#listen when siblings are part of the main conflict of the book i take it personally

[capinejghafa]

Book Lovers by Emily Henry is good read! My only but is Libby... I have issues with her; however, this book was not about her. There's something about younger siblings that I did not enjoy in this book. I have two older sisters and a younger, so it felt personal. I heard a saying that goes something like when you read, you carry your baggage with you. So, there's that! But the romance is great, and Nora is incredible, Charlie is fantastic. I'd give this book a 4/5.

[sirenemale]

WARRIOR CATSSSSSSSSS LETS GOOOOOOOOO ❓️💢

I was hoping someone would ask for theseee YAY

❓️ : fav total background character (im not talking minor characters like say. whitewing or moonlight, i mean cats with like...3 lines tops)

This is sooo hard actually. I think most of mine still fall into minor adjacent cause they get some focus and lines. But I've always really liked Ashfoot, literally one of the only wc map parts I've made was about her. I always thought the windclan family dynamic of her being related to onestar was really fun. She just seems very together and competent and idk, I like that she and her husband were both deputies with a foot suffix.

I also always really liked breezepelt's kids, idk what they ever really got up to in canon but Smokehaze, brindlewing, appleshine and woodsong are such cute names. There's probably a lot to explore with how he'd approach parenting with how he grew up. I also think it's really cute that the older sisters ended up mentoring their younger siblings.

Also not super minor, but I guess semi-minor in terms of how often I see fan stuff for them. Pretty much every side or minor character in Graystripe's vow i really liked. Gremlin, Fury, all of warriorclan. Petunia especially, I think all of them you can draw some really fun parallels with first arc characters, I almost wish we'd gotten some kinda soft reset where we start following them instead of the kinda giant extended never ending conflict we have in the main clans. Fury is the antagonist obviously but I don't think she made any kinda impact on the fandom really, I just think she's fun. At the end when she's mostly defeated and bleeding out she crawls to the top of the high rocks in thunderclan camp and I was hoping soooo fucking bad she'd be deranged enough to just stand up there boasting until she died. Not what happened but it's what happened in my heart, not deep at all as a character I just liked that she got to be kinda crazy.

OTHER than thattt. I can only think of Red from Skyclan's destiny. There was a rogue camp and she had drama with her dad bc she had a boyfriend, then her dad Stick tries to kill that guy and she jumps in front first and dies and everyone regrets it lmao.

💢 : what scene made you the most irrationally angry upon first reading

The entirety of Squirrelflight's hope for 1. It was such a viscerally deeply upsetting book to me.

The scenes of Bramblestar demoting squirrelflight to children's tasks, not letting her leave the camp without telling him because she Challenged him, taking her autonomy away, guilt tripping her, telling her she's selfish for not wanting to kill pregnant woman who is going to leave in Less than a MONTH anyway. The whole book just made me feel crazy. It's crazy how uncharacteristically sadistic every character becomes JUST so squirrelflight can be made to look inconsiderate for Embarrassing her husband in public by telling him they can just Wait for them to leave. And it's worse because it does completely break her down, Bramblestar completely shatters her sense of confidence, her sense of safety and personality ALL for the book to treat it like it was two-sided, all for her to apologize to him for speaking up and then the book ends. I don't think warrior cats has ever written anything more vile than this genuinely.

I remember that scene where she brought one of the sisters, who was dying, into camp for Leafpool to treat. and bramblestar threatened leafpool, his sister-in law and their DOCTOR not to heal an outsider. when squirrelflight argues and protects leafpool, fights for sunrise, bramblestar asks Why are you doing this to me. Guilting her and forcing her to choose between saving a woman's life, protecting her sister, AND listening to him beyond all reason. Choosing anything else except him is Hurting him. That's the framing. And it's crazy bc this isn't normal for warrior cats either, again it's uncharacteristically sadistic, it goes against the code, and it's all so they could write this scene, so bramble could say that, So it would Hurt squirrelflight, and punish her narratively.

You'd think it's intentional writing but then you remember this is the last book he's meant to be Good, because the next arc he's possessed by ashfur and is meant to actually be abusive and possessive and terrifying, which he is. But it's just fucking mortifying that the writer's idea of Bramblestar at his best, at the point where everyone missed him, is this. That they consistently do believe their relationship is healthiest and most equal when she is completely submitting to him.

ANYWAY that;s not even the actual last scene that broke me irt actually reading warrior cats myself LMAO.

it was similar though it was the way they handled shadowsight in the broken code. Similar thing of a character who is being so outrageously abused, other characters around him are suddenly far more sadistic and cruel than they've been before just to further beat him down While also having it be narratively justified.

Anyway it's the scene where Shadowsight, mothwing (i think), lionblaze and willowshine are trying to access the dark forest or starclan to get bramble's spirit back. No one trusts shadowsight, they all literally hate him, especially Lionblaze. Shadowsight offers to go to the dark forest, knowing there's a good chance he'll die there. He does this because he's basically suicidal at this point, so wracked with guilt over unknowingly creating this situation and having everyone Blame him for it that he's like Let me make it right. Lionblaze refuses because he doesn't trust him, so Willowshine offers instead. Willow lies down and closes her eyes so she can dream herself into the dark forest and in one of the fucking rawest scenes they've had in a MINUTE she dies on the spot. Ashfur killed her spirit in the darkforest so fast that barely a minute after she closes her eyes her physical body DIES. Lionblaze immediatelyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy blames shadowsight for this and is like it should have been you why did you let this happen. And at that point i was really like. if i keep reading this series I am Actually going to smash my head into a walllllllllll. I think I did finish the book a while later and idk.

It's hard knowing so much of this could be really hard hitting writing about abuse and complex situations. I think the meta of warriors is really interesting, the way the authors misogyny and absurd hate for abuse victims literally warps the world and character morals book by book. The way it literally gets worse as the books continue. I can't stomach reading it myself anymore LMAO. But I also have permanent brain worms for warriors so I still keep up with the character drama in the new books, there's stuff that's really interesting to me. Looking at curlfeather, frostpaw and splashtail's stuff. But yeah

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hello mbti-notes, How do you do? Hope you're having a good time in your vacation!

I'm a 25F (unhealthy, level 1) INFJ, and my mother (late 40s) is ISFJ. I- have some issues myself and it's affecting my relationships. I currently stay away from socializing and bottling up my issues and problems. If it gets bad I cry alone in the bathroom dealing with mixed feelings of love and resentment.

I don't know how to start but I recently realized my mother has toxic traits and this causes some inner conflict. I understand she has went through a lot in life (so did my dad, still typing him)...but I want her to realize she too is flawed, not just us. There are various times she hurt me with words and during some of those incidents, we end up fighting and I say things in anger that hurt her. She believes she is never in the wrong and adapts the victim mentality. Whenever I try to reason with her, she doesn't admit her faults and immediately brings up things I did in the past. She actually repeats whatever we say in a taunting manner out of spite. As I write this, I am realizing this sounds ridiculous.

While growing up, she hated me being close to my dad and manipulated me using the victim mentality, so she succeeded in making me dislike my father in childhood. One time when we fought, I told her, "now I understand why dad doesn't bother to clear up things with you! You never listen and twist words!" She took this as betrayal and thinks I'm completely on dad's side, who hurt her. I did not dismiss her pain. I want her to understand all of us are messed up and we need to work on ourselves and fix things.

I fear that as she grows old, she'll grow more stubborn and become narcissistic. I fear that I would become like her in the future after getting married and act like her to my children and spouse in the future. My parents themselves are unhealthy due to having grown up in unhealthy and toxic environments themselves, and their parents were bounded by toxic traditions like patriarchal misogynistic practices. I am afraid of this cycle continuing, the cycle of unhealthy parents hurting their children and they grow up like that too. What should I do? How do I make my parents realize we all need help and need to improve ourselves?

I know first and foremost I should be improving myself, but I am also worried about them. I am not saying I am perfect, I also have some toxic traits but I watch myself when interacting with others. There are so many I's and reeks of narcissism, need to stop that. Also realized that I'm probably having a problem with my parent's toxic traits, maybe it's my high standards not letting me accept these flaws. They took great pains to raise me and my sibling, but it also hurts me to see them like this, I just want them to be happy and be in harmony. Apologies for this rambling, it's hard to put them in order since English is not my first language.

--------------------

The main problem is that neither you nor your mom is capable of healthy relationship boundaries. When two people don't set, respect, and enforce proper boundaries, they easily end up in a vicious cycle of conflict, even when they love each other. Why? In a close relationship, two people know exactly what buttons to push and how to bait each other into conflict. Why bait each other into conflict? When there is a serious underlying problem and/or traumatic wounding in the relationship that remains unresolved, the two parties will rehash the problem or replay the trauma over and over again, in an unconscious attempt to achieve resolution or feel a sense of closure.

Unfortunately, resolution or closure rarely happens, because during the conflict, the pain is never truly heard or addressed. The cycle of conflict then gradually escalates, as both parties get more aggressive in wanting to be heard and validated. Each person uses the conflict to act out their unresolved ego dramas and traumas. You both claim to be victims and you use each other to reinforce the victim narrative. While it might be true that you are both victims in some form, it is unproductive to keep accusing each other of being the enemy or victimizer. Nobody will ever "win" this conflict because nobody is really listening to the pain that is being expressed. The blame game destroys the good will required to reach mutual understanding.

A repetitive cycle of conflict continues because BOTH parties are putting energy into it and perpetuating it. Oftentimes, one major contributing factor to the original problem/trauma was poor communication skills or hurtful communication habits. Until at least one of the two parties improves their ability to listen and communicate maturely, there is nothing to stop the cycle of conflict, short of severing the relationship for good.

Your mom has "toxic traits" that created a toxic environment for you growing up. You acknowledge that you have similarly toxic traits and want to address them. Good. You're an adult now. An important part of growing up is becoming independent and taking personal responsibility for the trajectory of your life. You make the decisions as an adult, so your problems are in your hands. Her problems are hers to handle. Your process of healing should not require anything from your mom or even blaming your mom.

The fact that you want her to admit fault, accompany you, or work on herself means that you are violating her boundary. You want her to change, when she isn't ready or doesn't want to. You use criticism to pressure her and that causes her pain. Her maltreatment of you during conflict is an expression of the pain that you're causing her. Similarly, the way that you mistreat her is the manifestation of the pain she has caused you in the past. The longer the pain remains unresolved, the more likely it is that the hurt turns into anger, then rage, then spite...

You don't like the ways in which she tries to manipulate you to be who/what she wants you to be. That's fair. But you're not fully recognizing that you're doing the same thing to her. You're essentially saying that you won't be able to grow up and move on with your life until she becomes the mom that you want her to be. In a way, you're holding the both of you hostage. It doesn't matter if you believe that you're being altruistic and it's "for her own good" - she believes exactly the same thing when she tries to change you. Trying to change her, against her will, amounts to an attack on her being. If you're not able to love someone as they are, you're in no position to help them. If you're not able to communicate with someone without causing hurt to yourself or them, you're in no position to help them. "Helping" is about supporting people in their efforts, not about constantly pressuring them to live up to your standards.

You are too emotionally entangled with her. You want her validation, her support, her empathy, her cooperation, her confession, her atonement, etc. It sounds like none of that is forthcoming, nor is it even necessary. As long as you can't face the reality of who your mom is and keep expecting her to be different, YOU are choosing to keep yourself tied to her and her toxic ways. Yes, everyone needs social support in life, but as an adult, you should no longer need a "mom".

To become independent, you need to draw your own personal boundary in life and work within it to heal your personality problems. When you become a capable boundary setter and carve out your own space in the world, you know to rest and recuperate within its bounds and you know to keep people out when they don't respect its bounds. If you need help or support with your healing, she is obviously not the right choice, is she? She is not capable of entering your boundary without the conflict arising again, is she? There's nothing wrong with needing help/support, but you are not going to find much success by seeking it from the least qualified of sources.

Children aren't born knowing how to conduct healthy and mature relationships, so they can't be expected to understand boundaries when no one taught them. However, as an adult, it is your responsibility to address that knowledge deficit, if you hope to break past patterns and have healthy relationships. Do you understand what a boundary is, how to set one, and how to enforce one? It's about respecting your own being, respecting the being of others, and learning how to mingle with people without allowing hurt or violation. I suggest that you work with a therapist who specializes in relationships and boundary setting. Judging by the nature of your disagreements with her, you need to work on your communication skills and conflict resolution skills too. See the related tags and book suggestions on the resources page.

[we-are-the-amb]

Hey what up bro. How have you been? I was wondering if you had any headcannons of Star hanging out with Edgar and Alan? I dunno if I asked this or someone else, but ya know-

And if you wanted to take a break from talking about the lost boys, then what's your favorite fruit? I have a three way tie of Strawberries, Kiwifruit, or Mangos. Anything tart is pretty preem.

Hey there, buddy! I’ve been well, thank you, I hope you have been, too? I will happily answer both your queries! My favourite fruits are mangos, cantaloupe and pineapple. However, I also enjoy raspberries, mandarins and green apples. I agree, tart fruits are king. Funnily enough, I think I’m slightly allergic to kiwi fruit! Each time I’ve eaten it, my lips have gone raw and sore. 

As for headcanons about Star and the Frogs, I certainly have some! I’m taking note of the term “hanging out”, because I have a lot of angsty thoughts about this, but I shall keep it a bit lighter. 

- Okay, here’s the thing; Star, Edgar and Alan are all really quite similar and come from similar backgrounds. All are children of neglectful parents, and all are neurodivergent and undiagnosed. The main difference is that Star was an only child, where the Frogs are siblings and very close knit. This has affected their developments, differently. 

- It does reach a point where they can see eye-to-eye, and consider each other friends, even family. However, they have a lot to unpack, before they get to that point. Progress is slow, because while they do see each other a great deal, they rarely converse and are rarely alone with each other.  I wanted to air some of this out in a fic I planned to write, but never did, in which Star and Edgar have a heavy confrontation. Specifically Star and Edgar, because while their backgrounds are similar, their is a greater conflict of personality, than between Star and Alan. 

- The Frogs had joined the Emersons on a camping trip, and one evening the youngsters decided to play hide and seek, in the forest. Star had split off from her group, to enjoy the scenery, alone. It was on her walk that she came upon Edgar, also alone and fast approaching a meltdown. He in an unfamiliar area, and Alan was nowhere to be seen, and that was enough to make him feel like the trees, themselves were bearing down on him. 

- Star remembered seeing Marko get like this, at times, and she had not known what to do then, either. Though she liked Edgar much less, hated him even, she knew it wouldn’t be right to leave him alone in that state. So, she gingerly approached Edgar, reluctantly holding out her scent locket, her favourite stim item. When Edgar took notice of her, he growled defensively, and refused to sniff the locket in her hand, he wasn’t a dog. With some strain, she took off the locket and offered it to him to hold, snapping at him not to drop it. He did listen, holding the locket so hard his knuckles turned white. Huffing at the tiny gap in his fingers, he was surprised and relieved to smell lavender, not patchouli. He had always hated the smell of patchouli, as his mother wears it, as an alternative to bathing. He could never sit near Star, because of the familiar smell. 

- Star stuck with him, until the others found them. It was then that all the bad feelings came out. See, both parties have some strong flaws, preconceptions and issues that have gone without confrontation. Star, at her core, is a very stubborn person, with a view that much resembles those of the fantasy books that comforted her, as a child. She’s carrying a lot of guilt from that bloody night at the Emerson house, because deep down she believes she could have done more to prevent such an end. She coddles herself, by projecting her own feelings of weakness and selfishness onto the Frogs, but particularly Edgar, being the stronger personality. Edgar does not seem to feel conflicted at all about what he did, and she both envies and hates him for it. It’s easier for her, to cast him and Alan as the villains. 

Edgar, for his part, does have one regret from that night. It does scare him that he wielded a stake so readily against Laddie, even if he could have fought back and won. Laddie has sort of become his friend, a kid he wants to protect. It makes him queasy to remember standing over him with a stake, ready to kill. But, similar to Star, he comforts himself by thinking he did what he had to do, to make things right and protect Santa Carla. He wasn’t the genius who turned Laddie in the first place. And he hates Star, because that fanciful, flighty way of her’s just makes him think of his mother, who has never raised a finger to help him. How dare she blame him for her failure to fix things on her own. 

- So, that’s where the relationship really begins, with a fight. By the time the others find them, things have changed. They’ve both seen sides of themselves and each other, they had not wanted to, but had to. It’s rocky, but it’s a start. When Star gets her locket back from Edgar’s hand, the metal is hot from a clenched fist. She can hardly stand to touch it, though the fragrance has become strong in that heat. 

- Anyway, on to the lighter stuff, because things do get better! 

- Alan and Laddie are pretty close. Both share a great love for fantasy and fairytales, as Star does. More than once, Star has caught him reading one of her’s and Laddie’s books to him, with Edgar sitting back and listening (Edgar is dyslexic, and Alan frequently reads to him, too). When Alan quarrels with Laddie about whether, or not fairies are real (Alan says yes, Laddie says no), those arguments invariably end up coming up with Star. Star, for her part, very much wants to believe in fairies, but isn’t as sure of them, as Alan. The first Halloween she has with the Emersons, Alan actually tells her to leave some dishes of honey around the perimeter of the house, to keep the fairies away from Laddie. 

- As you can imagine, the three end up talking folklore quite a bit, when they do talk, at all. Star has a great interest in it, but the Frogs exhaust themselves into comas every Halloween, trying to kept the town safe. It gets to a point where she begins to help with some of the cake baking and cross making that goes into their elaborate defences. 

- Star is a very good artist, particularly when it comes to sculpture. She rediscovers her talent, living with the Emersons. She makes toadstools, and dragons and little nonsensical critters. Sometimes, when the Frogs are waiting for Sam, they furtively watch her sculpt. One year, Sam commissions Star to make a pair of little frogs, for the brothers’ Christmas presents. They repay her the next year, with a painted pebble and a hand woven bracelet. They are quite artistic, themselves. 

- Star teaches herself embroidery, and the Frogs can sew fairly well. Now and then, they sit together and customise their jackets. 

- Their taste in music is quite similar. Sometimes they can all sit and vibe along to Janis Joplin, or The Grateful Dead, or The Incredible String Band. They all really let their stims out when they listen to music, as it make sense them so happy and eases their self consciousness. 

- Star and Sam both collect crystals, which they share with great enthusiasm. Edgar and Alan have a fear and mistrust of crystals, though they played with them as children, and refuse to even touch them. Star almost teases them at first, waving pieces of her collection near them and almost getting her hands smacked, each time. Then, she and Sam make an effort to help them see that the crystals won’t harm them. Star picks out the smallest, smoothest rocks and places them in their hands, getting them used to the feel of them and showing them the stones have no power over them and won’t hurt them. 

That’s all I can think of, for now, buddy! It’s not much, I know, but I hope you enjoy it. 🖖

[doorbloggr]

Sunday 1/8/21 - Media Recommendations #13

Contents:

Book - The Metamorphosis, Franz Kafka

Song - What a Fool Believes, Doobie Brothers

Anime/Manga: Death Note, Ohba & Obata

This week in Media Recommendations, at first I was considering putting it off for a week again. But then I realised that despite it being a very boring and fast moving week, I have actually been consuming some new media that I can talk about.

So forgive me being a couple days late again, but this week, I'm gonna discuss a few pieces of media that I am truly really late to appreciating. But it was now that I experienced them, so it will be now that I discuss them.

The Metamorphosis

Franz Kafka

Discussing English class assigned readings with friends and siblings, I discovered that even within the same highschool, there were several pieces of iconic western literature that I just didn't get assigned, but they did. Several of Shakespeare's works, Lord of the Flies, The Boy in Striped Pajama's, all books I just didn't get to read because I wasn't assigned them. So it had to be up to me to go and seek out these books as an adult, else I'd never experience them. One of those that I knew was famous from name alone, but only recently found out was quite a short read, was Franz Kafka's The Metamorphosis.

In one word, The Metamorphosis is... Bizarre. I've never read a story quite like it. The setting and main conflict is established in the first sentence of the story and things go from bad to worse almost immediately.

The story is pockmarked with glimpses of hope that get dashed to oblivion almost immediately. There's several points where I'm like "Oh isn't this nice, some silver lining to this black sludge of a bad time?" But it never is, it's just a very sad hopeless, bizarre time.

But I enjoyed my read for how different and interesting an experience it was. It's only a short story as I found out, so if you have a free afternoon and you never got a chance to read the story in school, I say take some time to read the bizarre experience that is Kafka's The Metamorphosis.

What a Fool Believes

The Doobie Brothers

I've had this happen a lot to me lately where I hear an older song mentioned in passing and then I become obsessed with it for a week or so before it becomes part of my regular spotify rotation. The first time I actually heard this song was its use as the background music in a Neil Cicierega parody mashup. Then very recently in a podcast, the song was brought up for its very unique guitar riffs and rhythms.

So I went back and listened to the song in full for the first time and holy bejesus what a fucking bop.

What a Fool Believes is just so high energy and funky and everything about it is amazing. The vocals are amazing, the instruments are amazing. It's just a really good song. Please listen to it!

Death Note

Tsugumi Ohba, Takeshi Obata

Although my anime taste is overwhelming in favour of turn brain off, slice of life happy times, there's nothing wrong with a bit of supernatural mystery thriller every now and then. Death Note is a classic of modern Japanese Fiction.

Death Note is a very specific fiction experience. It is a battle of wits where every move is calculated perfectly to counter the enemy. I don't want to spoil the story too much, because you really should experience it for yourself, but the premise centres around a supernatural object called the Death Note. This book is a tool used by Shimigami, or reapers, and when a person's name is written in there, they will die. This book is found by academic savant Light Yagami who believes he can use this book to bring about world piece, but he eventually becomes just as wicked as those he punishes. Some of the world's brightest minds catch onto his patterns quick and try to uncover him as the immoral mass murderer he is.

It is a fast paced story of twists and turns. Any wrong move could mean death for either side, but they just keep check-mating each other so that the upperhand is just out of reach. If you are into crime thrillers, murder mystery, or light supernatural horror, I could not recommend Death Note more. The Manga is great and the Anime is amazing, so pick your poison.

Thanks for reading if you did.

As the title suggests, I've done 12 more of these, so check out links on my pinned post if you're interested. And also if you have any recommendations for me, I'm always looking for more media to consume.

[bookandcover]

This was an absolutely beautiful novel with a subtle allure that will linger in my mind for a long time. I love Miller’s writing style, which seems to pay homage to the Classics she loves and studies in depth. 

It’s rare to meet a main character who is immortal, but here we have Circe, side figure in The Odyssey where she is painted primarily as a villain, born of an ancient god and a river nymph, yet living alone and on the fringes of the social stratification among humans and gods—a situation which, Miller must have intuited, bespeaks a woman who has not conformed to society’s expectations for her, the quintessential “witch.” What could growth of character within the experience of immortality possibly look like? This seems to me to present a real literary challenge, as so many books rely on character development, a change in the protagonist from beginning to end. Why would someone who is immortal grow or change? Why would their life play out with any type of directionality or plot arc? 

I realized these problems with an immortal heroine part way through the book and started to ask how the structure of a novel could be forced onto the life of an immortal. How could Miller’s novel end? What makes the conflict and the resolution when the novel started with her birth? If Circe lives on and on, what might tell us that some part of her story has arrived at an ending? 

These questions get brilliantly answered as (spoiler!!) Circle chooses mortality. In the process of the protagonist making this choice, the book poignantly reflects on what gives life meaning. Is immortality meaningless, when we have no motivation for growth and no motivation for life itself, as each day, each forever, we could do and try anything, ad infinitum? Is it our mortality, and our awareness of it, that makes any moment meaningful and life-changing? The meaning-making power of mortality is something Circe sees, and longs for herself, in observing the mortal lives around her. But it takes her falling in love with a mortal—Telemachus, strangely the son of her once-lover Odysseus—to make the final change in her, to bring about her own mortality through her magic. Circe’s relationships with both Odysseus and Telemachus capture the strangeness of immortality, as she is able to experience the lives and love of both men in a kind of stasis, while they change and age. Yet, Circe herself is changing internally and she is changed by each of her lovers. She is different when she loves Telemachus, softer and more open, although, in part, this must be Telemachus’s goodness to which she responds. 

This book was incredibly satisfying, but also challenging (i.e. I didn’t always agree) in its re-characterization of familiar characters. Odysseus, who I kind of dislike in the original source text (sure, he wants to go home, but he also seems to be really “out there for the adventure”), was characterized according to his most epithet-worthy traits, a man so twisted by his own mind’s machinations that he doesn’t have much space for kindness or for receiving other people as people (this characterization seems pretty accurate to the original text). He’s also strongly associated with his true love for Penelope, a love he speaks about and references, but that seems strangely performative here (particularly as he falls willingly into Circe’s bed). I actually think Odysseus of the original text seems more likable, more loyal when compared to this portrait of him. I think he was characterized as too likable, too charged with uniqueness, in the middle part of this book when he’s first introduced, and while I felt weird about his affair with Circe, his preciousness is later dramatically challenged via the viewpoints of his sons. Telemachus, much gentler than Odysseus, is haunted by the murders he committed, on his father’s orders, of the maids Penelope’s suitors took for lovers during their sojourn in the palace. Circe’s son Telegonus is drawn to Odysseus and longs to go him, leaving Circe in order to go to Ithaca, only to accidentally kill the king with the weapon he’d brought with him (the string ray tail of Trigon given to him by Circe as a form of protection) when the king of Ithaca’s tries to seize it from his son who he will not listen to. We also see the ending of The Odyssey when Odysseus returns home and destroys the suitors through Telemachus’s eyes, the shocking changes in Odysseus, mad with suspicion, who is willing to eliminate all the nobility of his island country who have tried to usurp his place in his long absence. 

I really love both Telemachus and Penelope in the original, and Telemachus offers, in so many ways, the counter-point to his father’s harshness and objectivity, both in The Odyssey and in Miller’s novel. Is Telemachus the man who modern readers will feel most drawn to in The Odyssey (I felt this, and would theorize that his virtues are widely appreciated)? Does his popularity—and the, therefore, fitting choice to have him be the real romantic love interest in Miller’s novel—reflect changing standards of masculinity with culture and time (is Telemachus admired in time periods later than that of pillaging Greece?) or a change in The Odyssey’s readership, as Telemachus appeals to female readers who once wouldn’t have consumed any reading, and especially classical reading, at a high volume? Selecting Telemachus, the ideal man, to play the romantic lead seems like a smart update of this text for the 21st Century audience. 

        This is my son, mine own Telemachus, To whom I leave the sceptre and the isle,— Well-loved of me, discerning to fulfil This labour, by slow prudence to make mild A rugged people, and thro' soft degrees Subdue them to the useful and the good. Most blameless is he, centred in the sphere Of common duties, decent not to fail In offices of tenderness, and pay Meet adoration to my household gods, When I am gone. He works his work, I mine.

~an excerpt from Ulysses by Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Miller’s novel reminded me, though, of how much more I adore The Iliad than The Odyssey, and examining the casting of Telemachus as the ultimate love interest over Odysseus, Hermes, and Daedalus, reminded me of the character that I’ve seen modern audiences most deeply adore: Hector. Several years ago, my new co-worker and I bonded over reading a student’s personal statement for college that was all about his love for Hector from The Iliad. This moment felt like joining a secret club of people who inherently understood each other, who felt some deep recognition of each other, who felt seen, because we loved and treasured Hector. “Hector, am I right?” “YES. Hector.” Hector was something beyond any words we had to explain him. We just GOT IT. I loved seeing a 17-year-old boy from Beijing, China read The Iliad and be like “HECTOR THOUGH” to me and to his other teacher. Hector is the softer counter-point to Achilles in The Iliad, the family-man, the son, the brother, the golden Prince of Troy. He is steadfast beside Paris’s ridiculousness. He’s the son for whom his old father will risk his life to reclaim his body. He’s the nearly unbeatable warrior who also gets the most touching of moments, gently holding his toddler, speaking with his clever wife. This is the man across Homer’s two books who was, for me, the most modern-day ideal. Maybe Hector has to remain, though, for all of us, shared among our common imaginations. Telemachus, it was fine if Circe claimed him. 

Circe, at the beginning of the novel, is not a likable heroine. She’s clueless, bumbling, not attentive to way she’s being used by others. She doesn’t seem to have a lot of backbone. Yet, I was astonished at how much she changed and how beautifully wrought the gradual changes in her were. As she grows in independence, she grows immensely in likability. Although she has a happy ending with Telemachus, this love story somehow never felt inevitable. The different men she loves are part of her story. Yes, she is shaped by them, as she is shaped by her friendships, her rivalries, her relationships with her horrifying siblings. But the story is all about her. Circe is the center and her experiences with lovers shape her and her growth; she is not a side character in someone else’s story, bending to support them. She does change her immortality in response to love (in the sense of trying to fit herself to what someone else expects), but she brings about this change through her own power and strength of will. I can’t explain this right, but it’s true: it feels like a revolutionary notion that an independent woman be the main character and the story be just her story: the things she goes through on her own, with others, others passing through her life, her thoughts and feelings, her sequence of growth. It doesn’t sound revolutionary because we see female protagonists maybe 50% of the time these days across many genres (how far we’ve come!) yet how often do we see love interests exist in plots not to further the love itself (not to be arrived at, as a happy end point, a relationship, a marriage), but to further the growth of the female protagonist? Men, somehow, get to be the center of their own stories. Women, do they really get to have this? To be just THEM, and not be playing any role within society or within a family? Circe’s story arc made me SEE her as the main character in a way that somehow far too many female-led narratives utterly miss. 

I realized, for the first time (which is frankly alarming), while reading this book that because Ithaca (New York, in my case) is my birthplace, I ought to feel a strange affinity for Odysseus. Ithaca is home. It has a mythic quality. I’ve lived in a lot of places. I’ve traveled a lot. I’ve seen things, people, landscapes, creatures beyond what I could have imagined. My life has been my own odyssey, and I’ve left Ithaca far behind. Unlike Odysseus, I’m not trying to go back. The world out here is full of adventures. 

[streets-in-paradise]

I want to talk about some of the main family relationships in Troy

As I already told once in one of my posts, I adore to overanalyze family relationships in the media I consume. I’m still in the process of writing another one as a second part to my sibling relationships post talking of more family relationships from various of my fandoms but, since that one is taking me too much time to finish, I'm writing now this shorter one for my Troy appreciation series. 

I already started this ramble in the same post I referenced. There I talked about my favourite family bond in the entire film, the sibling relationship of Hector and Paris. Still, there is a lot to discuss about family dynamics in the story this movie tells. Even since I was writing that post I kept thinking on how many family related story arcs this movie has and how, if you pay close attention to those, you can capture the essence of the characters. Because of this, I decided to dedicate a separate post to the main family relationships portrayed there and the important role they play in the development of the story. I will try to skip the ones i already talked about before. This are, for most part, the relationships inside the trojan royal family. Since i already discussed those, most of this will be about family bonds of the greek characters. 

As i stated in previous posts, this is a talk about the characters and actions in the movie. I’m not talking from an adaptation” movie vs book” point of view. I can occasionally mention some of the differences but there would be more references than comparisons. 

As always, i apologise for any possible mistakes in my writing. I’m still in the process of getting used to writing long texts in english. Also, I give proper credits for the images to the original sites hosting them. 

Agamemnon and Menelaus 

The movie establishes them clearly as the main antagonists. Precisely, one of the many scenes I love in this movie is the one in which they show up to the gates of Troy commanding the greek army and they argue with the trojan princes over the terms of the combat between Paris and Menelaus. The first thing I always notice in that one is how alike Hector and Paris look when they get down from their horses, it reminds me of the actual part of the Iliad in which it is said that Paris gets confused for a brave man because of his looks. Going back to my point, in that scene I get the vibe of opponents these characters have just by the display of the dynamics between siblings. 

Agamemnon is using his brother’s problem as an excuse for a war highly profitable for him. Menelaus is aware of this and he doesn’t care because he is too consumed by his wish for revenge and, it seems that this mutualistic beneficial goal is what sticks them together. Their first scene together, when Menelaus goes to Mycenae asking his brother for help, summarizes their relationship in a great way. Menelaus seems to have a rather servile attitude towards his brother and Agamemnon clearly takes advantage of that, having in that particular time a perfect excuse to attack an enemy he had wished to conquer for a long time. If you think about it, this is the exact opposite relationship of Hector and Paris. I love how well this scene fits as a contrast to the argument in the ship scene of Hector and Paris . In both, Menelaus and Paris are basically asking for the help of their older bros, one doing it on purpose and the other one half aware. Their family relationships are established so well by those two scenes. 

Going back to the one scene I mentioned first, the exchanges between characters are awesome. Not only because you can appreciate directly how this differences play a role in the conflict, but also because you can totally appreciate how every character involved is the exact opposite of the one who challenges. The exchange between Hector and Agamemnon is fantastic. I love how Hector cuts the crap on Agamemnon’s cocky bullshit, their short interaction is priceless.Also, i almost feel bad for Paris because “ the sun was shining when your wife left you” is his best line in the entire movie and he gets his ass kicked by Menelaus immediately afterwards. I like how, despite being a coward, Paris is a sassy little shit. 

Something i need to add about these brothers is that the Director’s Cut adds a better perspective on Agamemnon’s care for Menelaus. There are many short hints, especially after Menelaus’s death, that show how he actually cared for him. I think that this small glimpse should have stayed in the final version. Even when Agamemnon is a piece of shit of the worst kind and his brother was not very different, it is nice to see him caring for something else than his own imperialist desires from time to time and to get a real family vibe from those two.

Achilles and Patroclus 

Before starting with this two i want to clarify that i am fully aware of the very different interpretation their relationship got in this movie. I heard that the romantic approach was explored in Troy: fall of a city. I haven’t watched it yet, it is on my to watch list and at some point i will do it. Now, speaking of what we have seen in the context of the movie, i have to say that i love the adorable family bond they have since the first scene they share. This is by far my second favourite family bond in the film. 

As i said before i have a weakness for family relationships and tragedies regarding them are the biggest pain i can imagine. I don’t have anything against romantic Achilles x Patroclus, i just enjoy a lot the family approach it took here. First, i think it happens because i saw the movie far before reading any piece of trojan war related fiction and second because I happen to enjoy seeing family bonds more than romantical ones. My basic example for explaining this is the complaint I had over Kili x Tauriel and how it kinda shifted the focus of the previously established family story of the Line of Durin. If i have to choose between  a family or a romance story of any kind, I will always end up more interested in the first option because i relate to and enjoy those better. 

In this version, they are cousins with a very brother like relationship. I feel like here Patroclus acts like a little bro that hero worships Achilles. We know that his parents died and Achilles took care of him but we don’t know when that happened. What we do know is that his protection is the only aspect Achilles feels responsible for in his life. His bond with him reflects the best and the worst of him. It displays his softer and his most terrible side. Without paying close attention it looks like the romantic subplot with Briseis is the part of the plot that is supposed to show his soft side and, partially, it does but i think that job is already done earlier with the introduction of Patroclus. The story with Briseis serves mainly as support of what was already established there. The kindest, more human side of Achilles is clearly there when you look at his interactions with Patroclus. 

One of the main reasons why i enjoy this relationship so much is because, plotwise, it serves as a perfect point of encounter for the two main heros’ characterizations. Despite all the effort the storytelling makes in pointing out the many differences between Hector and Achilles, these two apparently opposite men share the same limitation. Hector’s goal is to protect his country, Achilles’s goal is immortality through fame, but both find themselves lost when their reckless younger relatives endanger themselves and both react the same way. When Paris was at instants of dying by the hands of Menelaus Hector had to choose between saving him or letting him get killed for the good of Troy. The man who serves as paradigm of honesty and sacrifice, the most noble hero of the story, broke the agreement and killed Menelaus. He broke a pact and gave his enemies an even better excuse for war that will doom Troy because his brother’s life was at risk. Achilles’s madness over grief for Patroclus fits so well family related in this particular narrative because it originated in the same feelings. Paris and Patroclus may be opposites, one being a coward and the other the embodiment of reckless courage, but both become the limit of tolerance for Hector and Achilles. At the end, both heros are driven by love for their families. In this version where Hector and Paris have this strong bond that works perfectly as a mirror for Achilles and Patroclus, it fits so well for them to be family. The chain of deaths unleashed with Patroclus’s death becomes a natural response to the bonds previously mentioned between the four characters involved. Everything becomes a big family tragedy and that is devastating. 

One more comment i will make about them is that i also love how some of Achilles’s friends add some more sweet or happy hints to some scenes. Eudorus, despite the formal servant-like way in which he speaks to Achilles, gives me a long time friend who is almost family vibe. Of course, i have to mention Odysseus here as well. Patroclus and Achilles sparring scene has an amazing chill domestic fun tone and he adds even more fun to the moment once he arrives. They are the most likeable greeks of the movie and you get such a friendly feeling of them. I live for these guys. The main scene they shared is the happiest of the film. 

Bonus mentions 

The Director’s Cut has a lot of scenes that help you understand some of the characters' motivations and lots of them are family related. One small scene I wish really hard the should had kept is the one in which Priam explains the reasons for his deep religious devotion. He listens to the high priest’s terrible advice and ignores his son’s wiser words not because he is a nice but dumb and inept king. He believes Apollo saved Hector from a disease when he was a baby boy. There is a reason for his blind, sometimes naive, faith in Apollo’s protection.Other cut out moment with a similar meaning is the one in which Andromache tells Hector she lost seven brothers in a previous war. She is tired of losing people, her husband is all she has. Having this in consideration her story turns even more tragic. 

I could mention a few more characters and moments but this is getting too long so i will end it here. I think it is enough for the topic i wanted to write about and the only main character i feel i skipped a bit here is Priam but i had talked enough about the trojans and how much i love them so i think it is enough. 

I enjoyed writing this, as fast as i can i will upload the general post for family relationships i’m working on and i’m thinking of making a special one like this for lotr.  @hrisity12​  I tag you as i always do in all my Troy content. 

Thanks for reading this ramble i intended to keep short but, as always, ended up longer than i expected. 

[elcctra]

hi! i hope i'm not bothering you but do you have any recs for biographies/documentaries on ancient rome?

Don’t worry, you’re not bothering me at all! I love to talk about the romans lmao

This is going to focus heavily on the late republic and early empire (mostly julio-claudians) because that’s what I’m interested in and I don’t feel comfortable enough to give recs for other periods of time. Hope you find them sufficient, though!

Non-fiction books:

Kicking off with the Punic Wars, Adrian Goldsworthy has a huge, detailed but still readable work on it, The Punic Wars. It has a heavy focus on the military aspect of things, so expect lots of battles, but you can still see some of the personality of the main players shine through it. My favorite part is actually the one that talks about the socio-economic impact the wars had on roman society, because it helps to explain all the shit that is about to happen.

Mike Duncan, best known for his podcast The History of Rome (highly recommended by the people who listen to it, but I don’t have patience for podcasts lol) has his The Storm Before the Storm: The Beginning of the End of the Roman Republic. Covers the Gracchi brothers, the Social War in Italy and the careers and later conflict of Marius and Sulla. Good stuff! I especially like his analysis of the neverending conflict between the more conservative forces of the Senate and the natural changes that needed to happen with the empire growing.

Starting with the biographies now, I’m not really interested in Julius Caesar, but him being such a big figure, I find it hard not to include something about him. The two biographies I see mentioned more often are Philip Freeman’s Julius Caeasar and Adrian Goldsworthy’s Caesar: Life of a Colossus. Haven’t read either but I guess they are good.

Anthony Everitt is really really readable. I think that Cicero: The Life and Times of Rome’s Greatest Politician is a must read, not only because I love Cicero (though I do lol) but because Cicero had such a long career and interacted with pretty much all the great men of his age (him being a great man himself) and many minor ones too (yes I’m talking about the loml Marcus Caelius Rufus) so you get a pretty complete portrayal of the fall of the Republic. Other than this, his biography on Augustus, Augustus: The Life of Rome’s First Emperor, is, alongside with Adrian Goldsworthy’s Augustus: First Emperor of Rome, the most important work about the first emperor.

Prepare for trouble and make it double! Although “minor” historical figures when compared to Caesar or Cicero or Augustus, siblings Clodius Pulcher and Clodia Metelli are major historical figures in my heart dsdfghgfdsfg their biographies also give a great insight on the day to day politics of the republic, the fascinating private lives and loves of these people, and, Clodius in particular, the eternal dispute between Senate and People. So, Clodia Metelli: The Tribune’s Sister by Marilyn B. Skinner and The Patrician Tribune: Publius Clodius Pulcher by W. Jeffrey Tatum.

Cleopatra isn’t a roman, but I’ll be damned if I make a list without mentioning my girl. Cleopatra has many good works written about her, of those I recommend Michael Grant, Joyce A. Tyldesley and Duane W. Roller the best, although Stacy Schiff is probably the most famous. However, since this is a list about Ancient Rome, I will go with a double biography of Cleopatra and Mark Antony: Cleopatra and Antony: Power, Love, and Politics in the Ancient World by Diana Preston. Also, if you’re interested in Cleopatra, @queenvictorias put together a really good and complete list of works here.

For imperial biographies, other than the already mentioned works about Augustus, I wholeheartedly recommend Anthony A. Barrett’s work, who has biographies on a number of julio-claudians: Livia: First Lady of Imperial Rome, Caligula: The Corruption of Power and Agrippina: Sex, Power, and Politics in the Early Empire. He has really good analysis, with plausible explanations of what is truth and what is slander in their lives. Among these three, he pretty much covers the entire julio-claudian period.

Now, leaving the biographies for a bit, I think these two works are great to see the relationship Rome had with the rest of the empire. Cleopatra’s Daughter and Other Royal Women of the Augustan Era by Duane W. Roller talks about many royal women from the early empire, including Cleopatra’s daughter Cleopatra Selene and Herod the Great’s sister Salome, and the relationships they had with the roman elite. Interesting read. Rome and Jerusalem: The Clash of Ancient Civilizations by Martin Goodman is a huuuuuge work about Rome’s relationship with Jerusalem and the jewish in general, leading up to the wars between them.

To finish the read, H.H. Scullard’s From the Gracchi to Nero: A History of Rome from 133 BC to AD 68 not only is a classic read, but it covers pretty much the entire period I brough here.

Other than these, I recommend reading the work by the ancient historians like Plutarch, Suetonius, Livy, Sallust, etc. They have sooo much detail, even if we can’t take everything they say seriously.

Documentaries:

Eight Days That Made Rome: Bettany Hughes leads us through eight days (and the context surrounding them) that “shaped” roman history. They include Hannibal, Spartacus, Julius Caesar, Augustus, Nero (and Agrippina!!), among others.

Ancient Rome: Rise and Fall of an Empire: has a lot in common with the previous one in terms of events covered, but has some particular favorites of mine, like the Jewish-Roman War and Tiberius Gracchus.

Barbarians Rising: Rome seen through the eyes of the conquered, including the most famous ones, Hannibal, Spartacus, Boudica and Attila, among others.

Hannibal: Rome’s Worst Nightmare: MUST WATCH because it has Alexander Siddig as Hannibal. Sexy Hannibal.

The Destiny of Rome: covers the Battle of Philippi and Battle of Actium and everything that lead to them and has one of my favorite versions of Antony and Cleopatra.

Netflix Roman Empire: can’t in good conscience recommend this one for the historical accuracy, but it’s fun and sexy, even if batshit insane sometimes, and covers the lives and reigns of Commodus, Caesar and Caligula.

[rangikuxmatsumoto]

hitsumatsu

Send Me a Ship and I’ll Rate it from a Scale of 1-10 and tell you my thoughts on it.

You done fucked up asking for this one.

HitsuMatsu: 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000/10 – WILL ALSO SHIP TILL THE END OF TIME.

Why are we not shown GinRan for a god damn century BECAUSE WE ARE BEING BLESSED WITH HITSUMATSU – THAT’S WHY.

I will start off by saying that when I first got into Bleach, I was strictly a GinRan shipper but as time went on, after Gin’s death I will say HitsuMatsu interested me a LOT more.

We are blessed with honestly one of the most well developed partnerships within the storyline of Bleach with HitsuMatsu – it isn’t just a professional partnership but also a friendship (*cough*relationship*cough*).  Where do I even start with these two precious babies?

Get ready for some more insane ramblings.

Prior to us discovering in the last arc Rangiku and Toshiro’s longer and more complex professional dynamics, we’re given a partnership that on paper would be terrible together. Toshiro, the by the books, no nonsense, mature, hard worker and Rangiku, childish, lazy, slacker, thorn in his side – but they complement one another PERFECTLY.

They bring balance to one another – in their own way, each of them offer support, understanding, and friendship to the other. For Toshiro, Rangiku has been a guiding presence, she was the one who helped him find his path, urging him to become a shinigami, (helping him save/protect his grandmother), she did what no one else (besides Momo in a sense) did and see him not as a monster but as someone lost, confused and alone. She’s been an influential figure in his development. For Rangiku, Toshiro for the last 20+ years has been a constant presence which is something Rangiku needs more than anything. He has been at her side, through everything that they have faced together and has always been supportive, protective and concerned for her.  He has never ABANDONED HER.

Also you can’t tell me that Rangiku wasn’t the main reason Toshiro ended up in the Tenth. He could have gone to any division and sure – he probably would have ended up as the Tenth Division captain because all other captaincies were filled by this point in the storyline but IN MY PERSONAL OPINION, he purposefully went to the Tenth from the very beginning because of RANGIKU.

Let’s start back in the beginning of the Soul Society arc before we know more of Toshiro and Rangiku’s history and just go off of what we see during the betrayal and all that. So of course, what’s any good conflicting ship without the presence of a third party? Rangiku is placed in a very precarious spot – her connection and relationship with Gin and her loyalty and devotion to Toshiro. Toshiro and Gin are also set up as rivals from the very beginning, Toshiro not trusting Gin, suspecting him – but even more so on the level of that Toshiro is Gin’s REPLACEMENT. Gin was the prodigy but Toshiro comes in, kicks down the door and blows Gin’s accomplishments out of the water without so much as breaking a fucking sweat. AND THROW IN THAT TOSHIRO IS CLOSER TO RANGIKU NOW MORE SO THAN GIN. Can you say DRAMA?!

Toshiro is AWARE of this as well, on how many occasions does Toshiro CHECK ON RANGIKU’S wellbeing? He shows concern for her – he’s worried about the situation she is being placed in, having to choose between her best friend and her loyalty to him. AND NOT FOR ONE SECOND DO I THINK HE IS WORRIED ABOUT HER ABILITY TO DO WHAT IS NECESSARY TO DEFEND SOUL SOCIETY. He knows where her loyalty lies and that’s WITH HIM and the Gotei.

My girl might be a slacker but she is a strong, badass bitch who doesn’t take shit from no one – REMEMBER THAT.

The amount of trust that they also have in one another is also shown throughout this part of the series. Rangiku might be lazy but when the time calls for her be serious, she’ll handle whatever task is put before her – and Toshiro knows that. When Rangiku faces Kira, Toshiro knows she’s more than capable of handling the situation. Rangiku also knows and respects the strength of her young captain, which is why she’s dismayed when he’s defeated by Aizen when his betrayal is revealed.  AND CHRIST – When Toshiro and Gin go at it and Ran comes in with the MOTHER FUCKING CLUTCH MOVE – Listen, people can go on and on about how GinRan and HitsuHina are similar and stuff but here’s the fucking thing about that. Rangiku had no god damn problem calling out Gin for his bullshit. They are pitted against each other not once – BUT THREE IMPORTANT FUCKING TIMES. Rangiku doesn’t back the fuck down. Toshiro and Momo however are tripping and stabbing one another like it’s nobody’s business (it’s filler but in the Reigai arc, Toshiro couldn’t even draw his blade against two fake Momos because of the whole ‘I must protect her’ and he got his ASS KICKED). Maybe it’s just an age/maturity thing; maybe it is more of the relationship stand point (which works against GinRan) but still, GET IT TOGETHER.

If you haven’t guessed it yet – I ain’t a HitsuHina fan so if you are, might be a good time to leave.

ALRIGHT SO NOW LET’S TALK HISTORY.

Toshiro and Rangiku have a shared history that honestly is amazingly precious and well developed. So first interaction is their meeting in the market – CLASSIC. I will also point out that THIS MOMENT IN THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS WHAT TOSHIRO THINKS ABOUT DURING THE THE ZANPAKUTO REBELLION ARC AND HE THINKS OF “HOME”. HOME – NOT MOMO. BUT RANGIKU, titty smacking him, screaming and then following his frosty ass to tell him to become a Shinigami, that in doing so he’ll figure out the name of the voice calling him. UGH. I know it’s a filler arc, BUT THAT IS CANON. They just made it juicier with that little part.

AND THEN TOSHIRO AS A THIRD SEAT – CAN THEY BE ANY CUTER THEN. They’re behaving like siblings, the older/younger sibling troupe, but you think of that and then SEE HOW THEY BEHAVE AFTER ISSHIN’S DEPARTURE. I MELT.

That is where their bond was formed, that was where the base of their partnership started and it MATURED and DEVELOPED over time. Rangiku might still tease and torment Toshiro in a way that an older sibling might do it but there is something more there. She respects him, she’s loyal to him, and she treats him as an equal and more than that. He honors her, he respects her, and he cares about her as not only his fukutaichou but as HIS FRIEND.

THEY RELY ON ONE ANOTHER. Their strength comes from their bond, their shared history and their mutual respect. During TYBW, it is tragic but it also highlights how they much they value and respect one another. They also complement one another in their fighting style. There is no doubt that Toshiro is strong as fuck, he’s powerful as hell and for him to lose his bankai is like losing a part of him (obviously, duh), but who does he fucking turn to? RANGIKU.

THEY NEED ONE ANOTHER. THEY DESERVE ONE ANOTHER.

The Tenth Division is what all divisions should ASPIRE TO BE.

AND THEN TOSHIRO’S MOTHER FUCKING GROW UP. UGH.

FUCK. Sure it’s like a hot damn minute but if that bitch ages like that, the panties/boxers in Soul Society gonna be dropping.

So call it what you will, BOTP, OTP – Whatever it is to you HitsuMatsu is life. I will go down in FLAMES for those two previous babes.

FUCK.

[twilights-800-cats]

OKAY SO -- AVoS Thoughts

AVoS

Alderheart should have been SkyClan’s medicine cat, hands down - not only would it have made complete narrative sense, but it would make for great conflict in the story, further Alderheart’s development, and make the Broken Code more tense with his absence from ThunderClan.

Violetshine is amazing, I love her, I want nothing but happiness for her and I’m so glad she got it!!! Have that family girl!!!

I really wasn’t a huge fan of Finleap/Twigbranch or Tree/Violetshine. Both relationships felt so underdeveloped that when they started having real relationship drama in the last book I was just not into it. Tree/Violetshine is more likeable but Finleap/Twigbranch just did not do it for me - the two of them should have separated, tbh. It would have been kind of neat to see Twigbranch acknowledge her feelings for Finleap as a childhood crush and that because of their opposing views on their future they couldn’t have a real relationship.

Molewhisker should have joined SkyClan - not only would it have made sense for him to develop a fondness for the Clan due to constantly journeying to find them, it would’ve been a side character getting some interesting development.

Sandstorm should have guided Alderheart in his dreams. Instead it just feels like he forgot about her by the end of the series, which is really sad considering she’s his grandmother and he felt so responsible for her death.

The first three books were a whirlwind of pacing while the last three lagged so slowly... felt like getting off the highway after going 80mph. Darktail’s plot could’ve - and should’ve - extended at least another book. I feel like there was just more he could’ve done to destabilize the other Clans, as WindClan and ThunderClan were hardly affected by his being there. He was a great villain despite that, and I couldn’t wait to see what was happening with him and Needletail and Violetshine.

Leaders should listen to their medicine cats - what the hell happened to that??

How many life threatening storms were there in this arc? Too many.

Tigerheart’s Shadow

Tigerheart learned... nothing at all. It seemed like his journey was a setup to him learning alternate ways to lead, but in the end all he ended up doing was shoving Clan ways where they didn’t belong. Fierce and Fog’s conflict could have been solved the same way Tigerheart solved the rabbit issue but he somehow didn’t think the situation called for pacifism until foxes got involved. It was interesting to see how Fierce’s group lived so differently, though.

Tigerheart and Dovewing’s relationship was nicely developed and while I’ve always been a fan of it since OotS, I like it a lot more now. The way they both care for their kits is adorable development.

My biggest gripe is the fact that Tigerheart took nothing he learned from this book - alternate leadership styles, the compassion of the healer cats, etc - back with him to the Clans. The moment he becomes Tigerstar he flips for some reason and becomes a huge asshole - having a compassionate, strong ShadowClan leader could’ve been great.

I still stand by the idea that they should’ve just had Shadowkit and not two other kittens. Pounce and Light will likely have no development at all throughout Broken Code and its really sad that the Erins don’t take stock of sibling relationships for the most part.

Way too many prophecies - so many the characters themselves were getting confused. Having one strong, central prophecy and smaller meaningful signs weighs a lot more than trying to tell someone the same thing a hundred times.

All in all, AVoS has been a great arc to read! I’m kind of sad I wasn’t able to keep up to date with it was it was coming out. It’s a great arc with a ton of great development and a really good main cast - but pacing issues and nagging narratives that go nowhere or do nothing drag it down. The Erins still have a lot of issues they need to work on - pacing, interesting conflicts, interesting relationships - but this arc could be a step in the right direction, and I’m hoping WP finds their feet in all this in Broken Code and beyond.

[maddie-grove]

The Top Twenty Books I Read in 2019

My main takeaways from the past year’s reading:

Sometimes you think something is happening because of magic, but then it turns out to have a non-magical explanation so weird that you find yourself saying, “You know what? I wish faeries or God were responsible for this. I’d honestly feel less disturbed.”

Stop bathing and changing your clothes and shaving for three years, three months, and three days. You’ll find out who your real friends are. I promise you that.

I want more books about bisexual ladies!!! Give them to me!!!

Anyway...

20. The Prodigal Duke by Theresa Romain (2017)

Childhood sweethearts Poppy Hayworth and Leo Billingsley were separated when his older brother, a duke, sent him away to make his fortune. Years later, the duke is dead, a financially successful Leo has come back to England to take his place, and Poppy has become a rope dancer at Vauxhall Gardens after a life-shattering event. New sparks are flying between them, but is love possible when so much else has changed? Leo and Poppy are believable and charming as old friends, Romain makes great use of obscure historical details from the oft-depicted Regency period, and I loved Leo’s difficult but caring elderly uncle.

19. Simple Jess by Pamela Morsi (1996)

Althea Winsloe, a young widow in 1900s Arkansas, has no interest in remarrying, but almost everyone in her small Ozarks community is pressuring her to remarry, and she still needs someone to help farm her land. Enter Jesse Best, a strong young man with cognitive disabilities who’s happy to take on the work. As he makes improvements to her farm and bonds with her three-year-old son, Althea gets to know him better and starts to see him in a new light. This earthy romance could’ve been a disaster, but instead it illustrates how people with disabilities are often...uh...simplified and de-sexualized in a way that denies them autonomy. Morsi has a similarly nuanced take on Althea and Jesse’s community, which is claustrophobic and supportive all at once.

18. Leah on the Offbeat by Becky Albertalli (2018)

Outspoken and insecure, bisexual high school senior Leah Burke is having a tough year. Her friend group is in turmoil, her single mom is seriously dating someone, and she’s caught between a sweet boy she’s not sure about and a pretty, perfect straight girl who couldn’t possibly be into her...right??? The sequel to the very cute Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda, Leah on the Offbeat pulls a The Godfather: Part II with its messy protagonist, sweetly surprising romance, and masterful comic set piece involving the Atlanta American Girl Doll restaurant.

17. Copper Sun by Sharon M. Draper (2006)

Kidnapped from her home in eighteenth-century Ghana, fifteen-year-old Amari is sold into slavery and winds up on a South Carolina plantation, where she faces terrible cruelty but finds friends in an enslaved cook, her little son, and eventually a sulky white indentured servant around her age. When their master escalates his already-atrocious behavior, the three young people flee south to the Spanish Fort Mose in search of freedom. Draper’s complicated characters, vivid descriptions, and deft handling of heavy subjects makes for top-notch historical YA fiction.

16. A Prince on Paper by Alyssa Cole (2019)

After her controlling politician father was jailed for poisoning a bunch of people in their small, prosperous African country, Nya Jerami gained unprecedented freedom but also became the subject of vicious gossip. Johan von Braustein, the hard-partying stepson of a European monarch, wants to help her, partly because he sympathizes and partly because he has a crush, but she thinks he’s too frivolous and horny (if wildly attractive). After an embarrassing misunderstanding compels them to enter a fake engagement, though, she begins to wonder if there’s more to him. I’m not a huge fan of contemporary romance, but this novel has the perfect combination of heartfelt emotion, delicious melodrama, and adorable fluff. 

15. One Perfect Rose by Mary Jo Putney (1997)

Stephen, the Duke of Ashburton, has always done the proper and responsible thing, but that all changes when he learns that he’s terminally ill. Wandering the countryside in the guise of an ordinary gentleman, he ends up joining an acting troupe and falling in love with Rosalind, the sensible adopted daughter of the two lead actors. Like another Regency romance on this list, this novel celebrates love in many forms: there’s the love story between Stephen and Rosalind, yes, but there’s also Rosalind’s loving relationship with her adopted family, the new bonds she forms with her long-lost blood relatives, the way her two families embrace the increasingly frightened Stephen, and the healing rifts between Stephen and his well-meaning but distant siblings. Stephen’s reconciliation with his mortality is also moving.

14. My One and Only Duke by Grace Burrowes (2018)

Facing a death sentence in Newgate, footman-turned-prosperous banker Quinton Wentworth decides to do one last good thing: marry Jane McGowan, a poor pregnant widow, so she and the baby will be financially set. Then he receives a pardon and a dukedom at the literal last minute, meaning that he and Jane have a more permanent arrangement than either intended. I fell in love with the kind-but-difficult protagonists almost at once, and with Burrowes’s gorgeous prose even faster. 

13. Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowell (2013)

It’s 1986, and comics-loving, post-punk-listening, half-Korean Park and bright, weird, constantly bullied Eleanor are just trying to get through high school in their rough Omaha neighborhood. He’s only grudgingly willing to let her share his bus seat at first, but this barely civil acquaintance slowly thaws into friendship and blossoms into love. Far from being the whimsical eighties-nostalgia-fest I expected, this is a bittersweet love story about two isolated young people who find love, belonging, and a chance for self-expression with each other in an often-hostile environment (a small miracle pre-Internet).

12. Shrill by Lindy West (2016)

In this memoir, Lindy West talks about the difficulties of being a fat woman, the thankless task of being vocally less-than-enthused about rape jokes, the joys of moving past self-doubt, and the very real possibility that Little John from Disney’s Robin Hood was played by “bear actor” Baloo, among other subjects. I was having a hard time during my last semester of law school this past spring, and this book’s giddy humor and inspiring messages really helped me in my hour of need.

11. Seduction: Sex, Lies, and Stardom in Howard Hughes's Hollywood by Karina Longworth (2018)

In 1925, very young businessman Howard Hughes breezed into Hollywood with nothing but tons of family wealth, a soon-to-be-divorced wife, and a simple dream: make movies about fast planes and big bosoms. He got increasingly weird and reactionary over the next thirty years, then retired from public life. More a history of 1920s-1950s Hollywood than a biography, this book has the same sharp writing and in-depth film analysis that makes me love Longworth’s podcast You Must Remember This.

10. The Beguiled by Thomas Cullinan (1966)

In Civil-War-era Virginia, iron-willed Martha Farnsworth and her nervous younger sister try to run their nearly empty girls’ boarding school within earshot of a battlefield. When one girl finds Union soldier John McBurney injured in the woods, she brings him back to the house, where he exploits every conflict and secret among the eight girls and women (five students, two sisters, and one enslaved cook). Charming and manipulative, he nevertheless finds himself in over his head. Cullinan makes great use of the eight POVs and the deliciously claustrophobic setting; it’s fascinating to watch the power dynamics and allegiances shift from scene to scene.

9. A Gentleman Never Keeps Score by Cat Sebastian (2018)

Reserved tavern keeper Sam Fox wants to help out his brother’s sweetheart by finding and destroying a nude portrait she once sat for; disgraced gentleman Hartley Sedgwick isn’t sure what he wants after having his life ruined twice over, but he happened to inherit his house from the man who commissioned the painting...plus he’s not exactly reluctant to assist kind, handsome Sam in his quest. I wrote about this heart-melting romance two times last year; suffice it to say that it’s not only one of the best Regencies I’ve ever read, but also possibly the best romance I’ve ever read about the creation of a found family.

8. Frog Music by Emma Donoghue (2014)

Blanche Beunon, a French-born burlesque dancer in 1876 San Francisco, has a lot going on: her mooching boyfriend has turned on her, her sick baby is missing, and her cross-dressing, frog-hunting friend Jenny Bonnet was just shot dead right next to her. In the middle of a heat wave, a smallpox epidemic, and a little bit of mob violence, she must locate her son and solve Jenny’s murder. This is a glorious work of historical fiction; you can see, hear, smell, and feel the chaotic world of 1870s San Francisco, plus Blanche’s character arc is amazing.

7. The Patrick Melrose novels (Never Mind, Bad News, Some Hope, Mother’s Milk, and At Last) by Edward St. Aubyn (1992, 1992, 1994, 2005, and 2012, respectively)

Born to an embittered English aristocrat and an idealistic American heiress, Patrick Melrose lives through his father’s sadistic abuse and his mother’s willful blindness (Never Mind),  does a truly staggering amount of drugs in early adulthood (Bad News), and makes a good-faith effort at leading a normal life (Some Hope). Years later, the life he’s built with his wife and two sons is threatened by his alcoholism and reemerging resentment of his mother (Mother’s Milk), but there may be a chance to salvage something (At Last). Despite the suffering and cruelty on display, these novels were the farthest thing from a dismaying experience, thanks to the sharp characterization, grim humor, and great sense of setting. Also, I love little Robert Melrose, an anxious eldest child after my own heart. 

6. The Perilous Gard by Elizabeth Marie Pope (1974)

In 1550s England, no-nonsense Kate Sutton is exiled to the Perilous Gard, a remote castle occupied by suspicious characters, including the lord’s guilt-ridden younger brother Christopher. Troubled by the holes she sees in the story of the tragedy that haunts him, she does some problem-solving and ends up in a world of weird shit. Cleverly plotted, deliciously spooky, and featuring an all-time-great heroine, this book was an absolute treat. The beautiful Richard Cuffari illustrations in my edition didn’t hurt, either.

5. An Unconditional Freedom by Alyssa Cole (2019)

Daniel Cumberland, a free black man from New England traumatized from being sold into slavery, and Janeta Sanchez, a mixed-race Cuban-Floridian lady from a white Confederate family, have been sent on a mission to the Deep South by the Loyal League, a pro-Union spy organization. Initially hostile to everyone (but particularly to somewhat naive Janeta), Daniel warms to his colleague, but will her secrets, his shattered faith in justice, and the various dangers they face prevent them from falling in love? Nah. Alyssa Cole’s historical romances deliver both on the history and the romance, and this is one of her strongest entries.

4. The Lady’s Guide to Celestial Mechanics by Olivia Waite (2019)

Heartbroken by the death of her father and the marriage of her ex-girlfriend, Lucy Muchelney decides she needs a change of scenery and takes a live-in position translating a French astronomy text for Catherine St. Day, the recently widowed Countess of Moth. Catherine, used to putting her interests on hold for an uncaring spouse, is intrigued by this awkward, independent lady. I’ve read f/f romances before, but this sparkling Regency was the first to really blow me away with its fun banter, neat historical details, and perfect sexual tension.

3. The Wager by Donna Jo Napoli (2010)

After losing his entire fortune to a tidal wave, Sicilian nineteen-year-old Don Giovanni de la Fortuna sinks into poverty and near-starvation. Then Devil makes him an offer: all the money he wants for as long as he lives if he doesn’t bathe, cut his hair, shave, or change his clothes for three years, three months, and three days. This fairy-tale retelling is an extraordinarily moving fable about someone who learns to acknowledge his own suffering, recognize it in others, and extend compassion to all. 

2. Vampires in the Lemon Grove by Karen Russell (2013)

In this collection, Russell weaves strange tales of silkworm-women hybrids in Japan, seagulls who collect objects from the past and future, and, yes, vampires in the lemon grove. She also posits the very important question: “What if most (but not all) U.S. presidents were reincarnated as horses in the same stable and had a lot of drama going on?” My favorite stories were “Proving Up” (about a nineteenth-century Nebraska boy who encounters death and horror on the prairie), “The Graveless Doll of Eric Mutis” (about a disadvantaged high school student who discovers an effigy of the even more hapless boy he tormented), and “The Barn at the End of the Term” (the horse-president story). 

1. The Wonder by Emma Donoghue (2016)

Lib Wright, an Englishwoman who has floundered since her days working for Florence Nightingale during the Crimean War, is hired to observe Anna O’Donnell, an eleven-year-old Irish girl famous for not eating for four straight months. With a jaundiced attitude towards the Irish and Catholicism, Lib is confident that she’ll quickly expose Anna as a fraud, but she finds herself liking the girl and getting increasingly drawn into the disturbing mystery of her fast. Like The Perilous Gard, this novel masterfully plays with the possibility of the supernatural, then introduces a technically mundane explanation that’s somehow much more eerie. Donoghue balances the horror and waste that surrounds Anna, though, with the clear, bright prose and the moving relationship that develops between her and Lib, who grows beyond her narrow-mindedness and emotional numbness. I stayed up half the night to finish this novel, which cemented Emma Donoghue’s status as my new favorite author.

[matteredloyaltyaa]

really LONG CHARACTER SURVEY. RULES.

repost , don’t reblog ! tag 10 ! good luck !

TAGGED. I stole it. TAGGING. Go for it. lol

FULL NAME : Arthur M/organ NICKNAME : A handful. English, Cowboy/Cowpoke, Black Lung, etc. Common aliases are Tacitus Kilgore and Arthur Callahan. AGE : 36. BIRTHDAY : January 25th, 1836. ETHNIC GROUP : Caucasian. NATIONALITY : American. LANGUAGE / S : English, primarily. Knew a handful of Welsh thanks to his father, but it’s faded with disuse.  SEXUAL ORIENTATION : Bisexual, somewhat closeted.  ROMANTIC ORIENTATION : Biromantic, somewhat closeted. RELATIONSHIP STATUS : Verse dependent, single-ship with @notanoutlaw in most. CLASS : Lower/working HOME TOWN / AREA : Arthur just mentions he was born “up north”, I headcanon around the Oregon area, possibly California due to his mother’s favorite flower, but it’s uncertain. Though, the place he laments the most about is New Austin, or “out west”.   CURRENT HOME : Transitory, he moves with the gang.  PROFESSION : Outlaw, occasional bounty hunter.

PHYSICAL. HAIR : Light brown, dark blonde in some lights. EYES : Unique eye colour, blue-grey-sorta hazel.  NOSE : Average, dimpled. Scarred from fighting and getting it broken a couple times.  FACE : Somewhat sharp features in the brow and cheekbones, square jaw.  LIPS : Full, can be dry/chapped.  COMPLEXION : Somewhat clear? Hard to tell. Dry, dirt spattered sometimes.  BLEMISHES : Uncertain. SCARS : A handful. Most notable are the one he has on his chin that is most visible with shorter facial hair, one across his nose, and the one left on his shoulder by the O’Driscolls in chapter 3.  TATTOOS : N/A HEIGHT : 6′0, possibly 6′1 WEIGHT : Uncertain, fluctuates.  BUILD : Stocky, broad shouldered and he can be fairly intimidating, especially when his weight is about average or above.  FEATURES : Look above? ALLERGIES : N/A USUAL HAIR STYLE : Right parted, about 3-5 in length. Though, for people who don’t know the system--fairly short, tufts out around his ears and may reach the back of his neck before he cuts it again. USUAL FACE LOOK : Expression wise, his kind of got a resting irritated face, sometimes bored. Rarely clean shaven unless he has to be, usually keeps a fair amount of stubble.  USUAL CLOTHING : I change him too much to say. Tends to keep his heavy navy blue winter jacket, jeans/ranch pants, some sort of button up shirt, and sometimes his tan leather jacket. Tends to keep his hat, however, unless he needs to go without. 

PSYCHOLOGY. FEAR / S : Arthur has a mild one of change. He’s adaptable but he’s very sentimental and nostalgic, he will miss “old ways” and previous places. There’s also losing his usefulness, disappointing those who depend on him (much as he will get defensive when it happens). Post-Guarma, he does develop a fear of drowning. It won’t keep him from swimming, but getting swept or held underwater may cause some panic. Post-game au, he does fear about getting sick again and actively avoids doctors.  ASPIRATION / S : Uncertain, just wants to get out of the mess he’s in and eventually just wants a calm existence somewhere. However, once he’s diagnosed with TB, his main goal is getting those who want/will listen to him out of the gang as it starts to fall down. POSITIVE TRAITS : Caring, compassionate (to people he knows, might not be clear on first impression), intelligent (much as he may say the opposite and isn’t exactly book smart), observational, brave, humorous (in certain situations and may be a cover sometimes), friendly (somewhat, changes as he ages), artistic, creative, loyal, etc. NEGATIVE TRAITS : Violent, murderer (doesn’t do it without reason but he knows he’s killed more than he certainly should), defensive, (passive) aggressive, sarcastic, depressive, self-deprecating, selfish, rude (sometimes intentional, sometimes not), conflicted, stubborn, reckless (sometimes, has mellowed out with age but it’s still there), self destructive (sometimes), money-driven (not always a flaw but he’s easily swayed by money). MBTI : ISFJ-T - Turbulent Defender  ZODIAC : Aquarius  TEMPERAMENT : Phlegmatic-Melancholic ANIMALS : I’m not going to take the quiz because the game is very heavy handed with the whitetail buck motif for high honor Arthur. lol VICE HABIT / S : Smoking, drinking, etc. FAITH : Non-religious. GHOSTS ? : Generally, the existence of ghosts isn’t something he completely writes off after he’s witnessed the few in the game, but he’s also hard pressed to admit to believing in them outright. AFTERLIFE ? : Not in any sort of defined sense. He’ll often say he doesn’t believe in one or it won’t be a nice one for him if there is, but he finds himself nervous about the subject once he gets sick.  REINCARNATION ? : He doesn’t know enough about it. ALIENS ? : Not really? Doesn’t really know he’s looking at a UFO when he sees it. POLITICAL ALIGNMENT : Don’t start. ECONOMIC PREFERENCE : Uncertain. SOCIOPOLITICAL POSITION : Uncertain. EDUCATION LEVEL : Does not have a formal education on even the basic levels (primary, high school, etc), however Hosea and Dutch have taught him to read and write and he’s learned a handful of things when it comes to survival and his lifestyle. However, he’s not exactly book smart or the “book learnin’ type”. 

FAMILY. FATHER : Lyle M/organ, deceased. MOTHER : Beatrice M/organ, deceased. SIBLINGS : No blood related, but considers John as one along with a couple other members of camp. EXTENDED FAMILY : He has a few uncles, aunts, and cousins, but he’s not in touch. Issac, his son, and his mother, Eliza, who are both deceased. Mary L/inton/Gillis, ex-fiance. (Cain Kennedy, lover - @notanoutlaw) NAME MEANING / S : Arthur - English, “noble, courageous”, Morgan - (and I’m going against what’s been said in fandom) - Celtic/Welsh surname, comes from Old Welsh name Morcant - “mor” as “sea” and “cant” as “circle”.    HISTORICAL CONNECTION ? : Uncertain in the game, but it’s been pointed out about King Arthur and also Morgan le Fay, which highlights his struggle with good vs evil themes in his character. 

FAVOURITES. BOOK : Uncertain, mostly non-fiction. MOVIE : -- 5 SONGS : -- DEITY : Doesn’t know enough to give a favorite. HOLIDAY : Christmas, in a way. Not quite for the religious context, but he enjoys the hunting and cooking the gang does to celebrate, singing and talking over fires. He remembers it vividly when he was younger, so it’s stuck with him. MONTH : April-May. SEASON : late spring, early summer. PLACE : He likes most places in wilderness, give him something with a view and he’s good. WEATHER : Sunny, average weather. Not too hot, not too cold. SOUND : Rain, birds, etc. SCENT / S : Again, rain, campfires, etc. TASTE / S : Prefers savory over sweet.   FEEL / S : Weightlessness in his limbs once he’s able to sit/lay down after a long day, fingers in his hair, etc. ANIMAL / S : Horses, dogs, cats, animals. NUMBER : He hasn’t given it much thought. COLOUR : Blues, greens, deeper colours.

EXTRA. TALENTS : Sharpshooting, Arthur’s got impeccable aim and speed when using guns, there’s also his drawing, he’s getting fairly good at tracking, etc. BAD AT : Admitting to mistakes, expressing himself emotionally, adhering to rules, anything overly scientific, etc. TURN ONS : Sense of humor, confidence or self-assurance, kindness and/or compassion, dark hair, etc. TURN OFFS : Hypocrisy (much as he suffers from that himself), cockiness (has a limit before confidence becomes a turn off), excessive or needless cruelty, etc. HOBBIES : Drawing, writing in his journal, hunting, wandering around/sight seeing, etc. TROPES : Anti-Hero/Anti-Villain,The Atoner, The Big Guy, Jerk with a Heart of Gold, Obfuscating Stupidity, etc. AESTHETIC TAGS : Horses, old west, deserts, nature, gun slinging, writing, drawing, photography, etc. 

FC INFO. MAIN FC / S : R/oger Clark, mainly in game icons so I haven’t found a need for one. ALT FC / S : -- OLDER FC / S : -- YOUNGER FC / S : -- VOICE CLAIM / S : R/oger Clark GENDERBENT FC / S :

MUN QUESTIONS. Q1 : if you could write your character your way in their own movie , what would it be called , what style would it be filmed in , and what would it be about ? A1 : I actually REALLY enjoy the game’s story line, much as I feel the redemption through death is overplayed and not as deep as people make it out to be. I’d find a way to subvert that or some alternative, but idk. I like the game’s story. lol

Q2 : what would their soundtrack / score sound like ? A2 : Western-y. IDK? The game’s soundtrack is actually really good too so.  Q3 : why did you start writing this character ? A3 : I love his development and progression as a character, and even with the trailers where he seemed no more than an angry outlaw there was a part of me that was still “hmm” about writing him. Ultimately, he’s grown to mean a lot to me and I really enjoy writing for him on this blog.  Q4 : what first attracted you to this character ? A4: As mentioned above, Arthur probably has one of the best character progressions I’ve seen in a while imo. Even in the beginning, I went in under the impression that I’d be playing as this outlaw so the violence and gruffness wasn’t too much of a surprise, much as I wasn’t too attached until later chapters in the game because of this. However, as I spent more time playing as him and reading his journal, seeing how he interacts with strangers and people he loves, he has some depth to him and some deep rooted flaws and insecurities that are played very well in the game. He’s probably one of the few character deaths I’ve cried over. lol Q5 : describe the biggest thing you dislike about your muse. A5 : I have to be truthful, Arthur’s an asshole. lol I didn’t like and still don’t like him from Colter into Horseshoe in behavior and personality, much as it’s lessened from my first play of the game because I know what happens to him and how he grows. However, while he’s not blind to himself and how he acts, he doesn’t think for himself really. Even if he hates debt collecting, he does it for the gang and even tells Strauss he does it for pleasure at a point (sarcastic or not, considering they are talking about Thomas, a man trying to raise money for charity while suffering poverty himself on top of having TB), he does whatever Dutch tells him, among many other things. It’s not until later in the game that the theme of grasping redemption comes into play, and he starts to act and think for himself a little more once things start to spiral. As much as I love him with all my heart, Arthur’s got some deep flaws that are hard to ignore.   Q6 : what do you have in common with your muse ? A6 : HHHhh. I’d say we suffer from similar self-esteem issues, not just in body image but morality of character (much as his are way more complicated than mine jaksfha), we also have a similar sense of humor...Yeah, idk. I’m attached to him as a character and I can relate to him in certain ways, but it’s hard to pinpoint.  Q7 : how does your muse feel about you ? A7 : Idk, he’s pixels? Though, for the sake of a fun answer, I genuinely don’t know? We can be fairly similar in mannerisms and thought process (at points), but I have no idea if we’d actually get along if by some universe rip we were able to meet.  Q8 : what characters does your muse have interesting interactions with ? A8: I don’t want to get specific, I interact with a lot of interesting characters. Anybody who’s put me out of a comfort zone or forced me to look at Arthur in the different way has definitely stood out. Q9 : what gives you inspiration to write your muse ? A9 : The game itself is a good source, I enjoy putting up lets plays of it in the background sometimes if I’m struggling or just need something that isn’t music. I get more muse putting together blog playlists than playing them, but there’s that, too. Also generally plotting or talking about him can pull some to the forefront. Q10 : how long did this take you to complete ? A10 : An hour or so, I think?

[veroticker]

Delicate ink - Carrie Ann Ryan

You can buy the book on Amazon. It’s free at the moment.

Summary (from Carrie Ann Ryan’s website)

Confirmed bachelor Austin Montgomery is ready to settle down. The eldest of eight Montgomerys, he’s the big, bearded and broody one, yet one look at the new owner of the boutique across the street, he knows exactly what he wants. Her.

Finding a man is the last thing on Sierra Elder’s mind. Wanting to cover up scars that run deeper than her flesh, she finds in Austin a man that truly gets to her—in more ways than one.

Although wary, they embark on a slow, tempestuous burn of a relationship. When blasts from both their pasts intrude on their present, however, it will take more than a promise of what could be to keep them together.

Blurb

““If you don’t turn that fucking music down, I’m going to ram this tattoo gun up a place no one on this earth should ever see.”

Austin Montgomery lifted the needle from his client’s arm so he could hold back a rough chuckle. He let his foot slide off the pedal so he could keep his composure. Dear Lord, his sister Maya clearly needed more coffee in her life.

Or for someone to turn down the fucking music in the shop.

“You’re not even working, Maya. Let me have my tunes,” Sloane, another artist, mumbled under his breath. Yeah, he didn’t yell it. Didn’t need to. No one wanted to yell at Austin’s sister. The man might be as big as a house and made of pure muscle, but no one messed with Maya.

Not if they wanted to live.

“I’m sketching, you dumbass,” Maya sniped, even though the smile in her eyes belied her wrath. His sister loved Sloane like a brother. Not that she didn’t have enough brothers and sisters to begin with, but the Montgomerys always had their arms open for strays and spares.

Austin rolled his eyes at the pair’s antics and stood up from his stool, his body aching from being bent over for too long. He refrained from saying that aloud as Maya and Sloane would have a joke for that. He usually preferred to have the other person in bed—or in the kitchen, office, doorway, etc—bent over, but that wasn’t where he would allow his mind to go. As it was, he was too damn old to be sitting in that position for too long, but he wanted to get this sleeve done for his customer.

“Hold on a sec, Rick,” he said to the man in the chair. “Want juice or anything? I’m going to stretch my legs and make sure Maya doesn’t kill Sloane.” He winked as he said it, just in case his client didn’t get the joke.

People could be so touchy when siblings threatened each other with bodily harm even while they smiled as they said it.

“Juice sounds good,” Rick slurred, a sappy smile on his face. “Don’t let Maya kill you.”

Rick blinked his eyes open, the adrenaline running through his system giving him the high that a few patrons got once they were in the chair for a couple hours. To Austin, there was nothing better than having Maya ink his skin—or doing it himself—and letting the needle do its work. He wasn’t a pain junkie, far from it if he was honest with himself, but he liked the adrenaline that led the way into fucking fantastic art. While some people thought bodies were sacred and tattoos only marred them, he knew it differently. Art on canvas, any canvas, could have the potential to be art worth bleeding for. As such, he was particular as to who laid a needle on his skin. He only let Maya ink him when he couldn’t do it himself. Maya was the same way. Whatever she couldn’t do herself, he did.

They were brother and sister, friends, and co-owners of Montgomery Ink.

He and Maya had opened the shop a decade ago when she’d turned twenty. He probably could have opened it a few years earlier since he was eight years older than Maya, but he’d wanted to wait until she was ready. They were joint owners. It had never been his shop while she worked with him. They both had equal say, although with the way Maya spoke, sometimes her voice seemed louder. His deeper one carried just as much weight, even if he didn’t yell as much.

Barely.

Sure, he wasn’t as loud as Maya, but he got his point across when needed. His voice held control and authority.

He picked up a juice box for Rick from their mini-fridge and turned down the music on his way back. Sloane scowled at him, but the corner of his mouth twitched as if he held back a laugh.

“Thank God one of you has a brain in his head,” Maya mumbled in the now quieter room. She rolled her eyes as both he and Sloane flipped her off then went back to her sketch. Yeah, she could have gotten up to turn the music down herself, but then she couldn’t have vented her excess energy at the two of them. That was just how his sister worked, and there would be no changing that.”

(review under the cut)

Review

(audiobook) I didn’t read anything about the book before listening to it, so I didn’t know there would be BDSM. And although it made sense for the characters--at least for Sierra--and it’s a big part of the plot, I didn’t care much for it. That aspect wasn’t well written, in my opinion. Too bad, as it was at the core of the relationship, and justified most of the plot.

As for the characters, there were too many of them, and with too many uninteresting subplots. I understand the Montgomery family is a big one, and accepts many strays too, but it distracted from the main couple and their struggles.

Struggles that I didn’t find strong enough. Sierra’s trauma was the most interesting and original. Austin’s will to settle down could have been written better. And the conflict that appears after Leaf arrives seemed a bit forced.

All in all, interesting characters in a meh story, read by a good narrator--though he has an irritating voice for the female characters. I suppose I’ll try another book in the series.

Quickie

Series: Montgomery ink #1 (can be read as a standalone, but there are references to books 0.5 and 0.6)

Hashtags: #tattoo artist romance #age gap #BDSM #single dad #biker

Triggers: mention of a bike accident

Main couple: Sierra Elder & Austin Montgomery

Hotness: 4/5

Romance: 3/5

+ the way Sierra takes care of Austin’s son

- the BDSM part didn’t do it for me

  Stalker mode

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[mediaeval-muse]

Book Review

Rating: 3/5 stars

Genre: historical romance

Part of a Series? Yes (Brothers Sinister #2)

Summary: Miss Jane Fairfield can't do anything right. When she's in company, she always says the wrong thing--and rather too much of it. No matter how costly they are, her gowns fall on the unfortunate side of fashion. Even her immense dowry can't save her from being an object of derision. And that's precisely what she wants. She'll do anything, even risk humiliation, if it means she can stay unmarried and keep her sister safe. 

Mr. Oliver Marshall has to do everything right. He's the bastard son of a duke, raised in humble circumstances--and he intends to give voice and power to the common people. If he makes one false step, he'll never get the chance to accomplish anything. He doesn't need to come to the rescue of the wrong woman. He certainly doesn't need to fall in love with her. But there's something about the lovely, courageous Jane that he can't resist...even though it could mean the ruin of them both.

***Full review under the cut.***

Trigger Warnings: classism, ableism, racism, discussions of colonialism and violence, sexual content

Overview: Another Courtney Milan book! I must say, she is quickly becoming my favorite romance writer, and I have great respect for the way she crafts her stories. Every book begins with a crucial scene that gives readers insight into the characters, after which Milan wastes no time in getting to the main conflict. Like those in her other stories, Milan’s characters are unique and memorable, particularly the heroines, who are the right balance of independent and trapped by their societal context. This book, in particular, delighted me precisely because of that complexity. Even though there were some pacing problems that really detracted from the flow and feel of the story, I still enjoyed myself, and I’ll continue reading through the series.

Writing: Like much of the romance genre, Milan’s prose is simple yet descriptive - you get enough to understand what’s going on, without much heightened or flowery language. Of course, I do think Milan crafts it well and with much care. It’s simplicity isn’t a knock against it - I actually quite enjoy the effortlessness it seems to convey without seeming juvenile or unlearned. I also very much appreciate Milan’s structure. Every book I’ve read by her begins with a crucial scene that gives readers insight into the characters, after which Milan wastes no time in getting to the main conflict. As a result, readers aren’t left to wade through a lot of exposition before the action starts, nor are they asked to take in a lot of background and historical context. Milan, through her structure, shows a lot more than she tells, and in my opinion, it’s an absolutely masterful way to begin a novel. However, Milan does have a tendency to reveal a lot of backstory through dialogue. There are moments when Jane or Oliver is telling the other about something in their past, and it’s a lot of words and speaking. I personally prefer backstory be revealed through flashbacks and interwoven into actions or mannerisms, but that’s just my preference. One thing that I found jarring in terms of structure was the sudden jump between things I would consider milestones in the characters’ relationships. For example, Oliver is initially taken aback by Jane’s performance as the unstylish heiress but in the next chapter, he is suddenly able to see through it. We aren’t privy to his thought process as he works it out, which came across to me as abrupt. The same goes for their intentions to marry. Marriage is brought up somewhat suddenly, in my opinion. I would have preferred more of a slow burn.

Plot: I love, love, love the central conflict in this book, which essentially consists of the dilemma between advancing one’s own fortunes or devoting oneself to another person. The moral conflict in Oliver’s mind between advancing his own fortunes (which is already a high-stakes game, due to his birth) and sympathizing with Jane (who is in the same position he is, as someone who is looked down upon by high class people) was great for developing his character, as was Jane’s conflict between relying entirely on herself versus reaching out to others for help. It was at once a wonderful exploration of individual action within a broken social system, and a commentary on the power associated with social class. I also very much appreciated the subplot in which Jane’s sister, Emily, who suffers from repeated seizures and an over-zealous guardian, meets and falls in love with an Indian man studying law at Cambridge. Emily is confined to her home and finds escape reading books, which have some Orientalist fantasies. When she finally manages to go outside, she meets Anjan, who tells her about the realities of his life as an Indian man living in England during the 19th century. It’s a rare instance (at least, in my experience) in which a romance novel actually addresses British colonialism and talks about why just being defiant doesn’t always work for people, and it does so without Anjan having to explicitly perform emotional labor and teach her about race, class, etc. I’m sure readers of color will have a better take on this, so I’d listen to them. Emily’s story also carries the added layer of how disabled or chronically ill people are treated, and I think Milan does a good job of making clear that Jane is not there to make decisions for Emily, but support her in what she wants. The plot as a whole, though, seemed to jump around a bit too much for my taste. As I expressed above, characters would reach milestones in their relationships somewhat quickly, and I think some events unfolded a bit too rapidly to really feel weighty (the way Jane and Oliver overcome Brandenton, their common antagonist, for example). Much of the stuff with Oliver’s family felt relevant, but dropped in rather than interwoven with the plot more fully. There’s a bit with Sebastian, Oliver’s cousin, who is a joy to read, but his involvement seems to be hinting at the next book in the series rather than being integral to this story. Towards the end, things happened way too fast for any event to have much significance, so it felt like Milan was just trying to wrap things up. A little slower pace would have been satisfactory, or maybe a more streamlined plot.

Characters:  Like those in her other stories, Milan’s characters are unique and memorable, particularly the heroines, who are the right balance of independent and trapped by their societal context. Jane, our heroine, is a rich heiress, but caught in a bind because she simultaneously gains access to upper class circles (via her money) yet is kept outside of them (due to her birth and manners). Oliver, the hero, is an interesting counterpart, since he gains access to the upper class through his education, yet is also kept at arm’s length because of his birth. Seeing the two of them try to navigate the arbitrary rules of “polite” society in order to get what they want was fascinating, as was the way their goals put them at odds with each other. Emily and Anjan, too, were charming characters, and I loved the familial bond between Emily and Jane. I also very much liked the relationship between Oliver and his father, as well as Oliver and his sister, Free (who is the heroine of The Suffragette Scandal). I also found Jane’s companions, the Johnson sisters, to be a pleasant surprise, as I was expecting them to be there as antagonists throughout the whole book, but I ended up liking them when their friendship with Jane was put to the test.

Other Romance: Seeing Oliver and Jane fall for each other through their mutual need to get back at the upper class was a delight, to say the least. And I very much enjoyed that Oliver grew to love Jane’s garish gowns, in his way, when everyone else despises them. Their dynamic was cute, especially the way they joked with each other and when Jane babbles around him, and I think the central message of their story - that nobody is truly alone - was a good one. While I also liked the idea of Oliver having to learn to accept Jane as she was and realize that ambition isn’t everything, I think the plot happened so fast that the pace of him learning that message was a bit off. I think a more gradual development or seeing more inner conflict would have gone a long way.

Continuing With the Series? Yes!

Recommendations: I would recommend this book if you’re interested in historical romance (especially set in 19th century England), stories about social class, ambitious protagonists, heiresses, and strong sibling relationships.

[lonbergwrites]

Dear Fahrenheit 451

In my year-end review of books from 2019 I gave some credit to Annie Spence’s book Dear Fahrenheit 451: Love and Heartbreak in the Stacks. I want to expound on that credit, and let you know what an effect a single book had on my reading last year.

Even as a reasonably well-read person pre-my-2018-surge into reading more than a book a week, I’d only read 9 of the books mentioned in Dear Fahrenheit 451 (including works like The Boxcar Children series as a single book). This librarian’s influence brought 9 new works into my life. Here they are, in the order I read them:

Last Night At The Lobster – Stewart O’Nan

Being a chef in a “former life,” this story really caught my attention. It is a novella all based in the last days (possibly day) of a Red Lobster restaurant that is being closed by corporate. It goes into the back stories of the people who work there, and what has brought them to this point. It is a slow, plodding work full of everyday intrigue and drama, and it holds very true to the lives of restaurants and their employees.

Gold Fame Citrus – Claire Vaye Watkins

This book ended up on my top ten list this year. Its writing is gorgeous. It is sparse and yet fully flushed out—flushed here being a somewhat ironic term seeing as this is a work of the sub-genre of scifi/clifi that specializes in drought. The cast of characters is great, and the point of view shifts offer very different takes on not only the events of the story, but the tone the author portrays of an all-too-possible future.

We Are All Completely Beside Ourselives – Karen Joy Fowler

This book was on my radar for a year or so after hearing the author interviewed on Geek’s Guide to the Galaxy. It wasn’t what I originally thought it was going to be going in. The main character was brought up in a family that was also trying to raise a Chimpanzee as a human. I thought there would be more about the family and its on-going struggles, but it turns out this story is more one of loss and heartbreak from a sibling’s perspective after the ape is gone and the children are grown up. Originally, it made me enjoy this story less than I thought I was going to when I first started listening to it. But, on further consideration, it haunts me more for its perspective of almost post-traumatic experience.

Annihilation – Jeff VanderMeer

I am conflicted on what to write about this book. I read all three of the books in the series. They were so in the culture that I actually didn’t even remember them being DF451 until after I took a look at the full list of 237 books mentioned. They are full of great ideas. I don’t think they were always flushed out. I don’t think what was promised was really delivered upon. But they had an atmosphere that was amazing, and they did suck you in and egg you on to read more. As far as this book goes, I highly recommend that you watch the movie instead. In my opinion it is far better.

The Devil In The White City – Erik Larson

This book is an incredible read. The architects of the World’s Columbian Exhibition and American’s first serial killer, set against each other to tell the story of the age in a lot of detail. Sadly, a lot of the history of H. H. Holmes is a little vague, so more of that part of the story is eluded to than actually told. But aside from a little disappointment there, this non-fiction work is a great read (or in my case, listen).

Going Clear – Lawrence Wright

Another piece of history, this one is more classically told than the more novel-sounding Devil listed above. Scientologists fascinate me, and this deep dive and thoroughly researched history of one of the craziest groups (Cults? Religions?) in the US is a must-read.

Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk – David Sedaris

I’m a fan of this guy. I actually got to see him live last fall. I will say this particular piece wasn’t exactly on my radar, but I’ve read a book or two of his before. This work is a laugh riot, and can be quite biting, and quite sad on occasion.

The Dog Stars – Peter Heller

This is another book from my top ten. After finishing it, I ended up on Goodreads, like I often do, and took a look at the rating and reviews. I was unsurprised to see that it wasn’t as highly reviewed as some of the other works on my top ten. I assume that quiet, brooding books like this get scored lower because they aren’t to everybody’s taste. I found it haunting and languorous, and a window into an interesting alternate world. What surprised me from the reviews were the quotes from the novel itself. Having listened to this one, I had no idea how unusual the punctuation was – lots of dangling or incomplete sentences and absolutely no quotation marks to delineate dialogue. I would be curious as to what my experience would have been reading it instead of “reading” it on audiobook.

Station Eleven – Emily St. John Mandel

I’m not all the way through this one, I’ll admit. The writing is nice, but man, does this author pack a lot of world-building in in a very small amount of time. It is a very bold choice. So much so that I’m surprised that it became such a hit a few years ago. I know a lot of people for whom so much buy-in would be a deal breaker. It isn’t for me. I’m liking it thus-far.

I also read the eponymous short story “The Yellow Wallpaper” by Charlotte Perkins Gilman, whose short story collection is referenced in the book. It was spooky and moody, but ultimately not enough to hook me in to reading the whole short story collection.

In addition to all of this, I’ve also added at least 8 other items to my queue from Annie’s list of books. Never let anybody tell you that librarians have no sway in society today!

Take the time to pick up this meta-book, and you’re sure to find enough new reading material to bulk up your to-read list for this coming year. And, you’ll also fun a lot of heart, fun, and wit, and come across a lot of old favorites along the way.

~BPL

[the-walnut]

The Umbrella Academy- Five

So, for no other reason than the fact that I just love to over-analyze shit:

*SPOILER ALERTS!!!!!!!*

We all know how dysfunctional the Hargreeves family is, and I know lots of people have been looking at the relationships the siblings all have with one another and are picking those apart, which is really cool. I love seeing all the theories that are popping up and the headcanons and whatnot- but one thing I want to see more of (which I know has been catching traction slowly) is Vanya and Five.

I’ve come across a couple people talking about this, but I want to expand on it a bit. In episode one, of course, we hear Vanya talk about how she used to leave the lights on and make Five snacks just in case he found his way home one night. And of course, adding to that, when Five does make it home, he talks to Vanya about her book and he’s not bitter. Unlike the rest of their siblings, who are all pissed about Vanya’s biography, Five tells her it’s well written, that he read the whole thing, and that it was a ballsy move, which is the best feedback we see her get throughout the entire season. It’s validating, even if it is in a snarky Five-ish way.

It’s been pointed out by a few people on here, but there are more scenarios than this. Vanya is the first person Five goes to after the Griddy’s Donuts attack and when he needs someone to listen, and Vanya, upon her power surge in the finale, goes through each of her siblings’ rooms, remembering times when they shunned her or let her down- all of them except Five. She doesn’t go near his room, and he’s the only sibling she doesn’t recall with anger, which is intriguing to me. And while one could argue that maybe it’s due to a genuine lack of memories including him due to his disappearance, which is fair, I find it interesting that Ben was part of that sequence as well.

When Five first decides to time travel and is arguing with Hargreeves, they make it very clear that Vanya doesn’t want him to push it, and he notices, but still leaves anyway. 

This is what I really wanted to get to.

The first people that Five yells for when he gets stuck in the future and finds the Academy in ruins are Vanya and Ben. Instead, he finds the bodies of his other siblings, all of them far older than he remembered them being.

And believe me, there’s no way he wouldn’t have known it was them. Five’s a genius, and even before he managed to jump back in time and find his family again, he would have known who they were. Combined with the fact that he knew what year it was, due to the newspaper (hence how old they all should have been), as well as the fact that they were all in the rubble of the Academy, matched the physical characteristics of each of his siblings, and, of course, sported that umbrella tattoo, he absolutely would have known. One other thing that he would have noticed immediately? That two bodies were missing. Particularly, the first two of his siblings that he thought to look for, because damn it, Ben is small and meek and doesn’t like using his powers, so how could he have handled this, defended himself against this kind of utter annihilation- but Vanya, Vanya is powerless. How could Vanya Hargreeves, Number Seven, the girl who “cried when they stepped on ants” and loved the violin, and had no powers have survived that amount of destruction?

She couldn’t have. 

So how long do you think he searched for bodies before realizing that he wasn’t going to find any? That maybe he could find four of his siblings because they’d gone down fighting right at the very end, but that the other two could have been buried under five feet of concrete and brick and memories, the first victims of a fight that had been too harsh for them to win?

Later, he finds Vanya’s biography and it’s like a punch to the gut because somehow, despite all his intelligence, he had never really thought of a time or place in which one of the siblings would be gone before the rest of them- that, in a way, because they’d all come into life at the same time, they’d all leave it that way as well. And yet, as he reads, he discovers that Ben, the brother he couldn’t find, wasn’t ever going to be found in that rubble pile, because Ben hadn’t lived long enough to be a part of it. But almost in an equally damning way, the fact that he’s holding that paperback in his hands, with the picture of a woman he doesn’t recognize on the back- a woman with his sister’s name, and her sad, drained smile, and the same shoulders that slump like she has the weight of the world on them- means that Vanya did survive up until the apocalypse. Survived up to it, and could do nothing to defend herself when the time came. Died, and died the same way she’d done most things when they were kids- alone.

And maybe that’s why he holds onto that book like a lifeline, choosing to write his equations and thoughts along the margins and in between the sentences created by his sister’s hand, even if her words are sharper and more scathing than he can remember Vanya ever being. It’s the closest he can be to explaining his thoughts and plans to them, circling important memories and writing the occasional response back in the corners of crumpled pages, tiny notes of familiarity and remembrance that keep him going. That biography doesn’t serve as a notebook so much as a motivator to get the damn equations right and return home to them, save them, save everyone before it’s too late to save them at all.

So when the opportunity comes, he does his time with the Commission and cuts all ties with guilt and emotion each time he pulls the trigger, reminding himself that with every kill, he’s a day closer to fixing things, to making sure that it doesn’t end this way, that he’s not the only one of the Hargreeves children who makes it past thirty. Taking a life here or there to ultimately save the lives of billions seems a small price to pay in a twisted sense he doesn’t want to think too deeply about.

When he makes it back and realizes he has literal days before the end of the world, it’s both a breath of air and an overwhelming amount of pressure. Turning to Vanya for help feels natural because it’s what he’s done for the last few decades, writing out all his thoughts in her book, rereading paragraph after paragraph until he has the whole thing near-memorized. Her voice, her writing, the work that she dumped her time and energy into that none of her other siblings appreciate, that was his link back home. Whether she realizes it or not, his going to her and saying “You’ll listen,” isn’t by random chance. He goes to Vanya because she’s the person he’s been subconsciously been bouncing ideas off of and turning to since the first day he found that smouldering biography in the ruins of an old life, now unfamiliar.

Out of sheer necessity more than anything, he finds himself reaching out to his other siblings as well, frantic above all else to stop the apocalypse (something that nobody else seems to understand the full gravity of), the fate of humankind being a burden that needs a little spreading around at times. 

Family means a lot to Five, and he demonstrates it in small ways throughout the course of the season. Sure, he can be a self-confident smartass, and his concerns are often veiled but if you look, they’re there. His first question to the Handler, upon having her make him an offer, was whether or not he could go back to his family. Upon making it home, he asks about Ben, whether or not his death was bad, warns Vanya about her windows, and checks in with Klaus after his return from Vietnam. Despite his conflict with Luther, he reminds him that he’s lived a lifetime already, and that Luther should be more concerned with looking out for himself than watching Five’s back, taking the time to analyze and change the scene before leaving with the Handler the second time to ensure none of his brothers would get hurt. Clearly at one point or another, he has the time to look into Allison’s life and find out about Claire, saying that he wants to meet her. And then there’s also Diego, who he thinks ahead for in order to have his name cleared, as well as talk to him about Patch.

When Five first tells the Handler what his conditions are for returning to the Commission, the first priority on his list is the survival of his family. All of them. The only exception he’s willing to make in regards to priorities over his own brothers and sisters is ending the apocalypse. That’s the line.

So when they first find out that Leonard is Harold and can’t get a hold of Vanya, Five has two strikes against this man- one, is that he’s the supposed cause of the apocalypse, which makes him the priority to get rid of in the first place, but the second strike is that Five knows something the rest of his siblings don’t- that Vanya’s body isn’t found with theirs. And while he claims “Vanya is not important,” he immediately follows up with, “I’m not saying I don’t care about her, but if the apocalypse happens today she dies along with the other seven billion of us.” He tells his siblings that Harold Jenkins, the man Vanya’s with, is their main priority without ever telling them that on the day of the apocalypse he found all of their bodies except hers- meaning she might not have died in that house.

Horrifically, and previously unthought of, she might have died only a day or two before the apocalypse. And it doesn’t take a brilliant mind to put together the pieces that if she’s with a murderer, there’s a good chance she’ll be a victim. So no, his priority isn’t finding Vanya- his priority is finding Harold and killing him before he initiates the apocalypse or potentially does anything to his sister, because Vanya’s storyline in regards to the end of the world isn’t clear. They can focus on finding her after both threats are gone.

After finding Harold dead, Five is the first one back at the Academy to start searching for Vanya and see if she’s come back. Upon discovering that their sister is still nowhere to be found, Five’s immediate reaction to Diego trying to leave is to ask, “Where are you going? Vanya’s still out there.”

Even when everyone else seems to find better things to do and nobody questions where Vanya Hargreeves ended up after the incident with Leonard, the first thing out of Five’s mouth when he finds an armed Hazel pointing a gun at him and standing in his doorway is not the anticipated and appropriate “Are you here to kill me,” but, in fact, “Do you have my sister?”

With all of this leading up to the fact that Vanya causes the very event that Five’s been working to prevent for a literal lifetime, the solution that we expect to see from him (as we’ve seen in other scenarios up to this point) is that averting the apocalypse is priority over even his own family and, therefore, Vanya has to die to guarantee the world’s safety. And yet, at the end of all things, when Luther questions whether or not they should be bringing Vanya with them, Five answers on everyone’s behalf that they’re not leaving Vanya behind- that she’ll always be the cause of the apocalypse, but maybe they can prevent it if they help her, which is what she needs. While the easiest solution would be to off Vanya and prevent any chance of the apocalypse occurring, Five is (for once) willing to risk the whole apocalypse happening all over again on the chance that they might be able to mend past rifts and build the bridges that they never did with their seventh sibling.

So, to summarize, I want more Hargreeves sibling interaction, particularly between these two, because I’m up for some quality character development coming out of this, and I think they definitely have the potential to build off of it.