#may change the url back to this but IDK

[planet4546b]

holybranchesmp3 -> planet4546b

[terapagosu]

mpregnaruto -> koirasusi

[grubloaf]

pastkarkat -> grubloaf

i am reverting to larval stage

[genericpuff]

Turns out it's been a while since I've talked about Rachel's medical fetish art so it came as a shock to people when I mentioned it in the last post (I've got quite a few asks about it lmao) So I'm gonna enlighten y'all real quick on what I'm referring to, and yes, it's probably exactly what you're thinking of when you hear the word 'medical fetish'.

CONTENT WARNING: DISCUSSION OF MEDICAL FETISH ART AND DEPICTIONS OF NEEDLES!!!!

So the name "used_bandaid" is one Rachel started using back in the early to mid 2000's. She went by a LOT of different pennames back then, including but probably not limited to:

Pepper_maid

madame_issue

Usedbandaid/used_bandaid

Rach Alex

Rachel Royale

Raquel

Medical Tophat/Medical_Tophat

Frill_house

Gingerbreadcoffin (? this one's kinda weird because the link itself with this username just goes back to her used bandaid MySpace account , so idk if she ever actually used it or if it was even affiliated with her lol)

Now you're probably about to ask, "Puff, how do you know these are all her?" and that's because Rachel still had all of these accounts interlinked through her projects, primarily The Doctor Pepper Show. She seemed to change up usernames often just for the hell of it.

Anyways. I'm not gonna show much of it here because I do think it's better to leave certain things in the past, but there's a LOT of her old work that implies the stuff that's questionable/problematic in LO has always been a part of her identity as an artist (DDLG, hot pink self-insert MC, etc.)

One such example is "madame issue":

This is such a 3-in-1 smoking gun for everything we see in LO. The reference to bandaids (see: used bandaid, which was part of her URL slug for her old flickr where this drawing comes from), the hot pink color palette, and of course, the fact that this character is almost DEFINITELY a self-insert of Rachel, thanks to that shared name.

She's also stated in old commission/print posts that Madame Issue was the one print she wouldn't sell.

She doesn't explicitly say why but I think it's pretty safe to assume it's because Madame Issue is her.

We also have Eva, "the queen of medical fetish". And the tags are... pretty self-explanatory.

That said, that's as much as I'm gonna go into with her old art, because a lot of it does get quite personal with her and I don't really think it accomplishes much more to continue digging up old skeletons, at least not unless they can be seen as parallel to LO (which some of them are and I'll likely be sharing more of those ones in a later post).

That said, there ARE still pages that are accessible without the use of the Wayback Machine that advertise her as a medical fetish artist without the need for extensive digging. If you search up The Doctor Pepper Show on Google, you'll actually find a reddit thread asking what happened to Rachel's old work, and there are comments with loads of resources to access her pre-LO content. You'll also find the listing for The Doctor Pepper Show on The Webcomic List, which literally describes it as a medical fetish comic: "This is a comic set in a world where evil doctors rule, girls wear frilly underpants and people use their manners. *May I please blow your f**king head off?* This comic features Gothic dandys, EGL (Gothic lolitas) and medical fetish fashion. (Neo victorian setting)"

I'll let y'all do your own digging from here, there's a LOT to unpack honestly and while I can't keep you from doing your own research, practice due diligence with what you choose to share. Again, I don't think it's a crime in and of itself for Rachel to want to distance herself from her past as a medical fetish artist, so I think it's only really relevant to show the things that are clearly still influencing LO (like her love for the movie Lolita or the very clear sexualization of youthfulness). While we can try to leave the past where it is, she does still write LO with a lot of the most problematic features of her former identity, and it makes it all the more bizarre that if she is trying to distance herself from it all, then why would she stick with one of the pennames that's the most easily tied back to medical fetishism?

TL ; DR: Rachel started off online with medical fetish and gothic lolita art (at least as far back as we can trace it) and elements of that past are still present in LO today. Use that info responsibly lol

[pansyfemme]

Idk if you knew this but your pinned post still has your old username! Idk if you plan on changing that too but jsyk :]

honestly i still would like to go by jude pansyfemme as my formal name on here,, im connected with it. im still not 100% on the url change, i have pansyfemme saved so i may go back but im just. playing. for a little bit since femme is a term im not as close with as i once was. i still identify with it, but in the past it was the most important gender identifier for me, and these days its just one of many gender words i use to describe being a feminine gay trans man.

[joelwindows7]

Cardiac Extract

Pixiv 78405 (it.)

Nerplex blocked me, here's the bean. Reblogs of blogger who nerplex didn't block

What did I do wrong? Telling you to sauce URL offends you?

Man, I'm gonna be canceled here. I guess this shall be the time we act now. Love you all, gamers, who still with me of course.

Wait!

It, gamers, if you're here, pls don't angry just yet. Actually, the story is funny. Uhh a blogger, nerplex yes, said your name and others, but without sauce URL. Plus that person blocked me and of course no reason given.

Look, I'm trying to save your clout... I mean make you popular! Idk what's the say here, point is, I want to be the good example of how to credit properly, when I am really lazy. Well very easy! As possible, attribute sauce URL! That's it at least.

Again, above picture's not mine, there's your sauce who drew this. You're welcome. You must act too, don't stay there! Spread that sauce to other friends!! I beg you. Artists deserves respect, and thefts (same reuploader but did not sauce URL) deserves.. You got the idea.

Here, my subsidiary are making changes, and they're in the process of spilling the bean. Actually this subsidiary was the outlying connector to one my division, Archive Division. Not to be confused with Archive.org, that's different story.

So from now on, if you see your art reuploaded here (even it's still live on the sauce), pls don't cancel me, I beg you. Look I promise I attach the sauce URL of it. even my own art, all has URLs to source SVG, Blend, etc. We are the company of Sauce, we want gamers to know where did you downloaded this file.

Okay, to disrespectful gamers. You. You block me, you left no choice. I wanted to reblog and that's it. I never wanted to talk to you, unless you asked for it, or whatever neverary. I just commented your post, And tried my best to not offend you in assumption of universal ethic settings as far as I know. If you had it here, we'll it's your fault. I wanted to reblog but [tumblr] says it's gone, and you're not deactivated. Peck you. I can't fathom why did you do that, when you could've only & exclusively block scam spam bots instead. Want to me stop? Just unblock me, and the trouble is over. That's all I want.

I don't know and I cannot know why I'm blocked coz that happens to be the social media common ethics (that's really flawed). So want it or not, blocking, ................ means provocation. Right?.. I.. Won't see why!! HUH?! If I was making social media, I make sure they tell the reason why. Oh, this account is scammer, so I may a look at it to confirm. Oh, I just hate this guy, and I can take a look at it and then... No, not ban. Maybe send that person to class idk. This is just concept, more need to design.

Ok back to you again. Yeah. I'm sorry. I lost all my sanity. Everyday, the world.. derails my mental condition, through this. Idk if they got hacked.. or just.. hate me?

yeah. idk anymore. what do you think?

Huh, Yeah?

isn't queen gambit method may cause trouble to yourself?

.. Who said I'm gonna often post that [tumblr] url here? Well.. perhaps I don't have to, instead. Scroll down. Ctrl + F keyword of "block". You'll see. Okay you may not see it now. Soon. and more soon.

.

That's all for today. I'm sorry if there is mistake or whatever wrong here. Got comment, let us know, idk.

Edit:

Being resolved

Update soon

Edit 2:

Failed

Pls do not bad against

[gregorycasket]

Hello.

It's been a long time no see, hasn't it. This is going to be a long one, and I apologize in advance, but I want to try and get everything I can out there.

If you were active in the VT fandom at any point from 2017 to 2020, then you may remember me. If not, that's okay. I used to run an account under this URL when I was 14, it was just a general VT blog, and I was friends with a pretty popular blogger in the space... We are not friends anymore. I deactivated the account sometime in 2017 as my interest in VT was waning, only to come back in early 2018 I want to say with the URL "gregorycask3t" (as the original had been snatched up by a bot. obviously that bot is gone now, considering I have it again.)

The exact details are fuzzy, that time in my life was particularly rough and naturally my brain's blocked a lot of it out. I do remember being victim to a particularly nasty harassment campaign. I don't even remember how it started, just that it happened. The reason for the campaign, to my knowledge, was in regards to an AU I had been working on for the better half of three years at that point in time, that featured some heavier topics and changed character ages and relations and what not. I made sure that my stuff had an easily filterable tag, and I made sure to tag anything potentially triggering accordingly... but it seems like my AU just existing and me talking about it was enough to set people off. I got told repeatedly to "just make OCs" but my attachment to VT as its source was far too strong at the time for me to do so.

My own personal attachment to the AU, which I started developing to help me cope with the absolutely insane amount of trauma I'd been through between the ages of 12 and 14, made the sudden vitriol being thrown my way all the more painful. An attack on the AU felt like an attack on me due to how grossly intertwined I was with it. It was my coping mechanism, it was my biggest special interest, it was the only thing I had that I could say was certifiably mine and that no one could ever take away from me after I had lost everything.

I don't know who exactly was responsible nor do I remember if anyone involved came forward off of anon or not. I do know that at least one person behind it was an adult at the time, and I only know this because someone I would befriend after the fact informed me, having witnessed three people saying some negative things about me in a discord server. That someone, btw, is now my wife. We've been married for a year. I don't know who, and she hasn't specified because frankly, idk if she remembers who exactly it all was either. Just that one of them was an adult. Need I remind you that I was 14 at the time.

I have still not received an apology from ant party involved, anonymous or not.

Harassment aside, Gregorycask3t was an askblog. whether it started as an askblog or became one, I don't remember. After Gregorycask3t kind of took off more than I expected it to, I made a separate blog under the name "doesjohnnyghostisgay" wherein I would post out-of-character stuff for VT, and talk more at length about my AU and my interpretations of the characters. I would also frequently post other people's headcanons in the form of anonymous asks... which leads right into the second issue: The NSFW.

This was all prior to Tumblr's porn ban, and I, stupidly, had agreed to take NSFW headcanons and post them. They were tagged, of course, but that doesn't change the fact that I, a minor, was near consistently posting written pornographic content for other minors in my following to see. Being 14-15 at the time, I had no way to exactly verify who these anonymous asks were coming from. I do remember someone reaching out to send me a NSFW fic over DMs that they'd written for wattpad, but they had no age listed on their account anywhere. I can only hope that they were a dumb teenager like me, and not an adult knowingly interacting with a 14-15 year old in sexual contexts.

I acted incredibly blasé about me posting nsfw, brushing off the concerns of my friends and strangers at the time that I could end up in danger doing that shit. And for that, I sincerely apologize. I was stupid, and I wasn't thinking clearly, and though I didn't know it at the time, my nonchalance and belief that what I was posting was just run-of-the-mill fun was a direct result of me having been groomed when I was 11 and also being groomed at the time of the posting by one of the people I was dating. I had to re-learn a lot of boundaries and what is and isn't okay to share and post about, because it was all just normal to me. I'm not attempting to hand-wave my actions, merely providing a context as to why they happened. Me being a minor at the time myself is no excuse, and considering most of my sexual abuse comes from COCSA, it'd be hypocritical of me to pretend that I didn't cause any potential harm. I am incredibly sorry, and I have seen to it that it has not, and will not, happen again.

While I'm clearing things up and apologizing, I'd also like to clarify some things regarding my friendship with a user named "r*ntless" (censored for safety, I have no desire to ever be in contact with him ever again, negative or otherwise.) I'm going to preface this by saying that I do not remember a majority of the conversations I had with R, most of them being repressed or lost entirely. As such, I may not provide context or answers for a few things, or I may just get some information wrong. Take everything I say with a grain of salt, but know that my feelings on him currently are very, very real, even if my recollection is faulty.

R had DM'd me out of the blue one day on doesjohnnyghostisgay and began talking VT with me. I had actually had R blocked on my main, cause I saw him perpetuating the rumor that T/homas S/anders was a pedophile in the notes of another post, a smear campaign started by ace exclusionists who were upset about him accepting asexuals as members of the LGBT+ community. Should go without saying, R was a massive fucking aphobe, but he kept that hidden from me very well. Because Tumblr is a broken website, he was still able to DM my sideblog directly and because he had presented himself as friendly and approachable, I figured I had made the wrong call or something and unblocked him from my main to avoid any future conflict. I remember we used to talk often, and I divulged some personal stuff to him.

I had been chased out of another community prior. I'm not going to go into the details, but to act like I was an angel who didn't do anything wrong would be incorrect. I was a massive dickhead, I hurt people, and I perpetuated beliefs that I honestly have no idea why I did, I didn't believe in them then and I certainly don't believe in them now. I was also, y'know, 14, and processing a fuck ton of trauma, and not coping with suddenly having stability for the first time after a near year and a half of instability very well, and I was also fully processing for the first time that my mom was abusive.

I was left alone and scared after getting chased out for committing yet another stupid thoughtless action, having people stalk my main acc and wait for me to slip up again. I was isolated, and felt I had no one to turn to because the people around me irl sucked, and the people online wanted me gone, I felt like everyone hated me. R reassured me that I didn't deserve that, and that he'd been through something similar within the VT community itself, though he conveniently left out a lot of details. He reassured me that he accepted me, and I clung to that. He gave me support and I desperately needed it.

The rest of our interactions are largely fuzzy, but I do recall venting to my friend (now wife) that it felt like he was getting really cold and distant with me. After deliberating on it for a while, I finally decided to block him. I can't tell you how much weight left my shoulders the moment I blocked him. I felt free, not constantly worrying about if I was gonna say the wrong thing or reblog the wrong post and have him passive aggressively interrogate me about it in our DMs.

I wouldn't actually find out the extent of what he had done to become such a controversial figure in the VT community until just last year.

Needless to say, I fucking hate r*ntless. I hate that I was ever friends with him, I hate that I was so easily taken advantage of by him, and I never want to see or hear from or about him ever again.

Moving off the topic of owning up for things, throughout running doesjohnnyghostisgay, of which I had changed the URL to i'd still get the occasional hate anon shitting on my AU. This motivated me to continue working on it out of spite, even after I had began having second thoughts maintaining it. I began conversing with a good friend (who was best man at my wedding) @overthinkingtaleblr, and realized through learning about 'canon' VT stuff through them that my attachment to the AU was long dead. I didn't need it anymore. I was still in a bad place at the time, don't get me wrong, but clinging to it wasn't helping me at all. So I let it go. I changed my URL at some point to "venturiantale-au" / "venturiantale-aus" (I can't recall exactly.) and then later to "enbyspooker."

I don't... remember when, how, or why I deactivated enbyspooker. Could've been waning interest, could've been a spur of the moment impulse. I just know that it was there one day and then wasn't. I made attempts to get back into VT after the Frye brothers were exposed and fans had rebranded to taleblr, but I could never find my niche. I do believe I've found one now, working on my own universe of these characters again... this time without the emotional baggage and trauma attached. It's just a story. Thought that doesn't mean it won't get dark at a few places, but so did VT, didn't it?

I won't lie, when I saw everyone rebranding to taleblr and rejoicing about canon being dead and being able to do whatever they want with these characters now, I felt a quite bitter. I still feel bitter. Feels stupid still being upset about something that went down when I was 14, especially now that I'm 21 and married, but it was traumatizing and it fucked me up and it led me to doing things that made it worse. Of course I'm going to be bitter that potentially same people who bullied me over an AU were now rejoicing that canon was dead, and that I was probably going to get bullied again if I ever came back with anything new.

... But I am willing to try again. I won't be too active, as this is just a fun side project and not something I have a special interest in. I'm more of a tag lurker than anything, but that may change down the line if I get more comfortable. I don't expect anyone to forgive me for anything, you don't have to. Block me if you must, it's okay. I'm a big believer in curating your online space, do whatever you need to do to feel comfortable, okay?

... idk. I'm probably making a big thing out of old news.

Anyways, I should re-introduce myself.

Hi, my name is Kenning. I'm 21 years old, and I use he/it pronouns. My favorite characters are the Acachalla Thatchery family, who my story focuses on. My specific interpretations of these characters are my OCs, but due to the collaborative nature of taleblr, I will be tagging them as such and with their canon-counterpart names for reach.

Enjoy your stay.

[darkestrellar]

Hello everyone! As you can see (or may already have seen), I changed Svern's url, after at least a year of thinking about doing so.

I've endeavoured to go through and update all links on the blog and information posts, but there's always a chance something slipped through the cracks. If you encounter a broken link, let me know.

Over the past three or so weeks, I have also:

Updated the on-blog muse page (updated page/section formatting, revised and rewrote information, added new stuff, added a trivia and misc section at the bottom of the page);

Updated the on-blog verses page (updated formatting, revised and rewrote verse descriptions, fleshed out some a little better);

Done a Major and quite overdue update to the Carrd. I updated the url to match the new one on the blog; overhauled the rules page to bring it in line with the most recent version on the blog, then did the same with the muse and verses sections, and I updated their formatting/layout, which I had been dissatisfied with for a while. As I threatened hinted earlier, there are a lot more words than there used to be, but it also looks much nicer (imo).

There are still a lot of other things I want to/am considering doing:

New blog avatar because this one is STILL old and outdated

Possibly make a new icon border! If I do do this, it will be a pain, because my icon bases are horribly organised or need remaking due to how I've gone about editing/making them in the past.

Update the many and various other information posts on the blog to do with verses and meta.

Revise Pokémon roster page (idk how much will need changing).

Finally, an update on my life goings-on:

I'm doing better now, although I'm not quite back to my usual self. This month was the first decent month where I didn't have any major anxiety episodes since March-April. I still have not gotten to have counselling like I was supposed to because (gestures in an annoyed manner) the waitlist is taking forever and I regret not taking the doctor's offer months ago to get a different referral but oh well.

I still haven't recovered all my mental stamina and my imagination isn't working as well as I would like either, but it's mending, slowly.

My IRL life is probably going to get busier, but now that I'm no longer so prone to feeling like I'm gonna go crazy or spontaneously die for unknown reasons, I can cope with that and juggle it better too. I'll probably still focus on maintenance (across all of my blogs) over writing for now because of the fact that my creative inspiration is still kinda like fog, but at least I'm not completely on hiatus anymore.

I'll be working on things in the background.

[disabledstraydogs]

Ah. At this point we may as well just come out and say that we're leaving tumblr for a while, idk if we'll be back at some point or if this is permamnent. This is due to a multitude of reasons including our health, irl issues and a possible stalker.

With regards to this blog we will not add any other mods to it, we won't be changing or giving up this url either. Mainly because idk if we will be back and also because I don't want this blog to fall into the wrong hands or given to someone who has malicious intent.

However, if you want to make a blog like this or using this idea you are more than welcome to! Have fun with it and enjoy yourself!

Thank you all for this time, I hope you're all well and remember to take care of yourself now and in the future!

[official-osha]

OSHAVERSE LORE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I’M NEW WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING I-

boy oh boy

so im going to assume youre A. a new blog [welcome] or B. a casual viewer

the OSHAverse is a roleplay verse that started due to the parody blogs [like me!] that popped up in the wake of osha-official deactivating so OSHA didnt try and come after them for impersonating a government official, and then when lore developed sometime in september-october of 2021, it became something else entirely. it sports at least 200 blogs [though many either deactivated or abandoned or on hiatus] and a fuckton of lore

the OSHAverse, [relatively] old and big as it is, with the amount of user input it relies on, has so much lore that contradicts itself in some ways that its hard to give a very clear description.

@oshahelpdesk, though not... too active right now i think, is a good way to get started, and is working on describing OSHA blogs - so please submit a form if you own one! i still need to get on that ::-]

a basic rundown of the lore [or what i think is happening LOL, im not god of OSHA idk the full stuff]: OSHA is not only... OSHA, but also some sort of scientist organization, quasi-dimensional communist commune, and probably its own god or something like that. it takes place in a dimension of elusive, ever-changing nature, which [i think] is the melting pot for other dimensions, creating a blurred together mess. the building is endless and could potentially change depending on who looks at it. it may also be alive. [hey girl if youre alive are you free on sunday btw]

OSHA has a ton of departments and many dont have fuck all to do with actual OSHA. other important locations include the cafeteria [@osha-cafeteria-worker], the mad scientist union [@union-of-mad-scientists], the WHO [who has an office in OSHA, i cant find the blog URL though rn and also its not very active], and a loot more

OSHA also has a heavy reliance on alternate universes due to the dimensional aspect of it all, which is pretty fun if you think about it

if youre an OSHA blog, feel free to tack on with your own personal lore or just to correct shit ive gotten wrong! [some other blogs of mine are @prime-orpheus, @oshafileclerk, and @rory-faire. i have at minimum 20 but orpheus is the only one relevant to offy, i like david, and rory is the only other blog im using right now]

things are... a bit inactive unfortunately because people are busy so many plotlines are halted 😴 hopefully things can someday be back to basics

[meanhare]

very specific distractions

because things like "read, draw, walk" are kinda not hepful for me personally (what to read? what to draw? where walk?). also if you have no friends you can do all these alone bc i also have no friends. warning: some of them are kinda edgy

learn about sodas over the world and make a list of 10 (or more) sodas you want to try the most

draw your fav character in decora, scene, patched crustpunk or any other clothes/style that are long and/or hard to draw

learn armenian, georgian, katakana or any other unfamiliar alphabet/writing system

find in library and read any book about antarctica

watch bela tarr's satantango

find hungarian bands that play your fav music genre

google and read about twonosed dog breeds

go outside and take pics of your fav 10 buildings in your city

take some money and buy more pants and/or socks (theres always not enough of them +you dont have to try on them and then cry in change room)

depict your ideal room in details

create an alien/fantastic animal/breed, draw it and describe its habital, height, weight, color, natural enemies, diseases it prone to, how common are mutations like albinism or polydactylia etc

write n details whole 5 pages of how you feel like. if you feel bad, write how awful is everything, how you want (or dont want)it to end, how shitty is your mood. if you feel nothing, write how you are not feeling, how empty and desolated it feels.

learn how to make an origami of your fav animal

burn some trash

create a secret blog. it may be for something you like, for writing honest opinions, for pretending that you are cishet christian gymbro, anything. take time to made out a good name and url and find a good pfp

learn few songs on other languages

try every tea you can find. sometimes theres boxes of assorted teabags with different tastes, its good for trying different kinds

do some jigsaw puzzles. theres many online jigsaw sites

(re)watch or read an interview of your fav obscure music band

find even obscurer music band

learn about some east asian holidays and plan to celebrate some of them

draw your recent dream in mspaint

switch language on you tumblr/phone/computer to one you dont know (but only if you familiar with your device enough and know how to change it back for if necessary)

find some longass 100question ask game and answer every question (no need to post it, you can do it in your head or write it down in a notebook)

make picrews of yourself, ideal you, your friend, your imaginary friend, pet, musician or character

learn how to swear on every language

go to any poll blog and vote

duolingo. yes

if you dont have mustache and beard, draw it on your face and maybe take some selfies with it for fun

watch that movie someone somewhere once recommended you but you still didnt watched somewhy

write or draw something very unsetting what would probably get you termed instantly if you post it online

brush your hair, your dog/cats hair, your toy ponys hair, anything brushable

read the whole wikipedia page about any subculture you find interesting

get some stickers and stick them anywhere in your room

write lists of favs (fav drinks, bands, dog breeds, movies etc)

read modern ukrainian writers. sergiy zhadan, irena karpa, yurij andrukhowych (idk if i wrote their name in english correctly) also make music, check it out

search for your local bands (the easiest way is to search your city tag in bandcamp)

then search for your local concerts. go to your local concerts of your local bands. most of them are cheap

get a blindbox toy. idc if youre adult. its fun. maybe get a kinder surprise egg if you can (a chocolate egg is usually 110-120kcal)

watch some good old bloody slasher or japanese horror movie

get a notebook with a locker and make a fucking anadiary. make it sappy or overdramatic or heroinchicy or 80rockstary. doesnt matter

google about arsons in your hometown and look at cool fire pics

[ghostofskywalker]

announcement/update/idk what this is i guess

so i took my name out of my bio back in like january and i felt a little weird doing mutual tags and not having something to offer back.

side note: mutual tags are a whole other nightmare rn bc my tumblr doesn’t remember 90% of them and i’m primarily a tumblr web girlie who doesn’t have emoji access! originally i said i was just going to replace the ones forgotten with the tag “lovely mutuals” but i really want to keep the tags so i may see what i can do - stay tuned on that front!

but what i am desperately trying to communicate is that i’ve decided to take on the pseudonym “ghost” for my blogs here!! it’s cute and it matches my url, so everyone please thank @toomanybandstocare for coming up with it!!

if you are one of the mutuals who i’ve had for ages and you have a tag with my actual name on it, you do not have to change it, my name is not like a state secret or anything lol (and i’m looking at you @sunflowersteves - i love our name buddy tags <3) but of course you’re completely welcome to change my tag (of course, if you even do mutual tags) if you wish! since i have a tumblr glitch that doesn’t let me use emojis on tumblr mobile rn, i’ll throw a few of my favorite emojis in the replies if you want to change it (but like i said, no pressure to do so, and it’s up to you to really judge my vibes lol)

i’ll tag a few mutuals under the cut just to kind of get the word out lol

@sunflowergirl522 @captainsophiestark @corrieguards @honeydjarin @commander-sunshine @goblinofthemoon @starboytech @happy-beeeps and many more i’m forgetting (i’m a little sick rn, so i probably shouldn’t be making these big decisions, but yolo i guess)

[spacelazarwolf]

sorry to add fuel to the fire, but idk if you're aware if vaspider got into a ton of shit last year for using his monetized/connected to his business blog with a large-following to publicly shame another queer person w less than 450 followers by posting private DMs, and misrepresenting the facts (changing timestamps) to make himself look better. he really doubled down and got extremely defensive and his followers were given free reign to harass this queer person into a suicide attempt and he continued to play the victim and not claim responsibility, despite deliberately deciding to paint a target on this person's back by choosing not to censor their URL.

so ig this kind of behavior is par for the course for him? if you search vaspider here on tumblr and wade through some stuff about proshipping, you'll land on posts from may last year that talk about the situation. totally fair to not post this publicly, but i thought you should know in case you aren't already aware

i don't really know anything about that situation, and i avoid shipping discourse, but yeah the harassment really doesn't surprise me at this point. seems like they really only care about Being Right.

[the-unmotivaterrrrrrrrrrr]

yeah back to my old url because i've been meaning to change it but can't think of anything good rn,, may change it at some point soon but idk

[spikeinthepunch]

rebrand conflict

idk how to decide what is a good or bad decision in terms of like...wanting to rebrand. i wish i could count back to how long i have used "morrysillusion" overall, i dont have a specific date. but i know after the white/brown antelope/wolf fursona, i think i dropped "moreyytilatot"? i think i tried to just go by "morey" in some form (i recall "princemorry" url). and then i dropped the 'nisovinsillusion' url maybe in early 2016? but i also had the coffini url here for a good while after. i cant remember if i used morrysillusion outside of tumblr around that time so. idk...

and heres the thing-- i dont really feel disconnected from my username, its fine and i think its p cool. but also in my head i keep wanting to change it, and part of that is wanting to claim a super old username i have no bad associations with. and i think part of that is bc of all the ways i am trying to do the things i was denied through my younger years-- so i am just reliving a lot of nice things and recalling the vibes and online trend etc i had. but also like.... attitude? personality wise? i feel like im not reflecting that w my current "brand" so to speak. at the very least if i didnt change my username, i still dont feel like the current look is something i want. i think the urge on the username change is just an additional feeling to push away from what i have been under this name.

the username i keep wanting to fall back to is 'spikeinthepunch/spikedpunch' (had the short one on xboxlive and the long one on deviantart) which was a short lived username but has no negative relations to anything, and i wished i kept it for a bit longer. and its kind of an edgy username lol. but in my recent years of growing as an adult, moving out, and being my own person, i feel soooo different than how my accounts have been presenting me. i guess ive been like soft, simple, and stiff in presentation? i think i fell into this when i was thinking id keep doing art commissions etc in a "professional" way, and especially bc i was doing my CN internship around then and wanted to still look presentable for the industry when looking for jobs. and while i certainly would love to work in the creative industry potentially, i obviously dont need to keep up that Normal-er image, i never should have, but also at that age and time i didnt feel like i could be that way at all. i was far more nervous of people interpreting me badly, negatively, etc if i was more edgy or mature. i was young and not dealing with my issues and so fixated on trauma etc.

this is also lining up w my plans to rework my website too. and i think a lot of this feeling also comes along w my "mascot" who i think is lovely! but him being a "mascot" makes him.... very detached from me as a person. i havent had any sonas to relate to in almost over a year... and my mascot was never meant to be a sona, just a Guy to represent my vibe (the colors, aliens) and social media appearance. and i guess i dont like that vibe anymore. i havent even felt all too into the shift i made to Mikike just having a vague spacesuit either, i felt i was just forcing that in order to fit the simple minecraft skin format for readability. (if people were to draw my skin, making it plantigrade and less animal would be easier)

and of course an additional observation i have had in more recent times are manic episodes that make me uproot parts of my life and change a lot of stuff about my identity etc. it may not seem like that happens online but its bc i manage to hold back on changing things abt my online branding lol- but it often results in making sideblogs for whatever new fandom/media i attached to in my episode and irl changing my entire appearance to fit and much more (and promptly drop both in about a month or so- its why i have so many abandoned sideblogs). this is obviously the bigger issue bc its what makes it Very hard for me to not do this (n yes i am in a bit of an episode rn despite my medication so...). and shocker, so many of my username/url changes and failure to ever keep one long enough to form an identity is related to that as well! its a surprise i havent done it in years but it was the expectation to stay with one identity, one look, in order to be Normal and recognized in a professional way, and i dont like that.

making this post and dumping thoughts has me thinking on a solution. as i said i dont really feel detached from my username. but what i dont relate to the most now is the way i feel i have gotten stuck in presenting myself online, and as a "brand". i want to toss out my color scheme, my mascot, my outward attitude. i want to let myself actually present in a way i like and not in a way that feels "clean". when my wcrp got shut down i had to come to the idea of acceptance and letting go of things i cannot control. and the reality of what truly doesnt matter in terms of what people may think of me. that was a huge pressure left on me for YEARS thanks to 2014-16 tumblr mindset and it is so so much harder to break esp if you want to try and be a creator and build an audience. i felt like i had become aware of this, and i have, but i didnt really click the fact that i wasnt into my current online presence bc i was still living with a piece of that era.. the fear of getting popular and being 'called out' for something for years ago, that wasnt even serious or bad, feeling like i was stepping carefully everywhere even when nothing was wrong. this doesnt entirely tie to WHY i want to do all the above. its just an observation on one of the things that hold me back too. just staying the same and staying safe. i hardly ever post, and while its something i chose to do its also a 'bonus' to not giving people much things to read off of me and assume from too.

this is getting too long and i think i have my point. idk what im gonna do but im thinking a lot abt how i should take control of my online life.

[fcntasmas-archive]

Are you feeling triangular, or is tumblr messing with me? Also you're name is back!

it Does This when i switch my url sometimes ahdkdhdkd idk why!! i was trying to see if changing urls might keep away the spam bots following me but to no avail ☹️ they’re still at it so i may just have to move blogs 😭