#man isnt it FUN singing screaming suicide?

[daddy-ul]

Whats your favorite metallica album and song ?

My truth of the moment (19.43 7/11/23) is....

Death Magnetic (and St. Anger,,,, and RTL)

And i can't pick a single Metallica song to save my life, I love their music too much wnsnsjssnw

Let's say that in the last month I really really vibed with Screaming Suicide and Cure

(Never such couple of song will be paired together again sjsjajajajaj)

That said...

MR ULRICH, LET US LISTEN TO ROOM OF MIRRORS!!!! P L E A S E

[smoochi-dazai]

Hello there, can you do headcanons on how Atsushi, Dazai, Kunikida and Chuuya would react if they found out their fem s/o could sing opera? Like she’s not a professional, but she is self taught and has a powerful soprano voice and she sings Carmen’s Habanera like an angel basically? And they find out through her singing in the shower, through karaoke, etc. If you want to do this imagine thank you! 🙏💕🌹🍷✨

✿ “  Love is a rebellious bird ” ✿

—> Bungo Stray Dogs, Atsushi, Dazai, Kunikida, Chūya + PM Dazai | Reader

—> Sweet | hcs

—> Description | Atsushi, Dazai, Kunikida and Chūya react to a s/o who’s a talented, self taught opera singer. 

+ I’m not sure how this turned out, sorry for taking so long <3 This is my first time writing for Atsushi, Kunikida and Chuya so i was super worried. TwT

Nakajima Atsushi 

✿ Atsushi along with his s/o lived together, similar to Kyōka - Dazai suddenly roomed these two together with some kind of scheme. Using a cover up of keeping her safe, even though the s/o was plenty able to protect herself.

✿ The least Dazai expected was for these two not to start dating. It had been a couple months time before they even developed some feelings, but the love was intoxicating the air. 

✿ Eventually becoming more affectionate publicly, small kisses on the cheek, hand holding- it was all some cute puppy love. Forming into something more genuine.

✿ While his s/o were roomed together with him, it wasn't uncommon for Atsushi to be out of the house at work. Or the other way around while his s/o still searched for a job.

✿  Thankfully Atsushi recommended to be an assistant at the ADA, if his s/o had no interest in all the violence and fighting as a proper member. 

✿ The day Atsushi was first introduced to his s/o’s powerful voice for singing was while she was in the shower.

✿ He had towels for s/o and a spare change of fresh new clothes, but the poor boy didn’t want to interrupt their singing. opening the door ever so slightly, he put the clothes inside then shut the door again. No intension on invading his s/o’s privacy.

✿ Atsushi would mostly likely sit outside the door to listen to his s/o’s singing. It captured his heart honestly, poor boy was speechless. 

✿ Never had he heard such a strong voice, he saw you as such a beautiful singer, let alone someone who slept right next to him ?! he couldn’t believe his ears.

✿ Poor boy ends up being hit by the door when his s/o came out of the bathroom, now changed in light clothes and a towel over their shoulders that had been partially dampened..

✿ Atsushi stared at his s/o in awe. Unable to say a word he just stares at s/o for an uncomfortable amount of time. 

✿ Once Atsushi snaps out of it, he’s complimenting his s/o all day. 

✿ When I say all day, I mean all day.

✿ Atsushi had no idea you were capable of something so, amazing. He knew you were talented, but never grasped the fact you could control your voice for opera?!

✿ He wont force you to sing for him or anything, but every once in a while he may ask. 

✿ Overall, Atsushi was in love with the singing. He wouldn't question much, he’d be too busy complimenting it all. 

Dazai Osamu

✿ These two first met at the cafe beneath the ADA’s head office. 

✿ While the others were screaming at each other over work, Dazai left for some peace and quiet. The least he was expecting was a new waitress coming to his table with the cutest little smile.

✿ Dazai would do his typical flirts, asking to commit a lovers suicide.

✿ Each time he was declined, for obvious reasons haha.

✿ Visit upon visit, Dazai would show up much more frequently then the rest of his friends in the ada.

✿ They started to be on a first name basis which was a surprise, because even the ADA members call him by his surname.

✿ The day Dazai visited and found the cafe trashed up because of a group of thugs? he was beyond upset. s/o was knocked out cold on the ground, while the head of the cafe was clenching onto his hand that bled. 

✿ After the ada caught the ones behind the attack and taught them a lesson, Dazai offered to take care of s/o at his place. She meekly accepted his offer.

✿ Being around someone more casual was refreshing and new, the rest of the people he knew were always work busy and overall just rude to him. Stick in the muds as he’d put it. 

✿ S/o was gentle with him, always worried if he got injured- it was odd. 

✿ At first he began rejecting her, but she’d still come to his place with groceries and cook for him.

✿ Falling her her more and more, Dazai joked less about his suicidal tendencies. Becoming more serious with his issues, he’d vent to s/o for relief. Even when she didn’t say anything in return, it was still comforting. 

✿ Eventually these two started dating, Dazais flirtatious habits died off and he was always focused on his s/o. Some may say he was a bit obsessive, but Dazai was just afraid he’d lose what made him want to live.

✿ Their first date was simple, going out to town and just walking together hand in hand. They ate together, shopped a little- that was until he felt his s/o insist on pulling his arm, pointing at a building across the street. 

✿ Dazai thought his s/o was pointing in the direction of a pathway leading to a river.

✿ “ You want to commit a lovers suicide in the river? “ I never said he completely got rid of the jokes- even if they hold a little truth. 

✿ “ No moron! Karaoke is tonight !! “

✿  “ oh. “

✿    Pouting, his s/o dragged him to the building. Not minding that they were alone, she just wanted an excuse to sing for her lover. 

✿ Thats the night she first sung for Dazai- he wasn’t aware of her talent in singing before-hand so this man was in pure awe.

✿ Dazai leaned back in his chair, eyes never once leaving his s/o’s form when she sung to him. A smile formed on his features uncontrollably, the singing wasn’t any singing of a casual for fun. It was Opera- 

✿ He constantly wanted to speak up and say how amazing his s/o was, but stayed respectful. keeping his mouth quiet.

✿  Afterwards, Dazai showers his s/o in love. Kisses, words- you name it. 

✿ “ Your voice was so powerful, ah~ I could die! “

✿ Dazai claims that if it were to continue he may faint from the beauty, saying his s/o was an angel sent from above to take care of him.

✿ His s/o better be prepared- because the next day she goes to work. all the ada detectives were sitting down like usual, but that's when Dazai takes it upon himself to drag s/o onto his lap and start bragging about her. 

✿ Dazai tries to make her sing again, but the poor girl is embarrassed looking down at her lap.

✿ Overall this boy is all over his s/o, bragging to the world that she is talented as hell. Will often tease her for blushing when he asks her to sing for him. 

Kunikida Doppo

✿ This man didn’t plan on meeting the woman of his dreams for another 3-5 years as he stated many times, which would then lead to marriage. 

✿ But when you became an assistant at the ADA he couldn't keep his eyes off you, always coming with excuses as to why he’d stare.

✿ Dazai constantly teased him over this-

✿ “ Is it true? Kunikida has the hots for our new assistant?~ “ Dazai teases, only to be tossed away. 

✿ “ I am only keeping an eye for her for the safety of our office, plus she may need guidance around the office. “

✿ “ Sureee.. “

✿ He never planned on becoming super close to the new assistant, but the way she smiled at him always kept his heart fluttering. The determination held in her eyes whenever he gave advise, it was something he appreciated. 

✿ Unlike Dazai, she wasn't always on her ass. The potential love of his life was always on her feet, keeping her work a priority. 

✿ It got to the point, she was kunikidas go-to person for assistance. Need coffee? she’d get it for him, need to shut up Dazai? he is already out the window. She’d never failed to meet his expectations, a true blessing. Even helping his with paperwork became a regular whenever he was fatigued. 

✿ He never involved himself with romance, especially around work. But he couldn’t help but fall for you as time went by, dazai pointing it out made it more obvious to himself. he was changing because of his s/o.

✿ It takes a couple years to actually get together, this man is always busy with his work and ideals. So even though it takes so long, id say its worth it. He deeply cares for his s/o even if he isnt always fun and romantic- 

✿ The first time he hears his s/o sing was when they were off work for once, just resting at home on the couch. However, kunikida still insisted on working from home. 

✿ His s/o had to convince him to leave.

✿ “ Can you at least listen to me sing? I’ve been practicing... i thought you’d want to listen. “ 

✿ Sing? this was the first time he heard of his s/o singing. He never wrote that down, time to add it to the list of talents he figures out his s/o has.

✿ He was convinced to listen to one song, thankfully. So his s/o dragged him to the living room, siting him down as she sat in front of him. 

✿ At the start, he never once put his notebook down. Writing random jots in there about she could only assume- it was about her. 

✿ So while singing, she carefully takes the book from his hand, catching Kunikidas attention. 

✿ After the singing, Kunikida was almost in tears- nowhere in his notebook did it say his girlfriend would be this talented. 

✿ He’d grab her shoulders, staring eye to eye with her. It was an intense stare only to be glossy, tearing up. Explaining how that was so beautiful. 

✿ Overall, Kunikida is gushing over the beauty. There will be a lot of explaining as to how his s/o is perfect in his eyes. 

Chūya Nakahara 

✿ Chuya first met his s/o through the Mafia, s/o weren’t all that special. Just another person beneath him in terms of rank, he didn’t know much about them honestly.

✿ It wasn’t til he ran into his future s/o during a meeting with fellow executives and their leader, Mori. 

✿ S/O was playing with Elise on the opposite side of the room, Chuya was much more focused on Mori for obvious reasons at first. But then his ears pick up on s/o braiding Elise hair and humming for her. 

✿ Honestly it was pretty sweet, s/o was a beauty he’d admit. 

✿ Suddenly, Mori called s/o over. Advising her to follow Chuya on a mission to retrieve information from a colleague in question. 

✿ At first Chuya would question why she of all people would be sent with him, but that look in her eyes gave it away. S/O wasn’t any normal mafia member, her dull eyes still held a sparkle. Serious about their mission.

✿ Something about it was intimidating? 

✿ Its never right to judge a book by its cover, Chuya knew that. But he still couldnt grasp that someone as motherly as the s/o was capable of hurting even a fly.

✿ S/o was there to keep him under control, Mori was all too aware of Chuyas hot-headed approach to issues. But Chuya still was trustworthy enough.

✿ It became a regular for s/o to join Chuya on jobs.

✿ Turns out she was born without any kind of agility. She was the most human you could get, but that didn’t stop him from admiring her. She seemed like a mystery at first.

✿ S/O was capable of high levels of martial arts, even rivalling him. Though Chuya still would have the upper hand, just from having a little more experience in the mafia. 

✿ s/o would lure people in with her singing, then he’d deal with them.

✿ S/O gained the nickname ‘ Siren ‘ for her beautiful vocals, while deadly even without Chuya at her side.

✿ After almost a year working together, Chuya gained feelings for the women at his side. the feelings were mutual, s/o and Chuya were just too caught up in work to confess. 

✿ He would compliment s/o for a job well done, her singing was truthfully very alluring. 

✿ It was only recently where he found her on an empty bridge in Yokohama. 

✿ She seemed to be preparing to sing on her own, maybe practicing for future missions. If she sung on the streets she’d probably make more money then the mafia gave her. 

✿ Chuya kept himself hidden away in the shadows of night, watching his s/o who was doing small exercises for her vocals.

✿ S/O began to sing opera, which was new to him. Shutting his eyes, Chuya couldnt help but smile. He never saw himself dating such a talented young women. Someone to call his own. 

✿ Even when he’d murder someone before her eyes, she never once seemed disgusted. Never found herself question his motives, not even tease him for his outbursts. 

✿ He adored his s/o through in through. 

✿ When his s/o finishes singing, he’d finally reveal himself. out of the blue, his s/o would be pulled into a hug.

✿ “ That was beautiful, who knew i’d date someone so damn talented. Holy shit. “

✿ Chuya wouldn't bombard his s/o in compliments like others, it would be more shown through actions. A kiss on the head with his arms wrapped around her waist. 

✿ Chuya would be happy, alone on the bridge with s/o.

✿ Overall this man would get a little distracted on missions because of that beautiful voice, may have to snap him out of it during serious times. Be prepared for hugs, and many pecks on the lips. 

Bonus !! Port Mafia Dazai 

✿ Dazai first met his S/O in Lupins bar, one night where he went to meet with  Odasaku for a couple drinks. He heard a women in the opposite corner of the bar humming to herself. 

✿ Having nothing to do with her, the smaller hums were relaxing to just think during before he made his leave.

✿ Frequent visits later- Dazai found himself showing up for her, more then the drinks. Often alone, he’d just come to listen to the women hum, or even sing sometimes. 

✿ She rarely properly sung in order to leave the peace at the bar serene. Having no interest in making someone uncomfortable.

✿ One day he visited and finally spoke to her, even praising her just for a mere tune that created a beautiful atmosphere in a normally gloom bar.

✿ Days on end, Dazai would insist on her singing for him. Free time? he’d be spending that time at the bar. He was often curious as to why the talented women was stuck at a cheap bar like Lupins. Yet, she never seemed to answer his question. So he left it be. 

✿ That’s how they end up getting closer and started dating. Visiting almost everyday to see one another- The women never questioned his often dull expression as days pass by. 

✿ Who knew she had been the single thing keeping him to hold some faith in humanity, or even himself. 

✿ As the visits became daily and they started dating, she often would leave the bar and sing for Dazai outdoors. It allowed her to use all her vocals, no matter how loud she may be. 

✿ Hums, small tunes, singing then- Opera. Something she always found interest in. Feeling confident to sing for Dazai after really knowing each other.

✿ The first time his S/O grabs his hand before he even sat himself down, he knew something was up. Rather it was good or bad had been the real question.

✿ “ I wanted to try something new for you “

✿ Dazai had no idea what he was instore for, but accepted it anyways. Sitting himself on the ground crisscross. 

✿ That was the first time she had sung an Opera for him. It was purely her voice, no instruments in the background or some music video online. It was live, right in front of his eyes. 

✿ Boy was this mafia executive in Awe. His S/O was beautiful, and not just that. She was talented !! 

✿ Dazai being in the mafia hasn’t any experience in the world of singing, yes he often would hum random tunes through boredom. But her voice was so strong, and held control throughout the whole performance. 

✿ Once his S/O finished singing, Dazai was speechless. Eyes sparkling like a child as he stands up and grasps her hands. There was hardly space in between them, but he pays no attention towards that. 

✿ “ That was outstanding !! How’d you do that ?? “

✿ Honestly he didn’t give her time to answer his question, before asking a million more. Dazai was just in love with her voice, even more than before. It was stronger then any person he’s fought against. How could someone be so talented and it not be an ability or something?

✿  Overall this boy is in shock, he’s absolutely in love with the singing and insists on his s/o doing it more for him on the days off work.

[8147]

reading hamlet for the first time (act 5: the finale)

masterlist

none of you told me it was going to be this painful . none of you.

a5s1

“Ophelia’s dead.” “Enter CLOWNS!”

Like im sure this has a different meaning in EMA but im gonna make fun of it because it’s fucking hilarious. (future (present? (now past once more (?))) antares coming back to say i did look at nfs and yeah theyre gravediggers)

“First Clown: What is he that builds stronger than either the mason, the shipwright, or the carpenter? Second Clown: The gallows-maker; for that frame outlives a thousand tenants.” damn not even just this one quote but these are some depressing clowns

hamlet and horatio!

okay there’s something about all of hamlet’s skull talk that makes me uneasy. like, not even the topic, just something in the words and how earnestly and (pardon my pun) gravely hamlet’s speaking about this. and it’s almost a mournful tune, too. it’s a huge difference from his “we’ll all be eaten by the same worms” speech to the point that it’s almost haunting.

“HAMLET: I will speak to this fellow.” C O N F R O N T

“HAMLET: I think it be thine, indeed; for thou liest in't.” (incomprehensible scribbling)

HAMLET, NOT IN ENGLAND: oh yeah lol he was sent to england huh u know why lmao

wait. did the. did the pirate situation get resolved. before act V.

I mean i think hamlet mentioned something about three years but the pirates are so fucking glossed over like what the fuck

“First Clown: 'Twill, a not be seen in him there; there the men are as mad as he.” HOLY SHIT ROAST THEM JFC

“HAMLET: Let me see. (Takes the skull)” THIS IS THE SKULL SCENE! I fucking KNEW it was bullshit that holding the skull was in the to be/not to be speech. I saw it being presented as such like once or twice while reading and I KNEW IT

hm okay so hamlet picks up this guys skull, of someone he used to know, and sure maybe i could ignore the “those lips i have kissed” but then he goes on to mention alexander the great and i mean come on

but jesus like i feel like im not doing justice to the stuff hamlet’s saying. just, the gravity of it all. Its kinda hitting home a bit hard bc like ive had a crippling fear of what happens after death and being forgotten etc since i was like in fourth grade and this is @ing that phobia

like, with that julius ceasar thing. “O that that earth which kept the world in awe / should patch a wall to expel the winter flaw,” it’s so strange. like, every fucking human who has lived, whether they be emperors, murderers, inventors, peasants, or philanthropists- as long as they weren’t blind, they’ve all looked at the same sky. like. It doesnt matter what the fuck you did or didn’t. It’s wild.

“First Priest: No more be done: We should profane the service of the dead To sing a requiem and such rest to her As to peace-parted souls.” hey i get that there are cultural taboos around suicide but like this guy’s a dick it isnt even clear if it was suicide, like, she was so fucking crazy she might not have even known she was, y’know, in a lake or w/e

laertes, dude, my guy. maybe jumping into a grave is cosmic foreshadowing for something you don’t want to happen to you. js.

“HAMLET: [Advancing] What is he whose grief Bears such an emphasis? whose phrase of sorrow Conjures the wandering stars, and makes them stand Like wonder-wounded hearers? This is I, Hamlet the Dane. (Leaps into the grave)” hamlet is NOT one to be out-extra’d (posting-antares here to say, wait, ‘whose phrase of sorrow conjures the stars? is this my aesthetic-speeches-summon-ghosts theory? probably not, but i havent mentioned it for a while)

“LAERTES: The devil take thy soul! (Grappling with him)” IN A FUCKING GRAVE. THEY ARE FIGHTING. IN A GRAVE.

all because hamlet doesn’t want to be out-extra’d. my god.

“QUEEN GERTRUDE: This is mere madness: And thus awhile the fit will work on him; Anon, as patient as the female dove, When that her golden couplets are disclosed, His silence will sit drooping.” Ah yes gertie just talk about the distraught and angry madman as if he isn’t there. that’ll diffuse the situation.

You know what? We still haven’t discussed the pirates.

a5s2

“HAMLET: So much for this, sir: now shall you see the other; You do remember all the circumstance?” If this isn’t gonna be about the pirates im gonna. scream.

“HAMLET: My fears forgetting manners, to unseal Their grand commission; where I found, Horatio,-- O royal knavery!--an exact command, Larded with many several sorts of reasons Importing Denmark's health and England's too, With, ho! such bugs and goblins in my life, That, on the supervise, no leisure bated, No, not to stay the grinding of the axe, My head should be struck off.” god, though. imagine that. being exiled to another country by the person who killed your father, only to find out that they were going to have you killed, anyways. that’s fucking terrifying. jesus christ.

Damn this idea that pretty handwriting is ~beneath~ nobles confuses me so fucking much. I got called haughty once just because my main handwriting is cursive. I mean, they were right, but their evidence was circumstantial at best.

“HAMLET: That, on the view and knowing of these contents, Without debatement further, more or less, He should the bearers put to sudden death, Not shriving-time allow'd.” Hamlet’s Revenge. 

but also, what the fuck, dude. two wrongs dont make a right.

damn i kinda lost myself while reading but it really doesn’t sound like hamlet’s insane anymore. Like he’s… tempered himself. he doesn’t feel insane, just solemn.

“OSRIC: Your lordship is right welcome back to Denmark. HAMLET: I humbly thank you, sir. Dost know this water-fly?” goddamn ROAST HIM HAMLET (also what a fucking mood)

Osric put on your fucking ha--

The wind is

The wind is northerly

“HAMLET: No, believe me, 'tis very cold; the wind is northerly.” I remember someone saying that this is important

Okay here: “HAMLET: I am but mad north-north-west: when the wind is southerly I know a hawk from a handsaw.”

oh no

Osric just wear ur fucking hat u doof

“OSRIC: Exceedingly, my lord; it is very sultry,--as 'twere,--I cannot tell how. But, my lord, his majesty bade me signify to you that he has laid a great wager on your head: sir, this is the matter,-- HAMLET: I beseech you, remember-- (HAMLET moves him to put on his hat)” excuse me a WAGER

but alas all hamlet cares about is osric’s fucking hat

“HAMLET: What's his weapon? OSRIC: Rapier and dagger. HAMLET: That's two of his weapons: but, well.” hamlet u sarcastic little shit i love you

I mean so is horatio. I love him too.

This stuff with the competition is. not gonna end well. not at well.

“HAMLET: I do not think so: since he went into France, I have been in continual practise: I shall win at the odds. But thou wouldst not think how ill all's here about my heart: but it is no matter.”

hamlet no. listen to your heart or whatever. jesus christ don’t do it.

“HORATIO: Nay, good my lord,--” HAMLET LISTEN TO HORATIO

Ohhh hamlet

okay reading what laertes said, you know what? i’m giving laertes one last chance. please do not prove me a fool, laertes. 

everything is giving me mad anxiety. e v e r y t h i n g.

claud’s speech is insanely sketchy

“KING CLAUDIUS: [Aside] It is the poison'd cup: it is too late.” One, so that’s why it was sketchy. Two, the POISONED CUP?

IT’S TOO LATE?

Gertie’s. Dead.

Shit, shit, shit

“LAERTES: [Aside] And yet 'tis almost 'gainst my conscience.” YES! SO PLEASE! STOP FIGHTING!

“LAERTES wounds HAMLET; then in scuffling, they change rapiers, and HAMLET wounds LAERTES.” Oh no oh no oh jeez eheu they’re hurting each other, shit, fuck,

“LAERTES: ...woodcock…”

“KING CLAUDIUS: She swounds to see them bleed. QUEEN GERTRUDE: No, no, the drink, the drink,--O my dear Hamlet,-- The drink, the drink! I am poison'd. (Dies)” one, i love how claud is desperatley trying to stick to the plan, its almost adorable in a childish sort of way. two, oh god. ohhh god. gertie. 

Oh no. 

this is the bloodbath. THIS IS THE BLOODBATH.

BODY COUNT: 1

“HAMLET: The point!--envenom'd too! Then, venom, to thy work. (Stabs KING CLAUDIUS)” ...

BODY COUNT: 2

wait and hamlet’s on death row, as with laertes. Oh no.

“LAERTES: He is justly served; It is a poison temper'd by himself. Exchange forgiveness with me, noble Hamlet: Mine and my father's death come not upon thee, Nor thine on me. (Dies)’ oh my god already??? I haven’t even really accepted king claud’s death?? jesus christ??

My friend just sorta nudged me and asked if i was alright and i. I’m not. i’m in shock. goddamn. what?

BODY COUNT: 3

goodness thats three in like less than thirty seconds JESUS CHRIST

“HAMLET: Heaven make thee free of it! I follow thee.I am dead, Horatio.” that’s chilling. just, the poignancy. that’s so fucking spectral. i’m not okay.

“HORATIO: Never believe it: I am more an antique Roman than a Dane: Here's yet some liquor left.” No no no on no nononon NO NO oh my god are you going to-

“HAMLET: As thou'rt a man, Give me the cup: let go; by heaven, I'll have't. … If thou didst ever hold me in thy heart Absent thee from felicity awhile, And in this harsh world draw thy breath in pain, To tell my story.” hey i’m crying in study hall. i’m actually crying. what the fuck. I don’t cry unless i’m thinking about that one pair of 18th century shoes with the really good photo quality (transcribing-antares here. I fucking love those shoes. I’m looking at them right now and they’re so fucking beautiful. they look how velvet feels, which is odd, bc they're apparently silk. I don’t care they’re just so fucking lovely)

F O R T I N B R A S?

“HAMLET: O, I die, Horatio; The potent poison quite o'er-crows my spirit.” I’ve identified my emotion. Dread. pure, unadulterated Dread.

for all of you that’ve listened to the penumbra podcast: do you remember the concierge, right before final resting place, saying “you do realize you can just like, leave, and everything will be hunky dory and you won’t have to deal with the emotional consequences this episode will bring you” because i’m seriously considering doing that right now.

“HAMLET: The rest is silence. (Dies)” shit. (posting-antares here to say that i forgot to do the body count but honestly im crying while formating because of this goddamn fucking 400 year old play)

“HORATIO: Now cracks a noble heart. Good night sweet prince…” oh god. horatio.

“Good night sweet prince…”

(yet again tis transcribing-antares here to say that im fucking sobbing right now, the shoes are no match for this, and ‘goodnight sweet prince’ is actually never going to leave my head.) (editing-antares here to say im fucking crying again god fucking damn it) (posting-antares back again saying that this fucking line. this line. my god.)

“HORATIO: What is it ye would see? If aught of woe or wonder, cease your search.” oh, horatio. god. that isn’t something said without tears staining your skin and a bitter tone hard-won, not that its possession is a victory.

oh my god. this can’t. no. this can’t end like this. What. no. people must have rioted. No. no!!

i typically hate it but i would GLADLY accept a deus ex machina right about now!!

okay my friend just took my phone away from me and shut it off because i kept on trying to scroll past the end

jesus christ

okay so i’m not going to be okay for like, several eternities, so im going to play the sims until i. until i die, probably. my god.

masterlist

[btsxlami]

📢LISTEN 📢 UP📢 ARMYS📢 HERE ARE 23 UNDERRATED ¿!MORE!¿ RAP MONSTER TRACKS THAT YOU SHOULD ABSOLUTELY TOTALLY POSITIVELY SHOULD CHECK OUT by @btsxlami

Hey guys its your favourite Namjoon promoter here again a.k.a LAMI! My last post got a lot of notes so whoop whoop and included my personal favourite 23 Namjoon tracks which you can find here

Part 2 of my underrated Namjoon series.

Here are 23 more bc damn Namjoon has a lot of fcking songs!

Disclaimers: (HOLD UP IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST TIME SEEING THIS I SUGGEST YOU SEE PART ONE)

1. i will include tracks that Namjoon covered

2. I will include tracks that Namjoon featured in

3. I will include tracks that I personally feel the need to be well known *so no I won’t put expensive girl even tho thats my shit*

4. This list will be a bit more laid back since I covered a lot of the most important songs in the last list sooo

5. since i covered his best and most “important” tracks in the last list theres not many left but ill probably include his REALLY early like pre debut fetus tracks with his underground rapper friends, tbh I personally don’t think they are the best but you can definitely see how he grew and where he started from

6. enjoY! and reblog kekeke

7. THIS IS A LONG ASS LIST AND I FUCKING ANALYZED EACH SONG SO I EXPECT YALL TO READ AND APPRECIATE NAMJOON GODDAMIT

8. you can always go to BTS’s official soundcloud for unofficial official tracks yeet

9. titles with stars are ones i recommend ( i should of done this for part one yikes)

1. Voices by Rap Monster ⭐

from his first 2015 mixtape RM > Check out the full album here >>  X  *you can refer to more mixtape songs in my previous list

I feel as if this song is the closest a fan can get with Kim Namjoon. Just listening to it you feel a bit relaxed and almost a bit sad when you start listening to the first half of the song. This song reflects a person’s tender emotions and voices that run inside of someone’s head when they are confused. I remember listening to this 2 years ago and towards the end Namjoon starts screaming out all his pain and I started crying. C R Y I N G

Namjoon had a really smooth life up until he started pursuing hip hop. He was a beyond smart student and had a happy family so why the hell would he be depressed? He had his whole life ahead of him right?

But this lyrics totally breaks that facade down

 “ I didn’t have any dreams just like my lyrics, every day in that way the functions and equations that couldn’t give me an answer in the end those things became uncountable injuries “

Despite having such amazing grades Namjoon did not know what the hell he wanted to do with his life, he didnt want to go into something academic despite being good at it, he was lost in life and his academics could not make him happy but instead hurt him even more.

“ thought I could catch the mirage known as happiness but the me in front of my desk wasn’t happy even for a moment without my mom knowing, I put a sheet of white paper between the pages of my workbook “

This verse totally broke me apart. He wanted to be happy while being in school but school sure as hell did not make him happy. His parents looked up to him as some smartass freak but without them knowing he started writing his own lyrics to cope with his hardships.

“my identity that I wrote down matched to the drum and bass a different, relaxed feeling compared to when I got my report card even when I was #1 my heart couldn’t relax”

The music brought out his true inner feelings, music brought out his true personality rather than when he was almost robot like studying with no self-identity. Despite being number one in class he still felt an emptiness that only music could fill.

“even as 7 years passed... still making my mixtape by myself in one corner of my room some say I’m fake, okay, I admit it, my dark past I can justify it, but I won’t, so that kind of problem won’t happen again the pedal that I stepped on for 7 years has finally been oiled “

Namjoon has been writing music and tried to get recognition for 7 years, despite Bangtan getting fame he is still lonely writing his own mixtape in a dark corner, kind of pathetic ehh idk, in his mixtape interview his dark past was his problematic sayings and actions. He felt the need to appropriate culture in order to rap. He then figured out that music and culture had nothing to do with eachother, music is for everyone. *I’m fake*

And finally after all the hardships after 7 years he is finally started to receive praise and attention!

2. WE ARE BULLETPROOF PT.1 by: Rap Monster, Supreme Boi, and Iron ⭐

Composed 6-7 years ago when Namjoonie was about 15 or 16 THIS SONG IS FUCKING BOP. 

2 of Bangtans were also first members are featured here: Supreme boi (yall probably familiar with him) and Iron! (i hope iron never affiliates with Bangtan ever again tho we dont need a criminal around them yikes)

3. Hook by Supreme Boi, Iron, and Namjoon (also the track used in Yoongi’s all i do is win)

Extremely old and pre debut, but old is gold

Probably one of Namjoon’s only ‘diss’ song, he usually doesnt diss others while he raps tbvh

4. Seventeen by Rap monster

I FEEL LIKE I SHOULDNT MAKE FUN OF HIM BC 15 YEAR OLD NAMJOON AT THE TIME WAS PROBABLY REALLY PROUD BACK THEN BUT HE LOOKED SO FUCKING FUNNY BC DAMN THAT HAIR AND HIS VOICE SOUNDS LIKE A CHIPMUNK BUTHUSDHUFUFSUD

5. SKOOL OF TEARS By: Rap Monster, Suga, and Jin ⭐

Absoloute MASTERPIECE! FIRST OF ALL THE ORIGINAL TRACK IS FROM SWIMMING POOLS BY KENDRICK LAMAR AND I LOVE KENDRICK! SECOND, THE RAP FLOW SOUNDS AMAZING NAMJOON IS GOING SO HARD AND DAMN YOONGI BACK AT IT AGAIN! ALSO CREDS FOR BABY BOY JIN FOR SOUNDING SO BADASS HERE BUT HERE IS WHY I LOVE THIS SONG!

I think its absolutely amazing how Namjoon especially writes song towards youth suffering in school, it takes a lot of guts to write against a society that has been around for decades. 

“  This is a ring called a classroom This is a stadium with no referee only an audience You know there will never be a victor everyone will lose There will be no victor everyone will lose”

“ That’s right, in the end school is like another mini society A jungle made carelessly by adults They made the weaklings weak, they made the strong powerful Of course since they were strong they made the weak suffer A society built on the teachings that friends are only for pretend The morals of adults made us step on the weak to rise to the top “

Its clear to see that Namjoon has suffered in school but also isnt afraid to address the truth.

6. Expensive girl by Rap Monster 

( I FUCKING DISCOVERED THIS SONG WHEN I WAS LIKE 11-12 AND I NEVER WANTED TO PUT THIS HEAR BUT YALL LIKE FOUGHT ME TO ADD THIS TO THE LIST GODDAMIT I HATE YALL I GOT LIKE HATE MAN OKAY)

“Take it off now girl just take it off (I’m a master, baby with your bra)Take it off now girl just take it off (I can help you slide those panties off)(..I’m a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before)x2″

7. Converse High (original version SUNG by Rap Monster)⭐

Yall probably heard Bangtan’s Converse High but here was the original version written by Namjoon that was rejected bc of the swearing omg damn joonie, BUT HE SINGS SO BEAUTIFUL IN THIS YESS

(funny story in seventh grade when this came out it was the last day of school and i requested my teacher to stay after school late so i could finish listening to the whole thing)

8. Suicide by Rap Monster

Rapmon wrote this mixtape in the point of view of a baby in his mother’s tummy. The baby’s parents are high school kids who are forced to go through abortion.

*this song was deleted bc of copyright and also the source of it is unknown but hey ITS IN ENGLISH AND DAMN NAMJOON RIGHTS DEEP SHIT*

(tf is namjoon doing u good)

9. What am I to you by Rap Monster from the 2014 Dark & wILD ⭐

if you DONT KNOW THIS SONG I SUGGEST YOU RETHINK YOUR LIFE DECISIONS BC LOWKEY HANDS DOWN ONE OF THE BEST INTRO’S TO A OFFICIAL BTS ALBUM (gif is from the live ver of this song and he started crying ok)

So Namjoon used to have a girlfriend who “mistreated” him. Tbvh we really don’t know what happened but on problematic men he said it wasnt anything serious it was just she would neglect him and not spend enough time but also hang out with other men.

(gif aint mine so gif blogs dont come at me)

But clearly the lyrics of this song are very emotional but the real reason why this song is a masterpiece is because of the rise of  emotions.

It starts off slow and cute, Namjoon mentions how he loves the girl and how their love is pure and innocent, throwing cute love phrases and the song sounds so soft, hopeful, and romantic. But in the middle the music starts to get more serious and Namjoon starts to question the relationship. He feels as if the girl thinks of this relationship as more of a task and a job, and slowly as the song comes to an end NAMJOON STARTS FUCKING SCREAMING AND BELTING! ALL THE EMOTIONS BUILD UP AND HE STARTS SCREAMING “WHAT AM I TO YOU GIRL WHAT AM I TO YOU I DO LOVE YOU CRAZY UH DO YOU” LIKE IT WAS SCARY I WAS CRYING IM LIKE NAMJOON WHO TF HURT YOU

10. Always by Rap Monster ⭐

This song is more recent and farely well known but I still felt the need to put this masterpiece here. Namjoon said not to worry about him as the lyrics are really sad and almost ???SUICIDAL??? but he said he wrote this when he was stressed last year. Its kind of a self questioning song about life and your purpose. I cried when it came out. well i always cry when i listen to namjoon is it a surprise.

I'm honestly in tears because this song goes to show how hurt Namjoon still is even after all these years. Even after all these awards, fans, and accomplishments. Depression still hurts after a long time. I can tell that this song was talking about his past. This song literally made me realize Namjoon was questioning his existence and I wanna hold him so badly. Guys...we could of lost Kim Namjoon. My absolute favourite human being in the entire world who saved my life. He is a human being who does not deserve such pain but I am so proud he endured it so well and look how far he came. One of my favourite verses "I live for the sake of understanding this world, but why hasnt the world tried to understand me atleast once" Its a really vague phrase which is why I like it. WORLD could mean destiny, fate, life, even parents.  He tries so hard to accept his life, to understand his parents wishes, sacrificing his own happiness yet fate decides to only give him the worst. "Dad please listen to me" "dead dad, your dead to me," Talking about how his dad wouldn't let him rap. I remember him mentioning that his dad once told him all that education he worked hard for was for nothing and I can’t imagine how sad Namjoon felt in that moment. "I would tell god if I ever meet him, i would hold him by the collar and tell him this life is like a coffee I never ordered" A pretty sad and a bit confusing verse, maybe leading to why Namjoon eventually became an atheist. Namjoon was in so much pain he didnt want to be born. "I wished I was dead...... I wished “Someone would kill me" No Namjoon never utter such words. My joonie mini I hope you are better and hopeful now, look at how far you came, your so successful and loved, and you made your family proud. Dont ever doubt yourself and even think about death, just keep living happily and moving forward. He honestly felt lost in this point of his life and still continues to feel lost. Namjoon you have such in important role and your existence was destined. You were born for a reason. You were born to change lives. 

11.  J-Lim ft. Rap Monster & Iron - Ashes

12. TIPSY BY RAP MONSTER & SUPREME BOI

Namjoon wrote this in the beginning of his rap career when he was still trying to find where he stood as a rapper. He mentions how he isnt doing this for the fame or money and he isnt the next Nas or Tupac he just wants to rap for the love of it.

13.  Rap Monster of 방탄소년단 (BANGTAN),Supreme Boi,i11evn,Marvel.J - You can't do that

*i suggest you skip ahead to 1:30 for namjoon fire verse, shade intended*

14.  RAP MONSTER of 방탄소년단,Suprema,Marvel.J,Kyum2 - Rollin

I also recommend you to skip ahead to 2:40 BC DAMN BOY GOES HARD

But tbvh pre debut namjoon squad (supreme boi , young jeezy, iron are hella problematic and say the n word in this and still do so im like yikes im happy nam left you) “ They pissed, now rape me" bitch whet

yeah im just here for namjoons verse bye

imma mufukin balla on this mufuckin beat spit mufuckin rap on this mufuckin shit got mufuckin skill so im mufuckin phat its mufuckin trick and a mufuckin track i i bet you betta stop stopin da chatter im a rapper man, and i represent BPB im juss so greater than hoes

15. FUCK COCKROACHES BY RAP MONSTER AND ZICO *THIS IS SO FUNNY*

Zico was 15 and RapMon was 13 when they rapped this, Namjoon sounds like a chipmunk BUT ZICO SOUNDS LIKE JIMIN I STG!

16. Rap Monster- Thinking Bout you

Joonie Mini Representing Biggie smalls eyyy!

17. Glory By Rap Monster

"I'm a dick? Yeah, when you disturb me, I grow bigger" SO FUCKING DONE

*there was lowkey lowkey controversy bc he said he tore 4 hymens BUT DETECTIVE LAMI FIXED IT*

 In the beginning Namjoon says that people looked at him pitifully because he joined BTS,  the Underground rappers were disappointed with him which led the Underground rappers to leave him, which has ripped his hymen. Not 4 hymen of random girls. 4 and "I" sound the same in Korean

it's a bit weird but in this case he is talking about himself all the hate people showed has ripped his hymen symbolizing his innocence for music.

18. NAA BY RAP MONSTER

tHE ORIGINAL BEAT WAS DEUCES BY CHRIS BROWN I WAS DYING

19. REGULAR VOICE BY RAP MONSTER ⭐

A really sweet and open-minded song about Namjoon wanting a “regular girl” “Height? I don’t care. Age? I don’t mind it. When you say, “I’ll only look at you” then I’m okay. Whether your skin is light or dark it doesn’t really matter, our love is deeper than that. “

I feel as if idols are pressured to have certain ideal types and say them out in the open, Namjoon had bad influences around him *underground rappers* which also influenced his negative sayings towards certain things but he wrote this song all alone at a young age which shows that his intentions are pure, and ever since he apologized for his wrong doings you go joon.

his voice sounds like sex

20. DREAMING BY RAP MONSTER

FETUS CHUBBY WTF HAIR NAMJOON IS BACK

okay but seriously you can see that despite being young he put a lot of effort and thought into this song!

21.  RAP MONSTER of 방탄소년단 feat.김거덕 - RAP

22.  130305??  THIS TRACK IS UNTITLED BUT IT SOUNDS SO EPIC TF

23. Trouble by Rap Monster 🔞 🔞

OKAY IM BARELY AROUSED BUT THIS SHIT ACTUALLY HAD ME SOAKED IM SORRY GOD LIKE ITS SO SUGGESTIVE I STG 

HIS SEXUAL FANTASIES I STG