#me internally: i'm in danger
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my queer, mixed-race, enby ass:
my coworker: so I would describe my home deco style as nazi-esque
#me internally: i'm in danger#a real thing that was said to my face tonight#just in case y'all were wondering what it's like to work in banking in texas#this is it#this is what happy hours are like with these people#anyway it's been three hours and i still feel physically ill#danny.xls
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Just caught up with Natlan's archon quest and lord help me, I have a burning need to see Alhaitham and Ororon interact.
I truly feel that they would vibe perfectly. Not in a ship way, but like, in the way of Kaveh quietly wailing: "For archons' sake, he's brought another tacky thing into the house. Traveler, please do something; they've been staring eye to eye over the coffee table for like an hour now but haven't said a single word. I don't know what to do. Send help."
#genshin impact#alhaitham#ororon#they can bond over being raised by their grandmas!!#Ororon will bring his best aphid to share#Alhaitham will get Ororon some gardening book recommendations from Tighnari#this is how I get Ororon some gay uncles to go with his granny#look do I fully understand that the lore says Natlanese people can't leave Natlan?#yes#do I care?#no#insert “People with incomplete souls can go where they want” lore apologia here#okay here's how it happens#Ororon learns that his garden is infected by a rare and dangerous fungus that will kill all his precious vegetables#if he doesn't find a cure#so even though he doesn't have the protection of the Wayob and it is very risky#he takes off (without telling his granny... oops...) to the land of dendro to search for a way to fight the fungus#but with an incomplete soul he's even more vulnerable to the abyss's effect on Natlanese people#and ends up pretty much face down in a sand dune in the desert#Alhaitham on a research trip ends up finding him and lugging him back to Sumeru City#Kaveh is screeching internally; “You can't just kidnap unconscious people Alhaitham!”#“This is a person not a stray dog!!! WHY DIDN'T YOU TAKE HIM TO THE BIMARSTAN!”#“I figured you'd handle it.”#“You figured I--you--that *I* would handle it?!”#“What am I going to do Alhaitham?? Draw blueprints on his face until he wakes up?!”#“That worked on me once.” “YOU'RE THE WORST--”#“Are you two arguing because of me? I'm sorry...”#“DON'T APOLOGIZE ON ALHAITHAM'S BEHALF RANDOM STRANGER!”#“Okay. I'm sorry for saying I'm sorry.”#“AUGH!!!”
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Oh, To Die By Your Hands
Kanene's notes: IT SEEMS SO SERIOUS WITH THAT TITLE KJUHYTFRGHUJK Nah, just your normal tickle fic with not so much normal characters. Fit and Pac have been living rent free in my mind since before Purgatory and after their date??? I am dead on the floor. Get a man who will declare his feelings for you in your native language for real for real.
Warnings: Lots of nibbles, tickly kisses and raspberries in this one. Switch!Fit and Switch!Pac. Around 6.500 words. Also! I tried to add the way that Pac calls Fit because of his accent written on the fic because I think it's lovely and cute. Hope it isn't too much confunsing or strange :D
[~*~]
“Thank you for coming, Pac. Ramón really likes when you sing him that lullaby.” His voice was rough but soft, just like his entire form and self when it came to his son, his beautiful baby boy.
Pac smiled, also following his example and lowering his voice, closing the secured door of the kid’s room carefully before they both headed to the other room where they held their first date, a prep on his step. “It’s no problem, Fitch! Actually, I don’t know why he likes that one so much, it literally talks about how a Cuca, which is like… a kind of monster? I don’t know how to explain. But how she will grab, or better, uh, snatch the kid away because the parents are out working.”
A loud peal of laughter was pried from the mercenary’s lips, staring at the other with unbelief in his eyes. “Wait, wait, that is the actual meaning of the song?”
“Yeah, yeah! I don’t know why they made it so scary. I wouldn’t be able to sleep if someone sang it to me before putting me to bed.”
“Damn, brazilian lullabies are just at a hardcore level.”
“Teaches you to sleep with one eye open, right?”
“That is right, that is right.”
They shared smiles. Arriving at the place, the air was still light, but it wasn’t difficult to see the question itching Pac’s throat, wanting to jump out of his body. It was in the way that he walked closely by Fit side and how he kept sneaking glances at him, quickly deviating them to look around the room before going back to stare, keeping the cycle for a while. Each time his steps got closer and closer until their hands intertwined in a hold.
It made sense he would be like that, of course. Fit would be just the same if his boyfriend woke him up in the middle of the night asking him to come to his place to help to calm down his kid after a nightmare because he wasn’t able to.
Still, he was glad that no questions were asked, not when Pac arrived - barely half a minute later after he sent his message, sleep and anxiety clinging like a shadow to his form - and not now, as the storm seemed to have passed.
Shame, however, kept flowing hot in his veins. He and Ramón had been alone since… always, really. They both had dealt with each other’s nightmares and night terrors more times than they could count. This one wasn’t supposed to be different. Shouldn’t be different. He should be there the moment his boy opened the door of his room with tears streaming down his face, sobs stubbornly escaping from his firmly pressed lips and hands open for a comforting hug that Fit should be able to give, a rare show of a child that his baby boy was, but refused to demonstrate most of time.
And yet…
Fit himself hadn’t been much better. Hadn’t been better for a long time, now. Because everytime he closed his eyes the threat from Madagio filled his mind and nightmares kept permeating his every night for the past two weeks, crowding his mind with horrifying scenarios that shouldn’t, but shook his core.
Usually, he would just wake up, push all of it - the feelings, the fears, the screams begging for their life - deep down his chest and hope that it wouldn’t come back to bite him in the ass.
Nevertheless to say, as all the things in life, it definitely did.
Because that night, when Ramón looked at his face - and god knows what he saw there - he stopped right in his tracks and carefully signed his name. He had been crying, he had been crying and scared and tired and all Fit could think - because words simply didn’t come out, no matter how much he tried to spill, spit them to comfort his kid - is that he could kill him. So quickly. Easily, even, with a twist of his wrist, a swipe of his trident, a pull from his bomb stacks, he could kill him and suddenly he was frozen on the spot, unable to even get closer to his son.
If Madagio had any power like the Federation, it could control him and destroy his most precious riches in a matter of seconds. It wouldn’t need to come to the island. It wouldn’t even need to pull Fit from it to make his life a living hell.
“There is something that we need to talk, Pac. Please take a seat.”
So, he called Pac. He deserved to know exactly what he was getting into (how many times would they have this kind of conversation?) and Ramón deserved a father who would actually get his shit together and get over it.
Pac gulped and looked at him slightly startled, knowing very well what the serious tune could mean, probably with a thousand of scenarios already running at light speed in his mind. “O-of course, Fitch.”
He then softly squeezed his hand - because there was no universe where Pac wouldn’t be perfect and strong and there but sometimes Fit seemed to forget that so he had to remind him - and let it go, sitting on the blue couch Fit recently added on the room and expectantly waiting for the other to do the same.
Which he promptly did - of course, because there wasn’t any universe where he would go and Fit wouldn’t immediately follow him.
“Wine? What about wine? Do you want some wine?” The brazilian offered, pulling glasses from his well trusted backpack and a bottle from the refrigerator nearby.
“Already wanting to take me to bed, Pac? Wow.”
“No! Stop it.” Pac lightly shoved his arm, both chuckling for a bit before Fit sobered, taking a deep breath and a sip of the liquid. It was good stuff, probably from Aypierre’s vines. “Thought we were here to have a serious conversation, no?”
“We are.”
Fit stopped, pondered how he would put it in words. It didn’t matter, there was no easy way to put it.
“Pac, would you kill me if it was necessary?”
The scientist sputtered, almost choking on the wine before turning in alarm to stare at the other, his gaze zig zagging across his body as if it would transform at any moment into an enemy, a monster in disguise pretending to be his boyfriend right in front of him.
He didn’t doubt Pac’s abilities, even if Pac himself hardly believed in them. He was an extremely good fighter, going through monsters and battles with a calm demeanor and precise, strong attacks that ended the conflict as soon as possible. Fit was very skilled, himself. But he was sure that if Pac used one of his brilliant plans and his scythe, it would take a lot, but he would eventually come down.
But, for that, he needed to know if Pac would go through with the plan.
“Why, why that, Fitch? Did something happen? Are you feeling weird? Is it…” He got closer. Fit’s heart beated louder. If it was him… if it was him it wouldn’t be so bad. “Is it the Federation, again?”
“No. It’s… the other.”
Understanding downed in his expression. “Oh. Did he contact you again?”
Fit shook his head. “No. But it did say that it would hurt you if I tried to betray our contract and I am not planning to but, Pac, I need to know if you’ll do it. If I become a threat.”
Pac bit his lower lip, thoughtfully. Fit’s muscles relaxed, glad to know he was taking this as a serious worry, not just some unfounded fear.
“We will save you. Just like we did before, just like you did to me, Fitch. I, I will be there for you too, when you need and for as long as you need, if you’re gone we will bring you back.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I don’t, but, if I have to kill you, Fit… how will I tell this to Ramón? Or Sunny? WHo is going to be her bodyguard? And what about the morning crew? Are we supposed to just… stay?”
“You are all very strong and I am sure that-”
“No.” His voice was determined, sad. His hands gestured widely. “No, no, no. I am not leaving you behind, Fit. What about when I’m in danger, who will rescue me? Who will share the island’s fofoca with me? Or give me a refrigerator full of food on the first date? Or kill the eye workers when they attack or tease Tubbo when he goes on a date with Fred, or help us to take care of Sunny, or, or, or…” Fit held the other’s hands, squeezing it tight when he started to talk too fast, snapping Pac out of his thoughts, making him take a big breath. “No. You can’t go away, Fitche. Never. I won’t let them take you too.”
Oh.
Oh.
Yeah, that… that made sense.
This was Pac, who the first thought when seeing his friend being drugged and controlled by the Federation was going under the same treatment so he could find a cure for it. The one who forgave Cellbit in a heartbeat when he told him he had changed. Who refused to kill him - even before the date, when Fit couldn’t even put in words his feelings for the other - during Purgatory. Who threw himself into mines and danger easily without thinking twice and would do all of it again an again if it meant keeping someone he cared about safe, even when the Federation kept taking his family one day after the other. He would do it in a heartbeat.
It made sense he didn’t want to lose another one. He was smart, strong, kind… Fit would trust him with his life into his hands in a blink of an eye.
But…
“If I hurt Ramón, Pac. If ever get close to hurt any of the eggs…”
“I will lock you, Fit. And I, we! We will find a cure again. None of them will die and you don’t need to die either.”
“Do you promise?”
Pac nodded, composure and eyes kept firm in their place, holding him down and reminding him he was no longer on this alone. “I promise, Fit. And if your boss cat comes here to hurt them… Then we will kick his butt, right?”
Fit snorted, if it was anyone else, he would doubt, throw their words away as a senseless attempt to comfort him, without true meaning. His boss was god, some kind of entity with power enough to pull him out of a world of literal destruction and throw him into a dimension where all of it never existed. However, this was Pac. Both he and Mike have proven over and over again that there was no place, no rule, no limit that they weren't able to overcome and laugh at their face when the managed to overcome it.
Maybe… If it was him.
He could believe it. Besides, Pac did promise that he wouldn’t let him hurt the children. They were always the priority, afterall
“Yes, we will. Thank you, Pac.” He took a deep breath. Since he already started, he could as well…
Talk. About stuff.
“Sometimes I… worry about, uh, what I can do.”
(Kill. Maim. Destroy. Break it down piece by piece until there is nothing left. Watch in the shadows and continue his way quietly through all the screams.)
Pac understood what he meant. “Oh. It’s fair. I think, it must be hard, when you think about it…” He then squeezed his hand before letting them go, starting to count on his own fingers. “But, I don’t think you should worry about it, Fitch. You can do a lot of awesome things, too! You’re a really good cooker, you can make very cool bombs and explosions, you’re good at hide and seek, at saving me when I am down. You are also very good at hiking and training, which makes sense, right? With how muscular and great you are, also-”
“Pac,” Fit voice’s took a firm tune, pulling Pac from his rambling and immediately catching his attention, wide black eyes turning at him attentively. “Pac, I was made for killing. All of this is just…”
(It doesn’t matter.)
“Nah.”
Fit blinked once, twice, quite astonished at how nonchalant the scientist sounded. Stared at those beautiful, soft eyes that watched him with a playful light that somehow nothing on the Island had been able to destroy. Strong. “Sorry?”
“I don’t think you were made for killing, Fit. No one is only able to do one thing and everyone can change. Besides… it gave you a lot of skill, right? Surviving there. That is why you’re one of the best fighters on the island, Fit! The codes, the eye workers… even Cucorucho is no match for you. You’re so strong, fierce, cool, fit and,” Pac’s determined tune tripped a little bit as his words got faster and a tad more distracted, his eyes deviating from his stare, looking at his face, arms, torso… Fit would be lying if he said he didn’t like how it hovered for a little while on his chest and muscles, “and you’re good looking too! Awesome, ruthless, muscular, handsome...”
“Ahalright!” Fit cut him before his face melted from how hot it felt, the tip of his ears feeling like they were on fire. His voice seemingly broke Pac out of his mind and made him immediately attempt to hide his face on his hoodie, trying to jump away to hide and being stopped by the gentle hand still holding his, keeping him close. That didn’t prevent more embarrassed snickers from also filling the air. “Sorry, sorry, I got distracted.”
“Take it easy, big boy, take it easy.”
Fit only laughed harder when the teasy nickname made the other shout in protest, a light hit landing on his shoulder. It successfully distracted him enough so his head peaked again from the deepness of his blue hoodie, so Fit counted it as a win. Especially when a playful gleam took over Pac’s glare.
“Actually, Fitch, I think you were made for something.”
“Oh, you think so?”
Pac got closer, smiling, nodding in such an innocent way that could only mean trouble.
“Yeah, for kisses.” He laid his head on his shoulder and Fit could feel goosebumps travel his entire body from the skin contact. His voice became lower, slower, certain. “Can I kiss you, Fit?”
Fit definitely didn’t bluescreen, half words and meaningless sounds leaving his mouth in a string of incoherency that lasted a couple of minutes before he finally managed to get himself together enough to shove an actual sentence, with a too high pitched tune, through his throat. “I-I mean, of course you can, Pac! If, ah, if you want to.”
Pac’s answer was a single kiss placed in his collarbone before the brazilian focused his administrations on his neck. Soft, warm lips leaving a trail of tingles and electricity whatever they touched. Fit could feel the care in each one and it felt… nice.
Cozy.
Warm.
Tickly.
Ok, actually, it was very, very tickly.
Fit closed his eyes and turned his face around, trying to hide the beginning of a smile that grew bigger with every light - so, so, so light - peck grazing his skin. Not wanting to actually ruin the sweet moment between them, especially after Pac got the courage to ask for what the mercenary had been wanting to do for a while.
(Cuddle and kiss his boyfriend. Oh god, when did he become such a softie?)
The problem with his hiding tactic is that it only left more spots in the open for Pac to attack and bash in attention, not leaving a single patch of skin alone without a caring goodbye kiss, unknowingly breaking piece by piece Fit’s barriers.
He twitched when his boyfriend got too close to the line of his jaw, the warmth racing up to the tip of his ears in a way he hoped that Pac didn’t realized. The one with blue hoodie and attentive eyes stopped in a hitched breath. Waited.
Fit got his racing heart and tickly tingles under control. He was not going to lose to a few accidental tickles. He was not.
He squeezed Pac’s and drew circles on the back of his hands, turning at him with a teasy smirk and crooked eyebrows.
“Oh, is it my turn now?”
Pac giggled and shook his head. “Wait, wait, I still got…”
Without finishing his sentence he dived and placed a light kiss right under his chin, successfully catching the other out of guard and making one of various locked snickers wheezily flee from his lips, quickly being followed by others when Fit tried to cover his smile, turning around once again.
“Oh, god, I am doing this wrong, aren’t I?” Pac pushed himself away and grumbled, starting to search in his pockets for his warpstone, increasing the other’s snickery fit. “Ok, ok, that is it.Thank you so much for calling, I had an incredible time so now I am going to throw myself off the Cristo Redentor and then go to bed, good night, Fit. Tell Ramón I loved him and tell Richas to take a shower, bye.”
“No, no, Pac. Calma, calma.” Fit held one of his wrists, pulling Pac back to his place on the sofa, chasing his black eyes when they kept running away from his while the scientist kept shaking his head from side to other in a dramatic despair. Fit ended up resting his other hand on his cheek, guiding his look back. “I would never laugh at my brazilian boyfriend.” He tried to not grin smugly when that melted the other’s pout in a shy smile “The kisses just tickled me, that is all.”
That immediately brought Pac’s attention. “Wait, Fit… you’re ticklish?”
“It seems like I am, but I am not sure. Not a lot of chances for bonding and laughing when fighting for your life in 2b2t.”
“Oh, I see.” Silence, Pac’s wrist wiggled out of his hold and suddenly there were warm hands flying to his neck, fingertips dancing on it, blunt nails and wiggly fingers tickling the sensitive spot softly. “So, you’re ticklish.”
Fit huffed a laugh at the strange feeling, instinctively scrunching up his neck all while he tried to not pry Pac’s hands away. Same hands that now spidered their way up to his ears, tracing them and giving each one a few scratches, Pac watching in awe as their tips became more and more colored with each passing second.
“Oh my god, Fit, your ears are so red! Are you blushing? That is really, reeeally cute, you know?”
Fit’s shoulders began to shake slightly with the effort to keep all the giggles and laughter trapped inside, the task growing more and more difficult as Pac kept his exploring. Fingers tapping their way down to the mercenary’s ribcage, making his torso twitch from one side to another as they started skittering up and down, tracing senseless drawings and forms on the spot. Another fleeing snigger escaped from his firmly pressed lips. There was no way such light, barely even touching touch could tickle that much.
“You can laugh it out, Fit. I bet it will feel much better! Besides,” the gleam in his eyes got sharper and Pac didn’t really lower his voice, but something in his tune changed, a turning point that made a shiver run down Fit’s spine. It didn’t feel like something truly dangerous but alerts began flashing in his mind when the touch became just a tad firmer.
Fit had to push down the squirms that threatened to push the other away. “You can’t just keep all that laughter only for yourself, now, that wouldn’t be fair. No, no, not fair at all. Keeping all those giggles and snickers hidden from me. Trapped inside. They deserve to be free, you know? So everyone can see how cute they are.”
“Pac…”
But then Pac started digging and his barrier broke. Loud laughter immediately followed the hands vibrating in between his ribs, scribbling, looking for any special spot that would make Fit go insane. Not that he was very far from this, now, head being thrown backwards with how strong his crackles were, because nothing in the world could ever prepare him for the feeling that was being tickled, to have each nerve screaming but not in pain, to have each touch bring a new kind of electricity that traveled his torso and filled his heart with a warmth that made him want to jump out of the sofa and at the same time bring Pac closer.
A curious prodding in a spot in his highest ribs that was almost on his back and Fit slammed his body on the cushion, a snort being pried from his lips and quickly being followed by another and another when the fingers kept drilling and kneading on the spot non stop.
Then he heard it, low as a whisper. “Beautiful….” It came in an awed voice, and in between half lidded eyes Fit saw the one with black hair shake his head, as if getting himself together before slowing down the tickling, thumbs rubbing the remnant tickles as he stared at him. “Sorry, Fitch, I, caham, I got, uh, distracted. Are you okay?” He nodded, chuckles taking over his words and disappearing with any hope of saying something without descending in more of a waterfall of giggles. Still, he tried, the proud smile in Pac’s face erasing his embarrassment in how silly he sounded giddy like this.
“I’m fine, just surprised that I am dating a tickle monster.”
The brazilian laughed, shaking his head and hiding his face on Fit’s shoulder. “Não, não, não (No, no, no). Mike is actually the tickle monster in our team. I just learned a lot from playing fights with him.” Pac trembled in an exaggerated shudder. “He is merciless.”
“Really?”
“Uh hum.” Pac hummed, thoughtful, before doing a little ‘pop’ sound, hands washing down to his sides, tapping senselessly there. “He had this kind of attack where he would be talking to you and suddenly he would start to tickle you and like, it would be really, really light so you didn’t actually, you know, like, died laughing? But at the same time it would be crazily ticklish! Following you around no matter how much you squirmed or snickered.”
“P-pac, come on…”
The other just hummed, still talking and hands still spidering in their resting position, taking turns in between drawing circles on his sides, feeling how his torso would shake with a new round of chuckles blossoming anew, and scratching the little dive of his hips to make them grow faster.
“Then he would try to keep a conversation going and complain like ‘are you even paying attention to what I’m saying, what’s going on?’ as if he didn’t know what was happening, can you believe?! And you couldn’t just… walk away or keep silly giggling non stop and not answer him, because you’re still in a conversation and that would be rude, right? So you’re just there, laughing and wiggling and it always drives me crazy!”
Fit nodded, knowing the feeling very well, in his opinion. His brain trying to pay attention to his words but getting totally distracted by his own attempts to not wiggle around so much because everytime his body trashed to one side, Pac would just dig his fingers on his sides and drum, which made him jump in the other direction only to receive the same treatment, creating a maddening cycle almost impossible to escape from.
Once again, laughing began flooding the room, high pitches and wheezy giggles chasing around one or two squeals when a tentative squeeze grazed the spot before quickly jumping away, the unexpected playful attacks blending with the soft scribbles and somehow making him not being able to predict nor prepare for one or the other.
“And then, out of nowhere he would get bored and that is where it lies the danger, Fitch.” Pac’s voice took a turn to a lower tune, torn between a warning and a threat. His tickling came to a halt, fingertips just laying on his waist with occasional twitches. What was more strange, though, was how, even so, the janitor couldn’t stop the titters taking over his mind and body. He wondered if that was how he would finally die, undone and destroyed by his very lovely boyfriend. Pac snickered in mischief and amusement, breaking his mask for a couple of seconds before cleaning his throat and coming back to his persona, interlocutor voice back again.
“Because, when he stops it means that he is getting bored. You know that he is getting bored and he knows that you know that he is getting bored and that it is just a matter of time before he decided that is enough and something happens” he highlighted the word by spidering quickly across his ribs. His voice sounded like it was closer. “So you just stay there, quiet, waiting for the moment he will strike.”
Fit held his breath, eyes closed. His smile was so big that it traveled from one ear to the other. No more laughter was falling from his mouth, but his shoulders still bounced with the phantom tickles that freely pricked his skin and seemed to follow his every squirm. Pac’s hands felt warm - dangerous - where they touched and he was pretty sure that his entire face would melt at some point of this game.
He waited.
Waited. Nothing.
A kiss was pressed on his forehead.
He opened an eye, muscles immediately untensing and relaxing with the scene, even if adrenaline still ran without control in his veins, of Pac happily smiling, just a few centimeters from his face.
“Oi, Fitch.”
“Roi, Pa-ACK!”
Loud, uncontrollable and unstoppable laughter filled the room, Fit still tried to finish his sentence before giving up and succumbing to the snorts and wheezing that took over his laughter. Squeezes, drumming and prodding attacked his sides, kneading on the ticklish spot before scratching their way up to his ribs, burying themselves there and then keeping their way up to his armpits - poking and scribbling and making him lock his arms on his torso - until it got to his ears, changing the loud peals of booming laughter to a hysterical string of snickers only to make he go back to crackling when he attacked his sides again and again, alternating between each and every tickle spot so he couldn’t picture where he was going to tickle next.
Fit could even swear that at some point he felt a squeeze in his knees that fished a chortle from his lips and an uncontrollable kick from his legs.
It lasted only a couple of minutes. All the electricity and tickly buzzing teased and made him laugh like nothing else mattered, loud and free even when, between his own amused giggling, Pac ceased his mean attack and watched with a giant grin as the other tried to regain his breath, a light blush dusting his face.
“You were saying, Fitch?”
Nonsense. That was exactly what Fit was about to say. Because his brain kind of became a mush after all that attack and the airy giggles that kept flowing from his throat didn’t exactly help him to gather his thoughts nor fade the hotness running still on his face.
“I, er, huh…” and there it was, the sentence got lost to jumpy snickers again. Fit brought a hand to hide them and try to gain at least save a bit of face, but a quick poke on his defenseless armpit made it go immediately down again. He glared without any real heat at his boyfriend, who lifted his arms in rendition.
“Sorry, sorry. I’m done for real, now.”
The silence was extended for a few pieces of time, stretching across them like a cat after a nap.
Fit was the one who broke it.
“That is Mike’s…” He coughed, cleaning his throat “special tickle attack, then? I can see why you call him merciless.”
“Nah, actually that is my own technique. Mike prefers to catch a person out of guard and tickle while taunting them until they promise to make something for him.”
The surprised, amused huff of laughter that came out from the mercenary’s mouth didn’t have anything to do with wiggly fingers this time and Pac joined him.
“You’re such a sneaky guy, Pac, you’re such a sneaky guy.”
“Thank you. Gotta learn from the best right? Maybe someday me and Ramón will team up and win the hide and seek against you.”
“Hmm, you probably would. But maybe I can convince Richarlyson to help me?”
“It would be good. Richas is the best in hide and seek. He would really like to. Hey! We should set up a playdate with them in our Hide and Seek arena. We can even call Tubbo and Sunny, maybe even Philza with Chayanne and Tallulah, if they are awake. The more the merrier, right?”
Fit was sure that if he was shapeshifter like Tubbo, without even wanting to, his eyes would be heart shaped. It never ceases to amaze him how Pac could accept and love everyone - him - like they were and would always be a family to him.
“But, so?” The brazilian wiggled his eyebrows, a smirk opening in his face. “How is it the experience of being tickled for the first time?”
Maddening. Tortuous. Able to make someone go crazy, he was sure. Surprisingly tiring and unexpectedly effective. Strange. Itchy. A lot. Hard to explain.
But also, it was extremely caring. Warm. Soft. Funny. Bonding. Weird. Extremely silly. He couldn’t stop his smile and thoughts about the gleam and shine in Pac’s eyes when he discovered a new spot or how - strangely enough - light and giddy he was feeling right now.
Besides, he never was self conscious about his laughter or anything but listening to Pac calling him… beautiful, in such an amazed voice… Well, his ego really couldn’t complain.
“It was fun.” He decided to go with that, a playful grin in his face, his hands holding Pac’s and intertwining their fingers.
“Oh, I’m happy in hear that! Actually, I-”
“But…” Fit cut him, purposely deepening his voice in a tune that never failed to catch the other of guard, sending a cold shiver through his muscles. “I can think of something even more fun.”
“Y-yeah?” Pac’s blush deepened when he looked at the dangerous, sharp, determined shine in Fit’s eyes, his entire mind getting overcomed with a choir of excited screams, burning face at realizing how their intertwined hands was both a soft gesture and a restrain.
Damn, he was really, really gay.
“Uh hm,” his tune now was almost like a purr of a predator watching his prey wobbly smile back and hold his hands tighter together, knowing very well his fate and still not even trying to escape from it. “It’s something that back on 2b2t we liked to call… revenge.”
With a swift move he pulled their hands and lead Pac to lose his equilibrium, falling backwards on his lap, one hand keeping his arms up and the other lifting his hoodie just the slightest bit, the actual perfect amount for him to immediately shove his face on his stomach and start blowing raspberry after raspberry, quick and ruthless.
“FITCHE!” The sound that came out of his mouth could barely be called a word, the high pitched shout being quickly taken over by a hysterical crackling that made his entire body shake with each laughter.
His boyfriend just chuckled, lifting his head just enough that his next words would be audible to the other, each one buzzing on the ticklish skin and making tiny, tickly electric shocks dance freely across it. “Oh my, Pac, what a delicious belly you got right here. One of the richest, rarest delicacies I’ve ever seen.”
“NONONO, FITCH!” He kicked and trashed, trying to roll away from his predicament but being firmly held in place by the other, which was kind of nice, since he wasn’t sure how to explain to Fit that he definitely wasn’t going to run away if he had the chance.
Still, that didn’t stop the fast, airy and high giggles of painting every syllable of his pleas that began flowing like a stream from his lungs, becoming more and more intelligible with each protest. “Please, please, Fitch anything but that! I will do anything you want! Do you wanna know all Mike’s most ticklish spots? Eu posso te dizer! (I can tell you!) he has this place right under his knees that if you poke he starts making ‘wee’ sounds e é muito engraçado (it’s very funny) Fitche por favor, espera, espera, wait!”
“Sorry, Pac, nothing I can do. I just have to try a little. Raspberries are so delicious and I just… I just gotta, ya know? I just gotta try a little, the tiniest little bit.” He lowered his head once again, carefully and softly nibbling on the ticklish skin and doing a bunch of ‘oh nom nom nom’ sounds as he did so, smugly relishing in how louder Pac’s laughter sounded at this, random portuguese and english being mixed in a series of incoherent talking that he couldn't even hope to understand, even with the translator.
The raspberries and nibbles began taking turns, dancing all across his stomach and sometimes even escaping to attack one lower rib or two in a way that usually drove Ramón crazy. It was kind of funny and endless endearing to realize that both of his boys were extremely weak for the same kind of tickle attack.
All the while Pac was simply dying. There was no other way to describe it. He was utterly and completely dying, losing every tread of.. everything that wasn’t thinking about how much it tickled and laughing both because Fit (Fit!!!!! His boyfriend Fit!!!!) was teasing and tickling him and also because as it seems he was the goofiest dork that ever existed in this world while doing that and somehow that made all the butterflies flying crazy on his belly and tickly electricity following his nerves one hundred times worse and ticklish and it was amazing.
Fit enjoyed a couple more minutes of the silly attack, fondly realizing how much more hysterical and loud the crackles got everytime he added more “hmmm” and “nom nom nom” sounds.
“There we go, big boy.” He lifted his head and got a glimpse of a gigantic, dazzling smile and a red face before Pac immediately hid it behind his hands, wheezes and snickers filling the room.
“Shuhuhut up!”
Fit grinned, but let go of the teasing and took pity on his brazilian boyfriend. He could quite understand why Pac seemed so happy in destroying him minutes ago. There was just a something that made his heart beat faster just in realizing that he was the reason why Pac was so happy and giggly.
Also, the way that the brazilian’s accent got stronger, especially while saying his name in between unstoppable, uncontrollable giggling… Fit thinks he could live with that, yeah.
“Oh my god, Fitche… and you call me merciless.”
The ex-mercenary chuckled. His eyes hovered over Pac’s face, making sure that he was still breathing and alive (he hadn’t taken too far, did he?) when suddenly his look got attracted to his neck, the memory of what started all of this popping like a flashing lamp in his mind.
“Pac…” It was the low voice again, lighter, but still there. Pac’s entire body froze still for a second and alarmed eyes turned to stare Fit, who seemed strangely fixated on his hoodie. “Is your neck ticklish?”
Oh.
Oh.
Pac 100% blamed the gay screaming in his head for his next words.
“YES!” The shout was as excited as it was loud, making both of them wince at it, Fit looking at the one with black hair with a faintly surprised, crooked eyebrows. “I mean, er, assim, uh, no!!! It’s actually not! NOt even a little bit! What even is ticklish, you know? I don’t even speak english, senhor Fitch eme ce, na verdade, essa é a minha primeira vez aqui na ilha, quem é você e… Não!” (sir Fit eme cee, actually, this is my first time here in the island, who are you and… No!)
The babbling was promptly cut when, once again, Fit chuckled in mischief and shoved his head on Pac’s neck.
Butterfly kisses followed the line of his jaw, attacked that spot under his chin, tickled the place where the collarbone and the neck met, each patch of sensitive skin getting a kiss and a raspberry as a gift, making a series of snorts and high dazed giggles quickly follow the initial surprised shriek and jump around the entire room, Pac’s arms coming to rest on the other’s chest, partially pushing him away and partially holding him, legs kicking behind them with how much adrenaline and giddiness jumped across his muscles and filled his heart.
Pac hid his face on the crook of Fit’s neck, attempting to at least survive a few more seconds from dying of embarrassment, each snort and hysterical high pitched snicker sealing even more his fate and putting another nail in his coffin.
A few curious squeezes on his sides and a final, long raspberry and then Fit finally let him go, watching as the other got his breath again, forgetting for once to hide his blush and brilliant smile into his hoodie, looking completely lost in his own laughing fit. Adorable.
Sometimes Fit wondered how could he be so lucky.
A loud click and a flashing light brought both of them out of their thoughts. Pac almost falling from the sofa when he turned around and saw Ramón quickly hid a camera behind his back while passing three copies of the pictures to Richas, who stopped making gagging noises to hide them on his protected backpack before the adults could take it.
“Richarlyson, Me dá essas fotos!” (Give me those pictures!)
“Ramón, what are you doing awake? You should be sleeping. It’s late.”
Ramón had the sense to look at least a tad admonished, but the expression quickly disappeared when Richas began jumping on the same spot, wiggling from one side to another like he always did when he wanted to cause more mischief. The kids exchanged a look.
“Nenê (Baby), no. Don’t follow Richas��� example, he is a little demon.”
The sandal that went flying across the room and hit the brazilian in the face - which actually led to him falling from the cushions - only further proved this fact. Still, Richas let out plenty of offended noises while getting his sandal back, showing off his tongue when Ramón shoved him and shook his head in disapproval.
Fit tried his best to not laugh and sound serious. “Richas, do not hit your dad.”
“Don’t worry, Fitch.” Pac tapped his arm, getting up from the floor, tsking. “There is no other way, I guess. I’ll have to kill him. Yeah, it was fun to have a son for a while.”
The mercenary laughed, knowing very well how much of a weak heart Pac had for his little troublemaker. “Calma, calma, Pac. I think I have the solution. Since the kids are feeling so… energetic, we should probably tire them out before putting them back in bed, right?”
He also got up and gave Pac a Look, pretending to not see Ramón pulling Richas’ sleeve and exchanging warning words to him, knowing very well what that playful, dangerous shine in his dad’s eyes meant.
Pac grinned, mirroring his own devilish expression. “I think you’re right, Fit.”
Richas once again wiggled around in energy, his dragon tail tapping on the floor while Ramón threw a flower at Pac (smart boy, Fit thought, winning the melting heart from the dad that would have more mercy, very smart) and jumped on the same place, smiling and nodding in excitement.
He then pulled Richas away, starting the chase. Pac immediately following behind with joyfuls “I’m gonna catch you!”.
Fit chuckled.
Maybe Pac was right.
Maybe life - he - was more than just die and kill.
Well… he rolled his shoulders and followed his family in their game, laughing excitedly. He would have to enjoy it while it lasted, then.
#I couldn't help myself. I just HAD to make Pac's accent getting stronger when he is being tickled. I JUST HAD TO.#One day I will write a tickle fic where someone learn the word 'cosquinha' and keep teasing the brazilians about it that day is not today#Because I Would Die. Fall on the floor completely dead.#Fit: I'm a monster Pac // Pac twirling his hair giggling kicking his legs: that man could destroy me hehehe#Sometimes I worry for their mental health#Fit: *is silly* // Pac: *internal non stopping gay screaming*#Pac: a // Fit: You're absolutely right#qsmp tickles#qsmp tickling#Switch!Fit#Switch!Pac#Ticklish!Fit#Ticklish!Pac#Kanene's fic#Kanene's fanfic#Still not over Pac saying that he would kiss marry and kill Fit and Fit answering with 'I like my man dangerous' like GET OUTTTT#I'm going to become homphobic in the end of this I am telling you I can no longer take this I had to keep pausing their date because-#-*I* KEPT GETTING GIDDY AND EMBARRASSED LIKE GET OUT OF HEREEEEE YOU'RE MADDLY IN LOVE YEAH WE KNOWWW#Fun fact here Fit prefers to tickle attack his loved ones with raspberries and stuff because he doesn't trust his hands to be gentle :D#Sorry :')
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if netflix makes Luo Ji non-chinese I'm going to throw myself off a fucking cliff
#*incoherent screaming*#if i have to see another “but netflix has to make the characters appeal to the bigger audience” comment im going to fucking lose it#i have a bar of deviation for adaptations. examples:#lotr: its all fine and dandy i love it#the hobbit: getting a little close to dangerous territory but i'll take it#dune: perfection#foundation: no wtf#rop: DO NOT FUCKING SPEAK TO ME OF THIS SHOW#i will still watch 3bd when it comes out#but I will be fucking PISSED if what i'm seeing about the characters is real#“give them personalities” ok yeah sure im fine with that#“the plot affects the entire population of the earth” ok sure but why are 75% of the cast non asian now.#“we need diversity! plus you need the audience to appeal to the audience” im going to fucking bite you. fuck off.#no hate to the actors i'm sure they did a great job its not their fault anyway#but seriously if they made luo ji non-chinese im actually going to fucking lose it#3 body problem#three body problem#remembrance of earth's past#netflix#actually if they made zhang beihai non-chinese as well then i'm just going to- *internal screaming*
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Any judgement on (Richard III)’s reign has to be seen as provisional. The critic of the reign only has to consider how the Tudors would now be regarded if Henry VII lost at Stoke, to realize the dangers of too many assumptions about the intractability of Richard’s problems. But it would be equally unrealistic to ignore Richard’s unpopularity altogether. The fact that he generated opposition among men with little material reason for dissent, and that the disaffection then continued to spread among his own associates, says something about what contemporaries regarded as the acceptable parameters of political behaviour. There is no doubt that Richard’s deposition of his nephews was profoundly shocking. To anyone who did not accept the pre-contract story, which was probably the majority of observers, the usurpation was an act of disloyalty. Gloucester, both as uncle and protector, was bound to uphold his nephew’s interests and his failure to do so was dishonourable. Of all medieval depositions, it was the only one which, with whatever justification, could most easily be seen as an act of naked self-aggrandizement.
It was also the first pre-emptive deposition in English history. This raised enormous problems. Deposition was always a last resort, even when it could be justified by the manifest failings of a corrupt or ineffective regime. How could one sanction its use as a first resort, to remove a king who had not only not done [nothing] wrong but had not yet done anything at all?
-Rosemary Horrox, Richard III: A Study of Service
#richard iii#my post#english history#Imo this is what really stands out to me the most about Richard's usurpation#By all accounts and precedents he really shouldn't have had a problem establishing himself as King#He was the de-facto King from the beginning (the king he usurped was done away with and in any case hadn't even ruled);#He was already well-known and respected in the Yorkist establishment (ie: he wasn't an 'outsider' or 'rival' or from another family branch)#and there was no question of 'ins VS outs' in the beginning of his reign because he initially offered to preserve the offices and positions#for almost all his brother's servants and councilors - merely with himself as their King instead#Richard himself doesn't seem to have actually expected any opposition to his rule and he was probably right in this expectation#Generally speaking the nobility and gentry were prepared to accept the de-facto king out of pragmatism and stability if nothing else#You see it pretty clearly in Henry VII's reign and Edward IV's reign (especially his second reign once the king he usurped was finally#done away with and he finally became the de-facto king in his own right)#I'm sure there were people who disliked both Edward and Henry for usurpations but that hardly matters -#their acceptance was pragmatic not personal#That's what makes the level of opposition to Richard so striking and startling#It came from the very people who should have by all accounts accepted his rule however resigned or hateful that acceptance was#But they instead turned decisively against him and were so opposed to his rule that they were prepared to support an exiled and obscure*#Lancastrian claimant who could offer them no manifest advantage rather than give up opposition when they believed the Princes were dead#It's like Horrox says -#The real question isn't why Richard lost at Bosworth; its why Richard had to face an army at all - an army that was *Yorkist* in motivation#He divided his own dynasty and that is THE defining aspect of his usurpation and his reign. Discussions on him are worthless without it#It really puts a question on what would have happened had he won Bosworth. I think he had a decent chance of success but at the same time#Pretenders would've turned up and they would have been far more dangerous with far more internal support than they had been for Henry#Again - this is what makes his usurpation so fascinating to me. I genuinely do find him interesting as a historical figure in some ways#But his fans instead fixate on a fictional version of him they've constructed in their heads instead#(*obscure from a practical perspective not a dynastic one)#queue
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my body alert me to having an entirely full bladder with more than 30s warning challenge (impossible)
#it! is! so! annoying! just! be! normal! *screams*#genuinely i did piss myself as a kid a LOT until i was like. 10. no lie.#bc i would not know - at all! no inclination whatsoever! if i went anyway nothing would come out! - i needed to pee#until we hit 'you are going to piss yourself immediately'#just 0 to 100 in 0.35 seconds#and i did not have the control or muscle strength or whatever to not just. piss myself if i wasnt in immediate reach of a bathroom#i went though two. years. of 'bladder retraining' therapy#which is MEANT to retune you into signals or whatever so you know you need to pee with a fucking resonable amount of warning#spoiler: it did not do this#it did not improve the signalling at all whatsoever#what it DID do was develop the necessary strength and control to become doubled over with sudden OH GOD RIGHT NOW pee pain#BUT be able to hold it off for 5-10 min if necessary#which to the adults around me was a success bc it looked like i knew how to pee properly now#i don't. i just know how to NOT pee MYSELF and make it embarrassing. difference.#look man i'm 33 presumably there will literally never be a point in my life where i will know 'oh i kinda need to pee' an hour before#i will always be playing Highway To The Danger Zone every day forever#i just live like this#CHRIST it's so FUCKING annoying though#i mean this applies to all functions i have no internal signalling for anything until it is Super Right Now Urgent#my body notify me of anything at all ever challenge (impossible)#god if this aint the most annoying one though
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looks around furitively, pacing room
why is the tsa trying to recruit me on linkedin --
#my state has a huge international airport and just dangled 'a dollar fifty more an hour and you get benefits' over my head.#morally opposed to the whole organization but my mom is like literally leaning forward against my seat like BENEFITS. RETIREMENT. GOOD PAY.#my main worry i'm pitching to her as my refusal is that huge international airport is in what i understand to be a genuinely dangerous area#not like 'oh no there's poor people :(' but actual reports of a lot of attacks and... things of that nature.#out of stories#WHAT ABOUT ME SAID FED THO.
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I'm so obsessed with that concert that i don't even have enough brain capacity to stress about everything around it
#a 5 hour train ride getting to the airport with multiple transfers? who cares?!#the overwhelming unfamiliar and stressful environment of the airport not knowing exactly where to go? I'll get through it ahaha#taking the bus to the inner city? easy enough. checking into the hostel taking a shower in the shared bathroom and going to bed? will#certainly be no problem!#like. i keep having the anxiety that they might not have reserved the room for me after all because i only got a booking confirmation#from the booking platform but not the hostel itself so usually I'd be freaking out#but rn I'm really just. omgomgomgomgomg bastilleconcertbastilleconcertbastilleconcert#mentally i'm already there#so much for not getting my hopes up and not getting excited to avoid disappointment#babe have you forgotten about the queuing issue? apparently‚ because i totally see myself in the front quarter of the crowd!#theres a huge chance i end up in the very back or off to the sides or wherever else i won't see anything because i don't know#how concerts work when i can't stand around in front of the venue for several hours before the doors open#ahhhhhhh#((what if they actually cancel it?? my optimism about this concert taking place is way too dangerous#better get all worried and stressed!#BUT I CAN'T! THERE'S A BASTILLE CONCERT IN LESS THAN 48 HOURS!!! I HAVE TO SCREAM INTERNALLY IN UTTER EXCITEMENT UNTIL I GET THERE!)#void screams#bastille
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iggy is a good person and he has the kindest heart, but he's also tainted and demons have plagued his dreams since childhood and pyromancy chose him.
#ooc / delete.#// this has been so heavy on my mind lately and i need to explore it.#// it's a constant nonstop internal struggle and he keeps it all inside.#// he was taught about willpower and never getting angry. he was trained.#// he's the one with the trustworthy aura. he's the one that you can rely on.#// he's the one that you talk to when you need to get stuff off of your chest.#// but who does he talk to?#// who does he talk to when he feels a Normal emotion? one that he was taught to believe was ugly and wrong and dangerous?#// help. HELP. i'm Feeling Too Much.#// plot with me. be the therapist's therapist.
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#a post rly triggered my internalized fatphobia and i am not feeling great about myself rn#like i genuinely believe i look good but im very much aware that the majority of the world does not hold this opinion or they think im#attractive but with an addition like they're cute but fat they'd be hot if they lost weight#and it's like ik professionally it would be advantageous to be thinner for that#in addition to the medical bias it's like#yeah no there are real tangible reasons to lose weight but fucking christ I SHOULDNT HAVE TO#i'm not unable to do the things i care about bcuz of my weight#i like how i look#weight is not an indicator of anything but weight#so it's like why should i have to do something proven to be unhealthy dangerous and unlikely to work long term without surgery#like it's bullshit#it's garbage#it makes me feel bad#fatphobia tw
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🐺 moon-moon4w00 Follow
Friendly reminder that asking your lycan partner to turn you is incredibly insensitive! Seriously can we retire this trope already? Not only is it just offensive, but no one would ever actually choose this life! Lycanthropy is a curse. Full stop.
🐾 superhowllock69 Follow
Ok user "moon-moon" as if that original meme wasn't created to mock pack nomenclature 🙄
Anyway I'm not gonna touch that internalized lycanphobia with a ten foot pole. Being turned by your partner is something that can be incredibly intimate as long as both parties are consenting and the one being turned is 100% sure they want it. Literally the only downside to transforming once a month is the pain, but midol works just fine. No one with these "lycanthropy bad" takes ever wants to discuss the legitimate positives that come with this "curse" lmao.
🐺 moon-moon4w00 Follow
I'm literally reclaiming moon moon but go off I guess. Anyways turning your partner is absolutely disgusting and morally reprehensible and anyone who does it should be muzzled permanently.
🌜 impawssible Follow
lmao my wife literally saved my life when she turned me but i guess she should be muzzled huh? we run through the woods hunting deer together and can each haul in groceries in one trip now, but nooo she's obviously a danger to society because she cares enough about me to help me when insurance wouldn't cover my medicine
also it was confirmed that the creator of that meme literally makes and sells silver bullets so if you still wanna use moon moon for yourself that certainly is a choice. source: (X)
🦴 pupperoni Follow
I love that instead of naming the more common benefits of lycanthropy, you mentioned that you and your wife can carry all the groceries in one trip. I think that's definitely a positive that gets overlooked far too often and I commend you for speaking your truth, sir
🌜 impawssible Follow
lol thanks but I'm a woman 😅
🦴 pupperoni Follow
🦇 count-fuckula Follow
Plus werewolf blood tastes way better and is as filling as 10 humans 👍
🐺 moon-moon4w00 Follow
Oh my GOD you vampblr freaks will just flock to anything. It clearly says "vamps DNI" in my bio!
🐾 superhowllock Follow
lmaoooo of course you're a vampire exclusionist
🌕 daddy-fenris Follow
wasn't OP the same guy who said fursuits were offensive to lycanthropes and doxxed a werewolf fursuiter?
🐺 moon-moon4w00 Follow
They ARE offensive and harmful to this community and I'm tired of pretending they're not. They perpetuate harmful depictions of what a humanoid wolf is actually like.
🌜 impawssible Follow
me when I dox someone for making candy colored animal costumes that look nothing like what a real werewolf does
🦴 pupperoni Follow
K
🌕 daddy-fenris Follow
U
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The two authors refer to the blood of the Grail cup as menstrual blood and their interpretations of the Grail legend in psychological terms seems to have influenced The Dreamer of the Vine (1980), a historical novel about Nostradamus’ life. Its author, Liz Greene, an astrologer and Jungian psychologist, suggests that Nostradamus might have known about the true identity of Mary Magdalene as Jesus’s companion and the mother of his children. Greene is the sister of Richard Leigh, coauthor of The Holy Blood and the Holy Grail (1982), and she clearly influenced the three authors’ research for this latter book. Shuttle and Redgrove’s book appears to be the theoretical foundation not only for most of the pilgrims’ theories and their menstrual offerings but also for the most popular theories about Mary Magdalene relating her with the Holy Grail.
According to Shuttle and Redgrove, menstruation is a blessing that was turned into a curse and this inversion, labeling more than half the world’s population as inferior, may explain the aggressiveness of Western civilization. On page after page, issues appear that return again and again in later popular books about Mary Magdalene and female spirituality. After describing the Song of Songs as “an anti-Bible within the Bible” and “a poem of Tantric vividness,” the authors denounce the split created by Christianity between the childless lover and the mother and refer to Mary Magdalene as “the prostitute: the woman who had sex without having a child” and to the Virgin Mary as “the woman who had a child without having sex.” In Christian terms, menstruation therefore appears as Eve’s curse and evokes fear and pain. But if a woman learns not to be afraid of her sexuality and the monthly blood she sheds, neither menstruation nor childbirth need to be painful experiences. Menstruation is seen like “a moment of truth which will not sustain lies” and leads women to face the lies Western society is based upon: “It is as though the two kinds of love-juice, the red and the white, the childless and the child-giving, corresponded with these two aspects of woman’s nature. It is the red aspect which is despised, tabooed, neglected, and which, as if in response to this spiteful treatment, in many women hurts... But we can see how shocking an unaccustomed attitude to menstruation may be if we think of the Virgin Mary menstruating.”
...
The pilgrims presented their theories as antipatriarchal and revolutionary, but many of the texts they drew upon took for granted certain assumptions about women and their reproductive cycle. Feminist critiques of scientific discourse about the female reproductive cycle have analysed the strategies of portraying the bodies of women as totally different from those of men. The discourse labels women’s bodies as dysfunctional and exposed to physical changes like menstruation and menopause that make women lose control, and has been used to justify sexual inequality. As with the Gregorian Magdalene that the pilgrims criticized but could not do without, it seems that they could not totally reject certain assumptions about the female body because they needed them as a starting point for their spiritual theories and practices.
147-149, Looking for Mary Magdalene by Anna Fedele
#cipher talk#Posting interesting excerpts from the Magdalene book I'm reading for interfaith study#I'll talk a little more about this later but acting like menstruation is painless normally and the pain comes from internalized misogyny#Is funny and offensive to me#The idea that CHILDBIRTH is painless without internalized misogyny sounds potentially actively dangerous#Xtianity
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what is the etiquette when some random pedestrian asks to pick your remaining avos and climbs the tree to do so - i just watched them while sitting on our stairs
#i don't know if i was supposed to help pick but it felt like it would be ruder to go hide in the house#not to be too classist about it but it is a poor person (Not a beggar tho) who probs lives in the location#Anyway i just sat and watched the 2 guys pick the avos#i always feel awkward when they catch me as I get home bc all our reachable avos SUCK bc the monkeys and our dogs get to them first#or they're like rotting in the ground#this guy had empty bags and ALLEGEDLY helps a lady up the road pick her avos so that he can get them too#he had the pole too#so i let him in to climb the tree BUT#this is south africa#so i was a bit nervy but i think it's mostly the internalized classism that I do try to deal with#but also bc it was TWO men idk and I'm a woman alone i was sitting on the steps close to the front door in case I needed to run away#and then my logic filter is like they're getting free avos they're not gonna hurt you#but there's so much discussion about crime ALL THE TIME it's hard to ignore the dangers#but they were here for over 30 mins#so i felt awkward the whole time#he did give me 2 of the ripe ish ones tho which is nice
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To the people saying "I do it because they're/it's hot, but I'm also trans!", "I do it because they just have traits (they're 'feminine') that make me think that, but I'm also trans!", etc., you do realize you can still fetishize and push prejudice/negative stereotypes within the community? Do you know how many people have headcanoned men as trans because they're just a wee bit feminine and they too were trans men? I'm going to be honest, in my experience, it's been a vast majority. And that bothers me. It's become so normalized, people don't even care, even in their own community. Men can be feminine, trans or not. It's gross to pin the label of trans on a man solely because they don't fit the convention, as all you're doing is fueling the fire of this problem. I know we want more representation in media, but instead of half assing it, or really just creating sick caricatures of us based on what the cis-gender people have decided are the norm, maybe we should actually put effort into our headcanons, or even... Make our own representation instead of seeing someone like, I don't know, Armin from Attack on Titan, and because he has longer hair, a softer voice, a smaller frame, and isn't the stereotypical male, claiming "Oh, he's trans!". There are times it works; me personally, I headcanon Dipper Pines as transgender, not because he's feminine, but because I can understand his struggles with masculinity and what makes him who he is; of not fitting the agenda while still being a man; of being dysphoric and insecure, but also learning to accept who you are. Not to mention just reality, identical twins have to be born the same gender, and while it's possible they might not be identical, the creator of the series himself has actively supported the headcanon. That's an exception. That's different. To explore the character via a headcanon, that is one thing. To just stick it on them is another. If you want representation, either make your own characters for it, find/support media that have it, or actually attempt to reflect the transmasc experiences in a headcanon as accurately as possible (tied to making your own, accurate representation). Stop just placing labels on a male with long hair and a more androgenous voice and going: "Aw, he's trans! 🥺" Without anything more.
hey. hey you.
look at that character you’re headcanoning as a trans man.
are you headcanoning him that way because you think it’s interesting, or because he’s a twink and acts kind of feminine?
if you write about him, do you treat him the same way you do your other characters, or is he distinctly separated?
can he handle himself, or is he always the damsel in distress? do you have someone bigger and stronger than him always save him?
do you make him act more childish or confused? is he super innocent and needs someone wiser to guide him?
are you willing to explore what his transness means, or do you just think it makes him hotter?
did you make him trans because you wanted to write him as the bottom? is he trans because you wanted him pregnant without "technically" writing mpreg?
are you willing to headcanon big strong men as trans men? old men? not stereotypically attractive men? men of color? fat men? disabled men?
is his transness a part of him or do you just treat it is a prop?
on the other hand, is he more than just his transness, or is that all there is to him?
do you include other queer and trans people in your work? how do you treat them in your writing?
how do you treat actual trans men? trans men who dont pass? trans men who do? who dont feel comfortable being perceived as feminine? who present in a more feminine way? who identify as more than just a man? who arent just white twinkish silly feminine men? who are kids, meaning you can’t just sexualize them? who are more than just props to be used within a story to push the plot along?
are you willing to listen to trans men who speak out on their issues, or does that seperate them too far from the fantasy you’ve concocted about them?
how do you treat trans men?
#trans#transgender#transmasc#transmasculine#transman#transmen#trans men#actually trans#Transgender headcanons#HCs#headcanons#Also no shade to the person I RB'd this from /gen#I just needed to put my input because I see this mentality EVERYWHERE#I genuinely don't think that's what their tags were insinuating /gen#(Wanted to rant about how much I fucking love the Re-Animator fandom for the trans Herbert HC because WOW /pos)#(They get so in depth with it and it makes me so happy as a trans dude who super relates to and loves Herbert West)#(It's such a flip from the usual. Sure; Herb might not be the MOST masculine guy. But neither is Dan. The HC isn't there because of him#“being feminine”; since he's not that either. There's depth to him and I fucking adore when fandoms give that dedication.)#(Where as one I dislike is Victor Frankenstein; even though I adore and relate to him just as much as West. For his character; it doesn't#work. He may not be super feminine though within the story it just wouldn't make sense to incorporate. Though this is me personally. There#are times it genuinely works; though the majority just slap the label on him without reason beyond the fact they just like him and want rep.#The main issue with it being the period. They attempt to write Victor the way he is with his parents referring to him as he is; but in that#era that would be totally UNACCEPTABLE. If you want trans Victor you need to include transphobia; internalized and external. There has to#be dysphoria; religious guilt; life on the line; etc.#YOU NEED TO ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND THAT THIS HC IN UNIVERSE WOULD BE DANGEROUS AND HOLD A LOT OF DEPTH. That's why I hate it; it's execution.)#(For similar reasons; while I personally HC Victor as Gay I hate when people forget the history and context. I will always ALWAYS include#the fact he's closeted and internally homophobic/in denial when writing genuine pieces of work about this HC. We need to continue doing that#Like. That is another thing. Not just transmasc#but ANY LGBTQIA+ HC. UNDERSTAND THE CHARACTERS; CONTEXT; AND PURPOSE FOR THE HC.)#I'm at max tags so I'm done yapping. Thanks for listening.
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You know, when I was 21-22, my writing was...okay. It was serviceable enough for what I needed it to do, but it wasn't great by any stretch of the imagination. But I remember thinking it was just THE best thing ever, and I gotta say I was a lot happier with that outlook.
#like this is a hobby. to do for fun. it literally doesn't matter. might as well think it's awesome and feel good about myself.#sadly I cannot magically make myself do this#god if you told me I would miss aspects of being a senior in college I would have yelled at you lmao#*sigh* but we press on. I am going to finish a project if it's the shittiest thing on earth#(granted that's a subjective evaluation anyway. see: every opinion on art I've ever had.)#idk it's like...the most embarrassing thing people can think of is someone who thinks what they made is good when it's (according to#whatever “measurement”) not. instead of being cruel or willfully unsympathetic or something. being needlessly mean and refusing to see any#situation with nuance will always be the definition of “cringe” behavior to me.#and I'm not doing that while writing. so theoretically what's the harm in thinking it might be (or is) good?#...wait.#shit.#oh I just realized something.#that's. that's another internal compulsion GODDAMMIT.#(tldr is that sometimes compulsions can involve things like repeating words or phrases to yourself. internally or externally.)#(and me going 'nothing I do is good' over and over is. that.)#(what is the REASON for that? well you see if I think I am better at something than I actually am I will turn into the most#horrible selfish monstrous insufferable dangerous person. why? idk I just will.)#I HATE THIS DISORDERRRRR#at least I Figured Something Out.#and at least now I can have a motivation of 'continuing this means mental illness brain doesn't win'
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Help A Teenage Girl Evacuate Gaza!
Hi everyone, I'm reposting this one from Instagram, illustration is by myself and depicts Amal. She reached out to me to share her story and her evacuation fund.
Amal's situation is exceedingly dire. She has faced extreme difficulty accessing food and medicine she desperately needs. Airstrikes and famine conditions have forced Amal to navigate an increasingly dangerous Gaza, in which she is already internally displaced. Amal is only 18 years old, and has been forced to give up her high school and college dreams in order to survive this genocide. Please join me in making sure this teenage girl has something to eat and a future to look forward to.
Remember, the minimum donation is only $5! Even a small donation will help tremendously, so don't be afraid to give what you can! Don't forget to share if you can't donate!
(Disclaimer: I am not Palestinian, I was just asked to share this fundraiser.)
#free palestine#gaza#free gaza#palestine#from the river to the sea palestine will be free#gaza strip#gaza genocide#i stand with gaza#i stand with palestine#all eyes on rafah#art#digital art#krita
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