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forkingmyself · 1 year ago

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#1: i’m afraid of myself and i hate it (it’s a lyric. sounds like something my musty emo teen ass would say but its a lyric.)

I wanted to come up with something original for my blog, but, well... can’t think of anything. And my main reason of starting this blog was because I want to vent and rant and go batshit insane. I’m not doing this to be creative and incredible and fabulous and a good writer.

I like to fork myself was the title of late Daul Kim’s blog. She was magnificent, I loved her work and I think she was veeeery pretty. I’ve always enjoyed reading her posts and I still do it up until now. I was going through her entries and thought, hm, maybe I should write something too. Maybe then when I finally killed myself for real someone would comment, damn, they were gone too soon. Then maybe some rando would comment lol glad she killed herself. Whatever. I don’t care. Perhaps I do want to be remembered in a way and I want to leave something in this world.

Perhaps that’s because I just enjoy attention very much. Perhaps I just want everyone to know they’ve done me wrong and if I ever killed myself they’re responsible for it and I want them to feel guilty about it. But perhaps I’m just a silly little girl with silly little thoughts also <3

ANYWAAAAYY. About the title. I listened to plenty of Keshi back then when I was in junior high school. He wasn’t as big as he is right now (which is good for him and for everyone, of course. I’m the opposite of gatekeeper. I want people to give love to people who deserve lots of it) and I was like, “damn, would be great if I could see this guy live” and boom. He toured to Jakarta a while ago. I couldn’t afford the tickets, though, and I don’t really listen to his new releases so I ended up not going.

Well, I still listen to him from time to time. I used to love xoxosos, the reaper, and onoffonoff a lot. An awful lot. I KNOW. Girl you were barely sixteen you don’t need to be listening to all that BUT I had my first lesbian breakup and bitch it really was that bad. And, well, now that I had another one... I find myself completely fucked. That’s how I end up listening to songs-that-certainly-fucks-me-bad-in-the-head again.

I just wrote something romantic and tender. Hell. Who was I kidding? Age gap relationships don’t work.

They’ll eventually find people around their age. Even if with you things line up perfectly, there’s someone out there who can provide better. Better and easier. No need to wait for them to catch up with you. Or, well, to put it harshly: they’ll find someone they can fuck without feeling much guilt. Damn. I wish it’s that easy for me to find someone to fuck...

When I say I’m a Lana girl I don’t mean just the cigarettes for breakfast and the dainty outfits. I like old ass people LIKE I always fucking let myself get fucked by people way older than me I never fucking learn. At this point I think I’ve developed a kink for it and I wish I was kidding. I simply have no self respect. I genuinely think this will happen again because... yeah... perhaps I’m enjoying it. Because I’m a masochist a pervert a fuck up a everything bad and horrible.

I should go to therapy but I’m so ashamed of this. Of everything that ever happened to me. I have no difficulties writing it but saying it out loud with my mouth, while presenting myself as this wretched body and face, saying this as an ugly ass disgusting person and not just some stranger on the internet... would be embarrassing.

I’m just so embarrassed of myself. Really.

Aaaah. This is so naive but I actually can’t wait to grow up! I know it will be hard, I know, but let me be, okay. I want to have a job. I want to have money. I know it will be hard and I might want to take it back, but the idea of having something to look forward to is... great. I suppose. I don’t know what I want to be. I was never passionate in this field and I don’t have strong opinions about anything. People around me are so incredible and so passionate about making changes, while I just sorta... float. I’m barely getting by. I think my grades will drop this semester lol I don’t give a fuck about anything anymore. I wish I could be so incredible and amazing that people who left me will regret doing so but damn... I... don’t care. They were right for leaving me because I’m a good for nothing!

I think for now I’m setting my goal on a divorce lawyer. I want to help women escape hell.

Maybe I’ll kill myself but for now things in my life are going well! I had a breakdown over noodles yesterday. I made noodles and left some for my parents when they come back, but they didn’t eat it. I ended up eating it myself and cried. But earlier my Dad said he was saving it for this morning, and when he checked the dining table, the noodles are gone... I said I ate it. He said he wanted to eat it. I was happy.

I love him... I love my family. I feel bad for turning to this. I really want to make them proud. I want to get a nice job and pay for things and buy them nice stuff before I leave them forever because well religions are non negotiable I suppose.

I WANT TO BE HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I really do like I’m not kidding

I don’t know what kind happy I was thinking of when I said that, but just... happy. Myself. Having a pink hair and wearing a tank top that shows my massive tits so I would stop being so embarrassed of myself. Not covering up. Not hiding.. not embarrassed of myself... and with a gf too. Aaaaaaahhhhh I want it so bad.

Anyway. So. Yeah. Let’s just stick around and see! :)

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago

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Survey #357

“your magic white rabbit has left its writing on the wall / we follow like alice, and just keep diving down the hole”

Are you better at telling stories or writing them? Writing, by a long shot. What’s one song you hate, but know every word to? i'm a barbie girl in a fckn barbie woooooorld What’s your favorite magazine? I don’t read magazines. If you could be an animal for one day, which animal would you choose? Probably a house cat. Be indoors and safe, able to just nap... lol. But I'd want another cat as a friend, too! Do you prefer outdoor or indoor concerts/events? Indoors, by a mile. I get hot outside way too easily. Do you know if you were a planned child? I don't know. What’s your favorite gem? Dragon's breath opal. As an adult, do you want to live in an apartment or a house? I'd like to live in a house, especially with the pets I want. I doubt many apartment complexes would allow multiple reptiles and inverts. Do you like the stem or leafy part of the broccoli? It doesn't matter much to me, but I prefer the stem. The texture is more likeable to me. Do bats frighten you? No, I adore bats! Does Paris appeal to you? Yeah, it's a pretty place. Are you a KPOP fan? No, I've never really checked it out. How long was your longest relationship? Over three and a half years. First time you kissed the last person you kissed? We were outside roasting marshmallows one night. Do you have to really know someone to kiss them? Absolutely. I don't dish 'em out for nothing. Were you anyone’s first kiss? No. If you had to be named after one of the 50 states of America, what state would you WANT to be named after? I actually think "Nevada" would be kinda pretty as a name? Do you think morals are universal or relative to the beliefs, traditions, or practices of individuals or groups? I've wondered this for a long while, really. I lean towards it being a mix, maybe? But more towards universal, I think... with some exceptions. This answer is all over the place, I honestly don't know. Is torture ever a good option? If no, why not? If yes, when? No? I think the "why not" is obvious... You just don't. What do you think is one one of the most undervalued professions right now? Teachers, garbagemen, retail and food workers... There's a lot. Have you ever seen anyone have a heart attack? Thank Christ no. Have you personalized your answering machine/voicemail? No. Have you ever had Fiji brand water? I actually don't believe I have, though it's always looked appealing to me, haha. What’s your favorite horror movie? The Crazies and the first Silent Hill, as well as both Blair Witch Projects. What was the worst thing a friend has either done or said to you? I'd rather not even think about things the bitch said to me. Are you biracial? No. When was the last time you got mad and broke something? I've never broken something when mad. What color dress did you wear to prom? My first was maroon, second one was black. Who is the cutest baby you know? My friend has a daughter named Scarlett who is absolutely gorgeous. Have you ever thrown a rock at a window? No, because I respect people's fucking property. Has anyone ever thrown a rock at your window? No. Does your hair react well to dye, or does it damage it? It likes to not take dye at all. >.> I have only had one instance where a friend dyed it red and it stuck for months and months, but we kept it in for a couple hours, I think. My normal hairdresser says it's because my hair is really healthy and I guess rejects it. What kind of pet do you wish you had? I ramble plenty about how I want tarantulas and more reptiles, haha. I also DESPERATELY want to rescue or foster an opossum. When was the last time you were diagnosed with something? Are you concerned about anything regarding your physical or mental health at the moment? I haven't been diagnosed with anything in quite some time, I believe, but as I'm going through the process of being approved for TMS therapy for my depression, my bipolar diagnosis is being questioned, which is... strange to me. It's been acknowledged by many a doctor that I have bipolar 2, but if insurance recognizes my primary diagnosis as bipolar, they won't cover TMS because it can massively excite the mania portion of bipolarity, and therefore I can't do it because we can't manually afford it. I'm willing to take the risk by far, as I've never had issues with mania, but I can't without insurance. I'm just waiting to hear back from them... What is one blanket judgment you tend to make about people (like, you judge all people who live at home, all people who drink, etc)? Does this judgment come from a particular personal experience? I really don't know. How do you react to other people yelling or slamming doors? Is this something you ever do too? I get very scared if it's a man. I don't like anyone doing it, and my anxiety will spike regardless, I'm just terrified of angry men. Have you ever lost your cool at work or somewhere else important? What happened as a result? No. Who has the power to break you? Jason still might. I don't know. Is anyone in your family blind? My sister is legally blind in one eye. Do you believe in evolution? Yeah. I do find the concept odd, that ALL LIFE originated from one thing, but I sure ain't got a better explanation, so. What job do you think people should be paid the most for? Surgeons, maybe? I dunno, that's a big question. Were you ever held back a year in school? Did you ever skip a grade? No. Have you ever been given a hickey? Have you given one? Yeah to both. What is your least favourite thing about your full name? I have the most basic white bitch middle name in the world, lol. Do you like the age you are? Eh, I don't mind it much, but I think it'd be better to be in my early 20s versus mid 20s. I'm just always so tired now. I can't believe I used to refuse to go to sleep before 10:30. What’s your favourite kind of poptart? The chocolate sundae one. If you had to eat one type (Chinese, etc.) of food which would it be? American bc I'm not very adventurous with food at all. When did your family immigrate to wherever you live now? *shrug* Are your fingers long, or short? Long. Mom's always said I have "piano fingers." Do you play Pokemon Go? If so, what level are you and who’s your buddy? Yeah, I love it, but don't play it nearly as much as I want because I don't exactly go anywhere, lol. My bud's Charmeleon, and I'm probably like five EXP from level 28. Do you ever sit indoors and wear sunglasses or a hat? I don't own either, so. Do you know how to read animals’ behavior? I honestly think I'm very good at it. Do you like playing video games? If so, what do you usually play? Yes, but not as much as I used to. All I really play nowadays is World of Warcraft. The only working console I have is a PS2, and I haven't bought a new game in probably a couple years, but there are definitely ones I want to play, mainly on PS4. Just can't afford it right now. Have you ever viewed the moon through a telescope? No. Do you know how to properly eat food with chopsticks? No. There's no way I could, given my tremors. Do you prefer reading books, comic books, manga/graphic novels, magazines, or the newspaper? Books. When is the last time you ate donuts? It's been months, man. I've seriously been craving a glazed one, though. Krispy Kreme sounds amaaaaaziiiiiing. Has anyone ever called you sexy? Somehow. Do you like raisins? NO NO NO NO NO. Have you ever overheard a conversation you weren’t supposed to? More than once. Do you like ants? They're genuinely extremely fascinating animals, but they're seriously annoying nevertheless. Did you like the movie Antz? I loved it as a kid. What was your favorite ice cream flavor when you were little? Chocolate. Is it still your favorite? Eh, depends on the day. By the way, what is your name? Brittany. What time zone do you live in? EST. Do you like cats? I love cats. What’s the most creepy experience you’ve ever had? One night when my mom and sister were at the beach for a dance competition, I was having trouble sleeping, and it only got worse when my dog Teddy started freaking the fuck out, barking loudly and staring intently at the foot of the bed. I was so scared that I tried to force his head to lie down, but he fought against me. I was terrified, but got up out of the bed and went into the living room to call my mom at like 3 in the damn morning, and she had to have our neighbor come over to sleep in the house with me (I was in a different room that night). You can't convince me that there wasn't paranormal shit going on. I think the house was haunted honestly, for multiple reasons. What’s the most boring game to exist? Why do you dislike it so much? Hm, I dunno. What’s the coolest place that you've ever been to? What’d you do there? Disney World was very memorable as a kid. We just went around collecting signatures, going on rides, all that fun stuff. I'll never forget fireworks at the castle. If you’re interested in having a long-term relationship with someone, do you think that waiting a certain amount of time before you first have sex is a good idea? Or does it not matter? I think it's a good idea, personally, mostly for the sake of reducing the spread of STDs. Just because you think you'll be long-term, doesn't mean you will be. Besides that, isn't there a science that sex and feelings of love are connected? Like, sex is impossible without at least some underlying emotions? I might be entirely wrong, in which case forgive me for spreading misinformation, but if that's so and things don't go as planned, you've gotten emotionally invested in someone too early and wind up getting hurt. You do you, I just don't think it's smart. Have you ever discovered something big by looking through someone’s phone, Facebook, email, etc.? No. Have you kept anything from your past relationships? (Things they left at your house, gifts, notes, etc) Do you think that’s a big deal for future relationships or not? Yeah, like plushies and little stuff like that. When it's tiny things like I just mentioned, I really don't think it matters. I think some things might be questionable to keep, but at the same time, I don't think it's really wrong to keep memories of a happy time, if the thing still brings you joy and has been emotionally disconnected from the ex? Idk. Do you have any financial regrets? Either way, what’s an example of a GOOD financial decision you’ve made? Going to and dropping out of college three fucking times. I don't know about a good financial decision seeing as I'm not even in charge of my own finances, nor really have any to begin with. Are you a believer in “signs” from the Universe about things in your life? If you are, can you think of a particular example? No. Name some things that one or both of your parents are really good at or really interested in. Mom LOVES medical stuff, like watching surgeries and stuff like that. She is also absolutely incredible with children. Dad likes sports a lot, hockey and football especially. Think of a good friend of the opposite sex (currently or in the past). Have you ever had any sort of “more than a friend” or sexual thoughts about them? If not, can you explain why? Well, we dated briefly, so... It was awkward to, but I let myself imagine sexual situations a few times to help myself understand if I really did like-like him, or if he was truly just a brother to me. Turns out, he's a bro. If someone told you that you would never achieve something and you ended up doing it, would you have any interest in finding that person and showing them? I'ma be honest, yes. I wouldn't actively seek them out, but rather just hope they somehow find out or I run into them or something. What is the most jealousy-induced thing you’ve ever done? Apparently, be the girl Juan liked instead of this girl that literally threatened to deck me. Guess what? We're friends now lmaoooo.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''white rabbit'' by egypt central

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halfusek · 6 years ago

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BATIM SPOILERS AHEAD

SECRET MESSAGES FROM CHAPTERS 1 - 5

With a sort of analysis/shitposting on my side? Yea.

Chapter 1

There is like two walls with these, that’s a lot. Is he... aware from the beginning now? I mean someone’s crossing this and Henry is implied to be leaving these messages so...?

Choose your fighter.

Ok wow harsh. Haven’t you seen all these cool AUs in his house?

Also can I just point out how... Joey... literally... drew... the Studio...

Oh, my bad.

He drew STUDIOS. Because the damn thing keeps happening over and over again.

Oh fuck if that’s the case then that is clever. I made puns about him drawing the studio before, wish I did something with it before Chapter 5 dropped, that would be hilarious to look back at fvdfjkvnfkj

That’s just depressing. But like... yeah...

Wow Henry you must be a proud mom now

Hey remember when DAGames played Chapter 4 and was interrupting Alice Angel’s monologue by telling her to stop watch him poop

It spells “There never was a choice.” (never underlined)

Those messages are either hilarious or straight up depressing.

It’s... kinda sweet how Henry from the past (pasts) helps his future self (selfs). And encourages.

I’m pretty sure she’s got many hearts in her stock.

STOP WATCHING ME POOP

Henry what the fuck

The falling human made out of the two Ls, the Y and the splatters above it-

Fuck.

GASPS NO WAY

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He is not the creator of the cartoons. He is the creator OF THIS WHOLE FUCKING STUDIO AND EVERYONE IN IT. Like it’s maybe a sort of obvious thought but when you let it sink in... damn

Rest of the chapters under the cut because it’s really long

Chapter 2

ARE THOSE IRL BODIES? YES? NO? SYMBOLS OF THEIR SOULS BEING TRAPPED HERE? WHAT???

Do you remember that? Or only slightly? Oh man. “I should have warned him” thoughts and then you get a pissed off boy in Chapter 5.

COME ON NOW

Ok. How. How did you write anything there. When. The only time he’s aware would be right after Sammy hits him with the dustpan. So is he like fainting and writing it? So he wouldn’t be able to write anything else like SAMMY IS GOING TO KNOCK YOU OUT WITH A FUCKING DUST PAN because yeah he’s passing out so it’s just... OUCH! Also to confirm this he is facing the way he’s facing when he’s on the floor. God that’s both shitposty and depressing. Nice.

Henry don’t be a dick

So you do sing 👀

I wonder how Henry figured out walking backwards to not trigger the Demon here and write this specific message. Also is Joey behind those closed doors because there’s the whistling.

Is he cooking

Chapter 3

Oh, hi.

Excuse me what

Henry is a Jacksepticeye fan confirmed

Joey is a man of ideas... and only ideas.

Which is why he created a studio, an OC based on a person he has a one sided crush on (me) from who he stole and claimed their OC as his, also made that stolen OC a thing and then made both of the OCs fight in an infinite loop in the massive studio which is behind his kitchen.

This both has a literal meaning but is also like a deeper general thought Henry do you want Joey to create a therapist OC you seem to have some problems

Why do these coffins hurt so much

Who are you asking Henry because Alice sure won’t fucking read that And why won’t you just write it with regular ink why you gotta do it like this

Why does he keep this thing secret? Did he make it? Probably since he’s the one leaving the messages Hmm

I fucking wheezed.

But also imagine Alice just giving her speech and Henry writing something on the wall with his finger Unless he doesn’t write that in a literal sense but like... spiritually Huh

THEY HAD DRINKS TOGETHER AND JOEY WAS PAYING FOR THEM AWW

He’s so fucking gay I swear to fucking gods.

Let’s hop on the existential crisis train, choo, choo.

How can you be kind to people who try to murder you

But this. This. Is such a good fucking work/life thought like damn. I love this game for those.

But are those just some thoughts Henry wanted to get out of his head or does it have something to do with the game because I’m kinda getting pacifist/neutral/genocide route vibes from this. But it it’s not the case it’s still pretty neat, we do meet them, we just don’t have the choice to treat them in some way most of the times.

It’s on level 14 and damn you game damn you yet again. I guess it can also be applied to that moment when The Projectionist is reaching out for Henry who is hidden in the Miracle Station? Like we don’t know what to expect of him because he had that small moment of realisation of... something. And he is also one of Henry’s “old friends”.

Is Is Ink Demon killing The Projectionist a symbol of Joey’s jealousness like Norman: *reaching out in curiosity, maybe to help* Joey: >:( my fren

Chapter 4

Thanks. Roll credits. So Chapter 4 is intentionally pointless in the terms of Henry trying to save Boris. THAT’S FUCKING SAD STOP IT

NOT. MY. DOG. YOU. BITCH.

So Henry is catching up. Joey does regret all that shit he did. I wonder how exactly does it tie here, with Bertie. Maybe that theory I had about Bendy Land being Hell for Bendy? :0c I don’t really think so but that’s a thought.

I’m losing my shit.

Okay that seems like another woke thought.

Henry can’t change not being able to save Boris.

Joey can’t change all of his mistakes. But Joey is the one making it happen over and over again so it might be slightly pointed at him?

Like, pal. Stop dwelling on your mistakes. Move on. Let me the fuck out.

This game is really heavy with this problem:

Move towards your goal, hope, believe, dream, don’t give up. Well actually do if it’s like super hard.

????? This is such a deep uuhhh analysis of this like one of most basics functions of how we people fucking work and live, what keeps us going. Holy shit I am IN LOVE with that.

But oof yeah Henry was and IS the one good at pushing Joey to do the right thing. Man...

Instead of trying to cheer you up lemme just write this message you can’t read real quick.

THAT WHOLE FUCKING THING WAS POINTLESS AND I’M LOWKEY MAD

;_; holy lord sweet baby jesus

Can Henry like be fine fun concept Meatly please

I suggest giving this a read if you as I weren’t familiar with that expression https://quoteinvestigator.com/2014/09/23/heels/

Of course it’s a pun on “Time heals all wounds” expression. The word “heels” there refers to contemptible people. Earliest citation: 1934 and it got more popular around that time till something around the 50s-60s according to that website at least. Neat.

That is interesting. I guess we can associate the door with Joey as well since Henry warns himself not to go through them? And the Demon drags Projectionist’s corpse through them. Sorta against his will, heeeeeeh.

They look like they could be interactive but I dunno :0c

Oh, yeah. That two-faced motherfucker. That’s my bitch.

HE GAVE THEM FUCKING NAMES

Chapter 5

I feel like it was kinda exaggerated. Henry they like saved your life twice or so, how salty can you be

OKAY LET ME TELL YOU ONE FUCKING THING

AT FIRST WHILE PLAYING I THOUGHT JOEY WROTE THOSE BECAUSE

I mean why the fuck would they drop this star outta nowhere AND HE IS EXTRA LIKE THIS

But then again there’s this “Don’t go through the door”

Unless Joey did contact him through this as well? But I’m assuming it only because of the stars vfnjksd Idk I like when symbols actualy uhhh symbolise something

ALSO YOU KNOW WHAT’S INTERESTING

This is pointing at ANOTHER way. Without the boat. Possibly the Valued Employee (take the long walk) achievement?

I would check it right fucking now but my saves are fucked and I would have to replay everything again and I’m just too tired hhhh

Also Valued Employee does sound like someone who listens to their boss right?

And I’m getting the impression it’s not all Henry’s writing because it seems as if there is a different personality present? Idk

That sounds like sort of both of them. Joey is cheering for Henry, even if he’s planning to make him go through all of this again. Does he... have to make him go through it? That’s a bit odd. Joey nani the fuck.

I like the idea of Joey saying this ok lemme dream vskjvnskjvs

But it could be Henry (past/present/whatever) trying to cheer himself up like he did with the “Don’t be scared” message (if that was also him)

Oh, Henry...

Once people That implies that real people got somehow affected, right?

I love the halo and the bone, also you can see the bone only if you give it to Boris in Chapter 3

Wait It is The whole fucking Ink Machine Is inside Holy

A cooking gay.

Ink Demon/Joey parallel implication. I don’t think he is Bendy in a straight up sense though. He is/was a soulless boss, just how soulless Bendy was/is. I wonder if there is a studio version of him or HHHHHH complicated stuff

Is it like When people create something good but they just don't know when to stop it eventually ends up really bad And the Demon took The End so his cartoon couldn't be finished and it all had to keep going, Joey had to keep going Hm?

So like there is no message on Henry’s second desk

But it does trigger the same dialogue AND IT HURTS

Actually a lot of people missed the arrows so just so you know

But I thought we don’t like doors

Also it’s the last hidden message so I do believe it has a special meaning

CONCLUSION get Henry outta here and give him loads of therapy

Is his fucking last name Stein because he made monsters via the Ink Machine by powering it goddamnit Joey don’t trick people into creating that shit

#bendy and the ink machine #batim spoilers #bendy and the ink machine spoilers #chapter 5 spoilers #halfpost #long post #long fucking post #oh my

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journeysintowebcomics · 5 years ago

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Worm Liveblog #112

UPDATE 112: The Impostor

Last time Skitter had escaped Calvert’s trap through the use of sheer cleverness and a whole lot of luck. Now she’ll try to get back to the rest of the team, to try to tell them Calvert is no longer someone they should be with, what with his flagrant betrayal. This is bound to be pretty difficult, though! So let’s continue.

Finding the rest of the Undersiders was easier than expected, thanks to Calvert’s need to keep an eye on them, especially now that he knows Skitter possibly would go try to warn them. The groups of soldiers nearby are alert, and I won’t be surprised if at some point they’re asked to take action against the Undersiders. I for one hope the costumes Skitter made for them will be effective against those bullets too. It depends on the armor, really.

Calvert had dropped me in Genesis’ territory. It was about as far away as I could be from where I wanted to be, about ten minutes drive down Lord street and then a ways towards the water, if someone was driving quickly.

Naturally he’d kill her as far away as possible from the rest of the Undersiders. Perhaps Genesis is aware of what he intended to do? Did she, when she said she hoped to never see Skitter again, know Calvert was going to try to kill her? I’m not sure how to feel about that line if she knew, because if so, it could be interpreted as a wish Skitter died by Calvert’s hands.

The problem right now is that Skitter will have to advance and dodge all the soldiers, since she can’t attack any of them. If she attacks anyone she’ll give away her position, and that’s bound to be inconvenient. Who knows what Calvert would do if he found out she’s already close to the rest of the Undersiders.

I did want to go on the offensive. I just wasn’t sure how. If I attacked the individual squads, a check-in on Calvert’s part would reveal that someone was picking them off and they would all go on the offensive. They might even shoot to eliminate my teammates. Grue, Imp, Bitch and the dogs might have the suits or natural durability to keep them alive in the face of a hail of gunfire, but Dinah didn’t, and there was the possibility that the shots from the sniper rifles could penetrate the suits.

I mean, I’m pretty sure if anyone shot Dinah, Calvert would be so upset. He did all this betrayal so he could keep Dinah in his clutches! If she dies then it was all for nothing, and Calvert would throw away this timeline if he was using his power already. Ironically enough, I believe the team is safe as long as Dinah is in the area. It’d stop Calvert’s troops from doing something like throwing grenades at them or something.

Unless they teleport Dinah away. Given the technology they have, that’s a possibility.

That left me to wonder why he hadn’t done something similar at the house. No grenades, no mortar, no bomb lying in wait.

Well, the theory the narration brought up was that Calvert wanted to be kind of subtle – or as subtle as you can be setting a house on fire. That particular theory still stands.

Failing that, what was the trick behind the teleportation? Why hadn’t he just teleported me back after I slipped away?

Hmmm...at first I thought whatever device they use for teleporting stuff around works like Trickster’s power so they’d have to see both targets at once, but the fact Skitter was teleported like half of the city away makes that unlikely. Perhaps the teleporting trick needs more set-up than I realized?

Did he want to keep me alive? Or had he actually expected me to escape? Had he looked at all my past confrontations and gauged that I could probably make it, and it was no skin off his nose if I didn’t?

Ohohoho, honestly? I’m absolutely certain he wanted Skitter so damn dead in that place. Thinking otherwise is the height of foolishness. Calvert tries his hardest to kill Skitter, and he’d have succeeded if Skitter hadn’t used her gun to break through the window. He started all that to try to kill her, and the fact she escaped is such a spanner in the works I’m sure he’s annoyed. Still, I also believe he may have considered the possibility – even if it was small – she’d escape, so he has a backup plan. I still fear for Dad Hebert’s life.

Skitter manages to get closer and closer, staying out of the soldiers’ sight and staying in the shadows. Thanks to her bugs, she already has an idea of how things are like in the group. Right now they’re walking amicably enough. Heckpuppy is on one of her dogs, the rest are walking by, and among everyone there’s a fake Skitter.

This fake Skitter has so many weapons I’m sure if the rest of the Undersiders knew they’d immediately believe she’s an impostor. She even has grenades! The moment this fake Skitter finds out anyone suspects her; I think she’ll start trying to kill or hurt them. This fake Skitter also has bugs on her costume, thanks to pheromones, and the costume itself is a perfect copy. Given Coil is aware how the code the Undersiders use to signal each other something’s wrong is like, I’m sure this fake Skitter was also told how it works.

If Calvert’s preparation of the building prior to teleporting me in hadn’t made me think his betrayal was premeditated, this certainly cinched it.

...what, was there ever even a little bit of doubt it wasn’t premeditated? Calvert’s personality and power pretty much makes it impossible he’ll do something in the spur of the moment! And it sure wasn’t an accident, haha. Whooops, I accidentally teleported Skitter into a house and accidentally set that house on fire. My bad!

Dinah was still with them. They hadn’t dropped her off, even though Calvert could have arranged something like fake parents to accept Dinah.

If Dinah is currently drugged that could be easy. Skitter sure hasn’t ever met Dinah’s parents, maybe Coil should have just made a pair of people pretend to be Dinah’s parents, receive her, and then take Dinah and hide her somewhere else. Since Tattletale isn’t here, Skitter would be none the wiser – until Tattletale unavoidably found out, but that’s a different matter to deal with.

...

Heck, if he wanted extra safety, why not to have a fake Dinah? Skitter isn’t too familiar with her! I’m sure Coil would have managed to find someone who looks like her, and would be able to act for a little while as Dinah. Then he wouldn’t have needed to do an entire mess trying to kill Skitter, and she would have believed she got away with her deal. Again, until Tattletale found it. What I’m trying to say is that he didn’t have to try to kill Skitter. He could have maybe changed things a little, like making the Undersiders be the ones to be pushed out of the town right away instead of the Travelers, and that’d have kept Skitter away from him. He kiiiind of may have gone for the drastic options.

There’s a lot of wondering what’ll happen to the Undersiders, and I still insist now that Skitter escaped Calvert’s trap, they’re all as good as dead unless something is done. He can’t afford to have the Undersiders turning against him. I’m kind of expecting the fake Skitter to grab Dinah and teleport away, and then mortars explode. Skitter even thinks of that possibility. So, how to tell the rest of the team there’s a fake Skitter, without alarming the soldiers enough for them to eliminate everyone at once?

Rachel? No. I was pretty sure she couldn’t read and write well enough to follow any directions

Wow! Isn’t that a tad rude? She’s not the most academically smart person here, but I’m inclined to think she can read well enough, thank you very much! Skitter, you better have meant that as in ‘she couldn’t read bugs well in the evening’.

Looks like there’s not really a good strategy to use here due to the lighting – something I’m sure Calvert took into account in his planning, too. Plans upon plans upon more plans! You’re less likely to notice there’s an impostor if the lighting is insufficient. Having no better plan, Skitter hopes Dinah can do something, so she sends a ladybug to Dinah.

Dinah seems to have noticed something was off, because she tries to hide the ladybug from the fake Skitter! Or could it be she has her powers back, and has realized there are veeeery high odds Calvert would pass her to a fake Skitter? Either way, she seems to be taking some actions.

Or maybe not. If Dinah is trying to communicate something, Skitter isn’t catching on. She’s even considering the possibility Dinah has gotten so addicted to Calvert’s drugs she wants to stay with him. Oh no...poor Dinah. Even after being freed from Calvert she’s going to need a lot of support and time to get better. Therapy, something to deal with her possible drug addiction...Dinah has gotten quite the bad situation here. I wonder if she hates her power a lot, since it’s what got her into this situation.

Perhaps...she already knows. Maybe long ago, back when Calvert caught her first, she looked into the future and gauged the odds someone would rescue her someday, and how soon. In which case, being here could be how she saw it happening, so she knows what to do. It doesn’t mean Skitter knows how the best rescue method is like, but maybe Dinah’s actions from now on will indicate something.

The second thing I noticed was that what Dinah was doing was probably a signal. Both times, she’d touched the bug to her chest, bringing it close to her heart.

Bringing the bug to her?

I didn’t like the idea of that. If I was interpreting it the way I was supposed to, it seemed suicidal. Did she want me to come to where she was? If she was, was her power guiding that request, or was she still powerless and simply wanting to be rescued?

Oh, she’s considering Dinah may be indicating that thanks to her power. In that case, hm...well, Dinah would want things going according to her best interest. Listening to her would be the best option, right? So yeah, Skitter, go! Run at them. It’s bound to cause some confusion, what with two Skitters being in the same place, but if Dinah says this is what should be done then maybe that should be the right move here.

Calvert had to anticipate that I’d try to rescue my teammates. His soldiers wouldn’t be on guard against an outside threat like this if he didn’t. What did he expect I would do? I wouldn’t charge headlong into his soldiers. I would see them. I’d find some way around them, maybe turn some aspect of the situation to my advantage.

Hmmm...maybe he’d expect Skitter to try to take the Undersiders away from any possible danger, try to get them out of sight. I don’t think he’d expect Skitter to act recklessly, such as running straight at the team, for example. Perhaps that was Dinah’s thought? That the route to success is to make Skitter act recklessly, because that’s what Calvert wouldn’t account for?

Skitter doesn’t rush towards the team, and she considers the possibility Calvert would have asked Leet to devise some sort of counter-weapon for her bugs. Like what Armsmaster does, perhaps? But there isn’t much time for thinking, Dinah seems to indicate Skitter has to move now – maybe the window of opportunity is closing now.

Finding a route to approach the group isn’t too difficult, she’ll use the sewer drains. I’m a bit surprised there wasn’t a group in there, just in case someone tried to sneak by in there, but it’s working! She gets past the perimeter and realizes that, now that she’s in this area, she can use her bugs to fight back against anyone who has the mortars. She’s already gathered bugs, and the moment any soldier moves to use the mortars, she attacks, covering them

The problem is that the fake Skitter may have direct communication with the rest of the soldiers – soldiers that are suffering and unable to take further action. Knowing things are starting to go pear-shaped, she decides she has to make her move.

Fake Skitter wheeled around, reaching behind her back to draw her gun. Her arm caught Dinah around the shoulders, hugging the girl to her side.

I missed the first part of what she said. The meaning was clear. “…got no more use for you.”

...well that sure isn’t going to be great. There’s already a precedent for Skitter trying to betray them, this is going to make them so upset. I hope Skitter can get there before anything else happens, because if the fake Skitter gets away with implanting doubts into them and making Skitter look like a traitor, things aren’t going to be pretty.

Calvert sure prepared this fake person rather well. Not only she has the identical costume and body, she also seems to have her voice. A voice changer, perhaps? And there’s also a way for her to control bugs, given Skitter finds her own powers drowned out by intermittent orders to attack. I didn’t think the powers could be imitated, yet here we are, Calvert must have managed to do so. I wonder if Cauldron had anything to do with this – making a version of Skitter’s powers for this fake person.

Now that I think about it, it’d make sense, no? Acquiring some bug powers from Cauldron in order to make the false Skitter more believable. He sure has enough money for that.

“Betraying us!?” Bitch screamed the words. Next to Bentley, she was suffering the worst of it as the bugs attacked.

That’s going to sting even more than the bugs attacking. She was just starting to let her guard down around Skitter again, and now here she is, performing some betrayal. Even if/once Skitter sets ther record straight, I wouldn’t be surprised if Heckpuppy once again distances herself from her.

The fake Skitter settles the betrayal by firing her gun at the Undersiders. I’m not sure if any bullet hit Heckpuppy or her dog. Hopefully their costumes are bulletproof, but the dog isn’t. Things can get pretty nasty if it shot straight into that sac thing that’s holding the real dog inside.

Did he clone me?

Hah! Well it’s not...impossible, I guess, but I sure hope not. Clones are a plot point I dislike a lot, honestly. I guess I could tolerate if Skitter was cloned, but I sure would hope this was the only instance of that in this story. Clones are...really a quick way to make my enthusiasm for something drop, unless it’s exceptionally well done.

Well, if it’s an imperfect clone I think I could like it. If this is a clone she isn’t exactly the same, because she doesn’t have powers. The powers come from a box in a building. In that case, if this is a clone then it’s one from before Skitter got her powers, or something. Or powers cannot be copied. Who knowsssss. Either way, that box has been detected, so Skitter knows she has to destroy it in order to stop the bugs from attacking even her. Personally I think her priority should be making sure the rest of the Undersiders realize she’s not betraying them, that this is another Skitter, but that’s going to be a little more difficult because Grue cloaked everything with darkness.

That aside, if this bug control box was placed in a building here, then that should mean the fake Skitter was always meant to betray everyone at this point, right? Is that what Calvert’s plan was? Kill Skitter here, and then the fake Skitter would betray the Undersiders so they would be so angry none of them would want to find out what happened to Skitter if she suddenly disappears? He’d be covering his tracks that way. Clever!

Skitter runs towards the building with the bug box while the fake Skitter hurls flashbangs at the team, blinding them. Maybe it was a good thing Skitter didn’t run straight ahead at them, or else she’d have been affected by the flashbangs. As if her very abused eyes would have needed even more pain. Meanwhile, the mortar crews are leaving the scene, for some reason.

This is Calvert’s doing. He was convincing the others that ‘I’ was turning on them the second I had Dinah. He’d probably rigged it so I would disappear afterward. Skitter out of the picture, in a way that was totally believable given my prior actions. The Undersiders would be mad, they’d be hurt, but they’d still be his.

Oh hey, that’s mostly what I had realized ten minutes ago! Although...now that I think about it...could Tattletale find out something? She currently is with Calvert, though. That’s a problem. He should start thinking of a way Tattletale can betray them too.

Except I was here. I could convince them it was a trick. Either shut off the swarm box or take a left turn, show up where they were, and things would make sense in an instant, two Skitters, one a fake…

No, I had to shut off the box. I could feel blood, where some bugs had found flesh on Rachel and the dogs. If too many bee or wasp stings struck home, someone could be seriously hurt, needing epinephrine.

That’s a good point, the part about how the bugs were starting to harm the team, but I still think Skitter should make sure they know she didn’t betray them. This is the kind of thing they won’t believe unless there’s flagrant proof, if they don’t see the two Skitter at once then I don’t think she’ll be able to convince them.

Not too far away, Dinah and the fake Skitter disappear, Dinah moving the hand with the ladybug like she’s writing SORRY on herself. She knew this would happen, undoubtedly. Iiii’m like 60% sure she was trying to stop her kidnapping, trying to get Skitter to be in front of everyone before the fake Skitter pulled her betrayal stunt, but Skitter had hesitated too much. She didn’t get there in time, and now Dinah is feeling bad about it.

Or at least I think that’s what she means.

Breaking into the building that has the bug-controlling box is easy enough, she’s able to burst in through the boarded door, although it makes her cough a lot due to her weakened state. The gunshot she used and the coughing may alert the others of her presence, no?

“Find her!” she shouted. “Find Skitter! Hurt! Kill!”

Oh, damn, Heckpuppy is out for blood, as I expected. I just knew she would take all this so badly. Her dog gets moving, sniffing where the fake Skitter was. If she’s a clone she’ll smell just like Skitter, right?

Did they make her smell like me? They had to have, to keep the dogs from barking distress. But how? Had Calvert had his men raid my stuff? Had he used my dirty laundry?

I felt violated, not just because of the potential trespass, but the extent to which they’d stolen my identity and abused it.

Oh, god. For the sake of Skitter not having had her privacy incredibly violated, I hope this is a clone, as unhappy as that will make me.

It didn’t take long for the dog to pinpoint the real Skitter, so she’s forced to crawl into the building and kick it shut. No matter if the dog can’t get in, this means the rest now knows where she is, no? At any moment they’ll come forth, and things will get preeeeetty difficult. That’s going to be difficult to clear up.

The box using the bugs means Skitter right now is experiencing herself how her victims feel when she uses her bugs against them. The suffocation – not by them getting onto her face, thankfully – due to the weight, and the stings and bites of many other bugs. I for one hope her bug control also gives her a bit of immunity to the poisons.

Despite the immense quantity of bugs on the box, Skitter removes the tarp and starts trying to break it, tearing wires without much success. She doesn’t have much time before Grue and Heckpuppy arrive, and I was about to wonder where Imp was when the story answers that question. She’s here already. Her first move is to kick Skitter right in the chest. Ouch.

The threat Imp gave like...an arc and half ago, was it? So like two days ago in this story? She’s more than willing to fulfill it, and she’s musing options aloud when the other two arrive. Grue seems emotionless, I’m sure he’s repressing all kinds of emotions he must be feeling right now. Thankfully, he doesn’t let the others kill her, instead he even waits patiently for Skitter to have enough strength to talk. He didn’t have to do that, yet he did. I’m so glad about that, seriously. Thank you, Grue.

“Use…” I wheezed in a breath, “Dark.”

Hm? Is it so they can talk by themselves, without Heckpuppy and Imp listening? Does she think she has better odds of convincing Grue by himself? Well, she wouldn’t be wrong, what with Heckpuppy and Imp ready to kill Skitter.

No, instead it seems the darkness seems to have revealed something. The moment Skitter was covered by it, her power weakened yet the bugs intensified. Grue must have been able to sense that, right?

He did, he gets Heckpuppy to use her wolf to smash the box. It’s over.

Imp and Heckpuppy still don’t seem convinced at all, but Grue already determined the traitor wasn’t the real Skitter. I’m really relieved, honestly. This could have gone much worse, I’m glad it didn’t. They’re going to need unity if they’ll go against Calvert, especially because...

I coughed briefly. “Tattletale. Regent too. They’re in trouble. We left them with Calvert. With Coil.”

...because that now will be the priority. New arc next time? Or does this one continue? This is the twelfth chapter, this arc has gone for quite a while. I think someone had told me this was a long arc, they definitely weren’t wrong.

I’ll continue next time!

Next time: in four updates

#worm #worm liveblog #webserial #liveblog #webserial liveblog

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askthedespairkids · 7 years ago

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Sly's Advice

After leaving Kobo and Ryuu, Sly walks around the Future Foundation site possibly looking for Komaru.

At the same time, Akagawa was walking around the halls, aimlessly.

Sly: Muttering to himself Come on Naegi. Where are you?

Akagawa: Hm? Excuse me, is something wrong?

Sly: Huh? Oh um nothing’s wrong. Excuse me, but you’re Nakashima Atsushi’s sister correct? Akagawa: ….yeah….was.

Sly: It’s Akagawa Atsushi right?

Akagawa: Yeah. You?

Sly: My name is Sly.

Akagawa: I see. Nice to meet you. Smiles a bit

Sly: With so many people here, it’s hard to meet everyone, but I’ve heard a lot about you, Atsushi.

Akagawa: Really? A lot?

Sly: I like to think I know a thing or two about everyone here. Though Naegi has spoken about you, and I know you typically hang around the cook and the older Asahina. From what Naegi told me about how you lifted up her skirt in the stupid maze thing, I can assume you are also somewhat perverted right?

Akagawa: ….heh. A bit.

Sly: I know we just met and all, and I don’t mean to pry, but you hate your brother too don’t you. Maybe more than anybody else here.

Akagawa: …I do……I hate him. I freaking hate him for what he did.

Sly: Betraying the Future Foundation?

Akagawa: For betraying me! Betraying Malcom! Ms. Gekkogahara as well! He just…just stabbed us in the back! Like we didn’t mean anything to him!

Sly: Hmmm. It’s actually interesting that I met you today of all days.

Akagawa: Huh? Why?

Sly: You are easily the person who was closest to him, so you know how he thinks. Due to recent events, getting into his mind could be very helpful to me. Who better to share information about him than his sister?

Akagawa: I-I see…so you want me to tell you…what, exactly?

Sly: I know it may be hard for you to talk about, but if you can, I’d like to know what he was like before the Tragedy.

Akagawa: Before the Tragedy…alright, I’ll try to explain. Well…he was pretty much the same as he was after. He was cynical, had a dry sense of humor, and enjoyed poking fun at people. But he was also….really nice. When our dad got custody over me, my brother helped me adapt to the new school I was going to. Thanks to him, I managed to get a lot of friends. He was always making sure I was ok, that I wasn’t upset or hurt. People thought it was weird that he was doting so much on his little sister. Some people even started spreading rumors that he had incestuous feelings towards me. But I knew that wasn’t the case. He was just concerned for me, after living with our mother for so long. And then the Tragedy happened….he seemed so cold and distant from everyone…..including me.

Sly: Did someone die?

Akagawa: …..our dad did. I was at school when the Tragedy started, and I immediately rushed home to escape from it. When I got there………Her face becomes pale

Sly: Back then, who did he hang around most?

Akagawa: Nakashima? ….It was usually just Malcom, Malcom’s old boyfriend, and myself. Sometimes he’d hang out with Malcom’s troop, but he rarely interacted with anyone within his class, other than Malcom.

Sly: And at Future Foundation?

Akagawa: From what I’ve heard, he usually spent time with Ms. Gekkogahara. He occasionally bumped into other people, but she was really the extent of his friends here.

Sly: Has he ever seemed like the type to resort to violence?

Akagawa: Nakashima? No, he was pretty passive. Unless it’s justified….I’m against it.

Sly: And what about punishment? Is that something you haven’t decided upon yet? Or something you rather not say to me?

Akagawa: ……I don’t know how to feel about that…….but my brother deserves to be punished brutally. All of them do…

Sly: All of them? Even if they were brainwashed?

Akagawa: They’re criminals. Murderers. Abusers. They deserve everything the gave to their victims, and even more.

Sly: Brothers, Sisters, Children. All of them right?

Akagawa: Yes, absolutely. If they’ve done all the horrible things they’ve been doing, they deserve it. Like my mother.

Sly: Hmmmm….. What happened to your mother?

Akagawa: I don’t know, and I don’t care. That bitch ruined my life, why should I care about her and where she is?

Sly: Ruined your life?

Akagawa: She spent the first several years making my life miserable. Forcing me to take tests, forcing me into groups and clubs, nagging on me about every little detail. She wanted to raise me to be a perfect child. An Ultimate…..like my brother.

Sly: But you never could be an Ultimate. At some point, you felt like you failed her right? Which turned into a feeling of disdain for her, right?

Akagawa: Any feelings of love I might’ve felt for her were all shattered when she did this. Reveals her scarred left arm

Sly: She physically abused you?

Akagawa: She did. It got really bad when Nakashima get accepted into Hope’s Peak. That was her dream for me. And it didn’t happen.

Sly: What field did she want you to have an Ultimate in?

Akagawa: It didn’t matter to her. She just wanted me to be accepted.

Sly: So you mean to tell me she did that to your arm because you didn’t get into Hope’s Peak for anything? Although your brother did. Hmmm, were you jealous of him?

Akagawa: O-of course I wasn’t! I never wanted to go to that stuffy academy! I never wanted to be an Ultimate either! I was content with being a normal person, and that bitch had to try and force to be someone I didn’t want to be!

Sly: A normal person huh. He laughs. I think at one point or another we’ve all wanted that. If you were a normal person do you think you’d be here now?

Akagawa: I-I don’t know….

Sly: Regarding your brother again, do you feel guilty because of him? Sly: With all the tension going on around here, it wouldn’t surprise me if you were looked at differently just because he’s your brother.

Akagawa: …………..people have…..blamed me for it…..for having a Despair for a brother…….

Sly: So do you feel guilty…… no a better word, do you feel ashamed of him?

Akagawa: Absolutely I do…

Sly: How do you feel when you see Gekkougahara?

Akagawa: I….want to avoid her. I know how close she was to Nakashima. I don’t want to remind her…..by looking at me.

Sly: You sound like you need therapy. But you won’t go get any because you’d have to go to her?

Akagawa: Heh…a vicious cycle, huh?

Sly: I guess, though it doesn’t have to be. You aren’t getting the help you need and she’s still suffering. Instead of the two people that were closest to him coping and leaning on each other, you are intentionally avoiding her.

Akagawa: But…I mean…

Sly: Now you’re both just suffering.

Akagawa: Y-yeah…

Sly: You’re looking at it like you getting help will become a bigger problem. If anything, you going to go see her will help you both recover faster. At least to the point where you aren’t depressed about it and can face him once again with clear minds. You aren’t your brothers keeper. You live different lives. He makes his choices and you make yours. Don’t let his choices force your hand and make you suffer.

Akagawa: ….I…guess.

Sly: But, I mean, if you’d rather lose your mind and not settle any unnecessary conflict with Gekkougahara, then it’s up to you. Your life.

Akagawa: …..

Sly: I also have to point out, you are surprisingly trusting of me. I’m curious as to why you’ve let me pry so much into things you’re obviously not very comfortable with when we’ve only just met.

Akagawa: I don’t know. I’m….too trusting I guess.

Sly: Too trusting added along with recent events and how that’s effected your mind, that can lead to very dangerous things….. coming for you and coming from you.

Akagawa: I guess. I just…..I’m just confused right now.

Sly: You should go see Gekkougahara. I think if you can get past her you can face him again with clarity. You both may be able to.

Akagawa: You think…?

Sly: I’ve got no reason to try and steer you in the wrong direction.

Akagawa: ….alright. I’ll see if I can talk to her sometime.

Sly: Good. We wouldn’t want any problems or irrational thoughts arising because of your shame.

Akagawa: Y-yeah, we wouldn’t. We have enough problems to deal with as it is.

Sly: Oh, that reminds me. A lot of people either love me or hate me and I’d rather not add another person with a grudge against me to that list. That’s why I will warn you now. You’ve told me so much about you, but you don’t know a thing about me besides my name, I wouldn’t recommend pushing my buttons, or doing something perverted towards Naegi again, cause if she doesn’t do something about it, I will.

Akagawa: Sweats a bit I-I see….

Sly: Just something to remember.

Akagawa: Y-you don’t need to worry. I already feel bad enough for peeking.

Sly: You feel bad huh? I can only imagine what you and the cook talk about.

Akagawa: Well, I mean…

Sly: No no no don’t tell me. It’s better this way.

Akagawa: Yeah, good idea.

Sly: Matter of fact, I should get going. Though I have one last question.

Akagawa: Yeah?

Sly: When the person your brother took the fall for is discovered, what shall you do? What do you think Future Foundation should do with them?

Akagawa: Well…..I’m not in charge. I don’t choose what happens.

Sly: And if you could?

Akagawa: …..lock ‘em up. Forever.

Sly: Hmmmm. I’ll take that for now. Good day to you Atsushi, I shall be keeping an eye on you and your progress. He walks off

Akagawa: …..keeping an eye on my progress? That’s….creepy.

#chronoalone #youngsly3 #Akagawa Atsushi #Sly #DR #submission

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surveys-at-your-service · 6 years ago

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Survey #194

“i’m numb to the pleasure but still feel the pain.”

Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? Yeah. What kind of vitamins did you take as a kid? I believe I first had those Flintstones ones, then later Mom got the gummy type. Have you ever gone to court? Only to explain to a judge why I thought my scheduled month-long stay in the psych hospital was unnecessarily long for my state. I was convinced all I needed to do was talk to Jason and boom, my problems would be gone. Safe to say, I was delusional. Glad I won that battle though considering I loathe that hospital for their extreme lack of therapy and activities to keep us occupied and out of our own heads. I was committed there I think five times and no stay did jack-shit. Are you friends with your neighbors? No. How long has it been since you’ve seen The Lion King? Years. But bitch when that live action remake comes out I'mma be the very first hoe at that theater. Have you ever had a crush on your siblings friend? No. What's the longest amount of time you’ve been on an airplane without changing flights? However long the flight to Michigan was. What’s the best wedding you’ve been to? My former dance instructor's. What time did you wake up this morning? Like, 7. What are you doing this weekend? There's no difference in weekends and weekdays for me. I'm sure I'm doing nothing. What’s your favorite Disney movie? TLK. Do you wear colored contacts? No, but honestly I'd love more sapphire blue ones if they're a prescription and not just cosmetic. Who was the last person you went to the movies with? I think Mom? Or did I go with Dad later? When’s the last time you spent time with your cousins? I haven't seen Robby since '15, but Audrey passed through with my uncle sometime last year. My other cousins, hell if I know. Why did you fall for the last person romantically? Good Lord, that's an essay. Just more than anything, I think it was the fact that she cares so deeply about animals and people alike and is passionate about what's right and wrong. Can you speak in a different language conversationally? If so, which language? I could maybe manage a very simple German convo? Do you ever fear falling asleep? No, but I do rather frequently don't look forward to it, or at least the process of falling asleep. I don't go quickly. What’s the last thing you had to eat? A bagel. Would you rather eat all day or exercise all day? I don't believe you physically could eat all day? And exercising, I'm assuming you'd eventually pass out? But let's be hypothetical. I'd have to choose exercise, I care way too much about not gaining weight. Does one eye tend to be weaker than the other? Yes, my right is considerably worse. What do you think of guys who ask girls out over via text message or internet? It's definitely not my preferred method, but do it if you don't have the courage to in person/just can't for whatever reason. Have you ever had a churro? I believe I have? If I'm remembering the correct treat, it was unbelievably too sweet and I didn't like the crunch. What’s one thing you like about your town? The town itself is real old-fashioned and small. Did you believe that alcohol is more dangerous then weed? I know it is. Do you drink more apple or orange juice? Orange. Are you a fan of the Grand Theft Auto series? Never played, but I highly doubt I'd enjoy it. Do you like the beach? If it wasn't for the wind, blistering heat, and sand. So basically, I don't. I only like being in the ocean. Do you or did you have a curfew at one point? No. Well, correction, if it was a school night before high school and I was out with a friend, I'm sure Mom established something, but idr. Do you peel the wrappers off of plastic bottles? No. What do you think is the youngest age someone should lose their virginity? No younger than 16. But at any age, be. Smart. Have you ever played Super Smash Brothers? I think at friends' as a kid? What do you like on your sundaes? Like, just chocolate syrup lmao. Have you done anything productive today? Well, I exercised some. Do you believe in abstaining from sex until marriage? What I care about is waiting for a person you feel truly in love with. I actually feel like abstaining could be a bad idea, as I'd assume for some people, the desire to have sex would play a factor in them wanting to get married, so marriage could potentially be rushed for the sake of that when you're not adequately prepared in other areas. What is your sexual orientation? Bi. Do you put your name on your food coverings? If I was using a fridge at a job or whatever, yeah, but I'm not in that type of situation. What is something you have acquired with age? Open-mindedness. Would you ever go out in public sporting pajamas? Depends on where I'm going. Have you ever ridden in a race car? No. Do you enjoy history? No. Have you ever changed religions? Twice. Is there anyone to whom you are afraid to stand up to? Mom. And pretty much everyone else. Do you like making lists? Sometimes. Do you play sports with your siblings? Never di- oh wait, Mom signed all three of us up for cheerleading as little kids. Hated it. Are there stairs in your house? No. Do you like onions on your burger? A small amount of minced pieces is fine. Could you ever give yourself a shot? Yeah. What is your favorite room to clean? I get the most satisfaction out of cleaning my own. Do you enjoy cleaning? Not the process of it, just the feeling afterwards. What do you consider your ideal weight? My /ideal/ would be around 120 again, but I'd be happy enough between 130-140. How many pounds do you need to lose (or gain) to be your ideal weight? LET US NOT What is your favorite thing about Valentine’s Day? Just it being a celebration of love, which to me, goes beyond just romantic. I think people should spend a little extra effort in letting one another know they really love each other. Now I believe every day you should treat people with love, but seriously focus on it and be thankful for those you have. If you wear one, what color is your wristwatch? N/A Have you ever made a pair of earrings? No. Who did you inherit your hair color from? I actually think Dad? Going through family pictures after Grampa died, I found out he was actually born dirty-blonde (I've only known him with black), like I was. Pretty sure Mom's was always brown. Have you ever wished that you were born in a different era? Woulda loved being born in the mid-early '80s. Do you prefer soft rock or hard rock? ....... I read "rock" as in like, minerals. And I was. Very confused. High on the list of my dumbest readings. Anyway, definitely hard. What was the best time of your life? As a kid. Do you prefer sunny or cloudy weather? Partly cloudy. How do you like your potatoes? For most of my life I only liked them as fries or as potato skins w/ cheese and bacon bits, but I'm gradually branching out. I like baked potatoes split with cheese and bacon inside too, and Sara's mom exposed me to the very first time I enjoyed mashed potatoes, yeet. So those have to be made a very specific, non-clumpy way. I also like hash browns, but not the shredded kind. Oh yeah, I live for the fiesta potatoes at Taco Bell too like gd good shit. Who’s your best friend? My babygirl. <3 If you don't count her, it'd be my mom, but if she's excluded too being family, I don't really have a best friend. Maybe Girt, idk. What’s a TV show you never miss? I don't watch any shows regularly. The one and only situation where I'd watch every episode ASAP is if Meerkat Manor came back. Have you ever lied about your gender? No. What are you planning on doing on your next birthday? Go out to eat with family, and though unlikely, getting a tattoo would be awwwesome. Do you know anyone else with your last name other than family? I don't think so? Is your favorite band still together? I actually just looked it up because I really wanted to know, and his band's still going, apparently! I thought this coming tour ("No More Tours 2") was the end, but apparently it's just the finale of his world tours. Where do you see most of your concerts? I've only been to one, which was in Raleigh. That's the most likely place we'd go to, though. Have you ever had escargot? Never in my life will I try it. Do you use Google every day? No. What was the last new food you tried that you thought was delicious? Oh my god in Heaven. So, for Christmas, my sis made these hot chocolate cream balls things she found on Pinterest, and literally, maybe the best thing I'd ever had. I just barely had enough discipline to not eat more than one lol. If you could invent a new holiday, what month would you put it in? Hm. Idk. Have you ever had a bedroom with a specific theme? No, I don't think so. If you had to design a room with a theme, what theme would you choose? Gothic, maybe with lil bits of pastel goth for some more personality. What was the best thing that ever happened to you? Realizing I can't just give my entire life to a person, losing any control over it myself. You have to allow yourself to be free; do not chain yourself to a single person. Have you ever given money to a homeless person? No. One, I don't have a source of income, and two, I'm perfectly aware what probably 99% do with it, especially because of my mom, who's pretty much made friends with the homeless on the side of the road, has learned each and every one use drugs or alcohol, so instead she buys them food frequently. That's something I would want to do, but I'm so paranoid of strangers, especially desperate ones, harming me for whatever reason that I probably never will. Do you like your hair better long or short? SHORT. OH MY GOOOOOD CUTTING MY HAIR SHORT WAS ONE OF MY BEST DECISIONS. Have you ever designed your own Facebook timeline cover? Yeah. What is one site that closed down that you wish would come back? Hmmmm. I don't really know. Well, the Animal Planet site still exists, but I wish there was still a dedicated MM section, y'know, with the forums and games and such. Really think it'd be nice if they kept little sections for all of their classic, better-known shows for old fans. Hell, I'm pretty sure MM was their most successful, why not keep remnants of it up there? Do you ever watch TV shows on YouTube? Rarely, if I ever watch a show. Foo Fighters vs. Red Hot Chili Peppers: Not a real fan of either, but I'd have to choose the former as I enjoy at least two of their songs. Have your parents ever complained about your hair? My mom was reeeaaally shocked and distressed when she arrived at the parlor when I got the "big" haircut and saw how much was gone (eight inches), but only because she was scared I'd hate it. Thankfully she really liked it when it was all said and done. Are you a fan of the Saw movies? Never really watched 'em. How did you decide on your Tumblr name? I'm a sucker for alliteration, and it's a survey blog. Do your friends have the complete opposite music taste as you? My closer friends, not really, actually. Do you ever forget how old your siblings are? I don't know any of my half-siblings' ages, and I forget how old Ashley is sometimes. I forget frequently if she's two or three years older than me. Do you tend to walk places more than drive? Ha, you can't walk to a destination here in the country. I only ever ride/rarely drive anywhere. Do you have any photos of you kissing someone? Yes. Do you ever hang out with your ex? Rarely with Girt. Would you like the ability to read minds? No, especially if you can't choose when it's "on" or "off." Even if you only choose when you do it, idk. Just... doesn't seem like a safe idea. Do you see the same people everyday? Lol that's usually just my mom, and yes. Have you ever made out on a couch? Yeah. Are you mad at anyone right now? No. It’s 4 in the morning, your phone rings, what do you do? Almost a guarantee I won't hear, considering it's on vibrate. Now if I did for whatever reason, ignore it unless it's a contact on my phone. Have you ever fallen backwards on a chair? I believe so, playing as a kid. Last time you laughed so hard you cried? I'm not sure, but considering I do that easily... Who last talked about kissing you? Sara. Who was the last thing/person you took a picture with? My kiiiitty. Did you speak to your father today? No. Would you ever get gauged ears? Definitely no. What aren’t you looking forward to? I really don't mean to sound all emo and whatnot, but I genuinely don't look forward to like every afternoon/early evening, as that's around when I hit my extreme boredom decline, which goes so low I feel death could maybe be more exciting. I am in no way suicidal, I just want this era of isolation, lack of purpose, and no progress towards a great future to end. My life's been at a stand-still for pretty much a year. Would you rather get your tongue or lip pierced? I already have both done. I find my snake eyes way cuter, but when I consider my outward appearance and what people generally see, I'd rather have my labret. What is your favorite personality trait? Kindness. What is the most romantic thing a significant other could do? Idk, but something with deep personal meaning for sure. When you are dating someone, what is the most important thing to you? There has to be a mutual, serious care for our relationship; my partner has to understand I'm not in for a fling. We both have to have the goal of forming and maintaining a healthy, long-lasting, meaningful relationship. If I feel being together is a game to you or just for a couple months of a bit of fun, bye. Would you be able to tell someone you love them, even if you didn’t feel it? No. Well, I do with my mom if she's pissed me off and I *feel* like I don't, but I know I do. If you were engaged, would you want a wedding as soon as possible? Not necessarily. I believe engagement is a stage where you're certain you want to get married in the not-so-distant future, but you have other important things to take care of first, like for example, buying a home and stuff like that. When in a relationship do you have to have contact with your partner on a daily basis? I wouldn't freak the hell out if you couldn't talk to me for a day, but I'd definitely want at least a little conversation, especially if we're serious. Do you believe in moving in together before engagement or marriage? Yes. You should know how you're going to handle being with your s/o every single day. Did you ever give a hickey to the last person you kissed or you guys didn’t go that far? Not yet. Is there anyone you want to come see you? Yeah. What was the last thing you saw that scared you? A video of this guy with his giant pet centipede like an idiot (super venomous) crawling all over him. Centipedes creep me the hell out, although at the same time I find them kinda cool. Is there something that’s happened today that you don’t want to ever go through again? No. Is the last person you kissed attractive? Yeah. Do you feel bored with your life? I think I've covered this enough. Who’s someone you miss that you haven’t talked to in years? Megan, more than anyone. Do you have severe withdrawals from medications? I don't think any were ever severe, but I was weaned off of them all I believed. Just honestly I've been on so many since 6th grade that I can't recall each one's ending. I only recall having shadow hallucinations when I was coming off one. What’s the most weight you’ve ever gained from a medication? Let's not talk about the subject I'm more bitter about than anything else in the entire world. Summary: Don't touch Abilify even if your fucking life depended on it. Do you have a doctor you can trust? My psychiatrist and therapist, very much so. I've only seen my new general doctor twice, so I can't make a fair judgment of her. Mom has a friend who sees her though, and she only has positive things to say about her. Do you pray? If yes, to whom? No. What do you miss about high school? A social life. Art class. What do you miss the most about college? Literally the one and only part I enjoyed at my first college was lunchtime, because Jason and I could spend time together, sometimes with his friends. Second college, nothing. It was online. Have you ever been the victim of a crime? I don't believe so? Is your life worse than you could have ever have imagined it to be? Or is it better, or just what you expected? Ohhhh man... As a kid, I was so sure I'd be amazing. Still had a bit of hope in middle school. High school and beyond, it's, so far, worse than I'd planned. What is the most beautiful landscape you have ever seen? Mountains. Driving through them is unreal. What is one place you have always wanted to visit? Idk about "always." But for the longest amount of time, it's been without a doubt South Africa. Who were your favorite celebrities as a child? Steve Irwin was and still is one of my absolute heroes. I loved Jeff Corwin, Jesse McCartney, Raven Symone, and the Sprouse twins, too. Do you prefer slow songs or fast songs? I'd say generally, faster. What color is your trash can? White. Who was your favorite family pet when you were growing up? We didn't really have a "family" pet, just ones one of us individually were particularly close to. I'd say the closest that qualifies would be Chance, our first cat. She was special. List five of your favorite YouTubers. You Already Know, GameGrumps, Shane Dawson, Daniel Howell, and Jeffree Star, but. I have so many jsfaqoweuoapsf. I wanna squeeze Rhett and Link in there, but while I still love them as people and creators, I've been losing interest in GMM over the months. What’s your favorite type of bird? Barn owls. I also love ravens though for their intelligence and personalities. What pet names do you use with your significant other? A lot, but I'd say either "sweetheart/sweetie" or "dear" are most common from me. I think. How would you describe your sense of humor? Sarcastic, I guess. Have you ever been a member in a band? No. Well, except school band. Have you ever watched yourself on video? Yeeaah, senior project was fun. But I know how I usually am well enough to say I honestly don't feel I did badly. Have you ever missed a flight? Yup. Never go to the O'Hare airport, jfc. Have you ever seen a lunar eclipse? Yes, and I hope to see the one this Sunday! Are you still in touch with your best friend from high school? No. Any animals whose behaviors you find particularly interesting? AHHHHHHH SO MANY!!!!! Social species' above all. Do you like animals better than most humans? Yes. What simple things in life bring you the most joy? Long car rides when I can play my iPod through the speakers and just go to another world. Sara singing, hearing my mom laugh. Seeing old couples holding hands in public kills me. How did you meet your significant other (if you have one)? YouTube. How did you meet your best friend? She's the same person as above. Are you friends with anybody you didn't like at first? Also see Sara lmao. Are there any musicians you didn't like at first, but grew on you? The first/most recent to come to mind is In This Moment. Is there anything you used to love, but now dislike? Peas as a kid. I'm kinda on the fence of liking or disliking PewDiePie as he is now (although I haven't watched too much of his newer content). Do you have any favorite books you'd like to have signed by the author? It'd be pretty cool for Ozzy to sign my copy of his autobiography, sure. Do you enjoy any of those old black and white horror films? Any one I've ever seen has been horrid, so I haven't seen many. What is your favorite yogurt topping? I loved those ones that had M&Ms in them. Where do you shop the most: Kmart, Target, Walmart, Fred Meyer, or other? Walmart or Harris Teeter. Have you ever done a craft project you saw on Pinterest? No. What beverages do you drink that contain caffeine? Soda. What has been the best experience you've had in a church? Uhhh. Oh, Jason's brother's wedding. Do you prefer that your nachos be spicy or not spicy? Obviously spicy. Have you ever had a kiss that felt magical? Mine and Jason's first was cute, but I don't recall if I thought it was "magical" because all I was focusing on was just how shy I was. First kiss with Sara was definitely more than special. Who is your best online friend? Sara once again. Who knows more about you: online friends or offline? Online, easily. Do you think that love makes people irrational? It can. What book, movie, or TV show did you find to be total garbage? Oh, I'm positive there's something, but nothing comes to mind. Is there a topic that is a sore-spot for you? Mental health and how it may affect your loved ones. Have you ever lost a friend over a guy/girl? Pretty much. Have you ever lost a friend because of a lifestyle change? Yup. Do you like kissing? The right person. What location holds the most memories for you? My childhood home. Hypothetically let’s just say you’re a supervillain. What’s your agenda? What are you trying to destroy and why? I would never want to be, but I suppose the most suitable for me would be punishing the person to break a promise somehow. Why, because I know just how agonizing broken promises can be. What’s your go-to topic when making small talk with others? How their day's been. When you get to be in charge of the tunes on a road trip or party - do you play what you want to hear or tailor the playlist to what you think the other people in the car/room want to hear? I do a mix of both. Thankfully, Mom and I like most of the same music, but I do learn what songs she doesn't like and avoid playing them unless I really wanna hear it. You have any bad habits you shamelessly don’t care to or plan to quit? Shamelessly, idk about that. There’s an app for everything. What apps consume the most of your time and energy? Facebook. The most overrated thing ever - what is it? I literally judge you if you have a bigass, obnoxiously loud truck. Compensating for something? The most underrated? Ummmm. Talking about pointless shit and doing nothing while enjoying your favorite person's presence is surely one. What’s something you find unconventionally romantic? Teaching your s/o how to play a game together and you both are enjoying it asjfaoswuw. One of my most cherished memories with Jason was that with Little Big Planet. Just in general I find it super cute to share what you love with each other.

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