#maybe in a few days when i have time LOL | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

alt-simz · 1 year

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want to change my branding so bad

#like the titles i use #the fonts #the colours #everything #ahhhh #maybe in a few days when i have time LOL #alt.txt #non sims

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svtskneecaps · 1 year

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took advantage of what may apparently be the last quiet qsmp night for a WHILE to watch through some day 1 vods, since i didn't hop on the train until mid april. holy SHIT there is gold in those metaphorical hills. one day i gotta make a compilation fr but it is so tedious the way i get clips.

anyway here's a collection of highlights:

#qsmp #block game brainrot #shut up vic #for those of you who might not have time to watch a million hours of livestreams lol #a few day 1 gems i haven't seen mentioned recently #can MAYBE find time stamps for those if requested #i was watching phil bad and foolish though i jumped around i didn't watch straight through #i have some time but i don't have 'catch up on qsmp' time #OTHERWISE MAYBE I'D WRITE THE GODDAMN SLIMERIANA TIME LOOP AU GRRRRRRRRR #my brain goes nuts over it constantly but grr grrrr grrrr i didn't see flippa live bc she was DEAD WHEN I ARRIVED #AND I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR MANY VODS SCREAMS.#AND!!! I DON'T!!!!! SPEAK SPANISH!!!!!!!!#anyway lol if anybody knows fast convenient ways to clip vods either on youtube or twitch but mostly youtube lmk #(and by clip i mean 'get video files' idk how clipping works on twitch bc literally qsmp is the only reason i'm on twitch)#anyway it's 4 am enjoy these unhinged tags goodnight 😴#bbh may have fixed his sleep schedule (allegedly) but balance must be restored to the universe apparently lol #long tags

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nightxpining · 1 year

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Plans and confessions, part 2

Day 7/7 - Confessions

Bonus Reigen reaction I couldn't fit in to the main piece :^)

#serireiweek2023 #serirei #mp100 fanart #mp100 #serizawa katsuya #reigen arakata #serizawa x reigen #mob psycho 100 #night draws #AND WE'RE DONE #I would like to thank the mods for serirei week for putting this all together #its been an absolute BLAST #I hope this flows smoothly lol #Ended up being super rushed for this prompt because today wouldve been the last day i had to work on it for the next few weeks :C #maybe when i have time ill work on the additional panels i had in mind but for now! Thank you and goodnight

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icewindandboringhorror · 1 year

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I got these shoes from someone recently but thought they were way too plain looking, so I set out on a quest to customize them with some sharpies and charms and miscellaneous ribbon I had in my craft drawers. Mostly sky themed (clouds, rainbows, rain, stars, etc.) because that's my favorite aesthetic, but I had to include some cat imagery as well, of course lol.

#also honestly had NO IDEA that real converse have that star logo on the INSIDE not the outer part??? why the hell would you want it on the #inner portion where nobody can see it?? my entire life I always would have sworn it was on the outer facing portion..#I think these would be perfect IF they were just slightly taller (top part higher above ankles instead of just weird hard material digging #right into your ankle whenever you walk) and if they were actual good platforms. they're so short. It's good that 'chunky' shoes are gettin #more popular as they've always been my favorite Look ever since I had these shoes with roller skates that pop out of thebottom (not heelys.#but like. before those. it was two whole entire roller skate wheels like a normal pair of roller skates) and the bottoms were so tall and #clunky and it made my feet look giant (because it had.. entire wheels in the bottom pockets lol). so #I've alwatys been into the aesthetic but . still I find a lot of the 'brands jumping on trend' are too short of platforms #OR they're plafrorms with a raised back/heel/wedge which to me is not aesthetically good and also makes them exceptionally uncomfortable to #wear compared to just plain completely flat chunky platform bottoms. ANYWAY.. if these shoes had a 3 or 4 inch platform I think they'd be #cooler. however for what they are it's still fine! and I like them more now that they actually have some sort of anything to them and #aren't just plain white. The weird thing is that the material it's made out of (maybe some sort of leather or something) absorbs sharpie?#the color changes over time. You draw a mark and then leave it for a few days and it either fades into being barely there or has changed #colors. so I had to go back in and redo parts. ALSO the shoe chains are so funny because I did NOT have the right tools for them #I don't have the stuff to make bracelets or open and close the little rings. they're held onto the shoe with just safety pins and the actua #little rung things that hold the charms on half of them are like broken or the metal is just jam smushed together bent and warped hhbjhjhb #I actually like the back a lot where there's the irridecent star thing hot glued on there. it's cool and shiny. and the clouds #are sparkly on the main parts of the shoe though I'm not sure how well it shows up in pictures #ANYWAY... shoegs..... If I were rich this is one of the things I would definitely custom order from craftsman #why would I spend like thousands of dollars on plain ass shoes that are just expensive because they're a Luxury Brand when I could literall #like pay people to create me custom shoes to my exact specifications?? I could have like 5 inch flat platform boots with fur andclouds #and cat shaped holes in the bottom with LEDs in them with pom pom and charms and etc. etc. etc. Like as gaudy and excessively over #decorated as I want lol.. AND they could have skates in the bottom somehow!! ghjgbhjb #this on top of all the custom wizard costumes and period clothing I would order.. Like i LOVE customizing things. I love everything in my l #life being as particualr as possible and cultivating every experience I have to meticulously meet my own specific criteria as much #as is possible. If I had the money to I would never buy something from a store again. EVERYTHING I owned from furniture to clothing #would be either made by me - or mostly - comissioned from craftsmen. custom tiles for my floors. custom bed. custom table.#even like. custom toilet. custom sinks. etc. etc. ouGGH... but yeah.. anyway... shoes..

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sundial-bee-scribbles · 2 months

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happy late bday gakupookie

#shitpost #vocaloid #kamui gakupo #kaito vocaloid #megurine luka #meiko vocaloid #ok thats IT. NO MORE MAIN TAGS #sorry i didnt have time to do anything worthwhile king i was depressed 😔✌️💔#cause u think for someone who based their whole mainblog theme off him u'd think i would've. but nah #also rip in hell all the other vocas bdays i always miss but theres a select certain few i always remember bc they're particularly importan #to me lol. very obvious favoritism clearly... i never talk abt him but i do love eggplant man lol and i'd love to draw more of him tbh #but i feel my art style does not do him justice 😔 he is sooo hard for me to draw for some fuckin reason #one day i'll learn maybe and make him the gorgeous stunning beautiful man as he deserves to be... who said that. anyways.#my brother visibly recoiled in so much disgust when i said 'gakupookie' outloud LMAO win for cringe nation population me

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moodr1ng · 4 months

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i always say im able-bodied bc i feel like it best describes my General Lived Experience but i do have that like. thing in my legs where if i walk briskly for some distance (like 500 meters) i get this crushing pain in my whole lower legs which gets worse and worse if i keep walking until i eventually have to sit down for a few minutes and wait for it to go away. which im still trying to get diagnosed bc so far artery scans and muscle ultrasounds render nothing. and ngl it is like, an issue often enough and is a pretty bothersome thing when it happens (like not only bc its extremely painful but also having to find some place to sit down in the middle of the street and having to stay there a while isnt awesome) so im not entirely sure "able-bodied" fully describes me but i also am not sure its a disability bc we dont know wtf it is. so i guess im kind of in a weird inbetween where i err on the side of just assuming its not a disability and its just like, an annoying body thing..

#97 #i guess if it happened every single day or something i would probably feel more confident identifying it as like....#idk some type of disability or at least something worth integrating into my definition of my general health #and ensuing relationship to my body to the medical system etc etc #but bc it only happens when i walk briskly for a bit and i dont even go out for a walk every day it doesnt feel worth mentioning #anyway ive had this since 2019 or 2018 lol but the first round of attempted diagnosing i gave up early #and for a few years i just ignored it which is easier when i dont get out a lot anyway #but im currently in the process of attempting to figure out what it is again..#by september ill know if its compartment syndrome which has been brought up but is apparently unlikely #thats the last exam were doing so. if its not that then ngl idk what the next options are #bc this was everything my doctor could think of to explain it #another thing abt it not being diagnosed and not clearly being a disability is i dont dare ask for a seat in public when i need one lol #which has been an issue a few times where every seat is taken but i REALLY need to sit to stop the pain #if i could say 'excuse me i have (x thing) i really need a seat' id maybe dare to ask #but i dont manage to just be like 'hey could i get a seat my legs hurt' lol

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downsteepy · 2 months

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i am very grateful that im not someone that has to deal with daily seizures but it is evil when it takes like a week and a half's worth of business days to recover from a seizure

#if i had them everyday or every other day i would be so fucked 😭#id like to say they dont bother me per se but the entire week after is laying in bed after 11 pm and wondering if jts going to happen again #bc my head feels like its about to explode #and then do not get me started on the fear of getting in the shower within the first few days of one happening .#reasonably i understand that my seizures happen from 11pm to maybe 3 am on average .#but ill have a seizure and then have to hype myself up for like 2 hours just to take one 3 days later st like 2 pm #my seizures do not interfere with my day to day life in extreme ways but existing knowing that i have them during a certain time frame is #like. Hey man can you grow up #also it is really funny being told theyre probably hormonal or stress related and should 'probably stop' as i get into my mid 20s .#Well im turning 25 next month and evidently i still have seizure activity in me #also also heres a fun fact: my epilepsy does not have an actual named diagnosis they just said i certainly have a Form of it ❤️#they dont know what causes them and i have no real warning signs (bc a headache =/= potential seizure)#they dont bother me but i do have to live with the knowledge that i could have one any day now and wake up to my mom asking me questions #hope everyone can tell i have a lot of feelings about my epilepsy despite not talking about it like ever ❤️#the only thing that really bothers me is the no warning signs. ive been perfectly fine and had them. ive had massive migraines when i was #unmedicated and didnt have one. very bizarre #and ofc all my brain scans come back normal all the time so they dgaf Lol

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foccaccia · 6 months

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does anyone have recommendations for fictional media that has like. actual lesbians in it. not like supergirl Two White Skinny Girls, One Blonde and One Brunette Kiss media, or "its implied lesbianism!!!" but just regular fucking lesbians

#i say lesbians but i guess i mean sapphic #im just like. tired of gnawing #and of men also. sorry men in my life i love you but on god if i have to pretend one more man is butch just to get #content that isnt m/m or m/f im going to turn into a horse and run into the wilderness until im saved from the glue factory by a plucky #young woman except instead of letting her have her formative summer where she trains me and bonds w me and wins a competition w me #im going to commit horse suicide in front of her & change her life forever. just because im so tired of bland CW-marketable women kissing &#digging for scraps in a refuse bin while brushing aside 7002993829292929939292929399394 gay and het romances #m text #i will also take nonfictional lesbians if its like a story #not to be whiny on main but one of the hardest hurdles i had to jump wasnt realizing i was a lesbian. i came out to myself and to friends a #lesbian multiple times. but i would always walk it back when a friend would express doubt or a male friend would ask me out #bc i dont and especially then didnt know very many lesbians in person. and so i had to turn to examples #and all i fucking had were fictional women who liked men. or fictional lesbians who were so cleaned and sanitized and prettified #(you all know what i mean right. the 2 skinny white girls one blonde one brunette. im not crazy right)#and i would be like. i dont feel things when i look at these fictional lesbians so i guess i belong back here #(this is also bc my gender ended up being fuckier than i realized but shhhhh)#I WAS GOING SOMEWHERE WITH THESE TAGS but theyre too long and im lost.#anyway the point is if people werent so fucking weird abt fictional or onscreen lesbians maybe thered be a lot more people comfortable bein #out as lesbian #like sorry but this awful ouroboros of 'all lesbians onscreen have to be cute and sanitized' meaning that people write and believe wlw has #to be cute and pure and sanitized (OR a 'badge of honor' bc good for u u doodled two women together or had it as a background in ur fic)#meaning that therefore all portrayals of lesbianism continue to be like this. is just #and im also gonna be honest theres probably a lot of good sapphic media im just in the wrong circles to have stumbled into lol. so #yknow. personal viewer bias here #but i still like swing wildly between overly brandishing my dykeness as a badge to feel like im proving im lesbian #and like. backing up under a blanket bc i dont wanna be weird or annoying or freak people out #but if people just Saw Normal Ass Lesbians. aough.#im going to watch revolutionary girl utena one of these days even if i struggled w the writing style the first few episodes #I JUST WANNA SEE AN OLD BUTCH ONSCREEN GET SOME PUSSY.#like it also doesnt help im mostly femme4butch so seeing 2 femmes on screen is like. okay cool so what. but only femmes are 'marketable'

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penisbilt · 5 months

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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now

#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL #really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us #ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great #extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore #the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog #its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow #i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating #i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one #i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it #theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget #anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by #there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad #cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now #maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that #im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away #ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free #i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20 #i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her #but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more #maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know #because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before #i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years #i dunno. i dont know #anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process #the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months #the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time #when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move #just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend

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widevibratobitch · 5 months

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omw to play emotional support for my mom disguised as ✨fun family bonding time✨ for the rest of the week <3333 there's something so deeply wrong with me uwu teehee

#and i still havent texted my friend back even tho she texted me a week ago and i told her ill text her back this week when i have the time #and i DO have the time. im just fucked in the head and the prospect of having a conversation with another person where i again #have to pretend im not at the very brink of a serious mental and emotional breakdown. is making me lose my fucking mind #ik she's having a bad time rn and she needs the reassurance and jesus fucking christ i tried i had two long conversations with her #that were allllll about her. only her. not a single word about me. that's fine. this is what people need in such moments right #to just get patted on the head and hugged and told their suffering is real and what happened to them is unfair and just made to feel #that for a moment they're the centre of attention and it is all about them. this is normal. this is why therapy exists.#so i try to give this to her but it is fucking draining. and i NEVER get the same treatment back. like she caught me crying at uni last week #and like yes she'll say some nice things but she'll always find a way to turn the conversation back on the topic of ✨her✨#like we started talking about my therapy and i finally got to actually say a word or two about what im dealing with. but then she goes #'yeah im just trying to figure out what's wrong with me when i listen to you haha like i could never cut myself cause it looks ugly.#ofc it doesnt look ugly on you haha but i could never lol'#like thanks haha good to know ill just shut up then and steer the conversation back onto you why dont i. i mean its not like #i spent over an hour a few days back sitting with you and listening to your talk about your childhood and validating you and not saying #a word a single fucking word about myself even tho i was also going through it myself but who cares right. and now im the bad guy again #because im not texting back.#i feel like im finally fucking snapping cause at this point im properly fucking angry. IM having a bad time too. IM going through it too.#I have bad coping skills and had a fucked up childhood and traumas in my life TOO and im allowed to just not be able to handle it #i really wanna break something lol maybe therapy's working after all lmao #oh also this is why i dont eat breakfast. i do it once and then feel guilty and suicidal lol normal behaviour #pojebie mnie zaraz przysięgam na boga mam dość kurwa BASTA

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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 3 months

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Guess who might have 🎶whooping cough🎶

#its me and many other people at the summer camp i work at #today i took the morning off because ive been ill for a few weeks #i think the first week was a different illness than the one i currently have tho #i assumed it was what we call 'camp crud' because youre bound to get sick when youre around grimy kids #and living in close quarters with others and not getting enough sleep #but yesterday i felt like shit all day to the point of not being able to stand. so today i took the morning off #just to try and recover a bit. but at lunch my program director came in and said im going to the clinic later #and asked me who else ive noticed is sick #hes making a list because apparently a camper has fucking whooping cough. and its lookng like others might too #i told my sibling i might have whooping cough and they said #'seriously?! are you a street urchin from 1600s Europe?'#which is the worst thing anyone has ever said to me lol. im already on the brink of death and they just kicked me over #im desperately hoping its just crud and not whooping cough #because i have the opportunity to work the zip line this weekend for visiting alumni. with the woman i have feelings for #altogether its going to be a great time so im really hoping i can go. but i obv cant if i have whooping cough #anyway im gonna go back to napping bcuz thats all ive been doing today. that and coughing #if you pray then maybe add me into your prayers today. maybe manifest my health. ive been sick for weeks and i want it to be over

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deus-ex-mona · 7 months

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wishing a certain few coworkers a very merry

#e s p e c i a l l y that lady who cracks down on earphone usage. p l s leave on time today im begginggggggg #i wanna catch the crossfade when/if it drops today bc meotoooooooooooooooo #the m e o t o yk. *meoto*#ok but. it’s really funny how lxl have had absolutely 0 mvs leading up to the album drop. mona had a few. ft4 had a ton.#and lxl had mvs featuring the no. 1 closeted yujiro stan (koichiro [slash hedge jay]) and the no. 1 delulu aizo stan (chizuutan) instead #i think oshi no mahou’s mv will drop this week though. maybe friday?#only bc its mv is featured with the album and it’s only reasonable that they free it before the album release party lol #or maybe next friday at latest lol. but somehow i get the feeling that white day kiss is gonna get an mv? maybe it’s just my hopium lol #but anyway!!!!!!!!! aauauauauauauaaaaaaaaaaaaaa lxl album soon!!!!!#meoto soon!!!!!!!!!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

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arthoe-iceland · 1 month

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little life update in tags

#sooo I’m moving away from Germany which is sad but it’s bc I’m moving to the uk for a masters programme which I’m v excited about #in art history !!! in my top choice program !!#so bittersweet but good things ahead and it’ll be nice to explore a new place #I don’t have tons of friends there but I have 1 + a few friends of friends and former coworkers so that’s promising #in less good news the terrible company I work for has no money and still hasn’t paid July salaries #and I doubt they will pay August either #which leaves me in a bit of a bureaucratic nightmare right when I leave. also I’m broke bc of it lol #but yeah very excited for my new era although I’ll miss my time in Germany. maybe I’ll come back one day who know #other #personal

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queenerdloser · 8 months

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i've been trying to schedule a time to take my driver's test for literal months because i shit you not there have been literally zero appointments at any of the five (5) dmvs within 20m of me that offer the driving test. so i scheduled one at a place that's a literal hour drive bc i was like. well at least i have it on the books and if i have to drive an hour out there to do it so be it! but i've been regularly checking the website at odd times (as suggested by multiple people) for any cancellations.

and lo and behold! i just checked it (literally 2m ago) and there was an 8a open slot at a place 10m from where i live. i had to think about it for maybe about 30s or so (checking the map to make sure it actually is close to me, considering if anyone i know with a car would be available to take me over there to take the test at 8 fucking am in the morning) and by the time i convinced myself i might as well just do it the fucking appointment had already been snatched by someone else.

i get that dmvs are probably just as understaffed as anywhere else. but this is fucking untenable to me. like. how are you so understaffed that i have not been able to schedule this appointment for literal months (i have been regularly checking! since last fucking october!) at any of the places that are within a normal distance to where i live? why on earth are dmvs in fucking st. cloud somehow more available despite the fact that they only have one vs the like five within the twin cities limits? why are you not opening more slots/hiring more driving instructors to ensure that there is plenty of availability for this apparently so essential service that you are constantly booked up for it??? most importantly why is there not!!! a fucking dmv!!! that offers a driving test!!! actually in one of the twin cities? why are they only in the suburbs? i am chewing off my own arm, this whole process is incredibly frustrating and i can't believe i caught a lucky break for the first time in five months and lost it because i hesitated for less than one minute.

#liveblogging life #when i tell you i screamed i am Not Joking #next time im not fucking hesitating i'll take whatever slot theyve got even if it's for the next fucking day #i have a booking in fucking rochester but a) it's like an hour+ away #PLUS the only person who doesnt have anything happening during dmv hours is my dad who lives an hour away from me AND from rochester #which means he has to drive an hour to pick me up and then we both have to drive an hour to get to this appt #which means this turns from a 20m appointment to a full fucking day affair for NO! GODDAMNED! REASON!#other than for some reason the fucking five different dmvs within 20 miles of me just cant seem to keep an appt slot open to save their lif #i get that the reason we dont have driving test dmvs in downtown mpls is bc the streets suck lol #but like. you serve a city of A LOT of people so you should maybe have more than THREE within the suburbs #and two more within 20m of the city #like maybe. you should have a few more than that. if youre that seriously overbooked #told by multiple people the only way i can get an appt is if i check in the middle of the night #how is that acceptable? jesus christ. JESUS CHRIST! im so annoyed right now.

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icewindandboringhorror · 9 months

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Some (late) holiday photos of the boye~!

#cats #holiday #OUGHH....... barely could even get these edited and posted... my mysterious sickness flare up has been sooo bad the past few #days.. I didn't even go to the usual obligatory family christmas I was supposed to attend (!!! health issue/medical mention in tags below)#My stomach issues basically put me in a constant state of uncontrollable shivering/body shaking + nausea + sometimes rapid heart #rate. and when it happens at night that makes it like.. nearly impossible to sleep when you're violently shaking + you can feel your heart #so strong + you keep having to run to the bathroom every 5 minute to cough and gag #and throw up and so on and so forth. etc. So I went like 40 hours without any sleep almost for christmas eve and all of christmas day #last night I finally got maybe 2 hours of sleep in between the nausea and shaking and stuff. and then today I was able to get a few #hours of sleep in the afternoon. Today I tried taking an anxiety mediciation a doctor gave me in case it was anxiety related (it's apparent #ly used to relax people and works in the moment. rather than like Anxiety Mediciation that you have to take for weeks to see any effect #because I think this isn't actually acting on your brain chemistry it's judt like..a mild sedative or something.) but all that did was make #me dizzy and sweaty lol. I;m glad I slept a little but I'm just still frustrated that I don't feel normal. I started having these #'episodes' (with the stomach issues + shaking + heartrate + nausea etc.) like at the end of october. And usually it will happen for like a #few hours at a time. or i'll lose sleep one day and then be fine the next. but this has been like nearly 3 days of feeling weird. so is #getting kind of annoying... It's funny too because I was so so productive like.. literally the few days before. I was feeling much better #and I was working on my game and blah blah. But then.. random issue flare up out of nowhere of course.. yaayy.... happy holidays to meee lo #I did at least see two random ducks outside of my window in the yard area for christmas. and havent seen them since. So it's like.. hrmm..#pacing around my room nauseous and shakings and etc. but at least... hello.. two little ducks placed there just for me :3c #Now I get anxiety every night which I'm sure doesn't help/could exacerbate whatever underlying genuinely physical issues exist. But after #like 2 nights of 'I spend the night sleepless and incredibly uncomfortable just sitting in the dark sick' then bedtime is like.. dread...#I even was trying slapping myself in the face in desperation to see if somehow that could shock my body out of whatever the hell it was #doing lol.. up at 3am holding ice cubes in my hand and hitting myself in the head and crying from exhaustion and thowing up.. literally #ridiculous cartoon character feeling... AAANYWAY!!! At least I have baby boy pictures. and I have lots of doctors appointments so hopefully #whatever the issue is can be sorted out at some point. I don't know much about ibs but hopefully maybe something like that that I could pos #ibly take medication for and not something more seirous or anything. Maybe there's a food I'm secretly intolerant to or whatever.#And I did at least post a sims holday video actually timed for the holidays so that's something. I havent been productive really latrely #though obviously.. I can't even play games or small tasks when in that state since I'm just SO physically uncomfortable. Nausea and heart #stuff are THE hardest physical sensations to ignore.. BUT yeah... hoping I shall sleep at all tonight. hopeing to get like 3 productive #things done.. at some point... at least SOMETHING... lol..... *** *** ***

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munamania · 9 months

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i dont wanna be a dick and act like i have no responsibility in this but after a point dont u think if all you ever say to ur friend is Omg you never make it out why dont you ever come out with us you bail all the time youre such a flake etc. dont u think that person (me) is like. not gonna feel so inclined to. be there

#like. yeah i was bad last semester i get it. and probably i shouldve tried at least once or twice to push thru #but i was so exhausted. and every time they would bring up hanging out it was on my longest days #and when i casually brought this up they were just like Well we have long days too. Okay!#and i love and miss these friends and i know for the most part. or at least think. theyre just teasing #i hate being seen as the flake like any time i do have to be like Oh i cant make that or Shit im sorry i have to bail #i try to offer an alternative???? and they never compromise on that. how is that fair like im not just outright rejecting u all the time #not to mention most of the time last semester it was always gonna be somewhere super easy for them to get home and far from me #im not like constantly holding this against them btw but i feel like they're holding it against me and i dont have any more apologies in me #anyway. that said. if theyre somewhere really expensive and far from me tn and i get out of work early #i. probably will not make it. lol! if theyd be willing to come a little closer to my place to one of the dives or some shit thatd be great #and like im not doing much today until class and work so really like. i WILL try. but i think they could sometimes not go for the most #expensive and inconvenient option as well. and these r all things ill say if it becomes like a problem problem or smth #but rn im not gonna be a dickhead and shit on their plans #but also! ok whatever im not gonna keep going on i just feel shitty im not 100% better from being sick and im just frustrated #about having to fuckign grovel over and over and over. i meant it the first few times now im just like #u could try not to be an asshole to me for five seconds too. like. i am very clearly not someone trying to secretly stop being friends #w yall. things happen #abby talks #and maybe this is an esp sore spot bc like ive certainly had some of you bail on me or be flaky or whatever before. and i didnt throw #a fucking fit to your face about it. probably bc it actually did feel more mean spirited sometimes #OK im sorry im not trying to make my friends sound evil and its mostly just the one and like im working on forgiving her for it cause it #was years ago but also like christ!

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