#lisa swain is so so so fucking special. to me.

[lesbiancosmicowl]

going from this to pushing her away again... god. she must be so fucking terrified All The Time. i mean, she was already terrified of losing her in the first place, so she pushed away and ran and pushed away again. and then This happens and she comes to two realizations: 'oh no... i love her' and 'oh no... i love her.' and that just triggers that confirmation bias- 'i can't do this again. i pushed away for a reason. i did not want to get involved because i was terrified of something like this happening and now its happened and it's a good thing i pushed you away, right? because i was right, you did get hurt. and you're unconscious and im sorry i pushed you away, i shouldn't have pushed you away. but now you're awake so nevermind, actually, pushing you away was the right thing to do.' and how fucking exhausting must that be, to constantly deny the love and affection of someone who Gets her, to run away anytime that person gets Too Close, to just feel so afraid and lonely and just so so sad all the time...