#low end of the totem pole

[pakgirls530916]

When is he never NOT moaning and groaning with the sour face! HE is now getting everything he deserves and MORE! Rumors are this is when he went to ask for better seats and got DENIED!

[gffa]

STAR WARS PREQUELS - A TIMELINE

So, what's this about, huh? After recently sitting down with Star Wars Timelines, I was genuinely surprised at just how much they were willing to nail down to a specific year and sequence of events, which admittedly is a reference book and those are pretty low on the canon totem pole so be prepared for future retcons down the road, but it's shockingly useful information to have! Because the more I paged through it, the more I realized just how useful it would be for fic writers, especially for anything that might be referenced by a prequels character. Do you want to know how old the Jedi Order basically is? What the eras were called, if a prequels character wanted to reference them? What year did Dooku leave the Jedi? When did Naboo join the Republic? When was the Republic founded? When was the Jedi Temple built? When was Yaddle born? When did the Togruta ally with the Republic? Was Anakin born on Tatooine? When did Plo discover Ahsoka? When did Anakin get his first kyber crystal? When did Obi-Wan join the Jedi Council? WHEN DOES THE MANDALORIAN CIVIL WAR TAKE PLACE?? Some of this is SO INTERESTING to have nailed down into place--like just how old Huyang is or that the Jedi Temple was constructed on Coruscant BEFORE the Republic existed! Useful for me to know, but also my prequels-era characters to know! This book is willing to tell us A LOT and I collated everything I thought would be useful for a prequels character to know! ERAS:

c.5,000 BBY– 1,032 BBY: Ancient conflicts "The Jedi and Sith wage a series of wars throughout their history so ruinous that at points each is brought to the brink of destruction."

c.500 BBY–330 BBY: "The Age of Exploration" "After centuries of governing in regions near the galactic Core, the Republic sets out to explore the Outer Rim. This era of exploration on the frontier presents many adventures and opportunities for the Republic and the Jedi Order alike, but growth also leads them to uncover new mysteries and dangers. Soon the Jedi Order’s very connection to the Force is put to the test."

c.500 BBY–100 BBY: "The High Republic" The four hundred years that are collectively referred to as the High Republic era.

TIMELINE:

c.25,025 BBY: BIRTH OF THE JEDI

"The Jedi Order is founded. Among the earliest locations, and likely the first, is a temple constructed on the planet of Ahch-To. Later, the temple retains the most treasured Jedi texts and earliest writings on the Order’s faith. For eons, these noble protectors stand united by their ability to harness the power of the Force itself for good."

c.25,020 BBY: Professor Huyang powered up "The architect droid Professor Huyang begins training Jedi younglings in the delicate art of lightsaber construction."

c.20,000 BBY: Dawn of the Republic

"The foundation of the Republic is formed through an alliance including Coruscant, Corellia, and Alderaan, prompted by the dawn of hyperspace travel."

c.5,000 BBY: Creeping darkness

"A dark-side sect splinters from the Jedi, causing the formation of the Sith. This fracture is the genesis of a millennia-long rivalry."

c.5,000 BBY–1,032 BBY: "The Sith battle the Jedi in numerous conflicts for thousands of years before their struggle comes to an end, resulting in the destruction of the Sith Empire."

c.5,000 BBY–1,032 BBY: "The Sith build shrines on planets, including Malachor and Moraband. They covet these locations for their connection to the dark side of the Force."

c.1,050 BBY: A Mandalorian Jedi

"Tarre Vizsla becomes the first of the Mandalorian warriors to be inducted as a member of the Jedi Order. The unique lightsaber he constructs comes to be known as the Darksaber, later stolen to be used as a symbol to unite his planet."

c.1,032 BBY: Coruscant Temple erected

"The main Jedi Temple on Coruscant is constructed at the same location where there was once a Sith shrine."

c.1,032 BBY: "Darth Bane, the last surviving Sith, recognizes that infighting and back-stabbing ultimately led to the downfall of the Sith Empire. He declares the Rule of Two, whereby there can only be a sole master and single apprentice of the Sith. The practice safeguards the inherently selfish Order from self-destruction, thus ensuring the survival of the Sith for centuries to come."

1,000 BBY: Reformation of the Republic

"The first incarnation of the democratic alliance of planets, the Galactic Republic, is reformed."

c.972 BBY: Rules of war

"The Galactic Accord of Systems establishes a set of rules of engagement, in the event another war should break out."

896 BBY: Yoda is born

"The future Jedi Master Yoda is born."

832 BBY: Construction of Theed

"Naboo’s capital city, Theed, is built. The floating city on the banks of the river Solleu becomes the jewel of the metropolis."

867 BBY: Naboo joins the Republic

"The planet of Naboo officially joins the Galactic Republic. The event will be commemorated annually with The Festival of Light."

796 BBY: Students of Yoda

"Master Yoda begins training Jedi. He will maintain this regular practice, teaching the newest members of the Order, for about 800 years."

600 BBY:

Jabba Desilijic Tiure is born.

509 BBY:

Yaddle is born.

c.392 BBY: PATHFINDERS

"The Republic and the Jedi establish Pathfinder teams to explore new hyperspace lanes in the farthest reaches of the galaxy. A team of Pathfinders typically includes two Jedi, a master and their apprentice, who work together with their Republic allies to discover new ways through dangerous and unexplored places. They work with communications teams who lay the groundwork for the infrastructure needed for Republic growth. In return for their efforts, the Jedi Order hopes to gain new understanding of the galaxy, new cultures, and the Force."

c.383 BBY: THE HYPERSPACE RUSH

"Independent explorers also race to discover new paths through hyperspace. These prospectors risk their lives in perilous, uncharted corners of the Outer Rim, hoping to find safer, shorter routes. Families like the Grafs and San Tekkas earn great fame and fortune by selling their knowledge of these new hyperlanes."

382 BB The First High Republic book of Phase II

The High Republic: Path of Deceit kicks off the second phase of books, set 150 years before the previous phase.

382 BBY: Battle of Jedha

"The Path of the Open Hand instigates a battle on the sacred moon of Jedha."

232 BBY The First High Republic book of Phase I:

The High Republic: Light of the Jedi, which kicks off the original era of the High Republic (out of universe, not in universe), starting with the Great Hyperspace Disaster where a ship explodes in hyperspace over the planet Hetzal Prime. This ignites an intergalactic conflict with the Nihil that draws the Jedi and the Republic into a massive connected, long-running series of battles against them.

232 BBY:

"Dignitaries and Jedi gather at the Starlight Beacon for its official dedication ceremony."

The Great Hyperspace Disaster (the Legacy Run explodes in hyperspace) happens and the Jedi rush to help mitigate the disaster and evacuate as many people as they can.

"The brave deeds of the Jedi Order [in the Great Hyperspace Disaster] are cast across the galaxy via holotransmissions, making Kriss and her fellow Jedi heroes."

The Emergences: "Though Hetzal has been saved by the heroics of the Jedi, fragments of the Legacy Run continue to threaten the frontier. Fear grips the Outer Rim as blazing wreckage of the ship appears with little warning from hyperspace. As the Republic seeks answers to these Emergences, a group of Jedi stranded in a forgotten corner of space unknowingly cause a far older and more sinister threat to emerge: the Drengir."

"Wreckage from the Legacy Run scatters through hyperspace, endangering the Outer Rim. The first of the Emergences after the Great Hyperspace disaster occurs at Ab Dalis, killing 20 million beings."

"The Nihil strike on Elphrona, intending to ransom well-connected homesteaders and capture a Jedi for Marchion Ro’s evil machinations."

"The Jedi Council votes to join the Republic against the Nihil."

232 BBY: A BEACON OF HOPE

"With the Great Disaster behind them, the Republic and Jedi refocus on the opening of the Starlight Beacon. This towering space station located in the Outer Rim is one of Chancellor Lina Soh’s Great Works, meant to provide a symbol of hope in a dark corner of the galaxy. This shining example of Republic unity and progress serves as a vital base for the ongoing struggles with the Nihil and Drengir."

"One of Chancellor Lina Soh’s Great Works, the Starlight Beacon, begins operation after a dedication ceremony attended by Republic dignitaries and prominent members of the Jedi Order. The station is to be just one of many beacons, serving to connect, inspire, and serve the Republic’s growth in the Galactic Frontier. The Jedi maintain a permanent presence on the station under the leadership of Marshal Kriss and the watchful eye of the exacting Jedi Master Estala Maru."

"Hunting the Nihil - Though it lacks a formal military, the Republic forms a special task force to hunt the Nihil, with Joss and Pikka Adren among the first volunteers."

"The Jedi broker the Ayelina-Ludmere trade agreement."

232 BBY: GROWTH OF THE DRENGIR

"The carnivorous Drengir take root across wide swaths of the frontier. Their lust for living flesh, which they consider “meats,” leads them to attack hundreds of worlds. Defenseless settlers and the Jedi alike struggle to repel these horrifying plantlike creatures."

231 BBY: THE REPUBLIC FAIR

"Chancellor Lina Soh’s next Great Work is a magnificent fair on Valo. Meant to celebrate the Republic and its many achievements, the event turns into a tragedy. The Nihil mount a merciless raid on the fairgoers, destroy the event, and nearly kill the chancellor. The Jedi defenders mount a valiant defense but are outnumbered."

231 BBY: FIGHT FOR THE FRONTIER

"The Jedi march across the frontier as they seek justice for the attack on the Valo fair. With the Drengir threat seemingly settled, they turn their attention to the scattered Nihil forces. The Jedi believe that they are gaining the upper hand, but are unaware of who leads the raiders and their ultimate goal. The Nihil Tempest Runners bear the brunt of the assault while the Eye of the Nihil, Marchion Ro, prepares a new weapon to fight the Jedi."

"The Republic-Togruta Alliance is formed."

230 BBY: FALL OF STARLIGHT

"The Nameless wreak havoc among the Jedi, who fight valiantly in Starlight’s final moments. Master Estala Maru sacrifices his own life to delay the top half of the station from burning up in Eiram’s atmosphere. Below, Master Stellan Gios stays behind to ensure the lower portion will not strike a populated city on the planet’s surface."

"The Jedi recall their members to safety on Coruscant."

"The Republic readies a Defense Coalition fleet to strike at Nihil space. The Jedi, concerned that they cannot yet combat the Nameless, remain on Coruscant."

c.200 BBY:

"Births: Chewbacca— Wookiee hero and copilot born on Kashyyyk."

102 BBY:

"Serenno foundling Dooku’s family abandons him as an infant after discovering his Force abilities. The Jedi bring him to Coruscant to join the Order." (Dooku is born this year.)

Sifo-Dyas was also born in 102 BBY.

86 BBY:

Dooku becomes Yoda’s Padawan.

Sifo-Dyas becomes Lene Kostana’s Padawan.

84 BBY:

Sheev Palpatine is born on Naboo.

c.80 BBY:

Rael Averross becomes Dooku’s Padawan

72 BBY:

Mace Windu is born. (Take with a grain of salt, it's from a De Agostini booklet and never appeared anywhere else that I can find.)

c.70 BBY:

"Averross is knighted and encourages Dooku to take another Padawan."

68 BBY:

Qui-Gon Jinn becomes Dooku’s Padawan.

c.58 BBY:

"After attaining the rank of Jedi Master, Dooku is offered a seat on the Jedi Council."

Qui-Gon becomes a Jedi Knight.

57 BBY:

Obi-Wan Kenobi is born on Stewjon.

54 BBY:

"Obi-Wan Kenobi begins his Jedi training." (Presumably this means he was 3 years old when he was adopted by the Jedi and began his training then.)

52 BBY:

Palpatine is elected Senator of Naboo.

50 BBY:

"The Nightsisters sell Asajj Ventress to Hal’Sted."

46 BBY:

Padme Naberrie is born on Naboo.

44 BBY:

Obi-Wan Kenobi becomes Qui-Gon Jinn's Padawan.

"Stranded on remote Rattatak, the Jedi Knight Ky Narec discovers Asajj Ventress and trains her as his Padawan."

c.44 BBY - "Amid concerns about the corrosive effects of dynasties, the Naboo Reformations limit monarchs to a maximum of two two-year terms."

42 BBY:

Rael Averross introduces Dooku to Palpatine.

Dooku leave the Jedi Order and returns to Serenno to reclaim his title.

c.42 BBY: "Civil war engulfs Mandalore, a planet with a proud honor code and a war-torn history. Its clans form factions, with the conflict evolving to pit tradition-minded clan fighters against New Mandalorians who see the warrior past as a dead end."

c.42 BBY: "Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan protect Duchess Satine Kryze during the Mandalorian Civil War. Obi-Wan and Satine fall in love and he offers to leave the Jedi Order to be with her. They decide that their duties won’t allow them to follow their hearts."

c.42 BBY: "The Mandalorian Civil War ends with Satine’s New Mandalorians ascendant, though traditionalists—including Satine’s sister Bo-Katan—organize to resist her rule."

41 BBY:

Anakin Skywalker is born.

"Distant secret Ancient Jedi lore leads Obi-Wan to the Force-imbued planet Lenahra, where he forges a deeper connection with the living Force." (These are the events of the Padawan novel.)

c.41 BBY: "Holiday interrupted While visiting Kashyyyk, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan foil a Trandoshan raid aimed at taking Wookiee prisoners during Life Day celebrations." (These are the events of Star Wars Adventures 2020, issues 3-4. Unclear if this is before or after the novel Padawan.)

40 BBY:

c.40 BBY - Maul becomes Sidious’ apprentice.

Qui-Gon is offered a seat on the Jedi Council. He does not accept by the end of Master and Apprentice.

"Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan visit strategically located Pijal to oversee the signing of a treaty between its monarchy and the Czerka Corporation." (These are the events of the Master and Apprentice novel.)

39 BBY:

c.39 BBY: Sifo-Dyas joins the Jedi High Council.

38 BBY:

c.38 BBY - "Shmi and Anakin Skywalker are brought to Tatooine. Their enslaver, Gardulla the Hutt, soon loses them to Watto in a bet."

37 BBY:

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan mediate a conflict on Bri’n. (Age of Republic - Qui-Gon Jinn #1)

36 BBY:

Orson Krennic and Galen Erso meet.

Ahsoka Tano is born.

34 BBY:

"Mace Windu helps overthrow the warlord Guattako." (These are the events of Age of Republic - Special #1)

"A skilled mechanic, Anakin begins gathering spare parts to build a protocol droid, C-3PO, to help Shmi with household chores."

"Sidious tests Maul on Malachor."

33 BBY:

"Plo Koon discovers a Force-sensitive Togruta toddler named Ahsoka Tano. He brings 'Little ‘Soka' to Coruscant for training."

"Sifo-Dyas orders a secret clone army to be created on Kamino."

"Eager to test his abilities against the Jedi Order, Darth Maul kills the Twi’lek Padawan Eldra Kaitis on Drazkel’s moon." (These are the events of Darth Maul 2017)

Caleb Dume/Kanan Jarrus is born.

32 BBY: THE PHANTOM MENACE

"The former Padmé Naberrie is just 14 when elected and has barely taken office when the Trade Federation blockades and then invades Naboo."

The events of The Phantom Menace take place, the Trade Federation invades Naboo, Valorum sends Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon to help Naboo, Anakin Skywalker is adopted into the Jedi Order, Qui-Gon Jinn dies.

"Count Dooku pledges himself to the ways of the Sith, replacing Maul as Sidious’ apprentice and taking the name Darth Tyranus."

"Palpatine is elected supreme chancellor."

"Obi-Wan takes Anakin as his Padawan."

"The Sith take over Sifo-Dyas’ project to create a clone army, ordering inhibitor chips implanted in the clones to ensure their obedience."

"With Sifo-Dyas dead, Dooku takes over the clone project, altering it to serve the Sith’s purpose. In his guise as Tyranus, Dooku recruits the bounty hunter Jango Fett as the genetic template for the Kaminoans’ clone army. He then instructs the Kaminoans to secretly implant inhibitor chips in the clones’ brains to ensure their obedience. The clones will fight for the Republic, but the Sith will be their true masters."

Han Solo is born.

Boba Fett is born.

Yaddle is killed by Dooku.

31 BBY:

"Kuat Drive Yards receives an order from a secret buyer to create massive numbers of warships and weapons."

30 BBY:

"Sidious’ minions begin constructing a massive Observatory on Jakku, the first of several built as part of the Sith Lord’s decades-spanning Contingency project. As Palpatine, Sidious orders the secret establishment of bases, shipyards, and colonies in the galaxy’s Unknown Regions."

29 BBY:

c.29 BBY: "Anakin seeks out his first kyber crystal on Ilum and creates a lightsaber, an important step in his Padawan training."

"Anakin goes on a mission in Coruscant’s underlevels with a disguised Chancellor Palpatine, whom he comes to see as a mentor."

"Influenced by Palpatine, Anakin tells Obi-Wan he wishes to suspend his Jedi training and surrenders his lightsaber. With Anakin’s path undecided, Yoda sends him and Obi-Wan to Carnelion IV to investigate a distress signal. [Eventually] Anakin decides to remain Obi-Wan’s Padawan." (These are the events of Obi-Wan & Anakin 2016)

Hera Syndulla is born.

28 BBY:

Queen Amidala's final year as Queen of Naboo, where her successor, Queen Réillata, asks her to be Senator for Naboo and Padme agrees, taking office that year.

"Remembering her experience after fleeing Naboo, Padmé sends Sabé on a mission to investigate how to end slavery on Tatooine." (This ultimately doesn't really go anywhere/accomplish much, unfortunately.)

"Padmé becomes friends with two young fellow senators: Rush Clovis of Scipio and Mina Bonteri of Raxus." (These are the events of Queen's Shadow.)

c.28 BBY: "Obi-Wan and Anakin are sent to retrieve a Holocron from Dallenor, leading to a confrontation with the Krypder Riders." (These are the events of Age of Republic - Obi-Wan Kenobi #1.)

27 BBY:

c.27 BBY: "Cliegg Lars buys Shmi Skywalker’s freedom from Watto. They marry and live on Cliegg’s moisture farm."

26 BBY:

"While on a mission to Sullust, Dooku kills the Jedi Knight Jak’zin and forces the Kaldana Syndicate to serve Sidious’ interests." (These are the events of Age of the Republic - Count Dooku #1.)

"Obi-Wan and Anakin rescue Yoda from raiders on Glee Anselm, but discover the incident was actually a test engineered by the Jedi Council [to help them get along better]." (These are the events of Choose Your Destiny: An Obi-Wan & Anakin Adventure.)

24 BBY:

c.24 BBY - "Dooku founds the Confederacy of Independent Systems, attracting planets that wish to secede from the Republic and beginning the Separatist Movement."

"The Senate passes the Emergency Powers Act, allowing Palpatine to remain in office for the duration of the Separatist Crisis."

"Palpatine forms the Loyalist Committee to advise him during the Separatist Crisis. Senators belonging to the committee include Bail Organa of Alderaan, Padmé Amidala of Naboo, Ask Aak of Malastare, and Orn Free Taa of Ryloth."

"The Senate begins debating the Military Creation Act, which would allow the Republic to create military forces for its defense."

"Adrift after the death of Ky Narec, a grief-stricken Asajj Ventress embraces the dark side and becomes a warlord on Rattatak."

"Osika Kirske imprisons Ventress on Rattatak, forcing her to fight as a gladiator. Dooku frees her and offers to make her his apprentice in hopes of one day supplanting Sidious. Ventress agrees to serve as the count’s agent and assassin." (These are part of the events of Dooku: Jedi Lost.)

22 BBY–19 BBY: The Clone Wars

"A political crisis propels the Jedi Order into a galaxy-wide war against the Separatists, secretly led by the Sith."

22 BBY: ATTACK OF THE CLONES:

"Obi-Wan and Anakin help defuse a crisis on Ansion." (Mentioned in Attack of the Clones: "He's just returned from a border dispute on Ansion," Mace says of Obi-Wan.)

The events of Attack of the Clones take place, Padme is attacked for her stance against the Military Creation Act in the Senate, Jar Jar introduces a motion to give Palpatine emergency powers as Chancellor, including the discovery of the clone army, Shmi Skywalker dies, Obi-Wan and Anakin and Padme are held captive by the Separatists and rescued by the Jedi, many who die in the arena, as well as Jango Fett dies, and the start of the Clone Wars.

Anakin and Padme are secretly married on Naboo.

Poggle the Lesser gives the Death Star plans to Dooku.

The Clone Wars begin on Geonosis.

22 BBY: THE CLONE WARS:

"Mace Windu leads a Jedi mission to Hissrich. As a member of Windu’s team, Jedi Prosset Dibs accuses the Order of wanting Hissrich for the Republic. He duels Windu and is defeated. Dibs is found guilty of treason and confined to the Jedi Archives in hopes that he’ll find his way back to the light." (These are the events of Jedi of the Republic - Mace Windu.)

"Padmé and Captain Typho help Sticks’ squad of clone troopers free Separatist hostages on the embattled planet Hebekrr Minor." (These are the events of Queen's Hope.)

"Anakin becomes a Jedi Knight."

"Obi-Wan becomes a Jedi Master and is elevated to the Jedi Council."

"Obi-Wan investigates a bombing on Cato Neimoidia and discovers the attack bears the hallmarks of both a Republic and Separatist operation. He brings this disquieting hint that someone is manipulating both sides of the war back to Coruscant. Anakin duels Ventress on Cato Neimoidia." (These are the events of Brotherhood.)

"Captain Rex, formally designated CT-7567, is assigned to Anakin Skywalker, who saves his life during the Battle of Arantara. A mutual respect soon blossoms between the brash, bold young Jedi general and the sturdy, by-the-book clone officer."

"Anakin’s troops run afoul of hostile wildlife while searching for Separatist forces on Benglor." (These are the events of Star Wars Adventures: The Clone Wars – Battle Tales #1.)

"The Techno Union’s Wat Tambor destroys the Nexus trading post on Quarmendy to keep Plo Koon’s troops from reclaiming it." (These are the events of Star Wars Adventures: The Clone Wars – Battle Tales #2.)

"Yoda assigns Ahsoka Tano to Anakin as his Padawan, hoping to teach Skywalker how to let go of his emotional attachments."

"The Separatist battlecruiser Malevolence terrorizes the galaxy’s inner systems before it is tracked and destroyed at the Dead Moon of Antar."

21 BBY: THE CLONE WARS:

"The Republic invades Geonosis for a second time to destroy a dangerous new droid foundry constructed by Poggle the Lesser."

"Padmé and Jar Jar discover a bioweapons lab in Naboo’s swamps and must stop Nuvo Vindi from releasing the Blue Shadow Virus."

"General Grievous and Asajj Ventress lead a Separatist invasion on Kamino, with the Republic’s clones fiercely defending their birthworld."

"Sabine Wren is born on Mandalore but raised on neighboring Krownest."

20 BBY: THE CLONE WARS:

"Anakin experiences a disturbing vision of his future in the Force realm known as Mortis and must make a wrenching decision."

"The Republic defends Mon Cala during a Separatist-engineered civil war between the Mon Calamari and the Quarren."

"Republic forces suffer heavy casualties while storming Umbara, a strategically located world with advanced technology that has become a Separatist stronghold."

"Maul returns from exile, bent on obtaining revenge against the long list of those he believes have wronged him."

19 BBY: THE CLONE WARS:

"Maul forms the Shadow Collective, forging several of the galaxy’s crime syndicates into a single underworld organization under his leadership."

"Mandalore’s Duchess Satine Kryze is overthrown by Death Watch’s Pre Vizsla, whose own rule is quickly ended by Maul. Maul has manipulated events to bring Obi-Wan to Mandalore, and now has the hated Jedi at his mercy. He strikes Satine down in the throne room."

"Responding to a disturbance in the Force, Darth Sidious arrives on Mandalore. Maul swears fealty to his old master, but Sidious rejects him. He kills Savage, blasts Maul with lightning, and takes his former apprentice prisoner."

"Anakin and Ahsoka return from Cato Neimoidia to investigate a bombing at the Jedi Temple amid rumors that a Jedi was involved."

"Ahsoka is expelled from the Jedi Order, which believes her guilty of the Temple bombing. She is then arrested by the Republic and prosecuted by Admiral Tarkin before a military tribunal, with Palpatine presiding and Padmé representing the defense. [She] leaves the Jedi Order."

"During the Battle of Ringo Vinda, the clone trooper Tup turns his blaster on Jedi General Tiplar, forcing a Republic retreat. Fives and AZI-3 discover a tumor in Tup’s brain. He dies after its extraction. Palpatine and Nala Se insist the tumor be sent to a Republic medical facility, but Shaak Ti decides it must go to the Jedi Temple first. Kix helps Fives arrange a meeting with Anakin and Rex. Fives tells them about the inhibitor chips and the plot against the Jedi, but his story sounds like a paranoid conspiracy and he becomes agitated. Commander Fox and clone troopers arrive, sent by Palpatine, and try to arrest Fives. When Fives resists, Fox shoots him dead. Tup’s action is blamed on a parasitic infection, and the inhibitor chips are delivered to Dooku."

"Padmé travels to Scipio to expedite a Banking Clan loan for the Republic and discovers Rush Clovis is serving as their representative. The Banking Clan is dissolved and Palpatine takes over its holdings."

"Plo Koon discovers the crash site of Sifo-Dyas’ ship, prompting the Council to investigate the Jedi’s long-ago disappearance."

"On Oba Diah, spice kingpin Lom Pyke tells Anakin and Obi-Wan that the Pykes were paid by Tyranus to kill Sifo-Dyas. Dooku arrives and is identified as Tyranus. He kills the Pyke leader and duels with Anakin, but escapes."

"The Jedi are disturbed to learn Dooku was responsible for the creation of the clone army, but decide to keep this revelation secret."

"Yoda obeys Qui-Gon’s voice and travels to Dagobah, where Qui-Gon’s spirit tells him to learn how to retain his identity after death."

"Anakin teams up with a mysterious Chiss military officer, Thrawn, to locate Padmé and destroy a cortosis mine." [Thrawn: Alliances]

"Yoda helps Kashyyyk’s Wookiees defend their planet against Separatist raiders, earning the honor 'Defender of the Home Tree.'"

"Mandalorian commandos free Maul from Stygeon Prime. Sidious and Dooku allow him to escape in hopes of drawing out Mother Talzin. Maul lures Grievous and Dooku into a confrontation on Ord Mantell and takes them both prisoner—a dangerous gambit of Talzin’s aimed at luring her old enemy Sidious into the fight. Grievous and Sidious come to Dooku’s aid on Dathomir. Grievous kills Mother Talzin and the Mandalorians drag Maul away to safety."

- "Ventress asks the Jedi to help abduct Vos from Dooku’s service in hopes of saving him. Vos returns to the Jedi, claiming his turn to the dark side was a ruse. But his true loyalties are unclear. Vos defeats Dooku on Christophsis, but agrees to join him to defeat Sidious. His secret hope is to kill both Sith Lords. Ventress confronts Vos and Dooku, saving Quinlan before Dooku attacks her with a devastating blast of lightning. The count escapes. Vos and Obi-Wan return Ventress to the waters of Dathomir. [Ventress dies.]"

"Having left the Jedi Order, Ahsoka befriends Trace Martez, a mechanic in the Coruscant underlevels, and her sister Rafa. Ahsoka discovers the Pykes are working for Maul, who is on Mandalore. She uses the Force to escape with the Martez sisters, and the Pykes conclude they were targeted by the Jedi. Ahsoka returns to Coruscant, where Bo-Katan Kryze recruits her to fight Maul."

"Separatists commanded by Admiral Trench invade the Republic stronghold of Anaxes and repeatedly defeat clone counterattacks. Rex is disturbed that the Separatists seem to be adapting rapidly to his strategies and suspects Trench is using some new combat algorithm. He proposes raiding the Separatists’ cyber center to discover their secret. The mission succeeds with assistance from an unorthodox unit of genetically altered clones known as the Bad Batch."

"Anakin joins Rex’s clones and the Bad Batch to raid the Techno Union’s facility on Skako Minor, fighting their way through Wat Tambor’s droid legions. They discover Echo confined in a stasis chamber and hooked up to Separatist computers. Anakin confronts Trench to obtain the rest of the sequence to disarm the bomb, saving Anaxes. He then kills the admiral. Echo joins the Bad Batch."

"Grievous launches a Separatist counteroffensive. The Republic sends Aayla Secura to Felucia and Plo Koon to Cato Neimoidia to hold the line."

"Obi-Wan and Anakin rout Separatist forces on Yerbana. ["Old Friends Not Forgotten"] Ahsoka and Bo-Katan approach the Jedi to propose a joint mission to capture Maul and free Mandalore from his crime syndicate. The Jedi agree and split the 501st in two, with Rex leading troops under Ahsoka’s command."

"A Separatist armada launches a sneak attack on Coruscant, hammering the Republic warships of the Coruscant Home Defense Fleet. Grievous ambushes Palpatine in the Federal District, killing Roron Corobb and knocking Shaak Ti unconscious, then kidnapping the chancellor. The Open Circle Fleet arrives from Yerbana."

19 BBY: REVENGE OF THE SITH:

"Anakin and Obi-Wan fly through the titanic space battle, dodging salvos of laser fire exchanged by Republic and Separatist capital ships in an effort to reach the Invisible Hand, where Palpatine is being held. With the Separatists cut off from their jump point, the battle degenerates into a brutal slugging match, with ships burning up in orbit and debris raining down upon the Coruscant cityscape below. Anakin and Obi-Wan rescue Palpatine above Coruscant. Anakin kills Dooku and Sidious plots to make the Jedi his new apprentice."

"Grievous retreats to Utapau, where the Separatist Council is in hiding. Sidious orders him to relocate the Separatist leaders to Mustafar."

"On Mandalore, Republic forces take the docks of the capital, Sundari. Prime Minister Almec orders Gar Saxon to retreat into the undercity. Bo-Katan’s commandos capture Almec. Ahsoka confronts Maul in the undercity. He is disappointed to see her, having hoped to lure Obi-Wan into his trap."

"Anakin dreams of Padmé’s death in childbirth. Palpatine appoints Anakin to the Jedi Council as his personal representative, to the alarm of Yoda and Mace Windu."

"Bail Organa meets secretly with Padmé, Mon Mothma, and other senators determined to resist Palpatine if he doesn’t surrender his wartime powers."

"Yoda heads to Kashyyyk to bolster its defense."

"On Maul’s command, Saxon shoots Almec before Ahsoka can finish questioning him, then makes his getaway."

"At Coruscant’s Galaxies Opera House, Palpatine plays on Anakin’s anger and doubt about the Jedi’s integrity, guessing that they asked him to be their spy. He tells Anakin the story of Darth Plagueis, a Sith Lord who could save people from dying. Anakin, fearful his nightmares are a premonition of Padmé’s fate, is intrigued—particularly when Palpatine tells him it is not a power that can be learned from the Jedi."

"Obi-Wan travels to Utapau to hunt for Grievous."

"Clone troopers, Bo-Katan’s commandos, and Saxon’s warriors battle in the streets of Sundari, with the Republic’s forces winning the day."

"Ahsoka confronts Maul again, who tells her Sidious is behind everything and Anakin is the key to destroying the Sith. Maul reveals that he had hoped to lure Obi-Wan and Anakin to Mandalore in order to kill Anakin, so Sidious could not take the Jedi as his new apprentice. Ahsoka and Maul duel. Maul is captured by Rex’s clones, with Saxon apprehended as well."

"On Utapau, Obi-Wan confronts Grievous. He duels the Separatist warlord and then chases him through the city’s winding tunnels and warrens."

"Palpatine reveals his true identity to Anakin and begs him to use his knowledge to save Padmé. Anakin vows to turn him over to the Jedi."

"Obi-Wan corners Grievous in a hangar on Utapau and kills the mechanical monster with a shot from a blaster."

"Imprisoned in a device that prevents him from using the Force, Maul is brought aboard a Jedi Cruiser destined for Coruscant, escorted by Ahsoka."

"Told of Palpatine’s identity, Windu orders Anakin to wait at the Jedi Temple while he arrests Sidious with Kit Fisto, Agen Kolar, and Saesee Tiin. Sidious kills Tiin, Fisto, and Kolar and duels Windu. He attacks Mace using lightning, which the Jedi Master deflects back at Sidious. Anakin arrives and pleads that Sidious be allowed to stand trial, but Windu says he’s too dangerous to be spared. Anakin makes a fateful decision, stopping Windu’s attack by severing his hand. Sidious blasts Windu with lightning, sending him through the broken window. Anakin pledges allegiance to Sidious, who grants him the name Darth Vader. He tells Anakin to go to the Jedi Temple and kill everyone there—that will make him strong enough with the dark side to save Padmé."

"Ahsoka and Maul sense a strong disturbance in the Force."

19 BBY: ORDER 66

"Sidious issues Order 66. Clone troopers across the galaxy obey their inhibitor chips and attack the Jedi, decimating the Order."

"Commander Cody targets Obi-Wan Kenobi on Utapau. The Jedi survives the attack, escapes offworld, and is rescued by Senator Organa. Aboard the Jedi Cruiser Tribunal, Rex manages to tell Ahsoka to “find Fives” before trying to kill her. She evades Rex’s fire and flees from his troopers. Commander Grey and his clone battalion execute Depa Billaba on Kaller. oda avoids death by killing Commander Gree and Captain Jek, and then escapes Kashyyyk with help from Chewbacca and Tarfful. On a Jedi Cruiser above Bracca, Jaro Tapal is cut down by clones from the 13th battalion, sabotaging the warship before he dies. Captain Jag downs Plo Koon’s starfighter during a patrol flight on contested Cato Neimoidia. Ki-Adi-Mundi is cut down by Commander Bacara’s Galactic Marines during infantry maneuvers on Mygeeto. Luminara Unduli is captured on Kashyyyk. After her execution, the Inquisitors spread rumors of her survival to ensnare other fugitive Jedi. Stass Allie is blasted by Commander Neyo while flying BARC speeders in a mop-up operation on Saleucami. Commander Bly gives the order to shoot Aayla Secura amid Felucia’s colorful fungi."

"Ahsoka prevents other clones from killing the imprisoned Maul. She releases him to create a diversion. While Maul wreaks havoc aboard the Tribunal, Ahsoka activates a trio of astromechs to help her evade Rex’s troops. Ahsoka locates Fives’ records, learning what happened to him and that Rex suspected the clones’ inhibitor chips have some ulterior purpose. Ahsoka subdues Rex and removes his inhibitor chip. Maul destroys the Tribunal’s hyperdrive, sending the doomed Jedi Cruiser careening toward the surface of a remote moon."

"Bail Organa arrives at the Jedi Temple to investigate the uprising and is confronted by clone troopers. He retreats under fire."

"Anakin, now known as Darth Vader and backed by the 501st Legion, marches on the Jedi Temple and slaughters its defenders. He shows no mercy, believing that the dark side is the only pathway to the unnatural powers he must command to save Padmé. As his rage and lust for power swell, not even younglings hiding in the Jedi Council chambers are safe from his lightsaber. Elsewhere, young Grogu survives a clone trooper attack but is haunted by his memories of the event."

"Anakin obeys Sidious’ command and kills the Separatist leaders on Mustafar, shutting down their droid armies and ending the Clone Wars."

"The Senate holds a special session, during which Palpatine—now scarred after his battle with Mace—details the Jedi plot to kill him and take control of the Senate. He proclaims the Republic is to be reorganized into the first Galactic Empire."

"Obi-Wan and Yoda fight their way into the Jedi Temple and recalibrate a signal to warn any surviving Jedi away."

"Padmé arrives on Mustafar, unknowingly bringing along Obi-Wan as a stowaway. Anakin uses the Force to choke her. As C-3PO and R2-D2 tend to Padmé, Anakin and Obi-Wan fight a running duel through the lava flows of Mustafar’s mining complex."

"On Coruscant, Yoda confronts Sidious and the two duel in the Senate Chamber, with Sidious hurling Senate pods at his Jedi enemy. Ascendant with dark-side power, Sidious proves too tough a foe for Yoda, who flees their duel, evading clone troopers sent to hunt him, and is whisked away by Bail Organa in an airspeeder. Sidious senses his new apprentice is in danger and hurries to Mustafar."

"Anakin is left maimed and burned after dueling Obi-Wan on Mustafar. Obi-Wan takes Anakin’s lightsaber and leaves him to die. Anakin survives and is encased in life-preserving black armor. As Darth Vader, he becomes the subject of rumors as the Emperor’s servant and enforcer"

Padme gives birth to Luke and Leia, then she dies. Bail Organa takes Leia to Alderaan and Obi-Wan takes Luke to the Lars' farm on Tatooine, going into exile there, while Yoda is on Dagobah.

"Ahsoka and Rex bury the clones at the Tribunal’s crash site. She leaves her lightsaber behind to find a new path."

19 BBY: GALAXY IN DARKNESS

"Tarkin tells Lama Su that the Kaminoans’ contracts are void and the need for future clones is being questioned."

"Padmé, appearing to still be pregnant, is laid to rest after a solemn funeral procession on Naboo."

"Mas Amedda presides at an Imperial rally held before Coruscant’s Jedi Temple to celebrate the defeat of the Order."

"Sidious abandons Vader on the desert planet Gattering with orders to seize a Jedi’s lightsaber and make it his own. Vader travels to a dark-side locus on Mustafar and bends Infil’a’s kyber crystal to his will, making it bleed red. By compelling the Force to serve his purposes, Vader takes an essential step in his journey as a Sith."

"Sidious puts Vader in charge of the Inquisitors, Force users who once served the light but were seduced or brutalized into following the dark side and are now responsible for hunting down and killing the galaxy’s fugitive Jedi. Vader proves a ruthless taskmaster, brutalizing his new underlings in combat training sessions and eliminating those who fail to live up to the standards demanded by him and the Emperor."

"Sidious orders Vader to lure the Jedi Order’s fugitive archivist Jocasta Nu to Coruscant’s Jedi Temple and capture her. An enraged Vader kills Commander Fox after clone troopers under his command fire on the Sith Lord at the Jedi Temple. Nu explains to Vader what he’s failed to realize: Sidious wants the memory crystal and its list so he can find a potential replacement for his apprentice. Vader kills Nu, tells Sidious she died trying to escape, and crushes the crystal."

"The Empire builds up its forces and begins enlisting and training conscript stormtroopers to replace the Republic’s clone soldiers."

"The Empire bombards Kamino’s cities, destroying all traces of the cloning program that played a critical role in the Clone Wars."

SOURCES & NOTES:

Star Wars Timelines by Kristin Baver, Jason Fry, Cole Horton, Amy Richau, and Clayton Sandell is the primary source for much of this, anything in quotation marks is sourced from here unless otherwise noted. This timeline is only quoting a small minority of what's available in the book, so it's recommended that you check it out for yourselves!

I have done my best to put everything in order even within the specific years, noting where I'm not 100% sure of the sequence of events.

If a "c.[YEAR]" is included, the spot is estimated, not hard fact, but in general it's a pretty trustworthy placement! Except for birthdays--they're not placed directly on the timeline, so I just kind of threw them in at the end most times.

Observation: Holy crap, the Clone Wars was NUTS.

[curlyhairedbooklover]

What is the gender spilt of the murders in NBC Hannibal?

This is the third of three posts though this one works as a standalone, the first two are about the characters saying each other’s names and can be found here and here (I promise they are much more interesting than that summary makes them sound….) I decided to make this post because of this quote from Bryan Fuller; “And we are very conscious in the writer’s room; ‘Okay we just killed a woman, we have to kill a guy now.’” (47:20) And I always wondered how well they actually managed to do that…. thus I went out and collected the data and here it is!!

Adding a quick disclaimer that I did this for fun so I haven’t double checked it meaning there may be some mistakes!

As you can see from the data it turns out that they did kill less women than men during the show!!!! The total known kills in the show are 200 with 98 of them being men, 65 women and 37 were unknown!! I also kept track of who did the murder and those categories are: Hannibal, killer of the week, Will, and other.

To preface, I am only using “women” and “men” for my categories in this data as the show does not depict any trans or nb people (explicitly at least, there are a couple metaphorical/subtextual ones…) and if I could not tell the person’s gender or I simply did not see a body I categorised them as “unknown” 

You will be pleased to know that Hannibal killed 39.5 people (the 0.5 is Dolarhyde which I split between Will and Hannibal as it was a joint kill 😌)  over the show on screen and that 26.5 of them were men, 9 were women and only 4 were unknown! All I can say is that Hannibal is a feminist queen! That or women are significantly less rude in the Hannibal universe… although Freddie seems to defy that theory…. He does kill the most in s1 at 21 times! That essentially halves in s2 to only 12 times and again to 6.5 times in s3.. although it’s worth noting that I was unable to count his kills at Muskrat Farm as we don’t see any bodies on screen (though the script implies it was at least 7) and I only counted the Il Mostro kills that we saw evidence of instead of including the amount killed by the actual Il Mostro killer(s).. Not to mention that he spent half the season in prison! So all that said he did okay! Also I personally believe that his kill count across his lifetime is easily in the high hundreds, he has to meal plan if nothing else so let's put some respect on his name as Hannibal THEE Cannibal!

Unsurprisingly the killers of the week did make up most of the kills in the show, and killed 62 men, 56 women and 33 of unknown gender altogether. The killer of the week who did the most murder is James Grey at a whopping 50 but he did have a mural to create so that takes a lot of bodies! Second place goes to Lawrence Wells who murdered 17 people over his lifetime to create his totem pole, while Clark Ingram sneaks in at 3rd with 16 murders, although he only killed women and is the main reason why the women’s s2 kill count is higher than the men’s, boooooo! Poor Dolarhyde had to pick up all the slack in s3 as the only killer of the week but he did at least get 15 kills in! Sadly he was bound by the orders of the moon and could not do the suitable legwork 😔

Now Will DID get his own section of the table as is his right as the main character 😤 even if he only killed 3 people (which translates to 2.5 on the table as a result of having to share the dragon with Hannibal…). But they were all monumental kills, I mean Garret Jacob Hobbs haunted the rest of the show, Randall was turned into a magnificent tableau, and Francis was the culmination of his becoming and gave us That Ending!! It’s also not like he didn’t successfully manipulate multiple people into killing (or almost killing) people so I think he deserves extra points for those if only in our hearts!! Despite his low kill count he is the character we see commit murder the most on the show! He fantasises/imagines/hallucinates murdering 32 people across the show!! As the show moved away from the procedural nature he imagined killing less people; with s1 standing at 16, s2 moving down to 9 and then only 7 in s3! Just because most of the time he’s empathising with killers to recreate their kills doesn’t make the scenes any less sexy or iconic!!

The 7 other kills actually all come from women!! Another feminism win!! 3.3 is when Chiyoh killed her prisoner after being manipulated into it by Will. 3.7 sees Chiyoh kill again, this time’s it’s the 2 guys who were going to kill Jack and the 2 guards at Muskrat Farm, where we also we get Mason’s murder from Alana and Margot!! Then in 3.10 we get the flashback to Bedelia killing her patient! Go Girls!! Whooo!! 

In conclusion no one is surprised that there is a lot of murder in this show and Bryan Fuller while not exactly alternating each week in killing off each gender did not kill more women than men so arguably achieved his goal!

(part 1) (part 2) (part 3)

[rozamasu]

Dragon Ball Z/Super: Comparing and contrasting Goku and Zamasu— two sides of the same coin? (Long post full of yapping!)

The Goku Black arc consistently portrays Black/Zamasu to be ideological parallels to Trunks for obvious reasons (Hope vs Despair, Selfishness vs Selflessness, he's the protagonist of this arc, etc.), but I think it's an interesting exercise to compare Zamasu's journey to Goku's. In my opinion, it really hammers in why Zamasu failed to reach enlightenment and fell from grace besides "mortals = stupid and barbaric" and plain old narcissism.

Everyone knows Goku's story by now, but I want to hone in on the part that I believe Zamasu's own parallels.

The beginning of Z features Goku gradually being introduced to entirely new realms of power and scale. He has to team up with the guy he worked his ass off to defeat 5 years ago just to barely defeat Raditz, a mid class Saiyan, sacrificing his own life in the process.

He is informed constantly by Vegeta that he is nothing but low-class scum, born at the bottom of the interplanetary Saiyan "totem pole", compared to Vegeta's own super-elite-royalty-goodness.

Then, by Namek, he manages to surpass Vegeta, and even trounces the emperor of the universe who subjugated the entire Saiyan race. After Namek, Goku grows so much that the conceptions of "class" that he was blindsided by quickly become faint memories, only brief blips in his life's work to always get stronger.

Not to be the strongest, or even to become "the strongest Saiyan who ever lived", simply to get stronger. Goku's goal is forever ongoing; he will never feel as if his duty is complete. If it ever was, he'd be restless and unsatisfied.

The key thread throughout the Saiyan and Frieza Sagas is that Goku never uses the labels ascribed to him or his opponents as anything more than momentary benchmarks in service of his overarching, everlasting goal to achieve more and more strength. He does not hear Vegeta's boasts about his status and go "okay, guess I'll be good enough once I can beat Vegeta in a 1 on 1, since I'll basically be a super elite!". He hears King Kai's fervent warnings about Frieza's terrible strength and gets curious rather than demotivated.

He doesn't use either of these as an excuse to run away or quit training.

In fact, Goku never uses anything as an excuse. He is not married to any sort of arbitrary benchmark of strength (that honor goes to Chi Chi), even in Super as he gains power that rivals Gods of Destruction.

To treat a level of strength, or a class (God of Destruction, Angel, Super Elite, Emperor of the Universe) as a stopping point for Goku or some sort of ultimate goal would imply that Goku's desire for strength has a defined end. But it doesn't, and so Goku doesn't put much stock into those things. He never loses sight of his goal, and he literally doesn't even stop training when he's dead.

As for Zamasu, the beginning of his journey is why I thought to juxtapose him with Goku in the first place. He shares a surprising similarity with early Z Goku, in that both were able to achieve greater statuses than their birth would afford them.

Zamasu started off as a normal Kai, the guardian of a universal quadrant (the North, same as King Kai). In terms of Dragon Ball's divine hierarchy, this is actually quite the low standing. It is the second lowest known class of Gods, only ranking above planetary deities like Kami and Dende. If a Core Person (Kai race) is born from a rare, special golden fruit, only then will they be qualified enough to train to be a Supreme Kai.

Zamasu is the only known canon example of a normal Kai being selected to become a Supreme Kai, and so his exceptional ascension up the divine hierarchy is a natural parallel to Goku's own defiance of his low-class nature and his comparatively low power level at birth.

Unlike Goku, however, Zamasu is absolutely obsessed with and bound by certain labels, which ultimately leads to his ideological downfall.

Firstly, we can see his fixation on the idea of godhood when he speaks to Gowasu.

When Gowasu simply tells him to temper himself and observe mortals, he immediately begins focusing on and belittling the gods' philosophy, almost outright saying "what the gods think does NOT align with justice". The way he phrases these sentences in both the dub and sub is key: he says "I thought you'd teach me justice, but...", which creates a juxtaposition between "divinity" and "REAL justice".

He even begins to doubt that a god could be considered a god if they did not align with his definition of justice.

Zamasu is young and inexperienced for a Kai (especially considering regular Kais have far shorter biological lifespans than Supreme Kais), so the reactions he displays in this scene suggest that he had a very romanticized, linear view of both godhood and justice. When Gowasu's statement suggests to Zamasu that he can't reconcile the two, it basically calls out all that Zamasu currently stands for, and he doesn't take it well.

Gowasu ends the discussion by challenging Zamasu's narrowminded belief that gods are "absolute" and perfect, but by then the two are already unable to get through to one another.

If you look at the other gods in Dragon Ball, you'll see what Gowasu means here. For example, Beerus is lazy, temperamental, and childish; none of the other gods really like him. Elder Kai is a lecher. Champa is rather undignified and just as temperamental as Beerus.

Where Goku seeks strength, Zamasu seeks virtue. Yet, unlike Goku, Zamasu has an arbitrary benchmark at where his objective stops: the abstract concept of "godhood".

When Zamasu reaches that endpoint and finds that it's not all it's cracked up to be, he constantly contorts his definition of divinity to match it— or rather, to match himself— rather than accepting that being a god is not equivalent to having a "perfect" sense of justice, or being "perfect" in general. He commits barbaric, brutal, bloodthirsty, and wanton acts, all in the name of "divine justice", despite those things being less becoming of gods and more becoming of mortals.

The dilemma extends to the very end of the arc, where in the dub Corrupted Merged Zamasu says to Vegetto: "If one can't control a world, one can't be called a god of it", instantly justifying his hypocrisy, his sadism, his violence, and his arrogance instead of looking inward and asking himself what it meant to be a god.

Like Gowasu said, Zamasu was "obsessed with the contradictions of gods and mortals", and as Trunks said, "it isn't about gods or mortals". Zamasu was so enamored with the idea and label of godhood, yet did not question whether or not his values, the values of his future counterpart, or the values of the other gods aligned with it. And how could he have questioned it if he didn't truly know what godhood meant himself— if he just used the idea as a synonym for what he believed?

Where Goku saw arbitrary labels as inconsequential to his overarching quest, Zamasu saw his life be entirely dictated by them. Zamasu allowed himself to be entrenched in the god-mortal dichotomy, whereas Goku's nature would never allow him to lose his big-picture goal like that.

When Goku's reality is challenged, whether by the introduction of some groundless measure of value (power level, Saiyan class) or by a vastly stronger opponent, he doesn't flinch. He doesn't stop. He doesn't make excuses. His overall goal doesn't change.

When Zamasu's reality was challenged, he broke and became everything he hated. He bent and twisted the rules of what he considered "just", and shattered the natural divine order by doing away with all Gods of Destruction. His goal, by then, was unrecognizable compared to his previous goal to be a benevolent Supreme Kai.

Where Goku's triumphs led him to continue being diligent and humble, Zamasu's own led him to be stagnant and arrogant. Even though Zamasu was proactive and cunning, he was stagnant in the sense that none of what he did made him more moral or virtuous, or gave him a greater understanding of the universe, even though those were the things he originally sought when studying under Gowasu.

All he did was further embed himself (literally, with Future Zamasu) within his own radical beliefs; he never progressed towards his original goal because he replaced it with "I am THE God, no more gods are needed, I will exterminate all mortals personally". His arrogance and inability to see gods as flawed beings made him lose the plot.

Goku continued working hard and getting stronger after vanquishing Frieza, whereas Zamasu's entitlement made him become a complete shell of himself.

Goku saw his growth from low-class warrior to Legendary Super Saiyan to be a testament to everything he stood for; the desire to protect and avenge his friends, his inherited Saiyan pride from Vegeta, and most importantly, his neverending journey to get stronger. Zamasu saw his ascension from North Kai to Supreme Kai as an excuse. A stopping point. An "okay, I've reached the pinnacle of the virtue I seek", refusing to accept that there was more beyond the arbitrary value and moral standing he placed on the role of a god, refusing to think mortals could ever possibly learn, and refusing to think gods could ever need to learn.

Zamasu is a dark reflection of Goku— Son Goku is everything that Zamasu is not. Zamasu is the opposite of many reasons that Goku is such a distinct and unique character, and that makes both of them all the more compelling.

[morsesnotes]

If you were to pick 5 episodes of Endeavour to sum it up to someone, which ones would you choose?

You can interpret this any way you wish.

After probably too much thought, this is what I came up with:

The Pilot/Overture - It does a perfect job of setting up the format of the show, the characters, and introducing you to many key plot elements which are relevant right to the end.

Sway - This might seem like an odd choice, but there's so much great character development bubbling under the surface of this episode, and it perfectly captures the melancholic romance of Endeavour. You have the hectic/questionable atmosphere of Cowley station which emphasizes how low down in the totem pole Morse is, maybe the strongest written support cast in Burridges, Thursday's backstory and how Morse learning about it bonds them closer together, Joan and Win foreshadowing, and much more. Plus clever use of music and Morse overthinking the case.

Prey - The total opposite of Sway. Goofy, vibrant, and full of pop culture references, it shows how fun and entertaining Endeavour can be.

Lazaretto - This episode has one of the best murder mysteries imo, a bit of the gangster plotline, the murderer leaves you with complicated feelings, and it excellently lays out Morse's tragic love life.

Pylon - Morse/Thursday tension, police corruption, Morse isolated and compromising his morals for Thursday, that wonderful scene with Max, Strange coming into his own, Bright being a gem, a tragic case, gorgeous cinematography, the Morsetache, and an unsettling underbelly. Pylon has it all!

[ropebunnykant]

no because i actually need to talk about this because this episode really really drove home for me how low sand exists for himself on the totem pole. he doesn’t hate himself like ray does, he doesn’t drown himself in self pity, but for sand, he is his own last priority.

with what we know from sand’s childhood, it’s easy to gather that he has likely always been the one looking out for his mom. she lacked responsibility, so sand had to step up as a kid. and when you’re a kid and you have to look out for the person that’s supposed be taking care of you, that starts the trend of viewing yourself as last on your priorities list. you need to take care of everyone else and then you can take care of you if you have any mental bandwidth left.

but that’s not obvious because if you look at sand, he seems put together. he has dreams, a goal, five different side hustles, he can cook, he exercises, he’s clearly taking care of himself, right? wrong.

because that’s the sand that he wants everyone to see. take care of yourself just enough so no one else worries because no one else can worry about you, that’d keep them from focusing on them. and god is he the KING of bottling shit up. he holds in all the pain, the emotion, let’s it fester into bitter anger, which is why he resents top so much despite the fact that it was boeing that left. because it’s easier to blame the guy you don’t know than the guy you love. it’s easier to say top seduced boeing than accept that maybe sand just wasn’t enough. it’s not that sand “never got over boeing” it’s that he never got over what happened. he never expressed those feelings beyond sassy comments and bitter eye rolls and then that audio business, but that was still in anger at top. he never acknowledge his hurt over what boeing did, even if he doesn’t have feelings for him anymore.

which is also why sand barely fucking cries. i know this seems like an odd point to make, but as a first kanaphan enthusiast i have to point out what i’ve noticed and that’s that in comparison to other first characters? sand is stone fucking cold. he gets choked, mind you, a single tear at the end of ep5 and welled up at the end of ep6 even, but the only time he REALLY breaks down are in ep10 when ray screams at him and he thinks he’s really lost him and ep11 when he reunites with ray and realizes he hasn’t. and those are MASSIVE emotional releases because sand! bottles! shit! up! he doesn’t wanna put that on anyone else, so he holds it in and only breaks down fully when it’s too much and when he’s alone.

and like we’ve seen the way he sets aside his own care for ray over and over, we see the way he loves his mom, even with nick he’s always the one comforting. so it’s no surprise that when boeing shows up, he can’t establish firm boundaries. i’ve already said this, but i really do think when boeing asked if he had a chance, sand said no, but because boeing KNOWS sand and he KNOWS that sand cares so little for his own boundaries, he’ll keep pushing. because he thinks sand will eventually break.

and now ray and boeing are throwing him around trying to see who he chooses, and i just. i need sand to snap. i need him to actually be honest about what he feels and what he wants and put himself first for once.

[jubileemon]

Why Sir Pentious Deserved Redemption?

Sir Pentious was perceived as a typical villain. His grandiose self-image and melodramatic antics suggest a character ripped straight from the pages of a vintage comic book. Despite his declarations of evil, he was never truly evil.

The Path to Redemption

In the episode 'Radio Killed the Video Star', Sir Pentious's facade of villainy crumbles, exposing his true vulnerability. Tasked with espionage and facing failure, he is met with a cruel ultimatum from Vox to end his own existence. This moment of despair highlights his low status in Hell and his profound misery, a stark contrast to his usual bluster.

For all of Sir Pentious's bluster about being a card-carrying villain, he knows how low on Hell's totem pole he is, and he's completely miserable about it. When Vox hires him as a spy in the hotel only for it to fail in less than 24 hours, Vox tells him to kill himself, and Sir Pentious's reaction is to roll into a ball and ask Vaggie and Angel Dust to just finish him off before Charlie intervenes and inspires him to try reforming for real.

Sir Pentious's readiness to accept death at the hands of Vaggie and Angel Dust further underscores his desolation. However, Charlie's compassionate intervention offers him a lifeline, suggesting that redemption in Hazbin Hotel may be more attainable than previously thought.

Charlie's belief in the possibility of redemption becomes a turning point for Sir Pentious. Her insistence on a sincere apology resonates with him, and he embraces the opportunity for change. This pivotal moment marks the beginning of his transformation from a villain to a character capable of genuine growth and redemption.

Bonus Points: In "Scrambled Eggs", Husk complimenting Sir Pentious becomes even more heartwarming when the next episode revealed Husk was a former Overlord, meaning that, in a way, Sir Pentious did get an Overlord's approval.

The Ultimate Sacrifice

As the Bible itself says: "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends" (John 15:13), which is exactly how Sir Pentious died a second time- he used his weaponry knowhow and battle experience not to conquer, but to save his loved ones.

Sir Pentious' journey culminates in 'The Show Must Go On', where he makes the ultimate sacrifice for his friends. His transformation into an angel and subsequent ascension to Heaven is a testament to his character development and the power of selfless love. His final act of heroism, a failed but brave attack on Adam to protect the hotel, may not have succeeded in its intended purpose, but it demonstrated his willingness to lay down his life for others. This act of valor is a poignant illustration of the biblical principle that there is no greater love than to sacrifice one's life for friends.

Right before his act, Pentious gives Cherri a kiss and tells her to remember him, which she actually finds kind of hot. Because Sir Pentious was reincarnated into heaven, it's likely this ship will never be canon, unless Cherri Bomb ascends.

While Angel Dust was technically the first occupant of the hotel, his motivations were initially self-serving. Sir Pentious, on the other hand, becomes the hotel's first genuine client seeking redemption. His initial intentions may have been dubious, but his journey towards redemption and ultimate success in reaching Heaven is a powerful narrative of transformation and hope.

Sir Pentious being sent to Heaven actually matches the rules made by Adam in "Welcome To Heaven".

"Act selfless". He showed only kindness after he joined the hotel for real.

"Don’t steal". He returned the only thing he stole (part of Alastor's coat) back to its rightful owner, and apologized for it at the same time.

"Stick it to the man". He died trying to attack Adam, the Original Man, to save his friends.

A New Precedent in Hazbin Hotel

Emily's general lack of presence in the finale is a sad detail in itself. Despite her horror at the exterminations and promising Charlie that she'd figure out someway to help her, in the end it appears she wasn't able to do anything at all. Before Sir Pentious appears (thus vindicating both Charlie and Emily), Emily is shown dejectedly lying down on a table in apparent silence with Sera sitting next to the door. The implication being that Sera was able to successfully prevent Emily from doing anything about the exterminations, and/or that Emily was worried about the potential consequences of going behind Heaven's back.

Sir Pentious ascending to Heaven. Pretty much gives Charlie the last laugh against any and all naysayers who think redemption is beyond sinners. His arrival in Heaven, particularly in front of Sera and Emily, signifies a moment of triumph for Charlie's vision and shakes the foundations of what is believed possible in the afterlife.

Sir Pentious' character arc in Hazbin Hotel is a compelling narrative of redemption. It challenges the notion of irredeemable villainy and celebrates the potential for change, even in the darkest of places. His story is a beacon of hope for all who seek redemption and a reminder that everyone has the capacity for transformation.

[jonsnowunemploymentera]

I think one of the reasons why the theory that Arya will go away at the end of the story because she’s too far gone to assimilate back into society is so unconvincing is because she literally spends the latest two books (AFFC and ADWD) doing that very thing! Like her training hasn’t been about her being a reclusive murderous hermit. She literally spends the two books talking to people, making friends, integrating into new cultures. She’s around people all the damn time! And even if we bring up her ACOK and ASOS arcs which were rather dark in nature, she’s still around people interacting with them, still being a part of society (even if she’s quite low on the totem pole in those books).

Arya is a character who feels so strongly and whose arc is often dictated by how she interacts with the people around her. So to take that away from her is not only a bad understanding of her character arc (not to be condescending or anything), but it’s also not very satisfying as far as character/narrative progression goes. Because if the narrative has proven so far that even in her darkest moments, Arya can laugh and love and be such a passionate member of society, how then does it make sense for her to go away and be on her own?? How does that make sense when AFFC and ADWD prove that she still loves being around people?

[billdenbrough]

fundamentally disinterested in the recurring discourse about kevin's drinking that aims to a) make it his Specific Problem To Focus On And Overcome when it is a crutch and coping mechanism to get him through a Much Bigger Problem (emotional fallout he can't square with by himself, culture shock, trauma, loss of his extremely wildly co-dependent relationship w riko, losing the structure of the nest, mourning a future he was meant to have, processing a grave injustice, anger and fear and desperate grief, all of which is his Actual Specific Fox Problem) while he builds himself back up, and b) thinks that even if it is a problem (more on that later), it's the foxes' problem to deal with.

like. it's just not.

yeah, he doesn't drink until he meets them. they gave him that habit, and in traditional terms, they're (the monsters specifically) a 'bad influence'. but these are the foxes. this is kevin day, son of exy, whose meteor is crashing spectacularly through no fault of his own. there are no traditional terms to be found here. the framework for it literally doesn't exist. neil comes into the foxes with more conventional expectations—appalled at the athletes' substance use, his horror at matt's trip to columbia, his steadfast and early repeated stance that none of the foxes should let andrew treat them the way he does, and certainly not nicky—and tends to engage with them less as the series goes on and he folds himself into the foxes. the thing about the foxes is that they've all been in pits deeper than they are tall. and some of them got a helping hand on the way—erik, andrew's extreme intervention methods, stephanie walker—and wymack was always waiting for them on the other side, ready to throw down a rope, but all the foxes dragged themselves out of their own holes. often not alone, often not without assistance, but at the end of the day, they have to do it.

there's that line neil has about aaron in that scene that got deleted when the timeline shifted around, when he thinks about how aaron got this far in life on his own, surviving on willpower and sheer desperation. that applies to aaron in a way that's a little more acute than some of the rest of them—boy who doesn't let the foxes in bc of andrew, boy who doesn't let nicky in bc he doesn't know how, boy made of flinching and seeking an escape and grieving the one who hurt him—but is broadly true for the foxes en masse.

this isn't to say the foxes can't help each other, but it's not their job. it just isn't. they'll keep kevin alive, keep him safe, keep him flanked and contained within their ranks. they'll fight tooth and nail in this battle with him, fight to get him to that championship game, fight to get that trophy in his hands. but that's all they've agreed to. that's all they're responsible for, in this covenant they've made with him. he says they can make this happen, and they're going to get him to that final game, but it's up to him what state he's in when he gets there.

like. they're foxes. they've been triaging their whole lives. they hate each other and they hate everyone else more. they're the kids with their backs up against the wall. half of them are addicts. i don't think kevin is comparable, personally; he's getting through a horrific situation with a coping mechanism. that's not the same thing as battling yourself to stop using. but that's not really the point of this. what i'm getting at here is that to the foxes, it's easy math: kevin who can lean on vodka and andrew and wymack and the foxes to stay upright when he's not ready to stand on his own two feet is still a kevin who is standing. a kevin with one less piece of scaffolding to lean on is a kevin who falls over, a kevin at risk of complete collapse, a kevin one phone call away from running back to the master, a kevin one crucial loss away from not ever making it back to himself at all. they're triaging. this is low on the totem pole of things they have the room to care about. they very much have bigger problems, both individually and even just kevin-related. if alcohol makes seeing the boy he knew best in the world and moved in tandem with his whole life and who destroyed their entire legacy and his entire life in one move — if alcohol makes facing that boy easier to stomach, then, fuck, why would they take that away? they're foxes. they've all got their demons. this is what kevin needs this year and a half to let him face his, that's all. they can understand that. it doesn't have to be pretty, as long as it keeps him in the fight. that's the priority.

i think there's absolutely space to explore this in fic and art and fandom in a way that maybe does explore it as a Problem, both that it's an active problem for kevin & that it's something to explore other foxes helping him with (there's a t&n fic that i've been gnawing at the bit to read for months that seems poised to explore this premise, and that's super up my alley)! i just think we're in different territory when we're talking about the series—and its characters and dynamics—in a conversational rather than transformational way, and end up talking about this like the foxes are responsible for kevin's choices. i love kevin day. i read these back at the start of 2015 & he's so dear to me that loving him was the blueprint for how i feel abt kageyama. but it's been pretty weird to see how the conversation has been translating Loving Kevin Day into... thinking the foxes are doing wrong by him with respect to this in actual canon. like that's just not how it operates there

[maxwell-grant]

you've talked about Vega and Bison, any thoughts on Balrog?

I think I got the wrong impression across when I called Balrog a punchable goon in my Vega post, because when I call Balrog a goon, that's not me saying I think he's just a dumb grunt, more so that this is what he represents within the Four Kings. Within them, he is The Henchman, the muscle of Shadaloo, Bison's strong arm. Shadaloo is a crime syndicate with thugs and enforcers to throw around and Balrog is one of them, and where sheer individual brute strength is concerned, Balrog sits atop the food chain. He is not just a goon, he is the king of goons, here to remind you that fireballs or fancy spin kicks won't save you, the guy who can and will smash the greatest fighters in the world with a strategy called punching them real hard till they fall.

Before you can face the greatest villain in the world with powers beyond comprehension, before you can face the former Final Boss and greatest fighter in the world, and before you can fight for your life against the assassin who awaits at the top of the world, there is a brick wall of power and violence for you to crash against, The Strongest Fist in The World, and he's here to break everything, the rules and your face alike. Within the Four Kings, he is the first you fight, and he was originally described as the weakest among them, a trait that has been de-emphasized as him and Vega stand on equal ground nowadays, but that idea in itself was important to what separated Balrog from the other 3.

The Four Kings operated on a degree above all the other fighters, led by the supervillain dictator and comprising the former unbeatable king, the untouchable aristocrat, and Balrog, the disgraced champion. Unlike the other 3, Balrog had not transcended society or the fighting circuit entirely, in fact he had already fallen from the top of both, and had risen again by selling out to the dark criminal underbelly spreading through the world. Meeting Balrog establishes that crime has seized control over the ring, and has enabled vicious and dishonorable fighters to prosper, this before you meet Sagat and see how even the greatest among existing fighters can be corrupted by it. Worse, it means Shadaloo is seizing control of the warriors to be, with the young boxing champion already among the ranks of it's top enforcers. It's very easy to overlook that Balrog used to be the youngest of the World Warriors, as well as the backstory that led him where he is.

Born as the youngest child in a poor family, he spent his childhood fighting in the slums. He became a boxer, attracted by the prospect of getting rich quick, but he didn't know how to hold back and often pushed his opponents beyond recovery

He was born and raised in the slums, influenced to fight hard so he could leave. Since he was poor, he needed to devote himself to the fight, although he did not join forces with other gangsters to commit crimes. He did not serve anyone, and does not make anyone his minion. The only thing he can truly trust is his own fists. That was the lesson Balrog learned from living through hell. The most efficient way to make money with your fists was from boxing prize money. - Street Fighter 2 Complete File

He started taking chances in petty street fights, using only his two fists as his weapons he rises to become the worlds best. He’s just a guy going for the American Dream. His brute force style boxing is actually quite advantageous, but he squanders his winnings on gambling, booze, and women. But as long as he’s in Las Vegas, he stays playing the hero. - SF2 Las Vegas stage description

I think over the years a lot of what defined Balrog is the fact that he sits at the low end of the totem pole of the Four Kings and the fact that he kinda demands to be written more "realistically" than the others. He's not a guy who shoots fireballs or does fancy kicks, he is just a really strong boxer. He is not a serial villain out to rule the world, he is not a vengeful titan toiling in solitude, he is not a maniacal rich man with a double life, and he is no scheming mad scientist, he is just a really strong boxer who wants more than what he has. All he wants is to get paid, but he doesn't know how to spend his money. He is a piece of shit, too much so to even be an anti-hero, but by design he is a lesser piece of shit than the other guys. And up until Ed's debut, he didn't have a lot of other options other than to just be Shadaloo's main muscle / henchman. He can't just be a regular character, he is one of the Four Kings, he has boss status around him, but he isn't going to redeem himself into a cold but benign rival / central figure of operatic character drama the way Sagat did, and he can't be the irredeemable murderous creep Vega is, and he's obviously never going to be like M.Bison.

In fact, Balrog is so not like Bison that they've made a point several times of showing that, if Balrog ever takes over Shadaloo, he's near immediately driving it into the ground gambling it all on girls and booze. And as much as this beat is played for gags intending to highlight Balrog as an idiot with poor impulse control, it's also always been kind of a testament of what little moral character he has, and also kind of sad. Like, Balrog achieves his dream of being the champ, and he blows everything he gains as a result of it. You put Bison's doomsday weapon in front of him, and he'll just smash it not knowing what it's worth, with Birdie of all people exasperated by how little this guy is thinking about the plan. You hand him the reigns of the criminal syndicate that practically rules the world, and all he can think to do with it is just go to Vegas to get blackjack and hookers until he goes bankrupt again. He doesn't have any selfless intentions, but he has no evil plans in him either. Balrog is the king of goons, and he has no idea how to be anything more.

I only recently discovered that the SFIV: Aftermath movie, showing what happened between SF2 and IV, depicts Balrog having developed a serious drinking problem, and it's even what the Shadaloo agent uses to bring him back to the ranks. It's depressing, and I don't think it's a beat you could pin on the other World Warriors (well maybe Ken as of late). Yeah, he would, of course he would after losing his job and lifeline, becoming unable to live with himself unless he's getting hammered.

Gouken: You cannot see the true path through clouded eyes."

Rose: "All the money and fame in the world cannot heal your dark soul…"

And it's a really stark contrast to the way we see him circa SFV, when he's palling around with Ed, the two trying to run schemes together, looking out for each other, being bickering chums. It's maybe the first nice interaction Balrog's ever had with literally anybody in the series and it's something they'd reiterate with Ed in 6, that he's well aware Balrog wasn't a good person or a great father figure and Balrog would be the first to tell you that, but he still thinks fondly on the guy. That no matter how rough their days got, Balrog never hurt him, never beat him, never treated him differently over his power or origin, and that allowed Ed to resist losing himself to Psycho Power. Ed had to abandon Balrog in the first place in order to never hurt him with said power, and the scene where they depart in V is so heartbreaking in large part because holy shit Balrog is sad? How can Balrog even get that sad, since when does he care about anything other than his fight money. It sneaks up on you how much the two valued each other, and that Balrog for once in his life had something that he wasn't going to gamble away in Vegas. The old saying about how you never know what you have until you lose it.

Ed brought something really special out of him that nobody, certainly not Balrog, ever thought was there. Ed makes no illusions about Balrog being a nasty piece of work who made bad calls. Chalk it up to his closer contact to human nature than the other Shadaloo members giving him a space to mature and represent something better of it than before, or his long-running ability to destroy Shadaloo when given the slightest degree of decisive power over it, but the fact is that Balrog was never going to redeem himself. Instead, in spite of himself, he helped do something even better: redeem the future. He rescued a lab experiment and raised him to be a new boxing champ, and now said boxer goes around liberating all the other would-be Shadaloo freaks so he can lead them as an elite force to reclaim the future that Shadaloo once stood to corrupt. And so the king of goons got to pass his title to someone who can make it into so much more.

Rose: "Hands that grasp at all around them will lose touch with what matters."

Gill: "A crude desire… I doubt that is what you truly want. You've just yet to discover that which you cherish."

[brekkie-e]

Headcanons for Astarion/Tav:

I like the idea he never honestly gets past his aversion to touch, and remains somewhere on the ace spectrum for the rest of his days. I think he and Tav can still have a very fulfilling relationship with that included. So here are some headcanons I've developed with that assumption.

(I'm not 100% married to the idea they never touch AT ALL, or that sex never happens. But atleast for me, touch/sex are very low on the totem pole in his relationship, and I wanted to sit with ways he still gets butterflies for Tav without touch in the picture.)

Cute date things that make his heart race, proverbially, without ending in anything make me soft. Like Tav showing him all their favorite spots around the city and being cute. Being excited to share that with him. It's so normal, and they're smiling at him like he's normal. Like the two of them doing something like this could ever be normal. And suddenly he gets overwhelmed in the street and stops for a second while he tries to figure out what the hell he's doing because this is all so new, and he's not sure how to do this. The feeling of shame creeps up again, and he feels like he's going to mess this up somehow. Or he feels guilt for not being a "normal" partner, and holding Tav's hand or kissing them like he suspects he should since everything else is going so perfectly. But just as he begins to doubt himself, Tav appears in front of him beaming and offering him a bottle of scented oil they found at a vendor. He gets confused for a moment, and they ask if he thinks he can turn it into one of his perfumes. It takes him a second to come back to the conversation at hand, but as he looks down at the little bottle and processes Tav's words- all the insecurities fade back into the shadows. Their smile makes his chest burn, and he feels uneasily similar to a little boy without a clue how to talk to the pretty person standing in front of him as he takes their gift. He stumbles through saying thank you. He's positive he looks like an idiot.

Tav having an air of freedom around them that just sucks Astarion in and takes his breath away. The definition of "I do what I want, what are you gonna do about it." At first, Astarion was put off by some of the nice things Tav did. Thought they were stupid for sticking their neck out. But now he admires how they commit to whatever course of action they've chosen, and find a way to pull it off nearly every time. He finds it inspiring, even if he doesn't always agree with it. He's realizing that for all he has freedom now, he never knows what to do with it. Seeing Tav wield theirs like a weapon makes his chest ache.

Astarion wanting to communicate that they're an item and that Tav is his person, but not always being comfortable doing traditional couple things- especially in public. So he finds other ways to mark his territory. Like a cat scratching a couch. He embroiders EVERYTHING Tav owns. Tav is a walking bill board for Astarion's talent. It doesn't necessarily communicate Tav is "his" to a random passer by, but there's something about knowing that a part of him is always with them now. Plus he got a huge rush the first time he gave them an embroidered gift. The way they beamed and put it on immediately and strutted around like it was the nicest thing they'd ever owned had him a little addicted to getting that reaction out of them.

He does the same thing with making them custom perfumes with scents that have "the language of flowers" meanings he picks out just for them.

Intimacy with out intimacy. This works well for my Tav who went to prison and grew up an urchin, but idk how applicable it is universally. Astarion likely is used to having very little privacy. Between the barrack's at Cazador's and in his own words, his prostitution. A lot of people in these situations get to a point where naked bodies are just naked bodies. My Tav is also very used to no privacy for intimate stuff like changing or bathing or taking a shit cause of her experiences of homelessness and sharing a cell. So idk. Astarion taking baths with his partner at the same time but not necessarily together, and realizing that they're perfectly content to just get the job done and get out and aren't even batting an eyelash at being naked around eachother. It doesn't mean anything. They're not trying anything. Its just a body, and they want to get this done so they can eat some of Gale's stew and go to bed

Sitting quietly on a couch together while your character fiddles with their own hobby and he embroiders. He's never felt as safe as being able to enjoy the quiet comfort of someone's soothing presence. They don't even look at him, but they don't leave. They're here, sitting with him. Because sitting with him is enough. They're not here because they want to look at him. Because he's pretty and they want him. They're not here because they want him to touch them. They just want to sit with him. And that is enough.

[cherrycola27]

Hi, it's me. It's your tumblr bestie, it's me 🖤

Sorry, couldn't help myself with the lil T. Swift jingle.

I'm here to request a Dagger Deities blurb for Mr. Jake Seresin as Ares. This combo really says angsty smut to me (hate fuck, maybe?!), but totes up you—maybe you turn it on its head for a fluffy lil blurb about the god of war. Work your magic, babe—put us on that rollercoaster!

Jay! You know me and my weaknesses so well! I hope you enjoy:

smut below the cut

Battle Plans:

You rubbed your temples with your fingers to try and fend off the headache that you could feel coming on. If you had to listen to Rear Admiral Seresin drone on about the strike plan he had come up with one more time, you were going to lose it.

You were the strategic analyst. You were the one who knew the data. Hell, you were the one who had spent nights and nights in his office with him drawing up these plans.

But yet, here he was, taking credit for it. God, you couldn't stand him. His blonde hair slightly graying at the temples, his strong jaw line, the way he always had a stupid fucking toothpick in his mouth.

What a cocky son of a bitch he was.

He is the youngest officer ever promoted to admiral status, and he didn't let anyone forget it.

He was barely ten years your senior, yet he still treated you like a child when it came to working with you.

You let out a groan that you thought was quiet enough to where he wouldn't hear it, but as if on cue, his head snapped towards you. You made eye contact with him as he narrowed his eyes and flipped that God forsaken toothpick around with his tongue.

"Do you have something to add Commander Grotto?" He asked you with a smirk.

You sat up and rolled back your shoulders. "Actually, Admiral Seresin, I do. I think that the angle at which you've estimated the trajectory of the explosives is off a few degrees. I believe I informed you of that a few days ago." You smirked back at him.

There were a few snickers from the group. You saw Jake's jaw tick. "Well, how about we dismiss for the day, and you and I can go over the plans once more in my office, Commander Grotto." Jake said as he narrowed his eyes at you.

You held eye contact with him as the rest of the people in the room left. You filed out at the end and stormed down the hallway to Jake's office. Being the low admiral on the totem pole, his office was in a far tucked away corner off the main hallway, away from everyone else.

You huffed as your boots made contact with the linoleum tiles. You could hear Jake calling your name, but you didn't wait for him.

He finally caught up to you at his office door. He unlocked it while you tapped your foot impatiently.

The moment it was unlocked, he pushed it open and hauled you in by your elbow.

He pushed you up against the door and crashed his lips to yours. Your hands tangled in his hair as he reached behind you to draw the curtain closed and lock the bolt. He pushed a chair in front of the door for good measure, all while your lips explored every inch of his neck and jaw line.

"You like embarrassing me in front of everyone, don't you? Like showing off how smart you are? I bet you're so fucking wet from showing off. If I put my hand in those lacy little panties of yours, I would find them absolutely soaked, wouldn't I?" He groans against your lips.

You moan in response. "I love it when you show off. My smart girl, gets me so fucking hard." He pants as he pulls you away from the door.

"Nothing to say? I haven't even touched you yet, and I've already got you stupid for me." He snickers as he lifts you to carry you to his desk. With one swipe of his hand, the dark oak surface is cleared.

He drops you down on the surface and you squeak. Sometimes, you forget how strong he his.

He kisses you again before he pulls back to look at you. He's right, you're already a fucked out mess and he has barely put his hands on you.

You open your mouth to say something, but before you can, he pulls your hips to the edge of his desk and pops the button of your uniform pants. He sinks to his knees and taps your hips.

You lift them, and Jake pulls them and your panties down in one swoop.

"Just like I thought, soaked for me." Jake says when he is eye level with your dripping cunt.

He wastes no time surging forward and wrapping his lips around your clit. Your hands fly forward and grip his hair as a wanton moan leaves your mouth.

Jake pops up from between your legs and delivers a slap to your pussy.

"You'd better keep it down Sledge, would hate for your uncle to hear what an absolute slut his niece is for me." He chuckles.

You huff and roll your eyes. Jake loved to needle you about the fact that you were Admiral Cain's niece.

"Just shut the fuck up and do something useful with your mouth for once." You tell him.

Jake cocks his head a looks at you.

"Now, Commander Grotto, is that any way to talk to your superior officer?" Jake teases you.

"I thought you liked our verbal sparing? I mean, you did always say the God of War liked a challenge. Didn't you Ares? Or are you still hung up on me calling you Hangman?" You shoot back.

Jake groans at the sound of his real name, leaving your lips. You were the only one who knew his little secret, and it made the whole interaction between the two of you even hotter.

"Or, would you prefer it if I called you Daddy?" You smirked.

"Fuck, darlin. Say it again." He groaned.

"C'mon, Daddy. Put that smart mouth of yours to work." You say.

Jake surges forward and laps at your center like a starved man. He sinks two thick fingers deep into you and curls them. You can feel the band of his Naval Academy ring against your walls as scissors you open.

Lewd, wet sounds fill the air as he eats you like a starved man.

"Fuck, fuck, Jake, Ares—Daddy! Just like that!" You cry out as your thighs cage in his head. You grind your center against his mouth and arch your back as you cum.

Jake works you through your high before pulling off of you with a wet pop.

He gives you no time to collect yourself before he is flipping you around and bending you over his desk. One of his large hands pushes you flat against the cool wood while the other undoes his belt and fly. He pushes his pants and boxers down just enough to free himself before sinking into you without warning.

He gives you no time to adjust to his size before he is pistoning his hips into you.

Breathless pants and pitiful cries of his name leave your parted lips.

"Love how you sound when you take my cock." He praises you.

"You want everyone to hear how much of a whore you are for your Admiral don't you Sledge? Want everyone to know how good your Admiral fucks you?" He asks you.

You don't respond. That earns you a harsh smack to your ass.

"I asked you a question!" He demands.

"Yes! Yes! Want everyone to know how good you make me feel, Daddy." You wail.

Jake chuckles and digs his fingers into the flesh at your sides. You clench around him.

"Fuck, you were fucking made for me. You're so fucking tight for me kid. You weren't meant to take my cock. Weren't you?" He groans.

"Yes, Daddy. Fuck. My pussy was made for you Admiral Seresin." You babble out.

Jake growls as you start to rock back to meet his thrusts.

He leans forward and grabs a fist full of your hair, pulling it out of its neatly styled bun. Jake pulls you flush against him and wraps a hand around your throat.

He sees your roll back in your head. He lets go of your hair and starts furiously rubbing circles on your clit before tightening his grip on your airway and fucking up into you. He may be forty-two years old, but Jake never missed a beat.

You're overwhelmed by the pleasure, and your mouth hangs open in a silent scream.

While Jake enjoys fucking you stupid, he loves hearing you even more.

He slaps your clit and you clench around him harder.

"Can feel how close you are, baby. Can feel how bad my pussy wants to cum. I wanna hear you beg for it. Wanna hear you tell everyone one this base who you belong too." He whispers hotly against your ear.

"I belonged to you, Daddy! Please let me cum" You whine.

"No." He states.

"It's your pussy Admiral Seresin. All yours." You preen as he drives you close and closer to the edge.

"Still wrong." He says as he ruts into you.

"Ares—fuck—please—pleasepleaseplease!" you plead with him.

"That's it, that's my girl. Now cum for me." He commands.

You heed his words and cum hard for him. He pushes into you impossibly deeper as you spasm around him.

The fluttering of your walls sends Jake into his own release, and he spills into you.

He slumps forward and presses both of you into his desk as he continues to rock his hips in and out of you.

He pulls up and looks down at where your bodies join. He admires the creamy white ring of your mixed release that has gathered at the base of his cock.

He pulls out, and you groan at the loss of contact. Jake steps back to admire how you look. Your core is on display for him, and he loves watching his cum drip out of you and onto his desk.

He grabs a few tissues from the box that was discarded on the floor and cleans you up before sliding your panties and pants back into place.

You help him get his desk back in order before wrangling your hair back into a bun.

He moves the chair from in front of the door, and you slump down into it.

"So, Mr. War God, did you purposely get the angles wrong during your presentation?" You ask him.

"You tell me, Commander Grotto." He teases you as he leans back and kicks his feet up on his desk. You're about to get up and sit in his lap when there is a knock at his office door.

You both jump up. Jake grabs some files to make it look like the two of you were working as you go to the door.

"Admiral Cain!" You exclaim. "What are you doing here, Uncle Chester?" You ask him as your face flushes.

"I came to see if Admiral Seresin was finished with the reports the two of you were working on." He says to you.

"Yes, sir. I have them right here." Jake says as he slides behind you.

"Wonderful. Thank you, son." Your uncle says. He turns to leave, but before he does he looks back at Jake.

"We are having a cookout at my sister's house this weekend. She and her husband are hosting. There will be lots of other officers there. You should stop by Seresin. I'm sure Sledge would be more than happy to give you the details." Your uncle tells him before walking away.

As soon as he is gone, you close the door and sigh.

"A cookout at your parents' house? Now that sounds like fun." Jake smirks.

"We'd have to be on our absolute best behavior. No funny business." You tell him. He rolls his eyes.

"I'll text you the details." You say.

"And I'll start figuring out how I can fuck you in your childhood bedroom while half the Navy is thirty feet away." He grins before you slip out the door.

[racefortheironthrone]

Not that this is the only example, but just watched "Lady Bird" where a major part of the plot is if the protagonist will go to NYU or UC Davis. As somebody who doesn't live in the United States and there aren't any "private universities" here just wondering if state schools are so bad? Why do they have such bad reputations or maybe just I'm just thinking too much of American-made entertainment?

This is a great question, because it allows me to talk about a topic that I find endlessly fascinating: how the cultural politics of class intersect with higher education.

With regards to Lady Bird, I think the first thing to understand is that it's a highly autobiographical film: Greta Gerwig also grew up in Sacramento, her parents had the same jobs as Lady Bird's parents, and Greta was also a theater kid who ended up going to a prestigious private university in New York City because she wanted to have a career in the performing arts. So what we're getting is not necessarily a universal experience, but how Greta Gerwig herself felt when she was a teenager.

Second, state schools are not bad but their reputations are ...complicated. The land grant universities are generally reasonably well-resourced, they have good reputations, and they provide an extremely solid middle class credential that provides a major pathway for social and economic mobility in the United States.

However, there is usually a hierarchy within the state school systems between the flagship campus(es) which are usually nationally ranked research universities - U.C Berkeley, UCLA, Ann Arbor (UMichigan), University of Wisconsin-Madison, UMass Amherst, etc. - and the other campuses in the same system, which tend to be less selective, less nationally well-known, and more focused on teaching.

This sometimes leads to state schools having a reputation among middle-class to affluent families with college educations as being less "aspirational" compared to selective private universities. (This doesn't apply to the flagship campuses, because they are more selective and thus more similar to elite private universities in terms of their reputations.) Kids from those families still apply to (and attend) state schools in large numbers, but the term that's often used for them is "safety schools" - they're the schools you apply to in case you don't get into the highly selective private schools who take 10% or less of their applicants.

Third, NYU versus UC Davis is actually a slightly odd fit for the "state school" versus "private university" comparison. NYU is not actually that selective: it takes in 13% of applicants, which makes it about the 40th most selective college in the U.S. That's surprisingly low down the totem pole, given that the annual cost of attending NYU would be around $84,000 for Lady Bird. (NYU actually has to be less selective than other private universities, because it has a fairly small endowment compared to the selective private universities, and is thus more reliant on tuition dollars for revenue.)

However, Lady Bird's conflict isn't so much about academics generally - it's more specific than that. Remember that Lady Bird/Greta Gerwig is a theater kid who wants a career in the performing arts. If you narrow your focus from which is the best university overall to which university has the best Film Studies program, NYU is the second-best film school in the country, and because it's right in NYC there's a direct pipeline to one of the main hubs of the film and tv industry.

At the same time, Lady Bird probably should have done a bit more research about California's public university system. Because of the legacy of the California Master Plan, there is a robust transfer system within California's public universities that allows students who are really on the grind to move their way up, so that you can potentially start at the least selective community colleges and end up graduating from the most selective flagship UC campuses. So Lady Bird could have easily gone straight from UC Davis to UCLA (because while UCLA takes in only ~11% of applicants, making it more selective than NYU, it takes in about 24% of transfers), which is also one of the best film schools in the country with a direct pipeline to Hollywood, and it doesn't cost $84,000 a year.

(Ironically, Greta Gerwig herself didn't actually end up going to film school - she ended up going to Barnard which isn't particularly known for film, ended up going into English Lit because she was intending to be a playwright, before becoming a breakout actor in the indie film world, and then zig-zagging from there into directing and back into writing.)

[thewickedblackcat]

Lautski Week: Day 5 (Change)

Me: Does this count? I’m not sure if this count. Also Me: Of course, this counts! There’s plenty of change that goes on in this AU. This board is a Lautski Warm Bodies AU. For those who may not know what Warm Bodies is, it’s a zombie romance movie/book series. (I have only read the first book but from what I heard, the other books are unnecessary.) While this AU is based mostly on the 2013 movie, there is at least one detail from the book in here.

(I do not own anything.)

Sources: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

(Click on Keep Reading to hear the details of this AU.)

Steph doesn’t have much going for her, which makes sense since she is a zombie. She doesn’t remember much from her life from before. She spends most of her days walking around the Hatchetfield High School, or what’s left of it. She has made one of the class room her little home with treasures she found on her travels. The only thing she has to look forward is becoming a boney, which is a zombie that has lost all of their skin and is viewed as the final form for zombies.

Meanwhile, Pete lives in a survivor camp that is holding on by a thread, despite what the mayor might say. He lives with his older brother, Ted, and two friends, Ritchie and Ruth. They’re at the bottom of the totem pole of the camp. Pete tries to stay invisible and keeps a low profile in order to survive. But, it’s kinda hard when you’re one of the only kids left and your only other family is known as one of the biggest b*st*rd in town. (And, that was before the zombie apocalypse.) Despite this title, Pete has a loving relationship with Ted.

However, everything changes when Pete, Ted, Ruth, and Richie are put into a supply run with a couple other people. They scavenge around what used to be Hatchetfield Mall. But, they are soon ambushed by zombies, including Steph. During the attack, Steph kills Ted and eats his brain. Through this, she can see Ted’s memories and feels something again. Steph sees everything about Ted: his heartbreak, his descent of being a jerk, his affairs with multiple women, but most importantly, his relationship with his brother. It seems to be the only positive in Ted’s life and Steph can’t help but smile at the memory. Once Steph comes out of the memories, she immediately realizes that Ted’s brother, Pete, is here. In a move that she can’t explain, Steph prevents another zombie from attacking him and makes it look like she’s claiming him as food.

Pete freezes as the zombie girl comes near her. Most of the party is already dead and he can’t find Ted. This is the end. Pete closes his eyes to prepare for the bite but it never comes. Instead, he hears a soft female voice. “P-P-Pete …”

Pete open his eyes in shock. He had never heard a zombie actually talk before. He watched as the zombie touch an open wound and spread her blood all over his face. It then becomes clear that the other zombies can’t smell him. As the zombies starts to leave, the girl zombie pulls him up and has him follow her with the rest of the zombies. As Pete walks away with the zombies, he sees both Richie and Ruth hiding under a table, watching in horror as he is taking away.

After the zombies return to the high school, Steph take Pete to her classroom. Pete find it so ironic that he’ll die at the same place that he had once thought would kill him. However, Steph never goes for him. Instead, she helps Pete get food from the cafeteria and protects him from the other zombies. She reassures him that she’ll lead him back to the survivor camp once the zombie traffic around the school dies down in a few days. In the meantime, the two become closer through explore Steph’s treasures and through talking. (Pete does most of the talking but Steph listens and tries to comfort him.) After a few days, Pete insists to leaving and Steph agrees. However, as they leave, both the zombies and the boneys notices them. While the zombies first tried to attack them, they seem to let them pass. The two start their journey to the survivor camp.

As Steph and Pete’s relationship grows, Steph feels different. She doesn’t feel hungry for brains as before. Her skin starts to have more color. She can say sentences now. And, the biggest of all is she can sometimes feel and hear a beating in her chest. Steph isn’t the only zombie to experience these changes. Many of the zombies at the high school start feeling the same way, including two zombies girls in cheerleading uniforms. Pete starts to wonder if it’s possible for a zombie to become a human again. However, not everyone is open to the change. The boneys refuses the change and will do anything to keep things the way they are. Steph and Pete will have to convince the humans survivors that the zombies can change if they stand a chance against the boneys.

Some other details to note:

Solomon is the mayor of the survivor camp but doesn’t care about the zombies at all, even if his own daughter is one of them.

Like in the movie, Steph does confess to eating Ted with Pete having his suspicions. Pete does leave Steph due to this and trying to protect her from the survivors. He does forgive her.

After Ted dies, he becomes a voice in Steph’s head. At first, he starts slamming her for eating him and taking his brother, adding to her guilt. However, as the story develops, Ted and Steph’s relationship does get better and Ted makes Steph promise to protect Pete.

Before you ask, yes, Max is one of the boneys.

Ruth definitely asks Steph a hundred questions about being a zombie while Richie compares her to zombie/undead anime characters. Pete is in the background, facepalming.

[inthedayswhenlandswerefew]

North To The Future [Chapter 5: Sabotage]

The year is 1999. You are just beginning your veterinary practice in Juneau, Alaska. Aegon is a mysterious, troubled newcomer to town. You kind of hate him. You are also kind of obsessed with him. Falling for him might legitimately ruin your life…but can you help it? Oh, and there’s a serial killer on the loose known only as the Ice Fisher.

A/N: With the completion of Chapter 5, we are officially 1/3 of the way done with this fic series! In my opinion, things start to get really interesting in Chapter 6 so I am sooooo excited to have reached this little milestone. Thank you so so so much for reading and for your enthusiasm, questions, rants, analyses, theories, memes, and general emotional investment in NTTF. I go back to re-read your comments/tags ALL the time and they help keep me motivated to get new chapters out asap. 🥰💜

Chapter warnings: Language, alcoholism, addiction, murder, veterinary medicine, discussions of sex, questionable decisions, Kimmie-related chaos, Trent flexing his athletic skills.

Word count: 5.6k.

Link to chapter list (and all my writing): HERE.

Taglist: @elsolario​ @meadowofsinfulthoughts​ @ladylannisterxo​ @doingfondue​ @tclegane​ @quartzs-posts​ @liathelioness​ @aemcndtargaryen​ @thelittleswanao3​ @burningcoffeetimetravel​ @b1gb3anz​ @hinata7346​ @poohxlove​ @borikenlove​ @myspotofcraziness​ @travelingmypassion​ @graykageyama​ @skythighs​ @lauraneedstochill​ @darlingimafangirl​ @charenlie​ @thewew​ @eddies-bat-tattoos​ @minttea07​​​

Please let me know if you’d like to be added to the taglist! 💜

It’s November 29th, the Monday after Thanksgiving. It’s also your lunch hour.

You yank open the glass front door of Caribou Crossings, the souvenir shop where Heather works. It’s mostly abandoned now that tourist season has ended, and the unloved relics stare at you with cold, oddly sentient eyes: the owls carved out of cedar wood, bears carved out of jade, Russian dolls, miniature totem poles, plushie salmons. You climb over the counter and sit on the floor behind the cash register, your back pressed to the wall and your arms linked around your knees. Heather is breaking open rolls of coins to restock the register, probably unnecessarily; you are the only two people in the store.

She asks, wrestling to get quarters out of a particularly stubborn wrapper: “How’s it going?”

“Not great.”

“Have you fucked British Kurt Cobain yet?”

“We’re not speaking.”

She puts down the roll of quarters and looks at you. “What happened?”

You shrug, trying to act casual, trying to not let your voice crack. You don’t think there’s any threat of tears; you’ve cried so much in the past four days that you seem to be out of them. Your eyes are perpetually pinkish, puffy, exhausted. Despite your herculean efforts to remain hydrated, you have a constant low-grade tension headache that throbs like a bruise, misery trapped beneath the skin like blue-violet blood. “It’s a long story. He came over for Thanksgiving dinner.”

“Okay.” Heather is perplexed. “And then he, what, drunkenly dropped the turkey on the floor? Tried to hook up with your mom? Offered to show you his collection of murder supplies?”

You smile wearily. “No. I told him that he had to get sober. And he freaked out, he was yelling, he was saying I don’t have any right to try to control him because he’s not mine and never will be. He said I was trying to use him to bail myself out of my spineless, unfulfilling life.”

She scoffs. “Well that’s not true.” Then she observes your face. “Is it…?”

You shrug again, feeling like you’re back in high school, petulant and powerless. “There are a lot of things I want to experience, a lot of places I want to go. But I haven’t done anything yet. Because I can’t tell my parents that I don’t want to stay in Juneau forever and run the vet clinic.”

This must shock Heather, but she doesn’t show it. “I can’t imagine that they would want you to stay if it made you unhappy.”

“No, they wouldn’t try to stop me. But it would break their hearts.”

There is a long, uneasy silence. At last, Heather says: “I think you should come to Ursa Minor tonight.”

“I don’t want to see Aegon.”

“I mean, Dale would probably kick him out if we asked.”

“No!” you shout, too quickly. If he doesn’t have his preferred place to drink his demons away, he might leave Juneau long before the six month deadline.

Heather raises an eyebrow. “Do you want to see him or do you not want to see him?”

You glower at the wall strewn with large, framed photographs of the Northern Lights. “I want him to apologize.”

“I have many talents, but I can’t make that happen for you,” she says. “Look, is it possible that Aegon will be at Ursa Minor? Yeah, totally. But other people are going to be there too. Me, and Joyce, and Kimmie, and Trent and all his dimwitted muscley friends…there are going to be people who care about you. There are going to be people who can help you through this. We can comfort you. We can distract you. We can curb stomp that Greek boy in the parking lot if he doesn’t behave himself. There are a lot of options.”

Lyrics from The Distance, unexpected and unwelcome, spin around in your mind like a vinyl record: She’s hoping in time that her memories will fade. “I’ll think about it.”

“Can I interest you in a complementary Juneau-themed trinket? Glacial mud mask? Moose nuggets? Birch syrup? A slightly sinister-looking stuffed salmon?”

“No. I’m good.”

Heather asks with a straight face: “Do you want me to kill him?”

You laugh, your first real laugh since Thanksgiving. “No, thank you very much, but no.”

“Seriously. I could make it look like the Ice Fisher did it. No one would ever know.”

You gaze up at her from where you sit on the floor. “I love you.”

“I know, bitch.” Heather grins. “Wear something slutty this time.”

~~~~~~~~~~

You’ve spent a lot of time in your bedroom since Thanksgiving; you don’t want your parents to see you upset. They know something, of course, but they don’t interrogate you. They don’t intrude. They probably assume that you’ve broken up with Aegon—not that we were ever dating to begin with, you think sullenly—and, furthermore, that this is a painful yet indisputably wise course of action. It is a productive sort of pain, a necessary pain; it is like the deep maroon ache of a healing bone. It hurts less now than it would if you had stayed with him, married him, had children with him, attempted to build a life with him like a sandcastle razed again and again at high tide. It hurts less than if you had let yourself fall in love with him.

Oh, but didn’t I?

Alaska was purchased from Russia in 1867, just two years after the American Civil War ended, and was soon widely regarded by the still-recovering nation as a hopelessly remote and burdensome error. This impression was reversed only by the discovery of gold and the subsequent mass migration of miners to the territory beginning in the 1890s. After the booming gold industry came fishing and logging and oil and military bases, but gold was Alaska’s first saving grace. This is what you are thinking as you pencil on your black eyeliner, dust your eyelids with sheer gold glitter, paint your lips a vivid, glossy crimson. You stare at your reflection in the bedroom mirror, surrounded by photographs of your family and your friends, high school and college and vet school. There’s one image that doesn’t quite belong. It’s a cutout from one of those infinite travel magazines, a Ford Mustang convertible soaring down the Pacific Coast Highway in Southern California. The man behind the wheel—tan, beaming, carefree—is wearing sunglasses and a neon green tank top. The convertible is bright red; it is nearly the same shade as your lips.

You slip into a dress you haven’t worn in years: black, short, off-the-shoulder sleeves. Ever-practical, you opt for black boots instead of heels. When you arrive at Ursa Minor, Heather is wearing a sequined hot pink tube top and white leather pants. Joyce is wearing—to Heather’s abject horror—overalls, a rainbow striped T-shirt, and a massive mustard yellow scarf that nearly swallows her into oblivion. By a pure and unfortunate coincidence, you and Aegon match. He is sitting at the bar in all black: black turtleneck sweater, black jeans, black combat boots, black sleepless shadows under both of his eyes, a black mood that sweats out of his pores like a fever. Randomly, you remember the gold chain necklace he was wearing on Thanksgiving. It didn’t look fake, and it didn’t look cheap. To your knowledge, it is the only thing of significant value that he owns. It is a peculiar luxury for him to possess.

So what? Maybe he stole it. Maybe he traded drugs for it. Maybe he got it off a corpse that he strangled and then sank into cold, silent darkness beneath an ice-covered lake.

But no, you don’t believe that. You never did, and you still don’t.

Heather slurps down her Sex On The Beach. “Is this your revenge dress? Are you invoking the spirit of Princess Diana in this fine establishment tonight?”

You gaze miserably at Aegon. He is peering down into the caramel-colored bubbles of his rum and Coke. The stereo is playing Shania Twain’s Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under? “He told me he’s an awful person. That’s the worst part. Like he told me over and over again exactly what to expect and I didn’t believe him, because I was just…just…I don’t know.” Infatuated. In love. Blind. Naïve. Hopeful. “Stupid, I guess.”

“I hate men.” Heather glances to the bar. “Except Dale, he’s okay.”

“The fictional ones aren’t all bad,” Joyce says, flipping a page in her newest fantasy novel. This one has a pirate on the front, his billowing white shirt mostly unbuttoned and his long hair flowing in the wind like a hero’s cape.

“I’ve had a horrendous fucking day,” you moan. “There’s the Aegon thing, there’s the I’m never going to get out of Alaska thing, there’s the I’m going to die alone thing, and then on top of all that, I had to euthanize Ms. Ruland’s cat right before we closed.”

“Sylvester Stallone?!” Heather cries. “Sylvester died? That black and white homicidal little maniac? With the super long whiskers? Jesus, that’s tragic. I’m sorry.”

“In all fairness, he was like a gazillion years old. He probably remembered when dinosaurs roamed America. But it was still awful. Ms. Ruland was a mess. I felt totally unprepared, totally useless. I’d practiced in vet school, of course, but I’d never euthanized an animal I knew before. It was horrible trying to comfort Ms. Ruland. It was horrible seeing someone walk into the clinic with someone they loved and then walk out alone.”

Heather and Joyce nod with sad, sympathetic eyes, wanting to help but not knowing what else to say. You gulp down your pineapple-flavored Bacardi Breezer. Aegon must have complained about the Shania Twain music; Dale switches out the CD and the opening notes of Sabotage by the Beastie Boys rockets out of the stereo.

Kimmie throws open the front door and blusters into Ursa Minor, shaking the snowflakes out of her hair and wearing a sleek, skin-tight, metallic silver dress and matching platform heels. She looks like a disco ball; she looks like a mirror. She canters to the bar like a racehorse and orders herself a Miller Lite. She says something to Aegon. He mumbles back, still peering into his rum and Coke. She tries again. He shrugs and downs the rest of his drink. He glances at you—almost glaring, almost sad—and then orders another rum and Coke.

“Oh no,” Heather mutters. “Oh no, oh no, Kimmie, no.”

The front door opens again, and Trent and his friends spill inside in a loud, riotous swarm. They order beers at the bar—Trent fist-bumping Aegon, several of the other guys descending upon Kimmie to make bungling attempts at seduction—and then they migrate over to the pool table like a honking, brainless flock of geese. Trent breaks off to make a pit stop at your booth.

“Hi,” he says, smiling as he sips his Heineken.

“Hi,” you reply. Heather and Joyce’s eyes dart between you and Trent.

He points to the spot beside you, which is presently vacant. “Do you mind if I hang out for a while?”

“I think you’ll regret it. I am currently extremely depressed and boring.”

To your surprise, Trent doesn’t act like a dumbass. His voice goes gentle. His face collapses into soft, attentive pity. “What’s there to be depressed about?”

Well, you see, I accidentally fell in love with your maybe-murderer alcoholic homeless friend and in a completely unforeseeable turn of events he ruined my life. “I had to euthanize a cat today.”

“Oh, that sucks,” Trent says. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s my job. I should get over it.”

“No, seriously, I’m sorry.” Trent tosses his hair off his forehead in his patented horse-like maneuver, and then his gaze comes back to you. “Your job is to help animals, so I get that not being able to fix one would be really tough. But I know you’re still great at your job. I know you did everything you could.”

You stare up at Trent. Heather stares up at Trent. Joyce, having completely forgotten about her fantasy novel (a rare occurrence), stares up at Trent. Trent swallows a mouthful of Heineken; stray beads of it drip down his full lips and stubbled chin.

I couldn’t fix the cat. I couldn’t fix Aegon. I can’t fix myself.

“You can hang out if you want to,” you tell Trent, scooting over to give him space. He grins and slides into the booth, tall and broad-shouldered and tossing his hair around again, looking like goddamn Seabiscuit. You steal a glimpse of the bar. Aegon’s jaw has fallen open; he’s gaping at you with scandalized disbelief, with something like horror. You move a little closer to Trent. And Aegon, at last, turns his attention to the dramatic, irritating, captivating Kimberly Barbieri.

“So, Trent,” Heather begins slowly, apprehensively, then picks up steam. Beside her, Joyce picks up her book. “How is the salmon genocide business going?”

As you half-listen to Trent talk about fishing, which somehow—as all topics seem to do with him—leads back to football and his high school glory days, you drink your Bacardi Breezer and watch Aegon with sharp, narrowed eyes. He has relocated to the barstool next to Kimmie. He appears to be asking her questions—tentative, stilted questions—and she replies with animated laughter and calculated little touches: her fingertips grazing his wrist, her palm briefly pressed to his shoulder. You hate the way Aegon talks with his hands, those gestures which had been becoming so familiar to you. They put an ache in your chest like a nest of barbed wire.

“Bro!” one of Trent’s friends is calling from the pool table. Others are waving encouragingly. “Bro, come play! Come play! Broooooo!”

“Looks like you’re being summoned,” Heather says.

“Oh, wow, I guess so.” Trent turns to you, nervous. “Do you…uh…would you…maybe…like to join me?”

“What, playing pool?”

“Yeah.”

You try to consider this in earnest; your mind is so tangled up in Kimmie and Aegon and everything that’s transpired over the past week that the words barely sound like English. Playing. Pool. With Trent. “I don’t think I know how.”

“I’ll teach you,” he offers, quite willingly.

“Okay, maybe. Give me a few minutes, I need another drink first.”

“Want me to grab a Bacardi Breezer for you?”

“Thanks, but I’ll do it. I haven’t decided which flavor I want next yet.”

“Cool,” Trent says. He slips out of the booth and gives you one final, mock-stern, smiling warning. “Remember, I’m going to teach you how to play. Meet me at the pool table. Don’t forget. Don’t disappear.”

“I’ll be there,” you promise. He departs. You say to Heather: “I probably won’t be there.”

“Why not?” Heather asks. “You’re hot. You’ll be even hotter when you’re bent over a pool table lining up your shots. The Greek boy is already sad, but I want to see him devastated.”

“I don’t think I have that power.”

Heather smirks and wiggles her slender eyebrows. “I disagree.”

Across Ursa Minor, Kimmie leaps off her barstool and leaves Aegon to guzzle his rum and Coke in peace. She approaches your booth sheepishly, like a dog that knows he’s chewed a considerable hole in his owner’s favorite La-Z-Boy recliner. “So,” Kimmie says to you, nervously kneading her glass bottle of Miller Lite. She’s so fucking cool, you think mournfully. Cool girls drink beer, cool girls are lighthearted and fun, cool girls don’t take guys too seriously, cool girls never ask about the future. “You and Aegon.”

You drink the last of your Bacardi Breezer moodily. “What about us?”

“You aren’t…like…together, are you?”

“No. No way. I’d rather date O.J. Simpson.”

“Well…” Heather begins, and you kick her under the table. Bitch! she mouths, rubbing her shin.

“Okay,” Kimmie sighs in relief, a smile breaking across her face. The Christmas lights reflect off her silver dress; she glows, she radiates. “Good. I was hoping he wasn’t off-limits, but I wanted to check with you first. You know, in accordance with Girl Code.”

“How courteous,” you note.

Kimmie marvels dreamily: “He looked so freaking good strumming that guitar.”

“Um, Kimmie…” Heather begins again. You glare at her ferociously. Heather pivots. “He’s probably the Ice Fisher, so you should keep your distance.”

Kimmie laughs. “Aegon? The Ice Fisher?! I don’t think so. You have to be sober to meticulously kidnap and murder people. Besides, from what I’ve heard he’s slept his way through like half the souvenir shop cashiers, and none of them ended up dead.”

You stare down at the table despondently. Heather, floundering, puts her fist through the figurative In Case Of Emergency Break Glass box. “He has syphilis.”

Kimmie gasps. “Really?!”

Heather deflates. “No. Well, actually, I don’t know. Maybe. It’s certainly possible. We should assume the worst.”

Kimmie, for once fully in on the joke, winks. “I’ll let you know once I’ve investigated.” She strolls back to the bar in her short mirrorball dress, shimmering and lithe like a snake’s skin.

“To be clear,” Heather tells you. “I was not in the half of the souvenir shop cashiers that Aegon boned.”

“Great. Thanks.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?! Why didn’t you tell her that…that…?!”

“That what?” you snap. “She asked if we’re together. We’re not. We never were. He made that crystal clear. And if he’s not going to get sober, I’m not going to get involved with someone like that.” Someone like Jesse. Someone like the man my mom still carries scars and bruises from, not in the flesh but in the soul.

“But…but…” Heather frowns at you with pained, condoling eyes. “You…you love him. Don’t you? You look like you love him. You look…and I mean this in the most compassionate way possible…you look fucking terrible. You look like someone died, and I’m not talking about Sylvester Stallone the geriatric cat. Joyce?”

Joyce gives you an evaluative glance. “Yeah, you look terrible.”

At the bar, Kimmie is leaning all over Aegon and giggling about a story he’s telling. His hands move in dramatic, expressive gestures. He is, for the first time tonight, smiling. There’s a jolt like knuckles jabbed beneath your ribs. There’s a profound, inky despair. Kimmie grabs Aegon’s hand—he has callouses on his fingertips, you think randomly—and leads him over to the pool table. As soon as they have vacated the area, Heather drags you to the bar.

“Dale?” she says. “My good bitch needs a Bacardi Breezer. Maybe two Bacardi Breezers. Maybe three. I think I’ll be driving her home tonight.” She turns to you. “What flavors do you want?”

“Apple,” you reply morosely.

“Okay, one apple, what about the rest?”

“All apple.”

“Goddamn, you really are fucked up about this. Dale, three apple Bacardi Breezers, please.”

He lines them up on the counter. Heather sits with you as you drink them one after the other, gradually feeling warm again, feeling a little lighter. When you peek back at the booth, Rob has appeared there and is discussing—politely this time—the plot of Joyce’s fantasy novel with her. She looks almost vaguely interested in his existence.

“Hey Dale,” Heather prompts. “What’s the secret to everlasting love?”

Dale chuckles huskily and runs a hand over his thick, wiry beard. “You’re asking the wrong person. My wife ran off with a cruise ship singer, remember?”

“Oh yeah,” Heather says apologetically. That was around six months ago, at the start of tourist season; the guy was an Elvis impersonator. “My bad.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m better off, I think. Now I don’t have to pretend to like her soap operas anymore. Or her tuna casserole.” He guffaws and ambles away to serve a pair of middle-aged locals seated at the other end of the bar.

When you’ve finished your last Bacardi Breezer, Heather slaps your shoulder encouragingly. “Alright, you ready?”

“Yup,” you say, swaying a little as you hop off the barstool. You stumble and bump into Heather, laughing. She steadies you with a massive grin. She’s delighted; she’s relieved.

“Good. Now get your ass over to the pool table and do your best impression of Demi Moore in Striptease.”

You have no intention of doing that. But you do—with Heather’s stabilizing grip on your waist—make your way to the pool table. There is a crowd pulsing around it: Trent, Trent’s assorted jock friends, Aegon, Kimmie. Aegon is standing in the background and nursing his—fourth? fifth? tenth?—rum and Coke. His face is vague and his eyes groggy. Still, he is beautiful. He’s so beautiful you almost blurt it out before stopping yourself. Kimmie is lining up a shot to break the balls out of their triangular configuration. Her silver hoop earrings glint under the Christmas lights. She is covered in male gazes like the sheen of ice on a lake. The white cue ball collides with the pyramid-shaped conglomeration; the balls go flying in every direction. The solid green ball—number 6—disappears into a pocket.

“Booyah!” Kimmie cheers. There are claps and whistles. Aegon just stares blankly, gnawing on his lower lip, that chronically disobedient lock of hair resting on his cheek.

“You’re majorly talented,” Trent’s friend Gary swoons. Kimmie bats her eyelashes at him and then checks to see if Aegon noticed. He didn’t. Kimmie, flustered but trying to hide it, takes another turn but doesn’t manage to sink a single ball.

“Hey!” Trent welcomes you warmly. He slings an arm across your shoulders, which ordinarily you would shy away from. Now, you lean into him, your body melding with his, your muscles loose and sinuous. Aegon does notice this. His eyes are a dark, dangerous blue: riptides, maelstroms, trenches miles deep. Good, you think. Maybe I can get him jealous enough to reconsider. Maybe I can make him want to change. “Want to shoot for me? I’ll show you how.”

You smile up at Trent. “Yeah. Let’s do it.”

He passes you a cue stick with large, rugged hands. “So you’ll need one of these…and then you have to chalk it…” He presses a tiny blue cube into your palm. You rub chalk onto the tip of the cue stick, feeling ridiculous.

“And what’s the purpose of this part? Superstition? To give me false confidence?”

Trent chuckles. “To help the stick get better contact with the cue ball.”

“So you’re an expert, huh?”

“I am athletically gifted.”

“Does pool count as a sport? I’m skeptical.”

“Pay attention,” he teases, flipping his hair out of his face. Seabiscuit strikes again. “Now Kimmie sunk a solid ball, so the solids are all hers. Ours are the striped ones. If we can sink all the striped ones before Kimmie sinks all the solid ones, we win. And you don’t want to sink the black 8 ball until all our balls are already gone. That’s the very last step.”

“Sink striped balls. Don’t sink solid balls or the 8 ball. Okay. Got it.” You take aim, your sights set on the striped blue ball, number 10. This is somewhat difficult; thanks to your plentiful Bacardi Breezers, the pool table feels like it’s listing like a ship. The tapered shaft of the stick is balanced awkwardly on the back of your hand. “Am I doing this right…?”

“Here,” Trent says, and then he gets to work repositioning you. He touches you without asking, which you don’t object to under the circumstances; Aegon’s face is flushing a gory, wrathful red. Trent spreads your fingers farther apart, adjusts the angle of your elbow, pushes you between the shoulder blades to lean a bit lower over the pool table. The hem of your black dress creeps up your bare thighs, fluttering like a whisper. Aegon aggressively chugs the rest of his rum and Coke, the ice cubes clanging in the glass.

You take your shot, and the white cue ball whizzes across the pool table. It ploughs into the number 10 ball and sends it down into the abyss-like pocket closest to where Aegon stands.

“Yes!” Trent roars. He swoops in, picks you up with startling ease, whirls you around once before setting your unsteady feet back down on the floor and accepting thunderous back-slapping from his hoard of friends.

“Wow,” Heather murmurs, mostly to herself.

“Ugh, you whore!” Kimmie jeers, but she’s clapping and giggling too. She’s still the main character tonight, and she always will be, and she knows this like she knows the lines in her own palms. She’s just that kind of girl.

“Another round, another round!” Trent’s friends are chanting, and then they stampede together off to the bar to procure more beer. Kimmie, tottering in her silvery platform heels, moves to join them.

Abruptly, Aegon catches Kimmie’s forearm and pulls her to him. He whispers in her ear; her eyes go wide, her breath hitches, her glossy lips split into an exhilarated smile. And then they dash out of Ursa Minor together, stopping just long enough to grab their parkas off the coatrack by the door. They’re gone. They’re both gone.

You sputter to Heather: “What…? How…? No, they can’t! They can’t—!”

“What do you want me to do?!” she hisses back. “Tackle them before they can make it off the premises? Tie Kimmie to a chair? Force her to take a vow of celibacy? You didn’t tell her that he was off-limits when you had the chance. This is the consequence that we all have to live with.”

“Oh my god.” The room is spiraling around you. You feel nauseous; you feel ice cold. He wasn’t supposed to leave with her. He wasn’t supposed to…

“Uh, are you okay?” Heather asks.

“No,” you choke out. Aegon and Kimmie! Aegon and Kimmie!!! “I have to get out of here.”

“Well you can’t drive home like this—”

“I know. I’ll be back.” You push by her, snatch your parka off the coatrack, dive out into the starless, frigid night.

There’s no one in the parking lot, no one on the street. You make a hard left and walk with no particular plan down towards the harbor, your shaking hands jammed into your parka pockets, tears streaming down your face. The wind whips at you, howling and old, older than the creaking wooden planks of the dock beneath your boots, older than all of humanity. You pass bobbing sailboats and fishing vessels until you come to the end of the pier, sit there cross-legged and sobbing, gaze out through blurred vision over the Gastineau Channel. It separates mainland Juneau from Douglas Island, which began—like so much of Alaska did—as a gold mining settlement. You remember the sparkling gold eyeshadow that you applied in your bedroom just a few hours ago. You don’t feel very valuable at the moment. You feel unworthy. You feel alone.

It is silent except for the waves and the wind. It is very dark; the sky is clouded, and the illuminations of Ursa Minor and the streetlights are faraway. When you hear the footsteps behind you on the pier, your stomach drops; they’re too heavy to be Heather’s or Joyce’s. But when you twist around, it is Trent that you see in the dim, shadowy light.

“Hi,” he says, raising a hand. “Heather told me that you ran away.”

“Hi. I guess I did.”

He hesitates, flips his hair, drops down beside you at the edge of the pier. “You okay?”

You sigh heavily and swipe the tears from your cheeks. “Yeah. I’m just having a really bad day.” Like an absurdly, phenomenally, exponentially bad day.

“I know what that’s like.”

I doubt it, Trent. I really do.

You sit there together in the quiet, watching the sparce light flick off the crests of waves, staring at the bright dots of houses and shops across the channel on Douglas Island. Trent puts his arm around you. You let him, and—partially for the warmth, partially for the healing sensation of being desired, being cared for—lean your head against his chest.

After a very long time, you ask dully: “What do you like about working on a salmon boat?” It’s almost enough to make you wince. It’s the kind of pedestrian, unimaginative question that Aegon would make fun of. But Trent seems to consider it carefully.

“I like being outside,” he says. “I like the fresh air, I like the scenery. And I like how working with my hands helps me get all my frustrations out. I’m a better person when I stay busy. Commercial fishing can be intense sometimes, don’t get me wrong, that’s why I’m trying to get into the Forest Service. But I like it enough.”

“What do you like about me?”

You can hear the awe in his voice. “You’re the smartest person I’ve ever met. There was a time when I didn’t care so much about things like that. But now that I’m older and I’ve started to think about settling down…I feel like you’re the right kind of girl to do that with.”

You look up at him. He beams down at you like a full moon. And then he kisses you. He’s warm and strong and handsome in that obvious sort of way, but he’s something else, too: a little forceful, a little rough. Rough isn’t always a bad thing. But it’s like you can glimpse the silhouette of someone else beneath the surface, stars veiled by clouds, the shadows of fish under ice. He doesn’t feel anything like Aegon. He doesn’t patch the wound that Aegon left in you at all.

I wonder where Aegon is right now. I wonder what he’s doing to Kimmie.

When Trent breaks the kiss, you tell him that you have to go. He walks you back to Ursa Minor, his mighty palm on the small of your back.

~~~~~~~~~~

Heather drives you home, shellshocked. She asks, in reference to your confession about the kiss on the pier: “So…uh…do you want to talk about it, or…?”

“No. Definitely not.”

“Are you and Trent…like…a thing…?!”

“I don’t know. He seems to think we are.”

“Oh god, oh god, oh my god.” She rubs her forehead with one hand, her astonished eyes on the indigo-black horizon.

When you get home, your dad is already asleep. Your mom is straightening up the kitchen, wiping off countertops and scrubbing dishes in the bubble-filled sink. When you ask if she needs any help, she bursts out laughing.

“You’re the one who looks like she needs help,” she says. “What happened at the bar?”

You grimace down at the floor. “A lot of things. A lot of things.”

“Nothing you feel the desire to share?”

“No. Not quite yet. Can you drive me back to pick up my Jeep tomorrow?”

“Sure. Why don’t you take a nice bubble bath and then go to bed?” she suggests. “You’ll feel better in the morning. Do you need a snack? I could make pancakes. Or a grilled cheese.”

“That’s really kind of you, but no thanks, Mom.” I’ve completely lost my appetite.

You sulk in a bubble bath for a while, drag yourself out, brush your teeth and hair, try to rub the night off every part of you like smoothing rough edges off a gemstone. When you wander out into the hallway, your eyes catch on the door to the attic, a rectangular outline in the white ceiling. You are mostly sober by now, and yet still the idea that strikes you seems ludicrous at first. It’s a muddled, disjointed thought. It might be a dangerous one.

If I can learn more about Jesse, maybe I can understand Aegon too.

The box of journals is up there, you know, dusty and untouched and waiting. The rope hangs invitingly. You pull the door open and unfold the ladder. You climb up into the attic, turn on the single naked lightbulb, and push aside bins of holiday decorations and family heirlooms until you find a small, unlabeled cardboard box that’s sealed shut with duct table. You peel back the tape and peek inside the flaps. The box is filled with thin leather journals in a variety of colors: olive green, navy blue, rust red, earthen brown. You gather the cardboard box into your arms and carry it down to your bedroom, slipping it discretely beneath your bed to live beside childhood stuffed animals and mounds of old yearbooks. You close up the attic and then venture downstairs to get yourself some water to stave off a blossoming hangover.

Your mom is at the kitchen sink, washing a plate with a green Scotch-Brite sponge. “Did I hear you up in the attic, ladybug? Do you need help finding something?”

“No, I got it.”

“Okay.” But she studies you, puzzled. She’s going to worry unless you explain.

“I don’t want to make you talk about it,” you say. “And I don’t want to upset you. I’ll never mention it again. But just so you know, I want to read the journals. For my own reasons. That’s why I was up in the attic. I was bringing the box down to my bedroom.”

“Oh.” She freezes, stares out the window over the sink, goes vacant. “That makes sense. That’s fine.”

“Mom, are you alright?”

“Of course, ladybug.” There is nothing outside but night. You can see her reflection in the glass like a mirror. Long, slow seconds tick by. “It seemed like he was getting better,” your mom says, her voice faint and weightless, an untethered balloon, a feather on waves. “That’s the strange part. At the very end, it seemed like he was getting better.”

Then she lets the plate sink beneath the pearlescent bubbles, wipes her hands dry on a dishtowel, and goes to bed without another word.

[karizard-ao3]

For any famdom.

If you wrote a Mafia type fic what would it be about

At first, I was sitting there trying to figure out how to gently tell you I don't ever see myself writing a mafia au while simultaneously paging through all my latest interests and that's when I realized that you could actually make a pretty good mafia au out of Twiyor from Spy x Family!

I've been kind of hung up about how to fit in Anya, but we'll just jump in and hopefully find a spot for her?

Yor: Mafia princess/ assassin. She carries out all the biggest hits for her crime family. The Briar parents were the heads of a big mafia family and were killed by a rival gang who, like, framed it on the Feds or something (please be gentle with me - I do not really watch mafia movies. I don't know how it works). Anyway, that is why her younger brother, Yuri, HATES the Feds. Actually. Stop. Her parents were not the heads of the Family but maybe the top hit people, and they trained up Yor in the business but not Yuri, who was too young when they died. Sadly, he never really picked it up because Yor didn't know how to explain it to him, but he does just fine breaking knee caps and roughing people up and shit.

Twilight: A Fed. He's undercover. He's joined their group. The mafia boss wants to do a heist or some shit? Does the mob do heists? This one does. For the heist they need a man and a woman to pose as a couple on a... cruise ship? Or perhaps Yor has to carry out a hit but to get close to the target she has to look like a family woman? Their roles are kind of reversed for this one: Yor needs a husband for her mission and Twilight needs to go along with it to conceal his real career. But maybe he doesn't know she's the family's hit person yet. He's too low on the totem pole.

Anya: ??? They... find her on the ship? She stows away in their bags? She's decided to sail off into the sunset from whatever tragic backstory she's secretly harboring and sneaks onto the ship and into their cabin, where they find her. They're like, "Okay... Sure. I guess a kid would help sell the ruse." Also, they don't have much choice because people have already seen her and she called them her Mama and Papa.

Plot: I do not know. Shenanigans ensue. We can kind of draw on the canon cruise arc a bit if we wanted. Secrets are revealed. Trust is betrayed. Yuri somehow ends up on the boat. In the end, the Forgers enter the witness protection program and everyone lives happily ever after. This does not sound like a mafia au at all. I am so sorry.