#like.. am only attracted 2 genders i am. and then also nonbinary others 4 some reason asdfghj

[dayshines]

wahh wanna talk about my queer identity soo badly but i need prompts or brain don't work long </3

[kyoosoup]

in honor of bi awareness week, which starts tomorrow for me, here are some reminders about bi people/being bi.

(and this is coming from a bisexual person, so it's basically just things I wish I was told sooner, or told more often.)

apologies in advance for any yap, I'm just a bit fed up with all the biphobia I've seen and experienced in general this year.

1. you can be bi.

starting off with what seems like a no-brainer- you can be bi! you're valid. shockingly, a lot of bi people get told that they need to "pick a side" and be either "fully gay" or "fully straight" or that they actually need to be pan/some other sexuality, otherwise they're homophobic in some way. It's not homophobic/transphobic/nonbinaryphobic/etc to be bi and we don't have to "pick a side". that's the whole point.

2. it's not "just a phase".

okay sure, there's a lot of people who identify as bi at some point in their lives and eventually come out as lesbian or gay or pan. but just because some people find other labels they are more comfortable with, doesn't mean all bi people will. not to mention, a lot of those people really do feel as though they were bi at one point. preferences change. for many, being bi is the label they identify most with, and will continue to identify with for the rest of their lives. let bi people be bi and don't pick on people for changing labels or for questioning.

3. being bi doesn't necessarily mean "liking both boys and girls"

being bi just means being attracted to two or more genders. this is a huge umbrella (one under which other sexualities such as pan and omni typically fall under) that doesn't necessarily mean just "liking both boys and girls". Some bi people aren't attracted to men at all, some aren't attracted to women at all, etc. Many bi people are attracted to non binary people, gender non conforming people, etc. the bi label means different things for different people. (personally, I find it hard to identify what I'm attracted to, but I'm more comfortable with bi than with pan or another similar label, so I stick with bi because that's what I feel fits me best)

4. you can be bi and date someone of the opposite gender.

I don't know why this is such a controversial thing, but a lot of people will pick on bi people who date people of the opposite gender in what is dubbed a "straight passing" relationship. A lot of people will then assume that those bi people are "faking" it. I see this a lot specifically with bi girls who date cis guys. If bi people were only allowed to date people of the same gender, what's the point of having the bi label??

5. you can be bi and celebrate pride

okay this one also seems like it should be obvious, but I saw a LOT of biphobia this past pride month. a lot of people saying that being bi is a phase so it doesn't count, or that if you're bi in a "straight-passing" relationship, you shouldn't bring your partner to pride events. biphobia is insanely dumb, especially coming from the lgbtq community itself. THE B STANDS FOR BI!!! WE ARE VALID!!!

conclusion.

I could make a lot of different points on this topic, but these are just a few based on what I have personally seen biphobia related to.

I'm bi. I like men, women, nonbinary people, and many other lesser-known gender identities. No, I've never dated anyone. But that doesn't make me any less bi. I'm allowed to, in the future, change my label, if I so feel like it. Right now, being bisexual is what I am most comfortable with, but it's possible that one day, through more life experience or relationships, I'll learn more about my preferences. But that doesn't make me any less bi now. And I'm allowed to celebrate pride and celebrate being bi! Blah

Happy bi awareness week to all the bi, bisexual, and biromantic people of the world! you are valid.

[clockworksteel]

Haven't really been focused on gender in a while, huh? I'd honestly like to get back to it. I feel like there's a certain spark I had in September through November that has been lost. Even if I'm still unsure of what I want, the idea that I could change things represented a certain hope for the future.

Somehow the beginning of the year is always stressful at work. That and it was the Winter months. Plus I needed to do taxes, my driver's license needs renewed and I needed to look into getting a RealID this year, and I took an extra trip to my parents' near the end of February to celebrate a family event. Visiting my parents tends to have me focusing more on exmormon things for a while. I haven't really left that mode since I'll be visiting again for Easter. Then after that I should have a break from visits until at least July 4, possibly late August since I only visit for July 4 if my brother with a July 3 birthday is going to be there, although if I don't go then I visit for one of the August birthdays.

It was an alright trip with no sudden questions about why I don't believe anymore, but I was still worried about it, especially since I intended to leave before church on Sunday instead of going with them and leaving in the afternoon, but they didn't even argue with that. Maybe since it was an unusual trip they figured I had to get back and do things. My mom did make fun of my hair within minutes of my arrival though, simply because it had been 2 months since the last haircut (a buzz-cut at the time: it's not even that long now nor was it then). Then she did it again to my oldest brother once he arrived. It makes me feel like I can't ever do anything interesting with my hair, considering I visit pretty much every 4 months, plus an extra visit for Christmas.

I have still had small random thoughts that do indicate my thinking has been changed, if only slightly. Still wearing my oversized T-shirts at every opportunity. Kinda wanting to get back into voice training a little, just in case it's needed (although there's less reason now since I finished The Knight Witch: Freedom Planet 2 is already voice acted). Thinking I should get more info on laser hair removal. Considering a few other purchases but also not really wanting to commit money to things. I also definitely had a dream about a tool that could remove leg hair without even causing pain.

I used a they/their pronoun for myself in a Youtube video. In Hollow Knight Randomizer episode 1 near the start I said "I am a fool who is trying randomized nail for their first randomizer ever." It was nice to do after having just used a he/him the previous time I'd referred to myself in third person back in Axiom Verge 2. Didn't miss the opportunity this time. Also in a Discord server I joined to do Archipelago Randomizer stuff, I have my pronouns visible as he/they, which also feels like some sort of progress on public presentation.

In trying a nonbinary identity I keep not being sure if I'm doing it right at all. It feels like either I should be identify something important besides pronouns that's different between my masculine self and nonbinary self. Or, alternatively, if I've just always been nonbinary without realizing the proper pronouns, something that would need to be different for me to be properly masculine. This whole line of thought may need deprogrammed rather than being a healthy way to think about gender though. That, and most men probably don't daydream about finding an outfit sufficiently androgynous to have random strangers think they could be a woman, then just dropping into a feminine voice and never correcting the stranger.

My notes for this post contain the phrase "She, like a computer". A cool possibility for sure. I guess one attractive thing about a feminine identity, despite the wide array of practical problems, is that at least it's a clearer target to aim for. But, uh, that only helps if it's where I'd definitely want to be.

I guess the most interesting thing to conclude these past few months is that even without visiting any transgender-related subreddits or discord servers over the past few months, this sort of stuff is still on my mind.

[epic-sorcerer]

Queer imagery in BBC Merlin

Content warning: kink/fetish, fisting in particular but I show I big image containing a long list of different kinks, homophobia, dom/sub dynamics, sex

Merlin is shown wearing a purple tunic in s4, despite the fact he is a servant and purple(especially with such saturation) was extremely expensive bc purple dye was so hard to make. Gwen also has a light purple dress(or maybe 2? It’s hard to tell). Even though it’s definitely lighter than Merlins tunic, it’s still expensive.

it was illegal for peasants to wear expensive fabrics because of the Sumptuary Law. Basically it makes sure that lower class people are not fashionable. However, BBC Merlin doesn’t seam to care about that law, considering Merlins other bright clothing so take this was a grain of salt.

Basically what I’m trying to say is that there’s no way they could have gotten their hands on these clothes without the help of nobles. Gwen might have, because she works with clothing and could have easily mixed blue and red dye together. Merlin probably not have because he’s never shown to be particularly materialistic or interested much in fashion, despite his bright clothes. Bright Purple would have been much, much harder to get.

It makes the most sense for Merlin and possibly Gwen too to have been gifted such expensive clothing by a noble for being a good servant. I’d imagine Arthur would be the one to give Merlin the tunic and morgana the dresses.

Why does this matter? Lavender(and also purple in general) was considered a queer color starting in the 19th century. Queer men especially were said to possess a “streak of lavender” and a serge of homophobia at the time was often referred to as the “Lavender Scare.” Purple and lavender is still used now to symbolize queerness.

Since Merlin is a modern interpretation of Arthurian myths, it would be perfectly plausible that this symbol was on purpose. Merlin/Arthur and Gwen/Morgana are both extremely popular ships and they are both shown to have a very deep form of trust(Gwen/Morgana being at the beginning of the show). Arthur and Morgana gifting Merlin and Gwen purple clothing could be show them they accept their queerness and/or signaling their own queer attraction to them.

Now, this next symbolism concerns only Merlin/Arthur.

Merlin is shown to have three neckerchiefs.

Navy blue, red, and light grey. Why does this matter? Well, let’s take a look at something called the handkerchief code, also known as the hanky code or “flagging.”

This code has its origins all the way back in time during the Wild West in the USA, but got more popular during the late 20th century in USA and UK gay bars. This code was used mainly by queer men and some nonbinary people to signal to other queers what they wanted sexually. While typically worn in people’s back pockets, a handkerchief could also be worn around one’s neck to show they are a versatile and experienced.

According to this code, Merlin is into;

Red: fisting and getting fisted. This color was hard to get an exact shade from, but the second best option was dark red for double fisting which is honestly so similar I’m not sure if it really matters much.

Light grey: stone topping and getting fucked by a stone top

Navy blue: fucking and being fucked anally

For any one wanting to make their own interpretations of Merlins neckerchief colors(the lighting makes it hard to tell the exact ones) have a look at this handy chart

Not only that, but Arthur is seen wearing a favour on his left arm in s3 ep 4.

What’s a favour? It’s a fabric strip of affection commonly given by maidens to knights before a tournament as a symbol of good luck. It’s often a very important scarf, hankcerchlif , towel, really any bit of cloth that can be tied around someone’s arm. This is also a popular trope in historical media for a female love interest to give a favour to a male one to show chemistry between them.

Regardless of your stance on Merlins gender identity, you have to admit how commonly Merlin is shown to be gender nonconforming(GNC) or otherwise be associated with “womanly” qualities. Especially in a society so heteronormative, the only “pure” option for a knight receiving a romantic gesture would have it be from a woman. If the token was from a queer man, it would also out the noble and cause lots of horrific chaos and destroy both of their reputations.

Even if it was common for women to give knights favours, queer men still existed and with that came romantic gestures—this time hopefully more secret.

Even though the favour on Arthur’s arm doesn’t look exactly like Merlin’s neckerchief, Merlin was the only person to speak with him while preparing for the tournament. Also, the original theorist who I linked in my sources also pointed out that Merlins neckerchief looks lopsided. Almost like Merlin tore off a bit of it and hastily tied it back on.

Although this theory is definitely flawed, it doesn’t matter. Arthur is still wearing a red handkerchief on his left arm. But what does that tell us exactly?

Regardless of wether or not it was Merlin’s, the red is the same shade and also implies Arthur is also into fisting. What about the placement? Sicne it’s on his left, it shows that he is a top/dom, meaning that he prefers to be the one fisting. Since it is worn around his upper arm, it shows that he is simply into the fetish, compared to what other placements mean. In another source, it shows taht upper arm means switch, but because Arthur is wearing it on his left it wouldn’t really make sense for him to signal being a “top-switch” compared to being a top and having the fetish in general.

If you look closely, you can see a different colored stripe on the favour. It’s hard to tell exactly what the color is, it could be yellow, gold, orange, etc. because the color is so dubious, I’ll just leave y’all with a list of color meanings that may apply to Arthur’s favour.

YELLOW: pisser/watersports kink

YELLOW, Pale: spitter/spit kink

MUSTARD: Has 8+ inch dick

GOLD: two looking for one

ORANGE: anything anytime

Also, it’s important to bring up what many in thsi fandom refer to as the “fisting scene.” Where Arthur threatens Merlin by showing him his gloved fist and pulling a bit at the glove.

In the blooper, you can see Merlin’s actor(Colin Morgan) breaking character and giggling as Arthur shows him his fist. Many in the fandom agree that this was a clear innuendo for fisting, and it is very well possible.

Merlin is shown hitting Arthur and saying he was just doing some horse play, but still indirectly convincing Arthur that he needs to teach Merlin a lesson. This is actually a common act in BDSM sex, where the submissive person purposely angers the dominant into punishing them in a way that somehow involves sex or fetish play.

If you look closely, you can see Merlin is wearing at kinky red fisting handkerchief, showing Merlin is perfectly capable of being a submissive fistee. Also, the hanky code also includes other symbols such as latex or rubber gloves that, surprise surprise, also mean fisting. Although it’s more likely Arthur’s gloves where made of leather, it can still further be interpreted as a fisting symbol if you want. Either way, Arthur’s favour still holds water as he is undoubtedly the dom in this situation.

Also, Merlin is very impulsive and a madlad. Tell me he wouldn’t wear his secret fetish symbols infrount of stuck up, Roman Catholics who are none the wiser. He’d probably think it’s hilarious which is probably why he wears them almost everyday. Merlin loves playfully misbehaving(and is also a brat sometimes) so it makes sense for him to have some dangerous fun.

Now, you may be asking. Why does this matter? At the end of the day, it probably wasn’t intentional. Well, there is alwyas room for doupt BUT I do have some ferther proof. One of the co writers of BBC Merlin—Johnny Capps—actually won a Stone Wall Award. You know, an award named after a core part of queer culture?

The award’s website and Wikipedia page say they give the award for art that describes the LGBT experience well. While I am unsure why or what Capps made to be nominated, it still shows he is very much in touch with queer culture. Capp himself even said at an interview about Merlin, “... in the end, deep, deep down it’s about sexuality and things you just can’t tackle head-on.”

Well, what says more about sexuality than the main characters fist fucking each other? That’s a lot of sexuality. While I am unsure of Capp’s age, he does look to be about middle age and it would make sense for him to know about a code popularized in a 70s to 90s. Especially for someone who has made multiple queer oriented stories in his life time.

Sources:

Why is purple considered the color of royalty?

Sumptuary law

How lavender became a symbol of LGBTQ resistance

How Lavender Became a Symbol of LGBTQ Resistance(part 2)

flagging opinicus rampant

Handkerchief code

DO YOU KNOW THE HANKY CODE?

Picspam: The Red Favour (Proof of Arthur Wearing Merlin's Favour in 3x04)

Five medieval love tokens

The Lady's Favour

Hanky codes

Nominees for Stonewall Awards announced

Merlin series 5 spoiler-free launch report

Pls reblog I spent hours on this /np 😭👊

[pastelvampyre]

okay okay okay. so.

you actually want to support trans people with more than just your words? you actually want to help us feel comfortable? you’re willing to commit to that?

i’ve got some advice for you. some places to start.

(a note: i am a gay trans man, so most of this will be things from my experiences. some may be applicable to other orientations as well, feel free to add on if you’re trans!)

1. don’t expect every trans person to “out” themselves to you 

trans people are not obligated to tell you that they’re trans at any point in their lives. this includes trans friends, trans acquaintances, and trans colleagues. often, that’s not your information to know, and it’s not your information to ask for either.

If you learn that someone is trans, treat that information as a secret unless they have explicitly told you otherwise. This goes double if they’re stealth. this isn’t your information to share to anyone else.

2. accept our pronouns and our identities without question, regardless of appearance, transition status, background, or interests 

if someone asks you to use a set of pronouns for them, or a different name (or ANY name), don’t argue with them about it if the name or pronouns don’t “match” your perception of what a person with that name or pronouns should look like.

someone being pre- or never-hormones, having interests that correspond with their birth gender, enjoying certain types of clothes that are typically associated with their birth gender, or being ok with being labelled in the past as their birth gender, are also never reasons to refuse to use someone’s correct name or pronouns.

3. don’t try and police nonbinary peoples’ perception and presentation of their genders and their orientations 

nonbinary peoples’ relationships with gender and orientation are complex. some nonbinary people don’t want to be associated with any binary gender, and some are completely fine with it, and some are ok with it but only in certain contexts. someone can identify as nonbinary but also be gay. or a lesbian.

nonbinary people can dress in any sort of way, and they can use any set of pronouns they want, even if they’re choosing to associate themselves with a label that is typically reserved for binary people.

stop telling nonbinary people what they can and can’t do. you are not the expert.

EXAMPLE: I am transmasc and nonbinary. i use both he and they pronouns. I also identify as a gay man, and I find myself attracted to cis men, binary trans men, as well as male-leaning NB people. using the label of “gay” for myself encompasses all of that. it’s not your job to tell me that I should be using another label to describe my attraction, or that I should be uncomfortable calling myself “gay” because I am also nonbinary.

4. accept it when a trans person tells you that something is transphobic instead of fighting with them. spread that information too (but be wary of speaking over us) 

if a trans person tells you that something is transphobic, don’t argue with them. trans people are the experts on things that are transphobic, not cis people.

try not to get upset when someone tells you that something you said or did is transphobic. this includes guilt tripping, gaslighting, other emotional abuse tactics, claiming that you’re the victim, and saying things like “I have trans friends who are fine with it!” you’re not helping your case. try and listen as respectfully as you can.

EXAMPLE: if I, a trans person, tell you that [x thing] is transphobic, and you respond with “I can’t be transphobic, I have trans friends!” or “oh well now I’m the bad guy” or “no way, I’d never be transphobic”, that’s not good. your only response should be “oh, I’m sorry. how can I improve?”

5. don’t expect us to constantly be educating you on trans issues 

surprise surprise, trans people have lives too! sometimes we want to think about things other than being trans! and expecting us to constantly provide emotional labour to you and constantly be your educators is exhausting. trans people (including your trans friends) don’t exist solely to educate you, and expecting us to constantly be ready to debate or explain is unfair.

6. think critically about what types of ideas and phrases might be accidentally transphobic 

When you’re sharing information or talking about things common to the gay community, stop and reflect on whether it could be accidentally exclusionary to trans people. if you’ve said or done something that could fall under this category, apologize and avoid it in the future.

EXAMPLE: it’s a very common thing to state that being gay means there’s no risk of accidental pregnancies (especially when talking about the “benefits” of being gay). as a gay trans man who still has the capacity to get accidentally pregnant, this makes me uncomfortable. these types of statements unconsciously exclude trans people from certain communities.  

7. don’t assume that your friends are trans-inclusive, even if they claim to be 

someone can claim that they’re trans-inclusive, parrot the most basic of trans-inclusive statements, and then continue to spout transphobic rhetoric uncritically. a person claiming to be trans-inclusive doesn’t automatically mean that they are actually using their words and actions to prove it.

if you want to be around trans-inclusive cis people, you need to look past them claiming that they’re trans-inclusive. what do their words and actions indicate?

EXAMPLE: a person can say that they are trans-inclusive and say that gay trans men are men. however, if they’re also claiming that being a gay man is equal to attraction to penises, and that no gay man would ever want to touch a vagina, they are spouting transphobic rhetoric.

(another note: people are allowed to have preferences. people are allowed to prefer certain types of genitalia. however, making generalizations about a group of people based on your own personal experiences is when you cross the line to being transphobic)

8. call out people who do any of the above things. don’t leave all the work to us 

don’t expect trans people to be the only ones calling out transphobia! it’s a lot of work on our shoulders if cis people aren’t going to help us. work with us to dismantle transphobia.

[guiltyidealist]

What does bi lesbian mean? /gen

If you’re bi, doesn’t that make you not a lesbian?

Unless you’re lesbian in romance department and bi in sexual department and vice versa

Sorry 😅

**For the purposes of this explanation, when I say "bi", I am going to mean "attracted to both men and women" with no reference to nonbinary people or other mspec identities. I am also going to use "male" and "female" as biological sex terms, which are reductive and used transphobically in this context. Please forgive me-- using these definitions and having this disclaimer about it is the simplest way for me to explain harmful rhetoric without having to make it any more confusing.**

**Additionally, I am neither a lesbian nor a bi woman, and I do not intend to speak over the voices of wlw with this post. I am explaining queer history and also echoing the voices of wlw with cited sources. Please listen to wlw about wlw issues.**

It can mean a number of things for different people, as I've seen different people have different reasons! The first example I always think of is biromantic homosexual and homoromantic bisexual gals. Some are bi women who are mostly attracted to women. Others are bi women who simply prioritize their attraction to women, similarly to how I consider myself cypric/nln but not trixic/nlw or toric/nlm despite being equally attracted to any gender. Still other bi women may use it if they are attracted to women and nbys but not guys. Many use it simply because it's queer history!

Back in the day, "lesbian" was never distinguished as meaning "woman exclusively attracted to women," but rather was used like we now use wlw. It's historically acceptable for bi women to call themselves lesbians.

The biggest reason "lesbian" came to be known as "woman exclusively attracted to women" is because of a r_df_m movement of lesbian separatism, which shames bi girls for liking guys. All the posi posts about how it's not awful or disgusting or bad to like guys, especially targeted toward bi girls? Yeah, the need for these arises from lesbian separatism.

Additional examples of the lesbian separatism rhetoric include but aren't limited to:

The "g_ld star lesbian" notion

Excluding bi women from wlw/sapphic spaces

Barring bi women from using the terms "butch" and "femme" as well as "lesbian" and even "sapphic"

Condemning lesbians who are attracted/open/inclusive to trans women, calling them traitors and bisexuals (the latter of which is an offense in context but not inherently)

At the core, this is rooted in the well-known r_ddie belief that males are inherently evil and abusive, that male/female relationships are consequentially always abusive and imbalanced, that heterosexual relationships are consequentially always wrong cannot be healthy. Therefore, every female "available" (attracted) to "abusers" (males) should feel guilty and ashamed of said attraction and should avoid it at all costs, instead striving to seek relationships with women or have none at all.

This unfortunately is not only gender essentialist and biologically essentialist, but it is also reminiscent of conversion therapy advocacy ("everyone attracted to ____ should be ashamed and should work to overcome it") and, consequentially, eugenics (genocide precursor) and fascism. It is also worth noting that "men are inherently bad" is "boys will be boys" with stronger wording and excuses male entitlement, misogyny, and other elements of rape culture. It is not the only r_df_m notion that perpetuates rape culture.

Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Please see sources 4 and 5 in particular.

Discoursing in the notes will get you instantly blocked. Asking questions is different from questioning challengingly.

[n7punk]

Hi! I’m really sorry, I know it’s not your job to educate me, but there’s something I’ve always wanted to know and google isn’t exactly giving me a definite answer, so I thought I’d ask someone who’s living it firsthand. What does nonbinary lesbian mean? I mean, obviously I know what being nonbinary is, but what exactly determines if someone is a nonbinary lesbian or a nonbinary gay or a nonbinary straight. I definitely have a long way to go in terms of educating myself about gender but I’m not really sure where to really start

this has sat in my inbox for 3 weeks because I needed energy to answer it, but I'm finally here. Notes: 1) This is my answer for how I personally use nonbinary lesbian and not an attempt to say "this is exactly what all nb lesbians are". 2) I use "nb" for nonbinary rather than "enby" because enby feels infantilizing to me (maybe because it's more cutesy, idk) so I don't like to use it for myself. 3) Trans/cis are modifiers added onto genders and when I refer to a gender, I am referring to the people with that gender regardless of if they are cis or not. 4) This is using western standards of gender and not necessarily inclusive of all gender identities, especially those from other cultures. 5) I'm mostly going to be talking about gay/lesbian when it comes to sexuality because that's what the question is about and this is already long. 6) I know you said you know what nb is, but I still have to establish the scale first.

You'll often hear gender referred to as a gradient in the lgbtq community, with man on one end and woman on the other. Because it is more descriptive, I prefer to use a quadrant gradient scale (pictured above) with the corners representing man (upper left), multi and other genders (upper right), no gender/agender (lower left), and woman (lower right). A person's gender is a point somewhere in the square, while genderfluidity roams around it. Everything but the labeled opposite corners for man and woman is a nonbinary gender. This is how I personally think of & feel gender, but for the sake of simplicity, let's use the single line scale for this post, just because its easier to refer to and boils down to pretty much the same thing when it comes to attraction.

The line gradient gender scale: Man----A----Woman.

A nonbinary lesbian usually has their gender fall on the right half of this gradient (the pink zone, edging into purple) and is attracted to other people whose gender is on the right side. Flip that for an nb gay, with their gender and attraction both falling in the left half/blue zone.

Sexualities don’t (or shouldn’t) exclude nonbinary people who are within their corresponding sides of the scale and the narrative otherwise was invented and pushed by transphobes trying to exclude a portion of the trans community (some nb people consider themselves trans, others don't, though technically all nonbinary genders fall under the trans umbrella. What you use to refer to yourself is about what makes you personally comfortable and no option is the "right" answer).

The closer to the middle of the scale your gender is, the harder it can be to identify your sexuality since they are often defined by your gender. In this case, you may define your own sexuality based on the gender you feel closest to, or based on your assigned sex (especially if you realized your sexuality before your gender and thus found a community with others who identify based on it). It's also quicker to say "I'm an nb lesbian" than something like "I'm agender but I'm exclusively attracted to women and based on my biology and/or gender presentation, women who are attracted to other women are the most likely to reciprocate my advances and have shared life experiences with me".

personal stuff beneath the cut.

lesbians often have a complicated relationship with gender. there's a reason the femme-butch scale exists. for me, I am nonbinary because I only partially identify with "woman" and am transmasculine. my presentation is fluid, going from femme to masc or butch depending on the day. I have tried a variety of gender labels before settling on the ambiguous “nonbinary” (at least for now). I'm exclusively attracted to women, so that makes me a lesbian.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: my gender is lesbian. it's sapphic love and the rejection of the binary in the pursuit of happiness. it's rejecting the role of womanhood and choosing to instead perform aspects of gender - femininity and masculinity - outside of the binary, embodying those concepts and not their associated genders of woman and man.

[rjalker]

Hi, so I am so sorry if this bothers you but I thought you might be the right person to ask. I am so so SO confused on the whole mspec lesbians discourse. And the bi and pan and other lesbians. What does it mean? Is it like a split attraction model thing? Or something else entirely? Thanks a lot if you want to explain and trust me, this is completely genuine i truly have no idea what’s it all about

It's no problem at all!

I've made a few posts answering this before, so I'll link them here. 1, 2, 3, 4

I don't blame you for being confused, exclusionists go out of their way to lie about what it is so that they can make people angry!

First off, to get the most common lie exclusionists tell out of the way:

Mspec means "multi-spectrum", aka, "attracted to more than one gender".

Mspec is an umbrella term that encompasses bi, pan, poly, omni, and any other multi-gender attraction labels!

Mspec lesbians are simply lesbians who are attracted to more than one gender!

And as exclusionists try to force everyone to forget because they're transphobes, nonbinary people are not women. If you are attracted to women and nonbinary people, you are attracted to more than one gender.

Exclusionists are transphobes, though, so they keep insisting that "being attracted to women and nonbinary people doesn't mean you're attracted to more than one gender" because they are equating nonbinary people with women, almost certainly because the hypothetical nonbinary people the exclusionists are imagining are AFAB.

It's literally just transphobia.

Anti-mspec lesbian (and note that they almost entirely focus their harassment on mspec lesbians, not mspec gays, because these people are blatantly misogynists and they know targeting lesbians in particular would be easier than going after all mspec gay people) people are equating sex with gender, and since they think there are only two sexes, that must mean there are only two genders, and to make themselves sound like good people, they say "lesbian attraction has always included nonbinary people!" while they're lumping nonbinary people in with "women".

Mspec lesbians can use the split attraction model (romantic attraction to some genders, sexual attraction to others, other forms of attraction, ect), or they may just be more attracted to some genders than others.

In the end it just means that they're a lesbian who is attracted to more than one gender. This does not inherently mean they're attracted to men, because nonbinary people exist, and there are countless nonbinary genders, but even if an mspec lesbian is attracted to men, there's literally nothing wrong with that.

Mspec people are allowed to call themselves gay, and they're allowed to call themselves lesbians. The only reason "Lesbian" is seen as such an exclusive term while gay isn't is because of literal TERFs and lesbian separatists who think men are evil and inherently dangerous.

People are repeating literal TERF rhetoric and trying to pretend that it's okay for them to do it because reasons, even as they are actively being transphobic and erasing nonbinary people.

There's also the part where the majority of people who identify as an mspec lesbian or as mspec gay are also trans, but exclusionists don't care about that, all they care about is attacking people.

Their favorite talking point is that mspec lesbians are the reason men assault lesbians, and if I have to explain why victim blaming that is literally quoting the same exact shit misogynistic men say is bad, there's just no hope. If you argue that women who are attracted to men (which, as a reminder, is literally not what mspec means) are the reason men assault women, you are a misogynist and a rape-apologist, even if you try to dress your argument up as progressive and friendly.

It's once again misogyny, and once again TERF rhetoric, since part of their whole thing is that men are inherently dangerous and predatory and women who are attracted to them get what they deserve.

Lesbian has always included mspec lesbians. You can literally find art and poems and comics and newspaper articles about mspec lesbians from history. I've relogged several, so if I find them, I'll edit the links into this post.

Oh, just found one of them, here you go. The comic is from 1999, and there are poems from the 70s that I can't find at the moment.

TLDR: Exclusionists are being transphobic, victim blaming, repeating TERF rhetoric, and erasing queer history so that they can attack people who have literally always existed and aren't hurting anyone, because they have nothing better to do with their time.

Please feel free to add on more info if I forgot anything.

Exclusionists don't interact at all, you will literally just be blocked and reported.

[bappledilk]

My orientation/gender!

Moving on from some of the heavy topics that took place here yesterday… time to fully embrace who I am, and share it with the world!  Here is a full list of my orientations and genders!  I hope it can make someone else as happy as it makes me.

Omniromantic

“Omniromantic is an orientation defined as the romantic attraction to all genders, though gender often still plays a role in one's attraction. Some individuals who identify as omniromantic may have a preference to which gender they feel most attracted to. For others they may be equally attracted to all genders, but they may feel the act of being attracted to one gender feels different than the act of being attracted to another gender. They might also find certain traits only attractive in certain genders.”

I am omniromantic!  It admittedly took me a long time to figure this one out. For a while, I thought I was bisexual, then demisexual/panromantic, now I’ve finally figured out who I really am.  Greyasexual, and omniromantic!  Out of all the multiple-gender-attraction labels… biromantic, panromantic, polyromantic, etc… I truly feel like this one describes me exactly.  I am romantically attracted to all genders, however, I am not gender-blind and gender does play a pretty big role in my attraction.  There are different things I like in each gender!

Greyasexual

“Gray-asexual,[21] also known as graysexual or gray-A,[21][22][23][24] is an asexual identity characterized as being "in between" asexual and allosexual; that is, being asexual while also able to experience, or have experienced previously, sexual attraction.[21] People who identify as gray-asexual may experience sexual attraction that is uncommon for the individual, may only be directed toward specific people,[25] occurs infrequently, at low intensity, or in an ambiguous way.[5][26] The term is often included in the asexual spectrum.[27]”

I am greyasexual!  And it’s not too complicated either, I understand exactly where I fall on the ace spectrum.  I am almost exactly like the demisexual label’s description, however, there are minor differences between me and that label.  Because of those minor differences, I consider myself greyasexual instead.  Sometimes I may introduce myself as “demisexual” to new people, to avoid any confusion, but I never use the demisexual pride flag to represent myself.  This is my flag, this is me!

Non-binary

“Non-binary, sometimes written as nonbinary, is a term referring to individuals whose gender identity does not exclusively fall into the binary gender classification of only "man" or "woman." Those who are non-binary may identify with either masculinity or femininity in some capacity, both, or neither at all.[2] Although it is a gender identity on its own, it can also be used as an umbrella term to refer to many gender identities.[3] While non-binary is included in the transgender umbrella, not all non-binary people identify as transgender.[4]”

I am non-binary!  This is what I introduce myself as to most people, so I don’t confuse the hell out of them with all the specifics, lol.  If I had to put my gender on a “scale”… weighing what percentages I am, I’d say that I’m 30% feminine, 50% agender/xenogender, and 20% fluid.  That may not be exact, of course… but it’s just an estimate of how I feel the vast majority of the time.  Despite the percentages, I still get really dysphoric when someone uses very feminine phrases for me.  As for my AFAB body, I go through phases of loving it, tolerating it, or hating it.  Depends on the day.

Demifaer

“Demifaer is a gender which is partially static and partially fluid. The fluid part of the gender fluctuates between identities which are never fully male, however, they can be masculine, partially male, or male-aligned. The static part of the gender is undefined, and can be anything, so it varies from individual to individual.”

To pinpoint exactly where I fall on the non-binary spectrum, I’d say “demifaer” describes me the most accurately, out of everything I’ve found!  As I stated before, 30% feminine, 50% agender/xenogender, and 20% fluid.  This label kinda sums that up into a more simple term.  As for percentages between my xenogenders, I feel them all equally and can’t put that on a scale personally.  They’re ordered first identified > last identified.

Ageregender

“Ageregender is an umbrella term for those whose gender either entirely, partially, or temporarily changes when they regress. It can be used regardless of gender modality; however, it is exclusive for age regressors.”

I am ageregender!  This means that my gender partially changes when I age regress!  This is one of the reasons I’m 20% fluid.  When I’m big, I’m more androgynous, but when I’m little, I’m more feminine!  I heavily associate femininity with my childhood, so I think that’s why this happens?  I actually don’t know, that’s just my theory about it for now.

Genderfluff

“Genderfluff, also known as fluffgender, is an aesthetigender that is light, soft and fluffy or related to fluffiness or fluffy things. It can make one feel warm and fuzzy inside. It could also mean having an attachment to pastel femininity, as well as fluffiness. Fluffiness includes fluffy pillows or plushies as well.”

I am genderfluff!  Here’s where things get a little weird, at least for those who aren’t already really familiar with xenogenders.  It’s hard to describe, but whenever I see something fluffy or soft, I’m just immediately like… “This is a part of me.  This is a part of who I am.” and it’s the strangest feeling ever.  It just feels like… it is my gender.  I feel it the most with stuffed animals, but also soft/fluffy animals, blankets, clouds, and more.  Animals include, but are not limited to… kittens, bunnies, puppies, sheep, and cows.

Milkibubblic

“Milkibubblic is an aesthetigender related to childishness, pastel blue and blowing bubbles in milk. It is a soft, sweet, gentle gender.”

I am milkibubblic!  This relates to all kinds of milk, not just cow milk.  Examples include but are not limited to chocolate milk, strawberry milk, vanilla milk, goat milk, sheep milk, coconut milk, cashew milk, almond milk, and oat milk.  Not just that, but the bubbles too?  This is definitely me, ever since I was 2 years old.  My username is bappledilk for a reason, hehehe.

Genderwinged

“Genderwinged is a gender that feels like a pair of wings, always attached to one's body and behind them. This may be affected by phantom wings, but not always. Ways to describe this gender can be light, fluttery, feathered, inhuman and weighted.”

I am genderwinged!  Well, at least I think I am, lol…  Admittedly, I’m not as sure about this one as the others.  I’ve been questioning it for a while, but I’m not necessarily sure?  My wings are definitely a very important part of my identity, but does that include my gender too?  I don’t 100% know yet.  I’m trying this label out to see how I feel about it.  Take this one with a grain of salt.

Genderplated

“Genderplated is a gender related to the scales (also known as plates) of various creatures, mythical or not.  Examples include but are not limited to reptiles, dragons, and fish.  This gender may feel soft, shiny, light, flexible, and strong.  Someone who is genderplated may be otherkin, but it’s not a requirement.”

And finally, we have the gender I coined!  I am genderplated!  I was searching for a gender label related to reptiles, both real/mythical, and I didn’t feel fulfilled by anything I found.  I found some that were almost right, but not exactly.  After my lack of success in finding a label, I coined my own.  Specifically, related to the scales on various creatures, including mythical reptiles such as dragons.  It also includes fish!  This one is probably the weirdest on this list, but it’s definitely me.

Disclaimer:  All labels have wiki pages somewhere, as demonstrated by the various links… except for the last 2!

So, that’s all!  That’s a part of my identity.  I’m really scared to post this, as I’ve kept it a secret from the public for quite a while now… but I think it’s finally time I rip that bandaid off and put it out there, because hiding it for this long is honestly really tiring, haha…  It seemed to work out with my otherkinity, so I’m hoping it will work out with my gender too.  :’)

I hope you found it interesting or learned something that helped you!  Thank you so much if you read all of this and goodbye!

[sonofanumbranwitch]

LGBT+ Headcanons for the Phantom Thieves

So I beat the final and post game bosses for Persona 5 Strikers yesterday so to celebrate I want to make a post I’ve wanted to do for a while now. I’m always of the mind that anything can be improved by making it gayer so I have my whole set of LGBT headcanons for the Phantom Thieves. Because the idea of rebellious LGBT kids fighting the evils of society speak to me on a near religious level.

1. So I am very much a “I am Joker” kind of role-player. So my Joker, like me, is gay. He is very much in love with a certain lovable blond beef cake on the team. And he hates it when a lovely lady confesses to him and he can’t just tell them that so they don’t blame themselves when he has turn them down. “YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL I SWEAR! I’M JUST A RAGING HOMOSEXUAL!”

2. Both Ryuji and Ann are Chaotic Bisexual tm. Ryuji definitely prefers girls, but he’s really attracted to anyone he thinks is pretty, like Joker. He’s shows his affection through physical touch mostly. Sitting next to Joker with an arm around him, casually resting his head on his shoulder. ALL OF THE CUDDLES! Ann prefers girls as well but she’s not opposed to relationships with men. That being said she is in a very committed relationship with her girlfriend Shiho. That “I love you” on top of the roof was actually a confession and I do not take criticism on this.

3. Yusuke is a transman. One of the things that really interests me about Yusuke is his expression of masculinity. His arcana is The Emperor which is usually associate with masculine qualities and Yusuke expresses his in a very loud but still soft way, so it made for an interesting idea to have him be trans showing there is no “right way” to project masculinity. He came out really young and this was one of those instances where Madarame shows he wasn’t a complete dirtbag by actually being supportive of Yusuke, and even helping him go on hormones and receive top surgery when he wanted it. If someone tries to misgender Yusuke the rest of the thieves practically have to be restrained. Haru definitely pulls out her axe and just stands there with a smile on her face that says, “misgender my friend again, and I’m going to identify as a problem.”

4. Makoto and Haru are the hard and soft lipstick lesbian couple of the group. They invoke a lot of Ruby and Sapphire energy, in that almost nothing gets done on their own because they’re too busy being wholesome and flirty with each other. When they started dating, after Haru broke off her engagement, Sugimura showed up on one of their dates enraged. He tried to grab Haru, and Makoto was not having any of that. She punched him so hard he lost a couple of teeth. When he ran away, Haru was just so overwhelmed with how hot Makoto was in that moment she just kissed her there for the first time and Makoto brain shut down for a few seconds.

5. I was going to have Futaba be asexual but there is, weirdly, a lot of dialogue where she is fascinated with Ann’s chest… so instead she’s a nonbinary lesbian. As far as pronouns Futaba doesn’t really have a preference. If she was really pushed, she’d say “either she/her or they/them, but whatever”. The hang-ups concerning gender just don’t interest them, so whatever you use they are pretty chill either way. But they do love some pretty girls, particularly red heads.

6. Goro is a trash-sexual. He identifies as trash, lived as trash, and died as trash.

7.Sumire is asexual however. She’s not really sex repulsed per say she just doesn’t feel interest in it. If her partner wanted to she could no problem but she would always prefer grabbing something to eat instead.

8. Sophia does lost of research to try and figure out where her connection to gender and sexuality lie. After doing a lot of soul searching on the matter she determines she is demisexual. She doesn’t really experience physical attraction until she develops a strong emotional attachment to someone.

9. Zenkichi has been around, lets just say. He’s a bisexual man, but he was never really able to act on his attraction to men when he was younger. And he thinks he might be past the point of dating given his career. The other thieves aren’t having this since they can see he wants to form a connection with someone, and also thinks Akane needs another parent in her life seeing at how busy he is. So he starts dating again, this time going to a few men only events to explore that aspect of himself more. Akane just tells him to find someone who makes him happy.

[spookyvalentine]

1 4 5 7 13 17 25 33 48 57 85 for mercy!

1. What is their gender?

mercy is nonbinary--specifically, agender! they are a genderless ungendered 6’ 2” void of gender. 

the shelter that took mercy in as a baby--and the fosters they’d been bounced around in as a child--never referred to mercy as anything other than they/them, maybe from some sort of ‘let the kid self-determine’ thing that’s way more common in the future (and, also, it’s a little easier for the adults to be impersonal? There’s just. A lot of kids)

4. Do they have any siblings? How many? Are they older or younger?  Which sibling are they the closest with?

no siblings. at least, none by blood that they know about. once, mercy thought that maybe, maybe, they might have... but it's too late now.

mercy and kasumi are practically siblings

5. What’s their relationship with their parents like? What about other relatives?

no parents or relatives to speak of, either. their most stable part of their childhood was brief, nearly two years. they were fostered by the henry's (royann and jo ellen). unbeknownst to mercy, the henry's had an adoption appeal that was denied after mercy is sent to juvie for the second time--and never sees them again. 

anderson is eventually, basically, dad-adjacent 

7. Are they in a romantic relationship? With who? How did they meet?

thane :’)

the only thing really tali remembers about being there meeting thane was the face mercy made after he dropped out of the ceiling, because she’d never seen them react like that to a person before

some of the crew are in frustrated tears about it like oh god make out already please shepard you know you’re flirting with him right you’re just beaming at the man while in his space and staring at his mouth, get a grip, and he’s just as bad,

kasumi just starts banging her head on the counter bc when the fuck are they going to get it and also mercy show some self-control you just can’t eyefuck like that in public

it... takes a while for things to click for mercy

13. What do they do for fun?

exploring as a tourist, not as a soldier. 

produce markets, botanical gardens, natural wonders, museums, street food vendors... there’s just so much life and mercy wants to soak it all in. they like popping into secondhand stores and combing through all the little trinkets and finding things for the people they love (anderson has a curio cabinet of glass figurines that mercy’s sent him over the years on assignments. he likes to think most of them were purchased)

one of their favorite things, though, is to go through music collections--the way it feels to thumb the old physical copies in decorated sleeves and flick through the orange glow of vid files, sit in a really good chair, and just listen. recently, on sleepless nights, they’ve been going through their own library with edi--an experiment in forming opinion. they don’t go to big concerts, but they really delight in live music performances 

also hack into collection agencies and erase medical debts 

17. Where were they born?

really cant be said for certain, but they were found and raised alongside the bayous and coastlines of the mississippi river. at fourteen, they were sent to a secured juvenile facility in new orleans, which started their new life in a metropolis

25. What is their biggest flaw?

it’s not their biggest flaw, but A flaw (the only one that is readily coming to mind) is that they only use One Pistol and it drives everyone insane even though they’ve always had the right amount of bullets in the end, chill y’all 

i’ll need to think on what their Big Flaw is some more, but i dont to hold up the rest of my answers as i ponder it

33. What is their biggest fear? How would they react to having to face it?

going for another simple answer here for now. i wanna say they watched some zombie movies too young. so seeing the husks, and how that mindless, awful, not-even-allowed-to-be-dead type of continued violence can happen to them and anyone else they know? not a fan. flinging that shit as far away as possible, thank you

48. Do they have any tattoos? What are the stories behind those tattoos?

they had tattoos, before cerberus rebuilt them. 

mercy got a couple pieces for their sixteenth and seventeeth birthdays. sorry for being vague! this is something that's gonna be talked about in the next chapter i'm gonna post, and it’ll have pictures :)

lil spoiler: larger than you're thinkin

57. How do they feel about sex? Are they a virgin?

for nearly all of their life, their sexuality has been I AM BUSY 

therefore, romantic and physical liaisons... haven't happened. once, mercy asked garrus if he thought liara and kaidan were into each other because they were constantly asking them about the other, and didn’t understand why he spat up his beer. mercy’s experienced aesthetic attraction to people before, sure, plenty of times, but neither sexual desire nor romantic feelings was a formula their brain needed to compute til now, here, in their thirties.

they’re not like, weirdly naive or anything. they grew up on the streets and was in the marines--it was just something other people did.

but fuck. fuck!!! things, HA, well, they change (i have written a porn(s) lord if you were kind strike me down)

85. Do they believe in ghosts?

when you’re grown alongside the wild in old, slow places, how can you not?

[mint-chocolatey-chip]

hi im the op of that post u rbed. im down to answer any questions you might have. im not saying to separate lesbianism from women at all. im saying that not every lesbian is a woman so referring to lesbians as women as a whole excludes lesbians who arent women. that doesnt mean stuff like the double venus symbol/the term wlw/the phrase lesbians and bi women are wrong. im just saying dont generalize an entire groups gender based on their sexuality. (1/2)

lesbians are a diverse group and all of us deserve to be included in discussions about lesbianism and positivity posts about lesbianism so i was just asking people to use more inclusive language. 2) i definitely include amab people who identify as lesbians. 3) bigender nonbinary people are still nonbinary. even if theyre comfortable w the term man they still aren't a binary man therefore they can absolutely be a lesbian. (2/3) (sorry, i underestimated how many asks this would take)

and 4) idk about the gay men thing. i personally have seen people talk about how nonbinary people who are exclusively attracted to men and nby people should absolutely be allowed in spaces for gay men, however i'm not that involved in the mlm community seeing as i'm a lesbian. all i can say about this topic is that the reason i'm bringing nonbinary lesbians up is bc im a nonbinary lesbian myself and i'm tired of being invalidated (3/3)

Thank you for being civil despite my challenging your post, I really appreciate it! Like I said I am conflicted about all of this, because I do understand not identifying as a woman while being a lesbian on an individual level. And I also think it’s important to consider diversity when talking about a community. Plus, I also know that “who is a lesbian” is something that unfortunately varies between people. I’ve heard the definition of lesbian being:

Women exclusively attracted to women

Binary women exclusively attracted to binary women

Cis women exclusively attracted to cis women

AFAB people exclusively attracted to AFAB people

Non-men attracted exclusively to non-men

Anyone except binary men who are attracted to anyone except binary men (this includes nonbinary men and people who are both binary men AND nonbinary or women)

Women attracted to women

Non-men who are NOT attracted to men (attraction to women not required)

Women who chose not to date men

There might be more but I can’t remember them at the moment. Some are very fringe and I’ve only seen it once or twice.

My point with that is that really no matter how you talk about lesbians you’re going to alienate some people who identify as lesbians. So like:

Lesbians are women (i personally include the usage of “women who love women” in this because it is literally calling lesbians women)

Lesbians love women (again, wlw)

Lesbians are not men

Lesbians are AFAB

Lesbians are binary women

And so on...

I get how a post that says something like LESBIANS ARE WOMEN can be alienating to lesbians who aren’t women but identify somewhere close to womanhood, but I fail to see how the term “wlw” is much better than that.

And I have to mention bi women here too. People like to act as if bi women are worlds different than lesbians, and yes the two groups do have different experiences, but they overlap a LOT. Lesbians are made to feel like they aren’t real women because of heteronormativity, but bi women are as well. There is a dimension missing (lack of attraction to men) but being attracted to other women is definitely something that can make a woman feel like she is doing gender wrong. And unfortunately, there is no way to separate bi women from the term woman like there is with “lesbian.” Bi women are sort of forced to either embrace their label as women or reject it entirely and go with nonbinary — you can’t say “don’t generalize bi women as being women!!!” Even though bi women are just as capable of having difficulty identifying as women as lesbians. But we still recognize that there is a difference between a wlw who doesn’t identify as a woman and an agender person. And even that seems like an impossibility — a woman who doesn’t identify as a woman.

I just think that if we’re going to start setting rules such as “don’t refer to lesbians as women” then we need to go all the way and examine the phrase “women who love women” plus recognize that bi women are in this struggle as well. Truly, I think it is easier for nonbinary wlw to just accept that they are women in a sense, because otherwise they can’t be women who love women, and not get offended when someone refers to wlw as women (which is literally what happens by using the phrase wlw).

And perhaps accepting that they’re NOT women/wlw could be easier as well, being a nonbinary person who loves women is a beautiful thing and we would love to welcome you into the trixic label. Honestly, I think a lot more people would identify as nblw if we were more visible and accepted.

[smalltragedy]

* brigette lundy-paine, nonbinary + they/them | you know kirby wormwood, right? they’re twenty five, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, two weeks? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to ring ring by mika like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole balancing acts at perilous heights destined to entertain, jack of all trades master of none, refusal to accept the mortal world as it is thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is december 1st, so they’re a sagittarius, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them )

hllo welcome 2 my third character i love them a lot theyre a. remake of an older oc of mine so this is fun <3 sdfhk anyways once again i am asking u. pleathe like if u wld like to plot.

ARSON TW

mini playlist.

wizard ;; lucas lex / ring ring ;; mika / crows ;; clues / sunrise sunset ;; bright eyes / la llorona ;; beirut / no children ;; the mountain goats / might be love ;; the pesky snakes / sax in the city ;; let’s eat grandma.

statistics.

full name: kirby wormwood (currently).

nickname(s): magpie.

birthday: december 1st, 1995.

zodiac: sagittarius sun, aries moon, libra ascending.

mbti & temperament: estp & improvisor / sanguine.

label: the hellion.

hometown: abilene, texas.

sexuality: bisexual.

pinterest.

biography.

alright lets get right into it. kirby ws switched at birth. they cld’ve hd a very like. picket fence trampoline in the backyard. 4 columns cos its texas n it feels right. bt instead they were chosen <3 somewhat unintentionally <3 by dorothea n fawley wormwood, two traveling circus workers who emergency stopped in abilene.

n u know what. growing up in st. pierre’s traveling circus ws kinda fkn awesome? like ok. besides the fact tht they were homeschooled fr like evr n there were a sparing amt of children 2 socialize with? it ws p cool idk.

it ws kinda like everybody ws their parent n also not at all bc they were all very casual. bt they grew up learning hw 2 maintain the circus (n also like. normal school thingz bt i dnt think kirby hs ever cared abt school like ever) n whenever they hd a show kirby wld facepaint or handle tickets until they were old enough 2 start learning like. the Real fun things. 

fawley hd a lot of his own weird odd little like superstitions n beliefs n practically raised kirby on them like n they dnt rly <3 make a lot of sense. lots of made up philosophy. very much like. nothing defines u. u cn b anything or anyone. n kirby ws like ok cool. n then developed a god complex.

names didnt rly stick 2 kirby when they were a kid like. nothing satisfied them or felt worthy fr them or simply they just. got tired of a name. this isnt related 2 them being nonbinary BUT it did help ease some of the. pressure of exploring gender identity. theyve only hd one name tht stuck genuinely n tht ws magpie n. thts bc everybody hd their own bird name n it felt very. like community. like a role. usually the names they used during performances bt. anyways KFHDSGLKKHL

theyre Kirby bt answers 2 most. neutral nouns.

honestly. they were also a rascal as a youth. ws like. oh. i learned sleight of hand? cool. time 2 pick pockets. wld throw popcorn into the hair of other kids n b like. omggg what was that ... became a mime fr a year. it ws a rigorous training.

now a master of charades. bt anyways. they traveled pretty much weekly, maybe bimonthly n sometimes just pure monthly. there wsn’t an off season fr them, when the colder months came they’d travel south and when summer rolled in they’d go right back up again. it ws easy to switch personas almost daily n just. never reveal ur true self. totally not saying tht’s what kirby did bt thts what they did. it nvr made them lose sight of themselves it ws more like. acting. tricking ppl fr fun. 

anyways all good things come 2 an end and when kirby ws like. 18. they were like hey ur old enough that we cn trust u with fire. we think. n they started 2 learn fire-throwing n like. they were ok at it bt lessons were painfully slow n kirby ws like. i wld b so good at this if i cld do it all the time. n it ws like. hey kirby, chill. u already know a lot of things.

arson tw // u see where this is going. tents are kind of flammable. kirby ws unsupervised. bad decisions all around. circus is aflame. all the animals n all the circus workers got out fine bt like. st. pierre’s ws efficiently out of business. arson end of tw //

n kirby fkn booked it they just. ran. pure fear. nvr looked back which is like super traitorous of them 2 do bt. sometimes they meet up in secret like. sunglasses n all at a coffee shop. not all of them just like. fawley or someone else. theyre like. ur family u cld burn down a thousand circuses n we’d still love u. n kirby is like yeah i know bt i’ve rly committed to the bit now. n they dnt reunite.

anyways. since then kirby hs just been. a traveler. nvr rly staying anywhere fr super long n driving around in their shitty little van tht’d been used as housing back at st. pierre’s.

they’re in irving n theyve been there fr almost. suspiciously long. compared 2 their average stays. when asked abt what they do or why theyre there theyll just. give a vague answer or spin a long tale tht usually involves a burning circus.

theyre staying at uh. abernathy creek rn bc of course they r they fit in so naturally. welcomed with wide arms. might b soul searching rn might b on the hunt fr their birth parents might b just vibing ... whose to say ..

personality & facts.

has a Big personality tht attracts others fr better or fr worse. either super likeable or the most despicable person on the earth. no in betweens. n honestly tht is a talent in itself

has no off button is constantly. spinning tales or performing a dance or getting kicked out of bars fr whatever nonsense reason. 

honestly they prob think tht nothing bad cn ever happen to them even tho like. bad has literally happened 2 them before? love the optimism here. KLFGDLKFSDHGF

acts a bit like u’ve known them fr ur entire life they r oddly warm in tht way bt they themself r so distant tht its like. oh nice ok ...

both honest n yet dishonest like. yes they will hustle u out of ur money bt they will also tell u their opinion straight up. 

probably smart bt they r just like. prime thembo? flowy pirate shirts n cropped tshirts n pants tht r never tight. dresses like they do still work n live at a circus. 

likes 2 instigate things between others n then stand back n just watch it happen while taking like zero accountability. loves a good small town drama. avid milf hunter.

does not hv any faith in the american healthcare system at all n will straight up refuse 2 go 2 a hospital if they get hurt theyre like. i cn do it myself im like practically a professional. they r not a professional. 

bt does hv like. a thing abt apples. fkn loves them. 

uuuhhh cn play instruments bt all very badly. only knows one (1) song tht isnt made up n its wonderwall by oasis. they play it at parties. they expect fr tomatoes to b thrown at them at any given time.

very nimble. agile. granted its frm. learning circus tricks frm a baby age bt they hv impeccable balance n cn sneak up behind anyone without a single noise. uses this 2 their advantage in order 2 scare ppl. chaotic neutral.

loves having the attention on them i wont fk around here. will go to drastic measures to accomplish receiving it. my other muses r capable of taking things srsly bt kirby just. is not. they do not take a single thing srsly they barely even took. st. pierre’s destruction srsly n they caused it. maybe.

likes being able to just. be unknown so the amt tht ppl know abt them is actually very. little. i dnt think they even tell others their last name. sometimes not even their first. just hs so many aliases n nicknames. i know i didnt list any bt thts simply bc Any cld.

probably acts out to compensate fr the. underlying guilt they hv bt thts okay. i mean it isnt bt.

will probably show up if u call them fr help bt they lose interest in people p quickly n r always moving onto the next shiniest person. bt when they do they give them like. all their attention. if u wrong them in this period they will just. ignore it. bt when theyre bored then its like. u werent even friends at all? very odd.

perhaps it is commitment issues bt <3 ya. thts them. they do not claim favorite colors or movies or. most interests. probably bc theyre very very disconnected frm pop culture i think they learn everything thru twitter n google.

i wld not call them a good person bt i also dnt think theyre like evil horrible nasty awful they just. think abt themself a lot more than they think abt others n also refuses to face consequences ever and also .. anyways.

wanted plots.

part of the bird’s nest ;; honorary bird honorary circus member. u hv to be very well regarded by kirby to earn a bird name bt i feel like tht doesnt feel like a lot considering theyve only been here fr like. two weeks KDGDSHKGK. the catch is tht u cn only refer 2 them as magpie frm then forward. 

hand in unlovable hand ;; theres comfort in being terrible ppl together n it may not last bt it doesnt hv to anyways. its just them n the like. vibes. n knowing tht its smth thts nvr gna b long term. cld b anything ur character just hs to be also a little evil. KHDSGFDS

one jester ... wht abt ... TWO jesters .. ;; hoo boy. ooh man. unstoppable force and immovable object combine forces n just become. the worst of the worst. ultimate jokesters. epic pranksters. absolute clowns. chaotic energy unmatched. always nonsense. 

n also ;; ppl they’ve stolen frm, ppl who hv caught them in that act, ppl who’ve maybe seen them in the circus a very long time ago, Found Family Trope, real family shenanigans, kirby just asking everybody if theyre their dad., mortal enemies if they see each other its an instant duel 2 the death, etc.

[cats-moss-gays]

@terflies

You’ve been all over my posts so I’m just going to consolidate into this one. I’m tired of scrolling past your long and quite frankly boring responses. This post will be divided into sections. If you’re going to respond please say something interesting. However I doubt either of us will ever change the other’s mind. These are kind of like closing statements and I doubt I’ll make anymore major responses because I’m trying to stay focused on offline things.

1. Unanswered Questions

There are some questions and statements in my reblogs that you conveniently ignored.

Definition of a woman? You responded with some generic bs that very clearly isn’t an answer. I’ll be more specific, what should the dictionary definition be? Any ideas?

If I don’t feel like a woman am I allowed to identify as one? You said you weren’t going to humour this question but it is applicable to me and many other gc women. I definitely don’t have any internal feeling of womanhood, or any gender. Does this mean I have to be agender? Is the female gender label restricted to a certain feeling? Or is there absolutely nothing that women have in common?

What is the feeling of womanhood? You kind of answered this but I have a follow up question. You say the feeling of womanhood is enjoying being perceived as a woman. If I feel indifferent to this does it mean I’m not a woman? Additionally, many women feel uncomfortable with being perceived as a woman because of the misogyny associated with the label, does this make them men?

2. Inaccurate Statements and Lies

I don’t believe any “TRAs” define women by gender roles

You may not but there are many who do. It’s also important to point out how deeply ingrained gender roles are in society; you can’t stop them by just saying your choices exist in a vacuum. I’m sure you think I’m just making this up for fun, so here are some examples ;)  x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x

So this whole…thing is dishonest from the start. Gender does not replace sex.

In another post you said that laws should be based on gender instead of sex. So which is it, either gender isn’t replacing sex or it is. When feminists talk about sex based oppression they’re called terfs. When gay people say their attraction is based on sex they’re called transphobic. When people were saying that only females get cervical cancer, they were called violent transphobes. Gender is absolutely attempting to replace sex as the basis of legal protections, safe spaces, political movements, etc. Two of the top post on my blog are more extreme example of this. x - x

BONUS: You’re saying TERF rhetoric

3. The “Questions” Post

You seem very confused about how to define biological sex and to some extent I understand that but you have to stop playing dumb. There must be some way that doctors are able to identify the sex of a fetus before it’s even born in the vast majority of cases, right? And before you try to say I’m just ignoring the existence of intersex people or trying to deny science, I’ll point out that I have watched and read a lot of “sex is a spectrum” stuff. I understand that DSDs exist and that biology is complicated. Our disagreement is mostly not over the facts but over how to define them. I know that however I explain it you’ll pretend you don’t understand it, so instead I’ll just link you to some other sources that explain it more in depth. x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x

A third sex—and many creatures have more than two—does not necessarily mean a third gamete. Mostly this question is a childish distraction, but if you were to use a strict, gamete-based definition of sex the answer would be “none”.

So all infertile people are a third sex? To be female you have to be able to bear children? And you call me regressive, yikes. This can be debunked with the same sources from above but I wanted to feature it in my post because I want people to know that you think there’s a third sex.

I made a quick little chart to compare all the things gender has been compared to! The difference is that while many are socially defined, gender is socially constructed. If someone never interacted with other humans, they would still have a skin color, have or not have specific abilities, have a sexual orientation, and be male or female. They would not have an observable gender identity.

1 - You refuse to humor my questions about being a woman who doesn’t feel like one, however this is not in bad faith; I do want to know what you think. Many gc/radfems, including myself, and many women in general do not have a specific feeling of gender. This is especially true for gnc women, who often feel a disconnect from the feminine gender role and subsequently, the feminine gender. The solution is to realize that there are no standards to conform to to be a woman, no clothes or interests or feelings, just the biological reality one is born with.

2 - You say “the feeling of womanhood is enjoying being called a woman” but what does that mean? It’s circular reasoning, a fallacy called begging the question. How do you know you are a woman? If I gave up being a terf on tumblr, how would you advise that I identify if I don’t think I feel like a woman? My current plan was to just pick the mogai flag with the prettiest colors, but I’m thinking maybe there’s more to it than that...

3 - See my explanation above. Sex is comparable to race or disability or sexuality; gender is not.

4 - You say genders are social classes. If they are indeed social classes, they are unnecessary ones that reinforce oppression. They are undefinable when not based on biological sex or gender roles. The other example of classes I can think of is wealth. Wealth classes have obvious divisions, you can’t just identify into more money. Gender has nothing that is shared by every woman, man, or nonbinary, so you can just identify in and out of classes. Additionally, if there are like 100 genders, are there 100 classes? 

4. The “Biological” Sex Post

Gender does not replace sex

Then why are TRAs trying to say sexuality, legal protections, bathrooms, spaces, political movements, etc should be based on gender instead of sex? You keep contradicting yourself; you should talk to your fellow trans activists because many would disagree. Also see my response in part two.

A number of points here aren’t factually wrong but simple (*simply) irrelevant

So you would agree that biological sex is important and that it is relevant to many conversations? Then why were people getting mad about this?

Or this?

On to the specific examples. This post is long enough already and I’m not going to spoon feed basic biology to you because you’ll probably just ignore it. I referenced a variety of sources earlier. I’ll just reference Invisible Women since it’s an amazing book.

1. This first point is, appropriately enough, true in isolation; it just doesn’t support Paradox Institute’s argument. Listing it leads the audience to believe that truth is on their side, but PI do nothing at all to justify that.

So nothing here is true? They’re just lying? Here are their sources btw.

2. Generally irrelevant, but not entirely biologically accurate, either. It isn’t that ‘male’ and ‘female’ are categories intrinsic to nature that produce small, motile and large, immotile gametes respectively; ‘male’ and ‘female’ are labels we assign (generally, but not always) according to gamete size.

So it’s not relevant that one sex has the ability to carry children or menstruation or get an abortion? It’s not like there’s any issues women face specifically for that, right? So we assign the labels male and female to gametes. If you want to play semantics, sure, we created the words, but the gametes themselves already existed. Not really sure what you’re trying to say here other than disagreeing for the sake of disagreeing and moving some words around. Are you implying that the categorizations of gametes are subjective? Are you saying there’s a spectrum of gametes?? Are eggs just big sperm and sperm just small eggs??? Genuinely have no idea what the fuck you’re trying to prove here.

3. Whatever your opinion of evolutionary psychology, this does not preclude gender. (On the contrary, we ought to include gender in our understanding of cultural development with respect to sex.)

The only gender in history was gender roles, and both were tied to sex in most cases. Sex absolutely came before gender and is more integral to our existence. In any time before the last few decades, gender and sex were basically synonyms.

4. Entirely a straw argument. And, to the contrary, precision greater than two sex categories would be beneficial (i.e. specific sex characteristics, history, endocrinology etc.).

Obviously doctors don’t just diagnose based on sex, they factor in medical history and other traits. Precision is irrelevant because it still focuses on sex not gender. If it’s “entirely a straw argument” why did someone else reblog your response with this?

Speaking as a member of a medical family, the medical one fucking OFFENDS me.

Blood type HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH GENDER. Or biological sex! Both are totally irrelevant! And medication dosage is determined by AGE and SIZE. A 25-year-old 160-pound person with a penis needs the exact same dose as a 25-year-old 160-pound person with a vagina. In fact, possibly LESS of a dose, if the person with a penis is 5’10” and the person with a vagina is 5’5”. (The taller person may be underweight.)

This is just. UGH. I could scream.

@prismatic-bell​ this is one of the funniest and dumbest replies I’ve ever gotten. First of all “member of a medical family” tf is that lmao. This reminds me of that post where the “medical worker” tra turned out to be a garbage collector guy. I have no idea why you brought up blood type when it is literally never mentioned in the original post. Strawman much? Fucking obviously blood type isn’t affected by sex, and you’re completely missing the point if you think gender has anything to do with this. Medication dosage is decided by age and size, yes, but also biological sex. This is like basic medical science, dumbass. Mandatory reading from Invisible Women as punishment for your stupidity crimes:

People called her a terf for this :)

5. How sports are best divided is a far broader question than this point implies. We could, for example, segregate sports by relevant physical attributes (as is already the case in some sports) rather than by sex or gender. This point also presupposes (but does not justify) that a woman having an advantage in women’s sports by dint of being trans is significantly greater than an advantage any woman might have by dint of her natural attributes (which, empirically, she does not) and hence would be unfair. That said, enforcement of “female” sports is already marred by racism and perisexism.

You agree sex and gender are different, yes? So then why should males be in female sports? You’re trying to distract me with that stuff about physical performance and whatever. Focus on the question at hand, should males be allowed into female sports? We cannot eradicate sex-segregated sports because female athletes will be even more systematically disadvantaged. If you were truly a feminist you’d understand that female sports are the result of the movement you claim to support. More Invisible Women facts plus some interesting info about the plough hypothesis:

6. Simply untrue. Excluding trans women from statistics about women on the basis that doing so would affect those statistics is arbitrary at best. Those statistics may change, but that does not mean they are unsuitable or inappropriate. The exclusion of any subset of women can be justified in exactly the same way.

Nope! Stop trying to use women of color and intersex women as justifications for why we should let men pretend to be women. You’ve seen the hundreds of receipts of trans women committing all sorts of male violence. Has anyone found anywhere near a comparable number of trans men doing similar things? They have not, even though if trans men were truly men they would be much more violent.

7. The majority of single-sex spaces are, functionally, just as much single-gender (owing to the traditional equivalence of ‘sex’ and ‘gender’ and to the majority of the population being cis. Trans people have been using spaces appropriate to their gender for decades, whereas concerns about them doing so are based on speculation and hypotheticals rather than fact. (Aided, as with a lot of bigotry, by bad and manipulated statistics.)

I’ve spoken about my opinions on the bathroom debate before. If a passing trans person uses the bathroom of their choice I don’t really care, but there have already been many examples of men making women uncomfortable in their bathrooms, or worse. Making all bathrooms gender neutral is by far the worst idea, but unfortunately that seems to be where we’re headed. More Invisible Women, just for fun:

8. This is the worst red herring, exploiting violent misogyny for the sake of argument. It is another straw argument, too, since—even ignoring trans-positive feminism in practice and assuming trans people act only in self-interest—trans people are concerned with addressing such injustice.

Sure, many trans people are supportive of feminism. But we can’t effectively dismantle the patriarchy if we can’t accurately describe the (sex-based) oppression involved. Women are routinely silenced when talking about our biology, even when there is no “transphobic” language involved. “Trans-positive feminism” also often reinforces misogyny by supporting sex work and porn, and by shutting down analysis of things like femininity and makeup because “some women like it.” See also from trans activists: misogyny racism homophobia + lesbophobia

9. Similar to (7) there is no consistent distinction between sex and gender across law. Even so, this is another red herring as it is possible to recognise both sex and gender in laws and policies. Some laws already do (at least functionally, if not explicitly).

You can deny it but the TRA train is leaving without you and they’ve been clear about their goals. As you’ve seen in this post, gender is intended to replace sex. Those who bring up sex-based issues are silenced as “terfs” who deserve the hatred thrown at them.

Sorry for making such a long post but I was on a roll so I just kept writing. I don’t expect @terflies​ to respond to all of this but I wanted an excuse to make some sort of masterpost that links to a lot of my other posts and can be used in the future. Online school is going pretty well and I’m trying to start some doing some hobbies that are better than tumblr blogging.

[a-gay-gathering]

My Pride Flags 🏳️‍🌈

I've just finished my first class for the day, and I'm bored on my break so I decided I would make a post showing the pride flags that I personally identify with :)

1 - LGBTQ+/Pride Flag

This is the main flag that I knew for the community for a long time, and although it can also specifically be used by gay men, I prefer to use the specific gay male flag, created to counteract the lesbian flag. Identifying as part of the community, this flags represents everyone the falls within its many identities, of which I am proud to represent :)

2 - Queer Flag

It hasn't been a very long time since I began identifying as queer, the reason being that my identity is complex, and therefore labelling it as queer is an easier label, and can also act as an umbrella label that can help me get acquainted with people with other complex identities.

3 - Gay

I absolutely love the colours of this flag, and as someone whose identity does still partially align with masculinity, and as someone who is only attracted to men, I identify with this flag. I also feel like gay men having their own flag, rather than being represented by the same flag that the entire LGBTQ+ community uses, helps to show that gay men are just a small part of the community, and that other identities need to be just as represented and cared about.

4 - Aceflux

I considered whether or not I was part of the aspec community quite a bit, but ultimately decided I wasn't, until I realized that aceflux was a thing. I've never felt particularly strong sexual attraction, and so I believe that most of the time I am graysexual, but at other times I am allosexual and at other times lithsexual, fraysexual or reciprosexual. It is hard to determine all the time, but there is a definite fluidity to my level of attraction, leading to my identifying with this label.

5 - Aroflux

As aroace occasionally (but not always) go hand in hand with one another, it would make sense for aceflux and aroflux to go with one another in some people. I never suspected I was on the aromantic spectrum at all, until the realization hit that I was in a stint of several months, never thinking of a romantic relationship, and instead I just felt a lot closer to my friends in a platonic way. It was then that I realized that I was aroflux, and that my attraction varies significantly, and more often than my sexual attraction.

6 - Nonbinary

As I have mentioned before, I have circled through numerous identities within the nonbinary umbrella, but finding a term is hrd and I have decided to just stick with nonbinary for now, even though my gender identity is much more complex than that.

7 - Genderqueer

Although I don't identify as genderqueer as strongly as I do nonbinary, I still like the flag, and fit into the identity, having a non-normative experience with gender itself. :)

Thank you to anyone who reads this! I hope that maybe you learned something and know more about me and my identity

If somehow you come across this and want to say what flags you identify as, I would be more than happy :)

[nerdygaymormon]

what do you think about the new handbook?

In January 2016 I received a calling that gave me access to the Church’s Handbooks and I was surprised at the amount of specific things in there on which I had never considered the Church having an official position. I imagine a lot of people are having that experience this week.

I’m glad the Church made the Handbook available to everyone, it’s a move towards transparency. Before this, people were being held to standards or facing processes that only their leaders could access.

I appreciate that in some areas there’s better framework and clarity, but am sad that it often came in the form of being more restrictive or not in line with modern science.

I’m going to outline the changes and add a few comments. ’ll put my opinion about all of this at the end, so if that’s what you want to see, scroll to the bottom.

————————————————————— 

Miscellaneous

The Handbook covers a lot of information, so I’m certain in the days and weeks ahead more new things will be discovered. But for now, here’s some assorted policies.

Sacrament

We’re supposed to take the Sacrament with our right hands

The wording that young men are encouraged, but not required, to wear a white shirt and tie is gone. All males who pass the Sacrament are asked to be clean and well groomed.

For a long time, which hand to use has been considered a personal choice, and some associated special meaning by using their right hand.

In February 2019, Elder Oaks saw some youth take the Sacrament with the left hand and he gave a short lecture that went viral telling these kids they were wrong, and now it’s official policy in the Handbook.

Dress Standards

The Relief Society Presidency is to teach dress standards to the sisters so their appearance and clothing show reverence and respect at Church and at the temple.

These are adult women!!! They can’t figure this out for themselves? It mentions ostentatious jewelry and casual clothes without any examples of what this means. I’m afraid some leaders will enforce their personal opinions, such as pants are verboten.

Also this section included a comment about ostentatious jewelry. What is that? Having 2 earrings in 1 ear?

—————————————————————

Discipline

Disciplinary councils have been renamed “Membership Councils”

People no longer are disfellowshipped or excommunicated. They have “formal membership restrictions” or “withdrawal of membership”

Does away with the unequal disciplinary structure for adult men vs adult women.

Before, men who were endowed had a disciplinary council at the stake level. Everyone else had a disciplinary council held by their bishopric.

Now anyone who is endowed and likely to have their Church membership withdrawn will have a stake membership council. Everyone else has a ward membership council for serious sins & actions

At the ward level, membership councils still function the same (the bishopric holds a council with the person whose membership is at risk).

At the stake level, the council now is similar to the way it works at the ward level (the stake presidency meets, without the high council also being involved).

The individual’s bishops can sit in on the council. The individual can also choose for the Elders Quorum or Relief Society President to sit in on the council.

Same-sex marriage is no longer apostasy

Apostasy has been removed from a list of reasons to hold a membership council. Instead it is on a case-by-case basis.

The stake president can place informal membership restrictions on the person and the stake president counsels with the Area Presidency (which are Seventy) about anything more than that, such as a membership council

The language is softer but the results are the same.

I like that men & women are treated equally in this new system. It always struck me wrong that most men in the church automatically had a council of 15 men and women had 3 men.

The reversal of the 2015 Policy of Exclusion finally made it to the Handbook. 

————————————————————— 

Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Same-Sex Attracted

Families & members should be sensitive, love and respectful of people who are gay, lesbian & bi

Sexual activity with someone of the same gender is on the same level as an unmarried sex.

Membership councils are optional in these cases, based on the leader’s discretion.

As long as an LGBTQ member is “striving” to live the law of chastity, they’re allowed to hold a calling and temple recommend

“Sexual cohabitation” used to be forbidden, now it’s “cohabitation”. So I guess gay people living together is a problem regardless of whether they have sex. I do know of a few couples who live together, but have given up sex in order to be temple worthy. I guess that’s no longer an option.

The mormonandgay website was done away with and some of the items moved to a new page titled “Same-Sex Attraction.”

Most of the links on this new page don’t work. I’m sure this will get fixed

Most of the “resources” from the old page aren’t on the new page.

The last 4 video stories of members from the former site are on the new site.

Credit for finally making this page available in languages other than English.

I wonder if it will still say it’s okay to identify using the terms gay, bi or lesbian.I know President Oaks prefers the phrase “same-sex attraction” and a lot of his influence is seen in the new Handbook changes. 

The best section of the previous site was a collection of 17 members who are gay, bi and lesbian (well, 2 of them are parents of gay kids). Hearing them tell their story in their own words was powerful. Most of them have asked for their video to be removed.

The only stories remaining are 2 people in a mixed-orientation marriage and 2 parents who have a gay son. Each of those 4 members now has multiple videos (Laurie, Laurie’s husband, Laurie’s bishop, Laurie’s friend). 

The experience of most LGB people in the Church is now absent from this page, which again confirms for me that this has been a site for leaders & family, not actual members who are bisexual, lesbian or gay.

—————————————————————

Transgender

Preferred names can be noted in your membership record and Church leaders are encouraged to use them.

People can also to ask others to use their chosen pronouns

Elective surgical or medical intervention (which I believe means hormone treatment) for the purpose of transitioning, and social transitioning will result in membership restrictions.

These restrictions include not getting to exercise the priesthood, receiving or using a temple recommend, and receiving some Church callings

Even if the hormone therapy is prescribed by a medical professional to ease gender dysphoria or reduce suicidal thoughts, membership restrictions will result

Transgender people who don’t transition can have Church callings & temple recommends

Gender is defined as “biological sex at birth.”

This is recorded on Church records and determines whether someone can receive the priesthood and how they experience the temple ordinances

Transgender people & their family are welcome to attend Sunday church meetings and social events

There is now a page for transgender people, just as there has been for LGB people

This whole section of the Handbook makes me sad because it reduces these members to being a mistake and they need to choose a side. Nevermind they were born this way and have complex lives, they need to look and act like a cishet member.

I’d love if the church leaders could show scriptural backing & the words of the Savior to justify their views on trans folks other than the Family Proclamation.

Credit to the Church for switching from “transsexual” to “transgender

While trans people are welcome to attend the 2nd hour of church, no guidance was given about if they can choose either Relief Society or Elders Quorum

It’s problematic to define gender being as your biological sex at birth. If gender is eternal, why is “at birth” needed? A doctor or nurse assigns a biological sex at birth by taking a look at the newborn’s external genitals. This is only 1 of 5 markers of gender. A doctor or a nurse is not God.

5 components of biological sex

external genitalia

inner reproductive anatomy

sex hormones

chromosomes

gonad differentiation (gonad secretions cause sex-specific patterns in many other tissues & the brain)

This section of the Handbook still speaks of gender as binary–you’re either male or female and trans. Genderfluid, nonbinary, or any acknowledgement of a spectrum doesn’t exist.

To say a trans person will face consequences for social transitioning is really troubling. What does “social transitioning” mean? Do pronouns count as “social transitioning?” Long or short hair? If people must dress according to gender stereotypes, then it seems like leadership is more concerned about the feelings of the 99 and not the health & well being of the 1.

Why is it only transgender members who have a ban on these surgeries? Lots of breast enhancements, reductions and mastectomies take place every month with not a whiff of interest by church leaders, but if it’s done to affirm one’s gender identity, then it’s forbidden, even if it’s life saving.

It did make me feel queasy to read that even if medical or surgical intervention is prescribed by medical professionals to deal with gender dysphoria or suicidal thoughts, too bad, we’re still going to punish you. What kind of monsters came up with this?

————————————————————— 

Intersex, aka People Whose Sex isn’t Clear at Birth

The Handbook says the incident rate of intersex is extremely rare

Questions about membership records, priesthood ordination and temple ordinances for youth or adults who were born with sexual ambiguity should be directed to the Office of the First Presidency.

This is the first I’ve seen Intersex given their own section in the Handbook.

While policies about LGBT people are listed as “moral issues”, the section on intersex people is under “medical and health policies.” That’s a good sign, it means that the medical profession determines what is best, not a church leader.

I appreciate that church takes this out of the hands of local leadership. It’s a complex issue that untrained people shouldn’t get to have say over.

The Church assumes that surgical & medical intervention is needed for this group of people. Unfortunately it implies the default is to do so in infancy or early childhood when current best practices would be delaying, if possible, until the individual can weigh in on their body & identity. 

The idea that intersex is rare, well that depends on what they consider rare.

The rate could be as high as 2% of the population or as low as 1 in 2000.

If we think of that in terms of Church congregations, it suddenly seems not so rare.

In North America, a ward must have 300 members. If 1%-2% are intersex, that’s a couple people in each congregation.

If we go with the lowest rate of 1 in 2000, consider that in the US & Canada a stake requires a minimum of 3000 members. So 1 or 2 members per stake would be intersex.

—————————————————————

I think these changes show that the Church is willing to include queer people up to a point. We can feel & be the person we believe ourselves to be as long as we don’t actually act in a way that affirms who we are.

We are to be loved, respected and welcomed, however these homophobic and transphobic policies remain in place. Love & respect is more than smiling & being nice to someone.

The policies of the Church regarding queer people is out of line with science. As science continues to advance and confirm that gender identities and sexual orientations are real and biological and not changeable by will, the tension for the Church on these topics will continue to grow.

“The only clear line I draw these days is this: when my religion tries to come between me and my neighbor, I will choose my neighbor. Jesus never commanded me to love my religion.” -Rev. Barbara Brown Taylor

Considering Jesus admonishes us again and again to love each other and that we are all alike to God, I can only guess that Jesus wept. Again.