#maybe i will finish it tho. i hope i do. its just like a low effort doodle but i wanna complete it

[be-good-to-bugs]

why did i ever stop drawing him hes literally so cool

[nervoushottee]

With Want | Paul Atreides x Fem!Reader

Summary: Paul Atreides always had dreams. But from the very beginning, there was an invisible string pulling him to you.

Warnings: (MDNI 18+) Reader's secret name is Nuri, Set in Dune Part 2 , fingering, soulmate/destined pairing, shitty understanding of the Dune universe (only watched the first Dune move and only half of Dune part 2 whoopsie so I'm probably butchering some of the lore or whatever. Its fanfiction babes, I'm not writing this for accuracy),

Note: Hey hottees!! Y'all I'm not even finish watching Dune 2 and I started writing this. Timothee was doing something to me in this movieeee. Hope y'all enjoy!

*not edited at all babes*

---- ---- ----- ----

Paul Atreides had dreams. Both enchanting and horrifying dreams that would eat away at his mind and soul. And from the very beginning, he had always felt this small pull of a feeling. 

It was weirder than his dreams because even when he woke, he still felt it. Like it was a small tether, a light string in his heart and soul that hummed so softly. A light that was so dim that you would have to squint to see. 

After everything that happened with his father and being forced out of his home. The Fremen people found him and his mother. And that feeling grew stronger. He thought it was about the sayings of what his mother, the Bene Gesserit, would tell him but it felt more than that. 

It was odd, he could never see what it was in his dreams, or hear whispers of it like a name. But it was always that same enchanting feeling. So when Paul followed the Fremens, it continued to grow. By the time they walked deeper into the caves, it went from a strong pull to an overwhelming presence. 

And that’s when he saw you. 

“Who is she?” Paul asks Chani. The young woman already knew who Paul was asking for before she turned her head. A small smile engulfs on her face. “Nuri.”

Nuri.

Paul repeats your name to understand the feeling on his tongue. He hadn’t seen you before. Or maybe he did, he wasn’t too sure. The Fremen people covered their faces from the desert and a lot from what he was learning.

‘She moves like the wind.’ Paul says to himself as he watches you glide through the crowded room. Paul’s eyes meet yours briefly. Yours blue from your sclera to your irises. You stop moving through the crowd to stare at him. 

That feeling buzzed around him, stronger than ever within Paul as his eyes never leaving  yours. Your lips slowly turn up into a smile. Your eyes move towards Chani who still stands next to him, nodding in acknowledgement. Chani repeats the same gesture with a smile on her face, your gaze lingers back on Paul before a group of people walk in front of Paul’s view of you. By the time the people separate. You were gone. And the feeling suddenly fades from a sharp intensity to a dull buzz. 

“You should be careful around her Outworlder.” Chani says to him in a low tone as the common area starts to get a bit busy with people. The two of them sit down on a blanket as other where for food. 

“Was she with the group when you found me and my mother?” Paul asks, dodging the statement his acquaintance gave him. 

Chani shakes her head, chewing her food before speaking, “No. She doesn’t come with us all the time.”That intrigued Paul. He turns himself fully towards Chani, his bowl of food mixed with spice long forgotten . “So is she not a fighter?” 

“She is.” Chani says between chews, ”But she also walks with the Sayyadina.”

The Sayyadina. The Fremen’s Reverend Mother. 

“From what I’ve been told, her family was killed just after she was born. Stilgar took it upon himself to look after her. As she grew, the Sayyadina felt something within her. So Stilgar gave them the authority to let her walk with them. She is truly a great fighter, so when we need good fighters she will come with us when necessary. If not, she stays.” Chani continues. 

“A fighter and one that walks with the Sayyadina? Is that possible?” Paul questions. 

“To a nonbeliever? No. But to those who do? Yes. Stilgar believes in the old ways and in the faith. The Lisan al Gaib.” She says to him in a taunting tone which causes Paul to avert his eyes. The moment they came in, some shouted hatred towards him and his mother but others screamed in rejoice, calling him The Lisan al Gaib.

“Our people follow behind him, he is a good leader and his judgment is almost always right and trustworthy.” Chani finishes. 

Paul sits with the information he tells her, his hands slowly dipping in his bowl to start eating the food that was cold to touch but warm against his tongue. The heat of the spice warms his insides as it goes down his throat. “And what about you? What do you believe?”

”I don’t believe that you’re the Lisan al Gaib, that's for sure.” She chuckles. Paul feels his cheeks flush in embarrassment but urges her to continue. “I believe in our people. And she is a part of our people. And if she plays some part in whatever faith stories then so be it. But she has never faltered in training. She has never failed in the dessert and she is a good friend. She believes in our people as much as I do.”

After the words Chani said, Paul felt that she was over talking about you, more hungry and interested in the spice beneath her fingers. So Paul didn’t ask anymore. He ate his food in silence but his mind was racing with the thoughts of you. 

—— —— —— ——

The day had turned into night. Stilgar showed him and his mother the small room for them to sleep in for the time being until their fate was decided. A lot of them didn’t trust him and his mother, and for that Paul understood. 

His dreams woke him in the late night. Lifting his head from the makeshift pillow, he looks over to his mother who is still sound asleep. Her hand was placed on her lower stomach. 

‘Rest easy sister, I will be back.’ He says in his head before getting up and quietly leaving the room.

The caves are quiet at night. Besides from the guards that linger within the open spaces to protect those who rest. Paul doesn’t think it’s necessary but he avoids walking around where they are. Just in case to not stir any trouble. The people were calm at the moment since their fates were going to be decided soon enough. 

He walks to the small body of water his mother had told him about. The scared waters of the Fremens. The waters they would never touch. He sat there for a while. Enjoying the stilllness in the air and the calm look of the water. It reminded him of home. “I miss you father. I will take care of mother and sister.” He says to himself quietly. 

He wants to cry but reminds himself to save his water. “Don’t waste your tears on the dead” from what Stilgar told his mother. 

Paul sat still for a moment longer before he felt that pull again. That invisible string strong and tight as it pulls him to his feet. He absentmindedly walks into a dimly let hallway, his pulse quickening against his neck. His heat beating erratically against his chest as he turns the corner to see you. “You’re Nuri.” Paul states.

“You shouldn’t be out at night Paul Atriedes.” You say to him, your back towards him but he can hear the teasing smile within your words.

“I couldn’t sleep.” Paul explains to you simply, “And I made sure to walk where the guards can not see me.” The feeling nearly suffocates him as he walks toward you. 

“Ah.” You turn towards him, you’re dressed in almost the same comfortable linens as him. His a tan brown color and yours an off white. “You and your dreams.”

How did you know about that? He questions in his head, unconsciously taking another step towards you. You both now at arms length.

“I see you in my dreams.” Paul lies. 

“Do you?” You ask back, your tone sounds as if you know he’s lying. 

“No but I can feel you. In my dreams and out. And I don’t know what it is or what it means.” He explains. 

You hum in satisfaction as you slowly walk around him. Like a beast or a predator trapping its prey. “And what do you feel now?” 

He feels like his body is vibrating, His skin tingling and his veins jumping. His fingers buzzing as if he wants to reach out and touch you. He does what to touch you, he wants to feel your skin on his. “What do you feel?” Paul asks the question back to you.

You stop walking to stand behind him. The hairs on his neck stick out as he feels your body heat near him. Your lips slowly grazing his ear making his eyes flutter close. 

What the hell is happening to him?

“I feel like the spice on my tongue. I feel like the sand beneath my feet. I feel like the beauty you see in your dreams. I can feel you.” You whisper against him. 

Paul turns around to you, your bodies closer than ever. His lips inches towards yours as his flickers between your eyes and your lips. 

“You speak in tongues.” Paul whispers to you desperately.

“Shall I tell you in a way you understand?” You whisper against his lips. 

“Yes please.” he begs softly. 

And you don’t hesitate to put your lips on his. Paul moving quickly as his hands clasp softly against your cheeks. Moaning in the delight as he feels your hands glide against his chest, gripping his shirt. 

He feels you everywhere, but it isn’t overwhelming anymore. Now that he’s holding you and tasting you, your tongue glides against his. He feels a wave of warmth wash over him as his body and soul settle into the feeling of you. 

So warm and inviting. So enticing and serene. 

You push him towards a dark hidden spot in the hallway. Your bodies are engulfed in darkness but when you break apart for air, you can see him all the same. Paul moves you toward the wall, his body trapping you in as he kisses your neck. 

“I’ve dreamt of you, Paul Atreides. I’ve seen you in my dreams, felt you lingering in my mind, heart and soul.” You say to him breathly. Moaning quietly as you feel his tongue glide against your neck. Your guide his hand to touch your breast, causing Paul to move away from your neck and look into your eyes. 

‘So beautiful.’ Paul thought. He brings his other hand on your cheek and kisses you hungrily. Squeezing your breast, feeling the weight of it in the palm of his hand.His hand glides to let your nipple slip in between his fingers as he squeezes.“I want to dream of you. I want to see you in my dreams, want to hear your voice call my name.” he mutters to you in between kisses.

When you break away from his kiss, Paul starts to ask what’s wrong until he feels your hand on his and glides it up to your lips. You kiss his fingers individually as he stares at you in adoration and desire. You slowly slip his middle and ring finger into your mouth causing Paul to groan. His hips shifting upwards against you as he feels the wetness of your warm tongue glide against his fingers. He watches as you pull his fingers out of your mouth, his digits glistening wet. Your hands glide his now wet ones down and underneath your linen pants.

“Touch me and you will see me.” 

He lets his hand glide against you as is greeted by your wetness, causing you both to moan out in pleasure. You are sinking deeper into the wall and Paul sinking deeper into you. His fingers continue to glide there experimentally as you pull him back for a kiss. “Help me see.” Paul mutters desperately against you

. 

Your hands reach down in your lines to move his hand into the position you need for him to make you feel good. You mimic a small circular rotation with your fingers on the back of his hand that was still against you. Once Paul understands, he begins to move his fingers in the motion you instructed, making you moan against his lips. 

He pulls away to watch you. You looked more ethereal than any other being or spirit that was believed in all of Arrakis. Your head back against the mountain wall, your lips slightly open as you moan. Your hips moving against his fingers as if you’re chasing for pressure. Paul dips his head in the corner of your neck and kisses it feverishly as he applies more pressure in his movements. Causing you to hold on to shoulder and call out his name. Oh how he wanted you to say his name again.

Feeling a little confident he glides his fingers down, but keeps his them pressed against your swollen bud. He pushes his middle finger inside of you causing you to gasp. You hold onto his shoulder gripping his shirt as you breathe heavily. You drag his head from your neck to kiss him. With his finger going in and out of you at an agonizing slow pace, you kiss him sloppily. But Paul doesn’t seem to mind, he enjoys it. Humming against you with a smile. 

When you feel his ring finger follow in for a second is when you lose it. “Paul!” you say loudly. 

His tongue mingles with yours as he silences your cries. With the slow circling of his thumb against your clit and the way he pushes his fingers into you makes you clench against him. “Fuck.” he moans. 

You whine as you feel your orgasm growing inside of you. The feeling you both shared with one another makes you feel even more on edge as you grip Paul in anyway you can. You rapidly as you feel yourself getting close. “Pau-Paul -” you begin to tell him as such but the building pleasure doesn’t get you far. Paul places his other hand against your cheek, tilting your head to look up at him. His eyes hooded and his cheeks flushed. You feel his thumb brush against your bottom lip. 

“Let me see you.” 

His words are the final push that sends you over the edge. Paul kissing you to silence your cries, you mewling against his lips as his fingers never stop their learned rhythm. You shiver against his fingers, your body tingly and warm. He kisses your face from your cheeks, to your eyelids and everywhere in between as he waits for you to come down from your high. He whispers your name, making you flutter your eyes open to see Paul stare at you with want. 

“Show me again.”

[binniesbooks]

hi my fayebae~ since u said u loved the car clip of soobin, here’s one for u to write ur heart away!! (U can of course choose whether u wanna do it or not no pressure!! Im just sending since its at the top of my mind rn, ahh n im sorry for so many request i usually dont send anyt in but🥹i didnt think it would be this fun to see my request coming to life uk but i digress)

idk whether u would like this but:

bf!soobin x gf!brat!reader

they got into an argument and stuff but soobin who still loves his gf comes n picks her up after (cheerleading?prac of some sorts)

Otw home… reader gives the cold shoulder to soob, not talking thru out the entire journey? So soob decides to take a detour n drives to somewhere that doesnt have many ppl looking in the night.

They start talking n tried to resolve whatever their fighting abt, one thing led to another, well reader is giving him a bj!!(the rest of the smut is up to u!!)

inspired by that soob clip of course~ have fun love💗

REVVED UP EMOTIONS

SB 000 .F23 2024

wc 3.7k

pairings bf!Soobin x bratgf!reader

warnings oral sex, semi-public, unprotected sex, slight brat taming, being almost caught, pet names (+ anything that I missed)

faye's note this clip was on my mind 24/7. And after receiving it I got excited making this one out but I'm not sure if it turned out good because my mind was kinda occupied with thesis shit. Omfg. Anyways, I hope it isn't dry tho 😔

Conflict is an inevitable part of any relationship, be it familial, platonic, or romantic. Arguments can arise from misunderstandings, unmet expectations, or simply the simple things from daily life. Recently, you found yourself in a heated disagreement with Soobin, your boyfriend.

The sun hung low one afternoon, casting golden lights through the window. You were sprawled on the couch, mindlessly scrolling through your phone. Soobin on the other hand, who had just come home from a busy day at university, was busy, again, in the kitchen, occasional noises of clicks and clangs of utensils on pots and pans plus the opening and closing of the faucet can be heard.

You overheard him murmur "Yeah, dinner for two," as he clicked his tongue. You felt a strange pang of irritation swell within you. It wasn't about him or the meal he was preparing, it was you. You actually promised him you would help out, maybe even cook together, but here you were, scrolling on your phone.

You stood up as you trudged to the kitchen, arms crossed as you leaned on the sink. "You didn't have to do all this," you stood feigning nonchalance as you bit your cheek to not show the guilt you were feeling. "You could have asked me for help."

"Oh?" He looked at you with disappointment, "I thought you were busy checking social media," his blunt reply and harsh tone made your ears hot out of irritation. "I didn't want to interrupt your 'important' scrolling."

The sarcasm was too emphasized and it stung more than you expected. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Your eyebrows furrowed as you met with his gaze. "Nothing! I just thought maybe you'd care enough to have some initiative or something. We both agreed to share the chores. I was tired the whole day only to come back home without even eating a single thing." His voice raised with frustration as he threw down the spatula.

"I was going to help!" Your voice was quite high as you tried to cover how you abandoned your promise. "Oh yeah? I was out all day to finish my projects. And there you were scrolling through your phone." He said as he crumpled the apron he was wearing and threw it also on the table.

"You know what, Soobin? Maybe I don't always want to help! Maybe I want a day off too!" You felt the tension suffocating the air around you. Your heart raced but you're too afraid you're wrong.

"That's fucking selfish!" His voice rose, echoing in the confines of the kitchen. "You can't just say you want a break when we agreed to support each other!" He even added. "Fine! I guess we don't need any support then!" You turned on your heel as if fleeing away would help erase the hurtful things that had been said.

"Hey, y/n! Where are you going!" He called but you did not even take a glance. He called you multiple times but his voice just faded out as you were stomping your way to the bedroom.

That night, you didn't come out for dinner. Your mind was in a whirlwind of regret and stubborn pride. Soobin had a point, you were just lazing around that time, however, you don't want to accept that it was your fault. That same night, he didn't come into the room. Your shared bed feels so empty, but you can't just bring yourself to ask for an apology.

Later that morning, you tiptoed your way out. Still too early that your boyfriend was still sleeping, uncomfortably by the way, on the couch. You just grabbed bread and water and went out.

You two always ride his car to go to school. But this time you were determined not to ask for a simple apology and went out by yourself instead. And yes, you were planning to walk to school for your practice. However, some guy passed by and let you ride their car. Since you know the one who offered you a ride, you accepted the offer. It was Kai anyway, aside from being in Soobin's circle of friends, he was part of your cheerleading team.

"Why are you walking so early in the morning? Where's Soobin?" He asked out of curiosity.

"I don't know, maybe somewhere." You answered as you rolled your eyes, still being stubborn. "Are you two fighting?" Kai chuckled as he watched your actions while the traffic light was still red.

"We broke up." You nonchalantly remarked. Well, that was supposed to be a joke, and you never thought that Kai would actually believe those words.

"Woah shit! You what?" He was really startled at what you said as he covered his mouth while keeping the other on the wheel. You just laughed at him as you took the last bite of the bread.

Your whole Saturday went on like the usual cheerleading practice days. But since your mind is still in a whirlwind of pride, you couldn't focus. Causing you to crash multiple times while practicing. You were even scolded by your coach and instructors telling you that you looked like your mind flying or some sort. You just rolled your eyes at them whenever they turn their backs to you.

For that reason, you got hurt, earning yourself a few scratches here and there. You didn't even bother at all. Kai on the other hand, took the chance to treat your scratches. You're still not aware that he actually took your words this morning to heart and mind.

"It's just a scratch, Kai. No need to create a big fuss." You chuckled as he handed you a few bandages.

"Still, scratches can cause infection." He defended himself.

"Fine fine, you win." You sighed in defeat.

You two shared each other's company during lunch that day. You could even tell that many eyes are watching you -- no, most probably judging you at this point. Nonetheless, you just shrugged it off and enjoyed Kai's company instead. Not knowing that this could fuel some bigger fire. Fire that Kai holds, and fire that your boyfriend holds.

Since Soobin was not on the campus that day, he just stayed at home. He can't even contact you since you purposely left your phone. He was just cleaning all day. Just decluttering everything at home. He knows you're practicing today anyway. The only difference is that he usually accompanies you to school and waits for you until practice is done and brings you home, but now, he's just at home busying himself with the chores. He just planned to fetch you later this afternoon and treat you to some restaurant to make it up to you since he feels sorry about raising his voice at you.

"Let's wrap up here today." Your coach shouts as he reminds the assigned cleaners to clean the gymnasium before going home.

"Ugh! Cleaning this whole gymnasium sucks!" You complained, picking up the materials your team has used.

"Anyway, why are you still here? You're not on the list to clean today, right?" You were pertaining to the young boy tailing you. He smiled as he scratched the back of his head, "I want to offer you a ride home." His voice was barely above a whisper.

"Don't you have like, any other things to do?" You asked, counting the pompoms before storing them in the box.

"Don't have any." Kai shook his hand as he took the box from your hand and headed to the facility room.

As soon as you and the other were done cleaning, you immediately headed out, Kai insisted on carrying your cheerleading bag. Once again, eyes were gawking at the two of you. You can hear a few of them mumbling but you still ignored it.

Kai opened his car door to let you in. But before you could even step foot inside, someone spoke which made you stop in your tracks. "Where are you headed to?" You turn around to see Soobin as he brings his window down.

"O-oh Soobin hyung." Soobin nods at the younger boy to notice his existence, his elbow hanging at the open window.

You quickly retreat as you grab your bag from Kai. "I-i thought..." Kai stammered as he looked at you. "I was just messing with you Kai, it's not real." You sighed. "What did she say?" Soobin interrupted as he turned to you. You're just a millisecond late to cover Kai's mouth as the words slip out. "She said that you two broke up." Soobin snapped his head towards the younger, a smirk forming on his lips. "Did she?" Kai just nods, still clueless. "Get in," Soobin commanded over you. "I'll take her home, be safe, Kai," Soobin says as he closes the window, whistling.

The whole drive is deafening in silence. You can't hear anything except the faint music playing on the car radio.

"Wow, did we actually break up?" Soobin states with unbelief as he taps his fingers on the wheels.

You were still saying nothing. "Y/n, seriously, are you still mad at me? You didn't even eat last night." He sighed as he continuously threw you glances. Both of your hands were properly curled up in a ball above your thighs clutching your short skirt as you stared outside the window. Looking at whatever unpleasant view outside that seems interesting to you.

The once bright clouds turned darker. "Is it gonna rain? I thought I checked the weather news before I went out." Soobin whispers, changing the stations to listen to the news.

The raindrops started to fall on the car window, drizzling softly as it made the glass cold. "Grab my jacket in the backseat." Soobin talks to you again, but you're not even giving him a single glance.

Soobin messages his temple, "I wanted to take you to a restaurant tonight to make it up to you, but it looks like it's pouring really hard. I'm sorry y/n, just please talk to me." He's totally losing his patience at this point as if he's gonna burst again but tried his very best not to go over the top. He regretted raising his voice yesterday so much.

The once-familiar view of the road becomes foreign to your eyes. You turned to Soobin, looking at his unusual demeanor. If he'd been talking so much earlier, his lips were totally shut now. You wanted to speak and ask him where he was bringing you or what was wrong but you stopped yourself. Whatever will be, will be, you thought to yourself.

The rain started pouring harder, and the once busy road you were on looked empty now. Thunder clasps from far away making a rumbling sound. You try to rub your shoulder to create friction to keep your body warm. You're starting to feel cold and Soobin hasn't thrown you a glance nor commented anything at you.

He suddenly pulled up on the roadside, and the light from the lamp post dimly flickered inside the car.

"Not gonna lie, I felt like a dumb ass talking to a wall earlier." His eyes met yours for a while before you averted your gaze. He grabs his jacket and hands it to you, "Wear this, you must be cold. I just realized, your skirt is too short, and your tank top is too thin, at that." He eyes you up and down as you wear his jacket.

"This is fucking crazy." He mumbled as he pulled his hair.

"Y/n, baby, look, I'm really sorry for raising my voice at you, hm? I was just really tired last night." He gently placed his hand above yours on your thighs.

Your eyes were following a few cars passing by as if they were the most interesting thing in the world. You felt Soobin hold your face gently. "Baby, please look at me. I'm not used to this. You know me." Soobin's eyes were practically begging. He couldn't stand you giving him the cold shoulder.

The truth is you were just afraid. You're afraid to admit you had acted selfishly. Afraid of facing him after a petty argument over something so trivial.

"I just want you to talk to me," he caresses your cheeks, words so gentle and comforting, "I can't fix this if you won't talk to me."

Soobin pulls you in for a hug, warming up your heart. You buried your face in the crook of his neck, surrendering to him and putting down your stubborn pride. You mumbled a soft sorry as he gently rubbed your back. You let your arms move freely, as you return the hug to Soobin.

"Please don't do this again to me." He kissed your forehead. "I'm sorry for raising my voice, baby. I'm sorry for making you feel upset at me." Soobin's probably the sweetest guy you could ever ask for. He can make you feel loved and appreciated, but of course, you're just stubborn and bratty at times, which makes him wanna lose his temper.

Soobin pulls away, showering your face with a hundreds of kisses. You can't help but giggle at his actions."I didn't mean to shut you out." You mumbled with a pout. "You don't look sincere." Soobin commented which made you pout more. He chuckled as he pulled you in for a kiss.

The kiss felt soft and gentle. That's why you had no idea, why he was shoving his tongue inside your mouth. He bit your lip with a little harshness making you push him away. "Oww! What was that!" You complained. Soobin simply smirked at you. "I'm asking for an apology and forgiving you for one, but not the other issue." His smirk turns to a frown. "Soobin I can explain that..." Your heart began to race, thumping so hard you could feel it in your throat.

"Why don't we use that pretty little mouth of yours on something else good, yeah? Instead of giving people an opening to pounce on you." His eyes scream anger and lust at the same time.

"What do you mean?" You asked clueless. "What do I mean? You really want to hear the exact words?" Soobin taunted. "I don't get what you are saying." You shook your head. "I'm telling you that you just made an opening to let Kai pounce on you. Are you that dense, that you don't even know he likes you?" You were shocked at what Soobin just revealed to you. You opened your mouth to answer only for him to cut you off.

"Or don't tell me you wanted it all along?" He scoffs. "Soobin don't talk like that --" "Don't talk like what, doll? Aren't you the one who told him we're over?"

That's it, those words pushed you over the edge, switching your bratty side once more. "Okay, so what? What if I wanted it all along?" Your voice raised once more. "Kai is a good guy, plus he knows how to take care of someone he likes." You pushed Soobin's chest away from you. Soobin scoffed again, brushing his tongue inside his cheek.

"And I can tell --"

"Backseat. Or else --"

"Or else what? Huh? Are you gonna order me around again? Raise your voice over me again?" You taunt.

"I said backseat, you brat." He fixed his gaze on you and held your wrist.

His words are firm and strong which makes the hair on your neck stand up. He unbuckled his seatbelt and shifted the gear to park, leaving the car idle and the headlights on. You have no choice. You crawled your way to the backseat. you squeezed yourself to fit and pass by the center console. Soobin followed quickly, making his way through the front and back doors. As soon as he settled in the backseat, he ruffled his hair to whisk away some water from the rain.

Your eyes waver as you avert your gaze from him. His hand squeezed both your cheeks, "My patience is running low from your actions, doll. You're making it worse."

Soobin pulled you on his lap. You were almost covering him with how big his jacket you were wearing. His surname is written in big fonts.

He hiked up your skirt only to find out you had nothing underneath other than thin panties. Soobin scoffs, "Don't tell me you were gonna ride Kai's car with just this?" You bit your lip as you placed your hands on his shoulder when he started to rub you with your panties still on.

Soobin clearly knows how to make your knees weak. With just a simple touch and you're back to square one from being a brat. He pulled your panties off slowly without breaking the eye contact. His brows are still furrowed and you can still feel his anger.

"Let's see if you'd still want to ride his car after getting out of mine." He clicked his tongue and licked his finger, pushing two at the same time. Your mouth hung open as you squirm. "S-soob..." You can't talk straight, no, you don't wanna talk actually, but he has his ways to make you open your mouth. "How is it? Still wanna ride his car?" A sly smirk tugging on his lips. In which you replied with just a shake of your head.

"I'm close..." You whispered, biting your lips, watching how his fingers disappears and appears in your cunt. You shudder with the sensation, your high coming to you. But Soobin pulled his fingers out. You whined, hiding your face on his neck as you grind yourself above him.

Soobin's too focused on making you say the word sorry for the said issue. He did not even expect you'll act bratty once again after just apologizing for what happened yesterday.

He gripped your waist. "Stop moving or you'll not gonna cum for 1 week." Hearing this, you whine once more. You can't stand that punishment at least. But instead of getting the words out of your mouth, Soobin wasn't prepared for your action of apology.

You unzip his pants and slowly stroke him. Your face is still hidden in the crook of his neck. Planting soft kisses on his shoulder blade to his neck.

"Doll." His voice is warning yet you didn't budge, with only a small "please let me" coming out of your mouth.

His hand rubbed your back up and down, slipping them inside your top. Your skin is burning to his palm.

"What's with you, huh?" He asked, but he clearly knows you'd rather act like his little slut than let the five-letter word out of your pretty mouth.

You pulled back, squeezing your body once again on the small space between his legs. "Fuck-- just stop giving him signs -- ohh shit!" Soobin clearly shows his frustration at how he grips on the door. You gave him a few kitten licks and swirled your tongue on the tip of his cock making him jolt.

He looks down at you, meeting your eyes, "Fuck, is the word too much for you to say?" You took him whole the moment he spit those words making him thrust up a bit and lean back his head on the headrest.

"Ahh!" His breathy moans filled the car, making the glass foggy despite the rain and cold atmosphere outside. His hands tangled in your hair as you bobbed your head slowly.

You whimpered at how his cock pulsated on your tongue and how his tip kissed your throat. He gently caresses your cheeks as he holds them. You automatically leaned on his hand as you let him fuck your mouth.

His eyes were tightly closed. Lower lip trapped between his teeth. One hand on your cheek to hold you and the other firmly gripping the door to keep himself grounded.

"Baby fuck!" With one last thrust, he's cumming in your mouth. Draining himself on your wet and hot lips.

His heavy pants were the only thing that could be heard inside the car. Not until you hear a knock on the window. You quickly scrambled up your way to the seat as you sat properly, Soobin shoving his shirt down to cover his exposed length.

He opened the window slowly. "Is everything fine? You're hazard is switched on." A police officer said with an umbrella in hand, roaming his eyes inside the car. He even added that he was just passing by and noticed the car had switched on the hazard.

"I'm sure I didn't put the car on hazard though., must be when I got out.." Soobin mumbles, "But everything is fine, we just need to talk something out."

"Take care then, it's pouring hard." The officer apologized before going back to his car.

You looked at Soobin, fear evident on your face. You were doing things in a semi-public place but here you are, totally scared of getting caught. Soobin chuckled at you.

"Can you turn off the hazard light?" He appealed. You propped yourself on top of the center console to reach for the hazard button. But seems like some other button is getting pressed instead, as your hands retreat back to cover your mouth.

Soobin's tongue is licking your exposed cunt. Eating you out while you're still on the center console.

"S-soob, wait.." you tried your best to appeal to him but he did not budge. He continued shoving his tongue inside you. He then gently pulled you back to his lap, slowly sinking you down on his cock.

One of his hands lightly squeezes your neck, the other one pulling one of your hands back. He stopped you from covering your mouth as he continuously thrusts upward.

"Tight.. so tight..." He mumbles at your nape. "Pussy so good for me."

"M-more please." You quietly pleaded as you tried moving your hips. "Someone's eager to be filled." He commented back. "W-wanna be full of you, Soobin." You're feeling lightheaded at how he's squeezing your neck. He can't help but leave hickeys on your shoulder as he thrusts harder.

"I'm gonna get you pregnant at this point," he huffed. "D-don't care, w-want you," your words are slurred as you lean back on his chest.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" No other words just curses, was coming out of his mouth as he felt his cum being released.

You were totally breathless, your body slumped on him, his cock still twitching and pulsating inside your cunt. Soobin is totally worn out, dipping his head down on your shoulder.

"Let's stay like this for five minutes then we'll go home." He mumbled.

@binniesbooks 2024

[shewrites02]

Forgive Me, if I break you | Zoro x Reader | Pt. IIII

Part I Part II Part III Part V

Trigger warnings: Slight NSFW, Domestic assault, verbal abuse , physical abuse, graphic depictions of violence. THIS FIC CONTAINS DARK CONTENT ! MINORS DNI

A/n: I know it has taken me forever and a day to finish this part, but all of you have been so encouraging in spite of that. I hope that this chapter is worth the wait!

Request: Closed

Word count: 4k

Leave a comment if you enjoy :)

It was odd how you felt or maybe- just different. Safe. Shrouded in the arms of the swordsman. Observed solely by the stars that twinkled in an otherwise clear sky.  The crescent moon offered the two of you little light, but it was of little consequence. If anything, the darkness acted as a sanctuary. Providing a place to hold the vulnerability the two of you rarely displayed. 

This time you learned from your mistakes. Snuck away from camp with a thick comforter you found in choppers medical supplies. Refused to be subjected to the thin blankets you always got stuck with. Triumphantly, you pulled the covers to your chin, forcing them to stop mid way on the swordsman's chest.  Aimlessly you traced your fingers up and down til they climbed their way across his scar.

"You trying to feel me up?" The pirate smirks slyly. The hand he has wrapped around your waist falls to grip your ass, forcing you closer to him. 

"I think I deserve that uh?"' You teased, a giggle falling from your lips after. "Didn't you say I did a good job?"  

Zoro leaned into your touch once your hand met his cheek, turned his head so he could press a kiss into your palm.  His free hand came to intertwine with yours before he leaned down to bring his lips to your ear. 

"You did such a good job for me Princess. Cumming on my dick like a good girl. Just like I asked you to."  He whispered before pressing a kiss onto your cheek. 

The warmth from his praise starts at the apple of your cheeks then radiates across the rest of your skin. That cocky smile you're too familiar with seeing widens at seeing you flustered.Zoro let out a low chuckle in response.  Then laid a kiss on your bare shoulder. Still you didn’t allow the pirate’s crassness to deter you from your goal. 

"Don't you think I deserve a reward?"  You sang. 

The first mate raises his head to meet your gaze. His right brow arched in suspicion, though his grin had not waived. 

"Depends... What do you want, princess?" 

An innocuous smile spread across your face. You freed your hand from Zoro's to return it to his chest. Lightly traced the length of his scar.  With big round eyes , you speak, trying your hardest not to sound desperate. Trying not to beg. You had done enough of that for the pirate that night. 

"Will you tell me what happened? How you got this scar?" 

The demeanor shift the swordsman makes is palpable. In spite of his efforts, it was clear the memory was not one the pirate wanted to revisit.  The way he tangled his fingers in yours as some guise to peel your hand from his scar, is  evidence enough of its sensitive nature.  

Although Zoro hadn't withdrawn any of his affection, the silence that fell after your inquiry weighed heavily on your chest. Guilt swiftly begins to replace curiosity. 

"You don't have to tell me Zo. It's okay- I was only teasing." 

How could you force an answer from Zoro when you held so many of your own secrets locked away? When you only had a fraction on yourself to give him. How could you ask for all of him, when you know you can not give all of you in return. That was not fair. 

"I got into a fight when I  first joined Luffy and I lost ... Won't happen again tho." 

You crane your neck to crash your lips into Zoro's, suddenly and without warning. He let out a huff in surprise but wasted no time in kissing you back. A breathy groan left his lip when the two of you separated. 

"Thank you for telling me."  You mumbled against his lips. 

It was always a special sight to see when the swordsman lowered his defenses, even if  for a second. Though a small gesture, there is something to be said about the way the pirate navigated his discomfort around you. Never allowing it to stand as an obstacle to seeing you happy. A testament to how much he loved you. Zoro did not respond. Just planted a kiss on the top of your head. 

-

The sunlight pours in from the port hole. Your eyes flutter open slowly, and reluctantly. For a second it is difficult to remember where you are. To not panic at the sight of the unfamiliar wooden walls. Then the flood of pain comes rushing in , bringing with it the memories of last night's quarrel. You hadn't expected morning to come so soon.  For all of last night's confessions to face the light of day so soon.

"Here. Take this." 

The voice comes from Zoro who is sitting with his back against the bedroom door. His knees are drawn to his chest while he lays his arms on top of them.  You almost don't hear him over the sound of the yelling coming from the galley. It seems the rest of the strawhat pirates are also awake. 

Zoro stands to fish the bottle out his pockets then hands you the pills along with the glass of water that sat on his dresser. His movements are lethargic, telling of the little sleep he got last night. Now that the sun has risen it's even easier to see the dark bags pronounced under his eyes. It's difficult not to let your mind wander.  

Did Zoro sneak out the bed to escape you? Could he not bear holding your tattered body so closely? Is your brokenness that off putting? In spite of your best efforts, the thoughts swarm your brain relentlessly. They force your heart into the pit of your stomach. Making you nauseous at the possibility of losing the green haired pirate. 

You attempt to stifle the groan clawing its way out your throat once you push your torso up, but the grimace Zoro makes is proof of your poor performance. In one fluid motion you take the meds from the pirate and swallow them down. Chasing them with a small gulp of water.

"You hungry? I'm sure Curly Brow has breakfast ready." Zoro asks. His voice is quiet. Raspy. Tired.  

"Do you think we can take a bath first? I just-" You cut your words short, turning your head away from the swordsman. Embarrassment suffocates your announcement. Causes you to fix your eyes to the floor instead of meeting his stare. 

You know Zoro won't push you. That he will not stand here pressing you for answers that you are not ready to give him. Still- you have lied to Zoro so many times that now your secret is out, now that there is nothing left to hide, keeping things to yourself felt too kin to lying.

"I can still feel his hands on me." You whisper hoarsely. 

Zoro's jaw tightens in response. You take note of the way his brow twitches in irritation , though the rest of his expression remains unchanged. He gently sweeps the hair fallen in your face away before speaking. 

"Anything you want princess." He says, tone unchanged.

The swordsman’s eye trails down your body meticulously as you strip yourself of his borrowed shirt. There is not the same lust and adoration in his expression as usual. This time his glare is watchful, intense. Focused. Although the bath only houses the two of you , it takes enormous restraint not to shrink into yourself. Not to block your wounds with your hands, to go reaching for the nearest towel to shroud yourself. 

Never in the months that you have known Zoro have you ever been self conscious of your body. Never did you question whether the pirate was attracted to you, but for the first time, the wounds scattering  across your body have you hesitating. There was only one other instance you had allowed yourself to be fully on display, though not of choice,  and that was when you washed up on the beach. You hated how similar you are feeling now.

You are so used to concealing your scars. Hiding Lee's transgressions. It's impossible to look at the marks on your skin and not think they're Lee's claim on you. Something to show the swordsman your his.  

Zoro extends his arm out to you. When you accept his hand, he guides you into the water with him. Positions you to sit in his lap face forward so your chest is flush against his. Lazily you drape your arms around the swordsman's neck before resting your head against his shoulder. 

The pirate smells of sea salt and forest. The smell soothes your heart in such a reflexive way, it's almost shameful to admit. That you felt safer in the Demon Hunter's hold, than that of your own husband.  

Small splashes fall over the edge of the tub as you settle. The water pooling at your torsos is warm. The gaze in which Zoro examines you is warmer. Boiling. Bubbling over with all the words the pirate has yet to let grace your ears.

Zoro's right hand comes to rest on the nape of your neck, his thumb trails up and down its length tracing the bands still indented. He leans forward to Softly press his lips against yours. then your jaw- then your neck- then shoulders- The pirate does not let a single scratch or scrape go unattended. Feather light kisses alleviate the aches of your wounds. 

Despite how delicately Zoro handles you , his affection stings your heart all the same. You did not deserve to take refuge on The Sunny. To shroud yourself in the swordsman's sheets, tangled in his arms. To take solace in the bath with him. Do not deserve how tenderly he touches you. How he has yet to meet you with anger, even after all that you have done to him.

You absolutely do not deserve Roronoa Zoro.

How selfish could you be? To take and take and take from the pirate, especially when you know there is nothing you can offer him in return. No way to repay the immaculate debt you've accumulated. The thought has tears pooling at the brims of your eyes. You nuzzle deeper into the pirate, a weak attempt to conceal your sorrows.

"Tell me something." Zoro whispers before planting a kiss to the top of your head.

"I'm so sorry Zoro."  The words fall before you have the opportunity to think of much else. 

"Tell me something else- something I don't know." 

The room falls silent as you think. The air is heavy, but not uncomfortable. How do you choose Something, when it feels like Lee owns everything? Like there are no parts of you that he hasn't corrupted. No parts left just for you , no parts left to give to the swordsman. Can merely  give him the broken fragments you have managed to escape with. 

"I think I finally understand why my mom left us..."

"You wanna tell me?"

"The decision between a life at sea- even alone, or staying locked away in that prison of a castle is too obvious of an answer. So be it she had to leave her family behind."

The pirate doesn't respond, he pulls you into him and tightens his hold. Gives you another kiss, this time placed on your cheek. 

"I'm not worth the sacrifice of someone’s freedom - she understood that."

Zoro draws away from you slightly.  Brings his hand to your chin. Raises your head til you meet his gaze. His brows are scrunched to the center of his face in a frown. 

"You are worth so much more than that." The tightening of his jaw displays his restraint not to bark the words the way you're sure he wants to. But his voice still is not above a whisper.

"I'm not so sure that I am."

A sad chuckle falls from your lips. It lacks any mirth, or amusement. acts only as a precursor to the tears that start to fall from your eyes. The only way to display the gnawing pain his endearment brings. 

How could he say that when you are sure your insults are still fresh in his mind? When you have spent these past six days doing nothing but denouncing his affections? How could he still have this much adoration for you even after seeing how broken you are? His kindness feels like a constant reminder of how absolutely undeserving you are of him.

"Then I'll be sure for the both of us." Zoro responds without missing a beat. "I can love you enough for the both of us."

The proclamation squeezes at your heart . You know it isn't true, but the swordsman professes it so passionately you're almost convinced.

"You tell me something." You rebuttal , eager to shift the conversation. Trying to blink away the puddles in your eyes the best you can. The swordsman looks aways from you. Briefly his eyes close and you swear a shudder runs through him.  The internal turmoil he is experiencing is obvious.

"I love you." Zoro says softly. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there to protect you."

The sweet sentiment rids you of the last of your restraint. To hear the swordsman uttering apologies, knowing all that you have put him through is utterly harrowing. There are not enough blinks to fight back the tears that begin to roll down your cheeks. To stop them from turning into full sobs, flowing down your face in rivers.

"I'm sorry Zoro. I'm so sorry." The desperation in your plea is exacerbated by the hoarseness of your voice. "I know you're gonna be great Zoro. I know you can reach your dreams that's why-"

"Shhh." He coos cutting your sentence short before you can. "We don't ever have to talk about it again." 

-

The sun shines brightly in the sky, not a cloud in sight to collide with its rays. Birds chirp a tune reminiscent of what Brook is playing on his violin. The calm ocean gently sways the boat. It was undoubtedly a beautiful day. The kind that would normally offer reprieve during your darkness, but today there is no solace. Today the sun does not offer you hope, or freedom. Instead it illuminates all that you have tried terribly hard to keep concealed in the dark.

You tug the blanket from Zoro's bed around you a little snugger. The sight of the deepened black and blue hues that dot your skin is too much to bear in the sunlight. The faces of your friends when they saw your tattered body will forever be seared into your brain. You didn't need an even more clearer picture now that day has come.

"Here you are my sweet." Sanji smiles as he sets your breakfast on the tiny patio table in front of you. You assume Zoro sent the cook, telling him you want to eat out by Nami's tangerine trees. 

"Let me know if there is anything more I can do for you."

Zoro is approaching just as Sanji is taking his exit. He places a tender kiss to the top of your head before taking a seat beside you. Moving the chair closer til his thigh is flush against yours.

"I could've eaten with the others." You mutter, toying at the pancakes stacked delicately on your plate. In spite of your efforts the statement comes out unconvincingly frail.

"Yeah- but after six days I finally have you all to myself . They can wait." The swordsman leans in to gently peck your lips with his.   "...Do you need me to cut your pancakes?" 

A giggle escapes your lips.  Never have you seen the man this attentive. Zoro has always been thoughtful, but this hand and foot treatment was more kin to the cook than the swordsman. You shake your head no, reassuring the pirate that you were well enough to feed yourself. 

A part of you resents all his affection. The way he is handling you with this such softness. Hard to not let it make you feel weak, breakable. You have to remind yourself that his behavior comes from love, not pity.

"You okay?" Zoro mumbles.

You force a smile bringing your eyes to look at him. Didn’t realize you had drifted off.  

"I'm okay." You reassure falsely. Your voice tremors and shakes, making for a doubtable testament. Zoro's eyes soften in response.  He reaches out his hand to cup your cheek,then for a second he simply stares at you.

You think his eye searches for a semblance of truth. Something familiar to the you he found on the beach. Something he does not find. 

"... You don't have to be okay." 

You got to speak, but nothing comes out. Don't have the heart to admit to the pirate that Lee still runs rampant in your mind. That even in his presence you could not quiet your anxieties. Shush the thoughts mocking the slight comfort you have managed to find in the company of the Strawhats. Unable to silence the devil on your shoulder proclaiming the safety you’ve found will be short lived.  

It doesn't matter how many tinder touches Zoro affectionately scatters your body with. How many kisses he lovingly marked you with. it is Lee's hands you feel evading your body. Wrapped around your neck. Clinging to your arms. Tangled in your hair. Regardless of his absence you could not escape the chief.

"What if Lee finds Sunny? I know he’s looking for me. If he finds me here- with you, he's goi-"

"He's not going to do shit!”  Zoro snarls. ”As long as I am breathing , he’s never going to fucking touch you again." 

The pirate’s hand wraps securely around your wrist in reassurance.He gazes at you piercingly with a dark eye.doesn’t break his stare until you give him a nod of understanding. The veins on his arm bulge as intensely as those on his forehead. Although you are sure those formed from the constant clenching of the pirate’s jaw. 

It takes a moment, but you can pin when Zoro returns to himself. When the Demon hunter leaves, and the man returns in his stead. His eye softens as he glances back at you. He moves his hand from your wrist to lock your fingers with his. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-.” His voice lowers in volume with each word until his sentence trails to silence. 

You don’t respond. Instead you grasp on a little tighter to the swordsman's hand, lean into him till your head is on his chest. Instinctively his arms wrap around you- blanket and all- and for a moment the pirate holds you. Nothing but the sounds of the ocean in the background. 

You close your eyes to savor the moment. Cherish the serenity that you have found after six long tumultuous days.  But the peace is short-lived. 

A panicked yelp of your name, draws your attention away from Zoro. It comes from the front of the ship. When you glance back to see what is going on, you're met with the Navigator hurriedly rushing toward you. 

“I think you need to see this.” Nami announces from the railing, not wasting any time to walk the entirety of the ship. She doesn’t wait to see if the two of you will follow her, turns on her heels and starts toward the upheaval. 

As you and Zoro approach you can hear the fussing coming from the strawhats. They’re voices overlap into nonsensical noise. The only voice you can make out is Luffy protesting “There must be something we can do‘’. 

Once you reach the deck you're enveloped in a thick haze that lingers like fog. The smell of ash fills the air. It doesn’t take long for you to know what is happening. For the pit in your stomach to grow. 

Glancing out toward the island only confirms your suspicions. Smoke. The whole coast - as far as the eye could see is draped in a smoggy haze. Dark, suffocating, smoke.

It's pathetic, the gasp that leaves your mouth. To still be surprised your husband proves himself the villain you always knew him to be.None of his evil actions should surprise you, though each one still stings like the first strike.  

"He did this right- That chief guy?" Luffy asks .

You give a curt nod, unable to utter any words. Foolish. Idiotic. Ignorant. Everything you had to be to believe your actions would come with no repercussions. To believe you could just attack Lee and run to the safety of The Sunny. You should have known better, the Chief has always been a vengeful man.

“Can you take me to the crow’s nest?” You ask Zoro, who only nods in response. 

The others do not follow, but you feel their eyes watching as the two of you exit. Luffy’s angered proclamations don’t start to fade until you are well past the galley. Part of you wished his voice would carry throughout the whole ship, that your walk may be scored by something other than silence. Something that could drown out all your thoughts. 

Lee may not be able to hunt you down, drag you back to the castle kicking and screaming to be executed. But, he could hurt you all the same. He could keep the promise he made you, and force you to watch the destruction of any place you deemed special. Any place not already infected with his presence. All while the villagers suffered as collateral damage in his petty feud.

Zoro stands behind you as you stare out the giant windows of the crow’s nest. From here it is easy to see the fire’s origin. The glowing orange flames engulf every inch of the castle's garden. Raging so violently it threatens to consume the castle itself. The rose bushes are no more. The fountain is cracked into pieces. Everything, gone- in a matter of minutes.

"He won't stop." You mutter. "Until I go back- he won't stop."

Zoro's hand clasps onto your wrist at the sound of your departure. It forces your eyes to him . To see the worry in the furrow of his brows. The desperation in his expression. The utter disbelief at the words you aimlessly speak. 

"Go back?" He echos. "You can't."

"I have to Zoro. My village- He will burn everything."

"Then let him!"

"Zoro-"

The pirate is shaking his head in disagreement. Has no interest in hearing, or entertaining your justifications. He stands with his body between you and the door. 

"No! I'm not letting you go. I'm not watching you walk to your death!" The swordsman shouts. 

The flinch at his raised voice is reflexive. You feel safe with the swordsman, yes, but you had also felt safe with Lee once. You jerk to free your arm from Zoro. It takes two tugs before he notices the fear in your eyes.The way you retreat away from him to create distance. Before he drops your wrist, raising both his hands in the air palm side out. 

“Shit- I- “ He fumbles. His eyes close in an attempt to ground himself. He takes a deep breath then proceeds to speak.  “I know you don’t want to die… That you think your life isn’t worth as much as your peoples’. I know you think you're doing what you have to do. That you don’t have any choices- but you do!”

“You can choose to let me help you. To let me protect you.” The swordsman implores. “I know it's hard for you to put all your trust in me- to believe me when I say I love you- I love everything about you. To believe me when I say I have no intentions of trapping you. But please- if you love me like you say-  Ask me for help! Please- trust me!”  

There is no way to describe how you're sure. To describe why you are certain the pirate’s words are true. Maybe it's the way he pleas so fervidly. Maybe it’s the remorse that lingers in his eye after seeing the fear he caused you. Or the way he keeps glancing back to your wrist to see if he left a mark on you.  There is no logical explanation. No empirical evidence to display how you knew, but you did.

The swordsman is nothing like Lee Misatori. 

"Zoro… Save me." 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: My deareast apologies for the wait , I really hope it was worth it. Life has been whooping my ass so bear with me lol. Comment you favorite quote, or part, I'd love to know. If you would like to be added to my tag list just let me know.

Taglist: @turtletaubwrites @jinjen @sanzu-clinic @heyauntieeee @honeybuzzzzzz @nothing-but-brass @katiemrty @zorotime @kahelis @vikispike @haitaniwhor3 @starlightanyaaa @thesunxwentblack @addictedtosanji @chaosincarnatethemself @milkandheaven @sunnywrites101 @splicer13vex @ochizokulevy @hinata7346 @ratkidcalledallie @mistfits1a @heyauntieeee @kateswone @horse-and-writer97 @ringsofpersonti @zorotime @myeternalsin

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Operation Olive Branch Spreadsheet

I know everyone may not have the means to donate, but if by some chance you have an extra $5 to spare please consider donating it to the families trying to escape the Gaza strip.

[fqiryspit]

𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 ; 𝐞.𝐣𝐚𝐞𝐠𝐞𝐫

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐰𝐨 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐬𝐭 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠?

.

summary: y/n went to bed to fall into a new world where she met a boy, Eren. every night she would spend with this imaginary boy, but what happens when one wants to stop dreaming?

playlist

Chapter 10: 𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙡𝙤𝙤𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜

masterlist

Eren Yeager x Female Reader. College!AU

.

【ＥＲＥＮ'Ｓ　ＰＯＶ】

A smile strained on my lips as I walk out of the university, I now have everything (including a dorm) set up for me, I'm gonna be moving in sometime in December since I need to finish up my first semester in my old college

the murky woods right beside me smile with the twigs dripping from the previous downfall, the gray clouds being the prime evidence of the storm -not to mention the beautiful smell of new rain

I could see in the distance that the forest held fog near the dirt where the powdery hue swirled and moved with every gush of wind, looking at it made a sappy smile appear, It reminded me of Y/n and how she saved me that night when I was running through the forest

I've been eating up temazepam nightly just so I can lucid dream Y/n. my eye bags have faded and my mood went up. even tho I'm becoming accustomed to controlling her in my dreams, It still feels...wrong.

-should I be using her like this? fuck, why do I even care so much...-

...why do I even care so much. I swear I've asked that question to myself more than anyone else in these past few months.

stepping over the cracked sidewalk as I keep my head low I hear my name being sprung from someone's lungs

"EREN!!" I look up to see Mikasa and Armin frantically waving at the hood of the cafe, I was supposed to visit them after the meeting with the college, they've probably been waiting so long since I've been caught up in my damn thoughts...like always

I wish I wasn't so caught up in my damn thoughts.

.

【Ｙ／Ｎ'Ｓ　ＰＯＶ】

"I'm so bored"

you whined as you jump onto the couch, rubbing your nose into the cushion as Sasha giggled from the kitchen

"I'm heading out. Maybe you should come with me" She offered, you rolled off the couch and looked up to her to see her put on a sweet smile

"where?" "the cafe, I'm fucking starving"

"hmmm," you puckered your lips and then rolled your baggy eyes "better not, I can't have caffeine" you need to try and actually get sleep tonight, blaming your nightmares on the absurd amount of caffeine you drink

"suit yourself!!" she grabbed her bag and blew you a kiss before slipping through the door, you sighed and turned your head to the window that showed the sappy forest and the droplet of water that splatted your window, excess rain from the roof spilling out in unison as the one little raindrop made "splat" on the window

you rolled off the couch as you hoped to be productive on your off-day, squinting your eyes in thought as you still sat patiently on the floor, acting like an idea was going to come to you any minute...

and then it did.

you jumped up and threw your arms up, frantically waving them around as you almost slip on the wood flooring with your pearly white socks before sliding towards your room

your foot closed the door as you hopped over to your desk, your hand reached over for your tote bag as you grip the handle to balance yourself

you held your sketchbook up with dignity and leaped onto your bed, a proud smile on your face as you flipped through the pages

your chest fills with pride when you see a fairy you drew, a little puffy nose, and pointy ears, adorable.

flick

.

"So, anything going on?" Mikasa said with a smile as she stirred her iced coffee, her eyes flicking towards me for a second before falling back to the drink

"Uhm, yeah, the is college finally doing its job and-"

"OH, ENOUGH ABOUT THAT!" Armin practically screamed in the empty cafe, startling the lone worker

"I heard you got a girlfriend!" Mikasa squealed as she rested her wrists on her chin, leaning forward as she waited for an explanation

"who? do we know her? is she nice-" "Yes, yes I'll answer all your questions just let me finish my bagel-"

ᵈⁱⁿᵍ

are eyes turned to the door to see an auburn-haired girl standing with a determined look on her face, walking to the counter like a man on a mission as she announces her order like a prayer

her eyes flashed to me for a second, and then again. a double-take? why? who is this girl?

"so...you were saying?" Mikasa said, I shook my head and tried to find my voice as I go over the previous conversation, what were we talking about?

"oh, don't tell me it's Sasha now?" Mikasa said while rocking a cocky smile as she leaned back in her chair

Sasha? she knew this girl?

my eyes widen as I struggle to speak, Armin beating me to it as he asks the same question

"Uhh yeah? she is the foody remember? she shares a dorm with-"

ᵈⁱⁿᵍ

we all flinch at the sound, looking back to see 'Sasha' gone and...Mina.

"Eren?" She said with a slight laugh, walking over to our table as she invites herself to a seat

"O-oh hey Mina" I mumble, looking back at my melty iced coffee as she glows with happiness at this extraordinary accident

Armin nudges Mikasa whispering you can only assume "that's his girlfriend" -because the girlfriend was so highlighted in his tone the whole table couldn't help but hear it

you watched Mikasa's face turn, contorted as she can only hope it was a joke

"I'm gonna order! don't miss me too much" she giggles as she walks over to the counter

My head hung low as I waited for the degradation, 

"Eren...Sasha would've made more sense then...her"

"What's wrong with her?" Armin asked obliviously

"Armin...remember? her and Christa? the little the squad they made?" my eyebrows raised as she was speaking gibberish to me...Christa? squad?

their voices dropped to whispers as they talked about things I couldn't care less about

I couldn't care less about it because,

Why the hell did Sasha smell like Y/n?

.

【Ｙ／Ｎ'Ｓ　ＰＯＶ】

you flick the page to the side to see the next one, a guy, he had a muscular build with doe eyes, probably one of the more defining features of him was the bun that sat low on his head

you titled your head at the drawing, brows furrowed as you try to remember the man

you throw your head back as you try to think when you drew him, getting a flicker of the cafe in mind as you start to recall. You remember you were upset... just not why. sadly drawing the man until another one sat next to you.

you look back down that the sketch, twisting your lips in concentration but getting nothing

you chalked it up to be some guy you saw on campus, but still, it's just something about him...you knew him better than just a glimpse

but, it seems like he is just that, a glimpse. a lost snippet of your memory that you'll never recover

and maybe that was for the best.

Chapter 11

˜"*°•.˜"*°• see you soon •°*"˜.•°*"˜

an: Please dont expect this to be updated again for like a really long time..

[fyodorsushankaaa]

hiiiii livvie!! how have you been recently? its been really rainy where I am right now! and cold, which kinda gets tiring after a while, maybe if im lucky, it'll start snowing soon. has anything interesting happened? hows school going? im always thrilled to hear <3

HIIII im good rn wbu?? :D kinda unmotivated to do anything tho, i have to write 2 essays but couldn't even finish one T.T here's so cold as well, i love snow sm but usually it doesn't snow in the city i live.. TwT school goes well ig, last week was off so i was at home and just sat down without doin anything lol- im still a bit stressed abt exam results since some of them hasn't announced yet. but my lowest grades so far are 76 from history and physics and 78 from math. hope others aren't as low as them (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)

and how have you been, i'd like to hear from you too :3 <3

[bmpmp3]

ffffuuuucccccck i finally finished watching a playthrough of silent hill 2 remake.... ffffuuccccccck its good..... ffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

i already mentioned before how much i liked remake james's performance in regards to like his in-game uh. grunts LOL but i really loved how much, as he gets hit or beats up creatures his voice gets sorta heightened and hoarse like real ass screeches of disgust and upsetness... hell yeas

james's performance was great in general like of course i love his original bizarro world voice acting where you'll be like so horrified or scared one second and the next you'll burst out laughing. how can you just SIT THere and eat PIZza. etc etc. BUT in a high fidelity modern game like this its nice to hear a more naturalistic performance, and a really nice like emotional performance with this shift into disassociation so well... really good!

also a big fan of angela and mary and maria's performances too although their originals were also top notch. i think in some cases i really preferred marys old line reads especially with the letters but that might just be because ive heard it tooooo many times that im too attached. angela was great all around, her voice in the original was intentionally older sounding than she was which i thought worked well and interestingly in the ps2 game, but in the remake she sounds her actual age and i really loved that performance too, had such a viscerality to me, maybe because she looks and sounds like so many people i've known.

also really love her new design, although her sweater um. threw me off because uh. it was so like skinnyfitted and thin and i was like oh god post-2010 clothing trends..... oh god post-2010 quality degradation.... oh god the skinny armholes are still haunting me BUT actually i do think the odd fit really works. in the original shes designed and voiced older than herself, and here she's designed almost looking younger than herself in some scenes - like okay maybe its just because oddly fitting shirts with too tight armholes was just all clothing when i was middle school BUT it does make her look younger than 19 to me. and then in her performance shifting between her own age, seeming younger, and sometimes even seeming older and tired.... really good, i thought her performance was really great and really emotionally harrowing

I ALSO like marias new outfit, the little gag where she finds her old outfit and asks james what he thinks is so so so cute. i wasnt sure about her new outfit because low key i thought it was too bland as something just like two flat colours but in a closeup i saw that her dress has like a subtle leopard print and there was all kinds of other little details, so it grew on me a lot! although, her original outfit being ripped straight from i think christina aguilera at like the teens choice awards or something is one of my favourite things on earth and when they first announced the remake i did kind of hope they would rip a new outfit from different celebrity. steal some ariana look. give her those long ass sleeves. does the teen choice award still exist. oh god it stopped in 2019. oh god. oh god. wait im getting distracted

JAMES new design is also pretty great. i do miss the goofy patches on his jacket tho.... whats the usa flag doing there... BUT its good it fits. i also like how fucked up and exhausted he starts looking over the course of the game. really good

i also noticed - the remake focuses a LOT on the faces like james especially but all of the characters expressions. and i think that was a good choice because one thing the original has all the way over the remake is the like, super dark and exaggerated geman expressionist ass shadows in those prerendered cutscenes. in a modern realistic game like this that might still be difficult, at least to blend in with the gameplay lighting, so i noticed the lighting, while still solidly expressive, was a little more subdued. since you dont have those intense solid black shadows obscuring and exaggerating features anymore, focusing on the faces themselves and all the subtle mocap and tiny animations helps bring back that emotion in a different way. if that makes sense? i dunno it thought it was neat

i enjoyed basically all the new stuff ive seen (i still need to see all the endings, the leave ending was great tho) and all the old stuff was solid - there was also plenty of stuff i liked better in the original. but i didnt mind the new one. and a few things were better which is nice. OH and the line in the club where maria asks james to get up on the pol for her was really good. if only he would maria. if only he would.

OH and of course the soundtrack was fantastic. i mean its the same dude and that same dude happens to be legend akira yamaoka of course its fantastic. the mandolin is there. its great LOL some of the new arrangements really got me like, emotionally? the tape scene, whats the song. TRUE the new version of true.... holy shit. holy shit man

it also made me realize like damn. i havent heard a whole lot of games that look like sh2remake that sound Like This. in general most horror games i play outside of like VNs tend to be much more like, quiet atmosphere - sh2 and sh2remake by extension are so melody heavy and like, grunge rocky? i still think the original theme of laura might be my favourite piece of rock music ever LOL BUT like its nice.... hearing so much melody and rock song based background music, still atmosphere and moody but with much more present rather than fading into the background - maybe just because that's my favourite type of video game soundtrack LOL people say if you dont notice stuff like bg music, etc, that means the artist did their job BUT thats not the case for me i like stuff to be noticeable <3 it was so refreshing!!

very solid remake. i wonder if its successful enough that we'll get other remakes? i'd like 4 a lot. they would want to do 3 but itd be hard to without 1 so 1 is likely, although yknow im not sure if i can picture a sh1 remake. shattered memories is like. technically that? but its so SO vastly different i like, forget HJKDSHJDSD i think of them like separate games... a shot for shot-ish with expanded scenes etc for 1 like we got for 2.... i do have trouble picturing it. maybe its because 1 is my absolute favourite (2 is such a close second but sometimes i grade my favourite game in a series by how often i replay it. and i replay sh1 so much its absurd) maybe its because in my heart i picture harry mason in his blocky ps1 form at all time. but i wouldnt be opposed to a remake.... id be open... i think.... as long as they give you a costume that lets you run around as ur ps1 model. i think id be open if they did that LOL

EDIT: I JUST WATCHED THE OTHER ENDINGS

leave in water and maria were all great. leave is usually my go-to but i love in water as like a counterpart to it, listening to mary's final wishes or going against them. maria ending is also great as like oh fuckkkkkkkkkk.... It Is Happening Again.

rebirth i forgot about how insane that ending was. holy shit.

dog was so so fucking good the CAMERA ANGLES? the POLISH? awesome it added just enough to make it funny in new ways while still being a good classic joke ending

UFO I WASNT EXPECTING AT ALL like okay speaking of harry. im really glad they changed it from harry's ps1 model to it being fucking SPACE JAMES. ps2 james. i think that feels more fitting as a remake, referencing the game its remaking rather than the predecessor to the game its remaking LOL altho i would have still enjoyed seeing harry my best friend harry i think this is way funnier

THE NEW ENDINGS

bliss.... holy shit man. thats like. REALLY GOOD. like so good i almost had to remember like was that in the original? it feels SO fitting and so haunting. i love that james's voice is so much clearer than mary's through the tv speakers.... it was like a slow dawning realization. short and simple but so so SO effective, surreal and haunting, big fan

stillness was also really good as sort of an alternate in water? i think? the performance was CRAZY in that one it was so strong and resonant..... the new endings were great additions all around i think!! very happy with this remake overall :)

[wheelsup-sevenup]

20 questions for 20 writers

thank you @gingerpeachtea for the tag!! :3

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 20 😮‍💨

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 69,349. (69‼️‼️)

3. What fandoms do you write for? a lot of marvel, mostly black widow (meaning nat-centric, though i do have a lot for bw 2021) or hawkeye (queerplatonic kate/yelena i love and miss you), and lately some agents of shield too!! those are the ones i tend to finish + post but trust i have so many wips from other fandoms locked and loaded. how do we feel abt tma

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? 1. you’ve begun to feel like home — 926 kudos, wednesday (2022) 2. at least i know i am here to stay — 575 kudos, hawkeye (2021) 3. we’ve got to hold on to what we’ve got — 485 kudos, black widow (2021) 4. okay, this looks bad — 329 kudos, hawkeye (2021) 5. put your arms around somebody else — 306 kudos, hawkeye (2021)

goddd these are all so old haha. anyway

5. Do you respond to comments? ofc!! sometimes it takes me a min because i like to let em marinate but yes i love the interactions and sometimes you get a conversation going its delightful!!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? ooh shit. see a lot of my fics are angsty as hell but they tend to end on a positive or at least hopeful note so this is hard. maybe nothing we were ever trained for ? or take this longing from my tongue if it was finished lol, the last chapter’s pretty angsty

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? probably put your arms around somebody else. just a coupla goofballs being dumb and gay (platonically)

8. Do you get hate on fics? not yet and hopefully never. i’ve had some low reading comprehension takes tho

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? ooh so. i would. and i might. especially the angsty thematic and insightful kind

10. Do you write crossovers? yes :3 i don’t even have my longest one posted and i fear it never will be

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? god i hope not

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? no but i have gotten comments in other languages which means someone translated it, if that counts lol

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? noo but i absolutely would

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship? i’ve never shipped anyone or anything (/j i just can’t choose)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? either my aos high school au (the outline is delicious but it refuses to be written) or that kate/yelena road trip thing. i actually really want to finish that one too but it’s been soooo long

16. What are your writing strengths? i’ve been told i keep things in character really well esp. dialogue, which is super cool and i’m really glad things come across that way. one thing that helps is to take real lines from the character and write them out to see how their speech actually looks written and not spoken, i figure stuff out better that way

17. What are your writing weaknesses? umm sitting down. writing. completing literally anything. not deciding i hate my wip and deleting the entire thing (i’m getting better about the last one, at least i keep my old drafts now)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? well the only other language i’ve done dialogue in is russian and i do not remotely know russian. so that part is google translate. that said, every “writing bilingual characters” advice post has said that real people don’t mix languages midsentence, but i really think that depends because where i’m from, you hear a lot of spanglish, which is definitely mixed throughout the sentence, so you know. don’t believe everything you see online i guess? anyway those are my thoughts

19. First fandom you wrote for? ough i’ve been writing for a long time so i don’t even really know. but first official fic? gotta be criminal minds. jemily <3

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? GODDD I DON’T KNOWW!!!!! maybe we’ve got to hold on to what we’ve got. i like whump and i like writing it, and i think it’s really in character not to mention it was very popular.

this took me forever to finish but trust me it was soo much fun i love talking about myself it turns out <3

tags!!

@spadesmusings @katebishopofearth @lucifers-golden-bitch-apparently @quietlyimplode @thewickedverkaiking

no pressure as usual, and anyone else who wants to do this please please do!!!

[transprodigalson]

20 QUESTIONS FOR FIC WRITERS

tagged by @spnyuri thank u angel <3

How many works do you have on AO3?

8 :)

What’s your total AO3 word count?

27, 344

What fandoms do you write for?

rn mainly spn, but ive written 2 for tua + 1 for shameless

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

family what?? (tua) the lowest of his low (shameless) my skys been falling (i hope you never knew) (tua) once a catholic, always a masochist (spn) and i know (this bodys not mine) (spn)

Do you respond to comments?

yeah!! i honestly love engaging with ppl in my comments, its sooo nice tbh

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

uhhh i think its my skys been falling ? i havent opened it since i wrote it like 3yrs ago so idrk lol

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

augh maybe family what again idrk i havent touched it since i finished writing it

Do you get hate on fics?

i think i did for one of my fics but i deleted the comment lol

Do you write smut?

i dont but i do think abt writing it sometimes

Do you write crossovers?

nah, not really my thing lol

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not tht im aware of

Have you ever had a fic translated?

i dont think so?

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no but i wld be open to co-writing with someone

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

augh its changed but im not sharing tht rn <3

What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

my fucking adam faulkner-stanheight fic i started almost 2yrs ago (started it during my early senior year of hs)

What are your writing strengths?

i think im pretty ok at writing introspection. its sooo fun and easy to me

What are your writing weaknesses?

DIALOGUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i havent done it, but i wld love to, i just need to learn other languages (i know ASL pretty well but i wldnt say im an expert at signing tho)

First fandom you wrote for?

....the outsiders. back when i was like 13/14. it was TERRIBLE and on wattpad

Favorite fic you’ve written?

and i know . i cant explain why but it truly is my fave to re-read sometimes

tagging: @brothersonahotelbed @flugame-mp3 @bnuyfrowns @iinsawdious and um. whoever else wants to idk (no pressure to tags!)

[silversoulstardust]

Tag Game To Better Know You! Send this to people you'd like to know better!

tagged by @abitofboth (thank you for the tag mills🥺)

what book are you currently reading?

under the whispering door by by TJ Klune. the book is fine, I like reading TJ Klune’s work but it’s taking me forever to finish because of its heavy subjects. (death and afterlife, and it’s hard for me because of recent losses)

what do you usually wear?

depends on what I’m doing, I guess. currently staying up in bed past midnight so i’m in my comfy jammy and a yellow sweater <3 

how tall are you?

5 ft 2. AND OLY @olyollyoxenfree BEFORE YOU COME FOR ME I AM TALL FOR AN ASIAN LMAO 

what’s your star sign? do you share a birthday with a celebrity or historical event? 

sagittarius. I share birthday with Scarlet Johanson, Mark Ruffalo and Jamie-Lee Curtis!

do you go by your name or a nickname?

I go by Chromie online. it’s a nickname given by someone I talked to on tumblr in the past, and I like it so much it stuck with me even though we part ways not on so good terms. wherever she is I hope she’s doing fine <3 

did you grow up to become what you wanted to be as a child?  

yeah but I kinda wish I didn’t, honestly. working in healthcare is taxing both mentally and physically, and I have assholes for colleagues. (tho I think that’s applicable everywhere.)

what’s something you’re good at vs something you’re bad at?

good at: showing up and being there for people I care about

bad at: asking for help

if you draw/write, or create in any way, what's your favorite picture/favorite line/favorite etc. from something you created this year? 

This is from my Steddie time travel fix it AU, and I don’t know why but I really loved it.

Steve never really had anyone to split chores with before. His parents are almost never home. Robin does stay over from time to time, but she prefers ordering pizza, it’s her comfort food that’s almost always denied when she’s home, so she takes the chance to order it whenever she’s sleeping over at Steve’s place. Steve never thought having someone do the dishes for him as romantic, but here he is, staring at this metalhead in his kitchen, with glorious long hair and tattoos all over his skin wearing all black ensemble, wiping a spatula using dry cloth over the sink, occasionally smiling at Steve, a domestic bliss in the unlikeliest of time. Eddie caught him staring and when he asks why, there’s just a jumbled up emotions inside Steve that he can’t possibly put into words. So instead he turns the stove off and makes out with Eddie against the counter, thinking that this, this is what he’s been missing his entire life.

dogs or cats?

a cat person through and through. cant live with them, cant live without them, y’know? 

what's something you would like to create content for?

thinking of writing some ronance fics in the future! maybe loid/yor tooth rotting fluff and some nanami kento/haibara yu content because those two deserve better than their fate in the manga 

what’s something you’re currently obsessed with?

if you’ve been on my tumblr for the last six months, you’d notice I have been entirely consumed by steddie brainrot and stranger things lol

what's something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year?

Dr Strange: multiverse of madness. wandavision series was so spectacular and I was giddy for it until months later they revealed that the writer was mike waldron. the bar of my expectation was so low it was basically on the floor and yet I was still disappointed 

what’s a hidden talent of yours? 

I can write with both hands. does that count??

what's something you wish to have at this moment? 

a long hug and a shoulder to cry on would be nice. cant exactly cry on cue but I think if someone hold me long enough I might start crying lol 

tagging @mygeekcorner @olyollyoxenfree @harrringtons @steviesmunson @froof-of-the-loof @princessstevemunson @cursedfoxteeth @iprefertheterminsane @gundamthey17 <3

[dogstarblues]

accomplishments bc i dont think my brain is gonna let me do anything else today bc i just feel like absolute shit

1. had early breakfast to make it easier to take my meds bc my gag reflex was in top form today

2. updated my systems (that whiteboard in the pic below is my weekly menu planner to make it easier for low-spoons decision-making)

3. updated my reading tracking lists

4. finished The Salt Grows Heavy. nearly impenetrable plot due to the language. my god. i liked the ending tho

5. started When the Angels Left the Old Country for book club. i havent felt this happy about a book in a long time. i havent enjoyed the act of sinking into a world like this in literal years. im glad im reading it.

6. did laundry

7. did the dishes

8. walked my dog

9. cooked breakfast and lunch, almost entirely from scratch! (only the tortilla chips from breakfast were storebought. the bread from lunch wasnt. i forgot i didnt show yall the bread. hang on.)

10. rested

11. dressed in real clothes

12. got an impossible whopper bc i didnt wanna think abt dinner. now my gut feels like it has rocks in it.

i want to shower bc feeling like shit always makes me physically feel grimy and i hate it. i was supposed to go to verizon today for the "free upgrade" bc my phone has been fucking up. and that would have taken care of my shower. but. and. and and and.

im gonna try to brush my teeth. try.

sitting in the sun rn with my skirt hiked up my thighs so the light can touch my legs and its not helping as mucj this time. maybe i need to repeat my mantra (i am a river i am a sieve i do not hold things all things flow through me). close my eyes and just breathe. and then maybe i need to just shower and cuddle stuffed animals and burrow under blankets. i hate feeling like this. but i got done what i needed to today, namely: dishes and book club book amd finishing another book. im hoping tomorrow will be better.

this weekend is all fun things (book club, rpg game with friends, parallel play with another friend) so. well. anyway. i hope yall have a good evening

[oh-no-boi]

i ordered general tso chicken and orange chicken, both meals to come with veggies and rice (the other with noodles) and the nicest thing the veggies this time are just steamed/whatever brocoli and carrot and nothing else and its wonderful 🥹 out of steamed veggies i only like brocoli, coliflower and carrots so any time theres other stuff, i either throw it out or give it to my mom if she's there so yeah heh all the veggies for me!!!

...yeah i bought 2 bc im hoping to milk it for at least 2 days of lunch maybe

i need to go grocery shopping bc my supply of frozen chicken/meat is running low in that all i got is some ground beef and a boney not so whole chicken that i think is for mom's eventual chicken soup or sometbing...

hopefully i'll go shopping tomorrow..

srsly tho, one of the biggest dreads of work is just figuring out wtf to bring to lunch and to not be hungry but not over eat either bc then i'll just get more tired and sleepy lmao eating makes me tired too that a 30 min lunch is like.. it always feel too short so again i try to have just enough food to finish in 20 mins so have 10 mins to just slowly eat the apple slices i pack and sort of rest from eating food *food* (im lik3 still :•| over my superviser thibking im on a diet lmao like no never, i just fucking try to toe a very specific line with food at work.... frabkly if i eat a bit too much, i also then gotta poop and i dont fucking wanna do that at work bc its uncomfy >.>)

im so tired and weary

anyway real glad i got noodles and not only fried rice, both very good in diff ways, so tasty

[galacticlamps]

green emoji asks 🦖🌴🥝? c:

🦖 - what’s your favorite dinosaur?

as a kid I loved any of the ones with really long necks because I loved going to the natural history museum and being in one of the biggest rooms I'd ever seen and there being a GUY whose NECK took up practically the whole length of it all on its own

as an adult, I have a little dino carved from some kind of rock that I keep on my bookcase which I choose to believe is like a low-res stegosaurus even tho the ridges on its back are not individually marked & that specific (vaguely defined) dude is my favorite dinosaur

🌴 - what’s your dream vacation?

Hmm, I don't really feel like I have one? There are plenty of places I know I'd like to go if I ever get the chance but in my mind calling something a dream vacation implies a bit more of a plan than that. (I think that's bc I'm not very good at the whole relax & do nothing kind of vacation - if I'm going somewhere I really feel like I've gotta research all the details before to make sure I'm doing & seeing enough that it's not a waste of time or money. But that includes taking into account seasonal/temporary events/shows/exhibits, and I don't bother looking into those things unless I know I have an opportunity to follow through on them coming up soon, which hasn't been the case for a while now)

But if I stop being fussy about the fact that I'm not actually dreaming about a specific itinerary for five seconds, then the answer's definitely Scotland. Of all the places I want to see, it's got the worst ratio of minutes I've spent in the country (being zero) to number of things I want to see there, from whole cities and areas down to individual museums, historical sites, places relatives came from, national parks, and even distilleries. But it's also way too much to fit into one trip, so I think of wanting to go there as less of a specific vacation than other things I want to do less badly but can at least conceive of more clearly - like saying that in the fall, I hope to visit a relative's house in the mountains and spend a few days in a little town with a nice cider mill.

🥝 - what’s your music taste like?

A mess! Really, I'm so bad at putting music in categories. My main playlist is literally called What's a Genre - and it's 90% Irish & Scottish bands (though even saying that feels misleadingly homogeneous, since I can count everyone from the Dubliners to Hozier & the Tannahill Weavers to the Proclaimers that way) but there's also other things that kinda maybe fit there, like The Amazing Devil (and Robert Hallow & the Holy Men? does anyone know if they still exist?) and The Decemberists, and then ones that even I know don't belong there, like ELO and MCR. And that's just the one playlist. If I'm working from home, my go-to is Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole, Ella Fitzgerald & co for some reason. When it comes to decades, I tend to favor 60s pop (or is it rock? I'm not sure I know the difference), and I'd take the Kinks over the Beatles - but I also keep them on a playlist with ABBA, David Bowie, Queen, and They Might Be Giants (which is mainly for both cleaning & hanging out with friends). I also still own & regularly listen to a lot of music from different genres whose only unifying factor is 'was actively on the radio when i was in middle school.' And I'd be lying to make myself sound cooler if I didn't also admit that I have a pretty sizable library of cast albums & show tunes, which I'll also shuffle through like any other playlist. The last album I bought was Skerryvore's Tempus that came out last week, the only concert I've been to as neither a friend nor a worker was Billy Joel. I think the Waterboys might be my most 'any context, any mood' safe to put on in the background to vibe with w/o getting distracted, especially Fisherman's Blues. When I'm not looking to listen to something very specific, the only deterrent from putting my entire library on shuffle is the fact that random Big Finish audio tracks will play if I do that.

So I think the friends who've called it 'eclectic' were being generous, but I also don't have any better descriptors to offer up.

[uchuuahiru]

Ok, so, I've calmed down from the full blown exestential crisis this post gave me, and i gotta say:

I still agree with every single thing i said

I hope I can convey my thoughts in a more constructive manner this time. Anyway, yeah, art being a pleasureable activity in itself never seemed obvious to me, modern society glamourizes and even fetishizes the idea of a "Tortured Artist™" and the idea that you're supposed to suffer for your art so much so that it seemed an essential part of the process. The fact that I was decent at it just seemed more evidence of that. If you're suffering a severe hit to your mental health every time you make art, but wind up with a great finished product, don't worry, that just means its working! Keep going! Keep tearing yourself apart to produce pretty pictures, you're just like Van Gogh! With such a mentality, yeah, your post can come across as quite a shock.

I also don't want to give the impression that there was no joy to be had making art, because there certainly was. I can certainly take pride in a job well done, especially when there is outside praise from my peers and teachers. Enough praise to solidify in your mind that this is certainly your calling. There could even be some enjoyment in the process itself, especially when you hit that flow state, but it is hardly the main emotion, overshadowed by tedium and frustration. The expectation is maybe things will go smoother as you get more talented, and sometimes they do, but at the same time your standards grow as well, and therefore so do the frustrations. So much so that if I could instantly skip to the end I would, so your comments about explicitly not wanting to do that confused me. (I would never use ai tho. I do have standards)

The thing is that when so much of the gratification you get from art is from outside praise, what happens when that praise disappears? What is left when those same teachers that praised your work reject you from grad school time after time? What happens when the piece you spent weeks on gets zero attention on social media? What happens when these skills you spent so long cultivating have no hope of ever getting you a job? That job thing in particular is a big one, our society puts a lot of perssure to turn any talent into a source of profit. Your hobby quickly turns into a job, if youre lucky. And if you're not? Struggling to monetize something like art and failing, constantly, can really suck the life out of you. At times like that its hard not to be spiteful of the entire process, and your love for a thing shrivels until you wonder if it ever existed at all.

That being said, "never draw again" is a tad extreme. I will definitely draw on occasion. There are on occasion things I want drawn for some reason or other, and the cheapest and most surefire way to get that thing made up to my standards is to just make the thing myself. If i want merch of a certain niche character being able to just produce it myself is quite handy. I would even go so far as to say "i want a thing" was one of my biggest artistic motivations. and that is a pretty big difference than someone creating art out of enjoyment of the process. Its far to fleeting and ephemeral a motivation to be consistent, especially in the modern social media art landscape where consistency is paramount. I'll also continue to draw on the rare occasion that someone actually pays me for art, god knows I'm not in a position to turn that down. I definitely wouldnt mind more work like that, it certainly is a preferable job compared to doordash, which is admittedly a low bar, but in the end i think that's all it is anymore.

I had a tattoo client ask if I ever used AI to design tattoos for me. Man I spent the better part of a decade doing shitty bit work as a graphic designer and now that I have the space to do whatever I want, I'm gonna let the computer generate random garbage for me? What next should I have a computer that eats my dinner and fucks my wife?

[coralsgrimes]

Idk, I am kinda happy for him to take on this job, it’s just another streaming service just another Stephen King adaptation that may or may not do well (most don’t), but at least he is finally taking on some ADULT role suitable for his age that may have mainstream appeal (it’s after all thriller drama based on a popular book with an elite author, status wise, even tho i dont like the book) instead of… side characters in children’s literature or comics or random sappy stories

Is he finally in his growing up era?

Me thinks I might agree not cuz it's an adult role or whatever but cuz it's literally his level. Like don't get me wrong, also these are just Coral thoughts here, but this is a part for someone like him at the place where he is now in the food chain.

1. It's not a streaming service, it's a US cable television network.

2. Yeah it will have a mainstream appeal (in theory) but that's what will make it bad. Which is honestly what usually makes King's adaptations bad - they just make it plain and sensitise it so that more people hopefully tune in. Only in Mike Flanagan we trust.

3. It's not me being a cunt, but yeah no one is going to watch this. There will be no buzz and popularity, honestly it's just yet another show of many that they are making to fill up the slots. Even more, it's just a damned limited series so it's one and done kinda thing.

4. Following from me previous point, the creators of this mostly did procedural dramas before and the IP was dropped by another network before they picked it up. Like at best (most probable?) it's going to be watchable show with mediocre acting and script that will never find its footing.

5. To be fair to Benny, at the time the Netflix/Marvel shows were THE shows, mostly cuz they were made for more mature audience than the MCU films. Not all were good but they were doing crazily good, why do ye think Disney stole them from netflix? Cuz people want to watch them still and there's certain quality in them that Disney/MCU just cannot replicate.

To finish it up, yeah I hope he's in his growing up era. But it's not cuz the role is seemingly mature and mainstream... It's cuz it's suitable for his place in the industry, which is low. Not to say the bottom. He's too old now and too far behind, and his range is meeeh to get himself to be a respectable TV character actor. So yeah Benny's maturing up, in me Coral opinion, would be our boy realizing that he's never going to make it big and stop this only leading man in a studio production agenda. His place is where all the d-listers are, doing gigs like this one in shows that dads will maybe watch out of boredom in the middle of the night, to pay the bills. And in some cases, like Benny's, they will have that extra fancons route if they come from old popular shite and are willing to pose for 100$ pics with sweaty fans.

[thaleleah]

I’m so tired 😭 I get really bad bouts of depression sometimes and lately its been a lot. Feeling like I need to take a mini vacay and get away from everything but the only place I can think to go is to visit my mom and then I would have to deal with my stupid stepdad sooooo TBD i guess lol

Tal 🩷 you know what you should do? you and your mom need a girls trip together. a mini vacay. a day at the spa. stepshit can’t say nothing. and if he does… you call me and i’ll take care of him 😂

I've had The Tudors and The Spanish Princess on my to watch list for a while now and just haven't gotten around to it.

tudors is good to watch after watching the spanish princess. despite the tudors coming out before. the spanish princess is like a prequel to tudors. also the guy who plays henry viii in the spanish princess is low key so hot… and it’s season 2 where he is a literal evil tyrant. clearly i like em all bad 🫠

Oh shittttt. Well, hopefully it doesn't take tooooo long. Does your dad want to keep custody of your brother? Or is he gonna let her have the full custody?

since my stepmom is very very unstable. my dad is aiming for full custody himself. and i have to agree because i’m genuinely so scared she’ll end up hurting her own son.

Slow lol. I'm about 2/3 of the way done with it but its put on a mini hold cause I'm trying to participate in a couple events for Avatar in July but those fics are slow coming too lol. I'm hoping I can finish it after I finish the current fic I'm working on tho before I start the next prompt in the event. Fingers crossed 🤞🏻

Ooo avatar has events? that’s actually soooo cool and seems like soooo much fun. how does it work? like do you follow prompt lists made by other creators? this is so fascinating to me 🥰

Tal 🩷 you know what you should do? you and your mom need a girls trip together. a mini vacay. a day at the spa. stepshit can’t say nothing. and if he does… you call me and i’ll take care of him 😂

You are so right! I actually tried to talk to her about going on a trip somewhere and she's not really a traveler (even coming to visit me a state away is a lot for her sometimes) but she seems open to the idea. But of course then she's like "It will have to be a time when he doesn't need me, and hes having a hard time at work right now, and he has a doctor appointment..." and im just like UGHHH FUCKK cause i know it wont happen. So yes, I'm gonna need you to come take care of him 😂

tudors is good to watch after watching the spanish princess. despite the tudors coming out before. the spanish princess is like a prequel to tudors. also the guy who plays henry viii in the spanish princess is low key so hot… and it’s season 2 where he is a literal evil tyrant. clearly i like em all bad 🫠

Yay! Then I shall watch it after the Spanish Princess! And oooooh good to know he's low key hot 👀 I know Jonathan Rhys Meyers plays him in the Tudors and I go back and forth about if I think he's hot or not lmaooo. But I do like villains so maybe that's the appeal lol

since my stepmom is very very unstable. my dad is aiming for full custody himself. and i have to agree because i’m genuinely so scared she’ll end up hurting her own son.

Jesus Christ, yeah its def for the best then that he gets full custody. How's this going? Any progress?

Ooo avatar has events? that’s actually soooo cool and seems like soooo much fun. how does it work? like do you follow prompt lists made by other creators? this is so fascinating to me 🥰

Yep! The people that create/host the event make a prompt list with however many days they want the event to be for and create a specific tag along with it and anyone who wants to participate can pick all or just a few of the prompts and they post that fic on that specific day and tag it to the event tag. It's really fun! But it can cause burn out if you're not careful.

Right now there are 2 events: Survive the Night and Summers in Pandora (#avatarsurvivethenight and #summersinpandora2024 if ur interested in searching them up). The Survive the Night one is a dark/noncon/dubcon event 👀)

I'm very behind tho. I only got to write 2 fics and now I'm writing a Scream AU with one of the characters as Ghostface for the last day of the noncon event but idk if ill finish it in time. Plus I wanna come back and write Godless soooooo bad and its killing me that im putting it off

It's been a second since I've been on here. How have you been, hun? 🧡