#maybe it could start with her grieving him and lying to herself about him being a good man and ending with her finally speaking her truth

[alicentflorent]

I would have loved to see someone shatter the idealized image of Viserys, especially in front of Rhaenyra. I wanted her to face the harsh reality that her father, whom she so desperately wished to emulate, was actually a terrible person. So far, her sons had seen her as "perfect," but now Jace can no longer see her in that light...

I would have legit loved a parallel of viserys' line to daemon "(rhaenyra) is just a girl and you have ruined her!" to Alicent saying "I was just a girl and he ruined me!" continued by "you knew I never wanted to marry him and for years I was defiled, forced to give him sons that he never appreciated. Your father wasn't an evil or cruel man but he was not a good man or a good king. Was he even a good father to you rhaenyra or did he only indulge you and your boys because he killed your mother?" If there was ever a journey I wanted to see alicent go on it was her finally coming to terms with how awful Viserys was and to see her confront Rhaenyra with that would've been amazing.

[dysfunctionalupsidedown]

An Analysis Of "STurn": My Turn

Hello, everyone! This is my first real post/analysis of anything Stranger Things related, so please keep that in mind while reading. I'm sure there are quite a few analyses about this playlist already (I'm definitely late to the party,) but I still wanted to add my two cents.

Feel free to let me know if any information I've provided is incorrect. My main source is Genius.com, which isn't at all the most reliable; even still, it'll help to give a clearer picture of each track's meaning and how the general public (which includes Finn) interprets them. I'm attempting to go by what I think Finn's intentions were.

Also, don't forget that this analysis was done under the assumption that the "STurn" playlist is a somewhat play-by-play outline of how specifically Mike Wheeler's S5 arcs might happen. The playlist could be entirely unrelated to ST5. It could be related to all the characters and arcs in ST5. It could be out of order, or based on vibes -- We really have no way of knowing until the full season comes out.

Finally, I tried my best to keep the analysis somewhat objective and reasonable, and I hope I've at least partly succeeded. This is all in good fun, in the end. Now that I've finished housekeeping, please enjoy my thoughts and feel free to chime in with your ideas in the comments! I'm always open to changing my perspective.

1. Ballad of the Texas King

Let's begin! This song starts with the lyrics, "No one saw / Nothing at all, no law was there to fight / All dressed down / Walkin' out in the California night". I believe this is a more surface-level vibe-setting song, considering where Mike ended in S4. It may also imply that the start of S5 begins where S4 left off. A lot of car imagery is also present throughout, which was a big part of Mike's S4 journey.

There are ideas of being separated as well, with lyrics like "My heart won't beat / 'Til we meet again together". This may allude to Mike's feelings towards the end of S4, having been separated from Hawkins/his family.

2. What You're Doing - Remastered 2009

Genius.com claims this song was written about Paul McCartney's then-rocky relationship at the time. The lyrics make this very clear, so there's really no alternate angle from which I can read. Let me know in the comments if you interpreted it differently.

In specific, the lyrics "You got me running / And there's no fun in it / Why should it be so much to ask of you / What you're doing to me?", "Please stop your lying / You got me crying, girl", and "I've been waiting here for you / Wondering what you're gonna do / And should you need a love that's true / It's me" really intrigue me. This could refer to Mike's relationship.

The song suggests that the partner may be withdrawing in multiple ways, with the singer grieving over it and attempting to prove their love. El may be starting to distance herself, and Mike could be struggling with it. At the end of S4, El was understandably focused on her failure, to the point where she hadn't really spoken to Mike in the days following it.

I don't think it would be surprising if everything was too much and she ends up pushing herself away from him. I wouldn't say it's implying a break-up, but maybe distancing issues.

3. After The Earthquake

Again, it's pretty surface-level in the beginning. There was a devastating earthquake in-universe, which supports the theory that "STurn" connects to ST5 in some way. The song tells a story, though, and I recommend looking up it's inspiration.

Despite the choice seeming surface-level at first, After The Earthquake may be implying more for Mike in ST5. Genius.com's contributors interpret the song's narrative as, "[Molly Rankin applying the] concept of post-catastrophe clarity to a couple that got into a major disagreement before one of them falls into a coma from a car crash... In a metaphorical sense, [the song] could describe a more mild situation in which Rankin must put their conflict on hold because something more important turns up." I don't think it's too far-fetched to say that Finn picked up on this. The idea of a disagreeing couple and coma is also prevalent in ST, but like I said in the beginning, I'm going to try to connect these songs to Mike Wheeler specifically.

Although this may be me reading too deeply into it, the metaphorical meaning of the track pairs pretty well with the implications of What You're Doing. It also fits in well narratively, considering that more important things are happening aside from the drama -- the earthquake being one of them. Mike could be putting all of his current issues (internal-conflict-related, relationship, or otherwise) on hold for the moment. He continues to struggle with suppressing his problems later on in the playlist, as well.

4. Promises I've Made

This song is about mourning a lost or ex-lover. The opening lyrics, "Ever since you have gone, the days don't seem so bright / And I wish I could forget you but I can't / Ever since you have gone, I haven't felt quite right / And I promised I'd forget all that you meant" address this quite directly.

At this point, it's possible that Mike has either been broken up with or the pair have gone their separate ways for some reason. It wouldn't be too crazy to say something like that will occur and he'll grieve it, keeping in mind that one of Mike's main fears is losing El. I just don't know why they'd continue to make it the subject of conflict in S5 (unless it hasn't been fully resolved yet.)

Physical distance between the two also makes sense when considering that Mike is, supposedly, teaming up with other characters next season. Personally, I'm leaning slightly more towards a break-up because of what the previous songs have set up, but, ultimately, it's up to interpretation. It's possible they've just been physically distanced while in a bad spot.

5. Angst In My Pants

This song is about a person attempting to be someone they're not, suppressing who they really are, and it ultimately leading to dissatisfaction. The lyrics, "You can dress nautical / Learn to tie knots / Take lots of Dramamine / Out on your yacht" describe a faux lifestyle one lives that only serves to hurt them in the end: The idea of putting on a self-harming persona. This could be what Mike is going through in S5, and his teased wardrobe change from S4 supports this.

The lyrics, "I hope it doesn't show / It'll go away / It's just a passing phase / It'll go away" and, "I hope it doesn't show / It'll go 'way / Give it a hundred years / It won't go 'way" are particularly fascinating and can have multiple interpretations.

For one, it could be Mike trying to hide his real personality following Eddie's death and the collective panic by acting out a more "normal" and "idealized" life -- painfully repressing his true self in the process. This is supported by the lyrics I first discussed. Hiding and embracing differences is a theme in Stranger Things, and I wouldn't be surprised if this is where they take Mike in S5.

Another interpretation involves the previous lyrics, as well as, "But when you think you made it disappear / It comes again, 'Hello, I'm here'". This sounds more like someone trying and failing to suppress a thought. Coupled with "It's just a passing phase", it appears to be a feeling or belief instead of someone's true personality, although I do believe that's a big part of it, too.

Whatever it may be, Mike is definitely struggling with something at this point. He's pushing it down, hiding it, and hoping "..it doesn't show" and that "It'll go away".

6. The Better Side - Audiotree Live Version

Half way through! This one gave me more of a challenge because there aren't any written lyrics to analyze. From what I can gather, the track is about a person yearning for someone who is a better fit(?) The lyrics that best support this interpretation are, "You're on the better side / You're always the better one for me" and "Don't make me do the falling when I'm drinking of you". Again, if you have any alternate interpretations, please let me know. I'd like to take all ideas into account.

The final lyrics are interesting, "And you're all that I need / I'm not gonna miss you anymore". This can be read as the narrator longing to accept a person into their life and bring them closer. I'm especially interested in the final line because it implies there was something to miss, as if an emotional rift or gap was there.

Mike has come to a realization about something, as shown in Angst In My Pants, and it might partly be about a new thought he's trying to push down, "It'll go away". It's possible the "thought" is about newly developing feelings he isn't ready to accept(?) I don't want to say for certain, though. Nonetheless, it seems like he recognizes this person's importance and "better fit" for him, despite trying to repress it. A fairly surface-level read, but it's the only conclusion I'm able to come to.

Alternatively, it might be about El. The distance apart could be what gets him to solidify how he feels about her. However, Angst In My Pants and multiple songs establishing a separation precede The Better Side. The track is about a better option, as well. Those facts alone make me think of this interpretation as unlikely, so it's not one I personally hold.

7. Don't Ask Me to Explain

Don't Ask Me to Explain is about two people who are afraid to confess their true feelings to one another, so instead they hide them; with one of the two seemingly more uncertain. It's also, from what I've researched, supposedly about two people of the same gender. There's a possibility that this is irrelevant to the track's purpose in the playlist, but I kept it in mind considering the other songs and my personal interpretation. It's also important to note that these "true feelings" could be about a multitude of things.

The lyrics, "How will I ever know you enough to love you / If you're hiding who you are?", "How am I supposed to let it show / When I don't even know?", and, "Besides, I don't want to be the one who's coming out first / I'd really like to but I'm just too shy" support this reading.

I interpreted the last line, "It's so easy to laugh to myself / And pretend that I could love you but I can't" in two different ways. Either it's the narrator doubting their feelings for someone else, or it's the narrator recognizing that they can't let themselves embrace their love for someone, for one reason or another.

As for Mike, his progression makes the most sense to me in the following interpretation. There are multiple and, again, please let me know your ideas in the comments. I narrowed it down to just the one so I don't start nit-picking.

Mike went from a realization, "It's just a passing phase / It'll go away" (Angst In My Pants) to a sort of acceptance, "You're always the better one for me" (The Better Side) to struggling to admit it out loud, "How am I supposed to let it show / When I don't even know?"

An LGBTQ+ or "new love interest" interpretation is what I'm able to gather from this. It could describe Mike falling for 'someone' and not knowing how to be open about it due to fear and doubt; with the other person feeling the same way. It may be a surface-level reading, and I'm sure there are several other ways to interpret the track, but that's what I've been able to conclude thus far.

8. What Do You Want Me To Do?

This one might be the most difficult for me to figure out, but I'm going to try.

The song and the lyrics, "You walked out, took your chance / You turned your back on our romance / You said you found somebody new / You said the change'd do you good" and "You never even gave me a thought / You figured that would be all right / I nevеr had a chance to persuade you / You nеver let me put up a fight" remind me a lot of What You're Doing.

One way to look at it is that it might have the same purpose as What You're Doing -- adding a sort of angsty frustration vibe. I don't know if it would be used to set up a "come crawling back" moment because I don't think that would make sense (especially in Stranger Things), but it's a random possibility I'm throwing out there.

Alternatively, the 'person' that Mike has feelings for could have rejected him for someone else(?) Again, I don't think this would make much narrative sense in Stranger Things, but we don't know what the next season's going to look like.

I'm personally reading it as the former because there are other songs in the playlist used to set the tone. Keeping What You're Doing and Promises I've Made in mind, an additional break-up song is on theme. There's still the possibility of another conflict, though. If anyone else has different thoughts on what the song could be implying, I'd appreciate the input.

9. Substitute - Live

This track is about an idealized version of someone being put in place of their true self. The narrator describes a scenario in which their partner sees a version of them, "I'm a substitute for another guy / I look pretty tall but my heels are high / The simple things you see are all complicated / I look bloody young, but I'm just back-dated, yeah", that is unrealistic and put on, as seen in the lyrics "Substitute your lies for fact / I see right through your plastic mac / I look all white, but my dad was black / My fine-looking suit is really made out of sack" The couple also seem to be having issues with this, or in general, that they're not addressing, "It's a genuine problem, you won't try / To work it out at all, just pass it by, pass it by"

The concept of a guise applies well to Mike, as referenced in Angst In My Pants. A recurring theme of hiding oneself really makes me think Mike is going to completely abandon his interests for a different lifestyle. I believe Finn has also mentioned that Mike wants to be as "normal" as possible, so I can't wait to see where they take that idea. It could also be him realizing how he's been acting, and admitting that this "romanticized" version isn't true to him. I have hope that Mike will eventually learn to embrace his differences and what he enjoys.

While this part is a bit nit-picky, I feel it's fun to mention that the song was inspired by a lyric in The Tracks of My Tears by Smokey Robinson; the lyric being, "Although she may be cute / She's just a substitute". The line following this (which is also referenced in Substitute's Genius.com entry) is, "Because you're the permanent one". Funnily enough, these lyrics also fit into the narrative the playlist is laying out. They remind me a lot of what The Better Side represents.

Out of context, the lines from The Tracks of My Tears may imply that someone is either using another person as a substitute for an ex, or that someone is realizing they've been using their previous partner as a substitute for someone better. Both routes have the potential to happen in ST5. Although, I don't know if the idea of a literal substitute fits with what The Who was going for. The Tracks of My Tears is also not on "STurn", so take this part as a fun fact with a grain of salt on the side.

At the end of the day, we don't know Finn's motivation for adding Substitute, so this is what we'll have to go off of for now. I feel as though the former interpretation, a less literal "substitute," holds the most merit considering the theme of personas.

10. The Rebel Kind

Like The Better Side, I couldn't find any lyrics, so I'm doing it by ear. Though, I'm happy to say that this song is about a desire to embrace differences and rebellion. "We'll be free to run with the rebel kind" and "It's not easy, but I don't mind / I just want to run with the rebel kind" establish that. The track appears to tie into Mike's insecurity struggles throughout the playlist.

The lyric "They call us the rebel kind" hints to the panic brewing at the end of S4. Mike might start to embrace and stand behind his true self at whatever point this is in the season. The line following, "But they don't understand / The things a man must do to prove that he's a man", can be taken in different ways depending on how the lyrics are read.

It could be the narrator's struggle to keep up with societal norms before finally giving in to their truth instead of trying to conform, read as "they call us rebels but don't get how hard it is to for us to keep up." On the other hand, it could be the narrator commenting on how society doesn't understand people like them, and, by embracing their true self, it proves more about who they are than conforming ever would; read as, "you think we're the rebellious ones, but you don't understand that we're more self-secure and strong than you'll ever be."

I can see both of these interpretations working for Mike and his connection to the Party. The progression of insecurity in Angst In My Pants and potential realization of this guise in Substitute is wrapped up by Mike's self-acceptance here. I really hope this is how it plays out in S5.

11. Block Rockin' Beats

There's not much to analyze because this track has one repeated line of lyrics, but it's definitely here to set a tone. The song may have a similar vibe-setting purpose as What Do You Want Me To Do? and Ballad of the Texas King. That's just my theory, though. (A ST5 theoryyy!)

Perhaps this is a climax of sorts where the cast fight the "big bad." The music's tone is intense and sort of aggressive. It's definitely a fun addition to the playlist, whatever the song's purpose in it may be.

12. Just What I Needed

Finally, we have Just What I Needed. I read this song in two different ways.

The first way I interpreted it was as a love song about the narrator not caring about who this person is, and realizing they need them in spite of it all. The lyrics, "It's not the perfume that you wear / It's not the ribbons in your hair / And I don't mind you comin' here / And wastin' all my time", "Cause when you're standin' oh so near / I kinda lose my mind, yeah", and "I needed someone to bleed / Yeah, yeah, so bleed me" support this.

The second possible reading is that the narrator realizes they were/are in a codependent relationship and they still love the person. The lyrics, "I guess you're just what I needed / I needed someone to feed / I guess you're just what I needed / I needed someone to bleed" and "I don't mind you hangin' out / And talkin' in your sleep / It doesn't matter where you've been / As long as it was deep, yeah", could be read as more of a "you're what I needed at the time, but I still love you and want you in my life." With this reading, it's unclear whether or not the love is romantic or platonic. Maybe I'm looking too far into it, but this is what some Genius.com contributors brought up, and it would feel wrong to not include this understanding of the song.

I'm just assuming, since The Rebel Kind seemed to tie up Mike's self-security problem, that this track is supposed to imply a resolution with his romantic issues. Under that impression, there are a few ways we can look at it.

It could be an acceptance for who he has feelings for. He went from mourning a loss in Promises I've Made, noticing something and hoping it goes away in Angst In My Pants, potentially coming to terms with the fact that this person is his "better" choice in The Better Side, wanting to admit a truth but feeling doubtful in Don't Ask Me to Explain, comprehending that he's able to embrace his authentic self in The Rebel Kind, to now admitting, possibly out loud, that this person was "just what [he] needed". That could be far-fetched, but it's just what I picked up on throughout the playlist.

However, it may also pertain to his self-identity struggle that's hinted at throughout (can you tell that I love this part of Mike?) while also tying into his romance issues. He went through a difficult separation with someone in What You're Doing and Promises I've Made, put on a persona and suppressed his true self in Angst In My Pants, realized he couldn't keep it going and needed to address it in Substitute, embraced himself in The Rebel Kind, and now recognizes that the relationship may have been codependent and holding him back from fully dropping the facade: "I guess you're just what I needed" -- in the moment. I don't know if that's too in-depth of a read, but it's a possibility.

While not relevant to the playlist in it's context, it's fun to bring up the fact that Just What I Needed was apparently also the final track listed on the 'official' "Will's Castle Byers Classics" playlist created by Spotify. It's not available anymore, so I can't really say it as a fact. Although, recreations of the playlist have been made long before "STurn" was a thing, and the song was added as the last track as far back as 2018. I suppose that's proof enough that it was at least on the playlist.

Finn listing it as the final track may be a reference to "Will's Castle Byers Classics", but it's also likely that there's no association. That's why I gave the song an equal amount of analysis instead of writing it off as a reference. As to how canon those playlists are, I don't think it particularly matters. It's true that Finn could've seen Just What I Needed in the Will playlist and put it on "STurn", thinking of it as a fun easter egg. There could or could not be implications for that and I'd be remiss to ignore it. I don't know if this rings true for any of the other songs on "STurn" as well -- if they're connected to any other character playlists. Feel free to let me know if they are!

TL;DR

This was really hefty post, and I apologize for that, so here's a summary/recap of what I think S5 may have in store for Mike Wheeler.

Summary:

The season likely starts off at the end of S4, with us seeing Mike react to everything that's happened in Hawkins and reuniting with his family. Tension or unresolved conflicts may be arising in his relationship(s) as well, but he puts it aside to focus on the more important tasks at hand. Either his relationship is put aside with this, or there's an eventual separation that occurs, and he mourns it. After, he tries to maintain normalcy and puts on a guise to appease others. During this time, he may start to have a realization about something that he attempts to repress. He eventually comes to terms with it, though, recognizing that there's someone (maybe something?) better for him. He wants to admit to these true feelings, but he'll struggle with hiding, doubting, and fearing them; thinking he can't allow himself to fully love this person or, at least, admit to whatever feelings or "truth" he possesses. Mike will most likely continue to struggle with mixed feelings and hiding his true personality after this, eventually admitting to not being fully authentic. He'll then accept his true self for what it is. This will lead into a climax, where the main conflict of the show will be resolved. Finally, he'll accept and admit his true feelings, realizing that all he needed to do in the end was be entirely honest with (and about) himself.

In Conclusion

I really want this to be where they take Mike in ST5. It would be such a satisfying thing to watch, especially with how he's acted the past two seasons. I think he deserves to have a self-love/acceptance arc because the show has made it clear he's insecure and inauthentic.

Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you enjoyed! Please let me know your thoughts and interpretations in the comments, as well as if there's anything you think I should add/fix. I'd love to hear what others have to say about "STurn" and it's connections to ST :)!

[itsscromp]

Hi! Can you write a MWIII story where reader is Farah’s sibling who is part of 141, and dies instead of soap, and the team having to tell farah and grieve together? Maybe with flashbacks from their friendship with each of the team and farah?

They were the best of us

The family will help her with this, she's not alone. Warnings: Angst and canon typical violence. Word count:961

Farah had high hopes for you when you were off to join Price and Gaz when he formed Task Force 141 after Barkov. She knew you would be doing amazing things with them.

"Promise me you'll try and write to me as much as you can ??" Like the worried sister that she is.

"I promise sister, I promise" You hugged her tightly before boarding the plane to join 141.

While she knew that what you were doing was potentially even more dangerous than being a freedom fighter, what she didn't come to expect was the emotional impact of your death...

When disarming the bomb, Makarov seemed to have broken out of his restraints and got his hands on a gun, Attempting to shoot Johnny square in the head. But you pushed him out of the way and took the bullet...

"Threat neutralised... One KIA" Price said as he saw your body lying limp on the ground. Simon rushed to you, while he didn't show emotion, his heavy breathing seeing you was enough to tell.

Farah didn't receive the news until late into the night when she was busy planning for the next day when she got a call from Alex.

"Alex, what a surprise, everything ok ??" She smiled as she wrote down on her notepad.

"Farah... There's been an incident involving y/n... They... They were KIA" She could hear the shakiness in his voice.

She froze as she heard KIA... no... Please no. The phone slowly slipped out of her hand and she started to shake and fall to the floor. Silently starting to sob. Her sibling was dead...

It was hard for the first few days, She was trying so hard to digest the news as best as she could... Her mind wandering to happy memories to help numb the pain.

"8...9...10 !!! Ready or not hear I come sister" You were about 6 years old and Farah only 4, Playing hide and seek at a nearby park. She managed to squeeze herself in between a brick wall, A perfect hiding place. You had a very hard time finding her until you heard a small giggle coming from the wall. Sneaking over you then gently as you could pulled her out. "I found you Farah" You smiled.

Those memories she'll treasure, But it didn't help with what she had lost, Alex had invited her to be with the 141 as they were also grieving hard from your loss too. She knew she shouldn't wallow alone... So she accepted.

She was quiet for most of the time on the plane to them, When she landed on the Tarmac and saw Price... She started to tear up as he took off his hat in respect and opened his arms for her. She hugged him tightly as she started to sniffle. "I'm so sorry Farah... I'm so sorry"

"I wish it wasn't like this..." She sniffled

"Me neither... Farah, Please know your not alone with this ok ??" He gently cupped her cheeks.

She nodded, to which price pressed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

Price decided to organise a bonfire night, Y/n loved bonfire nights with the others. It was their favourite pass time when a mission was finished. Always joking around with the others by the warmth of the fire.

Farah stared into the fire as Price began to set it up, Feeling the warmth of it as he then sat back down. "I know it's been tough... For all of us... But i do hope this will help you a little bit ok ??"

"Ok..."

The others soon joined in, Gaz and Price trying to fill the silence with small talk, But Farah didn't want to do this... Until Johnny decided to bring up something.

"What was you guy's favourite memory of y/n ??" He asked everyone as he looked around.

They were all quiet for a little bit, indicating Johnny to go first.

"I remember when they would always try to get us all together for movie nights, take the edge off... I always look forward to them..."

"They were always into the superhero movies" Farah chuckled lightly.

"Yeah... I'll miss that..."

"I remember the day when I made Y/n the best person at my wedding" Gaz spoke up shortly after. "They were the best encouragement when I started to get nervous. Not to mention they were a great dancer when we were at the reception"

"They do know how to pull in a crowd" Price softly smiled.

It went quiet again, the only noise being the fire crackling as the wood began to burn.

Price soon speaks up "I always loved our hikes, It was a nice getaway from everything, Just the two of us. Not to mention whenever they had a problem they would come to me... Showing how much they trusted me..." He sniffled as the memories resurfaced.

Ghost was the quietest for the whole night, He had too many memories to pick. He couldn't pick a memory about you...

Farah spoke up "I remember when I played hide and seek with them back at home when we were younger... I always found a very good hiding spot. In that moment it made me forget about the horror that was going on... it felt like... We were just kids being kids..." She started to tear up. Price wrapped his arm around her and rubbed her forearm.

It remained quiet again until Ghost finally spoke up... "I showed them my face the first time cause of them..." In terms that meant how much ghost trusted y/n, How much you meant to him.

Farah knew how much of an impact you had on all of them, You would be missed deeply, But your legacy... Never forgotten.

Taglist: @callofdudes

[ghosdeds]

Soooo I just found this in my drafts funnily enough — I wrote it before the second season came out so I guess sometimes in late 2022/early 2023. Back when I was (foolishly) hopeful for season 2 and honestly I might make something out of it and get to writing.

-

How, in my opinion, they can salvage the ‘call me Aleksander’ scene : flashbacks of moments between the Darkling and Alina that we’ve never seen before (the deleted scenes!!! More of Alina’s life at the Little Palace please thanks), prior to the unfortunate name reveal, shown to us one by one as Alina grieve for what could have been and for the man she’s come to almost love. Mal calling him by his name and Alina immediately snapping at him not to say it aloud, with us the audience realizing that she feels guilty over sharing this last confidence she’s gotten from him. The Darkling letting her know, very bitterly, that she’s made him feel .. human (not in so many words, ‘course), that he thought he’d finally found the one who’ll accept and understand him, his one true equal, that he believed for a second that he’ll never be alone again, and him looking back at her and telling her he’s been unfortunately mistaken, that it was a weakness on his part - I put my trust in a girl who cannot stand the thought of her own potential - and that he’ll never even think of trusting her ever again, with her yelling back that he never really did, did he, that his flowery words meant nothing because it wasn’t enough, that he’s never given them a chance, that he shouldn’t delude his actions for what they are to ease his own guilty conscience, and that she’s the one who’s never going to trust him again. And then we have the Darkling responding that she never did, either, because she ran off without hearing his side of the story. We see them glaring down at each other, the echoes of the proud, hurtful words barring them from adding more, then the Darkling disappears and she’s left alone with her dark thoughts. We get the ‘you betrayed me’ as well as the ‘all men can be made fools’ line from Aleksander. We get a ‘I was merciful’ moment from the Darkling, after he threatens Mal’s life. We get the ‘I want you to know my name, will you have it?’ line in a different way, maybe a ‘I want you to know my story, will you hear it, Alina?’ and him telling her about the events in the Demon in the Wood, and us being shown them, of course, and more - how he came to be an ever present member of Ravka’s court and the founder of the second army, how badly the Grishas were treated and are treated even now. I want him to tell her about his past lives. If he obviously trusts her enough to tell her the name tattooed on his heart, he trusts her enough to tell her all that’s happened to him, to make her understand that not all things are black and white, that it was for the greater good, for them, and when he realizes that she can’t see past his wrongdoings, we see his anger. How dare she judge him when she’s abandoned Ravka for a peaceful life with Mal? When she’s betrayed him?

Season 2 do not fail me I want the best angst ever written, please. Let Alina find out Aleksander destroyed Novokribirsk because they were actively trying to assassinate her and that he wasn’t lying on that front, it’s interesting to see her conflicted emotions at war. I want a lovers to tragic obsessive enemies. I want misunderstandings, with the frustrating realization that they’ll never talk about anything without making it worse. But I also want Alina to realize that the Darkling is the extreme, that what he is fighting for might have started as a good cause, but that he lost himself centuries-of-persecution earlier. I want her to learn from his mistakes. To see in him a version of herself that she might become, should she forget herself. Overall I just want to see her fight for her people and become BAMF. Ughhh so many thoughts

[arshisrabbave]

IPKKND: Anjali’s perfect man

“Anjali deserved to find the true love”, “Wish Anjali ended up with someone better”, “Anjali should’ve found someone”. These are few of the things that most of the Ipk fans say and honestly Anjali finding true love, the man that actually deserved her love would’ve been great but, under one circumstance. That is if show had few years leap in the end.

If makers had shown few years leap in the last episode then seeing Anjali with the man she always deserved would’ve been great, but the show didn’t have any leap and I am glad that Anjali didn’t end up with anyone.

Now don’t get me wrong! I love Anjali and she deserves all the happiness, all the moons and stars. However, showing Anjali finding another man would’ve been completely unrealistic

As we all know that Anjali’s first marriage broke, after her parents died the guy she was supposed to get married to left her at the alter and for ten years no one was ready to accept her. Ten years later comes Shyam Manohar Jha in the picture, after facing rejection from everyone for ten years he finally accepts her.

But Alas! He’s only there for her money and wealth, he doesn’t care about her or her family. Unfortunately she doesn’t know that, even though he shows constant red flags like missing anniversary party, fleeing away, lying to her about him being in another city when he was literally living in Khushi’s place, etc she was blind towards it all.

Shyam was good with his words, he was very manipulative (no wonder he’s a lawyer!) and Anjali who always had a sensitive and fragile heart got easily manipulated and trapped in his plan constantly. She put him on the pedestal, she had blind faith on him, not to mention even most of her pooja path, fastings were for him, she was even superstitious when it came to him.

When Khushi revealed about Shyam the very first time, everyone believed her except Anjali. Anjali wasn’t ready to see or accept the fact that her Shyam ji is actually not who she thinks he is. I like to believe that when Arnav stepped up and showed that even he thinks Shyam is guilty somewhere in her heart she believed it to be true but the devoted part of herself that she had for Shyam wasn’t ready to see the truth.

She went against everyone for him, even against her Chote and Khushi ji, she completely isolated herself, stopped eating properly, she would ask Arnav to return Shyam to her. Heck! She even tried aborting her own baby as Shyam was thrown out of Shantivan.

Later when Shyam comes back in Shantivan during Arshi’s 2nd marriage the only reason other family is tolerating him because Anjali felt better seeing him as she was miserable after her miscarriage. That’s irony considering how he was the reason she had miscarriage in the first place (That man truly disgusts me)

Even the day when she found out the truth about Shyam just before the moment he was her perfect husband, her beloved Shyam ji.

So, you see how deeply and emotionally she had trauma bonded with him. Finding out that Shyam is not the guy she thought he was, definitely was difficult for her to process. Although they showed her moving on quickly and easily I refuse to believe that it didn’t affect her in any way. Maybe they didn’t dive deep into it as show was coming towards its end, but if that wasn’t the case then they most probably would’ve shown her processing the emotional trauma that she got.

Just like Arnav, Anjali also had PTSD most likely but we don’t see it on the surface as her way of grieving and dealing with her trauma was different than his. But after she could see Shyam behind the mask I feel like her repressed PTSD started affecting her as well.

It’s easy to say that she should’ve found another man but at the same time it’s also hard to overlook the things she most likely went through after coming out of an emotionally abusive relationship.

Anjali already had abandonment issues which surely got worse after Shyam was exposed and not to mention now she even surely developed trust issues. I personally think that if Anjali would’ve dated another man after Shyam it would’ve been very unrealistic and also kind of triggering to those people who have been victim of Emotionally abused relationships in reality, even though it’s just a fiction IPKKND has had many cliche breaking moment and it showed many things that we normally don’t see in an itv show, showing Anjali moving on so quick would’ve ruined the unique story telling style of the show, atleast for me.

However, I do wish even during the Sheetal and Mrs India track they showed Anjali going for a therapy

[smilesrobotlover]

Rambling continued 😅

Also I didn’t expect to love Telemachus as much as I did. He’s just a traumatized bby trying to protect his mom and himself and find the father he never knew and so desperately wants to know all while his world caves in 😭 Honestly, I got aggravated with him for snapping at Penelope at first but then on second thought it made me like him even more. Some of the times he was rude to get her to separate herself from the suitors imo, thus protecting her in the only way he could since they wouldn’t listen to him and she would. Cause she loves him. And that much has been the one stable thing throughout his life. Even through her grief she loved him.

And the other times he comes at her just make him human tbh. What kid wouldn’t snap every once in a while when he’s gone through that much trauma?

And Penelope alsjdldjsldjsldh ruling the kingdom, trying to be there for her son, keeping the suitors at bay with a genius trick, all while grieving for the only man she will ever love…she’s amazing absolutely amazing. Her power is a quiet kind (kinda like Telemachus 🥺) yet she can absolutely talk back when necessary and stand up for herself without a problem (and you can’t tell me she wouldn’t have slaughtered the suitors if it was within her power to do so my girl literally says Antinous should be shot aldjdkdjdk). I adore her

Ody and his family are everything to me fr 😭 They didn’t deserve all that they went through

I KNOW TELEMACHUS IS MY SON OUGH. Every scene with his was a delight cuz he was just a sweet guy who loved his momma. I don’t remember when he snapped at Penelope but thinking about it now it def happened. I remembered being weirded out by that, but he is still a kid! I say Odysseus was gone for twenty years so Telemachus would be twenty ? Maybe? But no doubt he was 17-20 years, and that’s still a child! I know at 20 I was NOT mature (I’m still not) and I acted like a moody teen, so it makes sense for him! And he’s probably being belittled everyday and hearing about his father who would drive those darn suitors away while all he can do is sit and do nothing which certainly wouldn’t help. All that pressure, and everything being taken from him because he’s so young. And his mom suffers cuz of it. They just really went through it while Ody was gone which is tragic. Sweet Telemachus. But he still loved his momma unconditionally as did she, they just didn’t have time to mourn for Ody.

And YEAH PENELOPE!!!! Such a girlboss omg. I like seeing Telemachus clearly take after her more quiet nature opposed to Odysseus’s more bold behavior, it’s neat to see. And Penelope may be quiet but she was very smart and very cunning. Lying to everyone and not wanting to get married. Like I don’t blame her! Those suitors sucked! Especially compared to Odysseus! And she probably couldn’t ever mourn for her husband so she’s just dealing with this her whole life, being unable to be with her loving husband. They probably only saw her as an object while Ody saw her as a human, which is sweet to see. He loved her so much and Pene didn’t want to lose that. Just, this family needs therapy

Don’t get me started on Ody’s parents. I was so close to crying over his mother 😭😭😭 and his poor father </3 and ARGOS AUFHBFJSHSKSHSSKSBSKSJ THAT HURT MY SOUL 😭😭

Just…. Ah. Ithaca went to crap when Odysseus went missing

[neptoons1998]

Black Pearls

Previously

Summary: Okoye might like her break from the training center after all. Okoye and Attuma have a conversation. Attuma thinks Rhinos are whales.

A/N: Here you go!

Okoye could believe her eyes he was real. Her child's brain didn’t make him up, in order to process her parents' death. The once boy grew Okoye still had a couple of inches on him. His once short hair was slowly growing out reaching to his chin.

“Okoye,” Attuma’s voice was still light and airy as he looked at her. Attuma couldn’t believe his eyes his sun had come back to him. 

“So you did know how to say my name right,” Okoye joked. Attuma could only give her a slight chuckle, even though he didn’t know her language he could tell she said something funny. 

“What are you doing here?” Okoye asked moving forward with the conversation. Attuma looked at her once more as he tilted his head. Maybe I should try saying it in a different language, Okoye thought as she started to speak in French, Spanish, and Latin; with a quickness. Still, Attuma could only look at her. Okoye had one more trick in her sleeve if he didn't speak it then the young warrior would go back to the drawing board. Once her lips repeated the question again, Attuma was shocked, “You speak my language?”

Okoye gave a shy smile, “Somewhat, I’m still learning, so go easy on me.”

Attuma wasn’t sure what to say next. He was beyond grateful that he could finally understand her now, “I always came back here waiting for you.”

“You waited for me?” Okoye repeated. Attuma nodded as walked into the shallow side of the water his hair sticking to his body, “I won’t lie to you I felt foolish when you didn’t show up, but I continued coming here to the cove.”

Okoye as if she was put under a spell scooted herself closer to him, “I agree that was foolish someone could’ve hurt you.”

“A risk that I didn’t mind,” Attuma said as he continued to look at her. Attuma looked down at her wrist he placed his damp hand around, “You still have this?”

Okoye gave a small shrug as she look down at him, “You made it for me.”

Okoye didn’t want to go into detail about how this small bracelet gave the girl some peace during her grieving process of losing her family and being taken care of by her cold and distant uncle. That would be unfair to dump that on him. Attuma smiled at her. The only other person who like his jewelry-making was his mother, “I’ll make more you.” Attuma tried to undo the knot ties to Okoye’s wrist. Okoye quickly shook her head,” No, I like this one.”

“Really?” Attuma questioned. He knew he could do a much better job now, he gained more skills in jewelry making. Okoye nodded,” It’s perfect.”

Attuma nodded along with her not taking his hand around her wrist. Okoye looked at the entrance she could tell that the sun was about to set. She needs to hurry to the cottage,”I have to go.”

“Will you be here tomorrow?” Attuma asked her as her hands were still intertwined with his. Okoye tried not to think too much about the young teen holding her hand, It’s probably a culture thing, she thought. Okoye would be lying that she didn't enjoy the thought of sitting on the ground enjoying the company. 

Okoye should enjoy the time she had with a close childhood friend before she goes back to the training center, plus it is way better than staying in the empty cottage or keeping up her appearance if she decides to go to the golden city. 

“Yes,” Okoye said before slipping away to go back to her uncle’s house. During any downtime, she would sneak off to see Attuma. In the grand scheme wasn’t that hard Okoye just lied to her uncle that she would be staying late in order to hone her skills, she could be the next great general if she was just lazing about. 

“What’s a Rhino?” Attuma asked as he continued to watch her. The pair were in the cove as Okoye gave Attuma a mango he could try. That’s one of her favorite thing about having him here. She didn’t have to play the overly stoic trainee, she could be herself before the accident. Okoye thought for a moment as she dipped her toes in the water, “They are big and they horn on their nose.”

“Like a whale?”

Okoye fluttered at the thought her favorite animal compares to a floating blubber, “Rhinos are more amazing than some whales. They are strong, yet gentle creatures.”

“They sound like a whale to me” Attuma recalled. “You should show me what they look like one day.” Okoye smiled at him, “Maybe.”

[realmackross]

PARTIES: @contemporarybardess, @realmackross TIMING: A Saturday Evening in October SUMMARY: Mackenzie meets Elora at Maized & Confused for something that some might call a first date. 😊 WARNINGS: Murder mention tw, Grief mention tw

It was approaching 4pm, and Elora waited nervously in the parking lot of the town’s featured corn maze, Maized and Confused. She knew that the maze wasn’t too far from Monty’s ranch, and wondered if Mackenzie was nearby. She remembered watching her on TV late at night as she bounced around between motels, but she hadn’t expected to ever come face to face with her in person. Not that she ever idolized her when she knew her as an actress, she was never the type to obsess or fawn over celebrities. She had plans on becoming famous herself one day, and would only be annoyed if any fans acted that way towards her. 

And yet, the day she had taken her to Monty, something different occurred. The person on the screen was no longer an abstract hypothetical, she was real flesh and blood and far more captivating than any camera could do proper justice. The only real issue is she was, to put it bluntly, dead. That is, she was walking and talking like a normal human being. But she was dead all the same, and brain hungry. Hey, nobody was perfect. 

While she waited, she thought she may as well get their tickets, and quickly made her way to the ticket booth. She figured it was definitely a better look than just standing around awkwardly in the parking lot. The cold fall air of Maine was finally starting to put a harsh chill over the town, but Elora had thankfully dressed in many layers. The wind was hardly blowing, so their day out should at least be tolerable. She had hoped the weather wouldn’t end their day early. Expectantly, she walked away from the ticket booth and eagerly waited for her date. 

—

Mackenzie hadn’t been on a date since well…Brody. To say she was nervous was an understatement. If her heart could beat, it would’ve been beating right out of her cold, dead chest. But this was good right? It was a step moving forward? She would always love Brody. He would forever be the boy who had her heart, and she was still grieving him; she was just trying something new. Trying to move forward and do better for herself. But never would she have imagined it would have been with someone who saved her life…err death?

Pulling into the parking lot of Maized and Confused, Mackenzie checked in the mirror to see if everything looked okay. She wanted to look less dead than usual, and for the first time in a while, she had really taken the time to get ready and to look her best. More so than when she had a shift at Dance Macabre. “Okay, Mack. It’s just one date. A thank you for saving me sort of thing…You got this.”

Peptalk out of the way, the zombie got out of her Mini and made her way to the entrance finding Elora was already there, “Hey! Sorry, I’m a little late. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was kinda nervous.” She shot Elora an uneasy laugh, before glancing down to see the tickets already in her date’s hands, “Oh, hey you didn’t have to do that. This was going to be my treat for you saving me, even though I mean it’ll never be enough, but you know, just…” Realizing she was talking way more than she needed to, Mackenzie quickly got quiet and looked to the ground embarrassed, “Sorry. I talk a lot when I’m nervous.”

—

When Elora saw a car pull up and park, she looked on eagerly, having a strong suspicion it would be Mackenzie. She was happy to see this confirmed when the blonde stepped out of her car and locked eyes with her. She flashed her a warm smile as she approached. She had been looking forward to seeing her again since the incident that brought them to the ranch. She was really looking forward to spending some quality time with the woman now that she wasn’t so…feral. 

“You don’t have to be nervous, I’ve seen you looking a lot worse after all.” She could tell the other woman was about as nervous as she was, maybe even more. She wanted to diffuse the situation as much as she could, the sooner they all calmed down and got comfortable the more they’d be able to just enjoy the night. “Well, I’m the one who asked you to come here with me. Figured it’s only right I be the one to get the tickets, right? Besides, they weren’t that much.” 

She found that Mackenzie talked faster when she was nervous, which was a trait she seemed to share. She was trying to taper it back, it was no use having two balls of anxiety talking to each other. She contemplated grabbing Mackenzie’s hand and leading her towards the maze, but decided to simply gesture behind herself and say “You ready?” 

They walked towards the maze slowly, and she hoped it wouldn’t be a waste of time and money. Some corn mazes could be really fun, but a lot of others were just a short walk in a circle. Many didn’t have much of a “maze” like quality to them at all, but she had heard good things about this one in particular. 

—

Mackenzie knew Elora had a point. She was knocking on death’s door, again, the first time Elora had seen her. But tonight, she had hoped she’d make a different impression. That the two could just have a fun evening with laughter and maybe a kiss at the end of the night if they had hit it off and vibed well together, “You do have a point, about both things, so thank you. But any snacks, hot cocoa, or souvenirs are on me.” She smiled softly. It was the very least she could do for someone who had saved her.

Mackenzie was excited. The last time she had been in a corn maze had been when she was just a kid. She could remember the excitement, but also the absolute terror of getting lost. But her mom and dad had been right by her side the whole time, which seemed to make things a lot better, and by the end of the night, she was laughing and not scared anymore, “Absolutely. Let’s do this.” Of course, this was Wicked’s Rest so there was no guarantee there wasn’t going to be some monster lurking in the shadows.

Moving forward, Mackenzie took note of what was around them, so they could hopefully find their way back to the entrance if worse came to worst, “So have you been through one of these before?” She slowly walked alongside Elora eager to learn more about her new friend.

—

“You drive a hard bargain”, Elora replied with a smirk. She was relieved her date had offered to buy any extras, but didn’t want to come off as a bum. “I could go for some hot cocoa after all, maybe after we find our way out. Assuming, of course, they don’t have to come in and rescue us”. She was sure they could find their way out without a problem. After all, these things are mostly for kids, right? 

“Haven’t been to one of these since I was a kid,” she began “and I gotta say the ones back home weren’t quite so creepy. Guess that’s the Wicked’s Rest effect, anything in this town instantly has double the creepy factor.” It was true, her father would take her into human society often enough to not feel isolated from the world. As a result, she had quite a few “normal” childhood experiences she could look back on. She really didn’t like the idea of walking through the mysterious dark cornfields if there was the chance of something jumping out at her, though. For all she knew, the corn itself might be some blood sucking carnivore variety. 

The pair made their way inside the maze, and were surprised to see six different divergent paths right from the start. Usually things moved in a straight line before giving a two way intersection to choose from. Already, this seemed just a tad more elaborate than a standard corn maze. Not that Elora was worried, the two of them could still find their way through… eventually. 

“So, I know you were an actress. And now, somehow and some way, you’ve passed away. If you don’t mind me asking, what happened? And what brought you to Wicked’s Rest, of all places? I mean, we’re kind of on the opposite end of the country from where you were before.” 

—

Mackenzie shrugged, “What can I say? I’ve just had to negotiate on more than one occasion, so I know my stuff.” It was true. Being an actress meant negotiating things on the regular, and if it wasn’t her who was doing it, she was certainly telling her manager, publicist, and other members on her team what she wanted. “Plus hot cocoa and maybe a s’more or two are a given, considering it’s actually cold here in Maine.” She laughed, but was also glad she had decided to order some warmer clothes, including flannel, at the first cold spell. “And yeah, I’d say this thing takes us thirty minutes, maybe an hour tops.” She wanted to keep that confidence, but this was like living over a Hellmouth, and by the end of the night, who knew what they were going to witness.

She let her eyes shift from people to scarecrows to pumpkins, now that that trademarked Wicked’s Rest Paranoia was starting to creep in ever so slowly, “Yeah, same here. The last time I went was with my parents when I was little. I was so scared, but by the end of it, I loved it. Give me the night to see if I can say the same for this place.” However, Mackenzie’s words had seemed to fade as they came up immediately to a multitude of path options, “Well, this is already starting out as a challenge…”

Watching as some kids ran past them randomly choosing a path, Mack turned her attention back to her date and the questions that were already being asked, “Whoa, I would say you move fast, but you did see me at my lowest, so that’s fair.” She paused for a minute trying to figure out how much she wanted to divulge. “Um, well, ironically enough, I was working on a tv show called Dropped, and when I went to do a stunt, the person that was supposed to pull the rigging on my harness back in time didn’t, and I broke my neck and back in the fall. The last thing I remember was waking up extremely hungry.”

After it had happened and Mackenzie had realized she had eaten one of the crew members, someone she had been very fond of, she had shut down for nearly a month. It had taken Taylor, her assistant, convincing her that everything was okay and that what she had done was an accident, for Mackenzie to resume “living”. At least up until the last day with Brody. “And as for choosing Wicked’s Rest, I kind of just closed my eyes and picked a spot. The furthest away I could be from everything and everyone I loved.” She wasn’t ready to confess anything about Brody to Elora. “What about you? How did you end up here? And since you know what I am, are you something other than just a normal human being? AND the more important question…Which path?” She wanted to keep up this conversation, but if they didn’t start moving they were going to be there all night, which honestly at this rate, she didn’t mind.

—

When Elora had asked about Mack’s human death, she didn’t mean to pry into anything sensitive. Not that the very nature of death wasn’t extremely sensitive or personal, it was just an elephant in the room she figured should be asked about. The truth was, she sucked at small talk. Big talk. Now that was more her speed. But big talk isn’t really ideal for a first date, now is it? Ask about her favorite music, color, flower. Normal stuff like that. 

“Well while we’re being honest with each other”, the two had come to a complete stop a while ago, almost frozen in place at the amount of choices they had in front of them. She lowered her voice a bit, not wanting any families or passing children to overhear their talk. Already she had found herself a bit absorbed in the closeness the two of them shared and she had briefly forgotten they were in a public place. “I didn’t really grow up with a ton of human interaction. A little bit of it, but not much. I come from a species called sirens. We’re kind of…bird people, I guess you could say? You’ve probably heard the more famous myths, ‘the siren’s song’ that lead sailors to guide their ships directly into certain death. While it’s a neat trick, traditional hunting was far more reliable.” She could already imagine judgment from her date with telling her that her people hunted humans regularly, so quickly added, “I didn’t really participate in hunting humans. Some in the colony did, but I and my family didn’t participate. We were sort of in a…transitionary period let’s call it at the time. Moving away from the old traditions and embracing more humane and modern ways of living.” Perhaps it was this “tradition” of hunting humans that lead to the hunters being enlisted. Maybe if they had abandoned the old ways, they’d all still be alive today. 

“I came here for a second chance. And a shot at finding people who I can relate to on a level that I can’t do with regular humans. And I’ve heard plenty of rumors about this town and the paranormal creatures that live here. Figured this would be just as good a place as anywhere else.” 

Looking down the many branching paths were starting to disorient her, and they hadn’t even gone down one of the paths yet. She decided to go down one branching out towards the northeast. She was very impressed at how big the corn maze seemed to be now, did it seem this large from the outside? 

“Sorry for the hard hitting questions. Let’s go to something normal. What do you like to do for fun? I mean other than getting lost in corn fields, of course.” 

—

Mackenzie definitely hadn’t seen their date going in this direction, but they weren’t really conventional in many ways to begin with. She did, however, find herself engrossed in Elora’s tale about her family and her life. So there were zombies, mares, vampires, selkies, mediums, ghosts, werewolves, fae, and now sirens? This definitely had been a monster’s stomping ground. Not to say that Elora was a monster. She was far from it. Her red hair shining under the moonlight and soft skin made Mackenzie’s dead heart want to beat. The woman was beautiful, and it had been the first time she had felt this way since Brody.

It had also made her feel somewhat ashamed and embarrassed though. Did she deserve this happiness? To be with someone else after what she had done to him? It tore at her conscience, but she had needed a nice night. Something fun and enjoyable, and as much as she hated herself on the regular, she wasn’t going to let tonight be one of those nights.

“Wow, first, I didn’t even think sirens were real. No offense, and you saved my life. You’re far from what your ancestors believed. Trust me. I wouldn’t be here, if you hadn’t taken the time and risked your life to help me. Just remember that.” She smiled softly, before following along down a random path with her date.

“No, it’s totally fine. I actually didn’t mind them. I’m so used to getting stupid questions from paparazzi and fans that it’s nice being asked something genuine.” She strolled along next Elora occasionally glancing up at her as they walked. “As for fun. I’ve recently taken up the art of being a hermit since coming here.” Mackenzie laughed, “I’m kidding…sort of. But I like karate, dancing, singing and writing songs, watching movies; even though I miss working in movies. Hanging out with the few friends I’ve made so far. What about you?”

—

It was comforting for Elora to hear that Mackenzie thought she was a good person. She was nervous she’d be seen as a monster, like most people saw her as once they learned her true identity. Then again, she wasn’t a normal person. And she had her own experience in eating human flesh. 

“Well, you’re not the scary monster Mr. Romero made you out to be. You’re very sweet, and genuine. And have a lot more to say than just “Guh…braaaiiins” Elora said, giving her best zombie impression.

“I like music, mostly writing and producing. Guess that’s something you and I share! What genre? I also dabble in painting, though I’m far from good at it. Other than that, movies and TV shows are good! Most of what I learned about human society has come from movies and TV, so I’ve watched A. Lot.” She was happy that they had a few shared interests they could bond over. Maybe they could collab? Talk about a power couple. 

“Friends are hard to come by in this town, I’ve learned”. It was hard to say, since a big part of why she came here was to make new friends and feel a sense of belonging. She just kept telling herself it would be a little trickier and longer than she’d like, and that’s okay. “It’s why I’m grateful I’ve been able to meet people like you and Monty.” 

Just then, they heard a rustling in the corn fields, and could barely make out a bipedal creature of some kind running through the corn. While this would normally terrify Elora, it seemed almost as if it were trying to hide from them, not ambush them. 

—

Mackenzie laughed a little harder than she probably should have at Elora’s zombie joke. It was kind though. And considering the way she had felt about herself since becoming a flesh eating monster, the compliment had meant a lot, “Do I really sound like that? Because if I do I probably need to work on my acting skills a little more.” Unfortunately, as much as she had wanted it to be an act, it just wasn’t, “But that’s very kind of you. Guess I’ve just had a hard time not seeing myself as something other than a monster lately, but that’s a story for another time.”

She moved along through the grass as they slowly made turn after turn not paying much attention to anything, but their conversation, “Really? Uh, pop is what I was trying to break into, before going off the grid, but I love all kinds of music. You paint? That’s supes cool. I can paint stick figures. Maybe you can model for me one day, and I’ll paint you like one of my french sticks.” It was probably a super lame joke, but Mack didn’t care. She was enjoying herself, “And if that’s not an option, then maybe we could write a song together?” She leaned in towards Elora and nudged her playfully with her shoulder.

“I can’t say that I’ve had as big of a struggle, but then again, I’ve lived a life where most people wanted to be my friend, but not because they genuinely wanted to know me. Though, I’ve found there are some people around here that have surprised me. And Monty is a very kind man. I’m glad we both have him in our lives. And hey, maybe I could introduce you to some of my friends. Like Alex, I think you’d love her. And Milo.” She wanted badly to say Winter, but considering they weren’t speaking right now, she thought it best to not even bring her up.

Looking forward, Mackenzie stopped walking when she heard a noise followed by something small dashing through the maze and into some stalks of corn, “You just saw that too right?” She looked over at Elora.

—

She wanted to write a song together with her. It was like something out of the cheesy rom coms Elora binge watched as a guilty pleasure, and she loved it. 

“Oh yeah, give me a beret and a long cigarette and I’d love to be your French stick!”

She wasn’t familiar with the people she had mentioned yet, but she was sure they were lovely people.

“Have you met Cassius or Ariadne? They’ve been great at welcoming me too.” 

She focused her eyes again on the figure in the corn. “I sure did. Y’know, I think I heard a rumor. That there was a creature in the corn fields named Gourdon who tries to hide away from people and hates getting his picture taken. It’s like a small challenge with the people in town to try and get him on camera.” 

A mischievous smile flashed across Elora’s lips. 

“You thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?”

—

This night had been going so much better than her anxious mind had said it would be, and Mackenzie was grateful for that. They were even making cute little inside jokes, “Really? Consider it done. Next date…I mean, if you want a next date…I’m turning you into a work of art. Not that you’re not one already, but you know what I mean.” There she went rambling again, but it was okay.

“I have actually! They’re great people too. I don’t know them as well, but I’m glad you’re making friends. You deserve friends and happiness.” Mackenzie had genuinely meant that too. If Elora had come here looking for a better life, then that’s what the zombie had hoped for her.

Okay, good. She wasn’t losing her mind. “Gourdon huh?” Mackenzie looked back to where the creature had tried to hide, seeing the corn stalks rustle again. Glancing over to Elora, she caught sight of the grin, and slowly started to pull out her phone and switch it onto the camera app, “Oh yeah.” The idea to split up had crossed her mind, but she knew good and well, she’d get lost, if she broke away trying to snap a picture of this thing.

—

Here she was already thinking about a second date. I’m so in there, Elora thought to herself. “I’d love a second date, of course! After we catch this thing of course!” she said before taking out her phone and pointing in the general direction she had saw the creature. While venturing into the cornfield may not have been the smartest decision, she had suddenly found her focus placed solely on catching Gourdon on camera. 

She sauntered into the cornfield, before realizing having two cameras was better than one. 

“Mack, hun, would you mind going further down the cornfield that way? Maybe try to cut him off if he runs that way?” She hadn’t meant for a pet name to slip out. Growing up in South Carolina and working a couple waitressing jobs to get by, little terms of affection just sort of slipped out even in casual settings. 

With that, the two women took off into the cornfield trying to catch the elusive Gourdon. Sure, it wasn’t a conventional date night, but it was one Elora was sure she wouldn’t be forgetting any time soon.

—

So this was officially a date, and they were now officially going on a second date. Mackenzie was giddy and so badly wanted to blush. But Elora was right. They had a creature to catch. Did you win a prize if you had proof? She wasn’t sure. It was like going after Bigfoot, except this little guy lived in a cornfield and wasn’t quite as intimidating - or so it seemed. She hadn’t actually seen him yet.

“Right. Creature first.” Wait…Did Elora just call me hun? It had somewhat caught her off guard, and she wanted to overthink it, but didn’t. Couldn’t, especially because she had picked up on the slightest of movement just up ahead in the direction that her date had requested she go, “No, not at all, Babe.” She glanced back over to the red head with a wink, before heading in the opposite direction.

Mackenzie tiptoed forward towards the rustling, and without much of a chance to get her phone up, she watched as Gourdon slipped out and started running back towards Elora, “Elora! It’s coming towards you!” Picking up her pace, Mackenzie moved forwards back towards the siren and hopefully Gourdon.

—

Babe? Had Elora’s old habit worked out in her favor? She’d worried that, if anything, it would have came on too strong too quickly. Not only was her date into her, but she was also down to chase cryptids in a corn field with her. If that wasn’t a match written in the stars, she didn’t know what was. She felt as though she was walking on air.

Soon, however, she had to come back to earth as she heard Mackenzie’s voice call out that Gourdon was headed her way. It was hard to get a decent view through the corn, and she was mostly navigating through her phone’s camera so she’d know when the creature came into frame. Finally, she heard the rustling and ran full speed towards where it was coming from, trying to cut the creature off. 

Suddenly, the full force of a grown adult landed on top of her, and she felt all the air leave her body as she hit the ground. Instead of a mischievous corn gremlin, it was her date for the evening. While she normally would have been upset that their prey had escaped them, feeling the warmth and closeness of her laying on top of her was extremely comforting and exciting. All she could do was look into the other woman’s eyes, unsure of what to do next.

—

Mackenzie was determined to get a picture of this thing. If not for herself, then at least for Elora. The night had definitely taken an unexpected turn, but that was par for the course in Wicked’s Rest. At least it wasn’t a fucking giant ass spider. She hated spiders, especially huge ones that made you feel way too much when they stuck their fangs into your stomach. This little cryptid was a far better thing to try and catch.

However, it was the brief glance down at her phone that had caused Mackenzie to falter, and before long, she was stumbling forwards and into another form; Elora’s form.

As they both hit the ground with a thud, Mackenzie’s phone went flying and so did her pride. She had been so embarrassed, but as she looked down at the woman she was currently laying on top of, all anxiousness faded away. Moving a cold hand upwards, she gently moved some strands of red hair out of Elora’s face, before she slowly leaned in and laid a soft kiss on her lips. One that didn’t linger too long, but was just right. The perfect movie kiss, but one that was real and held more passion than kissing her co-stars. A kiss filled with genuine love and want.

—

When Elora felt the woman’s hands on her face, she felt a comforting warmth build within her in spite of the icy cold temperature of the woman’s hands. It was like a scene out of a movie. And true to the script, the pair shared a loving kiss. Only the butterflies and fireworks portrayed in the movies didn’t even come close to doing this sensation justice. This was something else entirely. Something she had never felt before. No boy in her past had ever kissed her the way that the one and only Mackenzie Ross had just kissed her. And she never wanted to be kissed by anyone else again. 

Breathless, she just laid there and looked into Mackenzie’s eyes. Finally, she took a shaky breath and cleared her throat. 

“I, uh, think we lost him. Not that I mind, at all. That was…wow. Incredible” This time she reached her head up to give her date another kiss, this one just as magical as the previous one had been. 

She could feel herself blushing. While she had done a good job of maintaining her composure through the night, all of that had now gone out the window. While she wasn’t expecting things to progress so quickly, it still felt so natural. And so right. Like they were meant to slam into each other in this cornfield the whole time. 

“Not that I mind laying here with you, because I don’t at all. But we should probably make our way out of this maze before people forget we’re in here”. 

—

Mackenzie couldn’t help but stare back into Elora’s inviting eyes. Everything about this moment had been perfect. So much so that the thoughts of guilt, shame, and even, for the first time in a while, grief, had left her. She just wanted to stay in this moment forever. Just her and her date while it felt like time stood still and nothing else mattered, “Yeah…” Mackenzie’s voice was airy, “I think we did.”

The second kiss, soft and sweet, had left Mackenzie longing for more. She was breathless, both literally and figuratively. But her body seemed to appear different with the rise and fall of her chest from excitement by the entire situation.

This moment far surpassed what the past several months had brought. Not only had Elora saved her, but she had also given her a reason to feel whole again. Tomorrow might be another story, but tonight she was going to enjoy every lingering minute of it.

“I think you’re right. I don’t think I want to end a perfect night by being eaten by a giant pumpkin, because you know it’s probably possible.” She laughed softly as she rolled off her date and found her way back to her feet, helping Elora up in the process. Finding their way out hadn’t been as hard as Mackenzie had thought it would be, especially since she was currently on Cloud 9, but she did make sure to let her hand meet Elora’s and walked as slowly as she possibly could to make the night last. But this was only the start of something special, and she was looking forward to every upcoming moment and the possibility of more unexpected kisses in cornfields, the rain, and any other obstacles Wicked’s Rest threw in their way.

[alovelyburn]

Random Berserk thought #1:

When people say Casca was never in love with Griffith, she just admired him, I get confused. Because as far as I can tell that comes from reading this page:

as “I lied when I said I was in love with him and I wish I could make my heart love him like I want it to,” rather than “I lied when I said I wasn’t in love with him (and instead wanted to be his sword) and i wish I could make my heart not love him the way I want it to (stop doing).”

THAT isn’t confusing. I understand that because I also read it that way at first, but... okay two things.

FIRST - the second interpretation doesn’t actually make sense with the context of what she’s saying/her previous statements right?

If she’s saying she didn’t really love him, then why would she say she was lying? Because if you look back to what she said back there...

...she didn’t claim to be in love with him, she claimed to want to be indispensable to his dream/become the sword he used to carve out his path. So if that was a lie what is it she’s saying she wanted to be instead? Well...

She goes on to explain that she understood that he would end up marrying Charlotte and she thought she could deal with not being “a woman” to him so it’s fair to say she’s saying she was lying when she said being his sword was what she really wanted - because what she really wanted was to be with him as a woman. To be his lover. But she was trying to tell everyone (perhaps even herself) that what she wanted was to be his indispensable soldier.

And here she is again stating that her pain about Griffith originates in her inability to be either “a woman” (his, that is to say) or invaluable to him.

And then...

....the next chapter opens with her restating that she had unrequited feelings for Griffith that she had intended to just live with in order to avoid being dishonest. And also...

Let’s go back to the original cave scene...

She specifically contrasts how she felt "back then” (idolizing Griffith and seeing him as a holy figure) with how she feels now.

The change started when she saw his grief over the fallen child soldier. At which point she realized that...

“Griffith’s not a god, and I am a woman.”

She’s saying “at one point I did want to be his sword, but then I realized he’s a (hu)man and I’m a woman.” Thus she fell for him.

And the idea that she fell in love with Griffith because she realized he grieves and has weaknesses makes sense because that would be when she realized he isnt a god and has emotional needs (that maybe she felt like she could fulfill). Which echoes...

...the reason she ultimately decides to commit to being with Guts: because after he (not unlike Griffith lol) both saved her and had an emotional breakdown in front of her, she thinks maybe she can give him strength instead of just drawing strength from him the way she ended up doing with Griffith (despite her best intentions and attempts to be his support system) 

She also says she feels like having sex with Guts will make it seem like her feelings for Griffith from before - ”everything (she) felt so desperately” - weren’t real, which makes no sense if she’s already said her feelings for Griffith from before weren’t real.

In short, what i get from this is basically:

“Once I saw him as a miracle and godlike figure, and at that time I was primarily interested in being his sword and helping him achieve his goals. Then I saw his emotional breakdowns and I started seeing him differently. I came to see that he wasn’t a god - he has emotional needs that I may be able to help him fulfill. That realization led to me falling in love with him. But I knew he wouldn’t choose to be with me (because Guts is the one he loves and Charlotte is the one he needs) but I chose to avoid dishonesty by accepting that I would sacrifice myself to my unrequited feelings. And then I realized there was nothing I could do for him, which made me finally let go.”

...and all of that is fine and true, but the much easier to explain, shorter, and simpler reason the interpretation from the beginning of this post (that she was never in love with him, only ever admired him) makes no sense is...

Second, for the sake of argument assume she was indeed saying that she was lying about being in love with him because she really just admires him.

....it still means she was in love with him at one point! Because she says she used to mean it at one point!

So like, if she’s saying she was lying when she said she loved him (even though that’s not what she said), then she still used to be in love with him because she says outright that she used to mean [the thing she was lying about] but things changed.

And if she’s saying (as she IMO clearly is once you break it down) that she was lying when she said she DIDN’T love him but rather wanted to be his sword... then that means she does love him!

Long-Story-Slightly-Less-Long, Casca was definitely in love with Griffith at some point. You can debate whether she was still in love with Griffith the time she got with Guts (kinda. But she was.), but you can’t really justify claiming she NEVER was.

[rappaccini]

Someone said Spiderverse movies took everything that was wrong with comic gwiles and fixed it...what do you think about that?

mmmm.... mixed bag. it takes the superficial problems with gwiles and fixes them, but it takes the fundamental ones and makes them so much worse.

[cut for length and hate of a fanship juggernaut-]

the problems with comics gwiles:

first, the circumstantial. the things that weren't executed well but could be redeemed in other continuities.

the age gap: in the comics, gwen's 3-4 years older than miles. in that famous panel of them making out, she's 20 and he's ~16. yikes!

the maturity gap. similar to age gap, but less dependent on age. age gaps become less and less important as time passes on. maturity is a little different, and dependent on your experiences. even when miles is ~23 and dating a 26-27-year-old gwen is appropriate, she's still spent a year and a half in supermax being beaten every day by dozens of criminals with no way of protecting herself and they're still at different developmental stages. she's been through shit he won't be able to help her with, and it wouldn't be fair for her to force him to deal with trauma he isn't equipped for. don't force a grown woman to infantilize herself to make her younger boyfriend comfortable, or a black boy to speed past his adolescence for a relationship with a woman he's too young for.

the lack of chemistry. they sincerely do not seem attracted to each other. whenever they're clinging to each other in sitting in a tree, it's cringy and weird in no small part due to the age gap and because...

the lack of connection. in the comics, miles and gwen aren't really friends. they're usually on the same team during crossover events, but that's basically it. they don't hang out as civilians, they don't have fun together as heroes, and they have little to talk about other than whatever mission they're currently on. they're basically just coworkers with a mutual friend/mentor in peter.

the context of the initial romantic spark. it isn't gwen and miles sincerely developing feelings for each other. it's them being told by god that the only way they can be safe and happy is if they make out, marry and pump out superbabies... and then saying 'well, god wanted us to kiss, so let's do it.' no matter what, if they pair off, that's the basis of their relationship: being ordered to get together and told if they don't they'll never be safe or happy.

and as for the most fundamental parts, the things written into their characterization and the themes of their stories that can't be changed without changing the meaning of who they are and what they're about:

on an emotional level: miles is into gwen because he's a teenage boy who sees a pretty girl with superpowers, and he thinks being with her will make him cool in front of his friends. siat literally starts and ends with miles bragging about the encounter to his bros, hyping it up as this hot romance that's definitely maybe gonna turn into something (... but then when we actually see it, it's awkward and she turns him down-- so he's lying to them) and shortly after siat, he'd keep bringing gwen up to his hero friends, calling her his girlfriend, trying to impress them. (they don't buy it fwiw)

gwen reciprocates the kiss in the moment but never mentions miles again in her entire solo run (except to make a dig at how now that she can turn invisible, looks like he's not so special anymore... so there's baggage there,) therefore she wasn't too into it. so she kissed him for reasons other than attraction. probably because at that time, gwen was extremely lonely and vulnerable (she was depowered, she had to spend the holidays alone because her father was in jail, she was grieving her peter, she was being exploited by a creepy mob boss who was absolutely going to do far worse to her) and having a future where she's safe and secure dangled in front of her face made her desperate enough to try giving in to it. on a personal level, gwen sees miles as an easy escape from her problems.

if you see the girl you like as a status symbol, or the boy you like as a get out of jail free card, you shouldn't get together.

on a sociocultural level: miles and gwen are both in stories about being marginalized people in a story and world designed for white guys. both contemplate assimilation-- miles, by distancing himself from his culture to appeal to white new york, and gwen by submitting to various powerful men who want to control her-- and this relationship would lock them into an assimilation plotline forever. (controversial take: just because a relationship is interracial doesn't mean it can't be regressive in other ways! intersectionality is important to consider!)

miles obtaining a blonde, blue-eyed white girlfriend (who even wears a white costume) he mostly sees as a status symbol and having ambiguous-looking kids with her as he becomes a celebrity supercop in a world without his community and family solidifies that he sold out and committed to placating a presumably-white public.

and gwen attaching herself romantically to a more powerful man who everyone likes better than her, marrying him, giving up her personality (gwen-65 would never like living gwen-8's life), social circle (where are her friends and family), interests (where's her band) and goals to support his (miles is the one who wants to lead a super-team, not gwen), and having his kids (even though she's indifferent at best to the idea of motherhood) solidifies that she's submitted to the limitations of patriarchy and is settling.

it's important for these characters to be tempted by those easy answers to their problems, and to have a moment of weakness where they contemplate giving in.

it's more important for them to resist that temptation.

on a meta level: comic gwiles happened back when no one knew what to do with miles so they just hurled all peter's leftovers at him. his villains. his plotlines. his leftover love interest.

miles morales is the other spider-man. gwen stacy is the other girlfriend. let's pair the spares so we can lump them off in their own little corner and we won't have to put effort into giving them their own stories!

miles was getting all kinds of bullshit about not being spider-man from the fandom. handing him one of the most famous Spider-Man Love Interests was a way of saying, 'see? yes he is! gwen stacy falls in love with spider-man, and she falls in love with miles, so miles is spider-man! and he's not just spider-man, he's an even better spider-man, because this spider-man gets a gwen who lives! a superpowered gwen to have superpowered babies with!'

on gwen's end, she's gwen stacy. she's the girl who is defined by being spider-man's girlfriend, living to make him happy, dying to make him sad, her existence totally determined by being desirable to the male hero. spider-gwen was meant to set the character free from that: now she's the hero. she has the power and the responsibility. she never has to be dependent on the male lead for her existence again.

so taking the one version of gwen whose purpose is to be her own person and turning her into Spider-Man's Spider-Wife and Mother Of His Spider-Babies implies that the Real Tragedy of gwen's death was that the hero didn't get to save, marry and make babies with the girl, not that the girl fucking died and never got a life of her own. it makes a girl's life, death and story about a guy. again.

... yeah it's irredeemable. you can't change these things without changing miles and gwen into different characters. so the ship doesn't work unless you want their stories to be tragedies about two people who try to define their own narratives, but give up and settle.

(and the whole point of their characters is that they're meant to succeed. they aren't supposed to be tragedies about trying to fight the system, giving up and submitting to it.)

literally the only thing about comic gwiles that works is that they look hot together and on a surface level, the idea of them falling in love is neat. but the second you look deeper and actually think about what it would mean for them and their stories the whole thing falls apart.

as for the movies

the age gap: 15 and 16/17 is appropriate. no notes.

the maturity gap: in between films, miles spent the last year and a half in a stable loving home, going to high school, moonlighting as a superhero. yes, he's had mental health struggles and been dealing with grief and stress, but he's in a safe environment to process those feelings and has at least one friend who he can trust with his secret.

meanwhile on top of her own grief over her peter and stress over the hero-teenager life balance, gwen's lost all her friends, been manhunted by the cops for a year and shot at by her dad, ran away from home, and spent 5+ months homeless, being manipulated and neglected by the adults in the society, living as a full-time superhero with adult responsibilities, all while knowing she's likely doomed to die soon.

by the time they reunite, gwen's had to mature a lot and miles simply hasn't. it wouldn't be fair for gwen to act like none of that shit happened to make miles happy, or for miles to take on all that emotional strain to make gwen happy.

the chemistry: now exists! i buy that miles and gwen would be attracted to each other.

the lack of connection: complicated. if nothing else now that they're the same age and had that day of working together in itsv, i buy that gwen and miles would want to be friends, and that if they got to spend time together, they would be.

however, they still barely know each other. they spent one afternoon hanging out and fought together for one night, and then never spoke to or saw each other again for a year and a half. and during that time they've been hung up on the idea of meeting each other again, and that a relationship would be the solution to their problems. they like the idea of each other better than the reality.

by the time the trilogy wraps up, they'll have known each other for a week tops, spread out over that long a gap of no contact. deciding to date someone (let alone deciding you're in love with them) with that little time spent actually knowing each other doesn't make sense.

sure it's possible that they could take time to reconnect before getting together... but it's also equally likely that doing so will make them realize they're only interested in the idea of each other, and are better off as friends.

the context of the romantic spark. gwen and miles spending time together, striking up a friendship, and thinking 'you're cute and we understand each other and i like being around you, let's do more of that'? without the universe breathing down their necks insisting they have to make spiderbabies or else? works!

BUT. itsv ends on gwen telling miles she's only interested in a friendship. and they don't interact for a year and a half. teenage crushes are intense... but they also burn out fast when there's distance, especially when you have shit as heavy as what gwen's dealing with going on, and when you're building stronger relationships with other romantic options (pav and hobie). by the time atsv begins, gwen would've moved on.

gwen being this starstruck over him does not feel realistic. she's not in love with him, she's fixated on him.

in the circumstantial sense, yes, movie gwiles is an improvement.

but. in terms of the irreconcilables:

on an emotional level:

miles is still into gwen because she's pretty and powerful, but also because she's smart ("smart girls are where it's at" = miles thought gwen was a gifted kid like him, and that was part of her appeal). he looks up to her skillfulness and wants to be a better hero so he can be on her level. he empathizes with her grief and guilt over a loved one's death and the double-life stress. the thing that first made her stand out to him was that she laughed at his joke-- she made him feel less alone in a situation where he felt like he couldn't belong.

so at least his crush isn't kiddie-pool deep anymore.

but. he barely knows her. he's spent a year and a half dreaming about what it would like to be with her; most of what he thinks of gwen is just projection. he's withdrawn from everyone in his life and assumes a relationship with her will fix all his problems-- that he won't be lonely, insecure or stressed anymore as long as he can prove he's powerful enough to reach this unreachable girl.

and since reaching gwen means proving he's an elite enough student to go to princeton... or an elite enough spider-man to join the society, she's the reward for him achieving that status. she's still technically a trophy.

at least gwen likes miles because he's kind, smart, funny and the first friend she's made since peter died... but. that's the thing.

she's still hung up on her peter parker. still guilty about his death, refusing to let herself make new friends. she still wants to protect him (shielding miles from the canon event/anomaly revelations), she still wants to save him (gwen getting flashbacks and panicking when miles is in the rubble in mumbattan... and ending the film committing to saving him again).

gwen sees miles as her redemption for failing to save peter. if she can protect him, save his life, be his girlfriend, then she can forgive herself.

(and since she's a runaway, he's an escape from a world where everyone hates her, from her responsibilities. the movies say it themselves: he's peter pan, she's wendy. you do know how peter pan ends, right?)

the problem still exists for miles, it's just reversed now: comics miles sees gwen as a means of getting the status he wants. movie miles sees the status as a means of getting gwen... but he still shouldn't need either to find validation and understanding.

and comics gwen still sees miles as an escape from her problems... but now it's even worse, because she's using him as a replacement goldfish for her peter. unfair to miles, unhealthy for gwen.

on a sociocultural level:

they're still in assimilation narratives.

miles thinks no one in his community understands him and considers going to pwi princeton so he can find those people. then he jumps at the chance to join the spider society, full of said people (mostly-white guys policing a white guy's status quo). he thinks if he gets gwen, a white girl, to be with/vouch for him, he'll be accepted by the status quo and treated as the exception.

so far, he's committed to rejecting the aspects of the status quo that he dislikes. which is great! but is he going to go all the way, or is he going to stop at 'actually, the societal conventions that benefit me can stay.'

(even if gwen survives, that subverts nothing because she'd be surviving to be his girlfriend. he's still the one who profits the most, especially if he gets the Hero Moment of saving her. he gets the prize and the big photo finish.)

gwen's surrounded by mostly-men in control of the status quo, and was told for months by them that her role in this story is Someone's Girlfriend.

the only woman in the inner circle, jess, is a happily married pregnant woman who reinforces the system because it works for her (even though the most she can be in it is the male leader's number two), and dislikes when gwen isn't obedient.

then gwen exclusively befriends guys who push her towards her designated boyfriend even when they barely know him, is catty to margo over male attention, only rebels against the status quo on behalf of the boy and not herself, and reassures that boy when he's jealous over her and hobie that she's remained loyal to him all this time despite never being in a relationship in the first place and never expecting to see him again.

she ends atsv by disowning all her female relationships (the mjs, jess), making nice with her dad, accepting her role as Miles's Girlfriend despite knowing it will kill her. then she forms a mostly-male team (including two girls who are only there for the boy, not her) to save him and declares with a smile that this is what she needed all along.

(who wants to bet the second miles turns up, she'll hand the leadership of her own band to him too.)

essentially, gwen's totally given in. she's settling for 'hey, maybe my boyfriend won't get me killed this time. that's enough, right?' (no!!!)

on a meta level:

the movies do a lot to establish miles as his own character with his own world and his own story (which is exactly what he needs!)... yet. the one thing that isn't his own is his love interest.

they might not have said outright that gwen's Peter's Girlfriend. but they whitewashed peter65 to make it clear they would've gotten together before he died and remove all hangups gwen would have about being attracted to miles. they made gwen's attraction to miles based on her fixation on her peter. they confirmed that gwen dating spider-man is a canon event.

the audience may not have read the comics, but they've seen the amazing spider-man movies. they know gwen's peter's girlfriend who dies because he can't save her.

miles's entire storyline is about being ostracized for being Not Spider-Man Enough... but miles and gwen are still being paired romantically, gwen implies that her hangup is she wishes it would end well and miles assures her that they'll be different. once again, miles being spider-man hinges on whether he obtains and keeps a romantic relationship with gwen.

gwen's entire story is about... how if only she could end up with her high school boyfriend. and her happy ending depends on how supportive she is of him.

her death's going to be revealed as a canon event in btsv. odds are, she'll live because miles saves her. because, as he said, he's Different (tm).

so spider-gwen's been regressed to something she's never been before in the comics, to the thing she was created to never have to be again: the hero's girlfriend.

whether gwen lives or dies, even if he isn't the one who saves her, her story's still about being an ideal for the hero to strive towards, obtain and keep. the only difference is now she gets to hand herself to the hero and say 'i'm okay with this somehow' so he's absolved of the responsibility for taking her protagonism away

so to recap, the writers clearly did some heavy lifting to redeem some of the relationship... but only on miles's end, and only half-measures:

comics miles has a shallow attraction to gwen largely based on achieving status through having her. movie miles has a genuine emotional connection with gwen but still doesn't know her well and is still reliant on her for validation.

comics miles's relationship with gwen is dependent on his willingness to become palatable for a white audience at the cost of being a resonant character for the community he was created to represent. movie miles gets to define his own narrative without being stereotyped or sanded down to fit into a white mold... but as long as he can pick and choose what aspects of assimilation benefit him the most, he'll embrace some of it.

comics miles is handed gwen as an attempt by the writers to make his haters see how much like peter he is, rather than doing the work to give him something unique. movie miles isn't Diet Peter Parker anymore, but he's still dependent on getting gwen to be considered spider-man enough.

but on gwen's side... it's worse than in the comics.

comics gwen doesn't need a relationship with miles to feel good about herself or take part in the story. movie gwen does and is only rewarded by the narrative when she's prioritizing him (she can only find happiness with him and none of her other friends even when they know her better than miles ever did, she can only reconcile with her father and stop being homeless because she's getting miles's photo, she can only stand up to the society and miles's parents and form her own hero team because it's in defense of him and it's a given that he's going to take control of the team the second he rejoins it, she can have a pov in the second movie as long as it's all about how much she misses miles, she can only be in these movies in the first place because she's going to be his girlfriend).

comics gwen is resisting (so far) the urge to give in and assimilate back into the male gaze. movie gwen completely caved to it by the end of the second movie.

comics gwen's narrative understands that she has to be not only alive, but her own agent in control of her own storyline, with plots that center her as an individual; she literally cuts gwiles off in its tracks because she recognizes they're being manipulated and wants them to make their own choices. movie gwen's narrative fully believes that the only problem was that she didn't get to live so she could belong to a guy, and her character was written from the ground up to be accepting of that (hence, why movie gwen doesn't beat her peter to death for being an incel like she does in the comics).

the circumstantials are fine. they have the surface-level connection to make a romantic attraction plausible, and the lack of familiarity could've easily been fixed with a shift in the timeline or an indication that they'll get to know each other more before they get together.

but the fundamental aspects of their characters are still undone by it.

the only way this ship works is if that's the point, and they need to recognize that and move on from each other.

(there's enough time to do it too... but will they?)

in conclusion: it's worse!

[paintdlady]

HOTD SEASON 2 SPOILERS

On one hand, I’m glad Blood & Cheese didn’t focus on showing us the violence. But on the otherhand, I think Helaena should’ve had a bigger reaction than grabbing her other baby and dashing after she just sacrificed the other without hesitation.

Like I’m trying to hold space for the idea that Helaena didn’t kick and scream because she already saw this in her dragon dreams, and like Rhaenyra, Helaena was already grieving her son's death because she's been having her dreams about it for a while now, and she was just raised to be quiet and keep her head down.

But I think we should’ve seen her acting more nervous in her first scene, like repeating about the rats and being quietly frustrated no one is taking her seriously or understanding her. I would've liked to see her being a little cagey and perhaps over-protective of Jaehaerys, fretting a little more over him and insisting to the guards and Criston that they aren't to leave him alone, please don't leave him alone.

Because it did take me out of the moment to see there was absolutely no guards in between the children's room and Alicent's room. Not even one just patrolling the hall?

And in the scene itself, I feel like more pressure should’ve been put on her. It doesn’t even have to be physical or sexually violent threats (like in the book?), but it could’ve been Blood insisting she was lying because she did give her son up too easily. And then just as he begins to lunge for the other kid, she insists. She doesn’t even have to scream and shout, she could just blurt it out more forcefully and looking so pleadingly to Cheese that he knows she isn’t lying. Because even if she was already mourning her son, it's hard to see her not have more moments/details that set up how much she dreaded this moment.

I think what was missing was this feeling of inner conflict, because I think it could've even been interesting if she reacted in the opposite direction and we were shown that Helaena was actively detaching herself to Jaehaerys beforehand - that she refused to have anything to do with him, thus forcing the maids to tend to him alone and/or making Aegon step up in terms of caring for the boy since Helaena could barely even look at Jaehaerys since she started having her dragon dreams about Blood & Cheese. And then that way, it would've flowed better to then see her try once to buy them off and then feel so defeated that she points to the boy and flees with her other child, internalizing the fact that her dragon dream had come true just like she feared.

This is, of course, just me spit-balling my initial thoughts and trying to figure out why the scene didn't land as hard for me as I had been hoping it would - as someone who doesn't really care for gratuitous violence.

I also just think we got too much of Blood & Cheese themselves, they never should've had as much screen time as they did and instead should've been in the background just like the rest of the B&C foreshadowing. We should've seen their faces maybe once before while Daemon hired them and then we should've focused back on Helaena or any of the other Team Green members.

I think it would've been so eerie to see them floating in the background, walking through the throne room as Aegon drunkenly rants about his grandpa and mother, and then brushing past Criston Cole as he went to Alicent's room after just leaving Aemond's. Our main characters think nothing about these supposed rat catchers, they're so busy watching the sky for vengeful dragons that it's easy for Blood & Cheese to slip right under their noses without a trace.

Instead, I feel like a lot of the suspense was lost in following them and getting an explanation of how they broke in, and a feel for who they are as characters. Did we really need to know them? Did we really need to see how they bumbled around while talking crudely, kicking poor dogs, and making quips about cocks?

Less is sometimes more, and I think even letting them remain faceless could've been so interesting.

[upthetracks]

1/1/24

I think maybe this is a diary for myself. Not a good or useful one. I never write here and I never remember to read these a second time. But I did just now, and everything is coming back bitter, and I'm standing in my kitchen not eating with an old familiar feeling in my chest and I don't want to write in a useful or good way I just want to talk to someone and I can't. So I come crawling back to this time capsule. A whole year since the last time, a year and change. And I have things to grieve that I haven't let myself, lonely things so I'm sorry for the length.

I'm not calling myself Isaac. But recently I mustered the will to start letting people call me by a new name, instead of calling to myself quiet in phone notes and a hidden tumblr. When new people ask my name I tell them I'm Ira. Ira. I think for now I like it. It felt really stupid the first few times. It did feel forced like I expected. But I was sick of caring whether it felt stupid. It is a name that sounds a bit like my first name. It's a name that I feel could belong to a man or a woman. I like how it sounds, I am taking a liking to being Ira.

I spent about a year loving, and half-loving, and trapped with, and happily bound up with one of the dearest friends I've ever had. In the spring when it was still cold, we left thesis early. We met later on our apartment balcony in the dark, smoked. It is so distant now, but she asked if she could kiss me. It was a moment of honesty and it felt surreal. Still, she is gorgeous and enigmatic and I could hardly believe her when she told me how she felt. She kissed me so gentle and sweet. I wasn't scared, she held me and went slow. It was soft, my first kiss. And then it was hard and hungry. We had been joined at the hip all the last year of school. One day she cut herself too deep and I dropped everything and rushed home. I called a medic friend who helped patch her up. We went to the hospital together and sat through the doctor's questions, silent and refusing to tell him the truth. I took a leap of faith. I thought, I love her already, I've loved her at her worst days, I'll always be there. I'm ready for us to be us together. That year was hard for her. Often she was sunk into depression. She flayed herself with her own words. I wish I could say I was only loving, but it made me angry to watch. Time expanded around me. I worked. I drifted through weeks and months and months. I was aimless, I fell apart from friends, I did not read, I did not create, I did not set out into the world. I distracted myself, I grew numb, the days grew monotonous, I didn't have words, I felt dull and half awake. I starved myself and then forgot how to even feel hungry. I can barely remember that year. I remember a smothering closeness that was heaven and hell, not so dramatic as that I suppose. But she became the only sweetness in my life, and I watched her hate herself so loudly, and I didn't love her well because I didn't know how, or I was scared, or I was too numb. We lost the closeness we used to have, the passion. When the next spring came, she told me she had fallen out of love. I was still clinging.

June was hard. I watched her laugh on the balcony with new flings, new friends, and then fall in love while I still had flashes of seeing her and being bowled over by affection. I got a call someday that month that a friend had been found lying dead somewhere on the south side. Mell. If anyone finds this, you didn't know him. My friends didn't know him. Now I am the only one in my life who did, and what do I do to honor his memory except be haunted by his name now and then at work, at the bus stop, in the stairwell, looking up at the old window to his room on the corner. When I met him, it was the spring of 22 I think. I was wearing a new shirt and shoes, and he was outside of Koppa's asking for ten bucks. I told him I'd run home since I live so close, never done that for someone before. Kept seeing him around, then he moved into the white house on the corner. Used to be a squat house and subsidized living way back then, before they flipped it and kicked everyone poor and struggling back on the streets. That whole forgotten year, that whole span of numbness and barely living I'd sit on his porch and talk a while, or he'd invite me over. Used to make me nervous because who was I to be there in folks' space. Grew up with a silver spoon in my mouth, who was I. It's ugly and it kills me now but I'd avoid him. Walk away from being roped into conversation, take a different street. His requests for cash would grate on me. But when he had me over, it was always warm, and I always warmed up. He could make anyone laugh, could crack a smile on anyone' s face. He was living ok there, had his bed and some food and a stove to cook on. Made me fried steak once, spaghetti another time. We'd walk sometimes. Once in the summer he stopped me from running into a pole, and then stopped me from walking in front of a car - he said watching me walk I'd always be looking up in the trees, everywhere I didn't need to. Now I try to walk and keep my eyes around me, be a little less airheaded. I can't help but think I coulda saved him if I did more, gave more, actually cared enough to do what needed doing and really sacrifice something for once. The last time we talked, it was sunny out. We sat on the bench outside, the painted-blue one. I ran him some deodorant I had in my bathroom. He showed me a flyer for a place he might be able to get, asked if I could help with part of the down payment I said yeah I think so. Never crossed my mind there'd be a last time I saw him. I always saw him, he always came around. I think it was a comfort to him to have something of a friend in me. He was a balm in all that lonely emptiness too. He was life itself, endless energy, endless jokes. I told myself after his funeral, remember that. Keep him alive by being some sunlight for whoever around you needs some. I don't know if I been practicing that. I mostly been trying to avoid the grief, but maybe that can be part of this new year.

[soulless-angel25]

Tags by @nounpolycule

ANYWAY

Letters lying

Summary: Rose writes letters to Jack and leaves photos in his room after S1. After him helping 13 he decides to see if the TARDIS still has his room, and in there he sees the letters.

Perhaps the fact that the TARDIS still had his room meant something to Rose, maybe the TARDIS too was grieving. She should believe the Doctor, she knows she should- what reason would he have to lie to her? He says that Jack is alive, but he doesn't let them go see him.

So she starts the letters. Its her way of grieving, writing out and detailing the adventures and the domestics. When she writes her letter of the spaceship and Madam Pompadour there are tear marks marring the paper. Part of her considers scrapping it and just not mentioning the adventure but he'd know.

Know that there was something she omitted. He always knew when she didn't tell something. And besides, he's dead and will never see these letters. So what's the harm in writing them?

What could be the harm in leaving letters for him on his bed? In staying there desperate to not forget what he smelled like, what he looked like. Rose writes the letters to grieve. There are photos of them, the three of them together. Then just her and the Doctor, there are pictures of Mickey and Jackie. (There is one adventure she never manages to write. For how could she? Trapped in another universe.)

She loses track of how many letters she writes, at first she'd kept count, kept count of them and count of the years. But then that became too much, when a few months became a year- and a year became two. Rose stopped counting.

After she fell she kept writing the letters, there was no way for her to lay them on Jack's bed. She couldn't go and stay in his room any more. Rose isn't quite sure why she continued to write them, not when even thinking about being back there stung and made her cry.

But she kept them, wrote a new one for every adventure, for the mundane.

Maybe her grief had became such a part of her that she wasn't sure how to properly express herself when she saw him again. When Rose saw Jack again a million and one thoughts rushed through her head, she wanted to hug him- she wanted to kiss him. She wanted to be near him and feel his heartbeat. She didn't do any of that, no. Instead she went to his room, the letters and photos still on the bed, edges lightly curled in. She pulled out the letters that she had all over her person and laid them down next to the others.

She swallows the grief that she should not have and walks back towards the console room.

__/\___/\__

Jack moved through the TARDIS, perhaps it was foolish that he hoped his room would still be here. After all, it had been millennia for the Doctor- that much was obvious by how she had reacted when he'd mentioned Rose. Rose who had loved the both of them so much.

The halls of the TARDIS were familiar, he remembered walking them- centuries ago. He stopped when he hit his door, swallowing he pushed it open. And then he stopped.

Everything was just as it had been when Jack travelled with the Doctor. Except for one thing, the piles of letters on the bed.

Moving closer, unsure of what they were he carefully lifted one- the one that looked to be the oldest and opened it. Pulling out the letter a picture fell out with it, leaning to pick it up he stopped. It was a picture of the three of them-him, Rose, and the Doctor- judging by the Rose's outfit it was just after the Slitheen incident. Raising the letter so he could read it he felt his breath short-circuit. Because there- in front of him was Rosie's handwriting.

Looking around he spotted the loveseat that had been in his room since the first day, siting on it he looked at the letter. Actually looked. As he read it tears started to drip down his face.

He started to stand to grab another but it was beside him. Reaching he grabbed it and started reading: Jack, hi. Your probably not reading this but... it's been a while. The Doctor took me to a place called New Earth (it's actually the 15th new york but he just called it New York).

He looked at the rest of it, tears in full force as he read the description she gave him. He looked back at the envelope, and pulled out the picture he could see. In it there was the two of them- Rose and the Doctor- smiling.

Jack sat it down as he let the tears flow- she'd written letters for him, even when she thought he was dead. She detailed what happened with her, with the Doctor. His heart squeezed as he thought about her sitting down and writing them.

He looked at all the letters on his bed, most of them probably with pictures of some kind. He could hear the Doctor calling for him, probably to drop him off somewhere (again- a bitter part of himself thought).

Making a split second choice Jack grabbed a bag and carefully put the letters in them alongside and loose pictures. He looked around his room, on everything from his past. He grabbed the pictures that he could, clothing, books. He put them all in the bag that shouldn't be able to hold them.

Walking out of his old room, that now only held traces of who he used to be he put on a smile. "Doc! You didn't say that my room was still here."

The I thought you would've gotten rid of it went unspoken.

The Doctor intentionally leaving Jack on the game station was wildly out of character and I've never understood it

You're telling me Rose didn't fucking demand to go back for him at any point in time???

[treatian]

The Chronicles of the Dark One: Hadestown

Chapter 4: Planning a Family Reunion

In all his time in Storybrooke, he'd never spent any time in the alley beside Granny's diner. And yet, suddenly, he found it was his new safe place. Between the fence and Granny's diner, he felt sheltered and hidden away in this new but familiar land. He wasn't sure what lay beyond this spot of town, but he felt secure enough here to hold the ball between his hands and gaze into it. He was unsure how a former Dark One had gotten his hands on one of these down here. But it was just another question he would add to the endless list of them forming in his head, a list that was shoved quickly aside when he looked down at the Looking Glass before him. He knew he needed the answers to those questions, but right now, there was one thing that was important and one thing only.

His family. He had to know what had happened to them. He had to know they were okay. And his gut told him to start with Belle. She was the one he was most worried about. Bae should be with Emma and Henry in the Land Without Magic somewhere, hopefully getting their life in order. He was sure there would be problems along the way, but at least they'd have each other. Belle, on the other hand…

He had to know she was okay, that she was being taken care of or at least managing life independently. He wasn't sure what he intended to do if she wasn't sure yet. But he'd fucking cross all of hell to get back to her and fix things for her if he had to.

So, he took a deep breath, focused on his Belle, then watched as the shadows inside the crystal ball began to morph and shift into something new. The light he saw within it died as it grew darker, and a small sphere began to lighten to the precise shade of Belle's skin tone. A moment later, her image appeared in front of him. He stifled a cry of relief and amazement that it had worked, that he could see her, a bright light in a dark place just as she'd always been. But then he began to take in the details. She was lying down. He hair had been pulled free as if she wanted to sleep, but she was still in her clothes, a long white shirt of some kind and something over her shoulders like a vest he couldn't clearly make out because of the blankets on top of her. But that wasn't a bed she was sleeping in. That was dirt. She was lying on the ground. Shadow and light played over her face, a familiar flicker of firelight from something close by. Staring up at him as she lay there like she could see him above her. She wasn't frowning or crying, but there was sadness in her eyes. Her cheeks looked a little more hollow than he'd like them to look, and the circles under her eyes suggested that she hadn't been sleeping. She was grieving.

He fought to take deep breaths. He expected her to be in mourning. He predicted that she'd be sad. But why the fuck was the love of his life sleeping in the dirt by a fire? Why was she grieving all by herself? Where had the curse spat her out? He was hopeful it would be where it had gotten her from, that Regina would release her or that the others would see to her release and look after her, but…maybe he was wrong? Had no one cared to come to take care of her? Had no one bothered to look for her?

His knuckles went white with anger as he stared down at her, and…her lips moved. Not in a swallow or even a twitch. She was talking. She was saying words he couldn't make out because crystal balls didn't allow sound; he needed a mirror for that. But she was obviously speaking. To who? Herself?

No. His heart dropped as she turned her head where she lay as if addressing someone close by. Wide-eyed, jealousy surged inside him as he willed the ball to show him more. Who was it? A man? He couldn't imagine Belle moving on so fast. How long had he been in that vault? Years? Decades? Belle didn't look that much older than he'd last seen her but-

Every thought he had ceased. Every internal function, breath, heartbeat, it all stopped as the ball responded to his silent desires and let him get a better look at the scene before him. He saw. But he couldn't believe it.

Belle wasn't with another man. At least not in that way, gods, he hoped not in that way. She was indeed lying on the ground with another person, but there was a blazing, roaring fire between the pair in what appeared to be a cave where they were camping. And the person on the other side of that heat source, the one having a friendly chat with her, sharing her company, was none other than Baelfire.

He had to tear his gaze from the ball to take a deep breath and wipe the tears he hadn't realized were coming out of his eyes. He couldn't help it. Devastation and anger and sorrow roared inside of him all at once. He didn't know what to address first!

What the fuck?!

It was wrong! It was all so wrong he didn't even know where to begin!

Bae and Belle were together?! There was no way that Belle could have outrun the undoing of the Curse, not with her memories intact, and even if she had managed, she wouldn't be out in a cave, camping, in clothes that looked like that! The implication was clear. Belle had gone back to the Enchanted Forest, just as she should have. But if Baelfire was with her, then that meant...Bae wasn't in the Land Without Magic with Emma. He was in the Enchanted Fucking Forest! He hadn't gone with Emma and Henry? After all he'd done and all he'd fought for where Henry was concerned, he'd just laid back, accepted his fate, and gone back home?! That didn't make sense! It didn't make any sense. Bae would have gone with Emma and Henry, and he would have stayed with them, even if Emma refused! He'd have gone unless…unless…

Fuck.

Bae would have gone...unless he hadn't known that he could.

Oh, hell. He'd thought it had been so straightforward. It had been fucking clear to him that there would be exceptions to who would go back and who wouldn't. As someone from the Enchanted Forest, the Curse would have taken Bae back if he had stayed in Storybrooke, but he hadn't been one of the cursed. He had been able to leave, just like Emma, Henry, and hell, even Pinocchio! All they had to do was step over the town line when it hit, and it would never take them. Henry couldn't go. He'd been a child of that world, not the Enchanted Forest. And Emma would never have let him be left behind alone; she'd have protested, and Regina would have known that she could stay. It would have been obvious! But Bae...

They'd been so caught up in fighting back Pan, so concerned with other things that he hadn't realized he wasn't clear enough. He'd left them with Regina and assumed that she would get it. He'd assumed his less-than-perfect, downright slow former student would understand the inner workings of that Curse. He'd assumed she'd be happy to let Baelfire and Emma Swan sail off into the distance with her son for a happily ever after.

He was a fucking idiot. Whether it was malicious or not, the message had not been clear because he'd trusted it to Regina. And now there they were. Baelfire and Belle, together, away from Emma and Henry, away from him, away from all they loved, grieving and sleeping in a damn cave! He'd never been so angry in all his life. He'd never been so disappointed in himself in all his life for not seeing this earlier and putting too much godsdamned faith in Regina!

He had to do something. He had to fix this. He hadn't a clue how to do it, but he knew he couldn't just sit here in the afterlife waiting for the next Dark One to arrive while this injustice was carried out. He had to…he had to…

Fuck!

He had to do something, but what that something was, he hadn't a clue. This was a new world, a different kind of realm that was far more unexpected than he'd ever dreamed. He didn't know where to start. He was here. Baelfire and Belle were in the Enchanted Forest, and Henry, Henry was…

He felt suddenly calm as he took one breath after another and turned his gaze back to the ball. He'd had three people in mind when he grabbed this crystal ball. He'd assumed he'd find two of them together, and indeed he had, but not the two that he'd wanted. So then all that remained was the third. The ball was clear, the busyness of his mind preventing it from getting a focus on any of his family members, but now…now he focused once more on just one. Henry. He wanted to see Henry and needed to see his grandson. If he wasn't with his Mother and Father, he had to be sure that Regina hadn't fucked up so bad that he was alone in the world. And so he gazed into the ball nervously. Seeing into The Land Without Magic had never worked when he'd been in the Enchanted Forest, but perhaps now...?

The shadows within the crystal bent and formed to his will. The haziness cleared, and much to his relief, an image formed.

There he was. Henry. He was sitting at a table, head down, staring into some sort of calculator-looking thing he kept fiddling with. It was a single glance, but it was enough. Oh, he'd grown so much! He was taller than he remembered, his hair a bit shaggier, and his cheeks! Cheekbones were emerging, along with a chin that reminded him of Emma and Mary Margaret. He was finally shedding the last remnants of his childhood baby fat and becoming a teenager. He was becoming a man. And he knew better than most just how a boy becoming a man needed a father. Even if he had-

There she was…Emma Swan. As if the ball had heard his thoughts and shifted his focus, the image in the ball pulled away so that he could see the picture more clearly. Henry Mills sat at a table with his technology, and Emma sat beside him as they ate dinner. They seemed put together. They seemed almost happy in their home like it was just a typical average day. They certainly didn't appear confused or scattered as he would have expected them to appear only a day after Storybrooke had been destroyed. And Henry couldn't have grown that much in just a day.

He didn't know if he wanted to sigh in relief or scream in frustration. Something was wrong. It was very wrong. Regina had gotten half of the instructions right. She'd at least ensured Henry was with his mother, though he would have preferred mother and father. But the timing seemed off. He'd only just arrived, and yet enough time had passed for Henry to grow, for Henry and Emma to be comfortably settled. Enough time had passed that Neal and Belle appeared comfortable together when their last interactions were tense but cordial at best?! What kind of hell was this that he'd landed in? A time where time seemed to fly by in the blink of an eye, and his family was maybe destitute but certainly separated. It was his worst nightmare, an absolute terror!

Or maybe…

Maybe.

He leaned there against Granny's diner's wall and let his thoughts collect, let his mind begin to weave options and plots together. What he stumbled on was not quite what he expected.

Maybe this was something good. Yes, he had wanted Emma and Bae to be together with Henry, and because of that, he'd prepared his heart for the shock of Belle residing alone for the rest of her life. But maybe, just maybe, something good could come from this mistake. After all, at this moment, no one was alone. Though not ideal, Henry had Emma, and Belle had Bae. And if he could, in fact, fix this, then the solution was to either get Emma and Henry to Baelfire or get Baelfire to Henry and Emma. And if he could get Bae to them, then it stood to reason that Bae could take Belle with him. No, he knew that Baelfire might never be as good for her as he would have been, but the time for that kind of thinking was over. He could at least be family to her. It would be a very confusing, wildly unusual sort of family, but it was always going to be that way regardless. At least it would be a family. At least his family would be together.

He was in the afterlife, a very strange and odd place indeed. Getting back to his family would take an act of resurrection he wasn't sure was possible. Dead was dead, and there was no way to reverse it. But pulling strings, getting his son and True Love to another realm, that was a difficult act, but far more likely than resurrection. And he should know; he'd already done it once before.

He could do this. He'd orchestrated the moving of heaven and earth once already; he could do it again. He could make it so that Bae could get back to his son. He could make it so that the cycle of fathers being separated from their sons was broken. He could make it so that his entire family was together. He could do this. He didn't yet know how he was going to do it, not yet, but he was the Dark One, and though he was in a bizarre version of it, he was, in fact, in Storybrooke.

He knew right where he had to begin.

[unoriginalmess]

Untitled Feralnette Fic Ch. 1

Hiya there anyone who happens upon this first chapter of this fic. I would like to start out by saying that this is my first fanfic ever. I've been wanting to write a fic for the miraculous fandom for a while but I haven't had any inspiration until I stumbled upon this glorious AU created by @bigfatbreak. I highly suggest checking out all of their posts about this au because they are hilarious and genius and about 100 other amazing adjectives that could be used to describe them and their posts. Anyways enough with my rant and let's get on with the fic. ⚠️Slight angst⚠️ ⚠️Swearing⚠️

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When Marinette got home after her and Luka's breakup, all she could do was cry. She wanted to be with him, but her Ladybug duties came first. If lying is a deal breaker for him, then maybe it was best that they ended it now while their relationship was still in its early stages. Still, she couldn't help but feel the loss of her first relationship. She ended up crying for a whole entire day. She just hoped that Hawkmoth(or Shadowmoth or whatever the fuck he wanted to be referred to as this week) wasn't feeling particularly akuma-y today, because she didn't know if she could bottle up all these feelings, even though the world is relying on her ability to do so.

Ugggghhh!! It has been exhausting having to be "happy and perfect Marinette" and "happy and perfect Ladybug" All. The. Time. She's also pretty sure that Hawkmoth had discovered the similarities in her personality as Marinette to Ladybug, and that's why she's been targeted by multiple akumas lately. She has had to have her emotions under control even more than usual. If only there was a way to get Hawkmoth to stop targeting her. Maybe she should just not give a fuck anymore. Haha as if! It couldn't be that easy! Could it?

The more she thinks about it the more it starts to make sense. If she just let herself go completely crazy as Marinette, she would be killing like 10 birds with one stone. She would get hawkmoth off of her trail, she wouldn't have to deal with having to hide her emotions all of the time, she wouldn't have to deal with the added stress of maintaining her perfect persona, she wouldn't have to deal with the stress of Lila's lies taking her friends away if she didn't have friends in the first place, and so much more stress would be taken off of her plate! It was perfect! It might hurt a little at first, but it's for the best in the end. She spent that night planning out her outfit for tomorrow, doing her homework, and going to sleep knowing that, in the morning, François Dupont isn't gonna know what hit them.

....

Adrien Agreste had been having a rough week. He had been abandoned on patrol by ladybug, been broken up with by his girlfriend, and was feeling completely and utterly alone. He knows that his lady has been feeling overwhelmed by her guardian duties lately, and that he 100% deserved that verbal lasting that kagami had given him but he couldn't help but feel this way. He was also feeling guilty about lying to kagami and leading her on for so long. After she broke up with him he took some time to assess his feelings for her and realized that he had more of an admiration for her than an infatuation. He definitely didn't feel the same way about her that she felt about him. She told him that she LOVED HIM, and he was so distracted (blinded) by ladybug that he didn't even process her confession. So, he was looking forward to Sunday morning. He cleared his schedule and on that beautiful Sunday morning, he did what he is only allowed to do on very rare occasions: sleep in. Or at least... thats what he had planned on doing.

When Nathalie had knocked on his door that morning Adrien was not in a good mood. He vaguely heard her say something about father wanting him downstairs in some amount of time for something involving a business partners child and some other robotic sounding words that his half asleep brain couldn't process completely.

"I have a cleared schedule this morning, Nathalie. What could father possibly want me for that is more important than my precious sleep?" He asked snappily.

"Your father wants you downstairs to welcome the new guest that will be living in the house for the rest of the school year. You have 15 minutes to make yourself look presentable and I suggest leaving the attitude upstairs," she half informed/half reprimanded him. As she walked away, Adrien reluctantly rose from his nice warm bed and went to go get ready with only one thought racing through his mind: Who could possibly be staying with them?

....

Felix Culpa was not looking forward to living at the Agreste mansion for the rest of the school year, but for their parents' sake they would do what they had to. It wasn't all for their parents either, they were also concerned about the strange "dissapearance" of Emilie (who was his aunt in all ways except blood relation) and about the treatment of Adrien since said "disappearance".

You see, Felix Culpa is the heir to the Culpa Fabric Empire. The Culpas have been the sole fabric supplier of the Agreste brand since the very beginning. Felix's mom Diana was best friends with Emilie since their college days. Diana and Emilie made the deal with the two brands because as best friends who are both involved in the same industry, it just made sense to have a business relationship with each other. Diana never really cared for Gabriel as a person, but she could tell that he loved Emilie more than anyone else in the world so she could tolerate him for the sake of her best friend.

When Emilie went missing, Diana was absolutely devastated and tried anything she could to find her. She invested in missing person ads as large as billboards, organized search teams, tried to aid the police in their search for her in any way she could, but there was no leads, no legitimate calls to the number on the billboards, and the search team came up empty handed. While she was doing all of this to try to find her, she couldn't help but be furious over the fact that Gabriel was doing nothing to help in the search. All he did was hole himself up in his oversized mansion and call it a day.

The last straw for Diana was when Gabriel tried to use the "grieving my wife" excuse to try to abuse their business arrangement. That day, she told him that the Culpa brand would no longer be associated with the Agreste brand and that after the new collection is released, he would need to find a new fabric supplier. She knew that the Agreste brand would take a huge hit from having sub-par fabric, but she never thought that Gabriel would try to make up for that fact by using Adrien as a walking mannequin and locking him up in the desolate prison that he calls a home. As soon as she realized that he was doing this she scrambled to find a solution.

That is how Felix ended up here, standing in front of the mansion they would be living in for the next 9 months in exchange for Gabriel getting back into the Culpa brand's good graces. Don't get them wrong, they were excited about being able to be in Paris, home of the most innovative fashion pieces in the world, and about being able to see their honorary cousin Adrien (who wasn't half bad to be around despite him having no backbone whatsoever when it came to anything involving his father) but dealing with Mr. Agreste was definitely one of the low points of this arrangement.

They decided to just get it over with and knocked on the door. It was opened by the man that their cousin affectionately referred to as Gorilla. They nodded a thank you to the man, remembering that he was a man of few words, and proceeded to the bottom of the staircase. Mr. Agreste stood at the top with a very tired looking Adrien a few steps down. Felix wasn't even slightly surprised that this is where he chooses to welcome his guests, looking down on people must give him some sort of power trip or something. It's almost as if he heard the phrase "It's over, Anakin, I have the high ground," and made that his own personal motto. Whatever, let him have the feeling of false power if he wanted it, Felix knows that they have all the power in this situation and they're sure that Gabriel knows it as well.

"Hello Felix," Mr. Agreste greeted them with the same amount of warmth in his voice as liquid nitrogen, "while you are staying in this house you will abide by my rules. Adrien will inform you of them and show you to your room. You will attend school with him in the morning and I'm sure that you already know that you must represent not only the Culpa brand, but also the Agreste as well. I will be in my office working, do not disturb me. Contact Nathalie with any questions that cannot be answered by Adrien." He finished his spiel and left to what Felix assumed was his office space.

"Hello Felix!" Adrien greeted him with as much enthusiasm as he could muster in his sleepy state. "Come with me and I'll show you to your room."

Adrien led Felix to their room and listed all of the rules of the household that they were expected to follow. And... wow. Felix could not believe that their cousin had to live like this. The only social interaction this kid gets is at school and fencing? Pre-approved outings only with people determined socially acceptable by Gabriel? And if he gets even one "B" he isn't even going to be allowed to go to school at all? Felix knew that the living situation was bad for Adrien but know the only question running through their head was: What did they get themselves into??

--------

And... thats it for chapter 1! Mostly background info at this point, but next chapter will be the class' reaction to feralnette and felinette meeting for the first time. I just want to say thanks again to @bigfatbreak for giving me the inspiration to write a fic for the first time ever. Feel free to leave constructive criticism, I'm always looking to improve, especially at writing since this is my first time posting anything I've written online, so I want to get better so that I can make better content for you guys, gals, and non-binary pals. If anyone wants to be tagged just let me know and I'll make a tag list for ya. :)

[i-cant-sing]

Yandere Rei hurting reader Pt 3

I couldn't write anything for Valentines, but I hope you like this. Enjoy!

Pt 1 here.

Pt 2 here.

Check out my MASTERLIST for more!

Enji wasn’t surprised at your funeral.

He wasn't surprised when Rei had begged him to have you frozen, keep your body encased in a glass box at home.

He wasn't surprised when the kids held her, letting him make proper funeral arrangements.

He wasn't surprised when Rei had a breakdown, punching his chest and thrashing around in Shotou's and Dabi's arms.

Enji wasnt surprised when the divorce papers came. He knew the kids were making her do this, but he didn't care. He signed them without hesitation.

He wasn't surprised when he heard the kids had sent Rei to an asylum. She kept escaping the house to run to the graveyard; she wanted to dig your body up. He understood why the kids sent her back.

He wasn't surprised when he heard Rei had killed herself in that place, 6 months after you had died.

He wasn't surprised when his kids didn't inform him of her death or funeral. If he was being honest, he wasn't even sure if he would've gone to pay his respects.

Enji poured himself another glass of vodka, taking the bottle with him as he sat on his recliner, almost tripping on a few empty bottles.

He wasn't an alcoholic, he was just trying to numb his pain. Its the only thing that helps him fall asleep.

Enji pulled out a cigarette and pushed it between his lips. He snapped his fingers to light it, closing his eyes as he inhaled the carcinogen.

"Again, dad?"

Enji didn't have to open his eyes to know its you.

"You know these things are not good for you."

Enji smiled. You were always so caring.

"Ah, so you do smile? I didn't think you were capable of doing that."

Enji opened his eyes. You were standing in front of him, a grin on your face.

"I smiled a lot more when you were around." Enji said.

You chuckled. "Me too." You sat next to him, before putting your head in his lap. "But you weren't around often."

Enji felt tears prick his eyes. "I'm sorry."

"I know."

Enji woke up the next morning with a massive headache. He went to his kitchen to get himself some coffee. He checked the calendar as he sipped the hot drink.

Friday.

He finished his coffee quickly, before wearing a large coat. He grabbed his car keys and drove away from his house.

When he reached the graveyard, he made sure to wear his sunglasses and a baseball cap, before grabbing the bouquet of white lillies.

Your grave was a little away from the rest, he wanted you to have space, and his family to have privacy when they visited.

He stood in front of your grave. It was clean and the bed of grass of fresh as ever. He had paid the caretaker good money to regularly clean up your resting place.

Enji stared at your tombstone for some time.

Y/n Todoroki.

Heaven's brightest angel

A loving daughter

Now resting safe and at peace

Tears fell free from Enji's eyes at that. "Safe and at peace". Safe and at peace. Two things he failed to give you.

The image of your bloody face flashed in his mind for a moment. Blood coated your teeth and mouth, your gut was also bleeding heavily. Your face was contorted in pain, confusion and betra-

Enji needs to stop thinking.

He sat down beside your grave and pulled out the flask from his coat pocket. He knows he has to drive back. He knows he shouldn't drink, not in front of you at least, but he can't help it. "I'm sorry." Enji whispers before he started drinking. It didn't take long for him to finish the entire flask. It was getting dark and he knew he had to leave before the caretaker came.

Enji pressed a kiss to your tombstone before he turned on his heel to leave.

"Endeavour?"

Enji was stunned to hear his hero name; nobody had called him that in a long time. God, he wished it wasn't the paparazzi. They had no respect for anyone, not even for the grieving or the dead.

But he looked up to see an old face.

"Keigo?"

Hawks smiled. "How are you?"

"Fine. What are you doing here?"

He scratched the back of his head nervously. "I've been meaning to talk to you." Hawks sighed. "I tried contacting you several times but you're impossible to track."

Enji knew that. He disappeared from the public eye after your death. He left his agency to Hawks, and got himself a home hidden in the woods. People assumed that he was just distraught over his wife's death or something. They didn't know about you. Nobody did. He paid off the hospital staff to keep their mouth shut because he didn't want his kids to suffer anymore because of his mistakes.

"What do you want?" Enji asked, gruffly.

"I just wanted to talk to you. Check up on you, y'know?"

"I'm doing great." Enji replied, stepping around him, about to walk away, but Hawks put a hand on his shoulder.

"Enji, its not your fault-"

"Shut up." Enji walked past him and made his way towards his car.

"Enji, listen to me-"

"I said. Shut. Up." He growled out. He didn't need anyone's pity. He reached his car with Hawks running up to him.

Enji tried to open his door but he suddenly felt lightheaded as he fell down.

"Enji! Are you okay?" Hawks kneeled beside him.

"I'm f-fine. Leave me alone." Enji was slurring.

Hawks grimaced when he smelled his breath. "God, you reek of alcohol. You weren't planning on driving in this state?"

Enji pushed him away. "I said I'm fine." Enji stood up before stumbling towards his car again, fumbling with the keys, his vision blurring the more he strained himself.

"Let me take you home, Enji." Enji felt his hands on his shoulder, but just as he tried to tell Hawks to fuck off, his vision faded to black.

Enji opens his eyes and finds himself in his house again. His old house. He's laying in bed when he hears laughter from outside. He gets out of bed and walks towards the source.

The kitchen.

He walks in and sees his family, the sun rays flooding the room, and the golden orange hues illuminating their faces. Rei is mixing something in a large bowl, Fuyumi is greasing up some pans. Natsuo and Touya are eating the chocolate chips from the bag, and Shotou is telling them to save some for the cake. And you. You're there too. Sitting beside Shotou, laughing as Touya sneakily gives you some chocolate chips too. Suddenly, they all turn towards him. Rei motions for him to come in. "Enji! Come in. We're making a cake!" Enji walks towards her, wrapping his arms around her. Rei kisses him, making his kids cringe and tell them to stop. They all laugh. Rei pours the batter into the pans, before raising the spoon. "Okay, who wants to lick the spoon?" And suddenly Touya, Natsuo and you yell "me!" before trying to reach for the spoon. Shotou freezes Natsuo's foot to the floor, while Enji pulls Touya back. Fuyumi grabs the spoon from her mom, and gives it to you, making you smile as you eagerly lick the spatula clean, while Touya and Natsuo whine how its not fair. Everyone laughs as Rei cleans up the batter smeared on your nose with a tissue. Its a heart warming scene. Its all he ever wanted.

But its not the reality he was given now, was it?

As Enji closes his eyes, basking in the warmth of his family, he suddenly hears someone crying. He snaps his eyes open, but the kitchen is empty and dark. He hears the crying again. He gets out of the kitchen quickly, trying to find the source. Its coming from Fuyumi's room. He bursts through the door, looking for Fuyumi, but finds you there instead. You're on the floor whimpering as you're trying to rub your arm with a towel. He kneels next to you. "What's wrong?" You cry when you remove the towel to reveal the huge ice burn on your arm. There were ice crystals littering all over the skin. Enji begins to heat up his palms as he melts the ice downs, slowly allowing the sensation in your arm to return. "What happened?" You sniffled. "F-fuyumi came to my room and said that she wants to go shopping with me, I told her I had to study for my test." You hiccuped. "She didn't like that, she- she said I'm ignoring her, blowing her off- I'm not!" You cried. Enji focused on your arm, heating it up slowly. "I know, you didn't do it on purpose. But maybe you could take some time off school? Think of it as a little break. You could spend more time with Fuyumi, with us." You looked at him in confusion. "B-but she hurt me-" "no, she was just a bit frustrated. You know she didn't mean it, right? She's your big sister, she loves you." You hesitantly nodded. "If you say so..." Enji smiled. "See, its all better now. Let me heat up the towel and wrap it around your arm." He turned to get the towel, but when he turned back, the room was empty.

He heard quiet sobs coming from your room. He made his way to your room and opened door and found you lying on the bed. "What happened?" He asked, taking a seat on your bed. "I saw him, I saw Natsuo put crushed pills- sleeping pills in my food! That's why I've been feeling so sleepy lately. When I confronted him, he told me its for my own good. B-but I know its because he doesn't want me to go out with my friends! He forcefully fed me the food, and then he took my phone away too! He said its because its not good to sleep with your phone but I know he took it because he wants to go through my stuff!" Enji hushed you. "Can you talk to him? Tell him to stop or something." Enji raised an eyebrow. "Natsuo is your big brother. He's just looking out for you. And he's not wrong about going through your phone either. Do you have something to hide?" You shook your head no. "But-!" "Natsuo wouldn't do anything to cause you pain, okay?" You closed your eyes. "Okay." You whispered. Enji closed the door as he left your room. But as soon as he did, he heard banging coming from the basement. He rushed down the stairs and found the door locked. Bursting through the door, he was suddenly engulfed by a small body. It was you again. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please, help me!" Enji pulled you away from him. "Hey, shh. Its okay. I'm here. What happened?" You sobbed into his chest. "I just went to the grocery store- just for 20 minutes!" Enji already knew what went wrong. "You didn't go with Shotou, did you? You didn't even inform him, right?" You shook your head no. "It slipped my mind. I promise I wasn't running away!" Enji sighed, petting your hair. "How long have you been down here?" You sniffled. "I dont know. It was Wednesday when Shotou pushed me in here." Three days. "Its okay. You've learnt your lesson, right?" You nodded. "Please, I don't want to be down here anymore." Enji led you out of the basement. "Just don't forget to tell Shotou next time, or tell us what you need. We'll bring whatever you want." Enji closed the basement door, but suddenly someone whimpered from inside. He opened the door again, but he found himself in the main bathroom. You were standing in front of the sink, putting some ointment on your shoulder. Enji looked closer and found burn marks on your skin. "Did Touya-" You turned around towards him. "Yes." Enji couldn't take his eyes off the red, burnt skin. "Why?" You shrugged your shoulders. "Does it matter?" You slammed the door shut in his face.

Enji didn't even realise he had begun walking away from the door and towards another one. He instinctively opened the door and found Rei and you. Rei had her arms raised, a sharp knife in her hand. "Rei- what are you doing? Put the knife down!" Suddenly, the rest of his kids appeared in the room. They stood between Rei and him, like a barrier. "Honey, its okay! We know whats best for her!" Rei spoke. Shotou nodded. "Yes. You said so yourself." Fuyumi spoke this time. "We're her family! We wouldn't hurt her!" Touya walked towards Enji. "Besides, if something happens, you promised you would save her, won't you?" Enji nodded. "Of course." "Then trust us. Like you always have." Natsuo said. Enji's eyes moved towards you. You opened your mouth to say something but all of a sudden, Enji was pushed out of the room and the door slammed closed. Enji jumped to the door when he heard your painful, gut wrenching screams. "DAD! STOP THEM! HELP ME! DAD!" Enji kept on banging his fists on the door but the door wouldn't budge.

Then it was silent. All too quiet. The door creaked open a bit. Enji didn't know if he wanted to see whats behind there anymore, but he still pushed the door open. How he wish he hadn't.

Lying on the floor, blood spilled from your mouth and your gut. Your body bore burns and scorch marks, the smell of burnt flesh wafting through the air. Enji fell to his knees. Its too late. "D-daddy? It- hurts."your voice was so quiet, so soft, he almost didn't hear you. "Save me?"you coughed out more blood, with each word. Enji started crying. "I-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I-I can't." Your eyes dimmed when he said that, your chest finally stopped moving.

Enji finally woke up from his recurrent nightmare. He had been haunted by them ever since your death. Sad thing is, they didn't stray that far from reality. You had come to him many times, begging for help, but he turned you away, assuring you that they're just messing around, that it was an accident, or it was just a one time thing.

It wasn't.

Enji couldn't count how many times you had told him how his family had been hurting you, before you stopped asking all together when you realised he would always take their side.

It took a few minutes for Enji to register that he wasn't lying in his bed, or was in his home for that matter.

Enji groans as he sits up, rubbing his head. He remembers he was at the graveyard and then Hawks was there too. Hawks must've brought him to his home.

Stupid bird. He should just mind his own business.

Enji got up and left the room, leaning against the wall for support as he made his way around the house. Where was Keigo anyways?

He was passing by a garden when he saw someone move there. Enji focused his eyes and saw...you. He sighed. Enji sat down on the porch that opened into the garden. He realised he must've had drank a lot yesterday. Clearly, the effects of intoxication were still there.

You were sitting next to some bushes, trimming up their rough edges, your face turned away from him. You were humming to yourself as you worked.

You always did like plants, flowers especially. That's why he made sure you were buried where there was enough space for some flowers and grass to grow.

"I see you've found her." Hawks handed Enji a cup of coffee. He didn't even realise when he had walked-

Wait.

"You can see her?" Enji asked. Was he still dreaming?

Hawks chuckled. "Of course. She's right there- Enji, did you drink again?"

Enji looked at you, then at Hawks, then back to you. "What?" There's no way. There's no way. Hawks looked at Enji weirdly before he called for you.

"Y/n! Sweetie, come here!" You whipped your head around at Hawks voice.

And Enji sees you.

He wasn't hallucinating. You're real.

You skipped towards them, smiling. And Enji didn't even realise it until you were right in front of them. You had eyes. They were different than your real ones. These new ones, they were the same colour as his. Sharp, turquoise blue.

Were you a doppelganger? Is this some kind of sick joke? He couldn't help but wonder, but some part of him knew that wasn't the case.

Enji stood up when you reached them, the cup falling from his hand.

"Hey, dad."

In a second, Enji had his arms wrapped around you. You're really there. You weren't dead. You're still alive. "Y/n? Is it really you?" Enji asked, tears falling from his eyes as he held you tighter, still in disbelief.

You hugged him back. "Yes. Who else would it be?" You chuckled.

He pulled you away from him, his eyes scanned your face. There was still some charring and faded scars around your eyes, but they were mostly healed. It really is you.

"B-but how?"

You smiled. "Hawks-"

It was like something snapped in him at the hero's name.

Enji suddenly pushed you behind him, taking a protective stance. "What the fuck did you do?!" He growled at Keigo.

Hawks held his arms up in surrender, trying to pacify the man in front of him. "Nothing. I just helped her." Enji pounced at Hawks, pushing him to the ground. He was going to murder Hawks if he even looked at you the wrong way. "Oh yeah? And what the fuck did you want in return, you sick bastard?!" Enji raised his hand to punch him, but he stopped when he felt your tiny hands pull on his arm. "Dad! Please, stop! He saved me! Please!" He could hear the fear in your voice. He got off Hawks and yanked you back to him. "Tell me. Did he threaten you? Harm you? Touch you?" Although Enji's eyes held concern for you, he was scaring you with his grip on your wrist turning painfully tight. "No! Please, stop." You replied, struggling as you tried to free your wrist.

"Enji, calm the fuck down! You're hurting her!" Hawks finally managed to pull his hand off of your wrist. As soon as he did, Enji saw his handprint around your wrist.

Fuck.

You moved behind Hawks, peeking at Enji from between his wings, your eyes pooling with unshed tears. Enji's heart sank.

Looking at your scared form, Enji couldn't help but recall how different it used to be before. How you used to run to him for help, seek his protection.

And now, you need to be saved from him.

"I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Y/n. I didn't mean to." He reached his hand out for yours. When you moved further behind Hawks, his heart broke. You were scared of him. Your eyes holding the same fear as they once held for the rest of his family.

"Y/n, darling, why don't you go tend to the bushes. I need to talk to your father." You scurried away as soon as Hawks said that.

"She's scared of me." Enji's voice held guilt.

Hawks patted his back. "Don't worry. She'll come around soon."

Hawks sat on the porch step, motioning Enji to sit beside him as well. He sat but kept his eyes towards your form. "What happened, Keigo?"

"Well, when you had called me, informing me how Rei had stabbed Y/n, I came as quickly as possible. I remember you were holding Rei back, stopping her from entering the hospital room. Once your kids had arrived and taken their mother away, you told me to keep guard while you sorted out some hospital forms." Hawks took a sip of his coffee before continuing. "Y/n had woken up a few minutes after you had left. And she started crying as soon as she was conscious. I tried calming her down, but she was- hysterical. She kept on saying how they were going to torture her again. I told her that Enji would make sure they wouldn't. She kept on insisting that you were going to take Rei's side." Hawks looked at Enji. "And you and I both know know, you would've." Enji held his head shamefully, because he was right. He would've taken his family's side yet again.

"She asked me to kill her, Enji."

Enji's eyes widened at that, turning his head to Hawks. "What?" Hawks nodded, his eyes stone cold. "She said she'd rather be dead than return to your house." Enji felt like someone had drove a spear through his chest. Oh god, how long had you been feeling like that? "Thats when I decided to take her."

"But how? We buried her." Hawks rolled his eyes.

"It isn't hard to find a body. You know that."

Enji nodded. Right. "And her eyes?"

"Got a quirk doctor to replace them."

Enji's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "But Natsuo said that they were irreplaceable-"

"Natsuo lied, Enji. All of your kids did. They were going to side with their mother, no matter what. And Rei wanted her to remain blind, so everyone made sure she did." He took another sip of his coffee. "You have a fucked up family."

Enji clenched his jaw at that, but it was the truth. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

Hawks raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "You're hard to track. You went into hiding and I had to run your agency, clean up your mess so that the public doesn't find out and I had a daughter at home to look after too. I guess you could say, I was a bit occupied."

"Oh. I'm sorry." Enji looked towards where you were, happily tending to your garden, completely oblivious to your surroundings. You looked so lively, so content. "Is...is she happy?" Hawks smiled at that. He still adores you. "Yes. She stays at home mostly, tending to the garden, but she occasionally goes out as well."

Enji looked at Hawks. "Alone? What if she runs away? What if something happens to her?"

Hawks shook his head. "She won't. Where's she going to go? She knows that your kids are still out there, and if they ever saw her, God knows what they'll do to her." Hawks crossed his arms against his chest. "Besides, I gave her a special bracelet. It has a tracking device in it and if she ever runs into trouble, all she needs to do is tap it and I'll be there!"

Hawks really had it all figured it out. Everything was under control, so why was he there? "Why did you bring me?"

"To save you." Enji stared at him in confusion. "You can't live without her, Enji. The past few months are evidence that you can't. You almost drank yourself to death." Hawks ran a hand through his hair, frustrated. "Look at yourself. Your eyes are bloodshot, you drink, you smoke, you're depressed as fuck. Is this the kind of hero you imagined yourself becoming? Is this the kind of father you want to be?"

"Keigo I-"

"You know, she never spoke ill of you once. Never. If anything, she told me that her good memories with your family, were mostly with you. Almost like she misses you."

"What do you want me to do, Keigo?" He asked helplessly, because Enji truly didn't know.

"I want you to stay here." He began. "Be the hero she needs; the father she needs."

"Keep your promise to her." Hawks eyes were full with fierce emotion as he reminded Enji of his promise.

I'll keep you safe. I promise.

Those word had been echoing in his mind forever, always accompanied by gore filled images of you.

"Raise the family you always dreamt of."

As if something had finally clicked, Enji nodded before he slowly made his way towards you. Hawks watched as Enji sat down beside you and talked to you. You smiled slowly before handing him a pair of gardening gloves as you taught him how to plant some flowers.

It was a good thing that Hawks cared about both of you deeply.

He was happy he was going to save his hero, Endeavour.

He was happy that he was going to start anew with you guys.

He was happy as he saw the love of his life and his goddaughter, now daughter, playing in the mud.

He was beyond ecstatic when he had slit Rei's throat in the asylum.

"What?" Hawks asks you, the person reading this story. He leans towards you, face mere inches away from yours, and smirks.

"That bitch had it coming."

So...

How was it?

Oh and yes, I will be taking asks for this (and answering some previous ones as well)