#look i need to distract myself from how emotional the episode made me

[forgetmaenott]

oh they could never make me hate you caine

[snowysosturn]

Speeding Car - Matt Sturniolo Part 12

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29

Pairing : y/n x Matt Sturniolo

Summary : After six years with your boyfriend Alex, you start to mentally check out. At a UCLA party, Alex reconnects with his childhood friend Emily, who proposes a double date with her boyfriend Matt. Your attraction to Matt grows as he pays you the first real attention you've had in years, sparking a complicated emotional journey.

Warnings : MDNI, tension, angst

The silence in my apartment made me spiral after Alex stormed out, slamming the door behind him. I replayed our argument over and over, each word cutting deeper. How did we get here? I’d spent the last month caring for him, rearranging my life to cater to him. Now, he was off to Barcelona with Emily, leaving me to pick up the pieces. A bitter laugh escaped me. Of course, he chose her over me. I couldn't even spend our last night together before his trip.

I angrily wiped away tears, trying to suppress the rising wave of emotions. It wasn't just the argument with Alex that hurt, it was everything else too. Matt’s silence since the fight, the confusion about what almost happened between us, and the sinking feeling that maybe I wasn’t enough. Not for Alex, not for anyone.

Curling up on the couch, the apartment felt empty and cold. I didn’t know what to do with myself. Now there was nothing to distract me from the growing loneliness. My phone buzzed, and my heart skipped a beat, hoping it was Alex with an apology. But it was Nick. Surprised, I hesitated before opening the message.

 "Hey, are you okay? I heard Alex is staying here tonight.. Do you want to hang out?"

I hadn’t realized how much I needed someone to reach out until I saw Nick’s message. I was grateful for the reach out. I quickly replied, "I’d really like that. I can order you an Uber?"

His response came instantly. "Yeah, that’d be great. Thanks."

As I waited for Nick to arrive, a mix of emotions swirled inside me. I hadn’t expected to hear from him, let alone tonight. The last time I saw Nick was the same night I last saw Matt, and now that he was coming over, I wasn’t sure what to expect. But one thing was clear - I was grateful someone cared enough to check on me, even if it wasn’t the person I had hoped for.

When Nick arrived, his soft smile and warm greeting were comforting. “Hey girl” he said, his voice soothing. We sat on the couch, and after a brief silence, he said, “I’m really sorry about everything that’s been going on.”

“Everything’s just a mess, you know? I’ve been trying so hard to make things work with Alex, but it feels like I’m the only one who cares. And now he’s off to Barcelona with Emily, and I’m just.. here.”

Nick nodded thoughtfully. “Yeah, I get that. It’s not fair that he left like that, especially after everything you’ve done for him, but don’t worry we’re making sure you’re busyyyyy while he’s away.”

I smirked at his last comment, I could really use more time out of the house. “I just don’t understand what I’m doing wrong. Why does it feel like I’m never enough?”

“You’re not doing anything wrong.” Nick said firmly. “Alex is the one who’s screwing up, not you. You’ve been bending over backward for him, and he’s just taking you for granted.”

His words hit me hard, and I had to look away, blinking back tears. “It just hurts, you know? I’ve given so much, and it feels like he doesn’t even care. I just feel so lonely.”

Nick placed a comforting hand on my arm. “You deserve better than that, Y/n. You deserve someone who actually appreciates everything you do. Maybe it's time to end things with him?”

No one had ever said those words to me before, so it came as a shock. “Maybe.. But thank you, Nick. It means a lot.”

We talked for a while, gossiped and watched some episodes of RuPaul’s Drag Race and slowly, the weight of the evening lifted. 

Matt’s POV

The next morning, the blaring jingle of my alarm pulled me from a restless sleep. I quietly got dressed, trying not to wake Emily, who was sprawled across the bed, completely oblivious to the storm brewing in my head.

Once I was ready, I nudged Emily gently. “Hey, we need to get going soon if you want to make your flight.”

She groaned, burying her face in the pillow. “Just five more minutes…”

“Emily, come on” I said, trying to keep my voice calm. “You’re gonna miss your flight if you don’t get up.”

“Ughhh, fine.” she mumbled, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. She looked at me through half open eyes, clearly not a morning person. “Why do these flights have to be so early?”

I didn’t answer, knowing it wouldn’t make a difference. I grabbed her suitcase to carry it downstairs and started wheeling it towards the door. Alex was already waiting, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. He looked just as groggy as Emily, but there was a tension in his jaw that told me he hadn’t forgotten our argument. I knew better than to bring it up again.

The car ride to the airport was quiet, filled with the sound of Emily typing away on her phone. She showed me pictures of clubs and bars she wanted to visit in Barcelona, but my mind was elsewhere.

“Do you know anyone in Barcelona?” Emily asked suddenly. “Maybe you could get us into some VIP sections or something?”

“Emily, I’m just a YouTuber. Who the fuck would I know out in Barcelona?”

She pouted slightly, disappointed. “Oh, come on, you must know someone. Doesn’t everyone in LA have some kind of connection?”

“Not really my scene, Em..” I replied, focusing on the road.

We pulled up to the airport, the morning sun just starting to peak over the horizon. I parked the car and helped them with their bags. The airport buzzed with people rushing to catch flights.

I gave Emily a kiss goodbye as Alex walked to check in. “See you in 10 days, don't miss me too much! I love you!” Emily said, looking over her shoulder as she walked toward Alex.

“Have a great time Em, love you too.” I lingered by the entrance, watching them navigate the crowd together. Emily clung to Alex’s arm, talking animatedly about something. Alex seemed more interested in getting their bags through. I felt a strange emptiness in my chest. The argument with Alex, the tension between us, and now this.. something had to change. But I wasn’t sure what or how.

I drove back home, the sun now fully up. The roads weren't clear anymore, and neither was my mind. The silence in the car was deafening, and for the first time in a long while, I wished Emily was here with me, chatting away about something meaningless purely to take my mind off everything.

My mind was a mess of thoughts, always circling back to Nick and Y/n. I couldn’t get over the fact that Nick had gone to her place last night. Why did she call an Uber for him? Was she avoiding me? I know I hadn’t been in touch with her but It wasn’t intentional, things got so complicated. But maybe that was just an excuse. I was scared.. scared of what might happen if I did see her again.

A notification popped up on my dashboard screen, snapping me out of my thoughts. A message from Nick: “Can you come pick me up from Y/n’s?”

My heart skipped a beat at the sight of her name. I made Siri send a quick response, “On my way!”

The drive to Y/n’s apartment was short, but it felt like forever. My mind raced with questions. Was I going to see her?

When I finally pulled up outside her building, my heart was pounding. I scanned the area, hoping to catch a glimpse of her, but there was no sign of her car that's usually parked in the same spot. I parked up, texting Nick to let him know I was outside and waited.

After a few minutes, Nick emerged, smiling as he spotted my car. I couldn’t help the wave of disappointment when I realized Y/n wasn’t with him to show him out. Nick got in, buckling his seatbelt.

“Morning” he greeted.

“Morning,” I replied. “Where’s Y/n?”

“Oh she went to work hours ago.” Nick explained. “She told me I could stay as long as I wanted when she left, she just put the door on auto lock so it would close properly behind me.”

Nick kept up a steady string of conversation on the drive home, mostly talking about how nice it was to hang out with Y/n last night. I tried to focus, but my thoughts kept drifting back to her. What if she was mad at me? What if she regretted almost kissing me? Did she even mention me at all? The uncertainty was eating me alive.

Nick must have noticed my silence. “You okay, Matt? You’ve been pretty quiet.”

I forced a smile. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired, I guess, from being up so early..”

Nick didn’t seem convinced, but he didn’t push it. Instead, he leaned back and let the music fill the car, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

By the time we got back to the house, I was exhausted, not just physically, but mentally. The weight of everything that had happened over the past few weeks was hitting me, and I knew I couldn’t keep ignoring it. But right now, all I wanted was to crawl back into bed and shut the world out, even if just for a little while.

Y/n’s POV

The blaring sound of my alarm clock pulled me out of the depths of a short sleep. Nick and I were laughing so much last night that it ended up being very late getting to bed. I groaned, rubbing the exhaustion from my eyes as I rolled out of bed. Today was the last of my early morning shifts at Target, and the thought of returning to a normal schedule next week was the only thing keeping me going.

These early shifts had been isolating, to say the least. It felt like everyone else was living their lives in a different time zone, and I was drifting in a space where no one else existed. Even Jess, who used to be my go to for venting about the monotony of day to day life, had been absent. We hadn’t seen or heard from each other since the night of Alex’s fight either. Opposite shifts had kept us apart, and I missed her more than I realized.

By the time my shift ended, I felt drained, not just from the physical exhaustion, but from the emotional toll everything had taken on me. I checked my phone as I walked out of the store, blinking against the harsh daylight. There was a text from Alex. Hesitating for a moment, I finally opened it.

“I’m sorry about last night. I know I’ve been a lot to deal with lately. I don’t want you to feel like you’re not enough because you are. I promise I’ll make it up to you when I get back. I love you.”

Reading his apology didn’t bring the comfort it might have once. Instead, it felt like another weight added on, making it harder to breathe. I realized, in that moment, that I was done. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. But admitting it to myself and actually going through with ending things with Alex were two very different things. I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to face that yet. Not now, not with everything else piling up around me.

I typed out a quick response, keeping it brief. “Okay. Have a safe flight. Love you too.”

Moments later, another message from Alex popped up. “Thanks. Can you keep an eye on my email while I’m gone? Still waiting to hear from the board about their decision.”

My heart sank. I completely forgot the internal investigation after the fight had weighed heavily on him, and me by extension. The Bruins management had mentioned the possibility of a suspension or even stripping away his captaincy, a thought that had left him in a state of constant anxiety. I’d been there for him through it all, yet it seemed like no matter what I did, it was never enough to pull him out of his own head.

When I finally got home, the only thing I wanted was to collapse into bed. The thought of being awake and overthinking was too much to bear, and I let myself fall into the comfort of my blankets and I drifted into a fitful sleep.

When I woke up, it was dark outside. I felt disoriented, my mind still tangled in the remnants of dreams I couldn’t remember. The apartment was silent, and the loneliness hit me harder than I expected. I’d grown used to having someone around, even if that someone was Alex, with all his faults and shortcomings. But last night, when Nick had stayed over, it had been different. There was something comforting about his presence, something that made the emptiness feel less suffocating.

But it made me realise how much I missed Matt. The way he’d disappeared from my life so suddenly had left a void that no one else could fill. Even having Nick around hadn’t been enough to keep me from thinking about Matt. The connection we’d shared, brief as it was, had been real. I could still feel the electricity from that almost kiss, the tension that had hung between us like a charged wire.

In a moment of weakness, I found myself reaching for my phone. I wondered what Matt was doing right now. Did he ever think about me? Did he miss me as much as I missed him? My thumb hovered over the Youtube search bar, a reckless idea forming in my mind.

The Sturniolo Triplets.

It didn’t take long to find their YouTube channel. My heart raced as I clicked on the first video that caught my eye, the familiar sound of Matt’s voice filling the room. As the video played, I felt a strange sense of comfort wash over me. This was probably the closest I’d get to him again, watching him through a screen, pretending he was still a part of my life.

But as much as I tried to lose myself in the videos, the loneliness crept back in. The emptiness that Matt’s absence had left was still there, refusing to be ignored. Just as I was about to close the app, my phone buzzed with a new message.

Nick 💜:  “Want to hit Topgolf in a bit? One of our friends from Boston is here. We can pick you up on the way.”

We? who was we?

a/n: okay kind of a filler chapter buuuuut maybe just maybe a certain two people reunite in the next chapter

taglist : @muwapsturniolo @anitahunt @sturnfannn @jayde510 @chrissfavhoe @babyalliah-777 @v33angel @urmom69lol @willowrites @ribread03 @2muchofaslvt @sturnsaver @sleepysturniolo @jcsturniolo11 @jessie-essie @hoeforchrizz @mynbbys @sturniolopanini @mattsturnxoxo @delicatechrry @t77te @sturnsyaper69 @hotdismylife @maggot3647 @ivysturnss @noplaceissafeanymore @mattssgf @yourfavsturniologirl @maethem0nth @sillyponygrl @mattyblover07 @imjusthereforthesturniolosmut @dominicfikeenthusiast @mattsfavbigtitties @ncm9696

[essycogany]

The Apology - Sonic Prime Alternate Ending

Just a heads up, this story is different from what happened in the last episode. Characters know things they didn’t before, the Chaos Council are not present, and stuff like that. Enjoy!

Sonic landed on his stomach, coughing as he tried to regain his sense of awareness. He seriously needed a 12 hour nap after this. Maybe more, depending on how things go. He was in Nine’s now polished lab after a huge fight between them ended. Shaking his head, Sonic stared up at a hammock that wasn’t originally there, being held up by fresh and healthy palm trees. It swayed back and forth by an unexpected breeze from a hole in the shield that protected the shatterspace. Crystals collided together in a storm of destruction. Which also caused parts of the shield to break. Perhaps The Grim was starting to decay now that Nine was losing control of his powers. Sonic was too brain dead to tell.

Standing up, Nine was already on edge and no amount of sanity was left in his brain. The little fox snarled at the hedgehog. Ready to pounce like a wild beast, charging at its opponent. But an instantaneous thud distracted him, causing him to flinch. The uninvited guest charged at Nine defensively. They didn’t touch him, but made sure he didn’t attack Sonic. Shadow came into view from behind the group. His hands were already curved into fists. “Sonic, quit stalling. We don't have time for this. We have to take him down,” he demanded. Sonic stood up quickly but didn’t leave his post. “I can reason with him, okay? Just trust me.”

“Didn’t you already try that? And failed,” Rebel asked in annoyance. Her ears flattened as she slapped her face in frustration. “That’s it, the kid’s gone insane,” Knucks stated bluntly, holding onto Rebel’s arm to comfort her.

Nine’s eyes and ears twitched in fear and his head jolted every time someone spoke. His lips dried and his heart rate increased, but his smile was cunning. He slowly approached Sonic with a freshly baked condescending comment ready for him. “As usual, Sonic The Hedgehog only cares about himself and what he wants.” Nine sounded as if he regained his confidence, but Sonic wasn’t fooled. He knew Nine well enough to understand he was still hurt. He hardly heeded his comment. Not because he didn’t deserve it, but because it wasn’t true. He walked forward with his ears down and put a hand to his chest. “Nine, I’m sorry I hurt you. I really am. But there’s people out there…” He pondered his words. “A you out there with a Sonic who’s failed to keep him safe.” Sonic struggled to not sound emotional but the lump in his throat wasn’t getting the message. Nine scoffed. “How many times do I have to embed into that stupid head of yours that I am not Ta-!”

“You’re right,” Sonic admitted. “You’re not him and you never will be. You are your own person and I shouldn’t take that away from you.” Nine chuckled awkwardly and tramped backwards. “What was with this guy? His stubbornness could've been admirable if it wasn’t at my expense.” Nine thought as his mechanical tails shifted. Was he starting to believe him?

Sonic realized Nine's attitude lightened up, but braced himself for his next words. “You said I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t try to be the hero, am I right?” He looked at Nine for confirmation and he didn’t move an inch. He only gave an agitated grumble under his breath.

“Well, I can’t live with myself now because I still haven’t fixed the mistake I caused. My home is still gone and my friends…m-my friends…” Sonic stuttered. Then pulled his face away from everyone, staring at the now bigger crack in the shield. His eyes marginally felt wet. Shadow noticed this and unclenched his fist. “Sonic, you don’t have to…”

“They’re the reason I’m still fighting. If I couldn’t protect them before, maybe I wasn't the hero they deserved.” Sonic put a hand to his eyes as his face fell. He let out a breathless laugh, forcefully keeping himself together.

“That’s an understatement,” Nine spat out with a snicker. He didn’t exactly know why he said that. Nine didn’t even know if he felt bad or not, but immediately regretted his reply once Sonic’s body aggressively tensed up. The crystals started hitting the shield severely, helping the intense ambience of the room increase.

Sonic quickly wiped his eyes and marched towards Nine assertively. “But I’m not stopping until I’m able to see them again.” Sonic glared at Nine and the others joined him, walking behind him despite little room being left in the area. Shadow stood next to Sonic. “And we’ll do everything in our power to ensure he does.” Sonic gave Shadow an addled look. He stared back and uncharacteristically softened his expression. It wasn’t quite a smile, but close to one. Nine’s eyes fired up and his mechanical tails bolted out from behind him. His hair spreaded out as if lightning struck it.“Y-You’re crazy. You seriously think a stupid disquisition is going to make things better?”

“A dis-wha?”

Nine turned to Shadow with a humorous grin. “Sad that this is the one you got stuck with, isn’t it?” Shadow rolled his eyes while folding his arms like a disappointed dad. Sonic retorted with his arms raised in vexation. “The point is yes, I’m the reason all of this is happening. But Nine you have the ability to bring our worlds back together.”

“You see what he’s doing?! He’s manipulating me into bringing his home back! Without thinking about the consequences or what could happen to us in the process.” Nine’s turbulent eyes couldn’t believe what was happening. Suddenly Thorn jumped in front of Sonic, feeling offended on his behalf. Her hammer was up and ready to strike at any given moment. Sonic just needed to say the word, and she’d defend him. “All we know is he’s at least trying to bring back a world where all of us are connected. That is what you’re doing, right Sonic?” Thorn turned to him. Sonic gave her a sad smile and nodded slowly. She nodded back and loosened the grip on her hammer. Sonic mouthed a thank you for keeping her temper in check.

“So that’s it? You’re willing to give up your own existence for some stranger because he told you to?! Are you kidding me?!”

Knucks came in front, hitting his mitts together every few seconds.“If it means we don’t have to constantly fight the Chaos Bozos to get our homes back, sure. I’m willin’ to trade.”

“Unlike you…” Rebel said with authority. “Sonic has done more than enough to save each of us. We should return the favor.”

Sonic’s eyes widened. “Really? All of you are willing to…” He trailed off.

Gnarly stood behind everyone else and nervously scratched his hat. “Are you guys sure we shouldn’t vote on this?” The other scavengers growled at him.

“This might be our only option,” Thorn sighed. Then she inadvertently held Sonic’s hand. “You might think you’re not the hero your friends deserve, but I definitely believe if they were here, they’d be just as proud as we are. And angry at you for giving yourself a hard time,” she added while tightening her grip to admonish Sonic. The rest of the shatterverse crew nodded in agreement and their stances grew less rigid. Sonic smiled at them sweetly. These guys may not be his original friends, and it might’ve taken him forever to realize that, but he still felt their spirits within his new ones.

“Idiots! All of you!” Nine lashed out, gritting his teeth. His fangs stuck out in front of his lips and he bit them with every word he was ready to unleash. “And Sonic, you might as well accept the fact that you lost because…”

Sonic gritted his own teeth and pressed his own words furiously towards Nine. “I’m not finished!” Shadow for once was proud of Sonic and slightly smiled in approval. It’s about time he silenced this crazy fox. Knucks on the other hand, tilted his head to the side. “Are you sure about this, kid? Because he seems pretty finished,” he warned, trying to calm Sonic down. Luckily, his temper fell and he let out a heavy exhale.

“Friends don’t force each other to stay with them forever. That’s not how friends work. Neither of us gets to choose our futures. I’m sorry I didn’t explain that to you sooner.” Nine backed up again. This hedgehog is full of surprises. He could admit that. “I also appreciate how you wanted to create a place for the two of us, but Shadow and I can’t be stuck here forever. The longer we’re trapped is the longer he’s not home and I’m not with Tails and the others.”

Tails. Sonic must’ve really cared about the kit. Tails might appear to be nothing like Nine, but he felt a familiarity to the name whenever it was called. It was the same feeling he felt on his first meeting with Sonic. Then he swallowed it down. Sonic was still wrong. Though Nine didn’t know why this time. He turned his head from Sonic, but couldn’t break their gaze simultaneously. Sonic stared into Nine's sad blue eyes. He wasn’t looking at Nine with anger but leniency. A few minutes passed and the audience behind Sonic grew impatient and muttered bitterly to themselves. “Look outside Nine and tell me your actions are any better than mine. If you can do that, I’ll back off.” Nine laughed, but for seemingly no reason in particular. “We’d be doomed.” Sails huffed and kicked a rock on the ground with a pouted lip.

Nine’s ears twitched again and he almost retorted. Until he saw the cracks of the broken shield tearing apart like glass. Then he noticed a bit of light from the prism growing darker. He turned back to Sonic. From Nine’s perspective his face was full of anger, pain, exhaustion, and determination. The dude was so stubborn. So annoyingly stubborn. He’s putting everything on Nine’s shoulders and it wasn’t fair. The fox had nowhere to run. No one else to blame. Sonic already admitted his faults as if it was the most unpretentious confession in the world. Nothing. That’s what was going to be left of his own shatterspace. Nine took a breath, walked towards his computer, and began to type.

***

Surprise! A Sonic Prime alternate ending! I wanted to make a short rewrite of the apology and address things I felt needed to be addressed. Why did I leave on a cliffhanger? Because I wanted others to have their own conclusions. While I do like the idea of Nine not quite “becoming good” but just gaining a respect for Sonic, you can interpret however you want. Thanks for reading!

[breakerwhiskey]

259 - TWO HUNDRED FIFTY NINE

Please visit breakerwhiskey.com for more information or to send a message to Whiskey's radio. Breaker Whiskey is an Atypical Artists production created by Lauren Shippen. If you'd like to support the show, please visit patreon.com/breakerwhiskey.

Transcript under the cut. For more episodes, click here.

[click, static]

Well. We, uh, made up.

I—

[click, static]

It’s not fixed, it’s not like everything is suddenly—there’s still a lot we need to…

(clears throat)

She—she came looking for me. I wasn’t even done transmitting and she well, it was a long conversation and I’m not sure how much I—But I think I can probably give you the highlights. She said she wouldn’t give up. That I could keep moving in whatever direction I want to and she would be right behind me. That she’d stay there until I wanted her next to me. That she—

She told me that she wouldn’t ever stop loving me even if I decided I couldn’t forgive her. That she’d love me even if I chose to love someone else. That she wanted to watch me keep loving the world, in the hopes that it would help me love her again. (a small laugh) And that she wants me to shout at her whenever it seems like she’s forgetting that, whenever she starts to hold me too tightly.

She wanted to start over. That’s the only thing she asked of me. That we could start fresh, get to know each other again, leave everything behind and try to…try to make something new, even if it’s just a friendship. Even if we’re still strangers two years from now.

I told her no. I can’t start over. I won’t. I can’t forget what she’s told me, I can’t box away every contradictory feeling I’ve had for her. And I don’t know where that leaves us but I—in that moment, after hearing the last secret she had from me, that she loves me—I just decided, to hell with it, if this is—if she’s going to spent the next…who the hell knows how long, trying to get my forgiveness, my trust again, then I’m going into that with all the information I can and I—I kissed her.

I didn’t…I didn’t expect anything from it. I just kissed her the once, not a prelude to anything, simple and earnest, but I just had to know. I’ve spent too much time, too many years, not knowing. And maybe it was unfair of me, to ask that of her without being able to promise the exact nature of the feelings behind it but she, uh, she didn’t seem to mind.

She didn’t stop at kissing me once. And the moment she put her arms around me…(laughs) I had no hope. Passion is an emotion that can come from so many origin points and I don’t know if it was love or anger or some combination of what she brings out in me but…well, it turns out just shutting up and working out our issues in different ways is…not a bad idea.

[a door opens behind Whiskey]

So that’s where we—that’s where we are. (smiling) Um, and—

[footsteps approaching]

Well, I’m still not letting her broadcast on my frequencies, but she’s—

(off mic) Yes, I have been talking about you and you know that—

(on mic) Like I said, things aren’t fixed, but it’s—it feels like moving forward for the first time in a long time and—

(distracted) And, um, well she’s been…it’s like a floodgate has opened and—(off mic, laughing) Harry, get off—

[click, static]

(breathless) Sorry, uh…maybe I should keep doing these by myself seeing as someone can’t keep their hands—

[click, static]

Jesus, sorry—I got on here for a reason, you know.

Because, well, I finally got my wish. My other wish. Our date this morning. I don’t even know what to do with the length of this message. I can’t tell where it ends and begins but I’m going to—I’m going to try. I said I’d sit in front of the radio for hours and copy out morse code and I’m sticking to that promise.

It really is nice having so many radios.

I’m recording and it seems like it’s going to keep going for a little while so—

(off mic, exasperated) Harry—

[click, static]

Yeah, okay, I’m gonna go—

Signing off.

[click, static]

[olivescales3]

The Forgotten Legends of Chima, Episode 1

Writer's notes at the end of the post

I thought I knew him well, after spending my entire childhood alongside him, but now, he stabbed me through the back. No… It can't be—

This can't be him… He would never do something like this. Or so I thought – he has shoved me aside and stolen the Golden Chi from my grasp.

The furious crocodile stands tall, exuding resentment through every fiber of his body, from the tense muscles to the frowning eyebrows. The shadows projected onto him by hundreds of green leaves seem to discolor his vibrant scales. They form delicate petals that flutter at the wind's command; a force so fierce enough to sway his intimidatingly torn cape.

As I lean onto a nearby tree and regain my posture, I can't help but ruminate on emotion-driven doubts lingering in mind… How could someone hurt their childhood friend? This doesn't make sense! We haven't seen each other in years, but there is no way he would do something like this out of the blue. I'm certain that he is innocent – not because we were childhood friends, but because he was one of the kindest animals I have ever met. 

I don't know who hurt him, the criminal who slaughtered his child-like innocence, and worse… I can't stop worrying about what he did to my friend's eye. It was once brimming with emotion and life, but now the only remains I see is a lifeless pearl that can't shine anymore. It was slashed with so much hatred that wrath was buried underneath its scar, which ran from his left eyebrow down to the jaw.

"Cragger… look, it's been quite some time since we last met, right? We can talk it out, solve this problem and… Maybe make things clear?", I mumble whilst my arm trembles as I try to reach out to him, "I need to know what happened. Why did you do this?"

The struggle Chima had with the Wolf Tribe put everyone under stress, and that made the demand for Chi more intense than ever. Each tribe became more wary of one another…

"I know that the conspiracies surrounding you are false. You didn't know that Wilhurt was there. We fell into an ambush… nothing that happened during this was your fault!"

They made him expect forgiveness for something out of his control. They thought that my friend caused the incident, that he was responsible for everything that happened to me.

I am not like that, and I will do anything to prove this.

One slow step at a time, I expose myself, opening my arms, at risk of any attack.

We're at the Forever Rock. Cragger and I would play here almost everyday, and yet this is where I first see him in five years… five years since he was attacked, right here.

I glance at the old, discolored blood stains that mark the dry dirt beneath our toes. Although we are surrounded by bountiful grass and near a stunning crystal-clear lake, it is impossible to distract ourselves, with the miracle of nature, from the unnecessary trauma and misunderstandings.

The crocodile backs away, his claws clutching onto the shiny, gold crystal Chi, and on the other hand, his double sided sword. A long shadow, projected by his body blocking off the sunlight, occludes the Forever Rock, gatekeeping our lovely days behind grudges.

His single eye twitches, trying to pay attention both to the crystal in his grasp and me. His nostrils flare, he clenches his big, impressive crocodilian teeth.

"Laval… Don't- don't come closer, don't even think about reaching me. This might be the end of us." He warns me, slowly pointing his sword at my direction, "We shouldn't have met each other…"

His body begins to give up on him, weighing him down on his legs, but he resists his weakness and maintains balance.

His pupils constrict, "No. I shouldn't have met you, disgraceful lion! Ever since we became friends, your tribe has changed my life for the worst.", he kicks the ground in frustration.

To my dismay, Cragger stabs the soil multiple times. Not just once, but twice, thrice— I can't count how many times he shoved his weapon deep into the ground, but he repeats this brute movement with exceeding passion.

The sword is thrown downwards, and, finally, gets stuck in between dirt's crevice. Cragger grabs the handle that's sticking out like a sore thumb. He wiggles the object in despair. 

I can't stand up, but I slowly approach my friend, wobbling short hops with my right foot.

"I… understand it now. It's all politics— my childhood was just a tool. Like my status as prince."

I couldn't even reach him…!

No… no, no! Where did I go wrong— what didn't I do right? If my words were unable to reach him, then what am I supposed to do now?

He collapses onto the floor, sobbing from between his fangs, pleading for help. Tears flood from his right eye and rain on top of the dead, soulless ground, although it's not those crocodile tears that they have been mocking ever since the incident. These are the purest of waters, able to revive even the driest of land. Even if it means to add salt to injury.

I try my best to convince him to let go of the Chi. He's still too young to use it. No one his age should ever need to become stronger; a chemical this powerful will only bring harm.

He gazes at the orb surrounded by his fingers. One misstep and it will ruin our lives. Without his sword, the only way to hurt us would be—

"You foul lions never stop telling me what to do!… My childhood's blood spilt on this very soil and you scums call it a 'sense of justice'!"

I rush to Cragger as fast as I can, with all of the strength I can muster from my legs. My lack of coordination makes me trip. He, before my eyes, propels himself, and, without giving me time to even react, bashes his head onto me.

A blunt pain spreads throughout my entire chest, almost constricting my lungs, or so what it feels like, unabeling me to breathe properly. The grass flies towards me and barely softens my fall, but the aching on my back and gut now become one and the same as a sickening and paralyzing numbness.

Within my desperate and shallow panting, I'm able to hear Cragger's voice, but I can't understand what he's talking about.

My eyes keep closing while I try to stay awake. I can't breathe nor see properly… the only thing I feel is someone grabbing me and—

Is that water entering my lungs?...

I failed.

This is our story; of Laval, the prince of the Lions, and my friends, overcoming obstacles of misery and tragedy. A story of friendship, but also war, destruction, selfishness, and, amidst it all, a sprinkle of hope and kindness that made everything here possible. A prince who overcame violence without picking up a sword. And, before that, it started right at our childhood.

These are… the Legends of Chima.

As the moon rises, it reflects its light onto the nearby lake that surrounds us, forming a perfectly circular shape, only to be distorted afterwards by the water. My tiny lion cub body appears in the picture of the reflection as I try to get closer to the reservoir. The water here is so clear, to the point that its entire ecosystem, from plants to small animals, are visible. Ironically enough, the images mirrored on the liquid block the view of what's on the bottom. I lift one of my legs and I shake it left and right to mess with the image.

Suddenly, the water starts to tremble, deforming my mirrored self and the moon near it. A dark green monster rises to the surface… is it a swamp monster?

"Caught you! I win, I win! Scaredy cat!", Cragger growls, "Don't mess with the Master of Stealth!"

Water sprinkles over my fur and drenches my blue tunic… which is terrible! My body flinches in agony by the feeling of a night breeze hitting my wet coat.

He grabs my hand and climbs over to the surface. An euphoric grin surges on his face, his slitted eyes widen. Our friend group gave him a nickname due to his amazing ability to hide around here, in addition to his long win streak on these types of games. Cragger's dark green head is able to camouflage between the plants, and his olive green torso becomes invisible amongst the algae. Not only that, he's able to climb trees and hide himself there.

I rest myself on the surface of the Forever Rock after this long session of hide and seek with my friends. I leave space for Cragger to cut another line on the stone, marking his new victory.

Unfortunately, not everyone is content with his achievement. Our youngest friend, Worriz, is fuming with rage, hopping around, making the funniest faces during his temper tantrum.

"I am serious!", he swears from the top of his lungs, "Why should I play this if Cragger can just hide himself in water?! That jerk knows we can't swim properly!"

Worriz comes from the Wolf Tribe. He inherited his great sense of smell from his father, one of the wolf elders.

Cragger marches towards the pup. Mighty stomps tremble the dirt. He stands his ground, and pushes the fluffy little guy with his chest. They exchange glares and they clench their wrists.

Worriz shoves his paw onto Cragger's torso. "Unfair! I expected better from a… modest prince!"

The crocodile flares his nostrils and raises his eyebrow. He touches his moist, torn red loincloth, then, he proceeds to giggle.

"I bet you're just jealous that you can't 'swim properly'. Fight someone your size, you pa- pathetic puppy!"

The wolf snarls and begins to swab his tongue on his snout, over and over again. It seems that standing on his toes is not enough to make him look bigger.

"Learn to speak properly before starting arguments!

Worriz' pelt sprinkled with dirt emits a nasty, sickening stench, mixed with the muggy scent of adrenaline coming from the sweat dripping between Cragger's scales, like rain on a hot summer day.

I observe Cragger's face being showered by tears as they inevitably join the sweat on his tense body. I feel his indignation – no, even worse, his pain, his wrath. Worriz always had a sharp tongue, but this childish quarrel has escalated into a disaster of targeting someone's dignity and adding salt to their injury. Cragger fought to be able to speak, he overcame his difficulties so that he could express himself–

"You, Worriz, don't know how much he bore. You do not have the right to judge someone for the way they were born.", words escape from my lips.

Before I'm able to notice, my friends are staring at me.

"Hey, hey!", I intervene, "It's… it's not like my friend is innocent anyways! He also can't judge Worriz' height!"

I snatch my best friend's cold, thin arm. I cling onto him, but he pushes me away… and, in a matter of seconds, between our mutually fleeting gaze, he faces the forest behind us and propels his olive green scaly body in the direction of the bushes. The leaves rustle with his rapid steps until he disappears between the plants. My muzzle opens wide; how could he run away like that if all I did was attempt to help him?... 

No… Did I hurt his feelings?

Worriz barks at me, puffs up his chest and repeats the words, "Ooh, my bestie ran away! What am I supposed to do?", with a mocking melodramatic tone of voice.

I glance at Worriz; I know you're trying to insult me. And this is your last straw.

I chase after my friend, going through the same bushes as he did, almost tripping over on the fallen sticks scattered around the ground. Beyond this direction are roads that cut throughout the tropical forest, leading to the entirety of the lands west.

He's already fled with his Speedor. Mine and Worriz' stone unicycles are parked near a big tree trunk.

I hop onto my vehicle and, at maximum velocity, I track down the marks left behind. The nature around me becomes blurry as I continue down the path facing left, on a precipice trail curved inwards. My surroundings change drastically from grass to dry soil. The rapid transition is nauseating—  

Whoa!

My body flings forward.

The speed of my unicycle had decreased in the blink of an eye. I had forgotten that Speedorz don't work properly on lifeless terrain.

This is the Great Divide, an arid, mountainous land. It's called home by the Eagle Tribe, and this is where their domain, the Eagle Spire, is located; it's the summit of this thin, gray block mountain. The area here is covered with sharp peaks that scatter even throughout the horizon. A few greens appear here and there, but there is not much life here because rainfalls are scarce in the Great Divide.

The road is slowly getting thinner, and it's becoming easier to notice the elevation between the ground and I. I glimpse at the road track left previously by Cragger.

Wait… it seems that—

He made a sharp turn towards The Fangs!

I follow the curve with a heavy drift. Parts of the cliff tumble down behind me– I swear I could've fallen too. 

My Speedor bumps into piles of debris. The stone unicycle rattling is unbearable. My wheel is chipping with the slightest collision. I should be more careful with my driving skills.

The sky is closing by the minute and I'm barely able to see where I'm going. How could someone be this reckless to run into the Fangs? He's risking his own life because of insults!

Everything is now black and white. The moon coats the land with light, and it bounces varying tones of gray into my eyes. Sharp, fang-like pinnacles are dispersed everywhere and form an disorganized barrier around the region. Not so far away, a slim and animalistic silhouette is leaning down near a crocodile head shaped Speedor. A silhouette so bright it could bear the appearance of a spirit.

I decelerate my Speedor and brake all of the remaining momentum by piercing my hind claws into the solid dirt, then I proceed to hop off my vehicle. I have finally found Cragger, but there is no time for relief now. My next move might put us at any risk. Of course, I still wish I could run after him. I can't leave him alone like this.

Step after step, I get closer to Cragger. He notices me, still upset from the moment before, and at this point we are at a comfortable distance away from each other.

"Cragger… None of us were expecting Worriz to act the way he did. I promise this won't happen again; I'll sort things out with him, and maybe he'll get grounded for what he said.", I murmur, "Please relax, okay?"

The crocodile hesitantly opens his mouth, and tightens his shaking hand.

He musters the courage to reply. He groans, "I'm trying to, Laval… I'm trying!

"D- do you think it's easy to let go of things like that? Or that words simply dissolve into the air like they're nothing? Tell me!" He covers his head with his hands. 

His cry launched itself from left to right, jumping off one pinnacle towards another. If someone was here, they would've certainly picked up on our presence.

"How're you able to simply 'sort out things' with him? Did– did you even understand what he said? Or what he meant? He insulted the effort of my parents– if it weren't for them, I would've been mute, or even dead!", he shouts again.

Words leaked through Cragger's lips; waves after waves of uncontrollable anger rose high until they hit the ground. I never expected anything like that to happen.

His grunts start to fade away, as my mind boils with intrusive thoughts; dead… what could this mean? Why was there a possibility of Cragger being dead, why would that even happen? What would I be without him, how would I live without his audacity distracting me from rigorous royal rules… How would his parents react to their sweet child dissolving into the air—

A petrifying chill rushes through my nerves; both of my shoulders stun by the pinch of a scaly pair of hands. In the blink of an eye, my entire body is shaken viciously. The constant brute movement mixed with the intense emotions make me dizzy. I'm unable to react properly; everything seems fuzzy, my head feels light, my body starts numbing. 

"Silly lion, when will you stop freezing like a cub and come back to reality? Toughen up a little bit!" he cackles in a sudden change of mood. Perhaps I lost the notion of time's passing.

My eyes widen and my muzzle droops into an awkward expression, though I can't stop myself from laughing too, "Haha… I don't know– do I really paralyze that often? Well, it's surprising how much you tolerate me", incomplete syllables mumble from my mouth due to my dizziness.

I sigh, "... I'm glad you aren't strict with me. My dad is already too much."

I stretch my arm onto one of the sharp pinnacles, then I firmly close my eyes.

"Just breathe, aight… You'll be fine, because I'm your friend! Friends are supposed to help each other.", says Cragger.

I've got my friend's back. Now, maybe we could travel on foot towards the Eagle Spire, get help there and go back home. Staying up late alone is not safe. Cragger stares at the moon. It's full, and nearby where we are rests the Wolf Tribe's outpost, which changes location ever so frequently. He points out that it looks quite purplish tonight; I can't see colors at night, but the moon's appearance is darker than normal. Strange.

I stick up my neck and look at the sky. Right now, it feels like a pitch-dark void is covering us. From sight alone it emits a silky, soft feeling on my paw pads. The round, allegedly purple moon stands out like a sore thumb. 

Oh—

My ears turn sideways. Screeching noises, like claws scraping on rocks, buzz inside my eardrums. The high pitch of these sounds itch throughout their way into my ear canal. 

This disjointed sound pulls the trigger of my anxiety and the adrenaline rush pumps throughout my veins.

I'm fed with these obnoxious panics of mine, but it unleashed a gut feeling I can't pinpoint properly. My body drowns with nausea; fired up aches spread inside me a bit, I sense some kind of dampness that flows from the stomach to my mouth. It's weird and uncomfortable, but I hope it won't last for long.

Argh! Hoarse cacophony vibrates all around the vast land. I… I can't keep up for long!

I move towards the sound, folding my ears to avoid hurting my eardrums. Everything's blurry again, and I'm unable to hear my surroundings. Far away, I glimpse at a shadow near a rock. Is it the same rock from the noises?

As I get closer, a strange ringing becomes stronger. The shadow's long, thin body twitches in my direction. Huh?

It dashes. Straight to me. Out of nowhere.

I let go of my ears for just a second, long enough to hear:

"Get away from my friend! Now!"

Cragger pushes me aside and I fall head first on the ground; there, I squint my eye for a last second, as I fainted, and the shadow wasn't gone.

My eyelids slowly open, my vision starts to regain strength. After a little bit of effort, I see two lions staring at me, their eyebrows raised and lips drooping down.

The lion on the right… is my dad! His shiny gray mane, meticulously separated in half into sleek bangs, is covered with expensive insect wax. I could define his expression as priceless. Though I'm barely recovering my consciousness. In fact, maybe I'm in deep trouble, as his sharp and well cared for teeth are exposed.

Besides him is my uncle; he has a blond, voluminous, messy mane, unique for a lion his age, with a mullet. His dark brown fur, tan caramel muzzle and paws make him eye-catching compared to the rest of my family. His tall and slightly muscular build stands there awkwardly as Dad's small eyes widen, placing his paws gently on my face.

Dad folds his muzzle into a big snarl. Even if I'm feeling kind of disconnected from reality, I know for sure he's ready to spill an hour long lecture. He's the King of the Lions, after all.

"Oh, thanks Mount Cavora, you're finally awake! I'm unable to believe you would get into such a mess, my son.", Dad sighs in relief, "Your arm was deeply clawed; all of that would've been avoided if you had called us. I taught you how to roar, why are you afraid of communicating with us?"

This is too much to process…

Dad continues, "Lavertus. An atrocious attack was targeted towards my son– the prince of the Lion Tribe, my heir, my future! Please, go forth and investigate the area. Search for eyewitnesses and identify this abhorrent criminal."

My uncle shrugs his shoulders, visibly confused. I imagine this is too much for him, just like it is for me. An attack… seriously? I don't remember much, but I can feel my arm numbing.

I try to get up, leaning forward. I place my left arm onto the comfy bed, but pain soon emerges and I'm forced to fall back. My dad's right, he's always right… 

Lavertus leaves the room, and now it's just Dad and I. He sits besides me, on my right side, grabs my hand and holds it fiercely. He doesn't know what happened before this accident, that I rushed after Cragger without hesitation. He's unaware that I almost fell off a cliff. I wished only time would tell, but shouldn't a prince always be honest?...

"Laval", Dad pets my forehead, "tell me what happened. I can't help you if I don't know what you went through.", he whispers.

"Cragger and I were suddenly attacked at The Fangs. A shadow scratched a rock with his nails and jumped on me…"

He itches his lion chin,

"I see. However, something doesn't feel right. How did you get to such a dangerous place, and were you near anyone besides him?"

I stutter in hesitation; how should I explain what happened? Dad's slim body is relaxed, but his eyes still leak concern. My answer was too vague, but I hope he understood what I meant. He needs context to help me.

"My friends were playing together… I was with them. It's just that Worriz insulted Cragger… and he fled to The Fangs. Oh– I almost forgot to tell you that the moon was purple that night.", I added, as my awkward voice trembles.

Dad gets off the chair, then tilts his head to the side, laying his index finger on his mouth. The balcony of my room is bright because of the sun. The sun, that's where my Dad's looking at.

He marches to the door.

His tone of voice settles down, and as he takes his leave, he takes a moment to speak, "I think I've got it. I'll talk with the Eagles, as this incident is quite peculiar and I need an outside perspective about this. They live near The Fangs, so perhaps they can help us. I'll see you at night."

The wooden carved clock, sculpted by my friend Eris, ticks a soothing rhythm each passing second. I follow one of its pointers with my eyes as it slowly circles around, passing by the time markings beneath it.

I hover my head on top of the wound; it's still fresh and shiny, even though it stopped bleeding. The bed sheet I'm laying on top of, covered with red light due to the harsh sun rays hitting my bed curtains, isn't dirty either.

Dull stone walls cover my room, with a few triangular arches carved on them. At least I'm able to view Mount Cavora from here. 

My dad really likes you, Mount Cavora. Even if you're a huge, floating mountain, you brought us life, you brought us Chi. The stone heads that bless us with Chi are what brings us all together, whether past or present, same or different species. Lions, Crocodiles, Eagles, Wolves… Ravens, Gorillas, Bears and Rhinos– we would not be what we are today if it weren't for Mount Cavora. The Great Story is a tale of old, marked by the Chi birthing a new civilization, and that's why Chima got its name– Chi knows it all; or that's at least what my dad says.

Steps reverberate all across the circular stairway up to my room. A shadow seems to emerge before the open door. My body jumps in response, dragging the curtain to hide myself and I end up squirming my injured arm.

The stranger moves towards my bed, as the light hits their body, projecting their silhouette on the bed curtains; they appear to be tall yet soft, resting their closed wings behind the back. I sigh in relief, because this animal does not look like the other shadow that attacked me. I shiver while opening the curtain. Mouth open, inhaling deeply.

I stick out my muzzle, and I am greeted by an eagle.

"Oh no! Please pardon me for startling you. That was quite rude of me.", the bird whimpered, "I'm the nurse your father entrusted to help you. My name is Ehboni."

She holds onto the curtain with her yellow scaled hands, adorned with black feathers that cover her wrist. Now that the blinds are open, I can clearly observe her appearance: her entire figure is covered by well-preened and smooth feathers, but they're quite dark, which made me mistake her for 'the' shadow. An expensive silver necklace, with sapphire jewelry, hangs by her fluffy neck. She smiles, opening her yellow beak.

Ehboni crouches near what looks like a box of medical equipment, and then opens it. 

"Come closer, Laval. I need to inspect your lesion.", she whispers while organizing her materials.

I sit down on the edge of the bed, then she holds my arm and looks at it. After that, she picks up a medicinal leaf, lays it on top of my wound and bandages it.

My ears fall down, my eyebrows frown; I won't be able to do much for some time, but Ehboni says that it won't take long for me to recover.

"Just make sure you don't put strength on your left arm, okay?", she pets my shoulder.

"Alright… but– did you discover anything about my injury? Is it serious?"

Ehboni puts away her utensils, gets up, and says, "Don't worry, sweetie! You didn't suffer any major damage. I'll let Lagravis know the rest."

She leaves before I can react.

Argh! What is this 'rest'? She barely answered my question. The cut's shape seemed suspicious, yet I'm not supposed to know what it is? I fall on my bed and close my eyes shut in frustration, though I don't pretend to sleep anytime soon. It's still daytime.

I– I don't want to stay all day inside my room because of an accident. Even if I need to, at least tell me why!

I squint my eyes to check out if there is anyone else here. The room is quite empty, especially when my toys are all back in their place. I jump out of bed and go to one of the wall's arches, ready to admire the view again. 

Someone knocks on the wall.

"Silly Laval, did you think you were going to be alone all day?", a soft voice murmurs from behind me.

I turn around, realizing that the voice comes from my friend, Eris. I'm confused on how she got here, although I don't doubt her sudden appearance is very convenient. Eagles are quite smart, so it's fair to assume that she somehow snuck into the temple.

She rests her elbow on the arch and leans her head on her wrist. Eris is a little older than my friends and I; her previously stippled bright blue feathers molted and she's starting to grow new white plumes. The sunlight irradiates her, smoothening her body into a cloud, free as the wind, going wherever she pleases. 

Her light yellow eyes shine with brilliance.

"Oh, hey, Eris… It's nice to see you today.", I fiddle with my fingers, looking at my friend with an embarrassing smile, "What a coincidence. I just saw another eagle leave my room."

"That's the reason why I came after you. I overheard the conversation your dad had with mine. Ehboni was there too.", she lets go off the balcony and pets my head.

Oh. So she knows what happened. Great. Never mind how she got inside the Lion temple; I now need to discover what's going on, and why is Dad so secretive about all of this.

"Do you remember what the conversation was about? What did my dad say?"

"Okay… so, they were discussing how to gather information about this case. Lagravis speculates that what happened might've been a targeted attack against you, and thus ordered Ehboni to inspect your injuries."

That's really a lot to digest– it kind of makes sense, and I understand that this situation is serious, but… Why would anyone attack a child? Is that the reason that I'm supposed to not leave this place?

"Eris… would you mind giving your opinion about the situation?"

She shrugs her elbows and bows her head; perhaps asking a tween to dissect a possible hate crime is too much of a stretch. 'Tis too soon to make big assumptions, although the best ye could do is not stay outside at night, she adds in a bittersweet tone.

My best bet would be to observe my surroundings and piece any clues I find. If my dad's suspicions are correct, I'll end up face to face with that shadow again. Let's go to the Fangs!

I hold Eris' arm and tiptoe downstairs.

Eris and I are driving our Speedorz on dry land. The sky darkens as the sun is shining less, but it is not nighttime yet. Pinnacles of stone remain in their place, sticking out of the earth in a pattern similar to a ribcage, more so than fangs.

"These natural structures curve inwards into a shape that facilitates the propagation of sound", Eris whispers. "If anything happens here, we'll be able to hear it clearly."

We are near the area of the incident; amplified noises of chattering and footsteps reach us, which means that my uncle, alongside lion guards, are investigating the scene. We park our Speedorz near a 'fang', and spy the animals there.

Lavertus is crouched, observing the bloodstain my injury left on the ground. A lion guard with light brown fur and long canines analyzes the claw marks of the damaged rock from before. Another lion with an orange mane is taking notes of every minor detail pointed out by his co-worker and captain. 

"Interesting. The slash left by the culprit has a distinct quirk– if we connect the scars, it forms a narrow curve", says the brown-maned feline. "The depth and position of the scratch hints that force was concentrated on the entire hand and arm, which means that they are not a lion."

My uncle replies, "I thought so, Longtooth. We put most of our pressure on our tendons to grip; my nephew's arm was hacked, and blood was drawn from him. We lions don't do that, neither do we hit arms."

Wind weaves the dust away, diffusing along the way the unnerving scent of blood– my blood. The shine no longer descends from the beyond above us, as mist starts to veil each of its rays. The shadows that hide our colors in blue are but a speck of our melancholy.

My blood's smell enters my lungs at every breath.

Each. And every. Breath. 

I take it. Inside me.

Who–

Who is that? Near the blood?

Is that Laval, crouching near the pool of blood, hiding his wound from the monstrous creature? An unrecognizable monster, shadowed by malice?

Its eyes ooze with a purple vapor. How dare it reach towards the innocent prince, with its open mouth, drooling without self control. Maybe it has self control– it has malice. Malice.

The moon blinds me with a dark orchid colored light.

Now… white. All is white. I am not dead, at least. Something yellow is a little too close… is it the sun? 

"Laval! Wake up!", that yellow thing screeches, "Wake up! Please…"

Eris? Is that you?

I latch myself onto her before falling.

It appears that a lot of time has passed– surrounded by a bunch of wolves, and Eris, I scream from the top of my lungs. 

I anxiously whip my tail behind me and I end up hitting someone.

"Ouch! You idiot, watch what you're doing! You slapped my face!", Worriz barks.

The wolves distance themselves from me.

Ahh. I feel much better now… the atmosphere, although humid, stinks no more. It freshens my insides. I let go of Eris, then I examine my surroundings.

This is the Wolf Lair; a giant truck-like vehicle, built out of metal, with a cockpit shaped like a wolf head.

I always knew that wolves didn't have a fixed home, but I underestimated how much space they lived in, and the amount of tonnage space they used.

"Pesky eagle! You came all the way here just for us to pity your friend? We don't have time for trivial incidents like this.", Worriz turns around and stares at me. "I'll tell my dad you're the one bothering me, Laval!"

A door of the Wolf Lair opens, revealing a gray elder wolf, trembling his hind paw to reach the ground. Worriz sprints at the feeble senior to hold his hand and help him gain balance.

His face is wrinkled all around his muscles. His bean eyebrows, due to old age, have loosened into a pitiful expression, accentuated by his dirty tear ducts. His white muzzle is unkempt, falling down on his chin, with long unused whiskers. Even though it's natural, the sight of the natural physical deformities that come with age is saddening. Most of the time, they're not fatal, but you can see the effort it takes to remain alive.

Their tight bond is enough to show that they're father and son. 

The wolves around us whisper, "Wakz! Wakz!"

Wakz smiles with his weak lips, while his son scowls with his teeth exposed.

"Oh Laval… are you feeling better now? Your friend brought you here, away from the scene. My people told me everything– I am deeply sorry for what happened."

I itch my eyelid a bit. A scene?... Ah, that scene. Of course, I came here to understand what happened. Maybe asking Wakz about it could help me reach a better conclusion? We aren't far away from the area of the incident, therefore it wouldn't be too much of a stretch to get information from him…

"Yup… I'm fine, feeling better right now– and, about what you said earlier… Has anyone in your tribe seen something like that? Or did something suspicious happen before that?"

He turns his head and faces the crowd before him, sulking his already gloomy face. To shun your own pack, huh… 

"Quite some time ago, there was a wolf. A big, bad wolf. Unfortunately for us, we didn't know how he became like that, nor why. He was a silent killer, taking others' lives without leaving any trace behind. However… I have yet to find any news of him in more than years.", Wakz grunts, as his voice sounds more frustrated than normal, slouching his body forwards. "I suppose this might help you. Take care, young one."

The elder returns to his base, followed by the others, in a single linear formation. I wonder if they're some kind of hive mind, given how they act like an ant colony. Though I doubt that they would call themselves a colony, and that's because they aren't one.

Eris and I stare at each other in confusion; is this a mystery worth uncovering, or is it just a dangerous dead end? We could come back to Lavertus and ask about what he found.

Weird enough… I was close to the shadow before fainting. Yet… I wasn't able to see it. It's frustrating– if I knew what trait the culprit had, I would've had at least one clue to solve this mystery. I need to find out who committed this crime against me; why would they do something like that, what happened to them? Are they the wolf Wakz mentioned?

Eris covers her beak with her delicate talons, masking her smile. What's all that giggling about? I hold her wrist with my two paws and hover it to me. She, using her unoccupied claws, points behind me, with an adorable expression on her face, almost ready to burst out laughing.

Ugh! This is no time to laugh! My life might be in danger… What are you thinking about—

My ears! Ouch!

I let go of her hand and a firm grip pushes my ears down to the ground. My thump mixes with her laugh and Worriz' barkings. The sounds spread all along the area.

The fall hurts my arm a bit, but I don't mind it, as long as I have my friends with me, seeing their mindless quarrels, funny pranks, crazy adventures...

...Friendship is truly something magical, and I believe we should try to be together as much as possible, because I don't know when it's going to end. Eris lays down on the floor next to me, chattering about the stars, her new discovery about water… She talks about gravity, and that she saw the water following along with the movement of the moon. Amazing isn't it?

I lie sideways, gazing at Eris while she continues her incessant ramblings, explaining how she likes to study, her major interests such as technology and culture of her tribe. She's truly a beacon of knowledge, and I admire her for that.

Moments of peace never last forever; Worriz groans and pushes us around like little toys.

"Oh, hey? What about me, huh? You lovebirds need to listen to others too!", he whines, "Do you guys not know who Wilhurt is, like, seriously? I mean, he hasn't been seen in ages… but if you ended up having your ass beaten by him, then, it's on you. Not my fault you ran up to that guy."

I let out a heavy growl. Why did I invite Worries to play with us in the first place? He's a bratty troublemaker. He bullied Cragger– if it wasn't for that, we wouldn't be here in the first place. Though, he's kind of right, because our fight doesn't have any correlation with… Wilhurt?

Never heard of that name before. It might be important later, though, so I'll keep that in mind.

Shaking movements alert us to three Speedorz approaching the Wolf Lair; they're Lavertus, Longtooth and the orange haired lion from before.

My uncle runs up to me and hugs me. We need to head back home now.

[NEXT]

For anyone who reads this until the end: I hope you enjoyed the first episode of TFLOC! I was struggling with how to end this episode, especially because I noticed that I was losing my momentum on the pacing.

Sorry if the formatting of this post is a little different from the first full sneak peek. It isn't possible to copy all of the paragraphs and paste them into another post, and I don't have the patience to copy each and one of them individually. :(

Please reblog to share my work :D

[faeratil]

Because I have no one in person that I can rant to about my thoughts on Cinderella and the Four Knights (2016), you guys get to hear my thoughts.

First, I put this show on because I had just finished Tomorrow (2022), and I needed something sappy and full of cliché tropes to help distract me from the emotional trauma. I did my best from episode 1 to try and guess who was endgame for Eun Ha-Won based on all of the stereotypes and the way the interactions between her and the Kang cousins were written, and I feel like my original thoughts would’ve been a better ending.

Also with the way that the characters were written, they really should’ve called it Cinderella and the Three Knights because the fourth “knight” wasn’t even really written to be a Love Interest in spite of him being one of the best characters (until stuff happens with his mother and then it’s like being disappointed by your longtime crush and wanting to smack some sense into them).

My thoughts on the characters, though:

Eun Ha-Won

I love her. She deserves the world. She is an absolute ball of sunshine in spite of all the shit she’s had to deal with and continues to deal with straight through to the final meeting she has with Chairman Kang. I think she’s gorgeous, and I hate that she thinks she’s not pretty just because of how the Kang cousins treat her vs Park Hye-Ji. She honestly could’ve made it through the whole show without a Love Interest and I would’ve liked that more than the actual ending. She’s strong physically, mentally, and emotionally. She’s very smart and wants to use what she knows to teach others. She’s so very devoted to family in spite of how her stepmom and stepsister treat her, and even more so how her dad treated her. I would’ve tried to woo her myself if I had been in the show.

Kang Ji-Woon

The bad boy/bully type, the enemies-to-lovers trope, the stalker’s enabler. This man constantly looks like a crying wet puppy, but not in a cute way. He tries to look so sad and pitiful, and he’s an asshole from the get go. From the very start where he rolls his eyes and tries to give Ha-Won his watch when she asks him to apologize for not buying all the food he asked her to prepare at the convenience store, and then scoffs and immediately assumes she’d do anything for money (without considering the fact that she’s dead broke and needs money to survive). You think maybe there’s a redemption when he gives her a bouquet of white roses on the memorial day (I forget what the actual name of that day is called) of her mom’s death. And then you see him being a whiny puppy stuck to the second female lead, enabling her stalker tendencies and hating everyone who doesn’t immediately make Hye-Ji happy. He hates Hyun-Min so much that he also decides to pursue Ha-Won just to make him miserable when he thinks they’re engaged, not even caring about how it might make Ha-Won feel. He keeps doing sweet and caring things that make you think “oh she’s finally breaking down his tough exterior”, and then he just turns around and is an asshole again. He abandoned both Ha-Won AND Hye-Ji on the side of the road on separate occasions and then thought just saying “oh sorry” would fix it. I get that his backstory is sad, and I get that Chairman Kang fucked him over and basically forced him to accept the fact that he’s family, but it’s no excuse for the way he treats everyone else. Also, man needs to learn how to comb his hair and maybe take some allergy medication so his eyes stop watering and his nose isn’t always red.

Kang Seo-Woo

The unrequited love, the pop-star, the male best friend trope. I love him, and I hate that the writers barely gave him a chance. He tried so hard so many times to tell Ha-Won that he liked her. He did so many things to care for her, wrote love songs about her, used his status as a pop-star to help draw crowds away from Ha-Won when she was getting bullied by the girls who thought she was Chairman Kang’s mistress, was a genuinely kind person to everyone including Ha-Won’s best friend, and tried so many times to confess. I wish the writers would’ve taken just a couple more lines to have him say “no, Ha-Won, I’m not writing a love song right now, I’m telling you how I genuinely feel about you” and actually given her a chance to consider him. He saw how much Ha-Won hated the spotlight she got while everyone thought she was engaged to Hyun-Min, and he let pictures of himself in a girls uniform go viral just to stop more pictures of Ha-Won from leaking to the press. At any moment, he could’ve just done with Hyun-Min did and asked Ha-Won to play along with the rumors of them dating, but he actually considered Ha-Won’s feelings (glaring at you, Ji-Woon) and lied about his own feelings to protect her. If I had to choose between the Kang cousins, I would choose Seo-Woo.

Kang Hyun-Min

The spoiled rich kid, the playboy, the fake fiancé, the one afraid to actually love, the object of the stalker’s affection. I wish he had been endgame. They set it up so well in the beginning for him to be endgame. You could tell from the moment he saw Ha-Won beat up the assholes at the bar/party for not paying for the pizza delivery, he was developing feelings. He could’ve easily gone back on his bet with his friends and asked any other girl to go to Chairman Kang’s wedding with him, but he chose to go after Ha-Won, and even went all the way to the convenience store just to try and get her attention. His shock at hearing about BOGO deals with the ice cream was honestly cute, and he was kind enough to sit down with Ha-Won and enjoy the ice cream in spite of being raised directly under Chairman Kang (who makes it very clear what he thinks of anyone who isn’t rich), and he’s actually nice to her. At the beginning he still has that playboy attitude, but even after offering her money to be his date (and being turned down, good job Ha-Won for holding true to your values), he still tries. He picks her up for the wedding, opens the door for her, treats her the way a gentleman should treat a lady (win for chivalry!), and gives her a chance to feel as beautiful as she is. He also is very up front and adamant with Hye-Ji that he wants nothing to do with her, but she keeps showing up and trying to make him feel guilty for not still liking her after having a crush on her when they were NINE YEARS OLD, and it’s been 10 years (she bugs the hell out of me but we’ll get to her). Hyun-Min also is thinking of Ha-Won when he asks Chairman Kang and Secretary Lee to keep it secret from the other Kang cousins that Ha-Won isn’t his real fiancé, because he trusts that they wouldn’t try to pull anything on someone who was already in a relationship (fuck you Ji-Woon for taking that personally and making Ha-Won uncomfortable and confused). He keeps Ha-Won company so she won’t be alone, he goes along with her missions until his pride gets in the way, he buys her a whole wardrobe of clothes because she keeps wearing the same tracksuit for god knows how many episodes and just genuinely tries to make her feel comfortable and taken care of so she can focus on the things she actually needs to do instead of just surviving. I wish that he had seen Ha-Won when she got dolled up in that black and blue dress, he would’ve fallen for her all over again. Unfortunately, the writers decided that the “childhood lovers/first love” trope was more important for Hyun-Min and Hye-Ji, and they had him go back to her even though she was being a stalker after he repeatedly said no. Also hella power move that the heir to the Haneul group in his early 20s would go stand before a board of directors and his grandpa’s wife to save his grandpa’s company after being a slacker playboy up until he met Ha-Won. I love him. I wish he had ended up with Ha-Won. Fuck the writers for putting him with his stalker.

Lee Yoon-Sung

The “fourth knight”, the secretary to the chairman, the by the book character. They never even gave him a chance to be considered a Love Interest, so it kept bothering me that they called it “…Four Knights” and then only made 3 of them potential LIs. He is the most efficient and down to earth of all the guys, he does his job exceedingly well, he respects the absolute hell out of Ha-Won and tries his best to make the Kang cousins respect her as well, he’s a master of tae-kwon-do, he’s deeply loyal to the chairman until a bigger issue comes up, and he’s a very obvious fan favorite. I was very disappointed that the writers made him side with Madame Ji even for the time that he did because he had been so against treating her as his mother after she abandoned him with an abusive drunk father 12 years prior, but I am glad his loyalty to the chairman won out. Also very happy that they included him in their friend group at the end, my man needs to learn to relax (but not with alcohol… my emetophobia did not appreciate the end of the drunk dinner…).

Park Hye-Ji

The second female lead. I cannot stand her. I hate that the writers even included her past the first couple episodes, and I hate even more than they ended up letting her win with Hyun-Min. She’s a very “woe is me” character who acts like she’s entitled to everyone’s attention, especially Hyun-Min’s, just because he gave her a ring when they were 9 and her family got along with the Kang family before her brother died. This girl spends 10 years pining over Hyun-Min after she has not seen or heard from him AT ALL in those 10 years, shows up at his house unannounced when he returns to Korea from studying abroad, constantly shows up wherever he is in public and just looks at him all sad and pathetic like he belongs to her and is cheating on her, she’s been told by him numerous times in basically every episode that he does not want her around and that she should give up even to the point where Hyun-Min has to threaten to never acknowledge her again, she hates Ha-Won for being close to Hyun-Min and then later Ji-Woon, she jumps from guy to guy after Hyun-Min’s threat starting with Ji-Woon because she knows it’ll piss off Hyun-Min the most, she assumes anyone who is nice to her must be in love with her and feels personally attacked and betrayed when they’re like “no I’m just a nice person, I don’t have feelings for you”, blames Hyun-Min for her being so sad and depressed when she’s the one who can’t just fucking get over him from when THEY WERE CHILDREN, constantly tries to make moves and get close to Hyun-Min on the trip and after she moves into Haneul House, and then turns around and is like “I never want to see you again” when Hyun-Min tries to treat her more kindly and tries to explain why he was being such a dick to her. And yet they end up together. Because “childhood love/first love” was more important to the writers than the fact that they made the second female lead a self absorbed entitled stalker. The only thing that comes to mind that puts her in a good light was when she let Ha-Won spend the night, but even that was reluctant and she only started being nice after Ha-Won admitted that the engagement was fake. She should’ve just taken the fashion scholarship to Paris and finally gotten out of the Kang’s lives. If she was alone in a foreign country she might actually learn to rely on herself instead of always expecting Hyun-Min or Ji-Woon to come running.

Hong Ja-Yeoung

Seo-Woo’s biggest fan, Ha-Won’s best friend, an absolute cupcake of a character. I want her to be my best friend. It did annoy me that at the beginning of the trip, she left Ha-Won to do stuff alone just because Seo-Woo wasn’t joining them, but my girl has Ha-Won’s back in every other situation. She was even willing to support Ha-Won and Seo-Woo when the scandal article was published saying that they were engaged when they weren’t. She also was determined enough to get close to her favorite pop-star that she came up with a plan to help him escape his fan girls by wearing her school uniform, and she managed to sneak some photos of him crossdressing as well that he later used to help Ha-Won. She’s been there for Ha-Won through everything and did whatever she could to help even though she herself didn’t have much. I am so happy for her that she gets to be part of Seo-Woo’s management team in the end.

Chairman Kang

Classist asshole who values highly skilled and charismatic employees, but continues to treat them like trash if they stop acting like employees. For him, money buys everything including people, and he has almost completely forgotten what it’s like to actually care about someone until Ji-Woon is on his knees in tears begging him to give his blessings to him and Ha-Won, bringing up how the chairman made his mom leave his dad to remind him of the horrible mistake he made in the past. Chairman Kang talks all the time about wanting the Kang cousins to act as a family, but doesn’t even act like a grandpa to them. He acts like a dictator by threatening to cut them off from everyone and everything if they don’t do exactly what he says. He has good instinct not to trust Madame Ji towards the end, but you would think after 4 failed marriages he would have some way of blocking any future wives from trying to take over the company. I’m glad he finally gave Ha-Won his blessing, but just the wrong cousin.

That being said! In spite of the endgame love interest and the stalker, the interactions were pretty cute and it was entertaining. It was much needed after watching Tomorrow. I’m going to acknowledge that canon has Ha-Won with Ji-Woon, but in my mind I will always pair Ha-Won with Hyun-Min or Seo-Woo, and believe that Hye-Ji would actually go away (and STAY away) after Hyun-Min rejected her at the wedding.

[wisdomshoes]

im completely alone. no one ever gave a shit for more than half a second and after that half a second it's just me again. gained nothing except silent judgement. no one actually wants to understand a complicated problem that doesn't affect them. all my friends do is mock and belittle me and my problems. sometimes behind my back, sometimes to my face. at best it's only cold indifference. i could be dead tomorrow and i don't think they'd be as bothered as they claim to save face. my parents, i don't think they even care enough to judge. they don't want me happy. they wanna be happy and attached that burden on me being happy. which is great, huge help, thanks. speaking of not understanding, therapy. what a waste of time and energy. spend weeks going just to be fuckin told that oh i don't really wanna kill myself? okay, my bad. sorry for the inconvenience. im just gonna shut the fuck up and get back in line then. she asked me something that took me by surprise. "how long have you wanted to kill yourself for" said in this fuckin almost surgical manner. the apathy was so strong I could taste it. took me half a second to comprehend the situation and i almost burst out laughing. only let out a chuckle before answering the question though. I'm strong like that. the only time someone actually paid attention to what im fuckin saying and this is the situation? looking back it only confirmed my theory. people always tell me to get help, either angrily or when they're done with my annoying problems. I have no idea how I'm supposed to get help when even the people getting paid to help me couldn't care less as long as i bleed somewhere else. i don't know how im supposed to achieve anything in life with a shattered self-image. i made peace with the fact that there's no way im graduating, but what then? work a shitty job i hate for minimum pay with people even more bitter than everyone around right now for the rest of my life? i should just kill myself. it's not even a matter of oh im so sad feel pity. it's the only move that won't resolve in a miserable life. i started the game with a king and three rooks against an entire team of queens, but the desk was so big i couldn't see there even was an enemy team over the horizon and by the time they came barreling at me I already distracted myself with art and dumb shit like that. not that i ever had a chance. and now my last rook is surrounded by queens on every side except back, but that's not a possible direction. they were toying with me the entire game. they let me have a few moves at the start without attacking. and now im all alone. i can't take it. there isn't a way all of this doesn't end with a suicide. unless I got so much fucking money out of thin air with no strings attached that i would never ever have to worry about anything ever again, but i get the feeling that would be a life even lonelier. every story has an end. in fiction it's nice. usually a fun ride with an emotional ending. in reality it's a miserable beatdown of the already weak and at the end you don't get a happy ending. or even a satisfying one. the only satisfying thing about it might be the crack, but even that's not a certainty. i don't know why im bothering posting this. i think it stemmed from the frustration of no one else talking about anything even remotely similar. besides suicide posts, but even those usually talk about losing everything first. im not gonna shine a light on my specific problems. god knows i don't need more insecurity and god knows anyone reading this besides me does not care for half a second. i guess i just want people who feel like me to at least have the comfort of knowing someone out there understands.

this reads like a Magnus Archives episode

[trash-bats]

I had a really bad experience at the hospital last week that re-opened some deep emotional wounds.

I spent the following days binging Steven Universe from the beginning. I had legitimately not watched the show since Future ended in 2020, despite it being my favorite show for years. Maybe it was because I was so caught up in trying to watch new-to-me shows so that I could attempt to keep up with the cultural zeitgeist. Maybe all the years of online discourse over the show finally convinced me it wasn't as good as I had remembered it being. Maybe I was just upset that it was over (isn't it, isn't it). But in that moment where I needed something to ground me and distract me from the pain I was in, I knew that it would bring the comfort I sought.

At the time of writing, I just watched the movie a couple hours ago and will be watching Future in the coming days. I barely remember what happened in Future & I'm looking forward to revisiting it with the all that came before it fresh in my mind. I'm planning to also finally tackle my copy of Save the Light that I bought for my Switch 5 years ago and just never bothered playing. And I'm working on completely revamping my original gemsona from 9 years ago (Charoite - can you believe a gem containing my name ended up being a lovely mix of purples and blacks?!) and cooking up a whole backstory for how they would fit into the show's lore & how to reflect all the changes to who I am all these years later in the design.

Steven Universe was probably the most important television show to ever enter my life. I'd followed it since the day Cartoon Network released the pilot episode online in 2013. I agonized through every lengthy hiatus & excitedly ran to Tumblr when a new episode had dropped. I used to spend so much time looking for all the beautiful fan art made for it, and it had a huge influence on my own art style -- some parts of which can still be seen in how I draw now. The first conversation I ever had with my wife was her asking me about my favorite SU characters, and now 8 years later we're revisiting the show together. Stevonnie was one of my first real encounters with a non-binary character & certainly played a part in coming to term with my own non-binary identity less than a year after "Alone Together" premiered (re-watching that episode last week made me cry). I'm...quite bad with finding words sometimes, but I'm just glad that I was able to reconnect with this part of myself that I had unknowingly stifled for the past few years. Rekindling the fire of something I have such a passion for, getting excited over all the new things I'm inspired to create because of it, and getting to share it with many of the friends I've made in recent years...it's nice.

[coffeeheartaddict2]

Everybody hurts Sometimes (3/?)

Enemy within

Book: Open Heart (au)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC Casey Valentine

Warnings: Character death, language, sexual references

****Trigger warning- these series deals with issues or addiction and abandonment***

Category: Angst

Rating: Mature

Word count: 1905

Summary: Mrs Martinez dies and the implications are far reaching. Casey finds out who has been sabotaging her and events shake Ethan to his core.

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Pixelberry

Authors note: Tash, I thought this was an AU, why is it close to canon?

No one has asked me but a valid thought. Yes I am using some canon but there are differences- the differences will become more apparent in the coming chapters.

😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓

It had been a few days when the whole hospital said farewell to Mrs Martinez. Casey received an email from Mrs Martinez. She had made it to Paris and Sacre De Couer. She looked so happy and that made Casey forget about her worries. She was still number one but the sabotage was still happening and she still had no idea. That and Naveen were troubling her. There were so many symptoms that were not adding up and the treatment that had appeared to be working now was not. Casey could tell Ethan was worried about him too, he did not say it but the concern was more noticeable each passing day. Nights provided a much needed respite, physically losing himself with Casey. And on the nights she was not with him he pleasured himself, it was never the same of course but it helped distract him from the pain.

A week and a bit after receiving the email from Teresa in Paris, Casey was flagged down by Bryce. He took her to an on-call room,Jackie, Sienna, Elijah were there. They informed her that Mrs M had died. Casey held it together but on the inside she was falling apart. If the treatment was going to kill her, why not straight away. The only comfort that Casey took was that she at least got to go out and do what she wanted and thus went on her own terms. The gang decided not to say anything and went about her day. The day was rough. The news of Mrs M had Casey second guessing herself all day. It was after the end of her shift when she went to the cafeteria to get something for the journey home when she saw Ethan. She had not told him but the guilt was eating at her and she needed to tell him. She sat down. He asked her if she had heard.

“It was me, I wanted to find a way to get out of the hospital, we stumbled onto a treatment that would work but still had a chance of failure. I told Mrs M the chances and she said yes. I then went through proper channels and my request was denied, then we planned the heist.”

Ethan so badly wanted to hold her hand in that moment but he refrained.

“What you did was kind, I have always been proud of how you have looked out for not just the physical elements of patient care. I do wish you thought of the consequences.”

“As a consequence I have been second guessing myself all day,just feel so guilty.”

“Stewing guilt helps no one, especially your patients,” Ethan looks at his watch, “Come, let’s go to the opera, I am a season ticket holder.”

Casey smiles sadly. When they are safely in his car he gives her a kiss. They arrive at the opera house. Casey’s breath was taken away by how gorgeous the interior was. She was not expecting to be seated in a box. Ethan stated that this was his box, he did not get to use it as much as he liked. They took their seats and Ethan took her hand in his. It was an Italian opera, about a girl who fell in love and a journey to the underworld. It was an emotional story. Ethan could not help but draw parallels to how he was feeling. He loved Casey, even though he had not told her but he knew some decisions had to be made. Despite the Mrs Martinez episode, she was still number one intern and it was likely, if nothing happened that she would be number one and on her team. He sure as hell was not going to have her reporting to June, she would know something was up straight away and Baz was not workable either as he did research more than patients. He wanted so desperately for them to work but could not see a way forward and more importantly how do you tell the woman you love that you need to end it. Sure they could remain secret like they have been but she definitely long term deserved more than a clandestine affair. Instead he thought of what he wanted to do to her assuming she was coming back to his. At the thoughts, his hand went up her thigh to her centre, Casey moved slightly to allow him better access. She was soaked so he teased her nub before moving to her folds and inserted two fingers. Casey’s breath hitched at contact then she got more turned on with how bold Ethan was. How she stayed quiet she did not know but she eventually came all over his hand. He quietly whispered “good girl” in her ear before continuing with watching the rest of the opera. The opera finished and she kissed him. She wanted to reciprocate right then and there but decided against it. They went back to his place, finished what they started multiple times over. Casey drifted off into an exhausted but blissful sleep. Ethan stayed awake, a myriad of thoughts going through his head, surprisingly the only regret was for what he knew needed to happen.

They got up early so he could drop Casey home, she gave him a kiss before exiting the car, unbeknownst to them, the kiss was seen by Landry. He was appalled. He had put in what he thought was a lot of hard work but yet he was unable to crack the top 5 of the competition. He suspected that Dr Emery was so high because all the attending wanted to stay on the good side of Harper but he could not figure how Casey was so high up and maintaining it with all the sabotage then that kiss, she had to be sleeping with him he thought. The plan to get her fired was in effect, he had anonymously told the family about the unauthorised treatment but the fact that Ramsey was sleeping with her, he could not wait to let this rumour loose.

He did not get the chance, however. An investigation was called and Casey and the gang were paired up. Casey was paired up with Aurora. Both were not happy. They had a difficult case too which was not helping. Meanwhile, Ethan was struggling. He got the results back and they were not good. Naveen had only one month to live and despite Casey’s assistance, he had literally run out of ideas. He knew that Naveen would want to make the most of the time that he had left. Casey saw him, he could tell she needed him, both as a mentor but also as Ethan but he needed to be alone. He shut her out. He felt bad about it but he needed it. Casey and Aurora did figure out what was wrong with little Tommy and something crystallised for Casey. It was not Aurora who ratted her out, it was from within their midst.

She went to the locker room. Landry was there.

“It was you wasn’t it?”

“Yes” said Landry arrogantly.

“Why? Some of what you did could have really impacted the patients.”

“No it wouldn’t have.”

“How the fuck can you say that?”

“Yeah and how has you sleeping with Ramsey not impacted your position?”

Casey looked shocked.

“I saw you get dropped off and the kiss. I work harder and study and yet you are on top and sleeping with the boss.

Casey is seething. She knew she was getting harder cases but she was solving them.

“Yes I have had some difficult cases to solve but I have solved them, no assistance from Dr Ramsey. Yet I can think of several instances where your plan has not worked because you were not thorough enough. Any changes in lifestyle are just as important in solving the case.”

“All of that is superfluous…”

“No Landry, it is not, a patient is more than the symptoms they present, listening to them can hold the key. Like with my first patient, the tests lead to one issue, it was not right but I remembered something she said and it lead to the correct Diagnosis.”

Landry was flabbergasted. Unable to say anything.

“Is that why you ratted me out?”

“Yes, your actions robbed a family of their mother…

“A mother who was trapped by her treatment. She resented it, Landry.”

“Yeah well who gave you permission to play God or are you hoping that sleeping with Ramsey is enough to save you.”

The rest of the gang walked in, confused at what was going on.

“It was Landry that ratted me out to the family.”

“Landry,No, why?” Said Sienna, both shocked and angry. The rest of the gang stood behind Casey.

“What, it does not bother you she gave a treatment that killed someone? Does it not bother you that she is sleeping with Dr Ramsey and getting preferential treatment?”

“We knew what we were getting into with the heist but we did it anyway. Yes we are sad she died but at least she got to go out on her own terms. Because Casey actually cares about her patients, that is why she is on top.” Said Jackie.

Landry took his leave, I will pack my things and be gone.

Casey thanked the gang for sticking up for her. She went and finished her shift. Not wanting to address the elephant in the room.

She found Ethan and he apologized for his behaviour. He said he had to tell Naveen he had a month left to live. He was dreading doing this. She asked him to come with him. They went to the room. He could tell by the looks on our faces that the news was not good. Ethan apologizes for not been able to cure him. That he only had a month to live.

Naveen, despite the news, was understanding. I know you put everything into this, but sometimes there are mysteries that can not be solved. Now I am going to take my leave and enjoy the lake house I rarely get to enjoy. They see him off. He gives Casey a hug and whispers to her “do not let him shut you out, my dear” and he embraces Ethan. “Don’t shut her out, she has been great for you.”

Ethan is taken aback slightly and they watch him make his way to the bus stop. Casey gives him a hug and they share a brief kiss. He says I am so sorry and makes his way inside. He hands his badge in and quits. Casey, as well as Harper are shocked. Casey runs after him. He can see she is upset.

“I am not the man you thought. I am sorry Casey.”

He walks away, leaving Casey standing there she’ll shocked. How she finishes the shift she does not know. On the train ride home she listens to the voicemail.

“Rookie, I am sorry for today. I need a few days to process, you and me are not over, I know I have taught you to never give up so please don’t, your career is worth fighting for. I will contact you when I am ready.”

His message gives Casey food for thought. She knows she did the wrong thing for the right reasons but how to go about clearing her name.

——

Authors note 2. Yeah that was a good place. Next chapter will be intense. Have ice cream or whatever comfort food you need.

Tagging: @jerzwriter @jamespotterthefirst @genevievemd @potionsprefect @liaromancewriter @cariantha @peonierose @youlookappropriate @tessa-liam @trappedinfanfiction @bex-la-get @a-crepusculo @crazy-loca-blog @schnitzelbutterfingers @binny1985 @ofmischiefandmedicine @lucy-268

@choicesficwriterscreations

@openheartfanfics

[rantyraven]

hey tumblr 

this is a little weird for me. but I feel like documenting my emotions and my trials and errors with this issue will help motivate me to actually making progress on it. for about a year and a half now I've been struggling incredibly hard with a weed addiction that I'm struggling to find a support system for. most of my closest friends not only smoke it daily as well, but are firm believers in the “it’s impossible to get addicted to weed” motto. based on their attitudes and actions tho, they’re just not self aware. looking thru tags on here have made me feel less alone and more validated that there is something wrong with me -- that there’s a reason I feel like I'm struggling so bad.

I hate who I am with weed. I feel so entirely useless and unmotivated to do anything. I miss the old me, the me that didn’t know the meaning of procrastination, who exercised daily, who actually completed projects, who actively practiced writing. I can feel my brain rotting away and I hate myself for letting this happen. 

I know this will be a long rant post and I don’t wanna clog any timelines so ---------vvv

my experience with weed didn’t begin until I was 24 when my partner brought stuff home from a dispensary out of state. back then it was fun and something I only did once in awhile. I remember how I couldn’t imagine how anyone could enjoy participating daily -- it was too much for me and I often felt hungover the next day. then I abused it during my final semester of graduate school -- the excuse was I needed to smoke to help my artistic expression. but soon I wasn’t working on my creative projects on weed anymore. I was entertaining manic episodes and busy being emotional and paranoid. the longer I smoke the more I feel like a rotting fat corpse. every day I'm desperate to stop but I still choke down 3-4 joints and maybe a bowl or two. I get anxious early in the day to smoke if there’s nothing else to distract me, or if I feel too lazy to do anything. but, the moment I smoke I feel the strength to stop and feel the shame of already fucking up before I could start. it’s so ridiculous that I only feel the motivation to completely quit weed only after just having smoked. 

god I'm so desperate to quit. I want my old life back. I want the old me. I want to live a normal life again and feel the ambition and drive and passion that I used to feel over the project ideas I have. I have so much potential to be successful and I feel crippled by this fucking drug. I hate that I can’t even confide in my friends without them interpreting my journey as some kind of better-than-thou bullshit. 

I want to quit so badly but I don’t know where to start. I've never even smoked cigarettes before so I have no experience quitting a substance that has such a grip on your life. 

I would love to receive some advice or support. maybe anyone else on here who’s in the boat with me, who also wants to work on their sobriety. I've tried and retried on my own over and over and always fail. if anything, I hope using this as a vent space for my frustrations as a quit, or if I fail again. what are some of the best ways to help distract from the craving to smoke?

[influencermagazineuk]

Patrick J. Adams reveals a heartfelt reflection about the reason he left Suits after the conclusion of its seventh season-the reason being personal struggles which eventually made him take such a big decision. The 43-year-old actor, best known for playing Mike Ross alongside Meghan Markle’s character Rachel Zane on the popular legal drama, initially announced in 2018 that he would not be returning for the eighth season, citing his desire to focus on his personal life, particularly his marriage to Troian Bellisario, star of Pretty Little Liars. Speaking frankly in the Dinner's on Me podcast hosted by Jessie Tyler Ferguson, Adams confessed a lot more about his inner issues that made him leave the show. The episode is about how toward the end of Season 7, he was at war with his mental health issues that led him to redefine himself and his priorities in life. Genevieve, CC BY 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0, via Wikimedia Commons "I wasn't taking good care of my mental health and I was drinking too much the end of Season 7," Adams admitted, offering a raw look into his emotional state at the time. "I was in a zone of living a pretty unexamined life. Pretty miserable I would say, pretty depressed.". I didn't have the tools to deal with that depression beyond just spending money and drinking too much, and not really knowing how to talk about it."Balancing skyrocketing career pressures with personal struggles was quite overwhelming for Adams. He said he was stuck in a pattern of avoidance, using alcohol and other distractions to cope with his insecurities and fears, which ultimately took a toll on his relationships, especially with his wife. "I was still trying to live my life as a 25-year-old and doing my patterns of like how I would numb myself deal with my insecurity and my fears," he shared. "And they just weren't working. And they were taking a toll on my relationship, for sure, but also just making me a very not present father." The turning point came when he realized he needed to get his life together for his family. "That for me was a breaking point when I was like, 'I think I should probably stop drinking because I don't wanna be that dad,'" he said. "The best thing I think I ever did for myself was stop drinking. It just needed to happen in order for all these other things to happen." Reflecting on his decision to leave Suits, Adams admitted that the financial incentives of staying on the show were tempting but ultimately not enough to make him stay. "I didn't know what else to offer," he said. "Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and think about the money made those last two years, but I never regretted the decision for a second.". It was the right thing for my marriage. … It was time." His leaving Suits came at a significant moment for his career and in his life. In 2016, he had gotten married to Bellisario. He and Bellisario have two daughters; their first daughter was born in 2018 and was named Aurora. They have a second daughter who was born in 2021, named Elliot Rowena. The need for personal healing and growth was also why Adams left the show. This reflection on his time on Suits serves as a powerful reminder that the pressures of fame and success can take a toll on mental and emotional well-being. Adams’ story highlights the importance of prioritizing self-care and the well-being of loved ones, even if it means walking away from a career that many would consider a dream come true. Read the full article

[bisognamorire]

Beloved A.,

Happy Friday!

Up here you see a few photos I took this week. I had wanted to arrange them separately but I can’t find the strength to organise this post much (sorry, its all over the place). The felted bunnies made me think of you and I wanted to get one for you but I am not supposed to. The candles are in the religious mourning room. It is located adjoined to the front hall where my reception is, so during nightshifts I go to lay down in there and try to rest a bit (theres a bench). I often get mentally unwell around 2-3 AM during my nightshifts. Everything just gangs up to torture me. The melon bread was disgusting. The highlight of my week was to go to the lake after my first nightshift and feed the ducks and swans some sunflowerseeds.

This week I tried different methods to stop myself from dissociating. And it worked most of the time. Once the numbness of dissociation fell away, though, I dissolved into tears; when I took a walk around the lake, when I sat in public transport, when I was at work, when I woke up in the morning, when I sat in the living room. I’m always in tears.

Always, Dad and you. Dad and you.

I think feeling how much it hurts me to have lost the both of you is still better than to dissociate and feel nothing.

Theres a scene in One Piece after the Wa no Kuni Arc where Momonosuke runs to the shore to bid the Strawhats Farewell as they leave the island. He sobs and begs them to stay and not leave him like a toddler. I felt like him in that scene this past week.

On Saturday, when I felt like I would get ill, I went to the city to eat chicken soup in an asian diner that I used to go to when I started uni in 2017. It usually helped me to get strong again. Unfortunately they’ve been closed for some reason for many months now. I then went to have soup at an other asian diner, it was only 2€ and the people probably thought I was homeless (I looked rather dishevelled and done with life) because they gave me a relatively large bowl and lots of vegetables.

It does wonders for your soul to eat a hearty soup when you’re feeling poorly.

On Sunday I visited Marina, Sharon’s friend (well, our childhood friend). She broke up with her boyfriend of seven years recently. We talked about a lot of topics like identity, mothers, parental emotional neglect and abandonment. She told me that she just hangs with random people because shes so lonely (she lives in another state and we can’t easily visit her) and she takes whatever company she can get so that she is distracted and that she doesn’t really like the girls she goes out to party with. That she thinks theyre rather shallow contacts. Its hard when someone doesn’t have a social network that breaks their fall and the person has to carry all of it themselves. We ended up just talking and we watched an episode of ‘Bodies’ on Netflix. Its a murder mystery show.

I started crying when I got back home from that visit. I felt so overwhelmed and exhausted and sad about everything around me and in my own life.

Other than that I’ve not done much this week other than work (when I work nightshifts and get home from work at 7 AM in the morning there’s really not much of me left to use for anything during the day) and sleep and rot in bed due to feeling terrible. Unfortunately my shift schedule continues to be awful the next days and I’m thinking about calling in sick soon. I desperately need to rest.

Someone put a nail in my bike tire (the one you rode) and I brought it upstairs from the bike cellar to my balcony to repair it. I curse the person who deliberately put a nail in it.

During my walk through the city I also went to a pakistani store and saw this! I remember you cracking up about it in F.

How was that in 2022? I seem to have no general sense of time passing the entirety of 2023. After dad died in June, I have no recollection of time passing.

This morning I saw mum for the first time in about a month? I felt unsettled by my therapist talking to me in detail about my cycle of dissociation and what harm it brings to myself and the relationships to other people around me, because I apparently perceive reality fragmented, or selective, when I am dissociated (which I am most of the time). I‘m horrified to see the mechanisms of my brain play out in these ways, that I don‘t want.

My mother asked me how I was but she hadnt in weeks (she simply started an argument and left me when I was so unwell because of things between us a few weeks ago). I couldn‘t tell her. What use has it? She can‘t handle me feeling unwell and things will only get worse, if I tell her.

Unfortunately, not telling her how I am was also a wrong decision. She started accusing me of not actually wanting to see her and why am I pulling auch a depressed face and won‘t talk to her?!

Then she defended my older brother and his ex-girlfriend (the mother of my niece) and basically said that its my niece‘s own fault that her mother treats her badly. I can‘t believe how this cycle of parental neglect and abuse continues into the next generations, just because the adults in the child‘s life are irresponsible and egoistic. And I‘m sitting there with over 10 years of therapy, because of how my mum and dad were and my mother still defends other neglectful and abusive parents’ behaviour!

I couldn‘t bear it anymore and just got up without a word, paid (was cussed out by a grandma in the process) and left.

I don’t have much things to look forward to. I ordered a weighted blanket to help my sleep without medication. I also got a package of Palo Santo incense, which makes my flat smell cosy when I take naps.

I have to go back to work tomorrow and work through until next Wednesday and I’m thinking about calling in sick on Monday.

I felt miserable looking at your blog yesterday and seeing that you wish to experience ‚it‘ again, that you post about ‚letting love in again‘ I am not sure what you meant by that but my mind makes me think you‘re wishing to fall in love again…

How many times can I feel like I am losing the same person over and over again? I’m scared to look at your blogs now. I wish I could see something and know that you miss me and that you love me forever and be content and never look it up again.

Yesterday I went to the cellar and rummaged in your box. I found a transcript of the first ‚goodbye‘ Message you sent me in January 2023. I knew it was there. In it, you don‘t avoid telling me that you love me (I felt like your message from this January avoided using the word ‚love’ and it made me anxious about the reasons). I heard your voice say the words to me then and I started crying and breaking down in the cellar, my knees just gave in.

All that rumination about me being abandoned is probably not helping my mental wellbeing. Spending hours and days composing these entries and not knowing if they ever reach you, is also playing into this.

I don‘t know what to do, I am so so sad about it all, I just feel like giving up everything and letting go of life.

My sole hope is that I feel a bit better when it gets warmer, so that I can lay in the meadow with the sun on my skin, with the treetops swaying in the wind.

I don’t have much hope other than that.

Your Sabo who loves you.

[ayrenicx]

i haven’t journaled in a very long time, for fear that my brain will be unable to output the words my emotions are begging to release. or maybe, if i glance at the page after its completion, i’ll be heavily dissatisfied with each spacing or each stroke of each letter i penned. or even, at a much closer look, i’ll start to spiral back into my thoughts; the words are inadequate of properly expressing how i feel inside, yet they serve as a catalyst for more soul-searching (what i’d consider soul-searching, anyway. it’s more like a very long pity-party).

it’s crazy to think that my birthday is coming soon. and yet, i’ll still be clinging to all the memories of last year. the mundaneness of last year. the “carefreeness” that i was able to experience for all of a week last year.

the hurt that came along with the most crazy decision i made last year.

my impulsive ass, deciding that following m was a good idea, giving in to the temptation of all that i wanted at the time.

honestly, i really can’t fault myself, as much as i wish to. he gave me some of the most exhilarating experiences i’ve had to date. but it’s always the moments like those that are the most short-lived. the high, then quickly after, the crash.

he made my heart and spirits soar like never before. but the faster you accelerate, the harder the impending collision hits.

it’s funny. i didn’t think of this before during all my other sob sessions. perhaps the journalling has helped.

honestly, i’ve had him off my mind for a while; well, not all the way off. his memory still stalls at the edges of my mind somewhere, as if it were the lingering touch i’d always longed for from him - just… not the right kind.

i’ve turned to idols and other distractions to be my escape for a bit. their endearing personalities, beautiful performances, and especially the goofy episodes they release helping to release me from the pain.

but try as i might, when i imagine being with anyone, or being loved by someone, his image remains. perhaps this is the most i can do: allow myself to feel, perhaps never letting go of what i couldn’t be provided closure for - that “why?” constantly resounding - so that i can let this become just another experience that lets me find what i really deserve.

maybe what i deserve isn’t quite so beautiful as what i’d imagine, but that’s… alright. even tragedy had in itself a sort of unforgiving beauty, longing to be embraced by someone who can recognize it.

m, i meant every word i exchanged with you. if, in the end, i really did become a stepping stone, or - dare i say - the foundation for your future endeavors, then perhaps i no longer need an explanation from you. just that you can keep that bright mind and smile and passion for someone you won’t tire of.

-n.

[manuchyy]

Hellow may I please make a urgent request, a scenario where gn!reader has relapsed into their eating disorder due to body dysmorphia. Where cheongsan notices reader denying food/not eating at all and soon later confronts reader abt it and reader just breaks down infront of him letting out all their emotions, and ends withh comfort and fluff? Thank you so so much in advance<33

Perfect || Cheong-San x GN!Reader

Genre: comfort, feelings, soft, romance, fluff

Warnings: mentions of body dysmorphia, lack of eating or appetite. Subject may trigger as it's sensitive, so please proceed at your own risk.

Synopsis: you hid your disorder from cheong-san for a while, and a while being ever since you met him. You never thought the day he found out would come. You were wrong.

Author's Note: I'm sorry for the short delay or your request my love, I ran into a few problems yesterday! I honestly almost cried myself while writing this :( I went through a similar episode once. I hope you're doing okay, just send me a message if you ever need someone to talk to <3

''Cheong-San, shut up. This chicken is amazing, you know your mother is a good chef. You guys always complain but y'know I had nothing to eat so at least be grateful!''

''Okay, then why don't you stuff your mouth with three of these? It will spare us more braincells.''

''Why can't you two be like (y/n)? They are so polite. You two talk with your mouths full of chicken.''

You sat quietly at the table next to On-Jo, making company for your boyfriend Cheong-San and his best friend Gyeong-Su, who were arguing over food. You stared at the pile of fried chicken made by Cheong-San's mother that was placed in front of you, the strong of smell of chicken hit your nostrils and made you grimace, holding back a gag. You spared a glance towards your friends, attempting to hold it in and wondering how they ate so easily.

Now, you loved Cheong-San's mother fried chickens, and her food in general was amazing. She had great talent, but you came here at the wrong time. You had recently relapsed into your eating disorder due to body dysmorphia, the sight alone of any food made you extremely uncomfortable.

To be frank with yourself, you only agreed on joining your friends due to you loving their company and considering it would be rude to decline the invitation. That and Cheong-San was going.

Though, tonight you couldn't bring yourself to eat. No, not at all.

You played with your hands under the table, moving them around frantically trying to hold your tears back. Your eyes began to get more and more irritated from doing so which forced you to blink furiously. You avoided the worried looks sent your way from time to time and didn't say anything.

Sitting there watching them eat and talk with their mouths full wasn't helping your nauseating feeling, in fact, it was making it worse. The headache and embarrassment hitting you like a truck all at once.

''Cheong-San, look! This piece looks like you!''

''Not really, looks more like you to be honest''

Cheong-San and Gyeong-Su started to play with their piece of fried chickens, making a few crumbs fall near your plate. You gulped.

You couldn't do it.

''Excuse me.'' You got up from your seat exasperatedly, fast walking towards the bathroom and not bothering to look back. Every step you took echoed through the small hallway making it sound like quiet stomps. You opened the bathroom door with a swift move and quickly disappeared from your friends views. They stared to where you ran off and exchanged worried glances between each other, wondering what they just witnessed.

''Cheong-San...is (y/n) okay?'' Gyeong-Su questioned, the concerning tone muffled by pieces of chicken still in his mouth.

Cheong-San only stared at the hallway not bothering to answer. He had observed when you tried distracting yourself with anything you could find interesting in the restaurant. He noticed your empty plate, irritated eyes and frantic movements. He found it odd, but concerning nonetheless. This wasn't like you.

Not to mention that at school, you didn't eat at all. He offered you some of his lunch but you politely denied it several times. This was indeed concerning.

On-Jo and Gyeong-Su finished eating and gathered their stuff to leave, saying their goodbyes to Cheong-San and his mother. Now, Cheong-San stood in front of the bathroom waiting for you to come out.

There was silence, and he wasn't certain how to feel about that. He wanted you to come out but there was not a single sign of life coming from inside, which was alarming. He imagined what could've possibly happened, and the only thing that made sense to him was you passing out. Though, that single thought alone made him panic.

''(y/n)?! Are you there?'' Cheong-San shouted, knocking anxiously on the wooden door. He clenched and twisted the door handle, the tight grip making his knuckles turn white.

It was locked.

He leaned against the door, his ear touching the cold and hard wood that sent chills across his head. He listened attentively for any sound that would've come from the inside, feeling his heart beat faster in anticipation. Once he heard a low sniff he instantly let out an anxious puff of breath. At least you were awake.

He decided to wait for you to come out, and as much as he wanted to break down the door that separated the both of you, he knew he had to remain calm and understand the situation at hands before anything else. He had time enough to think and let himself chill out, as you took 10 minutes to finally open the door.

You avoided eye contact at the best of your ability, walking past him before he could even say anything. Though, Cheong-San wasn't having it, he grabbed your hand and pulled you with him to his bedroom. He wasn't planning on letting you go away without explaining yourself.

As you two were in, he closed the door and stood in front of it to block your only way out of the tiny room.

''(y/n), can you please talk to me? I understand you usually don't like to talk about your problems but you didn't even touch any type of food today. What happened?''

The determined tone on his voice made you flinch just slightly, knowing that it meant he wouldn't leave this subject alone. He would make you talk, no matter the method he'd have to use. It was no surprise to you that he noticed your behavior, he didn't leave your side. You found it quite unusual since you two sat at separate tables at school and hanged out with your own group of friends instead, but today he stood by your side, and it was almost as if he wanted to see something by himself.

''(y/n)?''

You gulped, desperately attempting to build up enough courage to explain it to him. It wasn't an easy subject to talk about, and you for sure wouldn't be able to make it sound less concerning. But now it was too late to hide it. You kept this as a secret for far too long, too far for your own good. However, Cheong-San is your boyfriend. You should trust him with this, right?

Perhaps he would understand. You hoped he would.

''Cheongsan-ah'' You turned around to face him, your low and quiet tone reaching his ears as tears fell from your eyes. ''I'm sorry, I- I can't bring myself to eat and I- I just feel like I'm not good enough- I-''

You broke down, a waterfall of tears falling from your irritated eyes. You felt your legs give up on you, only to feel arms wrap around your frail form before hitting the cold hard ground. Cheong-San held you in his arms with the utmost of his strength, the tight grip making you feel safe almost instantly.

''I h-have body dysmorphia...I can't eat anymore-'' Your cries came out muffled as you burried your face in the crook of his neck.

You feel Cheong-San pat your head for comfort, the feeling of his fingers combing through your hair making you relax momentarily.

''(y/n)...no no no! You should've told me earlier, why didn't you say anything?''

''I-I thought you would hate me- I just couldn't...''

''(n/n), look at me.'' Cheong-San holds your face with his warm hands, making you look right into his eyes. ''How could I hate you? How could I ever hate something so perfect? I'm not with you because of your appearance, and you don't need to change anything to make it look better. I love you for who you are, okay? You have such a big heart, please I beg you to not let anything make you think otherwise. I love you.''

His words only made you cry harder, and your cries only made him hold you tighter. The both of you embraced the moment together, only enjoying each other's presence and hold. It felt like heaven to you, the safe feeling and understanding was all you ever wanted. You wanted to be heard. So many years of hiding from others and the undeniable judgement of society, you forgot how good it felt to put it all out, to have support.

Cheong-San was always there for you, always kept you company as best as he could and today wasn't any different. Though now you understood why he was by your side the whole day. He had noticed your unusual behavior a lot earlier than you thought he did, so he considered observing you from up close to be sure.

And surely, it was heartbreaking to see the love of his life suffering this much.

You felt so small and fragile sometimes, as if a single word or eye contact could crush your entire form. It was an horrible feeling. The fear of going out and talking to others, and you being afraid they would mention something about your appearance. This disorder had such a negative impact on your daily life, it was frustrating.

Cheong-San picked you up bridal style and laid you down on his bed with him, spooning you and patting your head. He didn't break eye contact and wiped your tears away with his thumb.

''Such a beautiful face...I love you so much.'' He whispered, the smile sent at your way made you melt into his touch and lean in more.

''I'm sorry- I'm sorry I didn't tell you. It's hard to accept the way I am without trying to change my appearance, and I thought you would be mad...'' You sniffed, feeling the dry tears stick to your face.

Cheong-San kissed your forehead, and held you even closer. ''I understand (n/n). I'll still love you the same okay? You can tell me anything you want, and I'll be here to talk. Let's try to get some sleep now, we talk about this calmly tomorrow.''

You burried your face into his chest, the feeling of his heart beating made you fall asleep in moments. Cheong-San laid there holding you in his arms, making sure you were comfortable enough throughout the chilly night.

''Goodnight, love.''

[thechekhov]

Critical Role Deadblog time.

Yes, it’s true. I’ve done it. I’ve watched all of Critical Role’s first campaign. All 115 episodes, and then some. As a tribute, I may as well dump my thoughts here, for anyone who’s interested in reading them. Spoilers ahead, obviously.

It’s called a deadblog because initially I was going to do a liveblog, but as soon as I announced how excited I was to give it a go, I got about 30 people barging into my askbox going “NOOO, DON’T WATCH CR, WATCH/LISTEN TO THIS OTHER TTRPG REAL PLAY PODCAST INSTEAD, IT’S SO MUCH BETTEEERRRRRR”

Which. Immediately put me in a bad mood, because I did NOT ask for suggestions on what to watch, and out of spite and spite alone I decided to watch CR anyway.

(Yes, it’s petty. I know.)

To make it clear, I am fully aware that Critical Role, despite its popularity, has tons of issues. I noticed them myself, I winced in multiple places, and I’m in general agreement that it’s by no means perfect.

Nevertheless, it was a thoroughly entertaining affair, and I think it stands on its own, and I still really enjoyed watching it. 

Instead of doing a complete writeup of the story, I think I’ll do a writeup of the characters - because after all, with a cast full of actors and voice actors, they are an integral part of this experience. 

[Description: Image of Keyleth from CR with her short hair whipping behind her, clutching her staff and looking worriedly straight ahead.]

Kind of shocked by the amount of vitriol I’ve seen in the YouTube comments about this character, and all of it just made me like her more. She was definitely the least gritty of the group, but overall, I loved her storyarc. I think Marisha nailed it when she mentioned that overall, Keyleth’s growth has been the most gradual of them all. It was actually really neat, because by the end of the Vecna arc she was making good decisions while still having her bumbling moments which, in my opinion, is a lot more interesting to watch than just ‘perfect, flawless, strategic gameplay’. 

I am also really side-eyeing all the people praising Travis for ADHD rep while ignoring the fact that Marisha, who is also clearly a bit distracted with taking notes/discussing stuff with Taliesin gets the short end of the stick when she isn’t paying perfect attention. All of them do it at various points throughout the series, but it all kind of falls on her. 

[Description: Image of Percival from CR resting a gun on his shoulder, with clouds of smoke billowing past him as he stares straight ahead.]

He’s definitely a fun one, and I found it hilarious that Taliesin always spoke of Percy more poorly than he played him. Despite always painting Percy as the silent asshole with anger issues, outwardly he was always just a hurt child who was shouldering shit-tons of trauma and poor decisions and doing his best to pretend he wasn’t shaking under the strain. The anime protag here is, obviously, off the charts, and I also appreciated the fact that Taliesin managed to tie in the fact that his invention was always a dark part of his life and something he created out of pain, not ingenuity. The metaphor of the fact that his creations had a tendency to backfire and literally explode in his face was a nice touch.

[Description: Image of Scanlan from CR, smiling but with tears in his eyes, a whirl of magic between his two hands as he looks onward.]

Scanlan, Scanlan, Scanlan... I waited with baited breath for the day that everyone told me would surely come... the day when you would be less annoying.... alas, it never came. I think I’m probably alone in this, but Scanlan’s grating sexual harassment, as much as it faded after his arc, was nevertheless replaced with other grating qualities, such as disregarding the emotional needs of others while making dramatics when it came to his own. Scenes like the penultimate discovery of Kaylee’s body were touching, but tasted burnt when he insisted on continuing his gag of ‘who cares about Vex and Vax’s sister who’s dead, casualties of war, etc’.

I think Sam’s brilliant improv acting drove Scanlan to be far more likable than he would be in anyone else’s hands. The wit and brilliance of his abilities in battle soothed what would be an otherwise grating personality that only Vox Machina could love. Then again, perhaps that’s the point...

[Description: Image of Pike from CR, her hands clasped together and her eyes shut. Two white wings unfurl behind her.]

Shocked how little we saw of her, and genuinely disappointed that we couldn’t have more. I loved Pike’s adorable sunniness contrasted by her more genuine “Aren’t You Tired of Being Nice, Don’t You Just Want to Go Apeshit” streak that sometimes shone through the cracks. I think the arc with her and her family was absolutely brilliant, and she is way more than just a nice ball of heals for the party. I wish we could have had more of her in the games, because I anticipate that her chaotic nature would have brought tons of nuance to the table, and would perhaps even counterbalance Scanlan being an asshat a fair bit.

[Description: Image of Vex from CR in her white dragon hide armor, looking straight ahead as the light shines down on her.]

Ended up loving Vex way more than I anticipated. I think initially I expected her to be simple, vixen-like and shallow, and that’s on me. She was actually quite a complex character, and her constant bickering with her brother helped endear her to me. Not to mention the fact that she managed to tie in her obsession with gold into her and Vax’s struggle to be accepted into elven society. I think her dragging Trinket about is double hilarious, although I admit I kind of shared Scanlan’s frustration with how useless he ended up being. That’s not his fault though.

[Description: Image of Vax from CR, heavily in shade except from the light coming from below, looking grimly ahead.]

Ahhh, the beautiful emo boy.... I honestly didn’t like Vax until later in the series, when he stops moping around and finds a purpose. I think Liam nailed it when he said that, had Vax been accepted by the elves, he would have just become a common foot soldier without much drive to do anything. Vax strikes me as one of those people who need a direction, a leader, or something, which is why I think it’s endearing that he planned to essentially retire to be Keyleth’s guard dog, until fate knocked on their door. 

Also, dumbass bisexual, 10/10, absolutely relate to him walking into the bedroom of Lord and Lady Briarwood and immediately falling back on hitting on both of them at the same time in an attempt to cover up for poor decision making.

(In general, I’m of the opinion that Team Half-Elf has maybe half a braincell between them, tops, and Vex has it 90% of the time. Percy has the other half of the braincell. Pike has confiscated both Scanlan and Grog’s only braincells for safekeeping.)

[Description: Image of Grog from CR, grinning and pulling a card from the Deck of Many Things while a dark void opens behind him.]

I’m probably with many people on this train, but Grog is genuinely a delight. I do like how he’s not a good person 50% of the time, and Travis never gives in to the thousands of simps and incel wannabes trying to get him to “admit” that he’s the smartest player. I actually think Travis is genuinely a smart guy, but he never lords it over the others, never takes advantage, and I really appreciated that. The entirety of Grog’s interactions with The Deck is also absolutely bloody brilliant, right down to the last episode. I don’t think there was a better way that could have ended.

And here we are, at the end, and you will perhaps notice that I never gave an answer to perhaps the most obvious question - who was my favorite character?

The answer is... Matthew Mercer. 

It’s not a cop-out. I think the guy is an inspirational, story-driven and genuinely kind person I’ve seen in entertainment media for a while. He plays all of his NPCs, even the most hilariously voiced ones with empathy and depth that one would not expect out of most Player Characters. I think I can see how the Mathew Mercer effect took off, and it’s a pity he’s gotten the blunt of the hurt for it. He is clearly invested in the game, in the narrative, and in making his players all feel special and assuring they all have fun while keeping the stakes high.

I also dearly, dearly love Allura, Kima and Gilmore. Here’s some Kima and Allura doodles I did after I heard they got married.

I know the show isn’t The Best Thing Out There... but I enjoyed watching it. It’s given me about half a year of solid entertainment, has given me lots of ideas, and has inspired me into new projects. 

I’ll be doing Campaign 2 eventually, once I get through all the one-shots, so keep your spoilers out of my askbox or else. :)

[florencwrites]

ignoring is bliss 〚technoblade〛

in which [reader] struggles with her lover's inconsequent affection, and a good talk is unfortunately inevitable; the silent treatment has never worked well with techno.

"I don't know what you want me to say." His back had still been turned towards me at this point, the rake heavy in my hands as I tried using it to steady myself in the muddy stable. He kept loading dirty plucks of hay onto his pitchfork, the thinly lined buttoned shirt he was wearing easily letting his back muscles shine through.

I stood silently behind him, deliberating my words thoroughly. I hated when he acted like this, I absolutely despised him. He was one of the smartest men I'd ever had the pleasure of meeting, however, the second things went sideways conversation-wise he always played it painfully personally. He would start correcting my grammar or suggest synonyms for otherwise satisfactory sentences. "I don't either."

"I guess that marks the end of this conversation." He turned around to dump his gathered muck in the makeshift wheelbarrow Phil had built us. His face was hard, his brows furrowed and his features lax. He seemed indifferent, his attitude scaring me to pieces.

"Tech, please." I tried, putting one of my hands up to gesture for him to stop walking. He was now barely lifting the barrow from the ground, ready to head off to the dump. He huffed, his eyes meeting the floor as he put the wagon down. "You know I hate it when you call me that."

"I'm sorry," I muttered softly.

He ducked to grip his hands around the handles again, lifting it from the ground. His knuckles were white where they held onto the leather-covered grips. "Speak up."

"I want to have a conversation with you, okay? Stop acting so fucking stuck up and talk to me." His shoulder brushed past mine as he exited the stables, my voice was high in emotions, definitely on the verge of breaking with desperation.

He snorted. "I'll listen to whatever you have to say when you've calmed down."

-

"He won't talk to me, Phil." I groaned almost obnoxiously loud, taking a sip of water to wash down both my dinner and my agitation. "You know how he gets."

"All pissy? Tell me about it." He chuckled softly, his forearm shielding his bowl from my sight. He shoveled another spoonful of beef stew into his mouth. Phil and I had never been extraordinarily close, he reckoned Techno and me to be undeserving of each other. A terrible pair. And perhaps we were, at times like this I couldn't help but doubt whether or not we truly were the destined lovers we often thought ourselves to be. "I'll bring him some food later."

I laughed at him, a father at heart. A father to anyone but his actual sons, really. A playful grin on my lips, "You're an enabler, Phil."

-

That night I crawled into an empty bed. One I hadn't even doubted would be just that; empty. He was weak like that, he'd do anything to avoid conflict. Whether that was because he was afraid of what his blinding rage fits would conjure, or whether he was just an impotent coward. Someone who didn't know how to act around uncertainty and immorality and thus resorted to blaming everything on his treacherous temper.

The sheets still smelled of him, I held them to my nose.

There was no reason for us to fight, I hadn't meant to start one. I simply wanted him to realize how different he acted towards me when surrounded by any crowd. He acted so distant it made me doubt not only us, but myself. My heart ached anytime he pulled his hand away from where I tried leaving him a subtle touch. My skin crawled when he no longer referred to me by the mild, but unmissably warm names he had for me.

However, nothing would ever hurt me as much as meeting his eyes in a room of our friends and seeing the love seep from his irises. Physically witnessing his affection turn into nothing short of mere acquaintance.

Everyone knew us. There was no reason for him to act so cold, so distant. Though, I also recognized that perhaps there was an underlying reason. One I simply hadn't thought of, or perhaps one that I couldn't ever imagine. One that he had retained from his troublesome past.

The thing is, it hurt me to think he didn't trust me enough with his reasoning. That he didn't want to tell me about his thoughts. I'd been extremely careful and meticulous with any information he'd granted me, I was sure to never let what he told me change my opinion of him. I vowed to never look at him any different.

So, why could he not promise me the same?

-

There was no point in pushing myself from my sheets the next morning. I knew how long his episodes usually lasted, I wouldn't even have to try talking to him for at least two more days. Normally, I'd try, though. I'd sit in the grass right next to where he was working outside, just talking to him about anything and everything I could think of. Back then I thought for his silence to mean confusion, I thought his swirling mind simply needed a break. That a distraction would do him good.

I sat in the barely-molten grass for hours, never getting a reply.

His smell was constricting my airways slowly, every inhale making it harder and harder to breathe. What if Phil was right, what if he truly didn't love me, or not anymore at least? What if it was all an act to have a warm body to fall asleep next to, to have an extra set of hands around the cottage.

I kicked at the sheets, desperate to get them away from me, to get them from clinging to my sweaty body. I only tangled my legs further into the mess. The bed creaked loudly against the wooden floor of the attic, a gust of wind running through a small gap in the roof.

I shot up, finally being able to rid my body of the sheets. I huffed a few times, the annoyance getting the better of me. I slung my legs over the side of the bed, now just sitting on the wooden frame, letting my eyes wander over the walls. The pictures of us that were tightly tacked to the planks, photos of our favorite pets and our best of friends. Photos of us with Phil and Tommy, and even a stray photo of me and Wilbur, back when we were kids.

My gaze found its way towards the singular window behind our bed, the only one of two walls that weren't entirely slanted. His red robe stood out like a sore thumb in the feeble blanket of slushy snow that had been slowly accumulating over the course of the night. Summer was officially over once again, and the cold would soon make it so we could no longer afford to sleep alone.

He rarely wore his robe outside of special occasions, he usually would simply opt for one of his brown ones. One was trimmed with a thick deer fur, the leather on it sure to keep all frost out. The other one was his summer one, the more dirty one of the two. It was always stained with blood, since it would also be the one he went hunting with. He disliked hunting in the winter, the harsh winds and easily discernible prints made it no fun, according to him. He stacked up during the summer, drying his meats to allow them to be kept safe for months, if not years.

But now he was wearing his red robe, lined with the finest of polar bear fur. The one that had the special compartments for his potions, and the one I had sown a totem into. For good luck. He rarely wore it for any occasion but war.

He pushed himself from the ground, turning around swiftly; the velocity making his cape whisk dramatically up in the wind. His eyes seemed fixated on the ground until they unwarrantedly shot up to the window I was sitting at. Any other day, I would've averted my gaze. Not now. He knew I was staring, and he was allowed to know so. I held my eyes on him until his feet carried him out of sight, into the house. I sighed softly, I felt entirely forlorn without him, without his caring hands and loving eyes. I let myself fall back into the bed, cuddling the sheets once again as I curled away from the entrance. I reckoned he would have to change out of his robe soon, and I didn't want to face him when he did.

-

I heard the front door slam, and as predicted the rungs of the many ladders soon creaked in his hold. The worn, practically ancient, trapdoor was pushed ajar behind me. I couldn't be bothered to turn to meet his eyes. However, instead of quietly changing out of his clothes, I felt the bed dip. He sat on the side of it, much alike to how I had found myself just minutes before.

"I don't like feeling weak." His voice was rougher than usual, it kept its usual monotone aura, but for some reason, it felt more emotional than ever before. He cleared his throat as if to try and mask it, to no avail, "I don't love you any less."

I shifted in the bed, though, he quickly stopped me, "Don't look at me, that just makes it harder."

I obliged. He let out a trembling sigh, taking his sweet time to deliberate his next words, "Sometimes we are outside together and I'm afraid that when they see how much I care about you, they will realize that you make me weak." I stared at the wall, still curled into the blankets. I wanted nothing more than to hold his face, look at him as he spoke. Instead, I had to make do with the pictures of his face plastered on the wood. His pointy, flappy ears and peaked nose. The two sharp-looking fangs set in the corners of his lips, ones that seemed to disappear when he smiled. He didn't like smiling for pictures, I didn't have a single one of the two of us together where he smiled. The only ones that showed his beautiful pearly whites were the ones that had me behind the camera, something I only then realized might've not been a coincidence.

"It scares me to think they could hurt you for loving me, that's why I don't like holding your hand in town." I shot a quick look over my shoulder, his back was slouched over, his head in his hands with his elbows propped on his knees. He wasn't crying, he simply seemed lost."I never realized that what scares me even more is the idea of you not loving me at all."

I slowly crept from under the sheets as his words fell silent. I crawled over towards where he was sat, near the foot-end of the bed. I took one of his hands from where he had rested his face on it and pulled it out of the way.

I snaked my arms around his neck, pulling my body into his. I draped my legs over his lap as I held him. His built arms felt tender against my exposed back, however, he held me tight. He squeezed softly as another quivering breath escaped his lips. We sat in embrace for a while.

"That's all I asked for, Tech." I smiled into his neck. "I just wanted to talk, that wasn't so hard, now, was it?"

"Shut up." He playfully tried pushing me away from his torso, underestimating the power of my cling. "You know I hate it when you call me that."