#maybe the BabyTrap!AU lmao

[fireflysugarpie]

if Luo Bingge managed to travel to this universe looking for his nice Shizun, he'd be so fucking jealous

cumplane au where sqh transmigrates into tlj and sy transmigrates into sxy (after she was made head disciple) and theres no system

They meet, despite sqh trying to avoid this -- sqh just isnt enjoying how alien the demonic realm's culture is, so he wanders the human realm with his new nephew thats hes a bit fond of -- and they immediately figure each other out. Sqh has to send zzl out on errands in order for sqh and sy to scream at each other

When all is said and done (they murder the old palace master), sy is like, uh, what about binghe

Sqh: ....what about him?

Sy: when are we...going to.......

Sqh:

Sy: .................make him

[all-pacas]

How would nobody's fault work in the babytrapping au? Maybe this is when they both confess the truth? Also what do they do for the year that house is in jail? Does chase even come back for S8? So many questions!

babytrapping cinematic universe lmaoooo

after a while the ripple effects are just going to get worse and worse. on the one hand, no way does chase take a year off to go surfing in this reality: i'm thinking he probably just moved back to the OR as part of a general compromise with cameron, who really doesn't want him working for house even if they're sticking to new jersey.

this would also fuck with chase's dynamic with house (and let's be real, cameron and house's dynamic in this au is absolutely insane too). chase isn't around as much to be promoted into Special Boy, he also very much has a life and family outside diagnostics now… but on the other hand chase is just doing full repression Everything Is Fine and so is cameron, so i think house is like. partially tempted to poke at it but also probably this is a little too rich even for his blood. like he's gotta think the odds are good someone is going to start stabbing.

cameron has never really stopped scapegoated house for dibala in this au, so she's probably done a complete 180: i imagine she's just fully embraced her role as permanent buzzkill, like, house does everything wrong and unethical and this isn't me having a lot of subconscious feelings because if i don't fix chase none of this will be worth it. and chase is just after validation, especially now from cameron, who he feels guilty as hell about, he's ruined her life two or three times over by now. so i think he moves to the OR and avoids house to keep her happy (which is his main priority), and i honestly think house lets him. because wow is this all fucked up. but chase still likes house and doesn't blame him for anything, so they're still talking and working together secretly, he's the on call surgeon for the team (chase is having an affair with diagnostics lmao).

so let's say nobody's fault still happens. chase is in the OR, but he's doing a surgical consult for the patient when he has his psychotic break, let's say.

chase's arc is probably pretty parallel to in canon. it is house's fault, because chase should have been ignoring house and instead he got dragged in, he's taking out his suppressed guilty and unhappiness on an easy target. instead of "you're trying to turn me into you," it's more house reminding chase that he's driving himself crazy: you can't admit you're miserable. chase counters that he isn't, he's just guilty, which is the same thing.

so yeah, chase decides to confess. he was always the weaker link on this. by now their kid is almost two, on one level they're happy and doing well, but whenever cameron frames it as a miracle that brought them back together he dies inside. and now he's feeling post almost-died life changing urges, so he confesses.

but then here's where cameron comes in, right? because she does feel guilty too. it's easier for her, because she doesn't have the family history and because she feels like she's saving chase by doing this, keeping him off a dark path, but that doesn't mean she doesn't feel like shit. she just… can justify it better. she kind of thrives when she can be a little miserable and a little bit of a martyr. she can tell herself she did the right thing for them both, where chase can only tell himself he did the right thing for himself.

i think cameron might have suspected the mutual babytrapping in a way chase doesn't. because chase isn't that good a liar, and uhhh she probably noticed the lack of birth control in the lead up to the divorce lol. and so weirdly??? maybe this works out well for them??? because they're both very fucked up people. cameron is able to tell him it's okay and mean it. she just almost saw him die and realized - one of those blatantly obvious things you don't always articulate - that it isn't about keeping him from being an evil murderer, she actually cares about him and doesn't! want him dead! ever! a lot of the reason she leaves him in the first place is his lack of remorse, and here's chase miserable with guilt. she's won! she's succeeded! they have a probably incredibly photogenic toddler and maybe the past doesn't have to matter! and chase meanwhile is like owo you babytrapped me too external validation +100. so somehow almost dying ends up transforming them into an almost functional couple again (or at least an honest one, which helps a lot), and they have another kid and wilson is in a corner taking notes

[narrators-journal]

Tell me I'm pretty

Don’t look at me, this is probably a near incoherent mess bc I haven’t slept. And, I can’t explain why this has been on my mind, but this...AU? has been with me for literally fucking MONTHS. And while I will not go into insane depth on the details of this little world I’ve built, I will say that this is, maybe, not technically Mpreg? Minato was genderbent and just got knocked up on accident. This isn’t a dark fic either, tho! Minato’s fine and safe lol, no yandere, no babytrapping, nothing like that. Minato’s just kinda a drama queen.

CW: Pregnancy with no real context? I tried to give you enough to get an idea of what went down, but it’s still kinda left to implication. Also kinda? Forced feminization? Genderbending? Minato’s not the comfiest being a woman for as long as he has been. There’s also light talk of abortion. No unwanted pregnancy, it was just a surprise, but the option is discussed/mentioned. Also, Ryoji’s a lil unhinged later on in the fic. Sure hope u like him being a monster lmao, bc I do.

Under the watchful light of his mother’s moon, a tall, pale man with dark brown hair laid on a large sectional couch one chilly winter night. With a sitcom rerun dancing across him in the darkness of the living room to illuminate his lack of a shirt and the sweat pants he wore as pajama pants.

It was nearly midnight, everybody else in the small mansion should’ve been asleep at peaceful, sleepy hour. So, Ryoji was quickly aware of the soft thump of bare feet on the floor above the dark living room, then on the hardwood staircase. Finally, he could hear him on the runway-esque hallway rug that led to the soft cream of the living room carpet. “What are you doing awake at this hour, Funeral Lily.” The brunette hummed, his sky-colored eyes never torn from the sitcom. He hadn’t needed to look to the pregnant, midnight-haired person who had come around the curve of the couch to stand beside the man’s feet.

Minato didn’t say anything, though. He just stood in one of his lover’s white button-ups, pajama shorts with an elastic waistband, and no socks. His shaggy midnight hair fallen sloppily into his stormy, blue-grey eyes as he looked down at his partner with anger in those beautiful storm clouds. An anger that the brunette knew was fueled by the irrational level of hormones that ravaged the ex-wildcard.

With that, he finally looked towards Minato. Though, the sight of his other half in the shifty light of the television, all swollen and heavy in so many ways with his child, even if he was pissed at the god for how he was trapped in a female form, made the god smile softly. Though, I guess that’s what you get when you play with fire. “Why weren’t you in bed by now?” Minato asked darkly, his voice almost amusingly unchanged by the shift in his physical gender, as hoarse and flat as ever, his eyes dotted with unwanted tears. Which, broke the brunette’s heart a bit to see, even if he knew that his lover likely wasn’t too upset. “I thought you were asleep, I didn’t want to disturb you.” He said in an apologetic mumble, as if his usual eager chirp would put the unborn soul within Minato at risk. The brunette quick to assure, “I have been watching over you though, as the god of death I have an ironic ability to track a living heartbeat.” as well, but the ex-wildcard just huffed at his words.

Instead of his words, he seemed to use his body to reply. His hands planted on Ryoji’s chest so that he could lift one of his legs to sandwich it between the god’s pudgy, softened belly and the cotton fabric of the back of the expensive couch so that he could straddle Ryoji’s hips heavily. His belly, round and too solid to be the paternal weight the god had put on, straining the plastic buttons of the shirt just like it strained the fabric of Ryoji’s pajama-

As much as the dark-haired man loved to imagine all of the acrobatic and nightmarish acts he’d do to Minato, he lifted his knees and squeezed his legs together for the moment. Which, not only allowed the wildcard to lean back against his thighs to get some sort of back support, but also suppressed the god’s erection. “Are you sure?” He asked, his words a-wobble despite his best attempts to suppress it, but Ryoji didn’t mention it as his hands rested on Minato’s hips and thighs. “I’m sure, my Funeral Lily.” He said, his smile loving, but Minato’s eyes just filled with more tears. “You can admit if you aren’t. I know that this little parasite-” “Mina, come on. Don’t talk like that.” Ryoji gently scolded, even though the emo was simply hyperbolic and tempermental. As he spoke, though he made sure to keep his thumbs at work to massage into his morose lovers hips. “You know I’d...you just have to give the word if you changed your mind, funeral lily. There’s no need for those types of words.”

It was a morbid reminder. They’d talked about it though.

When Minato had first found out that their little experiment with what powers Ryoji had gotten from Nyx had gone a bit too far. They both knew it wasn’t something the brunette liked, but could do if Minato hadn’t wanted a baby for his twenty-third birthday.

Yet, the wildcard had decided to see how it went, “I’m honestly pretty curious what a child from you would turn out like. Would they be a god? Demigod? Shadow? Human?” He’d hummed when the god of death had offered it that first week in. And, like he had back on that comfortable evening, Ryoji watched as his lover’s dark eyes flitted and danced with thoughts and chaotic emotions. Before, he sighed, and sagged back against the man’s knees. “No. I...I know I talk a lot of shit about…This,” Minato said with the wave of his hand over his belly, and the milk-heavy breasts that matched. He came down here without a bra again. Even after I showed him how to put one on. “But, I don’t...It’s fine, Ryoji, you don’t have to do anything. I am excited for the baby. Just...not the process.” He admitted. His head lolled back while his words shook with the tears he hated so much. “I don’t hate the kid, I hate feeling fat, unweildy, and achey. I’m embarrassed how much fucking help I need now, I can’t even get up without it taking five minutes, and either my hips or these sacks of fat hurt like a bitch every day.”

And, much to the brunette’s heartache, as he vented his composure seemed to crumble into sobs in the television’s light. And, the brunette couldn’t really do much to help. Minato’s belly trapped him, he couldn’t sit up without risking possibly squishing it, and Ryoji hated to do that. So, he just sighed and rubbed his lover’s sides as Minato shook with the sobs he tried to stomp down. “Funeral lily, I’m sorry you’re struggling, I really am. I wish I could do more…” “Just tell me you’re not disgusted by me.” Minato whimpered, angry again, the words spat out miserably at the god. “Mina, I promise I’m far from disgusted by you right now. I’m never picky with the gender of my lovers, so you being...well, a woman right now, isn’t an issue.” He felt the midnight-haired wildcard wince slightly at the acknowledgement of his appearance, but Ryoji pushed on. “And while you hate to be so helpless, I, honestly, love it. I think it’s cute to see you rolling around on the bed when you get up in the morning. It’s cute in the same way that a struggling animal is cute to me. Plus, you needing my help with stuff like your shoes, or to get your pants up, that just makes me feel very useful, and gives me excuses to hug you, and be close to you.” Ryoji hummed. And, that seemed to soothe a bit of Minato’s agony, so the god continued on that route. “Plus, I know you’re aware of how your state arouses me. Seeing you waddle around drives me nuts in so many ways that are shockingly horny.”

That made earned a small bark of laughter, Minato’s hiccups ebbing slightly as he lifted his head and let his hands return to Ryoji’s chest. “I could name multiple ways that I adore you. Everything you’re hating, I am loving. I love being useful to you, I love how you’re softening up very nicely. I also enjoy when you sexually harass me.” He listed, a warm smile able to return as he saw pink hues dust Minato’s pale face in the tv’s light. “Sorry I do that, by the way…And when I do shit like bite you and punch your arm...” Minato muttered as he traced lazy patterns into Ryoji’s chest. Which, made the god chuckle, “Minato, you hitting and biting me mean nothing to me. Do you think you’re the only person who’s bitten and punched me? Everybody does, it’s a hazard of my role.” He reminded, “Plus, you are so insanely powerless against me that you hitting me with pillows and biting at me when you’re pissy your ice cream melted is more or less a novelty to me.” With that, he reached up to wipe Minato’s eyes gently. And, the wildcard simply took that as a chance to press his cheek glumly into Ryoji’s palm. “That’s kinda horrifying to think about…” the midnight-haired man said after a moment of nothing but the tv for noise between them. After the roller coaster of sadness and annoyance he’d seemingly speedrun that night, all he seemed to have left was exhaustion as he added, “And kinda hot…” Which made Ryoji chuckle. Meanwhile, he lowered his knees to lay Minato down so Ryoji could sit up. His usually-pushed-back brown hair now drooped into his face as he looked down at the midnight-haired wildcard that laid down so easily on his legs. The fact that Ryoji Mochizuki was the god of death, child of Nyx and her intended avatar, no threat to the trust the midnight-haired wildcard held for the man. “Do you still feel unweildy and fat? Because I can go on with the praises.~ And all the ways that the added numbers on a scale are because of you growing a tiny...assumed, humanoid.” Ryoji offered with one of his famous flirtatious smiles. “No, now I just want to go back to bed.” Minato sighed, a small smile on his face now. More than happy when the god scooped him up and carry him upstairs to tuck him back into bed and finally join him for the remainder of the night. Even if the brunette was very cautious of Minato’s belly.

[rarepears]

#Binghe treat your dad better!#lbh is like rare ingredients where! drop the map to the good shit xianxia atm!!!#omg sj bossing around the star pupil of lqg is doing things for him#bingbing probably plays up his unfortunate cooking situation#sj feels so smug getting one up on lqg meanwhile lbh is sitting there playing 3d chess in this courtship#these morons would babytrap each other let’s be real#who of these fuckers can knock lqg out??? yqy????#do they team up and dose him with sex pollen or sth???#sqh probably knows how#mbj could take lqg maybe him?#mbj watching lbh bully sqh for stuff: junshang#this is for courtship of someone else right? lbh: yes sqq I have better taste than u#sqh: my king help T.T (via @caranmerya)

Liu Qingge lurks in the background and watches his disciple shake down Shang Qinghua for information. He learns... that Shang Qinghua knows so much?!

Poor Shang Qinghua finds himself being shaken down for information by Liu Qingge now! And a jealous Mobei Jun learns that Shang Qinghua knows even more information - and why hasn't Shang Qinghua told him about this information earlier! Shang Qinghua is really a piggybank of All the Information and everyone wants a bite of that.

-o-o-o-o-

We all know that Luo Binghe is a service top and Shen Jiu is a bossy bottom. Luo Binghe is a very pushy service top and Shen Jiu doesn't appreciate pushy people.

Instead of babytrapping into a relationship, Shen Jiu is far more likely to run away with the ball (aka run away with a pregnant belly). Pregnancy ain't the trick to snagging a Shen Qingqiu waifu for Luo Binghe. Neither is acting pitiful.

On the other hand, Luo Binghe acting like he has no one else but Shen Qingqiu on his brain seems like a S tier move to winning Shen Qingqiu's affection. Shen Qingqiu does love his codependent relationship.

-o-o-o-o-

LMAO SEX POLLEN IS INDEED A VERY EFFECTIVE WAY OF KNOCKING OUT LIU QINGGE. And then Liu Qingge finds himself shipped to Mu Qingfang and it's only right that the healer peak lord treats another peak lord, right?

Somehow this sounds like pre-relationship! Liu Qingge/Mu Qingfang. Now that's a couple where babytrapping sounds like a sound move.

[More in #Bai Zhan Peak disciple!Luo Binghe AU]

Bai Zhan Peak disciple!Luo Binghe AU -- imagine the possibilities.

So, it's like canon that Luo Binghe can turn even the most limited and shitty ingredients into the best food ever, right? He also comes to the sect with his cooking skills already maxed out too.

Bai Zhan!Luo Binghe flourishes once he figures out how to barter like the most cold hearted evil merchant, trading the tiniest bowl of congee - simple rice, water, and a dash of lard that he managed to render off from the discarded animal carcasses that his shizun dumps around the sect (no one really has a use, medicinal or otherwise, for the fat) - for favors and lessons.

Luo Binghe has limited congee to trade too because collecting all that rice was time consuming and strenuous. He begged for some, he managed to steal from An Ding stores, he harvested some wild rice from some Cang Qiong wild lands - his supply of rice is never steady or predictable. And he knows he needs all the favors and lessons that he can get because he's so behind compared to his peers!

What Luo Binghe doesn't know is that the lard he rendered from the creatures? There's a shitload of health and cultivation benefits packed in there that's gotten amplified by his protagonist halo. If he had known, he could had haggled things down even more, but, well, he doesn't know. And thus he doesn't realize just how much goodwill he's also collecting from his peers who are so used to having to fight each other for everything - beds, food, training.