#maybe its a bit weird
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alicornze7 Ā· 27 days ago
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Silly guys goin' on silly adventures:]
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@rorydrawsandwrites's puppeteer au but the only difference is that jax gives consent
My contribution to this wonderful au has been long overdue:')
Rambling in tags ehe (cw: ribbun:p)
Well maybe it's not the only difference
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harbingersecho Ā· 6 months ago
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are we the sins we have committed? are we the things we have endured? [...] who are we?
[ref]
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aroaceleovaldez Ā· 2 months ago
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What is the PR disaster in question that made Rick announce TSATS? I wasnā€™t active in the online fandom at that point
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Of course! This was awhile ago so it figures people don't remember it/aren't familiar:
Basically a couple years back (2020) the fandom had some posts circulate discussing the ways different characters in the Riordanverse were written poorly or offensively. There was a masterpost that went around tumblr but the two major points people were particularly focusing on were Piper and Samirah (particularly because Piper had featured prominently again in Trials of Apollo recently and the third MCGA book had further emphasized and discussed Samirah being Muslim, since it was supposed to take place during Ramadan). Basically each had multiple posts breaking down the ways they were depicted incorrectly or offensively. The entire fandom for a little bit was VERY intensely discussing this (and it's around this time the "RR crit" tag got very popularized on tumblr - it did exist before, but suddenly was being used VERY frequently - cause it was that wide-spread - though the discussion took over basically every side of Riordaverse social media on different platforms). People really wanted Rick to respond to these criticisms, so he did!
He made two blog posts, one about Piper and one about Samirah. He has since deleted both so the links are to archived versions. The short version: he essentially tried to justify his poor research and double-down that he hadn't written them offensively, actually, people were just being mean to him. The fandom, of course, reacted poorly to this.
[Further elaborated events under the cut since this got a bit lengthy]
(Fun fact, this all happened within a month or so of the time i posted an open letter on aphobic tropes in the Riordanverse that Rick replied to, and then he immediately followed with announcing that Reyna was intended to be ace-coded [which cause a LOT of fandom debate] before Rick dipped for a couple of weeks, and then came back to post the blog posts in response to Piper and Sam stuff. So I like to jokingly refer to this as "The time I imploded the fandom/drove Rick off of twitter." Twas I that set the house ablaze.)
Rick fully left social media after this and the LT Musical social media manager became Rick's social media manager for the time being.
So this all happened June/July of 2020. Tower of Nero would end up being published in October of 2020 and a few months after that Rick would state that he was done with the series and wouldn't be writing any more series installments involving Percy, and also that he wouldn't be writing a Nico quest following Tower of Nero as it "wasn't his place to" and encouraged the community to write their own versions of Nico's story.
The community continued to circulate the tumblr posts and discuss the topics of Rick's offensive character depictions, and this is also where we see the dramatic shift in how the fandom depicts Piper in fanwork (though in most cases it is admittedly not an improvement šŸ˜¬) because of all this discussion. This is also around the time when the fandom brought Viria under scrutiny claiming that she was whitewashing Piper as part of the same discussions, through the justification that she was drawing Annabeth as having tan skin (which she does canonically), and if Annabeth has tanner skin then Piper then that's whitewashing Piper? Except they were using completely separate images of not fully rendered Piper art versus Annabeth in dramatic lighting, so it's all very awkward and poor logic, and did actually get kind of racist. A lot of people were calling it "Tannabeth Blackchase" (yeah, i know) or similar and a common sentiment you'd see repeated is "Don't draw Annabeth as having darker skin than Piper, because that's offensive/racist/whitewashing." (Note: it was not phrased "don't draw Piper as having lighter skin than Annabeth" - we also won't get into certain offensive depictions of Native Americans, but I digress). But yeah, the Annabeth stuff in all that did not age well at all.
Anyways, in October of 2021 however Rick would announce that he was co-writing The Sun And The Star - with a lot of heavy emphasis on how Mark Oshiro works as a sensitivity reader, and some false advertising from the official social media that Mark Oshiro was the first time a non-Riordan author would be collaborating on the series (disregarding the ghostwriters completely). One of the big criticisms in the breaking down of issues in Rick's writing was his lack of ever seeking a sensitivity reader, and fans claiming that a sensitivity reader could solve a lot of the problems. This was basically Rick's "look! I totally listened!!!!" (though it did little to actually improve things, based on the book) and in TSATS as well Piper gets a large cameo at the end where the text very directly addresses a lot of points made in criticism of Rick's writing of her.
We also then of course got the CoTG trilogy later, explicitly stated to be for advertising purposes for the show.
So basically, short version: Rick came under scrutiny for a lot of offensive writing within the span of two months, made some bad blog posts doubling down about it, left social media. TOA ends. Rick says he wasn't going to continue the series/write what would become TSATS. Community celebrates the end of of the franchise but also continues to discuss Rick's poor writing and the blog posts at length. Rick suddenly announces TSATS and Mark Oshiro's involvement. Everybody gets distracted from being mad. Show announcement stuff also happens and the discussions peter out.
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carnivalcarriondiscarded Ā· 1 year ago
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warlock wizard Wally scribbles... Thinkings! oh and a bonus bard-ish Barnabys in the corner for flavor
outfit ramblings:
first of all that is a Terrible rendition of what Home looks like in my head. i just needed to fill empty space </3
the staff was the toughest part honestly. bc it Had to be paintbrush-themed, but then halfway through scribbling i was like "oh shit. there are only so many ways to draw a paintbrush-wizard-staff and Weevmo already hit it out of the park." so if you're seeing similarities! you're right! i tried to make it as different as i could! there is Inspiration from their marvelous design, however accidental or subconscious! Apologies!
he gets a pointed hood instead of a hat because a) it looks great on him! and b) it has less of a chance of messing up his hair! also c) it helps muddle the difference between Wizard and Warlock. typically hoods have evil/duplicitous connotation - blur the lines! i want his long gloves and forearm wraps to have the same vibe. his neckerchief is a big help in hiding Home's seal!
his layered (loosely apple-themed) capelet (which the hood is attached to) has a nice high collar & hides the details of his loose shirt - eye embroidery! and some flowers on the shoulders but yk, mostly eyes. on one side of the shirt buttons has open eyes, the other side they're closed! there's also one big eye on his back!
his belt buckle is two halves of an apple! he wears tall thigh-high boots w/ low heels to feel Taller! he has a book-holster hooked to the back of his belt, which holds his grimoire! and he has a lil thigh-bag that has been magicked to be Bottomless and warps size! he can fit pretty much anything in there! canvases! paint! apples!
his half-skirt thing (idk what the word for it is!) is really plush, like a quilt - his capelet is the same fabric. soft, cozy. sometimes he'll use the skirt thing as a blanket in a pinch, or as a picnic placemat!
is his outfit a little Complicated? is it annoying to replicate? yes and yes. but im a maximalist at heart and Nothing But The Best for the blorbo <3 layers my beloved <3
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sideblogdotjpeg Ā· 5 months ago
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ive been thinking about the red string superstition recently and also sol bufo always and it makes me sick how uncannily caldwell tanner has made sol to perfectly target me personally
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(+ cropped versions !)
#naddpod#ba2mia#ba2umia#solum bufo#swag daniels#calliope petrichor#calder kilde#alexandrite#posts by me dot com#okay..... SECRET TAGS RAMBLE!#so basically this superstition is like ... i think a chinese/buddhist/taoist superstition?#ive taken some creative liberties with it... but its mostly accurate to how its been told to me?#but of course theres lots of variations! some more abt bad luck; some say to tie it on the doorknob#etc etc ... lots a variations#i was also rlly interested in the .... weird illogic? of the thing?#like the red attracts and repels spirits at the same time#so thats something i was thinking about with too. red is assocuated with both swag and alexandrite. which to me was kinda reflecting like#i think what murph said . swags place in the wild is in a way. an extension of what he learned from the network#mothership s inextractivle from sol and swags lives. they will always be held doen by it. thats the spirit that will follow them forever#that they choose to hold on too! as much pain as it brought ... some of the experience was worth it#and anyway. theres somethingwrong w me that the minute someone brought up this superstition my brain went#'ohhh just like sol!' < needs to touch grass moment#but i CANT BELIEVE. CALDWELL DID THE RED STRING. AND ITS LITERALLY A MOURNING RITUAL#caldwell keeps accodentally makig that frog ASIAN. to MEEEE!!!!!!#but. anyway. idk. ive always hced sol kept the piece of yarn and it makes me kinda .... what if y let the malicious spirits follow you.#and haunt you. what if its the closest you can get to keeping the person still around#and sol and swag obviously have so much about homes .... so!#(ok. weve reached the pt where maybe nobodys reading? so confession is this is sort of a well. ive just been doodling this comic everyday#after a wake. and it was sort of inspired after realising i was even a bit sad about it maybe. so. idk its about sol but also?#i guess the projection doesnt end at him being asian. hehe. is what i mean. LOL. okay secret tags over . buried lore. dont look here folks)
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dailyloopdeloop Ā· 6 months ago
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DAY 71: shy
#codacheetah#isat#loop isat#isabeau isat#isat spoilers#i'll never get over loop being described as 'shy'. what a wonderful image#top one casual remarks from isabeau that cleaves loop's facade#like loop's personality is just a targeted missile to piss siffrin off. they're not at all confident and snarky#they're doing like the physical manifestation of winning an argument against yourself in the shower#second they see the party though Oopsies we're in scary territory. That's your family and they dont know it's you Oops#ok anyways ever since i saw that post i was like damn. this is just how i view loop in party postcanon#for as much as I think they SHOULD go explore around and be their own person for a while i think realistically they would not do that.#theyre going to go be a weird freak hovering around the party and refusing to socialize with anyone but siffrin and theyre gonna feel awful#(read: they're going to antagonize siffrin and it fails tremendously bc now The Rumor Come Out and siffrin knows what loop is doing.)#like loop as much as they can barely stand to even look at isabeau (for instance) i think their claws are sunk far too deep in.#onehats maybe the circumstances are different because there is a gap in understanding. there's no point forcing siffrin to confront the#obvious conclusion that loop is them (and thus siffrin's happy ending nails loop's coffin)#(THIS IS IGNORING TWOHATS PREREQS GOTTEN ONEHATS. BC THATS ITS OWN CAN OF WORMS)#but twohats. idk. for as much as it lets loop release some of their rage and process their feelings a bit. i think it might also be the pus#that makes loop consider their own existence as a person a bit more. theyre not a sponsor->corpse theyre just loop#theyre just somebody who wants desperately. they want to stay with them#theyre still siffrin. if also loop.#i think loop would force themself to reconnect with the party in the same vein as siffrin forcing himself to communicate more.#but of course having conviction and living an experience are not the same thing. so siffrin's going to flounder the emotional honesty thing#tremendously and loop's going to be. blair witching it in the corner.#hey i might have forgotten which post i was writing the tags under. oopsies#idk if these tags are comprehensible at all. i just really want to see loop fail upwards into friendship with everyone
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morninkim Ā· 5 months ago
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that one movie sinbad did about the genie
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dykedvonte Ā· 1 month ago
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Do you have anything you've been thinking on but just haven't made a post about it yet? Also I'm really enjoying your fic!
I have a few things but it's likely mostly headcanons that I consider somewhat disconnected from my analysis.
Curly's parents had him old, only child, died shortly after he graduated and got the pony express position. It was the last big thing they saw him do which is a reason he stayed for so long.
Doesn't admit how much their death affected him
Jimmy has a largish family. One of the cases of too many kids to keep tract of, parent never really noticed any of them nor their behaviors
Anya lived in a lot of houses growing up, regular supportive family that just struggled to support themselves.
Became a nurse largely to avoid their financial struggles but mostly because she felt too many people weren't being cared for and advocated for in the world properly
Swansea likes high top sneakers most. Likes how snug they fit and how they shield his ankles at work
Curly has a bit of a caffeine problem since he canā€™t sleep. Can occasionally be found wandering the ship at ā€œnightā€ when he had some too late or just couldnā€™t sleep.
Daisuke knows a little about a lot of things. Starts conversations with ā€œdid you knowā€ a lot but please donā€™t ask him deeper questions
Curly has known Jimmy longer but has worked with Anya and Swansea longer, met them during his middle years, met Jimmy shortly before college.
Swansea rents a house, Daisukeā€™s family lives in a big nice apartment, Curly has a condo, Anya live in a small one bedroom apartment and Jimmy has a studio.
Curly's home is very disconcerting. It's too normal to a like uncanny degree.
Anya is ambidextrous but prefers her left.
Anya and Curly are both not native English speakers so occasionally they forget words and bond over the mutual mocking they get from the rest of the crew. Daisuke knows some Japanese but is still learning, never picked it up as a kid
Only Swansea and Daisuke know how to drive, Earth in my mind is very post capitalist so only older people and like the extremely wealthy can afford cars.
It's also like walkable just due to how many businesses are in your face. Probably strict living vs shopping districts
I have more but the way that I headcanon about them is like too long.
#im still trying to figure out voiceclaims like I think Curly is the most generic lost his accent his accent like swedish or eastern european#guy cause he was raised by old immigrants and anya never had a thick accent but she talks with the cadence of one shes like slavic and east#asian to me. Swansea at most is like irish or italian but just an old white guy and Jimmy just has a bit of olivish skin like hes just whit#i think people should make them all weirder too like I think Anya loves showing the fucked up diagrams and pictures from premed and everyon#has to nod and act super supportive and not horrified cause Anya thats a guy with his leg broken in seven places it is not facinating to th#rest of the crew but she loves it cause fyi to go to med school you have to pass pre-med she has a BA if not a BS in nursing or bio atleast#Swansea randomly talks about shoe politics and its like hes talking about regular politics. Curly doesn't sleep walk but he pauses at weird#times or places and will just stand leave and not tell anyone anything cause even he forgot#Jimmy is himself ig and Daisuke always has some media drama they are too old for to get invested in and teach them about youth slang Anya#kinda gets it#also i think people make Curly and Jimmy way too old? Like In my mind Curly is sorta his late 20s- early 30s like he's in the settling#part of his life hence the fear about settling here anya is likel mid 20s to 30 cause she at least finished college we dont have the years#of how long shes been working and maybe Jimmy is just a bit older and feels weird envy about missing that introspection Curly is having.#Daisuke is like 19-22 in my mind like hes an adult but a kid by their standards#like Curly was recruited and its much easier to get younger people plus getting someone young is a good investment like they either got him#right after school and its like all he's known and it scares him#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#anya mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#swansea mouthwashing#daisuke mouthwashing#ask#anon
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sonknuxadow Ā· 10 months ago
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sorry not to be negative or anything i think a lot of the jokes about maria dying are funny but am i the only one who thinks that its taking it a liiiittle too far to flood the comments of the live action actors posts with stuff about how shes gonna get shot or you cant wait to see her die (and yes this is actually happening im not making up a guy to get mad at)
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yuwuta Ā· 5 months ago
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itfs + reader is so real to me and it works like this: youā€™re megumiā€™s childhood best friend, somewhere along the way he meets yuuji, yuuji asks him out, and somewhere along the wayā€”probably mid blowjob or something becuase thatā€™s definitely when yuuji would be thinking about itā€”yuujiā€™s like ā€œhey, so do you know youā€™re in love with your best friend or what?ā€ and megumi literally chokes, and avoids him for like a week but eventually he does admit that he does know, but he also does really like yuuji and if they were normal, theyā€™d break up, but theyā€™re so very far from normal that it becomes a whole thing for them to get off while talking about you, for yuuji to taunt megumi about how he wishes you were here between them and tease him about naughty it is that he fantasizes about his best friend while getting sucked off by his boyfriend, and for megumi to tell him to shutup but then he babbles about all of he pent up fantasies about you anyway. yuuji likes messing with megumiā€™s guilt about this, and megumi hates how much he likes that yuuji is also into you, and somehow you being oblivious to this is a whole other kink theyā€™ve got going on and have no idea how to sort out
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mithliya Ā· 1 year ago
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the rhetoric that its easier for het women to just be celibate for life than it is for them to do something significantly smaller like give up makeup or stop shaving is.. quite strange and disconnected. like if we want to argue it is possible for het women to give up men & not be with men, i agree. if we want to argue its possible for het women to have happy, fulfilling lives without men, i agree. i don't even disagree with the argument that being a separatist is a crucial aspect of being a radical feminist. but we can argue all of these things without pretending like certain acts are easier than they are. for some women, even giving up makeup is not easy. but at the end of the day, no its not easy to commit to something like never having a romantic & sexual partner for the rest of your life!! like!! feminism and radical actions are not easy, they can be easy for some of us but its not easy overall & pretending like its a small little sacrifice just seems ridiculous
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buwheal Ā· 3 months ago
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Yessir, boss man! See you on the other side. o7
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cali Ā· 1 year ago
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--runaway harpy- crops under cut
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+printz
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fruitybashir Ā· 4 months ago
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I'm re reading holidate for the second time and im finding all these little notes that I left in the epub last time, and honestly i think me of the past was inspired for this one
oops, my hand slipped šŸ˜—
ā€œRed please!ā€ Bojan declares cheerfully as he slaps down a ā€œ+4ā€ with a colour wheel. ā€œAnd I am down to my last card.ā€
Thereā€™s a collective groan around the table and Bojan bounces up and down on the couch next to Kris, a big, happy grin on his face. Kris is fuming. He stares down at his fan of cards. Lots of green, some yellow, not a single red one. He grinds his teeth and draws another card.
ā€œAw, no reds? Iā€™m sorry bejbi,ā€ Bojan coos and presses a quick peck to his cheek. Kris feels like he might actually start biting.
Jure reluctantly lays down a red four, Jan follows with a red zero, defeat already painted on his face. Nace hesitates for a second, then a smile spreads on his face and he puts down a blue zero. Thereā€™s a collective Ooooh around the table and Kris feels a sense of righteous satisfaction that almost borders on concerning.
He turns to look at Bojan, expecting to see disappointment, annoyance even at having his win stolen from him for at least one more round, but instead what he sees is a wide grin, teeth shining, eyes wide. Victorious. Oh no.
Bojan lays down a blue six.
ā€œUno!ā€
Everyone tosses their cards on the table in frustration while Bojan giggles happily, already shuffling the cards for another round. Jure lights himself another cigarette, offering another to Jan. Jan puts it between his lips with an appreciative noise, then presses it against Jureā€™s to light it as well.
ā€œIā€™m out,ā€ Kris grumbles and slumps back into the couch. Jan shoots him a sympathetic look and bumps his foot under the coffee table. Krisā€™ patience for losing to Bojan usually doesn't last longer than five or six rounds.
ā€œHow did you evenā€“ but you asked for red.ā€ Nace stammers, staring down at Bojan's blue six as if it held the answers. Bojan shrugs.
ā€œI'm just that good,ā€ he grins. Kris groans.
ā€œYou're so full of yourself.ā€
Jan pats Nace's thigh in consolation. ā€œYou did the best you could.ā€ He takes a drag of his cigarette, then leans in and lets the smoke ghost over Nace's lips as he speaks. ā€œI'm still proud of you.ā€
Kris wrinkles his nose as he watches them unashamedly make out right in front of all of them. Jure deals out new stacks of cards as if he doesn't even see them.
ā€œKris, you sure you're out?ā€
ā€œYeah, I need a break.ā€ Kris says and Jure nods, skips his spot as he hands out the cards.
ā€œYou can be my cheerleader,ā€ Bojan suggests, leaning close into Kris and with a giddy uplift to his voice that makes Kris want to drag him home, push his face into the pillows and shut him up. He takes a deep breath.
ā€œSure,ā€ he says and turns to Bojan with the brightest fake smile he can manage. ā€œBecause you definitely need cheering on to win.ā€
ā€œIf I win the next game for you,ā€ Bojan starts and does an unfortunately very good job at looking at Kris sweetly from under his eyelashes. ā€œDo I get to kiss the cheerleader?ā€
Kris flexes his jaw.
ā€œYou know what?ā€ he smiles and he rests his elbow on the backrest of the couch, reaches up to tuck a strand of Bojan's hair behind his ear. ā€œIf you win the next game, I'll wear the blue set tonight.ā€
There's a choking sound from the other side of the coffee table, then coughing as Jan and Nace's little shotgunning session comes to an abrupt end. Jure whistles.
Bojan's face lights up like the sun.
ā€œEasy!ā€ he declares, already reaching for his new stack of cards. ā€œFastest win of my Uno career.ā€
Jan shoots Kris a disbelieving look, deep betrayal written on his face. Kris just shrugs. He has a plan.
Kris leaves his arm on the back of the couch as the rest of the guys start the next round. He traces his fingers along the neck of Bojanā€™s shirt, just barely grazing the skin enough to cause a light shiver.
He lets Bojan enjoy his feeling of safety for two turns, then he lets his fingers wander up into Bojanā€™s hair. He twirls a few strands around his fingers, toys with them, then runs his fingers down again, along the side of Bojanā€™s neck and over his collarbones.
ā€œKrisā€¦ā€ Bojan mumbles and his shoulder twitches, trying to shrug off Kris. He puts down a red seven, concentrating on the cards in his hands and closely watching what colours the others follow up with.
Kris has no intention of letting up anytime soon. Heā€™s barely even started. He dips his hand under the hem of Bojanā€™s shirt, pressing his palm flat against the otherā€™s chest and letting his fingertips brush over the dusting of chest hair there. Bojan sighs, but other than that, shows impressive restraint. He counters Naceā€™s yellow zero with a green one. Kris moves in closer.
He presses a kiss into Bojanā€™s hair, then brings his hand up further a little, to the base of Bojanā€™s neck. He doesnā€™t press down, but Bojan still tenses against him, and Kris can feel him swallow under his fingers. Bojan has to draw two cards.
Jan raises his eyebrow at Kris across the table, lips twitching with a barely suppressed smile. Heā€™s definitely figured it out by now.
Kris grins, and draws his hand back. Bojan instantly lets out a breath that he probably wasnā€™t even aware he was holding, and Kris thinks itā€™s almost a little cute that he thinks heā€™s safe now. He runs his fingertips over Bojanā€™s back, along his spine and down, until he can lift up the otherā€™s shirt enough to touch Bojanā€™s skin again.
ā€œKris,ā€ Bojan makes, again, and there is a warning in there, but Kris knows that tone well. He leans down to press a kiss to Bojanā€™s neck. Bojan shivers. He hesitates, then places a green five.
Kris runs his fingers along the waistband of Bojanā€™s sweatpants to his sides, letā€™s his fingertips dance up and down, drawing patterns over the skin and he feels Bojanā€™s muscles twitch under his touch, his breath hitch when Kris traces over a spot that he knows drives Bojan crazy.
ā€œBojan?ā€ Jure asks and there is audible amusement in his voice. ā€œItā€™s your turn.ā€
ā€œHuh?ā€ Bojan startles, then he suddenly sits up straighter, letting out an annoyed noise as he rolls his shoulders to get Krisā€™ mouth off his neck. Thereā€™s a snort from Nace as Bojan places his ā€œSkip turnā€ card and Kris is sure that if he could see Bojanā€™s face right now, he would find that the other is blushing.
He keeps his hand on Bojanā€™s side for another turn, showing at least a little bit of mercy before he brings his hand back around, rests his fingers against the base of Bojanā€™s spine. He lets his eyes wander over the table. Jan is only holding two cards now. Bojan is still holding four.
Kris dips his fingers under the waistband of Bojanā€™s pants, then the waistband of his briefs. Bojan tenses. Kris doesnā€™t stop. He pushes down a little further, his middle finger now resting over the dip of Bojanā€™s ass.
ā€œOne card left.ā€ Jan announces on his turn.
ā€œWhat- How?ā€ Bojan stares down at his own cards, his finger worrying the corner of a ā€œ+2ā€ card heā€™s holding. Heā€™s trying so hard to stay focussed. Kris dips his middle finger between Bojanā€™s cheeks and Bojan straightens his back like heā€™s got hit by lightning. When Kris keeps shooting innocent looks around the table, he can almost see the pity on Naceā€™s face when the other places down a red ā€œ+2ā€.
Krisā€™s finger finds Bojanā€™s hole and Bojanā€™s breath hitches. He shivers. Kris pushes down, just lightly, but itā€™s enough for a small noise to escape Bojanā€™s throat, quiet enough that Kris is sure heā€™s the only one to hear it. Bojan draws two cards. Kris grins victorious.
Jure places a red four, Jan follows with a red zero.
ā€œUno!ā€ he declares and the table cheers. Kris pulls back his hand and leans back on the sofa, away from Bojan.
Bojan gapes at Janā€™s last card on the stack, as if they had somehow personally betrayed him. His head flies around to glare at Kris.
ā€œYou-ā€ he starts and Kris shrugs.
ā€œWell, thatā€™s a bummer,ā€ Kris says, purposely nonchalant. ā€œI always thought the blue one really compliments my eyes.ā€
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tomboyyyaoi Ā· 2 years ago
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puppyeared Ā· 1 year ago
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i canā€™t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I donā€™t want to do it Iā€™m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. Iā€™ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. Iā€™d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period canā€™t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damnā€¦.#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally wonā€™t die. itā€™ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but Iā€™m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts arenā€™t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I donā€™t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? itā€™s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just donā€™t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but itā€™s not very fun when it feels like Iā€™m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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