you have to go to work so you can pay for your doctor, who is not taking your insurance right now, and if you say i can't afford the doctor's you are told - get a better job. it is very sad that you are unwell, yes, but maybe you should have thought about that before not having a better job.
(where is the better job? who is giving out these better jobs? you are sick, you are hurting - how the hell are you supposed to be well enough for this better job?)
but you go to the doctor because you had the nerve to be hurt or sick or whatever else. and they tell you that it is because you have anxiety. you try your best. you are a self-advocate. you've done the reading (which sometimes pisses them off worse, honestly). you say it is actually adding to my anxiety, it is effecting my quality of life. so they say that you are fat. they say that all young people have this happen to them, isn't it a medical marvel! they say that you should eat more vegetables. they say that you probably just need to lose a little more weight, and that you are faking it for attention.
(what attention could this doctor possibly give? what validation? that's their fucking job, isn't it?)
there is always a hypochondriac, right. someone always tells you about a hypochondriac. or someone who is unnecessarily aggressive during the worst days of their life. or someone looking "for a quick fix". or some idiot who wasn't educated about how to properly care for themselves who just abandons their treatment. and again, the hypochondriac, the overly-cautious hysteric. these people don't deserve to be treated like humans (right), and since you might be one of these people, you also don't get treated like a human. because those people can really fuck with the system, you now have to pay for it. and besides. you're actually probably faking it.
(more often than not, you find a 2:1 ratio of these stories. for every "hypochondriac", there are 2 people who knew something was wrong, and yet nobody could fucking find it. the story often ends with pointless suffering. the story often ends with and now it's too late, and it's going to kill me.)
you are actually just making excuses. someone else got that procedure or that diagnosis and he's fine, you should be fine too. someone else said they watched a documentary about other inspirational people with your exact same condition, maybe you should be inspirational, too. you're just too morbid. your pain and your experience is probably just not statistically concerning. it is all self-reported anyway, and you're just being a baby.
(once, while sitting down in the middle of making coffee, you had the sudden, horrible thought - i could kill myself to make the pain stop. you had to call your best friend after that. had to pet your dog. had to cry about it in the shower. you won't, but that moment - god, fuck. the pain just goes on and on.)
you know someone who went in for routine surgery and said i still feel everything. they told her to just relax. it took her kicking and screaming before they figured out she wasn't lying - the anesthetic drip hadn't been working. you know someone who went in for severe migraines who was told drink water and lose weight. you know someone who was actively bleeding out and throwing up in the ER and was told you're just having a bad period.
in the ER there are always these little posters saying things like "don't wait! get checked today!" and you think about how often you do wait. how often the days spool out. you once waited a full week before seeing the doctor for what you thought was a sprained wrist. it had actually been broken - they had to rebreak it to set it.
but you go into the doctor. the problem you're having is immediate. the person behind the counter frowns and says we're not taking your insurance. you will be paying for this out-of-pocket.
they send you home with tylenol and a little health packet about weight loss or anxiety or attention deficit. on the front it has your birthday and diagnosis. you think about crying, and the words swim. it might as well say go fuck yourself. it might as well say you're a fucking idiot. it might as well say light your money on fire and lie down in it. and the entire fucking time - the problem persists.
it's okay. it's okay, it's just another thing, you think. it's just another thing i have to learn to live with.
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Recently I’ve been getting anons and comments doubting the validity of some of the stories I tell on here. There’s nothing I can do to convince you that the stories I tell on here are completely genuine. All I can say is that they really are. I only post the wackiest, most interesting or funny stories of my life on here. You don’t get much of the boring day to day stuff.
Truth is, I come from a very long line of crazy people. When my dad was in med school he and some friends planted a small homemade bomb in an abandoned bathroom at their university. His roommate stole a pancreas from the corpse lab and put it in a girl’s backpack. The entire med school was suspended because no one owned up to it. My uncle would sneak out at night with my grandma’s car and she’d find out because she’d check the mileage and see it’d gone up, so my uncle started driving her car backwards since that didn’t increase the mileage. He got arrested driving her car backwards on the highway to another town. My uncle would steal my grandpa’s shotgun, tell his friends to jump in the pool, and start firing it randomly at the backyard. My cousin genuinely had two weed smoking girlfriends who were also girlfriends with each other. My great uncle had an affair exposed by having his intimate photos and videos with his mistress sent to the family groupchat by people who stole his phone, all because they were salty that my aunt told them to go fuck themselves when they messaged her asking for money. My aunt took out all her life savings and moved to another state to build a bunker because she believes the apocalypse is coming, and she didn’t even take any of her children. I don’t know how to tell you this, but life is just stranger than fiction sometimes. The sample size of life stories you get on my blog are just the instances in which that’s true.
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I want to eat your art. Now. Gimme some nice big dog martyn and jimmy. Now.
P.S. IM NOT FORCING! PLS DO T THINK IM FORCING AHHHHHHHH *PANIC HUG*
The human anatomy really really sucks in this. I just gave up sorry dont look at it for too long
(Jimmy portrayed as Eurasier, a breed that requires lots of love and affection and gets easily depressed when holed up in one space, and is a relative of a dog bred specifically to give people warmth. Martyn is a Jack Russell Terrier, a breed that is often stubborn, mischievous and difficult to train)
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What do you think is the most character accurate fic you've ever read??
Ever read? That's an impossible question lmao. I have been reading fanfics since i was twelve. I have read fanfics I don't even remember 🫡
Obviously it's a subjective question to begin with but part of the fun of fanfic to me is exploring different avenues for characters according to different author's preferences and putting blorbos into incredibly un-canon Situations. But in a lot of those settings what is "in-character" is even more thrown asunder because it's so far removed from anything that would even remotely happen in canon.
I guess what I mean by that is a lot of the fics I read and love don't necessarily align with my personal ideas of/headcanons for a character, yet still remain "character accurate" in my esteem, if you will (I'm thinking, for example, of that one Gay!Roy fic which is EXCELLENT and incredibly in-character imo and yet I still don't personally think Roy The Character is gay. But even though that's generally not how I think of his sexuality I still liked exploring that alternative verse and still recognized that story's Roy as Roy. Does that make sense?)
ANYWAY. going to veer off the specific question and instead just list some miscellaneous recent(ish) favs (or at least ones I think were published after I made my last rec list):
Paperwork by @pghumfort (Roy/Jamie)
Tits Out! also by @pghumfort (Jamie/Keeley)
if anything could fall (it's the world that falls away from me) by scarlettroses (Roy/Jamie)
i came prepared for absolution (if you'd only ask) by scarlettroses (pre-relationship Roy/Jamie); I've definitely recommended this one before but it's SO good on character exploration, especially for Roy. really really complex and meaningful look into his brain. I love it.
I should know (what turns you on) by Dancey96 (Roy/Jamie/Keeley)
It's Fine With Me (if you wanna stay the night) by @shortcuts-make-long-delays (pre-relationship Roy/Jamie/Keeley)
screaming crying throwing up by @morethanslightly (Roy/Jamie/Keeley)
that four letter word by @izzyspussy (Roy/Jamie)
5 Times Phoebe Meddled in Uncle Roy's Love Life... by darkesky
An Invitation by Laurasaurus (Roy/Jamie, Roy/Jamie/Keeley, Roy/Keeley)
Not exactly Cyrano by @destinationtoast (Roy/Jamie/Keeley); I may have recommended this before but now it's finished!! go back and re-read it if you haven't finished it yet...it's so worth it!
Also the Gay Roy one I referenced earlier is so afraid that time will take it all from me by LikeAMovieIOnceSaw. Really such a lovely fic 💕
as always please read the tags and story descriptions and ratings before diving in to make sure they are right for you and your needs etc.
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