#maybe assuming someone is a bad person
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The only reason people don't like [insert media] is because they all [insert example of moral/political weakness].
#someone said that me not liking popular bootok books was#'pick-me behavior'#because not liking romance as a genre means i hate women i guess#got told a similar thing a while back because i never had a homestuck phase#something like 'people who don't like homestuck probably bullied their neurodivergent classmates'#couldn't possibly be that i tried reading#simply didn't enjoy it#and moved on to other things#i don't know#maybe assuming someone is a bad person#because they don't like the same entertainment as you#is bad
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Hi, it's me again. I decided to follow your advice and try to seek out your 'actually serious' analysis, which led me to your komahina bible, the most easy to find compilation of this supposed analysis. Here are my thoughts-
1) Overview
- Most of this 'analysis' isn't analysis but a summary/overview of the game. It's not so much a 'bible' as a children's book summary of the bible, which at that point it would be better to play the actual game itself. It's clear it was made for a presentation on the 'uninitiated' if you will, but if that's the case, you shouldn't be advertising it as the literal bible on the subject.
- When you are not regurgitating points from the game beat by beat, the screen is halfway filled with either manga panels or fanart. My gripes with manga panels are, that even though they do depict the events of the game, the way they can be depicted by the artist can be pretty subjective due to the freedom of the medium in comparison to sprites, and that the role of one character can differ depending on whose pov manga it is (chiaki vs nagito). Fan art therefore should be scrutinized even more since it fully depicts abstracted and even the fandomified version of events, leading to situations where it's either unclear what is actually happening or betrays your more shallow view of the characters (i talk abt this later.)
- When you do use pictures directly from the game it's either a possible screenshot from a memorable moment or dialog from the wiki, limited almost exclusively to the freetime events. This leads me to believe that you haven't actually played the game(there are other factors hinting towards this) or watched a Let's Play of it, but going off of merely information that's already widely known and circulating within the fandom, and easy to search on the wiki.
2) Incorrect/Questionable information
Here I'll compile a lot of information that's either plainly wrong or baffling to having come to that conclusion , leading more credence to the theory that you either haven't actually played the game or your memory of it isnt as good as you think.
-"if Nagito's plan went off of without a hitch, he would have killed anyone that was closes to him at the time" plainly wrong. Komaeda's goal from the start was to make himself the victim, so by dying this way his death could have meaning and help the others. For somebody that keeps talking about Komaeda's "Martyr complex" this is truly a weird take to have.
-"Nagito...got the nurse for sure sick" is there any proof that specifically points to Komaeda for this? I believe the takeaway should've been that Mikan got sick because she was around all of them AND she overworked herself trying to take care of them. Is this just an awkwardly phrased attempt to make more of a connection between Tsumiki and Komaeda? I don't think you needed more than the ones that already existed.
- "he helps Junko brainwash a bunch of students" Kamukura at neither point in the anime or Danganronpa 0 was ever specifically implicated in the brainwashing. He never 'helps' Junko, especially in that way. If you meant, participates in the student council killing game, you should've said that, but even then his agency and influence is limited.
-"they found the Remnants and captured them!"...no, they didn't. The Remnants presented themselves as survivors and the Foundation took them in. They handed themselves over willingly. It was a pretty big piece of the final part of the game...
3) Komaeda and Komahina
- "Nagito's habit of putting people on pedestals" Where. Sure, he certainly parrots the belief that the "Ultimates" as a unit are at the top of the food chain and should be prioritised, but its clear that doesn't exactly carry over to his classmates like teruteru, Kuzuryu and even Souda sometimes. Just because of a few positive comments refering to them as Ultimates and the trial which he literally breaks down in, this is a hard position to support.
-"Nagito manipulates Hajime into playing the game" How. He literally just told him to play it. How is that manipulation. Also, isn't it a bit unfair to put the blame on Koizumi's death to him as well? I think they were multiple factors playing into this, but sure, how else are you gonna convince people that Komaeda is a twisted fucking cyclepath that loves leading people to their deaths.
-The way that you say the Kuzuryu/Pekoyama relationship mirrors Komahina as 'I will give up my agency for you/ I just want you' is also confusing. Unless of course you mirror Peko's struggle with her agency and harmful beliefs the clan enforced on her with Komaeda's own belief system, in which case, idk man, i feel like you are giving a bit too much credit to the supposed severity of Komaeda's views and trying too hard to make Hinata the 'rational' and 'grounding' one in the relationship.
- Again, the amount of times you refer to Komaeda as a freak for doing something 'weird' or even being drawn weirdly doing it , mostly in the manga, makes me belief this isn't just an affectionate tongue in cheek joke as you claim, but an actual way in which your interpretation of Komaeda is colored.
-"it doesn't excuse his nonchalance towards tragedy and murder but explains it" what needs to be excused here exactly? Komaeda doesn't need to immediately bawl his eyes out when someone gets killed or else he's suspicious and...bad? I am confused with what you mean by this. If you mean that Komeada shouldn't be so nonchalant about murder because he's constantly trying to kill someone else, that is plainly incorrect and i explained above why.
-Posturing about Komaeda's 'black and white thinking' while in the next exact slide you show fanart of him smugly explaining he has Borderline. First, i want you to explain to me the black and white thinking in a way that isn't "oh, the friends and classmates i previously liked turned out to be fucking terrorists". I think that's a pretty justifiable situation for your thinking to go from white to black. Also, if that is enough credence to assign Komaeda BPD, you really don't know how BPD works, especially since you assigned it to the one character you constantly talk about being a freak (and also lust...pseudo lust? after).
- The insistence with Hinata not really understanding Komaeda and running away, even if he wants to understands him is pretty suspect, especially when compared to the game. Hinata is confused and overwhelmed yes, but it's not just that he wants to understand Komaeda but that he still feels fondness for him, he still follows his advice and puts his faith in him and the way he mourns him in Chapter 5 is also pretty indicative of this. It's just another part in the pattern in you making Hinata the confused, rational, 'morally pure' man that's 'tempted' by 'corrupted' manic pixie mentally ill demon Komaeda. Something tells me your priest AU isn't so much playing with dolls as much as...what you actually believe these characters dynamic is.
- The whole page where Servant is basically made into a joke about how hot and sexy and freaky he is doesn't help your point either.
-The most damning evidence of course is a drawing in the second to last slide, wherein Komaeda is supposed to be analogous to 'guy who has something wrong with him' (distorted, freak, mentally ill) and Hinata is analogous to the guy that 'is the only one that understands them' (the rational one, the relationship of understanding doesn't go both ways).
- Your slide with sources is pretty vague and unclear. Also the way that you credit "Your superior mind" before the game itself when all you've been doing is repeating and misinterpreting the plot of the game is ...ironic
So yeah, that's all I got. Feel free to 'debunk' my observations as much as you please, I just want to know if there's actual basis behind everything you just said or I should go digging for 'the actual serious analysis' yet again.
i think you forgot that fandom is meant to be fun
#ask#anon#tw anon hate#iām not gonna go through each individual point here bc frankly thatād be a waste of my time#so iām just going to say this:#i am someone who makes jokes. funny haha jokes. i Laugh. i Shitpost. Common Fandom Behavior#āfreakā is a word i use to refer to myself more often than anyone else#i view it with a positive connotation. and also kmda is objectively weird!! that is part of what makes his character good#i use 2 definitions of āfreakā: the first is Related To Sex and the second is Strange Or Bizarre#komaeda is a strange and bizarre person who is regularly used for fanservice#you could for sure say maybe i have some sort of bias with calling people āfreaksā but for you to assume ill intent is nasty#that presentation was made to give my irl friends an understanding of what i mean when i talk abt kmhn#ākmhn bibleā is a JOKE title. itās a BIT. i donāt know if youāve noticed but i try to have fun around here#anywho. iām not going to argue semantics with someone who is clearly convinced that i couldnāt possibly know what iām talking about#thatās not worth my time or energy.#iām going to continue to have fun on the internet with my friends. i am going to continue making my funny jokes#i am going to continue to make weird bad not-quite-horny art. and iām going to be happy#you can either block me like an adult and move on with your life. or you can send me another anon#if you do send me that ask know that i will block you. this is a conversation i am done having#because i will not have these conversations with people who refuse fo respect me#itās clear that you have it in your head that youāre smarter than me. which sure whatever believe what you want idgaf#but regardless of how you view me i am not obligated to prove myself to you. ever#thanks for downloading my funny little powerpoint though ^_^
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boy in silly sitting positions compilation
#cats#I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol#I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh#I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day#so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the#writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird#to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in#it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something#''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way#you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj#Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future''#things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up#with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just#stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house#in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty#that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn#There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not#even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy#birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public#ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take#anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some#things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like#2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were#playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol..#Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my#evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas
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girlbossed too hard.... unless...
#like a lot of stuff about kh. one thing being its sprawling plot. love it all fitting together like that#anyway wanted to write a story like that. here i am with my ocs. and now im worried ive made it too confusing#1. maybe it's just because I haven't finished fixing plot holes? 2. maybe it's bc im not telling it in the right order? (random comics)#3. maybe it's because I assume ppl know more than they probably remember? 4. maybe im bad at explaining it?#anyway I talk to ppl about it and they're like ???? about things so now im like hm. i done messed up#problem is. it all makes perfect sense in my head#nomura is this how you felt? is this just the consequences of my actions??#anyway rip me. doomed to pain and suffering since the days of my youth#wanna get better at talking and expressing things but ACK. so hard!!!!#august rambles#text#you may be thinking huh?? you're expressing something rn. and yes. you see. my disease is so annoying. it is not consistent#sometimes I think about it enough i think about ways to talk about it. sometimes I think about it enough and it soaks into my life so...#someone else goes 'hey whats that?' and i go 'oh tiny info about it' as if secretly the person knew everything else because uh#i thought about it so hard. it must be common knowledge??? i don't know things other people don't??#anyway screaming crying i feel like I'm not expressing this right. doomed.
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back on my bullshit (meeting men im in love with). Ben Schwartz is so kind and tall :-) I didnāt totally freeze like when I met the Jonas brothers but the selfies we took are blurry so š
(at least I have these bc I told sam to record the whole thing heheheh)
#also the show was great#I had to slap sam many times bc she was choking from laughter#ben schwartz#bro how did i forget my personal tag for ben#ben schwartz my beloved#me#also forgot me tag#editing tags after the fact to recount the entire experience#so we waited outside for about 10 minutes and I had no expectation of how long it usually takes for him to come out and take pictures#he comes out without a mask which is surprising to me and says āyou guys wanna take some pictures?ā#we all just kinda form a non sensical blob (thereās maybe like 10 ppl total) around him#Brandon Katie and Eugene hang back towards the stage door unsure if anyone wants to chat with them#Iām gushing over how tall and handsome Ben is to my sister who is ready to record our interaction once he gets to me#as I listen to him chatting with the other fans I canāt help but smile and say to my sibling āheās so sweetā every minute#he meets someone who has a cool sketchbook of the skits from the show that he wants to take a picture of#but they need to write their handle so he says heāll talk with some others and get back to them#so he does and then later I see the girl ready to talk to him again off to the side#so I tell her āyou can go ahead and finish talking to himāā and sheās like āare you sure?ā and Iām like duh!#finally itās my turn and he looks at me and says āhi Iām Benā#yes Benjamin Joseph Schwartz I know#he sees me holding my phone and immediately sides steps to get into selfie mode as I ask him if heāll sign my Jean Ralphio figure#he steps back to Be in front of me āyes of course!ā#what insane media training he has#he says āIāve seen this! this is the first one Iāve ever signedā#upon seeing the figure he says āitās beautifulā lol#heās concerned that the sharpie I brought will not show up and I mention that it was probably a bad one to bring because itās pastel#he signs and holds it up (as you can see in the first photo) to make sure itās visible#he hands it back to me and I thank him and he says ādo you want to take a picture?ā#and I say āI would love to!ā and then I hold the Jean Ralphio figure and he looks to my sibling assuming sheās taking the picture#sheās like āno Iām just here for moral support!ā
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you go to a lesbian blog and find it says women only!! no men allowed!!! and go oh! excuse me, um, what about other lesbians? plenty of lesbians are genderqueer... and they go well, okay, go fuck yourself tim chop off your sweaty dick and stop calling yourself a lesbian. you do not have a dick, actually. you think about that fact often, even though it does you no good. you do not tell this person that.
you go to another lesbian blog and it says women only and you try again, and this time they change it to wlw + nblw only (non-men who love non-men :D). and you'll say hey i appreciate that but gender's not really that cut and dry for a lot of people. someone could be both a man and nonbinary, for instance. i just worry that you're looking at nonbinary as a generic third gender, or an extension of womanhood. i mean yeah you include nblw in your tags but all your posts are about pussy-havers exclusively. what's with that? and they say go fuck yourself you pervy man pretending to be a lesbian. you tried to sneak in but i won't let you.
so you go to a lesbian blog with a dozen or so posts about queer people needing to be more weird about it and you sigh in relief. but you still see the men dni. that's odd. hoping for the best, you say hey! i know you mean well but please maybe don't put men dni at the end of the lovely posts on your lesbian blog bc some lesbians are men. and they'll be like ok!! well you're allowed ;) and you say no that's not. no. some men are lesbians not just me. you think about your own dicklessness and wonder if that's why you were given entry. and you add that even if male lesbians are allowed, there's no indication of that. how would anyone know without asking? and they're like ohh gotcha gotcha well men dni + this is for sapphics only!! and you'll be like ok well that treats the concepts of men and sapphics as mutually exclusive identities and i just told you that's not true and you agreed with me so.. i don't think that solves our problem. and they're like. ok. fine. men dni but genderfluid and multigender people are allowed! and you're like no see that's. that's still the same thing.. you're saying the same thing just with different words. if you don't want men to interact but you're fine with multigender/genderfluid/etc ppl interacting then you either don't see them as Real Men (because they don't reach a standard of Full Manhood) or Complete Men (because they're only Part-Time Men), both of which suggest that they are, in some way, not men or less-than men, which is invalidating and defeats the point of the exception in the first place (accommodation) OR that you don't really mean the dni which is confusing and inconsistent and makes guydykes feel weird and uncomfortable and excluded from the lesbian space you're trying to cultivate. and they're like um. ok. so. cishet men dni? and you're like well i think that makes more sense, but what if someone identifies as both a cishet man and a sapphic? again, if we're trying to accommodate the genderfucky populace then that has to be a possibility that is considered. and they say god you people are never happy. what do you want me to do? what am i supposed to say to keep the right men out? and you pause. you empathize with the need for a space free from dudes trying to fuck you straight and feminine. dudes who watch lesbian porn and joke about what they'd do if they were allowed into girls locker rooms. who look at you like a piece of meat, and like someone who looks at women like pieces of meat in the same way he does. you get it. you know. you want a space where you can be sapphic, too. that's why you came to these blogs in the first place. you brace yourself and you say well i don't know that there are "right men" to keep out. i don't know that there's any single label that would accomplish whatever it is you're trying to accomplish. you could go for "sapphics only" or "queers only" and i think that might be the closest thing to what you want, but it's never going to be perfect. creating any exclusive space is going to shut out people you didn't account for, and the broader the label, the more people will be shut out that you didn't want to shut out. and what about people who don't know if they're allowed? what of questioning transbians, where are they supposed to go? and, frankly, i think i might rather my dykey posts get read and appreciated by a gay guy who sees me as a man than a woman who only sees me as a sacred womb, pure from male perversions or violence or whatever. i think community might just be more complex than a dni can handle. and they look at you and say i don't want to not have a dni. i think you're too permissive. you can't just "what about" or microlabel your way into everything. go fuck yourself, i bet you're not even a lesbian anyway. go find a real problem to get mad about.
you go to a lesbian blog. you ignore the men dni because you know you probably don't even count to them. or maybe you do count and, out of respect for your manhood, they'd shun you accordingly. you try to feel okay about that. you scroll past dozens of posts about mediocre men and gagging at straight friends' boyfriends and how gross and undeserving men are of the beautiful women they couple up with and how all women should be gay so they can get treated right and and and and and. you finally find a post about curling into someone you love and feeling at peace and try to lose yourself in it. you know that feeling is what unites you, what makes you belong. you try to focus on it. you think about carding your hands through a butch's hair or lacing fingers with a femme and feeling warm and loved and more yourself than you ever have before. like this is who you're meant to be. you read about lesboys and butch boytoys and genderfucky dykes and big hairy deep-voiced wonderful women (like you want to be someday, like you wish you could make yourself) and you try to ignore the men dni underneath each and every post. and you daydream about meeting someone kind and earnest at a lesbian bar even though you don't think any such bars exist within three states of you and you can't drink and don't want to drink because you need to be in control of yourself at all times so you don't fuck up like you're always about to and here in the nonexistent lesbian bar you feel wanted and safe and in good company. you picture your ideal, happiest self. it is a mistake. ideal-you has a goatee. not the mascara one you smear on and call drag even though you know it's not drag, not really, the beard you call drag because you think everyone would look at you sadly if you told them it was just to pretend you had something out of your reach. a beard that's soft and that you grew and that cannot be smudged away if you get too comfortable with it. the dream shatters. your people pull away from you, their scoffs mixing with the mind-numbing gay girl bedroom pop you learned to settle for just to have something that almost resembled you, they all pull away and turn their backs and do not look at you. you're too close to being a man now, even though you're the same amount of man as before. and they know you're not supposed to interact with men, not as you would with dykes, at least. and it sours. it's all your imagination, all in your head, but it sours.
you sigh. you think about how small you are. how short, how narrow, how feeble. how your voice pitches up when you talk to strangers because it's easier to speak quietly when it carries more, and because you're nervous. because it's a chore to talk, like everything is. you think about testosterone. you think about how your family would look at you, the questions they would ask, your answers they would only pretend to accept. the uncomfortable glances and whispered questions they'd try to hide from you. you think about how small you are, and how small you will always be. how you don't know of a way to fix it, but even if there was one, no one would want you anymore. you'd be the only one thinking it made you a cooler dyke. you think about how you don't even want a T-voice all the time, how you'll never be able to switch it at will, because you don't know how and can't bring yourself to figure it out. you think about how your throat closes around every hint of your own attraction. how wanting is perverse, how wanting is invasive, how wanting is embarrassing and too vulnerable so it must stay anonymous, as an online witness, and how you can barely manage to form or maintain friendships because your brain makes you pull away, always spinning out and struggling to recover from the simplest of interactions. how they'll all leave you and you won't chase after them at all and how that will hurt them. how stuck you get. how it looks like nothing's holding you back, how that frustrates everyone who thought you were going to be more than you were. the people you love who understand except when it comes to being ghosted, being shut out. how you don't want to hurt them. how you can't tell them that because you're stuck. how you turn to stone when touched, how you never reach out, how you lose your speech and can't look at people, how your autism is fun and sexy until it becomes real and you never see them anymore, how much you longed for someone who knew everything without you having to explain, and who loved you anyway. how unreasonable you know that is to expect of anyone. you think about that not-even-real lesbian bar. you think about how you still can't drive. how you can't leave your home on your own, without dragging somebody into helping you. how you can't leave your body. how you can't leave your manhood behind.
you think about finding another lesbian blog and ignoring everything. about skimming it for the parts you can juice some meaning from. the parts men ignore and don't understand, and how typical of you it is to do so. or the parts where you're not welcome and you should accept that, because it's for lesbians only. how you are a lesbian anyway. how you're meant to choose lesbian or man, how each is a betrayal of some kind to yourself or your people, your family, your lovely strangers, your rare friendly acquaintances. about the parts that tell you you're not wanted, that you're ugly and lazy and gross and insert yourself everywhere without even asking. about the parts that tell you you are hated, and how lesbians are above it all by rejecting men. how lesbians are each blessed miracles. about the parts that say you should be ashamed of being whatever twisted confused freak you are, of everything, of looking and wanting or not looking or not wanting, of picking and choosing instead of taking it all in with a smile. after all, shouldn't you take it? or is your ego too fragile, as men's so often are? aren't you tired? good. we're not here for your consumption. and we sure as hell don't want your company or "community" or whatever. didn't you read the sign? no boys allowed. and if you want to come in you have to make up your mind. as if you haven't told them the only answer you have. you're both. you're both.
you know you broke the rule by interacting.
but it gets lonely sometimes. you wonder if they know.
#before i maybe get yelled at:#1) no i do not think ppl are evil for having men dnis no i do not think these are all equal transgressions even#though there is an overlap that should be examined that i think is based in a degree of lesbian separatism + exclusionism#2) yes there are lesbian blogs and people that are cool about genderfucky people. i'm not talking about them#3) this is a stylized vent post about trying to find lesbian content on tumblr that isn't like this. all these dnis/rules are ones i have#encountered. no i do not literally tell these people to change their dnis to suit me. the conversations are symbolic and ideological in#nature. if i find a blog with men dni i generally go somewhere else. it's about emotions. it's about my feelings on that it's not literally#about dming someone demanding they change things. it's not about demanding that You change things or else you're a bad person.#4) it is about the conflicts and hypocrisy and inconsistency of strict and exclusive sexuality labels persisting in gender-diverse spaces#and how it affects me as a lesbian who is a man who is a woman who is fucking whatever else. and yes it is about transphobia too.#5) it's about how lesbians feel the need to exclude men and how i think efforts to do so fail and hurt ppl and are often misguided#tht i think also comes up in like. bi lesbian/mspec lesbian/gaybian discourse. i'm not any of those myself but it seems like there's overla#6) if this post seems whiny and sad and insecure that's because it probably is. i have a right to be all of those things.#7) no i do not think all lesbians are man-hating assholes. i am a lesbian. i love lesbians. i love dykes and most of them are fantastic ppl#i just think the general bullshit of the world leads to this defensive thing that ends up hurting others in our community y'know?#8) i get that my perspective/experience is a bit unusual and many lovely ppl haven't considered it. that's part of why i'm sharing this#nyarla dni#<- sorry man it's too vulnerable. gonna keep this one to the internet-only folks#adding this wayy later but a crucial part of the experience i Almost talked about it this but never explicitly did was that like#the measures ppl take to 'defend against men' are often deeply transmisogynistic as well. obviously#and when i see that it hurts me too. not that it hits me the same way when strangers assume im a trans woman and hate me for it#but it doesn't feel good to see transphobia at all. i focused on how that relates to other kinds of transphobia#namely transandrophobia here but like. it's all connected. lesbain separatism + exclusionism relies on both and they aren't always#distinct experiences. ime. anyway trans ppl i love all of you forever#i just thought me writing ā*turns to the camera* and trans women exp this too.' wouldve been too much even for this post#i figured the audience would like. know that. and so far it hasn't been an issue. i have not been yelled at thanks guys š«¶
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never stops being funny to me how everyone at the gym assumes im FAR more competent than I actually am without question. went to a roped sesh w one of my clubs bc they asked for novices to come along so the ppl training for the climbing qualification could get some hours in teaching ppl the basics & I wanted to learn. two climbing friends ask me if I've memorised the handbook for the assessment yet and are genuinely surprised when I tell them I'm not on the course. the instructor running the qual course (again, who I'm friends with) goes around and points out who's on the course and who's here as a novice to the assessor who had just dropped by, gets to me and goes oh yeah you're on the course too right? nope. then he goes ah but still they're a competent climber. nope again. pure novice. literally here bc I don't even know how to tie in and belay mate, u know that bc you've rope climbed with me before and had to fill out a supervision form bc im not signed off!! theres not even that many ppl DOING the course i dont know why he associates me with it. the first time I rocked up at one of the rope sessions the same guy (who, btw, has a hyperfixation on climbing safety & gear and is a fucking stickler for it & calls literally everyone else out abt it!!) asked if I could lead belay him - IM NOT QUALIFIED. TO LEAD CLIMB LET ALONE LEAD BELAY!!!!! then today they move on to gear and everyone is surprised I don't have my own belay device or harness. IM NOT SIGNED OFF. TO BELAY. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW. THATS WHY IM HERE. I EXCLUSIVELY BOULDER. YOUVE NEVER SEEN ME DO ANYTHING ELSE. WHY WOULD I OWN ANY ROPED GEAR???? also bear in mind I'm a solid 10-15 years younger than the instructor & most ppl doing the course like where the hell are u getting this impression from guys šš
#i know these ppl thru bouldering at the same gym & im a solid climber but i have no formal training whatsoever#ive never sent a v5 (difficulty level) yet and EVERYONE IS SURPRISED WHEN I SAY THAT. ive been bouldering w u guys for MONTHS#if i could climb v5 you wouldve SEEN ME DO IT !! im not holding back !!#ppl gush abt my technique like girl let me state again i have zero training no knowledge and am intermediate at best. youre all insane#ppl outside of the gym rly assume im a 14 year old boy while ppl at the gym assume im in my mid 30s and a grizzled climbing expert.#zero middle ground. maybe its just bc im butch and generally come across very confident & self assured in person....who fucking knows#im not a bad climber and i think ive naturally picked up some technique bc good technique makes climbing smoother n easier but pls...#had to put my birth year on the form for someone to supervise me today and she was like oh my god youre a babe. i thought u were my age#GIRL YOU JUST TOLD ME U PUT A MORTAGE ON A HOUSE DOWN TODAY. WE ARE IN CONPLETELY DIFFERENT LIFE STAGES#not mad or anything i think its rly funny just so baffling ajdkfjfk#ANYWAY I NEED TO SLEEP IM SO EXHAUSTED GOODNIGHT LOVE U ALL BYE BYE BYE#.diaries
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morals are so confusing sometimes. it's not like i'm trying to do anything malicious, it just doesn't occur to me that most people see these things as bad ā to me, some things are just kind of a means to an end and if nobody gets genuinely hurt idrc ??
if i let someone borrow something and they're not giving it back, i don't really see anything wrong with telling a lie about the importance of that item to guilt trip someone into giving it back (eg, so & so gave this to me before they died & it's rlly important to me so i really would appreciate it if i got this back soon ...). not because i want to go outta my way to make someone feel bad, but that's just how i view the world. they are probably maliciously keeping my stuff, so just talking to them wouldn't be enough. so why shouldn't i?
i don't see an issue in hacking into my parents email so i can get the verification code for a family streaming service, it takes me a really long time for it to click that actually People Don't Like Someone Going Thru Their Private Stuff even though i'm not trying to find anything but the verification email
type of things that i don't really realise could genuinely upset someone until i think about it a lot and ask someone for their opinion. i could realistically just ask and communicate better, but i often fall into the pit on never relying on anybody to do something when i put a task in their hands. that will only end up hurting or disappointing me.
oftentimes in trying to watch my own back and keep myself safe from nonexistent problems, i somehow create them
#i think it also doesn't help that i have low empathy so if someone told me they needed something back bcs that was a familys dying gift#i wouldn't. care. or feel bad or anything. i'd just cognitively acknowledge āthey rlly want their thing backā & give it back but not bcs i#feel anything#so i'd assume eeeeveryone else would be the same. sometimes ppl tell me they feel terrible for someone or something & i genuinely think they#are joking#so on that note i feel like nobody would actually feel remorse or guilty over me like i wouldnt with them. just note that it's smth of vague#urgency#crazy how much trauma and reinforced experiences can make you feel like an absolute alien to human experiences and cohesion#the npd Being Really Strict About My Personal Morals And Crashing If I Fail vs the āoh shit that's a BAD thing ??ā#i dont think these examples are too serious (but i also have a biss lmfao) but it's definitely a recurring theme#cluster b#npd#narcissistic personality disorder#maybe autism too ? can this also be related to autism ?#autism#does this count as a vent?#i dont feel emotionally abt this at all. it's just an observation since i do treat my personal/main tumblr blog as kinda a diary at times#just in case#vent
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me creating problems out of nothing because I donāt know how to address the student with nb pins in my class
#itās like ok they have three different nb flag pins so theyāre openly queer but maybe they donāt want people to clock them like that and if#i assume they use they/them would that be bad? but would it be worse if I assumed the pronouns of their asab? am i assuming their asab too?#would it make me look like Iām virtue signaling? should I wear my nb pin too? even though I feel a stronger connection to agender than nb#should i ask their pronouns? are we close enough for that?#(we are not. i donāt even know their name)#im being annoying#queer#nb#also id it wrong to even make this post and out someone? i try to be the less descriptive as I could#does them wearing the pins mean theyāre ok wi ppl talking abt them as an nb person?#christ almighty#someone tell me to shut up
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I absolutely adore when i make a vent post of any kind and some loser spawns to be like Is this about me???
Girl the post was about shitty people why do you think it's you... but if the shoe fits š¤
#like okay fine it is about u now are u happy YOU ARE WEIRD FOR THIS#one time i was ranting about 1 person but a tumblr user i also didnt like somehow was told by their follower it could have been about them#aka the follower and they thought it was about them#and i was tslking about insane kpoppie fans#it was .. a beautiful moment of telling on urself š¤§#again- yes now it is about u too damn!! since u want it so bad#currently experiencing someone making up what my gorgeous shady post was about anf being dead fucking wrong#like bruh ššš#how insecure u have to be to assume it is about u and then just make up the most insane (and incorrect) reason for it#slay i guess?#adry.txt#but no really it's like annoying#so the post is about inconsiderate people which u must be one of them as well AND U R ALSO CRAZY?? WOW!!!#dodged a bullet can i get an amen#/ also i made it sound like it happens regularly it happened like exactly 3 times HAHAHHA#maybe 4 i cant be sure
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you donāt have to answer this ask but wow how are you supposed to be the bad guy fucking apologizing for reacting badly to being told to kill yourself?? i hate this website
well okay hold up i never said i was the bad guy. i said there were misunderstandings on both sides and that i was sorry for an issue in one part of how i handled it. just one.
#ask tag#not counting#like um. i do understand that maybe this person's sense of humor is way different then mine okay#but like. they said that they didn't mean it legitimately and once they saw it was haarmful they apologized#for me to say ''i am glad i understand your side of the story and you understand mine'' i am not saying i'm the bad guy#there's really no ''bad guy'' in this situation as i see it because the world is more nuanced then that y'know#like. sometimes people have a sense of humor that you can't pick up on. it doesn't mean you shouldn't state your point of view#and say ''that wasn't how i want people to talk to me and i also won't let you do that''#also the only part i really ''apologized'' for was that i used a term for them that was uncomfortable#i assume for gender reasons. and i understand where that comes from. if someone called me ''girl'' while arguing i wouldn't like it#whenever i said sorry after that i did my best to try and word it in a way like ''i am sorry this happened but it's not my fault''#like how when. idk. someone's grandma dies and you say ''sorry for your loss'' you're not saying that you killed their grandma#you're just saying that you feel bad that the thing happened but not that it's your fault#and yes. i do agree that the situation may have been fixed if they just said it was a joke but hindsight is 20/20 right?#anyways. that's my take on the situation.#and like. idk. if they apologized and told me how they saw it. i'm gonna believe them because i have had WAY more malicious people here#like idk. there have been anons who have said wayy worse and there's no discernable reason for why they would#like that one anon who told me that i should get my arms chopped off or something. idk. i deleted it before i could commit it to memory#and that was on purpose#but like. my point is. there's worse people. and if i focus all of my energy about being mad over a person who made one joke in bad taste#idk just seems like a waste of time#at least that's my perspective on the situation. never said i was the bad guy. just sorry it happened#also sorry it happened so late at night for me! i need an ibuprofen and a bagel now
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"bpd is caused by experiencing narcissistic abuse in childhood" "pwBPD are always abused by narcissists" "npd and bpd is inherently unhealthy because the pwnpd will abuse the pwbpd" shut up shut up shut up shut the FUCK up
#it's me#tw vent#tw ableism#ex vents#<- this is yet another reason why we're worried about the very real possibility that someone will see us talking about our ex; see we have-#--npd; and assume we must be lying and that we were actually the abusive one and we're just playing victim :3333#and we never want to mention their bpd even if it may have had a hand in how they abused us because of (A) this shit#but also (B) there's *still* so much stigma around bpd#and if we were to say ''we think their bpd influenced how they abused us'' it would be in the same way we'd say ''we think our dad's autism#--influenced the way he abused us''#but some people will not hear that whether they want to say we think pwBPD are inherently abusive (wrong; bad)#or use us as evidence as to WHY pwBPD must be inherently abusive (also wrong and bad; probably less likely because we have NPD and that--#--kind of person wouldn't be caught dead agreeing with an NPDer but still)#maybe we're paranoid but good god. shit like this makes it so much harder to talk about the abuse we DID face#and also makes it harder to admit that we WERE abused!! because we don't want to believe they abused us!!#because there's still a part of us that hopes they'll come crawling back apologizing for how they treated us!! and go back to wanting us!!#and we couldn't WANT that if they were actually ABUSIVE could we? no we MUST have been the ones in the wrong. everyone says so#we never understood still loving/missing people who abused you until them#just. ugh
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I'm doing it.
Carver is gonna wake up in Faerun and at some point run into both Loghain and Nathaniel.
This decision was partly made because I was thinking if I wrote this, who Nathaniel would be in a romance with and was struck with the absolute hilarity that would be Wyll flirting with him one time and Nathaniel is torn between killing him due to the absolute mortification (he goes very red and curses his complexion) or pinning him against the nearest flat surface and ravishing him.
The main reason was Loghain accidentally becoming camp dad at the very least to Wyll and Shadowheart. Wyll is his son, fuck off Ulder, if you didn't treat him right back then you don't deserve him now. Loghain is very much a girl dad and adores Shadowheart, supports her as much as possible, and is 100% down to destroy an entire cult who worships Shar, plus Shar herself. Who gives a fuck that she's a God, he'll still kill her because she hurt his daughter.
Of course, Loghain as camp dad gives me an excuse for Astarion to call him daddy and cackle at the look of utter horror and disgust that crosses Loghain's face.
#bg3#dragon age#loghain mac tir#nathaniel howe#astarion ancunin#wyll ravengard#shadowheart#if not the wyll/nate route then I will go shadowheart/nate#but also the two people with complicated father relationships getting together#finding someone who gets it#or who at least can help them come to terms with it#the whole 'my dad is a bad person but I still love him' thing#and Loghain as camp dad is my personal fave thing#sure maybe Shadowheart is like 40-something#but she is now his daughter#and Wyll deserves a father figure who will fight the hells for him#bold of you to assume that loghain would be anything but a good dad#he loved Anora#and that wpuld extend to anyone he claims as family#blood or no
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about to be sooo nosy so. my apologies. but. morgan frost? girlfriend? do share (or donāt! again this is so nosy iām sorry)
for legal purposes i can neither confirm nor deny anything about morgan and his girlfriend but afaik i think heās single right now? at one point (within the past four years š) he did for sure have a girlfriend and that is the extent of my wag knowledge
#anon PLEASE i am the nosiest person in the world i understand i want to know everything. ever. however#because i have no evidence and donāt want to spread unfounded rumors i will state for the jury i am not a gossip blog#& anything i say should be taken with a grain of salt. or a vsco deep dive & also maybe a dig into the flyers media archives. wrt UNfounded#but i will gossip in your dms because itās a vital method of communication and important for community building.#also iām like 95% sure i just osmosed the fact that morgan and his girlfriend broke up sometime earlier in the hockey season from someone#else (probably flyerskay) and accepted it at face value like absolutely iād trust kay with my life. she would never lie to me and therefore#i canāt be lying to you. i canāt remember morganās gfās name tho but i can like. vividly remember her artsy possessive vsco photos š help#that man posts more about tom petty than he does anyone else in his life besides joel so really how would we know if hes posted her less#the answer is we wouldnāt and i want to say her name is katie SO bad but i know thatās tysonās gf itās like. victoria or stacie or somethin#& i want to see if SHE deleted all her vsco pictures of him bc thatās how weād know they broke up. frosty stop following so many girls#i want to try and find her and see (sheās a model and she was public and had her vsco linked so all of this is public info btw.)#ANON I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA OANDJRIWNDHOWHDB IT IS 1:38 AM AND I HAVE JUST MANAGED. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD ANON HOLD ON#BUCKLE YOURSELF THE FUCK IN FOR AN ANSWER YOU DID NOT ASK FOR BECAUSE THIS IS A R I D E AND I NEED TO YELL ABOUT IT I CANāT MY GOD I CANNOT#B R E A T H E iām about to start crying again but the backstory is that. i have had a fic that i have been working on for literal years.#my version history says March 15 2021 and it started in my notes app about 3000 words before that and itās based off of a tweet i thought#calla had quoted and just said āJoelā about but in my notes i never#saved the actual tweet and many times throughout the years i have gone back and advanced searched every version of joel and joelle and bee#and behavior on callaās blog that i could possibly think of and just assumed like. it mustāve gotten deleted or the account suspended and i#could never remember the wording well enough to just google it but believe me i tried and put in every variation. never found it in 4 years#i try periodically. fast forward to about twenty minutes ago i am looking through kayās twitter and searching vsco because i SWEAR she has#the picture of frostyās gfās fingernail marks in the back of frostyās shoulders i am talking about / I canāt find her vsco linked anywhere#but iām like ok. search up a couple other things and think about who might have it and on a WHIM look up vsco in ash notthequiettypeās acct#no results okay whatever i think about what else could maybe pull it up for me so I have SOMETHING for you. I search frosty. I scroll. GUES#WHAT I FUCKING FIND FROM NOVEMBER 13TH 2020 it is THE FANTASTIC TWEET THAT SPAWNED 16K OF NOTES & FIC & A SPREADSHEET OF JOELāS CLASSES#AND I NEVER WOULDāVE FOUND IT AGAIN IF NOT FOR THIS!!! LOSING IT!!! by it I mean my mind and my sleep schedule!!! itās 2AM now good night!!#liv in the replies#morgan frost#philadephia flyers
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why r ppl so worried abt being left on read so much. is it rlly that deep
#like unless we're having an important conversation i will never take being left on read that bad idk maybe its just me lol#especially if i know the person irl. like is it rlly that deep#if i met the person online n they leave me on read constantly then my first thought is hey they're busy w smth else#if they straight up dont reply for weeks then i assume they're not interested but even that has exceptions#i feel like the read mark has fucked up everyone's perception on what a normal conversation is#why r u so worried someone left u on read. why should they tell u they're busy for u to understand#idk maybe its just me lol
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I think maybe we should all go stand in the rain for a bit.
#ra speaks#personal#le sighā¦.the skill of saying āoh fuck ofā and scrolling past something you donāt agree w is lost on new users#and like obv this person is coming from a place of genuine hurt but at the same time theyāre being intensely reactionary#like. I get it. I really do. seeing something that so grossly contradicts the life youāve lived from someone who doesnāt know anything else#your gut reaction is to REACT. to tell them theyāre wrong and should feel bad for making you. stranger on the internet. feel bad.#but at the end of the day youāre both just randos on the internet and blowing up on them for making a lighthearted post about their personal#experience w a very serious issue that has also affected you isnāt going to put any meaningful good into the world like#kvetch about it on your own blog vague post do what you need to do but directly confronting a stranger whoās life you do not know#with the confidence of assuming they have had no adverse experiences bc they speak of a serious topic so lightheartedly like#maybe step away from the magic box of little people and talk to another human abt it
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