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ratedbangtann · 5 years ago

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𝐅𝐚𝐭 𝐁𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐝 𝐆𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬 | 𝙅𝙪𝙣𝙜𝙠𝙤𝙤𝙠 𝙭 𝙋𝙡𝙪𝙨 𝙎𝙞𝙯𝙚 𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧

"𝙵𝚊𝚝 𝚋𝚘𝚝𝚝𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚍 𝚐𝚒𝚛𝚕𝚜, 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚛𝚘𝚌𝚔𝚒𝚗' 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚕𝚍 𝚐𝚘 𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍..."

Pairing: Jungkook/Plus Size Reader Word count: 8.1k Warnings: size kink, body worship, spanking, switch!jk, oral sex (f), finger fucking, squirting, multiple orgasms, creampie

a/n: any and all teasing directed at Jungkook in this fic is merely friendly banter. i DO NOT believe any of the boys have a problem with plus size girls, and they do not in this fic either. any teasing is simply banter directed at Jungkook to make him shy and blush. they would tease him just the same if he had a thing for girls with piercings etc.

in no way are any of the comments made meant to hurt or offend anyone. this fic was written in the hope that it would boost some people’s confidence and be inclusive of larger framed girls (like myself!)

"Seriously, you want to watch this again?" Hoseok pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration as Jungkook excitedly presses play on the remote, sitting back down on the couch between Yoongi and Jimin with his bowl of mixed candies.

"You're obsessed," Yoongi states with a monotonous groan.

"It's a good movie though, Jin hyung; back me up!" Jungkook tries to gather support from his hyung. Luckily, Jin was also a fan. In fact, it was he who insisted the group watch it to begin with.

"I'm with you, Jimin. I love it. Remember when we played Wembley in July? I had to do Freddie's thing!" Jin slaps his knee as he laughs at himself, the others smiling and shaking their heads at their elder.

Yes, the boys had been coerced into watching Jungkook's favourite movie, Bohemian Rhapsody, for the nth time. He was mesmerised by Queen, completely in awe of Freddie's stage presence and his ability to control a crowd, but also by the way he had dealt with all his demons and never showed it professionally. He often repeated the show must go on in his head in times of stress or hardship.

Scene after scene played out on the screen, song after song that Jungkook sang along to, word for English word. He knew them all; he'd listened to them enough. He understood now how international army had the patience to learn their lyrics when they didn't speak Korean; when you love something enough, you'll find the patience it takes.

And while the others had protested originally at the thought of watching this damn movie again, by the end, they were all feeling that same inspiring emotion elicited by watching Freddie prancing around at Live Aid, knowing full well he was dying. Both Jin and Jimin had joined Jungkook in wiping away tears before they had fallen, whilst Taehyung hadn't bothered to hide them. The poor boy was sobbing as he clutched onto Namjoon's arm.

"I never get tired of this, damn," Jungkook smiled.

"What's your favourite song then, Kookie?" Jin asked. Jungkook thought for a moment, musing over the various tracks he knew and loved so well, until he settled on one.

He wasn't sure he should tell the truth, it'd be easier to say it was Bohemian Rhapsody or Another One Bites The Dust, because he knew he'd be made fun of for his real favourite. The song that hypnotised him into lewd imagery in his head that he so badly wished he could experience. The song that, quite frankly, played up to one of his biggest fantasies.

"Fat Bottomed Girls," he had said timidly, avoiding eye contact from his hyungs for fear of their reaction.

Hoseok broke the silence that followed, unable to contain his giggles. Damnit, Jungkook thought, I knew I should have lied...

Namjoon nodded in understanding, smirking to himself at the admission. Tae barely paid attention, still trying to calm himself. Bless him, he never could get a hold of himself once he started to cry... Yoongi barely reacted, a simple "hmm," escaping.

"It's a damn good song," Jimin agreed, slow clapping with approval.

"It is, a big butt is appreciated in this christian household," Jin laughed, but he meant what he said sincerely. He loved a large, perky butt.

Jungkook however, loved a little more than that...

"Aw Kookie, you're blushing. Someone's got a thing for a big girl, huh?" Hoseok continued to laugh, never meaning any harm of course but teasing the younger like he would a little brother.

It was true though, Jungkook loved big girls. He was hypnotised by them; just how their bodies moved, the little jiggle of their curves with every step... He dared to imagine how a big girl would feel under his touch; the squish of her flesh, able to grab handfuls of her as he worships her from head to toe. The ripple of flesh as he'd spank her bare behind, fucking into her from behind... The after-sex cuddles, nuzzling into her soft, warm flesh so comfortably. God, he loved the thought.

The boys teased Jungkook mercilessly after that evening; even when he had thought they may have forgotten about it. Nothing would be mentioned for a few weeks, until a larger girl was walking past their table in a restaurant, or a big girl appeared on their television; it gave each member ammo to tease poor Kookie until he was a brilliant shade of beetroot.

His hyungs never meant to upset him, and they certainly had nothing against anybody who was plus sized, nor did they ever mock anyone for their weight. They knew, of course, that beauty goes much deeper; but it was so fun to watch Jungkook blush.

Weeks passed since his half-admission, and Jungkook still adored the song that triggered his fantasies. Every time it came on shuffle, his mind was filled with images of beautiful big girls, dancing to it in a bar with their friends, singing to it at karaoke, humming it whilst cooking breakfast for the him after a long, hot steamy night, moaning out sinful expletives to it as it played as he ravaged them...

"JUNGKOOK!" Namjoon banged on his bedroom door, scaring the shit out of him as he lay on his bed, palming himself through his sweats to the song and his imagination. "Stop jacking off to the Michelin man and get out here." Shit.

Jungkook paused the music on his stereo and waited a moment in order to conceal the very obvious hard on he had given himself with his own imagination, and made his way out to the living room, dragging his feet in a sulk.

"What?" he grunted.

"Pleasant greeting, especially seeing as we're about to give you your birthday present," Jin scoffed, an envelope in his hand.

"S-sorry... Birthday present? It's not for a week?" he rubbed the back of his neck, confused and still slightly groggy from his earlier states of consumed lust.

"Yeah but, we need to give it to you now..." Jin held the envelope out in front of him, and the younger gladly took it, opening at as the rest of the boys looked on in anticipation for his reaction.

"No way..." his eyes widened, reading over the words on the page over and over. "London?! We're going to LONDON?!"

"Yeah, all of us. We've never really done any real touristy things there, and well, seeing as you're totally obsessed with Queen we thought you might like to spend some time where they came from? Visit some of their history, if you will?" Namjoon smiled, giddy with glee at the younger's happiness.

"I'd love to, yeah. Whoa... London," his eyes gleamed with joy as he continued to stare at the plane tickets in hand. "We leave tomorrow? Jesus it's so sudden."

"Yeah, so you should get packing. Two weeks, Kookie, Pack for two weeks," Tae shooed him back into his room. Jungkook went to turn, but decided to run at the group and pull them all into a ridiculous and awkward seven-way hug.

"This is awesome, thank you so much."

The brothers loved seeing him so excited, each wishing him an early happy birthday and patting him on the back or ruffling his hair.

And then Jungkook scurried back off to his room to find an empty suitcase and stuff it in the most chaotic organised mess known to man.

***

Jungkook spent days dragging the boys through London to different spots of significance to queen's legacy, giddily jumping from target to target. Along the way, they hit up bars, a couple of typical tourist spots, but the majority of the time was spent doing what Jungkook wanted; this was his birthday trip, after all.

But today, was Jungkook's birthday. And the boys had something... planned.

9pm rolled around, and the boys had eaten and gone back to their hotel rooms, telling Jungkook to dress up relatively smart ready for a night out.

Where, he had no idea. But he trusted his brothers, and knew whatever it was would be fun.

Looking at his reflection in the mirror in the ensuite of his room, Jungkook was pleased with his outfit. His black jeans clung to his muscled thighs, the maroon silk shirt he was wearing tucked into the waistband with the top two buttons undone, revealing a little skin and a gold key pendant. His long hair drooped in front of his eyes, parted in the middle.

He fiddled with the strands, seeing if they looked better tucked behind his ears or not; he couldn't decide.

A knock at the door to his room stopped him messing with his hair, knowing full well it was his brothers ready to take him to wherever they had in mind.

"Jungkook, open up! Come on!" It was Jimin, yelling through the door.

He grabbed his leather jacket that he'd flung over the end of his bed and made his way to the door.

***

"Please say you're joking..." Jungkook whined in the back of the cab, looking out at the neon light that spelled out 'Burlesque' flashing above a staircase leading down into a basement club.

"Nope," Hoseok grinned, opening the door and letting out the four of them. Jin, Namjoon and Yoongi had followed behind in a separate cab.

Jungkook stepped out last, reluctant and shy.

"Hyung, seriously... I'm not so sure about-"

"What, you shy? Embarrassed? C'mon, this is like, British at it's best, right?" Hoseok encouraged.

"I thought it was French?" Jin argued, coming up behind the group.

"Actually the term started in Italy, like 400 years ago..." Namjoon, ever the intellect, started to reel off a history lesson.

"Okay fine I'll go in, if it'll stop this," Jungkook waved his hand in Namjoon's general direction, making a bee line for the door to the steps. The others followed, grinning and giggling at Jungkook's already flushed cheeks.

They had done this on purpose. He was surprisingly coy about anything sexual with them; the others? Overtly sexual. As open as you could be. But Jungkook never got over his shyness. He . could have a laugh and a joke but the second it got serious, his cheeks would flush, his hands would get clammy and his heart would race.

Perhaps, because he was a kinky little fucker, and he didn't want people to know just how much...

But the boys still liked to mess with him. He was the baby, after all. So, burlesque club it was...

When Jungkook reached the bottom step, he stopped at the cloakroom, seeing a man in a booth waiting to take admission.

"How many, sir?" he had asked. Jungkook looked at the man for the moment; a black dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up, a red waistcoat, black lined eyes and a small tuft of hair sticking out from under a black bowler hat, reminiscent of the kind Charlie Chaplin wore.

Jungkook thanked his lucky stars that he'd been paying attention to his English tuition lately, not wanting to wait for Namjoon to translate. In fact, he'd gotten pretty damn good at it... Fluent, even.

"Uh, seven please."

"Have you booked?" he opened a diary.

"Yes, we have. Under the name Kim," Namjoon appeared beside Jungkook, smiling kindly and offering up ID of his passport. The attendant nodded, striking the name off the book.

"Okay, booth number four, front and centre," he grinned at the group of men that had now gathered, "Enjoy!" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, and Jungkook had to restrain himself from rolling his eyes. He was just doing his job after all.

The men wandered into the club, Namjoon finding the table with the golden number four at the edge. The men settled in the booth, with Jungkook placed strategically in the middle. The cloakroom attendant had been right; front and centre.

The lights to the club were dim, a spotlight trained on the stage at the front. Large red velvet curtains with gold trimmings hid most of the stage from view, waiting for the first act. Waiters and waitresses, all wearing black dress shirts and red waistcoats like the doorman, wondered the floor freely, taking drinks orders from the tables that were sat waiting. Punters were sat along the bar, mostly middle aged men there alone, or couples who hadn't booked a table.

Almost every table was full, both men and women alike. Groups of women were just as frequent as the men; girls' nights and bachelorette parties side by side with working class men out of an evening and bachelor parties too. The atmosphere was likened to that of a concert, before the lights go down and the artist walks on stage; the dull hum of conversation and anticipation filling the space.

A waitress came to take the order for the table, hurriedly scurrying off to collect their drinks and returning around 5 minutes alter, a tray perfectly balanced in her hand.

The boys got chatting, passing the time before the real show started. Jungkook sat nervously, an anxious feeling in the pit of his stomach. He wasn't sure about all this, he felt so vulnerable. He understood that burlesque was a beautiful art form and not just stripping; this was different. But something in him just felt uneasy about watching girls dancing and stripping, and he was sure it was because his hyungs were there to make fun of him for it.

He watched the time on his watch, ticking closer and closer to 10pm; he was sure that was when it was due to start. It must be...

And he was right. 10pm, and the bar lights dimmed, the spotlight shone, and the curtains slowly drew back, revealing a stage covered in beautiful girls, poised and ready to move as the music began. Their outfits were damn near sinful, and had all of the boys drooling into their cocktails; the beautiful red rhinestones that covered every inch of their bras, corsets and panties, the huge black feathers that fanned out behind them and stuck out of the top of headdresses, the black fishnet stockings held up by the red suspender belts, the classy red heel pumps... All were taken off one by one to the music, leaving each beautiful lady stood in underwear, stocking and vibrant red nipple tassels, swinging around suggestively.

The audience clapped and cheered as they finished the introductory number, the first act done with after 15 minutes of teasing, dancing, contortion and stripping.

The next act was introduced by a host; a male dressed like a ringmaster, of all clichés. This was acrobatic; two beautiful blonde women, performing beautiful movements in aerial routines, backflips, front flips, splits, cartwheels and using each other's bodies to create shapes the natural body should never be able to form.

Jungkook was of course, in awe at the show, watching as act upon act did their thing after the host's introduction; dances, teasing, acrobatics, lip sync routines, live singers; it was incredible to watch. And yes, very, very sexy.

He couldn't help but let his mind wander, much like every other person watching. What would it be like to be with one of these dancers for an evening? What would it be like to have someone put on a show like this in private?

Another show ended, and all seven of the boys clapped in appreciation of the group of girls who had just finished their rendition of Marilyn Monroe's 'Lazy'.

The host wondered back onto the stage, clapping too.

"Beautiful, just beautiful. Well, next up is the girl you've all been waiting for... Ms. Devereaux!"

The place erupted.

A standing ovation as the lights went down, cheers and whistles filled the air and Jungkook and the others sat in quiet confusion, clapping and waiting for something to happen on the stage to explain the incredible reaction from everyone else in the room.

The noise died down, people sat in their seats once again, and the music began...

"Aaaaaaare you gonna take me home tonight?"

Jungkook sat bolt upright, suddenly very aware of himself and surroundings.

"Oooohhhh, down beside your red fire light."

He had to be hearing things.

"Aaaaaaare, you gonna let it all hang out?"

Nope, this was happening.

"Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin' world go round!"

The spotlight hit as the familiar guitar started to strum, landing on you, your back to the audience, shaking your hips and tapping your foot to the guitar's rhythm.

Jungkook could feel the heat rising in his face, knowing full well that every pair of eyes at his table were now focussed on him, and yet, he couldn't tear his eyes away from where you stood on stage. He hadn't even seen your face, but god, he knew you were beautiful.

Your outfit was all black, elegant and yet so delectably scandalous. You wore a steel boned corset, moulding your delightful rolls into an hourglass figure to be envious of. It was black, laced at the back by black ribbon with small ruffle details alone the top. It dipped at the front, a clear v-line to show off the deep cleavage create by pushing your breasts together. From the hips to the back was covered in a feather train, cutting off at the back of your knees.

Suspenders hung from a garter belt hidden underneath the corset that attached to simple black stockings, the stitching running up the back of each of your legs following every little bump of cellulite and the natural curve of your calves.

Black satin panties covered your most important areas, the material shining against your beautiful round ass as you shook it in the spotlight to the music. Shiny black pumps stomped on the stage to the beat, along with a fancy cane you were holding in your right hand. Gloves made of the same sheer material as your stocking covered your forearms up past the elbow, an air of such sophistication added to your ensemble. And finally, a top hat with a couple of black feathers sticking up from the back.

Jungkook's jaw was hanging open, a comical 'o' shape of absolute shock etched into his face. The rest of the boys mimicked him, except they were looking at him, not at you on the stage.

The song continued, Freddie's oh so familiar voice singing out about beautiful big girls while you strut across the stage, flirting with the table in the front, dancing and hitting every beat, using your pure sexuality to entice every member of the audience as they whistled and clapped with glee.

"I've been singing with my band, across the wire, across the land, I seen every blue eyed floozy on the way, hey!

But their beauty and their style, went kind of smooth after a while. Take me to them dirty ladies every time..."

Jungkook was bewitched, watching as you continued your number; so sexy, swaying your hips and using your cane as you slowly took one glove off, followed by another. He loved the red lipstick you were wearing, imagining it smeared across his own neck with you biting and nipping at his skin to leave purple bruise marks... He watched you slowly taking off the smaller accessories of your ensemble, wishing so damn hard that it was him who would be able to do it instead.

When the chorus kicked in again, the club erupted to sing along. Skilfully, you undid the bow in the ribbon lacing your corset together, and started to undo the clasps at the front with one hand as your twirled your cane with the other. Before you let it fall, you threw it to one side, twirling so the audience didn't quite see your bare breasts covered only by black nipple tassels. You had more to take off before you finally revealed yourself...

At his table, the other members were getting rowdy like the rest of the club. They knew the song well, thanks to Jungkook, so sang along where they could, waving their arms around and dancing in place. But Kookie sat still, staring, mesmerised and imagining all the sinful activities he would just love to do with you.

He couldn't help himself; watching the way your hips swayed, your ass bounced, your thighs jiggled... It was turning him on to no end, and he was so desperate for you. To him, you were an absolute goddess, everything about you so beautiful. He'd never seen anyone like you before.

As the song neared its end, you were practically nude; the heels had been kicked off, the stockings taken off with the garter belt following, the top hat discarded and flung into the audience.

You kept yourself fairly concealed, your back to the crowd until Freddie shouts "GET ON YOUR BIKES AND RIDE", and you span around dancing to the guitar and Freddie's ad-libs as the song drew to a close, the tassels spinning and swaying, every beautiful roll of yours jiggling so perfectly.

Jungkook watched in awe as your danced around with your cane, practically nude, showing off your beautiful body. He could feel himself hardening, straining against the tightness of his jeans that he was grateful were so tight, there was no way anyone would be able to tell he was actually hard...

He had to meet you. He had to. If nothing else, just to tell you how beautiful he thought you were.

As the number ended, you posed at the edge of the stage, looking front and centre at Jungkook. Everybody in the room was cheering, clapping, whistling, all on their feet. But Jungkook stayed in his seat, and it caught your eye. You noticed just how dark his eyes were, how hooded they looked. You knew that look; it was lust. He was totally under your spell. So, being the showgirl you were, you smirked at him and winked, with a little blow of a kiss in his direction, before the lights went out and you exited the stage.

You had a few other numbers that night, a couple of different songs to do; some solo, some in groups, but each time you noticed Jungkook still staring, still spell bound. You found it quite amusing; such a handsome, muscled yet lean guy, incapacitated by a plus size burlesque dancer.

Cute.

The final number included all the performers, wrapping up the night in a beautiful display of acrobatics, live vocals, contortion, dancing and of course, mild nudity amongst a blur of feathers, rhinestones and tassels. You took your final bow with your colleagues and friends, and made your way backstage to turn yourself back from Ms. Devereaux into y/n, ready to step back out into the club to mingle with the regulars and staff you knew and loved so much until closing.

Back on the floor, Jungkook felt almost like he was floating. It may have been the precarious amount of cocktails he had sipping on throughout the night, but he was sure that it was you he was intoxicated by.

As his brothers sat chatting and continuing to drink, enjoying the night - and occasionally making jabs at Jungkook for his reaction to your numbers, - Jungkook sat dipping in and out of the conversation, he attention elsewhere. He kept looking over to the corner of the club, a door with a 'stage door' sign on and a man clad in all black with an earpiece in one ear standing watch outside. He had to try...

He excused himself from the table, Namjoon and Tae having to stand to let him out of the booth. They assumed he was on his way to the bathroom, until they watched him head straight for the stage door.

"What the hell is he doing?" Yoongi asked, confused.

The others shrugged, watching intently.

The bouncer at the door held a hand out to Jungkook, who stood awkwardly, hands plunged into his pockets

"Can I help you, sir?" he asked, hands crossed in front of him.

"I-I was... um, is it possible to speak to one of the dancers?" he asked, nerves making him stutter over his words.

"Which one?"

"Uh... Ms. Dav-Daver..." he couldn't quite remember your name completely

"Ms. Devereaux?" the bouncer knew who he meant, thankfully. Jungkook nodded. "I'll let her know she has a fan," the man smirked, pressing a button on a radio he pulled from his back pocket and speaking into it, "Mr. Vandross, I have a gentleman here who would like to speak to Ms. Devereaux." The radio beeped and static poured out.

"Okay, 10 minutes," a male voice came back through the device.

"Now worries," the bouncer replied, shoving the radio into his pocket again. "10 minutes, sir. If you'd like to wait by the bar. Ms. Devereaux's will have a mojito."

"O-oh, okay..." Jungkook wasn't sure exactly what just happened, or what he expected to happen, but he turned back towards the bar and took up an empty stool near the end, ordering a drink for himself and your favourite cocktail. He watched the hands of his watch tick by minute by minute, anxiously tapping his foot against the bar stool, until he saw movement beside him, taking the stool next to him.

"Hello," you smiled, taking the mojito that Frankie the bar tender had brought to you as you sat down and taking a sip. Jungkook was taken back a little bit, still very much in awe of your beauty. You had kept your make up on, but now were wearing a knee length bodycon dress that hugged you in every place you had so proudly shown off throughout the night.

"H-hi..." Seeing you up close like this, being able to take in every feature of your face as well as your body, created a tsunami of nerves Jungkook hadn't expected. You were even more beautiful now, if that were possible.

"I was told you wanted to see me. What can I do for you?"

So much, Jungkook thought.

"I just wanted to say that... well, um- y-you're really beautiful and very talented." He played with the cocktail stirrer in his glass as he spoke. You smiled sweetly at his kind comment. Clearly his first language was not English; you could tell by the way he paused between words to think. It was endearing to you, something so cute. He was trying so hard, trying to talk to you as best he could.

You could tell you were making him nervous by the way he bit his lip and fiddled with his long hair, pushing it back and letting it flop back into place.

"What's your name?" you asked, curious to know more about this absolutely gorgeous man who looked like such a confident soul by appearance, but was downright terrified now he was in front of you.

"J-Jungkook," he stuttered again. Aw.

"I like it," you mused, and he hung his head as he smiled at your compliment. "Jungkook, you seem nervous," you placed your hand on his knee, feeling just how tight those jeans were. His eyes darted to your hand, electricity sparking at the contact.

"S-sorry, Ms. Devereaux. I just think you're so..." he wasn't sure how to finish that sentence. Beautiful wasn't enough; in fact, he was sure he didn't have an English word in his repertoire that could describe how gorgeous you were.

"Please, Ms. Devereaux is my stage name. I'm y/n, call me by that," you removed your hand from his knee, taking hold of your cocktail and taking another sip. "I'm flattered you think of me so highly. I noticed you, y'know. On stage I mean. The way you looked at me..." you leaned a little closer to him, so close he could smell the perfume you had sprayed before meeting him, "like you just wanted to fuck me," you whispered.

Jungkook's head snapped up, making eye contact with such shock...

"I-I'm sorry?"

"The look on your face, it was...primal. You wanted me, you were thinking about it, picturing it. Were you not?" you challenged, leaning your elbow on the bar and leaning into him a little more, keeping your voice low and so god damn seductive he was falling deeper and deeper into that imagination again.

"I-I..."

"It's okay, you can say it..." you teased, pressing your free hand against his thigh and feeling the taught muscle straining. Wow, you thought, those thighs... You would be more than happy to let him use those thighs against you however he liked. "Do you want to fuck me, Jungkook?"

He took a moment, thinking carefully of the pros and cons of this situation. Not that it mattered, he answered without paying attention to either.

"So much," he practically growled. You smirked, watching that darkness return to his eyes.

"Then why are we still sat here?"

Immediately Jungkook took your hand, downed his drink and without a thought to the rest of his brothers - who had all been watching from their booth in awe - took your hand from his knee and pulled you out of the club.

On the surface, you hailed a black cab down, climbing in the back with Jungkook in tow.

"My place or yours?" you had asked, and Jungkook barked the hotel name at the driver.

The whole car ride was laced with so much sexual tension. You had a moment of what the hell are you doing, y/n? that you brushed to the back of your mind. No, this wasn't like you. You had never taken a punter home before, never slept with anyone you met at work. But this guy... You couldn't pass this delicious specimen up.

You placed your hand on his thigh once again, a little higher than before, squeezing the muscle as he wrapped an arm around your shoulders, using the close proximity to nuzzle your hair. Whatever shampoo you used was intoxicating to him. You could feel his hot breath on your ear, taken by surprise when he started to nip at the lobe and suckle lightly.

He wasted no time when the cab pulled up outside the hotel, passing far too many notes to the driver as he pulled you out with his arm around your waist. Already, he loved the way it felt under his touch, the squish just as delectable as he had imagined.

The both of you had been holding back since the cab ride but when he finally got you in the elevator alone, he couldn't stop himself.

Catching you off guard, he pushed you into the corner, looming over you with such animal lust you thought he might take you right there and then. Instead, he crashed his lips down onto yours, finally getting to taste you. His hands groped at your hips pulling them closer to his own in an attempt to grind on you, but the tightness of his jeans meant the friction he desired was further away than he thought.

The elevator dinged and doors opened on Jungkook's floor. He was too caught up in you that he didn't move; you had to push him with a giggle and direct him out into the corridor.

"Which room is it?" you laughed, looking both ways as if the room would be basking in a golden glow and obvious to you if you just looked hard enough. It wasn't.

"This way," he pulled on your hand in the direction of his room, digging in his pockets for his wallet and key card to get in.

Pulling you into the hotel room, he slammed the door shut behind the two of you, kicking it shut. You surprised him by pushing him up against it now, getting him back for trapping you in the elevator.

You kissed him again, going a little slower than Jungkook may have liked, but you wanted to savour the moment. Besides, you had been teasing all night; it was your job. Why would you stop now?

Using your tongue to lightly graze against his lips, you silently told him to open up, diving in further to deepen you kiss. Jungkook chuckled to himself; you tasted like your mojito. He pulled back for breath, resting his head back on the door and looking down at you through his lashes.

Your red lipstick had barely smudged, only the slightest trace he was ever there. I'll have to try harder, he thought.

A few deep breaths and Jungkook resumed the kiss, cupping your rounded face with one hand to create an intimate moment between you. It was sweet, but you were running out of patience and the lust was building and building.

Grabbing hold of his leather jacket, you slipped it off his shoulders, throwing it to the side. Grabbing fistfuls of the silk shirt, you pull him as you step back further into the room until the edge of his bed hits the back of your knees. Your hands make light work of the buttons on the shirt, undoing them and exposing his chest and abs. Holy shit, the abs.

Untucking it from his jeans, he rips the material from his torso for you, his lips never leaving yours as they moulded together so desperately.

He breaks you apart once again, spinning you round to have you stood with your back to him. His hands trace from your hips, up your waist to the zipper at the back of your dress. Slowly, he dragged it down, undoing the material to expose the bra straps and flesh hiding beneath. You pulled the sleeves off your arms pushing the material off you, down your hips, wiggling them as you slipped out of it. The dress hit the floor, and you're now stood in front of him, your back to him, in simple lace lingerie; a stark contrast to the rhinestones, glitter and feathers from hours before.

Jungkook's hands slowly lifted from beside him, slipping around your waist to feel you, needing to touch the beautiful ripples of flesh around your hips and tummy.

"You feel so soft," he whispered into your ear, trailing kisses down your neck and shoulder, his hands wandering over your body. You reached behind you, unclasping your bra to drop to the side of you, leaning back into Jungkook's touch as his lips trailed back up to your neck, suckling on the skin.

His hands raised from your waist to meet your now free breasts, loving the way they felt in his hands. And you had to admit, this was possibly the most erotic foreplay you'd had in a long time. Jungkook was skilled with his hands, and you core ached to find out just how good with his hands he could be...

You turned to face him once again, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him close to you, pressing your bare chests together as his arms enveloped you, loving how squishy you felt.

Your lips reconnected, your tongues doing that same familiar dance as before as he pushed you again, forcing you to sit on the edge of the bed below him. You crawled back, enough so that he had space to kneel between your knees on the mattress and hover over you, his long hair tickling the skin on your forehead and his key pendant dangling between the mounds of your breasts.

He kissed a line of wet, sloppy kisses down your neck again, suckling and biting but using his tongue each time to soothe the sting of his teeth. Before long his mouth was on your breast, suckling at your sensitive nipple with an outrageous amount of care. his actions elicited the first real moan of the evening, unable to contain your pleasure any longer.

His lips continued their assault south, leaving little red marks along your chubby tummy that you were sure would turn purple given time. He spent time there, simply kissing, biting suckling at your chub, and despite the intimate actions, you never felt at all insecure about your weight like many other sexual encounters had made you feel. In fact, you felt empowered.

He was worshipping you, in all your beautiful rubenesque beauty.

Your core was aching for him, the wetness pooling in your panties the longer he spent adoring your body. You wriggled a little under him, uncomfortably aroused. He must be feeling it too, the strain against his jeans getting too much to bare, but he soldiered on, only caring about you and your wellbeing. He wanted to please you so much.

His kisses lowered again, reaching the space where your tummy protruded the most just above the lace of your panties. He looked up at you again through his lashes, his eyes as dark as they had been when you were performing. He was asking - begging - for your approval... And of course you gave it, spreading your legs wider for him to settle between.

His lips touched your thighs, peppering the flesh with kisses. He loved the way they jiggled a little with every small movement you made, every squirm under each kiss.

Suddenly, his kisses concentrated on your lace covered pussy, the heat of his breaths sending such wonderful shivers up your spine; finally some contact. He pulled the fabric to the side, revealing only part of where you needed him most. He kissed the bare skin, your juices coating his lips in a beautiful gloss; it suited him well.

He sat up momentarily, pulling the fabric off your legs before he lunged forward, pouncing on you like a cat on its prey. He had tasted you on his lips and immediately needing more. He couldn't stop himself.

His lips covered your mound, his tongue darting out between your folds to lap your juices up, tasting that sweet taste oh so completely. Your breath fell short as your back arched, the warm wetness a brand new sensation that you could only describe as emphatic.

"J-Jungkook," you whined, breathless as his tongue circled your clit, the nerves reacting accordingly.

"Mmm," he hummed from between your thighs, using his strength to hold them down, squishing at the flesh. He knew how to used his mouth, and every damn part of it; his lips, his tongue, even his teeth, grazing the bundle of nerves gently to elicit another reaction.

"Oh, fuck, it feels so good..." your hands bunched in his hair, pulling at the long strands. The sting he felt only spurred him on, loving the feeling of you controlling him like this.

One of the hands clutched around your thighs let go, snaking around to plunge two long fingers into your entrance. The intrusion was surprising, but most welcome, stretching you out so well as his mouth continued attacking your clit. He curled them, tapping up on the soft cushion inside you that made you pulse with need. Fuck, he was too good at this.

That delicious feeling was growing in the pit of your stomach, your pussy throbbing rhythmically as he brought you closer and closer to the edge; tapping and curling his fingers, working his mouth harder, sloppier on you.

"Sh-shit... Oh, my god. I'm- I'm gonna..." you weren't making any sense audibly, but your body's reaction was translating enough. Jungkook knew you were close, and somehow, he kicked into high gear as he fucked your pussy with his fingers harder.

Something inside you burst, like someone has gripped a full water balloon tighter and tighter until it exploded. The metaphor was spot on, the sheets completely soaked as your pussy got over-excited, squirting more arousal around Jungkook's hand and dripping down his chin.

No one had ever made you do that before; even Jungkook seemed shocked as he sat up, wiping his mouth, watching you regain some modicum of stability.

"H-how? What did you do?" you asked. "I didn't know I could do that," you laughed, trying to gain your breath back.

Jungkook just grinned in response, a shit-eating, smug grin, before he was attacking your lips with his own again, forcing you to taste yourself on his tongue. You'd barely had any time to recuperate, but you absolutely were not going to stop him.

Now it was his turn for some relief.

He wasted no time undoing the leather belt on his jeans and popping the button and zipper. You tried to help, your hands getting in the way a little but eventually taking lead to pull the tight material from his hips, exposing the thighs you marvelled at earlier that night. He scrambled to remove the rest, pulling off his boxers as he did so. Versace, you noticed. Very nice.

But now, he was like you; completely nude, completely exposed.

As soon as you saw the size of him, your cunt ached again. You needed him, to feel full. He was of average length, but certainly thicker than any man you had been with before. You could practically already feel the stretch...

"Turn over," he demanded, all worship lost on you and now, he needed this; his fantasy. You did as you were told, flipping over onto your stomach and raising your ass into the air for him, giving him a delicious behind view of your pussy and outrageous bubble butt. "Fuck," he whispered as his hand grazed the skin of your cheek; this is what he wanted, what he'd always wanted.

Gently, he tapped the flesh, testing the waters but watching as the skin rippled, just as he had imagined it would. His cock leaked a drop of pre-cum at the sight.

When you giggled a little in response, he took that as the consent you had meant it to be to spank a little harder. When he did, you squeaked a little, reacting to the sting. You loved it. you wanted it harder. You wanted branding.

"Fuck, you're incredible," he said, lining his head up with your entrance, ready and dripping for him again already. The delightful stretch you felt as he pushed into you was euphoric, sending your eyes rolling back into your head and your arms almost giving way underneath you. His fingers dug into your ass, his nails creating little crescent moon shapes in your skin.

It took all his willpower not to lose control right then, knowing you'd need a second to adjust having only been used to two of his fingers before. You silently thanked him, and when you were ready, started to bounce your ass against him to gain the friction you both needed.

Jungkook needn't move; you were doing the work for him, every pound of glorious jiggle bounding in front of him. He watched in amazement, feeling nothing but pure pleasure as you moved on his dick, but he could only take it for so long until he needed control back.

He needed to pound into you the way he had imagined. And so, he did.

Gripping onto your love handles, he pulled your hips back onto him, his balls slapping hard against your pussy. It felt fantastic, and god, did you love being controlled like this. You cried out at the movement, egging him on to please, please keep doing that.

He pulled his hips back again, before slamming back into you with force. Your ass rippled at the action and my god did he love it. He needed to see more of it, that beautiful jiggle.

As he fucked into you from behind, his hand collided with your ass check with much more force than before, sure to leave a red hand print like you had hoped. You cried out, biting down on the sheets underneath you to keep the screams from getting too loud.

With him spanking at your ass and drilling into you with such ferocity, you knew you wouldn't last long. Especially after the first powerful orgasm he had given you.

But he pulled out of you completely, using all his strength to flip you over again. He crawled back on top of you, positioning his hip in-between your thighs before pistoning his hips forward and impaling you on his length again. Jungkook had decided he needed to see your beautiful face, your fucked out eyes and your pink flushed cheeks when you came around his cock. He wanted the intimacy back that you can't get from behind. He had got his wish, and now he needed to be close to you.

The sweat on his forehead had gathered and matted his hair to his face, making him look even more fucking god-like than you even thought possible. You pushed the hair out of his face as he thrust up into you, grinding your hips together as he did. His eyes were glazed with lust and staring straight into yours that you could barely keep open. He loved how you looked, how you bounced under him.

Your hand moved from tugging his hair back to the back of his neck, pulling him down to meet your lips desperately as the two fo you got so close to your untimely end. You wished you could both go for longer but there was too much to get excited about, too much to turn you on to be able to prolong the inevitable.

"Y-You're so beautiful, y/n. So, so fucking beautiful," he mumbled against your lips between groans and grunts of animalistic nature.

"K-Kookie," the nickname rolled of your tongue without thinking, followed by a moan that told him you were getting close again. He knew he wouldn't last much longer the second your walls clenched around him. But he didn't want you to miss out on your second high, not on account of him.

"Touch yourself for me," he instructed, "please..." his begging tone was surprising but so charming, and you'd be evil to ignore him. You slipped your hand between the two of you, drawing pleasant circles over your clit as he continued to fuck into you.

With the new sensation, you had seconds left. Your back arched up into him, pressing your bodies together. You couldn't control your squirming anymore, knowing that what was coming was going to be earth shattering.

Jungkook growled as you clenched again, lowering his head to your breasts and biting gently down on one of your nipples, kneading your breast with his hand. Too much; it was all too much. You could feel yourself dissolving into pleasure beneath him.

Your nerves seemed to to catch alight, like a burning ember had met gasoline inside your body. Your breath hitched in your throat silencing your moans and every muscle clenched tightly as it all hit at once. As stage one of your orgasm played out, stage two came in what felt like electric shocks hitting you multiple times, rocketing through you and pulsing. Your legs convulsed, muscles twitching and the like someone had pressed unmute on you, you let out the most tremendous moans of bliss.

Jungkook kept thrusting, losing his rhythm as he watched you come undone. It turned him on so much, and when your pussy started to pulse around him that was it for him; beautifully warm spurts of cum painted your walls as his body went rigid. He grit his teeth, a long, low grunt erupting from the very pits of his stomach.

It took you both a few moments to regain some sense, breathing hard and heavy. Jungkook had to use all his upper body strength to keep him from collapsing on you, still reeling from the most intense orgasm he thinks he had ever had.

"Shit..." he huffed, looking up to see you beet red, panting and completely fucked out. His arms ached so much he couldn't hold himself up anymore, collapsing into your soft body and snuggling into you with exhaustion.

"Are you okay?" you asked, still panting away like a dog in ferocious sunlight. He nodded against you, still breathing hard himself. "Well... that was- that was incredible. You're incredible."

"Thanks..." he chuckled. "I... I'm here for another week, y'know..." he looked up at you, waiting for a response. You hummed in approval.

"Thats at least another... six or seven shows," you grinned. If he was insinuating that the two of you were going to continue these little hotel escapades for the remainder of his stay, who were you to say no...

"Tomorrow, you're bringing all that shit back here with you." He wanted the feathers, the rhinestones, the glitter, and he wanted it littering his hotel room floor. "And that cane, too..."

"A private show, huh? I'm sure we can arrange that. Any song requests?" you teased.

"Fat bottomed girls," he replied. "Absolutely, every fucking time. Fat bottomed girls."

#bts #bts au #bangtan sonyeondan #bangtan #jungkook #jeon jungkook #smut au #plus size #plus size smut #plus size au #size kink #burlesque

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followedbyraven · 5 years ago

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About 15 years ago, from the very first episode, I got hooked up on a new tv show, “Supernatural”. It was amasing!

It was a kind of magic that: - grips you and doesn’t let go; - follows you and stays on your mind for hours; - walks side by side through the years, sometimes becoming your shadow, sometimes wandering so far away that what is left is only a glimpse on the horizon of life.

After being for many years a part of Buffy the Vampire Slayer fandom and finding some kind of uneasy closure when Angel: the Series concluded I thought I swore the fandom life for good. I was young and somewhat naive, and didn’t understand the simple truth: once you step into this river - you will keep coming for more.

Initially following the road that the Winchester brothers took in the first three seasons I was what is called a general audience. Ok, a bit more, cause I’ve long ago lost count how many times I watched each and every episode of seasons 1-3 during just that period.

It was indeed MAGIC! Then came hellatus between 3rd and 4th seasons and I have to be honest, my interest in SPN was by that time slowly slipping away. I was incredibly busy at work, living life on the road, barely at home, working sometimes 14-16 hours a day, and loving every single moment of that. It was hard but I treasure memories of those times, despite terribly missing my husband, and comfort of home, and loved ones. Also it was almost impossible to keep up with SPN airing schedule. Not to mention that it was already some kind of miracle that I was almost religiously following SPN for three years. I do follow other TV shows but don’t get so attached. I love parings, OTPs, to write and read fanfiction, to admire the talent of fanart creators and ingeniousness of meta-writers... but it takes two to tango, in other words - I need an OTP to properly function in the fandom. I wasn’t into any of the brothers and was a strictly het!shipper; I used to write slash for friends as a gift or commission but wasn’t really interested in it. Plus I’m One Fandom at a time, one OTP at a time kind of shipper, I don’t multitask when it comes to fandom life. So yeah, for SPN I was a general audience for 3 years until an ruffled angel broke through the barn doors, got knifed in the heart as some kinky way of thanks for the save from Hell, flashed Dean some shadow wings and... It was amazing and it was awesome, and it was magic. Again. Just like that day I’ve watched SPN 1x01 for the very first time.

Jack is a baby of the family. I wasn’t sure about this character and was afraid that I wouldn’t like him. So much suspense was build around his first appearance, so much negativity. But I was worried for nothing. He is a sweetheart and a darling, great addition to the story and to the show, he can be soft, naive and uncertain, but also fierce and protective of people he sees as part of a family. I was a complete “feels, feels, so many feels” from the first episode he appeared in. I still have half of season 14 and the rest of season 15 to catch up, but so far I like what I see. Sam. I like Sam a lot and he means a lot to me and to a relationship I have with my brother. I may not often mention him but I treasure this character and admire him. I look at him for understanding, when me and my little brother, who is a head taller than me by now, can’t find a common ground. Sam taught me when I need to take a step back from heated discussion, evaluate my bro’s side of the argument once more, just simply understand and admit the very fact that some things I will never get, not really, not fully, but if this is his, my little brother’s, thing, I have to respect that and give him a much needed space. In the end it is his business, and his life, and it is he who has to live it and to have a control over it. Dean. I can’t get enough of Dean and I respect him. I’m not attracted to him, never was, just not my type, i guess, but to me he is that dear friend that gets it. Just simply GETS IT! He is an older brother just like I’m an older sister. And through the years, through the moments when I’m again and again completely baffled by my bro’s attics and can’t come with an appropriate response, one thought always comes to my mind: What would Dean do? So yeah, 15 years of “what would Dean do” and that character feels like one of my best friends and supporters. He gets it - the straggle between the instinct to protect and the need to let go, make own way, through mistakes and hardships. Ready to offer support but not choking my babybro with it.

Cas. I adore Castiel, simply adore him. He is my favourite after all. But what is more important, I get inspiration and that extra infusion of strength from this character. I got a gift of better understanding my brother from Sam, and a possible course of action, a kind of battle plan, from Dean, but Castiel helps me to be myself, to enjoy life even when all I want is to crumble and weep. From him I got: If he could do it, so can I. This is something unique, what I couldn’t receive from another human being, real or imagined, because I also often feel like an alien being. I don’t have a mental illness but I did experience a trauma when I was but a small child. And this kind of guano never fully goes away, never truly leaves mind. I lack a deeper understanding of a lot of simple things that many people take for granted, there are days when it feels like I don’t have a strength in me to step over the threshold into the street (but I still do it every day), and I still often stumble through the words to make a simple purchase at the supermarket (even after 10 years of going to the same store), and I feel disconnected from the world at large. I’m uncomfortable in the crowd and I’m that awkward weirdo at the party sitting al alone in the corner.

Don’t get me wrong, I live a normal and fulfilling live, you may meet me on the street, in the crowd, shopping, smiling and chatting with friends (smile on my lips and easy going attitude), driving car, stepping on the train, I may even live next to you or in the same city. And you’ll never guess that despite the fact that smile on my lips is real (I am happy to be in this world, be a part of it), there is pain in my shoulders because I can’t relax them, and I feel lightheaded, and the world is slightly spinning and blurry from an effort to simply do what comes so natural to a lot of others - just walk on the street, just live my life, just be in this world.

Many years ago I gave myself a promise: to get up everyday with a smile. No matter what, I always start my day with a smile. It’s a first thing I do when I open my eyes. Over the time it became a second nature. That little extra drop of good mood before morning tea comes automatically through no effort at all. During the day that small infusion of happiness may grow into a true joy or it may slowly fade away. And it’s that second scenario when I remember that if an alien being could do it - find inner strength to go on through high and low, to navigate the strange world of human beings... Well, I am human and simply because of my own nature, from the get go, I already have it much easier than him, this fictional character which slowly managed to mean so much to me.

Overshare much? Maybe. Actually, for sure. My apologies to all who is not comfortable with such kind of openness. I don’t feel that it is a right time and I am in the right mood to talk about my OTP, so I will leave it for another time when I have an urge to explode into a massive firework of feels and words.

But this is my tribute to Supernatural and to all people who brought these amazing, wonderful, beloved characters to life, gave them shape and form: the cast, the crew, the team of writers, everyone involved on every step of the road. 15 years, people! This is a big slice of my life, of anyone’s life. This is my thanks, and my love, and my gratitude. I’ve never been to convention, never met anyone of them and most likely never will, but I needed to give form to what I feel. Am I sad that SPN is almost over? Sure, I will cry a river when the final episode arrives! But I understand that everything eventually comes to an end. It was a beautiful run but I respect their decision and stand by it. And I already know what I want for Christmas or as a birthday gift when a full 15 (or is it 16 now with such a long corona-hiatus between already aired and still in production episodes?) season boxset hits the stores (Blue-Ray, pretty please, with as much extras and bonus materials as possible)

P.S. But you know whom I also want to thank and hug, and shower with love? All my fandom mates, known to me and total strangers, all those incredibly talented, wonderful, amazing people who write fanfiction, create art, express their love for the show through any possible creative outlet. No matter the stan, no matter the ship, over the years I’ve met truly great, kind, friendly and positive people in every wing of the fandom. YOU ARE AWESOME!

#Castiel #Destiel #Misha Collins #Cas!girl spn tribute #The all have a special place in my heart #SPN team free will

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voicesofchaos · 8 years ago

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The Yugioh Fandom at ACen 2017 was amazing!

I have been going to ACen since 2005 and it is really what I look forward to most every year. It fills me with immeasurable happiness. After 12 years of going I am pretty sure this was the best year ever! At least half if not more of that was because of the Yugioh fandom! So much sappyness below!

Thank you @homura-bakura so much for helping me with the Yugioh panel. You did a great job and your input just made it so much more enjoyable! I feel like the audience really enjoyed the panel this year and I know a large part of that was because of your shining personality in it. More about the future of that panel down below. But I also want to mention that I really enjoyed hanging out with you and your friends on Sunday as well. Typically Sunday is the worst day of the con and just the day I go home without doing much but chilling with @yusei-fudo, @amaethia, and @rin-amazing!

In fact I stayed later on Sunday than I ever had in 12 years because @lily-liegh stayed late and I got to duel a lot which made me really happy! You have become such a strong duelist in such a short time it amazes me. I can tell you really try super hard to improve yourself which is so admirable. Durbe would be proud of you Star Seraph deck! Getting to meet you in person was awesome! You were there for me and supported during a dark depressing period of my life when I honestly I probably didn’t deserve the help. I was really happy to make you a 3D Winged Kuriboh (remember when I asked your favorite Kuriboh a really long time ago?) to repay a fraction of your kindness. But you got me a way cooler gift and a super sweet letter than I am going to treasure and save forever! Also it was cool meeting @imgettingtoooldforthisship! I cannot believe how far away you both traveled from to come to my hometown anime conventions!

Also really loved hanging out with @precioussorakaibashun! I’m sad you missed all the Yugioh shenanigans on Friday but I am so glad you supported the Dangan Ronpa panel and we got to catch up on that fandom. Plus we got to duel and not pay enough attention to My Hero Academia LOL I’m glad you got your Kuriboh back that you almost lost! Watching you duel Lily-liegh was a ton of fun. You are the same way as someone who really pulled me back into the light when I was drowning in darkness so I will always cherish your friendship and feel in debt to you! I hope we can hang out more!

Another precious friend I saw who I wish I saw more than once a year was @justyourbelowaverageartist! I really wish I got to hang out with you more! We need to plan something next year. Even though you live fairly far away I really do wish we could hang out before next ACen. You are so cool, awesome, and just understanding of me. Your Aigami cosplay was awesome and I wish I saw the return of Shingo!

Of course I need to give a shoutout to my idols of cosplay, @sailoranime and her entire group like @viewtifulfox, @indyexploits, @daevaofsunflowers, and probably some more people I am missing. You are all always so on-point! Your cosplays blow me away and make my jar drop! For a few years I was going through a cosplay slump where I just wasn’t inspired to make new cosplays. Then I got a spark and got really active making cosplays again for a short time but have been dying back down again. SCREW THAT! Seeing how beautiful all of you are really gets me hyped to start working hard and trying my best to make cosplays again! Don’t get the wrong idea, not trying to compete with any of it nor am I jealous. I know we are all part of the same team. I just feel motivated to pull more of my weight on the team! Now I am going to burn my Kaito cosplay I hate LOL jk

Should also mention that @darkrebellionyuto looked amazing as Zarc! Not even a huge fan of the character but she just looked so badass in it! My favorite pictures from the photoshoot were the ones with both you and Homura-Bakura as the rivalry between your characters just oozed through! You are one the many people I often think secretly hates me (yeah I am too paranoid sometimes) but you were really friendly and nice! I am really glad that you also got to promote your stream during the panel.

Oh also @dumb-and-dumblr was there! Met her years ago at ACen and she hasn’t been able to come the past few years so that is an awesome surprise to see you! Rio cosplay really looks great!

@witchsblackrose the pictures of you just always look amazing. You just have this aura around you that personifies Aki. Also I like that you use a Rose Tentacles card, I love little touches likes that.

I really loved @arcadecryptid’s Cathy cosplay! I could tell that you were really getting into the poses! That spirit and enthusiasm is so cool!

I know she will probably never see it but just wanted to say that Blooming-Blooming’s Kotori cosplay was also really awesome and cool! I really loved the Ita bag with all the Yuma merchandise! I want that that bag LOL

When on the Facebook event somebody said they were going as the Arclight Brothers I totally didn’t believe it but there really was a III. a IV, and a V! I believe the IV is @arminizewithme. My favorite touch though was that the III had a sword! Absolutely perfect!

There was even a Yusaku cosplayers, totally called it!

One last awesome shoutout to everyone that came to the panel! Your enthusiasm and love for the series fills me with so much joy! i hope everyone that won a raffle prize or got a Star Pack through trivia is enjoying what they got. I know that the photoshoot was a little messy and not as organized as it should have been. I was made a co-host of the photoshoot (even though I didn’t want to be) so I do feel guilty that I wasn’t able to do more to manage it and bring order to it. The size of the Yugioh photoshoot has been drastically increasing (you can see the history of it here) and it just has its share of growing pains as it tries to adjust to the larger capacity. I will be talking with GingerFish55 about making some big changes for the 2018 photoshoot as we both want everybody to get as many awesome pictures of their cosplay as possible.

Speaking of 2018. I highly considered making this the last year running the Yugioh panel. I had a LOT of drama setting it up this year. Many people got hurt and upset over it. It was really stressful and sickening. Despite the hardship though many people really enjoyed it and had a lot of fun. I want to continue that. I really feel a responsibility to the fandom to give them a great panel where we can express our passion for the fandom with fellow fans. As I said above the fandom has grown and evolved so much in the past several years. I have been trying to make changes to the panel to keep up but I think I am being too tame. To really serve the fandom best I am planning big changes to it for 2018 so stay tune when I announce the details of that in a few months.

Just one last thank you to the fandom as I try to hold tears back. The past few years have really been a rollercoaster for me. Lots of good times but sadly of horrible bad times too. I’ve made terrible mistakes that hurt the people I care most about. Even when at my low point though I could always rely on the Yugioh fandom (even more so than the anime or game itself) to pick me back up. This weekend felt like such a critical mass of all that. Now that my life feels more on track and I am really happy again I really wanted to give back to the Yugioh fandom like it always gives to me. I hope I can continue to keep serving the fandom weekly and make next year even better. Our Symbols Of Friendship won’t fade with time or distance, our bonds are stronger than that.

Kattobingu!

#Anime Central 2017 #ACen 2017 #Yugioh #Fandom #Emotional post #Lots of callouts #A long read more

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opalmothnightingale · 7 years ago

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Romance 101

1- 22- 18 -

I think that many things have been stones on a path to romance, for me. It starts when we’re born, or even before that, because the love and care is a prerequisite to being loved in any other area, in any other kind of relationship and gives the basic foundation of human, humane care and attention, love... or the opposite, that we have to overcome, maybe?

As we are neglected or mistreated, if that happens, maybe a deep inner pain or confusion, lack, self protection or a shutting down may happen... And similarly, growing up, the love and care or lack or opposite of that... All shape our vulnerable selves. The tender, sensitive feelings, talents and senses we have either are nurtured and sensed and grown into more, the window of opportunity to keep those things open and growing... Or else they might be folded down, put away, because no one saw them or valued them in us. Children often don’t see their own abilities or talents as driving urges, it seems, to me, but rather pleasant impulses that are very delicate, if directed or shaped by adults to try to make them be or do other things... So a creative child might become more linear-minded if that is the direction they are geared towards and the environment they’re saturated with. Even so the natural inclinations might still remain, deep and latent, and they might be talents, undeveloped, slight urges pulling us this way or that if we sense and listen to them, perhaps years later or even in adulthood, even later adulthood, coming into full expression.

To me, these are the stepping stones of love I see in my life. The taking and standing on the shoulders of the resources, the people, the buildings, paths, gardens, the visions, the vistas that were available and were shown to me, each a little at a time, in school, with parents, families, friends, the internet, learning of other cultures and their many different views, spiritual paths and other religions and eastern and new age and various different views so different from mine... Pagan. Native American. And different value systems. Psychology.

Etc.

So,... and,... Yes,... Each of these areas of life, learning and social worlds and milieus... Opened vast new diverse worlds over time, as more and more possibilities opened of how to see, how to interpret, how to feel and adapt and negotiate reality on all levels... Emotionally, mentally, and the level of energy, and creatively, spiritually and with the help of spirit leading me, etc, etc...

So,... Wonderfully,

These each opened me up to new kinds of love. And spirit love opened me to new love indeed. A love beyond human expression, so far, that I have yet found. Telling me, showing me, making me feel and see and understand what I had never ever seen told or shown in real human material life before.

New possibilities opened up and new ways of feeling alive, in love, joyful, passionate, compassionate, feeling meaning, purpose, a reason, a meaning for why things are as they are even if they seemed to suck or make me feel anxious, bored, etc... So much before I had a reason, answers for interpreting them.

It all made sense and fell together, made me happy, gave me joy and pleasure...

What before was groping in the dark, stumbling, hurting and feeling empty and anxious because I didn’t know what I needed.. transformed to become more and more joy, love, reason, order, harmony, and passion, purpose. Truly wonder, beauty at all turns, so many angles, that I could see, when I knew what I was supposed to look for. So, life is very individual and subjective but it’s also diverse and real and solid, too... Each of us needs to look for and use what makes us feel alive and happy... I had to search long and deep, so far and wide before I was finally able to find enough to feel relatively stable and well in my life. Some people find happiness right at their doorstep from a young age, and that is great but for me I had to go so far from where I began in life. The apple rolled far from the tree indeed. Lol

I feel like each of my people and groups of people and ideas and so on that shaped me were indeed stepping stones, keeping me alive, sustenance, joy, pleasure, kindness, and, all that good stuff... Everybody just trying to do the best they could see how to do, even if I didn’t see it at the time, and even though great harm was a part and not always something that I think I needed so I could grow or get stronger... But like poison mixed in that I lived on despite them and NOT because of them.

Yes sometimes the pain makes us rise above and adapt but sometimes it does the opposite, and it’s not our fault, and that is how I see things like this. You just can say it was simply what it was, and move on, no sense in dwelling if you can move on, which I’ve found how to now..

But sometimes something puts me right back in the empty sad tired bored blah forever ugh I hate this state... And sometimes I realize that it is only a matter of conditions that lets me be well. And that is how it is for us all but some of us need more particular conditions to be well. No one is free from the needs of conditions to be well in the material world, though. So...

I see that the things I saw as being great, wonderful, awesome and loving, sweet, beautiful, fascinating or fulfilling, and all, yeah,... they are sometimes the same things that make me feel anxious, empty, sad, bored, these days. Those things can’t fulfill me now. I may have developed an allergy as my needs became more refined and I need a more pure diet, so to speak. I didn’t know my pain then because it was always there so I didn’t know any different, didn't’ know that it was possible to be without the pain, anxiety, boredom, emptiness that these things brought me. They brought me some good and it was the best good I’d ever had, at that point...

It gets stronger and more delicate, maybe as we go along and get more refined. The refinement might come at a price so we’re strong yet delicate, so that we’re thriving but only because of great hardship that took its toll and we had to go through the darkness and pain and it damaged us and we sustain damage but that was all we were able to find so we did it and though we found richness and thriving, the damage is sustained, there in our bones, in our cells, not ever going away, like some permanent scar, or illness that will be with us, weakening us all our lives from now on...

So I’m trying to be strong without succumbing to the aging and the illnesses that I’ve accumulated and can’t escape from (no law of attraction believing and denying victimhood here,... That is not something I’m so eager to assume. Possibilities aside, I am not going to assume, either way).

But I’ll try and it is a day by day and intuitive process... As I feel I get stronger sometimes I have periods of time where too much stress and disorder wrecks things and I feel like I have gone back in time, to states of depressiveness, anxiety, boredom, emptiness, confusion, lack and feeling lost... But,..

I feel spirit and intuition will be leading me forward soon and the disorder will not last too long. It might be a sort of shaking up, plunging in the dark and still states and the sense of lost or confused feelings might actually be not the truest deepest thing... Deep in this state there may be a light, love, power, energy and guidance that are there, and I can sense, and subtly guiding me...

And so that I am not nearly as lost as I was, back in those old days of my life, when I seemed to get lost for endless ever dragging on hell.

The things I was once in love with feel like burdens.... We all have changed so much, me and many lovers I might have once known... My husband and I. Like islands that drifted so far, by forces or our own personalities, things we didn’t know would lead us so far apart...

And things that once felt so alive for me, might not anymore. And things that fed my heart now make me allergic, in my husband... And things that I needed from him, he got bored and completely abandoned the very foundation of why I ever really loved him romantically...

But he somehow promptly realized he was done with the need for that,...

And I kept trying to work it out, not realizing that he was never going to be the same again, even if he said he would try, and made promises, meager efforts, twisted, distorted and hurtful efforts...

Just trampling on the things he once nurtured, abusing and crushing the things that once were my whole world of why I ever gave a damn about him... and once adored him, now found him a cardboard cutout,...

Empty and frail and yet oppressive, heavy, crushing me too...

Horrible weight... just burying me, a dump full of cardboard cutouts replicated and rotting with me...

Yet keeping me alive too... A life gone wrong, totally transformed, a dystopia..

This is what happens in life sometimes so I look for how to use it...

Calmly, meditatively, spirit led, passion led, inner self, higher self led, intuition making this the bigger picture I haven’t seen just yet... So as another step on my stair to true love, truest love, vastest of love,.. It will be nothing but a laughable triviality when I see how to place it so, in the bigger image,... And the optical illusion, of it all.

Love, inner love in myself, instead.

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youreghanamissme · 7 years ago

Text

Hey There, Brown Booger

a11/14/2017

It's that time of year again-- when I'll have to filter my tears, my sweat, and every drop of water imaginable because the rain has finished. The landscape has reverted back to its tan and dusty self. I can no longer leave anything of value near the windows overnight lest I want to a nice coat of dust on it in the morning. My boogers are red-brown, and soon, my hacking cough caused by the dust will return in full force. Moto drivers have already started to wear their face masks, some of which perform double duty as a fashion statement (fuzzy cheetah print is all the rage right now, y'all). It's been a while since I've sat down and typed about myself. I wish I could say it is because I'm a very, very important person who hasn't a modicum of time to spend on my arse, detailing the contents of my crazy life to the internet. Nope, nada, nein! Idleness is three-fifths of existence in country. Henceforth, the abridged capitulation of the past few months for my five readers out there (hey peeps!)...

I. Wake Me Up When September Ends

Half a year later, and GLOW/BRO camp still lives! One of my favorite campers had been reminding me to visit her community for a while, and I wanted to! But life happens, so instead, I invited her to mine :) She's a Gonja by tribe, so I thought it would be cool to show her a little taste of how we live it up in the heart of Dagomba land. Her stay was short but sweet. She wanted to continue living a slice of my siliminga (foreigner) lifestyle, but she couldn't bear to be apart from her mother for too long. Her siblings don't help their mother out at the market. Honest, my few days with Gifty were some of the most rewarding and intense bonding moments I've had as a mentor. Spending time with her illuminated a fact of Ghanaian life that I already knew but never fully internalized until Gifty shared with me the hardships of her life—that children in Ghana are forced to deal with the burden of adulthood far too early. We cried, we laughed, we watched a lot of movies and played a lot of checkers... Youth camps may be a finite venture in the Peace Corps realm of projects, but I say participate if you can. Or, just work with youth through volunteership or something. If not for GLOW/BRO I wouldn't have met some of the most intelligent, self-motivated, and hopeful young people in Ghana.

Casa de Deeshini was lit in September! Thankfully not literally. The end of the month marked the Fire Festival, a traditional Dagomba celebration. The story goes something like this:

A long, long time ago a Dagomba prince went missing. His father—the Chief—and the community members scoured the land for him. At the edge of the community they found him asleep in a tree. They concluded that the tree was evil for stealing their prince from them. They rescued him, and to punish the tree, they threw flaming torches at it. And every year following the prince's abduction, they would set a tree on fire with flaming torches to commemorate the return of the prince and to penalize the tree.

I wasn't able to go last year because I was at OpSmile in Tamale, so I knew I HAD to go to the one in my community this year or else I would forever regret it. And y'all... IT. WAS. LIT. ...LITERALLY!! I have never seen nor experienced so much energy in my community. Hell, I have never seen so many people out and about in my community. There was so much food and drumming and singing, and people were so, so kind. We made torches; we gave torches away; people gave us torches... I loved it. Every single minute of it. I got such a high from the cumulative energy of the whole experience. I invited a few PCV's to come and join in on the festivities where my community lit not one, but THREE trees on fire. We were conked after Tree #2 and headed back to decompress and catch some Z's, but I have never danced, screamed, yelled, sang, and ran with such intensity or felt such ecstasy as I have at Fire Fest. I truly felt beloved and accepted by my community at that moment, and I will forever hold onto those feels when PC life isn't looking so bright.

II. It's Scorpio Season, Bitches

October was so intense that I was barely in my community. I had a lot of workshop prep going on that took me out of site (more on that below). It was also my birthday month, the race in Accra, and Halloween (one of my Top 5 favorite holidays of all time)!

It was a little embarrassing this year. I forgot how old I was. I did the math and thought I lost a year of my life, culminating in one of the most pitiful weeks in the history of my existence (sorry, PCV friends who had to deal with my woes and existential crisis), but then I realized I did the math wrong and felt young and relieved (who needs to swim in a tub of virgin blood to retain your youth when you can just buy a calculator?)! Woo-hoo! But then it made me think... is my shitty memory due to the antimalarial pills or am I just truly deplorable in simple arithmetic? The jury is still out.

I celebrated my most recent revolution around the sun with my long-lost twin... who just happens to be from the other side of United States of America (South Carolina, holla at yer guuurl). Something was amiss when I found out that Allie and I both had an unhealthy obsession with costume/ period dramas, chiefly of the British persuasion. And then she told me she used to be a museum docent (!! One of my dream jobs!! Up there with bartender). And when I I found out we had the same birthday... OH LAWD.

It all made sense. We are basically the same person. Once our mutual love for Antiques Roadshow was uncovered, it was basically like the universe was fucking around. What else was there for us to do? Throw a joint costume birthday party, duh.

October 23rd, dudes. I made acquaintances write it on their calendar, and I'm not even ashamed.

But we celebrated the day before because, y'know, the weekend.

She dressed up as Squints from The Sandlot (ugh, a classic!). I dressed up as a deadbeat-nik. Yeah, YEEEAH. Y'all aren't the only ones who didn't think it was punny/ funny. It's fine though. I chuckled to myself. It also gave me the opportunity to finally, after a year and a half, wear that beret that I got in Accra. KG had proclaimed time and again, “Di, I don't know why you bought that fucking beret. It's a million degrees outside. YOU'LL NEVER WEAR IT.”

I whatsapped her a photo of me in the beret.

It was super fun. Friends came and dressed up, even though some of them hate costume parties, DIY costume parties even more so. I had a grand ol' time, and I thank the folks who made it out and those who wished me a HBD.

A couple days after my superspecialawesome day was the regional Tamale Spelling Bee. My homegirl Sarah is involved with the organization/ event, having volunteered last year. It seemed like such a cool opportunity that I asked and received permission to help out too. I'm not well-versed in the logistics, but the brightest of the bunch in Tamale will travel down to Accra to participate in the national spelling bee. Ghana is the only country in West Africa that participates in the International Spelling Bee held by Scripps. The winner of the national spelling bee gets to go to America to participate in the Scripps competition. They also receive a cash prize (thousands of Cedis, dude), material gifts, and a trip to South Africa or something. Their teacher gets to accompany them too, so it's not just the student benefiting. It's such a cool opportunity, and I'm sad to say that the students (Primary 6 to JHS 2 are eligible) in the north do not have as great an advantage as those in the more southern regions, especially those from Greater Accra or Tema with their ipads and better, more consistent education. But to see the Northern students try their hardest made my heart swell. These students were so bright that some stiff competition will not diminish their shine!!

There were two parts to the regional contest. A written comprehension portion and a verbal spelling portion. The combined scores determined who was going to go to Accra. At the end of the verbal spelling portion, after students had been spelling for over two hours, many remained, but only five students were supposed to be selected. The spellers were exhausted, and somehow the MC of the event asked her boss, the event organizer, if he would allow to send the remaining six spellers to Accra. In a moment of unexplained virtue, he was convinced (sucks for that seventh student that was eliminated...), and the crowd erupted into cheers and whoops and whistles. Just pure happiness, y'all.

After the Bee, the Accra International Marathon happened. I participated. I didn't die. #praisebe #underhiseye

It was awesome to see so many expats, Ghanians, children, and students participating in the race. I even ran into (not literally, thank jah!) a colleague from an NGO in the North at the 10K starting point! Pardon my smugness, but I wasn't last! In the scheme of life, it doesn't matter as much as the fact that I finished! WOO-HOO!! It was such a thrill. And I felt overwhelmed with joy when I heard the friendly cheers calling out my name near the finish line. These voices were familiar... these voices could only come from loud PCV's who DGAF!! It was bliss to see my friends there. The best thing to come out of training and completing the race was my new found appreciation for running. I have said in the past that I hate running. I often scream it at the top of my lungs when people ask me my views on the very subject, “I. HAAATE. RUNNINGGG!!”

I hate it less now. Part of it may be my assumption that “running” meant going hard, 100% of the time. I'm more lax about it. I walk a little here and there, and I always listen to a good podcast while I'm out completing a run. Take home story: if I can be converted to the Church of Somehow-Running, you can be too. Even though it often appears so, it's not some sort of cult. It just feels nice after you finish (It's those goddamn endorphins). I even kinda feel like a lump if I skip running for too many days. I'm hoping to one day train towards a half marathon and then, maybe, a full marathon, kindasortanotreallyidunno.

Whenever I'm in Accra, which is seldom, I try to couple my visit with a medical purpose because all medical distins are taken care of there. Sucks for folks in the Northern and Upper regions. I went to the dentist for some tooth pain that had been recurring for months. The PC Medical Officer had been telling me that we should “wait and see” about the pain for the past half-year. Whelp, I got it sort of checked out. It's a cavity, underneath a filling of an older cavity... probably. They weren't 100% certain since their x-ray machine was broken and they couldn't fix it before I left for the north. Dang-diddily-nabbit. Add that to my diminishing hearing abilities (to be checked out next time I'm in the country capital as well) and frequent questionable moles (sunscreen is moot when you sweat it all off), and I tell ya what—Ghana, maybe, has a vendetta against me.

III. I'm An Unauthorized Authority Because I Have a Degree In This

I was chosen to be a trainer for the 2017 Nutrition IST (In Service Training). YASSSS. YAAASSSSS. Started as a participant, now I'm here!

It was a lot of work and planning, and my team was fabulous. The star qualities of this IST compared to the other IST's offered in country are that a female counterpart is required, that female CP's can bring their child, and that there are translators available, so English comprehension/ a formal education is not a requirement. The latter two solutions are imperative in overcoming many of the barriers that prevent women (the primary caretakers and often the MVP when it comes to nutrition in the household) from going to Peace Corps Ghana trainings. I am so proud that the Nutrition IST was so inclusive and mindful of the mamas. It's empowering to the women that participate, and it's encouraging as trainers and as PCV's to witness their growth and excitement.

I have to give plenty of kudos to the Moringa Man and the Health PCVLT (Peace Corps Volunteer Leader-Trainer ?? I don't know. Too many letters in this acronym) for arranging curriculum that is interactive and varied to meet the needs of our audience.

The Ghanaian diet is mostly carbs and fats because it's cheaper to, say, pound a cash crop like maize into a ball and eat it with groundnut stew, a soup made of a lot of oil (more fat means more calories AND it helps preserve the stew) and another accessible crop, than to buy fresh fruits and vegetables. Poverty already affects access to vegetables and meat. The dry season—a time when food is scarce and can be more costly to families whose plush harvest money has already been spent—makes good nutrition even harder. Knowing that food security is an issue, we did our best to come up with applicable alternatives that Ghanaians can explore, highlighting the nutritional benefits of staple crops but emphasizing the addition of others that are available in the market.

We put the men to work in the kitchen!

We did a LOT of cooking demos, often with fortified recipes for existing Ghanaian meals. We discussed the benefits of breastfeeding, certain micro-nutrients during pregnancy, the correlation between food safety/hygiene and malnutrition caused by frequent diarrhea, and so much more. Because the crops and the culture of the northern regions of Ghana are vastly different from the southern regions, we had two separate workshops.

The best surprise is hearing updates from PCV's who attended and their stories about their empowered CP's holding space to talk about nutrition in their communities. Moments like these remind me of the reasons why I'm here and why I choose to stay. I have a lot more thoughts on the Nutrition IST that I'd like to spotlight in a post apart, just because there are so many facets to it. Look forward to it soon, hopefully haha

It's November now, so I can stop listening to Christmas music in the privacy of my own room and start singing “Santa Baby” off-key in public. More updated posts coming somehow-soon (read: as soon as I finish my session plans for future nutrition IST’s, eek!)

#peacecorps #howiseepc #ghana #pcghana #accrainternationalmarathon #burpday #camp #nutrition #mamas #running #scorpioseason #halloween #mentee

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