#mashmaiden the detective

[densi-mber]

A/N: Set in mid to late season 4. Also, thanks to @mashmaiden for finding pictures to go with these fics!

***

What’s Another Word for Jealousy

“Thank you so much, Miss Hart. We appreciate you taking the time to talk to us,” Deeks said, offering a smile to the waitress he and Kensi had just finished interviewing. The woman’s cheeks flushed slightly under her gaze, and Kensi barely resisted the urge to roll her eyes. His affect on women was simultaneously impressive and annoying. “If you think of anything else, feel free to give us a call.”

“Sure, of course,” she said, nodding as she accepted the business card Deeks handed her. She took it like he’d offered her a fine piece of jewelry and not a piece of card stock with the NCIS hotline number.

The turned to go, getting a few yards away when Miss Hart called out “Detective!”

Deeks looked over his shoulder, shrugging at Kensi before he jogged back over. When he reached her, Miss Hart took Deeks’ elbow, turning him so he was slightly facing away. Kensi’s mouth dropped open at the woman’s audacity.

As she watched, Deeks dipped his head as the waitress stretched up on her toes to whisper something in his ear. Based on Deeks’ shift in posture, Kensi guessed it was something obscene. Then, she held out a square of paper, her expression clearly sly, even from a distance. After a moment of hesitation, Deeks took the paper, nodding a couple times before he headed back towards Kensi.

Kensi waited for him, arms folded over her chest. Once he was within a foot or two, she started walking, clenching her jaw to avoid saying one of a dozen nasty comments.

“So, it sounds like Evans got mixed up with a gang trying to make extra money, and got in over his head,” Deeks said as they headed back to the SUV. “The question is, was it friendly fire or one of their enemies.“

Kensi said nothing, for both their sakes. She didn’t need to embarrass herself, or unload her own ridiculous feelings onto him.

“Ok, what did I do wrong?” he asked after a few second, because he was always too perceptive of her moods for his own good. “You got that whole,” he waved his hand, “I’m mad but pretending that I’m not look.”

“I’m not mad,” Kensi insisted. “I don’t think it’s very professional to flirt on the job. Although, I suppose she was pretty. In a little sister kind of way.”

“Wait, are you jealous? Of her?” Deeks sounded completely surprised, which somehow made it worse.

“Of course not. I did think you were beyond picking up witnesses’ phone numbers,” Kensi replied haughtily to cover just how much it did bug her.

“Actually, she gave me her number, unprompted,” Deeks corrected. “And, you can have it.” He reached into his pocket, coming out with a crumpled piece of paper. “Here.”

Kensi held out her hand without thinking, the little ball of paper dropping into her palm. She stared at it in quiet bemusement.

“See, no reason to be upset.” He crossed his arms, one leg extended to the side, an eyebrow raised expectantly.

“I was not upset.” They’d reached the SUV now, but hadn’t made any move to get in.

“Sure.” He smirked, shaking his head slightly. He looked frustrated, which Kensi hadn’t expected. “When you figure out what you’re feeling, let me know. Otherwise, don’t get mad when someone flirts with me.”

Kensi stayed still, dumbfounded by his blatant acknowledgment of the topic they silently agreed not to discuss and the annoyance in his tone.

He moved towards the passenger side of the SUV, in front and added, “And just for the record, I haven’t been getting anyone’s number for a while now.”

Kensi stared after him, caught between wanting to prove him wrong and finally spit out the truth. In the end, she got in driver’s seat and said nothing.

***

A/N: Title borne of my own struggle to think of another word for the concept of jealousy.

[ejzah]

A/N: @mashmaiden pointed out that today is the anniversary of Deeks’ introduction to the show(the best decision ever) so here’s a little drabble to celebrate. Happy Deeks’ first day to you all!

***

The Day That Changed it All

“Happy Anniversary,” Deeks said, setting a cupcake with a cloud of chocolate frosting on Kensi’s desk.

“Happy Anniversary,” Kensi repeated with a good natured roll of her eyes. She leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the lips.

“Wait, I thought your all-in anniversary was in December and your wedding anniversary was in March,” Rountree commented, frowning as Deeks perched on the edge of Kensi’s desk, eating the third of the cupcake she’d given him.

“They are,” Kensi agreed. “This is our first day anniversary.”

“Oh, don’t get them started,” Sam begged as Fatima asked,

“Ok, what’s that?”

“Every year we celebrate the day we first met. You know, when I was undercover.”

“Or, more accurately, Deeks buys me a cupcake and uses the excuse to talk about his LAPD exploits,” Kensi interjected, licking frosting off her index finger.

“Oh come on, you know that day is important to you too,” Deeks nudged her. “If you guys didn’t burst in on my undercover operation, we might not have met.” Turning to Fatima and Rountree, he revealed, “Kensi was enamored with me from the start.”

Kensi snorted. “Please. We barely got along the first few months we were partnered. And when we first met, I thought you were a drug dealer or at the very least, extremely shady.”

“Is that why you fed me that story about sending nudes to your ex? I’ve never gotten a clear answer on why that was your go-to.”

“You what?” Fatima gasped, instantly looking more intrigued.

“It was a cover story,” Kensi said firmly.

“Eh, I don’t know. You couldn’t take your eyes off him,” Sam reminded her, seeming to forget his desire to end the subject.

“Yeah, she had a thing for his hair and blue eyes,” Callen added, grinning widely. “Wanna-be Wyler.

“That is so not true! Well, obviously it is now, but it wasn’t then,” Kensi objected. “And how the hell do you still remember that 14 years later?”

“Actually, I think you liked that I wasn’t scared of you, my amazing wit, outstanding detective skills,” Deeks said, pausing for effect. “And of course, my hair.” He twisted to face Kensi fully, wiggling his eyebrows. She couldn’t keep a smile back.

“Well, you certainly made life more interesting.” Kensi reached over to brush his hair out of his eyes. “Back then I would have thought it was impossible, but you are the best partner I could ask for. So, yes, I am very grateful that you almost ruined my cover.”

Deeks shook his head, grinning as he leaned down to kiss Kensi more firmly.

“To thirteen years of Marty Deeks,” Kensi whispered against his lips.

[chicgeekgirl89]

@mashmaiden​ I knew you’d hop in here! Great detective work team! 

Was no one gonna tell me that Densi’s house is also Genny Branford’s house? 🤯

[mashmaiden]

I calculate Deeks has been with LAPD for 13 years. You have to remember that he went to law school first and spent time as a lawyer. My cousin graduated from law school at 23, so I figure that's when Deeks graduated.

Because its me, I had to turn this into a full research project. Sorry not sorry! Pulling some of this from old research but here’s what I have that we know about Deeks’s career path. 

We know he went to law school and was a lawyer, but we don’t know how long he was actually in the profession. Could have been as short as 3 months for all we know! We know he went to LAPD Academy, and he presumably had to be an officer for an indeterminate period of time before being promoted to Detective. In Black Widow he mentioned spending 2 years in the LAPD Robbery Division. 

So I wrote a speculative timeline - 

Deeks was born Jan 8, 1979.

Since we haven’t heard anything about super genius tendencies or skipping grades (not that he wouldn’t hide that and surprise us with that fact down the road, it’s doubtful, so I'm getting off track), I will presume that he graduated high school at age 18 in 1997. 

There are some Accelerated law school programs that get you through your Bachelor’s degree and your JD in 6 years. If Deeks signed up for this straight out of high school, he’d have finished in 2003 at age 24 (maybe a semester early at 23 if took extra classes during summers/etc to get ahead - but as it’s already an accelerated program that would probably be difficult). 

Now, maybe (and this is a hypothetical) he decided in his last year of law school that this was not going to be a career he could stick with, but being this close, is going to at least finish the degree. Maybe he applied for the police academy before he was finished with school, trying to get in sooner rather than later, but taking the Bar Exam and then a public defender job while awaiting selection/training start. That COULD put him at LAPD as early as right around his 25th birthday (2004). [He’s 42 next month, so that’d be 17 years at LAPD as the maximum] 

The next few pieces of info come from here

LAPD Academy is 6 months long. 

After Academy is a further 12 month probationary period (it’s a total of 18 months, but starts from the Academy Start Date)

He would have had a Training Officer for this “one-year field training” (Is this where he worked with Boyle?)

After this period, the officer becomes a Police Officer II. Types of Police Officer II assignments include - 

After 3 years as a Police Officer II, an officer advances to PO III. This opens up additional areas an officer can work in (maybe where Deeks worked with the Robbery Division?) (this list below is only about half of the examples given)

He also may have begun Undercover work at this time? No mention of UC work specifically, but I guess possible

“Police Officers are eligible to compete in the Police Sergeant or Police Detective examinations after four years of service” per the career ladder site.

This would line up with the timeframes given for PO I and II, but skips PO III, but maybe with the right approval it’s possible? [Site didn’t make this clear on first glance]

If he began undercover work as a PO II or III, that should give him enough experience to be the skilled operator Deeks is known for being. 

On the other end of the speculation scale, if he took the Detective Exam/job right before he scooped up by Hetty (April 2010), and he had just hit the 4 years of service mark, that would mean he joined the LAPD in 2006. 

Also to note  - 

According to this screenshot from Pro Se (10x5)- Tiffany Williams was born in 1991 (oh, her bday was yesterday, happy birthday Tiffany!), and she said in Internal Affairs that she was 17 when the incident with Boyle happened. That gives us a solid timeframe of the last 2 weeks of 2008 through 2009 in which we know for a fact Deeks was a cop, but we already know he had at least that much experience than that before becoming NCIS’s liaison.

TL;DR - Known facts suggest Deeks started at LAPD between 2004 and 2006.

[wanna-be-bold]

All He'll Ever Be

For @mashmaiden

Failed. He failed. The words kept repeating in his mind as he gripped the wheel tighter. He was glad he had talked to Kensi before getting the news because, whether with his words or his tone, there was no way he would have been able to keep that from her. He was already dreading that conversation, no need to have it any sooner. 

Suddenly the voice in his head changed from that of his trainer to that of his dad and he was no longer the almost 40 year old former lawyer and LAPD detective but a 4 year old little boy who had accidentally broken a glass and cowered in a corner as his dad yelled at him about how much of a failure he was. 

He hadn't realized he was crying until he ran a hand over his face in frustration and pulled it away with a wetness to it. With a sigh he pulled off the interstate. He had promised himself that he was never going to feel this way again which is why he worked so hard to get into law school and then the police academy. He wanted to do better. Be better. Prove to himself and those around him that he wasn't a failure like his dad said. 

But looking into the mirror he knew that wasn't the case. He had failed at the one thing he should've succeeded at. Looking into the mirror he said an apology to the 4 year old looking back at him before closing it up and putting the car back in drive. 

In 6 hours he would be facing the people he cared about most and he needed to prepare himself for their disappointment. 

Because Martin Atticus Deeks was a failure. And it seemed that's all he would ever be. 

[chicgeekgirl89]

Marty and Artie

A/N: Huge shoutout to @mashmaiden and @glenncoco4 for being the best detectives and keepers of all the knowledge of this fandom. 

Fandom: NCIS LA

Characters: Marty Deeks, Kensi Blye, Nell Jones

                               XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kensi had lived in LA for a long time, but she couldn’t ever remember being quite this hot. Sweat trickled down the back of her neck even in the air conditioned taco truck, making her grey t-shirt stick to her back. 

She could hear Deeks in her ear, chatting it up with whoever would stop long enough to listen. He was in full Artie get-up today, out on a street corner in the blazing sun as they waited for Davis Kelleher to leave his office building and head off to a clandestine meeting with some arms dealers. It had been several hours and at this point Kensi was becoming convinced their suspect had called everything off because of the heat. International terrorism could wait for a day without a high of one hundred and ten. 

“Does the air go any cooler?” Nell grumbled, fumbling around with the dashboard.

Sam and Callen were out of town for a training so she’d come along as backup for the day, leaving Beale solo in Ops, which he’d made clear he wasn’t a fan of. But Nell was thrilled to have a little freedom and she  and Kensi had spent the first few hours of their little stakeout enjoying one another’s company, talking about their respective partners, life, and the new Thai place that had opened up last week.

But things had gone a little quiet in the last thirty minutes as the heat continued to skyrocket and air quality warnings popped up all over their screens. 

“That’s as cool as it gets,” Kensi said, wiping her forehead. 

“Well that sucks.” Nell pushed back a strand of sweaty hair and stuck her face in front of the vent. “Good lord it’s hot.”

“Record high for LA in like a hundred years.” Kensi reached in the glove box for a fake take out menu and began fanning herself.

“I don’t know why I even showered this morning,” Nell said as she frowned at her damp blouse.

Kensi touched her comm. “Deeks how you doing out there?”

He turned toward the hidden camera on the truck and gave her a thumbs up. She felt bad. Artie’s getup wasn’t comfortable and he had to be absolutely dying in this heat. She watched as a homeless man Deeks had talked to earlier, she thought maybe his name was Nick, shuffled over and began talking with her partner.

Kensi checked her watch. “Eric any movement from the offices inside?”

“Negative,” Eric said. “He’s been in there all day.”

“I don’t know.” Kensi looked at Nell. “I think maybe we should call it for today. Try again tomorrow. Nobody’s going out in this heat if they can help it.”

She hated to leave an op unfinished but there was no point in sticking around if the meet had been cancelled. Nell nodded. “I’ll start packing it up.”

“Deeks did you hear that?” Kensi asked. “We’re heading out.”

She saw him nod and heard him continue his conversation with Nick, her heart melting just a little bit as he patiently listened to the other man’s advice, which was all a repeat of an hour earlier. Her husband was such a good man.

“Over on Hollywood, that bakery? They’ll give you free water for your dog,” Nick said.

“That’s good to know man, thanks,” Deeks told him.

“They don’t even mind. They just give it to you.”

“I appreciate it.”

“You ever been over there before?”

“No I haven’t but I’ll definitely…“ 

Kensi looked up at the screen when she heard Deeks trail off, eyes searching the area for any sign of a problem. “You okay?” Nick asked.

Deeks’ breathing was loud over the comms. “Yeah, I…I think…”

Kensi keyed her comm. “Deeks? You good?”

He put a hand to his head and collapsed to the ground. Kensi scrambled out of her seat. “Nell!”

Nell looked up at the screen. “Oh my god!”

Kensi jumped out of the van and ran across the street, dropping to her knees by her partner. “Deeks! Baby!” She cupped his face in her hands. “Hey, wake up!”

“Kens what do you need?” Nell asked.

“Call 911. And then get anything cold we’ve got in the van. I think it’s heatstroke.” She started pulling off bits of Artie garb in an attempt to cool Deeks off. His skin was extremely hot and dry, and when she reached for his wrist she found his pulse extremely fast. 

“Here.”

She looked up to see Nick holding out a bottle of water. “You gotta cool him down.”

“Thank you,” Kensi said gratefully. She cracked the seal and gently poured it onto Deeks’ face and neck as Nell returned with a few more semi-cool bottles. “This is all we’ve got,” she said. “Paramedics are on their way.”

“Okay good.”

Deeks’ eyes fluttered and Kensi put a hand on his shoulder to keep him still. “Hey, you’re okay,” she said.

He blinked several times, trying to focus. “What…?”

“You passed out,” Kensi said. “Just stay still all right? Help is coming.”

“‘mokay,” he said, struggling to sit up.

“No, no, no,” she put a hand on his face as Nell moved closer to help her keep him down. “No you’re not. Just breathe. Nell hand me those bottles.”

She tucked one underneath each of his armpits and cracked open a third. “Try and drink a little of this,” she directed, helping him hold up his head so he could take a few sips.

Sirens came screaming around the corner and Kensi winced internally. The chances they’d just blown this op were pretty high, but she couldn’t worry about that now. Deeks was her priority, always. 

He gradually seemed to come back to himself as the paramedics jumped out and began an IV, removing Kensi’s makeshift icepacks and adding their own. “I don’t know,” Deeks said several minutes later when he was finally more upright. “One minute I was up and then I was down.”

“Your heart rate and blood pressure are still really high so we’re going to take you in,” the medic told him.

“No, that’s, I don’t need—“

“He’ll go,” Kensi told the medic, giving her husband a warning glare. “I’m his wife, can I go with him?”

“Yeah you can ride up front.”

“I’ll go take care of things back…home,” Nell said.

Kensi nodded gratefully, getting to her feet as they got Deeks up and into the ambulance.

He threw up once during the drive, but by the time they reached the hospital he seemed almost back to normal, his face less red, his speech no longer slurred and confused. Kensi felt the hard ball of worry in her gut dissipate as he began to joke with the nurses and doctors, his Deeks charm alive and well.

“So did I blow the op?” he asked when they finally had a second alone together.

“That doesn’t matter,” Kensi said. “What matters is you being all right. Why didn’t you say anything? We could have pulled you out.”

“I didn’t realize how bad it was. I was just talking to Nick and everything went dark and then I saw your beautiful face looking down at me.” He looked at her with wide, sappy eyes.

“Do not try and charm your way out of this Martin Deeks,” she said. “I am not happy with you right now.”

“C’mon babe! It’s not a big deal.”

“Oh it’s not? How about I call your mother and tell her why you aren’t coming into the bar tonight? Do you think she’ll agree it’s not a big deal?”

“Kensi no,” he said in horror. “You cannot call my mom.”

She held up her phone threateningly. “Then behave and do what the doctors tell you to. Otherwise I leave Mama B is going to be over here before I even hang up the phone.”

“Okay, okay!” Deeks held up his hands in surrender.

“Thank you.” She put her phone away, then sighed, brushing away a stray curl from his forehead. “You really scared me babe.”

He caught her hand, locking his fingers with hers. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

“I know. Just don’t do it again. Maybe we need to retire Artie. That outfit has way too many layers for this kind of heat.”

“Hey, don’t blame Artie for this! He’s just out there living his best life on the streets. He can’t help it that the heat index caused me to pass out.”

Kensi raised her eyebrows. “You know that Artie’s not real right? It’s just you in a disguise?”

“He’s a part of me Kensi,” Deeks said, a dramatically wounded expression on his face. “And he always will be.” She rolled her eyes and extricated her hand. “Yeah, you’re better now. I’m going to go check in with Nell.” 

“Our bond is special! You can’t take that away from us!” Deeks called as she left the room.

“My husband,” Kensi said to a surprised nurse who was walking by. “There’s no cure for him.”

[bluenet13]

writing tag game

Thanks for the tag @chicgeekgirl89

AO3 Name: I vaguely remember creating an AO3 username and it was most likely also Bluenet13 but I never use it and just use ff.net.

Fandoms: NCIS LA, and should I count One Chicago if I only have one Chicago PD fic posted and one Chicago Fire written but unposted?

Tropes: Not sure about formal tropes but I write a lot of family/friendship and backstory stuff, intended and unintended angst and hurt/comfort. And I can't write fluffy things to save my life.

Number of Fics: 20

Fic I want to rewrite/expand on: I don't see myself ever rewriting a story even though I would like to change some parts of Ghost. And I had thought about adding a short second part to Ghost but I have been debating that for months and fighting myself to leave it alone.

Fic I spent the most time on: Ghost.

Fic I spent the least time on: The Christmas one-shots.

Longest fic: Ghost at 120,977 words.

Shortest Fic: A Tree is Not a Home at 1376.

Most hits/comment threads/kudos/bookmarks: Most reviews, follows, favorite is Ghost, but it's 29 chapters long. The Parting Glass is the one-shot with the most reviews.

Total word count: 245,086.

Favorite fic I wrote: I can't believe I'm writing this but... Adrift. But Gray and Ghost will forever be special because Gray is my first story and I have never dedicated as many hours of my life as I did to Ghost. Both stories also have a lot of "me" in them. As for one-shots, The Parting Glass is my fave.

Bit of a WIP: 

Bates cocked his gun and moved a hand to push the curtain away from the window, before releasing a breath of relief. “Coast’s clear, kid.”

Deeks mirrored his boss’ reaction and released the tight hold that he had on his weapon. “Is it the nurse?” He wondered out loud, even when all he had wanted is to point out that he wasn’t a kid anymore. But old habits die hard and Bates had been calling him that way for a long time.

“Not exactly.” Bates said, then winced, knowing Deeks would be pissed. Turning an apologetic look towards his detective, Bates secured his weapon in its holster and opened the door.

“Deeks.” Sam said as soon as he was pulled into the house, door closing behind him as quickly as it had opened.

“Sam.” Deeks said in resignation. Even as he silently wondered why Bates had called Sam and not Kensi.

Both men took a moment to stare each other down, wanting to get an early upper hand in the talk that would soon follow. Before they let their defenses drop and moved to hug each other.

Tagging @ejzah @mashmaiden and @psyched1328 (apologies if you've already been tagged)

[densi-obsessed]

I was tagged by @blogger360ncislarules:

Rules: choose 10 favorite characters/people from 10 different fandoms then tag 10 other people.

Ncis La: Kensi and Deeks (I couldn’t pick just one of them)

Greys anatomy: Cristina

Ncis: Ellie Bishop

PLL: Spencer

HIMYM: Robin

This is us: Beth

Parenthood: Julia

Reign: Mary

Criminal minds: Reid (I’m not even a season in so this might change)

Gilmore girls: Lorelai

Tagging: @wanna-be-bold @glenncoco4 @ryan9098 @mashmaiden @chrisodonline @chicgeekgirl89 @hellokaelyn @raccoonsmate4life @typingtess @detective-and-agent-deeks

[densi-mber]

Cease and Desist

A/N: For today’s prompt. Original idea from @mashmaiden. Did you ever wonder why Deeks had a restraining order against his ex-girlfriend? Takes place in the last few seasons.

***

“What do you mean ‘no’? It’s not like I’m asking for a lot here.” Kensi paused on her way out of the Squid and Dagger kitchen, frowning as she heard a woman’s voice-a loud woman’s voice-coming from the main room. She couldn’t quite catch what Deeks said in return, but she recognized his even tone.

She hesitated in the doorway. It wasn’t opening time yet, so obviously Deeks had invited this woman in and she wasn’t sure she should interrupt.

“You know, you’re just as much as a jerk as I remember,” she said and this time she understood Deeks perfectly.

“Sylvia, I’m sorry that I didn’t handle things better, but I was not ready to move in with anybody right then,” he said, apologetically, yet very firmly. Kensi tensed, warning bells going off in her head. She recognized the name Sylvia. The name of the ex-girlfriend Deeks once had a restraining order against. She’d always been curious about the woman, but Deeks always avoided the topic so she didn’t push.

“You broke my heart!” Now Sylvia was shouting.

“And you broke my wrist.” Kensi’s eyes widened at that piece of information Deeks had ever shared with her, taking a step towards the door. The sound of something crashing to the floor, possible a tray of glasses, had her running towards Deeks without thinking.

She entered the bar in time to see a woman with shoulder length black hair throw an bottle of unopened beer at Deeks’ head. He sidestepped it, wincing as it crashed against a table a few feet away, leaving behind a spray of shattered glass and foamy liquid. Sylvia snarled something under her breath and flung herself at Deeks, but Kensi intercepted her first, grabbing her by the arms and shoving her against the bar.

Based on Deeks’ total look of surprise, he hadn’t noticed her come in.

“Get off me!” Sylvia shouted, trying to claw at Kensi’s hands.

“Not a chance,” Kensi murmured grimly. “You just attacked an LAPD detective.”

“So what, he deserved it. Let me go you, bi-“

“That’s Agent Blye. Oh and did I forget to mention I’m his wife?” It wasn’t jealously, but rather pure anger speaking now. Kensi’s arms shook as she fought the urge to punch Sylvia’s lights out.

“You’re married,” Sylvia said, some of the fight leaving her. She struggled to turn her head, presumably to look at Deeks, who was standing off to the side, apparently too stunned for words. “I just wanted to have dinner.” She managed to sound slightly pathetic, even innocent this time and Kensi’s distain for her grew.

“And I told you why that wasn’t a good idea,” Deeks told her his voice low and a little rough. “I got that restraining order against you for a reason, Sylvia. Kens, you can let her go now.”

“Not happening, Deeks,” Kensi said, glancing over her shoulder at Deeks. He looked deeply uncomfortable. “We need to to press charges.” Sylvia stilled completely, apparently realizing that Kensi was not messing around and wasn’t as forgiving as Deeks.

“I’m sorry, I-“ she started, trying for remorse. Kensi had loosened her hold slightly and she appealed to Deeks again. “I just want to talk to you. I didn’t mean for it to turn out like this. Please, Marty.”

“I won’t press charges,” Deeks decided. “But you need to leave. And if I ever see you nearby again, I will renew the restraining order.” Kensi let go of Sylvia reluctantly, but stayed nearby, making a partial barrier between her and Deeks.

Sylvia rubbed at her arms and glared at Kensi. She seemed more subdued now, but there was still considerable defiance in her eyes as she headed for the door. Glancing over at Kensi, she stopped directly in front of Deeks, and brushed his arm.

“Marty-“ He stepped back, letting her hand fall away.

“Go before I change my mind.” Kensi almost thought Sylvia would disregard his warning, but after a moment of hesitation, she gave him a disgusted look and stalked out the front door.

“Are you ok?” Kensi asked, rushing over to him the minute the front door closed. “You didn’t get cut, did you?”

“Yeah, I’m good, that was...” he trailed off and blew out a long breath, glancing at the glass covered floor. “Sylvia never was a very good shot.” When Kensi didn’t respond to his attempted joke, he added, “I should, uh, probably start cleaning this up.”

“Deeks, I don’t think it was a good idea to let her just go like that. She could be dangerous.”

“I don’t think she’ll try anything else.”

“Really, cause I just saw her throw a bottle at you and try to hit you,” Kensi said, gesturing back to the broken glass. “What would you have done if I wasn’t here.”

“I don’t know,” he mumbled.

“Would you have let her hit you?”

“I don’t know, maybe.”

“Deeks, she could have seriously hurt you. Is that what happened the last time? Did she attack you?” Kensi asked, knowing she sounded a little belligerent, but she was still angry, and a little scared, on his behalf.

“Kensi, it wasn’t like that,” he insisted.

“You said she broke your wrist. It sounds like that’s exactly what happened.”

Sighing, he hooked his foot around a chair and sat down, motioning for Kensi to do the same.

“I met Sylvia during my first couple years at LAPD,” he began. “We started dating pretty quickly and it was good for a while, but, uh, then she started pushing for us to take it to the next step.”

“And you weren’t ready for that,” Kensi guessed.

“No. I mean, we’d only been dating for a few months at that point and she was talking about moving in with me or getting a house together.” He paused, glancing at Kensi briefly before he continued. “At first I evaded the subject or found excuses for why it wouldn’t work. My apartment wasn’t big enough, it had mold, I couldn’t afford to move to a bigger place.”

“Did it work?” Deeks shrugged.

“Maybe for a little while, but the more I tried to get out of it, the harder Sylvia pushed. Then one day I came home and she was waiting for me inside my apartment. She demanded to know why I wouldn’t commit to anything.

“I probably could have handled it better, but I was tired and, honestly, a little freaked out that she was there. I told her the truth. She started screaming at me, cussing me out, said I was stringing her along. I think she even accused me of cheating on her with another cop.”

Kensi winced at the picture he created. Even though she knew Deeks was perfectly fine now, she still felt tense, especially now that Sylvia knew how to reach Deeks.

“Did you ask her to leave?” Kensi asked. He rubbed at his upper lip, shrugging a little.

“Sort of. I said if she felt I was stringing her along, maybe we should just end things. I probably could have phrased it better,” he continued, making a face that suggested he was to blame. Kensi covered his hand with hers, encouraging him to go on. “As soon as I said that...it’s like a switch flipped. Sylvia started throwing anything in reach, kicking at me. It was insane.”

“But you still didn’t fight back.” It wasn’t a question. Just like today, she knew he’d been unable to hurt a woman he viewed as relatively defenseless.

“No. I just tried to keep out of her line of fire. Then she picked up this chair-thank god it was old and made out of wood-and tried to smash it over my head. I managed to block it.” Absentmindedly, he encircled his left wrist with his thumb and third finger.

“Please tell me you called the police,” Kensi said and he chuckled humorlessly.

“I didn’t have to. One of the neighbors heard the fight and called. By the time they arrived, Sylvia came to her sense and was begging me to make them go away. I didn’t press charges then either, just told her to go.“

“So that was the first time you saw her since then?”

“No. A couple weeks after the fight, she started showing up around the precinct and outside my apartment. That’s when I filed the restraining order.” He looked across the room, his eyes a little distant. “God, I should have handled it so much better,” he repeated.

He sounded regretful and Kensi grabbed his hand again, leaning forward. She gently gripped his chin, wanting to make sure he understood what she said.

“Deeks, don’t you dare feel guilty for what you did. If the situation was reversed, you know you’d be ready to kill any guy who hurt me. It’s no different with Sylvia.”

“I guess.” He was quiet for a minute and then added, “It was weird seeing her again. I haven’t thought about Sylvia in years, but the minute she walked in, I felt this overwhelming...dread I guess.”

“Well, I don’t think you have to worry about her anymore,” Kensi said with mild satisfaction. “And if she does try anything, I’ll be here.”

“Thanks,” Deeks whispered. He kissed her gently and then pushed himself to his feet with a groan. ���I better clean up that mess before mom gets here and starts asking questions.”

“Always,” she promised. While he grabbed a broom, bucket, and mop, Kensi sent a text to Nell to put Sylvia Gray on their watch list. It was better to be safe than sorry, she figured.

[agentblyeanddeeks]

Chapter 1

Finally happy enough with chapter 1 to share it with you all. Still deciding on a title, then I will post to ff.net. A HUGE HUGE THANK YOU to @mashmaiden​ for listening to my indecisiveness until I finally got to where I wanted. And for the constant motivation to keep going.

AU of the team first meeting Deeks. What happens when Kensi gets caught up in one of Deeks undercovers. Will contain flashbacks.

August 17, 2010

“Mr. Callen. Nice of you to decide to finally come into work this morning.” Hetty stood in the archway of the mission entrance as the senior agent arrived.

“We live in LA. You know the traffic is always unpredictable.” Callen responded.

Hetty folded her arms, “Mr. Hanna and Mr. Beale don’t seem to have any trouble being on time. Might I suggest an earlier departure from now on?”

“I will do my best, Hetty.”

“That you will, Mr. Callen. That you will. Now, up to Ops you go. There’s a case to be solved” Hetty shooed him towards the stairs.

————-

“Well, well, well. Third time this month, G. Let me guess, you were busy switching apartments because this one was too relaxing.”

“Too relaxing? What does that even mean?”

“It means you need to stop making excuses and just settle down in one place. It will be good for you.”

“Or I could just stay with you, Michelle, and the kids.”

“We tried that once before, remember? By the way, you still owe me a toaster.”

“Hey, that was not my fault.” 

Um, guy. We have a case.” Eric interrupted the partners bickering.

“Sorry, Eric.” Callen noticed the room was still one Agent short, “Where’s Kensi?”

The automated doors opened again revealing their operations manager, “It seems your tardiness is beginning to rub off on your teammates. Rest assured I will have a talk with her later. Now let’s not waste anymore time. Eric.”

Eric swiveled his chair around towards his computer. After a few clicks on the keyboard, an image appeared on the main screen. “Meet Petty Officer 3rd Class Evan Wade. He was stationed at Point Loma until a year ago when he received an other than honorary discharge.”

“What was his offense?” questioned Sam.

“Multiple failed drug tests. His CO said he had been to rehab twice but only stayed clean for about a month before relapsing.”

“Did he have drugs in his system when he died?” Callen asked.

“Yes. The coroner found traces of heroin. She also said the body had been there at least three days before hikers discovered it.”

“I’m guessing from the amount of blood on his body, the cause of death wasn’t an overdose.” Callen concluded.

“That would correct.” Eric grabbed his tablet and zoomed in on the picture, “Wade was killed by multiple gunshots to the torso.”

Sam took a minute to study the image, “Looks like they could be from a 9mm.”

Callen shook his head, “Pretty common caliber. Doesn’t really narrow it down.”

“This might.” the tech operator chimed in. “After the petty officer was discharged, he began working at Crescent Creek. They are a beer distributor that have been on the LAPD watch list for a while now. Most of their employees have pretty impressive rap sheets. B & E’s, assault, you name it.”

Sam scanned the employee photos on the screen, “Are any of the other employees former military?” 

Eric nodded, “Two. But no connection so far to Wade.”

“Ok, keep digging. See if anything sticks out.” instructed Sam.

“On it.” Eric returned to his computer desk and began a new search algorithm.

“What about a few days before he died? Anything out of the ordinary?” asked Callen.

Another file appeared on the screen, “Let’s see. The last credit card transaction was at Mariasol’s on the Santa Monica Pier the day he died. Pulling up the pier security cameras now.”

The video of the pier began to play. Eric increased the speed until it was close to the time of the transaction.

Callen pointed to the screen, “There’s Wade.”

“What’s he doing?” Eric asked, curiously.

“Probably nothing good. He keeps watching over his shoulder. He’s nervous about something.” Sam observed.

While Eric and Sam were focused on their victim, Callen was more interested in the other guy in the frame, “Eric, can you get a better angle of the guy he’s with?”

Eric pulled up a second camera from the pier as Callen stepped forward to get a better look at the blonde gentleman. “I know that guy.”

“From a previous case?” Sam asked.

Callen shook his head, “No. It’s the owner of the bar that Kensi took us to a couple months ago.” He snapped his fingers a few times til the name came to him, “Squid & Dagger.”

Eric types the name that Callen gave him, hoping it would provide them with a lead. “The owner of Squid & Dagger is listed as Max Gentry. He’s owned the bar for six months. Single. Address is listed in Culver City. No military background. No criminal records.”

“We need to find Kensi now and see what she knows about him.” Hetty suddenly spoke up.

“I’ll call her.” offered Eric.

“Ok, Sam and I will head to Max’s place and find out what his connection to Wade is.”

They two agents turned to leave but stopped when they heard a familiar warning beep coming from the main screen. 

“Kensi’s cell is offline.” Eric announced as he began to worry.

“Well, turn it back on!” Sam ordered.

“I can’t. Either the battery has been taken or the phone has been severely damaged.”

The scenario playing out in front of them reminded Sam of what the team had gone through earlier in the year with Dom. “What about her car?”

Eric brought up a map of Los Angeles on the screen. After a few seconds, a blinking icon appeared. “GPS location has it at Pico and Sixth since midnight.” He paused when the realization hit him, “Guy, that’s Max’s bar.”

Hetty moved to the front of the room to face her staff. “Eric, find out everything you can on Max. Gentleman, go to Santa Monica and figure out what the hell is going on.”

——————-

As the Challenger turned onto Sixth Street, Sam and Callen were met with red and blue flashing lights. An officer walked around the building, dragging yellow caution tape behind him

“This is not good.” Callen said as the car came to a stop. Their arrival didn’t go unnoticed by the man in a suit by the bar entrance. He made his way up to the yellow tape, meeting the agents halfway.

“Can I help you gentleman?”

“NCIS. I’m Special Agent Hanna. This is Special Agent Callen. What happened here?”

“Detective Danny Hall. Neighboring business called it in this morning. The door was kicked in and the inside shows definite signs of a struggle. One victim.”

Callen pulled out his phone and clicked on the DMV photo of Max Gentry, “This him?”

“No.” The detective shook his head then reached down for the caution tape, raising it up, “Follow me.”

The three men walk into the bar and take in the chaos in front of them. The front door laid to their right, no longer on the hinges. Multiple tables were upturned and the chairs were scattered and broken throughout the business.

“Woah, you weren’t kidding about the struggle. It’s a wreck in here,” Callen said. While he assessed the furniture damage, Sam made his way to the body laying near the bar, covered by a sheet.

“Looks like blunt force trauma to the head. Probably from being slammed into the bar.”

Detective Hall took a small notebook from his pocket, “According to the tattoo on his arm, he is a member of the Sanguine street gang.”

“Guns for hire.” Callen assumed.

“Can I ask why this interests NCIS?” the detective asked.

“The dead body of a marine was found this morning. Gunshot wounds to the chest. He might have had a connection with the owner. Plus we have an agent that we have lost contact with that frequented this bar.” he told the detective.

“My guys didn’t find any shell casings. They most likely kept it hand to hand. A gun fight in this area would have caused attention right away. They wouldn’t have been able to make a clean getaway.”

Sam rejoined the others, “I wouldn’t exactly call leaving a man behind a clean getaway.”

“We also found blood on a pool stick and some leading out the back door to the alley.” Hall informed them. Another officer appeared in the doorway and signaled him over. 

“Excuse me for a moment, Gentleman. Forensics is done here. Feel free to look around. Let me know if you need anything.”

“Thank you.” Sam shook his hand.

“So is Max still a suspect or is he our next victim?” Callen began to theorize.

“He could be both. Max kills Wade, then bad guy send the gang after Max. Or Max could be innocent and our suspect is tying up loose ends.”

“For Kensi’s sake, I hope it’s the second one.”

“Me too.” Sam thought for a moment, “If they wanted to kill Max, they wouldn’t have ambushed him here. Like Hall said, attracts too much attention.”

“They obviously wanted him alive for a reason. But for what?”

Sam looked around the room, trying to envision what might have gone down. “Ok, so the gang members come through the entrance. Chaos ensues. Max shoves the dead guy into the bar.”

Callen removed the black gloves from his pocket and put them on his hand. He then grabbed the broken pool stick the detective had mentioned. “Someone defended themselves with the pool stick. Whoever it was, was bleeding,” noting the bloody fingerprints.

“G, over here.” Sam crouched down near the back exit. “There is blood smear leading to the door. It’s probably Max’s. They hit him from behind, knocking him out and they take him out the alley door.”

Following Sam’s hunch, the men go out the backdoor. “Easy get away. Especially in the middle of the night.”

“It still doesn’t explain where Kensi is. Or what she was even doing here. The bar is closed on Monday nights.” Callen said, bringing the focus back to their missing colleague.

“We need to look in her car.”

The car was parked in a community lot outside of the crime scene. Thankfully the other detectives hadn’t known it was related to the crime at the bar. Callen pulled out the spare key and unlocked her car. Sam opened the driver side door and began searching for clues. Callen did the same from the passenger side.

“Nothing seems out of the ordinary.” Callen said, looking in the glove compartment. He leaned forward to feel between the seat and console and  pulled out something mushy and brown, slightly disgusted, “Looks like I found Kensi’s stash of Reese Cups.” 

Sam shook his head, “When we find her, she is getting an intervention about her refined sugar addiction.”

Callen removed his chocolate filled glove and searched through the center console with his other hand. 

“Her badge and wallet are both still here.”

Sam straightened up after checking under the driver seat. “Her gun is not.”

“Agent Callen! Agent Hanna!” Detective Hall yelled as he approached. “Does this vehicle have to do with the investigation?”

“It’s our missing agent’s cars. She left her badge but took her gun.” Sam explained

“And you think she’s got something to do with this?”

“I hope not but I’ve got a bad feeling about it.” Callen noticed the surveillance photos in the detectives hand. “Can I see those?”

“Oh yeah. That’s why I came over here. One of the officers found these in the office. Anyone look familiar?”

Callen took the photos and started flipping through them.“That’s Petty Officer Wade and our bar owner Max Gentry. Someone was definitely watching them.”

Sam moved beside Callen to have a better look at the photos. “They're not the only ones they were watching.”

The next photo in the pile was that of Kensi and Max. It was taken at night and they appeared to be on a rooftop. As they flipped through more photos, they became more concerned. Whoever took these photos had continued to follow Kensi without Max. Some were even taken near her house.

“We’ve got to find her now. She might be compromised.” Callen said.

“Which means so are we.”

Sam took the photos and laid them out of the car hood. He took out his phone and took pictures of them to send to Ops.

“Call us if you find anything else.” Callen asked of Hall as he handed him his card.

“Same to you.”

Sam handed back the photos and they headed to the Challenger. “Eric, pull the security camera from the Squid & Dagger and surrounding areas. We need to see where Kensi went. We’re headed to her house to see if there are any clues.”

“I’ll pull the feeds but Hetty wants you guys at the boat shed.”

“We don’t have time, Eric. We need to find Kensi before it’s too late.” Callen spoke into the earwig.

Hetty’s voice interrupted, “Gentleman. Please redirect yourselves to the boat shed immediately. There is someone here that might be able to help.”

———-

Callen and Sam arrived at the boat shed to find an older, grey haired man standing next to Hetty.

“Agent Hanna, Agent Callen. Meet LAPD Lieutenant Roger Bates.”

“To what do we owe the pleasure, Lieutenant Bates?” Sam greeted him.

“I got a call from Detective Hall saying NCIS had taken an interest in his crime scene this morning. I put a call into my old friend Henrietta and thought I would brief you all myself.”

“Oh, Roger. I’d say old foes was more like it.”

“Eh, bygones.” Bates shook her off. “Six months ago we began an undercover operation to get close to the people inside Crescent Creek. The business had been around since the early 90s. Very reputable and what you would expect from a beer distributor. Until two years ago, when they started distributing things of illegal proportions.”

“Drugs.” Callen guessed

“Bingo. Specifically heroin, ecstasy, cocaine.”

“Petty officer Wade had heroin in his system when he died,” added Callen.

“When he was murdered.” Sam corrected.

“That’s unfortunate to hear. I had thought we really broke through to him this time. Our man inside quickly bonded with Evan. They both came from broken homes, abusive dads, and a no good childhood. It wasn’t too hard to convince him to become our informant.”

“Do you know who killed him?” Callen asked

Bates grabbed the remote from the table, hitting the center blue button. A picture of a Hispanic man appeared on the screen.

“Ramon Murillo. He took over the company in 2007 when his father Arturo passed away. The problem is Ramon has his finger in just about every gang in West LA. They do his dirty work so we can never get anything to pin on him.”

“So why did he kill Wade?” Sam questioned.

“Evan wanted out. He said he was finally ready to turn his life around. But he was worried that Ramon wouldn’t let him go that easy. And he was right. Three days ago he met with our undercover in Santa Monica and …..”

Callen interrupted the Lieutenant “Wait. Max Gentry is one of yours?”

Bates hit the remote again. A picture of Max filled the screen. Only this time it was a photo of him with his hair kept and wearing a suit and tie. Much different from the DMV photo they were given.

“One of the best. His real name is Martin Deeks. We backstopped him as the owner of the Squid & Dagger. He was oddly proud of the name he created for the bar. Anyways, Deeks met with him on the pier that morning to give him the address to one of our safe houses. The investigation was coming to a head so Evan was to stay there until we arrested Ramon and then he would be put in WITSEC. Deeks said when they met Evan seemed really jumpy and paranoid, like someone was watching him.”

“That’s because someone was.” Sam added.

“Right. Evan never made it to the safe house and until this morning, we had no idea where he was. Yesterday, Deeks found an envelope slid under the door at the bar. Written on the front was Detective Deeks. Inside were the surveillance  photos Detective Hall and his team came across this morning.”

“But Hall saw Deeks in those photos but didn’t say he knew him.” Callen questioned.

“That’s because he wouldn’t know him from Adam. Deeks was a loner. He never played well with the other cops. Always preferred to work alone. That’s why deep undercover was perfect for him. He didn’t have anyone else to worry about.”

“Until Kensi.” Hetty added.

Until Kensi.” Bates repeated “Deeks was freaked out enough that his cover was blown and his informant was missing but when he saw those photos of Kensi, he was furious. He called me to ask if I could help him track her down. She wasn’t answering her phone so he left her voicemails saying she was in danger and needed to leave town. He told me her name was McKensi Cole. But the name lead nowhere. I didn’t hear from him after that. I had hoped he had found her and went into hiding but unfortunately that wasn’t the case when Detective Hall called me this morning.”

After working with Kensi for over a year, Sam was getting familiar with how she operated “That explains how she ended up at the bar last night. If Kensi heard those voicemails from someone she cared about, she wouldn’t have run the other way.” 

Hetty nodded, “She would have stood and fought. That’s who she is.”

“And now Kensi and Deeks are both missing.” Callen concludes.

The images on the screen suddenly disappeared and were replaced by a video feed of Eric from Ops. 

“I might have a lead on that. Now the security cameras at the bars had been disabled but I was able to pull a traffic cam from the north east corner that shows the alley behind the building.”

The feed from Ops shrunk to the top corner of the screen as the traffic cam feed filled the rest.  Just as they feared the team saw an unconscious Deeks being dragged out the back exit and into a van. Movement at the bottom right of the screen caught their eye. Kensi was watching from around the side of the building, both hands on her gun at her side. They watched in horror as the shadow behind Kensi grew closer and then grabbed her, placing a white cloth over her mouth. After a moment of struggle, Kensi’s body went limp and she too was thrown into the back of the van. Landing right next to Deeks.

[glenncoco4]

See it’s stuff like this...I think I made a bad suggestion for us. @wanna-be-bold @detective-and-agent-deeks @mashmaiden

[wanna-be-bold]

If anyone wants to know why I've spent so much time on the NCIS timeline, I would like to point out these posts:

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

And say that I blame @mashmaiden and @glenncoco4 for their detective work in the LA fandom 😂

[chicgeekgirl89]

Rules: Tag 9(ish) people who you want to know better/catch up with and then answer these questions.

Last Song: Helpless from Hamilton

Last Movie: Bad Date Chronicles

Currently Reading: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Currently Watching: Teen Wolf

Craving: Potato Pancake Pile Up from American Pie in Sherman, CT

Thanks @wanna-be-bold and @detective-and-agent-deeks!

Tagging: @mashmaiden,  @bluenet13

[bluenet13]

Thank you all for the kind words and positive thoughts. All your comments meant more to me than words can explain. These have been some very difficult and sad days, but all your words added some brightness into my day. @ejzah @glenncoco4 @blogger360ncislarules @mashmaiden @psyched1328 @detective-and-agent-deeks @sassyzazzi @ncis-ncislafan @anonkp @bkworm4life4

(I tried responding to this instead but for some reason it wouldn't go through)

I always try to use Tumblr to talk about shows and fun things, so I'm sorry for writing this here but I can't share this on my other social media accounts as we haven't talked with all our family members yet, and I don't want to add to my mom and brother's pain, so I can just vent here. Please, feel free to stop reading if death of a family member or cancer are triggering for you.

You can spend almost two years trying to prepare for something that you know will eventually be inevitable but then it happens and you realize you will never get to see your father again and it just hurts.

I know enough of how grief works to acknowledge that someday things will get better but right now I can't stop thinking and it breaks my heart to know life will never really be the same again. It was almost 2 years of a fight against an awful disease and, even though my dad's health had been declining, I feel this wasn't supposed to happen now.

My dad was diagnosed in August 2018, a week after I was accepted into Graduate School. And the last talk I had with my dad was about my degree. About getting my grade back for the final paper of my latest class and explaining how this last one works. My dad offered help as my group runs our online fictitious company for our simulation Capstone Project. And I told him I would for sure. Now I will never get the chance to ask him. And he will never get the chance to see me graduate from the same university he attended for two years when he was just a kid from Venezuela, coming as an international student during the 70s. I chose that school for him and I'm supposed to finish my degree on August 8th. Now, among many other things, it just hurts that he will never get to see it.

This is also my way of thanking everyone here that knew what was going on and supported me along the way. I didn't know how to message everyone individually but I wanted to share my dad's fight is now over.

I love you dad and I'll forever miss you. Someday I might share this on my other social media accounts but, for now I just need to share it with someone.

My apologies for the personal post.

[densi-obsessed]

Thanks for tagging me @bluenet13

Name:

Zodiac: Aquarius

Favorite musician/band: Harry stlyles (atm it changes often lol)

Favorite sports team: Pittsburgh Steelers

Other blogs: none

Do I get asks: not often but they always make me happy so please send more especially now bc my school is shut down for maybe the rest of the year and I’m super bored lol

How many blogs do I follow: 32

What am I wearing: pjs

Dream car: I’m looking for my first car now and tbh I just want it to be semi affordable and last me through the rest of high school and college

Dream vacation: Ireland, Spain, or Hawaii

Favorite Food: I can’t pick one food but my go to snack is pretzels

Drink of choice: dr. Pepper

Languages: English and a little bit of Spanish

Celebrity crush: ECO, Jesse Williams, and Wilmer Valderrama

Random fact: I’m going to be a senior in high school next year and I have no idea what job I want to have which is pretty scary

If you haven’t done it: @mashmaiden @wanna-be-bold @detective-and-agent-deeks and anyone else who wants to do it

[densi-mber]

Cynic

A/N: I adjusted today’s prompt a little to suit my own purposes. This was inspired by a conversation I had with @mashmaiden. We may have just a small amount of angst.

***

Kensi watched Deeks from across the room. He was humming under his breath as he checked something under the bar and then made a note on his clipboard. In preparation for his three months at FLETC, he was getting everything settled at the bar so his mom could temporarily run it in his absence.

“Roberta,” she started when Deeks walked into his office for a minute, turning to face her mother-in-law.

“Yeah, honey,” she said, pausing in the middle of washing a table.

Kensi hesitated, then barreled on with the thoughts that had been plaguing her for the last week or so.

“Do you think Deeks is happy?” Roberta chuckled at her question, not considering it for more than a second.

“Of course he is. Why wouldn’t he be?”

“I don’t know...I guess,” Kensi paused, pressing her lips together, trying to find a way to express herself without sounding like she was criticizing Deeks. “He seems more cynical than he used to be.”

“Oh, I don’t think so,” Roberta said, once again dismissive. Kensi stared at her for a moment, wondering if they were talking about the same person.

“Really?” Kensi gestured to Deeks’ office. “Because a few years ago, Deeks was always the one who saw the light at the end of the tunnel. No matter what problem we had, he had a solution, or assured me that we could handle it. He made me smile, even on the worst of days.” Her eyes flicked up for a second and she swallowed harshly. “I don’t see that smile as much anymore.”

Roberta reached across the table to squeeze her hand.

“Oh Kensi honey, people go through changes. Especially now with his work and the worries about money, I’m sure he’s just stressed.”

Kensi wished it was that simple, that she could blindly believe Roberta’s words. But that would just be sticking her head in the sand, like she’d tried with their financial problems, and that wouldn’t help anyone.

“It’s not that recent,” she continued. “It’s just more obvious now. I’m worried-“ Kensi was horrified as she felt a couple tears gather in her eyes. “What if I make him unhappy?”

“Kensi, that is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard!” Roberta said in an incredibly loud voice. Kensi glanced at the office, hoping that Deeks hadn’t heard. “That boy loves you more than anything and he’s never been happier.”

“Sometimes it feels like I just make him miserable and cause more stress,” Kensi said bitterly, thinking of when they’d first met. He hadn’t had a wife, bar, and mortgage to keep him up at night then. “Maybe if we’d never gotten together he wouldn’t have all this to worry about.” Roberta leaned forward suddenly, the fierceness of her expression vaguely alarming. It occurred to Kensi, maybe a little belatedly, that this was the same woman who had almost single-handedly raised Deeks and wasn’t to be messed with.

“You listen to me Kensi Marie Blye-Deeks, I know my son. We weren’t on very good terms then, but when Marty was working undercover...he wasn’t in a good place.”

“What do you mean by not a good place?” She knew Roberta’s tendency to be hysterical at times, but they’d never talked about Deeks time as a detective much. As far as she’d known, they’d barely spent any time together during his early years as a detective.

Shaking her head, Roberta looked past Kensi for a second, looking remarkably like her son.

“When he joined that undercover unit, he never tell me much about it, but I knew it was dangerous. Anyway, I dropped by his apartment one day and his face was all bloody and bruised. Naturally I was horrified, but he tried to tell me it was just a part of the job.

“We argued and I got mad and asked him if he was trying to get himself killed. He snapped. Told me he was tired of seeing people get hurt. And then something about sometimes violence was the only way to get things done. That’s when we stopped talking for the most part.”

This time Kensi reached out for Roberta’s had and quietly said,

“He never told me about that. I can’t imagine how scared you were.”

“I was terrified,” Roberta agreed. “You wanna talk about cynical, I’ve never seen a boy so bitter and fed up with the world.” She smiled softly, surprising Kensi. “But then he met your team, he met you, and everything changed. Suddenly he had a purpose in life beyond his job. I didn’t realize until much later why there was a brightness in his eyes that I hadn’t seen in years and his smile was finally genuine again.”

Kensi felt shocked and overwhelmed at Roberta’s revelation.

“Roberta, as I much as I wish that was true, I was just as much of a mess. I didn’t do anything for Deeks,” Kensi insisted.

“You save my boy, Kensi,” Roberta repeated firmly. “Without you, who knows where he would be right now. And I will always be grateful for that.” A tear trickled down her cheek and Kensi leaned across the table, hugging her tightly.

She wasn’t sure she deserved it, but she was grateful for Roberta’s faith in her. It was more than she ever expected.

“I don’t know what I’d do without him,” she whispered, sitting back and rubbing under her eyes with the hem of her sleeve. “And I don’t know how to help him now.”

“Oh hun, it’s like I said, he’s just having a rough time. He’s one of those people who lets the weight of the world fall on his shoulders,” she paused and gave Kensi a wry look, “like somebody else I know. You just have to see him through to the other side, like you always do for each other.”

“What if I make it worse?”

“You won’t,” Roberta assured her. Hell, you guys have survived comas, and bombs, terrorists every other work...I think you can manage this. More importantly, you have love on your side. As long as you love each other, you can do anything.”

“I do love him,” Kensi said fiercely. “More than anything.”

“Then that’s enough.” Roberta stood, holding out her arms. “C’mon honey, I think we both could use another hug.” Kensi put her arms around her shorter frame, holding her tightly. “And maybe a shot or two of the expensive stuff Marty keeps locked in the back.”

Kensi laughed a little, nodding, and dropping her arm around Roberta’s shoulders.

“Thank you.”

“Anytime, kiddo,” she said, marching towards the bar. “Now where did Martin hide the key this week?”

Kensi shook her head, amused and grateful for the crazy, wonderful second family she’d been gifted with.