#like the fact that top and mew never talked about what really happened with him and sand is such bullshit

[forcebookish]

ok fr fr in what universe would top have to be the one to apologize to sand when boeing left him, sand shoved and punched top in the face, and then disseminated an illegally obtained sex tape of top after top had already tried to be friendly with him and sand decided to be an asshole because his ex was a dick and would have left him for literally anyone anyway

make it make sense!!!

[thewayuarent]

Handling an addiction. Part 1.

Cause oh we need to have this conversation

Disclaimer: I am not a professional, and I won’t pretend to be. This is based on my personal experience as someone who is/was in several relationships with people who struggle from different forms of addiction. I want to clarify that I do understand all characters and while I’m going to critique them I do not blame them. The very important thing to remember is that it's a very complicated topic and there is no clear right answer to it. Let's keep in mind that any conversation about any difficult topic is always mostly one-sided and it's impossible to talk about everything once. This is about addiction and only about it, but all characters are way more then that one topic. Are we good now? Let's go.

So, let’s talk about Ray’s addiction and how people in his life are failing to handle it. 

The most important thing to remember is: addiction is a disease. By definition of most medical associations all over the world. Addiction is not a personal choice. And while it doesn’t excuse Ray’s behaviour throughout the show, it explains it. And this is a big difference. Ray as a character is much more than just his addiction, absolutely. But his addiction is a huge part of who he is and how he behaves and we need to constantly remember about it.

This conversation begins every week after every episode. Most people who seem to understand the complexity of his situation are also people who have a lot of sympathy and understanding towards him, and this is great. There are also a lot of people who feel towards him mostly annoyance and desire for him to stop without understanding why he can't - and this list starts from characters in the show. It’s, again, understandable. It’s also the worst thing you can do towards someone who struggles from addiction. 

So let’s start from Ray’s friend group and we’ll go from the least harmful to most harmful characters’ behaviour.

Boston. Yeah, shockingly, I know. But the fact is - Boston actually has the best-ish (from the worst so it’s not a high ground here) approach towards Ray’s addiction. And why? Well, cause he doesn’t give a fuck and doesn’t pretend to do. Boston is way far from the good support system Ray actually needs but at least he never judges Ray for his habits. He won’t help him, sure, but he won’t damage him harder (well, he is, but on a different topic).

We don’t actually know a lot about this friend group dynamic outside of their current drama and one episode happened two years ago. But we kind of can assume (cause Mew said it twice - in episodes 1 and 6) that Boston at least on some level was periodically responsible for taking Ray home. Which is really weird for me, by the way, cause both times Mew said Boston will take care of him Boston was also drinking. Not on Ray’s level, but still not in a shape to drive. But whatever. 

Don’t get me wrong, Boston is a shitty friend. He’s the one called Ray a burden in episode 1 which led to Ray rushing out.

And he intentionally targets Ray more than once towards the show about Mew, which is absolutely harmful and not helpful (can we talk about the weird obsession Boston has about Ray and Mew having sex? Like dude relax, nobody cares. Well, Top does).

He is absolutely not someone you want to have in your support system while trying to heal (not if Ray’s trying but we’ll get to that in part 2). But at least he is honest about not wanting to handle an addict. And the truth is: no one in this friends group wants to. And it’s fine, actually, more on that in a minute. But oh the level of hypocrisy the other two have.

Cheum. So, I truly don’t understand what the show is trying to tell us with this one. It’s either a clear critique on the hypocrisy people tend to have towards addicts or an attempt to show how addiction ruins not only people with it but also their surroundings. And if it’s the second one then I have a problem with how it’s shown.

There is a gold rule of cinema: show, don’t tell. We are told more than once that Cheum and Mew were actively trying to stop Ray. But what we’re actually shown is way different. The thing is, they are college kids. They drink a lot. They party a lot. And if we see this group all together they are either in university or drinking (except for the iconic pool scene). And specifically Cheum seems to get drunk pretty often. So while we’re told they tried to help Ray we’re shown only how they actually (unintentionally!!) support his behaviour or ignore it. And what should I think?

I think that they missed the point when Ray’s habits became an actual addiction. And I understand why - it’s a very easy thing to miss. I think that before his suicide attempt they did’t notice his mental struggles. I think after that they were shocked and scared and they didn’t know how to handle it so they chose to ignore it. This is a very common reaction and it’s understandable. 

The very important moment to remember is they don’t owe Ray anything. They can choose to help him and support him or not to deal with it. Handling an addiction is so hard and frustrating and exhausting for every participant. And if they choose to not get themselves into it - it’s normal. It doesn’t make them bad people, as choosing to help doesn't make somebody a better person. It’s a choice and every choice matters.

But if you make this choice - be true to it. Don’t play the “I tried to help you but you don’t want it so it’s on you” card. People with addiction didn’t choose to be that way. But people in their lives? They have an actual choice. No one will judge you if it’s not for you (at least normal people won’t). It’s honestly way better than staying only to constantly remind an addict how bad he is - he knows it already.

The thing I have to say to Cheum is - go away. It’s harsh, but it needs to be said. Don’t lie to yourself or Ray. Tell him (in very careful way) that you are tired, that you can’t handle it, that he needs help you can’t provide. Or stay, but do your research and prepare yourself to long hard work. But don’t continue to constantly drink with him to then be surprised why he can’t get better. Cheum is absolutely not responsible for Ray's actions. But she is responsible for hers. 

The one time I was almost agree with her was that scene.

Because bringing drugs was a very fucked up thing to do - Ray puts at risk not only himself but the whole group and he deserves to be called out on that. But. She continues to put all the blame on Ray - the thing she does the whole episode and it’s just frustrating as hell -  forgetting about Mew. Mew, who actually has a lot of responsibility in that situation.

Mew. Well, he does the worst thing you can imagine to do with a person like Ray. I get it, he’s hurt, I totally understand why he does what he does. I don't think he intends to hurt Ray. But.

Mew forgets a critically important thing here - can you guess which one? - right, that Ray is an addict. Mew can do all this stuff and be fine afterwards. It is always a risk that he won’t, of course, but his superiority complex tells him he’ll be fine. And I also think so - I mean, he's a young adult, he can try partying and drinking and drugs and be totally okay after.

He can turn back. Ray can’t.

Mew did help Ray in his worst moment that one time two years ago, and it is worth remembering. And after that Mew tried his best to distance himself from Ray’s struggles - again, understandable. He was trying to talk with Ray and while it was really bad - I still give him the benefit of a doubt. He is young, he’s not a specialist, he didn’t do any research and he thinks it might work.

But a moment he decides to let loose he turns to Ray for help. Because Ray will never judge him - both cause his idolisation and cause it’s not his place to judge, he does all this stuff himself. And this is absolutely terrible. I’m sorry, but it is. Mew, the same as everyone else, doesn’t owe Ray his help or time or support. But while it is not necessary for him to help Ray, it is a necessity to not actively - and this time intentionally - support him in this.

For Mew everything happening is episode 8 is a journey, a new experience. For Ray it's a fucking relapse.

He knows Ray is an addict. He just doesn’t care at the moment. But it can be so, so dangerous for Ray. Mew started this spiraling down journey, but it’s Ray who will end up at the bottom.

And for everyone who says Ray is also an active participant - he is. But he is not. He has a disease. And he gets in a situation where a person he idolises, his favourite human being, finally doesn’t judge him. Instead, Mew supports him. Mew wants to be like him. Can you imagine even a possibility where Ray in this situation says no? It’s impossible, not in the state he’s in right now.

And this is why I critisize this friend group. This is why they deserve to be criticized. Because this is a depiction of how these things work in reality too. You don't have to help him. But the least thing you can do - if you deside to stay in his life - is to have a compassion towards him and don't get him worse.

In part two I will talk about Ray’s current state and of course about the one person who kind of does the better job here - and why Sand is able to do it.

[heretherebedork]

Honestly Mew is abusive as hell. To be honest, I don’t even consider they were already dating when Top slept with Boston. Yes, Top wanted to date Mew and was loud about it when he was still fooling around with Boston but he was not in a stated relationship with Mew. But Mew is so adamant to say that they were boyfriends and that he was cheated on. He was in the exact same situation as Nick but it’s funny how only one of them was seen as the injured part. I am aware that they reacted differently as I stated earlier, Mew said out loud that he was cheated while Nick was doing everything to not upset Boston. I am more talking about the outside looking in, that only were furious for Mew. Now Mew is using Boston/Top one night stand to abuse mentally and physically the two of them. I think it’s really problematic that he threw a drink in Top face and pushed in the water, it’s literally abuse and the fact that they are going to get back together without any of it being addressed is kind of like condoning abuse because it’s a same sex relationship. Even here with Boening, he pretended to push him away in my opinion, he still knew what he was doing as I believe he pushed him away way too late. I believe that Mew is in love with Top but I also think that he want to make sure Top suffer as much as possible and that he has taken his revenge so that he can forgive him and I think it’s toxic.

You know, anon, I don't have much to argue. But I will also say that Mew is... exactly what his friends are. They're all young and messy and messed up and doing their best but not really living up their best.

And Mew has never been confronted because everything he does is in terms that most people consider moral. He was cheated on even if they weren't exclusive yet. (I think of @respectthepetty every time I think of this.) But if he says Top cheated, if he accepted Top after the act and knew he was going to accept him and was only holding off to prove Boston wrong. So does that count? Who's right? They're both a mess, frankly. They're all a mess.

Mew was withholding the relationship label because he wanted to prove that he would win Top over Boston's three month prediction. Nick was clinging to Boston despite Boston's declaration that they weren't in a relationship. And they both got cheated on in a way but also not.

And Nick understands that. Nick was more worried about Boston leaving him entirely than Boston's sex. He just wanted to be with him. But Mew took what happened and turned it into something that he can keep holding against Top.

Honestly, Mew should not keep giving Top chances because if he's going to hold this over his head for as long as he can... he should just stop. He should give him up. He should stop because giving Top a chance is one thing and giving Top a chance... but also holding the supposed cheating above his head and in the middle of their relationship the entire time.

Every single character in this show is toxic and, frankly, that's why we're watching the messy gay show. They are all wild and messy and toxic and they're hurting each other.

Now, frankly, I'm more upset about how Mew is treating Boston than anything else. Because he knows that Boston is in the closet to his father and that someone had Boston's sex tapes and that he was afraid of being revealed and that it makes no sense for Boston to be blackmailing someone else when their secret getting out would also be his.

(Look, did Boston fuck Top when he knew he was trying to get together with Mew and then try to push Ray hard enough to make him decide not to out that event? Yes. Yes he did. But I think he's one of the least toxic in this friend group because he's also honest about being nasty and filthy and just wanting to have one night stands and that doesn't make him a villain, that just makes him a slightly amoral slut.)

But anyway.

They're all a toxic mess and I'm very glad they are. And I hope more people are seeing that they're all different and all toxic and that no one is perfect or better just because of their moral code or the way they present themselves.

[le-trash-prince]

I’m very appreciative of the fact that the majority of the OF fandom on here seems to view the characters with nuance and isn’t trying to label them as one thing or another, coz all these ppl are messy and human, and that’s honestly the fun of the show.

But then there are so many other ppl who want to slap labels on the characters. I swear this place is turning me into a Top apologist when I don’t even like him that much.

First of all, the idea that he’s only hanging around to sleep with Mew once is an assumption, and I don’t think it’s based on any real evidence. Even when Mew isn’t in earshot, Top says he wants something serious. We also have this interaction, where Top seems surprised and interested at the idea that something more than a one-night stand is even a possibility.

Second of all, what’s the current status of his and Mew’s relationship? Are they really boyfriends right now? Because last I remember in ep 2, they decided to reset their relationship to flirting. Top does refer to himself as Mew’s bf when he and Ray are having their hissy fit, but their relationship still comes across as really vague to me. Mew seems to have fun on their dates, but he hasn’t even said that he likes Top!

I don’t agree with Top believing Boston rather than talking things over with Mew—but is Top really in a position of mutual trust with Mew right now? Has their relationship been clarified? Someone please tell me if they’re even actually boyfriends!

Digging a little more into what is driving Top in the Boston car scene—I think he is likely feeling rejected by Mew. Rather than him having a double-standard of jealousy that Mew slept with someone in the past (whether or not that actually happened, we don’t know yet—but Top is acting based on the assumption that it did), I think he is reacting to the fact that Mew told Top that he has never done it before and gave that as a reason for taking things slow. And then Top finds out that Mew supposedly lied about that. THEN Boston tells Top that Mew is just playing games with him, seeing how long he will stick around—which he is pulling from Mew’s own words.

In this moment, it’s reasonable for Top to feel like he has been lied to and to feel like, if Mew has actually done it with someone else before, then he was just making that up as a excuse to not sleep with Top.

(Personally I think Mew is probably a little grey-a, since he says he wants to get to know someone first before sleeping with them—this might be a sign he needs an existing emotional attachment to get it up. But I doubt Top has spent much time around people who don’t connect to others through sex, so this is probably outside his understanding of how people work. The two of them speak very different physical languages.)

So, I don’t think Top is acting out of hypocrisy or bitterness that he couldn’t be the one to “take Mew’s virginity.” I think he’s acting out of a sense of hurt and rejection. Remember, this is the one time he’s tried to take a relationship seriously, and then he gets told that it was just a game to the other person.

Do I agree with his actions? No. He’s making a really big mistake. Do I think he has a very flawed view of the situation? Sure. But from his perspective, the situation is that someone has lied to him about why they don’t want to sleep with him, refused to commit to a relationship, and still has feelings for someone they were previously involved with.

It’s easy as the audience to say, of course Mew doesn’t have feelings for Ray—this conversation was obviously about Ray’s feelings for Sand. But Top only hears this much, and as far as Top can tell, Mew is flirting with Ray here more than he’s ever flirted with Top.

From that perspective, it’s not an unreasonable jump to sleep with someone who’s literally throwing themselves at you while you are feeling physically and emotionally rejected.

Again, I’m not defending Top’s actions, but I think it’s important to understand where a person is coming from. Too often we assume that other people will know what we know, that a character will know everything the audience knows, and that their decisions are based on the knowledge that we possess. This habit of approaching ppl with judgement rather than understanding is what leads to toxic cancel culture.

Top doesn’t need to be a “bad person doing something awful” or a “good person making a bad decision.” He can just be “a person making a mistake.”

[jemmo]

actually, the more of sit with it, i do have things to say about only friends

the more and more i see people talking about how much they love boston and how unfair they think his ending was, the more i think it’s actually a very interesting and, for me at least, a good and interesting way to tell a story, even if the writers really didn’t intend it. i think it’s interesting in such a morally grey show to have the show end with this condemnation of the most technically morally wrong person, to have it ultimately ‘conform’ to what is thought of as the correct morality. bc i think it’s interesting that we all can overwhelming agree that we don’t agree with it, bc i think it says a lot about how people who are willing and open-minded and able to look at things both objectively and with humanity and kindness can agree that what other people who just look at acts and behaviours isolated from everything else and subscribe to normalised values wanted and got from this ending is not what we wanted or think is right. bc i think it’s very interesting who we and the characters in the show are quick to forgive and who we aren’t. take Boston and top. they say mew forgave top bc top put in all this work and effort to make it right and earn forgiveness, but in that what he actually did was fight for that image of normality back. he is the rescued promiscuous bad boy who was fixed by settling down and finding happiness, and we can agree and think that’s right bc just generally thats the expected aim and he did it. boston on the other hand wasn’t ‘fixed’. he didn’t settle down, he didn’t become monogamous, he didn’t change, and so we punish him. but did he really not change?? if you recall, top had that emotional scene last week when he told mew he’d suffered enough, but when i saw boston in this ep at their gathering, so quiet and reserved and down, i thought back to early boston and all his confidence and bravado and self-assurance. now tell me this guy has not changed. but we just don’t see it, nor do we value it, bc in fact it’s not a good change. this guy is still suffering, he has been for a while, and while we are so quick to forgive top or ray’s actions through this show bc of their trauma that’s shown to us, do we ever once think that while not trauma, boston might have his reasons, things that have happened to him, the ways he feels, that make him act like this?? and if they were explained by some single trauma, would we more easily forgive him?? i can’t stop thinking about this, about his secret room, his secret passions, his secret identity, all these things he’s made to hide bc of who his family is. and then i think of this tendency for him to try and hold onto people while being messy and promiscuous, hiding the way he truly is, the way he truly wants to love bc he’s afraid that the people he cares for don’t love the same way he does and can’t handle it. which is fine, not everyone can, but it’s precisely bc not everyone can and those people that can are harder to find that he feels the need to keep stringing people along with what’s expected of a relationship while still giving in to the other side of him that doesn’t want monogamy. and when i think about that, i can see why he treated nick the way he did, keeping him hooked with the promise of promises that he could never keep bc it’s not who he is, and while it’s still shit for nick to be treated that way, boston can still only keep hanging the promise of more in front of him so that he can keep him around whilst also reducing his guilt where he can by not making any grand promises.

in the end, the show rewarded those who chose their partners and only them, who settled into monogamous relationships full of love, and bc of those endings, all those precious wrongs get to be erased, they get to start fresh, to begin again. but bc of who boston is, he is left to always feel like he is in the wrong. he’s always been gay, and that’s something he’s never been able to fully show or own bc of his family, and something deep inside of him has been made to feel that both that and not wanting monogamy are wrong, so please story, tell me, how else is he supposed to act?? how else is he supposed to end?? why do we just leave him to feel continually condemned for not being the norm?? and what really got to me was when nick said i think you’d be better off alone, or something to that effect. bc i think it’s wholly not true, and while i get what he meant coming from him, someone that’s always wanted complete monogamy from him and ultimately has to face that he’ll never get it and move on from his feelings, i don’t think it’s true. we’ve seen boston alone. it’s where he is now. and he is not happy. that’s the thing, he’s not meant to be alone, he’s meant to be understood. he’s meant to be treated with the same humanity and kindness that we’ve treated all these other people that have done bad things. just bc he can’t own who he is in the correct way, bc he’s never been allowed to, that doesn’t mean we should just give up and resign him to this life. why is there no one there around him willing to fight for him?? to find out who he truly is where he can’t, and tell him that that’s ok, and that he can do it, he doesn’t have to do it by these means that hurt people, that he can be who he is and cause no harm, bc everyone can be on the same page and choose to be up for it or not. and why is no one around him willing to be that voice of reassurance that says no matter how bad or messy your romantic or sexual relationships are, i will still be here as your friend, bc i value and understand you. bc maybe that’s the presence he really needs in order to explore his romantic and sexual wants in a more open and healthy way. and maybe his actions in this show perfectly are perfectly explained by him himself. he says it to mew, I didn’t do it to hurt you, i just didn’t care. he has never been that purposefully malicious, his actions are just like that bc he’s never learnt to deal with how he’s feeling in a better way. he’s lived his life not caring, detached from relationships bc it’s too hard to find one that works in the way that works for him, and detached from his friends bc they never understood him either, and so he was never able to fully care about them bc they didn’t truly care about him either. they wrote him off from ep 1 the way everyone else did, the ‘hunter’, the whore, the playboy. and we saw him making some progress with nick bc nick did love him, but ultimately bc he didn’t reciprocate nick’s feelings in the way nick wanted him to, he was left alone again. we see it with him just as we saw it with atom, this repeated story of people falling in love with him and when they can’t have all of him, they don’t want any of him. and the way he’s compartmentalised his self worth from these experiences is sex. he can’t offer people complete monogamy so he offers sex, he derives his sense of self from it. bc that’s the thing he is fine with sharing, that he wants to share. he can’t offer romance bc whoever he gives it to, as we see with nick, will ultimately leave him when they can’t get everything else.

so just ask yourself this, if someone understood and loved boston bc that’s the way they were too, or were truthfully ok with him sleeping with other people, and he loved them back, do you think he’d act the same? and do you think we’d see him the same? would we still think his behaviour is bad? would we persecute him the same? or would we celebrate them the same way we celebrate topmew and sandray? the thing is the show won’t give him that bc the show is rewarding monogamy, but it’s worth thinking about if you are one of the people that think boston got the ending he deserved. why do we forgive and explain away the bad behaviour of the other couples bc we can write it off as ‘they did it bc they love each other’, but we can’t do it for boston when the explanation is ‘he did it bc he can’t love himself’. and it’s all rather ironic that we can celebrate nick coming to find self-worth and self-love through boston, but we don’t grieve the fact that boston couldn’t do the same for himself. when of everyone, he’s the one that is, and should, and deserves to begin again, go to a place that doesn’t know his behaviour only through its infamy as dangerous and uncaring, but will evaluate it of their own accord. maybe then, he’ll find the right people he needs in his life, and he can be on his way to feeling like he can treat himself a little more kindly.

[jenyifer]

Ray doesn’t deserve to be friends with Boston.

Last week I made a post about how Boston deserves to have his Ray back as a friend. The same can’t be said in reverse which personally breaks my heart. I have written Extensively about BostonRay they are boys cut from the same cloth and I feel like they were invisible best friends unlike their relationships with Mew or Cheum. I even headcannon that they are longer established friends maybe even childhood buddies. I don’t think their friendship is over simply because of SandNick but that’ll take a lot.

So let’s get some ground rules I’m not going to super cover the early eps that’s mostly covered by last weeks post. Now be fair here I don’t think BostonRay are Fantastic friends to each-other both boys have emotional mental issues that they try to hide. Boston is not the best with other people in general which he tells Nick about. Same goes for Ray. He’ll fuck up causal convo with sand but sand will push it off. But Boston is there for Ray. The end credit scene where Boston is at the bar in his white shirt is before Mew’s bday party when He knows shit is going down. Boston still goes to this party. He stays quiet while Ray attacks him. Something Boston never ever does despite having more than one opportunity to is blame Ray or dismiss him to Nick that doesn’t happen despite the two fights where Ray attacks Nick someone who is very important to Boston. Why? Because Boston believes what Ray said is true and he doesn’t believe in lying. Ray also does like Boston… or he did… I don’t think Ray would’ve asked Boston to stay with him and that he loved him if it wasn’t a real request.

I particularly love how open they are about their current love interests before Boston has to throw cold water on Ray at Sands bday party. Then Ray throws a spear at Nick in response. Both boys regret what they do but they don’t apologize. Just let things fester something we see Ray and Bostons do multiple times moving forward. They don’t like fighting because they know eachother the best. They know the other one doesn’t lie and does genuinely care for the other. Boston doesn’t need to be friends with Ray and Ray knows it. Boston has money and Ray’s drama is annoying but he sticks about and is always there for Ray. They are too prideful to say it.

Ray didn’t enjoy Mew trying to actively kill Boston either. In fact Ray did try get inbetween them and tried to de escalate things but Ray is a coward always has been. Boston also steps in to save Ray from getting punched by Top even after Ray tries to say Boston was still dating Top. Yeah really seems like the two of them loveee fighting and not supporting each other.

Okay sorry got distracted let’s go to ep 10 and talk about why Ray needs to apologize. Yes yes Boston needs to treat Ray better but at least he fucking tries (Mew Cheum I’m side eyeing you) dealing with an alcoholic or what Boston is is exhausting. Especially if change fails to ever come because you don’t have the words to magically make things better.

Boston thought Ray would understand that he and Atom are adults. Possibly Boston thought Ray would never believe he’d black mail someone either. Boston has talked to Ray about his escapades before. He’s never done what Atom is accusing of him. But no Ray is gleefully enjoying Bostons downfall sticking the knife in that even his best friend doesn’t love or understand him.

Ray knows Boston is telling the truth that’s why Ray can’t look at his face for too long you actively see him look away (gd khaotung why are so so good at acting holy shit) because Ray knows it’s wrong. Boston is crying. I’d bet none of his friends have seen him cry before. You know who leaves without a word when Bostons eyes immediately turns to them as fast as humanly possible? It’s Ray.

I really want Boston and Ray to be friends again. But at the same time. Boston doesn’t need a friend like Ray who is a coward. Can’t fully admit to being his friend. Ray can possibly make it up to Boston by being there for him in the future or apologizing but honestly. I hope Boston doesn’t try to establish contact himself. But who knows with Ray’s recovery and Boston learning how to deal with people in a normal way (he has been growing by the way he isn’t the same boy we had ep 1) maybe they can be actual friends with a good example like Sand and Nick about

This post is too long so I’m just going to post it I hope it made sense.

[hay1ock]

Late as usual lol. Only Friends Episode 9. My heart is full and my anxiety for the next 3 episodes is high lol.

Really enjoyed this episode and was nice to see the main couples kind of moving back toward each other, though seems there’s still a rocky road ahead.

These are my opinions and how I viewed what went down between everyone this episode, but don’t be surprised when I’m not hating on Ray. He’s the character I’m most invested in still.

So, opening with the morning after the night before. I think every character has crossed some sort of boundary at some point throughout the show and certainly Top was amongst those last episode after cuddling up to a passed out Mew. I don’t know how long they stayed like that but I don’t imagine Mew would have reacted quite as well as he did by just finding Top outside fishing cups out the pool. Like Mew says later, I can see his efforts throughout the episode but it did feel a little bit too much at times, especially when Mew’s moms were there too. Maybe let the man breathe and have a chance to sort through his feelings properly.

I’m trying to think more positively about Top as I know he loves Mew. Sometimes you just don’t vibe with characters or even people in real life and there was just something early on that was off-putting about Top. It was those initial interactions that felt possessive over Mew that have left this lingering suspicion about everything he does. I guess from back when he was in full TOP TIER mode and was all Mr Smugface. I appreciate him deciding to not show Mew the video of Sand and Ray. When he was looking at it again when shopping with the moms I was like, for the love of god not now lol. Mew knew he wanted to talk about Ray and probably didn’t need any hints dropping in the end, but I think it did help prompt Mew to open a long overdue conversation with Ray.

Where Top and Mew go from here we’ll have to see with the introduction of Boeing. I figured with Top’s insomnia and sleeping issues he was maybe calling someone to stay over. Now I’m hoping it was just to have a body beside him so he knew he wasn’t alone and could get to sleep. I don’t personally think with all the effort he was putting in Top would risk actually hooking up with anyone else until he was sure there was zero chance of him and Mew ever happening again, but you never know. Plus the fact it’s an ex and a very real possibility his and Sand’s shared ex… not messy at all lol. Hopefully, Mew won’t regret deciding to give him a second chance. Again, I don’t really know how I’d feel if it ever happened to me. There are no feelings on Top’s part toward Boston and yes, Boston dripped poison in his ear. It was before Mew and Top swapped I Love Yous and had sex… I guess the only way to know if he can forgive him is by trying to be with him again. It will either reignite or snuff out completely the lingering feeling of love.

Jumping back to Ray and Sand. The tension between them in that music room scene was just wow. The amount of emotions Sand expressed with his eyes alone was just…First always impresses me.

In the end I feel bad for them both. Sand doing his best to walk away and move on, despite his feelings for Ray, and Ray desperate to hold onto the one person who has made him happy in a long time. Sand has known what Ray is like since their first meeting and yet he still fell for him. He’s seen the bad, the absolute worst, but he’s also seen the Ray who isn’t blackout drunk or high or triggered by his trauma and abandonment issues. It’s up to Sand if he thinks he can handle a person who is dealing with so much baggage. Personally, if Sand is strong enough I want for him to support and continue to love Ray. With him, Ray is so much better, episode 5 showed how good they can be together, and for each other, as Sand also got to have fun and live a little like a student should, not just living to work. Obviously, love isn’t a cure for mental illness and addiction, but thinking that even on the bad days, especially in Ray’s case, that someone can stick around and does love him, then it can make things a little bit easier. I just need Ray to realise there is someone there for him and so it’s now up to him to want to get better. Because Mew’s right, most people do have some kind of limit as to what they can put up with, and Ray is A LOT.

Now, I don’t support cheating and agree that with no context Ray and Top’s action are pretty much as bad as each other. As a viewer, however, I know the relationships of TopMew and RayMew are very different. Top and Mew were supposed to be in love. Top dropped his boyfriend (yep, based on passage of time and what was said in ep 3 and 4, and beyond, I am willing to die on this hill LOL) at home, met up with Boston, got his knickers in a twist over a kiss from 2 years ago and then decided (after Boston twisted the truth a little) fucking Boston was the appropriate response. I just find myself struggling to be as sympathetic about that situation as I am concerning the Ray and Mew and Sand mess. In a way, when Mew says how what Ray did was the same as what Top did to him, I felt as if he maybe saw it how I did - how Sand kind of falls into the role of Mew in this trio’s case. (Ray isn’t doing it behind Sand’s back as such but he is involved in perpetuating a lie about his and Mew’s relationship).

It is Sand and Ray who were in the developing relationship, where feelings of love were being nurtured. Sand had reset them back to friends after episode 5, but it seemed, after the crash, as if they were once again growing closer. But then, in comes Mew. This isn’t to villainize him. He himself was hurt and confused and looking to get away from himself, and probably didn’t think about what it really meant for the two of them if they stepped beyond friends. If he hadn’t questioned Ray’s feelings for him, opened the door to what if, then I feel like Ray would likely have never brought it up himself. He had been told by Mew if he wanted him in his life, he had to give up on thinking of him in a romantic light. However, Mew put it out there. Regardless of his feelings for Sand, Ray would never risk losing Mew, he said it himself during their conversation this episode. If he rejected Mew there’s the fear Mew might be upset, abandon him completely. If he told him there was someone else, about Sand, there’s the risk it would be seen as a betrayal - so you didn’t really love me (Mew) all this time? It was a lie?

I just really sympathise with Ray’s situation, especially when it feels as if his love for Mew has been his one reason for staying alive for the last couple of years (though it seems he’s only recently been living since meeting Sand). Though he was not actively pursuing Mew, being by his side and cherishing him as a friend has been a constant in his life, his purpose, one that was thrown into disarray when Top came into the picture. He’s scared of people leaving him and now he has two important people in his life he can’t let go of.

But in all of this, Sand is who I felt for the most. Sand was the one who had the most emotional investment in the mess. Who was watching the person he liked going back to another man.

Mew was never invested. We knew since last episode he wasn’t. Not kissing Ray when they were alone but doing so in front of Top to spite him. Daydreaming of intimate bookstore dates with Top but not seeming to want to do anything one-to-one with Ray, instead going out and requesting parties. Even this episode, Mew was happy to agree to drink with another man, lock eyes with him over the rim of his glass, get chatted up. It just felt like there should have been the conversation of ‘sure we can talk but my boyfriend will be here soon’ in that moment.

Then we’re at Mew’s place. I understand Ray saying love makes the most sense when used in talking about Mew. He knows he loves Mew vs whatever the hell it is that keeps drawing him back to Sand. Maybe if Mew had phrased it differently a conversation could have started but the word love for Ray at this point only applies to Mew. A kiss leads to things getting handsy and Mew pushing him away. Ray’s despair filled ‘again’, actually kind of hurt. Ray was harsh, frustrated but I believe him when he said it wasn’t only about wanting sex or beating Top. Ray has always seemed like he craves intimacy, be it kisses, sex, simply hugging Sand in the morning, always reaching out and taking hold of Sand’s hand/wrist and wanting a connection. Mew has the right to say no, but I understand Ray seeing it as rejection, why he asked was he that bad? It’s just more proof he’s unlovable. It was like he was begging for Mew to prove him wrong, give him any sign there was anything between them. But Mew stays quiet. Do I wish they could have talked calmly and maybe gotten to the bottom of what they were doing to each other right then? I really do. But instead they go their separate ways.

Sand really did underestimate Ray’s desire to come see him. And no, I don’t think it had anything to do with sex at this point either, despite what I’ve seen a few people think. Oh Mew wouldn’t fuck him so he’s off to Sand. Personally, I felt it was about him wanting his comfort person, the person who shows him intimacy and care. The person who despite Ray turning up at 2am and being pissed off still allowed Ray to cuddle up to him.

Will drop it in here that Sand Ray Nick is the comedy trio I never knew I needed. Nick and Sand were so wholesome this episode and I’m glad they got to have fun, have a little kiss and stick to being the good friends they are.

I’m glad Sand was honest with Ray, finally properly admitting how he feels about him. Ray’s been in an odd limbo with Sand, another reason he was probably scared to make a proper decision between the two of them, because what if he picked wrong and lost both of them. It was cute how Sand helped lead Ray out of the water.

And so, we’re outside the caravan. Ray back in his ‘would anybody really care if I wasn’t here’ mode. I kind of like that he was in Sand’s t-shirt that had WANTED on it. In that moment, Ray really did feel wanted, realising someone would care if he was gone. It was a mixed feeling when he said about following Sand’s dream with him, up til now there’s been no hint Ray thinks about the future. Mew was behind setting up the hostel for him, so it was nice to see him finally think about something, even if it is to accompany Sand on his dreams, rather than declaring them as his own just yet.

Now, do I wish we could have had a clean break with Mew before the beautiful sex scene? Yes, I kind of do. But for Sand’s benefit more than anything else. So, he could be sure Ray was finally choosing him. Because of what we know, the fact RayMew was a sham, that Mew had no feelings invested this time around that could actually be hurt, I personally wasn’t conflicted by Ray and Sand having sex. It really felt as if Ray had made his choice. Their scene together was beautifully done, the love in Ray’s eyes and the gentle kisses after sex as they lay together. I was so happy for them.

And then, for anyone still in doubt about Mew really not giving a fuck, we have the much needed conversation between him and Ray. I’m glad they came out of it still friends and it’s not hard to see why. Neither’s heart was really in it. I like that Ray was able to be honest when prompted. It gave me a similar feel as what happened with Sand at the end of episode 5, except this time he got to talk things through with Mew. I feel as if he doesn’t feel he’s allowed to talk about stuff, or maybe how to open up and start, it was like he wanted Sand to ask questions on that night and so in a way he was relieved when Mew asked and opened up the conversation. His expression seemed to relax, accepting it was time to get everything out in the open. I’m excited and scared where things will go next. Ray was less than convincing in saying he’d talk to a therapist when Mew reminded him. It does seem from the preview he might make a move in that direction, though it seems he’s in his ‘bargaining’ stage of his grief. If he’s going to do something difficult, then so should Sand in meeting his dad. Doing it for someone else rather than himself probably isn’t going to go well, even if he admitted he has problems and was seeking help for himself, the road ahead would be littered with ups and downs, but I’m hoping by the end of the series we can at least leave him (& Sand) on an up.

So, what else for Nick. Well, I suppose there could still be some bedroom kinks for Daddy Dan, but seems the name came from Nick rather than Dan instigating it. It was sweet to see Nick smile and apparently, feel something vs his sparkless attempt at kissing Sand. I hope Dan is a good guy, there is the possible power imbalance due to him being Nick’s boss, but I’d like to think it could work out. I just wonder what the ‘lots of issues’ with his last relationship were. The scene between Nick and Boston was… interesting lol. I’m not sure it needed to be done right then and there in the bathroom but hey, when you’ve gotta go pour out your feelings, you’ve just gotta go. Plus Boston was kind of a captive audience backed into the stall so Nick got to get everything off his chest. It looked as if Boston was slightly moved, and seeing Nick with Dan, it seemed as if he had some sort of regrets. I don’t know if it’s any form of love or like, or it’s more missing just having him around as a friend. They spent a lot of time together it seemed like at the water park and Nick taking an interest in his photography - like has he shared this passion with the people who were supposed to be his friends? So yeah, maybe it’s just having someone around who was constant and a bit more intimate. I guess we shall see…

And speaking of Boston. Good luck when Cheum finds out you shagged her brother. And it does seem Atom is Nick 2.0 the upgraded crazier version. It was interesting to see Boston step back inside the gate when Atom got angry, rarely see Boston being the one to get intimidated and back up. It was only supposed to be a one night stand type of deal, Atom asked for it and though there was a little bit of hesitation, Boston accepted the invitation for sex. I’m actually a little scared for Boston. People can do crazy things when feelings get involved and Atom really doesn’t seem to be handling his well. I’m hoping nothing serious goes down, but when Cheum finds out I’m not sure Boston will be back with the group anytime soon lol.

Is that everything? I think so. This was heavy on the Ray rambling I think lol, though he was in two large chunks of story with Mew and with Sand. I just find his character so interesting. Anyway, I look forward to seeing the three couples’ dynamics next episode as well as how the characters around them play roles in what goes on.

I really do love this show.

[invisiblegarters]

Only Friends Character Ramblings and Relationship Rankings - Ep 9

Last week, Ray was out there doing the most (to piss both me and Sand off), Mew thought the best way to get over Top was to live out Tove Lo's "Habits (Stay High)" and it wasn't working out for anyone, Nick was trying to get back into Boston's good graces and Boston was having absolutely NONE of it despite the fact that he very definitely misses him, and Cheum got lines for once and boy howdy, did people have a lot to say about it.

I had a really hard time with this one, because for the first time - whether because I am just so happy the stupid RayMew thing is finally over or because they gave me a break from my angst and anxiety, or because I just chilled out finally - I am liking everyone in this bar. So instead of ranking them from most to least favorite, I'm just gonna ramble on about them as I think of things to say.

Character Ramblings:

Boston. Look, Boston did nothing wrong at all this ep, he was just out living his life. It's not his fault his dick is apparently magic. He made zero fucking promises to anyone at all, and I'm getting kind of sick of everyone out here slut shaming him. Fuck that, and fuck them. There is nothing wrong with living your best promiscuous life, okay, so long as you're up front about it and use protection. And while we can't know if Boston does the latter since it's never brought up, he is the only character who has so much as mentioned it so I'm going to assume so unless told otherwise.

Also I was really impressed with Neo's acting this ep. I'm impressed all the time, but I really liked the subtle changes that came over his face the more Nick talked in that this is my final goodbye scene. Like the way he fights so much of it and tries to act so aloof and done with the whole thing but then every time his eyes find Nick's face...it was so good. And okay, I know it wasn't supposed to be funny but him just being like "peace" to his hookup was hilarious to me. I really don't want some tragic backstory for Boston and I don't want him to do a 180 on his entire life, but I think it's been clear for a while that he needed to hear a lot of what Nick said.

I just love this dude, okay? No apologies, no justifications. Just 💖

Rock on, Boston.

Sand. Yeah, I know what people think of him. Whatever. I am just gonna respectfully disagree with the lot of you. I don't necessarily agree with his choices, but I can't say that he's not making them with his eyes wide open. And honestly I don't read him as being unable to walk away from Ray. I read him as simply not wanting to. That's his decision. It's an active choice he's making. I wish people would fucking let him have it.

I also find it kind of hilarious that he's so okay with helping Ray cheat on Mew, even if he makes a whole point about how fucked up it is. Sand, you hypocritical little shit. Finally you get to be messy again - I've been waiting for it to pop up since episode six. And yeah, that's about as far as it goes. Let me be utterly frank here: this man could go out and start kicking puppies and I would love him regardless. I can see where he goes wrong, but if you expect me to vilify him for it you might want to settle down with some food and drink, because you're gonna be hanging out a while.

Still think he really needs someone comforting him for once. Do not think that will happen. Am sad about it.

Mew. I'm so glad to see rational Mew return. I hope that he's a little less quick to judge now, but I missed the direct guy we saw in that last conversation with Ray. I liked that guy, and I was happy to get him back. I think that we'll see some changes in him, and that's okay - it's good even. Being young is all about figuring out who you are and what you're into, shaping yourself towards the kind of person you want to be. I can't tell you how many different personas I stuck on at Mew's age. But one of his core traits did always seem to be a frankness that has been missing - or worse, not missing but deliberately aimed to try and hurt. I appreciated the reflection he clearly had this episode. I always knew he'd boomerang back though. Whatever people say, I knew he was too steady at heart not to.

I'm eager to see what this hybrid Mew will be like. I don't want to say that it was good for him to have what happened happen, because no one deserves it, but I do think that we're going to see a looser, less rigid version of Mew, and that part is good, actually.

Top. I've liked him for a while, and the trend continues. He got a little pushy this ep, but nowhere near as pushy as certain others I could name, and if I am not planning on acting like they are beyond the pale for it (and for the record I'm not) then I won't do it to him ether. I'm also not buying that he's been fucking his ex, either. Not until the show tells me. I made that mistake last week with thinking Ray and Mew were gonna bone down this episode and then I was wrong, and anyway I want to believe in Top. So I am going to continue to do that.

Atom, Daddy (I keep wanting to say Dapper here and that's not it, guys) Dan, and Boeing. Welp. Was wrong about Daddy Dan but not about Atom - I knew that boy was gonna get clingy. I have a feeling he's going to be a real problem. I am both nervous and excited to see what he does next, and how it will ripple outward. As for Dan, we'll see. I just foresee bad things coming of sleeping with the boss, even if he is as cute as Papang. And Boeing...I am so ready for him to come in and mess things up. I want Jojo to make good on his promise and for that man to be kissing errbody. I especially want a flashback to a threesome with him, Sand, and Top if he is indeed the ex (and I have no reason to believe otherwise, it makes the most sense to have Boeing pulling double duty rather than have him be only there to mess with Mew and Top). l almost wonder if he isn't really there to mess with the Mew and Top dynamic quite as much as we think since they're putting such an emphasis on him doing so and I have well-earned Trailer Trust Issues.

Nick. Oh, Nick. Nicholas. Nikeroni. The love junkie. I swear I was so mad at him when he kept encouraging Sand in his pursuit of all things Ray at the beginning of the ep, but I guess one stalker recognizes another, because literally nothing he said about Ray was wrong. And I have to admit that his little speech to Boston was actually really sweet, even if he had to be himself and literally follow Boston and a hookup to the toilet to give it. I was also amused that he was the one who introduced "Daddy" into his dynamic with Bossman Dan, and yet Sand had to explain to him what masochism was. I am proud of him for trying to move on but question the wisdom of doing so with his literal boss. He did say he'd be willing to lick his ass, I guess.

Cheum. She's back to being Miss Barely Appearing in the Show, but I enjoyed her relief to get Mew acting like himself again. I actually believe that she really cares about Mew and has his best interests at heart, and that she was worried about him. Did she handle it the best way? Not at all, but I understand the impulse. I don't think that Mew had to apologize to her but I like that she at least seems resolved now to let him make his own damn choices.

Yo. The woman's love life might be a mess, but she speaks sense and apparently she was also happy to fill Mew's ear with exactly just how far gone his totally real and not a farce boyfriend he swears was for someone else. Not that Mew wasn't picking up on it anyway, but it gives me a kick to think about the two of them talking about it. Why? Because I imagine she basically told him that the fact he didn't give two shits proved her point about his own damn feelings.

Ray. I know I said I wasn't doing this in order but I did leave him for last deliberately, because I think I'm gonna have the most to say about him. It feels like he's been in the back of my head nonstop for the last two weeks, in fact, so prepare yourself for a long fucking essay of me trying to work out my own feelings about him. Also I'm gonna stick in a keep reading cut here because I am going to touch on self harm and possibly suicide. Also not all my thoughts about Ray are pretty or entirely sympathetic and are very probably also incoherent. I'm not apologizing for that but if it's not something you want to read it might be a good idea to stop now.

It should be no surprise that I have had a hard time with this dude. I have talked about it. I find him largely unlikeable, and I will maintain until I'm blue in the face that I am supposed to find him unlikable, and I think that it's only because of Khaotung that I never really crossed over into loathing. Before you start, no I don't mean because Khaotung is pretty (although he is) or because I have a bias (although I do), but because he's an excellent actor, and ninety percent of the time you can see beneath whatever selfish shit Ray's pulling to the desperation that drives most of his actions - the clawing need to be loved, to be wanted, and the constant compulsion to keep moving, to live in the here and now, right now, and not think either beyond or before the very second he's in at the very time he's in it, because to think of the past hurts too much and the future is unfathomable.

The other ten percent is pure twenty two year old rich asshole though. Which is - well, not fine exactly, but understandable. All these guys are twenty some year old assholes. That's normal.

The hard part is reconciling these two things, I think. Both because of my personal experiences with people like Ray (both the asshole and the addict, joy), and because there is a temptation to either ignore the addiction to vilify him or use it as an excuse for literally every shitty stunt he pulls. Does his addiction exacerbate the other issues he has in his life? Yes. Does it explain a lot of his more volatile behavior? Also yes. Does it give him free license to do and say whatever he wants with zero repercussions, or give a good reason to shift the blame onto the people he regularly mistreats because he can't help himself and they should help him more? That'll be a hearty fucking no from me.

Addiction is very, very hard to deal with, both for the people experiencing it and for the people around them who can see a person they care for destroying themselves and generally can't do much about it, because ultimately the addict is the one who has to decide to make a change. And one thing I respect about this show is that it isn't shying away from the difficulties and realities of Ray's situation, both for him and for his friends. I know that people are very frustrated with his friends for not helping him and for basically being checked out, but to me it just hurts because I've seen that. I've seen that from people decades older than these guys. I'm not trying to excuse them, either - honestly, I fully agree with @thewayuarent in their post where they say that if they can't deal, stepping away fully is in fact the best answer (and that there is no shame in having to do so) - but I do understand it. It's not pretty to watch when we all know that Ray is suffering and pretty much aiming not to reach his next birthday, but I have definitely seen this sort of thing go down in reality, and everyone's threshold is different. I think it's very possible we're going to see even Sand, with his apparently unlimited well of patience for Ray, struggle and possibly break in the coming episodes.

If Ray does intend to take this rehab thing seriously - personally, I do not think he will (at least at first), mostly because he is not (yet) doing it for himself, he's doing it for Sand and possibly for Mew even though he very obviously still does not think he needs it or has a problem (or, to be a little more accurate, he might suspect he has a problem but he's refusing to acknowledge it. Also, just as an aside, I am very curious about his bargaining chip to Sand regarding rehab - Ray's asked repeatedly about Sand's dad and I am very curious as to why he's so invested in this. My guess is it has to do with his own issues around his parents but I do hope the show gives us some insight because there's something about it that isn't sitting right with me)) - I do hope that we see his friends take steps to help him. Because while it is ultimately on him to get better, there are things that they can do to help. They won't know these things instinctively, but I'd like to see them take this as seriously as they want him to (my personal belief is that Mew and Sand will, but I can't be entirely sure. Mew cares about Ray, okay, you'll never convince me otherwise, he's just...up until recently he reminded me of one of those people in my life who does not struggle with depression asking me why I can't just stop being sad. Yeah. That's Mew. It just doesn't compute in his head because it's not a problem he personally faces and he doesn't necessarily mean to be dismissive but he is dismissive because again, it's not a struggle he is familiar with. In his brain, it's as simple as putting the bottle/drugs down. I'm really hoping his spiral makes him more understanding of Ray's issues but there is also a real danger that he will be worse about them because he stopped so easily. I am leaning more towards him being kind and making more of an effort to understand rather than condemn. Not to mention Sand makes and sells illegal hooch and that's uh, gonna be a problem. You can feel it, right? Because I can feel it).

I got a little sidetracked, but all this was to say that I've been really hard on Ray, harder than a lot of people. So much so that I've been accused of being a Ray hater, lol. And I do find it kind of hilarious that these last two episodes have been what have induced me to be kinder to him, when a lot of others are increasingly losing their patience with his whole deal. For the record, I don't see a problem with disliking or even hating Ray (or any character) any more than I see a problem with adoring him - people have their own reasons for it and I can hardly throw stones when at least a quarter of my ire at him was because he is such an epic SHIT to Sand, who is MY ride or die just leave him be unless you're offering him the hug he so desperately needs baby blorbo. He's going to continue to be an ass to him I'm sure, I just now have reasonable hope Sand's gonna give it back in spades (more on this later) so I've calmed down on that a bit, lol.

I feel like a weird person, because the worse Ray gets the more I see the self-destruction in it. It's his casual dismissal of other people's feelings and lack of care that gets to me and makes me want to throttle him, not his big rants (except the whore comments which I still haven't forgiven although Sand apparently has because he's a better person than me). His big rants, however, have the air of someone who is trying to get himself hurt. He wants Mew to tell him that Top is a thousand percent better than he is and that Ray can never measure up, wants Sand so mad that he knocks him to the floor, wants them to lash out and return cruelty for cruelty, because it will prove what Ray has always suspected (known) deep down: he is unlovable. Eventually, he will become too much and people will become tired of his shit and bail. And if they won't? If they stay over and over and over again? He'll find a way to make them. I still maintain that part of his whole deal with Mew was that Mew gave him what he wanted, the kind of love he thought he deserved: you can come this close and no farther, because you are Too Much and you are Not Good Enough. The fact that Mew didn't intend to do that hardly mattered - it was a way for Ray to reinforce his own beliefs about himself and as much as it hurt there's a sort of satisfaction in it, too.

Like, I am not smart enough to explain this right but it's self-harm. It's not done in the way people associate with self-harm but that's what it is. Ray self-sabotages because there's a sort of vicious, sick satisfaction in confirming that this thing that he's always believed about himself is true - he is an unlovable burden who will eventually drive any and everyone who has the bad luck of caring about him away. And it also lets him continue along his path of addiction because 1 - it's fine if he destroys himself because he's such a pain that no one cares anyway and they might even be better off if he does and 2 - alcohol makes it not matter as much.

Ray wants to be loved. Ray will also make sure that it is near impossible to do so because in a strange way it makes him feel better and because if he admits that if he can be then he has to change his whole way of thinking about himself - and about why his mom treated him the way she did.

So yeah. Episode 8 did the thing. It finally made me recognize patterns I've seen before and I was just like yeowch.

And it's hard for me to articulate about episode 9, because there was still that element in some of Ray's interactions, but I think it also showed us the opposite side, too - a Ray who is actually capable of communicating beyond simply reacting in the moment. We've seen this before with both Mew and Sand, but never quite to the extent we saw in this ep. I am not one who believes that we've ever seen an entirely sober Ray, but I do think the show has done a good job of giving us shades of what that man might look like.

Unfortunately, I think it's gonna take us until episode 12 to get there, if we do. Because while I do think that we might see a sober Ray before then, I also think he's gonna be a lot nastier than even the Ray we were given in episode 8 (disclaimer that I am not saying that I believe that sober Ray is nasty, I am saying that the Ray who will be dealing with stuff he has been burying beneath booze and drugs for a long time on top of withdrawal is very likely to lash out - if he even gets that far. It's entirely possible the whole thing falls apart before it even starts). I could be wrong. I'd like to be wrong, because I am also very worried that the person who is gonna bear the brunt of it is Sand and as we've established I adore Sand beyond all reason (and I'm not saying Sand might not earn a measure of it - I'd like it if he did actually earn it, as opposed to Ray just attacking him disproportionately to whatever crime he thinks he's committed, you know?).

I don't think he's hit that proverbial rock bottom. I've said before that Ray also frustrates me because he somehow manages to skirt any real consequences for his actions. Even his car accident was pretty papered over, and his near arrest was taken care of by Top and literally all Ray could do was sneer that his dad would have taken care of it. It gets to me, but here's the thing: I can also feel something coming for him. I could be wrong, but right now I can hear that train whistle in the distance, can feel the vibrations as it draws closer, and I worry that it's going to be really bad. I don't think it'll be death - I actually believe Jojo that no one is dying although I could have egg on my face by the end - but not dying doesn't mean that someone (my biggest fear is Sand but it could be anyone up to and including Ray himself) isn't going to get seriously hurt.

I hope I'm wrong. We've only got three episodes left and I really want an upward trajectory from Ray especially out of this show - I know Jojo is capable of realistic bleakness (3 Will Be Free), but I really hope we're not going there with this show. I don't think we are. But there's still that niggling fear that we might be. Second season or not (ugh, sorry but ugh), I really really want ep 12 to end on a decent note for him. I'm not asking for him to be a new man, I'm only asking for a little hope that he's on his way to healing.

If you've actually gotten this far without bailing, we're returning to our regularly scheduled programming now. Promise.

Relationships (Most to Least Fave atm)

Nick & Sand. I just love these two. They are my favorite relationship in the show and I want more scenes with them. Everything from them bonding over their love for men who don't love them back to their attempted hookup and then giggle was just pitch perfect this ep. I would honestly watch an entire episode of the Sand and Nick show, if not more. I love how they support each other but I am so curious what Nick has been telling Sand about Boston because wow, does Sand hate his guts. I mean it could just boil down to the fight in the apartment but he also likes to bring up how shitty Boston treats Nick so who the hell knows. But yeah, they click and I love it.

Mew & Ray. What? They were good this ep, and I really hope that we see more of a genuine, loving friendship spring between them now that Ray's not constantly trying for more and Mew doesn't have to watch everything he says or does with him lest Ray decide it means Mew is interested in a romantic relationship. I also liked the fight between them (even if I wasn't a fan of some of the Nice Guyish things coming out of Ray's mouth) because it marks the first time we've seen Ray do that with him. Look. I am not saying that I like watching Ray go off on Mew for the supreme sin of not wanting his dick. What I am saying is that the fact that he could go off on him at all is a marked change from how he has been treating him since episode 1. Mew is not the idol Ray wants him to be, and I really hope we see him treating him less like some savior who's going to reach down and pluck Ray out of the depths of his despair and more like a real friend. And I'm hoping that Ray doing that will let Mew be able to care for him the way he clearly does without worrying that his love will be taken the wrong way. Basically I'm just really here for their friendship era without all the extra. Also would like to say that Book and Khaotung's acting in that last scene with them really struck me - both of them are more relaxed, the stars are completely out of Ray's eyes and you can visibly see the moment when it clicks for Mew that the "I love you" Ray is giving him now is finally the kind he can reciprocate freely and fully. I just love it.

TopMew. My endgame prediction, and I ship it a lot. I think we all knew that we'd get to where this episode left us eventually - Mew was hurt and humiliated but at some point I just realized he was gonna try again. Whether it works out, I dunno (although I said they are my endgame prediction), but in the same way that Ray owed it to himself to try with Mew and Sand owes it to himself to try with Ray, Mew owes it to himself to see if he can move past what happened with Boston. I think it'll be interesting to watch - we'll see what Boeing throws into the mix but even without him it would be interesting, because Mew's gonna be twice as guarded and extremely gun shy. I can't pretend I'm not looking forward to where this is going, whether it winds up being back together, something open-ended, or a book firmly closed.

BostonNIck. My favorite disaster couple. I have shipped this from the very start because I'm like that you can't stop me, and I continue to ship it even though more and more I think it will go nowhere. That's okay I don't need it to, and in fact I think that their fundamental differences on love and sex would doom them even if they did try. I just want to see how they're going to navigate whatever is going on with them now. Are we gonna see Boston being flat footed and trying to get Nick's attention (like it's hard, lol)? Will they just sort of wind up talking and both pretend that everything else never happened? Will they form an actual friendship? I think I'd like to see that.

SandRay. Welp I said that their dynamic was close to what I like but not enough, and this episode tipped the scales. I'm never gonna be a die hard shipper and frankly I believe these two are doomed to break (although I am back on my hope that they will manage to salvage a friendship out of it train, so that's nice), but that music room scene not only hit a very specific button for me, it smashed the damn thing down hard. Also the cheek kiss. That whole scene actually was shot a very very specific way to convey a very very specific mood and I'm kind of in love with it and how very different it is when you compare it to the scene in ep 2. I am very curious to see how Ray acts with Sand now. Very curious. Also, I just used very so many times that it no longer feels like a word.

I also think that this might be Sand's relationship to break. I kinda hope so. It would at least get us out of the cycle of Ray screwing things up constantly and then running back to Sand to patch things up. Also, admittedly a tiny part of me just wants to see Ray in shambles over Sand for once. The heart wants what it wants, and all that.

I am also very curious to see if Boeing is going to wind up screwing with their dynamic in some way. I know he's busy causing friction with Mew and Top according to next episode's preview, but I don't trust those things and there's also no reason the man can't pull double duty. Maybe even triple duty. I believe in him.

NickDaddyDan. Never getting over Nick being the one to introduce that dynamic. And while I approve of his trying to move on from Boston, I do not necessarily think doing so with the boss is the best overall move. See, here's my thing. I will put up with a lot, but the second you screw with my money you've lost me. Not only no but hell no, and fucking the boss is a one way ticket to making that happen. Because chances are good that as soon as that relationship goes sour, so then does the job. Just a whole world of nope for me. And this feels like it will inevitably happen. How does this reconcile with my love of shows like Jun & Jun, The Director Who Buys Me Dinner, The New Employee, etc? Simple. In all of those the genre I was watching basically guaranteed that wouldn't be part of the equation. Although in The New Employee it sort of was, since Seung Hyun was absolutely not hired to get at Jong Chan. It's one of the things that I praised Step By Step for actually - the fact that it was Pat who suffered for what both he and Jeng were doing. Because in real life, the boss rarely gets it in the teeth when this kind of thing is found out. Not to mention what can happen if you break up with a boss prone to retaliation. And Only Friends definitely leans more towards reality than most. So I expect to wince a few times here.

I don't know if I think that Dan is prone to petty retaliation. He seems sweet, if awkward. But the worry is there. We'll see how it goes.

[dribs-and-drabbles]

Observations on ep 11:

I missed some details last week, so I'm going to try to be more observant today...let's see how I go.

Move on? 😦 Move in?! 😲

Loving the YOLO shirt 😂 I know it's the name of the bar but still...

YO SPITTING TRUTHS 😂😭 "I think my chances of winning the first prize lottery are greater than having an ideal boyfriend". I feel so called out...

Has anyone mentioned the iconic couple shirts that Yo and Plug are wearing in the credits?!

Also, I need more April in the show. (And hello, Nonnie's tattoo!)

Yeah, I stand by what I said to @grapejuicegay in our dms -> Mew does not love Top anymore. If he thinks he does it's more that he's in love with the potential of what they had...but that's all but destroyed. Mew (and Top...and Boeing tbf) need to move on (Ah! The ep title!), I bet they won't though.

I need Dan to be happy... Where's Poppy? I need him to come in and sweep Dan off his feet.

Hello Meen! 🔥 She's gorgeous and so young. Oh oh! Dan could meet her and have a noona romance!

Khaotung Thanawat what the fuck is your face (I will forever think this when he cries, thanks kk!)

Sorry to lay down some facts but you can't guarantee that anyone will stay with you after 3 months, 6 months, or a year. It doesn't matter what you've been through together, this is something you can never predict. And so that can't be the reason for not being with someone - and this goes for Yo as well as Boeing/Mew, because Yo was afraid that Plug wouldn't stick around.

And therefore, that's the correct question Mew - "Can I trust you, Boeing?" And it's not really about trust. It's about making a choice every day to be with that person regardless of what the future might hold.

Boston, Nick, and that random extra basically did that meme 😂

ANOTHER ONE FOR THE KISSING CHARTS!!

But also, I'm loving flirtatious confident sexy Nick. Such a development from when he met Boston.

MVP NICK!!

Oh so many parallels are paralleling this ep. Boston telling Atom he can't fall in love 'just because he's the first man he slept with'...which is what Nick realises he did... Oh DELICIOUS.

I'm glad we got an explicit 'no one person can turn you gay, it's just who you are and always have been'. A+ show, A+.

Poor Atom, but I think he got enough comeuppance. Well done Nick, really.

Sand is cute with the kids but I have to just say this kind of teasing/fabricated truths messed me up as a kid. Why can we just say what really happens rather than make up a lie to make kids do what they should do? Maybe I was too impressionable (or gullible) but I used to freak out at anything that could have been bad for me if someone told me it was 'dangerous'. Anyway, back to the show...

Top what are you doing there?! You've not been invi-

IS. THAT. THE. STRIPY. LININ. SHIRT?!

Hold on.... *wheezing* I can't... I... That's nine people now, NINE, who have worn this shirt. And how has no one tagged me about it yet?!

Wait no, I'm not over it yet. I can't believe that fucking shirt has shown up again. I can't deal with it.

Yes, Top, yes I do... Because it means Top and Mew have matching couple shirts...much like Kawi and Pisaeng. smh

Ok, back to the show proper. Mew, you know you have not given Top a chance. And he's right to walk away.

What is Boeing's agenda??

Ok, I see you black and white vests...with the heart of the bed frame between you...

Yes, Force. That's what I want to see. Love the vulnerability.

If I had a nickel and all that... Another couple talking about travelling the world together.

Oh I have totally seen this t-shirt before. But dammit I don't recall where. HIVE MIND ASSEMBLE!

(And now I'm questioning if I've seen Nick's shirt somewhere as well... I take back what I said earlier, I want to be less observant).

Look, I've moved in with partners two times in my life with the main reason being 'it'll be cheaper/I'll save on the rent' and I can categorically say that I don't think its a good idea. MEW, DON'T. Move in because you want to, not because it's cheaper.

What in the Mew/Top/Boeing storyline is happening with the Ray/Sand/Boeing plot?! More parallels. Boeing is like the little leprechaun who wheedles his way into other people's relationships, casting a magic spell on one to stir shit up for the other.

Why is Ray doing this? Why is he so jealous? And did he just drink alcohol even though he's in rehab? Oh! Is he finally going to get the threesome he's been asking for?! 😂

Well...going by the preview for ep 12, I don't think so. But his jealousy escalated worryingly quick 🤔

Even though not as brilliant as last week, this show is still fantastic. However, I just can't get over how the Thai Communal Wardrobe is upstaging everything for me 😂

[hirmienworld]

LET'S WATCH ONLY FRIENDS EPISODE 11

4/4

OH PLEASE THIS SUCKS.

Cheum and Atom are unjustifiable. Their entire plot is devoid of sense and morality. In the end they are the only two who really don't deserve to have others as friends. I might vomit.

Top and Mew, my loves. I honestly think living together is a great idea, at least in their type of relationship, where Mew has this constant need to be cuddled and taken into consideration, spending more time together is wise. Besides, you don't really know what a person is like until you live with them.

However, beyond a lack of unequivocal attestation from Sand that Ray is his boyfriend, I can understand everything else about the situation with Boeing EXCEPT the fact that he is sending Ray away.

In a normal situation, with a clear conscience, the right thing to say would be: "There's nothing we can't talk about in front of my boyfriend."

Again, now that Sand and Boeing are talking about concerts, what's the point in avoiding saying that he intends to go but with his boyfriend?

What I understand is that there was a time when Sand was very much in love with Boeing, then Boeing left him and Sand was left heartbroken. So it's certainly difficult to face a proposal like "could we get back together?" but it should be hard for the first 30 seconds, then that's it, because you were literally the one telling Ray that you can't live without him. What the hell kind of inconsistency is this? "I can't live without you, just until the alternative presents itself before my eyes"?

Is this the same Sand who said for 10 episodes that he would never be anyone's second best?

And again.. How, excuse me? "Can I come to your house?" and your problem is that it's not a good idea because you have a roommate? SAND WHAT IS HAPPENING TO YOU.

Ooooh here's Ray! Part of me wants a fight, part of me would leave Sand to his own actions and responsibilities, it's not fair that Ray has to remind him how to behave when you have a boyfriend. And this time the provocation of a threesome wouldn't hold up LOL.

Fuck, what kind of power play is this? The scene in the pool gave me chills. My heart went crazy. I understand Ray perfectly, because even though he still has to completely redeem himself, now that he has understood that he has value and that he can be important to someone, we can be sure that he won't give up easily but neither will he beg Sand to stay with him. We are now beyond this.

"You can't live without me? I can't too and I'm proving it to you every moment, now it's your turn." This is where we are.

[forcebookish]

another little detail i love about top: he loves taking care of mew and it's how he expresses his love.

i've already talked about how he really only bares his fangs when someone insults him or is otherwise rude/mean. at the birthday party, he just kind of stands there uncomfortably while ray goes on his rants.

he switches to his annoyed bitch face when ray calls him an asshole,

but it's not until ray says,

that top truly gets pissed off and shouts at him. this is actually the first time he's shouted in the whole drama, despite being provoked multiple times. he's been a mean girl, he's raised his voice, he's pushed and punched back, but never yelled.

it's at the accusation that top doesn't take care of mew. this is something that top prides himself in, it's extremely important to him that he takes good care of mew.

(and he's not fucking faking it, you weirdos, it's how he expresses his feelings/love for someone. consistently. there has never even been so much as a hint that this isn't true. he feeds mew the night they are formally introduced and you can see it throughout the series, even before he knew that mew had a "checklist," he helped him at school, on the project, and with his laser tag headband. sure, mew is a bottom, but top has no way of knowing that being taken care of is the role that mew likes to take - this is just how he acts in relationships. if it were fake, he wouldn't have told boston in private that he would take care of him in ep 3. that's another thing that makes all these """"theories"""" that top is faking being a good boyfriend so ludicrous. not only do his actions match his words, they match the words that he says when mew isn't around: i want to date him because he's interesting, i'll take care of him, i still like him. these are the scenes where the writers would have clued us in if top's feelings for mew were fake, and boston wouldn't have been able to manipulate them if they weren't genuine. this is, like, writing 101, guys. there's no reason to hide that shit from the audience for that long. you're not slick, you haven't outsmarted the writers. in fact, you're actively ignoring the story they're actually telling and your misreading of these characters is insulting to the actors.)

similarly, while mew is screaming at him about sleeping with boston, he just takes it; he knows he's hurt mew and he's full of regret and guilt and heartbreak. he doesn't defend himself because he knows it wouldn't help and it would sound like a lie. he chuckles unhappily, because it's the moment he's feared; he knew they were on borrowed time. he feels he deserves it (inb4 if you say something snarky like "he did" i will block you lol boston lied to and coerced him by manipulating his feelings for mew, all after sexually assaulting him... and then assaulted him again after; boston had to be physically shoved away and had to be shamed to finally leave top alone).

it's not until mew suggests that top doesn't love him, that their whole relationship was fake that top "fights back."

look at the way he suddenly snaps up to meet his gaze, eyes wide, and then moves his whole body as if to ask, how could you say that?

his whole body language shifts from submissive and barely moving to active and swaying. he fights back, and it's not to defend what he did, it's to defend his love for him. not only that, it's to defend mew - to defend the way that top sees mew. he can't stand the thought that mew would think that's the way he feels about mew - especially when it's pretty much the opposite of what actually happened.

for mew to think top doesn't love him is intolerable. he can't let him believe that everything he's done for him wasn't genuine, that their whole relationship was a lie - he knows how much that hurts. but after he's told that mew can't believe a word he says, top can't even tell him that he loves him.

what was my point? i guess that top is genuinely loving and caring and it's something that is important to him, and that especially he wants mew to feel his love and like he's being taken care of. plus, his never seeking fights but responding with biting comments that pierce through others' insecurities is one of my favorite character traits of his. it's something that's been shown in every episode, and what makes the few moments where he's unable to fight back at all (see: episode 2 and 3 with boston) all the more shocking and meaningful.

anyway, everyone (especially book) did an amazing job, but force really knocked it out the park this episode. the direction for this series is also exceptional. everyone is putting their all into it, literally embodying these characters.

i love top so much sob

[thewayuarent]

Mew, Ray and self-sabotage

Okay, let’s talk about Ray and Mew situation.

I’m actually not surprised AT ALL because of course those two idiots are going to jump on each other for all the stupidest reasons and of course they won’t be good. But I love it for them, honestly. They need that experience to move on. And their reasoning I called stupid a second ago? I get it, I truly do.

Mew. I mean, it’s kind of obvious that Mew uses Ray to get over Top, right? But why Ray? Cause he’s heartbroken and wants someone who loves him no matter what and who will choose him over everyone and everything and Ray is just that person? Yes.

Is it because he knows that choosing Ray of all people will hurt Top more, just as Top choosing Boston hurt him? Yes!

Is it because of Mew hates losing control? Yes. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe that Mew loves Top and genuinely hurt by him cheating. But I can’t stop thinking about that line

Mew hates the fact he was lied to. That he believed someone only to be proven naive. It makes him feel stupid. It makes him lose control. He feels like he has no control over Top because, well, he loves him.

With Ray though? It would never happen. And not only cause Ray being whipped over Mew to an unhealthy level. But because Mew doesn’t love him (and they both know it).

He said “You never hurt me once” and I think: really? How? Maybe not purposely, maybe not by his actions towards Mew, sure. But Ray’s behavior? His addictions? His self-sabotage? Why those things don’t hurt Mew? The reason: Ray is just not right for him and he knows that.

And while Mew does care about him as his friend, it doesn’t hurt him on the same level, cause it has nothing to do with him. And they are what, in a relationship now? And what Mew does? He’s adapting Ray’s behavior: his style, his attitude, him drinking and going crazy - everything.

But he still has all the control - because it easy to have control when feelings aren’t in a picture.

Do I blame Mew for using Ray? Honestly, no. Ray knows exactly that Mew doesn’t love him and he’s obviously fine with that on some surface level. Because I think Ray uses Mew as well.

Ray. So, beside the obvious reason that Ray loves him for years and of course takes his chance, I think there is one more reason for Ray choosing Mew over Sand so quickly. And the reason is his addiction. And relationship shift he has with Sand in this episode.

We’ve seen before that Mew talked with Ray about his addiction, sure. But never did anything about it. He never tried to actively stop Ray.

We’ve also seen before that Sand was fine with Ray drinking and having drugs. As I said in my other post, Sand unintentionally supported Ray’s addiction.

But he’s not anymore. He talks about it with brutal honesty.

He’s taking real actions now to stop Ray from drinking.

He called Ray out on his behavior and he actively tries to help Ray.

But the truth is, Ray doesn’t want help. He doesn’t want to heal at least for now. He denies having problems.

So who will he choose between Sand - telling him to stop and trying to help with that - and Mew - entering his “daddy girl” era and supporting his worst habits? (The answer is: of course he will choose someone who is at the same page with him instead of someone calling him out)

Loving Mew is easier. Being with Mew is easier. Because no matter what Mew won’t love him back. And while it hurts it also means that there is no reason to try. Ray doesn’t need to be better, or get better for Mew (and he doesn’t ready to do it for himself by that point). There is no challenge.

So they are so going to help each other to ruin themselves. It’s actually good to know that there is someone who possibly won’t let them do it, for better or for worse. Or, well, at least they’ll try to.

Sand while being pathetic and Top while blaming Ray for Mew’s life choices but nobody said they will be good at it so.

[hyunlixsbbygirl]

I AM ALREADY SCREAMING

(This is drama talk btw - Only Friends ep 12)

THE FIRST FUCKING SCENE IS A THREESOME KISS ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! I don’t think Sand loves Boeing the way Ray is thinking though. I think Sand loves what he had Boeing but ultimately he’ll realize that what they had, they’ll never have again so his love for Boeing is that of past Boeing not current Boeing or even future Boeing where as with Ray - Sand loves the current Ray and the future Ray and loves what he has with Ray now. Sandray is end game anyway like they have to be.

How did I forget Boeing tried to get back with Top and then attempt to get with Mew 🤦🏻‍♀️ like Boeing doesn’t want Sand back because he still loves him - he wants Sand because he thinks Sand is easy to get with. He just wants something physical and is using the ex card to mess with Sand’s head. Ugh all the assholes just have to be hot don’t they?

I know others are going to say that Boston’s apology was half assed and that the group is going to let him back in too easily BUT I personally think the tone of his voice speaks louder than his apology. If you think about it; his tone isn’t the same as the other times he half assed an apology - it sounds more broken than it used to which indicates, to me, that it’s genuine. Plus, we all know that Boston has MEGA issues when it comes to actually showing emotions. He doesn’t like feeling vulnerable and weak in front of others so if you put that into consideration as well, I think the apology was genuine and he does really feel horrible about everything that has happened.

I love that Top is willing to give up his inheritance in order to start over with Mew - it shows just how dedicated Top is to Mew. I mean, who would actually give up their inheritance that gives them an easy life in order to start from the bottom and work their way back up with the person they love? Not many. Anything I ever said about Top has been thrown out, I actually do like Top now that we were given more of his story and see his true personality shining through.

It’s weird seeing Boston be so… domestic? Like, I was honestly expecting him to be more of the kind of boyfriend that is only caring and loving in private and is more like well an asshole when in public. You know, the way he has been in the past? Other than Ray, I think Boston had a lot of character development throughout the show - I never thought we’d see Boston like be all lovey with Nick like this. I am obsessed with this relationship though - I know Boston is scared of the future and just wants to live in the present but I love that Nick is giving Boston the idea that they could potentially stay together after Boston moves to New York.

Sand showing up to Ray’s social service after they got into a fight is honestly heart warming. It shows that he’s choosing Ray over Boeing because like I said before; he loves what he has with Ray now and he loves Ray in the present where as he loves what Boeing used to be. I love watching Sand and Ray with these kids! Like imagine them as parents?!?!?! UGH Ima need a season 2 where they adopt some children.

I am so glad Ray told Sand what he knows about Boeing going after Top first! Sand may think he loves Boeing still but AGAIN he loves what they had and once he realizes that Boeing just wants some physical attention from someone and not Sand in general - Sand will realize exactly what I just said. Facts are facts and Sand loves Ray more than he ever loved Boeing. Period.

I honestly would love to see Top become friends with Ray and Sand - I feel like him and Ray could have some similarities in terms of substance use and with Top and Sand, I feel like they’re both hopeless romantics that could spend hours talking about plans they have for Mew and Ray.

The way Sand looks at Ray while he’s going off about how he enjoys listening to music with him with their arms wrapped around each other - yeah Sand is in love with Ray and Boeing is totally out of the picture. Oop, Mew is here too is he? When he pull up you know it’s a show down (I’m sorry). But for real, I am so glad Mew came to back up Ray on this issue and finally kick Boeing to the curb.

DOG? OWNER?

Ima need someone to write a fanfic where Ray tops Sand and has him wear a dog collar and obey his every command like right the fuck now! Imagine how hot that would be?!?!?!

I digress…

Ray: All I do is win win win no matter what

This communication though with Top and Mew?! YES!!! We love healthy communication in this house - talking about their faults and letting each other know what irritates them is just beautiful. This is what true love is about man, like if my future partner and I don’t do this - then forget the relationship!

Awe Nick and Boston making out in the club as they slow dance is absolutely adorable! I love the idea of being kissed on the dance floor, like it’s just so romantic in my eyes. Boston honestly would make a great boyfriend if he could only allow himself to show more emotions to others. Right now I think he’s trying his best for Nick’s sake but that’s just it - he’s doing it for Nick and not for them as a couple.

Boeing….

Of course. Boston just had to go and make out with Boeing while he’s supposed to be Nick’s boyfriend. Yup, I figured Nick would catch them too. I predict that Nick is going to end this with Boston long before he leaves for New York - at the end of the day Nick is going to see that he truly isn’t ever going to be the one and only for Boston despite Boston telling him otherwise. Boston honestly needs to like, go to convent of women and heal himself from what ever is making him like this before he can even think about having a true relationship with anyone.

YOU GO NICK! I am so glad that Nick is speaking his feelings, he wants to be the exclusive person in Boston’s life where Boston just wants Nick to be the emotions but still wants others for the physical things because he can’t just commit to one person and one person only. Honestly, as much as I was hoping for Nick and Boston to be end game at first - I hope they aren’t because like Sand said; Nick deserves so much better than Boston and he can do so much better. Like, can we make Nick and Dan end game instead?

SEE? Boston knows how to apologize. I think that talk with Nick really helped Boston see that if he doesn’t allow himself to feel his emotions than he’s never going to heal and become a better person. Mew is also forcing him to realize this by telling him that just changing himself on the outside won’t change anything inside. I hope Boston really marinates on that and realizes that he’s never going to truly be happy until he changes himself inside.

Ooh truth or dare? I’m nervous about this ngl.

MEW SIR!!! Daring Sand to kiss Top?! You cheeky little boy. Never did I think I would be watching Sand kiss three different people in one episode but yet here we are like what?!?!? First is just adding more and more people to his list of actors he’s kissed and honestly I’m here for it. I will legit pass away if we witness Sand kiss anyone else though like imagine he kisses Boston or Mew next? Honestly, get it First!

I genuinely feel bad for Boston, you can tell that now he’s really reflecting on his choices and regretting nearly all of them. He’s seeing the consequences of his actions - which he should - but it’s really making him think about how much of a shitty person he’s been in the past. I personally just hope he doesn’t do what Ray did and just mask his problems with alcohol. I do really want him to heal and improve his life. Especially after the scene with Nick, like I just feel like Boston really needs to find himself and learn from his mistakes. It’s heart breaking a little because you can tell that he was really starting to fall for Nick despite knowing that he’s not quite ready to commit.

I would like to know more about what happened with Top when he was a child, like he’s clearly scared of fires so like I need an explanation.

Sand and Ray are absolutely adorable, I love them so much. I need a whole season of nothing but them being all cute and loving while they attend all those music festivals. I also need a scene where they both say ‘I love you’ to each other. Like I just need more of my babies.

*sobs*

It’s over. I am big sad now.

I will say that the show was honestly incredible and probably one of the best I’ve seen. There was so much going on but it never felt confusing or rushed. I also loved all of the character development and the storyline in general. Now that it’s over though, I will be hiding in my blanket fort, eating Dino nuggies and sobbing about the show being over.

[pmiller1]

Had anyone ask about the Cap that Fret seem to have?

Rindo: You mean the one that be keep to the side? Not really, I haven't ask him about it, really.

Nagi: Nor had I.

Shoka: I did ask him about it one day, but he wasn't give me an answer, just saying that he keep it.

Beat: Wait, wouldn't that cap mess with his hair?

Nagi: I believed it would, witch is why the question of why he possessed that Cap in the first please is the problem.

Rindo: Yeah, now that I think about all that time, I never see him wearing that Cap. He wear all other cap sure, back in the game even, but never that one.

Shoka: So he never wear it once...

Nagi: Lady Shoka, do you had something address?

Shoka: Yeah, the reason why I've ask him about that Cap it because it was familiar, in fact I remember someone wearing that Cap back in the Game.

Shoka: In the 1st Thirty weeks of Shinjuku Games.

Beat: Wait you mean that... when those Shinjuku punk just took over Shibuya's Games?

Shoka: Yep. He was one of the Player, can't remember his name or the team that he was leading, but I know he was one in the early games.

Rindo: I take it he and his team didn't go so far?

Shoka: Oh he was no push over, he and team work Heller goods, even if it was just a twelve player team, they able to hold it off for over Thirty weeks. Really, if it wasn't rigged, they would had won in the early week, maybe in the first week.

Beat: Man, that suck.

Shoka: It was there last week when they tried to take down the Ruinbringers. And they was close to beating Big Su and Tsugi's Army of Mr Mews.

Nagi: Take it it was the same outcome as us?

Rindo: Shiba showing up and stuff them out?

Shoka: More like breaking there hope right then and there. Never seen someone just lost the will the fight that fast.

Beat: What an ass.

Rindo: Guess that he thought there was a changed to come back to life once there beat the Ruinbringers and win top places.

Nagi: Tragic.

Shoka: Yep. And you know the worst thing. He said something that really shaken me up.

Shoka: He call Shiba a "Heartless God" for giving them fault hope, a empty promises to bring them back to life, that he could had told them that he couldn't bring them back to life instead of lying toward the player.

Beat: Woah. Really calling him for his BSing. Tricking people is not cool.

Shoka: And yet it what he after that it what set me in. "Imagination if your friends was in this stupid game, would you really let them suffer in this hopeless game?!"

Beat, Rindo and Nagi: O_O;

Shoka: Even if that wasn't address me to, I sure you guy guess what my answered was.

Rindo: Wow. I guess that was something.

Shoka: You had no idea how I fear the day that you would died and be stuck in the Game. I just never thought of that before that.

Shoka: It keep me out up all night. What am I gonna to do if that happen? I've talk to Ayano about it, but she said it nothing to worry about.

Shoka: Big Su said if that happen, if gonna make sure he ready. Shiba was out of question, Shibuya Reapers wasn't all high up to me.

Shoka: Only Kaie said that I have to prepared myself of that day.

Nagi: So you worry the day that Rindragon would end up in the Game.

Rindo: Would explained why you was being Cautious. I've lost count how many time Swallow texting with "be careful rin" and it was cute that you cure for my well being.

Shoka: Well yeah... it wasn't that big of the deal.

Rindo: Oh I remember that one day I was sick, they was would packed of medicine by front door, it wasn't addressed from anyone, well other then a sticker of a swallow. My mom was about to get some before she saw that.

Shoka: Well, yeah I had to, illness isn't good y'know.

Rindo: Or how my phone ring right before I've almost mindless walk into traffic, it was always silent. But the caller ID was Swallow.

Shoka: Yeah! You really need to keep your eyes on the road. I've panic every times I seeing your player icon going to traffic for some rare mods.

Nagi: Yeah, Lord Tosai told me how you tend to look at your phone when walking.

Rindo: Even still, I'm impress that you keep me alive in all that years.

Shoka: Yeah, you welcome by the way.

Beat: Man, she was like your guardian angel. Yo.

Nagi: Dissipated that she where a Reaper at the time.

Shoka: Well even still, that guy impact me to what led me betraying my fellow reaper and save Shibuya with you guys.

Nagi: I see. Should we inform Lord Tosai that old friend fought well trill the very end? I sure he would like to know.

Shoka: Well, I think he would find it worst that he played the Game and having it worst then we had.

Shoka: Beside he still uncomfortable talking about his old friend, if he wouldn't tell us about the cap that use to belong to him.

Nagi: He may had supped that we would know that Cap does indeed belong to his old friend.

Beat: Actually yo, I never knew that Cap would belong to his old pul.

Nagi: I did say "may" after all...

[mxvladdy]

I can't stress enough 'wows' in tve way you write along with the fact that it's you first few posts (i think? Pls correct me) can you do luci mammon and satan with a reader who takes naps bc of overthinking? They just tug their sleeves and shot them a tired look, while looking down shying away. Also, have a nice day and take the time to be yourself!

Aw thanks fam! I am fairly new to posting my works, I tried twice before this with two different writing blogs but I deleted them both bc I felt discouraged. I’m older now and I feel a lot better about my writing, so third time the charm and all that lol! I’m so glad you like my writing! I know I need some work on grammar and expanding my vocabulary.  

This was a super cute prompt ;.; I hope I did it justice!

Lucifer

He is a mix of jealous and pissed. He wishes he could fall asleep so easily when he gets inundated with too many things at once. But also- just don’t do that? Where were your manners?

He starts noticing your little peculiarity in class. Specifically that you tend to nod off in advance alchemy and rune scripting. You were being so studious, jotting down notes, ask great questions. Next thing he knows you're out like a light.

He is shocked for a moment before he will wake you up. Your wide doe-eyed frown does nothing to him. JK his hearts clench at your wounded look.

He makes the other brothers report to him about your behavior and odd sleep habit. Were you ill? Was this just something humans did? Devils, was Belphie rubbing off on you?

They all say the same thing. One moment you are working hard or talking to them about a topic you are passionate about, and the next you are yawning hard enough to pop your jaw and shyly asking to lay down.

Well-he can’t have that.

If you are going to fall asleep around anyone it’s going to be him.

He sets up remedial lessons with you after dinner to make up for the work slept through. You sit by him at his long ornate desk while he tutors you on what you missed.

You weren't having any problems,  you even finished a few pages. He is proud and then-

“I can almost hear those gears slowing my dear.” Lucifer interrupts himself mid-explanation of Zosimos of Panopolis and Maria the Prophetess's theories of alchemy in human medicine.

You jerk awake and turn to him blinking owlishly. "Yeah, I just need to lay down." You admit.

Lucifer eyes you critically. This was sudden, were you ill? You had been fine moments ago, bright-eyed and enthusiastic. He cups your face, turning it from side to side. "So suddenly? We haven't even discussed the properties of mercury yet." You hum letting your eyes droop. He was always so warm.

"Hour nap break? Please?" His stern gaze softens at how your nose scrunches up cutely as you yawn.

“Very well.” He relents letting you slick over to his couch. You flop over face first with a grunt of satisfaction. You toss and turn for a while, moving his pillows around unsatisfied.

“Luci-” You call in defeat. He ignores you at first. If you wanted to nap fine, he would get some work done in the meantime. “Luci~” You say again. You could see his brow twitching. “Lu-”

“My dear,” He shoots you a withering look. “You are treading a thin line. If you have the energy to call for me you have the energy to study.” You say nothing at his brisk tone, instead of opening your arms to him to join you. “You tempt me.” He purrs hiding his smile behind his paperwork.

“Learned from the best.” Lucifer shakes his head laughing at your smug reply. He glances over you to his grandfather clock. Hmmm-perhaps he could spare a few minutes. He rises elegantly discarding his tie and waistcoat to his abandoned chair. Running a hand through his hair he snorts at your little whistle.

“Move.” He commands. You shake your head patting your belly. “I will crush you.” He laughs but lays over you regardless.

“Good-you’re warm.” You say muffled in his shirt. Wrapping your arms around his middle you drift off. Lucifer holds you close, running a still gloved hand up and down your side. Perhaps he should bring out some more complex topics next time. If this was the outcome-

Mammon

He noticed you get drowsy before in class. Your cute little head jerks as you nod off, hands rubbing at your face as you fight to stay awake before giving in to the need to sleep. It was adorable- not that he was watching you because of that! He was just doing his job of looking out for you

Ye-that was all.

Honestly, he thought you were just like him. He never cared for the books being forced on him in class. Boring useless crap in his opinion. He much rather sleep through a lecture on stats too.

Now books on photography? That's where it's at. He has a legitimate passion for it.

He likes being behind the camera just as much as he likes being in front of it. Though he doesn't snap photos often.

He doesn't need more beratement from his brothers than he already gets. Sides, he just feels like they would look down at this like everything else he does.

He'll share his hobby with you though. You at least seem interested in it. He'll show you his collection of vintage to high-tech cameras and talk your ear off about the makes, models, and features.

You nod along and ask questions from time to time, smiling along with Mammon while he prattles on about color theory next to you on the floor.

He was just getting to Auguste Lumiére when he feels a gentle bump on his shoulder.

"O-oi!" Mammon starts, shaking his shoulder to rouse you. You look up at him, blinking the sleep from your eyes. "Was...was I that boring?" He deflates a little, all previous excitement gone in a flash. You had seemed so interested...

"What? Oh, no. No Mammon I'm sorry. It's really all fascinating," You grab for his sleeve so he couldn't run away. "It was just a lot of information all at once. I just got a bit overwhelmed."

"So you fall asleep?" He raises a brow not believing you for a second. Who falls asleep when something is interesting? He'll admit he's fallen asleep while listening to Levi talk about a new anime or Asmo with a make-up release.  But that's because it had been boring. "Is that like a human thing?"

You shrug snuggling closer. "I don't know- but it's a me thing. Give me five? I'd love to hear you talk more about your collection, promise."

Mammon glows scarlet at your words. "Of course you do!" He puffs out his chest excitedly. “I got great taste.” You nod into his shirt before drifting off again. He tilts his head slightly to look at you chuckling internally when your breathing and heartbeat slow down. Damn, out in seconds. Well, better get comfortable.

Uncrossing his long legs he picks up the camera he had been showing you. The old Polaroid lens reflects his face back at him. He remembered the day Land had debuted this marvel of engineering. He just had had to get his hands on one. It was useless now, he had much better quality cameras than this old thing, but he remembered you reminiscing about your human friends and their portable camera. Would you take some pictures with him too? He would take one now, but the sound of the flash would definitely wake you up.

He fiddles with it for a few more minutes, opening and closing the film canister and checking for any parts that needed fixing as he waits. You stir at his side a few minutes later with a little mew of satisfaction. Mammon hears your joints creak and pop as you stretch. "Morning." He says sarcastically, earning himself a light punch to his shoulder. "Ready to continue?"

You nod eagerly, perky and aware. At least for the moment.

Satan

He didn't really notice at first the pattern of your behavior.

You would come over for book club. Which was really just him reading his current novel and you picking something at random to gain a little random knowledge.

You would find a comfortable position on his bed, curl up nice and small and read. Then after a bit yawn and start to snooze.

He first thought it was the atmosphere of his room. It was quiet, warm, and the sound of flickering candles and the rustle of paper sometimes caused him to doze too.

But when it starts happening outside of class he notices.

Hmmm….this is new.

He looks it up in his human anatomy books and finds nothing.

He's not particularly worried about you per se. You always bounce back quickly after a quick snooze.

Then you start dozing when he is talking… >:(

Like his brother/dad he is a little miffed at first but then your behavior reminds him a cat and he loves you 10x harder now

Satan stops in his pacing of the back gardens. His book of poetry hanging limply in his hand. He had been reciting some of the most fascinating lines of work from Lord Byron's later works and wanted a human's perspective. He had thought you were interested. You never complained before when he asked you out here. Perhaps you were just being polite all those times before. Anything to soothe wrath. He snaps his book shut sharply, take some perverse satisfaction in the way you start out of your light sleep at the noise.

"Why'd you stop?" You ask wiping at your face.

"No point talking to someone that doesn't wish to listen." He snaps tersely.

"Oh-Satan, no I was listening. It...it just got to be so much so fast." You flush. “You had some great points going, I just needed a minute.” He watches your eyes grow heavy again, and it dawns on him.

"Do you just sleep when overwhelmed?" He asks incredulously. In all his years with humans, this was new. You shrug making grabby hands for him to move closer. He scoffs but moves into your space. You grab at the hem of his shirt and pull him down to sit next to you. He goes willingly getting comfortable by your side. You eye his lap longingly, hands clutching around his coat sleeve. “Fine-” He rolls his eyes. “Come here you odd thing.” You smile in triumph and crawl into his lap. Once settled you nuzzle into his warm chest.

“Wake me up in ten? I want to hear more about your conversations with Byron.”

“I’ll hold you to it.” He kisses the top of your forehead, opening his book to read again with one hand. You hum at his soft kiss, returning it sleepily with one of your own before passing out again. Ten minutes go by in an instant and Satan looks down at your peaceful face. He smiles to himself, perhaps he’ll let you sleep for a little while longer. You’d need it for his next point.  

[blue-fidelity]

~ “Smile in the face of Tragedy”

Chapter 2: New King

Pairings: Billy Hargrove x Henderson!reader, Steve Harrington x best friend! reader

Chapter Summary:

A wild night reveals secrets and broken hearts. At least Billy & (Y/N) have each other.

Warnings: Fluff, angst, drunk!Billy, sad!Steve (that is a warning 🥺)

“(Y/N)! It’s Halloween!”- Halloween? (Y/N) woke up to the sound of her brother yelling excitingly. If she wasn’t mistaken, she could hear the Ghostbusters theme playing loudly from Dustin’s room. She groaned, burying her head in her pillows while running her hands through her hair.

This is not how she planned to wake up this morning.

Before closing her eyes to regain a little more sleep, her alarm clock looked her right in the face. 7:15. Another groan came from her. Perk up (Y/N), it’s your favourite holiday! She pushed herself up, swinging her legs on the side of the bed. (Y/N) definitely knew the high school students weren’t going to be wearing costumes to school. So before Billy picked her up, she’d head home to get changed.

Billy- (Y/N) didn’t think she’d be able to forget yesterday. The way he held her, the way he kissed her forehead. His embrace was so comforting- she nearly melted into him. The smell of dry cigarette smoke and cheap cologne haven’t been able to leave her senses. It was like everything that came with him, it was intoxicating, and she couldn’t get enough of it.

As she stepped out of bed, she moved her hips slightly to the music coming from her brother’s stereo. When she made it to her drawers, she contemplated what she should wear today. Just because she wasn’t going to wear a costume, didn’t mean she couldn’t look spooky, right? She grabbed her “Chistine” t-shirt, it was one of her favorite horror movies. Pairing it with a black acid wash skirt, some fishnets, and her usual chuck taylors, she strutted confidently out her bedroom door.

She walked into the bathroom to find Dustin clad in his Stantz costume, brushing his teeth. He looked so cute! “Hey Doctor Stantz, ‘lookin pretty badass”, she grinned, patting him on the back. “Thanks (Y/N)! I can’t wait to see the guys in their costumes, Halloween’s gonna be so great!”, he cheered, spitting out his tooth paste. He quickly ran out of the room to fetch breakfast, leaving (Y/N) time for her hair & makeup.

Bright red lipstick and heavy black eyeliner, hair slightly curled.

-

When she stepped into the living room, she saw her mom enthusiastically taking polaroids of Dustin. She couldn’t help but smile, hoping her mom would save her some for her picture board. (Y/N) sat on the couch beside her cat Mews, scratching the back of his ears as he purred in contentment. She giggled at the various poses her brother made in front of the camera.

Her mom had finally stopped taking photos, noticing her on the couch. “(Y/N) darling! I didn’t see you come in, can I get a photo of my two children?”, she questioned, looking at her with pleading eyes. (Y/N) couldn’t say no! “Of course!”, she said, standing up from the couch.

She placed an arm around Dustin’s shoulders, teasingly taking him in a headlock, rubbing her nuckles on his hair. To this he laughed, playfully pointing his fake proton blaster at her. It was the perfect picture. Perfectly trapped in the moment of two great siblings, simply having a good time.

(Y/N) gathered her things, making sure to take one of her mom’s homemade muffins for breakfast. She had made them a couple days before, but they still were delicious. Even though (Y/N) desperately needed coffee, she decided against it. She was already running a bit late, and as much as she hated the stale stuff from the cafeteria, it’d have to do. Dustin had already slipped out the door to head off on his bike, he really must’ve been eager to see his friends.

Before making her way to her motorcycle, she slipped her jean jacket on and hugged her mom goodbye. Claudia looked at her intently, ruffling her curled hair. (Y/N) rolled her eyes playfully, “Alright mom, I gotta go! ‘I’m gonna stop here after school though, k?”, she opened the front door. “Okay have a good day sweetie! ‘I’ll see you before your party!”. (Y/N)’s mom knew about the party, whether she knew there was going to be alcohol involved, it was better off not knowing.

Sliding the keys into the ignition, she sped off to the school. She could never get enough of the mysterious backroads of Hawkins. It scared her, obviously. With all the things that happened the previous year, she couldn't help but wonder if things still lurked in the depths of the forest, hiding till they could strike. Waiting and waiting till they can catch someone else and drag them to that horrible place. Her body trembled at the thought of it. She shook her head, trying to clear her mind of the memories. Eyes turning back to the road, she removed one of her hands from the handles, trying to reach for the button of her stereo. It had turned onto some random radio station that was playing Halloween tunes.

“Happy Halloween ‘Morning Ghouls and Goblins of Hawkins! Here’s a spooky throwback from ‘1982 for y’all on this fine dreary morning, ‘Blood Bitch’, by Cocteau Twins!” - the radio host introduced, was he really supposed to swear on radio? Well, no one really had a filter these days.

The song added to the eerie atmosphere of the cold morning, making her uneasy. She pushed through her thoughts, trying to just focus on getting to school. It was Halloween! No need for being pent up on past trauma. The station had eventually turned to a happier song, putting her in a better mood. What better to put a smile on your face then the ‘Time Warp” from The Rocky Horror Picture Show? She bobbed her head happily to the familiar tune, singing along to the lyrics.

-

School today had been an absolute drag! Last period (math) was nearly done and (Y/N) was desperate to get out. She could see some of her mutuals were anxious as well, probably too excited to wait for the party tonight. She was excited as well, maybe a little bit of the fact that she’d be spending more time with Billy?

(Y/N) would hate for him to think she’d be using him as a rebound. Even though it seemed that way, she really should’ve forgotten about her feelings for Steve awhile ago. (Y/N) really loved Steve, but he’d always been so oblivious, but- that was just Steve. He would’ve never known of her feelings if she didn’t tell him. Which she never did, in fear of obvious rejection. Then here was Billy Hargrove, whether it be his flirtatious nature, she could see herself really falling for him. The one thing she knew she wouldn’t do was dive in too quickly. She wouldn’t make the same mistakes, for her and for Billy’s sake.

She was finally released from the rechedouness that was her math class-running straight out the door right as the bell rang, nearly having winded Mr. Henry. After taking a quick stop at her locker, she walked outside to find her motorcycle. (Y/N) was nearly there till a skateboard hit her feet, stopping her in her tracks.

“I’m so sorry! It slipped right out from under me-” a voice of a young girl called, her breath shaky. (Y/N) looked down at the girl shuffling to grab her skateboard, she had never seen her before. The mysterious teen with the red hair looked around her brother’s age, so why was she so unrecognizable? Wait- could it be?

Billy’s step sister.

“Hey, hey it’s all good!”, (Y/N) gave her a reassuring smile. “Hey- not to sound weird or anything-”, she chuckled nervously, “But, are you new here? ‘You see I got a younger brother ‘about your age, and you got an unfamiliar face”. The girl stared at her skeptically, but still replied. “Yeah, just moved here from ‘California, what are you ‘looking to set him up or something?” she questioned sarcastically. ‘Damn she was quite the firecracker. “Nah frankly I think you're a little out of his league”, (Y/N) winked. To this she got a laugh out of her. “Well, it was nice weirdly meeting you, ‘I’m Max!”, she introduced herself. “Well Max, ‘I’m (Y/N), if you're interested in someone helping you out with that kickflip, ‘I used to do some skateboarding myself”, she offered. Max beamed at her offer, “Really? That’d be so great!”, “Alrighty then, if you see me around, don’t be shy to ask!”.

Little did (Y/N) and Max know, Billy was watching them. Billy knew (Y/N) was genuinely kind, but not that kind. It wasn’t necessarily cool to be seen with a middle schooler. He figured he wouldn’t look too much into it, but something about seeing (Y/N) with her, didn’t sit well with him. Billy gave Max a dirty look as she skated up to the camaro. “You're late again”, Billy started. “I had to get catchup homework”, Max stated. “Jesus! I don’t care- who was that girl you were talking to?”, Billy asked, even though he already knew who she was. “Just some high schooler- she offered to help me learn some skateboarding tricks' '. So she skateboarded too, huh? “That’s rich. Just, get in the car, will yah?”.

-

(Y/N) entered the door with a ‘skip in her step. She really needed a reason to lose herself, forget about the world around her. Tonight was going to be perfect for that. Expecting to be greeted by her mom, she noticed no one was there. She knew Dustin was heading to Mike’s right after school, ‘but her mom was nowhere to be seen. She probably had to work later hours again. ‘This meant she had the place to herself! (Y/N) still had a few hours before Billy picked her up. So she figured she’d get into her costume, and then fix herself something to eat.

The Sarah Connor costume was simple. Gray tank top, black jeans, sunglasses, a chunky belt and combat boots. (Y/N) already had all of this in her regular wardrobe, so it’d be a pretty easy costume. Of course she didn’t have a rifle to complete it, even though she could’ve asked Nance. She wasn’t about to show up to a house party with a gun. It would have been pretty cool though.

She stood in front of the bathroom mirror, clad in costume. Now it was time to remove her makeup and untame her curled hair. “Mr. Crowley” by Ozzy Osbourne was currently spinning on her “Blizzard of Ozz” vinyl. She mouthed her lips to the lyrics as she straightened her hair, her (Y/H/C) locks falling in straight whisps on her head. Replacing her once extravagant makeup with a more nude look, she looked at herself pleased.

A total badass look, you might say.

It was only 4:30, and Billy was coming over at 6 o’clock. She had way too much time to kill. Making her way to the kitchen, she scoped the fridge. Enough ground beef for two burgers, and she knew they had leftover buns. Maybe Billy would be hungry when he got there, and if she was making dinner for two- she didn’t want to start too early. So she’d head back to it in about a half an hour. Meanwhile a coca-cola would hold her down, she was pretty firsty.

(Y/N) now laid in her bed, bored. ‘Blizzard of Ozz was still playing, it just switched onto “Steal Away (The Night)”, her ears perked up to the upbeat tune. She couldn’t help but dance around, hopping happily on her bed as she belted the lyrics along with Ozzy. Pointing at the poster of him that was plastered on her wall, she shouted the chorus. It’d be pretty funny if Billy were to walk in on her singing her heart out, what would he think of that? She rolled her eyes at the thought, he’d probably think she was crazy. The song ended, turning to the next one. (Y/N) took this as her cue to start on dinner.

Flipping the patties in the pan, she sighed at the smell. She did cook a pretty ‘mean burger. Dustin loved when she made them, he always said the added rosemary was the perfect touch. (Y/N) grew up with her mother teaching her how to cook. Claudia Henderson had worked in a number of restaurants, usually in the kitchen or as a waitress. She now helped run a popular Inn a little outside of town, and it was her favourite place she’s ever worked in. (Y/N) probably figured it was a busy night, considering she didn’t come home at her usual hour.

5:45 and the burgers were ready and plated, the aroma running through the room. Billy was ‘going to be here soon, and she was giddy with excitement. Before she knew it, the bell rang. Fuck he was early. “Coming!” she called, slowly making her way to the door. ‘There he stood; a cocky grin on his face with his arm propped up on the door ledge. She took time to take in his minimal outfit, tight jeans & a leather jacket, no shirt. His abbs were on full display- (Y/N)’s mouth watered just at the sight of him. “See something you like, sweetheart?” he smirked. “Maybe-”, (Y/N) stammered. “It’s aight, I see something I like to,'' he whispered the last part into her ear, letting himself in.

“She cooks too? ‘I guess looks can be deceiving”, he motioned to the burgers. (Y/N) blushed, “I figured we could eat before we fill ourselves with alcohol”. They delved into the burgers, she couldn’t help but laugh when Billy moaned at the taste. “Darlin- I haven’t had a burger like this in awhile, ‘the ones down at Benny’s don’t hold anything on these”, he praised. “That must be a high compliment, because ‘Benny’s are pretty good”, she smiled at him. (Y/N) put the dishes into the dishwasher, quickly running to her room to grab her polaroid camera. “Where are you ‘heading princess?”, she’d never get tired of his little pet names. “I’m just grabbing my camera- I want to get some good shots tonight!”.

(Y/N) came back with her camera bag, a big grin on her face. “You ready to head out?”, he questioned. “Yeah, just let me get my jacket”, she took her jacket from the hook. “Ready”. He guided her to the camaro, opening the passenger door. Billy never opened the passenger door for girls! ‘(Y/N) really did something to him, huh? “Such the gentlemen”, she smirked. “Anything for you dollface”. He slid into the drivers side, placing his keys into the ignition. “Music?” she questioned, “Sure thing, feel free to look through the cassettes in the glove box”. She searched through the assortment of tapes, varying from Metallica, Def Leppard, RATT, Mötley Crüe, Hanoi Rocks, AC/DC and more. She settled on Hanoi Rocks’s, “Two Steps From The Move” album. It had just come out that summer, and it was one of her favourites. Not to mention she had a HUGE crush on Michael Monroe.

“Hanoi Rocks huh? I like your style”, he nodded in approval, till turning his eyes back on the road. “Got any specific fave tracks?”, (Y/N) questioned. “Track 8”. She was surprised he chose this one, considering it was one of the more “cheesy” songs. ‘It did have a pretty ‘rockin guitar riff in it though, she’ll give him that. Billy contentedly thumped his hands on the steering wheel, speeding up a bit. Rolling both of their windows down, (Y/N) was surprised to see him singing along to the lyrics. It was a bad attempt at a Finnish accent, sure, but it was still really cute. (Y/N) joined him, jumping in at the chorus. They banged their heads to the tune, continuously singing the lines. (Y/N) really felt alive in that moment. ‘She couldn’t remember the last time she had this much fun, and they haven’t even gotten to the party yet.

-

They pulled up to Tina’s, teens were already rallying in. ‘It was going to be a wild night. Before Billy could open up his trunk to get the kegs, (Y/N) stopped him. She pulled out her camera, “Hargrove! Smile!”, she grinned, pointing the camera at him. ‘He rolled his eyes, posing for the picture. The photo was of Billy playfully doing the devil’s horns symbol, with his tongue stuck out. She giggled, “This is one for the board!”. “Well Hey Sarrah Conner- let me take a pic of you!”, he said, trying to grab the camera from her. She handed the camera to him, smiling that he remembered her costume name. Letting her sunglasses shade her eyes, ‘she smirked brightly at the camera, ‘Billy quickly snapping the shot. He handed the polaroid to her, she shaked it and placed it in her bag with the one she took.

Billy held one of the kegs while (Y/N) grabbed the other, walking into the crowded house. It was overwhelmingly loud. They could feel the heat coming off the numerous teenagers that littered the home, their bodies moving to the heavy beats of the stereo. Tina was in the kitchen, and had noticed the pair walk in. “Billy & (Y/N) are here with more kegs!”, she shouted, ‘causing the crowd to go wild. Someone had taken the one from her hands and motioned Billy to follow them into the backyard, leaving her alone. She grazed over the sea of teens, trying to spot anyone she knew. She noticed Steve and Nancy dancing freely in the living room, Nancy nursing a drink while Steve had a big smile on his face. She figured she’d grab some punch and then see what Billy was doing in the backyard, most likely a keg stand. He was the new ‘king after all, Tommy was probably expecting him to beat Steve’s record.

‘As luck would have it, she was right. She stood on the back porch with a cup of “pure fuel” in her hands, watching the teens crowd around him as he bent over the keg. They shouted various numbers, counting the seconds as he chugged down the beer. (Y/N) cheered with them, looking at him with bright eyes. His torso was glistening, beads of sweat running down his toned chest. Her cheeks flushed red just at the sight of him. The enthusiasm got louder as he finished the stand, spitting spews of beer out of his mouth. “That’s how you do it Hawkins! That’s how you do it!”, more cheers. Tommy passed him a cigarette and escorted him into the house, the gang shouting his name as Mötley Crüe’s, “Shout At The Devil” played on the speakers. Billy spotted her on the porch, grinning wildly at her. He shoved her into his side with his arm, hugging her tight. Tommy glared at the interaction. Never in her time with being friends with Steve has ‘Tommy liked her that much, and it seems things haven’t changed.

Typical Tommy.

(Y/N) was enjoying the feel of Billy's embrace a little too much. She knew he was already partially drunk, and she was feeling a nice buzz that she wasn’t planning on getting rid of anytime soon. Someone had to drive them home. ‘Tommy paraded them up to Nancy and Steve, (Y/N) wasn’t sure if it was to torchure her or show off Billy, probably both. ‘Billy and Steve stared each other down as if they were going to kill each other, it was really intense. Too intense for her liking. Still hooded under Billy’s arm, she shot Steve a sympathetic look. ‘As if to say ‘I’m sorry’ with her eyes. “We got ourselves a new keg king Harrington!”, Tommy declared. “Yeah eat it Harrington!”, another guy shouted. Somehow in ‘Billy and Steve’s stare down, Nancy had slipped away.

“You see Harrington- not only that, but I stole your girl away too”, Billy retorted. Oh shit- this wasn’t good. Steve glanced over at her, a nervous look in his eyes. “I don’t know what you're talking about man-”. How did Billy know about (Y/N)’s past feelings for Steve? “Well you see, this lovely lady under my arms thought the world of you, and frankly I- I just don’t see why! Point being, she has me now, you can go fetch that slut you settled for.” This interaction was making neither Steve nor (Y/N) happy, it left them feeling both angry and confused. Steve scoffed, chasing after Nancy. He was going to want to talk to (Y/N) about this later.

Steve really didn’t know what to make of what Billy had said to him. Mainly, it sounded like a warning; but he didn’t think Billy intended for it to be that. (Y/N) and him had been best friends forever, and even if he didn’t necessarily like Billy, there was no harm in her being friends with him, right? Though, something about what Billy said hinted that he meant more than just friends. Had (Y/N) liked him, loved him even? Was Steve really oblivious all these years- no, it couldn’t be. If he was being honest, he harboured a small crush on her in the beginning of middle school, but then Nancy came into his life. Nancy Wheeler hit him like a freight train right in the heart, and he then became a lovesick puppy. He couldn’t get enough of her. That’s when Steve began to realize, the jealous glances over the years, the slight distaste of Nancy that came off her.

But, why did it matter if (Y/N) loved him? He still had Nancy, or so he thought.

-

Tommy had left, leaving Billy and (Y/N) in the corner of the living room, an uncomfortable silence stirring between them. “Billy-how did you-“, she wondered in a whisper, but Billy cut her off. “You really don’t think Tommy would’ve told me? Besides, everybody knows”. She didn’t need to hear the last part. Besides, why did it matter if everyone knew- it didn’t matter to her anymore. “Does that bother you?”, she asked worriedly. Billy chuckled darkly.

“Darlin- you got nothing to worry about, I’m your new king now”.

Next thing she knew, they were on the dance floor. Billy had pulled her into the crowd of sweaty bodies, grinding on each other. Some people were making out, others chugging alcohol till they fell limp to the floor. She stared nervously at the rowdy teens, her body shaking. He noticed her agitation, placing a hand on her cheek, turning her to face him. He smelt of cheap beer and stale cigarette smoke, and a hint of cologne. She was caught with that intoxicating sensation again, making her hazy. His icy blue eyes peered into her (Y/E/C) ones, “Just feel the music princess- everything will be just fine”.

‘Their bodies moved comfortably against each other to ‘Billy Idol’s, “Flesh For Fantasy”. A perfect song choice in the moment. ‘(Y/N) was very much sober and very much aware of what was happening. Aware of Billy’s strong grip on her waist, aware of his hips moving against hers. Normally this would’ve been cutting close corners for her, but she was looking for an opportunity to lose herself. What better way than this? She ran her fingers through his thick blonde curls, her hips swaying a bit more. He sighed in contentment, making her shiver. His face was currently buried into her neck, placing soft kisses on her collarbone.

They continued their heavy sway for a while, Billy had started to form a hickey below her ear. She was definitely not going to be able to cover it up tomorrow, but she really didn’t care if people saw it- she wanted people to know that she wasn’t desperate. That she didn’t need Steve anymore. She wasn’t exactly sure what she meant to ‘Hargrove, but she knew that she wasn’t planning on leaving him anytime soon. (Y/N) felt him remove his lips from her neck, his hot breath waving over her. “Mhmm- left a pretty big mark sweetheart-“ he mumbled. She hummed in return, removing her hands from his hair.

The rest of the night consisted of more dancing, and Billy getting more intoxicated than he was before. Really drunk Billy- let’s just say it was quite the sight to see. He was a giggling mess, slurring his words and stumbling on his feet. “(Y/N)- has anyone ever told you-“ he hiccuped, “That you were gorgeous?”, another hiccup. She giggled at his comment, “Tons of people- but I bet no one sees me like you do huh?”, she supported him up against the kitchen counter. “Absolutely no one!” He cheered in a high pitch voice, damn he really was a mess. She tried to wrap his arm around her shoulders snatching his keys.”Hey- what are you doing?”, he gestured to the keys, “Getting you home-“, “Wait! Can we go to your house please?? I can’t wake up my dad letting him see me like this- he’ll kill me”, he pleaded. “Fine- just, try to be as quiet as possible, I got a sleeping family too”.

(Y/N) took him out of the house, nearly carrying him. She waved goodbye to a few mutual friends who were still conscious, muttering a soft “See y’all tomorrow, hope we aren’t all hungover”. This earned a few laughs from her classmates, bidding her and Billy a goodnight. Unlocking the passenger side to the camaro, she set Billy down lightly on the seat. “Being so ginger with me sweetheart- I’m not made of glass ‘you know”, he joked. “Whatever tough guy- let’s just get you to a bed, mhm?”. Placing her hands on the steering wheel, she realized she hasn’t driven a car since the summer, and a camaro is definitely nothing close to a station wagon. She took a deep breath- she could do this, no sweat. Besides, there was no way she could bring herself to ruin a car as beautiful as this one.

Billy must’ve passed out while they were driving, because when she pulled into her driveway, his eyes were sewn shut. She had to admit- he did look pretty adorable when he was sleeping. She tried to resist the urge to take a photo of him, but she couldn’t help herself. Pulling out her camera bag that was littered with pictures from tonight, she snapped a quick photo of him. The flash startled him, waking him up. “Sweetheart- were you taking photos of me in my sleep? That’s just creepy”, his voice was groggy. “How could I not when you were laying there looking like an angel?”, “Pfft- ‘darlin, I am a demon, Satan himself! ‘Ain’t no way I’m an angel!”, he scoffed.

“Hate to break it to you sweetheart, but Lucifer was once an angel”.

Fumbling with the keys to her front door while trying to help Billy regain his footing was hard. He was just about to lose consciousness again when she finally got the door open, it shouldn't have been as much of a challenge as it was- but Billy had a lot of weight to him. She didn’t notice the lights were still on till she saw her mom sitting in her reading chair, Mews on her lap and clad in a cat costume. Shit- what was she gonna say about this? “Oh! Mrs. Henderson- I see where (Y/N) gets all her good looks from!”, Billy squealed, “Ugh can it Billy! Mom I can explain-“ she shushed Billy, staring wide eyed at her mother. “Sweetie- you clearly had a wild night, just take this pound of muscle to your room, and we can talk about it while he crashes, okay?”- (Y/N) nodded quickly, dragging Billy to her room.

Billy flopped down on the bed, giggling wildly. “Honey! We’ve known each other for two days, don’t you think we ‘oughta know one another better before I sleep in your bed?”, (Y/N) rolled her eyes at the blubbering idiot. “This was your idea dumby! Just get under the covers and keep it shut, will you?”, she glared at him, closing the door and heading back to the living room.

“So no Steve, huh? He’s the one who usually spends the night”, her mom said softly. “Different reasons mom- I’m just trying to figure out who’s a bigger piece of work”, she huffed. “Well he’s quite the looker, ‘makes me wonder how you keep up with him”, Claudia smirked. “Mom! He’s new here- he just happened to notice me first”, (Y/N) blushed, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. “Besides- what are you doing up so late?”, (Y/N) stared at the clock, “It’s nearly 1 o’clock”. “Busy night down at the Inn, just needed a little time to myself after Dusty went to bed”, she sighed, but (Y/N) knew she wasn’t finished. “Also wanted to see what mess you brung home, it’s always a new thing with you”, her mom laughed. “Billy’s- interesting, but I’m not sure, doesn’t seem like the most faithful type”, she sighed. “He may surprise you, and besides- if he hurts you he’ll have to suffer the wrath of your brother!”, Claudia giggled, smiling at her daughter. “Anyways- I’m gonna head to bed, early day at work tomorrow, you gonna go join the guy?”, she pointed down the hall. “Yeah yeah I’ll join the idiot in a second- just gonna get some water”, (Y/N) said tiredly.

Snuggling up on the couch, she sipped her water. The quietness was calming, the fact that everyone was at rest and she was the only one around southend her in a way. The fact that Billy was sleeping soundly in her bed, gave her a different feeling. Things with him- had gone by so quickly, and it was only just beginning. It was nice being with someone where the relationship had lasted longer than more than a few hours. Her past flames- had simply been one night stands, meaningless things to shy her away from Steve, but Billy was different. She actually liked him, and even though he came off as a jerk- he seemed really sweet on the inside. Though, she couldn’t help but wonder how Steve was feeling right now, the bomb had been dropped on him nearly two hours ago- it must be overwhelming to know your best friend was holding back feelings for so many years.

(Y/N) was just about to head to bed, till she heard a knock on the door. Who was here at this time of night? She opened the door slightly, and who she saw she didn’t expect. There Steve stood, his face red and puffy with tears in his eyes. His body was shaking, his shoulders were slumped over. He looked awful. “She- doesn’t love me- it’s bullshit! It was all bullshit!” He stuttered as his body continued to quiver. (Y/N)’s heart ached at his words, what had Nancy done this time? She didn’t know what to say, it’s not like she could’ve let him in. So, she just pulled him into a hug, “Steve-you can’t keep coming here like this- it’s not my job to fix you”, she tried to explain. “I know! I just don’t have anywhere else to go”, he cried. “I can’t tonight- it just isn’t the right time.” (Y/N) was attempting to tell him in the best way possible that Billy wasn’t there, but Steve caught on. “He’s here, isn’t he, Billy?”, Steve muttered angrily. “Out of all the guys in Hawkins- you chose him to get over me, that’s just flattering!” . Steve was making her feel sick, “Steve- I know you're hurting but you can’t take it out on me like that- it isn’t fair”, she pushed away from him. “I’ll talk about this with you tomorrow- when you're in the right state of mind, okay? Just please leave”, she pleaded. “Fine- I’ll see you tomorrow”, he breathed out harshly, walking back to his car.

She was on the edge of a breakdown, heart racing and choked up tears running down her face. This is not how she expected her evening to end- seeing Steve like that, broken and beaten again. (Y/N) thought she’d never live to see Steve crumble in her arms one more time- and with that she could’ve rested easy. At least she wouldn’t have to be alone tonight, she had someone waiting for her. Trying to stay quiet, she tiptoed down the hall. Opening the door, she walked in to see Billy sleeping soundly, the pink hue of her bedside lamp illuminating his features. She took notice of his leather jacket, jeans and boots scattered on the ground. That meant he was only in his boxers. Before joining him she slipped into an oversized AC/DC t-shirt and looked in the mirror, her hands grazing over the purple mark that had formed on her neck- the little bastard.

When (Y/N) laid in bed, even in his sleepy state Billy could notice the slight dip in the mattress. He groaned, “What took you so long…?”. (Y/N) chuckled softly at his tiredness. “Just an unexpected visitor, nothing to worry about”, she smiled reassuringly. “Well as long as you're okay, that’s all that matters”, he kissed her temple, pulling her into his chest. She snuggled into his side, sighing contentedly. She needed this. “Thank you”, she mumbled mindlessly. “For what sweetheart?”.

“For helping me start fresh”.

The couple held each other comfortably, sleep taking over them. (Y/N) rested her head on Billy’s torso, as he lazily made circles on the small of her back. Everything was blissful in that moment. Perfect. She’d deal with Steve tomorrow, for now, she had Billy Hargrove. Billy Hargrove with his strong hold and warm comforting body, Billy Hargrove who made her feel safe.

Author’s note:

Hope you all love the second chapter! Feedback is always appreciated & as always if you want to be added to the taglist comment down below ❤️!

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