#love of my life dumped me!!! but i've been stuck on basic braining for like an hour

[antlerdeer]

so if you're ever crying just play psychonauts because that shit will have you so stressed you forget why you're even crying

[blairsanne]

Writing Questions Tag Game:

Thanks for tagging me @residentdormouse ♥

What is your absolute all-time favorite idea you’ve ever had?

Um, so the two favourite ideas of mine are not things I can link you to because the first one, which is a faerie story about (among other characters) the fae prince of Winter, is a story I'm writing (I guess it's on hiatus) with my irl bff and it's not finished or available to the public. I don't know how much I should share tbh, but I love all the characters and the world we've built so much.

The other is just my special daydream OC character whose story I will never actually write because it's a mashup of various fandom lores and very complicated and while fun to daydream doesn't sound fun to write. She's a priestess who gets murdered on the altar of her world's gods by her bff and they revive her to kill him (he was a priest who took the power of the gods and then proceeded to basically demolish the world around him). She does so, but is essentially left alone in her world and becomes a guardian of sorts. Her role is to link herself to one person (anchor) in every one of the worlds/dimensions/realities that the collection of souls her gods watch over reincarnate into. She can call on power from the other realities to protect them from outside threats (basically, if the gods were creator beings, there are destroyer beings who want to devour the souls/realities). She ends up being kind of a tragic character though, since she's stuck between a bunch of "lives" so to speak and beholden to different people in different worlds but never able to settle down and be done. She keeps getting revived by the gods when she dies (with all her memories, instead of reincarnating), and she struggles with grief. Why is this my favourite idea? IDK but I keep thinking about it.

Is there a question you’ve been asked in the past that really stands out to you and you still think about sometimes?

Well one time someone on anon complained that I wrote a self-indulgent mary sue oc into my fanfic and asked "who asked for [that]". To which I replied that I did. Because, you know, I write shit for myself first. As a fun hobby. I'm in no way saying that I write anything great, and if you think my writing is cringe, like, okay, you're right? Die mad about it, I guess? Get a life? Idk. I'm just having fun playing pretend with these fictional worlds.

What is your favorite part of being a writer?

Re-reading finished things because I write the type of stories I like to read, so it's really satisfying to get to reread them later. Close second is when someone else likes what I've written, that's pretty cool. ♥

What parts could you take or leave?

The agony of the time between posting something online and that first bit of feedback on it. Now that I actually have people looking at my stuff there's a little bit of like "well I hope at least one person does end up reading and enjoying this" and like... if not then it feels like why bother posting it online? (Honestly I started posting my BWOC fic in 2013 just so my irl bff could read it. I started posting my newer fics on tumblr in 2021 just so I'd move on and finish the missing parts of the story I had been writing... which hasn't worked, in case anyone wondered haha.)

What is your greatest motivation to write/create?

I am constantly coming up with stories in my head. There's something about writing them down and crafting them into something I can read again later that lets me put them down, if that makes sense. Like a brain dump. I don't need to remember just how that scene went or why that was happening in this plot, because it's written down now. I can revisit it later if I like. Or never.

Second-biggest motivation is when I'm writing a fic with someone else in mind, like a request or gift, or for an event, or just something I know that one person in particular will like. In the hopes I contribute something good to their day. (Even if it's smut.)

What do you wish you knew when you were first starting out writing?

I've honestly been writing since I was a child, so I wish I could tell you. XD

What I would say to someone new to writing is this: You get better at every skill by doing it. So, if you want to write, you're better off writing a ton of stories, badly at first and reworking, refining, revising, etc. than to wait until you're "good enough" to write the story you want to write. You can always write a version two or twenty-five, months or years later. Done is better than perfect, and shitty-first-drafts are better than forgotten ideas.

What is your favorite story you’ve written TO COMPLETION? Link it if you’d like and can!

Probably Homecoming, a smut-fic for Bofur in the Durin's Garage AU. Mostly because I haven't written most of my stories to completion, but also I love that fic.

What is your favorite out-of-the-box quote?

"If anyone can do it, so can you."

Which of your characters would you say has the most controversial mindset? Why do you say so and how do you personally feel about their ideals?

In one of my original fiction stories, one of the characters is an emperor who is basically taking over the world bit by bit, and has zero remorse about it. He believes that nobody can love him (for good reason unrelated to his status/warring) and has decided not to love anyone or anything either. At one point, frustrated with how passive his stolen fiancee is, he orders his brother to strangle her to death in front of him and then gets mad at her when she doesn't fight back (he orders the brother to stop, it was just like... a test?). He's very aggressive and believes that everyone only looks out for themselves, etc. so he does the same. (So her passivity sort of challenges him in a way. It's complicated.) It think it's a very toxic but easy-to-fall into worldview when someone thinks that the world is cruel to them, to decide to be cruel back. That's probably the most controversial mindset of my OCs, but that's sort of the point. Obviously I think he's wrong, and eventually things happen to change him.

If you, when you first started writing, met you now, what would younger you think?

She'd probably be confused why we stopped doing forum-RPing and be completely amazed that a single stranger anywhere in the world had read and enjoyed something we wrote all on our own. Honestly I think little me would think I was pretty cool and living the dream. Maybe I should remind myself that more often.

I really value the community in fandom spaces, which I think is why fanfiction is so appealing. We all get to play with the same dolls in different ways and go "ah yes, that's a cool way you played" and learn from each other and grow, and it's all around a shared love of stories. Storytelling is how humans make sense of the world, and community is what makes life feel like it has meaning to me. So this is a pretty cool place to be.

No pressure tags: @laurfilijames @i-did-not-mean-to @i-am-still-bb @silvermoon-scrolls @sotwk @middleearthpixie @sketch-and-write-lover @enchantzz @lordoftherazzles and OPEN TAG to anyone who wants to do it. :)

[sunshinexlollipops]

Hello! Hope not to bug you, I just read acw for the first time and WOW. It was by far the most beautiful, intricate work I've ever read in my life. Really, you are a novelist. I noticed that it hadn't been posted in about 3 years and I was wondering if it was orphaned? Just curious, no hate! Absolutely love your works, thank you!

help there anon!

sorry my notifs always get fucking eaten on this app and I'm inept too which doesn't help, bUT I just wanted to say that in general, ACW isn't abandoned!

I know it's been a hot minute since I have written anything but I've had a lot go on since the start of 2020, as you can imagine. not only in the world but personal life. and it just carried over into 2021. and 2022. and now into 2023. however, I am A LOT better now than I was at the start.

not trying to personally dump because there's just too much to summarize on this app, and some things I'm just not comfy sharing, but I got diagnosed with things like ADHD and depression, and not only am I working on treatment/management with my psych and therapist, altogether it's been a process of adaptation after knowing why my brain do what it do.

slowly I've been getting back into creating. bc I didn't. for all the time I was gone, I didn't produce really...anything. writing, art— nada. I've made some good progress esp since late 2022 when I started to come back to some things, but it used to be I wouldn't even read fic, watch movies/shows, engage with things... I was basically in a massive depressive episode. so I've been slowly reconnecting with art and in turn just that side of me.

I'm sure people who follow me/pay it mind (and it's okay if you don't lol) have seen recently I've been making and posting art I've made since I got back from LA a little bit ago.

I haven't drawn or been artistic like that in a long while. and while I've created things here and there, it was usually for someone else/social things I was doing. I struggled even with that, so it probs happened altogether less than 10 times over the last few years... this is the first I've just been creating and enjoying myself since then.

there's a lot that is still changing for me. and there's some major things shifting behind the scenes for me still that are playing out. I still intend to finish ACW, I'm just having to handle myself, and overall, I'm coming back into what used to feel like second nature.

so apologies for the wait. in a way, I kind of have been stuck with y'all during the hiatus. I got as much out of it as y'all did, lol. but I'm hoping with this continued improvement, and once things settle a bit more on my end, that writing will come back to me more and more. I've been able to do things here and there, so I'm hopeful.

also, another issue is google. my old acct ran out of space so anything I have made is completely locked up. I can't even EDIT my old docs. it's bad. I've tried to free shit up but it's like google replaces what I delete somehow and I'm always at my limit. so that's been a hassle in and of itself and I am working around that too.

fingers crossed this ship finally leaves the harbor I've docked it at for some time. I love ACW. I see what y'all write. and I know I don't often respond to comments but I read them. I see them. and I'm honored my story has had the impact and love that it has. ACW legit is one of my most beloved works by both myself and its readers. so thank you for that.

but I hope everyone does know that even if it may take me a while, I plan to come back and complete it once I'm properly able! and thank you for your understanding and patience w me. 💕

[samayla]

The Morning Pages

I'm a couple of weeks into writing "The Morning Pages" - which is a couple of weeks longer than any other journaling stint I've ever attempted - and I thought I'd share a few of the things that I've learned, about myself and the practice.

For those of you who are unfamiliar, "The Morning Pages" is a journaling practice from the book "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron. It's supposed to be a creativity booster, a way to train your brain to get over roadblocks by committing to writing three pages of whatever is on your mind, every day, no matter what.

Now, a disclaimer - I have never read "The Artist's Way." There are, however, any number of excellent videos about it - and more specifically the Morning Pages themselves - on Youtube.

Onward!

★ No one will ever read my Morning Pages. Ever. I don't even reread my own writing. I flip through the pages sometimes, just to admire the pages and pages of handwritten text, but this style of journaling is not for reading, which brings me to my next point...

★ The Morning Pages are not for blow-by-blow, faithful accounts of my day. I approach my Morning Pages with one key question in mind:

Which thoughts are too heavy to carry around with me all day?

This is my brain, hauling around all kinds of junk and shoving it in my face all the time.

To be fair, I love my brain, and it's not all junk. A lot of it's pretty amazing stuff, but I don't need all of it all the time.

My life is hard enough without my brain dumping extra junk into the mix all the time. Also, I had nightmares about the Labyrinth Junk Lady as a kid. So I started writing the Morning Pages to give myself a place to put those things aside. There's a pretty little moth on the cover of my journal, and he can carry those thoughts instead. He's a tough little dude. He gets the ugly, messy, tangled thoughts I would never, ever share with anyone else. He gets those white-noise-tv-static kind of thoughts that try to eat my brain. He gets all the whining and crying and cussing and internal debates that stop me making decisions. He gets the meltdowns and the tantrums and the panic attacks, and he also gets those hyper-elated-bubblegum-in-my-hair kind of happy thoughts that are great, until they get in the way. He holds onto them for me, so I can let them go. They're not gone, just set aside in a safe place, in case I need them later, and that relieves so much anxiety for me.

★ Sometimes I don't have any thoughts like that to unload. I write my shopping list instead. I scribble down the song lyrics that are currently stuck on repeat. I ask dumb questions - like is the French Tuck named after Tan France, or does he just like it because it sounds like it could be? I draw stars or flowers or zigzag lines that mean nothing at all. I write in huge letters that take up three rows each. Flipping back through, those days make me smile.

★ Sometimes I just stop early, before hitting that magical three page mark. Despite all the videos saying it's basically three pages or die, I have not died yet. This shouldn't be a torture device, nor should it get in the way of real life. I didn't write at all the past two days, and guys? The world did not end. My migraines mean there are days when I have aphasia and can't make words happen, or my fine motor skills are trash and writing my own name feels like trying to dig out the Bread Basket in a high stakes game of Operation. I don't write much on those days because it frustrates me - but I could, because no one ever has to be able to read it, but I don't have to, and that makes me powerful. Sometimes my day launches before I'm even out of bed, and there's just no slowing down until my head hits the pillow that night. I don't write on those days either, because it would be just one more thing on a day that needs less things in it already.

★ I need a bit of a ritual to get my brain into Morning Pages mode because there are mornings when my brain just doesn't want to do it, for no very good reason at all. By having every session start with the same couple of steps, I don't have to think too hard to get started. Every entry starts with a little star at the top of the page. This started as a quick way to make sure my pen was working properly, but it makes me happy, so I've kept on, even though I have a really nice pen at the moment. Then I open the writing session with the date and "Good Morning!" - even if I've put off writing until later in the day. The greeting gets one whole line to itself, so I'm already making progress toward that three-page goal. Whenever I'm done, another little star goes at the bottom of the last page, just to close the session and help my brain switch gears again.

★★★So what has this done for me?★★★

I've caught myself thinking things like, "Oh, man. This would be a perfect topic for my Morning Pages. I should save it for that." But then, more often than not, just knowing I could write it in there is enough for me to let it go, right then and there, without any conscious effort. I get to my next set of Morning Pages, and I find myself writing about something completely different. My priorities are free to shift like that now. Instead of stewing over things, I can put them aside, and later on, with a little perspective, I discover that some of those things weren't all that important anyway.

I feel lighter and more in control. I think Intentional is the word. I feel like I'm here on purpose, doing things on purpose. I'm getting better at noticing which things are worth worrying about, and when I feel overwhelmed, I am better able to see my way clear of it.

I feel less pressure to be perfect in my other writings. "Just getting the words out" is easier in the Morning Pages, because I know no one will ever read them, and that's made me realize no one else will ever read the early drafts of my other writings either. I switch up my handwriting in my journal all the time. Some days it's chicken scratch. Others, it's perfect cursive. Or all caps. Whatever I feel like. And for someone who is embarrassingly concerned about the aesthetic of whatever I'm writing, that has been massively liberating. I started a writing journal for Magpie Grace recently as well, and a few pages in, I discovered that I preferred writing in it in all caps. In the past, I might have started over so the whole thing is in all caps, or given it up entirely as "ruined," but now, some is in caps, some is in cursive. No big deal.