#maybe because Phone Guy’s more willing to be by her side and vogue for her and Henry’s got to work up to it

[mrdrhenwardhykle]

Comp of Phonadette/BernaPhone art from this week

[chocoholicannanymous]

Free Kurt - Isabelle style (Glee)

This is part of the Free Kurt event, where different fic writers all present a take on how the proposal from 501 could have ended better for Kurt by use of one character. I decides on Isabelle Wright, and here you have 2020 (fittingly) words of “Free Kurt - Isabelle style”.

Disclaimer: I own nothing except an overactive imagination and way too many plotbunnies.

“Getting a choice means you gotta make one. Relax. Hear what the guy has to say. All you gotta do is say yes, no or maybe.”

“Is there another option?”

~*~*~*~

Kurt turns towards Dalton, steeling himself to go inside and meet Blaine. To start a new phase of his life - their lives. And then his phone rings.

“That can wait, can’t it, buddy?”

“I just need to check, oh, I have to take this. I’m sure it won’t take long. Just…” He walks a bit, not wanting his dad to hear if this is one of those calls.

“Isabelle! Is there something wrong?”

“No, no! Well, a little, but! You're just the guy to fix that. I remember right that you were flying back today, right? Would you be amenable to show up at Vogue, paid time, and help out at a party? Chase was supposed to be there and write about the outfits, but Marcel is in the hospital so Chase has to cover for him.”

“I...don't know if I'll be able to make it in time.”

“Traffic? I'll send a car for you, obviously, and pick an outfit from the vault.”

“I'm sorry, I mean I'm not sure if I'm going to make my flight.”

And he isn't. It hasn't hit him until now – how? why? – that even though he left with plenty of time to get to the airport and through security it might not be enough to also get through the proposal. He'd thought so, before, but really when he actually thinks about it? That would depend on Blaine being brief. Oh, and letting Kurt leave after. Is he going to want me to do that? Or is he expecting us to do something together?

Surely Blaine must have planned for Kurt making his flight though? Or made other arrangements? I'm already checked in though, I did that yesterday. So clearly no one's changed my flight.

“Kurt? Is something wrong? Are you... Are you not at the airport? Did something happen with your dad?”

Isabelle's voice is rising, worried, and he takes a second to feel cherished by that while hurrying to calm her down.

“Oh no, he's fine. Just, I'm not at the airport. There was a detour. I... I'm at a surprise proposal.”

“Really? Whose?”

Blaine's. “Mine.”

“Wait, what? Didn't you go down alone? Oh, did blond and cute go with you after all?”

“No, Adam is... We're over.”

“You broke up? You left here 10 days ago, dating Adam , and now you’re telling me that not only did you break up with him in that time, but also you started dating someone new? And you’re being proposed to? Am I hearing this right?

“What happened, Kurt?”

“I couldn’t commit to Adam. He offered to come with me, you know that, but I turned him down. That was pretty telling, that I didn’t want him to come with me. If it’d been serious, if I’d been willing to commit to him, well… I wouldn’t have said no then, would I? If I didn’t want him here with me during this, if I didn’t want him to come with and meet my family and friends, then clearly I wasn’t that invested.

“Better to break it off then.”

It had hurt, sure, because he’d really enjoyed being with Adam, but once it’d been pointed out to him…

“Okay, say I buy that - and we’re talking more about that when you come back, mister, don’t you doubt it! - what about this new relationship? How can you be ready to commit to someone else this soon?”

“I never had a problem committing to Blaine.”

There’s silence at the other end, enough that Kurt starts questioning if the call’s been disconnected.

“Isabelle?”

“You…” Her voice does a funny thing, and she starts over again. “You’re back with him?”

When he confirms it Isabelle starts talking fast, clearly not willing to let him say anything else.

“Blaine. Cheated on you after 2 weeks, Blaine. Blamed you for it, Blaine. Almost got you in trouble at work, Blaine. Made you feel like shit for months, Blaine. You’re back with him. And he’s proposing? You got back together, what, five minutes ago?”

Yesterday, Kurt thinks. We got back together yesterday. He doesn’t say that though.

“We were together for a year and a half. It’s not like he’s some stranger. This is, I always saw us ending up here. This was my dream, Isabelle, for so long.”

“”Before, and I cannot stress this enough, he cheated on you. How can you be sure he won’t do that again? After all, you’re coming back to New York. He’s going to be in Lima, still in school. That didn’t work so well last time.

“As you said, you didn’t have a problem committing to him. He on the other hand...”

It stings, to hear Isabelle reference such a painful experience so casually. Kurt swallows it down though, arguing back. “It’ll be different this time. He promised he’d never hurt me like that again. And he signed Oprah’s non-cheating contract.”

Except he hadn’t, not yet, but he’d promised to do it and surely that has to mean something?

“The fact that a non-cheating contract even entered the picture isn’t exactly the strong argument you seem to think. At least not in his favor.

“Kurt, honey, I'm saying this from a place of love. Have you completely lost your mind?”

And that, that hurts. He’s not crazy. This is the right thing to do. Everyone else thinks so, so why can’t Isabelle see it?

“Now, I’m not going to tell you that you can’t date someone, or get engaged, or hell, even married - though I do hope he doesn’t have an officiant standing by - but what’s the hurry? Why does he have to propose now?”

And well, Kurt doesn’t have an answer to that - and he’s searched, having asked himself the same question.

“He’s just, he’s always been excitable. Besides, seize the moment, you know? You never know what happens.”

He can’t be sure, but it sounds like Isabelle is muttering something about finding him a therapist. Surely not though?

“And I, Isabelle, it took me forever to find Blaine. What if I never meet anyone else who makes me feel the way he does?” Kurt politely ignores the hrumpf on the other end.

“Honey, you’re young. So, so young. You have your whole life ahead of you. And if it doesn’t happen? I am more than twice your age.” And wow, things has to be really serious if Isabelle is admitting to that. “I’m single. I’ve never been married, or engaged. I don’t have kids. By now, I’m pretty sure neither of that will change.

“Does that make me - or my life - worth any less?”

“No! Of course it doesn't. Just... It’s not what I want for me,” Kurt adds in a low voice.

“And that’s okay. As I said, you’re young. You have time to get to where you want to be. It doesn’t have to be a race. Not everyone find their place - or their person - at 20. That you would walk through life and never meet anyone else who could love you, and appreciate you? That’s impossible.”

Kurt feels the word sink into him, and before he can think twice he whispers “dad said I looked like he was driving me to my execution”.

“Wait, what? Look, I know that as your boss I don’t have the right to tell you what to do with your private life, but I’d like to think that I’m a little more than just your employer. So please, listen. Don’t be in such a hurry to do this. Not after just a few days. Not if you’re unsure enough that you look like that. Please. Come back to New York. Take some time to think. To just date again and adjust to how you’ve changed. Because that’s going to change how you are together as well.

“Put yourself first.”

Put himself first? Kurt isn’t even sure how to do that. It means disappointing his dad. Disappointing Blaine. He...doesn’t have a great track record with that.

But that’s his answer right there, isn’t it? He isn’t thinking that what’s right for him is to walk inside and let Blaine propose. He’s thinking about walking away.

“I’ll call you when I’m back in New York, okay? Bye Isabelle. And...thanks for listening.”

He walks back to the car and his dad, who’s looking kind of worried.

“That took a bit longer than I thought. Everything okay?”

“Yes, I think it is.” In the corner of his eye Kurt spots people spying from Dalton’s balcony and the door, looking restless. Apparently he’s not following the script.

“So, ehm, can you just drive me to the airport like we agreed?”

Burt Hummel looks like a stranded fish, and under other circumstances Kurt is sure he'd find it amusing. Now, not so much.

“What? What about-”

“I decided that I did have another option, one that doesn’t mean listening to Blaine. I’m not ready to say yes to what he wants to ask me, and I want to leave.”

“What about Blaine? Are you really going to leave him hanging like this?”

And ouch, that might be justified, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt to hear it from his dad. Isn’t my dad supposed to back me? Where was this attitude when it was Finn? And right, he’d forgotten for a bit, the memories swept away in his dad’s pushy encouragment. Burt had hated Finn’s engagement to Rachel, not to mention the wedding-that-wasn’t.

“Good to know whose side you're on.”

They stare at each other. Kurt has folded so many times in similar situations, but this time he’s going to stand by his decision.

“I gotta say, buddy, this isn't like you.”

“Well, maybe my usual habit of doing not what I want but what I think the people around me want isn't working for me any longer.”

Which is true, and how could I have let myself almost be backed in a corner like that? but his dad takes it badly.

“This is… This is because of whoever called you right now, isn’t it? Why are you allowing her to change your mind like this? Not five minutes ago you were going to at least hear Blaine out. Who's this Isabelle to tell you not to?”

“Apparently the only person in all of this who’s on my side.”

“Hey! That's not fair!”

“Not fair? Life’s not fair! And you know what, something else that’s not fair? Dad, you told me you thought I looked like you were driving me to my execution. We both knew it was a proposal, yet that's how you thought I looked. And somehow that didn't make you question anything? I couldn't tell you if I was okay or not. Again, you didn't question it. I asked you if there was another option to answering him! Again, you just told me to go ahead. To listen to what Blaine had to say.

“Isabelle didn't tell me what to do, she told me to listen to myself! She reminded me that I do have options. I'm the one choosing which one to take, and that's going to the airport and then back home.

“Now, are you going to drive me?”

Kurt waits for an answer. Once he finds himself beginning to count seconds he gives up. He walks over to the car, grabs his bags, tells his dad he'll call once he lands and starts walking. His blood is pounding in his ears, to the point where it’s all he hears, and he just. Keeps. Walking. Reaching the end of the driveway makes it feel better, but not safe, not yet. He takes the first corner, twists through the sidestreets with hurried steps, looking for a place to hide and make a call.

Ten minutes later he’s in the back of a cab, heading towards the airport, with his phone turned off and his heart in his throat, feeling utterly, heartbreakingly relieved.

~The End ~

[artificialqueens]

Voulez-Vous Coucher Avec Moi? (Gigi x Nicky) - Peridot

A/N: Y’all wanted domme Nicky and sub Gigi? You’re welcome.

This is a little lesbian one shot I wrote for the season 12 girls because I’m really enjoying them! I haven’t written a fic since December, so I’m sorry if I’m a little rusty! Also go easy on me, I don’t usually write smut and I only did the tiniest bit in this, so be gentle. Please leave me some feedback, I’d love to hear what you think of this! Also come say hi at my sideblog @artificialperidot, because I wanna make friends!

Summary: Gigi didn’t think anybody could make her sub. That was, until she met miss Nicky Doll.

Hope you enjoy!

The pair stumbled through the door of Nicky’s apartment, Nicky’s hands an iron grip on Gigi’s wrist, practically dragging the girl. The door shut with a click, and in a split second Gigi found herself shoved against it, boxed in by Nicky’s arms.

“Put your hands above your head, bitch.”

~

“There’s no way”

Gigi rolled her eyes and took a sip of her strawberry mocktail whilst the group around her snickered. She and her flatmates Heidi, Jackie and Jan were out for drinks at their local bar, sitting in a leather booth with some unrecognisable 90s beat playing over the speakers, barely audible over the chatter of people. It was their first night out in a long time, a celebration for Jackie’s new job offer in a weekly cabaret show. Gigi, however, wasn’t drinking with her friends - she knew how fast Heidi could get her drunk, and she was not about to have another crazy night, and was not about to let her friends get to that stage, either. The last one had been christened, “The milkshake incident” and Gigi had never quite lived it down. And she did not intend to have a repeat tonight.

But, as things often did when they had a girls night, the conversation quickly turned to sex.

“Oh come on, G,” Heidi exclaimed, “Are you saying no one in God’s universe could make you sub?”

“Highly doubt it.”

“Not even if you hadn’t had sex in years?”

“Nope.”

“Damn, I knew you were a control freak, but didn’t know you cared that much.” Jan quipped, received a chuckle from the group.

“Yeah, well, that and the fact that I don’t think anyone could turn me on enough for me to listen to them,” Gigi added. “Like, I’d have to be about to fucking explode before I’d let some bitch tell me what to do.”

“That sounds like a challenge,” said Jackie.

“What do you mean?”

“You think no one could turn you on that much?”

Gigi shrugged. “I don’t think so. Girls are hot, but no one’s that hot.”

Jackie raised an eyebrow. “Well, let’s make things interesting then. Let’s arrange a hook up for you. If we can find a bitch that’s hot enough to make you sub, then you’re buying our drinks next time.”

“Ooh bitch, I like the sound of that,” Heidi chirped.

Gigi scoffed. “And if I win?”

“Then… then we’ll never bring up the milkshake incident again.”

Gigi paused. Now that would be worth it. “Deal,” she said, reaching out a hand to shake Jackie’s across the table, to the excited squee of Jan and the ‘ooohs’ of Heidi. “This sounds amazing. I’m getting a free hookup out of this, and I get to dom. I can’t lose.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure, Miss Goode,” Jackie commented, tapping at her phone screen, which she kept hidden from Gigi. “I have some contacts.”

Jackie couldn’t keep the mischievous grin from her face. “Who did you have in mind?” Heidi asked her, leaning over her shoulder to look at her phone.

“Just a little friend of mine, from back in New York.”

“Girl, if it’s who I’m thinking of, Miss Gigi doesn’t stand a chance!” Jan added.

Jackie smiled mischievously at Jan, giving her a knowing look, before leaning over and whispering something indecipherable into Heidi’s ear, which sent her reeling. “No way! Oh, this bitch stands no chance!” she exclaimed, a little too loudly for Gigi’s liking. “Drinks for us next Saturday bitches!”

Jan laughed, and Gigi rolled her eyes. “I wouldn’t be too confident. I can be intimidating when I wanna be.”

“Do you wanna be intimidating all the time then? Cause you are a scary bitch,” Heidi added, receiving a giggle from the group. “Seriously I’d still be frightened of you if I hadn’t seen the milkshake incident go down with my own eyes.”

The girls began cackling with laughter, and to save her embarrassment, Gigi laughed along too.

At least after tonight she’d never have to hear about it again.

This should be easy.

~

After about an hour or so of cocktails and a trip to the dance floor (where Heidi decided to give everyone in the bar some dance lessons, whether they were willing or not), Jackie disappeared and returned with a woman following along behind her.

“Gigi, there’s a little someone I want you to meet,” Jackie grinned. “This is Nicky. Nicky Doll.”

Jackie stepped to the side, and forward walked a woman. A woman who looked as if she was straight from the covers of vogue.

Gigi couldn’t deny that the woman standing in front of her was beautiful. Fuck, she may have just been one of the most gorgeous women she’d ever seen. Long blonde hair, dark features, and a body to die for. She wore a tight red mini dress that showed off her perfect curves and tiny waist, with a leather jacket thrown over her shoulders, embroidered with roses. She exuded sultriness, in the sort of way that made you certain that she knew just how sexy she was. Her bedroom eyes looked Gigi up and down like a predator surveying its prey, and a smile formed from her pursed lips.

Fuck.

She’s good.

Well, two can play at that game.

Gigi strutted over to the woman, swaying her hips, and slowly reached out a hand for her to shake. “Good evening, Nicky.”

The stranger raised an eyebrow and took her hand, gripping it firmly. “Nice to meet you, darling,” she drawled, her tone exuding confidence. “You want me to top her, Jackie? Shouldn’t be a problem.”

It was then that Gigi picked up on her accent, and her heart jumped a little. It took her a second to distinguish it, but after years of french class in high school, her ear was attuned to the pronunciation.

French. Fucking French?

Somehow it made her ten times hotter.

But, Gigi wasn’t about to back down yet.

“It might be a problem, seeing I’m head and shoulders taller than you,” she quipped, quirking an eyebrow and lifting her chin.

“At least I’m not a skinny little bitch,” Nicky quickly shot back, taking Gigi off guard. “She looks like one of those inflatable car advertisements, you know, the one with the flailing arms.”

The group began to laugh, including Gigi, trying desperately to brush off the joke and not show a crack in her armour. The little jolt in her chest when Nicky looked at her didn’t help make matters any easier.

Of course Jackie just happened to know this gorgeous French supermodel who was just as intimidating as Gigi, maybe even more so. This bet wasn’t going to be as easy as it seemed.

Either way, she was so fucking glad she was going to fuck this bitch tonight.

The sound of Jackie’s voice shook Gigi out of her daydream. “So guys, are you still willing to go home together tonight?”

“Oh, yeah, absolutely. She’s really hot,” Gigi said, in her sexiest voice. “Can’t wait to see her on her knees.”

Nicky didn’t flinch at Gigi’s last sentiment. She simply raised an eyebrow, as if to say are you kidding?

Gigi would be lying if she said that it didn’t turn her on. Slightly.

“Well, Nicky?” Jackie prompted.

“Eh, she’s not bad looking herself.” Nicky shot Gigi a smirk. “I’m up for it.”

“Great,” Jackie said with a clap of her hands. “The bet’s on! Now, who’s for another round of drinks? On me!”

The sentence was met by whoops and cheers from Jan and Heidi, and the girls slunk their way through the crowd towards the bar, Gigi and Nicky following after them.

Gigi felt an arm slide around hers, interlocking them, and felt a voice by her ear.

“Darling, I’m just checking you’re staying sober for tonight?” Nicky said in a hushed tone. The breath on Gigi’s skin made her shudder just a bit.

“Of course,” she replied with mock confidence. “I wouldn’t be comfortable any other way.”

“Good,” Nicky replied. “And, I want to check that no matter what goes down tonight, you're ok with it? Like, if you don’t top you are still comfortable.”

Gigi smiled. It was cute that she checked. “I’m comfortable with whatever goes down, though that shouldn’t be a problem for me anyway.”

“Good,” Nicky said matter-of-factly, before slipping her arm out from its entwinement with Gigi’s and starting to walk ahead of her to catch up with the group. She stopped after a second though, turning her head back to Gigi and waiting for her to catch up. She leant into her, her voice even more low and hushed than before.

“And don’t get too confident, baby. It’s not cute,” she said, giving Gigi a tap on the ass, before walking ahead of her again as if nothing had happened.

It wasn’t enough to hurt - it was barely enough for Gigi to even feel it. But it made her stop in her tracks, rendered immovable.

Gigi gulped. She didn’t know if it was possible for a human heartbeat to exceed 100 miles per hour, but she was sure that hers had gotten pretty close.

Shit.

~

Gigi wasn’t sure if it was the pounding of the music through the speakers, or the pounding of her heart that made her feel lightheaded, but after a while she needed to sit down. Not wanting to bother her friends, who were busy laughing and dancing and spilling their cocktails all over the dance floor, she left their group and made her way over to a booth at the side of the room, resting her elbows on the table. She squeezed her eyes shut. It didn’t make the loud beat or the flashing strobe lights go away, but at least it stopped her head spinning a little.

After all, the thoughts swimming in her brain were enough for her head to deal with.

All she could think about was Nicky.

Before long, she felt someone slide into the booth beside her, a hand moving to rest on the small of her back.

She didn’t need to open her eyes to guess who it was.

“Are you alright, my darling?” a thick french accent murmured.

Gigi opened her eyes to face the girl beside her, whose eyes were wide with concern.

“I’m okay Nicky, thanks. Just felt a little lightheaded, that’s all.”

Nicky flashed her a caring smile. “It’s okay Gigi. You can rest your head on me if you need to, that might help.” Gigi smiled gratefully at her, before laying her head on the shorter girl’s shoulder. Nicky began rubbing her back in small circles, comforting her. “Do you need any water?”

“I’m okay, thanks. I’m starting to feel better already.”

“I’m glad.”

They stayed like that for a few moments, Nicky soothing Gigi, and Gigi trying to conceal her inner panic. She’d never met someone like Nicky before. Never. No one had ever turned her on as fast, for a start. And, she seemed to genuinely care about her, and they’d only just met for Christ sake.

Let’s just say, Gigi was pretty excited to go home with her tonight. She was even more excited to see her again after tonight, though. On a date.

That is, if she plucked up the courage to ask her.

She’d cross that bridge when she came to it.

Nicky began stroking Gigi’s hair, softly and gently, being careful not to mess it up, and Gigi melted into the touch. “You okay down there?”

“Hm? Oh yeah, I’m fine. Just wanted to stay like this for a little while.”

“That’s okay. I like it too, ma crevette.”

Gigi’s eyes blinked open with confusion. “What does that mean?”

Nicky paused and smiled. “You’ll laugh.”

“What is it?”

“It’s a term of endearment in french, sort of like ‘my darling’,” she started, “but the literal translation is ‘my shrimp.’

The two girls began silently laughing to each other, like two school girls giggling over a secret. “You’re joking!”

“I’m serious! French is weird when you put it into English.”

“I used to study french, you know. Back in high school.”

Nicky looked impressed. “Really?”

“Yeah, but I can barely remember any of it. It was the only class I consistently failed,” she laughed. “That and basic math.”

“Speak some french for me Gigi. I’ll be the judge of that.”

Gigi racked her brain, trying to come up with something more interesting than ‘bonjour’ or ‘je m’appelle Gigi’, when she remembered a little song from ‘Moulin Rouge’ that she thought would fit the bill perfectly.

“Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?”

Their little booth erupted into fits of giggles, Nicky barely able to comprehend her choice of phrase. Gigi watched closely, loving the way her nose screwed up when she laughed, and the toothy grin that took over her face.

Gigi didn’t know it was possible to be sexy and adorable, but she’d been proven wrong.

“Someone’s seen ‘Moulin Rouge’,” Nicky laughed.

“Well? Is that a yes? Oui or non?” Gigi persisted, leaning her shoulder into Nicky’s side.

Nicky shook her head and rolled her eyes with a sense of disbelief, but she didn’t try and stop the smile from creeping over her lips.

“Oui, my darling,” she laughed, before planting a kiss on Gigi’s cheek. “But, just because I’m being nice now doesn’t mean I’ll be nice later when I’m punishing you.”

Gigi felt a pang in her chest, and bit the inside of her lip, despite her ambivalence. She was embarrassed of the way it turned her on. The thought of Nicky doing what she wants to her, having her way with her, was so sexy.

But the thought of Nicky down on her knees for her, was a pretty tempting thought too. So, she concealed the way her heart leapt out of her chest by raising an eyebrow, hoping her dark features and intimidating aura would have the same effect on Nicky as she had on her.

“Bold of you to assume you won’t be the one getting punished,” Gigi said, glaring into Nicky’s eyes and hoping she matched Nicky’s ice-cold stare.

Nicky scoffed, an evil smirk forming on her pursed lips. “Oh please. Tell that to the girl who was lying on my shoulder 5 minutes ago, letting me pet her and stroke her hair. Or the girl who let me spank her earlier with no retaliation,” she started, her predator gaze burning into Gigi’s skin, making her want to squirm. “Face it, you’ve been practically begging for me to top you all night. You’re so pathetically desperate for it.”

Fuck.

Gigi’s breath quickened, the rise and fall of her chest matching the speed of her frantic heartbeat, sending adrenaline all around her body, electricity shooting down her legs and arms to the tips of her fingers.

Nicky saw that Gigi’s mask was slipping, and there was nothing she could do about it.

Gigi wasn’t sure if it was the adrenaline or her anger that made her primal instincts kick in, but suddenly she was on top of Nicky, attacking her in a kiss. She used her height to her advantage, leaning over the smaller kiss and cupping her face, as she kissed her with a passion and strength that she wasn’t sure she still had in her.

The kiss was messy, all teeth and tongues, mostly because Gigi was overcome with desire and desperation and a strength of emotion she’d never felt before.

As for Nicky, she kissed back with more precision, but fuelled by the same fire that drove Gigi. She clutched Gigi’s wrist as she kissed her, so hard that Gigi was sure there would be finger-shaped bruises there tomorrow. Her movements were more controlled, as if she was set upon taking Gigi apart with ease and leisure, not allowing the other’s frantic movements to make her lose her cool.

When they pulled apart for air, Gigi wasn’t quite sure who’d won in their battle for dominance.

Before she could say another word, Nicky leaned up, so that the two were drawn level with each other, their noses practically touching as they stared into each other’s eyes with animalistic lust. “Someone’s touchy,” Nicky said with a cocky smirk. “Was that a little too close for comfort, darling?”

Gigi didn’t respond. She didn’t know how to respond, now that Nicky could see through her facade. Instead she simply bit the inside of her lip and broke the eye contact, too ashamed of her feelings to look Nicky in the eyes.

Her fucking beautiful eyes.

Nicky reached a hand up to Gigi’s face, delicately tucking a strand of her dark hair behind her ear, before holding up her chin to face her. “Asked you a question, baby.”

Gigi felt a hand slide around her waist, pulling her in closer. Looking at the woman in front of her, Gigi was sure she’d never wanted someone as much in her life. She was so embarrassed, so ashamed that she was so turned on, and somehow it fuelled the emotion and made it even stronger.

She didn’t give a shit about who topped anymore. She just needed Nicky.

“Fuck the bet.”

Nicky smiled, tapping her nose. “That’s what I like to hear, baby. Call us a taxi. If you can still talk, that is.”

~

The taxi ride felt like the longest ride of her life. The only thing that kept Gigi tethered to reality was Nicky’s hand clutching hers tightly. But it couldn’t distract her from the aching need between her legs, and the quickening of her breath, which verged on hyperventilation at this point.

They sat in silence for a while, Gigi too consumed by her own thoughts, and Nicky having played the ‘I don’t speak much English’ to avoid awkward small talk with the taxi driver. The silence was broken, however, when Nicky leaned in and started placing butterfly kisses all over Gigi’s neck, feather-light. Gigi couldn’t help but melt into the touch, closing her eyes tight and imagining that they were anywhere but stuck inside a taxi, seatbelts holding them firmly in place. Gigi enveloped her in another frantic kiss, all teeth and tongues, and Nicky bit the other girl’s lower lip, reclaiming her dominance and causing Gigi to inhale sharply.

Before she knew it she was palming at Nicky’s chest over her red dress, longing for some sort of contact, and Nicky was sucking a precise mark onto Gigi’s neck that left her writhing. It caused a whine to escape from Gigi’s lips, a desperate, needy whine that made Nicky swear under her breath, and without a second for Gigi to comprehend what was happening, a hand was clamped firmly over her mouth.

It was animalistic, really, the way they clutched at each other. The bet was long forgotten in Gigi’s mind. She had never felt so strongly about another woman, never wanted anyone like this before. She was usually the one in control, the one who had made countless other girls writhe beneath her in the past.

Oh how the tables had turned.

When the taxi pulled up slowly at a red light, the two were so enamoured with each other to notice the driver, glaring at them from the rear view window.

“Ahem.”

Startled by the noise, the girls pulled themselves off each other in surprise and embarrassment, sitting up straight like they'd been caught cheating on a test. The cab driver shot each of them a dirty look from the mirror, making Gigi wonder if he was homophobic or one of those uptight straight guys that doesn’t like anyone messing up their car. Either way, that typically wasn’t the type of person Gigi liked.

Nicky shot him an affronted look in the mirror, eyes wide with disbelief, as if to say how dare he. “Do you need some medicine for that cough?” she said in her most sarcastic tone. “Or, uh, how you say….. some manners?”

The driver was silent.

Gigi was proud that they managed to sit in silence for about thirty seconds. But the moment Nicky made eye contact with her, the two erupted into fits of uncontrollable laughter, giggling like schoolchildren and trying to suppress their amusement with whispered pleas of ‘shhh!’ and ‘shut up!’ that were of no avail.

Needless to say, if the driver didn’t like them before that, he certainly didn’t like them now.

Between laughs, Nicky called out a ‘here’s fine’ to the driver, who was very excited to see the back of the pair of laughing hyenas from his car. Nicky tossed him a couple of bills, before pulling Gigi out of the car by her wrists, the two still unable to suppress their laughter.

They stumbled down the street as if they were both drunk, falling over each other and cackling, too caught up in their happiness to feel the cold chill on their skin.

It almost distracted Gigi from the need between her legs.

Almost.

“My apartment is a couple blocks away, but I couldn’t sit in that cab any longer,” Nicky chuckled. “A walk won’t do us any harm, anyway.”

Gigi smiled, her gaze lingering over Nicky’s for a little too long. “Babe, you’re fucking amazing, you know that?”

Nicky cocked her head to the side, bemused. “And what makes you say that?”

“I don’t know. It’s like I’ve known you for years. You’re so fun. And so nice,” she started, grabbing onto Nicky’s arm. “And simultaneously a complete bitch.”

Nicky smirked. “I thought you were being nice for a second, but I’ll take it.”

“Bitch, you knew exactly what you were doing to me at the bar. You can’t tell me that wasn’t a dick move.”

“You liked it though.”

Gigi laughed, biting her lip slightly. “Hate to admit it.”

Nicky looked amused. “You’re cute when you’re embarrassed, darling.”

“You’re cute all the time. Drop dead fucking gorgeous, actually.”

“You’re one to talk, pretty girl.”

Gigi would be lying if she didn’t feel herself blush a little at that.

“So, about tonight… do you still want me to top? Because if you’re not comfortable we can-“

“No! No, no, I want you to top. Please.”

“Are you sure darling? Because if you want-“

“I’m sure. I don’t think I could top you if I tried.”

Nicky laughed to herself. “Aw, she finally admits it at last.”

“Fuck you,” Gigi whined, hitting Nicky playfully on the arm.

Nicky raised her eyebrows, a stern expression creeping onto her face. “None of that language baby. I wanna make you feel really good, darling, but I can only do that if you’re a good girl for me, okay?”

Gigi felt a lump in her throat. “I’ll try. I’ve never done this before though. Subbed.”

“That’s okay, angel, we don’t have to go too far.” Nicky smiled reassuringly at the girl. “But I know what I’m doing. I know how to make you feel really really good, so I need you to trust me, okay?”

Gigi wasn’t sure why, but she did.

~

“Put your hands above your head, bitch.”

“You get into character quickly, don’t you?” Gigi remarked, staring directly into Nicky’s eyes, which were centimetres from her face. She felt the weight of Nicky’s hips pressing harder into hers, forcing her against the hard wood of the apartment door.

“Don’t be cocky, baby. I already told you it’s not a good look,” Nicky replied, grabbing Gigi’s wrists and holding them above her head herself.

Nicky’s pupils were blown wide, and they scanned the face of the girl before her with an intimate precision that Gigi had never witnessed before. Gigi smirked. She liked this new side to Nicky, this dominant persona who seemed set upon making her unravel.

But of course, Gigi wasn’t about to make things easy for her.

With that, she leaned forward and planted another kiss on Nicky’s parted lips, her tongue sliding into her mouth and her eyes closing shut, transfixed by the softness that she buried herself into.

The kiss was short-lived, however, when Nicky pulled away sharply, one arm pushing Gigi back against the door. Her head bumped against it lightly, and a stern gaze took over Nicky’s features, a mixture of anger and lust. “Thought you were going to be a good girl for me, angel,” she said, tucking a strand of Gigi’s hair behind her ear. “Good girls don’t touch without permission.”

“I can’t help it. You just look so good,” Gigi husked, biting her lip sensually, and Nicky let out a shattered breath, Gigi’s dilated pupils meeting her own.

Nicky slid her knee in between Gigi’s thighs. “If you don’t start behaving, we’re going to have a problem.”

“What’re you gonna do about it?”

In one swift motion, Nicky pulled Gigi forward by her wrists, landing a slap on her ass over her black dress. “Bedroom. Now.”

~

The night was a blur of silk bed sheets and passion. The smell of sweat and sex was in the air, the cool breeze from the open window mingling with the heat on their skin. The marks of ropes around Gigi’s wrists and scratches on her skin and love-bites on her neck were still there the next day. And, so was Nicky, to Gigi’s surprise.

Gigi was the first to awaken of the two the next morning. The New York skyline was illuminated by the golden sunrise that seeped through the silk curtains. The plump pillow that Gigi’s head was buried in was soft against her bare skin, and she propped it up against the bed frame, sitting up a little as she stretched and yawned, hands rubbing her eyes. The cold morning air hit her shoulders as she made herself comfortable.

She found herself with only the littlest portion of blanket keeping her decent - the rest was wrapped around Nicky like a sleeping bag, and she curled it up in her arms like she was cuddling a toy.

She presumed that the duvet was her replacement for Gigi when she had rolled over.

Gigi looked down at the woman beside her, laying on her side, her face a picture of peacefulness. Her blonde hair was spread out on the pillow around her head like a halo, and even the remnants of mascara and eyeliner around her eyes didn’t distract from the purity of her features. Her mouth was open just a little, and soft breaths escaped her lips as her chest rose and fell like a metronome.

She was beautiful.

Gigi was extremely glad that she had let her stay the night at her apartment. To be honest, she wasn’t sure she would have been able to make it home after the night she had.

Looking at Nicky fast asleep, Gigi would have never believed that it was the same woman from last night.

But, she was glad that it was. She liked that Nicky could be sexy and dominant, and then immediately switch back to being caring and sweet.

The sentiment was true last night, with Nicky offering Gigi all the cuddles and kisses she could as they drifted to sleep. Gigi remembered falling asleep to Nicky aimlessly stroking her hair, whispering something french in her ear.

And god did Gigi need that.

The night was the hottest in Gigi’s life. Nicky had tied her to the bedposts, and made her beg for her to eat her out. When she finished, Gigi found herself doing the same for Nicky, her head being roughly thrust between her legs. And then she was being fingered, and the cycle continued until she’d come more times than she could remember.

It was dirty and humiliating, but god it was hot.

The best part though, was that she got to know Nicky some more. She was surprisingly such a sweetheart, taking such good care of Gigi after they played. Gigi didn’t think anyone could make her want to sub, but she especially didn't expect it to be someone who was really kind.

Trust Jackie to know the perfect woman.

It was then that Gigi remembered the bet.

Shit.

She knew that even if she didn’t admit that she subbed, her friends would find out one way or another. Drinks were on her this weekend. Good thing she’d saved a little money. She guessed she’d be hearing about the milkshake incident for a little while longer, too.

That was ok, she supposed. After the night she’d had with Nicky, it was worth the embarrassment.

Besides, without the bet she would’ve never met Nicky.

She looked down at the still sleeping girl, her nose scrunched and her brows furrowed. She was adorable.

Gigi was definitely going to ask her out on a date.

Maybe they could go get some milkshakes together.

[lady-divine-writes]

Klaine one-shot - “The Singles Test” (Rated PG13)

Blaine has wanted to ask Kurt out since the day Kurt was hired at Vogue. He even set a goal date - by the end of summer. Now that day is here, and he's not ready. Not only is he insecure, he doesn't even know if Kurt is single. But he can't avoid it because Tina knows, and Tina's going to make sure Blaine asks Kurt out ... even if it kills him. (2777 words)

Notes: Inspired by the video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8LS7Pxr3-g. Part of my new series I’m calling Buzzfeed Klaine - Klaine one-shots inspired by Buzzfeed videos. I’ve been working on it for months, and this is the first installment. This one-shot assumes that Blaine and Tina are friends from high school who don’t meet Kurt until they are hired on at Vogue in New York.

Read on AO3.

“Alright, Blainey! Today’s the day!”

“What day?” Blaine looks up from his phone as his best friend grabs him by the shoulders and steers him down the hallway. “What are you talking about?”

“Today is the day you ask Kurt Hummel out on a date.”

Blaine looks at Tina’s determined face, remaining remarkably calm as panic sets in between his eyes. “Wh-what? W-why would I do that?”

“Because the amazing Mr. Kurt Hummel is, like, the only thing you’ve talked about for the past three weeks. Since the second Isabelle hired the guy.”

“I have not,” he insists, doing his best to shake Tina off, take a sharp left out of her grasp and make a break for the cafeteria, but she’s sticky. She refuses to let go, redirecting Blaine swiftly in the direction of Kurt’s office.

“Yes, you have. And you told me that if you haven’t asked him out by the end of summer, I should duct tape your hands behind your back, use you like a ventriloquist’s dummy, and ask him out for you.”

Blaine’s head snaps in her direction, hazel eyes judging her hard. “Okay, I definitely never said that.”

“You didn’t?” She stops their mad dash to pause for thought. “Oh. Maybe that was a NyQuil dream. But you did say you’d ask him out by the end of summer, and today is officially the last day of summer, my friend.”

“You can forget it,” Blaine says, finally strong-arming his way out of her hold. “It’s not happening. I made no such plan.”

Tina steps to the side and blocks his path. “Yes, you did. You’ve talked about it at length. And I know you, Blaine. I’ve known you since high school. I bet you five bucks you even set an alert on your phone.”

“Well, you’re losing five bucks then because I absolutely did not set an alert.”

Clutched in his hands, effectively forgotten, Blaine’s phone chirps like an overly-convenient plot device. Neither Blaine nor Tina look down at the traitor, but Tina smirks.

“See.” She snatches Blaine’s phone. “I told you, Blaine Devon Anderson. Acting like I don’t know you. I know everything about you, you …” She clears the alert, but doesn’t stop there when the page Blaine had been reading pops up behind it. “What the …?”

“Tina!” he yelps, making a grab for the device, but she turns her back to him. “Don’t look at that! I …”

“What is all this?” She swipes through the tabs open on his phone. “Ways to break the ice at work? How to find out if he’s single? Pick up lines that we guarantee aren’t cheesy?” She reads through a few of them and chuckles. “Yeah, no. These are hella cheesy.”

“I was just … it’s … some light reading. Research for an article.”

“Yeah, right. Blaine! You don’t need any of this!” she says, handing back his phone. “You’re a great guy just the way you are. And I see the way he looks at you when you talk to each other, the body language he uses when he’s around you. He’s waiting for you to ask him out, I know it. You just have to walk up to him and be yourself. He’d be insane to turn you down!”

“No, he wouldn’t,” Blaine mutters, locking his screen and pocketing his phone. “He’d be very sane.”

“You’re selling yourself short,” Tina says, glancing up at the sound of footsteps headed their way. “I think you need to believe in yourself a little more.”

“Believe in myself?” Blaine scoffs. “Just like that, huh?”

“Yup. And the next time you see him, simply walk up to him and ask him. It’s really no big deal.”

“So you say.”

“So I know.”

“And if I don’t?”

Tina shrugs. “I’m going to dog you all day until you do.”

Blaine looks at Tina - arms crossed, hip popped, resolve written all over her face. She’ll do it, too – follow him throughout the office, even into the men’s room, until he asks Kurt out. How did he get himself into this situation? He should have known better than to say anything about his crush on Kurt Hummel to Tina Cohen-Chang. She was one of the biggest gossips back in high school. He’d thought she would have mellowed with age, but she only seemed to get worse.

Of course, working for one of the most socially relevant magazines on the planet probably didn’t help much.

Blaine would be more willing to take the plunge and ask Kurt out if he knew for certain Kurt was single. But the man has been so private about the juicier details of his life since he joined Vogue that, beyond knowing his name, that they’re both from Ohio, that he’s an only child whose mother passed away when he was young, that he has a healthy obsession with Alexander McQueen, and he’s gay, Blaine doesn’t know anything else about him. But Blaine’s not unique in his knowledge. Most people in the office know those things about Kurt.

All of Kurt’s social media profiles are strictly professional, so cyber-stalking him has been of no help whatsoever. He doesn’t wear a ring or any jewelry that he hasn’t explained away as “inheriting from his mom” or “finding at a thrift store”. He’s never mentioned a significant other, but a hot, successful man like Kurt Hummel has to have a partner! How could Blaine be so stupid as to assume otherwise? He had considered trying his hand at asking Isabelle if she knows anything, but she’s really no better than Tina on the gossip front, and the fewer busybodies Blaine brings into this tragedy, the better.

No way Tina will accept any of this as an excuse though. Blaine knows he’s not going to have any luck convincing her that this is hopeless, and he’s not going to shake her if he doesn’t at least give it a try. Worse, if he makes it his mission to avoid Kurt, Tina will probably go up to him and ask him out for Blaine.

Maybe he can call out sick … or dead … or ask for a transfer to a different office.

He’s always thought a change of scenery to Paris or Milan was overdue.

When the drama queen in his head finally takes a seat, Blaine is left with no realistic option than to just go through with it - jump into the deep end with his eyes closed and pray that there’s water in the pool.

“Fine. Since you’re so determined to see me humiliated today, the next time I see him, I’ll ask him.”

“Great.” She beams. “Because he’s coming this way.”

And just like that, the world stops spinning, and Blaine feels like he’s been jettisoned into space. He can’t breathe, and his eyes bulge out of his skull. “What!?”

“Just act natural … Hello, Kurt!” Tina says, waving over Blaine’s head.

Blaine turns just as Kurt walks up and God, if there was ever a day that he looked like a model stepping right out of the pages of … well, Vogue, today is apparently that day. Dressed in one of his signature Alexander McQueen slacks and button-down combos, with his hair combed up and freshly highlighted, he appears to have somewhere important he needs to go other than plain old work.

Or someone special he’s planning on seeing.

“Hello, Tina! Hello, Blaine!”

“Hi …” Blaine barely gets the word out before Tina climbs all over his end of the conversation.

“What a coincidence! We were just looking for you.”

“Were you?” Kurt leans a shoulder against the wall beside Blaine and casually crosses his legs at the ankles.

“A-ha. There’s something that Blaine here wants to ask you.”

Blaine should have known it was coming. Wasn’t that what their conversation had just been about? And yet, the second she says it, Blaine feels the entire universe start to fold in on him, the pressure gathering in his stomach, threatening to rip him apart. “What? No, I …”

“Oh, don’t believe him, Kurt. He was just talking about it. Wouldn’t shut up about it, actually.”

“Really?” Kurt looks extremely intrigued as he turns his full attention to the man trying his hardest to sink into the floor and disappear.

“It’s … it’s nothing.” Blaine wrings his hands together so tightly, he cracks his knuckles.

“Oh, don’t be shy, Blaine. Out with it. What do you want?”

“Remember what I said, Blaine,” Tina whispers, leaning conspicuously into Blaine’s side. “Dog you … all day long.”

Blaine looks from Kurt’s handsome face over his shoulder at Tina, bouncing her eyebrows in a suggestively threatening way. His feet go cold. His temples begin to throb. He’s trapped between his best friend and the man he would love to have as his boyfriend, and all he wants to do is vomit. A soundtrack of one-liners from those websites he’s been visiting scroll through his brain as he tries to nail down the one that will both give him insight into whether or not Kurt is single, and give the man a clue that he’s interested. “Oh. Okay. Well, I was just wondering …?”

Do you worry about choking alone in your apartment?

“Yes …?”

Do you often smooch anyone?

“If you’d be …?”

When it’s late at night, and you hear a noise in your house, do you have a pretty good idea who could be making that noise? Or is it scary?

“Yes, Blaine?”

Do you have any friends that are boys that are more than friends?

“If you’re …?”

Is there a missing piece of you out there in the world? Or have you found him?

“… were you thinking of …?”

What piece do you choose in Monopoly? Do you find yourself fighting over the shoe with someone?

In a last ditch effort to think of something – anything – relevant to ask, he looks Kurt over, trying to pinpoint one thing about his appearance that he can mention, something that he can compliment. His eyes settle on Kurt’s hands, on a bag from a nearby deli with a butcher-paper wrapped parcel inside that he’s holding primly with his fingers, and for some reason, becomes fixated on it.

His brain, not in the mood to be of any help, decides that’s what he should go with.

“… are you gonna … finish the other half of that sandwich?”

Blaine’s eyes fall on Tina’s face the second the words are out of his mouth, her look of disbelief mirroring his personal horror.

“Uh, no,” Kurt says with a confused chuckle. “Did … you want to have it?”

“Nope. No. I’m just … curious.”

Kurt tilts his head when Blaine takes a step back right into the wall. “Are you okay? You’re acting a little … odd.”

“Yeah! I’m fine! Totally fine! Completely fine! That’s all I wanted to know. Glad to clear that up. Whew! It’s getting late, isn’t it? And hot? Aren’t you guys hot? No? Well, I have to go. I’ll talk to you later. Bye!”

With Tina and Kurt blocking both his exits, Blaine can’t go far, so he turns to the nearest door, which happens to be a supply closet. He opens it, walks inside, and shuts it behind him, leaving Kurt and Tina stunned in the hallway. Had he been thinking straight, he’d have realized that was probably a bad move on his part - leaving Kurt alone with Tina. But considering the spectacle he made, anything Tina decides to do or say doesn’t matter now. Alone in the cramped closet with silence all around, he covers his face with his hands, on the verge of screaming.

“Oh God,” he mumbles. “Oh God, oh God, oh God!” That couldn’t have gone any worse if he’d planned it that way! What an idiot he is! Why didn’t he just ask Kurt for coffee? It’s a nice, neutral request. If Kurt has a boyfriend, he might politely decline. Or he’d accept Blaine’s invitation regardless and then Blaine could have found out during the natural flow of friendly, platonic conversation. Either way, coffee wouldn’t have killed either of them, and it wouldn’t have made things weird.

Not the way Blaine just did, by asking that stupid question about Kurt’s half-eaten sandwich, and then locking himself in a closet!

Knock-knock-knock!

The door behind Blaine trembles with a gentle but urgent knock, but Blaine doesn’t open it. He’s not coming out again until nightfall, when he’s sure the office will be empty except for a few interns and the janitor. He’ll sneak out under the cover of darkness, put in for that transfer, and with any luck, never bump into Kurt Hummel again.

“Go away, Tina,” Blaine groans. “Dog me if you want, but you’ll have to do it from outside that door because I’m not coming out, and I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Uh … it’s … not Tina,” Kurt says, his voice lowered since, Blaine assumes, there are probably people passing by outside. “Can I come in, Blaine?”

Blaine turns around slowly. He stares at the door for a few seconds, going over his options, including (and he’s not proud of it) pretending like he’s not there, before he realizes things can’t get much worse if he lets Kurt in. And if they do, well, he might as well face them head-on like an adult and stop hiding like a teenager.

“Yes. Yes, of course.” Blaine opens the door and steps aside to let Kurt in. “Careful. It’s a little cramped.”

“At least there’s a light in here. I’d hate to think of you hanging out in the dark. I know from experience that binder clips can be vicious.”

“I thank you for your concern.”

“No problem.” Kurt smiles at Blaine as he walks in. It’s not a patronizing smile, not one of pity. He looks sympathetic, and maybe a little amused. “Nice closet you have here.”

“Oh, it’s not mine,” Blaine says, closing the door behind him. “I came out of the closet years ago.”

Blaine didn’t need any second-rate website to come up with that joke. It was all him, and from the way Kurt laughs, it seems to work.

Maybe being himself has some merit after all.

“That’s a relief,” Kurt says. “Always best to move forward. Try not to look back.”

Blaine hopes that that’s Kurt’s way of telling him that he doesn’t hold any of that embarrassing crap from before against him. And if that’s the case, maybe he can still test the waters …

“You’ve … you’ve lost your sandwich,” Blaine remarks, noting Kurt’s empty hands.

“I gave it to Tina. A bribe to make her go away.”

“Why?”

“Because you still haven’t asked me that question.” Kurt bites his lower lip. “And I thought that maybe it would be easier if you asked me in private.”

“Yeah.” Blaine gulps hard, his heart starting to race. It’s now or never. He only hopes that he and Kurt are on the same page, and if not, that Kurt will be kind enough to let him down easy. “There is a question I’ve been meaning to ask you for a while now …”

“Yes …?” Kurt asks, eyes lighting up a bit more than when they went through this escapade earlier.

“Only … I’m not good at … I mean, I don’t usually have a lot of luck with …”

Kurt puts up a hand, silencing a stuttering Blaine with that simple gesture. “How about I ask you a question? You could say it’s something that I’ve wanted to know for a while, too.”

“Okay.” Blaine sighs, nodding in relief. “Go ahead.”

“Let’s say you wake up at one in the morning, and your apartment is on fire. What do you grab first? Your computer? Your cat?” Kurt raises a brow. “Your boyfriend?”

Blaine ducks his head, shy eyes staring up at Kurt as he feels his cheeks turn pink. “My … my computer. And my dog. I’d grab my dog.”

“And … nothing else?”

Blaine can’t help chuckling. He remembers seeing this question on the third website he went to, but how did Kurt know? It’s easy to assume that Tina told him, but if she didn’t, maybe he and Kurt have more in common than just coming from Ohio. “No. Nothing else.”

“Because …”

“Because, I’m single,” Blaine admits.

Kurt smiles. He takes a step forward, closing the distance, and making their cramped enclosure suddenly spacious with the room that dissolves between them. “What a coincidence,” he says softly. “So am I.”

[bughead-fic-request]

Girls On Film: Part 2

Summary: After insulting every major supermodel in the business, world renowned fashion photographer, Jughead Jones, is paired with up-and-coming model, Betty Cooper.

Words: 3,000

Warnings: Swearing, drinking, mentions of war, sexy times.

A/N: I know nothing about the modelling/photography world. Most of my knowledge comes from America’s Next Top Model. Also, I have nothing against any of the models mentioned in this story.

Part 1 is here and this is also on AO3.

This is for @birdlovesafish​

I also edited this myself so prepare for errors.

“Sports Illustrated called and they want you for the cover of the swimsuit issue.” Betty’s agent, Kevin Keller, explained over the phone.

“Aren’t I a little bony?” She asked but what she really meant was flat chested. She was blessed to have full C cup breasts considering how svelte her frame was but she was no where near the Sports Illustrated levels of busty.

“The photographer asked for you.” Kevin said.

Betty was in the middle of gathering her text books, her phone pressed between her shoulder and ear. “Which photographer?” She asked slamming them down on her desk, stirring her roommate.

“Jughead Jones.” Betty could hear Kevin smirking through the phone. She told him about the incident she had with Jughead.

It had been four months since her shoot with the famous photographer and she had a surge in bookings. High end shoots working with the Hadid sisters, Jordan Dunn, Lily Aldridge and Miranda Kerr. She scored a full page in Harper's Bazaar when they did a profile on ten models to watch. They put her in pointe shoes, a flowing Zuhair Murad dress and made her dance. There was a tiny blurb about her under a title that read ‘The Face. The Body. The Blonde.’.  She was even featured in a Zayn music video as “The Girl” after Gigi recommended Betty to her pop star boyfriend.  

Everyone wanted to work with the model who made Jughead Jones great again.

“When, where, how much?” She asked.

“You’ll have to leave in two days, it’s in Aruba and they are going to give you $25,000. It’s two days work, you’ll be in Aruba for three.”

Betty knew it would be huge for her career if she was on the cover of Sports Illustrated. She would have huge runway, editorial and swimsuit jobs under her belt. She could continue to pay for school, complete it at her own pace and have a huge chunk of savings to fall back on. Having a famous photographer in her back pocket could be beneficial as well.

She couldn't lie to herself, she had been thinking of Jughead a lot over the four months they had been apart. There was something about him that rooted itself in her mind and would not let go. She wasn't sure if it was his handsome face, a face that could have found a place on the other side of the camera or if it was his confidence. It could have been fact that he was very good at his job or the flashes of vulnerability he showed her when she started to critique him and his work. She still felt bad about what she had said and wanted to apologize. Everything that had happened to her in the whirlwind four months had happened because of him.

“If they can pay me $50,000, I’ll do it.” She said hanging up the phone and heading to class.

A day later Kevin got back to her with a confirmation that they were willing to pay her the $50,000.

The day after that she was on a plane flying into Aruba’s capital Oranjestad.

She was put up in a suite in a five star hotel and was told she was allowed to order and watch whatever she’d like. Sports Illustrated was covering everything.

She was set to meet Jughead and the two other models she would be photographed with, Emily Ratajkowski and Imaan Hammam, for dinner.

Betty slipped into a white sundress and headed down to the hotel’s restaurant. Jughead was already there when she arrived.

“Hey.” He said starting to get up but stopped when she began to shake her head.

“Don’t stand, please.” She smiled awkwardly as she took her seat. She tried desperately to think of something to say. “Thanks for recommending me for this. It’ll be really good for my career.” She finally managed.

“You’re the best model I’ve ever worked with other than the greats; Cindy, Linda, Naomi, Gisele. It’s not fair the new wave get all the attention just because their moms were famous models. Sometimes the photographers have to fight for the fresh faces, the ones that are models, not just beautiful girls.” He rubbed the back of his head.

“Wait, how old are you? You didn’t shoot Cindy Crawford and Naomi Campbell in their hay-day, did you?” Betty asked her brow furrowed together.

He laughed. “No, no, I’m thirty-three. I did a shoot with those women for Vogue celebrating the first true supermodels though.”

They sat in silence for a couple of moments until the waiter came around and placed a dirty martini down in front of her. She couldn’t help but smile and took a deep breath in. “I just want to say I’m sorry, I was so rude the last time you saw me.” Betty said. “All the anger I felt over the things you said to me years ago and the hurt you caused my roommates just boiled over. It’s not fair. They’re grown women, they made a choice.” She shook her head.

Jughead sighed. “I really had no intent of sleeping you that night.”

Betty raised her eyebrows.

Jughead sighed. “That’s not what I mean, you are beautiful and I’m very attracted to you but I wanted you to come over so I could show you some of my other photography. I didn’t start off in fashion.” He ran his hand through his dark hair.

Betty bit her lip. “Maybe another time you can show me. I would love to see it.” She said taking a sip of her drink.

“Can I ask you another question?” He asked tugging at his white dress shirt.

“Shoot.”

“Why are you a model? You seemed so unimpressed by the whole shebang.”

“I’m doing this to pay for school. I’m going part-time at Columbia. I’m also saving so when I become too old for this work I have a nice nest egg. I want to be able to live a quiet life without worrying.” She shrugged.

“Is that why you asked for more money?” Jughead asked. “For school?”

Betty’s face flushed. “That’s part of it but I kinda asked for more money to piss you off, make you fight with SI to get me.” She smirked.

“That $25,000 came out of my pay.” He admitted.

Betty’s eyes widened. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think they would take it from you-”

He shook his head. “Its fine. You deserve it and I was willing to do anything to get you to agree.”

She couldn’t fight the smile that spread across her lips. She looked up at him and met his gaze. He as looking at her like she was the only person in the room, dazzled by her presence. “What are you studying?” He asked, changing the subject.

“Finance.” She took a sip of her drink.

“That sounds really boring.”

“It is but it’s practical and with the world the way it is, you can’t just follow your dreams or your passions. I know I can’t model forever and finance will always be a profession.”

“Do you have a dream?” He asked her.

She smiled. “I want to live in a quiet little farmhouse with someone I love and a hundred dogs.” She confessed.

“That’s a doable dream. All you need to do is find someone you love.”

“And a farmhouse. And a hundred dogs.” She looked up at him with a grin pulling at her lips.“What’s your dream?” She questioned.

“I’m living it.” She said with a smirk.

“This is all you want?”

“Maybe one day I want to fall in love with someone who accepts me, someone who matches me. I just haven’t met her yet.” He took a sip of his scotch. “Until I do, this life suites me just fine.”

“Are you type to fight against love?” She inquired.

He gazed at her. “I hope I’m not. I hope after everything I’d be the type of guy who would go for it.”

Betty gave him a reassuring smile and place her hand over his without thinking. He looked down at it and then back at her, mild shock on his face caused by the tender gesture.

At that moment Emily and Imaan showed up and Betty pulled her hand away. The four of them shared a meal, drank more than they should have and discussed what the next three days held.

The next morning Betty was up at 5am to get into hair and makeup. She spent the rest of the day frolicking around in barely there bikinis with Emily and Imaan in crystal clear waters and white sand beaches.

The next day Jughead shot Emily and Imaan separately and devoted the entire last day to shooting Betty. It was an easy shoot.

“Just be the girl next door.” He winked at her as he brought the camera back up to his eye.

“I thought I needed to be sexy.” Betty said, her fingertips raking through the surface of the water.

“The girl next door is sexy. We all want to get with the good girl we see dancing in bra and panties through our bedroom window.” He snapped a few more photos. “The voluptuous girl with the great mouth may be the fantasy but you’re the dream.”

Betty looked down, blushing, a small smile pulling at her lips. Jughead snapped another photo and looked down at the screen. “Beautiful.” He whispered looking back up at her. They made eyes at each other until a PA cleared their throat snapping both out of their daze and they continued with the rest of the shoot.

That night Betty paced her room deciding what to do before they left on different flights the next morning. She was deciding whether or not she wanted to make her relationship with Jughead a little less professional.

She called down to the front desk and ordered a bottle of red wine. She put on light wash jeans short and a white tank top with no bra and headed down the hall to his room, took a deep breath and knocked.

He was shirtless and in a pair of well worn jeans which hung off his hips when he answered the door. “Betty.” He said with an undertone of shock. “What are you doing here?” He asked.

She showed him the bottle. “Do you want to show me your photographs? Unless you’re busy.”

“No.” He answered almost too quickly. “Come in.”

She took a step into his hotel room which was nicer than hers. She bit back her annoyance with Sport Illustrated and walked over to the small kitchen, looking for a corkscrew. She uncorked the wine and poured them both a glass. “You wanna show me some of your work before you got into fashion? I have to be honest, I’ve only see your work in the industry.”

“Fashion is where the money is. Time loves a gut wrenching photo but they certainly don’t want to pay for it.” He walked over to the couch were his laptop was open. “I got sick of risking my life. It wasn’t for nothing but I guess I’m a selfish person. I decided photographing beautiful women was better than waking up every morning wondering if I was gonna die.”

She sat down beside him, curling her feet under her butt, leaning towards him.

He opened a folder and showed her photo after photo he took while he was in the Middle East shooting the Iraq War. “I was 18 when the war started and I was too cowardly to be a solider so I decided to go and document it.”

He showed her photos of soldiers silhouetted in smoke, soldiers in action jumping from helicopters, helping the wounded onto trucks and planes. He also had photos of an Iraqi child crying while walking through rubble lined streets, a woman holding her dead son and civilians cowering in corners, weeping.

They were beautiful but he didn’t shy away from showing the horrors of war and he didn’t glorify one side over the other. He showed what horrors each side committed against the other and sympathized the the noncombatants caught in the middle.

He flew past one photo and she stopped him, putting her hand on his arm. “Wait, what’s that one?” She asked placing her glass on the table and leaning forward.

Jughead swallowed hard. “Um, I was stationed with a platoon and we were in area of Iraq that was going to be bombed by the U.S. that day. The only problem was no one told us. By the time we figured it out the only thing we could do was run for cover.” He rubbed his face. “We found a small crawlspace close to the ground and hoped for the best. The soldiers were freaking out knowing that we were probably going to die. So I took one last photo and this was it.” The photo contained six soldiers with their eyes closed tight, half of them were praying. Some had tears running down their cheeks. You could see the brick at their back, the low ceiling above them and it was nearly pitch black. The only thing lighting the area was the flash from the camera. “We were there for a day and when we emerged ours was the only building, for as far as I could see, with any structural integrity.” He leaned back. “I stayed for two more months, caught a ride home and started doing fashion.”

“That’s an insane story.” Betty exhaled after holding her breath the entire time he told it.

“It might be why I’m so hard on my models. They get paid so much to do so little and they do nothing but complain. Even more so now and they aren’t even good at it. It’s all bored expressions and dead eyes. I’m so sick of photographing the Hadid sisters and Kendal Jenner.” He rubbed his eyes and fell back against the sofa.

She smacked him lightly on the shoulder. “Hey, the Hadid’s have been kind to me.” She grinned. “Is there anything you still like photographing?” She asked.

He looked over at her. “I love photographing you.” He answered without thinking and mentally cursed himself for using the word love.

Betty couldn’t help herself when she leaned in and pressed a kiss onto his lips. It was sweet and chaste at first, both testing the waters to see if the chemistry the both thought was there actually existed. Finally Jughead cupped Betty’s face pulling her close to him, encouraging her to straddle him which she eagerly did.

She weaved her hands through his hair as she rolled her hips into his searching for much needed friction.

He moaned before parting from her. “Aren’t you afraid you’re just going to become another one of the girls I’ve photographed?” He asked placing kisses down her long neck.

“I’m not too worried.” She breathed. “Something tells me I’m not going to be able to shake you.” She laughed before looking down and capturing his mouth with hers. She ran her tongue over his bottom lip and he met her in the middle, their tongues rolling over the other.

Betty took her shirt off and tossed it on the couch beside them.

His hands went to her breasts palming them in his large, slightly calloused hands. He lightly rolled and pinched her nipples between his fingers. She mewled at the contact as her nails dragged down his muscular arms. He lowered his head to take a nipple into his mouth, pulling and teasing it with his teeth and tongue.

She leaned forward, panting from his touch as her hands went for his jeans button. “Jug, I want you.” She purred, unzipping his pants as far as she could.

He lifted her off of him and stood, running into the other room and running back with a metallic square in his hand. He let his pants drop to the floor leaving him completely naked and on display. “Can I take your picture?” She giggled as she stared at his long erect cock.

He grinned but blocked her when she went to reach for his camera. “You can take a thousand pictures of me later but now, now I need you.” He said pulling her shorts off her long legs leaving her just as naked as he was.

He rolled the condom over his length and positioned himself in between her legs, sinking himself into her wet core. She gasped at the sensation, wrapping her legs around his waist, wanting him to go deeper. Jughead built a rhythm, getting faster with each penetration until he was pounding into her. The angle he was at allowed him to rub up against her clit with each thrust, bringing them both to the edge of orgasm.

“Jug!” Betty choked out as she came, clenching around him as she dissolved into the pleasure of her climax.

Jughead joined her moments later as he bit her shoulder.

They were still for a few moments before Jughead pulled out and collapsed on the couch beside her. “You’re heading back to New York tomorrow, right?” He asked, his breathing still erratic.

She nodded. “I have class and probably a few other shoots to do. I have you to thank for that.” She laughed looking over at him.

He shrugged. “I have a place in the city. If you need a quiet place to study, you are welcome to it. You can crash there. I mean having seven roommates can’t be easy.” He was rambling.

“Are you going to be there?” She asked.

“I was thinking of changing some things up, I’ve been in L.A. for too long.” He looked over at her and grinned. “And if my muse is going to be in New York, then New York is were I need to be.” He leaned over and kissed her, picking her up and caring her into the bedroom.

[cryptonewsupdates]

Out-of-state ownership hamstrings effort to revive Broad Ripple eyesore | 2018-04-06 | Indianapolis Business Journal

Broad Ripple’s leaders are working to confront a long-standing challenge in the heart of the village: what to do about a mostly vacant commercial building whose out-of-state owners have allowed the property to slide downhill for years.

Developers say the spot, which sits just east of College Avenue on the south side of Broad Ripple Avenue, is ripe for redevelopment—maybe a multi-story mixed-use development similar to others that have recently opened or are in the works elsewhere in the neighborhood.

But nothing can happen unless the current property owners agree either to sell or redevelop the site—and that’s the sticking point. Broad Ripple officials say they’ve tried many times, with no success, to get the owners to take action.

Fanning

“This specific landlord has been problematic for a very long time,” said Colleen Fanning, an Indianapolis city-county councilor who represents Broad Ripple. “Trying to get that building moving in the right direction is a definite priority for the village.”

Sonia Finkelstein, a former Indianapolis resident who now lives in Las Vegas, said she and her son, Theodore, own the property and intend to make changes soon.

The mother, who turns 77 this month, said she’d had some health problems recently and Theodore, 52, let the condition of the property slide because he was helping her.

Now, she said, they are prepared to act, although she offered no specifics.

“I know that we need to do something with the property,” Finkelstein said. “In the next month, we’re either going to sell it or we’re going to develop it.”

The building, which includes storefronts with the addresses 733 through 743 Broad Ripple Ave., is a weather-beaten retail center that sits on a third of an acre between College and Carrollton avenues. The building’s facade is faded and scarred with outlines where former tenants’ signs once hung. Longtime tenant Sasha’s Jewelry & Watch Repair closed in 2016. By January 2017, Hardwicke’s Pipe & Tobacco was gone. A shoe-repair shop is the building’s sole remaining tenant.

“Location-wise, it’s a great piece of property,” said Todd Camesasca, a broker with Indianapolis-based Kosene and Kosene Commercial. “I think it’s a question a lot of people have asked—why it sits like that.”

Camesasca is working to find a tenant for the former Wild Beaver Saloon, which is immediately west of the Finkelstein property. Wild Beaver moved out about a year ago.

When asked if the condition of the Finkelstein building is hindering his efforts to find a tenant for the former saloon spot, Camesasca replied, “I’ll try to diplomatically say it: It’s not helping.”

The property has been in the Finkelstein family for decades. Sonia Finkelstein said her late husband, Irwin, owned the property along with his father. When Irwin died in 1999, the property passed down to Theodore.

In 2009, property records show, Theodore transferred the property to Doheny Holdings LLC. Theodore Finkelstein and Sonia Finkelstein are listed as managers of the LLC, according to paperwork filed with the Indiana secretary of state.

Today, the vacant spaces sit across Broad Ripple Avenue from BMO Harris and Huntington banks. Louie’s Wine Dive is a few doors to the west, with The Vogue around the corner. The Broad Ripple Tavern sits to the east.

High occupancy

The building doesn’t have the only vacancies in Broad Ripple—even along the village’s main strip—but they are the most prominent.

About a block east is a building—owned by the Broad Ripple Freemasons Lodge 643—where a Subway sandwich shop closed in January. Across the street, Condado Tacos is preparing to open in space last occupied by Village Tap Room and formerly Chumley’s.

Fira Boutique in the 900 block of Broad Ripple Avenue closed earlier this year, but a menswear shop, Anthony Leigh, has already announced it will open in the spot in May. Down the block, sandwich shop Erbert and Gerbert’s closed this year.

Still, real estate experts say the village is healthy, with high occupancy rates throughout.

Lee Hargitt, treasurer of the Freemasons Lodge 643, said his organization has gotten lots of interest from potential tenants since Subway left.

“Within days, we were getting phone calls and emails and inquiries,” Hargitt said. The Freemasons will likely fill the space with another fast-food tenant, he said, though they are open to other types of tenants if the right deal comes along.

And village leaders project the retail situation will improve, with more than 500 apartments opening now or in the works. They hope adding 1,000 or so people to the immediate area will bolster daytime traffic in the neighborhood.

It’s still too early to see a big bump from the new apartments—but there’s every reason to expect one is coming, said Steve Delaney, a broker with CBRE.

“All of these new apartments are bringing all kinds of neighbors to the area that are looking for amenities,” Delaney said.

He’s the broker for a vacant space formerly occupied by Applebee’s, at 1072 Broad Ripple Ave. in the Riverview Plaza just west of Broad Ripple High School.

Delaney said a deal is “imminent” to fill that space with a regional restaurant chain he declined to name.

Applebee’s vacated the space in the fall of 2016. The size, at 4,800 square feet, is larger than many fast-casual restaurants need, Delaney said, so it took a while to find a new tenant.

The expected boom in commercial real estate is one reason Broad Ripple Village leaders are so eager to get the Finkelstein property cleaned up and occupied.

This week, Fanning became executive director at the Broad Ripple Village Association, a group that is a combination resident association, merchant association, community development corporation and tourism office.

In her new role, Fanning said, she intends to build on the association’s efforts to make something happen with the property.

But there might be few legal options.

If a property deteriorates to the point that it’s in violation of city codes, enforcement officers can issue citations to the owner to bring the property up to code.

That process hasn’t applied to the Finkelstein property, Fanning said.

“They keep it in just good enough condition that they’re not finable,” she said. “We really don’t have much of a legal mechanism to get them to act.”

City records show an inspector visited the property in August 2014 to check for possible zoning violations, but issued no citations.

‘Plenty of buyers’

Instead, peer pressure might be the neighborhood’s best option. That’s what Brooke Klejnot, the association’s former executive director, tried repeatedly. She led the group for six years before leaving the position in January and said she and the group’s board members had numerous conversations with the Finkelsteins—sometimes as frequently as multiple times per month—about the need to improve or redevelop their property.

“Overall, I wasn’t able to make much progress in that area. The family expressed interest and then would backpedal,” Klejnot said. “They were never unfriendly or unwilling to have a dialogue. They just seemed like they were unsure of the direction they were willing to take.”

  Perel

Broker Gary Perel, a principal and senior director of retail at Indianapolis-based ALO Property Group, described a similar circumstance in his dealings with the Finkelsteins several years ago.

Perel said he worked with them for about two years to find a buyer for their property, calling it “one of my stranger experiences—and I’ve had some strange ones.”

The property attracted at least five solid offers, Perel said, but the Finkelsteins couldn’t decide whether to sell and didn’t follow through on any of the deals. “There’s plenty of buyers—just, these guys are incapable of making decisions.”

Though Perel said he can’t recall the specific amounts, he believes the offers were for around $2 million. According to Marion County property records, the property’s current assessed value is $319,500.

Sonia Finkelstein said she and her son are willing to sell the property “if we get the right price,” though she declined to say what that might be.

Broad Ripple Village Association President Joshua John said he’s had about 10 phone conversations with Sonia Finkelstein and believes she has unrealistic expectations about the value of the property.

“She thinks it’s worth about double what any developer would be willing to pay her,” John said. “It’s economics, and she doesn’t quite grasp that.”

Finkelstein said she feels a sense of urgency to act now because of the recent loss of tenants.

“It’s time to do something, because we’ve got an investment,” she said. “Somehow, we’ll manage to do the right thing.”•

[chaoscrystals]

Every note in my phone 19

Maybe I can speed up the present. All I can think about is how I'm going to dominate the art world. I guess that's kind of fucked up? I feel dizzy and like my blood sugar is low. My body must look so disgusting I'm always burping. I must be disgusting that's why Ariel never hits me up All I can think about is how I want an art empire that is accessible to people of all races and social classes And how I want this sandwich I'm about to go eat. I'm so much fatter than I was when I was 18 that's why Ariel never hits me up anymore!!! :(__(_((((( It's really not worth beating myself up over. Pretty sure I got a yeast infection from fucking him anyway. * Why does my back hurt so much why does everything hurt why is life pain. when have I gotten to the point where I can hold all my pain and all my ecstasy at the same time, for one moment and then the moment ends and I'm back on the train again trying to make time go faster. If I was decaying I would look like black and pus and torn flesh, strips of flesh covering what once was my body. She killed me and left me in the woods to die. Put me in the back of her trunk. Headlights were right blue. Righteous and it was..she thought it was good.  I wasn't either dissatisfied, but isn't dying to hurt and be sad? I could spit black tar right here and people would probably just turn away in disgust, I could vomit up maggots, yeah girl its the same as it is for you too. I don't want you anymore he always wanted me. I'm taking you with me. Now we are dead. It came to me in a flash I had a divine vision. Of music. And being alone. * The boy means everything to me I got him in the corner of my sleeve, oh the bend of my elbow i lean on the table looking over at you I see the empty glass it magnifies you I'm ready I'm ready we're starting again, you're starting to break my heart again * Male exclusivity needs to die. Some men really can't be around women if they aren't fucking someone it seems. Ugh. Get away from me. Wake the fuck up. Sorry that everyone made us think that our bodies alone are sexual and need to be covered. I do so many non sexual things with my body. Americans can tend to being lethargic. I'm so angry * Im all caught in vines . sleeping time leaks the day its dripping in green and surrounding me. Phonetically speaking I think your words have more meaning than you realize Pick it up again inspired by my friends and I'm feeling feeling so good. Pack up your bags and take a vacation take yourself to rockaway * There's nothing special about me I bet you could compare me to any other girl in the world and id seem just the same, got a pretty face and her head isn't too bad either. And if you asked me today id say I don't think nothing special about me neither but id tell you what I know, that I'm the girl who would love you the most. * The praise on the water sought after colorful lights and pure tones Praise phoning in for a second chance in glasses cracked in the pavement red warring the light and wearing it as a disguise, praise be had, our Lord has grown old * Y stomach is too full its so full but I'm hungry and I don't have the energy to digest. I never needed to eat that much * So excited to be your own boss until the app doesn't give you work!! I'm gonna stop acting like I'm not doing things for a reaction or to make people think something of me. I am. Including playing music I am almost to the point where I dont have near anxiety attacks from eating around people. Proud of myself Taking kindness at surface level only is probably not going to cause any progress. Take all of me, baby. Even if I'm mean from time to time. I'm not okay with people's boundaries being broken in a monogamous relationship. But I don't really believe in monogamous relationships. Maybe I'm just cynical but it seems like there are too many rules. Or maybe it's all a ploy to lure guys in because they'll think I'm easygoing but I'm not I want to tell everyone every single one of my thoughts that sounds like a fun game * Jonathan is on my mind I've always had a craving for a good hearted musician and someone who will counter my unbalance, prince charming rides in on a horse, who brought the horse into the street who's mans is that? Are they getting with the plan do they understand or do you only like me because i have connections to new dimensions * I'm in love with nothing This haunting feeling Like I know what comes next I'm in love with nothing There's a hole in my heart when its growing apart it gets darker and smaller and I'm falling in love with you again * It isn't fair he will never hear me. He will never see me or understand me, when the mere sight of him sends me spinning away from anything easy to feel, I'm feeling so dreary one second and the next I got jets on my feet, flying over the moon cause I'm so in love with you * I just enjoy Jonathan is my whole heart!! One day he will know * Songs to write out Gracias a la vida Stormy weather Good morning heartache Lover man where can you be April in Paris * I want to tell people how hard my life is! * My song for you This is my song for you I like everything you do When I see you its like a cool breeze graced me with unending presently waiting pleasant and unchanging you seem stable to me, and I even like you when you're rocky. I like the lyrics I like the melody, you're like music, lets make a baby And live together In the city and very far. We can have two houses and even a car This is my song for you I like everything you do When I realized it was you Wrap it in red and a bow, kiss my head, after your show I know I can be a hard one to break, I've heard all these stories of heart break, what do I choose, what to listen, use or lose. But I know when I'm with you my dreams start coming true * Deep desires Understand the universe. Have someone accompany me in my sadness and despair. I want to come back together I want to feel enlightened I want everyone to feel goddamned enlightened I'm definitely willing to open up portals make everyone realize we are collectively manifesting our reality I want everyone in new York city to know my name nova luz, the body inhabited by us. She needs a companion. Lets get her a partner or two. * How do i really feel about the boys that I think I love? My Spanish tongue isn't too sharp....I wish...shit man, you just have to try harder to get it right. Laser mind. Not tonight. Michael is the name of an angel and no matter how hard I try or how much I'm thinking about Jonathan I still wonder about Michael and we spent more time together than Jonathan and I ever have. Fuck me. What are either of them up to? Why do neither of them talk to me. Haven't seen either one in weeks. I think I feel like I'm attached or in love. No matter how hard I try to forget...not trying hard enough you stupid fucking cunt! You're so fucking weak nova!. I wish someone knew how much I fucking hate myself sometimes I don't get why I just internalize this and nobody can ever know and its always a dead end fall off a cliff and snap your spine on the rocks before you drown and are pummeled by the waterfall FUCK. I think about them every day I wish I had a boyfriend, but malificence red lipped and hooded with festering infections on her skin, she's standing in the way, she's guarding the little red dog in my heart, the little puppy with forgetful parents, crying and underfed in an alley way alone, you only care about the way it looks. The loving puppy. Loving little dog I love you so much I love you no matter what even if you took a knife to my throat severed my veins and rendered my body a corpse I would still love you. Shit man that's fucking intense. That's a part of me that needs some help. The unconditionally loving part.....have I been deceived? I feel as though she has been deceived, and people always want to exploit her loving nature. This is the world I live in today. What if I wake up tomorrow on another planet? Is my boyfriend going to be there? If it was a planet with fruit orchards brightly colored things little houses and healthy atmosphere I would be down. Since I'm making it up, my boyfriend is there too. He loves me and we only need each other. I love him so much it fills me with fullness and vibrancy. He loves me so much. We spend most of our time together enjoying the planet, and sometimes we cook a big feast together for our friends and they come over and we all play music and drink wine * I guess now is an appropriate time to work on my issues with jealousy right? Actually...maybe ill wait What if it was a giant poetic metaphor? Green goop spilling from my heart and getting stuck in my pelvis..melting out of my pelvis out onto the floor. My physical my non physical. Non psychic but spiritual. Elephants from India are a shymbol for wealthy. And poor. Bread. Winning. Happy family. Sad family. Bread. Okay Maybe now I can work on my massive jealousy issues. Okay I'm going to start by listing scenarios that make me jealous Any female speaks to a boy that I like (level 10 code red situation) Someone's life looks shinier than mine Julia's in middle eastern vogue My friends have things that I want Other people have things that I want Other peoples bands are playing at cooler venues I am literally not a musician my name is Harriet and I never leave my apartment. Yo these sensory hallucinations are too much sometimes. That was a side note. I think my biggest issue is that when I am into someone in a romantic way, I get really upset when I see them talking to like, anyone of the opposite sex. Or of the same sex with Ursula. Or when someone is skinnier than me. Sometimes I get jealous cause of that which is not allowed because I am not allowed to have an eating disorder. Why is Julia getting so much attention while simultaneously being underweight and anorexic??? Noooo oh my god is she okay? Is everyone else okay?? Why is that allowed are you people fucking retarded? I can't do these things without having a million other thoughts. But I'm breaking the surface which is something. This is a deep fear for me I don't intend to leave unchecked. * I want somebody to love. I think writing all this sad lonely poetry can't be helping kts hard not to hate yourself sometimes. I wish someone was reading this. I really want a boyfriend so badly but I'm resisting it because in want it to be Jonathan so I'm waiting for him and ignoring everyone else.that's scary I don't know where he's at. He never talks to me. I want to smash glass bottles over his head for being so detached Fuck you!!! He never talks to him I mean me but I think about him pretty much every day.this hurts Why am I being like this? Lately everything I do is to get his attention. I want to cry. I hardly get any attention from him this is ripping me up inside.I just keep these fantasies in my head and I fall in love with them but it's an illusion I'm in love with an illusion. This hurts my chest. All I want is his attention and he isn't giving me any!!! I should turn around and walk the other way but I know I wont because I'm still in my fantasies that we are the same and that he gets weird crazy visions as well and that I was a part of his. I think I'm going to be wrong. My heart.. * I'm hitting the resin in my pipe again. And writing semi cohesive notes about my feelings. Am I using boys as a distraction from my problems? Why do I always want someone to hear the most insecure parts of me....I always always share my deep insecurities, like, first before we even get to know each other. What a weird kind of flirting style that's so weirded out by myself. Like, why? Do I not realize that most people are too in denial to accept insecurities in someone else? Especially in a package as cute as a nova. I have some pretty great ideas in my head..heart..butt..whatever...all of me......... Dot dot dot * Feeling A poem by nova luz palaquibay brener Written in September of 2017 I can feel everything. Mannequin pussy is famous they were in new York Times and rolling stone and a bunch of other big name publications. In happy for them. Not like when Julia's thing got famous. Even though I didn't spend a ton of time with any of these people, they changed my life. I still feel a little intimidated by that world, by the professional world and its cutthroat attitude. I don't really like it or want to participate. I just wanna have a nice apartment with a nice boy and wake up at 7 am every day. I still want to play rock music Its fun Mannequin pussy has that song where Marissa goes "I'm feeling it all I gotta get home I gotta get up" I'm feeling it all I'm feeling it all I just want to share a room with a nice boy and Rowan can come too And we can have small shows where we support each other for the things we love about each other and we still love each other when the other one is being an asshole. I don't like thinking of myself in a negative way. It feels bad. I'm very childish. I'm insecure that the things I do aren't big enough. That's stupid. I'm mad at my mom for always acting like everything was a huge deal. Like, nothing was ever just chill and normal everything was something. I'm childish inside * September 7 2017 Dear j boxer, There are actually several thousand things I would like to be saying to you, but I don't want to overwhelm you and lose you. Oh my god. You make me so nervous. Did you realize?at flowers for all occasions. I have never been more stressed out at a show in my life. I was hyper focused on what you might be thinking of me. I want to pour out all the imbalance I feel and you can watch it run down into the drains Yes I still think about that. And don't think that the only side of me is erratic and unbalanced and bad, everyone has so many sides. I know you think the way i play is interesting. I know I can play well. I feel like I am everything when I think about you. I think about you every day. Would you still love me when I am nervous and insecure? Love me like this or you'll never love me at all, you can only leave me if you don't love me like this, my all. My heart. Sometimes I get chest pains What do you think about me? My dream partner is someone I can put together shows with. but not ordinary shows. I don't know. But it would be something. I can envision my dream partner: active, healthy, compassionate, loving, open, creative, enjoys sex, kisses my neck. Is it fair to tell you this? Am I asking too many questions? Is it fair that I want to tell you all this but we haven't exchanged a single word in weeks? I can't explain it, its a feeling in my body, it feels so electrifying I don't ever want to stop. I'm sorry I have to test you so much. I can't help it. I think I'm like that with everyone. I wonder what you are doing now? If I said I wasn't feeling good would you sit with me in the park and put your arm on my shoulders? Even when my eyes are puffy and dry? * I don't know there's a vacuum in my heart and silver worms that live inside the vacuum, ever present resilient love the lasting energy in my blood, that they feed off of. Freed some space for their babies I know it couldn't be any other way, but sometimes I resent my mother for leading me to believe this. Because my religion is based in pain, my suffering will cleanse my sins and if you don't know then you must be unclean, I got to tell you how I see it. Everyone is looking at me Cause there's maggots in my heart, I can feel them squirming around, I can feel the top shell of muscle straining to get ahead of them to get on top of them, maggots squirming around in my heart, eating my muscles. My mind is unfocused. All I can see is misery. But its okay. The lord wants me to be this way. With a red-skinned entity hanging onto my shoulders and telling me "no, don't go there, you dog". Maggots in my heart. Maggots eating my heart * September 8 2017 Dear Jonathan Hi, how are you? Its been a couple of weeks since we last met. I am pretty much still the same. Hopefully I'm going to get a job teaching kids! Maybe one day you will fall in love with me. What have you been thinking of since I last saw you?do you want to tell me? Do you think about me? Do you want to hold hands? Can I kiss you in the dark on the street? Can I kiss you in front of people? I'm trying really hard not to take things too fast. Part of me really believes you and I are the same person. I really like how you make me feel..I always think about what it would be like to fuck you again. I really want to. I think I will. But there's one thing I'm wondering. Like what kind of relationship do you want? Do you like the idea of having me around or is this like "ill see you when I see you" No it can't just be fine I have insane feelings about you I need to know. I can be fine with what you want..I just want to know I'm not gonna hurt myself falling for you when I don't need to. If I'm just living on the promise of what I think you and I could be, I need to know if I'm right, right? Oh shit this doesn't sound good I'm spiraling into a panic. Oh god. Just tell me if you want to be with me!! Sorry I kind of get these intense insecurities. Then I like to wallow in them. Love me? Hah. To not end this letter on a sad desperate note, I will say the following: I like how you look I think you are very handsome, I like how you sing and play even when you lose your focus you sound amazing to me, I want to kiss you all over be naked with you and have my chest against yours, and feel your arms. I hope you don't mind me saying I love you and that I have a lot of love for you in my heart because I am insatiably attracted to you, and I also think you are kind but distant, and I think you are very loving and radical in your ideology, but you aren't annoying and liberal and show-offy about it. I like how much you know about music and music history, I think you are really smart. I want to kiss you all over. I feel so passionate when I think about you. It feels like you live in my heart and that's why I love you. I really really want to tell you. I don't know what could happen I just need to fuck you. I want you so badly, body and soul and mind. * August 9 Honey I want to marry you I love your sweet and bitter tastes Even on your sour days You make me believe That all my desires can be mine And I know my heart is true When I'm near you Yes I may have immense pools of jealousy, but honey, its nothing to me, when you bring me back home In a sentimental way, I say, oooooohhh you're too good for me The way we play together Like in our youth I feel like our life is a union, oh know honey I want to be true to only you We spend our days rushing around But I dream of a night where, without a sound I can slip into bed next to you, and you will hold me close, you're then the only other person I need to know, you're my everything Oh my honey I love you, you know I do, I would spend my days working for you, because I do love all the things you do And at night when the moods right, ill look into your eyes and say my sweetie, you know I love you.