sam said, briefly stopping playing the guitar to tap on your shoulder. “You good? Ashley took over.”

You pulled out of your comatose-like state for a moment. “She came,” You said, and they had an “ah ha” moment.

You had a second more, before the next verse started, and she whispered something to you. “Plan B? Do you want to do it?”

“I bite my tongue

But I wanna scream out

You could be with me now

But I end up telling you what you wanna hear,”

You nodded as you jumped back in, harmonies forming for the first few words, as Ashley, who had covered for you, stopped singing. You just focused on Carrie, but you could hear Sam moving around the stage to let everyone know the plan.

You had time before everything went into action, so you just soaked in the lights, and the screams, and the adrenaline as you sang.

“But you're not ready

And it's so frustrating

He treats you so bad and I'm so good to you, it's not fair

And when the phone call finally ends

You say "I'll call you tomorrow at 10"

And I'm stuck in the friend zone again and again,”

“I’ll call you tomorrow, before dance rehearsal,” Carrie said, after dumping all of her relationship problems on you.

You didn’t know what to say. She just called you, vented all of her problems, thanked you, hung up, and promised to call again. It was an endless, vicious cycle. And you didn't know how to break it.

“Yeah. Love you,” You muttered as you hung up the phone, tossing it across your bed. It clattered against a textbook softly, and a second later your phone lit up with a text.

You scrambled across the bed, thinking that maybe, just maybe, she was apologizing. But it wasn’t even from her. It was your mom, asking if you could pick up some food from the store. It took a lot of effort to not scream.

“I dedicate this song to you

The one who never sees the truth

That I can take away you hurt

Heartbreak girl,”

Carrie saw the movement on the stage, and it unfroze her for a moment. Your band mates moving onstage, with a plan.

She could see the happiness in your eyes, and the pain, as you sang. But there was too much movement on the stage, and she knew something was about to happen. You jumped into the second half of the chorus like nothing was happening.

“Hold you tight straight through the daylight

I'm right here, when you gonna realize

That I'm your cure?

Heartbreak girl,”

Someone came up behind you, attaching a hands free mic to your head. There was some more shuffling behind you, and your guitar was now attached to what looked like a second mic pack in the back pocket of your jeans.

You looked over to Ashley, trying to convey the most “which way do I go” look, and she nodded to a set of stairs you hadn't noticed before. You smiled at her, and then you took a deep breath. You’d never done this before, no one ever does this.

“I know someday it's gonna happen

And you'll finally forget the day you met him

Sometimes I'm so close to confession

I gotta get it through your head

That you belong with me instead,”

The crowd parted as you walked through, like a school of fish, as you got closer and closer to Carrie. She started to back up a little bit when she realized what you were doing, but when she saw the look in your eyes, she stopped, and stood still.

Standing in the middle of the arena, all eyes on you as you sang.

It was just you playing. Just you singing. Raw emotion, and it took you back to writing the song.

“What are you working on?” Carrie asked, jumping on your bed.

You closed your notebook, “Uh just a song. Why are you here?” You said, changing the conversion to her. As far as you could remember, you didn't plan anything for this week.

“It’s Friday…” She said, and your brain clicked.

“The movies! Oh my god, I am so so sorry, can we go now?” You said, scrambling around your room, grabbing your jacket and your phone. “I’m ready now.” You looked at her, hope in your eyes that you could fix this situation that you messed up.

“Y/N/N, it’s 2 am.”

You were confused. “2? No, the last time I checked it was 10..” You picked up your phone, and Carrie was right. “Shit.” You looked up to her. “Ice cream?”

She grinned. “Ice cream.”

“I dedicate this song to you

The one who never sees the truth

That I can take away you hurt

Heartbreak girl,”

They were small, but she could see the tears coming down your face. The pain behind your eyes. She wished she could take it all back. Go back to the beginning and do it right this time.

But she knew she had messed up. That she couldn’t fix it this time. Fix the mess she made.

The salty tears that came down her face matched the ones on yours.

“Hold you tight straight through the daylight

I'm right here, when you gonna realize

That I'm your cure

Heartbreak girl,”

You looked back to the stage and your band mates nodded to you.

“Is this about Carrie?” Kye asked, as you finished playing a bare, acoustic version of Heartbreak Girl.

“No…” But the look in your eyes told the otherwise.

Ashley shouted it victory. “Yes! Pay up Sammy, that’s 20 bucks you owe me.” She danced around a bit, before Sam handed her $20 and she sat down.

“I’m sorry- you all bet on me?”

They looked at each other. “No- definitely not…”

“Why would we ever do that?

You slowed the song down on this loop of the chorus. Your band mates slowly faded out, until it was just you.

“I dedicate this song to you

The one who never sees the truth

That I can take away you hurt

Heartbreak girl,”

You walked back up to the stage, just singing a capella now, the guitar at your side long forgotten.

“Hold you tight straight through the daylight

I'm right here, when you gonna realize

That I'm your cure?

Heartbreak girl.”

Hope you liked it! Send me an ask or fill out this google form to be added to my tag list(s)!

JATP: @n0wornever @calamitykaty @screwunsaidemily @crybabyddl @badwolf00593 @dream-a-little-bigger-x

#jatp #julie and the phantoms #carrie x reader #carrie jatp #jatp fanfic #julie and the fantoms #julie and the phantoms fanfic #cucumber writes

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thehunterwithanangel · 4 years

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Not Done Yet A Destiel One Shot for post 15x18 and what I want to happen (but probably wont)

Ship: Destiel (Dean Winchester/Castiel)

Word Count: 4,362

Written by: thehunterwithanangel

Notes/Warnings: Very angsty Dean but ends drowning in fluff, some language

The words played on a loop in Dean’s head for what felt like hours before he could process them, at least that’s how he felt; ‘I love you…’ ‘I love you…’ ‘I love you…’ over and over again.

For a brief moment Dean sat in total denial, there’s no way Cas, his Cas actually just said that, only he did and now he was gone. Dean started to cry, and not just a few tears, he started to sob; at first he told himself it was from the shock, but once that settled and he was still left feeling like somebody had just ripped his heart from his chest, he knew it was more. Dean shut down, as he always did when something highly emotional happened, and next thing he knew Sam and Jack were shaking him back to reality.

Dean wasn’t sure how long he’d been sat there but time was irrelevant to him the moment Cas disappeared into the empty; in fact, nothing at all mattered to him right then because all he could focus on was those three words, still on loop what must actually be hours later. Dean also wasn’t sure how he got back to the bunker, he guessed Sam drove Baby when he realised Dean was in no fit state to drive (he would have to argue with him about that some other time); but here he was, staring at his bedroom ceiling feeling so unfathomably empty, and not the fun ‘give zero fucks’ soulless way, in the way that makes you disconnect from your own body mentally because being in it is just too painful…

Three days went by with Dean staying much of the same way, only really talking to say ‘Cas is gone, the empty took him’ and multiple counts of ‘go away’ and ‘leave me alone’. Dean didn’t eat or drink, he barely even slept because every time he closed his eyes, there was Cas saying ‘I love you…’ all over again; the only time he ever got any sleep was after many hours of disassociating and silent sobbing...

The thing is, even though Dean was clearly devastated, he refused to admit to himself as to why. Why even though he’d lost Cas before, hell, had Cas die before, that this time was different; in the back of his mind he knew, of course he knew, but admitting to himself he knew only meant opening himself up to more pain right now and he just couldn’t do it, not now…

It had been a month since Cas had been gone, physically Dean was okay again, thanks to many, many, many, attempts to get him being a human again from Sam and Jack; Mentally though, he was still destroyed, still refusing to talk about Cas or anything that happened that day, and despite pushing him a couple times, the others knew it wasn’t going to work, he would talk when he was ready, if he was ever ready.

It had gotten to the point that the others wondered if Dean had completely repressed what had happened though, because his level of fine-ness was almost too much. Little did they know it was quite the opposite.

A normal day, normal routine, normal conversations, everything was normal to everyone, except Dean. Dean felt almost itchy as he could feel the pain clawing it’s way back to the surface, ready to ruin him again; and his time he didn’t know if he would survive it. So Dean made some excuse about needing pie and took off driving, maybe if he could distract himself with Baby long enough he could push away the hurt once more; at least that was his plan…

For a couple hours it worked. He kept his feelings at bay and enjoyed the road, but then it happened, an otherwise fun energetic song kicked up from his radio, a song he’d loved to annoy Sam with before, a song he played after they had a successful hunt for example; but now all it carried was pain because this wasn’t just his feel good song, it had become Cas’ too, and that hit way too close to home for Dean. In a split second he slammed on his breaks, shut off the radio, and froze, tears pouring down his face as his hands gripped tightly to the steering wheel, while he tried to hold on to his okay reality for just a little longer. It didn’t work.

Dean’s body was shaking so hard from the uncontrollable sobbing that every muscle hurt, he gasped for air as the sobs stole the air from his lungs, his vision so blurred from all the tears he wasn’t even sure if he was conscious anymore; and then he said it, the thing he’d been pushing away for weeks, even years if he was being totally honest with himself, out in fuck-knows-where USA, a complete and utter wreck, barely able to function let alone speak, but the words find their way out of his mouth regardless:

“I love you too Cas” Dean choked out, his voice ruined from all the crying. For a fleeting moment Dean hoped Cas could hear him, could know that even though he may be trapped in the empty, he is still so loved by Dean.

Dean cursed at himself once the words left his mouth, not because he regretted saying them, but because it had taken each of them so damn long to just say it! The truth was Dean always knew deep down but was so scared of losing what they had, he never said anything. ‘Chuck must be laughing at me right now’ he thought; I mean how ironic that he realised he didn’t say it as to not lose Cas after losing Cas…

Some time later Dean had recomposed himself and while he still felt shattered, that was accompanied with a new sense of determination.

“I love you Cas and somehow, some way, I’m gonna bring you home” Dean said assuredly to himself before shifting Baby into drive and speeding back to the bunker (probably much faster than was anywhere close to safe). He could do this.

Meanwhile at the bunker everyone was freaking out trying to find Dean; it had been about eight hours since he had ‘left to get pie’, he wasn’t answering his phone, which was going straight to voice-mail, no hints, no notes, nothing; and based on Dean’s current mental health everyone was on edge fearing he’d done something dumb and reckless.

Dean stopped off at a rest stop to get snacks when the thought crossed his mind he should probably turn his phone back on. He hadn’t meant to go MIA, he just had a lot on his mind and he needed one less thing to think about for a while, which accidentally turned into a long while. Once his phone was rebooted, a pang of guilt shot through him, he was greeted by missed calls from pretty much every single person he knew, and even a couple numbers he didn’t recognise; in total there were at least a couple hundred calls, though Dean didn’t bother to count after the first 50 or so, it was a lot regardless.

“Ah shit.” Dean muttered to himself as he walked back to his car “I should say something to Sam at least” Dean decided before sending a quick ‘I’m fine omw home now’ text to Sam. His chest tightened in fear, or joy, Dean wasn’t sure, at the thought of having to tell Sam what had happened with Cas and how Dean felt and how he had to get him back, yikes, definitely not something you say over text; Dean laughed at the thought of sending a text that was just ‘hey bro btw Cas said he loved me and I love him too so we’re getting him back’ and the chaotic side of him almost did it, but he knew it was going to be more complicated than that so thought better of it. Another thing that made him laugh was Sam’s text back

‘Good, when you’re back I’m going to kill you :)’

He wouldn’t actually kill him obviously but Dean could feel the passive aggressiveness though his phone and he knew Sam was pissed.

A few hours and Dean was pulling into the bunker and swinging open the door, very shortly followed by Sam slapping him across the back of the head.

“Do you have any idea--!” Sam began but to angry to finish “You couldn’t be bothered to turn your phone on sooner--!” He tried again “What the hell Dean!?” He yelled before pulling Dean into a tight hug.

“Sorry, lost track of time…” Dean said matter-of-factly

“Lost track of….Unbelievable” Sam muttered shaking his head in disbelief. The was a brief moment of pure silence and Dean held his breath, knowing Sam was about to lose it. “YOU DISAPPEAR FOR LIKE NINE HOURS AND ALL YOU CAN SAY IS YOU LOST TRACK OF TIME!? ARE YOU SERIOUS!? DID IT NOT OCCUR TO YOU THAT THE FACT YOU WERE DEPRESSED AFTER CAS AND THEN JUST VANISHED COULD BE WORRYING!?!?” Sam yelled; it wasn’t very often he was legitimately mad at Dean, but right now, he definitely was.

“I’m sorry! Look I’ll explain, but not until you agree to stop yelling” Dean pleaded; Sam took a deep breath.

“Okay okay I’m calm now what is it?” Sam asked

“I…” Dean started, his voice shaking “Okay uh, first I need whiskey.” He decided, heading to their bar area; he was going to need some liquid courage to say it to other people, hell, it took him over a decade to admit it to himself. “Okay I…” nope that wasn’t it, he closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. He could do this. He decided it was better to say it all at once because saying it was the hardest part. “When Cas got taken by the empty it wasn’t totally random apparently he made a deal to save Jack and this was his price only it wasn’t just about him being taken that I was freaking out” Dean explained pausing to breathe “Before it took him he had this big speech about how I’m the reason he cares about anyone, how saving me opened him up to being able to feel and how I’m a better person than I think I am” Dean continued, paraphrasing, because even though that whole speech was burned into his memory forever, that was a big deal for him and Cas and he wasn’t about to share every detail. There was one thing he had to tell them though, or they’d never understand why he acted the way he did. “…He also told me he loved me and it felt way more like an ‘I’m in love with you’ than not and so I was freaking out because holy shit what and then I froze” Dean paused as a lump formed in his throat and tears welled in his eyes as his heart filled with regret all over again. “I…I should’ve said something, done something, I shouldn’t have just stood there, especially because the next second he was pushing me out of the way of the empty…I should’ve saved him…” Dean rambled, choking back tears at the last phrase. A heavy silence hung in the air as neither Sam nor Jack knew if they should speak first or if Dean had more to share; eventually Sam spoke up.

“At least he’s gone knowing he saved Jack though right? And took out Billie” Sam pointed out trying to find the silver lining. Dean breathed out a laugh as few tears finally fell; his head falling into his hands.

“But I didn’t get to say it back” Dean said quietly, his head still pointed at the floor

“What?” Sam and Jack said in unison, Dean looked up at them, eyes still full of tears

“I didn’t get to say it back.” Dean repeated, louder this time, more sure of his words. “I wanted to say it back but he was gone before I could so I shut down” Dean added, his heart pounding because he actually did it, he told them; he watched them for a moment trying to gauge a reaction. For a while nothing happened and Dean wondered if he’d actually said it or not, but then Sam and Jack looked at each other, then began grinning and laughing lightly. Dean blinked a few times, confused.

“Well it’s about. damn. time.” Sam said shaking his head laughing

“W-What…?” Dean asked

“Dean we’ve known for years” Jack explained casually, Dean did a double take at that.

“And nobody thought to mention it!?”

“Well no…we figured you’d tell us you were together eventually…” Sam told him to which Dean’s mouth fell open.

“Well guess what I didn’t even realise how I felt until he was gone so thanks for that!” Dean informed them, his tone kind of harsh because he could’ve avoided a lot of pain if they had said something sooner.

“Oh…Oh no” Jack said, his hand moving swiftly to cover his mouth

“Oh we screwed up bad” Sam said, more to himself

“You can make up for it by helping me get him back” Dean told them bluntly

“Dean…how..? I mean every other time it was Chuck or Jack but Jack is powerless and Chuck definitely isn’t going to…” Sam pointed out

“I don’t know Sammy but after everything we’ve been though I have to try everything I can, he has to know I love him too” Dean replied frantically

“Dean…He knew. Even if he didn’t hear you say it, he knew” Jack assured him

“Even if he did I refuse to let the time I want him back the most to be the one time it doesn’t happen”

“Okay, where do we start?” Sam asked and with that they set about making a plan to bring Cas home.

They tried every lead, every contact, every spell, nothing worked. Dean was so defeated, this was so unfair. Jack also spiralled over how if it wasn’t for him Cas never would have made the deal to which Sam and Dean assured him that Cas would’ve made that choice for either of them too. Two months went by and it was time to focus on the bigger picture…

“If I can’t get Cas back I’m damn sure gonna rain hell upon Chuck at least!” Dean exclaimed confidently as he set another shotgun on the bunker tables.

“What is that now? Seventeen?” Sam questioned glancing over the arsenal Dean had gathered.

“Yup. And I got the flame thrower up and running again so I can watch him burn.” Dean confirmed. Sam would admit this side of Dean scared him a little but who can blame Dean after everything? So he let it go.

It was one hell of a fight but in the end they won! They may have had a few broken bones and definitely some new scars, but at least they made the son of a bitch pay.

Two days later and the boys were still riding the high of victory, drinking, laughing, generally having fun; and then Dean’s phone rang.

“Hello?” Dean picked up, puzzled, it was a number he didn’t recognise. The person on the other end spoke briefly and it made all the colour drain from Dean’s face.

“Dean?” Sam prompted with no response. Tears started pouring from Dean’s eyes and both Sam and Jack stood there bewildered

“Uh huh, yep, on our way” Dean told the person before hanging up, clearly not really registering what he was saying. After he hung up his phone dropped out of his hand and he fell to the floor sobbing.

“Dean!?” Sam repeated, more urgently this time; it took him a minute but Dean eventually replied.

“He’s back Sammy! He’s back!” Dean exclaimed between sobs

“Who…? Chuck!?” Sam asked suddenly panicked, relieved when Dean shook his head no

“Cas.” Dean told him simply

“WHAT!?” Sam and Jack both yelled

“How is that possible?!?!” Jack asked, still kind of yelling

“I don’t know but whatever the reason he said it makes his head hurt to think about so it was better in person” Dean informed them “So c’mon!” Dean added as he practically dragged them out of the bunker.

A few hours later and they were at the location Cas gave. Dean couldn’t believe they’d actually made it; the entire drive he was either hyperventilating or his heart was pounding or both; he had fully given up hope but there he was driving to Cas, his Cas. The three of them walked around the area Cas pointed them to, looking for him, and after a couple of minutes both Sam and Jack stopped walking and stood still which Dean looked perplexed at until he heard him and his heart stopped for a moment.

“Hello Dean.” A voice rang out over the cold winter wind. Dean whipped around sharply to see Cas looking warmly at him, without hesitation Dean ran to him, hugging him with so much force he nearly knocked them both over. “Dean I…” Cas began to say but Dean interrupted him.

“I love you” Dean told him, the words rolling off his tongue as if he’d said them a thousand times; which to be fair, he had in his head over the last few months. Cas stared at Dean dumbfounded and Dean laughed lightly because this must be how Cas felt after he told Dean he loved him. Dean decided that he needed to be stronger with his admission of love. He placed his hand on Cas’ cheek with his thumb under Cas’ chin, and tilted Cas’ head up slightly so that Cas was looking him in the eyes “I love you” Dean repeated, this time putting more emphasis on his words so that Cas knew he meant it.

“Really?” Cas asked as tears welled in his eyes, to which Dean nodded. “Are you sure you mean it the same way I do? Because I mean I get if you mean it in a family way I just…I don’t…” Cas rambled

“Cas” Dean prompted, startling Cas a little by how close he suddenly was, their foreheads touching, Dean’s hand still on Cas’ cheek. “I know…” Dean assured him, his voice barely a whisper, which made Cas’ breath hitch in his throat involuntarily. Dean smirked slightly which made Cas look down at Dean’s lips and Dean could almost hear Cas thinking ‘kiss me’ and so he did.

The first second or so Cas couldn’t move, completely shocked that Dean actually made the move, but after that he relaxed into it, savouring the moment he’d waited a lifetime (or in his case several lifetimes) for.

“I love you” Cas said softly after they pulled apart. Dean’s heart felt like it flipped at that moment, there was a time he thought he’d never hear those words, coming out of Cas’ mouth, again

“And I love you” Dean reiterated

They stood there hugging for a few minutes, oblivious to the world around them, before someone broke the silence

“Listen this is really sweet and everything but Dean you have the car keys and it is freezing out here can you at least toss them over so Jack and I don’t freeze to death!?” Sam called from back over by the car.

“Oh oops!” Dean said, mainly to Cas, before turning and throwing Sam the keys, feeling his back vibrate as Cas laughed against it.

“You know…we should probably get out of the cold too” Cas told Dean

“But I like our little warm bubble” Dean whined

“Don’t you wanna know how I’m back?” Cas asked, Dean inhaled sharply; in all the joy of Cas being back and getting to hold him and kiss him, Dean had completely forgotten about the how he ended up there “I’ll take that as a yes” Cas said, before he moved around Dean to head back to the car, only to be stopped a couple of steps after by Dean who took his hand. It was a small thing but Cas could swear if Dean hadn’t been holding onto him he would’ve melted. So many times Cas had wanted to do this, a simple touch, a brush of fingers; so small and yet so important. After so many years telling himself he can’t let himself crave connection like that, to finally to not only admit he wanted it, but to actually get it, felt incredible. He glanced at Dean who responded by holding his hand a little tighter as if to say ‘I know what I’m doing and I want to do it’ so Cas just smiled and they walked hand in hand back to the car where Sam and Jack were sat grinning at them from the back seat.

“Holy crap!” Dean exclaimed as the warm air from the Impala hit him, in that moment realising just how cold he’d become. After a few minutes regulating their body temperatures Dean was ready to know and Cas was ready to tell

“Okay so…The empty took me into oblivion as you know” Cas began, everyone else nodded “So I get there and I’m awake and so I think oh no not this again and sure enough the empty was pissed saying ‘why won’t you just die quietly!?’ and such and this went on for however long I was gone pretty much” Cas continued “and then one day I was being…dragged? Ejected? Out. It was very weird because it wasn’t like I was being carried out, it was like the empty was trying to push me out, kind of like last time only this time I remember it, as well as an overwhelming feeling of ‘you don’t belong here’ then I woke up and have been trying to find my way back to civilization since” Cas explained then looked at the boys expectantly.

“Cas, when did you come back?” Sam asked

“Two days ago, I remember hearing the radio of a car that drove past me and they said the date that was two days ago”

“What the…” Dean said, shocked

“...Cas, two days ago we took out Chuck.” Sam informed him

“Do you think it’s related?”

“You break out of angel/demon hell the same day we kill the most powerful being ever? Yes it’s related! I mean c’mon!” Dean insisted

“But how?” Jack added

They brainstormed for a while but every theory had some kind of fatal flaw and then it hit Jack like a lightning bolt

“Wait wait what if it’s not complicated at all? Cas went to the empty but the empty is for angels and demons who died”

“Right…” the others agreed

“Well Cas didn’t die he was just kind of consumed by it. So what if killing Chuck was some kind of reset that every being in there that didn’t actually die, was thrown out??”

“That actually…makes sense…good job kid!” Dean praised

“But if that’s true what else got let out!?” Sam asked panicked, suddenly Cas froze.

“Billie.” Cas stated coldly

“Shit!” They all collectively yelled in unison. And just like that they all knew they’re not done yet…

Fade to black/credits etc...

#Destiel #destiel fanfic #ooh boy this is long #i had a lot of feelings #mine #text

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coffeecomicsgalore · 4 years

Text

Unveiled Love

@smutember

Ao3

Chapter 23 – Clothes Stay On

Adrien sat on the ground with his back against the couch, just staring at the front door. The very act was becoming a daily occurrence. Every single day since the day she walked out, he would stare at it. Three weeks had gone by and she had yet to step one foot through this door. Just sitting. Just staring. Just willing for Marinette to walk back through it at any moment.

But she never came.

He had tried to call her. Tried to explain what had happened. He left her dozens of text messages. Left countless voicemails. He called Alya, Sabine, Tom, even Nino, and yet no one would tell him anything more than, “she needs time.”

Tom and Sabine tried their best to stop the poor boy from fretting, but they knew it would be difficult to. They hugged him when he cried. They held him close, just like he was their own child needing a hug. But yet, they had to keep the knowledge of whatever Marinette had said or mentioned to themselves until she was ready to speak.

So he went home. He cried. He slept, or tried to sleep. He barely worked. He only did the bare minimum, then kept himself locked in his office until it was time to go home. He just didn’t want to see anyone or have anyone wonder why he looked so sullen all of a sudden.

Truth be told, he was tired of crying, tired of calling, tired of being alone without her by his side. All he wanted was for her to come back so they could talk. Patrols were boring, and if he did see her galavanting around, she barely said a word to him. She wasn’t happy in those little slivers of moments; he could see how pale and worn down she looked. He just wished he could explain, then she could take that info and make her decision.

Akuma attacks were just as bad. They arrived, they fought, then they left. No hellos, no goodbyes, not even any pound-its, only what was absolutely necessary to get through the battle. The Ladyblog questioned what had happened between the couple, and TVi only speculated.

Adrien sighed as he slid down onto the floor, laying completely flat on his stomach. The cold tile kept him awake, the tingles of coldness trying to help him numb the pain. But it was all for naught. He continued to stare until his eyes blurred, but the idea of doing anything else just felt dull. He closed his eyes, and tried to stop the tears from falling, but they fell anyway. He just felt so guilty.

He hated himself. Hated himself for falling for that trap again. Hated himself for being a damn fool.

Adrien rubbed his tired eyes. The splotches of skin were deep and purple. He hadn’t slept more than a few hours every night, the nightmares haunting him now. It was the same one, the same damn one, and it replayed on a loop almost every night. What he hated the most? Was that it was an exact repeat of what happened the day she left. Closing his eyes, he allowed the nightmare to take over, trying to puzzle the pieces that seemed to disintegrate the moment he touched them.

-----

Adrien was in the kitchen chopping up vegetables, whistling one of Jagged Stone’s newest songs. Plagg was sleeping on the back of the couch, cuddled up against the blanket Marinette had made especially for him. He was in the midst of making a casserole and a salad when Plagg lifted his head in confusion.

“Adrien?”

Not looking up from his cutting board, Adrien responded. “No it’s not done yet, Plagg. I’ll give you some as soon as it's done.”

“No, no, no.” Plagg started to say, causing Adrien to look up at him in confusion. Plagg never says no to cheese. “Why is Marinette out as Ladybug right now?”

Adrien dropped his knife and walked straight towards the windows. There she was, Ladybug whipping her yo-yo around and exploring the city.

“What is she doing out right now?” He looked down to his watch and noticed it was only three in the afternoon. “She’s supposed to be in class right now.”

Plagg licked his paw. “Beats me. I’m going to go back to sleep.”

“Oh, no you don’t. Last time she did this, she was drunk. Come on, Plagg. Claws out.”

Chat made his way out through the balcony and into the Paris skyline. He followed her closely, watching her strolling around as if it was the most normal thing to do. Curious, he followed closer, but noticed that she was soaring just fine. There weren't any slurred “woos!”, no sloppy landings, and she smiled and waved at the civilians as she passed them by.

Ladybug paused on the top of the rooftop, seductively eyeing Chat behind her. His ears perk up, noticing the way she summoned him to her with her index finger. He didn’t realize he had been spotted, normally being a secretive kitty during their little games gave him heightened control of his surroundings. He landed and walked up to her, and Ladybug cupped his cheek with her hand.

“Chat Noir.” Ladybug cooed out.

“Bug? What are you doing out? Don’t you have school?”

“Eh, school isn’t important right now. I came up with an idea on how we can fix this whole Multimouse situation.”

He tilted his head in confusion. Marinette’s morals on school attendance were important, yet even a plan wouldn’t cause her to leave. What also confused him was that she had mentioned a plan to him that morning before their civilian press conference. They would be handling the situation that weekend. Did she have another plan in mind?”

Curious as to what she had to say, he asked. “What’s that?”

“Tell the world that we’re together. Officially.”

Chat smiled, but then thought about her earlier plan. Nothing made sense. His face dropped as he thought about what she stated.

“What’s the matter, kitty? Don’t like the plan?” She whined in the most teasingly sad tone.

Chat felt like something was off about Ladybug and decided to implement Code S. After the first sentimonster tricked Chat Noir into thinking she was Ladybug, Maribug had implemented Code S so he could differentiate between the two. It had worked the last two times a Ladybug Sentimonster and a shapeshifting akuma had come around, and once for Ladybug when there was a Chat Noir sentimonster threatening their partnership. The sentimonsters didn’t know the right words when they replied, squashing any plans they had to steal their miraculous.

Watching her carefully, he shot her a smirk, playing it off like his usual kitty self.

“Alright, lovebug. But I want to know something first. Was the hamster fed with apples or carrots today?”

Ladybug looked at him and smiled, and gave him the answer. “Neither, silly. It was lettuce. What else would the hamster like?”

Chat smiled as she answered correctly. Hamsters can’t eat lettuce, but it was a trick question that they added in their rotation.

This was his Ladybug and he was happy to hear what she wanted to do.

-----

He let out a strained groan that echoed throughout the small room. The tears started to fall, and the guilty feeling engulfed him once more.

Plagg watched his chosen as he fell apart once again, and grumbled to himself at the guardian’s choice of self-isolation. He couldn’t stand seeing Adrien wither on the floor like a grown child, but he understood his feelings. Marinette was his soulmate, crafted from the very being of creation and destruction before life had ever been born. Being who they are today only solidified their partnership and relationship, but the torment that they were going through was becoming too painful to bear.

Plagg had visited Tikki the night before and talked about their two wielders. Tikki had tried to talk to Marinette, explaining that it must have been a misunderstanding, but the words fell on deaf ears. She spent most nights crying herself to sleep, or sitting on her balcony until the sun peeked over the Paris skyline. The days she had seen him or glanced over his texts were the worst days for her, and even working on some commissions proved to be difficult, with mistakes, missing supplies, and everything going wrong that could possibly go wrong, happening beneath her fingertips.

Marinette had walked in on their conversation, her tears falling once again when she saw the black cat kwami sitting on the pillow. She had a heart to heart with the two kwamis, and mumbled that she was an idiot for letting it get too far. It was still her decision to forgive and forget, but the pain of being without him and dealing with this mishap was blurring her reasoning to move forward.

So Plagg continued to stare at his chosen as he curled himself into a ball on the floor, also willing the power of all the kwamis that Marinette would just come right in and stop this whole drama.

As if the beings granted a saving grace, three soft, but hesitant, knocks resonated against the door. Adrien stopped for a second and looked up, thinking that he had heard wrong. Three more determined knocks rang again, and Adrien shot to his feet and ran to the door.

Looking through the keyhole, he noticed a mop of blue hair, half-hazardly placed in a ponytail. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, then ran a hand through his own messy mop to make him look somewhat presentable, and finally palmed his shirt to smooth out the wrinkles. He Let out a heavy sigh before opening the door.

Marinette was curled into herself, her gaze lowered to the floor. Adrien noticed how her clothes also looked misplaced, her usual look forgoed for leggings and a lounge T. Even seeing her like this made his heart race, in both nervousness and glee. She was still as beautiful to him no matter how she looked.

The silence became too much to handle, yet Adrien knew he needed to say something. Clearing his throat, he greeted her, his voice low and shaky.

“Hi.”

“Hi.” Marinette responded with the same tone.

“Want to- um,” Adrien looked around his apartment and noticed how terrible it looked. He rubbed his neck in embarrassment. “Want to come in?”

‘Sure.”

Adrien moved to the side and allowed her to step in. She looked around the room as if she was a timid doe, unsure of where she should walk to without making the tension worse than it already was. Adrien noticed her meekness, and offered her the couch, and when she took her seat, he sat on the opposite side, still keeping their space.

Unsure of where to begin, Marinette played with her fingers and let out a strangled sigh. She then huffed out a bitter chuckle, and that action caused Adrien to look down onto the floor.

“Why.” Adrien looked up and noticed she was staring at him. “W- no. How did this happen?” She whispered.

“Because I’m an idiot. That’s why.” He chuckled, his nervousness taking over.

They stayed silent for a few heartbeats, Marinette’s glossy eyes gazing into his dull green ones. “I want you to tell me what happened.”

Adrien ran a hand through his hair, hating that his nightmare had to be re-lived. He hated how he had to recount the red flags that he blatantly ignored in favor of their code. As he explained this, Marinette watched him intently, her eyes closing as her head bowed down the moment he mentioned Code S.

Seeing her cry over the situation shattered his already broken heart, and he wasn’t sure what she was planning to do now that she knew the information. He wanted to reach out to her, to tell her he was sorry for all of what he had caused them, but he was too afraid to reach out and touch her.

Marinette wiped her damp cheeks against the back of her hand, and she clenched her eyes, trying to stop the flow of tears from falling. She laughed, then looked up to the ceiling and bit her lip as the gears turned in her head.

“Hawkmoth is such an asshole.” She stated, startling Adrien. “Mayura too. Heartless, fucking assholes.”

Adrien watched her as she shook her head. He was momentarily confused.

“Hawkmoth or Mayura figured out our code. God. Everything is just falling apart in all our damn lives that even the fucking supervillains are out to destroy us.”

Adrien could see the anger brimming her eyes. Her fingers were clenched into fists resting on her lap, and he could even state that if she held the power of destruction in her hands, all hell would be lifted up from beneath them.

“Adrien, you were tricked and I’ve been sitting here thinking you didn’t know me.” Adrien glanced to the side, really wanting to say ‘I tried to tell you’ but didn’t want to be petty and say it. “And I’m a jerk for not listening.”

Adrien looked up and saw the tears falling down her face again. He decided to get up, still afraid that she would pull away if he sat beside her and held her close, but he didn’t care. She needed comfort, and he knew he needed it for himself too.

He took the spot next to Marinette and wrapped his arms around her, allowing her head to fall right onto his chest. The angry tears continued to fall, and he began to cry right beside her.

“Why.” She cried out. “Why is it that we try our best to save all of Paris, and yet, we’ve angered our friends, we’ve angered our families, we’ve managed to piss off half of Paris, and had been too far up our own issues to catch that the villains figured us out. They could have easily figured out our identities if you had mentioned my name at all while you were with her.”

Her eyes shot open and she pulled away from him. “Oh God, you didn’t, right?”

“No! No. I promise you, I never spoke out your civilian name.”

Relief flooded her eyes. She dropped her head down, letting out an exasperated sigh. Adrien softly took her hand and ran his thumb across her knuckles, still giving her ample space to step away if she needed to.

“I’m sorry.” Adrien quietly stated. Marinette looked up at him as he continued to speak. “I should have tried harder to verify it was you. I should have seen the red flags. We had just talked that morning about the whole Multimouse situation, and I knew you wouldn’t have left school early unless there was a valid reason. Nothing she said made sense, and yet I took her words because our code was working just fine.”

“Adr-”

“No.” He interrupted her. “I should have known. You’re right.” He laughed bitterly, staring up at the ceiling. He still held onto her hands, afraid that it was the last time he would be able to hold her like this. “Maybe I don’t know you as well as I thought I did. Maybe we shouldn’t have gotten engaged or even moved in. Maybe we should have just started our relationship off slow and move it along like normal couples do.”

“We aren’t like normal couples.”

“No. We’re not. But maybe we should have? Was it a mistake to drop our transformations that day. Maybe we should have been more careful.”

Marinette looked sullen as he spoke his thoughts. “Do you regret it?”

Adrien pasted a sad smile. “No, princess. I could never regret our time together.”

“Do you think it was a mistake?”

Adrien shook his head. “Do you?”

“Never. Unorthodox, but never a regretful moment together. Just a hiccup, maybe.”

Adrien let out a nervous sigh as he held her hands tightly in his. “Do you- do you think maybe we can fix this? Fix us?”

Marinette looked away. She wanted to say yes, say yes and forget about the last three weeks like nothing had happened, but he was so close to undressing her on that rooftop, so close to detransforming himself on that rooftop and exposing his identity.

“We can’t fuck around anymore. At least not as Ladybug and Chat Noir.” Adrien frowned, but his eyes showed understandment. “We just can’t trust that Mayura and Hawkmoth won’t pull that stunt again… to either of us.”

Adrien looked down dejectedly, but nodded in agreement.

“But, I do want to work on us. Maybe take it slow again? Unless you don’t wan-”

“Yes!” Adrien blurted out, startling Marinette to a stop. She then smirked and held back a giggle, and ran her hand through the locks that were settled beside his temple.

“Oh, Kitty.” She cooed, then turned to look at the time. “I should probably go.”

“Stay. Please.”

Marinette stared into his pleading eyes, wishing that she could do more.

“Clothes stay on.” He announced and Marinette tilted her head in confusion. “Stay with me tonight. I promise no fucking around. Our clothes stay on. We talk, maybe kiss?, but mostly, I miss you, Marinette. So damn much that its been so difficult for me to sleep. Stay with me tonight. You can decide if you want to move back in, and maybe be engaged again… your call. I fucked this up.”

“Okay, kitty.” She murmured as she brought her face to his. “I’ll stay with you tonight.”

#smutember #smutember 2020 #Unveiled Love #adrienette #ml angst #ml fanfiction #lemon

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captainsscarlet · 4 years

Text

All of the Stars - Bucky Barnes x reader

A/N: Hey, it’s ya girl. I wrote this in 5 hours over a discord call with @captainscanadian. I love this so much, it’s definitely the one project I’m most proud of. So enjoy and I promise, I’m not a heartless monster!

Summary: Hey look, it’s a rewrite of Endgame.

Warnings: Angst, tears, death mentions, spoilers for Avengers: Endgame.

Words: 3,674

23 days post Thanos

You were in the kitchen, heavy bags under your eyes from the lack of sleep. Every night, you dreamed of Bucky. There was no escaping it, it was something you had to push through. In your dreams, it jumped from laying in bed and waking up remembering he was gone and dreaming that he was in turmoil somewhere with no one to help him. A cup of coffee sat in front of you, being the only thing that kept you awake. Behind you, Steve had arranged a plate of toast, bacon and eggs, trying to coax you into eating something. These days, mostly you laid in bed with your mp3 player, listening to the playlist you had made for Bucky, filled with songs that reminded him of his life before HYDRA and of you as well.

“C’mon, you gotta eat…Buck wouldn’t wanna see you like this.”

It was the argument they used to get you to get up and try to live nowadays. It wasn’t like they were trying to be hurtful or upset you. But in reality, it did. You didn’t want to think about what Bucky would say right now, or that he would be upset because the truth of the matter was that if he was here, you wouldn’t be like this. You wouldn’t be in an ocean of grief.

These days, you leaned on Thor as much as you could. Most people stayed away, but you and Thor spent every sleepless night on the roof, watching the stars and telling memories about the loved ones who had died. And while Thor blamed himself, you reminded him each time that it wasn’t his fault. That Thanos was the one who killed everyone and not the God of Thunder.

You accepted the plate from Steve and began to pick at the food in front of you, managing to choke down some toast. You were pushing the food around your plate when you saw the light of…something. You looked up at Steve and you both ran outside, seeing a glowing figure…was that a woman? She was holding a ship in her hands and you held your breath. A few moments later, Tony Stark stepped out with Nebula and you let go of the breath you’d been holding, seeing him alive. You hung back while he said something to Steve but had to go back inside when he embraced Pepper.

It stung, and a part of you, some hateful and angry part of you, wished he had died instead of Bucky. It wasn’t kind and it was horrible for you to think that you could be so mean, but it was true. You loved Tony, but you would give him up in a second to have James Barnes back in your arms again. You went and sat back at the counter, pushing the coffee and food away from you and staring into space. The fact was you couldn’t change what had already happened.

---------------------------

You stood next to the new girl, a woman named Carol, as what was left of the Avengers discussed what had happened in the 23 days since that day. She chuckled slightly at Tony’s banter with Rocket but when Tony started getting upset, you stopped at stood up straighter. When he started yelling at Steve, you lost it and walked between them.

“You think you’re the only person who lost someone, Stark? We all lost someone! All of us! We could point the blame at any one of us. Hell, let’s look at you. If you hadn’t driven Bucky out of the states, if you hadn’t started a god damned war, I would have had time. I could have held him every night. But instead, I get memories of a year ago, when he was on the run. When you tried to kill him. Sure, there are some happy ones, but that is the main memory, Tony. We all are to blame.”

You didn’t stick around to hear his reaction. You went straight to your room and cried. You cried for Thor who lost his brother and his entire planet. You cried for Rocket, who lost his friends, the only family he ever had. You cried for every single person on the compound, including yourself. And it didn’t stop until late into the night, when your tears had run dry and you were too exhausted.

5 Years Later

You slammed your hand over the nightstand next to your bed, trying repeatedly to hit snooze but to no avail. Instead, you had to haul yourself up to do so, and by that time, you were already well awake. Rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you began your morning routine. Bathroom, clothes, coffee, food, and then off to work. Ever since ‘the snap’ as people were calling it, you’d been working with Steve on his support group. It had helped you through the past 5 years, and even helped you now. You try to keep things light and go with the flow, but somedays, it’s as if all of this happened yesterday and you lay in bed, crying, wrapped up in his clothes and holding the letters he wrote you from Wakanda.

But today was a good day. So you went out the door and walked to the building where the meetings were held. You unlocked the door and set yourself to work. Brewing coffee was saved for last, but you liked to clean before everyone got there. You set up chairs and tried to at least make the room somewhat cheerful. You had put on the stereo to a soft rock station while you worked and then set up your laptop and started answering emails. A lot of grieving people simply emailed instead of coming to meetings, whether they couldn’t leave home or they just wanted to remain anonymous and you and Steve tried to answer as often as you could. It hurt that you couldn’t answer them all, but you liked knowing that you could help soothe some people’s pain. You heard the door open and looked up from your computer, giving a small smile to the blonde man who’d walked in.

“Hey Steve. Just finishing up some emails and then I was gonna head down to the store and get something for meeting tonight. Anything in particular you want?” Your head went back down to typing as Steve walked toward you and put a hand on your back.

“Whatever you pick is fine. How you holding up? Nat said she hasn’t spoken to you since last week after group.”

You knew they worried about her. You lost contact with a lot of people after the snap. Tony cut you off completely, although Pepper emailed you pictures of their daughter. You’d been to New Asgard to visit Thor once or twice, but he told you not to come back. Whether it was because you reminded him of his failure or just because he’d rather be depressed and alone, you didn’t know. But you made sure the Valkyrie kept you in the loop, making sure he was at least alive. Nat and Steve were your only friends now and while you loved them, they could be very overbearing at times.

“I’m doing okay. I uh, I’ve been redoing my apartment. New paint, new rug, all that stuff.” Your fingers moved across the keyboard, your eyes not even looking up from the screen. “I know you guys are scared I’m gonna breakdown but honestly, Rogers, I’m fine. I’m trying to move on.”

Steve looked down at you and gave a soft smile before patting you on the back and going to get chairs to set up. “Can you grab more water and maybe some MnM’s?” You chuckled and gave him a thumbs up before settling back in and finishing up emails.

About an hour later, you headed to the store, music blaring in your ears as you walked, until a song made you stop in your tracks. It was one of the songs that Bucky had heard and insisted on putting on your phone. You remembered the memory so clearly.

You had been laughing and swatting at Bucky, screeching as he pinned you underneath him and began assaulting you with kisses. Bucky had started opening up a bit more and ever since, you had the time of your life. He kissed you more and wasn’t afraid to hold you, it was amazing. Your laptop had been playing some youtube playlist of old music, trying to compile a playlist for Steve of songs he might like to listen to while on the way to different missions. All songs from the 60’s and later. When the song ‘It’s Been a Long, Long Time” by Harry, James and Helen Forrest came on, Bucky stopped and listened before standing and a ghost of a smile was on his face.

“What you thinkin’ about, Bucky?” You focused on his face before it turned to face you and he held out his hands.

“This reminds me of home. Back then, I mean. Sounds like some of the stuff we would have played back then.”

You stood up and took his hands in yours, placing one on your waist before putting your own on his shoulder and swaying gently. When a woman’s voice started to croon over the speaker, you hummed along, feeling Bucky rest his head against your own. And for a moment, you wished that you were in a snow globe. That this moment would never end and just go on forever.

You felt tears rolling down your face and quickly swiped them away. It was the one song that you refused to delete. But you always skipped it when it came on shuffle, simply for the fact it made you cry every single time. You leaned against a nearby wall and just listened, holding back every feeling until the 3 minutes concluded. You had to compose yourself. If anyone at group and especially Steve, saw your tears, they’d know that you’d been lying and that in truth, you hadn’t moved on.

After a brief time of just standing there, you took a deep breath and began again toward the store. You grabbed a case of water, enough MnM’s to feed a small army, or just one super soldier, and a medium sized platter of cookies. You paid and began your way back to the center, this time with no issues. A quick set up and a couple pots of coffee later, people started showing up. You hugged and greeted each person by name and allowed everyone some time to talk before you and Steve brought everyone to the circle and started the meeting.

“Anyone wanna start?” Steve asked, looking around. You waited about a minute before you began to speak.

“I uh…I went to the store and got water today, and our song came on.” You kept a practiced, even tone, not letting your emotion show through. “I think we all try to ignore those little signs that they’re gone…but you can’t. Because it means pretending they never existed…I think we just have to push on.”

Steve turned to you and reached over, taking your hand and squeezing. “You’re right. We gotta move on. The world is in our hands, it was left to us, guys. We gotta do something with it. Otherwise, Thanos should have killed all of us.”

---------------------------------------

You and Steve walked into the compound, you threw your bag on the table and walked into where Nat was, sweeping past Steve and heading straight for Nat, wrapping her in a hug. “I heard you were trying to get ahold of me, even though I’m pretty sure I’m old enough to watch out for myself.” You teased, grabbing a piece of Natasha’s PB and J sandwich and taking a bite. The redhead smiled up at you and held your other hand, before you both turned to look at Steve.

“You know, I keep telling everybody that they should move on and grow. Some do, but not us.” You moved your eyes back to Nat and squeezed her hand. You sometimes forgot how much Natasha was hurting, since she rarely showed that part of her to anyone. But she had lost the only family she’d ever known. Laura, the kids, Clint…even though he wasn’t dead, he still wasn’t here and that part was hard on Nat.

“If I move on, who does this?”

“Maybe it doesn’t need to be done.” The look in both of your friend’s eyes were sad and as Nat began to speak, you felt your own eyes water up. You moved to stand behind her and lean down, wrapping your arms around her chest in an attempt to comfort her. Soon after she was finished, you heard a beep on the security camera and your jaw dropped.

“Scott?” The man was speaking about a mile a minute and you knew exactly who he was. You’d met him before the boys went to the airport, and instantly liked him. And as soon as Nat confirmed that he was actually there, you actually had some hope.

----------------------------------------

The wave of guilt you felt as you got out of the car weighed on you. Sure, you and Tony had fought before but this time it wasn’t something trivial or unimportant. You had blamed him for Bucky dying and there wasn’t really a way to come back from that. Pepper had forgiven you, understanding your grief and letting you slide. But seeing Morgan and Tony, brought back just how selfish you had been and you hung your head in shame. Instead of talking shop with the boys, you headed inside and chatted with Pepper, even playing a little with Morgan before Pepper sent her out to save Tony from the others.

“Thanks Pepper…for letting us come here. I uh, I’m glad you and Tony got your happy ending.”

Pepper wrapped her arms around you and shook her head. “Stop blaming yourself. It’s been five years, y/n. You need to stop letting this get to you.”

You smiled and pressed a kiss to Pepper’s cheek as you saw them getting up to go. “I’m really happy for you Pepper.” As you walked toward the door, you waved goodbye to Morgan and looked up at Tony. “I’m happy for you too, Tony.” He turned and called your name but you just kept walking, following Steve to the car and climbing in the back beside Scott.

----------------------------------------

As you made your way to New Asgard, all the nerves you had pushed away came back. You hadn’t see Thor in years. And where you once were his friend and the person whose shoulder he cried on, you now were scared to face him. What if you reminded him of the bad things and pushed him into a depressive episode? You felt so much guilt for all the people you may have hurt when the Snap was fresh.

When Val looked toward the stack of empty beer kegs, you looked at her and your face dropped. He wasn’t just depressed; he was numbing the pain with alcohol. And while Bruce and Rocket may not understand, you did. You understood just how much Thor felt and what was weighing on his mind and heart.

When you knocked on the door, you didn’t expect an answer. Even so, you let Rocket try and when you ended up in the house, you couldn’t help but look around and want to cry. You knew Thor had to be in a bad place to live like this and it hurt for you to see it, but Steve had said you would do some good to see your old friend again, and you had hesitantly agreed.

When you came face to face with the God of Thunder, you expected a lot of things. Maybe to be thrown out, maybe a kiss on the cheek or even to be ignored. You did not expect to see him shirtless with a beer belly and his long blonde hair knotted and greasy. You tried to smile, truly you did, but it surely came out as more than a grimace and when Thor wrapped his arms around you, you had to hold your breath. But in all the bad, you were just happy to see him again, in any form. And now in his arms, it almost felt like it had 5 years ago, but a lot softer.

When he let you go, and Bruce mentioned Thanos, you saw the reaction. The tears, the wetness in his voice. And the fake strength in his voice as he tried to kick them out nearly broke you. But he came with you, for the beer of course. But as he was buckling himself on the ship, you reached out and took his hand.

“I missed you, Thor.”

His smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, but it was something and at that moment, it was the most important thing in the world. Because he was still the person she saw five years before, whether or not he knew it.

-----------------------------------

During the ‘time heist’, you stayed with Pepper and Morgan. You played games near the lake with the smallest Stark and when Pepper jetted off in the suit Tony made for her and Happy appeared instead, you knew it was the end. The question was, had they done what needed doing. God, you hoped so. When Clint had come by, and told you about Nat, it killed you. The scream that came from you, it was loud and guttural. Hadn’t you lost enough already? Had you not been through enough than to lose your best friend?

You laid on the couch with Morgan, watching one of the home videos Tony had made throughout Morgan’s childhood when you heard a commotion outside. You pressed a finger to your lips and you and Happy both went to investigate. When you saw an injured Tony, you ran toward him, as he was supported by Steve and Pepper. “Did we… Did we win?” you asked, out of breath and looking to Steve for an answer. You got a nod and fell to your knees, tears flowing from your eyes as the reality hit. Clint tapped you on the shoulder a moment later and your eyes flew up to meet his.

“By the lake. We’ll patch Tony up but you should go down to the lake.”

You nodded, and began your way there but when you looked up, your breath caught in your throat. There, back facing you, stood James Buchanan Barnes, in all his glory. For 5 years you had prayed that you would hold him again. But this time, it wasn’t a dream. He was real and he was here. You wanted to fall to your knees again and thank god or whoever had made this possible.

But instead, you ran.

Your feet grew wings and you ran toward him with a simple scream of ‘Bucky!’ echoing in the trees. He turned and caught you in his arms as your arms and legs wrapped around him, completely enveloping him in your embrace. His own hands found their place on your body, holding you tight to him and pressing his face into your neck. You couldn’t stop crying, all you could do was hold him. Because he was real, and he was here.

---------------------------------------

The table was set. Well, tables. Many laughing and smiling faces seated and there you were in the middle of it, making silly faces at Peter and Morgan from across the table. That was until you heard footsteps and you all stood, clapping as Tony sauntered in.

It had been a couple of months since the battle. A month since Thanos had been gone. Tony had almost lost his life fighting him, almost lost the little life he had for himself here. But he fought and with Bruce working on him, he was a force to be reckoned with.

“Thank you, thank you everyone. Very happy to be back.” Everyone sat back down and you slipped your hand into Bucky’s, leaning against him as you both watched Tony. “I just wanna thank each of you, because, well honestly, if it weren’t for you, we would have lost and all this would be…nothing.” He gestured to everything around him. Dinner continued on, everyone passing things around and telling stories to those who hadn’t been around or just chatting.

You stood up, putting a hand on Bucky’s shoulder and excusing yourself, before going outside and settling yourself on the railing of the porch, looking out onto the lake. It was funny, how these things happened. You were sure that Bucky never imagined Tony as his next door neighbor but from where you sat on your porch, across the lake, you could see Tony’s house, just a short boat ride away.

While Bucky didn’t wanna stop fighting, he wanted a place where his family could be safe. So in the middle of the woods, they built their dream house, complete with your grandmother’s vintage record player sitting in the living room.

You felt a hand touch your shoulder and when you turned, you were shocked to see it was Tony.

“Hey kiddo. Nice place. Not as nice as mine, but you definitely could have done worse.” You chuckled and leaning into the man. Ever since his near death experience, you had talked. Long nights of discussing and thankfully, he forgave her. He understood, what you had said back then, and why you had felt that way. He was just so concerned and grieving and upset that he couldn’t handle any other person’s feelings at that moment.

“Thanks Tony.” You smiled before swinging yourself off the railing and pulling him back inside. “C’mon Iron Man, you got a party to get back to.” You pushed him back inside and leaned against the door frame, watching your family all play and laugh with each other.

A pretty perfect picture. And it was all yours.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #marvel x reader #thor x reader friendship #tony x reader friendship #endgame rewrite

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woolishlygrim · 5 years

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Winter Weebwatch #5

After last week’s surprisingly bad bunch of episodes, this week’s episodes are surprisingly good! There was also no Darwin’s Game this week, probably because it got pre-empted by a sporting event, but to be honest, I don’t think anybody was especially crying out for another three paragraphs of me struggling to remember what happened in it.

Also, there is a huge trigger warning for discussions of suicide, both in fiction and in real life on this post, specifically in the ID: Invaded review.

In/Spectre

★★★★☆

So, this episode was cruising along for an easy three stars for most of its runtime. Continuing on the Steel Girder Nanase storyline, the episode sees Kotoko and Saki simultaneously deciding to hate each other and deciding that they need to work together to decipher the truth behind Steel Girder Nanase, who they believe to be the ghost of an idol, Haruka Nanase, who was accused of murder and subsequently was found crushed by a steel girder, her face unrecognisable and even her teeth unidentifiable, the body only identified by virtue of carrying Nanase’s identification.

… Just so we’re all absolutely on the same page here, next episode is definitely going to reveal that Nanase murdered someone else to fake her own death, and that Steel Girder Nanase is actually some poor woman who was her victim, right? Right.

But anyway, this episode settles into a nice, consistent tone, sets up a fun and legitimately intriguing supernatural mystery, and seems all set to make its way to a satisfactory conclusion in one or two episodes, probably.

What elevates it to four stars, though? The fairly throwaway joke in which a fully animated opening sequence for a completely fictional magical girl show, complete with an original and fully vocalised song, plays, and ruthlessly satirises the far-right, taking shots at capitalism, militarism, and the police and justice system.

It’s a joke that doesn’t fit the tone of the rest of the series at all, but it’s so unapologetically vicious while also making me laugh out loud that I had to add an extra star for it. I just had to.

ID: Invaded.

★★★★★

Honestly, I wavered on whether this should be a four star or a five star. If I could do half stars, it’d be four and a half, but I think it edges out five.

This episode switches gears a little. With the Gravedigger killed, and the woman who was manipulating him into his murders arrested, Sakaido dives into the woman’s mental world, hoping to figure out exactly what caused her to turn to murder, and why murder in such a specific, gruesome, and sadistic way.

And he fails completely.

The story tempts us with just enough information that we can start forming the half-baked foundations of a hypothesis, but not enough that we can actually form any kind of cohesive theory. We see in the woman’s mental world that she is stuck as a child, endlessly riding a train that’s going in circles, each loop having it cross the train crossing where her mother committed suicide. We see that her victims are gathered at said crossing, waiting patiently to cross. And we see that her accomplice, the man she had killing for her, is present on the train as well, as a young boy very far removed from the blank, not-all-there man we’ve seen up to that point. We see Kaeru, usually representing the murder victims, in this mental world is presented as a suicide victim, having removed her shoes and asked the woman to wipe off her wounds before expiring in a seat at the end of the train.

But we never get enough to build any kind of meaning out of it. The show deliberately withholds closure from us, mirroring the woman’s lack of closure over her mother’s suicide (why did she decide to do it, and why do it by throwing herself in front of a train she knew her daughter was riding?), telling us that we will only ever have a handful of puzzle pieces and no way to piece them together.

I admit, that affected me pretty deeply. As someone who obsesses over puzzles and especially over the whys and wherefores of why people do things, whose lowered empathy response means that figuring people out is often a maddening struggle, the show presenting a puzzle that can’t be solved is infuriating. But more than that, as someone who has had a friend commit suicide, leaving no note and providing almost no indication beforehand that he was going to, I’m familiar with the bewilderment that can follow something like that, the attempts to piece together a cause-and-effect that makes sense.

This episode kind of got to me. I��m not sure I liked that it did.

‘Not having enough information’ is the running theme of this episode, anyhow, as the rest of the investigation team takes some time to discuss the recurring appearance of John Walker, a mysterious man in a red frockcoat who has appeared in five separate killers’ mental worlds (and who appears also in the woman’s, as a reflection in the train window). As they talk, they realise all they know is a baffling mess of contradictions about him: Nobody has ever seen him in real life, and yet the fact that five different people dreamed him up wearing the same bright red coat means he must be going around wearing what is basically American War of Independence cosplay; there seems to be no single link between the killers who have him in their mental worlds, and yet there are strange coincidental links; none of the killers remember who he is, but all of them have extremely strong recollections of him.

The end of the episode pulls another gutpunch on us, as Hondomachi, having killed the Gravedigger in seeming self defence earlier in the episode, finally gets her wish to be trained to dive into people’s mental worlds -- only for Hayaseura, her boss and the man who recommended her, to tell her that it’s not enough to have just killed, you have to be a serial killer, something he knows that she is. While we obviously saw her murder someone (by provoking them into attacking her and then framing it as self-defense) earlier in this episode, Hayaseura also points out something that I’d dismissed at the time and completely forgotten about: That in the very first episode, before Hondomachi was kidnapped by the Perforator, she was alone with one of his victims in the basement, and when we next saw him he was dead, even though the Perforator couldn’t have killed him.

That’s … actually some really solid writing. I hadn’t even realised on my first watch that the guy couldn’t have been killed by the Perforator.

Pet.

★★★★☆

I feel like I haven’t given this series enough credit for how surprisingly vicious it is. The first episode sets us up to think that Tsukasa and Hiroki’s friendship is pretty cute, and the second episode clues us in to the fact that they’re (quasi-?)romantically involved and sets up a clearly unhealthy but quite sweet all the same romance where you think that, hey, they’re screwed up people but they clearly love each other. It isn’t until the third episode that the rug gets pulled out from under you, with the reveal that Tsukasa is actually quite abusive, and this episode pulls the rug straight out from under us again.

It follows two plot threads. The first one is a milder one, with Satoru meeting the niece of the mysterious Company’s CEO, who exposits at him a little about how the Company was founded and some of the strifes that have led it to its current state of disarray -- namely that the qigong masters who created the psychic techniques the Company uses (just … roll with it) all simultaneously betrayed the CEO and were killed for it, leaving the Company with only one person who can pass on those teachings: Hayashi.

The second plot thread sees Tsukasa and Hayashi playing mind games with each other, with Tsukasa first trying to persuade Hayashi to return to the Company, before Hayashi tries to psychically rewrite Tsukasa’s memories, only for Tsukasa to rebuff him and for the two to end up in a psychic battle where they both try to repel the other one’s attempts to alter their memories.

It’s in this second plot thread that we learn all about Tsukasa’s many issues: Like Satoru, he is most definitely in love with Hayashi, and like Satoru, those feelings clearly aren’t reciprocated. Unlike Satoru, however, Hayashi doesn’t even seem to have filial feelings for Tsukasa, and we learn that when he started teaching Satoru, the Company told him that he couldn’t act as mentor for two people and had to choose one. He picked Satoru with what seems like startling ease, effectively abandoning Tsukasa.

There are allusions, as well, to the idea that Hayashi kept using Tsukasa even after that abandonment, entreating him to infiltrate the Company on his behalf and keep Satoru safe. Tsukasa’s … not happy about this at all, and also, as becomes swiftly apparent throughout the episode, more than a little unhinged.

As the episode ends, Tsukasa and Hayashi are ramping up their psychic battle, with Tsukasa informing Hayashi that he’s learned some tricks off Hiroki, so we’ll see where that one goes.

Infinite Dendrogram.

★★☆☆☆

More and more, it feels like this show is falling into a rut, and that’s honestly a huge shame.

There’s just no forward momentum to it. Things happen, but there’s no sense of motion, no sense of things winding towards a conclusion, either on an arc level or a series level, and yet at the same time it’s not fast and snappy enough to be a truly episodic series like, say, Kekkai Sensen.

So, this week’s episode sees Ray, now cursed with dog ears (for reasons which are not plot relevant, but I mean, it’s fine), teaming up with a new character, Hugo, a Dryfe Master whose job is essentially that he’s a giant mecha pilot, as the two attempt to tackle a base of bandits who have been kidnapping children.

The show tries very hard to set the bandits up as absolute monsters, and to sell us on Ray’s rage, but it kind of lacks the elements necessary to make an impact. The huge emotional moment where Ray sees that some of the children have been turned into undead is weakened by the fact that the cinematography is bog-standard, the animation direction for the scene is uninteresting, and the music is unremarkable. Even Ray’s reaction is strangely muted, with some anger but no real horror or anything like that, and not even a quiet fury so much as just moderate amounts of rage.

There are hints of a broader plot involving Dryfe, though (which we know from an earlier episode is prepping to invade), with Hugo making remarks that he can’t use his Embryo yet, because keeping it secret is part of some plan.

He does, eventually, use it anyway, and relatively without fanfare at that.

#infinite dendrogram #id invaded #pet #in/spectre #anime #winter weebwatch #tw: suicide

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drake-the-incubus · 4 years

Note

1-50. Your turn >:3

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

I hope so! Hey @hero-of-bowerstone do you love me?

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

I’m turning 22 and have done nothing with my life. It depends. I don’t really know many 18 year olds.

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?

Re-reading my favourite book series a couple of days ago. Menoetius please love yourself more my baby, my child. Also writing my last fic is probably sooner. Cause Xiphrus needs love.

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

Uh… how the fuck do people smile?

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

Uh yeah. He’s blocked and hopefully will leave me the fuck alone.

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?

Uh not really. I have tailored playlists.

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?

A t-shirt, shorts and underwear? I need to change actually but that requires a shower and I’m too lazy to get that ready :/

8. How often do you listen to music?

24/7. Unless I’m watching a video/video calling, I’m constantly listening to music. When I say I’ve listened to a song for a week straight, it’s likely the song has been looped… for a week straight.

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

Sweats, jeans fucking suck and cause issues I’d rather not deal with.

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?

I mean the year already passed but back then I was going into 7th I think? If you mean the turn of this year, yeah I fucking do look at the world.

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?

Anti-Social. I don’t like spending time with people too much and need a lot of alone time. That being said I crave attention from friends.

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?

I don’t know? I’ve kissed a lot of people I have forgotten bc of truth or dare. Not that I recall.

13. What about ‘R’?

See the same as above.

14. Can you drive a stick shift?

No, and legally if I drive I’m going to be arrested as my learners expires soon and I a) have no glasses, b) can’t concentrate on the road to pass a driver’s test. Also why the fuck do people drive those, it’s… so unreliable.

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

If they’re not telling me to my face, yeah. If you have a problem with me, bring it up to me. I don’t like people talking behind my back. That being said, nah. Talk shit about me to my face all you want I don’t give a shit.

16. Are you going out of town soon?

I’m spending the next month in another province so the answer is, already out of town. I’ll be going out of this town quite often.

17. When was the last time you cried?

A few days ago I cried over Menoetius losing his fucking shit at love and then again when Joxeia was struggling.

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?

Plenty of times. Then it got thrown back into my face almost the same amount.

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?

Yes and no. If I could have full heterochromia with a blood red eye I’ll fucking take it. That shit’s cool and I still love it. Otherwise only to make my own centerlized-heterochromia more distinct. (Blue/Green Split)

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?

My boyfriend? IG. I mean fictionally a lot of boys. IRL I don’t think I could do everything for anyone. Not my style.

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.

I’m hungry and I can’t finish the series I’ve been waiting on bc scanlators dont have the final two chapters.

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?

No. Ew. It reminds me of what parents are supposed to do. Otherwise why’re you checking my fever? What’s the point?

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?

Uh depends on what that’s defined as. I talked out loud, verbally to my boyfriend so yeah. Otherwise, no.

24. What are you sitting on right now?

A very uncomfortable arm chair/lazy boy type thing.

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

My boyfriend. My friends. Also bold of you to assume my family tells me they love me.

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Yes, I want a lot of people. Fictional characters are nice, man. Otherwise kinda. On and off.

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

Staff on a server.

28. Do you get a lot of colds?

Yes! It fucking sucks because I sound like I’m dying MORE now.

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

RTX 2018 when I went down there. Wish I could go again.

30. Does anyone hate you?

I would think, someone does, I'm not the most likeable person in the universe. I secretly think everyone does.

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?

I should fucking hope not. If there is my boyfriend is going to have to answer some questions.

32. Do you like watching scary movies?

That’s my favourite movie genre.

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?

Ew no. Someone else does and I hate them for it. No that shit is… no. Good on other people but I know ppl who have had it and no.

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

Um… 2016 bc that ruined my life :)

35. Did you have a dream last night?

Fuck if I know. I woke up hungry and focused on that.

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

Yesterday. My boyfriend.

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

I don’t know if I even want to be married, but given what’s going on if I’m not then my bf might cry? So I think yes if we get the finances.

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

Uh… my boyfriend. But otherwise? Yeah. I’m fairly aware a lot of people develop feelings for me. It kinda weirds me out bc 90% of the time it’s never romantic.

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Uh. Statistically speaking someone probably is.

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

Nope. I don’t really think it was a net good or bad day.

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

Yeah. We’re two years in September.

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?

I currently share a house with my sister in law. We just had a conversation when I reached this question actually.

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Yes and that brings up bad memories.

44. What’s the best part about school?

I got away from my abusive parents. Got to write in class. Met some friends. Uh. Learned about many things, people who’re 13 and spent five minutes learning about, argue with me on them. I learned how to write and use none of that knowledge now.

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

I wish I didn’t, but yeah because I had to upload things for my parents. Including images of before I was out as trans.

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

Yup. Pretty common past time.

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

Obsessively. So much so I’ve caused issues. So now I keep fictional worlds going as a coping mechanism.

48. Were you single over the last summer?

Nope. Won’t be this one either,

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

Hahaha. Fuck no and im glad for it. Not with my parents, not struggling with other issues, not with my ex. Shit’s baller.

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

Probably writing a fanfic or planning a book. Cleaning. Could use a shower. Will I do any of these? Probably not, my boyfriend jacked my PC.

#ask game #lol this was p easy to do #long post

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hot-tae-with-suga · 6 years

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This Looks Bad || 2

Summary: Taehyung and I were just horsing around, but someone took a picture, and now everyone thinks I’m cheating on my boyfriend Namjoon with one of his best friends. Which I’m not, because I don’t (let myself) think of Tae that way. And neither does Namjoon. Right?

Reader (1st person unnamed femme OC)/Namjoon/Taehyung

Idol AU

36.2K total || Rated M || Part 1 | Part 3 (final) | AO3 || Masterlist

Genre: fluff / smut / angst with happy ending || Warnings: Misunderstandings, Failure to Communicate, Bisexual characters, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Threesome, Smut

Originally Posted 2019-03-27

Thank you so so so much to my editor S, and my wonderful betas from the JAG discord (L, V, and D)

27 Days P.I. (2 days post sleepover)

The morning after the impromptu sleepover had been rushed, both boys needing to get back to the dorms before taking off for their scheduled events that day, so I’d stayed quiet about what I’d heard them talking about. I’d given Namjoon a kiss goodbye, and waved to Tae who was hesitant to give me a hug even after having spent the night cuddled up with me like a koala.

I’d wondered if it was the last time I’d see them.

I waited all day for a text or a call from Namjoon telling me that we were over, wondering the whole time where we had gone wrong. I’d thought we were back to a good place, but he really seemed to think there was something between Tae and I, or at least the potential for something between us, and he was talking about me not being his girl anymore.

Every time I took a break from my work, which was more often that I really should have, I read back over our conversations from the last few weeks, trying to pinpoint when he’d lost interest in me. The earlier conversations were more painful, remembering how distant we’d been. The simple exchanges of “hey, you busy?” followed by “yeah, let me call you later” when I knew that no call had come made me wonder if I’d pinpointed the start of our prolonged break up. But things had become better in more recent exchanges, we were both obviously more engaged and actually talking about our days in multiple word sentences. For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out where we were going wrong, unless Namjoon had been making one last ditch effort to save the relationship, but had ultimately decided it wasn’t worth saving.

I was more than a little surprised when Namjoon called me the next morning, saying that since my visit the week before had gone unnoticed, management was cool with my coming over again. This time instead of stopping at the dorm, I went straight to his studio, where he told me he’d been working until mid-afternoon. I wore my hat, mask, and dark glasses, but I didn’t bother with any evasive maneuvers on my trip this time. I told myself it was because I was confident I wouldn’t be noticed going into the large office building, but deep down I thought it would be the last time, so it wouldn’t really matter if I got spotted. The whole world already seemed to think that Namjoon had dumped me, I was just waiting for him to actually do it.

I knocked on the door to the studio, but punched in the code and walked in a moment later, assuming Namjoon would have his headphones on and wouldn’t hear me. Instead I was surprised to find Hoseok and Taehyung on the beige couch, Namjoon sitting in his chair to talk with them. Sweatpants and oversized t shirts were the uniform of the day, and both Hobi and Tae had headbands on; all of them looked a bit tired so I assumed they’d just finished up with dance practice.

The door had been an effective sound barrier, the music they were listening to suddenly washed over me. I recognized the beat as one Namjoon had played for us the week previous, but now there was a melody soaring over it, making it sound more complete.

All three guys looked up as I walked in, and Hoseok jumped up to give me a quick hug. “Hey, Hobi,” I greeted him with as much cheerfulness as I could manage. “Sorry if I’m interrupting, I thought Namjoon would be on his own.” Obviously Hobi didn’t know what was about to happen, he’d always been a terrible liar and I’d have seen it on his face.

“No no, we’ve been expecting you,” Hoseok brushed off my apology. He stepped back to let Joon give me a hug as well.

“Hey, babe,” he murmured. He sat in Hobi’s now-empty spot on the couch and pulled me down to sit in his lap. Hoseok shrugged and dropped into Namjoon’s chair, spinning slowly as he relaxed.

The song playing came to an end and looped back to the beginning again, but Hobi reached around and hit the keyboard, pausing it. “It sounds good,” I commented. I got a nod of thanks, but their discussion picked back up, talking about the theme of the comeback and how all the new songs were shaping up. I tried to relax in Namjoon’s hold, but I was still on edge, knowing that as soon as they were done talking and we were alone, I’d become a single woman. Maybe. I was pretty sure, anyway.

Taehyung seemed to notice how I was pulling at the sleeves of my shirt, the hems nearly destroyed by my fidgeting. He reached over and grabbed my hand, stilling it. I looked up and met his eyes, his expressive eyebrows pulled together in a silent question, asking if I was okay. I drew my lips tight, a sad approximation of a smile, and his frown deepened.

“Anyway, I’m meeting Jin-hyung to practice some more,” Hoseok wa saying, standing up. “I’ll see you guys later.” With that, he was gone. I stared at the closed door, not yet wanting to be alone with these two men in particular.

None of us moved, and I stared off into space until Tae squeezed the hand he still held. “Noona, are you okay?” he asked sweetly, and I felt my chest contract.

“Babe?” Namjoon asked when I didn’t answer Taehyung right away, twisting us both so that he could see my face. Tears welled up, but I sniffled and managed to blink them away before they fell.

“I-” I started, choking on the words. “I just- My anxiety is really bad today.” Not a lie, then, but not the whole truth.

“Has the date been set for your defense?” Joon questioned. “When is it, I can see if my schedule is free. I’d like to be there for you.”

Hearing the empty promise of a future event he had no actual plans to attend pulled a sob from me, shaking my whole body enough that Namjoon could feel it, holding me as close as he was.

“Oh babe, don’t cry! It’ll be okay, you’ll do great. You’re the smartest person I know, you know that? And you know your shit backwards and forwards,” he tried to comfort me, but I just shook my head at his words.

Taehyung, who was still holding my hand, reached to grab the other as well. “I am sure you will blow them away,” he said earnestly. I pulled my hands from his, wiping the backs of them across my cheeks where I felt a couple of tears falling.

“I think we need to get her mind off of it,” Namjoon suggested to Taehyung. “You up for, uh, helping out?” I watched Tae nod, an odd flush creeping over his soft cheeks.

I sniffled again, shaking my head. “No, I’ll be okay,” I lied. Neither of them seemed to heed me, both standing up and gathering their coats before pulling me with them. We took a car back to the dorm, finding the place empty of other members.

“Come on, lets just go watch something in our room,” Namjoon suggested, pulling me and Tae along with him. I’d resigned myself to this fate, of drifting along after him until he finally cut me loose.

They turned on a variety show on one of their laptops, setting it at the foot of Namjoon’s bed while the three of us settled near the head. I looked at the screen but wasn’t paying much attention, and Namjoon kept sending me glances when I didn’t laugh at the big jokes. At the second break for commercials, he crawled over and shut the computer, moving it to his bedside table.

He sat back down facing me, and asked Taehyung, “You up for plan B? This obviously isn’t cheering her up enough.”

Tae nodded, and before I could ask what ‘Plan B’ was, Joon was leaning into me, his mouth hot on mine and his body pressing me backwards. I was too shocked to do anything, even when my back hit Taehyung. I reached one arm behind me to brace myself, not wanting to fall into the other man.

I wasn’t even kissing Namjoon back yet when he pulled his mouth away, but stayed close, smiling at me fondly, and I felt my heart swell. Then he leaned over me awkwardly, over my shoulder, and kissed Taehyung.

I tried not to stare, but they were literally kissing right in front of my face. It was odd, seeing the mouth I was so accustomed to kissing, that tongue that appeared in my dreams, pressed against someone else. Someone with a sharp jawline, with a larger nose, with faint stubble above his lip, with lips that parted easily and quickly as I watched. The two mens’ mouths slid over each other fluidly, so much smoother and less awkward than the kiss Namjoon and I had just shared.

My heart sank again, my chest tightening. As hot as it was, as beautiful as they may have been together, I was so confused and still feeling heartbroken.

“So, what…?” I asked, almost sorry to see them break apart as soon as they heard me. “You guys were going to, what, let me watch you make out to distract me?” I was pulling at straws, but I couldn’t think of one logical reason they’d be doing this.

Namjoon smiled at me again. “Not exactly what we had planned, but if that’s what will get your mind off of things, we can do that for you,” he offered. “However, I had been thinking that it’s your turn to kiss our Taehyungie.”

I started to wonder if I was suffering from some kind of brain damage, considering how often my brain ceased to function when my boyfriend spoke in the last month or so. I looked back over my shoulder, trying to see if Taehyung was hearing this insanity as well, but he was smiling at me, that boxy grin splitting his face. He somehow looked excited.

“You want me? To kiss Taehyung?” I repeated, both asking for clarification and explanation. My head felt like it was on a swivel, looking from one face to the other and back again.

Namjoon nodded. “I mean, what’s hotter than two hot people kissing, right?” he argued. “And I think that between the two of us, we can keep your mind off of whatever is making you anxious.”

I was still in shock, still processing and trying to figure out what was going on when Namjoon leaned toward me again, cupping my cheek in one large hand, and kissed me again. His lips were soft this time, no tongue seeking entry into my mouth, just a simple press of his lips against mine. As he pulled away, the hand on my cheek turned my face, and when I opened my eyes again, Taehyung was there.

“You want this, Tae-ah?” I asked quietly, never breaking our gaze. He nodded slowly, licking his lips.

Neither of us breathed for a moment, our eyes locked on each other, until from my peripheral I saw hands reach out and suddenly our faces were being pushed closer together.

Our initial clash was painful due to outside forces, lips getting caught between two sets of teeth and noses smooshing into each other. I pulled back on instinct, fighting against Namjoon’s hand on the back of my head. Turning, I glared at him. “This isn’t some punishment on a variety show, Joon,” I scolded. I turned back to Taehyung and saw his face fall, as though he thought I didn’t want to me kissing him. I could admit to myself that I did want to, since Namjoon had requested it, after all.

Rather than chew Namjoon out for his clumsy and heavy handed attempts at moving us along, I raised my hand to the back of Tae’s neck and pulled him toward me again, this time much more gently. I could feel him pause for a moment, in shock, maybe, before he opened his mouth to mine.

At first Taehyung was hesitant, only daring to slide his tongue into my mouth once I had swept mine through his. As the kiss continued, and it did continue for what felt like ages, he grew bolder, shifting us so that he was above me and pressed me down and back against Namjoon in a echo of what Joon had done earlier. I let myself get lost in the sensations, it had been a long time since I’d kissed anyone other than Namjoon, and it was one hell of a first kiss. His lips were thinner than Joon’s, tongue less dexterous perhaps, but he liked to bite and nibble at my lips, which sent shivers of arousal down to my core.

I felt Namjoon behind me, sliding his arms around my waist and resting his hands there while he kissed the back of my neck, then he began to slide his hands lower to fumble with the buttons at the fly of my jeans. I reached down to still his hand, trying to tell him without words that he was moving too fast. He stopped fiddling with the buttons, instead gathering the hem of my shirt and guiding it up my torso. Not quite as slow as I had been aiming for, but it was better than my pants coming off.

After he pulled my shirt off my arms, Namjoon backed away, and Taehyung slipped his arms around my now bare waist, twisting us both until I was lying beneath him on the bed. He laid hot kisses all over, from my mouth, to my collarbones, to that sensitive spot behind my ear. The whole time he couldn’t stop talking between kisses, telling me how beautiful I was and how long he had wanted to touch and kiss me.

I let myself start to enjoy the feelings he was eliciting in me, kissing him back and running my hands into his hair. My mouth left a darkening bruise against the honey coloured skin of his neck, and he moaned, his voice low, and I practically felt the vibrations in my chest. He pulled away from me only long enough to tear his own shirt over his head before returning his mouth to my body. I looked for Namjoon, finding him sitting not far from us, palming his cock through his pants and smiling fondly.

Seeing Namjoon’s hardness made me curious, so I rolled my body against Taehyung’s, and sure enough he was also sporting an impressive erection. He moaned when my hip rubbed against it, and let himself relax a bit and press me more firmly in to the mattress. His hand slid up to cup my breast, thumb flicking across the nipple that was already stiffened under the lace of my bra. I arched against him again to urge him to continue, my breath coming hard, and my hand was drawn toward the waist of his pants. I was pulling open the fly of his trousers and swallowing a groan when my thoughts caught up with me.

Suddenly, my throat constricted and my stomach rolled, the panic of the situation finally breaking through the haze of lust. I wasn’t really going to have sex with my boyfriend’s roommate/close friend/former lover while said boyfriend watched, was I? My mind was racing, and obviously Tae could feel how I stiffened up because he pulled back and looked at my face.

“Noona?” he asked softly, his voice full of concern, and it almost broke me.

“I-” My voice broke, unable to find the words I needed to reassure him, my breath coming too fast. Taehyung lifted himself off of me, freeing me of his weight pinning me to the bed. I ran my hands through my hair, anxiously pushing it out of my face before covering my burning face with my palms.

“Are you okay, babe?” Namjoon asked softly from beside us. He leaned over so I could see his eyes, actually looking like he was concerned for me, as he brushed a rogue strand of hair from my face. “We can slow down, or even stop, if this is too much for you.”

“What-” I started to ask, then sat up and tried again, still feeling breathless. “What exactly are we stopping, Joon? What is going on?”

Namjoon sighed, tilting his head to look at both Taehyung and I, both of us shirtless, flushed, and still breathing harder than normal, though not for the same reason. “I just- I know you two like each other, and I wanted, I still want, for you to be happy, to be happy together, like you want.” He leaned forward and kissed me softly, and the tear welled up in my eyes again.

He wanted me to be happy, maybe, but happy with Taehyung instead of with him. His words from the other night as well as some things he’d said a week previously suddenly made sense in my mind.

Namjoon was done with me, that much was clear. Like he said, I was his girl for now, but it didn’t have to stay that way, and for some reason he thought the best way to get rid of me was to...was to pass me on to his friend? Like I was some kind of toy that he was done playing with, so now I was hand-me-downs to his little brother?

I pushed Taehyung back, getting him out of my way as I scrambled off the bed, my face burning with shame. I spotted the bright fabric of my shirt near the end of the bed and grabbed it before I ran out of the room.

Rushing down the hall, I fumbled with the thin piece of clothing, trying to turn it right side out. I heard footsteps behind me, but I wasn’t sure who was chasing after me and didn’t really care at the moment, not wanting to face either of them.

The tears still filling my eyes, plus the temporary blindness of pulling my shirt over my head as I stepped into the living room area, meant I missed the fact that there were now other people in the dorm. A couple of the guys, I didn’t really look to see which ones, stood in the kitchen and another was on the couch, watching me storm past them and kick off my slippers, searching for where I’d put my shoes when we’d arrived.

“Babe,” Namjoon spoke just before I felt his hand grab my arm. “Babe, come on, talk to me. Tell me what’s really wrong, please?” I ignored him, still searching for my things in the disorder of the entryway. “Look, it was too fast, I’m sorry, I get it, please just talk to me.”

I twisted, pulling my arm out of his grasp. Trying to keep my voice down, to keep our conversation from reaching the others, I hissed, “Fuck you, Kim Namjoon. You don’t get to do that to me and then pretend not to know what’s wrong.”

He shook his head, his eyes widened and his jaw dropped. “I don’t- Babe, I honestly don’t know what’s wrong, unless you tell me. I know things got really intense in there, it could be any of a million things.”

I finally looked up at him, noting the honest confusion on his face. He didn’t realize I’d figured out what he was doing, what he had planned for me. “You need to grow some fucking balls. For someone who is supposed to be so good with words, you should be able to tell me that you’re tired of me, and be honest with me, instead of trying to hand me down to one of your members like I am some kind of toy you don’t want to play with anymore.” He had the audacity to look shocked, and it only fueled me. “You think you’re being kind, or something, but getting Tae to fuck me because you don’t want to anymore is just...ugh.”

My hands were balled into fists at my sides and it took everything in me not to start wailing and beating his chest. He made me so mad, and I felt so betrayed, I couldn’t look at him anymore. I turned around again, finally spotting my shoes sticking out from under the small shelf that held everyone’s slippers. Shoving my feet into them, I felt the angry tears finally start to fall down my face. I hated crying, hated that any strong emotion could bring me to the point of tears, and I was overwhelmed by a mixture of strong emotions as I looked back toward Namjoon, still standing between me and the rest of the dorm.

Taehyung stood behind him now, still shirtless, pants still undone, but holding my purse and phone in his hands. I must have brought them into their room but obviously forgot to grab them when I stormed out.

I stepped closer, reaching past Namjoon for Tae to hand me my things. “Babe, you’ve got it all wrong,” Namjoon was trying to convince me, but I shut him out. Taehyung passed me my purse and phone, and I slipped the latter into my pocket. “Baby, please, don’t go,” Tae gave me that look, where he pressed his lips together and the corners of his mouth turned up but it wasn’t a smile. That look the meant ‘I get it, I wish there was something I could do, I’m sorry’ all at once. His sad eyes met mine briefly before I spun back around and walked out the door.

30 Days P.I. (3 days after aborted threesome)

I felt my phone buzz somewhere under me, but couldn’t be bothered to find it in the mess of blankets I was cocooned in. I’d spent the 60 or so hours previous wallowing, going over everything that had happened, and feeling sorry for myself.

My best friend in the city (who wasn’t an idol), Lee Ji Soo, had come by to bring me ice cream and hold my hand for a while, but she has other things to do, and it’s not like I could be completely honest about what had happened. She’d politely respected my privacy after the whole scandal had broken, knowing that even though I was publically dating a member of Bangtan, I still couldn’t talk about details. Ji Soo’s keen mind and sharp intuition had put two and two together when I called her up, sobbing into the phone and asking why he didn’t want me anymore, though, so she’d rushed to be by my side. The text was probably from her, checking to make sure I hadn’t literally drowned in my own tears.

The buzzing came again, not the short one to remind me that I had a new message, but the longer one, accompanied by the annoying chirp of my messaging app that meant I had another new text. I’d muted both Namjoon and Tae, not even opening their chats, I just wasn’t ready to deal with them yet.

Grumbling to myself, I levered my top half off the bed and pawed through the folds of the fuzziest blanket I owned until I spotted the offending piece of technology. Collapsing back into my nest, I checked the screen to see who was impatient enough to message me twice in the span of two minutes.

To my surprise, Jung Hoseok’s name topped the first alert. If it had been one of the other members, Jimin or Jungkook, I might have ignored them, assuming they would either be curious as to what happened or acting as an agent of the offending parties. Hoseok rarely texted me though, so I unlocked the phone and opened the app. Before today, our entire message history consisted of “Hey, we’re gonna be late and Namjoon forgot to charge his phone” and “I’ve asked everyone else, do you have any idea what Joonie wants for his birthday?”

Now, though, the two most recent messages on the screen said:

Hoseok: Monie is an idiot, but not the kind of idiot you think

Hoseok: Please talk to him, I swear that he can explain if you just talk to him

Hoseok and I might not be super close, but he’d always looked out for me, and I couldn’t imagine he’d be initiating this conversation unless it was genuine. I sighed and dropped my phone back onto my pillow.

I’d pretty much cried myself out by that point, but I will still so...tired. I was physically exhausted from all the wailing and sobbing, and mentally exhausted from, well, everything else. It had been a very very long month, and what Namjoon had done had been the cherry on top.

I wasn’t ready to talk to him today, not quite yet. But I picked the phone back up and texted Hobi that I’d talk to Joon in a few days.

32 Days P.I. (5 days after aborted threesome)

True to my word, two days later I opened my my messaging app and clicked on Namjoon’s name. The little bubble told me there were more than fifty unread messages, but I didn’t bother scrolling up to read them.

If you want to call, I’ll answer

I thought I’d have to wait a while, maybe I assumed he’d be busy with something, but less than two minutes later my phone was vibrating. I’d silenced the special ringtone I’d set for him when he was calling incessantly, and all I had wanted to do was throw the phone against the wall every time I heard it.

I swiped across the screen to answer the call, and hit the speaker button, but suddenly I couldn’t think of what to say.

“Babe?” Namjoon asked softly after a couple moments of silence. “You there?”

“Ye-” I started, but choked on the words, my throat constricting painfully upon hearing his voice again. I cleared my throat and tried again. “Yeah, I’m here.”

I appreciated the speaker function making me able to move the phone away from my ear at the sudden rush of noise when Namjoon sighed directly into his phone’s mic. “Oh god, babe, it’s so good to hear your voice.” His words tumbled out of his mouth as if they’d been caged and only just set free.

I was struck dumb once again, unable to think of what to say. Could I admit that as angry and sad as I was, I had missed his voice as well?

When I didn’t say anything, he continued, “I’ve been on edge ever since Hoseok told me you’d replied to him. I’m so sorry, I fucked up so bad, I know that. Will you let me explain?”

I sighed. “Sure, Joon-ah. You want to talk now or is there a better-?”

“In person, please,” he begged, cutting me off. “I need to see you, please, this will be easier face-to-face.”

I thought I was showing a lot of maturity by not immediately scoffing at him. “Okay. Not at the dorm, though,” I requested. “I can meet you at your studio I guess-” Then I remembered cuddling between him and Tae on that couch just before the whole thing started. “You know what, maybe you could come here instead? It’s a bit of a mess, but…”

“Let me take you out,” Namjoon cut in. “My treat. We can go out to lunch, or grab dinner later if you’re too busy right now.”

My brain froze. “You want to go out? Like, in public?” Did he assume that if we were in public, I wouldn’t make a scene?

I couldn’t see him, of course, but I was pretty sure Namjoon was nodding from the rustling noises I heard. “Yeah, it’s been too long since we went out.”

I hesitated, unsure if he was really thinking things through or just saying what he thought I wanted to hear. “Yeah, for a good reason, Namjoon. Maybe we should just do this on the phone after all.”

“No, come on, babe,” he whined. “We can go to that Japanese place you like, with the great teriyaki.”

“Namjoon, people will see us if we’re out together. Reporters will see us,” I reminded him. “Your managers aren’t going to give you permission to be seen in public with me, not at this point. Keeping me on lock down seems to have been working,” I tried to appeal, hoping he would remember his loyalty to the group and their image. “Are you really going to spoil all that for a girl you’re trying to break up with?”

“No!” Namjoon said sharply. “I’m not breaking up with you! I don’t want to break up, that’s what I’m trying to tell you. You’ll have to dump me if this is over, because I never want to leave you.” His voice softened, adding, “I want you to see that you are more important to me than anything, even a scandal or getting in trouble with management.”

“How-” I choked again, finding I still had tears left in me to cry. “I don’t get it.” How could he say these things, I was so confused. Had I really gotten it all wrong?

“Babe, I was never trying to pass you off, or whatever it was that you thought,” he tried to explain. “You’re too important to me, too precious. I never want to let you go. When I said I wanted to be with you forever, I meant it.”

Gathering my courage, I finally asked about the words that had convinced me that he was tired of me. “Then why tell Taehyung I was your girl for now, but it wouldn’t always be that way?”

“I never-” he started, letting out a huge sigh. “I really am the biggest idiot in the world, aren’t I?” he asked rhetorically. Another deep breath which was then blown straight into the mic, making me move the phone away again from the sudden rush of noise. I set the phone down so I would stop fiddling with it. “I wasn’t trying to say that you wouldn’t always be my girl. I was trying to imply that maybe you wouldn’t be only my girl.”

My mind, my breathing, both ground to a halt, trying to figure out what he was saying. “What?”

“I don’t want to end our relationship, I was just trying to...adjust it,” he said cautiously. When I was unable to answer, he continued, “Can we just talk about this at lunch? It’s the kind of thing that’s better to talk about in person.”

“Uh-” I hesitated, still unsure. “Yeah, sure, I guess.”

“Great, I’ll call ahead and get us a private room,” he said. “Meet you there in twenty minutes?”

***

“Why was I even worried about meeting in public if we’re arriving separately and getting a private room?” I grumbled to myself. “We could have tried to do this weeks ago.” I ignored the looks I earned from the other pedestrians waiting at the crosswalk, who must have wondered what was wrong with me. The restaurant Namjoon had named was on the next block, a family run place I’d wandered into years ago and discovered had the best teriyaki. Stepping through the door, I realized the hostess was new and therefore wouldn’t recognize me as Namjoon’s regular eating companion.

“Yeah, hi, I’m meeting someone,” I replied after she had greeted me.

She nodded and looked at the screen next to her. “Name?” she asked politely.

“Umm…” I didn’t know what name Namjoon would have given for the reservation. “He probably called like, half an hour ago? He booked a private room,” I tried.

The hostess gave me a look that said she didn’t believe me. “I’m sorry, miss, if you don’t know who you’re meeting, I can’t show you to a table. We are fully booked. I can put you on the list, but it will be about 20 minutes.”

I sighed, rolling my eyes in my head at Namjoon for forgetting to tell me this small detail. “I dunno, maybe Koya? Ryan?” I listed a couple of names he’d used before, but saw no recognition in her eyes. “He wouldn’t have used it, but his name is Kim Namjoon.”

One of the servers I recognized, the chef/owner’s daughter, stepped up just as the hostess’s eyes widened. “Right this way, miss,” the server said with a gesture for me to follow, leaving the hostess looking a bit shocked and looking me up and down. I felt my face flush at the blatant appraisal as I followed the server to a staircase leading to the lower level of the restaurant, a hallway lined with sliding rice paper partitions, and through one she opened for me.

Namjoon sat at the table, his long legs crossed on the thin cushion, his all black attire striking against the pale soft colours of the decor. A small pot of tea and two ceramic cups already graced the table. He stood up when I entered, stepping forward as if to hug me but hesitating and dropping them back to his sides.

“Hey,” I greeted, setting my purse down and sitting on a cushion on the other side of the table from him. “Sorry, I’m a bit late.”

“No no, you’re fine,” Namjoon assured me. “It was kind of last minute, anyway.” He sat back down and poured a measure of tea into the empty cup, sliding it over to me. We sat in awkward silence for a few moments, neither of us ready to talk about what needed to be said, before he asked, “So, how is the thesis defense going?”

I huffed into my cup as I took a sip of the slightly bitter tea. “Haven’t really been working on it for the last few days,” I admitted. I looked around for a menu, but saw none. “Have you already ordered?” Yes, it was a weak and blatant attempt to change the subject. No, I wasn’t proud.

Namjoon nodded in answer to my question. “I ordered your usual for you, I hope you don’t mind,” he said, his voice uncharacteristically timid.

“Yeah, thanks,” I tried to assure him, but it came out sounding more sarcastic than I had meant. “So, yeah, you wanted to talk?” I volleyed, trying to start the conversation I’d come all this way to have.

Namjoon nodded. “Yeah, but maybe let’s wait until after the food gets here? I don’t want to be interrupted.”

I nodded. The silence hung heavy between us.

“So, uh, how are the members?” I asked lamely.

“Good, they’re good,” he told me. “A little concerned after what happened, but once I kind of explained what happened, they were the ones who made me see what a fool I’ve been.”

“I didn’t mean-” I started. “I meant like, how was the album and rehearsals. I didn’t mean to make it sound like I was asking about how they reacted.”

Namjoon chucked ruefully. “Yeah, but figuring stuff out has kind of been a big part of the last few days. They saw my girlfriend, who they all love, running out of my room half dressed and almost crying, being chased by me and my - also half-naked - roommate. And then she starts saying stuff about me trying to give her to him, so it’s understandable that they’d be concerned. Mostly about your safety.”

I flushed at the memory, knowing now what the real situation had been. “I still don’t know what’s going on,” I muttered.

Namjoon sighed. “I know, babe, I’m trying to figure out the best way to tell you-” He cut off as the partition slid open and two servers entered, carrying a collection of small plates and dishes. By unspoken agreement we waited until all of the items had been deposited and we were alone to begin eating.

Conversation was slow to resume, though, due to our enjoyment of the food in front of us. We moved in concert, arranging dishes closer to the person who enjoyed it more, carefully dividing the mutual favourites evenly between our plates, and depositing disliked ingredients on the other’s. Habits born of long practice in the years we’d been eating together were hard to break even with the tension hanging between us.

Once our initial hunger had been sated in silence, I looked at Namjoon pointedly, waiting for him to begin once again with his explanation of exactly what had been miscommunicated to leave our relationship in such a precarious situation.

“Look, how about you tell me why you thought I was trying to give you to Taehyung, and I’ll fill in what you don’t know,” he suggested, obviously unsure of where to start. I took a deep breath and began speaking.

I explained about how I’d been so happy after we’d made up, that I hadn’t even really considered why he’d teased Tae so much, and then brought him along to my place, and invited him into our bed even after the scandal that had plagued our lives. About how I’d overheard him talking to Tae that night, telling the younger man his suspicions about romantic feelings between him and I, and about how my heart broke when he said that I was his girl, but it “didn’t have to be that way”.

Namjoon interrupted me there. “Aw, babe, that’s not what I meant at all!”

“Do you want me to tell you what I was thinking, or not?”

“Sorry, you’re right. Go ahead.”

I told him of the pit of despair I’d wallowed in, about how I’d tried over and over again to figure out what went wrong and why he’d leave me after all we’d been through. I explained why I’d been so despondent when I’d arrived at the studio to visit him, thinking I was about to get dumped. When I got to the part about my confusion when he was encouraging me to be physical with Taehyung, he interrupted again.

“So you thought I was trying to set you up with your next boyfriend, before we were even over?”

“Well, Namjoon, you’d asked more than once if I was going to hook up with him after we broke up, it wasn’t that much of a stretch.”

He grabbed by hand across the table, squeezing it and pulling it closer. “I’m sorry, babe. I really, really shouldn’t have tried to spring a surprise threesome on you.”

“A surprise threesome? That was the goal?” I was incredulous.

Namjoon shrugged. “I’ve been thinking...I was trying to set it up for, uh...” he mumbled something that I couldn’t hear.

“You were trying to set up…” I prompted.

“I was playing with the idea of inviting Taehyung into our relationship,” he finally said in a rush. I froze, the chopsticks I’d been holding dropping out of my grip and clattering to the table. When I said nothing, he asked, “So, that probably wasn’t the best way to go about things.”

“Ya think?!” I said quickly. I watched his face fall and immediately regretted my hasty words; he was obviously trying really hard to explain, and was well aware of how he’d messed up. “Sorry, that was harsher than I meant. I just mean, why didn’t you come to me? I knew you had a past with Taehyung, it wouldn’t have been a shock if you told me there were lingering feelings there. Hell, you literally invited him to at least watch us hook up more than once.”

Namjoon sighed. “Yeah, but you and he always brushed it off as me being a generalized perv, not an intentional move on him. I figured if I actually encouraged the two of you directly, things might finally go somewhere.”

It was my turn to sigh. I could see how it all made some sort of sense in his head, but he still never thought to actually discuss his plans with either of us-

“Did you talk about this with Taehyung?” I asked, pulling my hand from his as the thought occurred to me. “Like, before it happened?”

“Um-” Namjoon flushed. “I mean, we had already talked about how he liked you, and I might have floated the idea of a threesome at some point…”

“That’s how he knew what was coming, when you kissed him,” I realized. My food was forgotten, I just sat with my hands folded in my lap as I contemplated the situation. “So you talked to him about whatever your plan was, about bringing him into our relationship, before you talked to me? The other person actually in said relationship?”

“No!” Namjoon answered quickly. “Not the part about being with us, like, long term. Just...just the idea of joining us in bed.”

“At least you talked to someone,” I muttered.

He frowned at that. “Hey, I am not the only one who didn’t talk,” he pointed out. “You were making a lot of assumptions without talking to me at all, too.”

“And what would have happened, if I was right, Joon-ah?” I asked. “It was my worst nightmare come true!” I looked down to my hands, twisted together just below the table. “At least if I didn’t say anything, I could hope you’d change your mind.”

I didn’t notice he had moved until he knelt next to me, and his arm slid around my shoulder. “For two people who are supposed to be pretty smart, we kind of missed the mark.” He spoke into my hair, his lips pressed against my head. “Please, just tell me I haven’t fucked this up beyond repair?”

Twisting into him, I slid my arms around his waist. “I was planning on staying with you until the moment you left me, even when I thought you were going to dump me,” I pointed out. “Now that we both understand better, I think we might be able to get through this.”

“Thank god,” he breathed, then cupped my chin to turn me to face him, and kissed me gently. I returned his kiss, keeping it light and sweet, a relieved kiss more than anything. He pulled back, kissing me again on the forehead. “I swear, I’ll talk to you about any crazy relationship ideas from now on.”

I giggled, almost giddy. “I appreciate it,” I admitted. He pulled me closer, awkwardly dragging me into his lap.

“I just can’t get the image of you out of my head, right before you ran out of the room. You looked so betrayed, so heartbroken.” Namjoon just held me tight in his arms, as if he was afraid to let me go. “Which makes sense, I guess. You were. And I hate that I made you feel that way.”

“I never want to hurt you like that, ever again,” he continued. “I’ll talk to Taehyungie, I mean I’m sure he’s not expecting us to approach him again after what happened, but I’ll try to explain what happened. Getting better at communicating has to start somewhere, right?” The way he said it, with this sense of finality, made me stop and think.

“Joonie?” I asked softly. “Is it- Was it cause I’m not enough? Is there just something you’ll always be missing that will hang over us forever?”

“Oh babe, no, never,” Namjoon was quick to reassure me, somehow squeezing me even tighter. “You are always enough, more than enough for me, I swear.” I smiled weakly, trying to believe him. He continued, “This was just my incredibly selfish reaction to a very specific situation I built up in my head. Now that I realize how off-base I was, the temptation is gone.”

I wasn’t sure I could believe that entirely. It’s not like Taehyung was going anywhere, for either of us, because I realized that he was going to be a temptation for us both. He was going to be Namjoon’s fellow group member, his dongsaeng, for the foreseeable future at least, and as long as I was with Joon, he’d be there too.

As much as I had recoiled at the idea of Namjoon foisting me off on Taehyung, those feelings the situation had made me face remained. Was is really so out of the question that Namjoon and I be involved with him?

I wasn’t sure, couldn’t make any guarantees, but I knew I couldn’t write off the idea entirely.

“I’m not saying that I’m for sure in…” I said after a few moments. “But...let’s not rule it out quite yet, either?”

“Rule what out?” Namjoon asked, clearly confused. Then his eyes widened, his whole body tensing around me. “You mean, lets not rule Taehyung out?”

I nodded. “I’m still not sure, but I just think its something I need to consider. And I’d need to talk to Tae, have a serious discussion with him.”

“Yeah, sure, let me know and we can come over-”

“Alone, Namjoon,” I interrupted him. “Tae and I need to discuss things without you over our shoulders, with those excited hopeful puppy-dog eyes of yours. We need to decide if this is what we want, and that we wouldn’t just be doing it to make you happy because we love you.”

He relaxed again, but kept me close. “Okay, okay, that makes sense,” he admitted. “Just, I want you to know that I love you either way. And I am going to be with you, no matter if its with Tae or the two of us.”

I hummed in agreement and turned to kiss him again. Just then, our server slid the partition open and peeked inside, clearing her throat. “All finished?” she asked politely.

I slipped out of Namjoon’s lap and back onto my own cushion. Namjoon helped hand the empty plates to the server and quietly asked for the bill. Once that was paid, by him despite my objections, he pulled out his phone and started typing a message.

“Calling for a car?” I asked.

Namjoon shook his head. “No, just apologizing to Sejin-ssi,” he answered.

“What did you do to Sejin?” I couldn’t imagine what he’d managed to do to his manager in the time we’d been eating lunch.

“Nothing yet,” he said cryptically. “Are you headed back home or to school? Can I walk you? We can stop for boba on the way.”

I hesitated. “Is that a good idea?” I gathered my purse and straightened my clothes. “Photographers have stopped following me everywhere, but you never know…”

Namjoon slid both his large hands around my waist and looked down at me with a fond smile. “You’re worth the risk.”

33 Days P.I. (1 day after second make up)

My phone was buzzing, and once again I was surprised by the name on the screen when I picked it up. Thankfully I was alone in the office at school, so I could answer the FaceTime call from Jin, assuming it must be an accident or an emergency since we didn't usually call each other, let alone use video calling.

Jin's face appeared briefly on screen, only long enough for me to see the smirk on his face and a couple of other familiar faces behind him before the camera switched to show me what he was seeing.

I recognized one of the numerous conference rooms at the Big Hit offices, where a trio of management types sat at one end of the room with Namjoon facing them, in heated conversation. I knew from the view of Jin that at least some of the other members were in the room as well, watching the fireworks.

"How did they find you, Namjoon?" one of the managers asked, annoyance and anger battling for dominance in his tone.

"I don't know," my boyfriend replied, obviously not for the first time. Even through the small screen I could sense his apathy, his complete disregard for their concerns. "It's a free city, someone must have spotted me when I had my mask down."

"You're lucky my contact at Dispatch gave me a heads up," said another manager, obviously from the PR team. "Otherwise those pictures would be everywhere by now."

"So let them be everywhere!" Namjoon shot back. "I wasn't doing anything wrong, I was walking my girlfriend back to her apartment after we had lunch together. Our relationship is public! What's the big deal?"

"Don't play with us, young man," the third man chimed in. I didn't recognize him, so he was probably higher up on the corporate ladder than I usually associated with. "We have a strategy in place to deal with the scandal with your little girlfriend, remember?"

"Yeah, well, your strategy almost cost me the woman I love," Namjoon retorted. "So I say we try a new strategy, where we get to live our fucking lives and don't kowtow to what other people think."

I nearly dropped the phone, fumbling it a bit and missing the response to Namjoon's uncharacteristic outburst. His words must have shocked the older men as much as it did me, to see my normally respectful boyfriend snap at them like that.

"They only assumed we'd broken up because we were never allowed to say any different," Namjoon was arguing again. "Not our fault that they all drew the wrong conclusion."

"Yes," PR manager said. "But we can't just ignore the original scandal."

The first manager had been quiet so far, but he finally spoke up again. "So, instead of hiding like something is wrong, put them on centre stage." When the other managers looked confused, he continued, "Like how we had Namjoon and Taehyung spending lots of time together in front of cameras, to show there were no issues between them. Just add the girl into the picture, let the story be about how they are all still friends."

"That works for me," Namjoon agreed. "Suits me perfectly, in fact."

Jin flipped the camera to I could see his handsome face again, his eyebrows raised so high they disappeared into his fringe and his mouth formed a little 'o'. I laughed at his expression, as quietly as I could to avoid letting anybody else know I was on the phone.

"Seokjin?" someone called from the other side of the room, and suddenly our call cut off as Jin hung up in a panic.

A couple minutes later I got a text from him.

Jin: I'm just so proud, I've raised our leader so well.

35 Days P.I. (3 Days Post Makeup)

I re-read the email on my screen three times before I texted Namjoon.

Me: Defense date is set for next Wednesday, 2:30 pm

His response was quick, like they had been all week, as though he kept his phone in his hand and un-silenced at all times.

Joonie <3: That soon??? They don't give you a lot of notice, do they?

I smiled at my phone, shaking my head at his concern

Me: We've known it would be next week for a while, just not the day and time

I realized he might be upset over the late notice for another reason.

Me: You don't have to come, you know, if you have something scheduled

Me: Audiences aren't very common at these things, unless they're in the same field

I saw the three little dots that indicated he was typing something.

Joonie <3 : I'll figure it out. Wanna be there for you

Joonie <3 : Do you think Tae could come along as well? He was talking about wanting to go to support you...

I'd spent the majority of the three days previous worrying over the decision looming over me. The question of whether to give adding Taehyung to our relationship a try was not something I took lightly.

I couldn't deny that there was something more between us than friendship, at least on my part. I'd always ignored the attraction, the little crush, in favour of our amazing friendship and in deference to the relationship I was trying to make work with one of the nation's biggest idols. I'd attributed the fact that Tae and I were closer and more cuddly than I was with the others to his personality meshing with mine so well, on a platonic level.

I'd challenged myself to be honest, and having had days to think it over, I was ready to admit that I could see myself forming a relationship with Taehyung. What still remained to be seen was a) if he felt the same way and b) how the resulting relationship between us would fit in with the relationships we each had with Namjoon.

Me: I think he and I need to have a talk first

Me: Any gaps in your schedule in the next couple days?

Joonie <3 : We've got a photoshoot this afternoon

Joonie <3 : I can arrange for Tae to be done first, he can come meet you after that?

Me: Great

Me: How late will he be, do you think?

Me: Will I need to feed him?

Me: Oh god, what do I wear???

Me: I don't want to look like I asked him over to bang

Me: But I don't want to look like a nun either, if we're discussing a potential relationship

Me: Namjoon, help me!

The three little dots had been hanging at the bottom of the screen for the entirety of my rant, but he failed to send me any messages until I became desperate.

Joonie <3 : Babe. just wear whatever, he won't care

Joonie <3 : Pls don't bang him, tho

Joonie <3 : Not yet

Joonie <3 : I wanna be there for that

***

Somehow, after my initial freak out, I was feeling calm by the time Namjoon texted to let me know Taehyung was finished at the shoot and was on his way to me. I wasn't sure if my nerves were actually settling down or if I'd just fried them to the point of numbness, but I was thankful for the sense of calm I felt when Tae buzzed to be let in. He looked devastatingly handsome, his hair and makeup still styled from the photos he'd been taking, even in his own linen pants and loose maroon shirt. I felt out of place in my own home, in my jeans and one of Namjoon's giant shirts.

"Hey," I greeted him when he made his way to my door. I was still feeling shy, even if I was more calm, as I stepped aside and gestured for him to come in.

He smiled his adorable square smile at me and I melted a little. "Hey, noona. It's, uh- It's good to see you."

"Likewise, Taehyung-ah," I returned, but found myself at a loss for what to say next. "I wasn't sure if you'd gotten a chance to eat, but I have some ramyun or something if you want? Shit, you're in the middle of photo shoots, you probably don't want the extra salt to make you puffy. Ummm...I could always order something in?" The nerves I thought had settled were racing again, making me ramble as I paced around the small living room, looking for something to do with my hands.

Taehyung reached out and wrapped his long fingers around my wrist as I moved past him for the second time. "I'm fine, noona. I promise I had something to eat. They do feed us on shoots, you know."

"Right," I sighed. "Can I get you something to drink, at least? Water, tea...?" He just nodded, so I filled a couple of water glasses and brought them back to the living room, where he'd made himself comfortable on my couch.

"So..." I started, taking a sip of my water to wet my suddenly dry mouth. "this is weird, right? This feels weird. Maybe we should have had Namjoon here, he would know what to say."

Taehyung nodded. "I've never had to, like, formally interview for a relationship before," he joked. "First dates aren't quite so straightforward. And after that, things just always fell into place, or worked their way out organically." My lips tightened into a line, which must have concerned him because he reached over and took both my hands in his. "But it's worth it! I think so, anyway, right? I mean, a poly triad relationship is going to go a little different than what we're used to, by definition."

It was my turn to nod. "Okay then." I took another deep breath. "I guess we have some things to discuss. Can I- I mean, is it okay if I ask you some questions first?" He nodded, and let go of my hands to lean back into the corner of my couch, spreading his arms wide as if to show what an open book he was trying to be. It was an unconscious move, but it showed how incredibly confident he was, which was distressingly attractive when I was trying to be more logical about things. The move also served to remind me that while he could look small at times, Taehyung was quite simply larger than me, and I blushed hard.

"I guess the most important question is, do you want this? Do you want to, like become a triad, or whatever, with Namjoon and me?" I looked him in the eyes as I asked, needing to see his response as much as hear it.

"Yes." Tae held my gaze, as though he knew how much I needed it.

"And do you want me?" I hated how softly the question came out, as though I had lost the confidence and bravado I'd been feeling. Which wasn't inaccurate, but I didn't like showing my vulnerability.

Again, a firm: "Yes."

"As more than an obligation you have to put up with in order to be with the person you really want?"

Taehyung looked confused, taking a few extra seconds to process what I'd said. Once he had, he shook his head vigorously. "You think I'm just putting up with, like, a bonus partner cause I want to be with Namjoon-hyung? No, if anything, he's the bonus partner, not you." He slapped his hand over his mouth, looking as shocked at his own words as I felt. "I don't mean it like that! I just mean, if hyung hadn't made it clear from the moment he introduced you that he as interested in you, I'd have asked you out in a second. You can ask Jimin, I whined at him the whole time hyung was doubting himself before making a move. Heck, I even asked him to give you my number if he couldn't grow some balls. Then you guys were dating, and we became friends, and I had to keep my feelings platonic because you were my hyung's girlfriend."

He paused again before continuing. "Don't think I don't want to be with hyung, though. The relationship between us has been like this for years, like friends with benefits who know they couldn't be anything more than that. At the time, anyway. Earlier in our career we couldn't risk being together together for real, because we were too busy and too vulnerable to a scandal ruining us entirely. At least, that's what we told ourselves." Tae reached out and tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear, like some cheesy lead in a drama. "Now I think maybe we were just waiting for you. You make the two of us...make sense. Like you were our missing piece."

I was too stunned to speak for a moment. Namjoon and I hadn't discussed how deep his relationship with Taehyung had been, what he wanted it to become, but Tae had just laid it all out there on the table. It made a kid of sense, really, that rather than a purely sex-based hook-up, their relationship has been more like taking what they could get because of outside circumstances. Joon was a sexual creature, I knew that very well, but I'd never suspected that he'd have been the type to have a fuck buddy. Hook-ups, one night stands, sure; living the idol life didn't make it easy to sustain a relationship, especially when it had to remain a secret. But in addition to being a horny bastard, Namjoon was also one of the most romantic people I knew: an ongoing relationship based purely on sex just wasn't his style.

"I...wow," was all I could come up with. I hadn't even processed the fact that Taehyung had maintained some kind of crush on me over the last couple years. "That's a lot to consider."

"What about you?" Taehyung turned the questions on me, before I was really ready. "Do you want this?" I nodded, but he didn't move on, so I gave him the verbal response he needed. "And do you want me?" he continued, echoing my own questions. Again, I nodded and have my ascent. "As more than a means to keep your boyfriend happy?" I noticed how his mouth tightened around the question, though he was able to keep his voice level. This was the question he was really worried about.

"Yes, Taehyung," I assured him. "The other night, I freaked out on you, I know. But it was for reasons that had absolutely nothing to do with you or what we were doing, directly. It was a case of miscommunication and my overactive brain."

"Yeah, Joon-hyung explained what you'd thought was going on," he told me. "I swear, I thought the two of you had discussed things, I thought it was something you'd agreed on already. If I'd known-"

"You did nothing wrong, Tae-ah," I said, scooting closer and putting my hand on his knee. "Believe me, I wanted to be there, wanted to be with you like that, it was just that I started to think it meant something else and I freaked out. I mean, Joon and I had talked about it, in a kind of abstract way, but that was before I thought he was planning on breaking up with me and fixing me up with you at the same time." I massaged his leg just above his knee, feeling the strong muscle of his thigh twitch under my hand. "If I just wanted to keep Namjoon happy but didn't want you myself, I'd have suggested opening our relationship, not inviting you into it. Believe me, I really really like the idea of the three of us together."

Tae reached for the hand on his leg and picked it up, interlacing our fingers and bringing it up to his mouth to kiss softly. "I really really like the idea of the three of us together, too," he confessed.

"So, does this mean..." Even knowing where we stood, it still took me a bit to find the words. "Are we doing this? The three of us are dating each other?" Taehyung nodded. "Should we call Namjoon and tell him, then?"

Tae looked like he needed to consider it for a minute. "Normally I'd say yes, but he's practically been turning my ass numb with the constant texts, probably asking for updates." He fished his phone out of his back pocket, the lock screen filled with alerts of new messages from 'Leader-hyung', the phone buzzing twice more even as he placed it on the table.

I laughed. "I put him on silent when I buzzed you up," I admitted, pointing to where my phone sat on the kitchen counter. "I think we can let him stew for a little while longer, though."

"Good, then we can gossip about him," Tae said with that boxy grin of his. He hadn't let go of my hand, and reached out for the other, turning me and pulling me across his lap. It was a position we'd shared many times before, with my thighs across his and one of his arms around my back and the other over my knees. Somehow it felt more intimate now, I was more aware of the heat of his body where it pressed against mine, the way his fingers gripped the softness of my waist and the other drew patterns on my knee.

How had I not realized how many non-platonic feelings for Taehyung I'd been ignoring? I'd been avoiding my body's response to him for so long that now that I allowed myself to feel, it was overwhelming.

I laughed. "Um, I don't know, what do you want to know about him?"

"What's he like as a boyfriend?" Tae prompted.

I thought for a moment. "He's sweet, but you probably could have guessed that. He makes a bigger deal over hundred days and anniversaries than I do. He gets my opinion on what photos to include in his Kim Daily updates, if I wasn't the one to take them in the first place. He goes to sleep cuddling, but then by morning he's sprawled over as much of the bed as he can. Some days when he's feeling needy he will literally kiss me every 2 minutes. If he says he's coming over after he's done for the day, he means it, even if its only for like 2 hours because practice runs late." Taehyung smiled at my words, seeming to recognize some of the habits I named. "He can't cook, but he knows my favourite orders at every place we've eaten at more than twice. He cancels plans a lot for work stuff, but insists on making them up to me."

"That probably won't really get better when there's two of us," Tae admitted softly.

"I know," I said wryly. "I knew what I was getting into when I started dating an idol. It's rough but I'm used to it. Umm, lets see. Oh! He writes me letters when you're on tour. Sometimes he mails them, but more often he takes pictures of them and sends those because he can't get to a post box or figures he'll beat it home. He’ll talk my ear off about any new book he find interesting. And he actually listens when I rant about statistics and claims he finds it interesting."

"I hope I'll be a good enough boyfriend for you to compete with all of that," Taehyung admitted, his eyes trained on the far end of the couch.

I reached up and cupped his cheek, turning his face back toward me. "First, its not a competition. Second, friend-Tae has so many amazing qualities, I am sure boyfriend-Tae will be equally as amazing," I said softly. "I wasn't trying to tell you what a great boyfriend Namjoon is for me, I'm letting you know what a great boyfriend he'll be for you, too."

"I guess you don't really need me to fill you in on what he's like as a fuck buddy, do you?" Taehyung joked, trying to lighten the suddenly somber mood.

I flushed. "I mean, I know what he's like in bed with me, but I don't know what he's like with you." Tae watched the way my eyes looked everywhere but at his face, and I saw him grin out of the corner of my eye.

He laughed. "Joonie wasn't kidding when he said you liked thinking about the two of us together, was he?" Taehyung asked, teasing me unfairly. "What do you want to know, noona?"

I blushed further at the way he said the honorific. Stammering, I got out, "Well, I mean, I don't want to pry or be a creep, but, uh, I had kind of wondered who, uh..."

"You want to know who topped?" he guessed with a raised eyebrow. When I nodded guiltily, he smiled. "While I feel like I should be giving you a lecture about fetishizing same sex relationships, I'll admit you have a valid reason for wanting to know."

I watched him as he leaned forward to grab his glass and have a sip of water, waiting ever so patiently for him to spill the tea on a situation I'd been actively wondering about for weeks now. Apparently I didn't look as patient as I had hoped, because he nearly spit out his water and laughed when he looked back at my face. "Would you like some water, too, honey? You're looking a little thirsty."

Not finding his teasing amusing in the least, I smacked his arm lightly. "Aish, you're so rough, noona!" he complained. "To answer your question, most of our...encounters were of the manual and oral variety. Kind of hard to find the time and privacy for anal with our schedules."

"Uh huh, you said most..." I prompted, no longer feeling shame at my interest after his teasing.

"We've each done both," Taehyung confessed. "He's a little more, uh...suited for the role of top, personality wise. But he, uh...he told me my dick was too good to waste the opportunity?" It was Tae's turn to blush now, and I giggled at his embarrassment.

I clapped with delight. "Well, I suppose that answers some questions about what I have to expect in bed with you!" I joked. Tae leaned to hide his face in my neck, but I could see the smile on his face before he hid it. He might be embarrassed, but he was a little proud, too.

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artisticestheticreads · 6 years

Text

CRYING OUT FOR ME

DISCLAIMER: This is an one shot of Erik Stevens and Black Reader. This contains angst, fluff and a little soft boy Erik. Enjoy. PLEASE LISTEN TO CRYING OUT FOR ME BY MARIO.

ERIK ‘KILLMONGER’ STEVENS X BLACK READER

It was 2007, Oakland, California and Erik ‘Killmonger’ Stevens was about twenty four years old. He had baby dreads that you had done for him since he practically begged you and it was time for his weekly twist and line up. You were the type of stylist that every one in the hood came to. You gave amateur prices but your work was at a professional level. You opened the door to see him in jeans, navy blue tee and some converse as you wore a green and black track jacket with skinny jeans and your house slippers with your hair in fed in French braids.

“What up, E”, you said with a huge smile. He picked you up and gave you a big hug. “What up, baby girl? You ready to bless my shit?” You tussled his hair and said “shiiiit, ima need more than hair gel and oils for your ol’ peanut head. Lemme get my holy water.” You walked off like you were serious but he pulled you back by your belt loop as he sat on your nice maroon couch. You stood behind him by your end table with his back to the arm rest. He turned on the TV to see that Love Jones was playing.

“Aye, Y/N. This yo shit”, he said with a straight face. You smiled as you started. He was telling you about his “appointment” with from Ashley down the street. “She do got a fat ass. Especially when she got those sundresses on”, you said imagining her round ATL peach bottom at attention. Even though, you had a whole boyfriend and you were no where near gay, you still checked females out..especially with Erik. Erik chuckled at your remark and said “hell yeah. But, of course, you know I had to wrap my shit up because she get tossed around more than Mac and cheese on Christmas Day and I like my dick as it is, ya feel me? But yeah, so I’m tryna clap the fuck outta her cheeks but she running and shit so I held her ass down. Yooooo, but Y/N this chick got the ugliest fucking moan. She sound like one of them white hoes in porn and shit. My shit got mad soft, yo. No lie.” You laughed with your head back with a snort that your man hated but Erik loved.

“Damn, I can’t breath. Thanks for the laugh, E. I honestly needed that it.” He looked to you with stitched brows and asked “what’s poppin’, princess?” You saw his eyes as said “it’s Bryan. We got in a huge argument again.” You were finishing up the last dread and his line up. Erik rolled his eyes in annoyance with the petty arguments with your “man”. You went to wash your hands as he put on his du rag and made himself more comfortable. “What his bitch ass crying about now, girl?” You plopped down on the couch with two bottle Arizona watermelon drinks, with chips and subs you made for y’all. “Man, get this. This nigga over here complaining about you and shit.” Y’all sipped y’all drinks at the same time without knowing and placed them on your coffee table with a quiet burp from both.“The fuck is my name in his mouth for, Y/N?!? He betta check his self before I break his fucking neck.” You giggled and added “he tryna put shit in my head.”

“Like what?”

Y’all bit into your sandwiches and you said “he tryna tell me you was checking me out when was all together for the game.” You grabbed the remote and switched the channel to ESPN to see the highlights. Erik stopped from biting into his sub and looked at you. “Why he say that?” You leaned back with your arms on the back of the couch and said “something about you looking at me like you tried to fuck or something when we was all hugged up apparently.” You laughed and then he thought to him self.

He was sitting on the couch of your boyfriend’s house with you and all y’all guys friends watching the cowboys game. You wore a baby blue body suit with the ice Jordans and he wore a matching shirt with tan cargo shorts and his matching Jordans y’all got together on Black Friday. The Cowboys were about to make a touch down as y’all stood up, cheering. When they did, you all hopped up with joy and you jumped in E’s arms. He pressed y’all chests together as you wrapped your arms around his neck and legs around his waist. You held him tight then you landed on your feet to chest bump him and do y’all handshake; Bryan watched from the kitchen. When you all calmed down, you sat next to each other with his arm around your neck and your head on his shoulder as y’all high fived.

After that, you noticed the pitcher of beer half empty and also the bowl of tortilla chips and guacamole. “Oh shit, we out”, you said as you looked to the table then the TV as there was a commercial going on. You smiled to Bryan and kissed his cheek before getting up gathering everything to fill up. You straightened out your body suit as you stood straight. You side walk passed Erik and he watched you with loving eyes. He grabbed your wrist and asked “can you get me a sprite from the fridge, little momma?” You smiled and said “of course, boo daddy.” You and your friends all laughed, except for Bryan, who didn’t get the inside joke. But that’s a story for another day. You kissed his forehead and he used the palm of his left hand to touch the small of your back; Bryan wasn’t very fond of that affection between you two.

Erik looked at you with your eyes on the TV and watched as you got up to take y’all plates in the kitchen to wash. “Can you believe that shit, E? Bryan tripping, right?” You was met with silence but when you turned around he was standing right behind you, extremely close. “Why you want this punk ass nigga anyways, Y/N? You not happy wit him so why not try us out?” He held you close by the hips as his dark brown eyes softened. “Erik, what are you talking about?”

“Lemme take you away from him, come on. You not dumb so why be with him, huh?” You looked away from him and as he tried to caress your cheek, you smacked at his hand and walked away. “Erik, where the fuck is this coming?” He walked behind you on your heels and pulled on the loop of your pants. “Y/N, why you with him, hm? He accuses you of cheating all the time when you are the most faithful personI know. He probably fucking some other bitch while you here wit me” he said. You looked up at him with your brows stitched together and arms folded. “Erik, I love him, aight? He was my first everything.” He stepped back and said “not your first everything... remember? When we were middle school and we played truth or dare with DJ and nem. He dared us to kiss. I remember what you wore and everything. You had on the peach Baby Phat crop top with those flared jeans and some Keds. You had your hair in those cornrows with your baby hairs on point because if they weren’t you would spend hours until they were. When we kissed, your lips tasted like Cherry smucker chapstick and they were so soft. I bet they still are. I still can’t get over those lips” as he grazed the bottom one with his right thumb. You were in a daze to the point you never noticed he got closer, inches away from your lips. You pushed him and spat “E, we only kissed because it was a fucking dare. YOU really think I would have done that if it wasn’t ?!?!?!?!? AND BESIDES YOU FUCK OTHER BITCHES ON THE SIDE SO HOW I KNOW YOU GONNA BE FAITHFUL, HUH?!?!”

“BRYAN CAN’T LOVE YOU LIKE I DO, Y/N!!!!! YOU KNOW THAT SHIT, GIRL!!! HE TREAT YOU LIKE YOU ARE SHIT! WHY CAN’T YOU SEE THAT?!?!?! DAMN I THOUGHT YOU WERE SMARTER THAN THIS!!!!” He yelled as he was in your face, nostrils flared and everything. You felt a tear run down your cheek but turned fast enough to wipe it off as you went to open the door looking at him. “I think you should leave, Erik”. He looked at you, at the ground then slowly lifted his head up to see you with folded arms. He walked up to you but you looked away trying your hardest to not look into those beautiful eyes. He stood in the doorway and wiped your cheek saying “Y/N, I can’t stand seeing you unhappy with a no shit ass nigga so we might always not be friends anymore. I’m sorry, baby girl but I can’t stand to see my girl being played like that.” When you looked up to him, he kissed your forehead and left. You stood speechless as you closed the door. You had tears down your face.

A week had passed and you were at Bryan’s, watching TV for Movie Night. You wore a black tee that smelt like Erik just to remember him by along with some booty shorts he bought you when you were at Venice Beach. Bryan held you close and kissed your cheek, asking “everything okay?” You nodded and remained silent until you both heard Mario’s Crying Out For Me coming from outside. “Who is that blasting that music” Bryan asked. You ignored it until you heard “Y/N Y/L/N.” You stood with an arched brow and opened the door to see Erik leaning on his car that had that song on full blast. He wore an all black sweat suit you bought him. “BABY GIRL, come on. Listen to your heart. It’s crying out for me, Y/N. Please, princess. I know I ain’t got the money like he do. I live check to check but I can give you so much more. I wanna give you the world. I swear you aren’t just another notch in my belt. You are my everything. I can’t see myself with anyone but you, Y/N. Please give me a chance and I’ll show you, I’m not some fuck nigga like Bryan. I am in love with you, Y/N. I always been. Let a real nigga have you. I wanna make you happy, baby please. Lemme save you”, he said with tears coming down as he walked slowly to the locked gate.

Bryan stood beside you trying to hold your hand but you looked at his hand in yours and yanked it away with your eyes still on Erik. “E” you yelled as you walked away from Bryan, towards him and he said “wassup” with that damn smirk you loved so much. You ran to the gate, opening it and jumping in his arms with your lips making love to one another. He held you so tight you two could’ve been conjoined twins. “Damn, softer than I remembered. I wonder what else is softer”, he said with a squeeze of your behind making you laugh and snort in shock. “Better than Ashley’s” you asked and he said “girl, waaaay better.” He lifted you up with your legs around his waist, hand full of your behind and tongue in your mouth. “Aye, Y/N...what about me” Bryan said and like clockwork without separating, you both lifted a hand up and flicked him off. When he slammed the door, you both laughed and he said “I love you, princess.” You tussled his locks and said “I love you more, my prince.”

𝟚𝟘𝟙𝟠

“And that is how mommy and daddy got together”,

you said as you sat between the twin sized beds of your own set of five year old twin prince and princess.

“And what happened next, momma”,

Erik the Second asked. You looked to his beautiful almond skin, dark eyes and a cut like his father’s but his dreads were really long.

“Well, my prince. Daddy was so in love with momma that he soon proposed like months later”.

Nyla smiled big with cocoa brown skin and said

“really?”

You nodded and said

“yeah. I was and will always be a queen.”

You heard

“mommy made daddy get on a knee and propose. The king didn’t have a choice as usual.”

You looked to Erik who long dreads were braided back and wore a pair of silk pajama pants with a white v-neck showing his scars. You tucked your twists behind your ears and said

“negro, don’t lie to my babies.”

“Man, Y/N. Look, kids. If the Queen ain’t happy, then nobody can be.” You nodded and said “true. Daddy knows better.” Nyla looked at her baba holding her stuffed black panther with a gold chain close and asked “do you love momma, baba?” He walked in with folded arms, sat on your prince’s bed and looked to you as he said “more than anything and anyone in this world.” You smiled and looked at Nyla with a wink when you sat on her bed. Soon, the kids, fell sound asleep as you two stood, tucking them in and showering their little faces with kisses. You and Erik held each other’s hands as y’all walked to your shared bedroom. “So, did the king make the queen happy today”, he asked with his arm around your shoulder. You looked up to him and said “eh, could have been better.”

“Oh yeah?” He stood in front of you and looked up and down at the outfit that matched with his but you had on silk shorts instead. You poked his chest and said “yeah.” You smiled big biting into your lip and in one swift motion, he picked you up and put you on his big, broad shoulder. “E, you betta not drop me.” He smacked your butt and said “Y/N, I ain’t no weak nigga but this pull out game is about to be hella weak because how you lookin’ in these shorts...sheesh. I hope the kids ready for another brother or sister.” You both laughed, you with a snort of course, as he took y’all to your master bedroom and closed the door that read:

“𝕬𝖑𝖑 𝕳𝖆𝖎𝖑 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝕶𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝕼𝖚𝖊𝖊𝖓”.

@muse-of-mbaku @im5ftbutmythroat66 @chaneajoyyy @melanin-samii@theunsweetenedtruth @doux-ciel @unicornluvin8765 @vikkidc @wakandantings @thadelightfulone @mzamethystp @simbiann @tropicalsun10 @babydoll756 @notoriouslynay @vminax @quinsly @pinkdemolition @quietstorm-73 @chaoticcashfancroissant @bugngiz @chocolatedippedinhoney @yafavcocoa @lostgalaxies

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littledreamybeth · 7 years

Text

Tears & Fear

Okay this one is so messed up but blame it on my feelings! I recommend to listen to “Stockholm Syndrome” while reading because this song kinda inspired me to write this imagine. I don’t know how you feel about it so let me know! Picture is not mine and the GIFs belong to @stylesinthewild! Thank you for letting me use them! One question: Can you understand Y/N and the way she acted? I’d like to know!

Something wasn’t right. Something was definitely off with Y/N. She had been acting completely strange for a whole week for some reason. Harry couldn’t tell what exactly was wrong with her but he was absolutely sure that she somewhat tried to distance herself from him.

First, he didn’t really notice her change of behavior. She only had been very still and not very talkative. However, the lack of interaction they had in the last couple of days caught Harry’s attention after a while. He realised that they only exchanged a few words throughout this time which consisted of “How are you?”, “Are you hungry?” and “I’m at the studio”. Harry thought it was because of her recent working shifts till late hours and maybe she had been too fatigued to handle a conversation with him. Amongst other things, he wanted her to rest instead and they could always talk the day after anyways.

That’s what he thought. But Y/N proved him wrong. It almost seemed like she intentionally wanted to avoid him. Whenever he entered the room, she made sure to go to another and sometimes she didn’t even greet him fully like she always used to do when he came home- with a hug and a kiss on his lips. Harry missed that physical touch.

Sometimes she didn’t even look at him in the eyes when he was trying to talk to her, searching for something else to lock eyes with. And when Harry tried to reach out to her, asking her if everything was okay, she just let out a nervous laugh and claimed she was finer than she ever could be.

He knew she was lying which stung badly but never pressured her into talking to him, I mean if she had a problem or something bothering her she would come to him by herself. Besides, he thought maybe she was going through a phase – she often had one- and just needed some alone time to gather her thoughts and be the old Y/N again.

At week two, Harry finally decided to break the ice at dinner. Not a single word was spoken between them, they just silently ate their meal. Well, at least Harry did. Y/N just sat there, one hand rested against her cheek while she poked around in her plate with her thoughts being miles away from their apartment.

“Y/N?”

When she didn’t reply, Harry tried once again.

“Earth to Y/N. Are you still with me, miss?” He waved at her.

She lifted her head when she perceived his movements on the other side of the table. Furrowing her eyebrows at him, she let out a short, “I’m sorry?”

“What’s going on with you recently? Is something bothering you?”

Y/N just shrugged her shoulders. “I’m tired, that’s all. Work is taking a toll on me.”

“Come on, love. We both know that’s not the entire truth. You can talk to me, you know that.”

Harry didn’t miss to see the glistening in her eyes, making him worry about her condition and before he could say anything further, she rose from her chair and took the plate in her hands, placing it on the sink.

“I’m gonna go to bed. Goodnight.” she said bluntly, avoiding eye contact with him.

“But it’s not even nine PM and what about our movie night? We already skipped last week because you claimed you weren’t feeling well.”

“Harry, please, I’m not in the mood right now.”

“You’re not in the mood to do anything with me for what two weeks?” He commented with a sarcastic undertone.

“Goodnight, Harry.” She ignored what he said before and left him all alone with his thoughts drowning his mind.

The desire to continue eating was gone as soon as Y/N went away and out of anger because she refused to talk to him, Harry threw his fork on his plate with all the force he had. She had never been like this so what in god’s name was going on?

But as we know Harry, he was never willing to give up until he put a smile on the faces of people that he loved. Right after placing his own food next to Y/N’s, he made his way to their bedroom in which Y/N fled into not even five minutes ago.

He knocked on the door to make sure she knew that he was there and then let himself in.

“Love, can we talk please? I really don’t understand why you’re so off lately. Y/N? Why are you crying?” He immediately ran towards the bed on which she sat, her upper body resting on her knees and her arms being wrapped around her legs.

She felt the bed shifting under Harry’s pressure but when he intended to bring her body into a warm embrace she stopped him in a second.

“Don’t! Please, I- I want to be alone.”

“What happened, Y/N? What made you cry, love? Why won’t you tell me?”

“Please, don’t ask, just leave me be. I wanna be alone.”

“Love-“

“Out! Get out!” she said by interrupting him harshly, pointing at the door. Harry’s heart broke in an instant due to the harshness she was treating him with. He only wanted to help because hell he cared for her so much. Was he doing wrong? Shouldn’t a man comfort his woman when she was in distress? Nevertheless, he let her mourn whatever she was mourning over and if she wanted to be alone there was nothing left for him except to live with her decision.

He went back to the other side of the room, grasping the handle of the door. He didn’t exit the room before Y/N knew how much he loved her despite the quick argument they had. “I love you, petal. I’m at the study if you need me.”

If he just realised what kind of emotions his words had triggered in Y/N. Once he was out of reach, she couldn’t contain another wave of tears and went back to her crying mode. She slipped under the covers despite being still dressed in her normal clothes but she was too drained of her strength to get changed.

She turned on the radio on her nightstand. The first melody to the song she was listening to now along with Harry’s voice hit her ears. No matter how much she kept listening to this special song, it always managed to make her cry for two weeks straight. When Harry wasn’t at home but in the studio instead, she would turn it on and cry for hours. It was not the entire lyrics she could identify herself with but just a few phrases which applied to her emotional state.

“Who’s this whisper telling me that I’m never gonna get away?”

Stockholm Syndrome described perfectly her inner debate that she had for so many days. The “whisper” in her case was her emotion, her love for Harry, telling her she would never gonna get away from him. All this time, Y/N was being cold to Harry because she realised that she was on her way to become a lot dependent of him. She could never live without him. She was so emotionally bonded to him that her love for this human being tore her apart. It hurt so much but yet was so beautiful at the same time. She would have done everything for him.

“But I feel I’m getting used to being held by you”

This line described how there was no way she could escape from Harry’s cage made of pure love because she knew he would never let her run away from him. He had her completely under his power and Y/N would never want to resist breaking out which made everything even more complicated.

“Baby look what you’ve done to me /Baby you’ve got me tied down”

“Baby I’ll never leave if you keep holding me this way”

If she couldn’t find a way out of this dependence she would be lost, at least that’s what she thought.

“Yeah I fell for you...”

“I love you, too...” she choked, her heart hurting so much that she struggled to breathe. “So, so much.”

She cried the entire night, lulling herself to sleep this way.

Meanwhile, Harry was sitting in his study, scribbling something in his diary. Jeff had texted him if he wanted to join them to go out however he couldn’t live with himself knowing that he left Y/N alone with her situation. So he declined the offer.

After midnight, he chose it was the perfect time to stop his doings and finally join his love in their bed. It is an understatement to tell how much he wanted to be with her when yearning is the exact word to describe how he felt. He yearned for her. There was only a certain amount of time in which he could endure without her presence however his limit was already crossed a few hours ago. Whatever it was that bothered Y/N and made her push him away, left him in complete darkness and gnawed on his mind. For five hours straight, Harry was thinking about what he could’ve possibly done that she shoved him away and to be honest it made him damn crazy. Not knowing why and what your girlfriend was crying over is enough to make you wanna rip your hair off your head.

Her behavior confused him. Whenever she felt upset or down she always gladly accepted his attempts for a comforting embrace until she would relax and feel better again but this time she didn’t even gave him a chance trying to soothe her. The way she had reacted gave Harry even more determination to find out what was going on in that pretty little head of hers.

Rubbing over his eyes, Harry shut his diary close in which he wrote down some new songs ideas and placed it in the drawer of his writing desk. Standing up from his chair, he left his study and went straight ahead to their bedroom.

The lyrics to “Stockholm Syndrome” hit his ears when he arrived at their private paradise, sending Harry to a complete bewilderment because she still had that song on permanent loop. But why? What was special about it so that Y/N kept and kept listening to it for hours? He couldn’t know. The only solution was to ask her himself.

He carefully opened the door and peeked through the door gap just to find his girlfriend covered in the thick blankets. A sheet of handkerchiefs decorated her bedside table, indicating of how much she must have cried throughout these hours.

“Y/N?” he called for her but when he got no response in return, he assumed she probably fell asleep.

Therefore, he switched the radio off, leaving the room in complete silence.

Observing her profoundly, his heart pained at the sight of her. The image that was provided to him left him utterly speechless. The spot under her eyes and her cheeks were totally red from her crying, redder than anything he had seen before, her lips chapped and bitten until they bled. She breathed through her mouth because of her blocked nose and her fingers tightly clung onto the bed sheets.

She was a mess and it literally shocked him to see this side of her. Entirely broken and lost.

His hand reached out to her head, softly wandering through the strands of her hair. Such a simple gesture as this was filled with so much love and devotion for the sleeping beauty in front of him.

“Why wouldn’t you talk to me, love?” he sighed, then got up to get changed from his daily clothes into his pajamas. He neatly folded his shirt and jeans and put them back to their usual place in his dresser.

With his bare feet, he tiptoed back to the bed after he turned off the lights, lifted up the covers and slipped beside the woman he loved. A wave of relief washed over him now that he was able to hold her again. He spooned her from behind, wrapping his arms firmly but yet gently around her waist and pressing himself against her back. His face nuzzled her neck, one of his favorite places. His lips touched the bare skin of her shoulder. Leaving a content breath, he felt his limbs slowly getting start to become heavy.

“Harry?” Y/N’s voice called for him in the dark. Her sudden talking took him by surprise as he was about to fall asleep. He thought she slept already but what he wasn’t aware of was that Y/N woke up as soon as he had entered the room. He opened his eyes again.

“Hmm?”

“Let go.”

His head, which rested comfortably on the cushion before, shot up in an instant. What the hell? He turned on the light on his nightstand beside him. Furrowing his eyebrows confusedly, he moved forward so he could have a better view on the side of her face. There, he discovered that she had her eyes trained on the large bookshelf opposite of their bed.

“Excuse me?”

“I said let go. Please let go of me.” she said with her voice laced in a monotone tune, not pointing any hint of emotion.

“Why is that, love?”

“Just let go.”

“Did I do something for you to push me away?” he said, slightly angered, untangling his arms from her body. “Because if there’s anything then I have no fucking clue what I did.”

“Don’t be a baby because I won’t let you hold me, Harry. And no you did absolutely nothing.”

“What is this about then?”

“You’re asking too many questions tonight.”

“Because you gave me no other choice, for fucks sake!” Y/N flinched at the sudden rise of his voice. “For almost two fucking weeks, you kept ignoring me and never talked to me except if I talked to you. Fuck, you didn’t even look at my face so how can I not feel like I’ve done something for you to behave like this?”

“Stop, Harry. I can’t deal with this right now.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to disappoint you miss, but that’s exactly what were gonna do now. We’re gonna talk, whether you want it or not.”

The next second, Y/N jumped out of the bed, throwing the covers aside which hit Harry’s face without hurting him. Harry was shocked about her outburst.

“I can’t. I’m sorry, I can’t. This is too much!” Y/N sobbed into her hands, then immediately ran out of the room to the guest room next door.

Harry was hot on her heels. He couldn’t tell enough how his girlfriend’s behavior just confused him.

He heard how Y/N locked the door, shutting him out.

“Y/N! Open this god damn door before I crack it!” Harry screamed, punching hardly against the door and getting even desperate every passing second. “Come on, love! Open up!”

“Go away, please just go away! I don’t want to see you!” He perceived her muffled cries from the other side.

“Love, I’m worried about you, can’t you see that? Tell me what I did and I swear I’m gonna leave.”

The fast the door was locked, the fast it was opened again, with Y/N having a distraught expression attached on her face. Her eyes spit nothing but fear and worry. She shook her head in denial.

“No.. no no no no no.. Don’t leave... Don’t leave… Don’t leave… Don’t do that to me… please…”

She tugged at her hair, almost ripping those strands off her head and Harry was afraid she could hurt herself.

“Yell at me, scream at me, punch me in the face but don’t leave me, I’m begging you,” she choked, her breath labored and her heart paining and aching terribly.

“Hey, I would never leave you, love. I didn’t mean it like that.” Harry stepped closer to her.

“Easy, love, at ease,” Harry said, grasping the apple of her cheeks despite the tears that were streaming from her eyes and stroking them gently. Her breath faltered the more she cried and Harry noticed that if he wouldn’t find a way to calm her down, she may have a panic attack. He had her face firmly between his palms now, forcing her to lock eyes with him.

“Breathe, love, just breathe for me,” he ordered. “In and out, in and out. You’re doing so well, baby.” He pecked her slight sweaty forehead, assuring her that he was there for her and that everything was going to be fine.

“It hurts,” Y/N choked, feeling her pain tightening her lungs and cutting her from getting access to oxygen. “It hurts so much, Harry. I can’t take it anymore!”

“What hurts, baby? Tell me what’s bothering you. Let me help you.”

“I love you, I love you, I love you…” she rambled on and on, clinging onto his body, her hand fisting the material of his shirt while she cried on his shoulder.

Harry didn’t understand the world anymore. Was Y/N really crying because she loved him?

“I love you too, love. But what’s going on?” he asked nervously.

Y/N pulled away so she could look at his face. Her fingers played with the little hair at the end of his neck. She observed his beautifully sculptured features which shot another stream of theirs into her eyes. Her lower lip trembled enormously.

“I’m afraid, Harry.“ Her voice cracked. “I’m afraid of my own feelings. I’m afraid of loving you.”

Harry bent forward to capture their lips to a kiss. He felt like it was all she needed to relax. But deep down, he was still utterly confused.

“I don’t understand, love,” he stated. “Please, explain.”

Y/N, finally getting the control of her body back, took a deep breath from her nose before she replied, also giving him an answer why she acted the way she did throughout these days.

“What I feel for you is more than I can handle and it scares me. It scares me how much I love you. You- You’re gonna leave me. You’re either gonna leave me for somebody else or you gonna die on me one day but it’ll happen one way or another and I don’t know if I can deal with such a loss. I don’t know what I would do and I’m so anxious about it. Harry, my love for you is wider than the entire universe. Damn, if only words were enough to describe how I feel about you but they’re not. I don’t want to love you if it means it’s going to drag me down eventually. I don’t want to love you more than you will ever love me, Harry.”

Harry had the urge to laugh, but there was absolutely nothing to laugh about it. The whole time he thought he messed up something. However, the words Y/N spoke stung terribly. “I don’t want to love you more than you will ever love me” kept repeating in his mind. How could she say something like that? Didn’t she know already that Harry was willing to give everything up for her? That he would tear down the entire world for her?

“First of all, there is no way that you can love me more because I love you more than a man can ever love a woman. Y/N you make me so happy and so madly in love with you, I don’t even understand why you worry so much. You’re stuck with me forever, beautiful. I will never give you away because you’re mine and always will be. I wished you would have talked to me sooner about your feelings.”

“I’m not gonna force you to make a promise you can’t probably keep. It’s neither fair to you or me.”

“Do you doubt my love for you?”

“No.”

“Then stop talking nonsense. I already told you that you belong to me once and forever.”

“I’m sorry I was a bitch to you,” Y/N said sheepishly. She needed to make it up to him in the shortest time possible.

“Ahh, I’m not having you cursing at yourself, love. I’d rather know what had triggered this sort of feelings in you because this doesn’t come out of nowhere.”

“Both of my best friends lost their boyfriends and their relationships were the ones I admired the most. They were perfectly in love with each other just as we are, but then everything went downhill. One died in a car crash and the other one ended things with my friend. I couldn’t help but compare us to them. And it made me realise how much you have me wrapped around your finger,” Y/N confessed, slinging her arms around Harry’s body and pressing him against her.

“I won’t leave you anytime soon, love. I’d put my hand in the fire for that.”

He connected his lips lovingly to hers, showing all his love and affection with one single kiss.

Back in their bed , Harry was lying beneath her and she had her head rested on his chest. One of his hands ran softly through her locks while he let his other on run up and down her back soothingly. Y/N listened to the beating of his heat and felt the vibrations of his voice as he hummed the lyrics to “Just a little bit of your heart” that he wrote for another artist. The soft tune coming from his mouth lulled her to sleep.

“Just a little bit of your heart/ Just a little bit of your heart/ Just a little bit of your heart is all I want

Just a little bit of your heart/ Just a little bit of your heart/ Just a little bit is all I’m asking for...”

#harry styles imagine #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fic #harry styles writing #harry styles one shot #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry styles blurb #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles au #harry styles prompt

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