#like yes if u look at it thru a real world lense the whole thing is terrible. however. it is not meant to be viewed that way.

[lesbianlenas]

isn’t it abusive to hit someone with a chair?

ok allow me to teach u smth. fiction and reality are not 1:1 and what is bad in the real world can be used as a device in fiction to show smth abt the characters in the media. for instance, while in the real world it would be considered wrong to hit someone w a chair, in a fictional world where ur best friend has trapped you in a loop where you have to watch everyone u love die and kill u over and over and u have discovered that they were the one that did it to u bc u abandon her when u go to boarding school together and she hates boarding school and she is punching u in the face and calling u a liar as u jump into different parallel universes between fighting u may pick up a chair and hit her over the head while telling her ur only dream was to be together and that meant going to boarding school together bc that is also ur dream as a way of showing the audience that u r angry at her too. it may also be that violence is extremely normalized in this show and hitting someone over the head w a chair during a fight that is meant to convey a large amount of emotion may be one of the lightest forms of violence depicted in the media. it may ALSO be that these two characters will perhaps spend the next 20 mins trying to kill each other permanently and find they cannot do it as a testament of showing that despite everything they love each other and all they wanted was to be together & they should have just talked to each other in the first place instead of ending up at this point. so in conclusion, not when she did it ❤️

[reexmarie]

mask off

hello everyone,

my name is Risa Marie & i deal w #borderlinepersonalitydisorder , extreme anxiety & Ptsd & i’m done living in the dark & fighting this battle alone , i’m shaking while typing this . no one understands this battle at times and i confuse people . this retrograde is helping me heal completely .. i wish people knew the draining thoughts that plagued my head “your not good enough, your a failure, just give up, please kill yourself, your an unworthy piece of shit” when i’m around a group of people i freeze bcuz for 5/6 years i was bullied everyday HUMILIATED so i subconsciously til this day feel like people are out to get me & hate me . i’ve been praying for this day for a long time . i always felt so damn empty inside & never knew why .. at a young age i endured a lot of mental , physical & sexual abuse by people who were supposed to keep me safe & ppl often get mad because i don’t open up or stay to myself not knowing that i fear them harming me but i long to want to trust & have real bonds w people, no one ever knew this about me no one knows about the real trauma i endured in my life & i did not either because at a young age i learned how to disassociate at a young age & that was how i coped by just forgetting about it . i’ve been having a lot of nightmares lately so i know i’m becoming more ready to handle these long forgotten repressed emotions . i get anxiety so bad my heart races fast and i wanna throw up .. ppl often try to be like stop talking about it& just let it go , stop trying to be a victim . & im not . this shit take up my whole day i’ll replay something in my head over & over trying to figure out why shit happened the way it did . it makes you peep everything , everyone does trying to find meaning in people’s actions , & if you tell ppl what you perceive they will get offended , understandably but then it hurts cuz it’s like i don’t wanna see things thru these lenses yes , my thoughts are irrational but it’s hard at times to not believe them . you can’t even be yourself bcuz your like omg am i going to look stupid ? extremely sensitive to how people treat me & fear often holds me back from pursuing my dreams . i still cut myself sometimes to ease the pain .

“ sorry i stopped talking to you , my anxiety convinced me that you hated me “

& this is the truth .. i wish i could tell y’all how many people have got offended . which is why i don’t take people’s actions personally anymore. we all deal w shit. that’s why i was given this pain because i am a self healer & i will teach the world how to heal too . all the days i would lay in the bed all weekend i wouldn’t eat or drink anything no matter how weak i felt i would just drink alcohol to make the feelings go away , all the nights i cried in the shower on the bathroom floor in the dark room alone wondering where this anger stemmed from . just imagine going to school everyday bullied then u come home& your family calls you nigger , says you’ll be nothing but a hoe, never paying attention to you . then when people in ya fam went thru abuse when they were young and transferred all that pain to you x10 i forgive bcuz they were victims too but why was i 4 years old naked on the bed & y’all tried to make me & my cousin have sex? why do i remember the bruises from what your trying to say was kids playing around when you know for a fact you were abusing me on purpose ? no one ever encouraged me but belittled me my whole life . put down after put down i remember mom when you told me you wish that girl beat me up cuz you were mad at me , ya own family saying hurtful things to you because y’all have a disagreement , sadly i picked up that trait & im so sorry to the people i hurt w my tongue out of spite . it’s all i knew . people laughed cuz i did coke not even knowing that all this emotional turmoil was surfacing i’m all over the place w my stories right now , only a reflection of my head how i’m so scattered & think about 10000 things at once & can’t even stay on the same subject haha , it’s okay ..

let me tell y’all sum good tho , i am now self aware which means I CAN FIGHT BACK & so can you ! fuck medication it’s all about your self awareness ! when i have bad thoughts i fight them back because it’s all mental ! i stop & pray to release these horrible thoughts when i want to not trust people i stop myself & be like we know what this is girl fight back , when i get irritated or stressed i stop everything i do & breath & i know w the right perspective i can handle anything that comes my way .

i won’t make excuses any more i will fight even tho it may be a battle i deal w for the rest of my life i know as the days go by i will get stronger emotionally . i don’t wish to be 25 and angry , still holding all this in & acting out NO . i just want to thank my boyfriend for being my support system & helping me heal his patience & understanding has been a big key in this & he never gave up on me . he reminds me everyday these thoughts are a lie & im better than that . i meditate & do self hypnosis weekly to help clear the stuck emotions . my goal is to be like jesus . loving to all & moved by nothing ! to be in the highest state of consciousness & self awareness at all times . god is using me for glory & i will transmute this pain into purpose ✨