#maybe not better but more comfortable
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Me: Ooooo, I wonder what this "Mouthwashing" thing is that everyone's been obsessed with lately. I should check some of it out.
Me, 30 minutes later: I would kill myself for you, Anya.
#i'm so obsessed with her#you don't even understand#i love her so much#she deserved better#she deserves the world#mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#anya deserved better#anya deserved so much more#anya my beloved#mouthwashing game#look at her#i love her#fuck jimmy#all my homies hate jimmy#i will stab him for what he did to my girl#i will rip him apart with my mouth#she deserves to stab him to death at least a little bit#but honestly i love anya for so many reasons#not only is her plotline interesting and tragic as hell and she deserves better#but she is a legitimately interesting person and character outside of what happened to her#her dedication to her job and the fact that she was able to keep curly alive by herself for so long is extremely admirable#and i've heard about how she can act pretty playful and fun when outside of situations like the one she was in throughout the game#i really wish we got to see that side of her more#because it seems like her anxious and more timid personality is a bit of a trauma response which is understandable#so yeah i love her and i want to give her a pat on the head and a hug and maybe a gentle kiss on the forehead if she's okay with it#i prefer to comfort others via physical affection and i want to comfort her so badly#i don't know if i'd be the most helpful if i were a crewmate who learned what happened to her#(my way of helping would be offering to murder jimmy and i'm not sure if she'd want that because not all victims want that)#and sometimes physical affection/hug aren't helpful or preferred
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okay .. take two !!!
+ bonus doodles
#i !!!! like this design a lot more#kinda worried abt the cloak …. but !!!#what do we think ………..#oh. wait. also#-> tried to combine the v shape and the cloak#figured out how to incorporate the bottom half wing like design#they have tails !!! they like to sometimes pretend it’s like a bird#(loop running around bc swish swish flowy) (bats their eyelash) am i not the prettiest bird youve ever seen#also while the leg straps for knife was cool#i feel they. while it wouldd be easier to maybe access#anyone could take it !!! the way it was !!!!#into the holster and belt you go#OH and and#the little chains and pendants dangling from the belt ?? those are like keychains from all the things that remind them of their journeys#OH and they’re wearing. kind of leggings ??? for better agility#im trying not to overdo everything. so that it’s not so cluttered#but that. also Is this point. as fun as this outfit is most of it is just loop taking clothing items they first see and running off#“okay rogue time. i can do rogue.” tthey are a mess <3#they’re kinda in that stage of. between siffrin and figuring out who They are now after all of that. clinging slightly while also changing#(they absolutely did steal those little pins from sif btw <3) they thought it would be funny to see how long it took for him to notice. and#then it just stuck.#“why is loop okay with the cloak now?” bc !!! its not a one to one. and also. sif here found loop at possibly the worst spiral ever#it Would have brought equal comfort as it did discomfort if they wore both the hat and cloak then. and (their words) it would be much easier#to tell which siffrin was who !!!!!!!!!!#agh .. okay#lantern’s art corner#isat spoilers#isat
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I will say, regardless of how many issues I have with the sun and moon show
I do adore seeing artists I recognize in the thumbnails of their episodes
Best part abt it tbh
#I will give them this it does seem like they are getting better at like storytelling#idk maybe im just liking this particular arc#idk I was just watching old episodes and comparing them to the recent ones and damn they really have improved a whole lot#voice acting and general quality#also just fascinated by how these coworkers have become more comfortable with eachother and have much better chemistry now than before#also I will admit Davis does my favorite sun voice#right up there with kellen tbh#sorry I don’t mean to rant abt tsams I know it’s kind of not everyone’s thing#but man has it sucked me up again gah#fnaf daycare attendant#tsams
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slapping some color on some oc wips
#digital art#werewolf#dragonborn#oc: trilight#oc: lily#werewolf transformation#i didn't like how the sketches looked#lining and coloring didn't make it a lot better but if I don't post it now i'm going to stare at it negatively forever#hurt and comfort for my ocs in my brain if i don't get them out on paper or computer I will combust#still have more wips that maybe I will get 'done'
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im so gender confused because im a he/him who wants masculine attributes and i present myself as butch but i still get euphoria when i pull my hair back to look like a girl because then i look like my better self
#kostik speaks#dont develop a dissociative disorder worst mistake of my life#me when im a dude: depressed. a bit bland#me when im a girl: happier. more comfortable#but i am a dude more than i am a girl. it just happens that my girl self is better than me in every way#im currently standing at. i want to transition. i want to be a guy. and maybe when i am ill feel comfortable presenting my girl side#maybe then ill feel comfortable????#shes not hyper fem at all shes about the middle ground. she has longer hair and middle ground clothing and personality presentation#but it just feels really unnatural to be her except in brief moments alone#as far as outdoor is concerned i am some quiet butch thing who isnt really there#YANNO?#i have too many souls for this i really dont know how much is trauma response and how much is 'actual' genderqueerness#i think im always just. me. im seeing the endocrinologist for T soon so i have just been thinking about where i stand
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I've been wondering about Ed getting rid of everything Stede owned. We keep saying that he did that because being surrounded by it all hurt, and he was angry and wanted to hurt Stede back by destroying his beautiful things.
But... he only does all of that once Izzy threatens him back into being Blackbeard again and, further, the Kraken. I actually think Ed gets rid of all of Stede's stuff to outwardly show (pretend) to be his ruthless self again, but also to cut himself off to make being Blackbeard easier. He couldn't be the Kraken whilst surrounded by the memory of his time with Stede and of being allowed to be himself and soft. The stark, empty, and trashed room is how it looks inside his heart, but not because Stede is gone and left him, at least not just.
And it looks not dissimilar to his cabin on the QAR, just with less candles and skulls. It's all part of the performance...
#getting thoughts in order challenge#and that blue robe is his one thing he could've get rid off#probably had it hidden#even from himself maybe#it's the last bit of connection#he's torturing not just the crew with daily raids but also himself#by denying himself warmth and comfort maybe even more#I wish I could articulate myself better#Blackbeard#Edward Teach#Blackbeard!meta#Our Flag Means Death#OFMD
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I hate being gullible so much because people often think it's funny to fuck with you just because you'll believe it every time. There's been so many times when people who know I'm gullible would purposefully say incorrect facts or make absurd jokes just to see me believe them and laugh in my face. I get it, it's amusing to see me believe the most asinine statements ever, but please at least try to see how this is incredibly degrading from my perspective. My gullibleness symbolises my trust in you and your words, and it genuinely hurts when you make fun of that. And yes, it is "just a joke" but it's not about the joke itself, it's about what that joke represents.
This especially pisses me off when people point out how gullible I am and it's like, I get it I believe in every absurd statement that you throw at me now please leave me the fuck alone. I'm not a zoo animal for you to jeer at, I'm a human being with thoughts and emotions and all I want is for you to understand that stating increasingly absurd facts just to laugh at me when I believe it is humiliating to me.
#my post#rant#the thing is I'm purposefully gullible at times#because I believe that it's better to believe someone and have it be wrong than to not believe someone and have it be right#since I know what it's like to have no one believe you when you're right#and it just sucks cause it feels like people are taking advantage of something you have in place to make others feel more comfortable#idk maybe I'm overreacting#but genuinely I don't get what's so funny about me believing that you ate all of the wasabi in one night#(yes that is something that my mom said to me once and yes she did laugh at me when I believed her)#it makes me feel like they just view me as a stupid court jester whose sole purpose is to entertain the smart royalty
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Wverytime I sit down at a computer to make music I get so scared
#i like siting down with a guitar and writing music but the daw is still so scary to me and i dont know how to make it less scary#its like i dont know where to start#i understand music theory i can write chord progressions i can write melodies but arranging feels so daunting#like just trying to pick keyboard voices and stuff im like overwhelmed and then its like i just dont even know where to start#i think i need to do more covers to practice arranging because trying to do it with my own songs im just like i have NO IDEA#i do think that trying to recreate arrangements of other songs I like will help me but also just idk#i really want to get better at writing at the piano but i find it really hard#rn i write almost all my songs on the guitar then i guess what i have to do is try to think of like what style i want it to have#and sort of try to create a map like probably literally on paper and then try to go in and sort of do it but god its so hard i dont know#it feels so so daunting#even trying to make silly little stuff with just like some synths is really hard for me right now its so out of my comfort zone and AUGH id#its frustrating im scared of the computer but i also very much do not want to be an acoustic singer songwriter but thats all i can do#because all i can do is play fucking guitar!!!! and its just so frustrating#technically im like with a midi controller i should be able to do whatever program drums write little synth lines etc i dont have to like#know how to play piano and yet whenever i try to do it i just get so overwhelmed and freaked out with how many possibilities there are#that i just . cannnnnt#AHGHHHHHHHHHHHH im so im in such a bad mood right ow#ive had such a horrible night honestly#i think i will just go engage in fixation for comfort and then go to bed sigh#i dont know what to do to improve at making music in the daw i guess ill just maybe try again this weekend to take another crack at it#god its just so frustrating that i only started writing songs 2 years ago and have only learned to use a daw in the last 3 months i WISH#that i was one of these teenagers who spent all my time writing silly songs and playing around with a midi controller but i just didnt#because i was scared!!!!!!!#playing the guitar and singing has always been like the only thing that felt safe cos i felt if i tried to actually write and arrange songs#by myself i would fail so now i just feel so frustrated because i dont feel like a real musician and i feel like im starting too late#AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH whatever sorry for using the tags of this post as my diary but#i am frustrated!!!!
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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I'm sorry if what I say is wrong in any way, I don't mean to offend you, it's just something I'm not completely sure about. Does Adam use he/they or they/them pronouns? I think I saw a post of yours where you said that Adam uses he/they, but it was a while ago and now I'm not completely sure (and I don't want to use the wrong pronouns)
I know you don't mean anything by it, but I am sad that so many of the asks I get start with people saying "I'm sorry, I don't want to offend you" or some variation thereof, followed by completely normal questions. I think I may have been responding too harshly to too many things and given the impression that I'll jump at people for being wrong...
But asking clarifying questions is always okay. I mean, it's also okay to be wrong and even offensive. What matters is if you learn from it when someone points out that it was wrong or offensive. I won't stop telling people they're saying something hurtful if they are, but I don't want that to lead people to be scared of me or something.
Correcting people is always just about correcting them, not hurting them. It's okay to need to be corrected, were all learning new things every day.
Anyways Adam uses he/they, you remembered correctly
#i dont like when people pry about personal things#especially not when it's accusatory. I'm admittedly sensitive to a lifetime of people denying my identity#people saying i dont count as bi. or nonbinary. or disabled.#and so i tend to take questions around these as people trying to 'sus me out' as a fake or something...#and I'm always going to try to explain. generally gently... how these things are hurtful to me personally#or in the case of my characters how certain things can (in my opinion) be harmful mindsets to have#but i dont carry them with me and im not mad#im just 26 and kinda tired of making myself small to make other people more comfortable.#so. if im uncomfortable ill just say jt!#and ill do my best to explain why so people can maybe learn from it#but as someone who. i talked about this recently elsewhere. as someone who has anger management issues#and unfortunately has had to deal with people i care deeply about being scared of me...#it just makes me sad to see anons being scared of me.#that's all#im not upset or anything. just trying to be a better person.#I'm learning everyday too#asks#anon
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broooooooooooo i really really REALLY prefer a non-MW rook + emmrich i just really do T_T
#i love when he gets the opportunity to teach i love cultural exchange i love getting outside our comfort zones for each other#mw rook is just like 'aha i know what you are talking about because i too am from the necropolis :)' and that's ITTTTTTT#maybe it changes but so far no dice#i feel insane for how many people are gushing over MW rook x emmrich and im just left so cold from it#like the MW background is kinda cool so far#and they are one of the better and more lore-heavy factions which i love#but so far every conversation with emmrich feels like i'm trying to get a good grade in necromancy class which. yea he's the hot teacher#but im not trying to play like i'm actually in high school or something x'DDD#where's the intrigue. where's the mystery. it feels like he's an older family member. fuck dude.#Mara did it better#this is why linnea has to flip her shit and drop a building on his undead ass#dav spoilers
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My friend's friend's boyfriend was told I'm trans but he didn't know Im transMASC so he assumed I'm transfem and told his gf that I'm doing well for my transition and look gorgeous. Hey my only take away here is he thought I was born a man so I ain't complaining lmaooooo
#his assumption probs doesnt help that i went to the WOMENS bathroom and not the mens#even tho the bathrooms both seemed empty i was just too scared to go into the mens alone#especially with my visible chest and all...#im too scared to try the mens just yet maybe when im more masc presenting and pass better and feel more comfortable#one day#transmasc#trans man#transgender#talkies
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vent
did not expect kissing and realizing i’m lowkey dating a guy to send me down an existential spiral of reminding me that i have only one life to live and then i am going to die without living any other different lives
#but i’ve been wasting time not exploring at all!!#doesn’t have to be a forever person it’s just an experience#but still#it’s really weird and idk!!!!#and if i date this guy fr i would have to like go on birth control probably and holy shit i do NOT want more medication#and what if i meet someone else?#i don’t exactly want to commit y’know???#but i’m halfway through my twenties and i don’t know how much time i actually have and if i think about it too long i hyperventilate#which WOULDN’T HAPPEN if i was just continuing on with being safe and alone!!#and what about women?? i love women!#but when i really love something or someone i go crazy about it#i lose myself#so maybe realistic and neutral is better?#am i neutral?#i don’t fucking know and my friends for the most part aren’t quite grasping what i’m trying to say#like yes i overthink and yes it might not be that deep to anyone else including the guy#but it NEEDS to be that deep. to me.#because that’s how my brain fucking works.#i don’t take shit lightly and i never have#that’s why i’m better off alone#or with people who are also deeply unchill#but this guy is so chill! and it does make me feel comfortable!#but it’s also like bro is this conversion therapy am i conversion therapying myself?#my entire identity for more than a decade has been based off being single and independent#and the lapses in that are times in my life that i see myself as unambiguously pathetic and embarassing#with men and women#i feel like a fucking unsocialized semiferal cat that wants affection but also doesn’t know how to accept it#and do i even want it? or is it want i know i should want or what would be good for me so im just slowly forcing myself into it?#it’s so much easier. so much simpler. to not have to freak out about this stuff.#sorry for venting i know it’s annoying it’s just fuck man…
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can i share a secret with you guys the one and only reason why i don't want to see wicked is because i hate how ariana looks in the movie so much that it makes me angry every time i see her in character
#like normally id at least want to check it out and give it a fair shake. but i simply Can't w this.#i have been biting my tongue out of fear that my issue is like . appearance shaming this woman somehow#but to be honest with you i think its more an issue of styling#like sure maybe part of it is just. that im still not used to seeing her actually look white so she looks sickly but#her skin tone + the blonde hair + the specific (ugly) shade of pink they have her in + the much maligned color grade of the trailers#it all makes her look so washed out and lifeless. she literally looks sick!#could nobody add some depth to her hair color or choose a better shade of pink for her?? something with ANY undertone??#i HATE looking at her in this role i hate the posters i hate the dolls i hate the trailer i hate the wicked 'dont use your phone' amc psa.#avpost#ive only talked to one person about this it was my coworker and she said theres speculation of some serious issues w her#which i dont feel comfortable spreading around bc its just celeb gossip but in the moment i was like.#you know what i wont count that out at least its *an* explanation for why she suddenly looks like an animated corpse???
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me when i meet with my colleges first out trans teacher who is like a celebrity with me after one of my teachers puts me in contact with her again (i had interviewed said trans teacher 4 years prior and hadnt met with her since) and she tells me tjat my teacher had so many positive things to say about me, about how i was one of her brightest most well spoken students and that she (within like 5 minutes of having been talking) immediately sees exactly what my professor had been talking about and so many super implied positives about me that i would never had known about and i dod everything in my power to avoid prying for more details but even what i heard was soso nicies
#iwillspeakincessantly#god it felt so nice to meet with her again#talking woth someone whos been so influential at my school and the whole state as far as transgender and queer policy making and has#so many connections amd experience and is also trans and historically a teacher bfor she retired#genuinely makes me feel so much better about my life and where im going#and less worried about if ill ever be able to live a peaceful life as a trans twacher when she personally knows#multiple other transmen tbats shes taught who are now teaching IN MY STATE#safely and happily#ough#we said wed meet more in the future and she encouraged me to join the cities pride group that she had founded and is the head of#and maybe tjis time ill actjally go#she even gifted me a book that she had had that she thinks would give me solace and comfort in my life#tbat was also written by a trans man sinxe she thinks im easily intelligent enough to get the humor and referwnces in#god she said i was well spoken and articulated even tho i feel so stupid and inarticulate sometimes#since i ramble a lot and lose my thoughts and i feel like my speaking vocabulary is so lowbrow and cheap often#no matter how many times other peope say i always sound so intelligent when i speak#ARGH#been super steessed about a lot of things in my life and if ill make it out alive but just this short hour and a half convo over a food#has made me feel so mich better and happier and hopeful#argh argh ougj i love finding out that people talk immense amount of positive things about me#god#i was rlaking about how often i struggle woth socializing amd making friends and she aas like really? ive been having a wondefful time#walkimg with you youre so intelligent and well spoken and its like thank you my issues ckme from group settings#and unclear un familiar subjects and ettiqutes of my fellow youths#but it made me feel so good about myself#im gonna implode :333333 positive
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A Series of Unfortunate Events crossover AU with The Incredibles where the Baudelaires are a family of supers. Bertrand and Beatrice used to be a superhero team, albeit with murky pasts. Syndrome, their former biggest fan, lures them to Nomanisan Island and kills them with the Omnidroid, then has it declared a tragic accident. Their three children are now orphans. Hiding their powers is more important than ever. People who know tend to be less sympathetic and more suspicious and the National Super Agency is inclined to put the quietness of their lives above the quality of them. Good thing that their totally legitimate relative Buddy Pine is around to foster them right away! He’s a brilliant inventor with a billion-dollar company! He even loves superheroes and offers to train the kids in his advanced facility! What could possibly go wrong?
Fourteen-year-old Violet can generate and control electricity. However, she’s inexperienced at doing so in visible, direct ways. Manipulating currents through materials and inside machines or even her own nervous system (stimulating her muscles to keep herself awake, focused or move with more energy, for example) is easier for her. She gets more comfortable producing raw electricity over time, especially when she needs to protect her siblings. She could control other people’s nervous systems, but doesn’t want to. All technology fascinates her. To complement her intuitive mastery of electronics, she has great skill in mechanical engineering and the resourcefulness to invent equipment out of whatever is available. Being a living battery only enhances what she can create. Since extended use of her power raises her hair with static electricity, she wears her hair securely braided and tied with a ribbon.
Twelve-year-old Klaus has extrasensory perception which, based on his highly verbal thought process as an avid bookworm, is attuned to words. He can hear people’s thoughts, but needs to concentrate to search for information below the surface, filter through the vast swathes of irrelevant information and interpret the nonverbal thoughts and emotions mixed in. So it’s often like reading an extremely dense book full of words you don’t know and unlabelled pictures. But he can figure many of those unknowns out through his keen reasoning. He can also mentally sense the presence of physical text nearby, read it even if he can’t see it and scan a space for specific words, for example to find a certain book in a library. Between this and his photographic memory, he’s a fantastic researcher. His eyes glow the harder he pushes his powers. His glasses help to disguise that on top of correcting his vision, refracting the light, so the quirk will only expose him if they’re lost or broken.
One-year-old Sunny has an invulnerable digestive system that can process anything with no ill effects. Glass, poison, fire. Her teeth are superhumanly durable and sharp. But while nothing along the tube from her jaw to her rear end will bleed, burn or break, the rest of her will, therefore she still needs to be careful how she ingests hazardous things. And just because she can eat and drink everything, doesn’t mean she likes every taste and texture. She actually has a refined palette and prodigious culinary talents.
#imagine the kids finding out about project kronos#imagine that scene with them#syndrome wants to make the kids his sidekicks (especially violet bc tech and sunny bc malleable baby)#but he will happily kill them if they're too much trouble#he actually pretends to care and is charismatic and manipulative enough to trick them for a while#giving them loads of nice things praising them taking interest in their lives#gaslighting and victim-blaming them whenever they see something off or he gets abusive#plus there's the part where he's protecting them from anti-super society but could out them if he wanted#so they are more afraid to lose the benefits of their situation#maybe klaus's glasses get broken 'accidentally' and syndrome designs really cool comfortable new ones with transition lenses#and tiny processors inside that increase his telepathy's range and precision#but secretly they can also interfere with his telepathy to better gaslight the psychic and do mind control#don't worry at the end the kids are adopted by edna mode#a series of unfortunate events#asoue#series of unfortunate events#the incredibles#asoue au#incredibles au#crossover au
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