#maybe they’re less processable but still. they come packaged in resentment so often and i have to peel off the hatred to get to the core

[pablosexc0bar]

me when i am in a bitchy snappy mood but then i remember mother mary and mother earth and i must begrudgingly accept responsibility for my own feelings and acknowledge that nobody else can fail me or make me feel anything because nobody has any duty to me and i have no duty unto anyone but myself and my happiness is mine alone to create. ugh

[chrisemrysfics]

I woke up today thinking about my dgm mdzs crossover I want to indulge in, and just like that, I suddenly realized, “but if I do a split like Mana and Nea, wouldn’t WWX and MXY be babies???” and as cute as this would be, unless I change the timeline and figure out how they grow up, it would be a logistic pain.

Unless Allen feels that and come grab the babies and then I play with the Ark and makes it that time pass differently. Now that’s an idea... Maybe one of the what if side stories.

Yes my self control has gone off the window, but hey, how can I resist mixing my two fave fandoms, and how can I not indulge in the different versions of my initial idea of Noah!WWX.

For the curious, here’s under the read more the basic ideas I’ve had!

Which. Got long but. Yeah. Have fun with the thinking I’ve done for this. I’m pretty sure I do intend to write things, just might take a while so have fun with knowing the ideas!

(In which I ended up thinking I might just do a series with each “story” being collection of scenes for each different branching I can think of, because honestly I cannot choose between all the options).

(And I haven’t touched yet the idea of an actual full out crossover, where there’s actual dimension travel).

Worldbuilding is based on the idea that DGM canon happened millennias before MDZS canon, and at the end of the Holy War, there was a reset of the world, which allowed a new world to emerge and so this how I explain how the world for this went from what it is in dgm canon to how it is in mdzs canon.

So this means I can then add the fact all humans still are descendants of the Noahs, but the gene is dormant and the Noahs don’t mean to ever wake/reincarnate again.

Thing is, spiritual energy pretty much is the “descendant” of Innocence and resentful energy is the “descendant” of Dark Matter.

Other thing is, humans ended up viewing spiritual energy as the “righteous” path and haven’t touched resentful energy, or anyone who did try, never really managed to.

So, enter Wei Wuxian who is the first human to actually use resentful energy, cultivate with it, handle a large amount of it, and also who first contact with it is being thrown in the biggest amount of it and surviving and taming it out of pure willpower.

Then he uses it in large amount during the Sunshot Campaign, including the very powerful Stygian Tiger Seal. He never stops using it, if not as deeply as during the campaign, and eventually, he goes live in the Burial Mound again.

So what I mean is, from the moment he is thrown in Burial Mound, he has been in contact with deep, deep level of resentful energy. And not only is he the first human to do so, he also is without a golden core or spiritual cultivation, which means he has zero “descendant” of Innocence in him.

Then he dies, in Burial Mound, however his soul isn’t actually destroyed. I always kind of headcanoned that his soul was “kept safe” in the Burial Mounds, and in this case, it’s even more true.

So his soul, who has been already exposed to resentful energy since he was thrown to Burial Mounds, stays years directly exposed to resentful energy.

And then Mo Xuanyu calls him into his body via sacrifice ritual.

And the thing is, all that resentful energy had already stirred Wei Wuxian’s Noah gene, but this is a final drop. Because what it does to Wei Wuxian’s soul is to feel like he’s being reincarnated into a host, which is how Noahs would reicarnated.

And so, when Wei Wuxian is called back into Mo Xuanyu body, what he doesn’t know is that his Noah’s gene has been triggered, and he is fated to go through a Noah’s Awakening and become a Noah himself.

And because he is the first Noah since the world reset, and all Noahs were dormant, there is only one Noah that he can be as the first: The First, the Millennium Earl, Adam.

Initially, I just thought he would be super confused and a little scared, thinking something is wrong with the ritual, because he would be in lowkey Awakening process from the moment he wakes in Mo Xuanyu body. He would feel pain and headaches and feverish often, and at some point, he would go actual Awakening with it being really painful and high fever, and probably not super long but not quick either.

Then I had the idea of how Adam split into Mana and Nea in DGM canon, and so Mo Xuanyu actually survives the ritual because they kind of split rather than Mo Xuanyu being erased; and so yes Mo Xuanyu is fated to Awaken too because both his and Wei Wuxian’s body are “marked” as Noahs (with Noah gene triggered).

My idea is that they do end up like twins, with their appearance a mix of Wei Wuxian’s physical traits and Mo Xuanyu’s physical traits. Basically, for a brief moment, there is one body that has both of their souls, so this body is both of them, and then it splits, into two “twins”.

Which does mean they both have both of their bloodline. So both of them are the sons of Wei Changze, Cange Sanren, Young madam Mo, and Jin Guangshan, by blood.

Pending to decide is whether WWX inherit Mana and MXY inherit Nea (or vice versa, WWX inheriting Nea and MXY inheriting Mana) with Adam existing in both of them; or WWX inherits the whole package and MXY is considered a new Noah (without a Noah’s Memory; considered the first generation of 15th Noah?).

Of course, it did help in MXY case that he touched such a ritual, as again, resentful energy is the “descendant” of Dark Matter. But you know who else deeply touched resentful energy? Xue Yang.

Now the thing is, it is only when WWX (and MXY) awakens that other Noahs can awaken. Now the question I still ask myself is if XY start to awaken at the same time (slower process?), not long after (slow process still?), or only when he comes face to face the first time with WWX (and/or MXY).

And the thing is, Noahs value each other deeper than anything, on an instinctual basis. WWX hates what XY has done, but as a Noah, who can sense a fellow Noah, he feels kinship. As for MXY, he has mixed feelings, and he too would feel kinship, and because he does, it’s even harder for WWX to hate XY himself. At the same time, XY feels, well, Adam is considered the Patriarch, lowkey the father figure of all Noahs, the leader for sure, so XY instinctively doesn’t want to disappoint WWX.

There’s no escaping that XY is Awakening too, so WWX end up objectively thinking, okay, he’s a Noah, he’s mine, so I’m now responsible for him. And ultimately, between XY own wish for someone to care for him (which he views as “someone to give him candy every day”) and his Noah’s instincts who takes delight in being cared for by Adam, WWX manages to bring XY to grey-er area.

Which Noahs does XY Awaken as? I have not yet fully decided, but honestly, Joyd seems like a good match. It also helps that Joyd, and the previous incarnation, Tyki, is actually pretty grey, loves having both white and black, and Tyki himself did have affection for some humans and was pretty laid back. Joyd would be able to “balance” XY and bring this more balance, more grey personality.

Also yes, Allen is meant to show up, I still haven’t fully decided if Nea is in fact still within his body, and so like, whether WWX or MXY is meant to be “Nea”, they really need to find him so they can be complete, so they would also poke awake Allen. That or just, Allen wakes?

Okay but the thing is, I also loved the idea that Nea was indeed still hosted by Allen, so only Mana is hosted by WWX, and when WWX awakens it becomes a big issue because he’s not stable as he’s missing a part of the whole package.

So yeah I need to decide who host who, and how it plays out.

To be fair, that particular issue of not being complete can play out easily in the what if side stories, as it’s only in this main story (default story?) that there’s this whole split.

Now about the side stories/what if fics

WWX and MXY actually splits as babies, the same way Mana and Nea in dgm canon split from Adult!Adam into two “twin” babies. Allen senses it and find them, and raise them. Problem to figure out is timeline. Also once they’re adult, it goes pretty much similar to how I would view the main/default story, I think. Maybe. For now this is really just the faint idea of them actually splitting into babies and Allen grabbing them. Parental Allen to WWX and MXY.

WWX awakens as a Noah when Wen Chao throws him in the Burial Mounds. Probably, he does start to work on cultivating resentful energy, but he also Awakens, and in this context, he’s... more Noah than human. And by that I mean he’s easily more bloodthirsty, sadistic, and merciless. And a good dose of not mentally stable. It can smoothe out though, as a Noah he really values “family” and so his siblings can stabilize his mental state. But also, he’s way more into protecting the Jiang, his “clan”, and especially his siblings. He won’t want to leave them, he would rather make it clear you are doomed if you so much as plot against them. But also, he’s more likely to be less closed off to his siblings.

WWX awakens at some point during the two years (in my timeline of MDZS) he lived in Burial Mounds. Give a good scare of the Wen, especially Wen Qing who has no fricking idea what is happening to him and everyone lowkey afraid he’s just. Dying. Maybe Wen Ning actually “feels” something though? Like he can tell he’s not, and he’s like, “Jie, I think he’s... transforming?” and that’s another scare because they think he might be becoming a demon. But yes, eventually, he awakens, and the thing is, he becomes a Noah when he has a whole group of people under his care. He has a “clan”, a family, a son, and siblings. So in this scenario, it’s the Noahs familial instincts that are stronger, and WWX really wants to protect the Wens, but also wants his siblings. And so, well he’s still deeply protective, but he actually also kind of, manage more peaceful approach. He wants to reconnect with the Jiang, and for that, he is aware that he needs to not make it harder, which. Is totally the influence of Mana too.

WWX awakens when he means to die with the backlash of destroying the Seal, and that idea demands in itself branching off ideas. Because A) he can awaken in front of everyone and A-1) vanish into the Ark and everyone kinda knowing he probably didn’t die or A-2) he doesn’t vanish and everyone like “now what”; B) he awakens precisely as he’s being eaten by the corpse which, B-1) might mean his corpse start getting “scared” when they sense his Noah aura (and so everyone kind of see something is going on) or B-2) it’s agony because for a few moments he’s just being eaten and also regenerating, and then B-2-a) does he do a power blast and everyone like “what the heck” or B-2-b) does someone notice he’s not dying and maybe it’s JC and maybe he’s like “okay wtf no” or B-2-c) No one notices so maybe he slips off (unless he vanished with Ark). And then C) whether he vanishes into the ark and/or no one notice he’s not dying (and manages to slip off to hide), he would want to go take A-Yuan and so C-1) does he manage to do so when everyone thinks he’s dead? C-2) does he manage to do so but also everyone is aware he probably didn’t dit? C-3) is there a time lapse between his “death” (or escape) and when he gets himself to find A-Yuan and so Lan Wangji shows up? C-3a) does LWJ see him?? C-3b) does he not see him and WWX decides A-Yuan might be better with LWJ??

Why do I do this to myself, I don’t know, but it’s fun to think about it all. Maybe some might be collections of scenes and such, rather than a proper storyline. Even if main/default, I kind of have to decide when the Awakening actually completes (aka how long WWX is lowkey always sick), as then it can vary greatly what happens if he’s already an awakened Noah. There can even be post canon awakening soooo.

Maybe it’s not that I’ll have “main/default” and “side” stories, maybe I’ll just have a series that has a “basic worldbuilding” one shot and then stories that are collection of scenes and each story has a specific type of settings?? Honestly I probably need to do that, to first have properly and all clear the worldbuilding, then also the few points where WWX could awaken and the different branching it can do, and then give a nickname to each branch and write scenes for each however inspiration come.

[ecotone99]

[RF] It.

Okay. I’ve had enough. Today’s the day I’m going to do it.

It’s been going on for as long as I remember. I have faint memories, from when I was really young, maybe three or four, a toddler for sure. Dad used to keep one in the house, but he kept it locked away upstairs and he’d never let me see it. A few years later I went through a phase where I thought it was really cool, and none of my friends at school had ever seen one, so I came up with this plan to steal it from my Dad while he was at work. I was just going to take it, show it off a little bit. I was far too frightened to actually use it. I had no idea how, and the idea of it was incredibly intimidating. Looking back, I was a reckless little shit, and when Dad caught me trying to break it out of the drawer he kept it in, he scolded me senseless, threatened to hit me, the whole nine yards. I’d never seen him so worked up, and being a kid, I thought it was a massive overreaction. It wasn’t until years later, after he died, that my mother told me his reaction was born out of fear for my safety, and not brute anger. Still, I resented him for years for it. I was embarrassed in front of my friends, and somewhere, deeper down, being denied the pleasure of even holding it made me feel victimised for the first time in my life. It’s all different now. Has been for years. My Dad’s reaction would be laughable if that incident had taken place now, instead of all those years ago. Nowadays, everyone’s got one. People walk down the street with them. They’re on TV advertisements, the front covers of magazines, plastered all over buses and billboards. I never paid much attention to politics, but I guess eventually enough powerless people got together and pressured enough powerful people, saying they needed them, that they were a good investment, a facet of modern life, something everybody needs but nobody knows they need. Then, almost overnight, they were everywhere.

But I don’t have one. And today, that’s going to change.

Feels good to hold it in my hand. Smooth, cold, sterile. For the first time in my life, I’m not a meaningless face in the crowd, I’m a meaningless face in the crowd with a fuck-ton of power and no way to use it. That’s okay, though. I don’t have any plans to use it. Just having it is enough for me. You never know, someday it might come in handy, but it’ll always be a last resort. I promise.

A single dirty sunbeam illuminates the room, penetrating the mouldy, dusty curtains, fanning across the floor. The room is pitiful. Dim, damp and unusually warm, seeing as the heating hasn’t been on in two months, or more. The radiators have begun to rust from disuse. The drip of the faucet in the kitchen echoes through the room, and a few flies buzz amongst the dirty dishes and discarded food packaging scattered across every surface, but it is otherwise silent. The television in the corner seems unable to let go of the faded image burnt into the screen, despite not having been turned on for God knows how long. Much of the furniture sits in various states of dilapidation, from the slightly creaky table to the decimated sofa cushions. Despite being separated from the room by a thick wooden door, the overpowering stench of an unclean toilet dominates and rises above the odours of mould and rotten food.

In the corner stands a futon, springs so worn that it is almost level to the ground, home to a civilisation of bedbugs so far into their collective development that they are on the cusp of subjective consciousness. And wrapped in the thin, tattered blanket lies a skinny, starved, unhealthy figure. Enter yours truly. Dragging myself upright, I pull apart the matted strands of long, greasy hair obscuring my face.

My morning routine usually begins with a ‘game’ I like to play while I get dressed; staggering around the room, I draw up a couple items of clothes scattered across the floor. Lift them to my nostrils, sniff, skip the cardigan. Sniff, this t-shirt isn’t going to make the cut, I’m afraid. Sniff, breakthrough! I’ve found a faded white t-shirt that only smells a little ripe. On to trousers; I repeat the process a few times until I discover a pair of jeans that smell relatively clean. Only hints of beer and dust, and a subtle, unidentifiable aroma. When I play this game, I like to pretend I’m a wine connoisseur, swishing the smells around my nose.

After I quickly get dressed, I step into the kitchen and prepare myself a convenient meal of canned whatever. On today’s menu; tuna and stale bread. The water’s been cut off, so I guess I’ll skip the shower today, again. Haven’t seen my keys in a couple days, so I don’t bother to lock the door on my way out. What’s the worst that could happen? Someone comes in and steals the half-eaten, two week old slice of pizza on the sofa? Be my guest.

That dusty beam of light that woke me up was a pretty poor preview of the blinding daylight I immediately feel on my skin when I walk out my front door. I don’t even know why I bother to leave the house sometimes. But I’d go insane if I stayed inside all day, so I like to make an effort. Today’s like every other day; as I aimlessly walk the streets, there’s no escaping the derisive glares of everyone I pass on the footpath. The buildings around here are all crumbling, abandoned, condemned. What a shitty neighbourhood. I’m surprised I didn’t get it sooner.

Speaking of which, I’ve had it for about three days now. I have it tucked away at all times, obviously. It took me weeks to gather up all the money for it, but I couldn’t afford the holder the guy offered to throw in with it (‘at an exclusive, limited time discount!’ he said), but this way is better, because now everybody knows I’ve got it. Everyone else does, too, sure. But I’ve got it. And as long as I’ve got it, I’m safe. These mean-looking fuckers, these judgemental fuckers, these fuckers, they can’t even touch me. They never did try to touch me, before I had it, but I bet one of them would any day now, the second I let my guard down. And that’s why I need it. With it, I’m powerful. Without, well, I may as well be dead.

The next few days, I do the same. Wake up, wander, walk home. Get in, go to sleep. Rinse and repeat. I’ve had it about a week now, and I guess people are starting to notice. Those mean-looking fuckers, those judgemental fuckers, they’ve been looking me up and down more often. When I was on my way home, one of them followed me, but I deviated down a couple sidestreets and lost them. Oxidia Ave., Bletchley Ln., Smith Pkwy. That’s my new way home, so I better remember it. No more gallivanting down Central St. without a care in the world for me. I spent less time out in the open today, too. The sunlight is getting oppressive. My room, my dingy, dark room, is getting more appealing. Maybe I’ll leave the house a little later, come home a little earlier, from now on. That way, I won’t go insane, but I’ll feel safer. And when I’m at home, I don’t have to carry it with me. But I mustn’t forget it when I leave, ever. I can’t leave without it.

It’s been three weeks, maybe a month, since I got it now. I can’t remember. It’s okay though, I haven’t used it yet. If someone out there tries to mug me, jump me, stop me, I’ll fight back with my fists. That’s how I always envisaged it, before I had it. It’s just a symbol. It’s my right. If someone were to catch me unaware, break in when I’m sleeping, and they’ve got their own, that’s when I’ll use it. But what are the chances of that, right?

Been setting aside money for the last week for today. I’ve had to push back my rent payment by a couple of weeks, but my building manager kind of assumes I’m dead unless I notify them otherwise. Besides, if I’m really stuck, I can always ask my mother. I’m sure she’d like to hear from me. I’ve gathered up enough through a combination of tearing my room apart for any sort of loose change, picking up what I come across on the street, and requesting an advance on my subsidy.

Going down to the office to pick up my subsidy was actually the only reason I left my room yesterday. The sunlight is too heavy on my shoulders now. Besides, it’s the height of summer, and I don’t want to sweat through all my clean clothes. And when the weather is great, everyone’s out. And everyone looks at me, sometimes they follow me. They know I have it. They’re trying to provoke me, to see if I’ll really use it. To see if I’m just a coward, or if I’m really a man. But I don’t have to worry about that anymore. I got together the money so I could get a new set of keys for the door, a new lock fitted. The locksmith seemed like a friendly guy, too good for this place. He was short, stout, balding on top, but despite all of this was oddly cheerful. Until I showed him it. He looked like the kind of guy who’d be interested in it, so I tried to start a conversation with him about it. But he just looked down his nose at me. He said he didn’t have one, that he didn’t need one. He’s wrong. He doesn’t know me. I need one.

I didn’t leave the house today. I sat and thought about it over a dinner of canned whatever last night, and came to the conclusion that being out there does me more harm than good. Oxidia Ave., Bletchley Ln., Smith Pkwy. That’s not long enough anymore. They’re learning how to keep up with me, looking at me, glaring at me, following me sometimes. Last night, on my way home, I took Springfield St. and Arthur Ln. between Bletchley Ln. and Smith Pkwy. That ought to throw them off. But I don’t need to remember that route, because I didn’t go out today, and I’m not going out tomorrow either.

I think I’ve had it for two months or more now. I’ve lost count. I carry it with me in my room now, too. I can’t leave it sitting out; what if someone broke in and grabbed it while I was in the kitchen, or the bathroom? It’s unthinkable. The new lock is holding up nicely, though. I’ve heard what sounds like people trying it throughout the night, but they can’t get in. They’ll never get in. And if they do, I have it. But I’ll only use it if I have to.

Knock knock

See? They’re trying it again.

Knock knock

Better go look out, just in case.

Nobody there. Must be hearing things. But I can’t let my guard down. I can never let my guard down.

I don’t have it anymore.

It’s been a week. I wasn’t sleeping. I felt unhealthy, I felt sick. I was getting thinner. I heard them knocking on my door throughout the night. Every time I checked, they weren’t there. Or they were gone. Until I let my guard down.

I thought it was inevitable. I knew it was going to happen, I just didn’t know when. I’d be caught off-guard by one of them, they’d come in, pick it up, and use it against me. But I wasn’t going to let them win. I justified it in my head.It’s not a toy, it’s not a symbol, it’s not a last resort. It’s my right. If I let them win, then I lose. But they started it. So if I win, and they lose, that’s not my fault. Not my problem. Reap what you sow, and all that. I was in my room, eating my canned whatever. Not doing much else, because the TV doesn’t work, and the water’s off. I’ve never been one for books.

Knock knock

I heard it. It’s okay. I’ve got it here with me, in my lap. If they knock again, if they try and get in, I’ll stop what I’m doing and check. I’m safe. I’ve got the upper hand.

But they didn’t knock again, and I forgot all about it. I wasn’t feeling well, so I went to bed early that night. And I brought it with me, obviously. I’d started doing that over the preceding weeks. I couldn’t sleep, but it seemed like I might have a better chance if I brought it with me.

It wasn’t long after I’d crawled onto my futon that the knocking started again. It was more aggressive this time, though. More rhythmic. Pounding, like a heartbeat. In sync with my own heartbeat. Dust was rising up around the foot of my rotten wooden door with the shiny new lock. And the door was shaking, spasming, shivering violently until it popped damn near out of its frame. As the dust cleared, the silhouette dispelled and a kid took its place. A tall, skinny, shaven-head kid, maybe sixteen years old, with a similar build to me. His face was haggard beyond his years though, and his eyes were both frantic and tired. He didn’t notice me at first. I leapt up, the smooth, cold, sterile texture of it in my hand. He saw it, no doubt a silhouette from his perspective, but he knew it, its size, its form. He locked eyes with me. I expected him to go on the offense. After all, he was just another mean-looking fucker, and he proved me right. I knew it would be inevitable, that they’d come for me. And they did. He did. But he froze. He looked at me with static eyes, glazed with fear, fear and helplessness. Above all, though, his eyes were embarrassed, like he’d been making a mistake and only realised after he’d fully gone through with it. Just like I did, when I tried to take it from my Dad, and he punished me within an inch of my life. Before I could use it, he bolted. He practically left a dust cloud behind him like in cartoons. I wanted to go after him, to apologise, to tell him it wasn’t me, it wasit, that I was just trying to protect myself from them. But he wasn’t like them. He was like me. I fell to my knees, going completely limp like a child’s doll, overwhelmed by the feeling of fear, exhaustion, sickness. I was sick. I was distraught. And I knew I was a slave to it. To its power. Not to the power it granted me, but the power it had over me.

The next day, I got rid of it.

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