#like this boy would ride this high straight through the 2010s

[astrobei]

on june 11th 1993, mike wheeler drags his vaguely amused (and highly endeared) boyfriend will byers to the movie theater, shells out for the largest size popcorn they have available, and gets 2 premium, middle-row seats to watch steven spielberg’s jurassic park

(he’s been vibrating with anticipation ever since the first trailer came out. he makes will go see it with him another five times before it leaves theaters.)

[lizzygrantarchives]

Repeat, June 2010

“You might recognise Lana Del Rey already... perhaps from an old movie somewhere, but look closer and you might not. Lana Del Rey is a young singer weaving cinematic dark pop for the 21st Century – music wrapped in smoky, sultry and glamorous overtones. Born in the rural town of Lake Placid, New York, Lana then relocated to a series of places: Alabama, New Jersey and New York City, but now spends most of her time in London. No matter where in the world Lana is, her love of film noir, Italian landscapes, big churches, roller coasters and the memory of faded stars like Bette Davis, Kurt Cobain, Nina Simone and Elvis are the chorus line for her music, and her love of New York is her heartbeat.” OFFICIAL PRESS RELEASE

“Lizzy Grant’s lyrical connotations are at once sexy and sinister, while her vocal delivery carries a slinky, determined innocence straight from the trailer park, supported by throwback grooves evocative of Nancy Sinatra, with a jazz attitude. Her visual messages are dangerously alluring. You won’t be able to leave her songs without assigning your own personal meaning.” THE SMUDGE

Hawaiian, glam and surf noir, are just a few of the labels that Lana Del Rey (real name Lizzy Grant) has used to encapsulate her delectable, hypnotising and nostalgic songs, that are impeccable in both composition and performance! Called the “unofficial sweetheart of rock and roll” by one journalist, in late 2008 she released her debut EP, Kill Kill, followed by her self-titled debut LP in February 2009 on the NYC based label, 5 Points Records, exclusively through iTunes in the USA – both of which were produced by David Kahne (Paul McCartney, The Strokes, Regina Spektor). And with music, vocals and lyrics that are a match made in heaven, the record sounds “black and white, famous, like Coney Island and like a sad party,” as Lana poetically put it.

In an interview with The Huffington Post, when quizzed about her infatuation with Coney Island, Lana – who at one time lived in a New Jersey trailer park – replied: “All the good stuff is real but isn’t, myself included. Coney Island is a place people go to escape, but whatever you choose to be your reality is your reality. So, in a way it’s just as real as anything else. I mainly let my imagination be my reality. Fantasy is my reality. I never saw Coney Island when it had all its big attractions, but there was something desperate about the boardwalk, and I related. There was no end in sight to it, and there were people in bars you didn’t know were there. Maybe the amusement park was the touchstone because I have such a history with cheap thrills. I like things that go fast, things with bright colors, things that taste good. At Coney Island, you can get a Coca-Cola, ride the roller coaster and watch everybody.”

Of her other inspirations, the songstress declared: “Mark Ryden’s pictures drive me crazy, and Vegas makes me shine. Daytona and the Jersey Shore just kill me. Yes. Even pictures of other performers do it for me. I knew Elvis’ songs would be the soundtrack to my life as soon as I laid eyes on his photograph. I know when I love something as soon as I see it. Then, I write about it. Speaking of Elvis, it’s unfair not to mention The Beach Boys and The Flamingos as my other constant companions.”

With smouldering good looks and a sumptuous voice / sound that will dig into your soul – which should soon see her catapulted into stardom – it’s time you sampled the delights of Lana Del Rey and got to know her a little bit better, as she’s truly an artist to fall in love with who harks back to music’s golden age…

For music fans who may not yet know much about you, could you give us some background information on your musical past / tell us about when your love of music first began?

Well, I was the cantor in my church choir when I was younger and I was in choirs all throughout high school. I didn't listen to much popular music when I grew up but I did watch a lot of movies, and I was always writing music. When I got into high school I listened to a lot of rap and techno and eventually found different types of music that I loved like Elvis and Van Halen. My teacher in high school, Mr. Campbell, taught me who all the greats were in every genre and eventually I came to know what good music was.

Was it a conscious decision to be a solo artist, and where does your stage name Lana Del Rey come from / why did you choose to use this instead of your real name?

No. I wanted to be a band but the label I was with and the team I had around me absolutely wanted me to be a solo artist. Lana Del Rey came from a series of managers and lawyers over the last 5 years who wanted a name that they thought better fit the sound of the music. My music was always kind of cinematic so they wanted a name that reflected the glamour of the sound.

Turning old-school for a moment, if you were to make a Mixtape for me, including one of your own songs, what would you put on there + title the compilation?

It would be called 'Sex on Ice' and I'd probably put Gangsters Paradise on there… 2. Flamingos 'I Only Have Eyes For You' 3. Britney Spears 'Hit Me Baby One More Time' 4. The Godfather Theme 5. Lee Hazlewood & Nancy Sinatra 'Some Velvet Morning' 6. Lana Del Rey 'Hey Lolita Hey' 7. Scarface Theme 8. Ennio Morricone 'Once Upon A Time In The West' 9. Mickey Avalon 'So Rich So Pretty'

Why do you think you are so drawn to vintage ‘50s / ‘60s America?

I don't know if I'm drawn to 50s music, but I'm drawn to the quality of the recordings just as I'm drawn to the quality of the way movies were filmed in that era. There's a feeling of lasting integrity and beauty in most of the 50s music, but I suppose what mostly draws me to that musical era is that there were good singers. Today, anyone can be a singer, but back then, you had to have something special, a shining personality, whether it be good or bad.

At the moment, you’re currently based in London, when and why did you decide to relocate here?

I relocated to London because there were a lot of writers and producers who wanted to work with me. I've written in L.A. and New York, but because what I'm doing is darker and more classic then most American Pop, London is the right place for me to be. They don't expect me to dumb anything down here. They're all about the smart.

When did you first realise that you had such a special voice / how do you take care of it, and is it important to you to keep pushing yourself vocally?

Vocally I never did anything to take care of myself. I'm on the run, I'm always screaming and I eat tons of chocolate and milk, so I shouldn't be able to sing the way I do. Thanks for saying I have SUCH a special voice.

What was the first instrument that you ever owned, and is there anything that you always play when trying-out a new instrument before buying it, or any chords that never fail to fill you with inspiration?

Other than a kazoo I guess the first instrument was a guitar. If I'm looking at a new guitar to buy, I just play one of my songs I've written. But I'm shitty at the guitar so I don't find that much I can do that inspires me musically. I'd rather have Frank try it out for me and play a Van Halen Riff or something.

Do you adhere to any rules when writing and recording, in terms of how a track will sound musically, melodically or rhythmically + is there anyone whose opinions on your songs you value greatly?

Um, I go back and forth sometimes, I'm like Maria Callas, and sometimes I'm like Bob Dylan. Dylan is a 3 take man. I can usually do exactly what I wanna in 3 takes. But sometimes I like to take a long time and piece a lot of different takes together like Maria, especially if I'm working in some kind of operatic bridge.

If you could ask a musical hero anything, who would it be and what would you ask them?

I would ask Elvis if he would kiss me.

Does writing lyrics come naturally to you and is there much revision involved or do you trust your initial instinct + can you tell us about your homemade videos, as for me, visually and thematically, they seem to have been sparked off from your lyrics?

Yeah writing comes naturally to me, I spend most of my time writing and lately I edit everything because I'm working with so many writers. But my first record, even though it took years to write, was very instinctual. Yes indeed I can tell you about my homemade videos, writing songs first – movies next, but the songs first come from memories I have. So then I go online and try to find footage that is the equivalent to my life experience. It's usually super 8 footage that you can tell means a lot to whoever it belongs to. I like to take it, make it mine and mix it with footage from my own actual past. I love making movies, it's my passion. I like it as much as I like singing. The editing is the part that makes the movie special, the timing of the scene changes and use of brief flashes of light or scenery.

As you like metal and because your songs are much softer than this musical genre, from all of the artists / bands that you admire, what are some of your favourite noisy and gentle tracks?

Um, well Nirvana is my first love. I was in love with Kurt and the band as soon as I heard them. In terms of softer songs I like, the flamingos, a beautiful doo wop band who sounds like heaven.

You’re currently in the studio working on your new album, so will this be a continuation or an evolution from your debut long player?

Well at this point, I've written so many songs that I don't know if I'm regressing or evolving. But I do the same thing I've always done – I write about what I know and I try and find the most beautiful melodies I can.

I read that you “live in your songs,” so what does it mean to you to play your songs live and have there been many memorable shows for you to date?

I do live in my songs, and so I love singing them at shows or at home alone. The shows all just blend into the rest of my life since I sing all day long. But they are always memorable since I have so many weird and sexy people who come to say hello. It's always a freak show and I enjoy every show.

If you had to go shopping for someone and buy a record, a book and a film – what would they be and why?

I would buy the same things for anyone. I think everyone should have the book "Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill. The movie "Don't Look Back" by D.A. Pennebaker, and for a record, I would get "Agnus Dei" composed by Samuel Barber.

Lastly, chips or cream buns?

I would truthfully do both. I'm an American girl and I'm the junk food queen. I still have a banana split almost every morning and I have french fries for dinner. I have the same tastes that I did when I was a little girl.

Originally published on repeatfanzine.co.uk with the headline Lana Del Rey On Her Past, Present & Future…

[justapayneaway]

It took me a while to compile all these Ziam fics, but here we are with a long list of beautiful stories for everybody that is interested in reading Liam & Zayn fall in love or be in love a lot of times! 

A big shout out to every single fic writer out there in the world... You’re amazing and I thank you every single day for the amazing stories y’all write! 

Enjoy and have a good read ❤️

0k - 20k

There's so Much that We Need to Share by Lovelyziam (1k) The sight of snow didn’t make the cold worth it to Zayn, no. It was this: Liam’s body snug and soft in front of him, pressed tightly to Zayn’s chest while he sat between Zayn’s thighs. It was his arms wrapped around Liam’s waist and their fingers interwoven beneath their pile of blankets. It was the warmth radiating from Liam’s back and slowly seeping into Zayn, making him sleepy and languid despite the freezing press of Liam’s toes against his own.

Sunshine through my window by sunnysideup (2k) Fic idea about Liam being a happy puppy in the sun and Zayn hears him through his window, sees him for the first time and poof, he's in love.

Drive Safe, I Love You by JoMouse (3k) Liam surprises his son with a day at a Motorcycle Bike Show. While there, he finds out about Mini Moto and meets the man who runs a team.

I Know The Sound Of Your Heart by LibbyWrites (7k) Liam always adored the peace and quiet of his neighborhood. Until a new neighbor shows up and turns his world upside down with much more than just loud music.

Most Poetic Ride or Die Death Wish by LetTheMusicMoveYou (10k) Or the one where Niall convinces Liam to join Tinder and a slight miscommunication might make it the best mistake he's ever made.

Get a little bit nervous by louistomlinsons (14k) Ziam farmer's market au where liam, louis, and niall work at the produce stand, harry and zayn work at the bakery stand, and nobody's straight.

Favourite Entertainer by eternallyunleashed (15k) Zayn is a popular YouTuber well known for uploading song covers and original music on his channel and doing podcasts on murder mysteries. He’s amassed a couple million followers and dedicated fanbase. After endless requests from fans, he introduces them to his boyfriend Liam and does the ‘boyfriend does my makeup challenge.'

Just the two of us and a cute little cup of cyanide by orphan_account (17k) An I-accidentally-married-my-best-mate-in-Vegas fic, where Liam's completely oblivious, Zayn's completely in love, Harry's had enough, Louis plays mediator and Niall just wants his best friends to be with each other.

Only Place I Call Home by scottmcniceass (17k) Liam works at a coffee shop; Zayn is a homeless street performer who plays just outside the shop. Sometimes Liam brings Zayn coffee and donuts and in exchange Zayn sings for him.

20k - 40k

We are the quiet ones by englandziam (22k) University AU where Zayn is an English student and Liam is the football captain.

Until you believe it by lizee (23k) Where Zayn and Liam meet at a sixth form party and Zayn offers to tutor him. He doesn't expect himself to fall in love with the kid while he's at it.

Ridiculous by scottmcniceass (24k) They are every cliched high school story. The jock and the rebel. The popular boy and the outsider. They shouldn't fit, and they definitely shouldn't work, but they sort of do anyways.

Wake up the part of me that has fallen asleep by nooelgallagher & yoursongonmyheart (24k) The one where Liam discloses something incredibly personal about his sex life and Louis hatches a plan to help him - which may or may not include Zayn.

Can I Keep You by scottmcniceass (26k) Liam is always trying to do what's best for himself and his daughter, but raising a kid on his own at twenty-two, on top of juggling school work and a full-time job, isn't easy. Zayn just wants a chance to show Liam that he's not going to walk out on them. And Liam's daughter, Emma? She just wants to keep Zayn.

I just can't keep you too far from my thoughts by halleluzayn (28k) The YouTuber AU fic where Zayn is not a beauty vlogger, Liam types like an over excited teenage girl, Louis is a Harry Styles fanboy, Harry is basically Ed Sheeran, and Niall is Liam's video editor that really needs to get laid already.

Down the vista of years by ohthathurt (cloisterrific_221B) (30k) Zayn whispered, “So where do we go from here?”Liam shrugged, seemingly lost in thought. Then he smiled down at his boyfriend, “Forward?”Zayn smiled serenely, eyes twinkling like gold in the sun seeping through the open windows. He nodded, “Forward.”

I'll Be Strong For You by scottmcniceass (30k) When Zayn breaks his leg attempting to skateboard over Harry's car, he ends up stuck in the hospital for two weeks. The only thing he doesn't hate about the hospital is the gorgeous volunteer, Liam, who is almost annoyingly sunny and happy. But Liam's got a secret a secret hidden behind his impossibly bright smile.

It's Always Darkest Before The Dawn by historyziam (30k) At a time in his life when Zayn thinks he has forgotten what genuine happiness feels like, Liam comes into the picture and changes everything.

Somehow I Still Carry On, Burdened By Fears by slashter (31k) Liam's been kidnapped but doesn't remember Zayn and Zayn struggles with loss and love and heartbreak all over again.

You Never Give Up On Me by sunshinexbomb (31k) In which Zayn is an English teacher tempted to write awful poetry about the warm coffee color of Liam's eyes, Liam is a primary ed teacher and single parent who thinks he's too busy to be in a relationship, Niall and Harry are the sickeningly cute newlywed teachers in the school, and Louis is a drama teacher who is not-so-patiently waiting for the day of his own wedding.

The Truth Will Set You Free by loveandbeloved (34k) Zayn wakes up the next day to the news that Liam has taken on the case of the kid, to oppose Zayn and prove that he isn’t a killer.To say he’s pissed beyond belief goes without saying, but somehow he thinks that he should’ve seen this coming.

So let's say, I'll come another day by sophieisgod (36k) Zayn meets Liam in 1999, swinging on the gate in his back yard. Liam meets Zayn in 2010, killing time in McDonald’s on the most important day of his life. They have adventures, conquer the world, and fall in love. A story about fate, timing, free will, wonky genetics, parallel universes, significant tattoos, emotional haircuts, sudden nudity, sex crying, and a Batman t-shirt from HMV.

Be cruel to me ('cause I'm a fool for you) by frenchkiss (37k) The one where Zayn is a stressed out single dad, Liam might just be what he needs, Louis and Niall are always happy to babysit and Harry's a loud snorer.

I’ll never stop choosing you babe, i’ll never get used to you by redsweater (37k) Zayn and Liam are happily married until they're not. 

Twisting to the sun and the moon by orphan_account (37k) (2nd part is also amazing!) Liam has three simple, non-negotiable rules when it comes to one-offs. And he doesn't ever fall for someone he associates with hotel sheets and lust. But this kid, Zayn, twists things inside of him he's not expecting. Suddenly, the rules don't make any sense at all.

My Reflection; All I See Is You by taecheeks (38k) (There is a 2nd part too!) This life, it's forever. That's what being immortal means, but Zayn didn't realize it would take him this long to realize it. What good is forever if nothing else is?

40k - 60k

Every Step by taecheeks (40k) Every step Liam takes, it's for her, Lily. And every path he's journeyed has somehow led him to Zayn.

Here I Stand by StormDancer (40k) Zayn lifts his chin, turns so that he’s facing Harry. He doesn’t look at Liam, because he can’t bear to look, and because he’s really not trying to be mean or pointed. Liam can do what he wants. But Zayn drew a line in the sand a long time ago, and it matters. “I’m not hiding, Haz. This is who I am. They can deal with it.”

You're The Shining Distraction That Makes Me Fly by Romancemesomeziam (40k) Zayn is a recently new single father, falling into his role without ease until Liam, his son's first grade teacher, helps him a little to adapt to the new lifestyle.

Lover Dearest by scottmcniceass (43k) "First rule, babe," Zayn says, leaning down. His lips slide over Liam's jaw, barely there, just a soft pressure, fleeting and gone as soon as it came. "Never trust a vampire."He's grinning as he climbs off Liam, heading for the door. Liam watches him go, thinking that he's wrong. The first rule should be to not fall in love with one.

Some moments are rare by orphan_account (46k) Zayn is spending a summer studying aboard; thirty days across Europe, with his best mate by his side. It's always been like this ― Zayn and Liam. And he's always been a bit daft about love, or the fact that Liam's always been in love with him. It's all a bit of a mess, actually.

Until two and two is three by orphan_account (47k) They're perfect for her, Lily, even if she's their best mates' daughter -- except they hate each other. But life plays out a little comically and a lot tragically sometimes. And Liam will never get over how much he loves Lily or how much he hates Zayn, but they're all she has left now.

Like Peter Pan (Or Superman) by orphan_account (48k) Zayn has spent most of his life up until now in a cloud of smoke, hiding from his past, being different. When a firefighter named Liam rescues him from a fire, Zayn starts to realize maybe Liam's saved his life in another way... and he's not quite sure he's ready to be that guy he should've been all along. But maybe, just for Liam, he can?

Good Thing At a Bad Time by scottmcniceass (49k) Zayn prefers to be on his own. It's easier to survive when you don't have to worry about anyone else. Liam leads a large group of people that have taken residence in an abandoned prison. When Zayn wakes up in a prison cell, all he can think about is finding a way out. Liam makes him want to stay.

It keeps my veins hot (the fire's found a home in me) by loveontherocks (51k) The one where zayn survives a fire and falls in love with the firefighter that saved him.

Not Happening by scottmcniceass (53k) Zayn and Liam are roommates. They hate each other. (Most of the time.)

And you take me the way I am by orphan_account (54k) Liam needs a date to a wedding. His family loves to match him up with blind dates. He doesn't want that. He needs a date... and, well, why not Zayn. Pretending to be boyfriends for a weekend isn't the worst idea he supposes. Liam is horribly wrong.

It's You by happily_missy (56k) Liam is a PA for a famous fashion designer and Zayn is their gorgeous new model. Or the one where Liam is in control of everything except for the fact that he keeps getting hard around Zayn and Zayn refuses to admit that Liam might be everything he's been looking for all along.

Your Lips On Mine by zipplekink (56k) The one where Zayn is a camboy, who likes to think about the fit mechanic with a liking for leather jackets and scruffy beards from uni during his shows. And Liam, the mechanic, who realizes his new roommate is Bradford, the man with the smooth skin covered in tattoos that Liam watches late at night with a hand wrapped around himself.

Face to Face by JoMouse (57k) Liam's fiance lost her ring. Zayn found it in his girlfriend's rucksack. What happens when the ring brings them face to face?

Floating On The Water by scottmcniceass (58k) Liam just wants to get through his last summer working at Malik Resort before University without incident. Of course, life is never that easy, and he ends up getting roped into giving the bosses son, Zayn, swimming lessons. That wouldn't be so bad, if Zayn didn't happen to hate him so much.

Hold on When You Get Love (and Let Go When You Give It) by orphan_account (59k) Where Zayn's studying Lit at Uni and Liam is a construction worker who catches Zayn's eye every day he passes by.

Let Me Drown Slowly by fruityoatey_bahhh (59k) The one where Liam's a prostitute, and Zayn just wants to be kept warm at night.

60k - 80k

These Faded Stars Along Our Horizons by ch3stpaynes (60k) Zayn isn't used to this; the buzzing feeling that comes along with pinched grins, cherry red lips and eyes like Sunday morning coffee. He's used to smogged out cities, not enough oxygen between each breath and perhaps a few spliffs with the boys when the weather isn't absolutely dreadful. And Liam Payne may just flip all of his priorities upside down.

Habits Of The Heart by taecheeks (61k) “I’ll be really good to you,” Liam whispers, sliding an arm under Zayn’s shoulder like he is a pillow. Zayn closes his eyes, remembering when Liam had said those same words to him while laying on his chest before they started dating. The same feeling rattles in his chest, the same uncertainty, the same need for his words to remain true.“I know,” Zayn whispers, massaging his fingers through Liam’s hair. “You always have.”Liam pushes up, brows furrowing together as he stares down at him, the humor in his face turning far more serious. “And I always will, Zayn.”

I See You Babe, But We Are Both Blind by SoftlyandSwiftly (61k) One Direction returns to London for a break from their Take Me Home Tour in August 2013, and after an unfortunate run-in at a coffee shop, Liam and Zayn find themselves in a fake relationship. Except, it ends up not feeling fake at all.

Run For the Woods Now by jmcats (62k) (there are other 3 parts to this one so read them all because they are amazing!) Zayn knows some of the best and worst moments start with one of Louis' ideas. Still, it's almost as if everyone knew where this, his life, was going when Harry and Liam moved into Wagner’s old flat, with that stupid plant sitting in the doorway, and too many cigarettes and Justin Timberlake for any of this to have been one of those classically clichéd love stories.And Zayn doesn't do clichés. Not until Liam, that is.

Some Love Wait Till Its Time by wasp (63k) University!AU where heart-in-the-right place but always-trying-to-save-people Liam Payne meets slightly pretentious hipster Zayn and tries to mend his broken heart.

Keep this love (in a photograph) by carissima (64k) The one where Liam's a fireman, Zayn's a photographer and yeah, there's a calendar shoot or two involved.

The bittersweet between my teeth by gaysubtexts (64k) Liam and Zayn grow up together, louis, niall, and harry tagging along later on. 

According to your heart (my place is not deliberate) by orphan_account (65k) A university-volleyball au in which Zayn hates the game but he does it for a scholarship. And for Louis. And possibly for the new freshman setter who keeps teaching Zayn new things.

The beauty of this mess by orphan_account (67k) Zayn loves this city, loves his boys, loves the salty taste of the surf on his tongue even though he hates the ocean... but he's not expecting to fall in love with Liam and all of his little secrets, too. Not enough to stick around in this sandy city of teenage dreams.

Let's pretend it's love by wafflehood (68k) Pretend!boyfriends fic in which Liam and Zayn get papped while hamming it up for Louis and Eleanor, and management decides the easiest way to deal with the resulting hysteria is to let it run its course.

Simple truths of belonging by soofyahn (68k) Liam spends ten years building the career for himself that he’s always wanted, and spends the same span of time falling out of communication with the one person he can’t reason why he misses. They find each other, again, stumbling around each other for a moment until they fall together in new, unpredictable ways.

Until the End of Time by theyinlove (68k) Zayn Malik lives a pretty decent life. He’s got an incredible family, a nice little place for him and his three sweethearted dogs, an amazing group of friends, and a good, stable job. Aside from the bouts of depression he may occasionally fall into and the intense anxiety he battles, he feels good about where he is in his life. But what do you get when a hunky fireman, who also happens to be a piece of sunshine on earth, walks into a bar? You get a cautious of love man realizing that, shit, maybe some people might be worth the risk of heart break.

The Prince King by ziamhaze (69k) At twenty, Zayn finds himself a widower and single father of one. It takes everything in his power to raise the three month old alone while also keeping up with his budding career as an artist. Five years later and Zayn’s more dedicated than ever to do whatever it takes for the little boy to have a better life than the one he had at his age. When that includes hiring a professional carpenter to build him a treehouse, Zayn finds himself having to figure out how to win the man’s game of cat and mouse before the structure’s complete, or risk missing out on someone who makes him want to spend the rest of his life mixing oil paints together in order to find the exact shade of warmth that the contractor exudes.

These amber words on our fingertips by orphan_account (69k) Zayn's life in London is about one thing — making life perfect for his son. He's still finding himself in this city, with all of the noise and left behind dreams. He needs to focus and Liam is, well, distracting. He's different. Zayn's always liked that word.

These fading scars by lovely_ziam (69k) Vampire!AU in which Liam falls in love with a human.

But the sun comes up instead by blackwayfarers (71k) Zayn Malik, charming and confident fraternity vice-president, meets shy but achingly endearing high schooler Liam Payne at a kegger and everything just goes straight to hell.

The Only One Who Takes You Home by loveandbeloved (71k) The fluffiest stripper AU in which businessman!Zayn and stripper!Liam have a lot of feelings and they both get more than they expected.

Just let me know by SoftlyandSwiftly (72k - this one has two more parts so read them all!) Zayn wakes up in a hospital, eyes blurry and head pounding, only for a doctor to tell him he's lost two years of his life. And if that's not awful enough, something's different with Liam, off like something has changed, and Zayn doesn't understand. Until he does. And then it's somehow worse.

Money Moves by mmaree (74k) A Fake Engagement AU with Boss!Liam and Secretary!Zayn.

Give love a try, one more time by iwasnthere (75k) Zayn groans, "Liam, do you ever get tired of annoying me?""Nope" Liam replies, popping a chip into his mouth. "Because it's cute watching you lie to yourself""Excuse me?" Zayn looks at Liam bemusedly."You're lying to yourself when you say that ‘I annoy you’.” Liam does the quote unquote thing with his fingers, smiling. “Admit it, you like me.""You've been asking me out for the past year and a half,” Zayn states, “the answer you always get is no, and I'm pretending?" he asks incredulously."Yep." Liam grins, "I'll get that yes one day, Zayn." “Keep trying.” Zayn gets out, trying for snappy but it ends up sounding amused. Damn it.

Through the summertime, winter, spring, and fall by taecheeks (77k) They change with the seasons, burning bright during the summer and biting cold during the winter, but that feeling of being in love Zayn found in the summer clings to him through it all.

What We Become by scottmcniceass (78k) “Nervous?”“No.”“It’s okay if you are,” Harry says seriously. “I mean, I know I would be. Like, if there was ever a date that was destined to go bad, it’s probably this one. Werewolf goes on date with the son of a werewolf hunter, who’s also training to be a werewolf hunter when he’s older, while another pack of werewolves are practically massacring the town, and no one has no idea how to stop them. It's not a question of what could go wrong. It's a question of what could possibly go right, and I'm willing to bet the answer to that is nothing."

80k - 100k

Kick, Push by ziamhaze (85k) World champion street skateboarder Zayn Malik has been on top of the sport’s rankings since he turned pro at 15. So when the Olympic Committee announces that skateboarding will be included for the first time at the 2020 Games, he’s thrilled to take on the challenge while representing Great Britain. There’s just one thing standing in between him and adding another title to the record books: his crippling performance anxiety. But when Team GB Skateboarding’s awarded a physiotherapist with an affinity for experimental therapy methods and a crinkly eyed smile, Zayn thinks he might just have found his ticket to bringing home gold.

Pride by iwanttowriteyouafic (86k) The one where Zayn and Liam strike a deal to help each other through their dirtiest nights, but Zayn's perception of alphas may be preventing him from something purer.

Compartment 451 by ziamhaze (88k) Zayn’s a muggleborn wizard whose parents leave him to fend for himself once he’s made aware of his magical abilities. The Payne’s are an open minded wizarding family, who take him in and provide the boy with a loving home before he and their overly excited son Liam, go off to Hogwarts for the first time.

Tunnel Vision by scottmcniceass (90k) In which Zayn is an award-winning popstar with a knack for getting himself in trouble, and Liam is the bodyguard he didn’t want to hire who has a few problems with staying professional.

Z.A.Y.N. by ziamhaze (92k) For six years, international R&B star Liam Payne has topped the charts with his unique, upbeat songs. Even though he’s proud of where he’s gotten himself, he knows he can’t take all the credit; there’s one particular songwriter that goes by the name ‘Icarus Kalim’ that’s played a huge part in his success. Because of the writer’s ability to craft thought provoking tracks that touch Liam in a way he didn’t even know was possible from afar, the celebrity makes a musical exception for ‘Icarus’, buying the man’s songs for himself, even though he swore he would never put his name on something he had no help in creating. But what happens when Liam finally tricks the soulful poet into meeting him after years of not even knowing what the man looks like? Is ‘Icarus’ really all Liam’s made him out to be in his head or will he be unlike anything the singer could’ve ever dreamt up...

Colour my senses cherry red by thilia (96k) Zayn Malik, closeted gay pornstar.

+ 100k

Lost for Words by AGreatPerhaps12 (102k) The one where Liam has a stutter and zero self confidence, and Zayn has a carefully controlled temper (also starring Louis and Harry as that disgustingly-in-love couple and Niall as the only straight guy around, apparently).

Slow and High Tempo by taecheeks (103k) "I just want you, Liam," Zayn whispers, skating his lips across his. "Can I?"Liam's lips part more as Zayn's do, exhaling slightly as Zayn's words sink in. He doesn't understand what they mean, but he knows he meant it when he said Zayn could have anything he wants. His eyes flicker open to stare up at Zayn's dark ones, filled with a warmth that seems to consume Liam as he waits for him to respond. "Yeah, babe."

Deadpool by rorz94 (111k) Zayn Malik, a multi-millionaire good doer/artist, is targeted by a lunatic serial killer for no reason. Enter hot charismatic detective Liam Payne in the investigation of his case. Payne is assigned to protect Mr.Malik as a punishment from his supervisor but Liam does not think it's such a bad punishment to stay close to the attractive young man.

Permanent by scottmcniceass (114k) At twenty-six, Liam has made a name for himself as one of the best football players of his generation. He's in the prime of his game when a car accident threatens to end his career permanently. Depressed and hating the world, Liam heads back to his home town to take some time off and find himself again. He doesn't expect to find life pretty much the way he'd left it eight years ago, and he definitely doesn't expect to find something that might make him want to stay permanently, but that's what he gets.

Hello kisses sweet as wine by xxcaribbean (123k) Zayn doesn’t expect mr. payne to have all the answers, and he certainly hadn’t meant to leave an impression. So, this isn’t really a love story. Well, it shouldn’t be.

Intoxicate Me, Mesmerize Me, Obliterate Me by eternallyunleashed (280k) There was a certain heat obtained from rebellion that even the actual throes of heat never sparked. Keeping up an image of perfection; being the good kid, the perfect son to the Mayor and Chief of Police, the city of Lincoln’s sweetheart omega, it was all taxing to Zayn. Walking the thin line of danger was exhilarating. Was it coincidental that this danger happened to be an attraction to a certain alpha who was none other than the leader of the South Side Vipers gang, who seemed to despise him and the part of town he came from? Probably not. But when had anything ever stopped Zayn?

Can't Help Falling in Love with You by eternallyunleashed (518k) Zayn is an 18 year old just out of high school who is going to start pre-med in NYU in September. Liam is a 26 year old CEO of a major company and also an ex-football player. Their paths cross when Zayn lands an internship at Liam's company thanks to Harry and their lives are completely thrown off balance.

[ofravensandpearls]

Hiraeth

SasuHina Month Day 11

Paring: SasuHina / NaruHina

Genre: Hurt/Angst

Rating: T

Hiraeth a longing for a home you can't return to, or one that was never yours. It was warm. It was the sort of physical warmth that you felt whenever you drank a cup of hot cocoa on a cold December night among friends and loved ones. It was sweet and it felt like home. I mean, not that I would know. I never really liked hot cocoa. I’ve always liked the taste of black coffee more. It’s strong and straight to the point. That is what home feels like to me, but when she’s wrapped around my arms and when her back touches my chest, I question myself if black coffee is really what I want my home to feel like.

Growing up, I never really knew what it truly felt like to have an actual home. What I knew about it was simply from a mixture of observation, stories, and books. I lost my parents and my older brother at a young age. It was a freak accident they say. They were driving home one night, after my older brother’s piano concert, and a drunken truck driver hit them like a bowling ball.

Both my parents died on the spot, my brother was rushed to the hospital, but eventually died in transit. It was tragic and I couldn’t understand it fully at the time. I was just seven years old. I was suffering from a fever and my nanny just started crying and hugged me tight while repeatedly saying how everything was going to be alright. I didn’t understand. It wasn’t until the following morning when the servants were talking to my uncle, my father’s best friend, about my parents and brother being gone and how I’ll be living with him in Uzushio. Coming from Konoha, going to Uzhushio felt like miles away and I was just this scared and confused kid who wanted his parents back. It was a whirlwind of events after that. Things were being packed and I was quickly ushered into a black van with heavily tinted windows. The ride seemed to last forever, being seated beside my uncle, it was a quiet affair. He didn’t talk to me much. He just offered a gentle smile. “Uncle, what did you mean by my parents not coming back?” I asked. I realized how innocent I was back then, not understanding what was happening and how much hurt I was in for. He frowned for a moment but regained the gentle smile as he gave my arm a quick squeeze. “I’ll explain it when you’re older, but for now you’ll be living with me and my son Naruto. It’s going to be a vacation.” I remember smiling brightly at that. The idea of spending time Naruto Uzumaki, my bestfriend, for an entire summer was the best thing that could have happened in my life at that point, but of course I never understood what I lost until I was older and that’s when things started to change for me. After that summer, I started asking uncle why I’m not yet going home. He told me that it’s because my parents are having an extended vacation and that I shouldn’t worry about it. By the following year, when I started to go to elementary school, it was then that I understood I was never going home because there is no one to go home to. I finally knew that my parents were dead. They weren’t out on an extended vacation and me staying with the Uzumakis is a permanent thing. I went home angry at everyone. I pushed everyone away and locked myself in my room. I lashed out on everyone even Naruto, but he stayed. Now I’m twenty-one and I still wonder what home really is. I live in a two-bedroom condominium unit in a building located at Upper East Konoha with my adoptive brother and best friend Naruto. Our unit is always tidy because I can never take clutter or mess and I guess because of that it always felt cold. That’s where Hinata Hyuuga enters. She is sweet, smart, and beautiful all at once. She is unassuming and humble. She is all smiles and fluff and sugar and I never really understood what she saw in me. Naruto and I met her on the first day of high school. She was a new student and was awfully shy and soft-spoken. People were not exactly nice to her and Naruto being his everyone-deserves-to-have-friends self, dragged me to the corner where Hinata ate her lunch alone. “Hi I’m Naruto Uzumaki and this emo boy here is my best friend Sasuke Uchiha. It’s nice to meet you…?” He trailed off waiting for Hinata to respond to his boisterous introduction. She blushed and avoided eye contact with Naruto and myself. “Um… I’m Hinata Hyuuga. It’s nice to meet you too.” She almost whispered. Naruto smiled brightly and sat right beside Hinata even without invitation. “Okay Hinata! Since we’re friends, let’s all have lunch together? Okay?” Hinata once again blushed and nodded her head. I think I heard her say thank you, but I never really knew if she did because Naruto started talking animatedly. I sat across from the both of them barely giving input because just like Hinata, I was a quiet person. Since then, we’ve become best friends. It was always the three of us. If you saw one of us, you’d surely find the other two. Back to being twenty-one and sitting on my couch in Naruto and my condominium unit, with the television playing a random movie, Hinata sat beside me, her head laid on my chest, her legs were crossed with mine. My head was lazily propped on top of hers. It felt nice to have her warmth as I enclosed my arms around her shoulders. Her dark hair shined under the fluorescent lights of the unit. Her pale, lavender eyes are closed in comfort. I sighed in utter contentment. I would have said it was a perfect day, a perfect cuddle day. I would have had Naruto, my perfectly annoying-I’m-dumb-but-I’m-good-lookin-and-I’m-the-son-of-the-Mayor best friend not walk- in in that moment, but as fate would have it he did.

With Hinata being as shy as she was, she suddenly sat up straight upon hearing the door creak. She pushes herself off of me when she noticed Naruto entering the threshold of the two bedroom condominium unit. Hinata finally found her footing and stood up apologizing to Naruto in the process “Ah! Naruto-kun welcome home. I think it seems that I’ve overstayed my welcome. I’ll just-” Naruto cuts her off with a disarming smile. “What are you talking about Hinata? You’re always welcome here! I wouldn’t know how to appease Mr. Grouchy Pants over there if you weren’t here!” Hinata sighs in relief and looks at me with that radiant smile of hers. “Well, since you’re here HInata. Why don’t we have some instant ramen? I bought lots.” I rolled my eyes at Naruto as he wiggled his eyebrows at Hinata while showing her his plastic bags. Hinata giggled and joined Naruto in the Kitchen to prepare. I frowned. I can hear their laughter from where I sat. It was a nice sound, like the twinkling of bells- only those bells were currently being drowned out by some barking hyena. I hate Naruto sometimes. I mean I love him, he’s my brother, but now that he ruined a totally perfect afternoon I just can’t take his obnoxious presence. I closed my eyes and reclined on the sofa. Maybe if I tuned them out I’ll just imagine Hinata being back in my arms. That sounds nice. Maybe with some slow jazz and coffee it’d be perfect. My thoughts were cut because that’s when Hinata came out of the kitchen and came over to me and pulled me up. “C’mon, Sasu. Let’s go.” I peeked through my overgrown bangs, which Hinata always reminds me to cut because the emo look is very 2010, to look at her I shook my head no. “What why.” She pouted. It was always so cute when she pouted “Sasuuu…” I ceded. I couldn’t say no to her. She dragged me to the kitchen where Naruto waited. “There you are finally!” They laughed. I smirked and hugged Hinata. I kissed her temple and whispered to her how much I love her and how much I wish this were all real. She laughed, hit my rib with her elbow, and told me not to be silly. “This isn’t a dream!” and the bells rung once again. I laughed with her this time. A real, sad reverberation from my throat. I covered my face, frowned, and took a step back. In that moment. I stared into her wide beautiful eyes. “Yeah. This isn’t a dream.” I took a step back from her and backtracked to everything that happened today before I got to this point. I smiled at her as I kissed her temple, a promise of forever. She drags me to the kitchen island where Naruto waits for the both of us. I frown at her for leaving me. She sits up straight to distance herself from me. I opened the door to our dorm room to find her on the couch. With Naruto. Laughing at some stupid joke the movie said. She kisses his cheek and he smiles so brightly. He finally noticed me. “Oh hey Sasuke! Welcome home! I hope you don’t mind that Hinata’s staying over.” I eye her. I want to see that spark of recognition. That memory of her between my arms. Not this reality of Naruto and Hinata together. Of them in love. Of Naruto having his perfect little world. Of Hinata happily wrapped around Naruto and openly laughing and smiling, her chime like laugh a nightmare for me. “Ah… Hello, Sasuke-san.” A gentle, polite smile. I didn’t acknowledge either of them. I went straight to my room and locked the door. I lay on my bed. Wondering, what it would feel like to be the recipient of that smile. Dreaming of a time where she would laugh at something I say; and longing for a home that was never mine.

[moro-nokimi]

March 9, 2010

AN: 

TW: Joke about alcohol, death of a loved one, guns, pregnancy, vomiting to be safe, crimes against children.

I got my timeline all fucked up, sorry for that. You'd think that I'd be able to keep track of all that, considering that Raye and Naomi would be the same age as my mother... Whoops. 

Yes, they are that couple where Everyone Can See It. See my post about Umi Ga Kikoeru vs. this fic and the relationship dynamic.

ffn.online 

Smirnov whistled. “What are you wearing, Misora? Come on, it’s March, and you’re wearing leather?”

“It’s my bike clothes. Give me a moment before you talk my ear off,” Naomi replied. She was surprised that the lack of caffeine and sleep had left her semi-coherent.

“You own a bike?” Sheridan said. “Sounds like you’re more of a rebel than we thought.”

“It’s not rebelling to own a motorcycle, Sheridan. What are you doing in here anyways, Smirnov? Need a hangover remedy?”

“Ha ha, Misora. No, check your work email.”

“If it’s a joke, I’m asking to be reassigned.” She pulled off her jacket and reached for her laptop, then opened her work email.  

“Agents Misora, Sheridan, and Smirnov:

You all are being recalled to Washington D.C. I expect to see Agent Misora in the briefing room at 10am sharp on March 12. Plane tickets are being mailed as of now.

Best wishes, Director Mason”

She whistled. “For whatever reason we’re being recalled, it’s probably confidential.” She scrolled down. “It takes an hour to get from here to Narita, light traffic at best. It’s probably best that we get going in an hour.”

“But what would he want with you alone?” Sheridan asked.

“Beats me. But right now, I think we should just get packing and all that.”

“Nope, just you,” Smirnov said. “My stuff’s ready to go.”

“Good to hear. I’ll be a bit. Grab me some breakfast while you’re down there, will you?”

“Sure.”

⁂

“So, who has any ideas as to what Mason’s thinking?” Sheridan asked as they boarded. Naomi hit her on the forearm. “Keep quiet. For all they know, we’re just a bunch of tourists visiting. We can discuss this later.”

“It’s technically later right now,” Smirnov said. “So, anyways--hey!”

“Pay attention to what I said. If someone who has access to Kira knows that the FBI is--was--in Japan, then all of us are at risk. Which means the both of you need to shut up until we’re in the car with Mason.”

“I was only joking around! You didn’t have to hit me that hard!”

“Even a joke can get someone hurt. The both of you should know better by now.”

“All right, all right.” Smirnov huffed.

Naomi Misora has never had the habit of sleeping on flights. As her colleagues dozed, she stayed wide awake.

Sometimes, I wonder what would’ve happened if we hadn’t met, she thought.

“Naomi, please, don’t you want to start a family someday?” Audrey said.

“Sure, but on my own time. I’m not unfulfilled--I’ve got a great job,” Naomi replied.

“But no boyfriend.”

“Oh, look at that, I’m choosing not to date a man, the world is ending. I’ve got nothing to lose by not dating.”

“You can say that when you’re 40 and don’t have any kids.”

“More reason to spoil yours, right?”

“Do I really need that much help, Director? The both of us know that I’m perfectly good at my job alone,” Naomi contested.

“Sure, but you’re lacking in base knowledge of firearms--which Agent Penber has,” Director Mason said.

“While that’s nice, Director Mason, I don’t need the help.”

“You can say that when you can’t ID the gun or caliber at a crime scene,” Raye said. They were friends in the academy, but apparently the fact he knew he was useful had inflated his ego to the size of Jupiter.

And there she was, at the stalemate. Either she accepted the help and continued on her job, or she continued to go the route of arrogance and end up crawling back to him. Fine.

“Fine,” she said, jerking her head outside of the Director’s office door. “Come on, jagoff, I’ll show you the ropes.”

“I’m not a rookie. I joined when I was 23,” he said, as she walked him to the unit’s office.

“I'm aware of that, you dork. You haven’t worked in this unit, so you’re a rookie. Jesus, you're 24 right?”

“25 in a month. Shouldn't you know this?”

“It's been a while, go easy. And it's nice to know.” She stopped at her desk and pulled up photos from the latest crime scene--exhibit B showed at least a clip of bullets. “Show me what you know.”

“Excuse me?” he said, both eyebrows raised.

“I know you're a good agent, but I don't know about you as a firearms specialist.”

He narrowed his eyes and leaned over the desk, clicking through to the body and then back to exhibit B. “That’s at least a clip of a 10 millimeter Auto.”

“Stats?”

“Six inch barrel, an average of 546 foot-pounds per square inch of energy. Velocity. This cartridge was used in the Miami shootout seven--dammit, eight--years ago. After that, the FBI issued new cartridges--this one--to each agent in Hostage Rescue and Special Weapons and Tactics teams.”

“So you could easily say that this person has connections to the FBI. At least, these specific branches.”

“Mhm. Against something like a .40 Smith and Wesson, the .40 has better recoil, and it’s better for both civilian and law enforcement use. Not for the 10 millimeter, though.” He stood straight. “What's that tell you?”

“I think you’ve given us a new lead. Don’t go letting that get to your head, though.”

“You’re letting it go to your head,” she said.

“I am not!” Raye replied. “Okay, maybe a little, but still.”

“Either way, it’s going to your head. Call in the interrogation team for me, I’m gonna go grab lunch.”

“Hey! I’m not your errand boy!”

“Sure, but you’re still doing your job. I’ll be back in five minutes.”

“I better get something,” he said.

“I’ll see about that. You're not very imposing, you know.”

She returned five minutes later indeed. “So, what’s going on right now?”

“He did actually have a connection to the FBI--cousin, I think. Poor dude’s probably agonizing over it. Where’s my food?”

“In the breakroom. You can tell me more when you get back.”

“You could’ve at least brought it back.”

“I already tried, but I couldn't balance anything for shit. And I could eat a whole person.”

He sighed through his nose. “Dahmer. I’ll be back.”

She shook her head. "The one time my coffee takes precedence and you compare me to a serial killer."

"Oh, does it suck?" he asked. He smiled and she felt like she got punched in the chest.

She blinked as the plane landed. “Wake up, we just touched down,” she said.

Sheridan groaned. “Have you been awake this whole time? Dude.”

“It’s not like I haven’t stayed up over a day before. Wake up Smirnov for me while I grab our luggage.”

“I never pegged you for the guy who liked to cook,” Naomi said, leaning on the doorframe.

“My mom made sure,” Raye replied. “As for my dad, he just taught me the German and Russian stuff. And I’m a tad sick of takeout.”

“I can’t say I blame you for that. I gotta give a high five to your mom, though, you’re a stubborn bastard.”

“Hey! First of all,” he said, pointing the tongs like a weapon, “I took to it rather nicely. And second of all, I resent that statement.”

“You can take it. What are you making anyways?”

“Spaghetti. Not what you expected, hm?”

“Not really.”

“I won’t introduce you to the German and Russian stuff yet. Kinda heavy, if you catch my drift. Our favorite food is potato. Wait, no it isn’t. Either way. Do you wanna help?”

“Nah, I’m good.” She hopped up onto the counter anyways. "But tell me you can make Japanese."

“Oh, so you’ll stay around and potentially get in the way but not help? Tch. I see how it is. And of course I can, what kinda mother do you take mine to be?”

“Hey, I could’ve just left, but I decided to grace you with my presence. And I don't know her, dork.”

"Watch it, I might take that as flattery."

"Get a room already!" Suruga said.

"Shut up!" they shouted.

“Naomi?” Sheridan said, snapping her fingers inches from Naomi’s nose. “Dude.”

“Sorry, I spaced out for a second.” She pulled Sheridan’s luggage down and handed it to her, then Smirnov’s, and then her own.

“Yeah, lack of sleep does that to you.”

She inhaled. “Come on.”

⁂

“Glad to see you, Director,” Naomi said. “Is this a matter you can discuss as we ride to HQ?” 

“And you as well, Misora. Unfortunately, I cannot. This is to stay confidential, between the people I summoned, so Sheridan and Smirnov cannot hear as well.”

“Understood.” The ride lapsed into silence. She said, “Is it related to Kira?”

“Yes.”

She settled into her seat, desperately trying to keep her eyes open until she got into her hotel room.

“I see some familiar faces,” Director Mason tried.

March 12, 2010

Naomi wiped her hands on her slacks as the door clicked closed. She could count at least ten people.

Immediately, whispers started.

“No, kid, he doesn’t mean you,” a blonde woman said to her colleague. She rolled her eyes.

“The Bureau handed me over to the Agency, you know,” her colleague replied. “And he knows my dad. Of course he means me and a handful of other people.”

“Sometimes, I wish I didn’t know your tragic backstory.”

Mason cleared his throat and stepped aside to reveal…

A teenager. Playing with robots.

“This is N. He’s L’s successor. The both of us hand selected all of you for your respective skills, from both the CIA and FBI. This is the organisation known as the Special Provision for Kira.”

“And what if we don’t believe that?” one man said, crossing his arms.

“Tucker,” Naomi said, “don’t be stupid. What reason would Mason have to lie about that? Use your head.”

“After the original L died, he was replaced,” the teenager said. “The L that we all know of is a front put up by the Japanese Task Force.”

I wish I could be surprised, she thought. Their styles are too different.

“Fine, fine, I believe you,” Tucker said.

She shook her head.

“As you were saying, N?” she said.

“Thank you. As you all know, the Kira case first appeared in 2003--six years ago. I trust that you all know the basics of how Kira first appeared and what his MO was.” N pulled up his--Gundam?--transformer and using it as a puppet, and said, “But, as the case progressed, Kira had went on a two week hiatus. Then, all of a sudden, it was white collar criminals that were being killed in addition to the typical criminals. The MO had changed.”

“So then the weapon changed hands,” Naomi said.

“Correct. Then, after roughly five months, Kyosuke Higuchi--the Kira behind the crimes--had dropped dead after a car chase that brought down even my predecessor, who was famous for having never shown his face. The killings stop for one week. Then, they pick up again. The MO had changed--back to the original MO, but then murdering bank robbers and the like. The weapon had changed hands again.

“The day after the killings resumed, my predecessor had died, and was replaced by the Japanese Task Force, who did not want to cause alarm.”

“So can we assume that Kira had accomplices?” the blonde woman asked.

“Indeed. If you all remember, there was the Sakura TV incident.”

“What happened?” McEnroe asked.

“The Second Kira had made a broadcast on Sakura TV, which is known to be your typical yellow journalism hotspot in Japan,” Naomi informed him. “She held the entire station hostage, and called out to the original Kira.”

“She?”

“Women’s speech patterns vary from men’s. I don’t remember how, but it’s rather different. Where do we go from here, N?”

“That’s a good question, Naomi Misora. From here, we’ll be moving to headquarters in New York, downtown Manhattan. I’ll probably get into contact with the Japanese Task Force, and then we can share information back and forth.”

Somehow, she didn’t think that he was telling them the whole thing.

“Meeting adjourned,” Mason said.

Sheridan and Smirnov were waiting outside the door, and ambushed her just as soon as she got out.

“So, what was all that about?” Smirnov asked, one arm around her shoulder.

“Get off of me,” she said. “It’s confidential for a reason.”

“Aw, come on! It’s not as if you’re a civilian.”

“It’s still confidential, Smirnov. I’ll hear none of it.” She ducked under Smirnov and Sheridan, and said, “I’m going to ask the Director about possible arrangements for my apartment and… other things.”

“Of course. Don’t keep us waiting!” Sheridan called.

She scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Director, a word?”

“Of course,” Director Mason said.

“I’m going to have some issues moving my things across country. See, my apartment is in Los Angeles--my--” she swallowed and forced herself to say it, “Raye’s brother is currently staying there, and I need a couple days to transfer the lease and move all of my things out, as well as make arrangements for therapy and the like.”

“Take as much time as you need. The building won’t officially be finished for another couple months. September, at least.”

“Oh, that’s later than I thought. Well then. Thank you for answering. I’m going to go and arrange a flight.”

She walked out of the building, and narrowed her eyes at Dunleavy asking a civilian for her phone. She made note of it and climbed into her car. She’d barely buckled when she almost backed into someone.

“You know, it’s usually considered good form to check your mirrors,” the blonde woman from earlier said.

“Sorry about that. I haven’t had much sleep,” Naomi said, after pausing for a second. Wow, she is… really pretty.

“Mhm." Halle nodded. "I look forward to it. You’re a legend.” Halle smiled.

She leaned onto the wheel and said, “I don’t know about legend. Though, I don’t think this organization needs one.”

Well done, Naomi, already venting to a woman you don’t know. Scratch that, barely know.

“You’re not known as one for no reason, Misora. I’ll see you around.”

Naomi nodded, and made sure to check her mirrors before backing out this time. She fell face first onto her hotel bed with a sigh.

“Totally blew that,” she muttered, peeling off her jacket. Her phone buzzed. “What’s up, Adrian?”

“Nothing much. Sorry that it’s taken me so long to call. I’d wish you a happy late birthday, but…”

“It’s bad luck. I know the superstition. Sorry, you were saying?”

“Anyways, I just wanted to ask, since this apartment’s lease is coming up, are you going to renew it?”

She swore. “When is that?”

“The 27th.”

“Gotcha. I’m going to renew it. By the way, you and your wife are going to need to move out sometime--I’m heading back to LA. I can stay with your parents for a while, but I’ll need to get back into my apartment before I lose my mind.”

“Naomi! Why do you never tell us these things…”

“I’m in DC right now, actually. I hadn’t learned that I was going to be coming back to DC until the ninth, so I couldn’t have told you and your family.”

“That’s fair. And confidentiality laws. Anyways, when are you going to head back here?”

“A day or so.”

“That’s not a lot of time to pack.”

“You won’t have to, not for a while. I’ll transfer the lease over before I leave, and then you and your wife will officially be renting it, not me. That’s when I have to move to New York.”

Adrian whistled. “You sure do move around a lot. Though, I remember Raye did that too. Comes with the job, I suppose.”

“Yeah,” she said. Somehow, it didn’t hurt as much when he says it.

“Where in New York, out of curiosity?”

“The Big Apple, actually.”

“You’re shitting me.”

“I am not. How’s your wife doing?”

“She’s all right. End of the seventh month--officially at 28 weeks, now. Are you planning on being the gay, spinster aunt?”

“Bye, Adrian.”

⁂

“I’m sorry mom and dad couldn’t make it. They’d love to see you,” Michael said. Naomi climbed into the car. “And, of course, Adrian and Laney are in the same boat.”

“What’s going on with Laney?”

“Morning sickness is back and worse than ever.”

She winced, though she had yet to experience that. All plans of it had went out the window when he died. She pursed her lips and forced all thought of Raye from her mind.

“Yeah, after her bout with HG the first time… Anyways, I heard you had to move to the Big Apple for work. Tell us how it is.”

“Providing I can get a chance alone, ha.”

“Trying to remain busy?”

“Busy as I can get, yeah.”

He tapped out the beat to the lyrics of All Apologies. “It’s weird to realise that you’re outliving your oldest brother.”

She smiled wryly. “I was all of six weeks younger than him. It’s weird to think I wouldn’t have died six weeks after.”

Michael was silent. The only resemblance that him and Raye bore was the cut of their eyes and their stature. Beyond that, it was hard to tell they were brothers at all.

“Naomi… You are in counseling, right?”

“I’m not suicidal.”

Scratch that. Same personality.

“You’re depressed, at best.”

Raye scowled. “I don’t like this guy.”

“Then kick the damn door down and let’s be done with this,” Suruga replied.

Even a glance at his face, cool but barely restrained anger boiling beneath the surface, could’ve told you his thoughts. He braced himself against the brick a la Rorschach in The Watchmen, and with one quick, almost stablike jam of his heel by the doorknob, it burst wide open. The children in the house recoiled from the door.

“Oh, Jesus,” Gardner muttered. “Raye, go upstairs with Naomi and search the house.”

Gardner's knees popped as he knelt to talk to the kids. Naomi cast an anxious glance behind her and followed Raye up the stairs. He was muttering darkly under his breath, about what he’d do to the guy if he weren’t with the FBI.

“Don’t beat the dead horse here,” she muttered, not intending the pun of the perp’s display name on the dark web.

“It won’t be a dead horse until he’s dead or in prison forever,” he replied. The clack of the slide being jerked back punctuated the statement. If he did do something rash, she wasn't keen on holding him back.

“Yoohoo, Naomi? Anyone home?”

She blinked. “Sorry.”

“He is the worst kind of person, and I’m not even a little sorry about saying that. Making snuff films of children,” Raye muttered, rubbing his temples.

“Agreed. Children are the one thing you should have restraint on,” Suruga said. “But at least we're not talking, like. Fetal abduction.”

Always the optimist.

"Dude, don't. I'm already sick to my stomach." (And he was looking a little on the green side.) The ME passed him a can of flat ginger ale.

“It just, uh… reminded me of a joke I made. By accident.” 

Michael shrugged. “All right.”

⁂

“So, how long are you going to be in California?” Nana asked.

“With the rent as is? Good luck,” Michael said.

“Oh, I know, it’s horrific. Luckily I make a decent amount of money each month, so I can make rent. And if I can’t, then I have lots of money in savings.”

“Or you could board with someone.”

She shrugged. “Maybe. Once we get to know each other I can ask. I wouldn’t feel comfortable encroaching on a stranger’s space.”

[tabloidtoc]

National Enquirer, October 12

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Queen Elizabeth’s 73-year sham marriage to Prince Philip collapses

Page 2: Kanye West is in top-secret talks to launch his own TV network and is crowing it will be bigger than the Kardashians -- he wants it to reflect his lofty vision of what the world should be and to provide a spiritual awakening for the masses but he doesn’t realize there aren’t a lot of people who want to spend hours a day listening to him rant about how the world would be a better place if he was in charge -- meanwhile Kim Kardashian is at the end of her rope again 

Page 3: Furious Angelina Jolie is tearing into Brad Pitt’s new girlfriend Nicole Poturalski blasting her as a scheming psycho and as a borderline stalker who is dating Brad just to get famous and it’s going to end in disaster for the whole family not just him so she’s already told Brad to keep Nicole away from their kids and she’s looking to make this part of their ongoing legal case 

Page 4: Newly single Kelly Clarkson has enlisted fellow country star Maren Morris to help her find a new man -- Maren advised Kelly to use her talk show to connect with men she admires but Kelly may have taken her advice a little too literally when she had her crush Keanu Reeves on the show and was drooling all over him though she knows it’s probably wishful thinking 

Page 5: Ellen DeGeneres kicked off her new season by publicly apologizing for allegations of misconduct on her talk show but body language experts blasted her remarks as tone deaf and missing the mark totally 

Page 6: Jimmy Fallon’s wife Nancy Juvonen is furious over the time he spends nurturing his bond with close pal Kathie Lee Gifford -- Jimmy loves to reminisce about the old days at NBC with the former Today yakker especially during today’s challenging times and he worships her and he’s the only late-night host who treats Kathie Lee like an A-lister but Nancy can’t stand Kathie Lee’s constant self-obsessed talk and considers her a squeaky third wheel 

Page 7: Cher keeps trying to turn back time with plastic surgery but the results have been disastrous and although she insists her most recent work is a facelift her kisser is frozen and packed with Botox and fillers and lip injections -- she also appears to have had a nose job and a face and neck lift to achieve a smooth jawline and neck and the results have left Cher barely able to move her face and even made it difficult for her to speak let alone sing, disgraced chef Paula Deen had emergency eye surgery this summer in a desperate bid to save her sight -- Paula had been suffering from declining vision for months and was shocked when doctors told her the cornea was dying and going under the knife was necessary to save her sight 

Page 10: Hot Shots -- Tiger Woods took a brief break during practice, Leighton Meester caught some waves in Malibu, Kristen Taekman in a New York Jets bikini, Dolph Lundgren doffed his mask after leaving a lunch date in Beverly Hills, Dominic Cooper took his electric bike for a spin in London 

Page 11: Cash-strapped Tori Spelling and husband Dean McDermott are back in couples therapy and on the verge of filing for bankruptcy -- they’re in counseling for the same old stuff which is their constant fighting and spending money and work that isn’t happening -- the parents of five were hit with tax liens totaling nearly $1 million and were also sued by American Express over an unpaid credit card bill of almost $90,000 which Tori asked her mother Candy Spelling who is worth about $600 million to pay but Candy refused and after Candy revealed her plans to leave her fortune to animal charities Tori and Dean may file for bankruptcy because they both love to spend, Bravo bigwigs are hoping hotel heiress Kathy Hilton will fill the vacancy left by Denise Richards and Teddi Mellencamp on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and producers are trying to keep ratings high by getting veteran Kyle Richards to recruit sister and former castmate Kim Richards and half sister Kathy -- Kathy is said to be high on producers’ wish list because of her wit and humor and is also considered old-school Beverly Hills and show brass want her to bring a certain glamour and sophistication to the show 

Page 12: Straight Shuter -- Demi Lovato at a NYC screening party (picture), when the ball drops on New Year’s Eve in Times Square Anderson Cooper won’t be there because he would rather be at home with his baby boy, The Bachelor has cut all ties with Colton Underwood after his ex Cassie Randolph got a temporary restraining order against him, Teresa Giudice plans to move to NYC after listing her New Jersey mansion but she still wants to keep her job on The Real Housewives of New Jersey and to get around that Teresa hopes to pretend she’s moved into her brother Joe Gorga’s home in Jersey 

Page 13: John Legend revealed couples therapy helps strengthen his marriage to Chrissy Teigen and said they keep their romance going strong by communicating and being considerate and listening, Jackie Stallone was more than just Sylvester Stallone’s mom -- she was also one of the world top astrologers and psychics who predicted the fall of the Berlin Wall and Kanye West’s presidential run 

Page 14: Crime -- convicted Melrose Place killer Amy Locane is in lockup again for a fatal 2010 drunk-driving smashup that took one life and nearly took another after a New Jersey Superior Court Judge said she got off too easy by serving two years behind bars and sentenced Amy to eight more years in state prison 

Page 15: The gruesome house of horrors where Drew Carey’s ex-fiancee Amie Harwick brutally met her untimely end is on the market for $1.5 million and her family can’t wait to get rid of it, Shannen Doherty is in pretty good spirits amid her ongoing battle with stage 4 breast cancer according to her former Beverly Hills 90210 co-star Jason Priestley

Page 16: Cover Story -- After decades of turning a blind eye to her husband’s cheating Queen Elizabeth’s 72-year marriage has shockingly collapsed and Prince Philip is now banished to a remote cottage far away from the monarch -- despite royal courtiers painting a rosy picture of the couple quarantining together at Windsor Castle since March the truth is their marriage has been a sham for decades and they’ve been living separate lives for over 50 years and all this forced togetherness was simply too much for them -- Philip has been cheating on Elizabeth since before they were married and has several love children; he has rumored to have had flings with actress Helene Cordet and Daphne du Maurier and Pat Kirkwood and Jane Russell and Merle Oberon and Zsa Zsa Gabor and Princess Alexandria and Sacha Duchess of Abercorn and most recently Lady Penny Romsey -- there will be no divorce and they will just quietly continue their separate lives to the end of their days but the queen never wants to see Philip again 

Page 18: Larry King’s estranged wife Shawn Southwick is demanding $33,000 a month in spousal support because she claims she gave up her music and TV career to marry the frail talk show host and then raise their sons Chance and Cannon, Hollywood Hookups -- Halle Berry and Van Hunt dating, 90 Day Fiance stars Ashley Martson and Jay Smith split for good, Justin Duggar dating Claire Spivey 

Page 19: Tom Cruise is set to shoot the first major movie in outer space and he’s headed to the International Space Station in October 2021 with director Doug Liman -- the two and possibly one additional actor will hitch a ride aboard Elon Musk’s SpaceX Crew Dragon capsule to film the unnamed project, the IV needle allegedly used to administer the fatal dose of propofol to Michael Jackson on June 25 of 2009 is up for auction by the estate of the late singer’s father Joe and the chilling item used by Michael’s physician Dr. Conrad Murray is reportedly still stained with Michael’s blood -- it was submitted to the auction by Michael’s cousin Marsha Stewart who says she took it from Michael’s bedroom days after he died, Sharon Stone has pressed her lips on a long list of Hollywood hunks but picked Robert De Niro as far and away the best kisser but rated her other leading men as kind of like meh 

Page 20: Stars Playing Stars -- how they did it -- Muhammad Ali and Will Smith, Frida Kahlo and Salma Hayek, Ray Charles and Jamie Foxx 

Page 21: Marilyn Monroe and Michelle Williams, Queen Elizabeth and Helen Mirren, Billie Holiday and Diana Ross, Bob Dylan and Cate Blanchett 

Page 22: An adopted son of Mia Farrow and Woody Allen has charged it was his mother not his father who was the monster in the family -- Moses Farrow says Woody did not molest adopted daughter Dylan Farrow in 1992 and that he can no longer stay silent as Woody continues to be condemned for a crime he did not commit 

Page 26: Less than nine months after Kobe Bryant and daughter Gianna died in a helicopter crash a vicious feud has ripped the family apart -- the row erupted between his widow Vanessa Bryant and her mother Sofia Laine after Sofia went on TV to publicly accuse her daughter of tossing her out of the family home -- Vanessa feels she’s already given her mom so much and then she heard through the grapevine that Sofia complained she should have more -- it does seem cold that Vanessa would take such action against her mother but she’s ready to take on anyone using her husband and child’s deaths as a selfish cash grab and that includes Sofia 

Page 27: Danny Masterson’s rape trial is looming and the Church of Scientology is doing everything in its power to back the scandal-scarred actor -- the church’s leaders have assigned their top lawyers to aid Danny who is a prominent member of the religion and the lawyers are scouring every law on the books to get the case thrown out or get him acquitted -- the church has previously been accused of trying to get the other side’s defenses dismissed or judges thrown off cases and using all manner of tactics to delay due process 

Page 28: American Life -- Bighearted ex-billionaire Chuck Feeney has spent 38 years giving away nearly all of his vast fortune and the generous do-gooder said he wouldn’t have had it any other way 

Page 29: Famed stoner Willie Nelson can’t stop sampling his own marijuana products and now friends fear the 87-year-old music legend is smoking himself to death -- Willie’s a believer in the powers of cannabis and promotes it passionately but years of smoking has done a number on his lungs and he can barely breathe at times, Julia Duffy has been keeping close a tragic heartache for more than a year -- her only son Danny Lacy committed suicide at age 29 after years of suffering from mental health issues 

Page 34: Comic Kathy Griffin has seen her popularity plummet in recent years and it’s played a role in her plans to sell her sprawling Bel Air estate -- Kathy has burned a lot of bridges and concerts and TV appearances have dried up because of her many industry conflicts so she’s trying to unload her massive manor with wine cellar and movie theater and eight bedrooms for $16 million -- she didn’t want to sell it but the cost and size have become too much for her to handle 

Page 36: Health Watch 

Page 38: CIA bigwigs once hired a psychic to determine if there was life on Mars -- the misguided mission was said to be part of Project Stargate which was launched in 1978 and somehow cost an astronomical $20 million after the CIA hired a man who claimed he could see the surface of the planet in his mind -- the unnamed man claimed he could see huge pyramids and an obelisk structure and road networks on the Red Planet as well as living creatures, John Lennon’s killer Mark David Chapman shocked the parole board when he admitted he deserved the death penalty even as he begged for his freedom at his last hearing -- his murderous motive was seeking self-glory -- the board denied his parole saying they found his statement infamy brings you glory disturbing 

Page 42: Red Carpet -- London Fashion Week 

Page 45: Spot the Differences -- Luke Bryan and his dog Choc 

Page 47: Odd List -- doctors remove granny’s football-sized tumor 

[quileutedeity]

are you dumb? | q.a

summary: claire loves pocahontas, and it turns out quil might have a thing for her, too.  pairing: quil ateara x anastasia connor (OC) (I’m really shitty at reader inserts and absolutely hate writing ‘y/n’ so yes, there’s an oc for this lil one-shot. Pls love her, shes a soft bean.) a/n: unedited, roughly 3k. circa 2010, making claire 7 and quil 21 :) if you dig this, maybe consider sharing or dropping a comment! hope ya’ll enjoy! 

For a child, Disneyland is easily the happiest place on earth. It was truly exhilarating to see your favourite Disney characters come to life, to be able to interact with them, to experience their splendor. There were eight kingdoms inside the park, each revolving around a given slice of Disneyana. Fantasyland was obvious -- that one was for fairy tales, princes and princesses. Tomorrowland launches you into a more futuristic theme. New Orleans Square provides a more sophisticated feel, resembling that of the French Quarter, whereas popping over to Toon Town felt like you were stepping straight into a cartoon. 

A family trip for five ultimately turned into pack gathering of ten. Emily was more than excited to bring her nieces to the magic kingdom, but falling into her third trimester three weeks prior to when their flight was to leave, she was saddened to say she wouldn’t be able to go. Naturally, Samuel gave no second thought to staying home with his wife, and so five turned into three, leaving Quil scrambling at the last minute to find someone to supervise two eight year olds with him. He couldn’t handle Claire and her sister alone, not with the pair of them constantly going out of their way to have his heart fall out of his ass. 

They were little monsters.

Four days shy from departure, Quil had wrangled in each and every pack member with some bout of luck. Jacob had been the easiest; Renesmee had yet to leave the comfort of Washington, and Bella was more than willing to allow Jake to take her child out of the state for a week of adult-supervised fun. Truthfully, Quil knew that she complained to Jacob all the time about needing some quality time with Edward. Jacob never really thought much of it, given that they shared at least twelve hours a day to themselves. 

When Kim caught wind of the trip, she all but begged Jared to go. Not wanting to endure six days alone with his girlfriend, two brothers and their tag-along ‘children’, he managed to convince Embry and Paul to come, too. Surely they could make the most of the trip with a little harmless betting. 

And by then, it seemed pointless for the leftovers to even bother trying to evade the question. Seth nearly jumped up and down, unable to contain his excitement. Not much else was expected from the twenty year old, and Leah only came along because Seth promised to buy her mouse ears. None of them had ever stepped foot outside Washington themselves, not outside of their wolf forms, so they decided to view it as a family bonding experience. 

Sometime a week later, Quil sunk himself deeper in the hoard of blankets that covered the entirety of his bed, unwilling to move from the plush comfort of the mattress. Their flight had been tiring and long, and his abnormally large frame was not designed for the seats provided in economy. No one was willing to argue about sleeping arrangements when they landed and made it to the hotel, and so everyone had been divided.

Claire, her sister and Renesmee were roomed with Leah and Kim; Jared hadn’t been thrilled about spending an entire week sharing a room with Paul, given that he snored and would be the culprit behind a messy bathroom, but at least Seth would be able to provide some comedic relief. This left Quil with Embry and Jacob -- both of whom had been awake for over an hour, and were tired of waiting on their third party to rise. 

Frustrated and impatient, Jacob glanced over to the shared bathroom, and then the arrangement of glasses that were brought up during housekeeping. They definitely didn’t hold enough water in one, but with two he was certain he would have his friend up in no time. 

“What are you doing?” Inquired Embry when Jake stood from his seat and padded past him; he was playing online poker, attention otherwise distracted whilst he waited for Quil to rise. 

“Waking him up,” Jacob grunted, swiping two cups from the silver platter to fill with cold water from the bathroom faucet. He’s too damn lazy for his own good, Jacob thought. 

Embry was yanked from his trance as a loud, high pitched screeching suddenly filled the confinements of their room. His earthy hues cut to Jake, who stood over their friend with a fuming expression. 

“Dude, what the fuck!” Quil brought his voice down a few octaves, hand immediately moving to pinch his nose and squeeze his eyes shut. The bitterness of the water hadn’t been necessary, truthfully a simple smack to the forehead would’ve been enough. Five more minutes, please, just five more minutes --- 

“Get up.” 

His exhaustion began to trickle away from the edges of his foggy mind, slowly allowing him to gain more consciousness and awareness to his surroundings. “You’re worse than Claire.” 

“Get up.”

There it was. That goddamn birthright. That stupid frequency to his tone that was unwavering, and final. It wasn’t that it dropped, or picked up more bass -- it was completely undetectable to the human ear, but both Embry and Quil flinched under its preeminence. There was no use in trying to fight it.

So Quil begrudgingly abandoned his sheets, shouldering past Jacob to pluck his towel off the back of a chair before retreating into the bathroom. 

The whine of the water racing through the pipes broke the momentary silence. Jacob exhaled in defeat, collapsing backwards into his own bed with a hand threaded into his hair. He tried not to do that. He really did, but whenever his emotions elevated, it was hard to keep it at bay. 

Twenty-five minutes later, the boys are dressed and pulling shoes on when a trio of fists slam into the other side of their door, pounding incessantly until Embry finally yanked it open. He revealed Claire and her sister, wide eyed and bushy tailed, in front of an equally excited Renesmee. 

He let them run past him into the room, all three jumping onto the separate beds each of the boys occupied during the night, effectively ruining the sheets Jacob had just made. 

“Where’s …” Embry trailed off, divot between his brows deepened as he took a step forward to peer into the hall; Leah and Kim were slowly making their way towards the open door, sporting tired eyes and coffee trays in hand. “You look rough.” 

“Bite me,” barked Leah, shoving past his wide frame. 

Kim, albeit sleepy and still falling over, offered him a warm smile and held up her tray, “Black. Just how you like it.” 

None of their coffee orders changed over the years -- except Paul, who had come to the conclusion that caffeine fed his emotions negatively, and as a result ended up switching to tea, instead.

Embry took his coffee from the lot, dipping to press a swift kiss to the top of her head. “You’re the best,” he cheered, lifting the beverage to his nose. Yeah. Coffee was definitely what they needed to start their day. 

“Has anyone heard from Jared?” Kim wondered, handing Quil and Jacob their respective drinks. “I tried knocking on the room an hour ago, no one answered.” 

Jacob shook his head; typically, he wouldn’t have reason to worry, but they were in unfamiliar territory, and none of them knew what to expect. Quil slurped down his mocha, watching the gears in his best friend's head turn. He knew that look all too well.

“They’re fine, Jake,” he tried, but it was a futile effort. 

His words were dismissed quickly before Jacob launched himself away from the window and towards the beds, shoulders tight with stress. “One of you are gonna end up hurting yourself, and then you can’t go on any of the rides.” 

“Oh, c’mon!” Nessie whined, halting her movement entirely. “We’re supposed to be having fun.” 

“Fun is in the park,” he reminded her, helping Claire’s sister, Cicily, down from the bed. 

Claire hopped down, placing herself in front of Quil with an expectant look. “Quil.” Tiny hands moved to rest on her hips; she resembled Emily for a fleeting moment. “I want to go now. Please.” 

At least she used her manners. 

Claire was determined to visit all eight kingdoms. Originally, she didn’t have a preference on where in the park they started, but by the time lunch hour rolled around and they’d finally stopped for some ice cream, she was all but demanding they head over to Fantasyland next. 

“Should we go back to check on the boys?” Kim called from somewhere behind the boys, kids perched on their shoulders as they carried them from Toon Town. “It’s been a couple hours, Jared hasn’t texted me yet.” Her concern was warranted; Jacob was fussing over their absence, too. 

Quil looked sideways at Leah, who was quietly walking alongside him, licking her vanilla swirl cone. Apart from himself, she was the only one who hadn’t complained about the lack of rowdy and energy present -- he wondered if she was enjoying time away from Seth. This was a vacation of sorts, after all. 

“They’ll catch up when they’re rea -- ow!” growled Quil, wincing as Claire’s fingers yanked hard on a fistful of hair. “Ease up, Clairebear!” 

“Look!” She pointed to the general vicinity in front of them; there were hundreds of people, several rides and a handful of buildings -- what exactly was he supposed to be looking at? Quil didn’t even know. “Pocahontas!” 

And before Quil could even reach up to help, she was attempting to crawl her way down the length of his towering frame to the safety of the ground. He could practically feel her excitement radiating off her in waves. 

The Native princess was one that Claire was particularly fond of, and Quil speculated that was because she was the only princess who looked remotely close to his imprint and her sister. Just this past Halloween, she made a big fuss about going out with a one-armed dress and a blue necklace. Quil helped her pick the material, but had to get Jacob to weave it into a necklace and attach the pendant Quil found. His fingers were just too beefy to work with the string, and Jake had always been dexterous. 

Claire ran out towards the crowd, sending Quil into an immediate bout of panic as he tried to race after her, momentarily losing her bobbing head in the sea of children and parents. 

“Wow!” 

He narrowed his eyes in on where Claire’s voice came from, landing eyes on her as she stood next to the young woman dressed up; her dress was tailored to fit her frame perfectly, almost like a second glove, looking like a real life replica of the princess he watched at least once a day for nearly a year. Her necklace, however, definitely wasn’t handmade. 

The shifter waited nearby whilst she went on her thrilled tirade, bubbly voice drowning out the rest of the kids that stood close by and watched her in slight amazement. Sure, other little girls and boys were over the moon when they came across their favourite Disney character, but Claire? 

Claire damn near fell over. 

With tears in her eyes, she grabbed onto the woman’s hand and squeezed tightly. The cast member dropped down to her level, using her thumb to gently wipe the child's cheek, and then offered a dazzling smile. 

“Woah, hey,” Quil stepped in with a nervous laugh, uneasy about how his imprint had gone into a full blown cry. “Whatsa matter, Clairebear?”

“I-I’m … just s-so … happy!” She managed between hiccups, swiping the back of her hand over her eyes to clear them -- a useless effort, the tears continued to fall. “You’re the prettiest princess I’ve ever seen!” 

Pocahontas, or .. rather the woman playing her, was definitely taken off guard by the young girls passion. Truthfully, she picked this particular character due to her own personal ties to her own Native history. The longer she listened to Claire cry, the more aware she became that the child in front of her resembled much of herself as she grew up; suddenly, she understood her overwhelming emotions and dove into consoling her. 

“Hey, now,” Ana was always good with kids. There was something about her that made them feel welcome, and safe. It was why she fought so hard to become a cast member to pay her way through school. Becoming an early childhood educator was a dream, one she was two years away from achieving. Ana gripped tightly onto the girls hand, touching her chin tenderly. “I’m so happy!” 

“W-Why?” 

Ana giggled, only aware of the man towering over them from the outline of his shadow, and continued, “Because you’re here, silly! Today’s the most special day!” 

Claire’s large brown orbs gazed up at Ana for two heartbeats before her lips broke out into a wide smile. This kept the tears at bay for now. 

“I’m sorry about this,” Quil huffed in a forced laugh, meeting the cast members eyes for the first time. Hazel, the green more vibrant with the sun shining in them, soft and kind. Taken off guard, he stumbled over his next words, “She’s uh … not usually this … emotional. You have really nice eyes.” He just had to get it out there.

Ana blinked, surveying his frame for any sign of insincerity prior to a light dust of colour rushing to her cheeks. “Thank you. And don't worry about it, I’ve had some kids throw up on me.” 

His brows disappeared into his hairline, lip pulling upwards in the corner trying to imagine the pretty woman in front of him covered in chunks; definitely not the most appealing thought, or sight, but her indifference was slightly humorous to him.  

“People just love you that much, huh?” 

Playing along, she nodded matter-of-factly, “Yes, sir, they do.” 

Claire, whilst only eight and naive, could see the way her princess swayed and leaned towards Quil; was she thrilled the attention had moved from her? No. But, Claire asked Quil all the time if he had a girlfriend, even pointed out pretty girls when they drove to the beach and asked if he thought they were pretty, too. Of course, he said yes to the majority, most of the time to appease her, but there was some truth behind it. 

He’s had a handful over the last few years, though none ever seemed to last. Or want to, rather. Not being able to pull them into his real life was what hindered them the most. Most girls hated how withdrawn he could be, disliked his secrecy, some couldn’t stand his brothers -- one had even pointed out that he was more willing and eager to spend time with Claire, over themselves. 

Guilty. 

Spending time with Claire was pretty much all he did. With her in school now, they did see each other less; it didn’t bother him if he went a couple days with only a phone call. He mostly wanted to check in and make sure his favourite human bean was happy, and seldom ever turned down an opportunity to see her. 

So, he babysat. A lot. And after a lot of discussion and consideration, Claire was encouraged to refer to Quil and his brothers as her ‘uncles’. It came naturally, which was no surprise to everyone. 

Embry did ask if the imprint bond made things hard. Quil admitted that he wished every day he had imprinted on someone his own age like the rest, but now could not see his life without Claire present. With or without the bond, she was easily one of the coolest kids he’d ever met. She only recently learned how to ride her bike, and Quil was already excited to teach her how to drive. 

The conversation progressed quickly; they shared tid-bits between each other, basics. She did snicker at his name, something he usually would’ve given her grief for but he decided that the way it rolled off her tongue made up for it. The pair didn’t realize the group had moved on, though Ana was suddenly very aware of the lingering eyes that waited patiently until she was finished. 

“I’m done at seven,” she started, taking a step back to pull herself from his bubble, “And I’m gonna eat my bodyweight in soft serve. You wanna join me?” 

Definitely. The shifter nodded quickly, pulling his phone out from his rear pocket to create a new contact; he took her number, promising to message her sometime after she was finished -- he wasn’t sure if the others would be upset with him, but if all else failed, he knew Embry would supervise Claire for him in his absence. 

Claire was the one who might have the biggest problem, but it was a surprise when her eyes lit up and she clapped excitedly. 

“You’re going to see the princess again?” 

Quil wanted to laugh, but nodded instead. “I want to. If that’s cool with you? I can come back and stay for the movie night --” 

“No!” Claire yelled quickly, abruptly cutting him off. “You have to go.” 

He thought about her kind smile and patient eyes, two features he never would have paid mind to as a teen. But as he entered adulthood, Quil found himself appreciating little things he typically never did. 

“I have to?” 

“She’s a princess, are you dumb?”

[405]

awful flowers*

It's 2009 and it was summer but the breeze coming from the Pacific Ocean, we could feel it as we walked through downtown Long Beach.  The sky was starting to get darker with each new hour.

If you ever wondered whether or not you're different, especially when you're as young as I was, don't worry - everyone is always waiting to tell you how different you are, especially your family.  Different from them, I suppose, but I was just a teenager and everything affected me.  I think that's where I failed to build up a tough skin like people say.

It's 1998 and David invited me over to his house to watch a movie.  I couldn't tell you what we talked about but we watched Pulp Fiction.  I drove all the way up to San Pedro from Carson.  Did I skip class to go?  I was still marveling at the fact I was in college.

David was the first person in years I always wanted to talk to.  He was a friend of a friend.  I don't remember how it was that I met him, not really.  But even all these decades later I still remember his smile and his dimples.  He had a chin dimple.

When Bruce Willis is getting out of the shower in Pulp Fiction, before he blows a gasket because his girlfriend forgot his father's watch at his old apartment, he's toweling himself dry and David says how hot he thinks Bruce Willis is and he shouldn't have had the towel in the movie.

Very many years after David, I became engaged and that day felt like the day David gave me his number.

My older brother and I are in high school at the same time in 1992; he's a senior and I'm a sophomore and one morning we're walking into the school and a person I know from band walks opposite us and says good morning.  His name is Albert.  

David tells me, a few years after high school, he loves the Disney character Maleficent.  I don't know who that is.  He's all smiles when he talks and in retrospect, how could we not see that anyone and everyone could tell we were not straight?  When you're a kid, you always think you lie very well.

Corey breaks up with me twice in a span of almost two years, 2009-2010.  He was right to do it because even after David, and decades-worth of living, he is a more better-rounded man and I am.  It still hurt.  Made me cry twice and I couldn't argue it, especially after he gave me another chance.  He was there when I got fired from my job, he sat in the back of a police car with me when I was driving with an expired license.  Corey was sitting in my car when another car going up on La Brea was hit by a white SUV sending it crashing into mine.  Frankly, what can you do, right?  

I remember a lot about our time together.

I used to call David almost every day in between classes.

Remember pagers?

I used to go to the student union in between my chemistry course and my first linguistics seminar and used the payphone and we'd talk for those two hours. I went to the local Cal state, Dominguez Hills.

Remember having to add time to calls with quarters and dimes?

I have a memory of having a woman waiting for me to be done using the phone one time, but I didn't finish and she left.  I wasn't even embarrassed.

I only knew David for about a month, maybe two.  But he changed my life, and he doesn't know.

I would tell Isaiah he was the love of my life and my best friend.  So when he asked me to marry him  of course I said yes.

We took a vacation that was amazing.

We lived in Dallas then.  We'd been living together for about three years in New York, where we met, and we flew to Las Vegas that spring.  It was 2017.  It's one of my favorite stories about me and him and any of the men I've ever loved, The story of the ring and engagement.

The Sunday before the trip, I borrow his car for work.  I don't remember why but I did.  I didn't think anything of it.

We make plans for a group date in 1998.  David and his friend, and me and mine.  They all love the movie Grease and it is out in theaters again, but I don't remember why.  David held my hand the entire movie.

Corey was the first person I ever reached out to when I found out I was HIV-positive in 2007.  We hadn't met in person yet.

How Corey and I met was in 2004 via MySpace when MySpace was new and a thing.  I'd never even heard about Facebook, then.  But he was so handsome: green eyes and mustache, heavily-filtered  picture before any of us knew what a photo filter meant online.

How it worked then: he showed up on a friend's page – Lisbeth Espinosa - and I thought he was handsome so I clicked his picture and read what he wrote and I was floored.  I never read anything that was so brutal and fragile at the same time.  I wish I'd saved his stories from then because I'm feeling nostalgic.

He was handsome and smart and had had a pretty tough life.  I don't even know why he even wrote me in the first place when he saw I'd added him to my friends list or like one of his posts.

It is 2020 and that is what I'm thinking and I only told him recently he's my hero.

But I called him heroine because it's like that.

My older brother tells me in 1992 not to talk to Albert and to not hang around with him after Albert walks by and says good morning to us both.  I kind of laugh and ask him why, does he know him?

Albert and my older brother are in the same grade so he tells me.

My older brother, tells me I can't be around Albert because he's a fag.

My older brother, he tells me he can't have people knowing his younger brother hangs around with Albert.  Because he's a fag.

I”m fifteen years old and I don't know I'm not straight yet.

David and his and my friends come pick me up from my house to go have breakfast that spring and when I tell my father, he's upset and angry in that way he can't ever hide, but I don't know why.  This is after Grease but before my father hits me for the last time.

We're in Las Vegas and we go do things and eat things and fuck and love each other in a way that I never thought I could.  It's 2017

I loved every second of it.

Here are some things: we took a helicopter ride, we shopped and window-shopped, we had drinks for breakfast, I took him to the Double Down and Freezone, we went to the aquarium at Mandalay Bay.

It may sound very middle class and it was and I loved it. All of it.

On the second night, after the helicopter ride over the Las Vegas Strip, we're in a limousine, on the way to Piranha and we're talking but I don't remember about what because he begins to tell ask me to marry him, he reaches into his jacket pocket for the ring, and I interrupt him and say yes and I fall to the floor of the car and I cry and I love him and he loves me.

The love of my life.

My family never knew about Corey even though I was living with them and I'd lost my job.

I told Corey I would tell them and I never did because I was a coward.  

It was 2010 and I was thirty years old and still afraid of my parents and coming out.  This wasn't self-imposed: Corey asked me how long I needed and I told him the end of August and I never did it.

Over a decade later Isaiah asks me to marry him and I tell my family, my parents and my siblings, all four of them.  None of them tell me they're happy for me.

A decade before Corey, David changes my life.

A little more than a decade after David, I see Corey on the Sunset Strip, at a vegan restaurant where I am with a friend of mine – Jodi – and Corey walks in with his date and I lose my shit.  It was October 17th, 2010.

Strange the things I remember about out time, Corey and me.

David changed my life in this way:

Nearly two decades before I met Isaiah, I wrote pages and pages in my diary about David.  How I felt about him and how he made me feel.  David was the first boy I ever felt about in all the cliched ways.  Puppy love but what can you do when you're twenty-one? I write all the pages in a notebook that I left out in the family living room one night and went to bed feeling amazing and my older brother read it.  This was before that breakfast but after David held my hand.  The next morning was a regular day.  The next evening was not regular because my older and younger brothers told me they read what I wrote.  In the typical self-righteous ways, they told me all the ways in which my life was a mess.  But I didn't care and I'm sure I told them so.  I was so smug.  I remembered Albert, then.  My younger brother was quiet, my older brother was extremely upset.  I didn't give a single fuck about them and their invasion of my privacy and my own stupidity for having left my diary out in the open.  I just wanted to go to bed because I went to class and work and I didn't care about what my brothers thought about my loving this boy.  My older brother then told me he told our parents.

David was the first boy I ever liked.

Very many years later, it's 2009 and we're at a downtown Long Beach train station, Corey and me.  Before we broke up the second time.

Even more years later, I'm calling my mother and father from Dallas to tell them I'm engaged to be married to Isaiah.

Corey changed my life in this way:

I'd read the novel The Road by Cormac McCarthy and a movie based on it came out.  We went to The Grove in Los Angeles and I remember liking it but not loving it.  Corey and I were at his apartment building in Hollywood, at the bottom of the stairs.  This is before we became anything somewhat serious, before the two break ups.  And we're talking about the movie and book.  He hadn't read it.  We're parsing out what we think the apocalypse in the story is, what the cannibals mean, what the father's failures are, what the boy gets from strangers at the end, when the father dies.  And we're talking for almost two hours and we're disagreeing wildly.  And laughing and arguing in the best ways possible.  That was when I knew.  I don't know about him, but I remember that night for always because until that point, I hadn't ever discussed something like that with a man.  I knew then because we disagreed about a movie and he never once backed down.  In 2004 I new this but maybe forgot?

My older brother would have hated him.

My younger brother wouldn't have.  Corey and him have the same birthday.

Very many years before then, Albert told me he knew no one liked him at school because he was so flamboyant and openly bisexual.  He told me these things.

Corey was the first man I fell in love with.

That was how Albert changed my life: he existed as a teenager.

In 2017, Isaiah told me after our drinks at the Double Down and engagement that he was worried when I borrowed his car some days earlier, before the Las Vegas trip, because I'd made a joke about him taking me on a vacation so he could propose to me.  I laughed and told him I'd been making those cracks for years but I really didn't want to pressure him.  That wasn't what he meant. We were together for four years.

Isaiah told me as early as 2015 he'd wanted to ask me to marry him and I couldn't believe it.

Isaiah told me when I borrowed his car that previous Sunday to go to work, he already knew he'd ask me to marry him on the trip and I asked something dumb I think, and he laughed and told me that Sunday before our trip, when I borrowed his car, the ring I was wearing, the ring was in the glove box. We laughed.

It was the best day of my life.

My father changed my life in this way:

On a Monday in 1998, he confronted me about David.  I came home straight from classes because he told me to that morning and I did because my father was scary.  And I called my then-best friend crying.  I was worried.  I was frightened.  I came home and my father didn't say anything at first.  In the evening, he comes into the room I'm sharing with my younger brother and tells me off.  This is why he was so angry about that breakfast with David and our friends – he already knew.  He knew David was going to be there.  This was a terrible bullshit play that people make movies about.  Those movies about non-straight kids killing themselves, and adults being murdered simply because they exist.  I don't remember what my father said or what I said, but at a point, my father slapped me.  And he walked out.

Over twenty years before I say I will marry Isaiah, that's when I lose any semblance of respect for my father and my brothers.  I will never be like them.

My older brother changed my life in this way:

His girlfriend called me a faggot and he laughed.

Albert and Isaiah and Corey and David and my father and my older brother, these men all changed my life when I didn't want them to.  But probably when I needed them to.

Over a decade before Isaiah ends our relationship, in 2009, I'm walking Corey to the train in Long Beach and the weather is beautiful and we're holding hands and a pair of women, they say something I don't catch bu Corey tells me what it is and I say something like, “Aw, they like us together.”  We wait for the train – Corey lives in Hollywood, and jobless me lives at home in Long Beach.

Train arrives and the full platform begins to fill some more with people getting off the train.

I move to kiss and hug Corey and he tells me not to.  I think I said, “Really?”

Corey says he can't let the guys in the train he's about to get into for an hour-long ride know he's gay.

Corey is worried, scared?

Corey knows the world better than I do.

We don't kiss, we don't hug, and he gets on the train.

Albert and I were never really friends.  I wonder every now and then what happened to him.

Isaiah changed my life in this way:

I never really thought that I would ever want to be married to anyone. And when I was thirty-nine, we went to a bar in New York City, in the Upper West Side.  We weren't having a great day.  I remember that but I don't remember why.  It was the first place we'd first met for drinks but not as a date a year before.  The Suite Bar was the first place I ever met him in a social situation and I told him about me and my life, and the first time he flirted with me.  But New Year's eve in 2015, before we left New York for Dallas, we were drinking and not having a great time, an interracial hetero couple came in with their friends and they were loud and bright and Isaiah and I lit up because these people were drunk and when other people are having fun, we were having fun watching.  And when this couple bought us drinks we said thanks, and when this couple and their friends asked us to dance we said yes.  She was a firefighter and he was a model; she was white and he was black.  And we danced and sang and drank with them and their friends.  Isaiah saw me onstage at a shitty Upper West Side gay bar singing along to some bullshit Madonna song that isn't Borderline.  And I knew he loved me and I loved him.  Not in the way that it sounds.  I knew then I loved him in the way that no one in my entire life had ever made me feel.  I don't know if I would call him husband, but I think that's when I knew I would ask him to marry me, or say yes if he asked, somewhen in the future.  I didn't know until that moment that could commit to someone so unequivocally and without hesitation.  He changed my life.

Years later I interrupted him asking me to be with him forever while we rode in a limousine to a shitty gay bar in Las Vegas.  And Isaiah changed my life again when almost after two years of engagement, he broke my heart when he said he couldn't give me what I wanted as a man, as a partner, as a husband.

In 1986, I walked into a classroom in Wilmington, California, and saw the pretties girl I ever saw.

(*title comes from saeed jones’s HOW WE FIGHT FOR OUR LIVES)

[martianarctic]

Devin’s Playlist -2010s Part 1

This is an unfinished retrospective look at what I listened to during the 2010s. This decade was exceptional for me, as it was the first decade where, for almost all of it, I was not a musician myself. 

Being a musician forces you to listen to music like a musician, and being free of that, and able to listen as a listener alone, really made this a spectacular decade for me. I found dozens of incredible albums that were released during the decade, many of which received no significant recognition.

This was a very large project, and I did not finish it. I made it through Retrowave, Shoegaze, and Post punk. If anybody cares, I will finish the entire project, which will add Dreampop (the largest category), Vaporwave, and Dark Ambient.

Retrowave: Retrowave is electronic music that, at first listen, sounds like it may be from the 80s or 90s, mostly because the synths it uses to generate the music are either retro-inspired or literally retro equipment in some of the more extreme cases. It generally features original compositions, often, but not always, is instrumental. Rough vocals would impede the tightness and angularity of the music, so when vocals are used they are often pop produced and highly melodic. This genre gained significant exposure from Nicolas Winding Refn’s 2011 masterpiece, “Drive”.

Galactic Melt (2011) Com Truise

Electronic artist Com Truise rose to prominence off of this fantastic record, which rallies around the undeniable electro anthem of 2012, “Brokendate”. Starting with some found audio (chopped and screwed found audio becomes a big deal later on in Vaporwave) and then dropping in an absolutely thick beat we’re met with a song that eventually, as layers are dropped on, ends up being meditative, romantic, and melancholy. Emotions to that point, not well associated with dance music, but definitely would come to color the entire decade.

Era Extraña (2011) Neon Indian

Electronic solo bedroom pop was pretty cool at the end of the 00s being pushed hard by guys like Twin Shadow. I am not sure how I got ahold of Neon Indian but this album was, in a lot of ways, the true start of my musical decade. I had not been so excited and enthusiastic about a record since I had retired from making music. It really gives you a new perspective to not feel like you’re in competition with everything and trying to learn from everything- just as a listener, I was enthralled with this entire record.

Visitors (2012) Lazerhawk

I did not get into dark retrowave until after 2013 and thus discovered Lazerhawk and this record after the fact. Visitors is, in my opinion, the best dark retrowave album ever made, more consistent and listenable than competitors such as mega drive or carpenter brut. Also. This album absolutely sticks the landing with the street-strutting powerhouse “Arrival”.

I am the Night (2012) Perturbator

Made famous by soundtracking the indie game hit Hotline Miami (one of the best games of the decade), Perturbator carved a niche for himself with fast, brutal, high energy dark electronic music and absolutely bonkers live shows. Perturbator has a large catalog of content- I am the Night is definitely the starter kit. Starting off with a thick minor chord, a church bell, and a sample of Peter Finch’s speech from “Network” you immediately know what’s in store- dark, dystopian and undeniably French electronic dance music, complete with breathtaking beat breaks, big bass synths, and complex compositions.

Innerworld (2014) Electric Youth

I had mentioned that Drive was a major popularizer of retrowave- and one song in particular, a collaboration between another retrowave artist named College, who created the low fi, catchy bassline for the song “A Real Hero”, and the vocals and lyrics, created by an artist called Electric Youth. Their record, 2014’s “Innerworld”, is one of the best retrowave efforts, with the second track, “Runaway”, even better than the song that made them famous. The pop chorus “Maybe we could just run away for good/cuz we’re both mis understood” soaring over thick, atmospheric synth pads will have you slapping the roof of your car, as you race through the freeways of LA at 3AM.

Atlas (2016) FM-84

Speaking of roof-slapping bangers, “Running in the Night” is probably retrowave’s most popular anthem, boasting one of my absolute favorite vocal performances of the decade. A group claiming rock and roll city San Francisco as their home base (despite being both British), FM-84’s Atlas is absolutely packed with a mixture of the atmospheric instrumental Miami Vice type music suggested by the red and purple setting sun cover as well as vocal driven pop songs such as the single mentioned above.

Hardwired (2018) Mitch Murder

Mitch Murder is a retrowave institution, having made the soundtrack to the viral youtube movie Kung Fury, and also, I suspect, the original music used by twitch personality Dr. Disrespect. However, he almost entirely releases 3-5 song Eps, making it tough to pick out a standout. However that all changed in 2018 with the release of Hardwired, the most accomplished mitch murder release to date. Starting off with the Jan Hammer style “Altered State”, it stays on brand throughout but tells a very unified instrumental story of cyberpunk dystopian adventure. Vangelis-style synths bring in the closer track, “Revision Control”, one of Mitch Murder’s greatest tracks. Evolving through different moods, different scenes, we can imagine the “human” protagonist confronting his cyborg nemesis he has been tasked to execute.

Retrowave Album of the Decade:

Dark All Day (2018) Gunship

As the decade wore on, retro wave slowed down for me. I thought it might be over but- without warning, Gunship, an artist I had listened to but not been completely impressed by, released what is probably the most accomplished album in the genre. Spanning various tempos and musical themes, utilizing several guest vocalists, the scope of “Dark All Day” keeps you listening to the record again and again. This record represents an evolution in a format that was at risk of being just a fad. “Come on lost boys, lets stay alive” over a ripping saxophone lead suggests mere 80s fetishism, but there is more substance than just that. The following track, “When you Grow Up, Your Heart Dies”, takes an upbeat electro jam, and really goes for emotional impact with a series of samples of characters from pop culture saying inspirational things, my favorite being “Everything worth doing is hard” which I think is just Teddy Roosevelt. My favorite track of the record, the slow ballad “Artemis & Parzival”, begins with swooning, Vangelis-style pads and then into guest vocalist Stella Le Page’s gorgeous vocals. This track definitely belongs on anybody’s make out playlist. “Were all gonna die that’s just how it is, there’s no escaping the future, nobody gets what they want in this world, even for you and me” is one of the greatest lyrics of the decade.

 Nugaze/Shoegaze-Adjacent: Shoegaze is a genre of music that features highly layered guitar effects (often run through 10 or more effects, creating a signature “vacuum cleaner” sound with a ton of distortion and white noise) and breathy vocals. Relying heavily on the depth of character of the sound, shoegaze guitar tone and production is a major creative point and almost all of these records are self-produced. Vocal themes are usually depression-inspired and lovelorn meditations, the music sounds, to most, dull and dreary, but to some, it speaks deeply to their feelings about the past and future. Shoegaze is often mixed with other guitar genres on this list, from Post Hardcore(Nothing, Title Fight), Black Metal(Deafheaven), and Thrash Metal (Astronoid).

Road Eyes (2010) Amusement Parks on Fire

Around 2010, I was promoted at my job to a new role that would require a bunch of travel. I was not a big fan of riding on airplanes. Also around that time, my brother had moved into my apartment, then out of it, and I only had a few months left on the lease. My favorite shoegaze band of the 2000s, Amusement Parks on Fire, played a gig at 330 Ritch, a club in san Francisco. I had a fantastic time at the show, and particularly loved their new material, which made it onto a record they called Road Eyes. 2 months later I moved out of my apartment in San Francisco and never would go back to living as a single dude.

Anyways, the travelling. The opening and title track to the record came to symbolize change for me. And it also was the song I would listen to every time my plane would take off. It helped me deal with the fear that something might happen- no matter how insignificant the chance – and if it did, while that song was on, it would be okay. Indeed, this was, and I will warn you I am not qualified to treat mental illness, but this actually really made flying much easier for me and it is a ritual I continue to do to this day, whenever possible.

Pipe Dreams(2013), Sway(2014), Feels like You (2019) Whirr

San Francisco nugaze/dronegaze band Whirr, large and complex, problematic, aggressive, are behind some of my favorite music of the decade. Their three album career reflects to me upon the primary feelings of youth: euphoria, anger, and sadness.

Pipe Dreams is a blissful set of jams, meditative, energetic uptempo and with almost totally co-ed vocals. Noisy production casts a hydrocarbon haze over the songs, raw vocal melodies reach out of the fuzz and suck you in. “Junebouvier” and “Toss” capture the euphoric and  youthful energy of a summer in San Francisco: starting off with breakups May thru July, and hot hookups until September or October when people settle into relationships. Two hungry eyes emerging from straight-bangs to make eye contact with you, and hold it- the exhilaration of touching somebody new.

Sway, the band’s masterwork, starts off with a heavily muff-distorted major 7th chord suspending us until the massive drums, now a hallmark of the band’s sound, kick off the beat into the opening rocker Press. The band switches up rhythms between drums, guitars, and bass to bring rock and roll-type turnarounds and breaks that really keep you on your toes and engaged. The lead guitar is classic legato shoegaze, using delay to achieve a long, sustained scream. Compositions are key on this record- not following just simple A/B patterns there’s some thought to the structure of the songs and record. “Dry”, in particular, demonstrates some of these ideas. A/B sections, underscored with “Drown me everytime… Dry”, give way to breaks, ethereal echo guitar solos, giving a hint of the powerful ending. A 4 chord progression accented by breathtaking drum fills finaly flourishes into a screaming cymbal-laden guitar finish.

Feels like You, the bands purported final album, starts off with some quiet echo piano. The melancholy major 7 chords the band has leaned on throughout their music are laid bare as we press play on the record. Add guitar. At a little after 90 seconds the band jumps in after with a thick blanket of lonesome self-reflection and chemical depression. The bands penchant for composition remains to the end, with changes keeping you engaged as the noise soothes your heart. “Younger than You” is one of the band’s greatest tracks, starting with an almost Smashing Pumpkins/Silversun Pickups esque clean unison guitar/bass into distorted and layered noise, ending with a drum-guided, rock and roll style outro.

 Guilty of Everything (2014) Nothing

One of the things I mention in my preface to this is, for me, the 2010s were the first decade of my life that ended with me not being a musician. And it opened some doors for me, creatively, to be able to hear music and think about it purely as a listener and a person. Something others have frequently described to me, that I had never really done, was just spend an entire weekend listening to an album.

I saw Nothing on KEXP 5 years ago when Guilty of Everything was out and they were on tour. I’ve seen them twice in person since them and bought every one of their records. The weekend that I got Guilty, I was attending a close friend’s sisters wedding, and pretty much was in a hotel room drunk in overcast-as-fuck santa cruz all weekend. And you know what was being played through headphones at practically all times.

Nothing is mostly the musical project of a guy named Dominic Palermo, a punk from the Philly scene that had spent more than a year in prison for a stabbing. He isn’t much of a vocalist or guitarist, but he is a fantastic artist, writer, photographer, and visionary, and the creative force behind what is now a rotating cast of other musicians.

Guilty of Everything is definitely their best record, opening with the massive meditation Hymn to the Pillory, into the definitive single Bent Nail, a perfect marriage of hardcore punk and shoegaze elements, falling apart into the 90mph crash, into a wall, final outro chorus “If you feel like/letting go…” repeated over and over over pure drone guitars, seamlessly flowing into the romantic slow jam “Endlessly” The closing title track is one of the best closers of the decade, perfectly sticking the landing on this brilliant lyric: “My hands are up, I’m on my knees I don’t have a gun, you can search me please. I’ve given up, but you shoot me anyway, I’m guilty of everything. I’m guilty of everything”.

Hyperview (2015) Title Fight

Nothing wasn’t the only Pennsylvanian post-hardcore band to bend their sound a bit shoegaze. Title Fight also sneaks onto this list with their outstanding record Hyperview from 2015. Appealing compositions and melodies combine with harmonized vocals, even some 16 beats on the hats- things we expect from post hardcore, but slowed down and smeared out a bit into the shoegaze aesthetic. My favorite track from the record, “Hypernight”, combines some screamo hype man chorus, math rock inspired guitar and bass lines, and is just all in all one of the most unique tracks to come out of the decade. “I don’t want to see things differently, its what I am taught myself to believe”.

Grandfeathered (2016) Pinkshinyultrablast

I admit that I bounced off of Russian electro-shoegazers Pinkshinyultrablast the first time I listened to them a few years ago. There was just too much going on and I didn’t really have the inclination to jump in and grab on. Operatic female vocals, noisy djenty guitar, shimmery, clean guitar, all swirl together in what is undoubtably a great record for having a tinder date IF, and I say IF, you’re willing to run a musicological acid test on them.

Whether it was listening to a bunch more music, particularly ambient music, or just changing taste now I can’t get enough of this band. They do slam from idea to idea in a song, but it’s a controlled speed- it’s not pleasant to a lot of people, but once you get yourself situated, you’ll wonder how you ever missed this band to begin with, if you’re not one of the people reading this and thinking, naw dude, I got this shit RIGHT AWAY.

The compositions on the record are, in fact, carefully considered and composed, combining noise rock with clean ambience deftly and changing up styles repeatedly throughout each song and the record. Everybody knows we can no longer control dynamics via volume in today’s world of headphone/device listening,  ultramaximizing mastering, laptop speakers, etc. So Pinkshinyultrablast controls it with style. This record is definitely the more guitar-driven of the albums from this decade, with their release 2 years later being more electronic and vocal focused.

Slowdive (2017) Slowdive/My Bloody Valentine (2013) mbv

There are two bands that are credited with creating and or popularizing the Shoegaze movement during the late 80s and early 90s. Those bands are My Bloody Valentine, and Slowdive. Both of whom released albums during the 2010s. And frankly, both records are damn good for two bands that have been basically on hiatus for 20 years. Neither has really stood the test of time for me, although I listened to both exhaustively upon release. 

The opening tracks of both records are absolutely mesmerizing, this slow, sexy intro is clearly the part of them that became stronger with age. The manic rock energy of their more upbeat tracks however is absent or at least forced, and I think is what keeps these from being really what I’d call strong records. Nevertheless, both albums belong on any shoegazer’s playlists both for the quality of the music as well as the nod to the progenators of the genre we love so much.

Time n Place (2018) Kero Kero Bonito

KKB was already one of the biggest indie rock groups in the world when they released this their second full-length album. Making a big move sound-wise from super squeaky clean hip hop style production to sloppy shoegaze guitars and drums, they alienated a lot of fans with Time n Place, but I don’t see how. For me, coming in for Time n Place and then going back in the catalogue to Bonito Generation, I see it as a very natural progression. As the artists become more confident and mature, it’s natural they should explore some other emotions and moods.

That said I am not the usual KKB fan. Actually at their show in San Francisco in 2018 I was probably in the top 95 percentile of being an old fart. Around me, mostly twentysomethings on the first half decade, casually doing key bumps right on the show floor, something scared old gen Xers like me, still remembering their friend’s divorced dads in cigarette boats they sold for coke in the 80s, are still too paranoid to do. The crowd definitely starting pogo jumping at the chorus to “Only Acting” a grungy, poppy metaphor between acting on stage, and being young and in love.

Right after that, “Flyaway“ is the upbeat shoegazey manic anthem that really got me sucked into the band to begin with. Combining fuzzy guitars that are more reminiscent of Japanese rock bands of the 00s than shoegaze with a crystalline clear melodic vocal line from Sarah, this is the track where I grab a handful of dirt from my dying hill, and say if you don’t like this song, you don’t like the band, the record, or my musical taste.

Miserable Miracles (2018) Pinkshinyultrablast

Reinventing themselves record by record, Pinkshinyultrablast keeps on the cutting edge and doesn’t make a habit of anything. Miserable Miracles is more electronics driven, lead and pad synthesizers bringing in the music with their trademark soaring, operatic vocals. Guitars are present as well, but heavily stretched with cathedral reverb and long delay. A smoother sound than Grandfeathered, but well-poised to issue a majestic, meditative prayer such as “Find your Saint”, my favorite track. Like walking into a Germanic church on Sunday, the vocals rise to the ceiling forcing you to look up at the light breaking in through stained glass synthesizers. At about 100 seconds, all of the pieces drop in together to lift you into wherever it is you are going. “I used to talk- about it” brings the heavenly outro to bear, one of the most powerful musical moments of the decade.

Astronoid (2019) Astronoid

I am part of a few music groups on Facebook, and one of them mentioned this band, calling them “Dream Thrash”- a combination of dreampop and thrash metal. I’d say its more thrashgaze, with heavy effects/djenty guitar and the more whispery vocals than are a hallmark of the shoegaze genre, not the clear pop produced vocals that are the hallmark of dreampop.

That out of the way, this is possibly my favorite record of 2019. The opening track, “A New Color”, brims with energy and hopeful optimism and replaced Road Eyes as my airplane take off song. Right around 3 minutes in, when the plane is airborne and gaining climbing u to cruise, when we’re often breaking through the clouds, comes in possibly my favorite guitar solo of all time. On this record, Astronoid are unquestionably uptempo metal yet somehow at the same time being slow-changing enough to carry the emotional weight of shoegaze. The second track, “Dream in Lines”, is an aggressive, more metal-informed rocker, and the third is a power ballad that absolutely sealed the deal for me in terms of loving this album.

Other high points include the uptempo thrash jam “Breathe” and “Water”. Again infusing the metal, djenty mute strum guitar with soaring vocals and heavy backing harmonics, this record continues again and again to deliver head-banging jams that touch and heal a deep sadness in the soul. “Water” is a darker exploration, starting with a heavy chunky two-guitar & bass instrumental, virtuous breaks, and expansive echo and reverb. The band sounds like they are playing in the middle of an interstellar arena, fists human and alien in the sky.

The album sticks the landing with the penultimate track “Beyond the Scope”. This incredible song starts slowly, but upon reaching a turn, goes double-time as the melody and music climbs in pitch at 100 seconds in. This transition takes us into a greater urgency, with sustained, over-flying guitar notes keeping the harmony rich and complex.

Then, the beat drops out and a single guitar chord rings- “My hands are on my ears/They won’t stop ringing” smashes into your brain and your heart. Then again, the building section- “Feeble-minded/I can not decide/in my world, now I know/there’s no such thing as dying/so leave with a goodbye” and into another build and back to the chorus-

“My hands are on my ears/they won’t stop ringing”. I don’t think any lyric can better express the decade than that. If it were somehow possible for this album to end on this song, it would be at the head of this category.

Everything Starts to Be a Reminder (2019) Echodrone

As a former musician, I have a lot of friends who are musicians. I am very brutally honest about my feelings in music and that can make it awkward to have to comment on a friend’s hard work. Echodrone’s latest record made this very easy- the record is simply amazing. Echodrone’s earlier records bounced off of me a bit, but this one has just the right mixture of drone-drenched empty space, ethereal vocals, emotional anguish and euphoria, and a strong connection to the last 10 years in my mind. The tracks are named after the four seasons, starting with Winter and ending with Autumn. Interestingly, the tracks do not really stand out as being separate in my mind, much like how you cannot easily separate a season from another season in the same year.

“Winter” explodes with an epic, cymbal-laden meditation, that continues to grow and grow and expand, then finally becomes quieter, more melodic, and less drony in the second half of the 18 ½ minute song.

“Spring” features a finger-pick echo guitar interspersed with a beautiful co-ed vocal line guiding us down a pathway of different melodic and harmonic ideas. It then enters into a several-minutes long jammy contemplation that is utterly ecstatic to me- synths layered with effects-laden bass and more echo guitar into a full stop.

The best song on the record, “Summer”, begins with a vocal sample into a more or less straight-ahead rock and roll jam. This gives way to a downtempo effects section, then at right after 4 ½ minutes, gives way to a sound I can only call Olympian in hugeness. Fuzz bass, echoing guitars, and multilayered female vocals create this trance-like atmosphere that is rarefied and deeply marked with potent and everchanging imagery at the same time, like cream on top of coffee.

The sound continues to change and becomes quiet again once again with echo guitars carrying the music through. Back to a rhythmic return at 12 ¾ minutes. A synth flute melody flies over the whispered vocals, complex drum patterns- an opine to the end of life’s summer, the bitter sweetness of being old enough to not be hurt anymore by unlikely things failing to fly.

 Shoegaze Album of the Decade:

Sunbather (2013) Deafheaven

A single distorted guitar chord progression holding several notes through the chords for changing harmonics, exploding into double kick and even more guitars, into black metal screaming- this is the unmistakable beginning of Sunbather by San Francisco black metal band Deafheaven.

Due to its downtempo sections, overall distorted and layered production, and emotional scope, this album is loved not just by black metal fans but also by shoegaze fans such as myself. It is a perfect example of a successful crossover- not anticipated or forced in any way by the creators- but it just happens to work on so many different levels.

There are really only four songs on this record, the tracks in between them are much needed interludes. Something all Deafheaven songs do very well is compositioning. These tracks play out, in a way, like classical pieces, with many different sections, transitions, themes, changes, openings, closings, callbacks- it’s so incredibly dense and accomplished that you can listen to this album for weeks on end and still be surprised.

“Dream House” is the blazing opener of the record and puts on display everything we love about every song on here. To make this song the first track is insane, simply because of how over-the-top insanely powerful it is. After a brief interlude of just picked echo guitar, a single chord strum, the entire band comes back in a beat later, and this isn’t even the most emotional part of the song. That’s going to be at 7 minutes, 20 seconds in “I watched/It die!!!” screeches the vocalist as a guitar ostinado plays over the key notes that have been presented throughout the song in brutal crystal clarity. Then at 8 minutes- the vocalist and guitar break down, screaming and double picking guitar notes. It is difficult not to cry at this ending- and this is only the first song on the record.

“Sunbather” is both the title track and the album’s dark heart. Thrumming with a complex beat from the start, the other instruments are layered over this like a tangle of vines across an iron fence. Skillful use of double kick and drum fills keeps the band on target as we get to the breaks and turnarounds. The cymbals and guitars swirl creating complex patterns. Listening to this song from far away with extremely poor speakers would sound like static- similar to how Jupiter looks like a pale gold smear- turn up the volume a little, get a little closer, and you see the rich, threatening complexity of the swirling clouds of music and emotion. The song ends with a slow section about ¾ of the way through the 10 minute piece. An unforgettable echo guitar line plays sparsely over drums- invoking a Cure-like gothic sensibility. Then the band comes back in, playing the same melody and expanding upon it, a lighting bolt magnified to a thousand forks and twists going in all directions. It is the melodies at the end of Sunbather that were stuck in my head, unforgettable, after listening to this record. Unlike Dream House, this song ends on a down note, a question- the rest of the album is to give an answer, and incredibly, you will not be disappointed.

“Vertigo” is the longest song on the record at 14 ½ minutes, a blazing, minor key rocker that is meant to emotionally drag us down as far as we can go after Sunbather. The ending of the song invokes the Beatles “She’s So Heavy” before heading into “Windows” an ambient and spoken word piece featuring a drug deal gone bad- unquestionably a node to The Tenderloin, one of the more drug-laden districts in San Francisco and likely location of the band’s rehearsal studios.

Into “The Pecan Tree”, a song that has an seemingly impossible task: To somehow stick the landing of an extremely powerful and emotional record. We are looking for something coming into this track, but we are not totally sure what it is. We need something, but we can only follow the lights. The song opens up with insane double-kick guitar madness, 2 step rhythm, and then at 1:20 we see a glimpse through the storm, a hole of blue, that we can make it to, if we keep on going. Keep on going. Keep on walking. Smashing, swirling guitars and screams return, our view obstructed. Everything seems to be going at maximum at the end of this first section of the song.

At just after 3 minutes, the sonic assault finally begins to slow down, a march tempo into double kick continuous cymbals, back to march tempo, then, at 4 minutes 19 seconds, only picked echo guitar heralds us into the second section. The star of this section is a piano ostinato combined with the echo guitar, with a second guitar playing playful melodies over it. This is the starry night we can now see that the storm has cleared- this is the most optimistic and life affirming music on the record. A found audio recording of a detuned radio signals the ending of this section.

Eventually, this music fades just before four metal beats brings us to the conclusion- an octave-fingering guitar line and screeching vocal that is in my view one of the most awesome emotional turnarounds that I have ever experienced musically. The remaining outro sums up the entire record- life is big, difficult, unknowable, chaotic. Great albums stick the landing- and this ending does so, with incredible energy, on a record that did not even need it. Sunbather. One of the greatest rock records of all time and one of the very few of those albums to come out now, just about half a century after the 60s.

Post Punk Revivalists: The king of indie rock genres in the 00s, post punk was largely set down at the end of the decade with the major acts of the decade releasing milquetoast or downright laughable fare (are we human, or are we dancer?). However, post punk exploded back onto the scene in 2012 with The Money Store by Death Grips. Some returning groups from the 00s did end up releasing fantastic records, Roma 79 and Daughters being my favorites.

Cardinal Star (2014) Roma 79

I discovered north San Francisco bay area band Roma 79 through their single from the 00s, “Gold”, a sort of heavy, post-punk rocker with a few-thousand views on Youtube. I was very surprised when they reunited and recorded this followup album, which was one of my favorite records of 2014. Featuring a good amount of synth and dreampoppy guitar lines, the main standouts are the vocals and the brilliant drumming, which is a hallmark of great post-punk records of the 00s such as Fever to Tell or Turn On the Bright Lights. The strongest single on the record, “Seventeen”, features a complex drum lines, interlaced with vocals and synths. The song slowly builds up in emotional intensity and drops in layers of vaguely Phil Collins-esque drums and backing vocals, blossoming into a powerful meditative love song. “I’ll wait for it with you.” The final song on the record, is almost an answer to this track, closing the record on a strong point.

You Won’t Get What You Want (2018) Daughters

Daughters is another post-punk band that returned to release a followup nearly 10 years later with 2018’s “You Won’t Get What You Want”. Like all great post punk records, there are a number of characters in this room, and they all can be heard, each having their moments in the spotlight and their moments in the shadows.

One such character is the drums. A crushing combination of live and multitracking effects create a rhythm that provides both the constant heartbeat required by driving rock and roll based music, but also the texture, the complexity, that we seek out in the genre. Lots of tom toms used to keep the beat as opposed to cymbals, practically no hat. Invoking Killing Joke, except when they don’t want to right away, but bring it in later.

Another character is the vocals. Spoken word/sing song type delivery, where the mood and the words and more important than the melody. Lyrics invoke isolation, depression, contraction, abandonment, decline. It would almost be enough with just that, these drums and vocals- but this will also be added by another character, the music. The music seems to be generated mostly by guitar and bass, but there are clearly some synthesizer elements as well, used sparingly and to great effect. I can’t really describe the guitar tone, I would say, it shimmers, but not in an enlightening way. It’s like flashes in the dark, disorienting more than illuminating. The sound is like wood coming off a circular saw. It’s definitely this guitar sound that draws people into this record. All elements are moody, dark, aggressive, but it’s the guitar that really lays down flashes over the blackness.

“Satan in the Wait”, one of the best single tracks on the record, features an off-balance drum beat, carried by toms, and an air-raid siren like guitar sound. A throbbing, distorted bassline in time with the kick drum. At 1:30 in we are given a guitar riff that is beautiful and invoking of a banjo, lending a sensation of urban, southern gothic emotions. Horror film soundtracks come to mind, a combination of unsettling ambience and clear, unforgettable melodies. “Their Bodies are open” the chorus goes, making me think of world-ending events, a transformational death as seen in Arthur C. Clarkes Childhood’s End.

Another of my favorite tracks, “Daughter”, begins with a “bela legosi is dead” kick and snare rim drum beat, possibly electronic, along with a shimmery, surf-rock toned guitar riff. As the song proceeds, more elements are dropped in, and the drums are of particular note here, at 1:23 or so, they drop into a complex beat involving toms, cymbals, and snare. At 2:05 they drop in a clear guitar riff on top of raw noise, building to a climax with the vocal “There’s a war!” At this point, the noise drops out, just a clear guitar riff reminiscent of “Satan in the Wait”, drums coming in at 3:15 or so are particularly impactful.

The final track, “Guest House”, opens on a nearly unbearable sonic assault, the lyrics invoking somebody trapped outside of a bomb shelter during an apocalypse. Once again the gap between unbearable noise and beautiful melody is bridged, as the final dissonant chords give way to deep, harmonic, peaceful orchestra swells.

Post Punk Album of the Decade:

The Money Store (2012) Death Grips

The first time somebody played “Get Got” for me, it was during a really chillwave phase in my music taste and I was completely lost, and didn’t really understand what people saw in Death Grips. I was intrigued enough though, and circled back on some tracks from Exmilitary, their prior record. The more laid back tone and empty space present in tracks such as “Culture Shock” kept me interested enough to give The Money Store another shot a year or so later.

As my interest in chillwave started to fade, and I sought more emotional substance to my music, I returned to the Money Store, and was hooked. Each track is a relentless blast of aggressive drum beats, synthesizer driven melodies, and of course the unmistakable rap vocals of MC Ride.

A strong comparison for me, is between this record, and Joy Division’s second and final record, “Closer”. Relentless beats, but never getting boring, always inventing new rhythms to cast a texture over the musical landscape. Short, fast songs, transitioning from one beat and tempo to the other, never giving you a chance to catch your breath.

The music is highly influenced by hip hop, appearing to be a chopped and cut style, with synthesizers combined with production on the vocals, adding vocals, filter sweeps, reverses, etc- so much energy and craft went into creating what is on its surface very simple music- drums, vocals, and production. Standout track “Hustle Bones” does a fantastic job of expressing what is so great about every song on this record. Everything barely makes sense, but then it all comes together in a singular moment that anybody can nod their head to.

MC Ride’s best is on display in the classic hit, “I’ve Seen Footage”. In his relentless, attacking rap style, he tells us the story of watching gore or wtf videos from reddit or 4chan (or Stile Project if you’re really old like me)-  describing what he’s seen, and then underscoring that with the chorus, “I stay noided”- the character Ride creates is deeply anxious and paranoid, while at the same time being insatiable in the quest for knowing more, something I believe is nearly universal to the experience of the internet-informed human, a phenomenon that would later in the decade lead to diseases thought dead brought back by anti-vax movements, and the election of conspiracy theorist and popularizer Donald Trump as president of the united states.

And that’s the formula to each track on Money Store- working around something more or less literal, Ride’s poetry brings us into the dark state the world was only beginning to enter at the start of the decade.

Closing track “Hacker” opens with a recording of Ride, yelling, presumably at a concert “No ins and outs!!! You come out, your shit is GONE”, then into a 4-on the floor dance beat to end the record on an absolute banger. The music, carried by the beat and Ride’s systematic delivery, is left to its own devices, with glitchy, cut-off synth arpeggios, everything getting out of the way of the beat. “Having conversations with your car alarm”, “you speak with us in certain circles, you will be dethroned or detained”, and “Gaga can’t handle this shit” are some of the lyrical gems that Ride has saved for last here, closing out a post punk record that stands alongside Closer or Turn on the Bright Lights as one of the best of all time.

[blackkudos]

Frankie Knuckles

Francis Warren Nicholls, Jr. (January 18, 1955 – March 31, 2014), better known as Frankie Knuckles, was an American DJ, record producer and remixer. He played an important role in developing and popularizing house music in Chicago during the 1980s, when the genre was in its infancy. In 1997, Knuckles won the Grammy Award for Remixer of the Year, Non-Classical. Due to his importance in the development of the genre, Knuckles was often called "The Godfather of House Music".

Musical career

1970s–1980s

Born in The Bronx, Knuckles and his friend Larry Levan began frequenting discos as teenagers during the 1970s. While studying textile design at the FIT, Knuckles and Levan began working as DJs, playing soul, disco, and R&B at two of the most important early discos, The Continental Baths and The Gallery. In the late 1970s, Knuckles moved from New York City to Chicago, where his old friend, Robert Williams, was opening what became the nightclub called Warehouse. When the club opened in Chicago in 1977, he was invited to play on a regular basis, which enabled him to hone his skills and style. This style was a mixture of disco classics, unusual indie-label soul, the occasional rock track, European synth-disco and all manner of rarities, which would all eventually codify as "House Music". The style of music now known as house was named after a shortened version of the Warehouse.

Knuckles was so popular that the Warehouse, initially a members-only club for largely black gay men, began attracting straighter, whiter crowds, leading its owner, Robert Williams, to eschew membership. Knuckles continued DJing at the Warehouse until November 1982, when he started his own club in Chicago, The Power Plant.

Around 1983, Knuckles bought his first drum machine to enhance his mixes from Derrick May, a young DJ who regularly made the trip from Detroit to see Knuckles at the Warehouse and Ron Hardy at the Music Box, both in Chicago. The combination of bare, insistent drum machine pulses and an overlay of cult disco classics defined the sound of early Chicago house music, a sound which many local producers began to mimic in the studios by 1985.

When the Power Plant closed in 1987, Knuckles moved to the UK for four months and DJ-ed at DELIRIUM!, a Thursday night party at Heaven (nightclub) in London. Chicago house artists were in high demand and having major success in the UK with this new genre of music. Knuckles also had a stint in New York, where he continued to immerse himself in producing, remixing, and recording. 1988 saw the release of Pet Shop Boys' third album, Introspective, which featured Knuckles as a co-producer of the song "I Want a Dog."

Work with Jamie Principle

In 1982, Knuckles was introduced to then-unknown Jamie Principle by mutual friend Jose "Louie" Gomez, who had recorded the original vocal-dub of "Your Love" to reel-to-reel tape. Louie Gomez met up with Frankie at the local record pool (I.R.S.) and gave him a tape copy of the track. Knuckles played Gomez's unreleased dub mix for an entire year in his sets during which it became a crowd favorite. Knuckles later went into the studio to re-record the track with Principle, and in 1987 helped put Your Love and Baby Wants to Ride out on vinyl after these tunes had been regulars on his reel-to-reel player at the Warehouse for a year.

As house music was developing in Chicago, producer Chip E. took Knuckles under his tutelage and produced Knuckles' first recording, "You Can't Hide from Yourself". Then came more production work, including Jamie Principle's "Baby Wants to Ride", and later "Tears" with Robert Owens (of Fingers Inc.) and (Knuckles' protégé and future Def Mix associate) Satoshi Tomiie.

1990s–2010s

Knuckles made numerous popular Def Classic Mixes with John Poppo as sound engineer, and Knuckles partnered with David Morales on Def Mix Productions. His debut album Beyond the Mix (1991), released on Virgin Records, contained what would be considered his seminal work, "The Whistle Song", which was the first of four number ones on the US dance chart. The Def Classic mix of Lisa Stansfield's "Change", released in the same year, also featured the whistle-like motif. Another track from the album, "Rain Falls", featured vocals from Lisa Michaelis. Eight thousand copies of the album had sold by 2004. Other key remixes from this time include his rework of the Electribe 101 anthem "Talking with Myself" and Alison Limerick's "Where Love Lives".

When Junior Vasquez took a sabbatical from The Sound Factory in Manhattan, Knuckles took over and launched a successful run as resident DJ. He continued to work as a remixer through the 1990s and into the next decade, reworking tracks from Michael Jackson, Luther Vandross, Diana Ross, Eternal and Toni Braxton. He released several new singles, including "Keep on Movin'" and a re-issue of an earlier hit "Bac N Da Day" with Definity Records. In 1995, he released his second album titled Welcome to the Real World. By 2004, 13,000 copies had sold.

Openly gay, Knuckles was inducted into the Chicago Gay and Lesbian Hall of Fame in 1996.

In 2004, Knuckles released a 13-track album of original material – his first in over a decade – titled A New Reality. In October 2004, "Your Love" appeared in the videogame Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, playing on house music radio station, SF-UR.

Death

In the mid-2000s, Knuckles developed Type II diabetes. He developed osteomyelitis after breaking his foot snowboarding, and had it amputated after declining to take time off for treatment. On March 31, 2014, he died in Chicago at the age of 59 due to the complications from his diabetes.

Legacy

In April 2015, a year after his death, Defected Records released a retrospective compilation, House Masters Frankie Knuckles; Knuckles had selected the track list before his death. Also, the same month, as a tribute to Knuckles, a version of his song "Baby Wants to Ride" was released by Underworld and Heller and Farley to mark the year anniversary of his death. It went straight to number one on the UK's first ever Official Vinyl Singles Chart. All proceeds went to the Frankie Knuckles Trust/Elton John AIDS Foundation. A year after his death, on April 4, 2015, In Memoriam Essential Mix on BBC Radio 1 was played, containing two, previously unreleased Knuckles mixes.Knuckles was featured in the documentary films Maestro (2003), written and directed by Josell Ramos, The UnUsual Suspects: Once Upon a Time in House Music (2005), directed by Chip E. and Continental (2013) about the Continental Baths.

Awards and honors

In 1997, Knuckles won the Grammy Award for Remixer of the Year, Non-Classical. In 2004, the city of Chicago – which "became notorious in the dance community around the world for passing the so-called 'anti-rave ordinance' in 2000 that made property owners, promoters and deejays subject to $10,000 fines for being involved in an unlicensed dance party" – named a stretch of street in Chicago after Knuckles, where the old Warehouse once stood, on Jefferson Street between Jackson Boulevard and Madison Street. That stretch of street, called Frankie Knuckles Way, "was renamed when the city declared 25 August 2004 as Frankie Knuckles Day. The Illinois state senator who helped make it happen was Barack Obama. In 2005, Knuckles was inducted into the Dance Music Hall of Fame for his achievements.

DJ Magazine

Top 100 DJs

In popular culture

In October 2004, "Your Love" appeared in the video game Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, playing on the house music radio station SF-UR.

Knuckles was referenced in the songs "Back to the Grill" by MC Serch ("I saw you eating pig knuckles with Frankie Knuckles / In a club called "Chuckles" wearing nameplate belt buckles") and "Knuckles" by The Hold Steady ("I've been trying to get people to call me Freddy Knuckles").

Discography

Beyond the Mix (1991)

Welcome to the Real World (1995)

[wagnerarts]

2sc0ramb1ed6

Living alone while my family was in California was exactly what you’d think it’d be these four days on fall break. With no alarms set, I still woke up at 8, heart racing from the thought of classes I was sleeping through. Waking up hours later felt lazy.

Finally making my way to the kitchen after 12 PM was conflicting. I’d open the fridge and see leftover quinoa; laugh at the lengths my family went to be healthy. Look to my right and spot the half drank Chardonnay and joke to myself that I was technically allowed to drink it. Technically.

I grabbed the hummus and wine quickly and shoved the fridge door closed with my hip.

X

I now sit on the lawn chair on my family’s balcony, overlooking the pseudo suburban street in the privileged part of the city.

Cigarette half smoked, remote silence. The whir of nearby bicycle wheels start, and the noise triggers me and I’m aware. Once I realize its innocence, I suck in another drag and close my eyes.

It’s nothing.

A flashback to smoking a bowl out my bedroom window four years prior floats back. I’d moved my bed to rest against it in hopes smoking closer to it would smell less.

“Are you smoking pot?” My mother asked, standing in her light pink robe, clutching the doorknob and keeping the door half mast in hopes she was wrong.

“This dude was walking his dog past the house and I swear he had a joint, I swear, Mom,” I started.

“Just... Just stop,” she said as she closed the door.

I paused, my bowl hiding under the comforter. After a few minutes passed, I brought it back out and outstretched my hand past the screenless window and into the summer night to light another bowl.

X

The years all melt together. You tell me nowadays you didn’t know what to make of me when we met in 2010.

“You were so young and so forward. I knew you were in love with me and I didn’t care,” you say. But you care now.

We laugh about how backwards we were. Our first date was my first date, too, at our town’s Thai restaurant at the end of your senior year of high school. I remember you being confused on how to pay with your dad’s credit card when the check came.

“I don’t even have my license yet, how do you expect me to help?” I laughed. Afterwards, we smoked a joint on the swings and fucked in your backseat as if we hadn’t spent the entire year there.

On a weekend visit home from boarding school in 2012, you hid a letter written on the back of a Southwest ticket in one of the bushes outside my house. I’d gotten too drunk and fallen asleep before I could sneak out to meet you, which in retrospect was probably a good thing. I’d just started dating someone else—someone I actually was allowed to talk to, and who wrote me every week. “Whenever you feel the pain of the past, turn to the gift of the unwritten future,” I remember the last line read. I kept that letter for years. I wish I hadn’t lost it.

You pulled the car over in the middle of a snow storm in 2013 and asked if I still thought about marrying you. I was too high to respond, so you started recounting all the details of what we’d planned to fill the silence. Months later, halfway into summer, we met at the park near your house and watched the sunset. You were dating someone with the same name as me and for some reason that detail hurt more than others. Of course we were both already high when we met up that night, but we sat on a picnic table and smoked out of an orange together anyway.

I’m starting to realize meeting up to smoke gave us an excuse to see each other. You asked me if I was sleeping with anyone. I was, and it was a friend of yours. I know it’s sadistic of me but I almost did it just to see the look on your face when I told you.

We tried to say goodbye last summer on your birthday in June. Sitting on the curb near my old house at 2 AM, you remained standing and in the middle of the street. At one point you dropped to the ground and buried your face in your hands, shaking your head.

“We have a few options. We could say goodbye, never talk again, and wonder what could have been. It’s clear we can never be friends. Or we could say fuck it and finally really try this. But if we do that, if we try, that makes this real. This won’t ever truly end. Not nicely, at least. We’ll either end up married or fucking hating each other,” I said.

“But I don’t want to risk that, the last thing I want to do is hate you,” you said. When you looked at me I could tell you were trying not to cry.

I will always love you, no matter how many times we try to quit each other; no matter if ever follow through with it or not. Talking about sharing the rest of your life with someone changes you and your future; you’ll always be comparing what you’re currently living to the life you two planned, because that life still lives in a way; a shared house is bought in your thoughts and the girls and boys names you chose will never sound the same. That life doesn’t just go away. It stays tucked in your back pocket even as you fuck and love and breakup with other people.

But I realize it became a crutch. Something to lean on when I was insecure, because what we felt for each other always proved to be more permanent than any other feeling. You like my art and when I’m sad, it doesn’t scare you. I told you I’d meet you in Colorado once I graduated, and I encourage you to tell me what you’re thinking. We know how to argue and the kind of love we have is the closest to home we’ve felt in years. But I can’t seem to do this with you anymore and I wish I could explain why.

X

Ryan was in the midst of random men I turned to when I first tried to forget you my senior year of high school. It’s not that I was a slut or too easy to the extreme, but I did fuck and still fuck in attempts to shove you to the back of my mind sometimes. Of the few that I bent the rules with, Ryan stood out. He was a sophomore at smart school who had a full ride that was publicized around town, and his dad had died suddenly a few years back. He was mainly known for that. That, and his drug dealing.

He started talking to me at the end of my dwindling attempt of a relationship with a guy I was friends with. I swear he could smell the pity and knew he could have me. He picked me up the Sunday after I drunkenly dumped him. I left 3 AM Monday a much happier girl.

He then started driving home once a week, then twice a week, then three times just to pick me up from school and go straight to his room. As far as my mother was concerned, I was “at the library”. I remember not feeling the pressure to feel when I was with him. He wasn’t over his ex, I wasn’t over mine. We got to smoke and fuck and drink whiskey straight from the bottle without any leftover shame of why we were doing it and we didn’t have to confront that. I remember him going down on me as I smoked from a vape pen from the first time, pressing the button and watching the blue light start flashing when it deemed I’d had enough. High as hell, I laughed at the metaphor, and when he looked up from confusion, I chose not to share. “Just fuck me,” I said instead.

One night when we were half a bottle of Captain deep, I noticed he wasn’t as in to it. Something about how he kept stopping and moving his face away from mine felt off; I was used to having to be the one to slow him down. Not caring enough to question it, we continued until he pushed himself off and rolled away from me.

“What’s going on?” I finally asked. It was quiet for a moment. I watched his back expand in quick spurts and felt the tension of his held breath.

“My dad is dead,” he said to the wall.

And all I could think of to say back was “I know”. I stopped fucking him after that.

X

You drove to see me in the city the other night. You were here and in front of me and so visibly in love with me so I tried to love you back just like I used to, but my body wouldn’t let me. We fell asleep on the floor and when we woke, I forgot it was you for a minute, and yet I don’t know who else I would’ve assumed was holding me. The guilt I felt when you thought it was an accident I was inching away was overwhelming.

I put myself to bed, and you followed because we were too drunk and high to fight anymore. But when you placed your hands on my face and kissed me awake the next morning, I panicked.

A life with you seemed plausible when the past didn’t hurt.

I’d forgotten that it always would.

Flashback to you sitting on that senior girl’s porch; summer 2010. I walked outside as the party was dying and watched my friends give in and get picked up by their disappointed parents; I hadn’t even dialed a number yet. You and a friend were passing a blunt back and forth across the table and I just stood there as this semi-confident freshman.

You then passed it to me without making eye contact.

I tasted grape as you talked with him about schools you were applying to, and I thought about the weekend before. I’d been babysitting and still invited you over, convinced you it’d be okay to sneak over to my house once I got home.

Mistakenly using Nare when I thought it’d be the night. Not even feeling the pain of it and the rest of my mistakes once you came.

You were my consensual first time, and we were at the same party. You were my first time, and I was excited about it. You were my first time, and you wouldn’t look me in the eye. And I wish I never pretended that I was okay after that.

I look up from my midnight secret cigarette and notice the lamp screwed above the balcony's door is lopsided. I sigh because I am too tired to laugh.

I'll write about it once I get to my room,​ I think.

Fuck I hope I remember it by the time I get there...

Why do I have to drink more than a bottle of wine to feel like I get the peace I deserve? I scramble my pockets for a better working lighter and found just that and my inhaler. 

I light another and play a song I liked when I was 16. The shadows on the wall are dancing nicely and I wish to photograph it, but the cold stops me.

X

I’m sitting cross-legged in contempt, contemplating whether or not it’s emptiness, and breathe out smoke as I rub my knees for warmth. I wonder what and why I let come between them. Sometimes when reminders of lost memories flood back, I wince and make a sound. I’ve learned that these add up, and at odd moments, sting me with shame.

My mother asked what I did with the four days she gave me left alone in this house and I gave a detailed description of how the silence was so nice it rewarded with me over ten pages of writing I could use for class. In reality, it gave me only four, none of which for school. I didn't care. And I don’t, I really fucking don’t.

I'm writing, I'm expressing-- in ways I haven't in a while. I haven't been in therapy since 2013 and I'm coping in weird ways, the best of which is this. Everything still hurts, and that everything covers from the bullying to the blackouts to feeling like my father avoids looking me in the eye. I drink, to an extent I deem necessary, but I don't smoke nearly as much. Pretending the Xanax I'm prescribed doesn't count lets me validate the idea that I'm not abusing pills like I used to, but when the amount adds up every so often, it's hard to ignore. And I’m finally trying to push you out of my life and forget all the good and focus on the bad because there really is so much of it—more than we’d both like to admit. So yes, I'm sitting here cross-legged on a lawn chair on my balcony, and I can’t pretend it is not freezing. And yes, I used to be able to. But please, try to remember, I used to be able to pretend many things.

[miss-m-winks]

Instead of a summary of my art from each month of 2019 I’ve compiled a summary of my art from every year of this decade! Finding some of that old art was incredibly difficult.

And making an exact image description of all this would be too long to write or read so I’m going to do my best to describe all this in a concise and interesting way.

2010: I was a sophomore in high school, so about 15 years old. These two drawings are in pencil and colored pencil, one of some random girl character wearing brightly colored clothes and a rainbow shawl thing (??) walking on clouds it seems. No idea what that was meant to be about. The other is a reference for my old oc, the very first one I ever had, based on myself. She looks human but with unicorn ears and a horn, plus wings and a tail. I hadn’t figured out animal legs yet either so she has perfectly normal human legs that just end in hooves.

2011: still mostly pencil, colored pencil, I don’t remember if I had a laptop yet. I would have been 16 years old at this time. I picked a self portrait here, a coloreddrawing of myself in black concert dress playing the trumpet because I got to do a solo in jazz band and I was very happy about it. The other art I picked for this year is digital but in the old ms paint program (you know before it tried to be fancy with a few more realistic tools and was only pixel art tools) I do believe I was still using the family computer for this, with a mouse. I was really creative with the tools. It’s my unicorn girl oc again, flying through the sky. I included a progress image, showing how I made it. I’m so glad I saved the steps and posted them it’s really cool to see my old art process for that.

2012: 17 years old, and I think I finally had a laptop with a good art program on it by this time but I still did mostly traditional art, lots of colored pencil work. I found this old experimental art I did that year, a colored pencil drawing of a girl sitting on a tree branch, but the background is all digital, a painting of a fantasy night sky with three moons. It actually looks kinda good, the edges of the colored pencil drawing are crisp and smooth and the digital background doesn’t look out of place. I mean the shading is a bit of a mess and I used white clouds on a black night sky which is a bit funny looking but it isn’t that bad. The other image is a colored pencil drawing that was really ambitious for me at the time. I had this cool idea to draw Death with sunset colored wings, all poetic and stuff. Why did I also draw death with blue skin and horns? I don’t know. Why is death sitting on an ambiguous brown cliff overlooking a cemetery? Well I guess I just was having trouble finding any other way to make a nice background and have death above a cemetery. I should redo this one, it’s a really good concept.

2013: my last year of high school, 18 years old. I was doing digital art a lot more often this year and expanding the diversity of my ocs. One of these images is a digital drawing of two of my first characters of color, two male black elves (black as in African-based) smoochin. My first black oc was also my first queer oc, jayvyn. A gay elf. There are a lot of issues with the way I originally conceptualized his story but even when I was thinking he was the only queer person in his town and there was homophobia towards him (I was only just dipping my toes outside the mindset I grew up in) I gave him a whole massive group of friends (a boys' lacrosse team he was on don’t ask me why lacrosse I have no idea I don’t even know much about lacrosse it was a weird choice) and those friends were extremely loyal and supportive of him, even to the point of going on dates with him just to make him happy. and again, he was the only gay character I had so I was writing a bunch of straight dudes taking their one gay friend on dates in a town full of people who were at least vaguely homophobic, I definitely had a lot of growing to do in my writing and my own mindset but I’m kinda proud of myself for doing that? I could have done so much worse with my first queer oc and my first real step into characters of color, but I made the whole story about this tight knit group of boys who were all such close loving friends. (Gee I wonder if this had anything to do with my being ace and not knowing it yet). Oh yeah, the other image is also there, that one is from a photoshop class I took. We had a three-way folding mirrors the bathroom at the time so I put on a hoodie, turned out the bathroom lights, folded the mirrors in and shoved my face into the gap and then took a photo with the flash while holding my mouth open in a silent scream. The result is this really cool series of screaming faces at different angles, which I then ran through a few filters and major contrast adjustment. Could be an edgy generic horror movie cover lol

2014: 19 years old, and I just finished a year of community college and then left on a church mission for 18 months. I probably should have used some of my first college art class drawings for this year's summary but I was using my old deviantart gallery to collect these old images so I forgot I had all that college art too. These two digital images are pretty dynamic in different ways. Dynamic lighting and dark skin, an experiment I was doing to figure out lighting better for my characters of color. That’s Jayvyn again I think, with lightning shooting out of his hand because I sure love making characters with lightning powers. The other is dynamic in the posing and I’m still incredibly happy with it, it’s a drawing of a grey centaur from behind, bucking in panic because a kitten pounced on its foot. Definitely still one of the best centaur drawings I have ever made.

2015: 20 years old, I was actually on my church mission for this entire year so finding art from that year was very very tricky. One is just a small pencil drawing on another oc, Ronan with his cool mechanical leg playing fiddle I guess? I was doing a lot of synesthesia doodles that year so there are lots of swirly lines coming off the fiddle. I was also surprised to find this really neat digital art I made of Ravio from link between worlds, I almost forgot I did find a way to make digital art on my mission (no access to my laptop, limited apps we were allowed to use, super limited access to normal computers except for emails and such, always busy doing important stuff) I discovered the drawing function in the iPad notes app and every time I had time I would use it until I figured out how to make it work for me, using only my fingers, the limited color palette options, and this marker tool that had one size and only multiplied (except when using white) this is definitely one of the best ones, but I don’t know where the rest went. I had a lot. I was stunned to find this because it really looks like I could have done it on a laptop, can’t believe I forgot I did that.

2016: 21 years old. Had to get used to a laptop again. Also I created my current main oc Morianten during my church mission so here I have the very first full body digital art of him! I’ve definitely changed his anatomy a lot since then, made him much more bird like. Kinda funny to look at this old one and see just how differently I draw him now, only three years later. I also have here a digital painting of some other members of morianten's adoptive family, his dad and little brother having a father son race in nice racing wheelchairs. I still struggle with proportions when I draw characters in wheelchairs.

2017: 22 years old, and back in college. I really had a focus on figure drawing that year, I was back in college art classes and I found posespace.com which is just full of professionally shot art model photos. I’ve got one digital figure drawing of my oc Talib, another practice in lighting on dark skin. The other image is a charcoal drawing of my oc Parva, I think I did that one in a 30 minute time frame where I was taking pictures at different points to show my process but I’ve lost the process images.

2018: 23 years old, and really getting into color depth with my digital art. I found a really old pencil drawing of a dynamic dancing scene and redid it as a digital painting with extreme colored lighting dynamics and new characters. I also got super into mermay so I’ve included one of my favorites, a rainbow trout gal and her elf girlfriend having a chat after a nice swim. I’m super proud of the colors and proportions here, and the shading is pretty great too.

And then it’s 2019! This year! I’m 24! For this one I used three images instead of two, all digital. My ocs Talib and Kouto as persephone and hades in a really quick painting I did but the colors and lighting are intense and fun. No outlines painting of Morianten with some pretty intense lightning lighting. That one took ages and I’m still not entirely pleased with the way I drew his face there but I’m proud of it. And I never actually posted this last one, it’s a new oc created exclusively for the DC superheroes au I dabbled in with @askmissbernadette, a young hero called Lion riding a skateboard in a dark city with a long coat on because that’s a fun way to replace the common superhero cape design.

Overall, it was really fun to go through my art for the entire decade and see how much it’s changed over time. And to see how much my characters have changed. Hope 2020 is a good year, hope the 20s in general are good. Here’s to another 10 years of change and progress!

[fortheloveofsakkara]

Our Broken Judicial System

Kyle’s case: A Judicial Disgrace

Chapter One: And so it begins.......

As Americans, we are taught to respect and trust our judicial officers. We believe judges and commissioners are honest, trustworthy and fair to all. They take an oath to defend our Constitution, right? They’re supposed to follow our laws, as they are written, to rule without opinion, to be unbiased and search for truth. They are suppose to make their rulings based on facts and evidence. Prosecutors were the legal representatives of the people, the protectors that rid communities of criminals to keep everyone safe. We are taught to believe that prosecutors are honest. There are rules that they are to follow, procedures, law and they are to perform their duties with integrity while safeguarding the rights and liberties of all. It is shocking and unbelievable to learn that there are judges that cannot be trusted, to learned that prosecutors place their conviction rate above all else and despicable to discover that defense attorneys do little to nothing to defend their clients. How is this possible? This story comes straight from the court record and is documented for all to verify.

Our judicial system is no longer working. It needs not only to be overhauled, it needs to be drained of all the bad actors. Judges and Commissioners need to be monitored in everything they do in the courtroom and it must be transparent to the public.

This is the story of one man’s decent into hell. His story is shocking and it undermines the trust that should never be broken between the public and our judicial officers. How can a society function safely if our trust is compromised? Our judicial system exists for only one reason, to keep the public safe.

There are twists and turns, there are facts that will make you shake your head in disbelief.

Kyle met Douangchay Nelson in early January 2008. She was exotic and mysterious. She was among the “A” crowd in the clubs of downtown Seattle. She lived in a high rise building just a block away from the club where these two met. You could set your watch to when she’d arrive and how long she’d stayed. She knew everyone that frequented these clubs, and was fully aware of the goings on there. She had been going to these clubs since turning 21 years old and at the time she met Kyle, her age was 32. Kyle, on the other hand, wasn’t the clubbing type and had only been a few times. Douangchay was also fully aware when a new face showed up in the crowd, after all, she’d been a fixture there for over ten years. That fateful night Douangchay was being pursued by another man, and while dancing, she grabbed Kyle’s arm and lied to the other man. She told the other man that Kyle was her boyfriend. As the evening went on, Kyle and Douangchay danced and talked. At the end of the night, Kyle asked to walk her home. She agreed and they spent that night and the whole of the following day together. They exchanged phone numbers and Kyle went home. A little over 30 days later, Douangchay had moved Kyle into her high rise apartment. This is how their relationship began. Getting himself entangled with the woman would be Kyle’s undoing.

After a few months, Kyle discovered that Douangchay had a young son, who was obviously not in her life. When Kyle asked about her boy, she would become irritated and change the subject. Kyle didn’t understand, and she blamed her son’s father. She told Kyle that he was abusive. Kyle had no reason to believe she would lie about this. He took her at her word.

It wasn’t long after and Kyle discovered Douangchay was, also still married. What is known is that she married in 2001 and according to her, her husband, like the father of her son, was abusive, also. (Are you starting to see a pattern?) Kyle felt bad for this poor woman that had been through so much. He could not have been more wrong about her.

Throughout the first two years, the relationship was pretty much like their first night. They, together now, frequented the clubs downtown. Douangchay, despite having a boyfriend, refused to change her need to spend Thursday through Sunday in the clubs. When Kyle suggested they do something other than clubbing, she would becoming angry and a ‘How dare you suggest I do something other than go to the clubs’, attitude would emerge. It became the root of almost every argument they had throughout the entire eight (8) years of their relationship. Kyle, many times, went along just to save an argument. She was adamant that going to the club was never to be trifled with, no exceptions allowed.

January 30, 2010, a Saturday, was slightly different because on this night the couple was invited to a party at a sports bar about 15 miles from where they lived. Kyle knew none of Douangchay friends that would be attending this party, so he agreed to be the driver and let her do as much partying as she desired. She started drinking before they left their apartment. Kyle stayed sober. As the night went on, Kyle couldn’t help but notice that Douangchay was drinking in excess. He’d never seen her drink like this before. She was challenging others to “drink them under the table” and within an hours time, she consumed no less than six shots of hard alcohol. She was becoming more and more inebriated and obnoxious, both in word and action. She was stumbling and slurring her words. Kyle started to watch closer at this point. He asked her to slow down with her drinking and this enraged her. She started calling Kyle names, telling the others that Kyle was her “gay boyfriend”. Embarrassed by her behavior, Kyle knew he needed to get her home to bed so she could sleep this off. Outside the bar, Kyle finally convinced her to let him take her home. The couple went back inside and told the party their good byes. Kyle helped Douangchay into his Jeep and they started for home.

On that ride, Douangchay started her ranting and raving once again. She called him “gay” and “a piece of shit”. Kyle told her she was drunk and to be quiet and her response to that was, “The only reason your ex girlfriend stayed with you is because she was fat, ugly and insecure”. Kyle ignored her verbal attack and she turned into something Kyle had never seen, nor dealt with, in his life. She began a physical attack scratching and hitting him; screaming, calling him a “piece of shit”. She was completely out of control, and Kyle had to stop her before she caused an accident. Yes, Kyle was driving at the time of this attack. Kyle grabbed for her and got ahold of her hair. He placed her head near the dashboard until he could safely come to a stop. This would later be used against him by the prosecution. Douangchay then opened the door of the vehicle and stumbled out. Kyle, in shock, drove his vehicle around the corner and parked it in the parking lot of their apartment complex. This attack happened just a half block from where they lived. Still reeling from what just happened, Kyle left, on foot. He needed to clear his head. Never in his life had he witnessed such behavior. He was hurt and mixed with emotions. He walked around for over two hours and had no idea that a person saw Douangchay stumbling around and called 911, thinking she could be hurt. EMS and police were dispatched to her. According to the police report, Douangchay refused to cooperate, and only admitted to calling Kyle gay. She left out the part where she physically attacked him. The police took her home. There is no way possible that the police could not have known that she was extremely intoxicated.

After clearing his head, Kyle decided to go home, he started to truly believe that the lady he had come to love would be apologetic. He believed she’d be remorseful for her behavior and they would be able to talk about what happened. He would be wrong, once again. He underestimated Douangchay’s rage. When Kyle opened the door to their apartment, all was quiet. Their bedroom door, just to the right of the front door, was closed. They lived there alone, so this was odd, that bedroom door was never closed. Kyle walked through the living room, past the kitchen and into the dining room. He sat with his back toward the bedroom door and proceeded in taking off his shoes. His plan was to sleep on the sofa and talk to Douangchay when she slept off her drunk. This was not to be. Seconds later, the bedroom door flew open and Douangchay sprinted toward Kyle, slapping and scratching at his head, back and shoulders. Kyle was in total disbelief. He stood up with arms flailing about trying to defend off this second attack. He made contact, with her face, arms and upper body, numerous times. All the while Douangchay yelling, “Are you happy now you hit a girl?” She was, in no way, going to take responsibility for her own actions. Kyle was dumbfounded by her behavior and her blaming him for all of this. It was like she was possessed. Douangchay, by her own admission, in the police report, ran out of the door and started pounding on the neighbor’s door. When she received no reply, she re-entered their apartment. (It must be noted: The police asked Douangchay this question: Did he stop you from leaving?” And her reply was: “yes”. This was a contradiction of her statement made just seconds before. Clearly, if she was able to leave and beat on a neighbor’s door, she was able to leave all together) Upon re-entering the apartment, she ran to the bedroom, threw open the window and started screaming, “Help! A man is hitting me!” It’s very telling that she chose those words. Her using “a man” instead of “my boyfriend” is a classic projecting behavior.

Kyle was arrested, placed in jail and like Douangchay’s husband in 2002, Kyle agreed to a Stipulated Order of Continuance.

Kyle was not an abuser. Douangchay Nelson née Suannoy was, in fact, the abuser. Kyle was not her first victim nor her second, Kyle Collins was her third victim. All these men had only one common denominator, a very intoxicated Douangchay.

Chapter Two: Who is Douangchay, really?...

According to court records, Douangchay Nelson, née Suannoy was quite busy in her younger years. It is believed that she came to the United States in 1991 or 1992. She was 15 years old. She met a young man, we’ll call him Adam, and soon after they were parents to a baby boy. They tried for a couple years to make this relationship work, but when their son was two years old, it ended. She blames everything on Adam. “He was abusive”, she says. It’s unclear as to the truth of exactly what happened. It is true that Douangchay walked away from her toddler son and, if there is truth told by her, she left the boy with an “abusive” father. Adam has been interviewed on several occasions in preparation of writing this story and his account of events differ greatly from hers. No surprise there.

It’s very important to add a bit of information here. Douangchay is not a U.S. citizen, she holds a “green card” here in this country. A “green card” can be revoked if certain conditions arise. Giving a fake name in the commission of committing a crime, to law enforcement, is a serious crime and doing this can jeopardize the ability to maintain the “green card” status. A person can be deported for this offense. There are also laws about moral turpitude that can come into play. Things like abandoning a child, not paying child support and DUI, are all crimes of turpitude. Douangchay is guilty of many deportable offenses, as will become apparent in the next few paragraphs. Everything was kept from Kyle. For eight years he slept next to this woman, became engaged to be married to this woman and had a beautiful daughter with this woman. She, her family, and her numerous friends, all hid these facts from Kyle.

On February 4, 1998, charges of attempted possession of stolen property 2 were filed in King County, Washington District Court West Division, a class C felony, against “Vanessa” Suannoy. Yes, she, throughout this whole case used her alias. When the judge referred her to the Office of Public Defense, (hereafter OPD) on February 17, 1998, “Vanessa” failed to report to them. If she wanted a free lawyer, a screening would need to be done. These screening include showing identification and proof of income. Had she have reported to the OPD, it would have come to light that her true name, was in fact, Douangchay Suannoy, at this time. A prosecutor would have been, according to law, forced to add another charge. Knowingly making a false or misleading material statement to a police officer in violation of RCW 9A.76.175. The State would have had to charge her with refusal to give a name or address, or giving a false name or address under the specific statute of RCW 46.61.020. The likelihood of the judge allowing her plea to be reduced, after giving a false name, is not very likely. When a person gives false information, judges take it as the defendant is hiding truth, as they should. So, “Vanessa” Suannoy pleaded guilty to the charge and received a deferred prosecution. She was placed on probation for 12 months and a small fine was imposed. March 11, 1999, a review of the case would be held. This review was held, as scheduled, “Vanessa” did not show up, the court reviewed the case and she did not pay her fine. April 1, 1999, court reviewed again, defendant present. The court gave her another chance to get this right, yet on the last review, held on May 27, 1999, “Vanessa” again, is a no show. A warrant for her arrest was issued through 2002 and again through 2004. She was found guilty of both charges. By this time “Vanessa” Suannoy no longer existed. In November of 2001, “Vanessa” Suannoy married Scott David Nelson and she became Douangchay Nelson.

Douangchay Suannoy was arrested on February 22, 2000 and charged with DUI. This time she used her true name. She had an actual warrant still in King County, but because they were under different names, the authorities didn’t put two and two together. Douangchay skated right past the felony warrant.

Scott David Nelson was 24 years old when he married Douangchay Suannoy. On the marriage license she split her first name in two parts. So, literally, Scott married Douang Chay. Because of her behavior towards Kyle, we have to wonder if Scott knew about her criminal history. She was on probation at the time they married. The couple lived in bliss for a full year and just after their first anniversary, the honeymoon was definitely over. November 28, 2002, Scott and Douangchay clashed. According to police records, the couple were having marital problems. Douangchay was staying with her friend, drinking and partying. Douangchay called Scott at 5:00 a.m. asking him to come pick her up. Scott, still in bed, got up and drove to where his wife was staying. It was a little over two miles from their own home. The record reflects that she had, in fact, been drinking. The similarities between the incidents of Scott and Kyle are uncanny. Scott and Kyle were both driving a very intoxicated Douangchay home. In both cases alcohol played a huge roll. Both men were sober. In Scott’s case, the incident happened a 25 minute walk from the couple’s apartment. The police report states that Douangchay walked back to the apartment, while calling her friend, and asking her friend to call police. Douangchay was already at the apartment when her friend showed up. QUESTION: Why would a grown woman return to a place where a man she “fears” is known to be? It took her 25 minutes to get to Scott, if she truly feared, wouldn’t it be more likely to return to her friends house instead of going to where her “abuser” is? See, this just locks in the notion that Douangchay isn’t fearful at all, on the contrary, Douangchay likes to keep arguments going. She was angry, because like Kyle, Scott didn’t like the drinking and partying that Douangchay insisted on doing. Scott states that his wife punched him in the face, but she is not arrested. Scott goes to jail, is place on a Stipulated Order of Continuance, probation and treatment, all at his expense. I wonder if Scott, like Kyle, continued to live with Douangchay through his court case. Did she go, with her advocate, sit on the side of the prosecutor and then return home with Scott, acting as if nothing happened? And an even more important question: had Kyle been made aware of Scott’s fate with Douangchay, would Kyle have continued his relationship with this woman? The answer is clear, no man would continue a relationship with a woman if he knew that she brought domestic violence charges against two other men before they met. Douangchay knew this and chose, instead, to hide her past from Kyle.

Chapter Three: the saga continues…

Kyle and Douangchay continued on with their relationship. Kyle, blind to who he was with and Douangchay hiding her past from him. The relationship was tumultuous. We have to remember, Kyle agreed to a Stipulated Order of Continuance in 2010. Kyle and Scott both didn’t want Douangchay to get into trouble. They took blame to save her. Douangchay went before the court three separate times asking that the no contact order be lifted and saying “Kyle is not a danger to me”. She refused to cooperate with the prosecution and continued living with Kyle throughout. Together, they lied to the court and gave a friends address where court records could be sent. The conditions of Kyle’s SOC, like Scott’s, were: Treatment, probation, pay recoupment to public defender, pay costs, no new criminal violation during the period of the Continuance. Kyle complied with each and every condition. By April 29, 2012, the date of expiration of the SOC, Kyle had complied with each and every condition. But, the prosecution wanted more. The Redmond City Prosecutor filed a Motion for Revocation of the SOC on June 26, 2012. He “sewer served”. Sewer service is defined as: “Sewer service is an epithet for the intentional failure to provide service of process on a named party in a lawsuit, in order to prevent the party from having a chance to respond. The phrase refers to the figure of speech of throwing the documents into a sewer”. The prosecution had Kyle’s address. Kyle filed a “New address” with the court on July 18, 2011, through his probation officer, James OShersky, a full 11 months prior to the prosecution’s Motion for Revocation. This document was marked “confidential”. It’s astonishing to find these two facts in the court record. Stopping to these levels is hard to believe, but it’s true. This was not discovered until recently. Coupled with the sewer service, this stinks of abuse on the part of the prosecution.

Stipulated Order of Continuance, otherwise known as SOC, is an agreement between the prosecutor and the defendant in a case. These are granted and overseen by the court, but the court is not a party to them. The court only becomes a party if a Motion for Revocation is filed by the prosecution for violation of the agreement. SOCs are used to give a first time offender a chance to have the charges dismissed if the defendant jumps through the prosecutor’s hoops. In Kyle’s case, the SOC looks a bit different. Why? Because it contains the words “approximately 24 months”. A competent defense attorney would not have allow this phrase if his/her client was offered an SOC. This phrase negates the fairness that’s required in any agreement and deems this document “void for vagueness” as law requires. “Approximately” is not allowed according to the rule book. Kyle’s case follows the rules outlined in LCrRLJ 8.3(c)(1-17) . This rule is in place to protect the parties interests, both parties. In this rule, it is very clear about the contents of minimum requirements in an SOC. The language, “A clear statement…” is what starts every content of (c)1-17. Number 6 is relevant to Kyle’s case and states; “A clear statement of the period of the Continuance, which shall be no more than 2 years”. The “approximately”, leaves the agreement open-ended. In a criminal case of any kind, everything that transpires, has to be clearly spelled out. There’s no room for interpretation.

Kyle jumped through every hoop in this case, despite his innocence. He signed the SOC on April 29, 2010; this means it expired on April 29, 2012, right? Think again. The prosecution filed the revocation on June 26, 2012. How is this possible? The SOC was expired. Let us go back to the first two paragraphs of this story. Prosecutors cannot be trusted. Prosecutors want convictions and they’ll do anything to get them. They will “sewer service”, undermine procedure, push rules aside and, they will also make sure that documents that blow apart their cases, are marked in the record, as “confidential”. Due process of law is not high on their priority list. This places the public in jeopardy. If prosecutors cannot be trusted, then who can we trust in our judicial system? The judges job is to verify all procedures have been followed. Not one judge, in Kyle’s case, verified anything.

Oh wait, it gets worse.

This case took place in Redmond, Washington, a city just northeast and across Lake Washington, from Seattle. The prosecutor was Richard Lawrence Mitchell, wsba # 21606. In his Motion for Revocation, he accuses Kyle of not paying costs and not completing treatment. Both of these accusations were false. Mitchell was running for election to become a judge in 2010 and this is a powerful motive to bolster his conviction rate. This motion should have died right there, but it did not. Judge Michael Finkle set a hearing for July 25, 2012. He placed Holly Joy Johnson a Pro Tem Judge to preside over the hearing (NOTE: This was copied and pasted from the WSBA Page: Holly Joy Johnson, WSBA No.32784, admitted 2002, of Seattle, “..resigned in lieu of discipline, effective 9/19/2017. The lawyer agrees that she is aware of the alleged misconduct in disciplinary counsel’s Statement of Alleged Misconduct and rather than defend against the allegations, she wishes to permanently resign from membership in the Association. The Statement of Alleged Misconduct reflects the following violations of the Rules of Professional Conduct: 1.15A (Safeguarding Property), 3.4 (Fairness to Opposing Party and Counsel), 8.1 (Bar Admission and Disciplinary Matters), 8.4 (Misconduct). Sachia Stonefeld Powell and Kathy Jo Blake acted as disciplinary counsel. Holly Joy Johnson represented herself. Karen A. Clark was the hearing officer. Andrekita Silva was the settlement hearing officer. The online version of NWLawyer contains a link to the following document: Resignation Form of Holly Joy Johnson (ELC 9.3(b)).as made to resign for unethical behavior by the Washington State Bar Association). Kyle was a no-show and a warrant for his arrest issued. Well, surprise, surprise. He never received notice of this hearing. Mitchell sent the notice to a wrong address. So, a warrant was issued by judge pro tem Norm Leopold. Leopold, like Johnson, assumed Prosecutor Mitchell had done his job. These part-time judges never looked at this case, they blindly believed Mitchell. These judges rely on the prosecutors to do their jobs. They believe every word prosecutors say and they almost never question them. In this case, the judge did no fact finding. He never questioned Mitchell. He should have.

Mitchell never received a non-compliance letter from the probation department. No non-compliance from the treatment agency. Kyle paid over a thousand dollars, by this time, to the court. The SOC says to Pay $350.00 costs by 180 days, but the problem with this SOC, yet again, is that it doesn’t clearly state to whom this cost should be paid. Like the “approximately” language, this does not follow the minimum requirements of content in an SOC agreement. It’s confusing, and Mitchell likes when defendant’s and their inexperienced defense attorneys are confused. In researching this case, many SOC documents were discovered that were exactly the same form used in Kyle’s case. Mitchell was in the habit of used that document for many defendants. The rules about content of SOCs were revised in 2008, but Mitchell chose to continue using it and no judge objected to this.

Kyle’s warrant sat for 77 days, until he was pulled over for a minor traffic infraction. To Kyle’s utter shock, the police officer came back with his license and the news of this warrant. The officer had no other choice but to arrest. Kyle was taken into custody in Shoreline and the transfer to Redmond. Kyle and Douangchay were still living together at this time, and they were pregnant. Their daughter was due in January 2013. Kyle was arrested on October 10, 2012. Kyle was arraigned on October 11 without an attorney present. The court docket states, “Defendant present in-custody Pro se”, then it states “Counsel Trishana Ellis present on behalf of defendant”, but Trishana Ellis isn’t a lawyer. The Washington State Bar Association has no record of a Trishana Ellis holding a license to practice law. Now, the original two noncompliance violations became three, 107 days after the SOC had expired, they decided to add yet another non-compliance violation, to bolster they weak case. This Pro Tem Judge, like Pro Tem Holly Joy Johnson, was Darrell Phillipson. This Pro Tem judge resigned his license to practice law in Washington, as did Linda Jacke, the judge for whom Phillipson was sitting in place of that day. Oh yes, three (3) judges that sat on Kyle’s case were made to resign. Little fishy, wouldn’t you say?. This time they added “pending assault 4 and malicious mischief”. The problem with this is very simple, this pending case happened 8 days after the SOC had expired. It did not fall in the period of the SOC, at all. You would have thought that the defense law firm would have argued this at the last hearing, on November 15, 2012, before the conviction, but they did not and this is why this law firm can be described as incompetent, unfit, and negligent.

The law firm that represented Kyle throughout this case was Stein, Lotzkar & Starr? Elissa Brine represented at the SOC Hearing and she is to blame for the substandard SOC. Interestingly, just 12 days before Kyle was arrested, the law firm officially withdrew from the case. They stated, in their motion, that they attempted to contact Kyle, but didn’t succeed. Kyle could have been contacted easily, he kept the same phone number for over 15 years. Whatever the law firm said in that motion to withdraw, is suspicious, to say the least. The prosecution says Kyle admitted to this pending assault charge. This is true. The prosecution, court judges and defense allowed Kyle to be railroaded in this case. They did nothing to stop this.

November 15, 2012, Kyle was convicted on both charges of domestic violence. He was an innocent man that was only defending himself for a physical attack, by a woman that had done this twice before, to two other men. This woman, a brazen alcoholic, dangerous to anyone that crosses her path while she’s under the influence of alcohol. Again, corrupt Holly Joy Johnson sat in judgment and imposed sentencing. In between conviction and sentencing, they did figure out the Kyle did complete treatment, but that is as far as they would go. It was an after thought. Kyle was sentenced to:

• 12 months suspended, court imposes jail time of 364 days on charge 1 with 359 days suspended, and 5 days credit for time served.

• Total Imposed on charge 1 with $5000 suspended and $338.00 other amount ordered

• monitored unsupervised probation for 3 months,

• Final review Monitored probation for 9 months.

• FNL Review set for August 15, 2013.

• Finding/Judgment of Guilty deferred prosecution revoked for charge 2

• Judge Pro Tem Johnson, Holly Imposed sentence

• Court imposes jail time of 364 days on charge 2 with 359 days suspended, and 5 days credit for time served

• Total imposed on charge 2: with $5000 suspended and

• $0.00 other amount ordered

This case has been used to destroy the relationship between Kyle and his daughter. This is just the beginning, this story continues with more twists and turns. There are other prosecutors, judges, commissioners and lawyers that will be named......

Part two: demented behavior doesn’t come close……

Time went by fast and after Snohomish County Legal Services and all their goon lawyers used the above King Co. District court case to destroy a father/daughter relationship, Kyle looked into the case further. All the years that past, Kyle thought that it was handled the right way. He had no idea of the sewer service, adding a new charge and convicting him of this new charge. He had no idea that the prosecution and his own defense attorney had screwed him over at every turn.

An argument ensued in February of 2019, with the King County District Court Records Department to release the “New Address filed” filed in July 2011. After multiple emails, the records department sent the request to Judge Lisa Paglisotti. She read the emails and signed for this document to be public, she removed the confidential status. This is when it came to light that Kyle was, in fact, sewer served. Proof was right there, no question, in black and white. So, Kyle took some time, gathered documents and wrote a motion. He filed the motion on April 11, 2019. This motion brought up a question of jurisdiction. Jurisdiction is only established if a defendant is properly served. The prosecution is obligated to prove they served. In Kyle’s case, they did not serve, nor did they file any kind of “proof of service” in any form. The motion was sent to Judge Lisa Paglisotti for review. It sat with her for 27 days before “Motion hearing set to give the city a chance to respond” was her decision. The prosecution did not respond, but waited until the hearing. This time is was Prosecuting Attorney Stefani Snow (wsba #28100) and Judge Rhonda Laumann (wsba #22126) that went up against Kyle. It may sound a bit off by saying the judge was against Kyle, but it’s true. Rhonda Laumann, sitting on the bench, acted like a prosecutor. She did not, in any way, act like an impartial judge. Stefani Snow said little until the end when she stated that Kyle admitted to the new charge pending that ultimately convicted him. Laumann argued with Kyle about the wording of the Stipulated Order of Continuance. She denied that the language was, in fact, “approximately 24 months”. Kyle argued right back. He told this judge that the “new charge pending” did not fall in the period of the continuance and should not have been allowed. Laumann argued even more. She looked and found another reason to throw out the motion. She used an excuse that there was a time limit of one year. This judge was hell bent to get Kyle out of her courtroom, and she did just that.

Jurisdiction is paramount in criminal law. It establishes authority of the court to rule in a case. Without jurisdiction, a court’s hands are tied. For jurisdiction, in any court, to be established, service of process must be proven by the party bringing it. This means the State must serve the defendant all charging documents, including, but not limited to Motions, notice to appear, etc. The prosecution did not do this, therefore the court did not have personal jurisdiction over Kyle. This was the first issue that Kyle brought in his Motion, it was ignored by Laumann. Whenever a question is brought about jurisdiction, a court is required to investigate. They cannot continue without knowing they have obtain the authority to do so.

This is not an isolated case. When the Redmond City Judicial officers were made to resign, they left, in their wake, a slough of cases that beg to be re-examined.

Part Three…the real motive emerges…

Kyle and Douangchay stayed together through the pregnancy. Their child was born on January 19, 2013. The couple moved Douangchay’s sister and nephew into their home and she took the position of nanny for their daughter. All was good throughout the next 14 months or so, but the sister/nanny decided she wanted to move on and move out. She’d helped out enough and gave Kyle and Douangchay “notice” of her departure.

Now the couple needed to find daycare for their daughter. Douangchay reached out to a friend she had known since her arrival in the U.S. Suphol Phab was her name, but she, like Douangchay went by an alias, “Samantha”. Douangchay hid the fact that “Sam” was a felon and therefore would never be allowed to have a daycare license. Douangchay hid everything that most would find to be critical information, in making the choice on a daycare provider for their child. Kyle would never have agreed to placing his daughter with a felon.

Soon, Douangchay’s need to frequent the clubs, emerged again, and with it came conflict between the couple. Kyle truly believed that becoming a mother, for a second time, would diminish her fixation on these places. Douangchay still was incapable of putting her family, Kyle and their daughter, above herself. Their opposition grew and their relationship would not survive. Douangchay’s threat of taking away their daughter from Kyle was her favorite. She threatened used this every time they had a disagreement and even making jokes about it in front of others. She knew this scared the hell out of Kyle, as it would any parent. Kyle took these threats very serious, after all, Douangchay had strong ties to Southeast Asia. Coupled with Douangchay abandoning her first child, her threats terrified Kyle. He knew she could accomplish her demented threats with little effort and Kyle was desperate, he did a foolish deed, he placed a track devise on her vehicle. He knew he’d lose his child and didn’t care about consequences. The fear of losing his precious daughter is all that matter, he had to act. He was in protect-my-child mode.

Kyle and Douangchay did attend a few couples counseling sessions, in an attempt to fix their relationship, but these failed due to Douangchay’s inability to take responsibility for her own behavior. She blamed Kyle for everything that went wrong between them. Like the men before him, Kyle couldn’t take anymore. He ended the relationship right there, in front of the therapist, and walked out the door. Douangchay persuaded the therapist to call Kyle to get him to return, but Kyle knew it was over. Kyle realized that Douangchay wasn’t interested in mending the relationship, her motives for counseling, were nothing more than getting a professional to agree with her in that Kyle needed to be fixed. The months following were chaotic, emotional and eye opening for Kyle.

The two agreed that they would share time with their daughter, but soon this broke down. Douangchay’s need to be in total control was important than their daughter’s need to have a relationship with her father. She started using their child as a weapon. Kyle tried to appease her, but soon, it became clear that Douangchay was not going to be cooperative in their co-parenting. The communications between these two became impossible, they became engrossed in bad behavior. They engaged in name-calling via text messages, neither one could step away from the other. For six(6) months they fought over everything, not having a nice thing to say to, nor about one another. Kyle was advised by family, to file a parenting plan, but refused saying he knew they could work it out with her. This decision would not be a good one. Douangchay was scheming and collecting, she was going to court for a Restraining order against Kyle.

On August 15, 2016, Kyle walked out of the Snohomish County Courthouse restrained from Douangchay. Because all women must be believed and therefore protected, men are automatically assumed as abusers. Douangchay, in her petition, claimed there were police reports, yet none were submitted. She submitted text messages as proof that Kyle was harassing her. The text messages were edited beyond belief. She omitted her part in them, 90% had no dates attached to them. They were taken out of context and designed to make Kyle look like a monster. Her ploy worked in spades. She stated how “fearful” she was of him. Then, later, the same day Snohomish County Superior Court Commissioner Tracy Waggoner signed the restraining order, Douangchay showed up at Kyle’s residence and attempted to have him arrested. This proving she had no fear of him whatsoever. Witness accounts say Douangchay exited her vehicle, walk up to Kyle and threatened him. Snohomish County Deputy Sheriff Josh Wheeler was dispatched. Deputy Wheeler asked Douangchay to leave Kyle’s residence. Kyle filed for a parenting plan a week later.

Douangchay was determined in her threats and actions to remove Kyle from not only her life, but the life of their daughter. After all, Douangchay knew exactly how the system worked years before she met Kyle. She had gained favor with the court through the restraining order process, and now she went to work to further her plan. From September 2016 through July of 2017, Douangchay went back and forth, from the restraining order to the parenting plan, using false allegations of abuse, to add their child to the restraining order. Just a few days before the parenting plan hearing, she went to the restraining order case and tried to modify it, Ex parte,

Kyle knew nothing of this.

It is important for us to understand what “Ex Parte” is. Black’s Law Dictionary is regarded as the go-to for legal definitions. Lawyers around the country use this dictionary to quote from in their cases. They define “ex parte” as follows:

“On one side only; by or for one party; done for, in behalf of, on the

application of, one party only.”

One source says:

“Ex parte orders are only allowed in certain defined circumstances because they can be unfair and violate the due process requirement of the United States Constitution. ... Most often, ex parte orders are done in cases of domestic violence or child abuse and generally in an emergency situation.”

At the parenting plan hearing, she showed up with a last minute lawyer that knew nothing about the case, but he monopolized the whole hearing. It was Kyle’s petition, yet the commissioner gave the floor to the opposing attorney and disregarded Kyle’s right to plead his case.

Please keep in mind, at this time, Douangchay already had a restraining order on Kyle. By having that, why would there be a need for more? There’s only one reason to place another, and that is what accompanies it, an audience, without opposition, with a judge or Commissioner. A petition for an immediate restraining order eliminates the accused from defending themselves. This is exactly what Douangchay wanted and needed to rid herself of Kyle.

October 3, 2016, Douangchay went back to the restraining order and tried to modify it, she wanted to add their daughter, using an ex parte hearing.

October 5, 2016, again, Douangchay goes to Kyle’s residence and tries to have him arrested. Snohomish County Deputy Sheriff asks her to leave.

October 10, 2017 Douangchay doesn’t show for this hearing. She calls last minute to tell the court clerk. She must have known that her appearance at Kyle’s residence for the second time, had been documented and noted.

Two months went by and things were quiet, but then January 2017 happened.

January 17, 2017 Douangchay, in the parenting plan, filed another ex parte action.

January 26, 2017 Ex Parte action again.

February 15, 2017 yep, one more ex parte action

So, in all these actions, Douangchay had private audience with the following Commissioners:

1) Commissioner Susan Gaer

2) Commissioner Lester Stewart

3) Commissioner Tracy Waggoner

4) Commissioner pro Tem x2, (pro Tem= pro tem

1) adj. short for the Latin "pro tempore", temporarily or for the time being. In law, judge pro tem normally refers to a judge who is sitting temporarily for another judge or to an attorney who has been appointed to serve as a judge as a substitute for a regular judge.

The above ex parte actions accomplished a lot for Douangchay, private audiences with these judicial officials gave her what she loved most, playing victim. But what would occur next is beyond belief.

On May 3, 2017, Douangchay took her antics to a level that puts everything into perspective and explains how demented this woman truly is. She didn’t follow the parenting plan instruction, that day, nor any other day for that matter. She didn’t pick up their daughter as directed by the parenting plan. After both, her and her multi-felon brother attacked and threatened Kyle, through text messages, she called Lynnwood police. Lynnwood police called Kyle and Kyle explained. Lynnwood police were satisfied with Kyle and asked him to give a time and place for Douangchay to pick up their daughter. Kyle did so, 8:00 pm at a public parking lot in Des Moines. Douangchay drove, alone, from Everett all the way to Des Moines, an hour or more. Remember the sister/nanny? She lived five miles away from Kyle, in Kent. Why didn’t Douangchay, if she needed multiple restraining orders for her fear of Kyle, tell Kyle to drop off their daughter with the sister/nanny and she’d pick her up from her? Or, ask the sister/nanny to accompany her to the location? No, Douangchay chose not to do that because she was pissed and wanted any reason to have Kyle arrested. Her intent was clear. Kyle knew not to be alone in this. She tried to have him arrested at his own residence. His girlfriend accompanied him. She drove Kyle and his daughter to the agreed upon location. Douangchay was there and coming toward them, she was pissed. She was flailing her arms and screaming. Kyle’s girlfriend drove away leaving Douangchay standing there. She was enraged. Douangchay called 911, telling the 911 operator that she’s in Auburn. She is so angry, she doesn’t even know where she is. Her demeanor is casual. She starts by saying, “I need assistance.” She proceeded to tattle on Kyle for not giving their daughter to her. After telling the operator a few lies, like she and Kyle are not suppose to communicate and Kyle didn’t follow the parenting plan, the operator, asks her, 4 minutes into the call if Kyle threatened her. The operator told her to stay put and an officer would be there shortly and the call was ended. Officer Chad Stillwagon of the Des Moines police department showed up. Douangchay’s demeanor changed drastically, according to the police report. She had her audience right in front of her and this time she’d get what she wanted. She turned into the victim, a performance that deserved an Oscar. Stillwagon, in his report, used the infamous words, used by all police, in these situations, “she was visibly upset”. This must be taught in their 8 hour workshop of how to write a police report when a woman says she was abused. The “victim” emerged in spades, telling the police she was threatened. Kyle called her filthy names and threatened to kill her, she told Stillwagon. She then added a ludicrous comment when asked to do a recorded statement. She told Stillwagon that she didn’t speak English well. This was untrue. She testified later to being in the U.S. for over 25 years, reading, writing and speaking English fluently. These actions, done by Douangchay, spawned 2 felony charges against Kyle, thanks to the complete abuse of power in King County District Court. The first was filed on July 10, 2017, 314 days after initial arrest, in Snohomish County Superior Court. The tracking device case was turned from a misdemeanor to a felony. Then this Des Moines situation was filed, on July 14, 2017, 72 days after the incident, in King County Superior Court, as a felony.

On May 15, 2017, Douangchay filed yet another Immediate Restraining Order, Ex parte, against Kyle, in Snohomish County and this time she accomplished putting their daughter on it. She took this, as if it were true, and had yet another audience with a commissioner. It was Commissioner Susan Gaer, yet again. Through this, she was directed to free counsel with Snohomish County Legal Services, although it is not known as to where the directing originated. The lawyer that took this case was Helena Maria Koltonowska, aka “Helenka”, a bulldog of a lawyer. Hearings were done in June, but all the while Koltonowaska had other plans. She asked for this case to be dismissed and to seek relief in the parenting plan, Commissioner Lester Stewart granted this. Kyle’s lawyer, Andrew May charged an outrageous $4500 and then blamed the court for this, yet he didn’t fight it. He didn’t object, even though, acting as a defense attorney, he should have done exactly that. This did prove, beyond any doubt, that Douangchay’s motives were clear. She wanted the parenting plan and she even said so in the petition she filed.

Koltonowska gathered a few people and had them write declarations for Douangchay and filed contempt in the parenting plan case. These “witnesses” consisted of Khamkheuane Suannoy, Douangchay’s brother. His felony criminal record goes back years. Another felon, “Samantha” Phab, and Douangchay’s boy toy lover, Tristan James Eames. At the Circus they call a family law trial, the felon brother was locked up, again. Samantha lied through her teeth and the lover was no where to be seen. These are the people, that the court decided, would determine the outcome of a father’s ability to see his child. The contempt was filed on July 7, 2017. It is not a coincidence that the felony charges happened days after. Koltonowska had strong ties in the prosecutors offices, both in King and Snohomish Counties. She worked in both places.

A status conference was held on July 21, which Koltonowska used to her advantage. Directly after the conference, the cunning attorney went directly into another ex parte hearing and filed yet another Immediate Restraining order. Commissioner Lee Tinney reviewed the contempt filings and based her decision on them. The restraining order was granted. This decision would be carried over into the contempt. Gaer would not contradict Tinney. So Tinney made the decisions that destroyed a man’s life so he would not be allowed to see his child without supervision by a professional supervisory agency. Makes you wonder exactly how many fathers have been eliminated from their children’s lives in this manner.

Literally, what happens is one commissioner rules on a situation and this ruling will not be contradicted by the next commissioner, so Tinney set the tone for future rulings and she did so based on accusations made by Douangchay and her co-conspirators. Both Tinney and Gaer made bad decisions by allowing declarations by felons, and they did this behind closed doors that shut out the accused, Kyle. Ex parte was used a few more times after this, also. Kyle tried to file contempt against Douangchay, but a little rule in Snohomish County states her lawyer cannot be served. It has to be served directly on her. This rule doesn’t exist elsewhere.

Kyle was facing felony charges in two counties now. He knew that he would never get a fair trial in Snohomish County. All the judges and commissioners were convinced he was a domestic violence batterer and would throw the book at him. So, he plead the case. He would fight all this in King County and that’s exactly what happened.

The trial began on February 27, 2018. Kyle would face off with King County Superior Court prosecutor. Douangchay would be made to testify. She did just that. For three hours Douangchay was asked question after question about Kyle abusing her. The jury sat listening intently. On March 1, 2018, the jury returned after only 20 minutes and handed down their decision. NOT GUILTY! Douangchay’s testimony sealed this case. It was apparent, after only 30 minutes, that Douangchay was lying about the whole incident. Her testimony acquitted Kyle, but it didn’t stop her and her Snohomish County Legal Services goons from completely lying on the parenting plan documents they filed. Douangchay’s testimony and declarations went into overdrive. She stuck to her lies. He testimony changed drastically from county to county. The perjury that went on in Snohomish County was absolutely obvious, yet the four lawyers and Judge Joseph Wilson acted as if they knew nothing of this. The following is an exert from the results of a complaint filed against Wilson. His behavior was the same in Kyle’s case. He disrespected Kyle at every turn. He spoke down to Kyle and his behavior can only be described as juvenile. Joseph Wilson is a detriment to the judicial system.

“ Investigation revealed that defendant (Judge Joseph Wilson) was at all times during the hearing respectful and deferential towards the court. Respondent, after expressing his view that the resolution was too lenient, addressed the defendant in a confrontational and angry tone. He repeatedly called the defendant “an animal,” and at one point near the conclusion of the hearing, refused to let the defendant speak, telling him, “You don’t have the integrity to talk to me.”

C. The Commission served Respondent with a Statement ofAllegations on January 23, 2018, alleging his actions during the July 10,2017 hearing violated Canon 1 (Rules 1.1 and 1.2) and Canon 2 (Rules 2.2, 2.3(A) and (B), 2.6(A) and 2.8) of the Code of Judicial Conduct.

D. Respondent answered the Statement of Allegations on February 22, 2018. In his answer. Respondent acknowledged: “I did not treat [the defendant] with respect and I addressed him in a maimer I should not have. These statements negatively impact the public’s perception of the court and for that I am sorry.” Respondent explained he was “profoundly unhappy with the resolution of this case prior to taking the bench,” adding that he nonetheless recognizes his “personal opinion of what a proper resolution should be should not interfere with [his] duty to be impartial and fair.”

And in another case, Wilson’s behavior toward a defendant resulted in these comments being made:

“The HeraldNet has more details of Wilson’s statements to the defendant. They include:

• After the defendant tested positive for drugs and missed his treatment, he appeared for a February 2017 hearing. The defendant acknowledged he had been drinking lately and said he needed anger management. Wilson used the F-word at least twice. “I think you’re a [expletive] addict, and maybe you need treatment,” Wilson said. “I don’t think it’s got nothing to do with anger management. You think I’ll give you anger management and that’s going to get you clean and sober? … What the hell are you talking about?”

—Judge Joe Wilson

Joseph Wilson should have stepped away from Kyle’s case and Kyle should have been given time to research this judge. The court record showed a different judge was scheduled, but Wilson was given this case the morning the kangaroo trial began. Wilson was combative throughout. Kyle filed proof of Douangchay’s past prior to the kangaroo court trial, yet it didn’t matter. Despite knowing that Douangchay gave a false name in the 1998 King County case, Wilson acted as if that was ok. Wilson believed the witnesses, despite their obvious perjured testimony.

Kyle lost all contact with his child. Douangchay was named custodial parent. Their child lost her father and half of her family because of Douangchay’s lies and Snohomish County Court and Snohomish County Legal Services inability to look for truth. It’s been over two years since Kyle has seen his child.

Some would say this is an isolated case, but the truth of the matter, is that parents face these

oppositions in the family courts everyday. Men and women lose contact with their children and usually it is due to the other parent’s inability to co-parent and their desire to gain financially, courtrooms. False allegations of domestic violence equals restraining orders, child custody and support, free legal services, homes, vehicles and bank accounts.

[viceprints]

— geonwu

⟹ stage name: geonwu

⟹ real name: lim geonwu

⟹ position: vocalist

⟹ years trained: 3

⟹ birthday: september 15th, 1990

⟹ hometown: changwon, south korea

⟹ zodiac: virgo

⟹ height: 186cm // 6’1

⟹ nationality: korean

⟹ ethnicity: korean

⟹ mbti type: istj

⟹ fc: minhyuk of btob

⟹ personality:

∇ realist: if you want something to be handed to you straight, geonwu’s the one to do it. geonwu calls it like he sees it and doesn’t like to get caught up in impracticalities. when tackling an issue, he likes to plan out ways of how to deal with it rather than jumping in without much thought. because of his practical approach to things, he’s often someone people rely on for advice.

∇ reliable: geonwu is not one to flake out. if you need him for whatever reason, you can bet that he will be there for you. he wouldn’t label himself as a nurturer, but he tries the best he can to be someone else’s rock in times of crisis. geonwu never forgets things like dates, times, birthdays, etc. 

∇ judgemental: the singer is known for being a bit of a judgemental person. sometimes he’ll jump to conclusions about people he barely knows. whatever conclusion he comes to, it's typically final unless proven otherwise. when it comes to friends, he judges their choices based on his own morals. it comes from a place of caring, but it can be very annoying. 

∇ snarky: geonwu is usually a little on the irritated side of the mood spectrum. because of his proneness to bad temper, he tends to be a little snarky with people. he usually doesn’t mean to be malicious, but his comments can hurt people’s feelings pretty badly. his judgemental personality also strikes up his snarkiness, which really provokes others.

⟹ history: 

∇ family life: geonwu was born and raised in changwon, south korea. he’s the only child in his family, making his bond with his parents close. he never really discusses how much money he comes from, but both of his parents were heads of their respected companies, making geonwu and his family almost upper class. geonwu also was homeschooled by a tutor all the way until high school. even though his father had essentially secured geonwu a stable job at his company, both of geonwu’s parents were beyond supportive of geonwu when he told them that he wanted to be an idol. they remained supportive of his dream through company changes and training. to this day, geonwu’s parents are very supportive of their son and often buy vice’s albums in bulk to help with sales.

∇ predebut: the career choice geonwu made wasn’t exactly a surprise to his parents. growing up, geonwu had been very musically oriented, being a piano prodigy at a young age. when geonwu told his family he wanted to pursue singing, they were extremely dedicated to his training. after geonwu was accepted to pledis entertainment, they started becoming very invested. they would not only fund his training but they also made sure that he had rides to practice, had enough time in his schedule to work in the studio, etc. they basically became ‘trainee parents’ and were a little obsessed with their son’s progress in the beginning. it was probably the stress of debut his parents had put on him that caused geonwu to drop out of pledis, realizing that a debut opportunity was not going to happen there. he later auditioned for smaller companies, finding his way to hbh.

his training period was short but fulfilling. he was able to continue perfecting his vocal ability under hbh and was able to build a better basis of dancing as well. his past training had pinned him instantly as someone to be considered for the final line up. socially he was well known due to his sarcastic humor and caring attitude towards the younger trainees. he eventually debuted with vice in 2011. 

⟹ extra:

his parents were very wealthy, but he doesn’t ever bring up how much money he came from.

he was homeschooled when he was young. the first time he regularly interacted with people his age was when he became a trainee at Pledis in 2008.

became a trainee at HBH in 2010.

can play the piano very well, there’s a bunch of videos of him as a young boy playing at recitals

he’s known for having an “uncle-like” presence.

the members say that he used to walk around the dorm in just his boxers.

has acted in several dramas.

he’s secretly got married in 2017 to a stunt double (Son Yikyung) that he met on set.

has a two year old son named Eunhyuk.

[koleavacationrentals-blog]

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[thebrochtuarachs]

Arranged: Chapter 3

Modern AU. Set in 2018. Where Claire and Jamie are arranged to be married.

CH: 1 - 2

AO3

A/N: Sorry it took a while to write this. The past month just has been incredibly weird and strange. But I am happy this is up now, I had a wee writers block on how to make them go forward but I think I found the way. So excited to write what's next. Hope you like this chapter and it's always good to see and hear your comments and suggestions <3

CHAPTER 3: The First Afternoon

It was the morning after the dinner, Claire was on the bus heading to uni to start another day. Usually, she’d spent the 10-minute ride browsing through class notes but today, she found herself staring out the window and watching the city scene go by. Musing with recent events, Claire can’t help but think about Jamie.

Jamie Fraser wasn’t a stranger in her life. On the contrary, she cannot remember her life without him.

Looking back, she remembered their days, growing up in their family dinners. Jamie was two years ahead of her, he was basically in her life even before she knew it and they practically grew up together.

Sure, Jenny and Willie were also there in that scenario as well but with the recent arrangement, she focused on the times she was only with him. Before any of this, she only thought of him as a really close family friend but didn’t think they were really that close. But the more she thought about them, the more wrong she found herself.

She remembered playing in the green fields of their backyard, stealing toys from each other or playing tag; carpooling to and from elementary school for some years, heading straight to either of their house until a parent can come and pick them up; watching the same cartoons, singing the theme song together once it was on; how they would take afternoon naps after watching said show and be woken up exactly at 4PM for some afternoon snacks; how all of them - her, Jenny, Jamie and Willie -  would all play house or castle rescue, and how her and Jamie were always deemed the “king and queen” combo or the “prince and damsel” duo, where in the end, he would always save her; In some days, they would even have wedding scenarios played out as part of the story of happily ever after. It was all very innocent and fun, and at the time, no one thought any malice into it. It was just pure childhood fun.

Everything sort of changed when they entered high school. Jamie and Claire went to exclusive boys and girls catholic schools and naturally, they had their own circle and friends and their interactions were limited to their family dinners. Heading off to college, Claire took a pre-med course and Jamie took-up a pre-law course and now, she’s in medical school while he’s busy running the family’s publishing house business. Although they both stayed in Edinburgh, their paths never crossed as often as one would think.

However, despite growing up and somehow, maybe, growing apart, when they do see each other, they would talk and interact as they normally do – the long-time friends they are – and update each other on the status of their lives. All very civil, normal and nothing more.

What’s even more puzzling to Claire, now, is in these times and nobody ever teased them about the “what ifs” of them ending up together. Nobody ever spoke to them in that way, nobody gave an inkling about this merger ever happening. Nobody had a rumored crush on anyone. Nobody gave them any thought and no one gave her any indication to. As far as she knew, Jamie Fraser was and will always be just a long-time family friend in her life.

The shock of the engagement was wearing off but Claire was determined to get to the bottom of this. Jamie was right – their parents aren’t impulsive enough to set this up lightly. There is a deep, real reason for it and she will know it and put a stop to it.

-

“Darling, there you are!” Frank called as she stepped out of the car, breaking her thoughts of Jamie.

Frank – her very new and current suitor. They’ve been seeing each other for over a month and Claire was totally smitten with the professor right from the moment they met at the university library when he helped her carry her loads of medical books from the shelf to the table.

He make a joke – she can’t remember it anymore – but it made her laugh in what was a stressful exam week and she was charmed by his aristocratic elegance and wit. They got to talking after that and she found out he was a history professor and almost a decade older than her (though she thought he didn’t look like it).

She hadn’t told her parents about him because of what they might think of her dating a much older man and how it can affect their position in the university. She was a student (she can argue that she’s in medical school and not some undergraduate bimbo) and he was a teacher – that scenario doesn’t look good in any way, shape or form. Also, she wasn’t entirely certain of him yet -  so she’s taking her time to get to know him a little bit more before she allows him more into her life.

As they met in the middle of the courtyard, Frank noticed her somber aura. “What is it, Claire?” he asked, concerned.

“Oh, it’s nothing. Just got up in the wrong side of the bed” she lied. He took it at face value and thought nothing more. Clearly, he doesn’t know her yet as he hadn’t caught up with the jig.

“Okay!” He said, really not noticing it. “I gotta run to class. I’ll see you in the afternoon?”

“Yes – No! I forgot I have a group meeting later and don’t know how long would that be. Uhm…maybe just call me later and see where I’m at?” She said. Frank just nodded and went on his way.

-

It was technically a groupmeeting – they were two people, that counts. She was going to see Jamie in a nearby coffee shop and start this ridiculous quest. The day went by with Claire mostly working on autopilot student mode. Her mind ran scenarios on where they should start to investigate, people they can ask favor for to look into their family company. They should also fix their schedules and think about how this will affect their studies. This investigation was going to take over their lives and both seem to be in agreement with it – Claire, simply, wants it to be over.

He was already seated when she arrived, her favorite beverage, hot and waiting, on the table. “Sorry, I’m late. The bus was late and there was so many people waiting in line…” Claire explained herself. “It’s no mind, Claire.” Jamie stopped her before she went on a long narrative. She just smiled and took her seat across from him.

“Oolong Tea” Jamie pointed to the cup. “I hope ye dinna mind me orderin’ for ye. I canna choose which pastry ye’d like today though, so I’ll let ye choose that one.”

“It’s fine. That’s what I was going to drink anyway and I’ll order the bread later.” Claire thought about how Jamie knew her drink but with their long history, she thought she shouldn’t be shocked about it. After all, she knew his drink even though the lid of the coffee cup hid its contents – it was black, three sugars.

“Where do we begin?” she asked, hoping it’ll shift her thought from their apparent familiarity.

“Well, what did yer parents say to ye again?”

“That this was a business merger of some sort, which honestly, doesn’t make sense. Your business seems to be fine, ours is as well. Do you have any idea about the financial status of your company?”

Jamie shrugged. He already knows falling numbersis not the problem but this was the ruse. As much joy it was to spend with her, it equally pained him for it to be this way. “I guess we can start there?” He suggested. “Let me call Rupert and Angus Mackenzie from Finance, I’m sure they can discreetly hand me the finances since…2010? I’ll just go that far back just in case.” Real reason was to accumulate as much paperwork to get lost themselves in.    

Since the Frasers and Beauchamps are both stakeholders in each other’s company, they both had access to the numbers for both companies. Acquiring the data was not that hard.

“Hi, Rupert! I’m okay, just settling back” Jamie said as he called Rupert. “Rupert, I was wondering if you could send me the year-end numbers of our company and the Beauchamps dating back in 2010? Yes, - No, I would just like to study the trends…”

“No need to explain. I got you, Jamie! I’ll send it in an hour.” Rupert answered back with a knowing laugh, interrupting Jamie’s ramble of an explanation. His parents must’ve set this up too. Jamie sighed hopelessly, thanked Rupert and ended the call.

“Files will be sent in an hour” Jamie said.

“I guess we got time to kill. Would you mind if I did a bit of studying? We’re already here and we gotta wait.” Claire asked.

“No, no, go ahead. I was just going to ask the same thing.” He replied with a smile as he started pulling out his stuff from his bag.

They were occupying in a four-seater table, the space just enough for each of them to claim a side. Claire put out her laptop, two medical books, a notebook and lots of pencils and ballpens. Jamie, also, pulled out his laptop, three novels, a notebook and lots of highlighters. Both silently went on their respective study sessions.

A little over a half hour in, Jamie disrupted Claire’s thought with a question. “Claire, do you need a refill?”

She looked up, a little disoriented. “Hm, what? Oh, yes, please, thank you.”

Jamie took her cup and went to bar to fill her tea with a fresh pour of hot water. He refilled his coffee too. As he set down her cup, Claire inadvertently let out a question. “How did you know I refill?” She was curious as to how much Jamie really knew her. She saw him turn a little shy in her question as he placed a hand on the back of his neck.

“Well, ye’ve been drinking Oolong tea since we were wee bairns and ye always made sure that the tea bag is always well-used and that meant two, maybe three, uses until it lost its flavor for ye. Also, you’re doing that eye-scrunch thing when ye’re thinking so hard of a thing ye canna or tryna figure out. Thought it a good time to distract ye.”

“Well, it was. Thank you” Claire said monotonously as she took a sip of her tea. “I see you’re still coloring your books with highlighters.” She said, pointing at his many colors of markers on his table.

“And I see ye’re still placing wee snacks on each paragraph in yer book.” Jamie retorted back and they shared a small laugh.

“It’s been a while since we studied together but it seems like some things never change”

“Aye, some things never do, Sassenach” Jamie said tenderly, looking straight into Claire’s eyes.

“Hey, you haven’t called me that in forever!” Claire exclaimed excitedly. “What does that mean again?”

“Och, nothing. It just means Englishman, or in yer case, Englishwoman. An outlander, not from Scotland”

“Right, right! That’s the only name you’d call me growing up, I almost forgot my own!”

“Really?” Jamie never knew the name meant possibly more than Claire let on and he was curious to know the story behind it. However, a ding on Jamie’s computer alerted them back to the task at hand.

“Ach, the email is here” Jamie informed Claire and she quickly got up, went over to his side, pulled out a chair and sat beside him. She peered so close at his computer their cheeks were almost side to side.

“Open it, open it!” Claire said, waving a hand to Jamie to hurry up.

“Patience!” he chuckled as the file filled the screen.

Both simultaneously groaned when the file they got was filled with so much number, just pure numbers, neither of them can make it out. Rupert must’ve made it so complicated, they’ll never figure anything out.

“Seriously, Rupert!” Claire rolled her eyes, annoyed.

“I’ll call him –“

“No. He might get suspicious if we ask so much and so frequently. We, erm, we…can figure this out”

“How about we call it for the day? We got the file, we can look at it tomorrow instead.” Jamie said, looking to prolong the evidence. If they start on this now, Claire will never stop for the rest of the afternoon and probably evening. “I got an exam I have to study for anyway. Unless, you want to have a go at it?”

Claire shook her head. She’s got to study too. “No, you’re right. I have to study too.” She sighed. “We have to talk about a schedule where this research is not going to interfere with our studies – which is our top priority”

Jamie just nodded. “How about we meet here every after class and maybe spend 2-3 hours looking at this, then we go back to our studies? Sounds like enough time to balance our day?”

They reached an agreement and let the investigation stop for the day. Claire reached for her stuff to pack but when she noticed Jamie didn’t move and just continued to go back to highlighting his pages. “Aren’t you going home or somewhere else to study?”

“Och, I’m already here and the ambiance is good, thought I’d stay until the evening.” Jamie replied with a sheepish smile. Claire looked around and the atmosphere was good. The smell of the coffee was inviting, the people were quiet, and a change of scene was probably what she needed to focus. It wasn’t bad either that she’s with Jamie, they were friends after all. With that, she put her stuff back on the table and decided to stay as well. Jamie stayed silent and they went on their own business but she saw the small tug in his lips and he smiled.

-

A loud ringing of the cellphone brought them out of their space. It was Claire’s phone and Claire’s mother calling.

“Hello, yeah – I’m sorry. I’m on my way home. No, just got lost in studying” Claire rapidly explained as Jamie could hear her mother’s rapid line of questioning. “Yep, I’ll be there in 15 minutes. Love you, bye”

“Ye’ll be there in 5” Jamie said. “I’ll take ye home”. It was already 8:00PM and they were going to miss dinner.

“What? No, Jamie. It’s fine. The bus by this time are probably not that full.” They were quickly packing their stuff while, also, quickly negotiating their travel plans.

“I have a car and we live in the same neighborhood. Ye canna argue with that logic, Claire.”

Claire grumbled but relented. It was certainly easier and convenient and again, Jamie was no stranger. On some unsurprisingly absurd level, she trusts him completely. She reasons it’s probably from the years they’ve known each other. Nonetheless, if Jamie acts inappropriately, she’ll just tell him to their mothers.

The drive home was quick and Jamie, being the true gentleman he was, insisted that he open Claire’s passenger door and walk her right in front of her doorstep. She was about to protest but his actions were quicker and for the fourth time that day, she let him…erm…look out for her.

“Thank you for a lovely afternoon. For the tea, the records, the study time, and the ride home” she said as she turned around to bade him goodbye. They were standing in a respectable distance from one another, just as friends do. “Would you like to stay for dinner? It’s the least I can offer for the tea.”

“Ah, no. My family is waiting on me too. I’ll have my hide if mam doesna see me on the table”

“Well, then, goodnight, Jamie.”

“Goodnight, Sassenach. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”