#losing my mind week 20
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“Say it. Please.”
“I love you.”
“The way you feel it, Shikamaru,” she urged and ran her thumb across his wet cheeks. “Ya tebya lyublyu.”
His lip trembled, but he smiled.
“Rakastan sinua, kulta.”
Temari echoed the word, grinning as its richness seeped into her veins. Within moments, her hands trailed back, arms melting across his shoulders until her lips hovered dangerously close to his. Shikamaru’s palms lowered and settled on her waist, his gentle grip firming with anticipation. Temari could smell the ash on his breath as his nose brushed hers.
[...]
Kulta. Gold. His gold.
Temari had never felt more precious in her life.
Her eyes fluttered shut with the long, careful kiss he pressed on her lips, pushing every inch of her body against him until neither one of them could breathe.'
Grandmaster on ao3 by @notquitejiraiya
#More water smudgy experiment!#I am in love with GM shikatema#I will probably come back to this scene to draw them again#shika was sobbing through tears#and blushing big time#hopefully you can see it here#Tem is finally opening up and having beautiful epiphanies!#i love this fic so much 🥹#shikatema#naruto#grandmaster#nara shikamaru#notquitejiraiya#temari#losing my mind week 20
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if i weren’t dead broke id comm u so hard for catboy fc!charles bc charles xavier is so cat coded that at least ONE iteration of him deserves to get the catboy treatment in earnest, don’t let the bald cats (2019) homage be his legacy PLEASE ✋😭
take him.
#xmen#xmen movies#xmen first class#charles xavier#professor x#snap sketches#my head hurts. anyways i saw a gif of james mcavoy on twitter today so fine you will get your catboy#i also kinda miss drawing movieverse stuff but WHATEVER. weekends almost here maybe ill do those redraws <- probably not#now we move on because if i have to read anything catboy related one more time this week i will lose my mind and go for a 20 min walk#ill come back ofc but i cant be taking impromptu twenty minute walks. those are for the morning of course#and with the dog. ok my head fr hurts now bye bye
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the vulture dimension????? the body of lucy frostblade???? gorgug finally standing up to porter???? the preview for next week has me on edge and we have to wait a whole week again :(
#dimension 20#fantasy high#fantasy high junior year#fhjy spoilers#i am losing my mind so muchhhhh rn#what was those last like two whole minutes#the preview as well for next week has my mind running too#andie speaks
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Guilt, because for just a split second, for the moment before the horror had set in, Tula had been angry. An instant where she had thought, frustrated and petty, Of course I was right.
Barely a sentence thought for barely a second, and already something Tula knows she'll never be able to absolve herself from.
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words: 2,757
#N posts stuff#dimension 20#d20: stupendous stoats#burrow's end#d20 spoilers#N posts stories#more undead!tula forever and Always now baby!!!#i'm. really truly losing my mind over this reveal lmao; before i was like 'i have to get these out before the whole concept's jossed'#now the concern is 'i have to get these out before we get the Specifics jossed' and that's. bonkers to me; how exciting!#i don't usually write fast enough to feel a 'spoiler' tag is warranted but this one has been sitting in the drafts for a couple weeks#hence the quick turnaround ; so i'll toss one in there just in case
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ALRIGHT I HAVE FINISHED FRESHMAN YEAR OF FANTASY HIGH. What the hell. That was awesome I was grinning all the way through that. PLEASE tell me they dried the dragon meat or something there is no way two goblins could have gone through ALL of that before it rotted. Please tell me they cooked it that much raw meat can’t be good for anybody. I’m gonna start season two now. These kids drive me fucking insane
#kiri rambles#new hyperfixation has come on STRONG in the last week holy moly!!!#fantasy high#dimension 20#dimension 20 fantasy high#Riz killing the dragon was actually so amazing like holy shut#the SHADOW??? PROJECTING HUGE ON THE GYM???#and immediately losing it after telling Fabian to grab that kids eye???#they make me crazy they genuinely make me lose my mind I love this series so much#I saw a comment say that Riz’s bad rolls throughout the fight were symbolic to how he and his family get the short end of the stick due to-#-being goblins and how him STILL getting the killing blow on the dragon shows that he will get back up and shit like his dad said. it’s just#AARGH it’s so good. holy fuck#parts I got close to crying: the secret room and recording from Riz’s dad and Fabian’s dad’s death#<- I guess dad shit gets to me??? I have a great relationship with my dad so I guess it’s random but like. seriously#the whole thing was so good I can’t wait to go watch the second season now
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#I know I'm likely catastrophizing and also that a day or two won't make a difference#But I noticed a lump a month or two ago and then dismissed it as not a problem#I cannot remember why I did this. Like did it go away? Did I forget?#Either way I noticed it again today. Spent twenty minutes trying to reach my doctor's office#Before I was fully losing my mind (it's terrible on a good day to keep hearing 'we have a patient portal!' and 'we do urgent care on week!'#Once a minute.) And had to hang up and roll into work 30 minutes late#Just tried to call them again and they are at lunch#Like!! I just want an appointment and for someone to tell me it's not cancer or do a biopsy if it is#Because the internet suggests it could very well be cancer!!!!#And I'm limited on what else it could be based on symptoms so like. I'd like to speak to a fucking doctor#So I can know for sure#Either way I'm starting to investigate a new practice because this one has reassigned me three times in 1 year#So I want to try to find a place that is more stable and doesn't have 20+ minute wait times to speak to a human#Update that I called again and had to hang up after 20 minutes waiting for someone to answer#If the bridge weren't an issue I would show up in person#Anyways I'm now hoping to get through at another place and switch PCPs because this is unacceptable#Even the 'are you sick and need to get in today' option had a 10+ minute wait#Why even have a phone
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7 minutes of a phonecall with my mother is enough for me to start being a bitch lol
#i understand that going by train is a novelty for her but i spend half of my motherfucking life on trains and i feel sick just getting on em#but im '20 not 80' so i have no right to prefer not to spend 5.5 to 7 fucking hours on a train (which will ALWAYS be longer than it says)#when i can split that journey in 2 instead because. AGAIN. ive been getting on longer train rides at least twice a week on average#(sometimes more) for the past 3 years and i KNOW FOR A FACT that i start losing my goddamn mind and getting overstimulated after 3-4 hours#and i KNOW its gonna be a fucking NIGHTMARE for me to go on a completely avoidable 7 hour long ride WITH HER SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO ME#and its not that we really MUST choose the cheapest option because the difference will be like 20 zł at best#what the fuck is that woman's problem#the fact that she cant understand that 7 hours of sitting motionless in a closed space with Other People is nightmarish for me#and i cant explain it to her because we keep playing this fucked up game where i pretend that im Normal and not Mentally Fucked Up#but i can only keep it going for so long before the symptoms of Not Being As Normal As We Both Hoped Id Be start to show#and i can only mask them for so long too and why is it so hard to split that fucking train ride#and then IM the evil one and a bitch when i tell her 'okay we'll do it your way' cause she Doesnt Deserve That Tone From Me#babygirl you deserve SO much worse from me particularly fuck this this trip is gonna be a nightmare#i want siblings so bad. i just want someone on my fucking team why am i always simultaneously the Stupid the Bad and the Crazy one here
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Daily November crying sessions start today
#why. who. how. how tf does my professor think it's okay to assign 4 major assignments in the same amount of weeks + 4-6 readings every week#all of which are ~20 pages.#i've got all that to do and another big assignment for a different class. plus the weekly readings and reflections for that one.#and i have work.#i've stupidly decided to volunteer for a thing on saturday in the hopes of bulking up my resume + rubbing elbows with the administration.#and i have a medical thing on friday and i'll be looped out and likely will have to sleep half the day. probably won't get ANY work done.#what else..... some fairly easy stuff for my other class thank GOD. but a lot of reading and preparing for a few big essays.#november is the month i hate the fucking most. i always lose my mind in november. and no wonder!!!!!!#meanwhile people are bugging me to hang out. i will be in a student-coma until approx. the first week of december. see you then. peace.#oh and my BIL + SIL sitting me down and showing me all their europe honeymoon photos for 2 HOURS last night is also not helping my mood.#fuck you lol#like i'm happy for you and nice photos but also? Fuck You.#if i can offer some dark humour though.....#my fic axis exists because of a legitimate smidge of insanity i experienced last year. it shifted the way i looked at the world and at grie#sooooo i wonder what kind of fic my mind will crank out this time?#i don't think i'm at risk of losing it this year though. doesn't seem that way. but we'll see!#i can write/draw good things without sacrificing my mental health first i can write/draw good things without sacrificing my mental health f#rst i can write/draw good things without sacrificing my mental health first i can write/draw good things without sacrificing my mental heal
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#I do this thing where I keep comparing myself and my life to other people my age who live like ‘normal lives’ where they live with just#their partner and work decent-ish paying jobs#and don’t live near family/have large family obligations#like I make slightly more than minimum wage#my health stuff had been getting worse#my fiancé is disabled/chronically ill and working her ass off so she doesn’t have excess energy#which leaves a lot of house work on me#which is fine and I don’t mind#and our household is me my fiancé my 23 yo sister and we’ve all lived together for like 3 years now and my sister makes a lot more money &#helps with house stuff#/maintenance#but my younger sister and her 9 month old moved in at the beginning of summer because her baby daddy is a scum bag#and she’s 20 and really mentally unwell#so a lot of baby care falls on me & my fiancé#along with trying to help my sister with her mental health#which is like not normal levels of unwell it’s like serious shit and she’s completely unmedicated and going through a real hard time and not#adjusting to motherhood well cause she was 19 and shouldn’t have had a baby#and like she knows that but what’s done is done#she can’t move back in with my parents because her relationship with them is too fucked#and like there’s also complicated stuff safety and bad ppl in her life so that’s a stress inducing factor#she’s unemployed and I’m not sure will ever be able to work and can’t drive#not her fault just the reality we live in#also we’re the ppl who live closest to my grandmother who’s health has been rapidly declining so a lot of that has fallen on my other sister#and me to manage#I also have to pet sit a lot because I need the money#and when I come home I have to spend all my time getting the house back in order#also I’m about to be losing a days worth of pay starting September cause the kids I nanny are doing two half days a week of prek#which means less money & with these grocery bills and two more mouths to feed is gonna fuck me in the ass#so like yeah I don’t have the time or energy for hobbies I spend all my damn free time trying to keep the house clean or taking care of#The baby & like it’s just the way it is but it’s not comprable to how all the ppl I knew in highschool r living rn
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i havent slept all night because i was suddenly super paranoid that if i did i was going to go into sleep paralysis and in general ive gotten like a total of maybe 20 hours of sleep (30 maximum) this whole week anyway but like i cant sleep now bcs unusual sleeping patterns are one of the things that could make sleep paralysis more likely to be triggered but also i cant stay awake for too much longer bcs after 36 hours of being awake u can start hallucinating anyway which ive already done on several occasions having gotten plenty of sleep, which makes me additionaly afraid that i might be prone to sleep paralysis, what is even going on rn
#i dont experience like health anxiety related shit what is this???#i reckon im about 20 hours into not sleeping helppp#what if i cant get to sleep i already have a hard time enough sleeping as it is#also its soooo mf hot#also im like 80% convinced this house is at least a little haunted#maybe 90% convinced even#doing well lol#alex says shit#anyway dont mind this post i am just dropping my whole life story on tumblr bcs my parents would be pissed at me for not sleeping#my sister would think im losing it#and i have NO friends#anyway slay#im so sorry to everyone who follows me and has had to see all my vent posts this week#for some reason ive been feeling bad#idk but its chill
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the milfs hate me, the dilfs hate me... the women hate me.... the men hate me...... the only one who doesnt hate me is a girlfail tgirl who wont leave me alone
this post is about gacha games
#genshin and hsr got me losing my mind collectively#was pulling for chiori a couple weeks back plus weapon and lost almost every 50/50 it was insane#cue hsr now i just wanted gallagher. how abt 20 pity yanqing and another 36 marches instead says the game#maybe i just want a dilf once in a while huh#at least my beloved cowboy is now guaranteed..
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starting writing a new fanfic like
#hey so i spent way way to long this evening trying to pindown random stuff like:#how old in the uk do you have to be to join the army#how old in the uk do you have to be to be a legal guardian#what age do you lose talents in this world (answer: 20)#and then trying to write a timeline with all that while making SENSE without without him being 20 and losing his talent!#other things i next get to research: how do children express trauma 🙃 why am i doing this#tune in next week when i completely lose my mind figuring out the timeline the author has DELIBERATELY left vague on some things 🥰#me myself and i#fanfiction
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i;m so ready i’m so so so so so ready pleaSE AVENTURINE PLEEAASSEEEE save me mono imaginary aventurine save me
#AHHHUGGNGHGJGG]#I CANNOT WAIT ANOTHER WEEK I’M LOSING MY FUCKING MIND#1.8k def on my lvl 20 march w/ a lvl 70 light cone i;m dying I[M DYING.#PLSEASEE
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Kms dude i want that stupid garfield pillow pet SO BAD but I'm POOR
#personal..?#garfield#losing my mind#i have like $65 to stretch over 2 weeks#plus /maybe/ $15-20 in tips??#I'm so tired#i worked 11 hours yesterday and I'm working like 10 today
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Btw almost every single person in my uni housings corridor has been studying for like 3-5 years and they all looks so old and ive noticed that its just because when i look into the mirror i still see my 14 year old self
#may be because i lost 4 years of my life to depression induced memory loss EL OH EL!#like im going to throw upppppppppp im a 15 year old surrounded by people in their 20s ITS NOT NORMAL!#ive got some girls in my anglistics classes who are around my age btw and 1. theyre ALL ALMANS (german germans) 2. my age yet i STILL dont#fit in#and idk if i started uni too soon if uni is even right for me but i feel like i need to do something now or ill lose my mind#sham!s rambles#i ate only spaghetti and chocolate today and made my dream husband in sims 4 and ran around for an in-game week#gifting every villager their favourite items in stardew valley#because today was my rest day and i already have mandatory reading to do and im going to be sick#because when people say enjoy uni i didnt think its just 6/12 months in a year of stumbling through life#sorry for the friday night scaries 😭
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trying so hard not to wallow and feel sorry for myself but like 😁😁 how is it fair to tell someone they’re a great worker and they did nothing wrong and then let them go and the only explanation you give them is “we can’t pay all these full-time people anymore” ?? like damn i know i’ve been wanting a change in my life but i didn’t mean losing my fucking job for no reason
#it’s genuinely insane to me and so shady#every time layoffs happen they say it’s because the business is doing badly and payrolls too high#but they’ll let 15 people go and then hire 20 more within a week so that’s clearly not the case#and the fact that everyone’s been talking about how we’re understaffed specifically on weekends and nights#and i am THE ONLY ONE who works every single weekend friday-sunday and closes every weekend shift and most weekday shifts#like the layoffs don’t make sense in the first place but truly genuinely give me one single logical reason for letting ME go specifically#and if you can’t do that when i directly ask how the decision was made then i can’t trust any of the vague bullshit explanations you give#massive fuck you to my now former job because jesus christ the way this company operates is just awful#sorry for ranting on here to strangers i’m just losing my mind over this!!#vent#lj.txt
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