#lucky he's an Unreliable Narrator (tm) i guess

[discipulusmaleficus]

Close call x 2

@scxrytxles - you should be dead 17 times over

"--which is an excellent way to absorb 'too much' power and reduce your physical form to a fine mist as what remains of you turns into something else, but, you know. I'm okay with that. I feel pretty good about it, actually. Except I think I hear my roommate saying something, and I'm stopping to wonder what the hell he's doing in here, an-nd. Then I'm waking up in my least favourite branch of the infirmary."

He's not sure why Lewis, of all people, is the one who's actually allowed to hear this saga. Because he actually won't give a shit, probably. What're they going to make weird? The man only knows him as a pathetic drunken asshole. A deeply dishonest one, at that.

"So, uh, I'm cuffed to the bed, they've jammed a high-grade restraining torc around my neck, I'm still mildly strung out on deity blood and shit and I already know they'll have exorcised my Affiliate real well. And I feel pretty goddamn pissed off about that." He tugs idly at the ring that’s currently around his neck. "But after, uh, an eternal and infinitesimal facet of time -- what's the word? A while -- I remember that screaming in tongues isn't going to get us to the Unravelling of All Things any faster, yes? This'll wind up smoother if I'm. Polite."

"And soon enough I'm talking to an Assistant Disciplinary Faciliator or something, and he's the bastard son of my great-uncle-in-law, and he's saying shit like I still have excellent prospects ahead of me and this sort of thing happens, and reminding me there have been far more catastrophic Student Incidents -- which is just insulting. And I tell him, ha, I tell him I'm just hoping this won't affect my goddamn exams, and he acts like that's a sane thing to fucking say."

"So, you know, I ditch the bed part soon enough, and if I can't turn the whole place into a pullulating extradimensional rift, I can at least take my frustrations out on everybody who got in my fucking way. I'm still on probation -- can't really use magic -- which makes things a little difficult. And, you know. I'm not unresourceful. Remind me to give you the scurrilous details."

"But that won't be good enough, and half my friends are cowards who don't even want to help me any more. I've been thinking a lot, and I've been behaving - not too much, not a suspicious amount - I've been sucking up, and the day before the exam period I apply for some supervised practice time and the instant the supervisor breaks the enchantment her spine cracks itself in three places and the Key throws itself into my hands. Basic shit, if their guard's down. Tossed her memory like a salad, left her under the table, and then, the~en we have at least a little space, yes?"

"Contrived to summon a number of choice entities in choice locations, just as people were starting their fucking alchemical history essays. Finally seeded that Improved Parasitoid Fungus in the Decomposition Chambers. Shoved a lot of interesting artefacts into my pockets, incinerated some dull ones -- asked my lovely co-founder to leave with me, she gave me an earful about telling partial truths, I tried to cut her ear off so I could take possession of her living corpse -- That doesn't work out. Let's just say."

"I can't really stick around to see what else works out, mind you, or they'll just catch me and try to give me career advice again. I'd thought about stealing one of the faculty jets. Probably lucky I didn't get the chance. Wouldn't have the first idea how to fly one. Or eject from it. Or turn it on."

"So I just. Step out a maintenance door. Fall, Arrest my Momentum, hit loose sand at, oh, twenty miles an hour. Heat's godawful. Got up, started walking, didn't stop for, uh. A while. You know what I didn't pack, by the way? Water."

"Sometime left of that, I'm probably at least halfway mummified and one of those blue assholes is digging me out of the sand, and, you know, I don't know how far I was from sinking beneath the dunes never to be discovered. Starts raising a fuss and trying to get me to drink and everything, and I'm kind of an ungrateful bastard about it, but I'm pretty sure whatever's keeping me animate is finally wearing thin, so, uh, I'm coming around to the prospect." He distinctly remembers worrying about poison, mind you.

"Don't know what they thought about the whole affair. Didn't speak a word of Arabic. Or -- Tamahaq, or whatever the hell. I was mostly, uh, cargo, really. Maybe they were keeping me as a good luck charm. Joke's on fucking them, yes?"

[cryptidcurrencies]

OUTPACE THE DAWN

Teen And Up Audiences (subject to change) Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Categories: Gen, M/M Fandoms: Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age (Video Games) Characters: Dorian Pavus, Cassandra Pentaghast, Varric Tethras, Solas (Dragon Age), Leliana (Dragon Age), Sera (Dragon Age), Vivienne (Dragon Age), The Iron Bull (Dragon Age), Blackwall (Dragon Age), Cullen Rutherford, Josephine Montilyet, Felix Alexius, Gereon Alexius, Cole (Dragon Age) Additional Tags: Inquisitor!Dorian, Blood Curses, Slow Burn, Normal Reactions to Traumatic Experiences, Tagged ensemble cast bc tbh they all play an important part and i love them all equally, (mis)adventure, Halward Pavus' A+ Parenting, the complicated nature of love in its many forms, Mental Health Issues, POV Dorian Pavus, Mage-Templar Dynamics (Dragon Age), Politics(TM), Unreliable Narrator Language: English Published: 2024-03-09 Updated: 2024-11-15 Words: 137,152 Chapters: 12/?

CHAPTER 12: CORONATION

“You’re not lucky enough for this to be your deathbed, Pavus,” she hits back boredly, and he knows the guess was right.