#loli problems
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-I'm back, my dear people! Did you miss me? :]
(I hope so, because it took a while for me to find time to come back- also.. sorry for the bad art😃👍)
#hey everyone!! I'm alive :DD#are you all okay? I hope so! and if not. I hope you be better soon❤️#(I basically took this time off because because I wasn't well.. I was really and really bad...#with several anxiety attacks and depression problems again.. thank god it got better and now I feel okay ^^#also- a lot of things changed in my life and I still haven't managed to organize everything.. as well as the drawings...#I have just a “few” drawings to post.. but I hope you still like it and bear with me :']#I promise to do more and answer you guys when I have time! <33)#a little spoiler: there will be some new things coming to this blog- hope you guys like it :D <33#i'm back!#i'm mel and this is my blog✌️#my art blog#art#my art#my art <3#art mel#my art style#mel designer#mel loly#my oc character#tw vent#?#random vent
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I’ve been reading/watching Game of Thrones, and as a exceptionally well crafted as it is and how much I respect the writing of the books
I still can’t say it’s story’s message is ground breaking.
Again, it’s marvelously crafted, it’s intricate and beautiful in its details
But at the end of the day, what it says is “war is ugly. It isn’t a glorious affair, or a source of pride”
And that can only be a groundbreaking statement, or a shattering revelation to men who see war as nothing but entrainment. And I doubt they caught on to the message, if I’m honest
#loli speaks#I have so many feelings abt this series#maybe it could have made a bigger impact if read when I was younger#but even then since it’s not completed the message it sends of ‘the only way to survive this world is through violence’ isn’t one Im fond of#I don’t think that’s the ultimate message#but since it’s not completed you only see the first statement (the problem) not really the solution
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po raz kolejny dziś usłyszałam, że to przeze mnie, że to moja wina, że moja siostra ma depresję
nikt nie pomyśli o tym, że nie tylko ona, ale oni też; oni wszyscy są przyczynami MOJEJ depresji i MOICH problemów
#loliness#cytaty#mysli samobojcze#prawdziwe cytaty#sad quotes#mam depresje#depresja#depression#tw depressing thoughts#depressing life#depressing quotes#kinda depressing#problemy#problems#samotnosc#samobojca#samookaleczanie#samotność#sadness#sad#i'm sad#self h@rm#smutek#sadquotes#sad stories#nienawidze siebie#nienawidze zycia#nie mam nikogo#nienawidzę ludzi#rodzina
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I am already down bad for two Blue Archive characters while still knowing less than nothing about Blue Archive, help
#not a reblog#wakamo and ako#tbh all the non-loli designs I've seen#have been pretty great#it's just a shame there's so few of them#game why are you like this#same problem I have with Azur Lane#too few adult women#but the adult women there are#are absolute bangers#but everything else about those games are just#Like That :/
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Not me falling down a rabbit hole of Joel Miller and Javier Peña fics 😵💫
a lover's pinch | one
joel miller x f!reader
pairing: professor!joel miller x f!reader rating: explicit, 18+ minors dni summary: a one-night stand with a charming texan turns into something much more thrilling when you discover he is your new college professor. warnings/tags: au, age gap [20 something years diff], alcohol consumption, irrational sexual tension, smut, sex in a public place w/ a stranger [and i'm talking depraved/zero time wasted/known you for thirty minutes type strangers], oral [f receiving], protected piv, rough sex, dirty talk, a spot of degradation + misogynistic language, a split second of soft!joel, you get the picture word count: 5.9k series masterlist | main masterlist a/n: my friends.... oh boy, oh boy. this series is a complete au, self-indulgent, fantasy land idea that has plagued me for weeks. horny academic brain rot to the highest degree. hope some of you enjoy it with me x
Friday.
You sit with three almost strangers.
Listen to them talk about their summers and their families and their degrees as you twirl a straw around your half-empty glass, disrupting the melting ice as you try to wrap your head around what a master’s in environmental engineering might entail. One of them, the only man at the table, takes great pleasure in explaining it to you all for the second time. You take mental notes and hope he’s not expecting you to remember words like sparging and leachate.
They do ask you about your undergrad, and your internship, nodding and smiling curiously. They don’t ask what type of job you plan on getting after your postgrad, which is a welcome relief. The bombardment of questions from immediate and extended family is enough.
Cousins wondering aloud, saying you study Greek mythology, right?
Or your grandfather, before he died, berating you ad nauseam at family events about what’re you gonna do, kid? Be a historian? There’s no money in being a historian. Now, being a lawyer, that’s where the money is.
And you’d respond no, not quite Greek mythology, and no, I don’t plan on being a historian, as you gorge yourself on red wine and triscuits and wait for Christmas to end.
Thankfully you aren’t expected to rehash these scenarios with your almost strangers, who routinely ask a few well-mannered questions and then go back to talking about themselves.
After a week of living with them, in a new house, and a new city, you’re becoming used to their company. The way the four of you commune lazily in the kitchen most mornings, swathed in the light streaming through a window above the sink, making idle small talk as you wait for coffee to brew. How Pete and Trin study opposite each other at the dining table, while Nora prefers to spread her limbs across the couch, laptop balanced precariously on her stomach. She’s doing her master’s in education, which she describes as an expensive way to get a pay rise. She’s kind, with wild curly hair and dark humour, and is easily your favourite of your new roommates.
It was her idea to go out that night. One last hurrah, she’d called it. Before we enter the final circle of academic hell next week. And between four overworked, already burnt-out, twenty-something students, it hadn’t taken much convincing before you were sharing three bottles of wine and hightailing it to the bar with the highest Yelp rating.
The late August air is dry; a faint warmth that follows you into a quaint bar in downtown Biddeford. The space is small and crowded with patrons, with dim overhead lighting that casts a soft glow across the booth you’re crammed into. A thin sheen of sweat coats your skin, and your shirt sticks to your back uncomfortably. The others seem unbothered by the heat, nursing sweaty glasses and discussing how different Maine is from where they all grew up. You involve yourself here and there, offering up stories about your family and friends from back home, and suddenly an hour has passed, and then another, and you’re pleasantly tipsy, body humming as alcohol spreads its way through your veins, and your latest drink is practically empty, spare a few melting ice cubes.
“I need another drink,” you tell Nora, who nods absently before turning her attention back to the others.
You wander toward the bar, fumbling for your phone as you go. Fall in between two leather cushioned stools and rest your elbows atop the sleek wooden counter. Check your bank account and mentally traverse the list of reasons for returning to student-life when you see the number staring back at you. I don’t want to be a lawyer, I don’t want to be a lawyer, I don’t want to be a lawyer, your internal monologue runs, although you could admit how sweet a solicitor’s pay check would feel right now.
It’s a low, Southern drawl that pulls you from your reverie.
“Mind if I sit here?”
Deep. With a rough, lilting quality that piques your interest and has your eyes drifting upward from your phone screen.
You notice his body first; a tall frame with thick arms, thick shoulders, thick neck. A navy-blue t-shirt that stretches thin around his biceps, hugging the tan skin there. And then you look higher, and—oh.
Your heart stutters a beat out of time as you take in his face. Loose brown curls that are just long enough to hang across his forehead. Dark, almond-shaped brown eyes. So dark they almost appear black on the first glance. The strong nose and dark hair across his jaw, dappled with streaks of grey. A moustache resting atop a set of dark pink lips. Gone are thoughts of academia, of bank accounts, of your almost strangers. All replaced in an instant by wanton, pulsating desire.
Something like surprise cuts across his face, but it disappears just as quickly. In a far recess of your brain, you register that he must be at least twenty years older than you. You wilfully ignore the thought, perfectly content to continue admiring him.
A dark eyebrow ticks upward then, and you realise you haven’t responded.
“No,” you rush, flashing him a quick smile. “All yours.”
He gives you a pleased nod, a hint of a smirk passing over his lips as he sits down. He looks vaguely uncomfortable perched on the tall chair, all six-foot-something of him cramped onto such a small cushion. You cast a single glance back towards the booth, and then slip onto the stool beside him.
Silence descends between you for a moment. A song by The Eagles plays faintly, but you can’t figure which one - too distracted to make out the lyrics. You take a careful sip of the melted ice at the bottom of your glass, taste the last remnants of tequila in it, and watch him out of the corner of your eye.
“’m Joel,” that accent rings again, sending a volt of warmth through your chest.
You tell him your name, fingers fiddling with the hem of your skirt. If he notices the tension in your posture, he doesn’t let on. “You a Southern man, Joel?” The name feels warm on your tongue. Soft and silken like honey.
“S’it that obvious?” he grins crookedly, pink lips tearing back to reveal a straight white smile.
“An accent like that is hard to ignore,” you smirk. “It’s not a bad thing.”
‘Thought it would fade a little since I moved here,” he explains. “Y'can take the man outta Texas, but… you know.”
You hum, eyes alight as you watch him speak. His mouth is beautiful, lips parting around prolonged vowels.
“You here alone?” he asks.
“No,” you say. “With friends.”
“Let me guess,” Joel tilts his body, glancing around the bar. His shirt shifts with the movement, hem raising to reveal the slightest hint of a soft, tanned stomach. He points somewhere over your shoulder. You shut your mouth, careful not to gawp. “Them.”
You turn, a soft laugh of surprise bubbling up through your chest when you spy the bachelorette party set up across the bar. Women dressed in gaudy shades of pink. One of them with a sash—reading Jenny’s Big Day—across her chest, a short veil pinned to her head, and an empty champagne glass clutched in her fist. One of them teary-eyed, gripping the bride’s arm and yelling something in her ear, sloshing champagne onto herself all the while.
“You got me,” you turn back to him with a grin. Hold your hands up in mock surrender. “I wouldn’t be caught dead missing Jennifer’s last night as a free woman.”
The corners of his eyes crease, entire face blossoming into a smile now. He has a dimple on his right cheek.
“Knew you were a good girl,” he nods. Says the words in a matter-of-fact tone. Something twists in your stomach, and your palms dampen. You wet your lips quickly and don’t back down from his gaze, allowing the corner of your mouth to kick up a little.
“And you?”
His eyebrows raise in a silent question.
“Who’re you here with?” you clarify.
“Just you, darlin’,” he says, left eye dropping in a quick wink.
It's easy with him, you find, and the two of you sit there for a while; exchanging small talk about Maine, the hot weather, the music at the bar, slipping in flirtatious comments that are about as subtle as a neon sign, until he finally spies the empty glass in your hand.
“What are you drinkin’?” he asks.
“I’ll have whatever you’re having,” you say, hoping it doesn’t come across too eager. He seems pleased though. There’s something provocative to his gaze, a teasing warmth that raises the temperature of your skin wherever he looks. But whatever it is, it’s gone by the time he reaches across the bar for the bound beverage list.
He peers at the menu, squinting ever-so-slightly to see through the dim lighting of the bar. The skin beside his eyes is soft and creased with age, crow’s feet that hint at years of laughter and smiles. You wonder again how old he is. How much older than you.
“Forget your glasses?” you tease, testing the waters.
Joel’s eyes flash up to yours. The muscle in his jaw ticks.
“Watch it,” he says. There’s a playful note in his voice, but it rings deeper somehow—a hint of a warning.
Your thighs squeeze together on the stool, warm sweaty skin peeling off the tacky leather as you move. His eyes dart to the bare skin of your legs, and then back to the menu.
He orders you both a whiskey, and a moment later the bartender is sliding a crystal tumbler in front of you. A finger of amber liquid with a single grandiose sphere of ice resting in it. Fancy.
“Cheers,” he holds his glass out. You knock yours against it gently before taking a short sip, fighting a grimace as it burns down your throat.
He watches your face closely, tries to gage your reaction. You take another sip, holding strong in your efforts to show him that you can handle it. Whatever he wants to give to you, you can handle.
“So what brings you here?” he asks. You notice how large the glass feels in your palm, and how small it appears in his. Long, thick fingers wrap around the object, dwarfing it. He takes a sip, and you watch him swallow. His Adam’s apple bobs, and you want to graze your teeth across it.
“To the bar or to Maine?”
“Either.”
“Well, I just moved into town last week, from the West Coast. It’s actually my first week back in the US; I was travelling before the big move.”
“Busy girl,” his tongue clicks against the roof of his mouth. You blink. “Travellin’?”
“I was in Greece,” you explain, sip your whiskey and definitely don’t grimace at the harsh taste. “For a month or so.”
“A month in Greece?” His eyebrows raise and he does a low, impressed whistle that has your stare zeroing in on his mouth.
“Ever been?” you ask faintly.
“No,” his reply is swift. “Never had much interest.”
And you’re nodding absentmindedly, but you can’t seem to drag your stare away from his mouth as he speaks. The trance is only broken when he raises his glass for another sip, and you shake yourself out of it, eyes shifting to stare into his brown orbs once more. They’re darker than you remembered, gaze loaded as he looks back at you. The tension was palpable when you first sat together, but now it feels impossible to ignore; an electric tangle of wire between the two of you that just keeps getting shorter and shorter. And you think, fuck it, if you’re about to descend into the final circle of academic hell, why not have a little fun?
“Can I tell you something, Joel?”
You say it softly, make your voice as sultry as possible. He watches you over the rim of his glass, eyes sparkling with intrigue. And then his mouth tilts into a sort of knowing smirk, and he’s nodding.
“I’d really like to kiss you,” you confess.
He hums, smirk broadening.
Sets his glass down on the bar top with a soft clink, and then lowers his hand to the bare skin of your knee. You gasp at the contact, nerves fraught. The callouses on his fingers scrape against your skin in slow, rhythmic circles, goosebumps raising in their wake. His fingers are long, and as he tenses them over you, squeezing your knee once, you see the way deep blue veins flex beneath the skin, hot blood pumping through him. Your stomach turns molten.
“Is that all?” he asks, a taunting lilt to his voice.
Your mouth is dry, eyes wide as you sense the proposition in his words. The hint of something darker—something greedy—in his gaze.
“No,” you say definitively. “That’s not all.”
A sharp tut escapes his mouth, fingertips dragging higher on your leg as he shakes his head. “Do you have any idea how old I am?”
“Don’t look a day over forty,” you hazard a guess, resting your shoe onto the rung of his stool, using the leverage to drag yours closer. Both your legs are between his now, thighs bracketing thighs. The denim of his jeans scrapes against your outer thighs, and you shiver. His hand pauses, fingertips just shy of the hem of your skirt.
Joel wets his lips. “Guess again, sweetheart.”
A low heat licks at the base of your spine, spreading its way through your veins until you feel like you could combust at any given moment. Fuck it.
“Don’t care,” you mutter, and drape your hand over his. You trace your nails over his skin, feel how the bones shift underneath it, how warm he is. He still doesn’t move, face pensive as he regards you. You arch an eyebrow. “You approached me, you know.”
His lips purse tightly. Another squeeze to your thigh, fingers moving again. “I know.”
Driven by boldness, by arcane desire, by animalistic instinct, you lean forward on your barstool and rest your hands atop the thick expanse of his thighs. Hear his breath kick as your nose traces the side of his square jaw, lips settling at the shell of his ear. Right at the soft, sloping crest of his neck. And you whisper those same words again, quiet enough that no one in the world can hear it but him, can I tell you something?
Your movement drove his hand higher on your thigh, the heavy weight of it now settled beneath your skirt, fingertips skimming the indent where your leg meets your hip, toying at the soft fabric of your underwear there. Painfully close to where you want him.
“Yes,” his deep voice rumbles.
Ever so slowly, your tongue slides out of your mouth to trail against his earlobe. Joel’s thighs tense beneath your palms, and you roll the balls of your thumbs against the muscles there.
“I want to kiss you,” you murmur. “So I’m going to. And then I want you to fuck me, just like I know you want to.” Your teeth graze his lobe, and you bite it once, gently, before rearing your face back to peer at him. “Hmm?”
The muscle in his jaw jumps, shifting beneath the skin, and instead of responding verbally he cups your face with a rough hand. Cool drops of condensation from the glass have stuck to his fingers, and the liquid smears across your skin as he cradles your jaw and draws your mouth to his.
Soft lips envelop yours, the coarse hairs of his moustache tickling your face as he steals the breath from your lungs. And when you lick into his mouth you can taste peppermint on his teeth, and then that oh so familiar whiskey tang across his tongue. You don’t mind the taste so much when it’s on his lips.
You nuzzle closer, dig your fingertips firmer into his thighs and grin when a deep groan falls from his mouth into yours. Wet heat pools between your thighs, liquid fire that stokes at your insides, begging for more more more of him. And, as if he can read your mind, Joel is dragging his mouth away, teeth grazing against your swollen bottom lip as he departs.
“Bathroom,” he says, voice low and commanding. “Now.”
Shock and excitement lace your blood, the proposition of something so dirty, so lewd, making your heart race. With your pulse a dull, thrashing roar in your ears, you allow Joel to help you down from your stool. Your legs feel unsteady now that you’re back on solid ground. Gripping your hand, dwarfing it in his, Joel tugs you away from the bar top and towards an obscured hallway. You amble past the bachelorette party, down the dark hall and then he’s pressing a dark hand against the ambulant bathroom door and dragging you inside, sliding the lock shut behind you.
Joel’s on you in a second, arms bracketing you against the door as his wet mouth slips over yours. His hands are so big, all wide palms and long fingers splaying across the entirety of your back, tucking you against his solid chest. He bunches your shirt in his hand, twisting the material between his fingers as he pushes into your mouth. Tongue hot and wet, gliding against your teeth, your tongue, tasting you, devouring you. there’s nothing polite about it. No more wariness, no more hesitation, no more eyes that could see the two of you at the bar. He’s insatiable, touching you everywhere he possibly can, and even then it doesn’t seem like enough for him.
“Fuck, I want you,” you say against his mouth. He makes a low sound in response, and one of his palms lower to grab a handful of your ass, dragging your hips against his. You can feel him, hot and hard, straining in the confines of his jeans. Your hand presses into the crevice between your bodies to palm him through the material, grinning into the kiss when he groans. His lips trail a slick path across your cheek, past your jaw.
“Gonna let me fuck you here?” his hot breath fans across your neck, tongue darting out to taste the salty sweat there.
“Yeah,” you say. “Fuck—yes.”
He steps back, dragging you with him, and then he’s turning you around so that you’re facing the mirror. Your hips dig into the sink, and he’s holding you there, forcing you to stare at your reflection as he bites and licks and sucks down your neck with reckless abandon, leaving marks in his wake. There’s a low, steady throbbing at the apex of your thighs, and you can feel how your underwear clings to your skin, damp and ruined. You whimper, tilt your chin up to give him access to more skin. He grinds against your ass in response, and then he’s crouching down on the ground behind you.
Fast hands push your skirt up over your hips and then flare across your ass, massaging the flesh there. You feel a nip of teeth against the sensitive skin there and flinch into the porcelain. He makes quick work of dragging your underwear down to dangle precariously at your knees. And then long fingers are spreading you apart, revealing you to him. You tilt your hips back so he can see more. Moan at the sensation of cool air rushing to meet your dripping core.
You think you can hear him speaking, but can’t be sure over the sound of your heartbeat in your ears and the low music playing in the bar. And then it doesn’t matter anymore, because you can feel his hot tongue glide through your folds, parting you like the sea. He buries his face in you, nose nudging against your asshole as his tongue swipes at your clit, moaning roughly as he absorbs the taste of you. You’re gasping, hooded eyes staring back at you in the mirror, and this time you can definitely hear him saying you’re so fuckin’ wet. The flat of his tongue smears from your clit to your entrance, and then he’s sinking it inside you. You reach behind your back and card your fingers through his hair, gripping the salt and pepper curls between your fingers and holding him against you. Joel doesn’t complain, groaning as you tug on his locks in encouragement, in fucking desperation.
Your thighs tremble where they bracket his head, threatening to squeeze around him at any moment if it weren’t for his vice grip keeping your spread apart. A choked sob of a moan claws its way out of your throat and then he’s standing again, chest against your back as you hear the clink of his belt coming undone, and he’s saying, I know, I know, you need it so bad, don’t you?
Your hand skirts around the firm sink and slips between your thighs, fingertips ghosting over your throbbing clit. The sound of foil crinkling echoes around the room, and you hear him exhale a ragged sigh as he rolls the condom down his length. You peek over your shoulder to catch a glimpse of him, eyes widening as you take in the sheer size of his length. It’s long, with a prominent vein running from base to tip. It pulses, raging beneath the skin, practically daring you to drop down and run your tongue along the length of it. And you would if you thought he’d let you.
“Shit,” you breathe, skin tingling with a fresh wave of nerves and anticipation.
“It’s alright,” his voice is a low rasp, filling your ears like molasses, and his hand is rising to push stray hairs out of your face. “So fuckin’ wet f’me, I know you can take it, honey. You gonna show me how good you take co—”
He cuts himself off, eyes narrowing as he spots your fingers shifting between your thighs.
“So impatient,” he smacks your hand away with a grunt. “Silly little slut, can’t wait just a minute for me?”
A broken moan falls from your lips, shameful heat soaring through your chest. You shouldn’t love the way that word sounds falling from his lips, shouldn’t be so turned on by it, but you can feel how the ache in your core intensifies, and so you push your hips back against him.
“’m sorry,” you whine pitifully.
“You want it that bad?” Joel asks. His lips brush your earlobe as he nudges the thick head of his cock between your folds, gliding it through your slick once, twice, before notching himself at your entrance.
“I want it,” you gasp. “Wanted it from the second I saw you, Joel, please, pleas—”
Joel curses under his breath and loops a hand around your front, pushing the neckline of your shirt down to reveal your left breast. He slips his palm underneath the cup of your bra, long fingers pinching at the peaked bud of your nipple. Your skin burns under the attention, and you push your chest further into his hold.
“Shit,” he grunts, beginning to press himself inside. “I wanna fuckin’—wreck you, sweetheart.”
“Whatever you want,” you’re pleading, arching your back for him. Your fingers tighten around porcelain, bracing yourself. “Give it to me.”
You hear a muted, dark chuckle before Joel says, “Whatever I want, huh?”
And then he’s pressing inside you with a single, harsh thrust. His thighs come flush with yours and you gasp, face twisting at the sharp sting. The weight of him inside you is heavy, and you squirm at the intrusion, shifting on your feet. He allows you a moment—just a moment—to adjust to him, before he’s moving.
Joel finds a pace he likes and sets it. Heavy, unrelenting, expert rolls of his hips that have his tip brushing against the opening of your cervix with every shift forward. The air fills with harsh sounds of skin smacking against skin, and stilted moans and spilling from your lips as your hipbones collide rhythmically with the sink.
“Christ,” he spits, hand leaving your breast to grip your jaw. He forces your face forward, pace never slowing. “Fuckin’ look at you.”
You do as your told, gazing at yourself in the mirror. And you look wrecked. Hair a wild halo around your head, makeup smudged around your eyes and mouth, lips swollen and shiny with spit.
“Bein’ so—fuckin’—good,” he punctuates the words with his thrusts. His thumb digs into your cheek, and you can see him grinning in the mirror, lips peeled back to reveal that fucking perfect smile. “Dirty little thing, lettin’ a stranger fuck you like this.”
You mewl in response, stomach tensing as his cock grazes a particularly sensitive spot within you. Joel notices and seizes your waist, one hand holding you in place and the other falling to rub your clit while he pistons into you from behind.
“Shit,” you cry, eyes pinching shut as the intense medley of pleasure and pain begins to overwhelm you. Your orgasm claws its way up your chest.
“Yeah, you like that, huh?” he’s panting. “Can you feel you squeezin’ me, sweetheart. Go on, give it t’me, show me how wet that pretty pussy gets when you come.”
“Oh, fuck, oh—oh god, Joel.”
Your lungs feel empty, chest on fire as you rake in rapid breaths. Your entire body is constricting, muscles in your stomach drawn tight as you press firmer against the sink, thighs shaking with every impact of his hips against the plush of your ass. The pressure makes your head spin. And then something in the base of your spine snaps, and you’re falling apart in his grasp. Joel curses behind you, but the sound is faint, almost inaudible over the ringing in your ears. Your vision goes white, body shifting forward as he fucks you through the high.
And even as you begin to come down, muscles going lax and body slumping against the sink, Joel is relentless. He uses you; gripping your hips to keep them tilted at the perfect angle, and just fucking wrecks you, exactly like he said he wanted to. A stream of profanities fill the air as his movements become disjointed, and you know he’s close. Can feel the way his cock twitches inside you, desperate for release. You tilt your face to the side and stare at him over your shoulder. Those dark eyes meet yours and his face crumbles, hand reaching to grip your shoulder and hold you down as he nears the precipice. You rut your ass back against him and he almost shouts.
“Fuck,” he growls. “That’s it, that’s it..”
And then he’s coming, cock jerking inside you in sporadic movements, and you’re wishing he hadn’t worn a condom so you could feel the heat of him spread inside your cunt. It’s intense, the yearning you feel to have him dripping out of you once he’s gone. But you settle for watching his face through bleary eyes, admiring the way his lips part and chin tilts towards the ceiling, eyes pinching closed as his body convulses against you.
For an all too brief moment, Joel doesn’t move. He slumps against your back, forehead resting in the gap between your shoulder blades, and just breathes. Haggard, drawn out exhales that send whisps of your hair flying forward into your face but you don’t care, too blissed out and relaxed underneath his weight to say anything. And then he’s straightening, and you gasp in unison as he grips your waist and slips out of you. There’s a determined ache between your thighs, pussy clenching around his absence, missing the weight of him already.
You sag onto the cold surface. Your mind is a blur, senses dulled from the intensity of your orgasm. The music in the bar has increased, and you imagine that your roommates must be wondering where you are, but can’t bring yourself to care all that much. You can hear him throw the condom into the trash, then there’s a low rustling as he drags his boxers and jeans back up his legs. Body trembling, you close your eyes and wait. Wait to hear the door open and close as he steps out, and leaves you in the bathroom alone, as you know he inevitably will.
But instead, you feel those hands, almost familiar now, grazing your back. They drag your panties back up and smooth your rumpled skirt down over your ass.
“Hey,” a soothing voice murmurs. “You good?”
You peer at him over your shoulder, uncontained surprise no doubt evident in your face. Joel’s expression is soft; cautious. He grips your shoulder and pulls you up, straightening your body. Drags a thumb over the corner of your mouth, wiping away the lipstick smudged there. His touches are so gentle, so tender, in comparison to a few moments ago. It almost gives you whiplash, and yet you find yourself melting under his gaze, because fuck, he’s handsome.
“I’m good,” you breathe, and he bares his teeth in a smile, cupping your jaw.
“Sweet girl,” Joel says. His head shakes once, slowly, eyes darting across your features, as if trying to memorise them. “I’m gonna remember this.”
You heart is in your throat all over again.
Your fingers fumble to adjust your top, smoothing it out as you smile, humming, “Yeah… yeah, I think I will too.”
A heady silence swells between you. His thumb brushes along your lower lip again, eyes watching the way your swollen mouth yields to his touch. The tip of your tongue slides out and glides over the tip of his digit, just for a second.
“Probably got your friends all worried,” Joel says then, hand dropping to his side. “Must be wonderin’ where you got to.”
You swallow down the disappointment you feel. It burns its way down your throat and into your stomach, not unlike the whiskey had. I don’t care, you want to say. Take me home with you. But you nod and agree. Glance in the mirror and rake numb fingers through bird’s nest hair, trying to tame your wild appearance. You swear you feel his hand graze the hem of your skirt one last time, playing with the soft material while he stares at you in the mirror.
The bubble pops as he unlocks the door, outside sounds rushing in through the gap, infiltrating the space that once smelt like sex and lust and now just feels like any other room. Joel doesn’t kiss you again. Doesn’t touch you. He steps into the hall, and you follow him out. And when he trails toward one side of the bar, with a final lingering glance at you over his shoulder, you begrudgingly head in the opposite direction to the booth, where your almost strangers await you with curious eyes and pinched brows.
Tuesday.
You feel hungover on the day of your first lecture.
A dull ache blossoms behind your left eye, a persistent reminder of how little sleep you had the night before. Your fingers wrap tightly around a tall styrofoam cup, and you take slow mouthfuls of the black coffee inside, attempting to savour the liquid gold, and letting the caffeine act as a saving grace for as long as possible.
You were normally so much better than this, too. Years had passed since your undergrad, and in the past you’d prided yourself on being punctual and prepared. But apparently one of the professors for this semester had it out for you, because when the required weekly prep work for your 9 o’clock Tuesday morning lecture was released the day prior, you were stunned to find that it included an entire fucking book.
After spending a dutiful two hours going over the weekly notes and required journal articles, you’d found yourself glaring at three sentences, written casually at the bottom of the professor’s notes.
Also, read Hesiod’s ‘Theogony’. It will do you well to have these ideas and themes fresh as you undertake the first weeks of this class. See you tomorrow.
Cue you staying up until two am reading fucking Theogony, and walking to your first lecture with a near-permanent yawn sprawled across your face.
As you approach history commons, a guy wearing a bottle green shirt that reads UNIVERSITY OF NEW ENGLAND in garish gold lettering shakes a pamphlet in your direction. It has a picture of a girl in a tiny athletic uniform on the front, preparing to spike a volleyball. You avoid eye contact and sidestep him quickly, continuing into the building.
The theatre room is easy enough to find.
Thirty odd chairs line the space on an incline, all facing toward a desk at the front of the room. A projector hangs from the ceiling, displaying the beginning of a slide show on a white wall. The slide is a muted beige colour, with stark black lettering that spells out: The Language and Literature of the Odyssey and the Aeneid.
Your professor stands with his back to the room, shuffling through a myriad of notebooks and loose-leaf pages splayed across the desk. Standard.
You traipse your way up the stairs, buoyed along by the steady stream of other students shuffling into the room, and take a seat a few rows from the front. Not too far back that you seem disinterested, and not so close that your professor will notice you falling asleep on the first day.
You open your notes on your laptop and then slump back into your chair, slurping down the final morsels of coffee in your cup before discarding it to the floor by your feet. And then the room quietens as a final group of students file in, heavy door swinging closed behind them, and you allow your eyes to rest upon the man at the foot of the space.
He’s tall. It’s impossible not to notice that first. Tall and broad. A thin white dress shirt stretches across the arch of his back, fighting to pull free from where it’s tucked neatly into the waist of his brown pants. From where you’re seated, you can see a dark head of hair shaking side to side every few moments, the man muttering inaudibly as he peers down at his notes.
You glance down at your laptop again. Watch your cursor blink against the white screen. And then you hear it.
“Alright folks,” an all too familiar voice drawls. “Let’s get down to it.”
You stiffen in your chair. The hairs on the back of your neck stand on end, palms going damp as a memory flits through your brain. One of your own voice.
An accent like that is hard to ignore.
You can’t make out what he’s saying anymore, every word overpowered by the sudden roar of your own heartbeat in your ears.
Slowly—so fucking slowly—you peel your eyes away from your laptop and glance upward.
And there he is, in all his glory. Pearly white smile. Strong jaw. Dark eyes.
Joel… your professor.
Fuck.
thank you for reading!! x
#yall i was UNPREPARED#for the love i would have for papa pascal#loli has a new problem#and that problem is that man's patchy beard#i literally LOVE this fic series#hier soir
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My mind: why don't we try to do more things? // Me with full of things to do and with a long list of art ideas: AHHHHH-- PLEASE- JUST LEAVE ME ALONE QKBXOWHXOABZOHSJABXKWBKXBWKXB
#Is it just me that goes through this?#It's really hard to be an artist who has a lot of creativity and a lot of art ideas but sometimes can't put most of them into practice🥲#(also- I'm fine. I'm already trying to deal with this so- no worries <33)#meme(?)#i'm mel and this is my blog✌️#my art blog#emojis#artist life#artist problems#support artists#please#mel loly#mel creator#reblog this is you have the same problem#creative person problems
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not gonna int w them but i wanted to talk abt it. r/antiship sucks but i came across this post and i just.
why are they so ready and willing to blame the media they consume or the fandoms they become engrossed with rather than themselves or their parents for not monitoring them? the fact you discover this stuff at a young age does not mean it's the content's fault.
hentai didn't groom you, shotas didn't come to your house and make you sexualize them, lolis didn't force your parents to allow you to watch that stuff. even if you ARE uncomfortable with that stuff (which is fine! no one has to like the same things), it is your/your parents' duty to curate your online experience.
and i think we can all agree that (at least based on what they said above) they weren't groomed, right? you have no right to claim that you were groomed because you played a flash porn game. not only is that completely misusing the term, but it's making a mockery out of ACTUAL victims of grooming.
and, i'm sorry, but if you're saying that watching feral/guro/whatever porn normalized it in your head, then that says more about you than it does everyone else that likes that type of content. plenty of us consumed that stuff (and worse!) at young ages, but we knew it wasn't normal, or okay to act on IRL.
i'm just tired of seeing the "it was bad for me so it must be bad for everyone else!" thing. what's good for the gander ain't always good for the goose, and that's fine, but don't make it everyone else's problem.
#not even gonna touch on the “NSFW roleplays at 14” thing#that subreddit's a hellhole. might make more posts abt the stuff there just bc some of it's interesting to touch on.#proship#profic#proshippers please interact#anti anti#🏁🎸
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I have to wonder what the people "but it's not loli!!!"-ing in the notes would think if it were?
Because, ultimately, it doesn't matter. But I get the feeling these people think it does.
This is what I'm talking about when I say the moral panic around kink and fantasy is a right wing position:
The idea that someone's fantasies or what art they like is an indicator they are a dangerous predator is fearmongering and it specifically targets queer people. The "exposing" of people for their sexuality is a tool of the right to smear someone's name as a sexual deviant, and therefore, someone worthy of punishment and exile. There is nothing leftist about this behavior. If you participate in this kind of "exposing" of "pedophiles" you need to reexamine who you're benefiting and what kind of mentality you're falling into.
#my addition#the problem isn't that they're using non-loli art to try to prove she's a danger to children#the problem is that they're using ART to try to prove she's a danger to children
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also like, people just say outright racist lies about the Japanese and use anime as a cover. A lot of shit y'all have taken as undisputed truths of anime are often times just racist stereotypes about the Japanese hidden behind a smoke screen of "I'm talking about anime." Anime has a lot of problems that need to be resolved, Japan obviously has a ton of problems, but you as an American dipshit are not solving any of that by implying all anime is pedophilic, that the Japanese are too timid or don't know how to fuck, or that the Japanese are bizarre freaks. For every "I want my flat chested 2d loli waifu" weirdo there's two "I like this anime cuz it's not like other anime" racist.
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Fandom Problem #5124:
The hypocrisy of furries who are anti loli/shotacon is so funny. If loli/shota is "pedophilia" for "sexualizing children", why isn't furry porn "sexualizing animals" and thus zoophilia?
"It's TOTALLY DIFFERENT because a cartoon wolf looks nothing like a real wolf!" Sort of like how anime children look nothing like real children? "THAT'S DIFFERENT!! It's still a representation of a child so it's still WRONG!" Okay and a cartoon wolf is still a representation of an animal. Isn't a furry genuinely arguing that liking loli means wanting to have sex with real children, basically an admission to wanting to have sex with a real animal?
The argument could go in circles for hours, I've seen it happen on Twitter all the time and I've never seen an actual reasonable explanation for the difference other than "IT'S JUST DIFFERENT!!" (To be clear I'm not anti either, neither of them are my thing it's just funny to watch furries gag in horror over lolicon with absolutely no self awareness. It's okay to be weirded out or think it's gross, but it doesn't make you any more moral.)
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2024 commission pages time babeyyy!!!!
long list of things i won't draw under cut!!!
no pedophilia, incest, queerphobia, racism, ableism, or any other similar kind of disgusting and/or illegal topics
this also means i won't draw any ships involving related characters or a minor and an adult. i don't care if they're fictional, i don't care if you age them up, i don't care if it's a 400 years old in a 10 years old body, i don't care if they're step-sibilings
fandoms i won't draw:
all are censored so this doesn't show up in the tags. thanks tumblr
FNA.F
H.arry P.otter or anything else written by Joanne
V.ivziepop's works
A.ttack on T.itans
H.etalia and C.ountryhumans
Y.ansim
and generally "controversial" fandoms tbh
ships i won't draw:
i can't stress it enough i'm not drawing any pedo shit or zoophilia or incest Go Away
anything involving IRL people, unless i have proof it's you and your partner
canonically gay characters in hetero ships
everything else is more than okay. canon ships? crossovers? oc x canon? ocs smoochin??? pppspspss
OCs:
i love ocs i love oc x canon i love oc x oc please let me draw your ocs BUT REMEMBER THAT I WON'T DRAW:
OCs of fandoms I already said I don't draw
redesigns of OCs you don't own. I also need proof
also i'll always need a reference for your OCs if you want me to draw them. I'm not making them from scratch. I also accept picrews, videogame character creations and actual pictures of clothes, hairstyles and whathaveyou as references!!
NSFW & GORE STUFF:
no noncon. Ever
no NSFW or gore art involving IRL people, animals or children
i generally have no problems drawing gore stuff but let's discuss beforehand to see if I would be comfortable with your ideas or not
NO FETISHES. don't try to sneak in feet stuff or diapers or whatever you're into either. i've been on deviantart i know better. just ask someone else for crying out loud
artistic nudity counts as NSFW; some blood and beaten up characters don't count as gore
Know that I'm allowed to always deny your request before getting paid, depending on my comfort on the topic or your behavior when requesting it.
don't push me too much, don't try to sneakily ask for fetishes, don't request a fandom that might involve loli crap.
if you're in doubt, ask before requesting anything!!
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kiedy uciekanie od szkoły, zaszywając się w domu zmieniło się w: szkoła jest ucieczką od domu?
#samotność#cytaty o samotności#sadquotes#samotne życie#qoutes#loliness#problems#escape#ucieczka#szkoła#school#hausenothome#problemy#mysli samobojcze#depresja#dzień walki z depresją#depression#depressiv#mam depresje#nie mam nikogo#nie mam siły#nie chce żyć#nienawidze siebie#nie chce cierpieć#smutek#smutne cytaty#cytaty
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I can’t reblog with my addition because OP (devilith/ @devilith) is a coward that wants to @ me, then immediately block… pathetic behavior when they want to openly mock and bully rape and incest victims, but are too scared of a bigger blog calling them out.
Regarding this post where a woman is sharing her story of sexual abuse from her brother, and how she believes porn played a role in him abusing her, this was OPs direct response:
Porn and rape culture play a role in real life abuse. Abusers don’t magically wake up one day and are just who they are. Society socializes them to have entitlement to violating people’s bodies, and consuming media that degrades and objectifies women and children is a large factor. Pretending like this problem doesn’t exists and speaking to victims like this just so you can jerk it to loli or incest shit makes you a disgusting, vile degenerate. Also, stop using nazis to excuse your misogyny. ITS NOT PURITAN to say that porn with incest and cp, even if it’s fictional, is bad! :
Then devilith wants to pull the “well a lot of us are victims too!” card when backed up against a wall.
So let me get this straight, we should listen to victims when they are totally down for your filthy porn you want to indulge in, but not when they speak out against it? Hmm.🤔
No, stick to what you believe and stand on business! Instead of being a sniveling coward and bullying and backtracking. Taboo porn is bad, and I will always believe that. If a victim agrees with me, good. If a victim doesn’t, then I’m not going to pretend retriggering themselves constantly is healthy or ok. Anyway, fuck you ❤️
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i forgot i have this person blocked but to answer a question no one was asking about.
the "1000 year old underage girl" thing is forgetting that for, like, super-long-lived races like that, those characters are aging ridiculously slowly. the point isn't that some girls just look absurdly youthful, the point is to give someone a character who is underage in their own race's timeframe and going "well by human standpoints she's over 18 ;)". its scummy. if 6000 is young adult age why are we talking to a six year old like that. why is she dressed like that.
chilchuck is from a race with an average life span of 60, compared to tallman (human) als of 80. he has an age of majority of 14 (and had a kid at 13, meaning he's a teen dad), and is currently 29 years old. he is, by literal definition, a middle-aged man. he dresses pretty modestly as well, and was going grey before the artist just stopped adding that to make him easier to draw. not only that, long-lived races are often shown to infantalize the short-lived races, which is a major contributor to why the shapeshifter part turned out the way it did. there's also a character who (among other things) only dates short-lived races despite being long-lived, and other characters make fun of her for it because, while 25-30 is mature for short-lived races, those are adolescent ages for long-lived races.
the point here is chilchuck is fine to lust over because. he's an adult. by both human and half-foot standards. unlike the nebulous "1000 year loli", who is only an adult by human standards, NOT the girl's standards. also he's got three adult daughters, a drinking problem, a union job, and a divorce. the girl ain't even wearing shoes.
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Oh! Really? You would do that? Well I- must say that my first aid skills have gone a bit neglected since I started relying on my little "resets".
Yea okay fine, you can do your little magic healing thing! It's been bothering me anyway! The ache.
I- ehm. Thank you.
So I've heard a lot of hoopla about- "Ohhh Rosch is addicted to dying", "Rosch couldn't go a week without a hit"
It'll only grow back if I DIE, right? So as long as it stays gone, you'll know I've stayed alive and you'll have to eat your words a week from now!
Don't worry, I'll go easy on you! Just a moderate amount of "I told you so"'s and a short but sweet victory dance. With only trace amounts of mockery!
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okay because people have shown up in my dms talking smack I'm going to make one blanket statement on the 1000 year loli chilchuck thing.
yes, there has been a problem with young girls being put in suggestive positions in anime with the "uhmmm she's actually a bajillion years old" excuse. yes, other characters don't treat chilchuck like an adult. yes, he is short with big eyes.
However, chilchuck consistently acts like a grown man. he- in both the manga and the anime- straight up just is an adult. He looks like an adult when he is any other race during the swaps in the manga. When the other characters get turned into half-foots they look similar to chilchuck. He is explicitly stated to have more dungeon and general life experience than laios, and he acts like it.
The 1000 year loli trope explicitly functions as an excuse to prey on people who are inexperienced and unable to advocate for themselves. Chilchuck is a parent, is a union organizer, has explicit boundaries that he enforces rigidly, and he is treated as an adult man by everyone who doesn't have a fantasy racism-focused character arc/issue.
I can see how if you haven't read the manga and seen that he has an established life that he later reveals (and haven't paid attention to him in the anime lol) you could get a mistaken impression about him. Marcielle does too in the source material! It's part of her character at the start of her arc that she has issues with longevity!
The thing that irks me a little about this interpretation is that it leans into the child-coded discourse that was prominent a while ago (she's short!!!!! but has boob???? ILLEGAL!!1!) and it does a disservice to the themes of infantilization as a policy maneuver hurting the working class.
I saw chilchuck and his labor advocacy for half-foots both as a metaphor for racism (obvious take ik) and for ageism.
The working gen z as a cohort are being infantilized and pushed out of job markets due to infantilization, similar to half-foots in the show. gen z is being maliciously portrayed as too young to vote, enter office, know themselves, know their rights, and take advantage of their resources. Simultaneously, child labor protections and protections against workplace abuse are being rolled back in the US. In Japan, young people are being worked to the bone for nothing and are becoming disenfranchised as a generation while simultaneously expected to be the labor faction that supports the postwar generations in their old age.
Chilchuck's being treated poorly I saw as a clever commentary on the ways infantilization allows for protections to be stripped away under the guise that "oh it's just a job for teenagers- they don't need more than minimum wage" or "let the kids rescue the economy! they're always complaining about that job market!" while simultaneously stripping away rights under the guise of protection- "We can't have that on the internet! think of the children!" "to protect these young people we must raise the age of medical consent for hormones/reproductive health decisions!"
Kui's work with this series spoke to me on many levels, and specifically, the infantilization issue touched me in a way that few other pieces of media have. The struggle to be taken seriously in a stem field as someone young, as someone female, and as someone who had a high-pitched voice to the point I did years of voice training to be taken seriously, chilchuck's character resonated. I (kinda) understand your instinct to think "SHORT! CHILD! RALLY THE MASSES AND KILL THE PEDOS!!1!" but in this case, it's misdirected- mostly because the author was trying to use this misdirection to prove something to you, the reader.
Kui consistently makes cutting commentary on modern issues, the show's take on food neutrality as its headliner, but also the author's takes on cultural issues and the environment (with a focus on our place in the food web as animals). I feel that reducing chilchuck's very conscious position as a tradesman and an activist discounted due to his apparent age down to "1000 year loli ewwww let's send this random tumblr user suicide bait" just displays a lack of critical analysis of the show and a level of disrespect towards Kui and the work as a whole.
TL:DR- stop sending me kys messages I'm fucking that old man
#dungeon meshi#chilchuck#suicide mention#fandom critical#dw I blocked the person but please refrain from telling people to kill themselves over chilchuck#hes a cool character but he is- still- only a character#long post#I know he's short but short people can still have sex#shocking I know#the person who sent me the message also has a lot of weird opinions of laios#like that he's too 'pure to think about sex'#broooo nooooo don't have weird opinions about autistic people being unable to consent!!#that's weird as fuck! autistic adults are still adults!!! quit infantilizing an already marginalized class!!#you're falling for the blatant misdirects that legislate away our rights!!#I get that it's just an anime it's not that deep#but at the same time the analysis skills are not skilling!!!#the reading comprehension is not comprehending!! the media literacy is not FUNCTIONING!!!#i am WORRIED ABOUT THIS#YOU WILL FALL FOR A PSYOP YOU ARE NOT IMMUNE TO PROPAGANDA#your words and deeds online are indicative of a deeper issue in your thinking that reveals a lack of understanding towards your own biases#you retain puritanical reactions and instincts despite carrying a new title#your understandings of the world are deeply and evidently shaped by flawed and cruel systems that you have failed to examine or grow out of#AUUUUGH please learn and grow as a person suicide bait helps nobody
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