#literally no one gives a damn abt me
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#i wanna disappear#i can't take this anymore#literally no one gives a damn abt me#why am i still here#i should just die#snail vents#tw vent#tw suicidal ideation#tw sui ideation
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stop policing lgbt identities i will hit you with a ball-peen hammer directly to your mouth 👍
#give me one good god damn reason i should give a single solitary shit about someone identifying as mspec#surprise there isnt one. go join the fucking straights if youre gonna be shitty abt lgbt identities.#mspec identities literally arent hurting anyone. you are w your dumb fucking policing#words from the monarch#like man im aroace. i dont understand attraction period. i dont fucking care how anyone wants to define theirs. good for them. god damn#bigots are going to call us all slurs!!! get the fuck over yourselves!!!!
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Robin Jason makes me so sad because he's the one kid Bruce could have actually stopped from becoming a vigilante.
#it always annoys me when ppl completely ridicule the notion of bruce delibaretly recruiting kids for his mission#immediately going to 'oo they all would have done it anyways' 'he tried to stop them' 'they didnt give him a choice'#like yeah maybe for most of them. EXCEPT FOR JASONNN#bruce literally picked that kid up and went 'you're robin now :)' before even revealing his id#like 😭 literally all he had to do was NOT make jason robin!!#like damn its not like he was personally running out every night to fight crime and shit#all batman had to do was. NOT. give him robin. like ????#my dc posting#dc#jason todd#robin jason todd#sorry i read batman 408-428 and went insane abt this#my mans interfered with one (1) crime and bruce went 'this child. he will be my next crime-fighting partner.'#just adopt him normally my man#if he wants to be a vigilante you can think abt that later why'd you just. decide 'yeah you're robin now kid :)'
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im going into my new work tomorrow, first time ever😐
#i was supposed to go in yesterday but um#so basically i did whatever training i was never even aware existed on a platform i was never told of#which has progress for every lil step i do so my manager literally could see i hadnt even logged on n couldve warned me any time#but never did 4 some reason. like even a days notice like heyyy have u gotta blah done n not as im abt to exit to work#BUT ANYWAYS so i tell her i got it done n shes like awesome i make new schedule (since she said we have 2 completely rid the old one#i dont get an update until 4 days later. all she did was add THREE training days (im supposed to have 6 cus it's a hard job)#on TOP of my old schedule. so i have 3 days i know are training days and then a solo day bcs that solo day was going off my old schedule#so it's like. which days do i go on then. bcs u said i cant come in at all bcs we'll have to make a completely new schedule#and then the new schedule is just. 3 added days. on top of my old one#sunday i was scheduled for training & there was No trainer scheduled with me. it was just me#sunday wasnt one of the 3 new days added. it was from the old schedule she literally told me to ignore#n then all a sudden today i get an email from someone who was supposed to be training me (name not even on the schedule tho)#n shes like hey im in the building are u lost or smthing :)?' mind u im asleep . so she probably thot she was wasting her time for a good hr#i emailed her an apology n an explanation but UGH r u fucking serious?? IF I KNEW THAT WAS A (NEW) TRAINING DAY I WOULDVE WENT#I JUST WANT TO GET USED TO THIS NEW THING & IT'S JUST GETTING FUCKED LIKE I DONT EVEN HAVE A BADGE YET BRO#like i was suspicious of going in sunday bcs it wouldve lined up nicely with the 3 added training days#but manager TOLD me she was adding a whole new training schedule! i double check n all she added were THREE days! thats it!#how was *i* supposed to know sunday was supposed to be 1 of those days when ive been staying at home ignoring the schedule u said 2#BCS U SAID 2. AND ALSO. THERE WAS NO TRAINER ON THE SCHEDULE.#even tho the drive is far. i wouldve driven up there today to see if i could shadow if i had known there was someone to shadow there#bcs even if i was wrong abt the day 2 come in at least i wouldnt waste my time but i didnt even know if there was someone there with a#trainer title. so i just missed a day i didnt even know i rlly had. FOR NOTHING. UGHH. I FEEL SO STUPID. I HATE MISCOMMUNICATION#im so scared of coming in now. sverybodys gonna think im dum n what if i have issues training then theyre gonna be like#we spent all this time on bro n he had all this time 2 prepare n he still sucks like damn we should just give up#i would 2 but i hate not seeing things to completion so. ugh. hate it here. idk what 2 say. EMBARRASSING#i hate miscommunications i hate feeling stupid
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im sorry i have to rant im so fucking pissed
my exams end on 19th and I have to get rid of some books and buy some books which are quite pricy online so I had planned on going to college street on 20th and selling my books and buying the new ones at a cheap price and i was frankly really excited about it because all I get is a one day break to relax bcz i have to start studying for entrances from 21st so all I have is 20th and i wanted to spend it at college street and then get some food and basically have like a solo date kind of thing.
and i was so so excited about it i told my boyfriend about it like 500 times bcz i kept forgetting i've already mentioned it and it was literally on my mind a lott so i kept bringing it up and ik it seems like not a big deal cz i can just sit at home and chill too but i literally do not get to go outside my house. like- the last time i went out was new years eve and after that the only time i've gone out is to school or to give my boards that is it. my mother has some weird like problem wiht me going out like even if i tell her that i just want to go to our terrace for 5 minutes just to get some fresh air she won't even allow that she'll be all suspicious and like sTaNd In ThE bAlCOnY aNd TaKe FrEsH aIr like she herself doesnt leave the house (and blames it on me and my brother ???? when have we ever stopped you bro, she said I HaVe To Be HeRe To KeEp An EyE like im 18 i dont need to be watched 24/7 stop blaming me for choices you put upon yourself) and i just feel so suffocated ALL THE TIME i feel so overstimulated and im so sick of rotting on my bed and i dont want to wait for some birthday party or friends meet up to be able to leave my goddamn house i just wanted to go and have a fun day and get me some books thats it.
anyway so initially the plan was that my mom would go along but something came up so she wanted to postpone it to 21st and i didn't want to bcz i'd already be missing 3 days bcz of my boyfriends birthday, holi and my brothers birthday (all of which are important and i dont want to miss which makes me the villain apparently bcz i should "adjust" and cancel my "parties" instead of trying to stick to my plan bcz that makes me too demanding and selfish apparently) so i suggested that ukw why dont u go do ur thing which came up and i'll go to college street by myself...which is when the solo date idea came which i had really wanted all along but didnt bring up bcz i knew she'd say no but now there's a valid reason for me to go alone so like, its a pretty easy fix i can just go alone but noooo. First of all,
I've been to college street multiple times before so its not like its an unknown area to me
im going by metro which is quite safe
im going when there is stark daylight and i will return home much much before it gets dark and im literally 18
she never lets me go anywhere alone, not even take ubers alone if i want to get back from somewhere my bf has to come drop me everytime and then go backwards to his house which is so so so stupid and i never get to go out alone unless accompanied by family or by a male friend, so obv when i said i'll go to college street alone she refused to let that happen and started screaming about how 'if its so important to go on 20th bcz u dont want to miss a day of studying then cancel ur 'parties' and study then' and i was like no its not about missing a day its just that there's a very easy and logical fix to this problem which is i go alone and its not inconveniencing anyone so why cant i just do that but she will not listen to that bcz im 'adamant' and 'everything has to be according to me' bcz i found a viable solution to the problem. so instead of letting me just go she was literally ready to pay much more money and buy the books online, like.....why cant i just go bro??? (and she keeps telling me im a waste of her money bcz i will amount to nothing in life and my education was a failed investment or wtv so like now why are u wasting more money??? im literally trying to save the money that u 'waste' on me so just let me ???)
anyway i called my dad last night and told him and he was super ok with the idea he said its a good idea that i go alone and that he would speak to her but then today when i asked her if dad spoke to her she said yes, we'll go on 20th and i was like .....we? so apparently she CANCELLED her previously immovable thing for which she wanted me to cancel my 'parties', she cancelled that and agreed to go with me on 20th just so that i dont get to go alone- like ???????????????? what is ur problemmmm
so obv i was super annoyed and i went on a whole ass rant about how i literally struggle to even cross roads bcz i dont know shit about basic travelling bcz all my life ive been in a car and its a running joke with all my guy friends that i 'cannot navigate' and 'dont know any places' and obv??? if im never allowed to go anywhere then how tf will i know the places- the only places i know is bcz recently i've been paying a lot of attention and asking my dad stuff about what roads to take to reach certain places and when i go out with my friends i kind of try and learn a bit but thats it i've only ever gone alone completely alone to two places which is my beauty parlour thats 5 minutes away from my house and one bazaar one time that was 2 bus stops away, thats it. thats my extent of public travelling alone. and now im supposed to go to a whole new STATE for college and i cant even call myself an auto without struggling. and like- is this not a basic life skill??? like ok yeah its not rocket science and i will probably figure it out even if i start later in life but why not now? most of my guy friends literally go everywhere alone, why not me? and my dad agreed with all of this but my mom was just like "you'll be in the hostel only, no need to go out of the campus" like ARE YOU FOR REAL????????? and she's like "if u want to learn skills learn how to cook" like ok yes i will also learn how to cook for sure but i wont have a fucking kitchen in the hostel but somehow cooking is an urgent skill i should learn but going places by myself is unimportant bcz i should just never? leave? the? hostel?
anyway after much screaming and shouting my dad gave up and just cut the call bcz he doesnt want to get into an argument with my mother and my mother was being all suspicious like why do u hAvE tO gO aLoNe AlL oF a SuDdEn even though i literally explained why i want to do this alone but she doesnt think thats valid. so she refuses to let me go and i asked her for one reason why i shouldnt cz usuallt its always "no u have exam what if smthn happens" but now i literally dont even have exam so whats ur excuse now? streets will always be unsafe forever so "what if smthn happens" is not a reason to never let me go out without a man so just gimme one reason and she couldnt give me a single reason she just said "i said no, thats it".
and now she's gone off about how im useless and blah blah and "high maintainance" bcz i want books and "everyone else (some pishi's son) just studies online" and so the whole option of college street is apparently now cancelled and she's trying to set up a whole ass kindle account (half the books i need arent even available as ebooks) just because i wanted to go by myself.
#in our house kids dont stay outside past 6:30pm'' but now all of a sudden its fine for my brother to play#till 10:30 at night#she literally stopped me permanently from going down in the evenings since i was in class 7-8#this is why ive never had any friends outside of school bcz she wouldnt let me leave ths fucking house#and now that my brother is in class 7#he's allowed to be out playing with his friends till 10 freaking 30#he comes home an hour late sometimes...45 minutes and almost always at least 30 minutes late at NIGHT and she says nothing except like#one sentence#yeah im only the villain i only keep u locke#up in the house its all my fault#this is just so damn unfair#like literally insulting#im not a child what is her problem#what sort of fucking solution is 'never leave the hostel' like ok even if i do that what happens then??? after i graduate?#i'll be a 24 year old who doesnt know shit about going from one place to another without a man present]#and then this woman preaches how she 'always raises her son and daughter equally' like srsly shut the fuck up#my whole life i've been told abar late?''#and for me bcz i would come home 5-10 minutes late nd i did it maybe once or twice she made me completely stop going down to play#5-10 minutes late from 6:30 wherein he comes an hour late from 9 fucking 30#and this sounds so stupid bcz im an 18 year old now and i dont give a fuck abt how long i got to play but its just unfair dude#with me it was always smthn or the other either exams or she gets miraculously sick every time i want to go out to play#im not even kidding she did a whole “i have fever and ur going to leave me like this and go play?” on me one time bcz i was adamant abt goi#after months of not being able to go bcz of exam or smthn or the other#she did not have any fever it was fucking bullshit#and how am i supposed to help with ur imaginary fever anyway im literally 12#its so fucking annoying man and then if i say anything at all she'll go on a tirade about how#like YOU DO THOUGH??????? im sorry ur feelings are hurt bcz i said you do smthn that u LITERALLY DO#istg not even 2 days ago she was having a fight with my dad abt how he should teach my brother to learn how to cycle so that he can go buy#groceries#i can cycle
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Commented on an rdr2 edit and said Dutch was already going downhill since before the main story and I keep getting comments from toxic gamer men trying to debate me like "um actually 🤓" like shut the fuck UPPPPP u cannot debate me on this bitch when I know damn well ur toxic asses don't put two seconds of thought into the game's story cause all they wanna believe is that it's all about manliness and guns and violence
#vark posts#this is my fault for using tiktok ig lmao#i just really like seeing edits but i always forget the ppl on there are beyond stupid#i wouldnt be so mad about it if they weren't being absolute dick heads trying to prove me wrong#theyre all like 'um actually ur wrong cause guarma-' or 'actually it was Hosea's death'#LIKE BIIIITCH#DID WE PLAY THE SAME GAME????#LITERALLY CHAPTER FUCKIN ONE DUTCH BRUSHES HOSEAS CONCERNS OFF TO ROB A TRAIN DESPITE THE FACT THAT EVERYONE IS BARELY SURVIVING#hosea literally makes a comment still in ch1 that dutch was going downhill#if u read the damn newspaper clippings in camp dated for way in the past it shows that Dutch used to rob exclusively rich ppl#and give that money to the poor#this man was well and truly fucked way before the game#sure certain story events speed it up#but theres SO much dialogue early on even from Arthur himself that show Dutch has already changed#cishet toxic gamer bros pls stfu you cant argue with an autistic person abt their special interest#rdr2
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from a while back
#my art#rare colored drawings#even if its just flats#i feel like ill only ever post art if i want to rant in the tags LOL its awesome#sometimes theres just those kinda vague thoughts and feelings that feel a little pointless to actually talk to people about yk#its nice having a lil blog to throw stuff into :) journaling i guess#i dunno i feel stressed thinking abt juggling all the different life things. its smth i see expressed a lot and yeah. literally how#i kinda think hmm i should slowly incorporate things one by one. but then its like damn life just flies tf by and youve done jack shit#but then when im actually doing things i feel like things just keep piling up and idk how long i can sustain it until it all falls down#i guess this anxiety kinda comes from having had really poor mental health during my school yrs... maybe i still do but ahh#i just wonder when the next time that everything comes crashing is gonna be yk. it feels so inevitable but the stakes only get higher#so i dunno. ive been having a hard time sleeping from anxiety.. which gives me more anxiety... which gives me even more anxiety#im supposed to be cramming these tasks into these little pockets of time but i blink and a day is gone and then a week and a month.. a year#i want to do the things i have to do but also the things i want to do. but also REST#and ik that the balance between those things is extremely necessary.. bc losing that balance is exactly how shit hits the fan#hows anyone gonna manage that?#but i guess learning to do that is what life is all about.... lmfaooooooooooooooo#time keeps slipping man i hate it#ill keep trying tho ✌️ all i can do
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rodimus is such a character of all time can u imagine being thrust into a war watching ur uncle die thinking its your fault having to take on the responsibility he didnt even know he was going to have of keeping the universe from being torn apart ALONGSIDE his initial responsibility of keeping both his home planet and adopted home planet and his whole family safe but all u want to do is chill and hang out w ur little brother only HES been forced into this horror show too and and and
#me text#roddy#sorry im thinking abt how his design changes after he gets the matrix#he looks older and its making me want to pace like a tiger in a small cage#likee he was literally forced to grow up to protect everyone no wonder he#feels like shit all the time god damn#i know transformers dont rly have a 'childhood' but like u know what i mean#i was thinking abt that phrase from his bio (i think his marvel one?)#“experience is the benchmark of maturity”#and how the matrix holds all the experience of the primes or w ever#it gives u the knowledge it gives u the maturity. u know??????????#WHATEVERRRR i need to go chew on smth
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What if I finish up requests (when I can), ease into angst with the last req of mine and then just plummet even further into angst with my two platonic Gallagher fics. Thoughts??
#💭 — ⌗nervo rambles . ★#I want to yap to my mutuals abt sm stuff in hsr but like#rghhhh SPOILERS!! I'D BE GIVING!!!! SPOILERS!!!!!!!!#half the people aren't even paying attention to me rambling/posting a lot 💔💔#understandably so tho ofc#I'm losing it most definitely#ALSO ALSO!! ONE OF THE GALLAGHER FICS IS A MALE READER!!!!#I haven't written a male reader in forever 😭😭#I have a male reader Boothill fic idea but like#ummmm ik damn WELL I'd get a bit indulgent while writing it HAHA#might even make it a trans male reader..#been thinking a lot abt my identity in the sense not many people actually use masculine terms for me anymore lol#like whenever someone does it's LITERALLY a day maker#to those of here who have I appreciate you very much 🙏🙏#anyways enough abt me hiii guysss :33#yapped there for a bit 😔😔💔
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Close to my grandma's age when she had my dad literally wtf
#*p#She gave him up for adoption good for her#Side note she is my favorite grandparent#Been thinking abt it a little more recently as I'm staying with her rn#Also rlly been thinking about how my grandma is losing her memory and whatnot but she is still just as kind and enjoyable as before#But when this happened to my (non biological) grandfather he was so fucking nasty. Hmm okay rant incoming once again just need somewhere to#Is been resting inside me for years and I think maybe I should just get it out finally so like don't read. I mean you can if you want but..#recently I realized that he hit my dad when he was a kid and so now I hate him hate him#My mom's always hated him too because of the way he treated my dad's sister versus him#She's so spoiled god#Once my mom told me how they both came to the airport and when my dad arrived he didn't even get up but when she arrived he got up#Before she even was there and greeted her with open arms like hmm okay#And the his computer screen savers was just a sideshow and ofc most if not all of them were her and not one was my dad#Back to the she's so spoiled comment she literally just took whatever she wanted when she came to my grandparents house#I'm not even kidding it was even their cars#Oh she took all of my dad's legos without a word to him. He wanted to give them to my sister so he went to find them and they just weren't#Like you couldnt have even asked ??Think she took his chess set too maybe. Yk lots of things like that#And this is kind of why I was born now that I think about it#My mom felt that my dad didn't have anything of his own so she wanted him to have a kid. Like she wouldn't have had a child if she didn't#Think that#Why did she tell me this anyway#I dint mind but I think lots of parents would not tell their kids that#But yk there are some things she could keep to herself. Like did I need to know where and after what meal I was conceived. No not really.#Wait no I'm literally in the exact room right now aren't I....#How did I get here in my rambling damn it I did not need to think about that
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#im just gonna complain abt it here bc i just have to accept that i can't irl bc no one else gets it#its hard to b a dyslexic grad student. u have to read so much. and its good. lots of reading is good. u just have to contend with a soul#crushing amout of discouragement at the fact u just kinda cant read while ur peers r like sure i can read this in class and have things to#say abt it. if u make me read in my head in class i literally cannot fucking tell u what i just read. not a god damn thing and if i try to#let my computer read to me i cant fucking pay attention for long enough so i just have to accept that from here on out ill have to#physically read papers aloud which i hate so much. its the only way i can fucking understand things and it still makes me feel dumb bc ill#somehow still space out while reading and have to reread like 4 times before i understand wtf is being said. it takes forever and it takes#energy and i dont like talking very much and it also restricts me to only being able to read at home which is frustrating#and im like i need to stop my brain from distracting myself with things that dont matter and my counselor is like: ur ocd is trying to make#work ur whole life and im like yeah thats how i got it. its the only way i can keep swimming with the non dyslexics#so its like wtf do i do? i kinda have to take the hit and make work my whole life rn. morn the loss of other things for a while#i dunno im still a bummer rn. like im probably coming off as more an asocial freak than normal bc its hard to talk ans maintain conversation#rn. but whatever. sometimes things just suck and theres nothing u can do abt it but accept it and move on. ill learn lots of things with all#the reading i have to do and that's never a bad thing ...no matter how much i dont give a fuck abt animals#like jesus. i could not even begin to give a fuck about like 95% of mammals. fish r cool tho. plants too#but microbes is where its at. i dont understand y ppl dont understand how cool they r. oh well ill just have to tell them#if i can find my fucking enthusiasm. ugh i have to make one of my classes read a paper and i have to work with someone abt find it. she#works with like rabbits. i refuse to assign a mammal paper. i fucking refuse. we will do plants or microbes or fucking paleontology#i will fight her on this. ugh. light filtering or orchid speciation would b perfect. annoying#at least i get to work with some culturs this week#unrelated
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hm. i think i am going to stop going to counseling. he does not understand me. he pathologizes things that are not pathological.
#purrs#the premises of counseling / therapy are that you need to have boundaries and be self sufficient and fully healed. FUCK THAT! relationships#are not transactions. we are allowed to need each other. we are allowed to blur lines. we are human and messy. our thoughts and feelings ar#PRECIOUS. im not letting go of my thoughts they mean EVERYTHING to me they are the key to the WORLD. im not letting go of redacted why on#EARTH would i stop redacteding to redacted that is HELPFUL for me. i don’t CARE about the roots. who the fuck is it hurting????? NO ONE!!!!#the way he flat out told me he agrees with my mom. bitch im done forever. im done literaly forever. i don’t know how to tell him but im don#forever. maybe it’s just my id which is what he said to me LMFAO and like maybe i just don’t like being uncomfortable or facing hard truths#but i don’t fucking think it’s TRUE!!!!!!!!!! yeah i need to grow yeah i have unhealthy behaviors. but i don’t need to let go of the whole#THING bc of some arbitrary transactional concept of what relationships are supposed to be / mean. ive NEVER had a counselor try to uproot t#the whole damn thing like omg what is WRONG with you. i#im paying this man $25 a week to UNDERSTAND me and not ONCE have i felt understood by him. counselors can disagree with me but i literally#never feel like he is on my side. he’s adhering to conventional ideas about what parents are supposed to be and friends are supposed to be#and work is supposed to be etc etc. and so patronizingly said just enjoy being 23 you don’t wanna waste your 20s! FUCK YOU. i will not#regret anything even if it’s unusual. FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!#and also i know he probably watches back thru the recordings and has like his supervisor and professors watch them too which means that#there is a whole team of scientists + my family studying me in a lab and thinking im insane and finding ways to tell me. but fucking bold o#him to assume he can give me any meaningful valuable insight when he is actively checking his laptop / phone during our sessions and rarely#if eve gives me a chance to drive MY OWN CONVERSATION THAT IM PAYING FOR and is so phony abt being on the recording. like Omg. maybe im jus#grown out of it. it fucking SUCKS bc i actually have things i am not normal about and really need help with and i can’t actually get help f#from ppl whose job it is to fucking help me bc they think im not normal about things i PROMISEEEE i am normal about. and the way i effectiv#effectively told him that and he responded that he can’t take that credibly bc there’s no action behind it BY WHICH HE MEANS I HAVENT#STOPPED REDACTEDING TO ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT REDACTED IN MY WHOLE LIFE? THAT I HAVENT DECIDED IM DONE LEARNING SND GROWING AND CUT IT#OFF?????? DO YOU FUCKING HEAR YOURSELF. INSANE. the ANTITHESIS of human. we are MEANT TO BE CONNECTED. FUCK!!!!!!!!!#delete later#my old counselors challenged me and disagreed with me b it i never felt like they flat out were unwilling to meet me where i am and#compromise with me. is that not what counselors are supposed to do???? or have i just had bad counselors until now??? because im NORMAL. i#swear to fucking god. im normal. im literally normal and it is not doing ANYONE harm. what is wrong with you. GOD
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just saw someone call the most aggressively het pairing queer
#like.... babe...... its literally just a “nice guy who got friendzoned gets the girl in the end” fantasy#i wont say what ship but iykyk#tbh i dont rly like any of the pairings in it#some are sorta interesting but im not rly invested in or care abt any of them other than the plot important one#kinda similar thing with drhdr tbh#i can see the pairings but like. kaiman and nikaido are just Bros#bros who fuck at the most#they r soulmates for sure but not in that way#idk. the one the post was defending is just#i think hes totally a lesbian but that ship is still just. incredibly boring to me#and aggressively straight#i will give a damning hint for the ship im complaining about which is its from under/tale yellow (<-dont want it to show in searches lol)
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okay but whenever proshippers say [thing i have literally never heard anyone say or consider saying] that’s really gross which is why i hate them
#literally don’t mind this post it’s just me being unnecessarily salty#like bro what. where are you getting this info. what tf are you talking about#give me a single example#feels like everyone hates proshippers for the most inane reasons#okay i’m just going to scream now bc i’m frustrtaed#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAA#that isn’t very cathartic in text#it’s just like. so annoying. that’s not what ‘all proshippers’ think wtf#feels like ppl will go on this webbed site and say ‘dni proshippers. i hate them bc every single one thinks all dairy should be eradicated’#WHY. WHAT. SHOW ME THE DAMN BIBLIOGRAPHY#also my own sister has a dni proshippers on her thing. because she’s a minor????? what?????#well not minor anymore ig#she’s an actual real adult now what will she do……….#but anyway what am i supposed to do with that. she’s my goddamn sister. no i’m not gonna stop interacting with her bc of her dni#i hate breathing exercises they feel so trite like stupid breathing is going to fix all my mental issues?????#and then when it works it feels like it vindicates everyone#who instantly told me 2 do that when they heard abt me having any kind of issue#aghhhhh that thought Does Not Help#so when i do it i try to think of my choir teacher instead#yknow i used to show songs to him after class and then he’d comment on it and we’d talk about various song things like friends#it was nice. no one has really talked to me abt music like that before or since#and i miss it#i love music so much#theres nothing else quite like it. that’s true for all artforms but#what else can make you feel something so simply so easily?#when i make music i wanna be able to control my audience’s mood like that#sometimes i try for atmospheric pieces ones that really embody like a setting#like the glowing cave one!#when i’m not doing that i usually have a specific thing i’m trying out#like slides or chords or varying length of notes
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#like english dubbed has so many big names but like i love watching movies in the og language bc i love subtitles so…#ohmygodddd ghiblifest NEAR ME i’m literally going to go die who gives a damn abt anything else it’s LITERALLY ghibli movies IN THEATRES#ANDD it’s ponyos 15th anniversary i’m SORRY i need to watch this!!!#lich buying tickets it doesn’t matter like#i have to bring a friend though..oh that’s rough bc i’m lonely 24/7 fuck! it’s fine i’ll figure it out it’s ducking GHIBLIFEST dude#thank u yt for once in ur goddamn life you’ve found an ad that caters to me#i’m on such a high rn i missed the last ghiblifest so i’m SOOO glad it’s back i’m gonna make 2023 MY year with this one!!!
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shiver won so i'm leaving the fandom for a month. bye for now!
#i deeply resent the fact that a game i've loved for damn near its entire life has finally made me feel like i have to step away#this isn't even abt shiver tbh there's something wrong w me to make me so stressed by a nintendo game#spla3 has literally never made splatfests work. i pray like hell they'll go back to 2 teams in splatoon 4 bc i can't keep doing this#i haven't genuinely had fun in one since the choco fest and i didn't even win that one. still loved it#something abt this broke me a bit and i'm tired of trying to make this broken ass system work for me. i give up#tag update: this sounds way pissier than it's supposed to be i'm just taking a break bc i got unbelievably stressed out by the fest#can't even elaborate on that bc it's like actually concerning but yea. will return late october most likely
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